#babygrill……

[comradekatara]

these lines provide some of the most telling insight into azula’s character throughout the whole show. while she claims she “doesn’t actally care” that ursa “always preferred zuko,” that her “own mother thought [she] was a monster,” it’s clear she does care, deeply, that she’s belying a core truth about her psychological landscape that is ultimately revealed by the mirror scene in the finale. these lines are the closest she ever gets to being honest with herself before her breakdown. so let’s actually take the time to unpack them.

my own mother thought I was a monster.

much ink has been spilled on whether or not ursa was a good mother to azula, whether she actually thought azula was a monster or whether ozai simply convinced azula that she did to further isolate her. personally, i think it’s something of both. ozai isolated her and molded azula into an extension of himself; thus, he made both azula and ursa see her that way, until ursa was not only afraid for azula, but also afraid of azula. ursa thought that ozai was a monster, so azula, as a projection of ozai, became regarded as a monster as well, even if logically ursa knew that azula was an abused child and not simply an extension of her husband in any ontological sense. ursa had no choice but to let ozai mold their daughter to his image, as she could not disentangle her daughter from her father without also facing his wrath. she was faced with an impossible situation, and she hurt azula as a fellow victim of ozai’s abuse, regardless of whether or not that was ever her intention.

she was right of course.

however, an aspect of these lines that I think gets overlooked and misunderstood is the fact that azula readily admits that she sees herself as a monster. flippantly, even. “she was right, of course.” most people assume that azula is simply acknowledging that she’s the villain of the story. “of course she must know she’s the villain, she clearly relishes in being evil.” but people neglect to acknowledge that azula truly believes that the fire nation is right. azula has been indoctrinated into this ideology since birth; she has no reason to think that she might be on the wrong side of history. when azula admits that she thinks herself a monster, it is not because she thinks that she was wrong to conquer ba sing se, wrong to capture the kyoshi warriors, wrong to kill the avatar. no, azula thinks that she is a monster for the same reason ursa did: because she is like ozai.

but it still hurt.

let’s say, for argument’s sake, that azula did know that the fire nation was evil, that she did bad things for a bad cause. would that actually change anything? no, azula would continue down her path of imperialist conquest, never entertaining the notion that she even had another choice. like zuko, azula is angry at herself. and as we have just seen, she is not just angry; azula hates herself, despises herself, considers herself loathsome, ghastly, monstrous. because as much as she projects an image of supreme power and confidence, wherein she is at liberty to do whatever she wants at all times, azula is ozai’s obedient servant. and azula is paralyzed by the fear of leaving one hair out of place, of straying even a millimeter from his path.

azula was shaped in ozai’s image, with no iroh or ursa or anyone else for that matter to present her with new paths, with ways of escaping her abuse. even zuko, who did receive support and other options, took years to unlearn ozai’s conditioning. azula had no other options, no real support system, nothing to define her identity besides her abuser’s dictums. she has seen what happened to her mother and brother when ozai perceived their treasonous inclinations (i.e., contradicting his narcissism by expressing loyalty to other human beings besides solely himself) and she is paralyzed by fear that the same could happen to her. she rationalizes ozai’s violence by convincing herself that his victims deserved it for being “weak,” but deep down, she knows that she is also weak, that she is also a victim, even if she cannot fully admit it to herself.

so she sees herself as a monster, for being ozai’s shadow, for being the servant of the man who destroyed her family. her proximity to monstrosity appalls her, even as she tries to convince herself that it is proximity to godhood, that she is not an extension of abject violence but a messenger of the divine. zuko can only recognize ozai’s abuse for what it is once he deconstructs ozai’s imperialist ideology, but azula still buys into that ideology, so she cannot put a name to his abuse. but it’s clear she still fears it, still feels disgusted with herself for being victim to it, still feels like a monster even as she tries to convince herself that she is an angel.

in fact, she has to tell herself that she’s a monster, because if she’s not a monster, then she’s a victim, weak like her mother who got what she deserved. if she’s a victim then that means she and ursa (and zuko) were all destroyed by the senseless cruelty of an egomaniac’s petty whims, that all the love she has ever known was ruined for nothing. so she has to be a monster, because at least then she has power, at least then she has agency. ozai shaped her in his image, and she has to be proud of that fact, because otherwise she’d shatter.

and when that realization overtakes her, she does. when she takes inventory of all the love she’s lost, of all the people who cannot look her in the eye, of all the ways in which she has been perverted by her father’s abuse, she is disgusted by herself, for being both monstrous and weak, feared and afraid, victim and perpetrator. and it hurts.

[sadgeniuslab]

sakura season is starting

[emerald-dream]

I'm going INSANE!!!

[subzeroparade]

bad decisions baby

[lunar-lumi]

hey! soldier!

[sheebadukiiiii]

OH OH ALMOST FORGOT. TRADITIONAL TRIGUN SKETCHES

hehehhehahahgehgshgagehe... i lvoe them... a normal amoutnt/... i hate knives outfit btw more than i hate his brothers i dont know . im making him wear something else soon

[genderfluidsgetguns]

damn babygril are you me because it looks like you harbor so much love yet past traumas has locked it up inside you after years of not being able to confront your own emotions and as such you're left emotionally stunted and disconnected with people your age?

[blueaxolot1]

I am so normal about him…

[flowergiorno]

more shitposting

[toitlselfindulgenz]

File name How Casey Hasnt Lost A Finger Yet Is Still A Mystery

Anyweed im slowly trying to get back on my groove but welp its been a kinda slow process,, its fine honestly i think i can use takin it easy

PLATONIC PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS SHIP

[campanula-istme]

ToApril day 2– growing pains

Hey who did this at the right time… me right you got 5 points if you said it was me (idk why don’t ask me), anyway enjoy ToApril and the day.

[xxnuclearrainbowxx]

Tumblr is infecting me /pos

This is my first ever fanart about an object show and I'm already getting obsessed with a ship that doesn't even make any sense PLE-

Me and the bestie (boygirlfriend) <3

Edit: Can you STOP pointing out that Popcorn won't fix Airy in any way...? Like, ik she won't. I made her say this cuz they probably just met in this image. She doesn't know any better leave her alone. >:( (Also I feel weirdly attacked for some reason) /nm /neg

[subzeroparade]

woowoo boy

[thecoolestcowboy]

ladies and gentlemen, i present to you:

Israel Basilica Hands and ALL THAT DAMN HAIR

[spellssher]

I LOOVE MACHINE HERALD

[genderfluidsgetguns]

babygril are you going through a existential crisis all by your lonesome?