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#backrooms level 20
lincsann · 1 year
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➫ MALLSOFT
take a step back. indulge in nostalgia.
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darkaudi · 2 years
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Entity 20: The Thing on level 7.
Entity 20: A large 11 kilometer long fish that inhabits the depths of the ocean on level 7 of the Backrooms. Hostile and dangerous but also highly intelligent, a black, tar-like liquid leaks from his body. It bites into everything within reach with its gigantic mouth bristling with teeth.
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chaiiskindagross · 1 year
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Hello there my lil’ pervy darlin’… I should be updatin’ my ongoing series but I cannot, I am sick and I want to be taken care of.
Who’s gonna be given the great responsibility of doing that? Yes, you guessed it, 2D fictional men.
Buckle up sluts my nose is fuckin’ stuffy and I wish I could shove a peppermint in me nostrils.
Here are some headcannons nobody asked for about the homies below when their s/o is sick, reader is genderneutral w/o appearance specifics or anything like that. Everyone is 20+!!! And there’s no warnings needed.
genderneutral reader x katsuki bakugou, eijirou kirishima, izuku midoriya & shoto todoroki
Katsuki
- There are levels onto how this man would react to his partner being sick and I am here to tell them to you in strangely graphic (but comedic) detail.
- First things first, let’s say he notices you’ve started sneezing, coughing, wheezing, and whatnot a little more than is considered as normal. Time to call off work, time to move your ass to the guest room too, and no, he’s not overreacting.
- He loves you. He really does, but his attendance has been stupendous and he is not gonna let a lil’ cold fuck with that.
- In the beginning, he’s pretty chill about it, gives you tea, makes you homemade soup (he doesn’t es gaf if you dislike soup, eat his fuckin’ soup or so help me gods—) but when you start gettin’ worse, /he/ gets worse…
“‘suki… Baby… why are you dressed like you’re heading into The Backrooms?.. Why are you pointing that at me??? DON’T SPRAY THAT SHIT IN MY FACE!!!”
W A S T E D
- Long story short, somehow he got his hands on a full-blown, government grade Hazmat suit and is disinfecting the guest room every chance he gets even with YOU in it. Mans has to make sure the germs does not linger for too long.
- I can tell you one thing, your sickness ends up disappearing in a couple days thanks to his precautionary measures and the great lengths he takes to keeping everything sanitary. Even after you tell him you’re all better and want some kisses, he is NOT taking his suit off until you’re fully bathed, have had your temperature taken, checks your blood pressure (yes y’all got one of those handheld ones at home don’t @ me, Kat is the pinnacle of health), and the clothes you wear have to have been washed TWICE in fabric sanitizer before he even considers giving you a forehead kiss.
- This is all in good nature of course, as soon as he sees you’re fully well best believe y’all have some missed-out affection to catch up on.
Eijirou
- Ei, Ei, Ei…. my redhead, spikey big dumbass boi.
- Imma tell y’all right now, HE’S the one who got you sick. And he apologizes every chance he gets with his red-rimmed eyes and stuffy nose.
- He couldn’t help himself! He didn’t know that running in the rain would give him a cold! It’s never happened before, and who knew that giving you a kiss as soon as he got back from his jog would lead to your predicament.
- Neither of you are allowed to go to work and spend your sick days laid up in bed, watching movies, grumbling about sore muscles or how much it hurts to sneeze.
- Nobody’s cookin’ nothin’ homemade. Fuck that. We Doordashin’ bestie 🤭 And you know damn right that it’s bein’ charged to the company card, don’t even play games with me like that…
- Just gotta say—- y’all eatin’ good, fr fr… just wait til Kat sees the bill on the card, he’s gonna ring your asses but enjoy it while it lasts.
- Even if y’all are laid up in bed, stuffin’ your faces and restin’, Eijiro still takes it upon himself to do most of the heavy lifting which includes actually ordering the food, grabbing it from the doorstep, cleaning up, and making tea for the both of you.
- Honestly, its all around pretty chill, if ONLY you weren’t so fucking congested and had to plug your nose with tissues, this would be so romantic.
“Pebble, do you think we can still smooch if we’re both sick? I mean, we’ve both got cooties so it shouldn’t set us back or anything… I think?”
“Cooties? Are you six? Who calls them cooties anymore, Ei? Also, for the last time, use your damn eye drops!! You’re not even talking to me, you’re talking to the wall!”
Eijiro turned in the direction of your voice and grinned, causing you to sigh and rub at your forehead.
Yeah… forgot to mention, he’s prone to a bit of swelling in his eyes for some reason whenever he catches a cold, it’s weird, but it happens. The drops help most times and last for a while but for some unknown reason he doesn’t notice it until you point it out… Good luck gettin’ better y’all. 🙇‍♂️
Izuku
- Alright, okay, hear me out on this one… Y’all know his quirk be goin’ through his bones like a heated knife through butter and so, my brain meats has this strong ass belief that this man cannot catch common sicknesses. I mean, colds, flu, and whatever else is out there. Homie is just built different.
- And honestly, he kind of acts like Kat but definitely not as severe, in fact, he’s aware of his lack of vulnerability to those common sicknesses so he’s got no problem staying close to you and takin’ care of you WITHOUT a hazmat suit on.
- His inner maid/butler really jumps out when he notices you’re sick or when you tell him you’re sick. Being number one can wait a few days, he wants to make sure he takes care of you through the worst first couple pf days.
- I’m talkin’ warm medicated baths, massages, tea, breakfast in bed, lunch in bed, dinner in the living room, foot rubs, will spoon feed you if you ask, and all the fixin’s. he’s the best nurse, it’s too bad y’all didn’t pick up one of those nurse costumes from party city or somethin’…. fuck 😩 and no i’m not talkin’ about the male nurse outfits i’m talkin’ full-blown sexy nurse with the fishnet thighs highs and the short white dress that pushes the cleavage juuuust right— hold on, wtf am I talkin’ about? sorry y’all this was supposed to be wholesome🙇‍♂️
- ANY-WAYS, deku is the best at taking care of you when or when you’re not sick, he’s there in sickness and in health whether you’re married or not. he’s always there to kiss away your woes cause that’s just the kinda guy he is when it comes to you and your well-being.
“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay with me going into work today, bunbun? I can always take another day off if you don’t—“
“Nope, nope, just go on, you’ve already done enough! I’m pretty sure I’m almost completely healthy again so I can take care of myself while you’re out. And c’mon, don’t act like I can’t see you thirsting for another day of patrolling.”
“Hah… y-you noticed?”
“Yeah… you mumbled a whole plan of actions under your breath yesterday all while you were massaging my back, babe. Old habits die hard, they say.”
Shoto
- Okay, so, the thing about Shoto is I want to headcannon him being sweet like Deku and really tapping into his nurturing side along with his compassion but I think the fannon-ish version would be so much fuckin’ funnier.
- Godspeed to you if you get sick.
- When I tell you this man is gone the second you cough wrong…
- BUT DON’T WORRY!! He comes back, and when I say he comes back… You would think he’d been possessed by that pretty mf Chisaki wearing a pair of gloves, an N95, and even a face shield. That’s not the only thing of course, he’s got a nag fuuuuuuuuuuullllllllll of shit he brought from the pharmacy that’s a couple minutes away from your place. He’s not exactly sure what’s wrong with you but he made sure to get medicine for every kinda sickness that he’s aware of as well as what was available in the store.
- You’re thankful of course, even as he’s dumping the loads upon loads of shit onto your shared bed and watches timidly as you sort through them to find the meds that’ll work with your corresponding symptoms. And once you find it, you ask Shoto for some water and he’s gone and back within seconds, standing idly by as he watches you take the meds.
- He’s pretty much a mix of Deku and Katsuki, but in his own way.
- Unlike Deku, he doesn’t automatically know what to do but if you tell him to do something for you specifically you bet your ass he is sprinting to fulfill whatever quest you’ve given him, young traveler.
- Need water? He’s got the whole Brita right on your nightstand. Need some extra blankets? He’ll knit ya one right now. Want some soup? Hold on, he needs to milk himself— I mean… go get some soup from the kitchen and heat it up for you… nyohoho.
- All in all, he really tries his best. He’s getting in touch with his softer side one step at a time and I hope you can be patient with him. Also, did I forget to mention that this man is also a lowkey comedian? His humor is dry and dark as hell, I’m so sorry future Todoroki-san.
“Sho… where’d you get this?” You question, holding up a rather expensive looking blanket that looks to be made from the softest materials in the world.
“I stole it.”
“You did what?”
“/j.”
“I- did you just use text language aloud????”
“…chestnuts roasting on an open fire—“
“What the hell? Do you have a fever… SHOTO! Bruh did he really just faint?? Oh my gods.”
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blep blah, here have some old ass backrooms doodle content when the topic of "the beach episode" concept came up bluhp blooh brain nyooming but art hand isn't arting
i think what is super cute in modern fandom expression that I've seen is that in terms of making OCs or AUs is that sound seems to have a bigger role now than from what I remember when I was young. which I'm thinking has a lot to do with being able to clip audio easily or being able to make multi-track playlists whenever. y'all out here with reels of your art with voice claims and some of the most thoughtfully and artfully crafted soundtracks-- not even playlists, some of that shit is a straight up soundtrack level be real
89% tempted to try one of those shady "free" video/audio editing programs to make a LoFi chill beats study girl visualizer playlist with my iteration's boys ...
anyway gonna contemplate music headcanons for my iteration under the cut
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From Turtle Tracks fan letter section, Archie run, #24
so real quick, my iteration is literally just them chilling, hanging out, being together in their mid 30s- early 40s, and then sometimes flashing back to their child/teen years in the 90s because tl;dr i have miiiiiinor beef my childhood turtles weren't quite as "90s" as they "could have been" (nvm I'm cackling at the milennial pop culture refs in Mutant Mayhem drop kicking me back into my adolescence)
but mehehehehe, keeping that they listened to Public Enemy and The Jungle Brothers
and aside from Top 40 musicians of the time... I feel like being outsiders themselves, having to sneak around to explore and learn about people and what's above the sewers had them eavesdropping into a lot of nighttime venues and getting into the underground and various niche subculture scenes that daytime Top 40 didn't play.
cannot tell me the lights, thumping and noise from bands playing hardcore or house or hosting cyphers or raves didn't attract these curious and funky little green dudes like moths to a flame
... Leo definitely fell in deep with the gregorian chant phase, soothing sounds of nature fads , a big fan of Orbital and he fell into that electronic, house, trance, eurodance rabbit hole right after. he also got into Celtic folk music but when his brothers caught his ass studying Michael Flatley to incorporate Riverdance footwork into his ninjutsu he got teased so mercilessly that he took great care to hide listening to it... which just made his stealth better so joke's on them heehoo
Not to mention they're from New York City, the underground music scene is always bangin' no matter the decade; feel like rap and punk got a lot of tracks on their mix tapes back in the day
Raph getting into the metal scene in his own exploring the city trips, and then progressed to music with that boom bap sound (cuz baby boy needs a way to come down off those high intensity moods idk ijs)
Donnie... just the amalgamation of his brothers, he needs that background noise while he's chewing on schematics and protoype development, he would definitely have been the mixtape maker/recording bootlegger (along with Mikey)
Mikey absolutely tagged along with his brothers sometimes whenever they went to their spots for music, though he himself backflipped into ska 'cuz Mikey is always for the people
my tmnt  iteration (where everyone made it past their 20s, splinter’s alive just old, venus is here, and they deserve some goddamn respite and shenanigans)
tmnt  iteration part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11
tmnt  iteration omake 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11
lny visit 1 | 2
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xxmia0wxx · 11 months
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Backrooms POI: Finley and Funny
Name(s): Finley and Funny
Aliases: "the Friendly Partygoer"(Funny) Team BoredFun, Fin+Fun
Dummy grumpy pants (Finley) =)
Funny dont add that in =(
You can't tell me what to do! XD
A stupid annoying idiot (Funny) =(
Hey! thats meeeeaaaaan >=(
Shut up =(
Last known location(s): Level 1, Level 5, Level 2, Level 11,
Known Affiliations: The Pity Partiers are the best and you should visit them =)
look I know they sound suspicious but you should listen to them =(
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(Funny and Finley running from a smiler and a more clear, edited version of the smae photo)
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Description: Finley and Funny are a unlikely duo of two eneties. (A rouge partygoer and a thought to be extinct partypooper) they have been seen wanderering Levels in deep conversation with one another, running from other entities
We dont do that! >=(
yeah we do actually =(
they seem to have a interest in guns and weapons as they have been seen carring many swords, guns and bazookas and making them as well
YEAH! THEIR AWESOME! right Fin? =)
Yeah i guess their cool =|
they love it =)
They both seem to be neutral on humans, they have been only seen killing them when negatively provoked
Uh YEAH? of course we respond violently to dumb, rude people! thats how it works dummy! =)
I think they're talking about how you clawed someones eye out when they accidentally bumped into you =(
It was level 201! I was on edge! >=(
Level 201 isn't that dangerous dumbass =(
you know why I didn't feel safe... Im not usually like that, honest! you can be a funny joke if you change your perspective! =)
Despite Funny being a partygoer, they have never been seen Hunting or eating wanderers but have been seen eating a prompus amount of Cannibal Cusinie.
Honestly cannbial cusinie so much more tastier =)
Im surprised you haven't gotten fat with how you eat that shit =(
Youda mean? =|
I'm just sayin its not good for you =(
WELL the more I eat, the less their is for the humans, DUH! =)
Finley has been known to be very cold and somewhat hostile to wanders, often pointing guns at wnaders but often never shooting
Don't worry, they only pull guns when they are just when They're grumpy, YOU SHOULD SEE WHEN THEY'RE MAD! HAHAHA! =)
Partygoers and PartyPoopers are infamous for being natural mortal enemies, but Finley and Funny have been seen either neutral or Straight-up romantic with eachother wait, wait, wait, WAIT. what do you mean by romantic? =(
uh fin we've been dating forever you stupid ass =)
Don't tell them that! >=(
Awwww! are you embarrassed?~ =)
im kicking you out of the room =(
Behaviors: Funny Has been known to be friendly albeit very malicious and dark regarding to their sense of humor, often making jokes about murder, missing family members, self harm, destruction, mental illness, or just straight up being rude piece of shit
You just gotta have the right mind set to get my jokes, Or at least a Mind at all! =)
as stated before Finley has been known being, cold, crass, rude, cynical but still helpful even if it doesn't effect them positivly. they have also been known to make edgy remarks reminiscent of that of a middle schooler who thinks they're depressed.
>=(
The following Is a interview log with The two eneties and dehila of the m.e.g in hopes to understand their odd situation better
____________________________________
Dehila: *Calmly walks over to Finley and Funny* Um excuse me-
Funny: FINELY SHOOT IT WITH FIRE ITS A SKIN STEALER!
-the tape cuts out for 20 minutes-
Finley: sorry about Asshole overthere *they point to Finny* they can't tell a clicker from a skin stealer
Funny: OH well excuuuuusse me for being jumpy in a plane of existence with cosmic entity cakes and hivemind cults following a dumb bluebird!
Dehila: oh it's quite alrig-
-the tape cuts out again
Dehila: so how did you two meet?
Finley: long story, but after the fun war PartyPoopers decided to stay in the promised land for "preservation of out species" or some dumb shit like that, but I left caused that Was the stupidest thing ive ever heard-
Funny: HA! not as dumb as you wanderering the halls alo-
-The tape cuts out again-
Dehlia: so you two have a bit of a enemies to lovers thing going on huh?
Funny: Eh, I guess, i mean we still fight ALL the time, and they're Super boring if that wasn't obvious! but.. i dunno They're a boring person, but Super fun to be around with! They taught me how to shoot a railgun, We made a bazooka that fires chainsaws, we smoke MJ together, They tell the best jokes! they've kinda become my muse!
Dehila: Aww thats so sweet- wait What about memory-
Funny: Nothing.
Finley: Yeah Funnys alright, Its nice to have someone who gets me, or Not takeing literally everything thing I say personally
Dehila: so funny, what separates you from the rest of the Partygoer?
Funny: Well I hate killing humans for starters, You guys are a alot funner alive, And Also Cannibal Cusinie Just tatses better, oh and also Being unwittingly controled by a giant birthday cake is super lame honestly, plus I'm having so much Fun With Finley!.... but I do miss friends back in level fun...
Finely: *sighs* ..yeah thats the hardest part about leaving..
Dehlia: so I've heard alot about "The pity Partiers" what is that exactly?
Finley: *akward silence*
Funny: Uhh.. well.. Uhhh
Funny:
Funny: you see when you love someone very much-
Finley: they're our kids
Dehlia: All of them?!?! they're like 50 of them!
Finley: 160 actually, Partypeople usally have 40 per litter
Funny: Yeah, why do you think were everywhere?
Finley: Anyways don't worry about them, their (mostly) harmless, right fun?
Funny: I think I have something in my teeth
Finley: yeah just don't hurt them alright?
________________________________________
log ends
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betterbooktitles · 23 days
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I was standing in the green room of the posh comedy club in Chelsea where I’d been hired as a publicity assistant. I was waiting to go on, taking deep breaths. The room, like the rest of the club, was unnecessarily fancy. Most green rooms are the size of broom closets. Most comedy green rooms are broom closets. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve eaten chicken strips from a red plastic basket while standing up, the basket resting at eye-level in front of me on a stack of extra chairs, next to a bucket and a mop. Why not? That’s what a comedian is. Another piece of furniture in the utility closet. The important part is that people come out to drink, not if the talent is happy. I know a comic who was asked to mop the floors at a club after a particularly bad set. What a business!
As I breathed in deeply and counted backward from ten, I was staring at the long purple padded bench along the wall with its too-tall back and its too-small seat. The only way to sit comfortably was to have perfect posture, and even then, half my ass hung off the front of the bench. So I stood and I sweat and I panicked. At 20, I was not ready to go in front of a packed room of strangers in a Manhattan nightclub that happened to employ me during the day. The feeling that I was not ready was verified a few minutes later. I didn’t bomb per se, but when I look at old tapes from this era, I not only cringe at my delivery but also at the exhausted and forced laughs from the crowd. It wasn’t bad. But I wasn’t good either. If people saw me in the bar after these sets, they’d look at me with baffled recognition like I was a character actor from a TV show they had seen years ago but couldn’t quite place, rather than the bland guy who was talking at them about “how Facebook is weird” from the stage less than an hour ago. I was forgettable.
A fancy dressing room is not required for comedy. Neither are high ceilings or good food in the showroom. Often, those flourishes are a detriment to a good comedy space. You want a cramped but air-conditioned hole in the wall. The backroom of a bar. A tiny theater. The club where I worked felt like someone had built the Titanic on land a few blocks from where it was supposed to make port at the Chelsea Piers. The mirror that covered most of one wall, the cabinet space, and the ornate but un-sittable benches all felt like Herman Melville’s description of fireplaces in bedrooms: they were “the luxurious discomforts of the rich.” It was a nice green room and a nice club by any standard, but knowing how sad and cramped the basement office space was, how much it smelled of dead mice down there, how the black seats in the showroom looked comfortable but felt spongy when you sat on them, how the show was never as electric as it should be, all added up to a feeling of unease. It all felt like money thrown at a problem that didn’t exist. Comedy was doing fine in worse venues. This place could not last. The space felt like most of what I discovered while working in Manhattan: it’s awe-inspiring, charming, and jaw-droppingly expensive, but eventually, you remember that parts were built on literal trash or a swamp. The rats are creeping in, the basement is flooding.
In the swanky green room, a toothy radio personality and sometimes-comedian was giving me unsolicited advice, holding my shoulder to relax me. I was wearing a bright red American Apparel shirt and black skinny jeans, my uniform for all of 2007. The only time I wore anything else was the day I ran out of clean laundry, so I bought a ThunderCats t-shirt on the way to work. My coworker, a perpetually hungover nightlife photographer asked me multiple times if my shirt had a Bacardi logo on it. “No, man. Much sadder. It’s a cartoon I barely remember.”
The radio DJ kept trying to talk me out of my visible nervousness. He was giving off a lot of step-dad-trying-to-earn-my-trust energy. He kept saying I was going to be great. He squeezed my shoulder and leaned in like he was about to softly tell me “I want to say one word to you, just one word: plastics!” He kept emphasizing his speech by using his other hand to tap me lightly on the chest with three fingers as he spoke.
“You need to calm down. All that matters is that crowd, man. All you need to do is listen to that crowd. They’ll tell you what’s right.” 
It took me a decade to realize that advice is bad. Crowds are notorious for having subpar ideas and executing them in terrible ways. Crowds are responsible for the Reign of Terror during The French Revolution. Crowds love public executions and storming federal buildings and silent discos. Real psychotic stuff. I’m not a big believer in the Oscar Wilde adage that “everything popular is wrong.” I love the NBA and Egg McMuffins. But anytime a big crowd is focused on something besides sports or music, I am wary. Specifically, I’ve seen a lot of comedians who are one bad breakup away from turning a stand-up show into a Men’s Rights Activist meeting, and crowds adore them.
Read the rest of the essay here
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al3xz-w0rld · 1 month
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can frankie (your oc) survive these backrooms levels
0-the lobby
1-habitable zone
2-pipe dreams
3-electrical station
4-abandoned office
4.4-sub level of 4
5-terror of the hotel
6-lights out
7-thalassphobia
8-cave system
9-darkend suburbs
10-bumper crop
11-concrete jungle/endless city
12-the matrix
13-infinite apartments
14-paradise
15-futuristic halls
16-mental asylum
17-abandoned carrier
18-nostagic memories
19-infinite attic (out of wood)
20-the warehouse
√2-mathamatical dream
th3 sh4dy gr3y
bonus level fun
the end
666-aint all blood red
9223372036854775807
level !(run for your life)
how do i answer this
yea
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digital-corruption · 2 years
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Fourth? Fifth rewrite is the charm? 😅
Unrecognisable Part 32
⚠️ Trigger warning: Mentions of past drug and alcohol abuse.
As soon as I spotted the sign for "The Bad Apple" on the street, I knew it was the place. On the sign was a beautiful cartoon woman winking while holding a rotten apple. As we approached, I could hear techno music coming from the basement entrance. Jake led the way downstairs and opened the metal door for me to go in first. Inside was dark and moody, and aside from the spotlights at the various stations, was lit by neon lights that looked like they came straight out of a cyberpunk movie. There were six stations, but only three were occupied at the time with two male  artists and one female artist. The female was the only one to recognise Jake, which immediately made me uncomfortable. She wasn't just attractive, she was gorgeous and her tattoos were so alluring that you could hardly take your eyes off of her. I'd like to think I wasn't a jealous girlfriend, but the way they looked at each other made it clear to me that there was history between them, and the knot in my stomach just wouldn't go away.
"That's Trix," Jake explained. "She’ll be doing your tattoo."
"She is busy today," Trix shouted out. "You'll have to come back with an appointment and not just show up because you feel like it!"
"That's ok, I made space in your schedule for us," Jake smirked.
Trix lowered her tattoo gun and said something to her client, before coming over to us, "What the fuck, Nym!? You can't come out of fucking nowhere, pull this shit and expect me to be ok with it!"
"You were booked for like the next month! This can't wait that long," Jake argued.
"I rather think it could," I interjected.
"No, it can't," Jake glared at me. "Our time here is limited."
"It’s just a tattoo," I shook my head.
"No, you're getting it done now!" Jake stressed.
"Are you using again!?" Trix narrowed her eyes, then turned to me. "Tell me he hasn't been using again!"
"Uh, no, he hasn't," I responded confused as I didn't even know I needed to worry about that.
Jake rolled his eyes, "I've already rearranged your schedule so it's not like you have anything else right now."
Trix tilted her head in annoyance, "My computer is running slow. Fix it."
"I'm not your IT support," Jake shook his head.
"And I'm not here to answer to your every whim. Go fix my computer, jackass!" Trix pointed to the backroom. "After that, we can discuss this tattoo you want done. And how you intend to pay."
Jake sucked his teeth, then responded reluctantly, "Fine. I will be right back, MC."
Trix glanced at me as Jake walked off, "So you’re MC."
"You know of me?" I asked out of surprise.
"Understatement of the year. I still have another 20 minutes or so of work on this client, so please make yourself comfortable," she gestured to the empty seats in the waiting area. I couldn’t tell if she was being serious or mocking me.
"Um, thank you," I nodded nervously. "I am sorry. I don't know what's with him and this tattoo today. He's been suddenly incessant on getting it done right away."
"I wish I could say I am surprised, but this is just how he is," she sighed. "I'll be back soon."
Trix went back to her station and I sat down to browse the various ideabooks and portfolios while I waited. Trix's works were absolutely stunning. Each example was more intricate than the next. I couldn’t help but feel our request was beneath someone of her skill level. I couldn’t understand why Jake was so determined to have her tattoo his red eye on me today. We could’ve gotten it done at literally any tattoo parlour at any time. I didn't understand why it had to be with her. Was it simply because he didn't trust anyone else or was it something else?
I was so engrossed looking at all of the different designs, I hadn’t noticed Trix finished with her client and was sitting across from me just staring at me.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you come over," I put the portfolio in my hands down.
She just continued staring at me, making me feel very anxious and uncomfortable.
"Listen, I think there has been a misunderstanding. I was just wanting a simple design and that is something beneath someone of your calibre," I averted my eyes.
"This is the fabled MC?" She laughed. "I can't say I see the appeal."
"Fabled?" I questioned. "Jake talked about me?"
"Another understatement," she smiled. "He was- is obsessed with you. I'm a bit confused though. He was committed to staying the fuck away from you."
"I don't understand," I shook my head in confusion.
"Oh it's easy, princess. You live up there," she pointed up. "That is somewhere Nym cannot be. The only way he can have you is if he brought you down to our level. And now that you're down here with us, you can never go back up. The question I have is, 'how did you come to be here?'"
"I, uh, I was drawn out by his pursuers. To force him to lower his defences," I explained briefly. "It wasn't really his intention."
"He was waging war again?" She sighed.
"I guess you could say that," I shrugged.
"Well that is mightily convenient for him," she laughed. "But look at you two now, a regular pair of Bonny and Clyde."
"Trix!" Jake called as he returned from the back room. "I don't know what you've been doing to your machine, but it's fucked."
"Sounds like you have your work cut out for you," she smiled.
"Have you discussed the tattoo yet?" He redirected.
"No, we were just getting to that," Trix frowned. "What is it that you want?"
"Jake's red eye, here," I put my hand on the middle of my chest.
Trix eyed me, "Is this your first?"
"Uh, yes it is, why?" I questioned.
"Figures. You've chosen one of the most painful parts of the body to get a tattoo," she pointed out. "So I will have to ask you to reconsider. That is not a position for amateurs. Especially not princesses."
"She can handle it," Jake insisted.
"I'm glad you have such faith in your girl, but that's a decision for her to make," Trix shot down Jake.
Suddenly all eyes were on me. "The pain won't be worse than burning?"
"No, I don't imagine it would be," Trix replied honestly.
"Then I'll do it," I insisted. "This tattoo is for Jake. I can handle it."
Jake grinned, "Then it is decided."
"Just his red eye? Nothing else?" Trix asked. Her voice was dripping with contempt.
"Yes, that's it. Black outlines with red fill," I explained.
"You'll have to come back for the colour later," she added. "Let's get you ready then. Jake, you better get to work fixing my machine."
"What? You need a whole new fucking machine. You have multiple parts failing," he argued.
"Then go buy me a new machine," Trix pushed as she stood up. "Unless you plan on paying for this tattoo with cash?"
Jake sighed, "You just said this will be extremely painful."
"Yes, it will be, but I always look after my clients. You don't need to watch her suffer," she assured him, but there was something about the way she said it I couldn't put my finger on.
Jake gritted his teeth, "Fine. MC, I'll be back as soon as I can, ok?"
I stood up and nodded, "I'll be ok, Jake."
Jake stepped over and kissed me lovingly. Then he touched his forehead against mine while he looked deeply into my eyes. "I love you."
I smiled, "I love you too."
"Excuse me while I barf," Trix rolled her eyes. "MC, when you're ready, come over to my table. I'll start getting ready."
Jake stroked my face with his fingers, "You’re being so brave for me."
"It’s nothing compared to what you went through," I sighed. "It’s just a little pain."
Jake cupped my cheeks and kissed me once more before leaving. I took off my hoodie and went over to join Trix.
"I can tell him that it turns out you're allergic to the ink I use," Trix offered. "You don't have to go ahead with him branding you."
"Branding me? The tattoo was my idea," I frowned.
"I'm sure it was," she responded sarcastically.
"Ok, that's it. If you're not comfortable doing this for your ex's new girlfriend, that's fine. We can go elsewhere," I argued.
"That's not it," she shook her head. "I'm trying to look out for you. I know how easy it is to get caught up in his insanity. He can be very intoxicating and manipulative. The next thing you know you’re agreeing to things you never expected. Or worse, things happen you have no memory of."
"There's a lot of history between you two," I frowned. 
"I really am not jealous of you," she laughed. "I'm well and truly over that. But I did see him at his worst and invested a lot of time getting him out of that hole he had dug himself into. So seeing the news, seeing you here asking for this tattoo, I can't help but wonder if he's starting to fall into old habits again, which makes me less than pleased."
"I didn't even know he had used," I admitted. "But he hasn't been using while I've been with him."
"Not that you're aware of, at least," she smirked. "And I doubt he would want you knowing. No, he would keep you blindfolded while he drags you into hell with him, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as he does."
I just looked at her speechless, unable to fully comprehend what she was talking about. "Jake's life may not be full of bright sunshiny days, but I would rather be by his side than living a lie again. I love him. Being next to him is where I belong. If anything, not being with him for all these years only caused the two of us great pain."
"Uh, no, if you were there at his worst, he would've killed you," she lowered her voice from prying ears. "I'm not joking. He was so angry and furious over what happened to him. He was literally burying himself in alcohol and drugs to forget the fire and forget you when I met him. You have to understand, he couldn't separate you from that memory."
"So you were there, I take it? When he was suffering and needed proper help? You did what exactly? He needed to see a psychologist to help him through that trauma!" I snapped.
"Proper help!? A psychologist!?" She burst out laughing. "That's a luxury he can never have! You might as well call the police on him!"
"No, I'll find a way," I insisted. "I'll find someone willing to help him despite his history."
"Knowing some of the fucked up shit that goes on in his head that he barely has a lid on, they'll want to put him in a institution," she warned. "He is a loose cannon, MC."
"Yeah, well, he's my loose cannon now," I narrowed my eyes. 
"You know, I sent him on his mission because he'll get off on watching you in pain," she admitted. "Especially when that pain is for him."
I bit my lip, "Maybe I want that."
"You know, when you get around to making that shrink appointment, you should check to see if there's a couples discount," Trix mocked. "All right, take your shirt off so we can get started."
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free-n-wild · 10 months
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A few AUs I might start exploring again now that I'm back on my Wild Kratts bs <3
Fishy imposters AU (Luca AU) - Chris & Martin, seamonsters, disguise themselves amongst the humans of a coastal town in America in order to learn more about the land's creatures [Angst level: 15%]
Folklore seekers AU - The crew travel the world in order to locate and research the various beasts of folklore [Angst level: 15-30%]
Beyond reality AU (Backrooms AU) - Chris and Martin fall through reality and find themselves in the isolated, liminal spaces of the backrooms [Angst level: 20-60%]
(Subnautica AU) - Chris & Martin, marine biologists, become stranded in the middle of an extraterrestrial ocean after they lose contact with the crew [Angst level: 30-80%]
(Primeval AU) - The crew have the time of their lives meeting extinct creatures through strange portals, until a crashed portal leaves Chris stranded during the time of the dinosaurs and the others must find a way to bring him back [Angst level: 30-80%]
Green lament AU - After Chris' untimely death, a distraught Martin tracks Zach down and begs him to give his brother back in the form of 'Toodles', the robotic clone Martin recalls from one of their adventures in Africa [Angst level: 100% rip </3]
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sbi-au-ideas · 2 years
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Tommy used to love this wings. He lived out in the rainforest, in a big treehouse that held 12 other avians like him. They were hiding from Wingless humans, after the declaration that Avian humans were an endangered species 20 years ago.
His mother had taken her family and friends and fled to the rainforest after they declared it, and had Tommy a few years after.
Tommy knew why they lived out in the rainforest, but his mother spared him on a few very important details. So, when he went into the big city searching for a gift, he wasn’t as afraid as he should’ve been.
He ended up meeting a lovely wingless man named Technoblade, who tried to lead Tommy into the backroom, away from the spying eyes of the patrons of his bookshop. Tommy, ever trusting, let himself be pulled away. There, he met someone else named Wilbur!
With hindsight, he realizes that they had been trying to keep him from getting spotted. Past Tommy didn’t know this however, and after they hung out for a few hours and he was given two beautiful antique disks, he flew out of their shop.
He learned to regret that decision almost immediately.
They caught him. Using technology far more advanced than Tommy had ever seen, they tore him out of the sky and stuffed him into a cage.
What his mother never told him was how avians like him are treated.
When he made it to the Main Enclosure (he hates that name-) a friendly avian named Phil explained what his mother never did.
Avians are exactly like wingless humans. Same relative intelligence level, same emotional complexity- hell, most Avians have learned and fluently speak other wingless languages! They lived together peacefully for hundreds of years! Logically, there should be no reason for Avians to not be treated with the same respect as other humans. The only difference between them and the wingless are the appendages on Tommy’s back.
Yet, here Tommy is, locked away in a something called a “nature reserve” all because of the two, beautiful wings that he used to love.
Avian’s are an “Endangered Species,” although Phil says that they only started really hunting them down 15 years ago. After most Avians were captured, the public quickly stopped considering them intelligent, instead regarding Avians as animals who excelled at mimicry.
Phil doesn’t leave his side for a moment after Tommy admits to his youth, and- although he would never say it out loud- he appreciates the comfort that Phil’s presence brings, especially with him being so far from his home.
He refuses to stay here, though. No matter what- he will find a way out.
Unbeknownst to Tommy, a revolution begins to stir on the streets.
Wilbur finds the two antique disks he gave Tommy, the young, bright Avian that stumbled into his and Techno’s shop that afternoon. He finds them on the dirty alleyway floor, both cracked down the center and broken in every which way.
No other evidence is there, but Wil knows what happened.
Tommy. The boy that had spoke with him and Techno for hours after closing in fluent English, that rattled off his passion for animals and birds like his second nature.
The Avian that has been sent away to spend the rest of his life in a “Nature Reserve.”
Something Wilbur could’ve stopped- but he didn’t. He hadn’t tried hard enough, and now the blonde haired, blue eyed boy with a charm unlike any in the city- is gone.
When Wilbur comes back home with the shattered remains of Cat and Mellohi, and Techno looks at them with a pinch in his eyebrows, Wil can tell he’s made the same conclusion.
They have to save him. Save all the avians that the government has abused in their cry of “serving the weak.”
But they’re going to need the cities help. Luckily, Wilbur and Techno already have experience with convincing the government to listen.
Wilbur opens the group chat labeled “L’manburg.”
Inspiration taken from @sunnyvicky’s dream!
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Fic Writer 20 Questions
(Open) tagged by @kcrabb88 lol but I wanted to do it :)
How many works do you have on ao3? 51! (+7 on my secret alt)
What's your ao3 word count? 258,302 + 67,544 -
What fandoms do you write for? currently, it's just star wars, but I've written for criminal minds before and have some unposted marvel wips -
What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. Oathbreaking -Qui-Gon repudiates Obi-Wan and breaks their bond during the Phantom Menace Council scene and this has repercussions 2. Underestimation -The BAU team takes a case that reminds Reid uncomfortably of his childhood. Rossi finds him when he can't take it anymore 3. See My Dreams All Die -Obi-Wan kills Anakin on Mustafar and is severely wounded doing so. Palpatine is in need of a new apprentice, and Obi-Wan is so conveniently right there 4. 'Til the Sun Goes Down -Take Revenge of the Sith, but it's Obi-Wan instead of Mace who confronts Palpatine 5. Acquainted with the Night -(Unfinished) Reid is kidnapped on a case and the team races to find him (oh god, I can't believe my fifteen year old self's fics make this list) -
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I want to. desperately. it just takes a lot of time and social energy I don't have so I get behind and then I get overwhelmed. I've got 84 unanswered in my inbox currently, some of them months old :( -
What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? it's a toss up between Nothing Gold Can Stay (rip Cody) and The Toll of the Bell (rip the Jedi) -
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The one I just wrote for @ashinaburrito - Happily Ever After (quinobi ftw) -
Do you get hate on fics? I've gotten one or two comments that... disagree very strongly with certain decisions I've made in my fics but no outright flaming. I just delete them -
Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. and the kind you'll only know about if you reach level 20 friendship -
Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? not really anymore? I did in my criminal minds phase. I had one years ago that never really got off the ground that was criminal minds/doctor who/x-men which doesn't sound that crazy, but I would think it was a fever dream if I didn't have the document -
Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that I'm aware -
Have you ever had a fic translated? no :') -
Have you ever cowritten a fic before? I have a wip buried in the backrooms that I was writing with @charrhylis. poke, poke, I mean, if you still want to... -
What's your all time favorite ship? all time??? codywan... but winterhawk is a close second -
What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will? all of them lmao. I never know when a fic's going to make it to the finish line or not, but if I had to choose one... my The Will of the Force series. it is. such an ambitious project and I have so many other wips going on so I don't think it will ever happen but I stare at it wistfully sometimes -
What are your writing strengths? I have been told I write good dialogue which is funny because dialogue is hell and if I never had to write it again I would be the happiest person ever. unfortunately, it is difficult to write a story without it (believe me, I've tried. I actually succeeded once) -
What are your writing weaknesses? commas............. jk I'm mostly okay at them. my biggest weakness is my need to make everything perfect on the first go around instead of just getting shit on the page and so I agonize over word choice for hours and wind up with stilted sentences. takes ages to get anything done. -
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? if it counts as another language, I've written dialogue in dai bendu (Jedi conlang) before. I love it, languages are awesome. and with ao3 you can do hovertext so your readers don't get lost, which is cool. -
First fandom you wrote for? star wars! a wip graveyard fic. but then I moved on to criminal minds, and the first posted was from there -
Favorite fic you've ever written? oh geez uhhhhhh. this is hard because I like my fics for different reasons but... right now, I think it's Soldier, Poet, King just because it's such a good character study and I think it's beautiful. Hits all the right notes trope-wise too.
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sankt-jesper · 1 year
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Wip Wednesday
Star Wars; Commander Fox, Rated T. Mentions of bodily fluids and sex work. 900 words from a no Order 66 tech-noir story, in which Fox searches for his missing brother but ends up unraveling a mystery bigger than he anticipated.
It takes him one minute and forty-six seconds to reach his floor. It’s the only floor that hasn’t been painted gray; the walls are covered in flaking white paint, with sprayed words and obscene drawings. All the apartments are occupied; Fox knows all the residents, and he knows they know him too.
His next-door neighbor is in the corridor, sitting on his rackety chair, his head bobbing up and down, up and down, up and down. It always does; Fox thinks he might not be able to control it. He looks like someone helped him wash today: he doesn’t smell of old urine, and he changed clothes—a pink spacer jumper too big but that looks comfortable, and a yellow skirt a bit too thick for the hot temperature. When he hears the telltale sound of Fox’s door unlocking he smiles: he turns his face to Fox’s side, his big, blind eyes landing on Fox’s boots. He never says anything but he smiles, his antennae twitching, and he waves with a bony, trembling hand. Fox always smiles back, even if he knows it won’t be seen.
There’s SKINJOB freshly painted on his door. He covered the last one a week ago; he’ll cover this one up tomorrow. He opens his apartment, steps inside and doesn’t breathe until the door is closed. The corridor’s dark; Fox sighs. He always pays his bills on time. He tries to turn the luma on manually. It doesn’t work—but his door lights up with a reminder: RENT DUE. Fox wants to kick the wall; he restrains himself from doing so because they’ll make him pay for it. He lifts his wrist, taps at his comm and waits for the waiting music to begin. He takes his shoes off lazily, pushing at the heels and scowling at how easily they comply. He pads silently to the washroom, unbuttoning his pants and letting them drop on the floor. He picks them up, throws them in the sink along with his shirt; he puts the jacket on the washer. He frowns: it’s still full of half-cleaned clothes, and since they cut off his electricity he can’t open it manually.
The comm beeps: he’s asked for his housing ID, then he’s immediately put on hold. The company in charge of his building is Banda Cada; they take care of his entire level. The headquarters are on Level 4 but the company is registered on Corellia, thus falling under Corellian amenable tax legislation. Since Banda Cada is based on Corellia they’re required to do business on Coruscant through a local company; they chose Galata. Galata is a front for Chakanaka 86, a gang dabbling mostly in housing and money-laundering. It used to be a local nuisance, but it was gobbled up by the Black Sun four years ago. 
Fox knows because he’s been tracking all activities from Chakanaka 86 for almost a decade, and when he went to Galata’s offices it was only an empty room with a girl sitting on a couch. She said she was paid to wait here, and that if he wanted there was a backroom just there, that it was cozy and that for 20 credits she’d suck his balls. When he took a step back she told him she was clean, and when he said he wasn’t interested she got angry and asked if he thought he was better than her.
Fox swallows. He may pay his bills on time but it doesn’t mean they’ll give him what he pays for on time.
He sits on the privy but can’t make himself piss or shit, too wired by the probability that, this time, they may answer faster than they usually do. And he’s right; just as he almost gives up a droid replies, asks for his housing ID, and as soon as Fox gives it he’s put on hold again.
After a while someone with a thick Huttese accent answers, their voice distorted and distant, and Fox knows they’re parsecs away and won’t be able to do much about this issue in the long term. They tell him his rent is due and Fox tells them he already paid for the next three months and they ask for his housing ID and he gives it and hopes he won’t be put on hold. Your file says your rent is due, they repeat, and Fox says again, I used the end-of-year package and paid two weeks ago, sir.
He’s put on hold again. He closes his eyes, breathes in through his nose; he needs to piss but he can’t make himself relax. The waiting music is cut short: someone else replies, says, Do you have the ID of your transaction? Fox knows this voice. He knows it because he grew up with thousands of people sharing it. Yeah, he replies before sputtering through the numbers. 
On the other end of the comm the clone doesn’t reply for a long moment.  There’s a lot of background noise: unintelligible conversations, multiple voices. A comm center, Fox would wager. Your file wasn’t updated, the clone says. Your rent will be due in four months.
The lights of his apartment turn on; the washer whistles and starts its cycle again, throwing his jacket off. Thank you, Fox says quickly before hanging up. He presses on the button to flush the privy, gets up and picks his jacket with his foot, throwing it toward the sink. His comm beeps with a new message from Banda Cada. On a scale of MEDIOCRE to PERFECT, Fox gives the conversation the highest score and submits his answer before he can forget. 
His problem is solved for now—and he never knows if giving a lower rate means someone losing their job.
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villabella12 · 9 months
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@arcvmonth Day 18: D/D/D - Different Dimension Day (Pt. II)
Second part of the same prompt since there's little context provided there but here's some concepts + an AU I forgot to add in the previous post I have for the last two on the same post but then again, I'm no writer, I just wanted to share stuff
A bit heads up: I will spoil the name of my OCs in this post but the design of them will be out next week
TW: Mention of Scars
The Cards Has Bodies In Them
Rhen Dharmas' origins dated WAY back in the early 1930s, with a farmer from a european village picking up the first ever card of its kind and slowly but surely turns him and the rest of the town into cards
A bit of a fruitshipping moments here and there (Yuzu going absolute bonkers whenever someone tries to harm her "boyfriend" while he's in his draconic form)
The thief could be a minor character from Zexal (either Erazor or that gangster duo Shark used to hangout) or someone entirely new who wanted the Rhen Dharmas to exploit them to win multiple duels
Maria was the one who brought up the entire "Rhen-Dharma" conspiracy, does research abt it, HASNT SLEPT IN DAYS, friends suspect it would be the influence that's driving her crazy, nearly drowned in her brother's bathtub, nearly SLIT HER NECK FOR A SACRIFICE, then was sent to the hospital and she's alright... for now...
Interesting lore drop between a conversation Maria and her ace monster, Ibong Adarna (they/them) have regarding Duel Monsters and their secrets overall
1V2 between the thief and Yuya (in his draconic form) and Maria (OC)
^ An INCREDIBLY intense and brutal duel that Yuya will never forget, even worst than the ones he had faced during the Dimensional War because
^ 1. The monster's effect may inflict damage but the way it did is a bit of a horrific process and 2. If they lose they'll turn into ACTUAL Monster Cards
Sawatari has character development :)
Also Maria bonding with the XYZ gang cus they like her energy + she needs more friends
Raya being sketchy (not in a bad way nor a good way)
Yuya still has nightmares abt losing control & harming his friends whilst hes in his draconic form and fears that those nightmares might come true someday (it did...)
And then he learns to find ways on how to live with it, and learns to accept it as a part of himself, despite his wishes for it to be gone
Duelists in the Backrooms
Maria also learns how to let go of the burden to protect others over herself and also lets herself be more open
Concepts of this AU is being brainstormed over so here's maybe a sneak peak of how it plays out
There are four groups that reside in a specific level in the backrooms: The Lancers (Level 170), The Resistance (Level 20), The "Signers" (Level 11.1), and The Rebellion (Level 179)
There isn't as much duels in this AU unlike TCHBIT, the duels only happen if there's a misunderstanding or disagreement
There's also solo survivors that doesn't join a specific group and/or joins them but just survive independently (i.e Maria, Meiru, Dennis, Michio, and Asuka)
Instead of dying and losing their items, they just restart to a completely different level and their items will be scattered around them once they restart (meaning they're going to be stuck in an endless loop of survival and death)
^ The wounds they have obtain from fighting the entities will also appear as scars
Theres going to be underrated duo moments here and there, some are serious, some are not
Summoning Monsters can also be helpful for combat and transportation but are limited due to certain levels being strict abt said monsters
Zarc and Ray's influence over the Yu-Boys and Bracelets Girls are stronger than in canon
Leo has something to do with all characters being stuck in the backrooms
The characters aged regularly but due to how slow the time in the backrooms are, their bodies ages slowly (in this au)
The Curse That Will Never Be Unfold
The father side of Yuya's family owns a really popular circus, with his father, Yusho, being a ringmaster and him being one of those a daredevil acrobats
His mother is a gang leader (that doesnt terrorize) like in the anime, but instead of retiring from it she continues to help others with her gang
Yuzu is somewhat a badass bard warrior, her main weapon being the violin. Her father, Shuzo, owns a instrument shop and works alongside with Yusho
Raya, Gongenzaka, and Sawatari are somewhat townies (with one of them being secretly a samurai warrior) that soon learned to fight with secret abilities they didnt know exist within them
^ Maria can transform into certain terrains (small terrains) and also animals that may represent, symbolizes, or is connected with nature
Maria is a forest spirit that is under Lethia's mentorship, alongside her twin brother, Mariano, and younger twin siblings, Olive and Oliver
^ Born from the blood of two humans that were received from a cut during their work hours that soon dropped into the leaves, grows out of a giant ass flower, then the couple proceeds to drop one into the water and then BOOM her brother is born out of a seashell
(^ Then they decide to do it again 10 years later then was given the results, a fire and air child...)
Yuto, Ruri, and Shun will accompany the group at some point, with the three of them developing a close bond the group, especially Maria
The Synchro and Fusion squad will appear but idk what their roles are still...
Zarc and Coralline are siblings, with him being the god of destruction and her being the goddess of death, underneath the alias, Morgana
^ Zarc and Ray are still bitter enemies, but over time grew close as Zarc starts to realize that he is not the villain that everyone thought of him was
^ Zarc doesnt have a close relationship with his siblings. He, Virgil, and Carolyn always fights, he and Cora arent really close, and Marilena is deeply afraid of him. He hates to admit it but, he wishes he can spend more time with them but his lust for violence prevents him from doing so
^ Also she fell in love with a human who has secret eldritch magic, in which enrages Zarc, gets teased by Virgil and Carolyn, but Marilena is oblivious to the concept of love (despite being the goddess of love herself lmao)
Cora and Maria are besties secretly, neither of their friend group (minus Cora's) knows abt it
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sunsolii · 2 years
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Soult and Lannes got noclipped into the Backrooms and have made it to level 20, the Warehouse unharmed. They've been wandering for quite some time until they stumble into a door that lead them into this hallway.
Here Lannes is daring Soult into waking into the darkness of the hallway, not knowing that an entity is learking in the shadows and watching them.
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ju-lie-mine · 7 months
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Backrooms: Level PL-20
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aimsaimsaimsaims · 1 year
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2022 Wrap-Up
Music
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Best Album: DAWN FM by The Weeknd. This album is distinctly not AFTER HOURS, one of my favorite records of all time. It’s not coming apart at the seams, no matter how much the music video saga tries to convince you that the album somehow reflects fictional-Abel’s own surrealist gerascophobic suffocating backrooms nightmare. It’s not a vulnerable portrait or an avant-garde portfolio. DAWN FM’s twinkling charm arrives suspended in amber, syrupy sweet quality abounding. It’s too perfect. It's a pop pastiche of a Weeknd album. Abel left spiraling into despair behind with “Until I Bleed Out”. Now he spirals in circles, numb, serenading an enthralled club he thinks is a cathedral. He’s doomscrolling into a microphone. He developed a tolerance to the varied hedonic fuels of TRILOGY and STARBOY, so he floats in immaculate soundscapes, unmoored and unbothered. “Out of Time” and “Less Than Zero” are ballads from heaven; “Gasoline” and “Sacrifice” undeniably rip. All killer, all filler. DAWN FM is the ultimate throwaway album, dropped casually and without forethought. Poetically, The Weeknd’s next media venture is in partnership with the creator of EUPHORIA, the television equivalent of this record: a surface-level pendulum between pain and pleasure with no real stakes, unraveling into nothing but polish and more polish.
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Honorable Mention 1: HYPOCHONDRIAC by brakence. A better writer than me has deciphered the psychology of brakence’s aesthetic choices. Like H.D., I too hear the fastidious precision of Ableton strata. I’m certain each reverb throw, pitched-up vocal, and synthetic tape pause was agonized over. Breaths are often meticulously edited out, giving the vocals a digital jagged over-compressed punch. I am captivated by brakence’s production-voice, don’t get me wrong, but his concoction of self-diagnoses explicit and implicit are much more fascinating. He crashes and burns on cue, emerges in time for the next harmony with soundstage-perfect hair, ready to resume the cycle without complaint. Is he a manic-depressive dissociative narcissist with anxieties compounded by clinical obsessions or is he just an algorithm-poisoned 20-year-old playing a part? I imagine I’d have similar trains of thought in his shoes.
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Honorable Mention 2: MOTOMAMI by Rosalia. My two favorite albums of the year were both plastic at heart, but MOTOMAMI is flesh and blood all the way through. Rosalia can hide behind autotune waterfalls and blown-out 808s all she wants, but the truth always shines through—this is the music she yearned for on the radio, the club stereo, the iPod. MOTOMAMI’s tracklist is too chaotic and unfettered to disguise anything whatsoever. The lyricbook doubles as a playlist in its own right; on “Candy”, singer and title both shout-out Plan B’s “Candy”, before the former breaks into plagiarist homage to Burial’s haunting “Archangel” melody. I can hear her smiling between takes. EL MAL QUERER, her last full-length, was the most acclaimed album to ever be a college thesis, a tortured inspection of toxic love through the lens of flamenco tradition and a Spanish novel with music videos like stage productions. MOTOMAMI displays Rosalia’s life through all of her favorite things: teriyaki, designer fashion, dance, friends, motorcycles, Japan, New York, hentai. There’s levels to this shit. Be yourself.
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Best EP: STEP BY STEP EP by Braxe + Falcon. This is the best project of the year bar none. Alan Braxe and DJ Falcon working together is the collaboration I didn’t know I needed until it was announced, two legendary yet elusive craftsmen of euphoric dance music combining forces. 24 minutes of bliss. Listen if you haven’t already, words can’t do this justice.
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Honorable Mention 1: SICK! By Earl Sweatshirt. A small dose of Earl is more meaningful than most 90-minute deluxes released by his peers. The rippling Escher staircase piano of “2010” alone is its own world, but SICK! flows through multiple worlds effortlessly. Indie darling guest stars like Zelooperz and Armand Hammer play their parts as needed, never overshadowing or underperforming. This is my favorite Earl project, encapsulating everything I love about his voice and taste in one digestible package.
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Honorable Mention 2: NOVA/MOTH by Burial & Four Tet. Only two songs on this one, but quantity is far from quality. Burial drums, Four Tet synths, and the combination’s gift for ethereal sampling makes for moody downtempo greatness. Still get chills when I hear the vox on “Moth”. Still wish “Wolf Cub” went along with the 2-pack, but I’m grateful nonetheless. Any Burial is good Burial.
My full list of best albums (in order) and best songs (sequenced for good listening) of 2022 follows:
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Time for the individual awards, inspired by Adam Silver.
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Ghostface Killah Most Valuable Player Trophy: Yeat. This one is undeniable to me. I haven’t listened to anyone this year as much as Yeat. If Carti defined the sound of the next few years with WHOLE LOTTA RED, Yeat distilled it into one infinitely replayable song, then managed a way to clone it. Might be the corniest most successful rapper out now, but I don’t care. Favorite songs of the year: “Luv Money”, “Cant stop it”, “Flawless”, “Jus Better”, "Tried Once".
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Drake Defensive Player of the Year Trophy: Drake. Once again, defending his unassailable title, the king returns. After dropping a forgettable “dance” pop album with a perfect 21 Savage collab backstop, Drake realized his mistake and dropped an entire album of 21 Savage collabs to shore up his image without even waiting for the calendar to flip. My bias is well-known in the circles I tread. Drake will have the throne until he decides to give it up or truly stops making any effort whatsoever. Favorite songs of the year: “Sticky”, “More M’s”, “Major Distribution”, feature on “I’M ON ONE”.
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DMX Rookie of the Year Trophy: CEO Trayle. Trayle made his initial statement with 2020’s single “OK Cool”, but this year has been the bona fide coming out party; just look at his output. An impressive album, a leak-collection-turned-mixtape, a couple EPs, and singles galore without quality being compromised? Color me impressed. Favorite songs of the year: “Alter Ego 2”, “Craxk Flow”, “DrillC4”, “Song Cry”.
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Pharrell Williams Producer of the Year Trophy: Tony Seltzer. This guy never fails to show off a new otherworldly bounce. Enough said. Favorite beats of the year: “God of War” by WIFIGAWD, “Postcard” by Papo2oo4 & DJ Lucas, “Know the Difference” by Sha Hef, “Risk” by Gabe ‘Nandez & Radamiz.
Film
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Best Movie: THE NORTHMAN dir. Robert Eggers. Three viewings later, this is still the perfect film for me to come out this year. Note I don’t say “objectively” best—I feel like this movie was developed in a lab to check each of my boxes. Beautiful cinematography? Check. Attention to historical detail? Check. Performances out the ass? Check. Vikings and specifically Viking spirituality? Check. Heroic tragedy? Check. Skarsgard? Check. Go see it, if you haven’t already, then bump some Heilung.
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Honorable Mention 1: EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE dir. Daniels. I think this is everyone else’s pick for that “Best Movie” spot. It is objectively amazing, especially considering that those FX were put together by a department of three people. Performances were great. Themes were great. Jokes were A+. Go see it. I assume you already have.
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Honorable Mention 2: TÁR dir. Todd Field. First half is stronger than the second, but Cate Blanchett is stunning here. I wish that a couple of the ideas established in that strong first half had been carried through. The three (sometimes uncomfortably) long scenes back-to-back-to-back to open the film are the most compelling, and that trend could’ve continued. Implications could be more explicit or more connected thematically. Still, Cate’s performance is enough to get my recommendation. Shoe-in for Best Actress.
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Best Live Action TV: THE BEAR. Every second of this miniseries is real like a bite. Restaurant lingo and the nonstop stress of the line are not explained or even really the focus, just set dressing. Jeremy Allen White leads an ensemble with no weak links. Tension is drawn out to the breaking point, released for a second, then drawn out even further. There's no winning, there's just persevering. 10/10.
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Honorable Mention: SEVERANCE. Not a shred of fat on this season. Exposition is delivered and the plot continues. The four leads are great (I've had a soft spot for Zach Cherry since his appearance in the C-plot of one episode of Succession, and if I gave a film/TV MVP award, John Turturro would be on the short list for THE BATMAN and SEVERANCE alone), but the antagonists (Patricia Arquette and Tramell Tillman, especially him) manage to overshadow them. Every detail of the worldbuilding sucks you in more. Can't wait for more.
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Best Animated TV: CHAINSAW MAN. Den-den-denji-kun! This is the most fun I've had watching an anime. Appointment viewing. Haven't read the manga. Spare Aki and Power plz.
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Honorable Mention: CYBERPUNK EDGERUNNERS. David-o! This anime is objectively pretty wrote and a little cheap. I predicted the majority of plot beats ahead of time, and I joke when talking with friends that Studio Trigger blew each episode's budget on a ridiculously awesome fight sequence, then had to resort to shot-reverse shot dialogue where the listener is the subject of each shot so they didn't have to waste money animating mouths. Objectively the prettiest thing I've seen all year, though, and it got me into the game, which stole ~60 hours of my life and counting. Dorio best girl.
Fights
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Fight of the Year: Jiri Prochazka vs Glover Teixeira. This fight has to be seen to be believed. I watched it live drunk and cackling on my living room floor, repeating "They're so fucking stupid" to myself, and over repeat viewings, I still can't believe this happened in reality. Jiri is an unstoppable force and for four and a half rounds, Glover was an immovable object. Then he wasn't. The champion has a name.
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Fighter of the Year: Alex “Poatan” Pereira. The biggest hater of all time. Beat Izzy twice in a totally different sport so bad that he fled to MMA, and Alex just had to follow him there to complete the sweep. It only takes one shot.
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