#bc god fucking forbid i choose to do anything they dont' want to do

[moonshynecybin]

"he hasnt gotten laid properly in since 2015" <- this is soooooo crucial and also so heartbreaking. like not even the sex proper but the intimacy. and also i like to think (maybe delulu) that vale finding this out (by accident/slip of tongue) is what makes him start rethinking the whole situation... bc no matter how vehemently he hates marc he has eyes and can see just how hot he is (our whole scenario hinges on that). marc can get anyone and anything he wants, and yet... if you told vale in 2015 that marc went celibate over their break up he'd laugh his ass off, but a vale ten years older- like that's definitely an extreme reaction and THAT'S not his fault but. it wasn't that bad. no reason to not get a life

marc:

context here and here

i do think marc is genuinely like. a uhaul lesbian in many respects to the people he keeps close in his life lmao. like he chooses your ass and you are there forever!!! a lil possessive methinks! same team from like 17 until the bike was actively trying to kill him and even few years after that. still reaching out to vale years 2015-2018! he's sooo one and done and in this scenario him and valentino have been "casually" (NAWT casual to either of them but they do not talk about it) fucking on and off for a bit (TWO YEARS..) and it truly. does not occur to marc that it might end or that he might get dropped at the curb and have to reckon with a world without valentino in his life (or god forbid as his enemy). marc marquez situationship victim.

so yeah him and vale break up and its awful and terrible and after 2018 he does the marc thing. which is shut that part of him down like gangbusters. truly i dont need to be loved anymore i want to WIN. and unfortunately for marc once he's not winning he is . unrelentingly miserable and in pain and sad and struggling. and he gets surgery and the bike gets better when he goes to gresini and back to honda but it was bad. for a while. and he still isnt getting laid lol

so someone (ON GOD. no idea who. bc you could not waterboard that out of marc lol) lets it slip that marc doesnt really. get laid. ever. and vale (slut, sex-haver) is like lol that cannot be true (HD flashbacks of marc young eager sloppy big eyed in his bed playing against his eyelids). realizations dawning. so he waits until ummmm the end of year gala when they are all niiiiice and tipsy and corners marc and asks him without actually asking him. and marc doesnt confirm it but it is CLEAR. that lil homie gay ass has not in fact slept with anyone before or since.

and then. i think our man valentino gets a little crazy about it. picturing marc. remembering. thinking about how like. lonely and miserable he must have been during his injury and how valentino was the last and only person to get to touch him like that. its a lil problematic but it is crucially sexy. this is also when marc notices vale like. staring at him all the time and the wheels start turning about the weird convo at the gala. so he activates slut mode and vale gets even more insane about it and starts walking into doorways bc marc is doing shirtless stretches in tiny shorts and putting his leg up fully behind his head. so OBVIOUSLY vale's gotta fuck him. as like. a humanitarian effort

[beomglocks]

what taehyun is like as a boyfriend

warnings & other : no warnings, this was a draft, i haven’t posted in a while so here this is, ive been whipped for taehyun lately, i really have been wanting to do one of these for him, so here it is

w/c : 1k~

oh brother

taehyun is either ur devil or your angel

when you first meet him he has this face

. ___ .

idk how to describe it

hes got this one face where

he's neither smiling nor frowning

but it looks like he's staring into the void

ur like

"is this boy ok?"

probably ignores you at first

or just smiles warmly but says nothing

he doesn’t hate you or anything

he just isn’t sure what to say

you have to initiate conversation with him

alternatively: if he initiates the conversation it’s probably some random fact off the top of his head

if not the other members will try to force him to talk to you

and they wont do that bc they dont wanna get hurt

no really

he seems like the type to act out if his friends spill his crush

beomgyu: hey y/n did you know taehyun has a crush on y-

*taehyun jumps him*

i feel like if you go up to him he's screaming internally but with a straight face on

the first conversation with him is so fucking awkward

he's the type to like you and not tell you

like he wants you to just know

after the formalities, he'll still have his guard up but jokes around a bit

god forbid he gets comfortable

once yall start dating your body is free real estate

for body slams

PLAY FIGHTS

you literally are afraid to enter the dorms sometimes bc you never know when you'll be slammed into the couch

but he loves you

its his twisted way of flirting

plus he always asks if you're ok

can be very serious

you'll probably want to play around and he's like

sternly : "not now"

you pout

sometimes his maturity can be a flaw in the relationship

will probably lead to arguments

he always chooses to stay quiet during these

alternatively : tells you you're being ridiculous

after you distance yourself he reflects on himself

and comforts you :(

"sorry for being a dickhead"

but he's not always stony

he's still young and wild and free as they say

he can be immature with you and be a fun bf!

only acts cute for you

a literal sucker for you

if you ask him to do something cute he will do it

if no ones around tho

stop you take so many off guard pictures of him

he fights you to delete them

he's an android user so haha jokes on him it's still in your recently deleted!

absolutely no pda

ok some hand holding is acceptable but nothing further

atleast not in public ;)

ok but very clingy

has to be touching you in some way shape or form

even if it’s as simple as slinging his arms around your shoulder

the first stages of the relationship he’s hesitant to touch you

but soon enough it’s becomes a task of trying to pry him off of you

hopeless romantic

does the whole petals on the floor thing

candle lit dinners

the whole shabang

straight out a comic book

cares for you so deeply

but also uses you to his advantage

he knows his hyungs like you so he brings you around the dorms often

to get what he wants

a smart kid he is

his hair :(

play with it plz

wait wait wait

SUCH A MF TSUNDERE

like by now it’s common knowledge that he’s a tsundere

like ok ok he likes when you play with his hair

but plays hard to get

“i don’t really like when you play with my hair you always mess it up”

2 seconds later is giving you hints that he wants his hair played with

probably will even place your hand directly on his head without saying another word

don’t even try to give him kisses

he will evade them

but then turn around and smother your face with them with a devilish grin

he knows what he’s doing

he cuddles up to you when you play with his hair btw and dozes off after a busy day

his hugs are unmatched

so warm

so warm they feel like home :(((

if you're shorter than him his ego skyrockets

finally has someone to call "shortie"

i mean tbh he’s pretty tall compared to the average person

he just looks small around txt >:(

bringing you around the members is hell for him

they will tease him but it doesn’t come without consequences

them : "taehyun finally found someone who's shorter than him!"

he's behind you

glaring at them

black eerie smoke radiating from his body

and you're unaware like (*^▽^*)

you : "you guys are really funny!"

them : *regretting everything* hahah yeah...

no bc the members love when you’re around

because taehyun does not hurt them when you’re around

you’re their saving grace

jealousy is strong

he's not a vocal jealous

he's a silent jealous

if someone's clearly flirting with you he just stands back

smiling in their face

tbh they probably don’t know he’s your bf

probably waits for it to get to an unbearable level before speaking or doing anything

doesn’t say anything abt it until y’all are alone

“that made me uncomfortable:((“

ik i said his maturity can be a flaw but

normal conversations with him get deep and personal

you can tell him everything and he makes you feel so validated

tells you abt his problems and insecurities

and vise versa

i just feel like he’s the best person to talk to when it comes to things like that

not only does he give advice but he really listens

ugh idk y’all just know how to communicate so well

its nice

you won’t ever feel jealousy in the relationship

bc he doesn’t give anyone else the time of day

but he’s so goddamn handsome sometimes ur just like

“are you sure you actually like me lol”

says something like “if i didn’t i wouldn’t be with you rn get real”

gym buddy!

you hate it.

he’s glad someone other than yeonjun can accompany him to his workouts

which mainly consist of you thirsting over him watching him, spotting him, and handing him water every so often.

him: “aren’t you gonna work out?”

you scrolling on your phone at the corner of the gym: 🤨

overall man you guys got something good going on here

he loves you soooo much

like really he’s not ashamed to show you off

says some cheesy shit like “you’re the best i bet so many people are jealous of me having you”

you’re like flattered but it ain’t that serious

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[iliterallyhatethis]

It's just like

Of course he's anxious and worried that he's being annoying and too loud and whatever else. Yall act like you aren't even his friend half the time! You act like his very double major is something that's annoying! God forbid he /talk/ about it ever??? Like. What is all of this abt forgetting to be a good friend around him. Sometimes I can mention him and you can just like, laugh at whatever joke im making or take it in stride. You're allowed to let things go that don't affect you and also aren't even worthy of judgement in the first place. I don't understand why every conversation calls for you taking a second to judge him even last night when it seemed like you were trying to make it sound like you're sympathetic to him you just sounded like you were being an asshole? Who didn't approve of his life choices. Which honestly? Get over it dude.

And very honestly? I hate having these conversations too because I start to feel like you must judge so much about me behind my back. Like I can't help but wonder if you are. Bc it's like. If this is how you talk about him to me, whether you intend to sound as mean as you do or not, do you judge my life choices so unflinchingly as well? Are the things I do and the choices I make and the friendships I choose subject to the same uncompromising scrutiny? Bc I know that I am at least in connection with him. I know I can't fucking say anything about him without you being an ass about it

I'll be real that? REALLY pisses me off I just don't know how to say it without being a dick yet. That you put that fucking face on that says "oh yeah u just want to hang out with him bc you like him/feel guilty for saying that bc obviously it's just bc hes there and not me " and it's like! On the first account - you're wrong, I'm past that and have been past that, but he IS one of my best friends and I trust him with the world and he gets me better than u on a lot of stuff so I wish you'd let me express a friendship that manifests differently than mine with yours bc newsflash not ever friendship looks the same. As for the second account - I love you but you don't get to project your own insecurity into this conversation just to give me responsibility for it. I'm not responsible for it. I wanted to sit with you BOTH if you were both going to sit bc I don't want to miss out on some time w my friends but honestly you acting the way you did pissed me off so much I just wanted to go the fuck home after that.

Also you knew he was anxious all day Big Bad and you know I wanted to try to get him to talk to me about it so I could help so it's a real dick move imo to frame me wanting to spend time with him outside of class as something for my secret personal gain rather than me trying to reach out to a friend I care about deeply.

I just hate feeling like I'm being judged. I hate feeling like my friends are sitting back with big disapproval about what I do in life as if that's their place or they have any right. And I hate being made responsible for others feelings. Don't hand me that it isn't mine to hold. I'm having to unlearn taking others feelings on as responsibility of my own Accord, you dont get to give me your stuff too. I'm not going to hold it.