#bam! have 4 kids dumbasses!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bleach-boyz · 9 months

Text

Chapter 4: Jackasses

prev. // next

Almost the entirety of the year 2000 was spent filming stunt after stunt for Jackass. MTV had decided to produce and air three seasons pretty much back-to-back, starting in October of that year. That meant that you all needed to make an enormous amount of content extremely quickly. Beyond just being contractually obligated to, you filmed so much because you wanted to ensure that you’d all make it into the show as often as possible. You knew the producers were getting footage from a few different sources, which meant there was a lot that ultimately couldn’t be used. You wanted to make sure that what you were filming was good enough to make it into the show.

You were behind the camera a lot of the time when filming, but you would sometimes participate in the stunts where the main point was just to watch someone get hurt. You were often filmed attempting and failing to do something on a skateboard or simply slamming yourself into something hard. You almost never got genuinely hurt, and it became a bit of a joke how indestructible you were.

Pain was never an issue for you, and you’d much rather take a bump than be involved in any pranks or gross-out stunts. At some point the boys caught on to how much you didn't like vomit so whenever they would puke during a stunt, which was happening more and more frequently, they’d intentionally get close to you to make you upset. This torture did inevitably work over time to desensitize you to it, though.

The release and subsequent popularity of the Jackass show were the final push needed to skyrocket Bam to a new level of fame. 2001 brought both his Element Skateboards partnership and his introduction into the Tony Hawk Pro Skater games, which, in combination with Jackass and the CKY films, had him raking in an absurd amount of money. Bam’s life had become a ball of chaos, and you and the crew were just along for the ride. He’d constantly fly you all out with him to different appearances he had to make for his skate merch or Jackass, and you got to see places you’d never seen before.

By the end of its first season, Jackass was officially a cultural phenomenon. Besides Bam, Ryan and Dico over time became the most popular and recognized member of the CKY crew due to being the stars of some of the most memorable stunts and skits that made it into the show. This meant them and Bam were asked to come to L.A. to shoot more often with the rest of the reoccurring cast as the seasons progressed. The rest of you were definitely less famous but still acknowledged constantly as "the CKY crew" or "Bam’s crew" by the public, especially in West Chester. West Chester wasn’t a very big town, so everyone and their mother knew about the kids that "made it big" with a Hollywood TV show.

You basically never had to pay for your own drinks at the local bars anymore, and you’d also noticed that the dudes were starting to get a lot more attention from women than they ever had before. You resented that part a little bit. You knew those dumbasses didn’t deserve having so many beautiful women around them, mostly because of their inability to be humble about it. You didn’t say anything though, since you were also getting extra attention from men and occasionally women, and you didn’t want to appear hypocritical.

After your breakup, you started sleeping around a little bit with those random people who’d approach you. You’d never been particularly interested in one-night stands before, but you thought you’d try them out in an attempt to get over Chad. You couldn’t really tell if it helped, but it was still fun in the meantime. You weren’t shy about your behavior, but early on you decided to keep any hookups with women on the low. You knew that, unfortunately, your friends would only have straight guy fetishizing nonsense to say about it if they found out, so you mainly confided in Jenn with the details.

Sometime in early 2001, while the show’s second season was airing, a senator started a campaign against Jackass, claiming MTV was responsible for helping parents protect their kids or some bullshit. It was their persistent and ruthless attack, in combination with a few copycat incidents, that led to MTV caving and canceling the show after its first three seasons.

Of course, the entire cast and crew were extremely frustrated by this, and you became a bit worried over what this would mean for all of you career-wise. Bam would obviously be okay, but for the show to be cancelled barely a year after it started, that could be bad for the rest of you.

Luckily, you got word soon after the cancellation that perhaps the most important project any of you would ever work on was greenlit and would begin its filming as soon as possible—Jackass: The Movie.

The Jackass movie was especially important to you because Jeff and Spike, after some begging from your end, were allowing you to be one of the assistant directors. Your duties mainly included creating the schedule, being the go-between person for the cast and different crews, and just basically helping Jeff with anything he needed. This meant that you were there every shooting day and got to spend a lot more time around the Jackass cast members that you’d barely interacted with before.

Every member of the Jackass cast was a big character in their own right, and that created a high-energy and often unhinged environment. They were all really nice, but everyone was also constantly trying to fuck with each other, and even though you were rarely a target, you still had to keep your guard up. Especially when you were around Steve-O and Pontius.

You'd become close with those two over the course of shooting. At first, you just found them entertaining and good company when getting fucked up, but as you spent more time with them, you really started to care for them. You cared for all the cast and crew, of course, but you'd had a hard time moving past a friendly coworker relationship with most of them. Steve-O and Pontius had instantly pierced through that, and they felt like your brothers in the way that the CKY crew did. That didn't mean they weren't dicks, though. Your close friendship ultimately just meant they felt comfortable messing with you.

Bam and Ryan were the only members of the CKY crew that were official members of the Jackass cast, but Raab and Dico both managed to get one stunt in the movie. Although their involvement in the film was less than that of the show, the two and Rake didn’t seem to have much of a problem with it. With the extra time they were all able to dedicate themselves more to the continuing CKY film series.

You were in the peanut gallery for a few of the stunts in the Jackass movie, but you weren’t tasked with any stunts yourself due to being busy with assistant director responsibilities. The only thing that you filmed was an alternate take of the "Off Road Tattoo" stunt. Steve-O had been running late that day for some reason, and when it looked like he might not show up, Jeff asked if you’d consider doing it instead. It had originally been your idea, after all. After maybe five minutes of contemplation, you agreed. You’d been getting a lot of tattoos lately anyway, and you weren’t the type to regret something stupid and fun like that.

The tattoo artist gave you pretty much the exact same fucked-up smiley face that Steve-O got when he finally arrived to set; only yours didn’t make it in the movie. You were only slightly irritated by that, but you knew that there would be no reason to show the same stunt twice. Also, Steve-O was absolutely a more entertaining presence on screen than you. Jeff promised your cut would end up in the extras included in the eventual DVD release of the movie.

By far the most rewarding and fun time you had filming was in Japan. You’d never been out of the country before, and to go somewhere so beautiful and different was very exciting. When you weren’t filming, you spent a lot of time alone wandering around different parts of Tokyo, trying to experience the culture and everything it had to offer.

Just because you were in a different country, though, didn’t mean that the partying would stop. You were still getting dragged out to bars every night with the rest of the cast and crew, immersing yourself in the Tokyo nightlife. However, it was one of the more uneventful nights that you remember the most.

A bunch of the guys had insisted you all go to this burlesque strip club up the street from your hotel after you finished dinner. You weren’t particularly interested, but you felt like getting drunk, and it wasn’t like watching attractive women dance would be hard for you.

When you arrive, you go straight to the bar with Pontius and Dave while the other members of the cast and crew try to find a place to sit. You three collectively buy a round of beers for everyone and head back over to pass them out to the group. They all had to spread out a bit due to there not being a spot big enough for everyone to sit together, and you set your beer down at a table with Ryan, Bam, Steve-O, and Chris. Before sitting down yourself, though, you decide to go back to the bar and take a couple shots. You could handle your alcohol pretty well, and the atmosphere of the club was making you kind of anxious, so you thought you’d push yourself a little faster toward your desired level of drunkenness.

"What are you havin?" Knoxville asks as he comes up behind you.

"Not entirely sure; I just kinda yelled "two whiskeys" so.."

The bartender comes back with two mystery whiskey shots for you, and Johnny asks for two more for himself. When he receives them, he thanks the bartender with some weak Japanese vocabulary and pays for all four shots.

"Loaded with MTV money? Or is this just your Southern hospitality?" You ask, and he chuckles.

"I can’t help being a gentleman." He says, and you both cheers, throw back the shots, and head back to your respective tables.

Pontius secretly paid a dancer to go give Dave a lap dance, which made you all die of laughter as you could tell he was both delighted and stressed out by the situation. Besides that, no one was really jumping at the opportunity to interact with any of the dancers, and you found it quite funny how awkward everyone seemed about it. It made you wonder why anyone wanted to come there in the first place.

Bam later pulls out his wallet and asks if he can buy you a dance, to which you decline.

"Why? You’ve slept with women, right? I thought you’d enjoy it." He says with a smug look on his face, and your eyebrows furrow. You know you’ve never told Bam about any of that, so you assume that Jenn must have let it slip at some point. It’s obvious Bam is just bringing it up now publicly to be a little shit.

"Wait, you have?" Ryan asks, surprised.

"No way, dude." Steve-O says.

"Hubba hubba." Pontius jokes.

"God dammit, Bam.. I mean, yes, but it’s not anyone’s business." You respond, and all the guys start clamoring over the realization.

"How many times?" Ryan prods, and you start to get out of your chair.

"Wait, so you’re a lesbian? I think I owe someone five dollars." Steve-O says.

"I’m going to the bathroom." You say and leave before any of them can think of another dumb thing to ask or say.

Once you come back, it seems like everyone is ready to head out, despite only being there for an hour. Most of you just go back to the bar in the hotel and continue drinking, chatting, and messing around with each other there.

"No, seriously, which is better, sex with men or women?" Steve-O asks after a couple hours, trying to bring the conversation back to where it was earlier.

"There’s no way it’s better with men. We’re slobs, brutes, slaves to our desires." Pontius says, and you laugh, feeling a little more open to talking about it now that you’re drunker.

"It really depends," you say.

"Shit, you’ve probably made more women cum than any of us." Steve-O jokes.

"Certainly more than you, Steve." Knoxville says as he walks up next to him, one hand behind his back.

"I’m going to bed, children." He continues and goes to shake Steve-O’s hand, but as he does, he pulls his other hand out from behind his back and attaches a mouse trap to Steve-O’s fingers. Steve-O screams, and the rest of you let out some loud, drunken laughter.

"Fuck!" Steve-O exclaims as he slowly pulls the trap off his fingers. Knoxville, dying of laughter, pats him on the shoulder.

"Okay, okay, now I’m actually going to bed. Goodnight ladies." Johnny says as he heads off to his room.

"What an asshole." Steve-O says as he calms down.

"Man, what time is it anyway?" Pontius asks, and Bam checks his watch.

"11:52," he says.

"Damn, it’s not even late; we’re so boring tonight." Pontius responds.

"I’m gonna go to the convenience store down the street and get some snacks.." you say as you stand up and see that the hotel bar is starting to close down, "and beer."

"I’ll go with ya." Ryan says as he gets up too.

"Why don’t you just meet us up in Steve-O’s room once you’re back?" Bam says, and you nod and head out with Ryan.

As soon as you two head out, you hand him a cigarette and pull out your own. This was routine anytime you two were outside together.

You go to light yours, and then light Ryan’s. "Thanks." He says, and you look him in the eyes for what feels like the first time tonight.

Ever since that revealing conversation you had with Ryan around a year and a half ago, you were slowly becoming more endeared by everything he did. His little jokes, his laugh, the way he’d subtly take care of you—you really just liked being around him. You'd also started confiding in each other more often. You loved everyone in the CKY crew, but Dico was the only one you'd ever really been able to trust with any personal information. You knew everyone cared for you in their own way, they just had a hard time taking anything seriously; everything became a joke. That's why it meant all the more to you that your friendship with Ryan was becoming more emotionally intimate.

You’d been avoiding admitting to yourself that you’d developed any sort of feelings for him, mostly because he was still on and off with the same girlfriend. Over time, it had become obvious that the two had lots of problems, and Ryan would catch a lot of shit for it. You genuinely did think it was a relationship that Ryan needed to get out of, but you didn’t want to say anything knowing that you had a bit of an ulterior motive. He was pretty whipped for her anyway, so even if they did break up, you knew he’d be upset for a while. In the meantime, you are just going to have to keep pushing down any feelings you have towards him. It sucks, but you hope one day you'll be able to push hard enough for the feelings to go away for good.

"How’re you feeling?" You ask as you both start walking towards the convenience store. You try to keep your eyes on the sidewalk to make sure you don’t stumble or trip over anything.

"Drunk." He says point blankly.

"Right. Same." You say and feel a little awkward for asking that question. Luckily, Ryan chuckles a little bit, and it defuses the tension.

"How are things going with your girlfriend?" You ask suggestively. Normally, you wouldn’t dive into this subject so soon in conversation, usually afraid the real reason behind such a question would reveal itself. However, you have far less tact and control over the things you say when drinking. It’s only sometimes a problem.

"Oh, she broke up with me right before we flew here." He says, and you raise your eyebrows. Historically, the two breaking up just meant there would be a couple weeks of turmoil and anger on Ryan’s end before they’d inevitably get back together. Though, Ryan had been acting surprisingly chill this whole trip so far. At least in the times you’d seen him.

"Do you think it’s actually over this time?" You ask, and Ryan sighs.

"Yeah… I think so. I don’t know... I usually just chase her and wear her down until she agrees to get back with me, but I'm not sure I can do that anymore. It's exhausting." He says, slurring a little bit, but you can tell from the tone of his voice that he might really believe what he’s saying.

"Bam says I gotta get with someone else so I can finally get over her." He continues, and you hold your breath for a second.

"That might be a good idea." You say as casually as you can.

"Is that what you did when you broke up with Chad?" He asks you, and you side-eye him.

"Yeah… kinda. Well, I haven’t really dated anyone since then, but hooking up with people sorta helped. I think the main factor in getting over it is time." You say as you two approach the front of the store. You throw your cigarette on the ground and stomp it out. Ryan does the same.

"So hooking up with girls helped you?" Ryan jokes as he pulls open the door and holds it for you. You roll your eyes and walk inside.

"This is exactly the reason why I never told anyone; I knew you’d all have some bullshit to say." You complain and then trip over nothing as you turn into an aisle. Thankfully, you catch yourself, and Ryan laughs a little too loud for how quiet the store is.

"I’m sorry, I’m a guy. How is the thought of two hot chicks hooking up not supposed to excite me?" He joins you in front of the beer. You reach inside the fridge and pull out a 12-pack of the cheapest.

"Oh, so you think I’m hot then?" You ask mischievously. He stares at you and smiles.

"Duh… I mean, well, a lot of the dudes do." He says, and you furrow your brows.

"They do?" You ask and head towards the instant noodles.

"Yeah, like Steve-O, Pontius... I’m also pretty sure I even heard Jeff say something once." He says. You feel satisfied and giddy over Ryan admitting he found you hot, but you wish he hadn’t tried to deflect from it by bringing up the others.

"Steve-O and Pontius will fuck anything with a pulse." You state as you grab a couple of the spicy chicken noodles.

"I mean, you’re right, but still..." He says, and you decide to drop it for now as you head towards the cashier. You'll have plenty of time to overthink his statement later.

"Are you not getting anything?" You ask, and Ryan’s mouth falls open.

"Right." He goes off to another aisle, and you pay for the noodles and beer. You can hear the sound of things falling off their shelves, and you give the cashier an apologetic look.

Ryan comes back with a few bags of chips and candy.

"You like the ones with the potato guy on them, right?" He asks and holds up a bag of Calbee chips. You smile and nod. Once he pays for everything, you’re on your way.

You get back to the hotel and head up to Steve-O’s room like instructed.

When Steve-O opens the door, you and Ryan wade through empty beer cans and a few whippet chargers to get into the room and see Pontius and Bam hanging out on the bed.

"I hope you’re tipping your housekeepers well, Steve-O." Ryan says as you both put down your bags. Steve-O laughs as he goes through your bags and grabs a beer and a bag of chips.

"I can't believe you two aren’t loitering around the local bars preying on desperate women." You say to Steve-O and Pontius as you grab one of the cups of noodles and fill it with water. You meant the comment not as a judgment but as a genuine expression of surprise. Lately, Steve-O and Pontius were getting with different women almost every night, but you hadn’t seen that behavior as much in the last week.

"Our charms aren’t exactly appreciated by the ladies of Tokyo." Pontius says.

"They aren’t appreciated by any ladies anywhere." Bam jokes, and you laugh as you put your noodles in the microwave.

"Why don’t you two just give it up and touch each other?" You ask, and Steve-O and Pontius stare at each other for a second and smile like they know something you don’t.

"Nahhh. He’s not my type." Steve-O giggles.

You spend the next hour and a half drinking and fucking around a bit more, but you personally are at the point where more beer was just going to make you more tired. The most eventful thing that happens is when Steve-O manages to get into Knoxville’s room and pee in his suitcase as revenge for the mouse trap earlier. Other than that, you'd say it's been a relatively chill night, which you sometimes prefer to the usual partying because it allows you to get to know and bond with the cast and crew better.

After you say your goodbyes, Ryan walks with you back to your room, citing needing his hat back that you borrowed earlier that week as the reason. This reasoning is suspicious, but you disregard it as drunk Ryan logic.

He follows you inside your suite, hands in his pockets, as you grab the black baseball cap.

When you hand it to him, your fingers touch and you look into his eyes. It is at this moment, drunk and exhausted, that you know you can't push it down any more.

There had been nothing particularly special about that night so far; you’d spent the majority of it with other people, not even sitting next to each other. Maybe it was how rosy his cheeks were in the night air or the way your shoulders brushed past each other when you were walking outside earlier. Maybe it was how he held the door open for you at the store and remembered what kind of chips you like. Maybe it's the way the sleeves of his new jacket are too long on him or the way he's biting his lip right now. You don't know, but standing here together now, you give up.

You like Ryan, maybe a lot. This past year and a half, you’d been able to mostly suppress any feelings you had, leading to months where you didn’t even think about it, only for him to smile or say something that would bring those feelings back stronger. You’d been so forceful, doing your best to control the uncontrollable, but you understand now that you can't will it away. You need to deal with it.

The room is quiet—too quiet. You stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, but in reality, it is probably only a few seconds. You swear you see his eyes dart to your lips.

It would be so easy to kiss him now and push him onto the bed—make him understand the way he makes you feel. It would be so easy, but you care too much about him to do that. He’d just been broken up with, and even though it had been building for a while, you know that it has to be affecting him deeply. If he had made a move on you that day after you and Chad broke up, you might have reciprocated, but you also would have ended up resenting him for it. It’s not fair to dangle that promise of intimacy and comfort in front of somebody who just lost it. It would taking advantage of them.

So you wait for him to say or do something, anything. After a moment, he says "thank you", pulls his hand away, and yawns, looking at his watch.

"What time do we have to shoot tomorrow?" He asks you, and you snap out of your daze. He puts on his hat and gives you a small smile.

"11," you say as you look at the clock on the bedside table. It’s almost 2:30.

"Not bad… alright goodnight!" He says cheerfully and leaves.

Just like that, he’s gone. He left, like tonight was any other night. You well up with emotion, the feeling of dread reigning above all. Dread that finally accepting your sentiments about Ryan will only lead to your torture. That he may never be able to reciprocate, that you’ll spend too much time obsessing over something that will never be. You know you're being dramatic, but you can't stop the thoughts from racing through your head.

You sit down on your bed and rub your eyes, drained.

What the hell were you going to do now?

————————

Idk if I like this chapter lol. Sometimes this story just feels like a Wikipedia article. I realize I set myself up for it to be like that since I started so early in the timeline- I just hope y’all appreciate a slow burn. I promise I’m gonna be picking up the pace though.

ALSO lmk if you wanna get tagged when I post new chapters 🤔 next one is gonna be about Haggard

#bam margera #ryan dunn #brandon dicamillo #chris raab #cky #cky crew #jackass #jess margera #cky imagine #viva la bam #my fic #rake yohn

28 notes · View notes