#bc like if im always playing a man in the scenarios its BORING

[list-me-the-reasons-why]

Mood

[meanminyxrd]

punchdrunk but it’s andreil based

hey losers i’m back with another song analysis, as always. i have a playlist for my andreil vibes if you’re curious, here it is. i actually have a lot but this one is for my slightly sad yearning andreil vibes. 

anyways, today we are covering punchdrunk by vaines. i really really enjoy this song for them and i hope i can covey it!! let’s go (:

I remember driving your car 'cause I never had one

And if I did I probably would’ve crashed it

And if I died who would’ve cared?

Maybe you would cry sometimes

Maybe you would just be fine

Because I know we weren’t in love

You just wanted to pass the time

(And that was alright)

the first line of this is pretty black and white. neil driving andrew’s car <3333 that’s it that’s the tweet. when he’s saying he’d crash one if he had his own its because he has to destroy a lot and leave stuff behind because of his past. he constantly is working to hide his past from the FBI. furthermore, he thought he was going to die for the majority of the books, and when he died, who was supposed to care? he had no one. it was this ‘me, myself, and i’ mentality because that was what kept him alive. he was constantly in danger, and when he was with andrew that’s why he made him take away the promise; he didn’t want andrew hurt because of his actions. by saying ‘maybe you would cry sometimes, maybe you would be just fine’ shows how he doesn’t think andrew actually cares ab him because 1. neil is an oblivious fuck and 2. andrew is a raging tsundere. andrew is always like ‘i dont like u’ blah blah, explaining the line ‘because i know we weren’t in love you just wanted to pass the time’ but neil was okay w it; ‘and that was alright’

I got it bad and I feel so lonely

Thought I wanted love I just wanted you

Now we’re together but you don’t even know me

But I’m stuck, what am I gonna do?

uhhh, like, poor fuckin neil man. he really had it bad for this man i really dunno how he survived when andrew was in the mental hospital HAHA. but fr he must have been so lonely, never allowing himself to make attachments, and then he makes this really skewed one with some midget maniac and then that same man goes to a hospital. that can’t have been a fun time (and it wasn’t).

‘thought i wanted love i just wanted you’, god, i love this line. remember when he looks at nicky and matt to see if he feels anything different? sees if he feels attracted to them, but he doesnt? he thinks he’s just craving affection after all this time, but no, its andrew he craves, it’s andrew he wants and chooses.

‘now we’re together but you dont even know me’ this motherfucker is living behind this silly ‘neil’ persona for a time when he’s with andrew and andrew only has this red headed man built of half truths. ‘now im stuck, what am i gonna do?’ he can’t run away like he’s used to because now he cares about andrew and he’s promised to stay.

Guess I’ll stick around

Being with you is only making me feel

Like I’m further from you then I’ve ever been

But I’m right there when you call me 'cause I’m so lonely

I don’t wanna bring it to an end

now, neil stays because he promised andrew he would, and andrew makes him feel so different and special and happy. but also while he’s with andrew he feels so far away because he isn’t being himself and andrew keeps denying whatever this,,, scuffed relationship is. but whenever andrew initiates contact, asks him yes or no, tells him to meet him somewhere or do something, neil is THERE in a heartbeat because he’s so caught up with the idea of andrew and he doesn’t want what they have to ever end even tho he’s convinced it will, one day, come to that point.

I remember feeling so young

Nothing's gonna bring me down

And if you jumped I would’ve followed

All the way down to the bottom

Better days are over now

Everything is slowing down

And you still won’t say it’s love

You just wanna pass the time

Fine

being with andrew brings him up, makes him happy, makes him FEEL something. nothing was gonna take him away from that. he would have followed andrew anywhere because he quite literally trusted andrew with his life. but the good days are over, (cut to baltimore) he’s being fucked up by his dad’s men and he thinks he’s gonna die then (cut to post baltimore) andrew does all this shit for him but STILL says he doesnt care ab neil and he just wants to pass the time. and neil is like, fine, what the fuck ever. if this is just a cheap fuck then by god im going to enjoy it while it lasts. and he’s starting to think andrew might feel *something*, but there’s no confirmation that can be seen by our lovely oblivious lil man.

Don’t stop, I know that it’s not what

I want but I need somebody to be mine

Oh god, I can’t tell you what’s up

I’m so deep in punch drunk, dumb love

I don’t ever wanna wake up

he doesnt want to be tied down. trusting someone and staying in one place for a long time? no. no way. that’s not something that neil abram josten does. he does not stay, he does not trust anyone, and by god he does NOT fall in love. but he gets to a point where he needs andrew. all he can think of in the hospital is the foxes and andrew, god, ANDREW, the prick he’s fallen in love with and can’t get out of love with. and he begs andrew to let him stay (post baltimore, hotel scene) because he NEEDS to stay, he NEEDS the foxes but more importantly he NEEDS andrew. but he’ll leave if he has to. he’ll leave if andrew asks him to because he cares more about andrew than he does himself, but he can’t explain any of this to andrew, because he’s never felt this before and he doesnt know what he’s even feeling. he just knows that somewhere along the line he fell head over heels into this situation for andrew and god he doesnt think he’ll ever be ready for it to end.

Got me brainwashed, everything is hazy

Am I killing time? Are you killin' me?

Mind games daily, why do I let you play me?

Do you get high watching me bleed?

(Now I’m bleeding out)

this part, for me, is more so a cut to the first book when andrew is just fuckin manic 24/7 because of his drugs. he drugs neil (brainwashed, hazy) and kidnaps him. neil is so stressed out by this situation that he doesn’t know who is winning in this stupid war he has with this psycho midget (am i killing time? are you killing me?). we all know andrew joseph minyard LOVES to torment neil even when shit is chill so he plays mind games with him constantly, and neil just lets it happen, because that’s who neil *is*. nathaniel wouldn’t stand for this shit, but that’s not the personality he’s portrayed and he isn’t eager to break character; not yet. and andrew always is so damn HAPPY, no matter what, bc of the drugs (again, first book for this verse). so the ‘do you get high watching me bleed?’ is like neil being like, do u really enjoy watching everyone around you hurt?? are you actually happy with all of this?

Running in circles while you hurt me, guess I deserve it

'Cause I just keep on worshiping you again and again

And I’m there when you call me 'cause I’m so– *beep*

I don’t want the misery to end

this part is a little tricky to explain canonically, i guess, but i attribute it once more to andrew denying his feelings. nora never explains it in the books, but i know from experience that this is SUCH a confusing scenario to be in. to have someone acting like they care and speaking differently. and neil must have been so confused (running in circles) but he feels he deserves it because it isnt like he’s trying to leave or anything, and he’s always there when andrew asks because like it or not, he’s attached. even tho this confusion sucks sometimes, and the whole hearted belief he has that andrew really does not care hurts beyond belief inside, he buries those feelings because he isnt ready to let andrew go.

that’s pretty much all of it; can you tell i’m obsessed with andreil?? i just love them so much. they’re so special to me. like, i dont think either of them ever saw a relationship coming; it just happened, and that’s what is so inherently beautiful to me about them. it started with a kiss, a ‘yes or no?’ and escalated from there. neil expected one day andrew was going to get bored of him, just like andrew always said he was. but he never did. he never will. 

so yeah!! hope u enjoyed xoxo see y’all soon <3

[kingsofneon]

ya into koala x robin? Ya got some headcanons over there, fam??? 👀👀👀👀 also how are u this fine day i havent been in here for so long omg

@dirtyshankings

bro femslash is like the only thing where i multiship hard. u think i multiship other times....nah. ladies? good.

ok we headcanon for Koala bc she has like no canon personality (i know she does but like “nami rip off but a spy” is so boring + even with the bits that are original there is NOT a lot this needs a longer post to explain do it later) so its rough-and-tumble tomboy transgirl with a solid latch on I Will Feel As I Like Now That I Have The Freedom To, and usually that’s mainly happiness and confidence but also ooooooo boo injustice gets under her skin like crazy. Also hard-working and eager to fight, always wears shorts under her skirts etc. (Iva: you’re ruining the line of your dress!!!!!! Koala: i would rather ruin my dress than ruin my night when i flash everyone bc i needed to kick someone in the face) + Robin, macabre and VERY clever, always watching, always ready, and they get to know each other quite well during the 2Y skip

Koala. is a sucker. for older women. for competency. the concept that she and sabo hate sharing this kink. hysterical. and robin is. so competent. so clever. And also THE ARMS im sorry but koala absoLUTELY has Fucked but also she’s like twenty and horny and there is not a lot of time for fucking when you are trying to save the world!!!!!!!!!! (her words).

Robin has not fucked (by choice), and thus has never bought extra body parts into the scenario so she has no idea why Koala starts blushing during training when extra limbs come in to play or they spar together and koala gets held down

but obviously she has to put it together her brain is just Like That and. she is spy blood, in her BLOOD man. 

Koala getting held down makes the start very simple, and then leaving an ear on Sabo’s blind side for a few days to finally catch when he and koala hang out without mission stuff (sabo will know because those two are. idiots. and have no secrets. everyone on the base knows this) and koala is like GOD sabo she’s so BEAUTIFUL and SMART and oh my GOD and rants about it for like twenty minutes (sabo starts trying to shuffle his paperwork to her desk) and robin listens to all of it, like. mAINLY BC SHE’S TOO FLUSTERED TO REMOVE HER POWER

bc like look robin knows she is elegant and beautiful and powerful and is self-aware-

but also. she grew up an orphan, abused, called ugly, literally called a demon and hunted for money, people are not honest with her, that’s why she spies, and to-

to hear this bubbling honesty overflow from koala’s mouth, in desperation of koala’s feeling. 

and also yes koala is horny but 95% of the stuff she says is how beautiful robin is and how clever and did you notice this little thing that no-one else noticed and she does THIS thing and she likes this koala is horny but horny for AFFECTION TOO

idk how to end this but hey thats what nsfw is for

koala gets very good at eating out

and also at convince robin to practice the multiplication of body parts that she would not normally experience. 

they try it a few times because it’s very good but also robin has a lot of issues and so they don’t do it often

robin absolutely owns a strap. i mean koala does too but she. wants to worship robin, wants this all for herself, annnd, when being slow and steady she wants her hands and her tongue and herself involved, not a toy you know. also sometimes it hits against her dysphoria, especially bc robin is like......koala has put her on this pretty high pedestal, and it makes a few uncomfortable Things pop up during sex that Koala didn’t realise she had, in regards to ladies

Koala likes wearing pretty things but prefers seeing robin naked. kinda especially bc it makes when robin uses her powers more obvious and she thinks that’s pretty

of COURSE multiple arms becomes a thing very quickly when koala brings it up

robin is always down to experiment, they both think of so many ideas. Koala starts off with more bc. she’s been thinking longer. but robin comes up with really sideways things

ALSO ROBIN APPLIES SOME OF THEM IN BATTLE coughs im not saying anything but gigantesco + clone practice totally started in the bedroom bye

koala dies when robin shows them off in training practice. robin thinks it’s funny to tease her in public

[atzfiles]

the park

request: “May I request a scenario with Han or Felix where the reader is usually alone and by themselves so he tries to talk to her but she doesn’t want him to but he annoys her to do stuff after school but one day she yells at him to stop talking to her and she regrets it later bc she likes him”

warnings: a lil speck of angst but mostly fluff hehe

we all know han jisung is a huge ball of energy

you on the other hand

polar opposite 

being friends with him was often a little tiring but you literally loved him anyways

hanging out in school was always fun!!

he kept you awake during your boring geography classes

the nations hero

but after school you really needed to be by yourself bc your social battery is d r a i n e d

jisung knowing, that you often just dwell all alone, had the bright idea of going to the overfilled park with you

you agreed first bc you know,,,hes kindA cute and some fresh air should be okay??

oh boy

oh b o y

you expected some chilling, maybe some talking here and there

but he brought a football, frisbee and badminton bats...

“lets go play something!!!!!!!!” he over excitedly yelled

you couldnt say no to his cute face

and he looked so excited :((

you, not really being a sportsperson embarrassed yourself more than just once 

violently kicking the air instead of the ball

same

there were so many people so you felt kinda meh :// but its jisung so you kinda just smiled thru the pain

thinking this was a once in a lifetime kinda situation and youd never have to go there ever again

next day in school he kept pointing out all the silly things you did like kicking the air or throwing the frisbee into the closest tree

“ha ha ha yeah im such a silly girl haha super funnY!!!”

at lunch he told everyone at the table as well which didnt sit well with you at all

jisung please stop embarrassing your crush 

you just stood up and left mumbling a quick “im not hungry”

he was obviously confused because you seemed to be in a good mood earlier

“excuse me for a sec”

and with that he went after you

he saw you sitting at the entrance of the school fumbling with your bracelet

but you didnt really want to see him bc ughhhhh!! you embarrassed yourself in front of your longtime crush and even tho jisung knows you better than anyone it still bothered you

“why did you leave us at lunch :((”

you just stared at your shoes

“hello silly noodle im talking to you!!!”

“earth to y/n?”

“listen jisung im just?? not in the mood right now,,,,leave me alone”

“we can go back to the park later and we can talk there? i dont want you to be upset”

“no i dont want to go to the park today in fact i dont want to go to any park with anyone ever again >:(”

y/n please calm your dramatic ass phew

“w-what?”

the bell rings and youve never left a spot that fast

jisung just stood there like a kicked puppy

your next class was bio how interesting 

you didnt share that class with him so you tried to distract yourself with that

but you kept seeing his saddend face and remembered your harsh words towards him which made you feel 10 times worse

he just wanted to spend some time with his crush friend

maybe you just reacted that way bc you DO want to spend quality time with him outside of school 

but you also have this huge crush on him which kind of gets in between you and your feelings

also you really cant be around people for longer than 8 hours

you decided to shoot him a quick text

meet me at the gate at 3

you almost immediatly received an answer from him

totally not bc he wanted to text you as well but he was too scared hed shoo you away so he just sat there staring at his phonescreen

okay ill be there

you needed to tell him about your feelings but thats weird and you!! dont even know what youre feeling!!

you were nervous as hell but little did you know he was sweating buckets too

he couldnt focus on his maths teacher at all, being called out multiple times for not paying attention

“jisung are you okay youre getting pale??” changbin asked, looking the younger up and down with a slightly concerned look on his face

“do you ever want to tell your crush youre kinda in love with them but theyre also your friend so you dont want to ruin what you have with them and they also kinda hate you but you dont know why an-”

“jisung dont forget to breathe buddy”

“mr han i wont tell you to shut up anymore. keep quiet or leave this class.”

hello mr teacher this is a serious matter let the boy breathe

after class he hesitated to leave but changbin encouraged him to just come clean to you

so he was a man on a mission

lets get this bread- han jisung, 2018

you already stood at the gate anxiously shifting from one foot to another 

he saw you waiting and picked up his pace a little

he breathed out a little “hi” to which you just nodded your head

“lets walk over to my place” you said, planning on talking things out on your way home

“okay listen im sorry i snapped at you earlier,,,i dont know what happened with me, you did nothing wrong and im just out there screaming at you, which you obviously dont deserve...i was a little moody because you kept bringing up all the embarrassing things i did at the park and i guess i just care a little too much about how you think about me and uh yeah....im sorry”

“youre my favourite person in the whole world how could i think any less of you for cutely kicking a ball in the wrong direction???” he asked while looking at you with big eyes

“listen y/n i dont know what this is going to do to our friendship but im losing serious sleep over this and i just need to get it off my chest and i totally undertstand if you think differently but i like you i really do...as in..more as just a friend i guess??”

y/n is sister shook

HAN JISUNG LIKES ME JUST AS MUCH AS I LIKE HIM IS THIS HEAVEN I SURE THINK SO- y/n

“y-you like me?”

“uhhhh yes???”

“o h”

cue the intense blushing

“well i like you too..”

you know when jisung is all giddy and he kinda bounces around with that huge grin on his face

yea

this but 10 times brighter

you arrived at your house and jisung hesitated but gently hugged you

“im glad you talked to me and im glad we sorted all of this out” he said in a soft voice

“me too, and im really sorry i snapped at you..my feelings just got the better of me”

“its okay” he said with a cute smile

it grew silent and you could practicaly hear the screws in jisungs head turning, trying to figure out if he should kiss you or not

he eventually just went “fuck it” and leaned in

you just stood there like y/n.exe stopped working

he leaned back and giggled a little because of your flustered state

“ill see you tomorrow at school?”

“bet” you smiled

“oh by the way your way of face planting the ground trying to play soccer made my day”

dude you just got a gf dont mess this up already

“han jisung sleep with one eye open”

uH idek what this is but i hope you like it???? ://

requests are open :)

((i hate the title just as much as you do okay im not creative sigh))

[steveandbucky]

literally wanna give my readers homework like, in your opinion, what does the author mean with these lines, how do you interpret it, and why DKJKLGJDKLSG no bc i have. always thought i didn’t “get” poetry BECAUSE I DONT IDK? symbolism? metaphors or. the other thing. i looked up examples but idek what it is bc i dont think i read a single interesting poem in school.

ok. yes. ithace. love that one. i read one (1) interesting poem in school.

but anyway i am the kind of person tumblr loves to complain about like ‘ummm didnt u learn anything in school sweetie like about literature and analysing stuff and whatever :)’ no i did not i was too busy making up cool and fun scenarios in my head and avoiding answering questions unless i was the only one who knew the answer. for my ego stroke.

idk honestly the kind of shit they made us read in school like. is it good to read those books/stories/poems? yes. but why was it SO FUCKING BORING for example. i loved the one with the boy and his friends in nazi occupied greece like fuck that book. broke me. over and over again. and its the kind that would definitely interest a teenager. the story of a boy who grows over the 4-year period and idk the reality of every day life during that time? i was into it idk about the other morons

BUT WHY AM I READING ABOUT WHOEVER IS ESCAPING SMYRNI DRINKING PISS OR WHATEVER LIKE. GROSS. THIS WHOLE THING IS GROSS.

ariadne comes to mind that was like. the woman’s rage. shoot that shit into my veins. cant remember if it was poetry or prose but w/e.

they made the illiad boring. like i barely remember it but i was just like. i dont get it. what is this. probably the only thing that really stayed with me was hubris because im like oh okay. thats the thing modern greeks call swearing. thats cool. word etymology, ykno, absolutely normal interests for a 13 yr old. (and ok in reality, having attempted to read the illiad (translated) recently. it is. so slow. like something that i said about homer being the og ADHD bitch like SIR. SIR U ARE RAMBLING. CAN U FOCUS. WHAT HAPPENED TO ACHILLES ITS BEEN? 57 PAGES?

school made THE ODYSSEY BORING. like took us to a play of the odyssey and everyone’s complaining and im like !!!!! this is amazing!!! and we’re talking plays for teenagers, this is not the type of things you would see in the better-known theatres around the world alright. but i loved it its a really good story. really the mythology, and i love that guy odysseus he’s so smart its actually sexy.

(which reminds me i loved the les miserables play too i think the only adaptation i have even seen. not read the book either and at this point will not.)

school, the typical day at school, is honestly. fucking boring as shit. read words write words alright man can we do something that engages my tiny little brain. i am a curious creature ready to learn but y’all are only here to make us sit straight, stay quiet, line up, head down, do your homework and pass these standardised tests. you gotta go to the fucking bathroom on a their made up little timetable like are we in prison or are we free to be children and adolescents <3

anyway, my point is, i thought i wouldn’t ‘get’ poetry and like, wasn’t the kind of person who could write poetry but idk i can’t stop writing it now. like freestyling, yes, homer-like rambling and tangents, but it’s also cathartic and i think? im doing okay? for someone who’s fucking clueless? im gonna start reading poetry i have a tiny book by one of sappho’s followers, good place to start.

and maybe i’ll stop worrying about whether im doing it right bc fuck it man. its my poetry i make up the rules. and i really truly do want to know if the little hidden easter eggs or vague descriptions, attempts at similes, ~ symbolism ~ are at all.. good? easily understood? no fr im gonna give my readers homework.