#bc that sends. The wrong message
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Just one time I’d like to do the thing stupid men do where they try to mass message a girl and start a group chat but! I want to make a fake account so, when I ultimately get embarrassed leaving all my hoes alone in a group chat, I can still see the shit being talked - under an alias so there’s no filter, it’s genius
#I’m actually in a group chat called Carson gone wrong bc a guy tried messaging like 30 girls at once. me being one#and we all made fun of him then became friends and started sending makeup tips and cute selfies and bong rips loool
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jason being lonely at the manor as robin. no friends. no one to talk to when Bruce isn’t around. minimal internet supervision. patient zero of the getting groomed online epidemic
#bruce goes snooping through his iPhone 4 post death and is horrified#ooc bc I think bruce would snoop before death too but it’s okay#also bruce should keep the photos jason was sending out#he awkwardly considers saying something about having found the messages post resurrection but what do you even say about that#OR omg bruce understanding it as another example of how jason was never *good* how there was always something wrong with him#i want dick involved here too but that feels too self indulgent even though really it isn’t more than the rest of this lmao
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discord writing, perhaps?
#posting this at the wrong time AS ALWAYS bc i am eepy#also please send me an im if you want the new disco <3#i was gonna send it in messages but uh .. nOPE i got way too overwhelmed way too quickly#i’ll make an official post for it when the new carrd n stuff is done#but for now i just wanna plot some shit and maybe do a lil writing on disco#ooc: hello 911? the wifi went out.
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I know I study psychology and all that stuff about vicious cycles but I still don't get it how can someone put themselves in a toxic relationship, with evidence of how toxic it is, with people saying how bad it seems, and it's all for a shitty boyfriend? That treats you bad?
#ive tried to open her eyes#ive tried to make her listen to herself#ive tried pointing it out how toxic it was#ive even gave her an insight of what a toxic relationship ship was like and it met basically all the criteria#ive tried to not say anything and just listen to her#i know that was wrong of me but ive tried to ask her to break up so many times#i suffer for her and want to see her well but maybe it will be better for me to let her go#to not send messages first and not ask anything bc shes my friend and bc of that it makes me feel really bad#its not about me i know but its making me fall back into disordered thoughts#today we were roleplaying and there was what i think happened irl. i stared at the message for so many minutes wondering what to do#and i know i told her to vent in the rpg but im afraid ill break the character and this time i dont want to be incisive about anything#stopping the roleplay is something ethical isnt it?#thats that me bru <3
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I'm getting to the end of my line over here.
#LIKE I KNOW. BUT ALSO. LIKE. IT HAPPENED WITH EVERYONE SO MAYBE.#like being left on read is okay im fine with that#im also fine with not being messaged for a few days bc I well know life can get busy and overwhelming so ita totally fine#but being left on read consistently. being not messaged for weeks. BY EVERYONE.#please if im doing or saying something wrong i need to know bc ill stop or change bc please i want my firends to want to talk to me#i want my firends to see something and think of me and tell me about it#i want them to listen to a song and send me a link or watch a show i reccomend and give me a script of their reactions#i feel like im giving and not getting a lot back and i want to know what im doing wrong#and if im giving too much i also want to know it bc then ill back off or stop#bc i get so excited when i see ive got messages or asks from my friends and id like to think they feel the same about me#but from my end it doesnt feel like that#i went mia for four days. i touched nothing. reblogged nothing. gave no sign i even existed anymore. and i got one dm the whole time#i love tumblr but its feeling less and less like i have any place here at all let alone on any other socials
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I am once again feeling sad and unappreciated on main
#how come when other ppl send fics on discord theres always ppl reading them right away and sending messages to talk abt it#when i do it *crickets* 99% of the time#maybe i'll get smth like ''yay'' or ''woo'' in response but no one has ever said shit abt the actual content of my fics4#WHAT. AM. I. DOING. WRONG.#NO ONE EVEB FUCKIGN CLICKSD ON MY NEW FIC ONE FUCKING HIT NO KUDOS LITERALLY WHY#i stg that dream i had where someone said they liked my ideas but would never read any of my fics bc they hate my writing style#wasn't even a dream it was just a vision that's 100% true#im sorry im not spiraling over thie specifically there's a million other more serious reasons im upset but this is just the straw that broke#the camel's back man im breaking down
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YAYY UR ASKS ARE BACK . I NEEDED TO SHOW YOU THIS

WHATATATGAHSGWJD
STOPPPPP THAT'S SO FUCJING FUNNY NO WAY. "Contains oberly pro-LGBTQ+ messaging" its okay you can just list Gabriel and not elaborate yk HAHAHHAA
#asks#t4t-mizurui#no id#GENUINELY THATS SO FUNNY THANK YOUAYHAHABAHDN#THATS GENUINELY WILDDDD#yk why else its woke. bc gabriel literally murders an entire holy council when he finds out they've been doing christianity wrong#he accepts no longer being connected to the father's light and chooses to send a message to heaven by showing them the decapitated head of-#-their corrupt leaders#like yes its a gay as hell game but also its VERY BLATANTLY ABOUT HOW MODERN CHRISTIANITY IS ROOTED IN FEAR AND CONTROL AND POWER RATHER-#-THAN ACTUAL FAITH. LIKE COME ONNNN AHDBJABDJWBDJDN
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you know the introversion and autism be hitting good when you get so proud of yourself for successfully having a 20 message long text convo with someone
#autism#why social shit so hard tho#like i get scared before i send a message#bc what if i said the wrong thing#and the message is literally just 'yeah me too' lmao#actually autistic#introvert#introversion
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how do you kill your mirror neurons?? i don't want to smile at people i'm having a fight with just bc they smiled, like no it's not over i'm not smiling bc we're "making up" or whatever
#trying to surpress it doesn't work#and it's sending wrong messages#avoiding eye contact like the pleague bc i won't be forced into appearing pleased!!#bc i am not!
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i’m grieving channie’s room like it’s the death of one of my family members
#honestly fuck this company#he’s working himself to the fucking bone for them and they do this#and the fact that we had to learn that through a damn fansign too? no explanation allowed?#i just hope chan doesn’t blame himself#jype just lost a big part of what made skz special to many people and what brought many stays to stayville#i’m so fucking disappointed and sad rn#I’ve had hope for the last 3 months… but guess I shouldn’t have#people who have chan’s bbl —> please send him lots of love and encouragements; remind him he didn’t do anything wrong and that stays will#always love him and stay by his and the boys’ side… please please please send him and the boys good vibes and messages#as if life wasn’t hard enough already#i (we) just lost sth I (we) looked forward to every week and that did so much good for stays and stayville in general#ig I just miss him dearly#almost every time when I could watch I shed tears during the screen hugs bc it just felt so good#ily chan; stays love you never forget it#stray kids#bang chan#chan’s room#channie’s room#lia.txt
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just had a dream that left my spirit so unsettled had to go and lock my bedroom door for peace of mind….it wasn’t even abt being attacked except for the brief intermission where i was attacked by a dinosaur before it went back to the other stuff it just makes me feel better……it’s like occasionally i have dreams that r run by my intrusive thoughts & it is very upsetting & distressing to be honest anyway i want to go to sleep soooo bad i cannot keep my eyes open however i am unsettled.
#michelle speaks#bc also u have a dream like that and ur like why would anyone have a dream like that there must be smth wrong w me#going along w how it feels to have intrusive thoughts however for me those are very brief vs the dreams being much longer#plus i have vivid dreams from my meds & that makes it worse. UGH.#going to tell my mom this is bc she didn’t send me a gokdnihht message
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dudes ive hit a point with The Horrors:tm: where im unable to convince myself that any of my friends actually like me
#vent#it's like. i think im a pretty solid guy#my negative traits dont define my view of myself etc#i understand that if someone doesnt ike me it doesnt mean im horible etc#but like. i am unable to believe that anyone wants to be around me#even if someone explicitly says they want to talk to me/want to hang out/enjoy my presence#im like hmm. well. sounds fake.#and again it's not like i think im an unlovable piece of shit or something#i just dont think anyone is being honest with me#like i rarely notice hints or subtext or passive aggression when people talk to me#but im simultaneously excessively sensitive and will be like 'wait do they hate me now' if someone sends like an all lowercase one word tex#because it's like. oh no what if they actually ARE hinting that they dont like me. etc#most of the time when i get 'god shut the fuck up' vibes theres not actually anything wrong#BUT because theres been so many times that i MISSED the 'god shut the fuck up' vibes#i automatically assume everyone is mad at me/doesnt like me/doesnt want t talk.#even trying to say 'usually im wrong about people being mad' is extremely difficult#bc im like. fully convinced ive been right every time#and that everyone has just been lying t me#this has been a thing since like. age 14+ for me#but lately it's gotten worse#and like im scared to even dm a friend a meme because they might be mad (they literally sent me a song rec earlier. i have no reason to#assume theyre mad. except when i got the messages i was like 'oh no what if this has a hidden meaning')#it's one of those things where like. my anxiety medication works really well#but this is the flavor of anxiety thats inspired by past experiences#s even if i try to tell myself there arent any signs that theyre mad/annoyed/whatever#i immediately think 'but ive been wrong before.'#and then that same loop stops me from asking. because asking either annoys people or they lie to me about it#idk idk idk im tired#even if i did ask i wouldnt believe any answer other than 'yes im mad/annoyed/whatever'#including if they add 'i just need to be alone right now' or 'yes but not at you' or 'yes and i need to cool off'
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ok but if you're gonna post a fundraiser ask maybe actually read it 😭
#i have to assume this person is just an idiot bc they messaged el shab hussein#to say that this was a scam and others may also be scams#or they're trying to claim more palestinian gfms are scams but are really stupid about it#also palestinians don't send their gfms on anon......#there's just so much obviously wrong here lmao#jay text
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i’m sooooooooo stressed about a message i just sent but i am glad i sent it bc if i hadn’t i would’ve spent the rest of however long thinking about sending it and i don’t like that at all but also my heart is literally pounding in my chest what if he hates me and doesn’t want to be friends anymore…………………
#I DONT LIKE BREACHING THE COWORKER VS FRIEND BOUNDARY BECAUSE MY BOUNDARIES ARE SO THIN BUT I AM ALWAYS TERRIFIED OF PUSHING SOMEONE ELSE#TOO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO THIS GUY AND I SPENT SO LONG BITCHING TOGETHER SATURDAY NIGHT AT A PARTY AND HE SMOKED MANY OF MY CIGARETTES#SO HOW MUCH CAN HE REALLY HATE ME#I AM SO FULL OF ADRENALINE RIGHT NOW THIS IS SO SCARY IVE GOT MY PHONE ON DO NOT DISTURB BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHEN HE REPLIES#HORRIFYING. TERRIFYING. I WISH I HAD SENT A MESSAGE TO HIM BACK IN FUCKING JULY THE FIRST TIME I WANTED TO SEND A MESSAGE TO HIM.#HORRIBLE HORRIBLE STUFF AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#IF I FUCK THIS UP THEN I DO ACTUALLY FUCK THINGS UP QUITE SEVERELY BC HE IS ONE OF THE PEOPLE I MOST ENJOY HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH JUST#IN GENERAL. BUT ALSO. I KNOW HE LIKES HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH ME AS WELL SO IT SHOULDNT FUCK IT UP TOO MUCH#BUT WHAT IF IT DOESSSSSSSSDD#AND THEN I HAVE TO SEE HIM. AT WORK. ON THURSDAY.#THIS COULD GO SO WRONG BUT IT ALSO MIGHT BE THE START OF A LOVELY ABILITY TO TEXT CASUALLY#WHICH IS WHAT IM AIMING FOR BUT JESUS CHRIST AM I SCARED RIGHT NOW#HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO SCARED
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i kind of. hate being such a chronic worrier
#its just so. draining. like obviously id rather worry about my friends than have nobody worry at all but god i feel insane sometimes#like im always the one thats concerned i go to their houses i call relatives i MAKE SURE theyre okay#and 9 times out of 10 they ARE okay#but that sliver of a chance that theyre not keeps me up and night and makes me want to puke and drives me insane#i feel so fucking crazy like if i didnt check up on my friend id have a two day long anxiety attack just waiting for him to send a message#but then i did check on him in case something is ACTUALLY wrong bc i have reason to be anxious i THINK and it turns out to be nothing and i#im just so. tired. of feeling like the insane overprotective chronic worrier that overthinks everything#like obviously i dont want to be RIGHT about my fears#but i feel so crazy#someone tell me im not fucking crazy#god wkseidughtwksdjghsdg#ryan's screaming
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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