#bc i only realized it when i thought about the future of our activism friendship situation which would be haram

[ishqher]

i am freaking sadddddddddd. i didn't know i would grieve the parts that made me like him in the first place

[makeusfreefromthisfandom]

just sending some appreciation and good vibes to my people for the new year <3

kisses from me bc you all hold a very special place in my heart 💝

Also veryyy long post ahead I’m sorry I had to include everyone Aakklaksks 😭😭

@ominous-meme 🖤 sabah! You were my very first mutual on here I hope you know that! I can’t even begin on how excited I got when I found out you were a fellow desi girl and I will always appreciate you being there and advising me! <3 I love our street racing au! talks ! I’m glad I have someone to share ideas with <33

@weebsausage 🖤 dude omg!!! 😭😭😭 pls I literally forgot how we became moots I’m so sorry I have a tiny brain 😪 but I think we literally just messaged each other and started talking about free! ANYWAYS TYSM FOR PUTTING ME ON HXH I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOR THAT WTF ITS LIKE MY FAV ANIME EVER I HAVE BECOME HXH TRASH AJSJSJBS ❤️❤️ but other than that thank you for being a really great friend to me and I hope this year is nothing but good things for you <33

@dokifluffs 🖤 you were also one of my first moots on here! I honestly could not believe when you followed me back bc ur like my biggest inspo! 😭 you’re so precious omg I always look forward talking to you and get excited when I see a notif from you still! I hope the new year treats you well and brings good things in your life! Lots of love from me bae 🥰❤️

@syrenblubs 🖤 ah my most relatable person LOL. Omg syren ur my little bestie on here and I’m so glad we’re mutuals! I love our natsuya talks and OML THE C****** RAID! ALSJJSJSJSJJS AND DESI PARENTS AKSJJSNS. Just thank you for always interacting with me even tho I SUCK at responding 😭❤️❤️❤️ ilyyysmmmmmm

@linak 🖤 baby omg where do I even begin. Back when I had literally no one to talk to on here, you would be the one NEVER failing to send me a gm/gn message! You always bring a stupid smile to my face 😭 I’m so freaking glad that we are friends I literally cannot put into words!! Ty for always listening to me and letting me open up to you ❤️ love you always.

@croctears 🖤 vixxx ahhh!!! I’m so glad we became mutuals on this shitty app! You’re one of the highlights of my day and I love talking to you sm 😫 especially if it’s about Sou 😏😏 keep being amazing bae! Kisses mwuah mwuah 😽😽

@xakusa 🖤 Marty bby! 🥰 literally the only person I’m going to share my man natsu with 🙄 our conversations are always so RANDOM and out of nowhereeeee lollll but we also just go along with it and I love that! You are an angel and this year better be giving you what you deserve! Lots of love from my end 😽😽😽 kissies from me and natsuya <3

@cafelixie 🖤 I will keep saying this and I will never stop. YOU!!! ARE!!! THE!!! ACTUAL!!! DEFINITION!!! OF!!! PRECIOUS!!!! Need I say more? You’ve made my day countless times and I always look forward to seeing you in my messages/inbox!! Baby I freaking love you I really don’t know what else to say 😭❤️

@skippyskeppy 🖤 I will never forget the first time we interacted my Kisumi enthusiast 😙🤝 I love it sm whenever I see you pop into my inbox with a random hc about semi semi or Kisumi, Albert now too! You are an amazing person. A really amazing person. I hope you know that ❤️

@keeijiakaashi 🖤 I remember seeing your little comments under my posts before we became moots and OMGGGG YOU ARE SO CUTE AISJJSJSJS ALSO RIN ENTHUSIAST??? YES PLEASE!!! Tysm for always interacting with me and making yourself known as the ultimate sweetest person on my blog! Ilyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️

@animatedarchives 🖤 we have your fellow love of the kirishimas to thank for us becoming moots! You’re so cute soph omg 😫 I love how we literally have brainrots of the same characters LIKE MR GOJO LEECH SATORU!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD OR PAY RENT!!! Ahh you’re irreplaceable soph! Never fail to make me smile like an idiot <33

@natsuya-enthusiast 🖤 how did we not become moots sooner wtf??? Do yk how alone I felt when I had no one to discuss my obsession of natsu with when I first made this blog 😪 AND THEN I REALIZED U WERE ONE OF MY FIRST FOLLOWERS???? ANYWAYS U ARE THE BIG SIS I NEVER HAD ALWAYS PULLING THROUGH W THAT LIFE ADVICE BAHAHAHA ilysm gaby wtf 😭😡😡😡❤️❤️❤️

@moonlitspring 🖤 do you even realize how happy I got when I realized there was another ACTIVE free! blog 😡😡 ajsjjsjs you are such an amazing writer and PERSON sky!!! You’ve been nothing but the sweetest and I hope we get to interact more this year and share our love of free! together <3

@ayumiko 🖤 laís you are such an angel! I absolutely adore both you and your edits/gifs smmm 🥰 you are so kind and I hope 2021 is also <333

@dalggina 🖤 omg??? YGO bae??? 😤😤 I thought literally everyone had forgotten ab it LOL THEN YOU CAME ALONG ❤️❤️ I’m really glad we interacted precious person! And I hope that you have a great year! ALSO YOU BETTER NOT STRESS YOURSELF OUT TOO MUCH FROM WORK OR IM MANIFESTING MR ATEM TO COME GET YOU 😡

@stormikujo 🖤 omg bby! We haven’t talked in awhile! I hope you are doing well! ❤️❤️❤️ ahhh I’m glad I got you into free otherwise we wouldn’t even have interacted 😫 I love talking to you stormi!! And I hope this year brings great things fro you! Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

@aj-writes-here 🖤 omg hey girl 😼😼 you’re definitely one of the coolest people I’ve talked to on here for sure! Hope you’ve been enjoying hq and free! Your welcome for putting you on that simp train 😼 anyways, ilysm aj!! I really wish the best for you this year! Stay amazing as you always are, ily!! ❤️❤️

@attackonfics 🖤 wtf 😭😭 I don’t deserve you???? You’ve been nothing but the sweetest to me and also responsible for my unhealthy obsession with mr 5’2 angry gremlin >:(( jkjk but seriously, ty for the food 😌. ANYWAYS QUEEN I HOPE YOUVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND TREATING YOURSELF AS!!! YOU!!! SHOULD!!! VIRTUAL HUGS 😽😽 💝

@browsing-my-favourite-fandoms 🖤 Shizen! You are too good for this world! 😭 you are such a genuine person, you deserve nothing but happiness ❤️ I really hope that this year does that for you. I’ll keep checking in from time to time! Ilysm! ❤️

@inum4ki 🖤 sera...please...just invest in a personal guide or smth. Asksksknsjs n e wayzzz seeing you in my inbox is always so much fun! Sousuke really deserves more love and you are bringing it to the table hun 😤😤 also you’re a fellow inumaki enthusiast too??? Yes please. You deserve all the happy things in 2021 <3

@sneezefiction 🖤 Gracie!! I love how easy it is to get along with you! You are truly one of the best people I’ve met on this app and I’ll forever be grateful for our friendship <3 you give off such great vibes all the time omg giving you a huge virtual hug and here’s to more interactions this year! 🥰😽😽😽

@velvetfireworks 🖤 bbyyy!! 🥰 everytime we interact even if it’s not a whole lot, you’re always the sweetest what 😭 I love you and you’re writing so much omggg you are so talented!! I get super excited when I see myself get tagged in one of your stuff 😆 I hope we get to interact more in the future! Have a great New Years ❤️❤️❤️

@a8mine 🖤 stop being so mean to me 😡😡 !!!!!! ig ily anyways tho 🙄 you’re energy is honestly unmatched (in a good way!!) and it’s rare to meet people like that! You’re so funny omg and your random hcs and cursed discourses always have me dying 😭😭 you’re so cool hanna ily 😪✌️ <333

@giorvanna 🖤 ahh rena! Your blog and edits are *chefs kiss* I love our random semi brainrot sessions 🥰🥰 I hope we interact more in the future but in the meantime I’m sending you good vibes and lots of virtual hugs bc you deserve them queen ❤️❤️❤️

@seijohlogy 🖤 hey hey jaestar 🤩🤩 you are such a cool person??? Omg I’m so glad that we’re friends and randomly invade each other’s inboxes 😆 you are so kind! This year better be kind to you too or else 😡😡 I hope that after Ms rona decides to move her ass over, you get to go to Disneyland and take!! Me!!! With!! You!! Love you jae bae ❤️❤️

@prettysetterbaby 🖤 hey sexc 🤩🤩 no idea why you followed me but glad you did bc you are such a sweet and chaotic person!! I loveeeeee <333 I hope we get to interact more bc you are just genuinely such a fun person to interact with! Ilyyy

@datecho 🖤 yet another just genuinely sweet person! The world doesn’t deserve you! You’re so fun to interact with and a hottie??? omg shoto and kags better get off their asses rn and come get you or I will 🤩🤩 ly bae! have a great New Years! ❤️❤️

@miyasangel 🖤 we haven’t interacted much yet but ahaha talking about suna and sending my fanart to you is sm fun! Did I tell you that I also have a wip of Atsumu as a street racer? 😏 have a great year Arden bae! Kisses 😽

@aikk00 🖤 hi hi! We don’t interact on a daily or anything but when we do, omg!!! You are the most easy person to get along with 😭 you have such a good heart along with the talent???omg??? You are UNMATCHED babe! I hope this year brings you many more opportunities! Stay amazing love ❤️ ily and your art very much ❤️ I’m also still very embarrassed from fucking up the credits from last time. I’m so sorry bae 😭❤️❤️

@kurooskult 🖤 ma’am you might as well be the definition of bad bitch 😪🤝 ok but besides that, interacting with you is sm fun??? Like we don’t even have to be moots on your blog to feel just as included and loved! You are such a queen for that! Here’s to more mila x kuroo content in 2021 and he better be doing special for you as he should !!

It’s still the 31st here but THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING MY COUPLE OF MONTHS ON HERE BEARABLE!!! This sounds like a goodbye post Oml-

I love you all very much. I suck at words, but I hope you know that. ❤️

[too-attached-to-fiction]

Voices In My Head | rk800 Connor

Masterlist here

Word count: 1008

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Requested by @hufflepuff-girl-1996​

Request: Hello there 😁 May I ask for a rk800 connor x plus size reader? Connor lives with reader and they are friends. He feels something. When they go to sleep Connor has in his standby modus something like a nightmare. A really bad nightmare about reader. He 'wakes up' crying and checks after reader. He realized what he feels for reader is way more than friendship. Reader wakes up and comforts him by pulling him to her in the bed and cuddles him. Her warmth and softness calms him. He confess and kiss 

A/N: I’m not great at writing plus size readers bc i’m afraid I’ll fuck it up so if you want to you can picture the reader as plus size but it won’t be actively mentioned in the story, sorry! Also i haven’t written anything for DBH in a fat minute so this was a pleasant surprise!

~~~

Even though deviants had proven they had emotions, you often found that hard to believe. For the most part, they were stoic or indifferent around you, so you never thought much of it. 

That is, until Connor moved in. 

Hank was an old family friend, asking for a favor. He needed to get Connor out of his hair for a little while and proposed that Connor sleep on your couch. 

“He er, doesn’t really sleep much, but I figure you have more stuff that interests him in your apartment than what I have. Plus, he’s designed to be closer in age to you than to my old ass.” Hank had reasoned, and you agreed. You were lonely, and having someone else in the apartment would probably help you as much as it would help Connor.

Connor had been living in your apartment for a long while before his first nightmare. Your neighbor, Amelia, who worked as a psychologist, had warned you that Connor might struggle with understanding emotions, considering how recently he’d deviated. For the most part, he was easy. He asked you questions, and you always tried to answer to the best of your abilities. 

“They’re technically humans, just not biologically.” Amelia had said after you told her about your new roommate. “Given what a lot of deviants go through, they often struggle with post traumatic stress disorder. I can’t imagine Connor is immune to it either, considering he works for the DPD.” She sighed. “Be prepared to be patient with him. He may look our age, but his mind is still trying to comprehend things. He doesn’t have our experience.” 

You and Connor fell into an easy routine. He told you when he was coming home late, when he needed to run off to investigate something, and where he was going to be if he was going out with Hank. For the most part, your life continued as normal. 

You were a light sleeper, and although the walls of your apartment weren’t exactly thin, you snapped awake when you heard Connor cry out. 

He’d insisted that he didn’t need a bed, but you and Hank had eventually gotten him to cave. Connor slept in the spare bedroom, and you’d even decorated it together. 

When Connor first moved in, Hank had mentioned how terrifying Cyberlife could be. He told you about Amanda, and how much of a toll deviancy had taken on him. You held onto that information tightly, knowing that it could be useful in the future. 

You practically leapt out of bed, flicking on a light and putting on a sweater. Quietly and carefully, you padded over to Connor’s room on the other end of the hall. 

“Connor?” You called out softly, knocking on his door. “Is everything okay?” You heard another cry and pushed your way in. 

Inside, Connor was thrashing on the bed, talking in his sleep. His LED was red, and his blanket was across the room. You couldn’t understand what he was saying, but you turned on the light on the bedside table, sitting on the bed. 

“Connor? Hey, it’s me. You’re having a bad dream, wake up.” You wanted to reach out to shake him awake, but you knew that could be lethal, considering his programming. 

He stiffened, sweat rolling down his face, until his eyes opened and he scanned the room wildly. 

“Woah, woah, woah. You’re okay. No one’s going to hurt you.” You said calmly, waiting for his eyes to properly identify you. 

“(Y/N).” He gasped out, pulling you into a tight hug. “You’re safe.” He whispered into your shoulder. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“I saw you with her. She- she had you and was trying to k-ki-” He stuttered out, before he started breathing heavily. 

“Hey, bud, you gotta breathe. You’re gonna overheat.” You said, pulling out of the hug and holding his hands. “Can you do that for me? Follow my voice.” 

You guided him through the exercise, and when his breathing was normal, you wiped the sticky hair from his forehead. 

“You had a nightmare, Connor.” You explained. “Something bad happened but it was only your head, nothing happened in the real world.” 

“W-why? Why did I see it?” 

Carefully and calmly, you tried to explain what Amelia had warned you about. “When I woke you up, you went into a panic attack. You would’ve overworked your thirium pump if I hadn’t been around.” 

“Oh.” 

“Do you want to talk to me about it?” 

“Amanda… she-” Synthetic tears rose in his eyes, and you backtracked immediately. 

“It’s okay if you don’t, Connor. You can say no.” 

“I don’t want to talk, then.” 

“Okay. What can I do to help?” 

“I-is it okay if I spend the night in your sleeping quarters?”

You rubbed your hand up and down his bicep, trying to soothe him. “Sure.” 

Five minutes later, the two of you slipped into your bed. 

“I’m sorry for waking you up.” Connor said quietly, and you smiled, reaching out to cup his cheek, using your thumb to stroke it lightly. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“I just couldn’t keep watching her hurt you. When she did, it hurt me too.” He said, and you nodded, kissing him gently for a second before pulling away. 

“Why don’t we talk about it in the morning? We both need sleep.” You yawned, looking sleepily at him. 

“But what if you don’t feel the same then?” Connor asked as you moved your hand away from his cheek.

“I don’t think I’ll feel different.” You smiled. “I’m right here, okay? I’m not going to get hurt right now.” You moved closer, kissing him again. This time it was a little longer, with Connor getting used to the sensation and faster heartbeat. “We’re safe.” 

“Closer.” He mumbled, tugging your shirt toward him. Carefully, you hooked a leg around his legs, your head going to lean against his chest, and your arms around his middle. 

“Better?” 

“Mhm.” He hummed. 

He slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

[sombrz]

The Evolution of Katsuki Bakugou and The Importance of Saving

after the last chapter, i couldn’t help myself and wrote down a huge...meta? description of a collection of moments? relating to bakugou’s ongoing arc with his increasing dedication to prioritizing rescuing others in his pursuit to be a top hero. feel free to add on if i somehow forgot something!

behind the cut bc it’s really image heavy!

CHAPTER 5

we’re introduced to the concept of combat vs rescue, win vs save - and of course it’s by comparing our main boys. they started on opposite ends of the spectrum, after all. deku’s all hero, no super. bakugou’s all super, no hero. so yeah, bakugou managed to get first place in the entrance exam without a single rescue point. which is a feat considering even iida managed to get 9 points and it was clear he wasn’t thinking about helping others until he saw deku’s bravery when uraraka was in danger. at this point, bakugou’s only interested in showing off. being flashy and tough, proving he’s the best!

CHAPTER 18

bakugou’s first rescue and he could give less of a shit! he saves deku from running into kurogiri’s portal here, not with the motivation of saving his life but to get him out of the way - he jumped into the fray in order to take down kurogiri. saving deku isn’t even a plus, really, it’s just a side effect.

deku’s still grateful though.

EXTRA 1: THE FIRST OVA (actually written by horikoshi!)

bakugou initially complains about having to be on rescue duty, but he still gets praised by thirteen for his efforts: many heroes struggle with the parts of heroism that they can’t easily solve with their quirks, and simply by manually pulling the stretcher up, he’s showing he’s capable of overcoming that. a beautiful hero, indeed. then, later, while he himself doesn’t rescue todoroki, he works in tandem with deku and class 1A to ensure that save AND their victory. and while iida, uraraka and asui give deku the credit of coming up with their plan, and he modestly returns the praise to everyone, he makes sure to give indivudual kudos to bakugou - because like this OVA, aizawa’s ‘twin pillar’ speech, all might’s ‘raise each other up’ speech, and the upcoming movie all prove: deku and bakugou work best when leading their peers together using the ‘save AND win’ mentality.

CHAPTER 65 + Ultra Archive Databook Omake

saves deku again, this time from all might. this is interesting because he’s doing this for both their benefits despite still not really having the ‘rescue’ mindset. he’s counting on deku to make it to the gate, but he was the one (by launching deku towards the gate to begin with) who assigned them these roles. deku as the runner, while bakugou distracts all might and therefore, shields deku from the brunt of the attack. he’s putting himself in physical harm for deku. but he’s not thinking it that way: to him, this is still just for personal gain (passing their exam) and due to (thanks to deku) a renewed sense of willpower and drive. he sees these actions as his own willingness to destroy himself for a victory.

 and he’s definitely pissed later during the databook omake that deku went back for him, seeing no positives in deku’s innate inability to ignore others when they’re in trouble (especially when that someone is bakugou himself - since we learn during this exam that bakugou equates all might being able to stand against any kind of tribulation by HIMSELF and coming up on top as what makes him the strongest hero). 

EXTRA 2: THE FIRST MOVIE (not written by horikoshi but i still wanna bring it up)

uraraka can’t fight back or escape the drones because she’d have to release her quirk to do so - which would put deku and melissa in danger. but when things look grim, who comes to the rescue? bakugou does! like his first rescue, he’s not doing this with the thought process of ‘oh i have to save my friend’ but rather, ‘hey i just got here and there’s things to fight and one of them is about to attack uraraka so might as well start with that’ but in this case, it’s....the action that counts! and the action was still heroic! he did it in a very dramatic way too!

CHAPTERS 79, 80, 85, 90

i decided to group all these together. it’s all in the same conjoined arcs and it’s a little more nebulous on whether it counts for this particular meta because, well, bakugou doesn’t really do any rescuing. i didn’t bother with the sludge monster scene because it’s pretty clear-cut but i think that this really set the baseline for all future bakugou development and he filled the role of the damsel in need of rescuing - so it definitely affected his perception of it.

things i wanted to point out: during the forest, he and todoroki are together since they ended up partners during the forest activity. at some point after (or maybe as it happened) the mustard gas filled the forest, they came across tsuburaba and todoroki decided to carry him through the rest of the way. todoroki also has to continually point out to bakugou that he should avoid using his quirk as to avoid further endangering their peers still in the forest (since, y’know, fire and explosions + wooded area = bad). for this entire time, bakugou is the hothead who just wants to fight and needs to be reminded that, hey, others could get hurt if you’re not careful. he barely pays tsuburaba any mind either, and we can probably assume he refuted it if todoroki even slightly implied they take turns carrying him or something.

he still helps out tokoyami even though he didn’t really need to, since todoroki’s fire would have probably sufficed on its own. so that’s nice! but then the convo switches gears to the fact that the legue of villains are here to kidnap bakugou and his friends all agree to be his [fandom voice] defense squad. EXCEPT, WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK? HE DOESN’T NEED ANY PROTECTION, THANK YOU VERY LITTLE, HE’S FINE BY HI - oh, yikes, and he got taken by mr. compress. i do like how he did listen to todoroki telling him to follow them, and must have stopped grousing about it long enough for the guys in front to not realize when he and tokoyami got taken. 

uraraka’s the first to bring up that bakugou would probably feel bad about being rescued - because of his pride. that’s what leads deku to add the caveat of, if we offer our help to kacchan, kirishima should be the one reaching out - at this point, bakugou would hate help from anyone, even though he KNEW that he was a hindrance to all might during the fight, and deku knows from personal experience after the whole sludge monster debacle, but it’s less of a blow to his ego if it’s someone he doesn’t see as a threat, and he’ll be less hostile if it’s someone he recognizes completely as a friend. the fact that he’s starting to see anyone as a friend is a lot! and though he denies it later, that grin says it all - he’s glad to be saved. he’s thankful.

CHAPTER 110 (& 113)

this is also an interesting one. i wish more people did a bit of retroactive meta for bakugou during this arc, because everything he does really shows his mental state in the aftermath of his kidnapping. anyway, while the first part of the exam was to show off your battle prowess against foes (which, another interesting note, bakugou would have FAILED without kaminari), the second test is where you show off your saving skills. and this is NOT what bakugou does. his tagalong BFFs chastise him for his behaviour, but the ‘victims’ seem to realize bakugou is observant enough to know they’re low priority civillians. this doesn’t stop them from taking points off for his bad attitude though - because the thing about bakugou is he’s actually emotionally intelligent enough to understand other people (when not clouded by personal feelings), but he repressed his empathy at a young age and therefore struggles with acting appropriately without coming off as terrible. and he ends up failing because he presumably doesn’t try to alter his method and lets kaminari and kirishima do all the heavy lifting while being unusually complacent throughout - not even bothering to check out the big gang orca fight, despite apparently being aware it was happening.

but also, side note about the first test - where kaminari notes that bakugou held back on using his more powerful attacks because he didn’t want to hurt kirishima (who was on the ground) or kaminari. i didn’t include it as its own thing here since it more shows bakugou’s development in terms of teamwork, and not really rescuing - though i DO think getting kirishima back was on bakugou’s mind - but it’s still bakugou being pre-emptive and mindful of not hurting others and caring about his friends. sowing the seeds for his future motivations.

CHAPTER 120

after he failed his exam, finally vented his guilt and frustration, and beat deku in their fight - all might shows up with some words of wisdom! bakugou admits that all that ^ wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but a cool thing about bakugou is that he always absorbs criticism and advice and takes it to heart (ex: bakugou’s start line!) he’s not averse to changing himself to improve, and if his IDOL says that being a bit more like deku is the way to be the best hero: that he can finally put aside all that anger and all those misunderstandings, and instead rise up by helping deku and keeping pace with him? surpassing him? that saving people is just as important as the final victory? then there has to be some truth to that, right?

bakugou has nothing to do now but let all those revelations simmer, attend his remedial classes, and wait to be relevant again.

and so we’re now in a different ball game!

CHAPTER 207

let’s fast-forward a few months. bakugou’s been out of the spotlight for a bit, if you don’t count him getting his babysitting credentials, joining a band and just generally being more invested in ~friendship~. but we haven’t seen him fight anyone for a while! he automatically puts himself in the leadership position of team 4, annoys his friends by being bossy and impatient, same old bakugou, and then - wait, he throws himself between kamakiri and jirou to save her?

we finally see the fruits of his labour after deku vs kacchan 2. the old bakugou wasn’t a team player, didn’t care if anyone else got hurt as long as they didn’t get in between him and his opponent - him and victory. the new bakugou is still prickly, still has the same personality, still wants nothing more than to surpass the number one hero - but he’s had a change of heart. the new bakugou has discovered a new strength, and that’s the desire to rescue others.

CHAPTER 208

i don’t even have to say anything. class 1A does it for me. while monoma, tokage and class 1B are shocked beyond belief that bakugou is capable of changing...his friends are just proud and happy. at this point - seeing him day in and out - they (especially the ones he’s built up closer friendships with, like kirishima and kaminari) all know exactly how he thinks and feels. 

we also get to hear that, before the fight even started, he straight-up put it out there: ‘if you guys are in trouble, i’ll save you. if I’M in trouble, YOU gotta save me.’ and that’s the next step, right? bakugou never put stock in protecting others, sure, but he was adamantly threatened by the idea of being the one that needed protection. because that would mean he was weak, right? he can handle anything by himself! except....his friends saved him in kamino ward, and maybe - his databook bio implies this too - time to reflect on it has let him see that...was okay. we saw in the license exam with kaminari, and during the culture festival with jirou and the band (both things that are brought up here) that he’s begun to - not just acknowledge his peers as worthy of respect, as he did with todoroki and yaoyorozu after the battle trial and with kirishima and uraraka after the sports festival - but TRUST them too. specifically here, he trusts that if he fucks up or if class 1B decides to target him, he can count on his teammates - on jirou, sero and satou - to rescue him and take over when he can’t do it himself. and they do, so well done!

CHAPTER 219

the sketch is from the volume extras: to let us know that bakugou attacked from up above in the air (and the lamp post) in order to make sure no bystanders got hurt from his explosions or todoroki’s ice. :)

anyway, this is his official premiere into the hero world! his first licensed fight, and it serves as a surprising template for how bakugou operates these days. for one, he has no qualms with teaming up with todoroki - whom he claims to dislike (haha, suuuuure, kacchan). two, he lets todoroki call dibs on the main baddie while bakugou takes care of all the lackies (in one fell swoop bc he’s THAT GOOD) - even though one could easily argue that there’s less glory in that. three, he’s aware of his surroundings and notices a civillian in danger at the same time as all might, moving quick to save her, whereas todoroki only manages to react in the aftermath - because, as we’ve seen, rescue is now firmly imprinted in his mind’s eye. if he sees someone in trouble, that’s going to be the most important thing to him. four, we find out after the fight that he prioritized saving everyone’s wallets and purses before blowing up all the lackies. and i love that bakugou’s more talented at snatching wallets than actual goddamn thieves. master cook, natural musician, battle genius, honour student.....pickpocket extraordinaire?

bakugou’s still rude to the civillian, still brusque with the pro heroes (even trying to act cool when faced with proud dad might head pats), but this fight showed us where his priorities lie - and it’s not what they were when he started school and couldn’t even garner a single rescue point.

EXTRA THREE: THE SECOND MOVIE (also not written by horikoshi but it seems he had more of a hand in it)

the movie’s not even out yet but it’s clear that the boys are going to be leaning HARD into their new shared mantra. defeating nine and his lackeys, in order to save everyone on the island, and personally motivated by protecting mahoro and katsuma in particular.

so even though we don’t know the nitty-gritty of what happens yet, i felt the need to include it. bakugou’s gonna be doing a lot of saving in this movie. i can tell.

CHAPTER 248

he doesn’t do any rescuing here. on the contrary, he and the multi-quirk boys almost let a couple people get run over by a truck head-on because they’re still too slow to keep up with endeavour. but endeavour’s words here are pointed directly at bakugou: he can’t treat hero work like school, he can’t make excuses for his shortcomings - because he has to work his ass off in order to save lives.

once again, the narrative ties bakugou’s growth with the lesson that the goal of heroism is to save other people. 

CHAPTER 251

earlier that week, endeavour set the three main tenants of heroism: combat/suppression, evacuation and rescue. the intent was to show that a top hero has to do all THREE, instead of just one, but a lot of fans obviously instantly tacked one of those on each of our trio. i wasn’t surprised that most put ‘combat’ as the bakugou one. because, yeah, bakugou....battle instincts, feral boy, here to fight and win....

BUT THAT’S BECAUSE Y’ALL WEREN’T PAYING ATTENTION SINCE SOME OF YOU ARE ACTING LIKE THIS IS SURPRISING. so, let’s break it down - bakugou’s the first out of the car and first to activate his quirk. he’s so in the zone that he doesn’t even turn his head when catching his suitcase. and what does he do? he, ONCE AGAIN, just like in the ch219 fight, allows todoroki to be the one that handles the villain. instead, he uses his new supernova flashstep move to focus on RESCUING THE HOSTAGE. he catches ending by surprise, securing natsuo away from him, and blasts away to safety while also using his explosions to rip the other cars out of ending’s grasp, fully entrusting in deku’s ability to catch the cars safely and evacuate all the bystanders with zero injuries, and DEFINITELY zero corpses.

early bakugou would have immediately stormed for ending (then again, early bakugou wouldn’t have chosen to do this internship in the first place) but he’s not that guy anymore. we’re dealing with bakugou 2.0 now, and we have for a while now.

WOW, THAT WAS A LOT OF WORDS BUT I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL WE CAN KEEP ADDING MOMENTS TO THIS COLLECTION OF BAKUGOU’S LOVE FOR SAVING PEOPLE.

[rqs902]

qcyn ep 10 aka an episode that really made me happy!! but also really made me miss season 1..........

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG WU CHENGZE AND CHEN SIJIAN AND XU FANGZHOU OMGOMGOMG IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM!!!!!! OMGOMGOMG THAT BOTTOM ROW AHHHH I WAS SO SURE THAT CHENGZE WASNT GONNA MAKE IT BUT OMGOMOGMOG YESSS AND THANK GOODNESS SIJIAN OMGGGG YESSSHSHSHS AHHHHHH 

phew thank goodness lin mo made it tho, now i feel like there’s not much left for me to do cept wait for this show to end bc im pretty sure thats as far as he’ll get, and im so so relieved he made it to the top 20 thats all i was asking for, i just wanted him to be able to participate in every stage. so now im just excited for when he gets out what mr tyger will do!

man iqiyi really skipping even 14-19 man..... 

wowowowow long lost xixi spirit of the knght footage that we never got to see T__T

LOOOOL LONGHAN THE POOR CHILD HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HIS INTERACTIONS WITH YIXING ARE GOLD

awwwww huaiwei’s feeble “are yall not gonna clap” was so sad... but also i was kinda expecting his fall with the 2 vote restriction bc huaiwei is hilariously fun and everyone likes him, but hes not as much bias material.... lol shi zhan awkwardly stuck between two crying people lol

HAHAHAHHA CHEN SIJIAN ‘why cant we just talk to each other’s face to face’ HAHHAHAHA I LOVE HIM 一點都不說唱 HAHAHHAAH

lol zhenning exposing shi mingze is the content im here for! mingming is the cutest bub omg 

LOL WTF IS THIS THIS EDITING IS SO EXTRA HAAHAH

wow a rare zhan yu teardrop mole sighting!!

lol how much u wanna bet it was rigged that the first one was for wenhan from yangyang

aw huaiwei and yueyue....... ok but is he really telling them that they shouldnt go to the hospital if they get third degree burns?? bc as a future healthcare professional im gonna to strongly disagree on that one........ please take care of yourselves and your health first.........

HAHAHHAA I LOVE XIXI AND JUNJIE’S FRIENDSHIP HAHAHAH the fact that sijian was like “lol its junjie” as soon as xixi got called out ....oh my goodness this is the sweetest thing oh my goodness 

aw zhenning being so caring towards wang zhe.... but luckily wang zhe did really well in maze :) 

i hope we get to see more of these letters in the extra clips.... im waiting for jia yi’s letter to lin mo ;_; i see that mr tyger group hug ahhh also was that lin mo that wenxuan was hugging at the end bc their friendship is really aw too

OH MY GOODNESS IS THAT SUN ZELIN IN A CF/?!?!?!! OMGGGGG MY CHILDDD HAHAHHAHAH OMGGGGG YESSSSS CHEN SIJIAN TOO!!!! WOWWOWOOW AMAZING!!

aw junjie looking for happy for his friends even tho he likely wont make it this round.....

aw shi mingze and zhenning aww look at zhenning rising to the top, he really became people’s one pick after retreat huh hahaha 

man this might sound kinda mean (im really not trying to be) but what are the chances jia yi will keep falling and fall out of top 9 so mr tyger can continue as 5.... LOL im sorry i love the child but tbh i dont think being in top 9 will be worth his time as much as being reunited with his favorite geges......

aw poor mingming so nervous.... reminds me of quanzhe from last season that one time iqiyi kept panning to him during elims....

i wonder why there’s a bunch of them missing from the special class / the charity activity this time..... are they all in the hospital again???? like lin mo, jia yi, wenhan.... would zhan yu be with them to watch over lin mo and jia yi? 

lol why does bo yuan know the maze choreo, did he learn it in like 30 seconds?? gu landi with his saxophone!!!!!!!!!!!

ok can we pls talk about how ymm is in such disbelief that he went up so much?? i really hope this helps him gain more confidence....... AND OMG HIS SMILEEE 

omg chen youwei bringing up yi xiao.... aw this just makes me think of when youwei kept chanting jin fan’s name during the first elims.... and now wang yi and li yuzhi are left watching from below..... omgosh wu chengze is crying so hard.... do you think its bc his bff sun zelin ranked beside him last time but this time..... he’s not gonna be able to continue with him? (omg im just thinking about how sun zelin talked about chengze high-fiving him and going out of his way to wish him good night every night before bed... their friendship is...... so important......) honestly im gonna miss sun zelin and his silly humor and his adorable personality... he recognized he wasnt as skilled but he still tried really hard and dreamed big and im proud of how far he made it! 

wait i have a question, if ymm has this many solo stans then who else were they voting for with their second vote if not wen yechen??? MINGMING’S SMILE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS OH MY GOODNESS omg cutting to a crying shi mingze their friendship is so important MINGMING YOU DESERVE THIS 

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA YAO MINGMING KEEPING IT REAL HAHAHHAHAHAA SO REAL IM CRYING HAHAHAHAHAHA BO YUAN’S FACE HAHAHA AND THEN YIXING HAHAHHA

wow waiting for them to announce who ranked #1 is just as suspenseful as it was on “all for one” -- aka not suspenseful at all........... ITS WENHAN OK WE GET IT NO ONE THINKS ITS GUAN YUE IM SORRY

lol i just looked up bo yuan’s birthday and hes like 9 months older than lin mo but now that hes eliminated does this make lin mo the oldest trainee on the show..... 

omgosh im gonna miss the sound of feng junjie’s voice screaming

omgosh zhan yu helping lin mo lift his box out aw!! aw zhan yu and jia yi working together.... aww them all working together

aw zhenning and shi zhan friendship!!!! LOL THIS IS SO CRINGE HAHAHHAHAHA wow i just realized the S symbol reminds me of a sadder looking yoyo class symbol from “all for one” lolololl 

ooo at least we’ll get another junjie ep of YAA!!!! and sun zelin too!!! SHI MINGZE YOYO POWERS/??!!? omg reminds me of bi wenjun ;_; i miss our yoyo prince ;_; omg they reused the puffy suits from last season LOOOLLLL wait but im sorry xixi i cant look at that colorful one without thinking of lou zibo ahhhhhhhhh I MISS ZIBO TOO and qian zhenghao in the tiny alien one omg that was such a iconic moment!!!!! and qin fen in the overblown monster one ahhhh I MISS SEASON ONE IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE ITS LATE ENOUGH IN THIS SEASON THAT I CAN SAY THIS WITHOUT FEELING LIKE IM BEING BIASED BUT SEASON ONE WAS BETTER ---- but i still love many of the kids from this season, its not their fault this season has just been generally more frustrating and less focused on all of their friendships. but season one just seemed generally more enjoyable, fun and lighthearted, yet emotional in a positive manner

LOL theyre all so obviously reading off a script this is pretty funny WHY IS HANYU SO CREEPY HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA 

FENG JUNJIE 28 NOOOOO ahhh i thought shi mingze would make it too........ man wang yi 38?? i thought he’d be higher.... man chen sijian’s literally the only rap line trainee left wtf............ wow wang jiayi really dropped so much throughout this show.... 

wait i wanna hear the full version of shi mingze’s speech, i feel like he mightve said more about his friendship with mingming... i guess now that i think about it, mingze having ranked rather high last time was rather impressive considering iqiyi hasnt given him much time to shine......

ooof ok im kinda hoping 20 will be gu landi or shao haofan bc their vocals really would’ve earned it. omgosh gu landi asking chen tao if he can sit next to him ahhhh so cute

im yao chi praying for gu landi... but i feel like its gonna be chen tao bc freaking wenhan’s “gwi ze” LOL

yep

not surprised

man the audience be sleeping on gu landi’s talent..... 

omg this is my new favorite friendship omg gu landi is so supportive towards yao chi im crying.... 

lol they keep saying the top 9 is 換血 but literally i feel like the only new person is zhenning...???? 

OH MYGGODNESS DID THEY JSUST CALL FENG JUNJIE IM SSHAKINGN!!! MASD;ALSKD;LAKSD;LK;LS;AKLDK YEASSSSSSSS!!!!!SKJSALDKJSALKYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THANK YOU THANK YOU THAKN YOU OH MY GOODNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IM SO PSODKALSKDJLAKJDSLK DSALKJSALASD IM IN DISBELIEFASLDKJALK IM LITERALLY CRYING SO HARDR IGHT NWOWWWW AHHHH OMGOMOGMG THIS IS THE BEST NEWS IVE HEARD ALL DAY OMGGGJGGGGGAHHHHHHHHH THNAK GOODNESS AHHHHHHH LAKJSDLAKSDLKL HE CAN STAY WITH XIXI TILL THE END THANK GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS IM SHAKINGG 

hahhahahahhaha fjj: i didnt imagine i would be picked by the old men... yixing: i can tell :)  LOOOOL JUNJIE YOUR FACEE HHAHHAHAHAHA

wow today is a such good day wow feng junjie made it wow im so grateful wow this is a great day wow life is great isnt it 

ahhh im wu chengze chanting wu zelin sun zelin wu zelin sun zelin 

aw lin mo and wenxuan are really so close....

just dont say wenhan LOL

lol the old men really like zhou shiyuan so im not surprised... he does deserve it tho!

oo good for haofan! 

honestly they prob made sure the old men didnt pick yechen, zhan yu or bo yuan again... sadly..... but also sad they didnt notice gu landi....... omgosh look at zhan yu pumping his fists in the air even tho he knows its over... this is his “pretending to be mature gege” side, trying to appear positive for his bros... i wanna see lin mo and jia yi’s full thank you speeches and see if they mention his again T_T

WANG JIAYI TELLING HUAIWEI ITS OK TO NOT BE STRONG IS SO IMPORTANT. ahhh hes really a caring friend

oh gosh seeing the top 20 choosing their final songs makes me think back to last season and im getting freaking mack daddy flashbacks and im shuddering in fear LOL “ITS OKAY” WAS AND STILL IS THE SUPERIOR SONG IM SORRY ITS JUST A FACT

LOL THEY TEXT THEM!??! on the bright side, this just reminded me that top 35 will still get to be in ep 11 so yayyy we get another zhan yu stage!!!!!!

lol this earth ad is even more cringey.................. the ending credits.... i see lin yuzhi! and xixi got a cool shot :D im surprised lin mo didnt get any shots haha and that they didnt show mr tyger at all during the hugging portion at the end but oh well i guess..... 

tbh this was a minimal lin mo exposure ep but its ok, im still grateful that he got a few random closeups (which is more than i can say for some of the others) and now that hes safely in top 20 i honestly think my work here is done LOL. there’s not much more lin mo fans can do for him. theyve gotten him onto all the stages and i dont think any amount of work will get him into top 9... and ive said before i dont even really want him in top 9 bc id rather he stay with mr tyger and help them stay relevant bc theyll need his help to do so, especially since jia yi will probably make top 9. 

(from here is where i go into a rant about season 1 vs season 2.... LOL)

lets be honest, ranking 16 is too low for lin mo to make it lol....... last season the only kid who made top 9 who wasnt already in top 9 by ep 10 was yanjun... and yanjun had been on a steep upward trend leading up to the last ep (lin mo went from 17 to 16... theres minimal momentum there lol) and then bi wenjun going from 12 to 10 was the other surprise. xikan going from 18 to 13 was impressive, but he still wasnt one of the contenders for the 9th spot. i think at the end it was bu fan, qian zhenghao, bi wenjun and you zhangjing right? out of those 4, the lowest ranked in ep 10 was bi wenjun at 12..... so going from 16 up to 9 would be really really unlikely, unless lin mo somehow makes an even greater impression on the audience during the mentor collab stage than yanjun did last year.... which i think will be impossible bc literally the entire audience fell in love with yanjun during the “zero” performance in last season’s ep 11 lol it was crazyyyy.... but anyway i think ive reminisced about last season enough this rant.... can you tell i really miss it? honestly ive tried to stay as positive as i could throughout watching qcyn and i gave iqiyi the benefit of the doubt from the beginning that “oh maybe it just doesnt seem as great as the first season bc we havent gotten to know the kids yet, the show’s just started, we’ll learn to love it later” ---- but we’re on ep 10 now and i just.......... i still dont think i got to know the kids as well as i did last season and its not their fault, theyre not any less lovable kids (some of them i really like!!! more than some of the kids from last season!) but this season’s editing is really just disappointing. i really miss last season and it was honestly so much more enjoyable to watch..... i thought about this the other day, if lin mo had been eliminated during the last round, would i still be watching this show? and i thought about it and i honestly think i would... because i really like some of the other kids like mingming, junjie, xixi, jia yi, guan yue, chen sijian, etc. but i really dont think id be as eager to stay up to date with it. ive fallen behind on yaa and dont even look forward to watching fanafan anymore bc lin mo hasnt been on any of those (no, i dont count the yaa ep he literally only got 1 second of screentime in) these side shows are fun, but not as fun as fanafan from last season. they feature the same kids over and over again (literally yuehua trio was the ONLY kids on fanafan 2 weeks ago and then they were 1/3 of the ep last week too??? and hmm how come there are kids who have been on yaa multiple times yet there are also kids who have never been on it at all???? that’s just so unfair.....) without fanafan from last season, would you zhangjing have made it into top 9?? fanafan was the medium thru which he really showed us how hilarious and fun and lovable and sweet and sassy he was (whereas on the actual show he showed us his true, undeniable talent) and im just here wondering, if qcyn’s fanafan had featured ye ziming half as much as they had featured you zhangjing or his partner in crime yanjun (who both ended up making top 9), would he have at least made top 35? or how about chen sijian and wu zelin? or feng junjie?? or su yuhang?? where would they be now? why hasnt lin mo been on fanafan at all??? if given the chance, would people actually be appreciating zhan yu’s hilariously weird and crazy personality that we NEVER got to see?? sigh.......... 

OKAY WHERE ARE ALL THE EXTRA CLIPS IMMA FIND YALL

[longlostretribution]

OOC PSA: Personal Boundaries

So, it’s come to my attention that I need to set up some ground rules for my own comfort. I hate that it’s come to this but I really need to let everyone know where I stand OOC for my own comfort, because the less comfortable I am, the less content I’ll produce (and I do not want to completely drop LLR just because of some run-ins with personal ooc issues like I have other projects). So. I’m going to be blunt and kind of painful about it but I need to get this out there.

Some of these are boundaries that have been recently and repeatedly breached and others are things I’ve learned that need to be clarified from other projects I run. I’m being as blunt and clear-cut as I can be, but if you need more clarification, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’m not trying to single anyone out with these, but it’s been a month and a half or so of varied little/big boundary breaches and I need to draw the line in the sand before something bad happens.

Buckle up lads, this is gonna be long.

---

TL;DR:

I’m not here to make quick friends, I am not here to play therapist or be your creative mentor/sounding board. I am here to write, to draw, to roleplay, and to explore character building with other creatives that I MIGHT get to know in the future.

I’m not very talkative OOC. Don’t feel insulted if we don’t talk every day, bc I physically cannot keep up with that kind of thing.

Don’t call me senpai, smol bean, or treat me like an idol. I’m a person. I don’t like being idolized like an unapproachable celebrity or made out to be a “cutsey wootsey” baby. I’m an adult.

Don’t just befriend me for free artwork. That’s rude and will earn you a permanent block.

Don’t dish out what you can’t take back. Don’t threaten my characters without expecting consequence, and don’t antagonize them without letting me know you’re going to first (the exception is if I approach a muse who very clearly has their antagonistic nature stated in their rules/about page, i,e, a clear-cut or well-known villain character).

I won’t use your work without permission from you directly. I will always try to approach you OOC first for permission to use your content or reference our mutual threads in the AU, canon or not.

Inviting you into my AU doesn’t mean you can use my concepts for yourself or that you have permission to create content for my AU without my permission. I enjoy adding people’s threads as little side-lines, but I’m still writing the AU myself (or with Finn for resET) and prefer strict control over what is/n’t a part of it.

I don’t appreciate people leaking/sharing spoilers I might share in private, even with their close friends. Please don’t be that person.

I don’t feel comfortable with people using my characters/work (including rping them). I know it’s popular to RP from active AUs, but please don’t do that with mine - especially my OCs.

---

The long detailed list (with more accurate info):

One: I am not your friend, your bestie, or interested in getting close to you unless we take the time to get to know each other, and that won’t happen with everyone. I get that I come off as a friendly and easy to talk to (so I’m told). And that’s what I like to be! I like to be conversational with people when I can, but that’s what you do when you’re a stranger. You assume that sort of “professionalism” with people before actually getting comfortable with them and letting those barriers down. Friendship takes time, especially for me. I don’t like making close friends quickly, and I don’t make friends in general very easily, and I like keeping it that way. It’s nothing against you as a person, I’m sure you’re a great person! I am just too old and too tired/jaded with what I’ve gone through with people both in real life and ESPECIALLY in the tumblr RPC that I CANNOT and WILL NOT make friends quickly. If you cannot respect this, I will not hesitate to cut you off completely.

Addendum: Along those lines: Unless we’ve already MUTUALLY established friendship, please treat our relationship with a sense of professionalism. This means don’t try to buddy-buddy me or expect me to be friendly beyond common courtesy, respect my boundaries as an individual person, and don’t take my common courtesy and friendliness as a sign I’m being “super close friends” with you. Treat me like a stranger - which I AM - and don’t get too personal too fast. As cruel as this sounds, I don’t want to hear about your personal life; I’m not here to play therapist nor am I here to be a shoulder for you to cry on. I’ve not been entirely professional myself I realize, which is going to change from now on. I don’t want to give mixed signals or lead anyone on with my friendliness. I want to maintain professional distance. I’m not going to “click” with everyone I meet nor will you and I necessarily actually hit it off beyond that distance. That’s just life. It doesn’t mean I hate you, it simply means we’re human and don’t get along perfectly.

Two: The Senpai Rule. It’s in my rules for a reason. Please read it.

Three: I am not your design mentor, art resource, or your permanent sounding board. I am willing to OCCASIONALLY look over art for critiques/red lines, find resources, and I am OCCASIONALLY willing to help you with your oc/world building, but I am NOT interested in fully helping you with your design creation or being your world building “buddy” unless I’ve come to know you for some time. I am NOT JUST a sounding board for ideas. If I invite you to share with me or we click very well and just seem to get those creative juices flowing together, that’s different, but IN GENERAL, please don’t only use me for your own world building or growth.

Four: I cannot talk to you every single day, even if we are friends. I am busy, I have mental health issues that make it hard to talk even to my close friends every single day. I am a full time caregiver for my senior mother and I am a full-time artist. I simply CANNOT be there to talk to you every day. I don’t like getting messages every single day, either, unless you already understand that sometimes I won’t reply to them / will take time in getting to them. If I tell you I have no energy to reply, don’t bother me about it. I will not hesitate to stop talking to you entirely if I have to just to get some peace of mind.

Five: I occasionally make art for friends, but I am not a free art/request machine. I don’t often make art for people I care about anymore because people don’t seem to understand that my free time = MY time I can spend making for other people IF I WANT TO. I am not some machine you can put friendship coins into just to get free art out of. If you are befriending me to get art from me or get written into my AUs/stories, get lost. 

Six: If your muse threatens, belittles, irritates, or otherwise bothers my characters, my characters will react accordingly. It doesn’t matter if their background is what causes this, or their mental health, or their trauma, or just that they’re a mean ol’ fucker who hates people. If a random stranger walked up to you and said “go fuck yourself,” would you respond by saying “oh, it’s ok! I know you deal with x y z, so I’m not offended!”? No. So don’t expect my characters to react that way. Mental health and trauma are NOT excuses or get-out-of-jail-free cards. Likewise, I OOCly do not like when people insult, attack, or threaten my characters without prompting, ESPECIALLY upon first reactions (unless it’s clearly stated in your about or rules that your character will behave as such), so please don’t do it. There’s a difference between me knowing what I’m getting into and me being approached with such animosity, even IC-based, without prompting.

Seven: Even though I get excited and I AM inviting other people to play in on LLR, LLR is my project (and resET is mostly Finn’s project) and we will do with them as we please. I won’t use any kind of design/fan art/graphic/etc anyone else has made for me/the project without their (usually written bc it’s all text online) permission and without crediting them, but it is ultimately up to ME what does and does not appear in the AU/blog/etc. I will always try and approach someone OOC for their direct permission if I want to use their work/reference our threads/etc if I feel they’d work well with the AU.

Addendum: Inviting you into the AU does not give you creative license over the characters/storyline, it does not give you permission to use my work without asking me first, and it does not mean you are a conceptual partner of mine. I don’t mind ideas being tossed my way for threads or concepts you’d like to write with my characters, though they might not be considered canon unless I ask or I list them on the blog page.

Eight: Kind of obvious but it’ll probably need to be said anyways: If we’re friends/I’m close enough to share spoilers with you, PLEASE DON’T SHARE THEM TO ANYONE. Even your own friends. There’s exceptions to this rule (namely those I’ve known for years/am super close with and know well already), but in general? PLEASE don’t share my secrets. That spoils the fun and makes me less interested in actually posting anything.

Nine: I’ve stated this in my long list of rules, but: please don’t roleplay any of my AU characters, especially my OCs. I’m already roleplaying them and I’m not comfortable in seeing doubles. Especially my OCs because??? Don’t rp other people’s OCs lmao that’s just bizarre and kind of akin to stealing them? Anyways I just need to reiterate that because I know that’s kind of how AUs work on tumblr so. HEADS UP THAT I DON’T LIKE THE THOUGHT OF PEOPLE RPING MY OWN CHARACTERS (ESP WITHOUT MY DIRECT PERMISSION).

---

That’s all for now! Thank you for understanding and I appreciate all your patience with me as I take my time to make this AU the best I can!

[grendels-brother]

I don’t have the spoons here to do everything I need to but I’m in kinda a mood today so I’m going to try to begin

A year(ish?) ago I briefly and casually dated a dude and very much wanted to keep things brief and casual

Dude did not feel this way. I was upfront from the beginning that I was just getting out of a relationship and couldn’t/didn’t want to commit, but dude kept pushing things and casually referring to me as his gf and trying to take things to another level. This made me severely uncomfortable. In hindsight, I should have ran away, but at the time I did the thing so many women do where you’re like “oh surely he means well he’s just misguided” and bc of shit things going on in his life/with his mental health I also felt pressured to be there for him bc I knew he was in a tough place and I try not to be a monster.

Since we broke things off, I haven’t really thought about him or missed him, but I do get angry at times when I think about how I got tricked into this “relationship” I didn’t want. He’s been recently active on tumblr posting things about ~neglect~ and emotional abuse in ways that I can only surmise are about me and it really stressed me out and made me feel some type of way, even though logically I know him going off in this bullshit direction won’t affect me.

So for my peace of mind, Ryan, here’s a list of reasons I “neglected” you (a.k.a wasn’t around as much as you wanted/wasn’t willing or able to provide the constant emotional labor you required anymore):

(1) I have mild agoraphobia. I told you this from the beginning. I don’t like going places I’m not comfortable and often want to be in my own home. I did not feel comfortable at your place, around you, or your roommate. You did not make any effort to understand this or even do small things like make sure there were emergency snacks at your place in case I had a low blood sugar.

(2) I didn’t want something serious the same way you did, and even though I cared about you I was not in love with you. You started pressuring me to say that after we slept together twice, no matter how many times I told you that made me feel uncomfortable. You did not understand when I told you I didn’t want to say it. When I told you I saw different things for our futures. Later, it dawned on me that this scenario is likely what happened when you told me about the girl you dated before me who confoundingly told you, upon breaking up, that she was “never your girlfriend.” Upon first hearing this story I felt for you. When I realized that the same thing had likely happened to both of us with you a switch in my head flipped and I felt horrified.

(3) You made me uncomfortable sexually. I often didn’t want to fuck you, but you used coercive language, kept bringing it up, and apologizing for bringing it up in an effort to wear me down. I felt scared to bring this up to you bc you told me you were hypersexual and that talking about this was triggering for you. The one time I tried to talk to you, in a panic, about something that made me uncomfortable sexually, you accused me of intentionally triggering you. I started to have panic attacks during sex. I began to suspect I was a lesbian. You still tried to get me to fuck you all of the time.

(4) I wanted space. I am an introvert. I work around people all day. I need time to myself for my emotional wellbeing. When I tried to tell you this, you told me that you were going crazy bc you didn’t have people to talk to. I couldn’t fill this large role in your life singlehandedly and it wasn’t fair of you to expect me to.

(5) I have a chronic illness. It leaves me exhausted at the end of the day when I’m working full time and often I just want to lay around or be left alone. Although you said you understood this, your accusations of neglect suggest otherwise.

(6) You had anger problems and got explosively angry at me. This terrified me, and justifiably, I think, made me need to pull away from you & not speak to you for periods of time. This was not me trying to punish you. This was me trying to protect myself and think about what I needed to do regarding the relationship between the two of us.

(7) You refused to respect my boundaries. I told you not to message me incredibly stressful things when I was at work and trying to do my job. I don’t think this was unreasonable. Even though you none of us can control how we feel, I think it’s basic human decency to be conscious of other people’s feelings and the effects we have on them before overwhelming them with our feelings and bringing them down. You had no concept of the emotional labor I performed.

(8) Because of all of this, I began to try to slowly pull away and emphasize to you that we needed more and more time apart. I was scared to do anything abruptly – I didn’t want you to explode on me or do anything to harm yourself, both of which are things that had happened in the past. I wanted things to remain civil. I guess you saw this period, despite me telling you multiple times that I was trying to take things several notches back, as neglect. In all truth I was trying to get out. Just safely for both of us. I don’t think it’s neglect if someone doesn’t wanna be around you but doesn’t know how to escape.

I still feel angry about all of this when I think about it. This is a private tumblr with a very small # of followers so I don’t feel like I’m putting you on blast. It’s very strange to me nowadays seeing so many folks lob emotional abuse accusations at each other when friendships or relationships go south. Certainly this can be the case and IS sometimes but more often I think people are flawed and complex – I definitely am – and misunderstand each other. I wouldn’t feel safe lobbing accusations, and you won’t see this. I know what happened and I know what I felt. But seeing you publicly accusing me of neglect made me feel the need to organize my thoughts somewhere, even if it was only so I alone could keep track of how I felt, what we both went through, and why I did what I did. Sorry you were hurt in the process.

[thedancingqueenstuff]

Happy Mind, Happy Life.

Dance is a form of art that has so much history and culture behind it but has always been used as a way for people to express themselves. It has been dated back to the third millennium BC, where Egyptians would use dance at religious ceremonies to tell stories and imitate important events. Since then dance has evolved but has kept the same concept. From the roaring ‘20s where the Charleston was developed to the 1930s and ‘40s where jazz and swing dancing became popular, dance has always been an outlet for people to express themselves and escape from their personal issues. It has many health benefits such as improved muscular strength, endurance, and better coordination while also improving the condition of your heart and lungs. Not only does it have health benefits but it also improves your confidence and mood while lowering stress and anxiety levels. I suggest that college students should consider taking dance lessons to help reduce stress levels and anxiety, while also maintaining a healthy lifestyle. As students we don't often worry about our health as much as we should. College students often  are overwhelmed with stress and anxiety since most of us often spread ourselves out too thin having to keep up with school, work, family, social, relationship and financial issues. With problems such as the “freshman 15” college students aren't active and worried about their health since they are too busy.

Imagine this, you are a full-time first year student when you are not in class your working to be able to provide for yourself and the expenses of college. Not only do you have to worry about passing your classes and getting a good GPA but it's also your first year alone from your parents. Having to feed yourself for the first time and not relying on your parents can be an issue but fast food is cheap and the easiest route. After a while, you realize you gained the freshman 15 because you were too busy worried about other things than to worry about your health. Instead of starting to eat healthy and go to the gym you spend your free time hanging out with friends and not making time for yourself. So your schedule starts to look like this class, work, study, hang with friends and it's a constant cycle that never ends. You never make time to worry about your mental and physical health. You are constantly stressed from school and finances so it takes a toll on your mental health.

By college students participating in dance classes, it could help their state of mind, improve their mood, and stress levels. You may be thinking dance classes can get expensive for a college student so I suggest even dancing in your room or with friends. It can make the same improvements even from home. Healthy mind-body relationships are important and dance can help achieve that. While dancing your body releases endorphins that cause your mood to improve leaving you feeling optimistic and free. Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in your body giving you a peaceful state of mind after exercising. Dance has also been proven to reduce cortisol levels. In Dance like Nobody’s Watching, Science Says Its Good for You Benzaken states, “Dancing is also more successful at reducing cortisol levels.  Since cortisol is a stress hormone, this is another reason that dancing can increase feelings of happiness and relaxation.”  Recently there have been more studies explaining that dancing can help reduce anxiety and depression. Therapists are starting to find that dancing can work as a treatment for anxiety. Dance can be used as a way to express your feelings and emotions without having to speak. It is a way to make you feel better without having to talk to someone about your personal issues and express who you are through movement and music. It can relax you and provide space for your creative thoughts to flow. Dancing can also improve confidence and self-development, by seeing yourself improve. Seeing the improvement over time and seeing you accomplish things that you didn't think you could, will leave you feeling better about yourself and your accomplishments. Through dance, you can build new friendships with people who enjoy doing the same things as you leaving you feeling a sense of connectedness.. Dancing has huge benefits on your mental health and for college kids, it could improve their everyday mood and outlook on life and the challenges. By taking a dance class students would be less stressed and have a lower rate of anxiety.

By participating in dance classes you will start to see physical improvements. Over time you will notice physical changes such as you becoming more muscular or just noticing that your stamina and endurance has improved. For a college student fearing the freshman 15 or gaining weight from eating poorly dance could be a good way to work off calories and build muscle. Seeing how your body changes overtime can help build your self-confidence. Dancing can keep you healthy even into old age, by reducing the risk of dementia and disability. In Dance Like Your Doctor Is Watching: It's Great for Your Mind and Body, Ducharme writes, “The researchers found that women who frequently danced had a 73% lower chance of becoming disabled during the study period, compared to women who did not. None of the other exercises, including calisthenics, walking and yoga, had such a strong association after adjusting for demographic and health factors.” So not only can dance help improve your health right now but it can also help prevent some health issues when you get older.

Personally, I have been taking dance classes since the age of 10 and have attended arts schools up until FGCU. I would attend dance classes after school and it would be the part of my day that i would look most forward to. It always has helped me with my stress and anxiety, allowing me to just forget about my problems for a little while. Letting go and dancing for a bit can allow you to take a step back from your issues and think more clearly about them giving you the break you need. Dance has always been my way to express myself and feel better emotionally and physically. Whenever I'm stressed or not in a good mood I can always count on dance to make me feel better. Even if I don't have time to attend a dance class dancing around my room helps me feel better. After dancing I notice a huge change in how I feel emotionally and I always feel clear-headed after. In The Many Health Benefits of Dancing, Wellness writes, “Dancing may also be good for your mood. It has been shown to reduce depression, anxiety, and stress and boost self-esteem, body image, coping ability, and overall sense of well-being, with the benefits lasting over time.” Even just dedicating some time out of  your day like when you are getting ready for class and playing music could improve your mood for the day and help you look at things from a positive aspect.

Now imagine this, your a full-time first year student in college who also has to keep up with a job, social and family issues. These problems can be stressful and they are but instead of stretching yourself out too thin you take time out of your day to dance and listen to your favorite songs. Doing this makes you feel better about your day leaving you feeling clear-headed, creative and more confident about what you have to face throughout the day. Not only is your mental health improving but so is your physical health. You're not only helping yourself live a healthier lifestyle now but you’re also decreasing the chances of having disabilities in the future. Your levels of anxiety are down and you feel better all around and are ready to deal with any challenges you may face feeling more confident.

Works Cited

“Dance like Nobody's Watching, Science Says It's Good for You.” Goodnet, 6 Feb. 2020, www.goodnet.org/articles/dance-like-nobodys-watching-science-says-its-good-for-you. Assessed 17 Feb. 2020

Fletcher, Jenna. “Emotional Abuse: The Short- and Long-Term Effects.” Medical News Today, MediLexicon International, 21 Nov. 2019, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327080. Assessed 17 Feb. 2020

“The Many Health Benefits of Dancing.” @Berkeleywellness, 2020 Remedy Health Media, www.berkeleywellness.com/fitness/active-lifestyle/article/many-health-benefits-dancing. Assessed 17 Feb. 2020

[lilrookie]

9-25-17

So this is just a personal vent I sent to a friend and I’m putting it here for my own record keeping stuff so feel free to read it if you want lol it's pretty long, but just please do not reblog this, or send me any messages or anything about it. I do not want to talk about the issues I go over in this at all right now and some of the stuff I have written is kind of mean/not pc because these are just raw unedited and un-reflected on vent thoughts ok. Thanks yo.

I'm going to type this vent to you because I need to talk about it sort of and I also don't want to write in my journal and my phone is messed up again but I've been feeling so weird at college because growing up is fucked up and I'm just really not sure where I'm supposed to fit in and there's so much I want to get done with my life but I also really want to be happy and have a family and just explore the world and be like a regular person and not have to worry about all this shit and going to pride club makes me feel like crap because I don't talk to anyone and i just sit through the meetings like some weirdo

probably bc everyone thinks I'm a cis white guy and its so hard and weird because I am not??? and everyone is tumblr quierdos and I just feel like I haven't met anyone who genuinely likes me and who I genuinely like and I miss our friends so much because I feel so understood and loved with you guys and  I don't have that here yet which I know is normal but I just would like to anyways! and I'm so nervous for growing up because I have no idea what I'm doing and the world is probably going to end sooner than later anyways bc of war or bc of climate disaster so whats the fucking point in even planning for a nice future because our generation is probably not going to even have a chance to!

and on top of all that existential life shit, I'm constantly thinking about I'm also really uptight and overthinking the romance sector of my life and I haven't dated or done anything remotely romantically oriented since yasmyn and I broke up. and like keep realizing over and over again that being with her for so long really messed with me in a lot of ways and kind of squandered my years for experimenting or something because I have no idea what I'm fucking doing dating wise even though technically I have more experience with romantic endeavors than the average person because of what I  went through with her

AND ON TOP of that I'm fucking trans! so I'm not even like regular/standard in that regard and I know being trans doesn't mean I'm not normal but I still feel that way and I feel like people will think of me in that way even if they aren't transphobic just because of internalized bullshit and whatever and that scares me so badly. bc like any normal person I just wanna have a connection with someone and mess around and be just fucking normal but I don't even know how to do that I never got a chance to have a normal relationship for someone in our age group I had to go straight to the heavy hardcore shit like really why. its like if right now me as someone who has never drank or smoke or anything else illicit went right to shooting up heroin and had to recover from that it feels like. and I don't know how to handle any of this stuff Fuck!.

and like obviously bc in me and my brain works paranoid I keep thinking about what my romantic life is going to be like when I'm older. like i really really want to have a kid and I know I cant have kids of my own so bc it totally makes sense for me to be worrying about this right now I'm like weighing the different options to like be able to get a kid and it's so hard to adopt as not a perfect heterostraightciswhite person in America and I'm so stressed about that! like why the fuck am I stressed about that! I'm not going to have a kid until I'm like 30! so why am I actively genuinely stressed about the adoption process right now. it doesn't even make sense to me

moral of the story is I'm having a hard time making meaningful connections with people at college mostly because I'm afraid of talking to strangers bc of what if I don't like them! less of what if they don't like me bc really I don't give a shit if someone doesn't like me when they are a stranger but what if i don't enjoy them and get stuck with them as friendship  bc that's kind of already happening and I just want my secure stable reassuring friend group  back instead of having to start from scratch with people who know nothing about who I am at the same time I am learning that I know very little about who I am even though I thought I did lol.

wow what the fuck I'm writing a lot

I just wish I could feel less like I'm floundering around and i know everyone else feels the same way but still I'm ready to feel stable and settled in here and find at least one person like you here even though I'm not trying to replace you buddy i just need an interim anchor person since you are 5 hours away and not coming home for fall break and spending time with people who  i don't feel completely good about in the majority of ways is so fucking exhausting and for some reason i feel like the easiest way to have someone like that is through a romantic interaction bc those kinds of relationships get like intimate quicker both in the physical emotional way and the mental way like good friendship does but good friendship takes so much longer to happen and I'm really looking for a quick fix tbh

growing up and being independent is so hard for so many reasons and people only ever really talk about monetary and responsibility hardships they don't tell you about how hard it is to be a living thinking entity on your own. like the hardest part of growing up is probably definitely losing your emotional support system like fuck how did people do this at all before instant communication was a thing

anyways i know I'm going to be fine and that everything will work out well because I'm going to work so hard to have a good future but honestly that kind of makes it harder to be in this space right now since I just want to skip forward to a place where I am good and feeling good and feeling content and secure this like wishy-washy period is not really fun in all aspects