#because I've eaten through tears before and it's definitely a whole thing

[faytelumos]

Rescue

I have absolutely no idea why I hadn't planned on posting this.

---

Hero closed the fridge door again, empty-handed. Their options were meager and time-consuming, and they didn't have the energy tonight.

They limped to the cupboard and opened it, their eyes falling to the crackers. They pulled out the box, and it felt like they were on their last sleeve. They… could probably hold off. It was late enough by now they could just go to bed. They could save the crackers for breakfast. If they combined it with a coffee, they could probably make it through to the afternoon.

They set the crackers back in the cabinet and closed the door. They flicked off the lights as they hobbled past, keeping a hand along the wall for stability and guidance. Their stomach growled despondently, and they limped into their room. Falling into bed was a relief, and they were exhausted enough to fall asleep within half an hour.

Their front door opened.

Hero flinched awake, heart pounding, ears straining. Was it a dream? Were they imagining—

Someone was moving in their living room. In their kitchen.

Hero slowly got out of bed, trembling, breathing hard. They strained, avoiding putting their weight on their bad leg, and did their best to sneak to the door. They turned the handle carefully as the intruder opened their fridge. Ha, were they only here to steal groceries? Then they came to the wrong apartment.

The light was on in the kitchen. Hero braced a hand on the door, moving slowly, deliberately. Closer, quietly, so they could see the open fridge door—

Villain turned away from the fridge, grabbed a jug of milk off of the floor, and turned to put it in the fridge.

Hero stared as Villain packed eggs and ground beef and a head of lettuce and a bunch of carrots into the fridge. They looked to the front door, which was again closed, to the doorframe that looked perfectly intact. They looked to the grocery bags, to the meat and vegetables on the counter, next to the stove.

"Are you going to keep hiding like a shadow?" Villain asked, closing the fridge and putting away pasta and rice and condiments. Hero hesitated before limping into the light.

"What are you doing here?" Hero said lowly. They tried their best to stand upright, to be threatening. If the organization knew they'd let Villain into their home, there'd be hell to pay.

Villain paused, then looked over their shoulder at Hero.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" They shook their head, turning back to the cupboards. "Get off that ankle." Hero bristled.

"Get out of my house," they threatened. Villain wiggled their fingers and ooed mockingly.

"Oh, my, I'd better not cross the starving, injured, sleep-deprived Hero." They packed away a loaf of bread. "I'd be in for a real thrashing."

"I mean it!"

Villain closed the cabinet door sharply, looking directly at Hero. Hero flinched at the sharp sound and movement.

"Sit. Down."

"Make me," Hero whispered. They knew they weren't good for a fight right now, but if they didn't try—

Villain marched straight for them. Hero took up a modified stance, keeping their weight off of their bad leg, and when Villain got to them they struck. Villain deflected the blow with ease and then grabbed Hero sharply by the ear.

"Ow! Ow!"

"Shut up."

Villain pushed them back into a chair, then went for the stove. They turned on the heat and drizzled some oil Hero didn't own into a pan. Hero watched, a little mesmerized, as Villain started cutting up an onion. They did something weird, not cutting it all the way through on one side, and they didn't so much as sniffle as they chopped it up into little pieces. Then they dumped it into the pan, and Hero listened to it sizzle as Villain got started on a tomato.

"What are you doing?" Hero asked again. Villain barely spared a look over their shoulder.

"I'm making you something to eat." Hero blinked, breathing deeper around the tension in their chest.

"W-why?" Villain dumped the diced tomato into the pan next, then grabbed some spices Hero had never seen before.

"Because you can't heal a sprained ankle on crackers and soda."

Hero looked down at the tabletop. Why was Villain doing this? Was this a ploy? It had to be a trick; they wanted something. If Hero ate this, they'd owe Villain.

"Whatever it is you want me to do, I won't," they rasped.

"You mean eat a proper fucking meal?" Villain said smartly without turning. They stirred the veggies Oh, jeez, it already smelled great.

"This is a trick," Hero whispered.

"The only trick is getting the horse to drink water," Villain replied. Hero's stomach growled loudly at that moment. There was barely anything in the pan and it already smelled amazing.

"I, you can't fool me," Hero tried weakly. "I'm, you can't just buy me with food." Villain laughed, throwing their head back slightly as they did.

"Oh, baby," Villain chuckled, looking to Hero in the weak light, "even if you were right, you'd be wrong." They just kept chuckling, and Hero watched as they opened up a package of ground beef.

Hero watched, once again hypnotized by the sight of Villain's cooking. They added in the meat and continued to stir intermittently, adding more spices and smelling the pan along the way. The kitchen was soon full of the warm, mouth-watering scent of it, and Hero's stomach growled desperately.

There was a catch. There had to be a catch. Six hours ago, Villain was dancing around Hero like they were a mere pest. The fight had been over almost before it started, and Villain had walked all over them. And now they were here, in the middle of the night, chopping cilantro on their counter.

But, God, it smelled so good. And Hero was so hungry. When was the last time they'd had a proper meal? With more than two food groups?

"What do you want?" Hero rasped. "For the food?"

"I want you to stop asking me stupid questions." Hero shut their mouth, watching the quick way Villain roughly cut the greens. They were more precise with the lettuce next, and then they stirred the pan again before producing taco shells and warming them in the steam from the meat. A moment later, they opened a bag of shredded cheese.

Hero sat silently as Villain flicked off the heat and scooped the meat into the shells. They sprinkled on some cheese and cilantro and a more generous amount of lettuce, producing four tacos in quick succession. They set them down, dug a plate out from a cupboard, and then Hero was looking at four hot, loaded tacos right in front of them.

They didn't spare another thought to the cost, lifting up the first carefully. They took a bite, mindful of the loose way it was all packed.

It was amazing. Warm and just barely spicy and crisp and soft and crunchy and —

Hero took another bite, and another. They were halfway into the second when Villain sat down before them.

"At least someone appreciates my cooking," Villain grumbled. Hero slowed down, the reality coming back to them now. They swallowed what they had and put the taco back down, and Villain's sharp eyes snapped to their face. "If you ask me one more time what I want from you, I'm going to strangle you," they growled.

Hero snapped their mouth shut again.

"I don't want anything from you," Villain growled. "You need someone to take care of you. Because the people who employ you clearly don't." Hero frowned.

"They're good to me."

"Then why did they let you fight me on a sprained ankle?" Hero opened their mouth to mention the shortage of heroes lately. "Why do they continue to postpone your weigh-ins?" Hero faltered. How did Villain even know about that? "Why do they pay you in peanuts?" Hero gritted their teeth. "Why don't they send someone to check on you? To make sure you're okay? Why don't they have you in therapy?"

Hero looked down, their vision. They didn't know how to ask for a raise. And they'd called to see a therapist so many times. But nobody cared. Nobody ever took the time to care.

Hero sniffled, reaching up and covering their face. Villain shifted, and then Hero was being pulled into a tight hug.

"You're worth more than this," Villain hissed, their arms wrapped around Hero's head. "You don't deserve this. I can see it wearing you down."

Hero gritted their teeth, fighting the tears, but their throat was beyond sore now, and they sniffed and shook in Villain's tight hold.

"All I want," Villain rumbled, "is for you to get what you deserve. Because it's not those shit stains at the organization."

Hero whimpered softly, losing the fight with their tears. Villain let go and knelt down, and they wiped away Hero's tears with both hands as Hero sat and shook and sniffled pathetically. Villain looked over their face, hands on their cheeks, and Hero closed their eyes as Villain leaned in, kissing their forehead firmly.

"I meant it when I said I'm not fighting you anymore," Villain said against their skin. "I can't keep facing someone who doesn't deserve my wrath." They kissed Hero again, firmer this time, and Hero put their hands over Villain's. Villain pulled back, wiping at another tear. "Now eat your damned food," they whispered.

Hero nodded, sniffing, and slowly turned to their plate again. They continued to eat through the threat of tears, sniffing and struggling to swallow past the lump in their throat.

It was the best food they'd ever had.

[trulytiredhermit]

Alright, so think about this one.

The Links just seeing the reader so.. Vulnerable.

Like i don't know about you but I've got this really deep regret that I've only ever shared to my uncle, nobody else knows about this regret to me, and everybody has that, you know? Especially the emotional stuff that makes them tear up.

That and put it to the reader, they're for real going to be crying one night when they can't sleep because they just remembered something, they remembered the thing that they did that they deeply regret, they think that nobody could hear them, they think that nobody will be able to see them in such a vulnerable state.

They think that the others would only ever see them in their calmest moments, they think that the Links have never seen them cry, which was true until that night.

And then they refused to tell the Links about it, they'll just wipe their tears off that just kept on leaving their eyes anyway, shrugged it off as them being emotional, and then tried to change the topic as best as they can, but the Links just won't.

Why are they crying? What do they absolutely regret? They are right here, they should confide in them! They should know that whatever they're feeling shouldn't be bottled up.

Just angsty in general.

*I just- oooooof

Yeah, I definitely get what you mean, I'm sure others will too. But yeah, just having those nights where everything was fine before but then you get that one thought, just that one bad thought, and you just end up spiraling and the tears won't stop.

Yeah, I've had those nights before.

So, just a warning then for people who don't like angst. There's gonna be some angst here, not a whole lot but y'know.*

All I'm imagining right now is Reader having a good, nice day with the Chain.

Having fun stirring up trouble with Wind and Wild, even getting Time to help out with some pranks on the rest of the Chain. Sitting by the campfire exchanging stories and having laughs with the Chain.

Then night hits.

And past memories and regrets come with it.

Maybe Reader feels guilty and regrets leaving their home to travel with the Chain (whether they willingly left or didn't doesn't matter, guilt doesn't care about the scenario). Or they had made a mistake in the past that they wish they could fix.

Eventually more regrets and memories start piling up; Reader isn't able to escape to their dreams anymore, sleep eludes them whilst they get eaten up by their past.

Then, as things start building up and just become too much, the tears start.

They try to be quiet, they really do.

Using their blanket, they try to muffle their sobs and gasping breaths. And while this tactic may have worked at home before, it doesn't work with the Chain.

With one person being awake and on watch they're for sure to take notice of Reader's shaking form.

The other members of the Chain wake up to the quiet sniffles and huffs. Of course, they would, having gone through so many dangerous situations they've learned to be light sleepers; to awaken when things in their environment suddenly change.

But Reader doesn't take notice of the sets of eyes on them, too busy still attempting to muffle their sounds.

Perhaps Hyrule or Wild ignites the campfire once more, suddenly illuminating the surroundings and Reader in light.

Or maybe a gentle hand caresses Reader's shoulder, taking care not to startle Reader too much, and Reader turns around to find the Chain crowding around them, concerned looks and sympathetic gazes.

The Chain would try to get Reader to talk to them about what's troubling them; tell Reader that they're always there to talk to and confide in.

But Reader brushes off their concerns and saddened looks with an "I'm fine" whilst they hurriedly wipe at their eyes. "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

However, it's not nothing and the Chain are going to worry about it.

They keep up with their questions.

"Did something happen?"

"Are you hurt?"

"Was it something we said/did?"

"Did someone else make you upset?"

They continue with their comforting.

"It's okay to cry, we're here for you."

"You can tell us anything [Name]."

"It's alright, it's alright."

They bring Reader into gentle hugs, hands creating soothing patterns on Reader's back and arms. Gestures and embraces filled to the brim with enough love that it's practically overbearing, suffocating.

Maybe Reader finally breaks, sobs into the warming embrace of those around them. Talks to the Chain about their worries; alleviates the problems and thoughts clouding their mind.

The Chain are happy that Reader trusted them enough to confide in them at last, they of course tell Reader not to be afraid to cry in front of them and to no bottle up their emotions anymore.

And while Reader's cheeks may still be slightly damp from their tears, they go to bed with a soft smile on their face. Surrounded by the loving embrace of those around them.

Or

It becomes too much.

The Chains embraces and loving words become too overbearing; too suffocating that it sends Reader into a panic; makes them go defensive.

Perhaps they push their way from the Chain with a harsh "I said I'm fine! Just drop it and leave me alone!"

They drag their bed roll away from the group, setting up further away from them next to a nearby tree.

Rolling onto their side they face away from the Chain so that the tears that streak down their cheeks won't be seen.

Not wanting to push Reader away further, the Chain back off; realize that how they went about trying to comfort Reader was wrong.

They won't drop the issue of course, but it's going to be a few days before it's ever brought up again.

They don't want to push Reader too far that they don't come back to them.

[msviolacea]

enshrouded is the obsession for february

So, @garafthel and I have been absolutely addicted to Enshrouded the past week. Enshrouded is in early access, just released a week and a half ago on Steam. The Steam description calls it "survival, crafting, and action RPG" - think Valheim meets Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom, in a lot of ways. If you like crafting, gathering, building, exploring, with a smattering of occasionally challenging combat, then I very highly recommend giving this game a shot.

Survival games are not always my thing, mostly because I hate being on a perpetual timer - I want to be able to play the intended gameplay loop, whatever that may be, without having to constantly worry about whether I'm going to starve or freeze or whatever. I don't mind grinding for resources - it can be soothing, in fact, in the right game - but once you tell me I have to return to base every six minutes or else I'll be eaten by the shadows or whatever, I'm out. So the fact that Enshrouded only has a small bit of that is a huge plus for me. The vast majority of the land you can explore is perfectly normal; then there's the titular "Shroud," which is basically toxic fog, and you can only venture into it for a certain amount of time before you'll die. Going into the Shroud is necessary - most bosses and a lot of needed materials are there - but you can choose when you want to go in and how to tackle it.

The core conceit of the game - the plot, such as it is - is very Breath of the Wild. You wake up as one of the few survivors of a fantasy apocalypse long past, and now you have to make your way through this overgrown, ruined world, finding other survivors, making your home, and figuring out how to combat the deadly Shroud that still lingers. And ... that's pretty much the entirety of the plot. There's not a lot of story here. There's lore built into documents and artifacts you find along the way, that tell some of the story of what happened before the Shroud took everything, but don't expect anything narrative.

Since I know most people have probably just skipped over this because tl;dr, let's go with some bullet points to break things up, shall we?

You can play solo or co-op with up to 16 people. Either playstyle is totally viable, but co-op can definitely make the grind more entertaining.

You can build houses from scratch or choose to renovate/fix up old ruined farms and estates. The building system is very intuitive; it can be fiddly, and since the game is early access, there are some bumps along the way, but ultimately it's the easiest building system I've come across.

The vast majority of your time in this game will be spent gathering resources - to build, to fulfil quests, to make buff food, et cetera. Like I said, I actually enjoy gathering in video games, and this is a very satisfying gameplay loop for me.

The character creation is ... sparse. And all body types look kind of like hobbits. But there's a decent variety of skin tones, which is something.

The combat is pretty intuitive, I say as someone who is a mediocre action combat gamer. There's the usual array of options - sword and shield, two hand, bows, magic - but you can do everything if you want. And after just a few chaotic wipes, I started to get it enough that I'm able to solo the low-level bosses with just a little bit of effort. (Haven't gotten up to higher levels yet!) If you've played the last two Zelda games, chances are good you'll get this with no problem.

The whole world is hand-crafted - no procedural generation here - and it is HUGE. The developers say that only a portion of the map is currently available, that it will be even bigger when they get to full release, but even as it is it's bigger than most other games I've played.

Anyway. If any of the above sounds like your jam, I highly recommend picking this up, even in early access. I'm ridiculously impressed with what the devs have put together so far, and it's going to satisfy my urge to craft and gather for a good long while. I'm gonna have to take a short break for a few days for D&D and so I don't get hopelessly spoiled for Star Rail 2.0, but I'll be dreaming of renovating our cool farm the whole while.

[ceo-of-daichi]

Characters - Sawamura Daichi x Fem!Reader

Summary - Lockdown had really affected your social life and daily routine, luckily a certain someone was willing to help you get your life back to somewhat normal. What will happen when you start catching feelings?

Genre - Fluff

Warnings - Slight mentions of anxiety 

Word Count - 2.3k

A/N - Back again with another Daichi fic! Are you surprised, probably not i got a one man mind lmao. This one isn’t as long as the last but still as fluffy, hopefully you enjoy reading it :) p.s. this was almost called Toothpaste I blame Jas👀

Covid-19 had really flipped your year in a completely different direction to what you were expecting. You started the year hoping to finish your last year of high-school on a high, helping the volleyball team get to nationals and getting into university. However, the world clearly had a different plan for you, when the virus first started you didn’t think much of it. Why would you? It was only when the announcement came that the country was going into lockdown that your brain finally registered what was actually happening. Being the slightly more extroverted individual you thrived off seeing your friends, plus both your parents worked as nurses. You were going to be alone.

The first few weeks went by pretty fast, managing to keep up a routine by going out for runs and making yourself eat at certain times. Even keeping in touch with your friends from the boys volleyball team as well as Kiyoko, one of your closest friends. However, after this fairly stable period you had a really bad day. Nothing went your way, blender… broken, guess you weren't having a smoothie this morning. After that frustrating incident Tanaka and Noya decided to start poking fun at you in the group chat, which you were NOT in the mood for. Group chat… Muted. It was also raining extremely heavy so you decided maybe a well deserved rest day was in order, throwing on the TV you flopped down on the couch to start your film marathon.

5am. That was the time it was when you finally passed out on the couch. How did you end up staying up that late, Harry Potter. Why you thought it was a good idea to start watching the films you don’t know, but you managed to watch them all, all 19 hours of them. That was all it took to mess your routine up for the next month, not waking up till 2-3pm everyday just to lounge around. Barely keeping in touch with anyone, you hadn’t talked in the groupchat for close to 3 weeks, hardly even thinking about eating anything but snacks. 

Luckily you had a saving grace, Daichi. After going MIA , the third year’s started to get worried about you, especially Kiyoko. She had dmed you multiple times and got nothing in return, mainly because you saw the messages but forgot to reply. You were a whole ass mess to put it plainly. 

~ 3rd Years Group Chat ~

Kiyoko - I’m worried about [y/n]...

Suga - Tell me about it, she hasn’t been in the chat for weeks

Daichi - Have you tried dming her?

Kiyoko - She is ignoring me, she hasn’t replied to one of my messages

Asahi - Maybe she’s just busy?

Daichi - In the middle of lockdown…

Suga - Yeah thats unlikely

Kiyoko - Can one of you dm her as well? I just want to make sure she’s ok?

Daichi - I can... i’ll let you know if she replies and if she doesn’t Asahi or Suga can try

Having received a concerned message from Daichi, you realised how much you had lost track of everything and anything. Replying to both him and Kiyoko apologising and explaining you had just forgotten to press send. Although Daichi wanted to believe that was the case he couldn’t, instead of being upfront about it though he started messaging you throughout the day. Just small things asking if you had eaten and if you were staying hydrated, little did he know that this helped you get back into a better rhythm of lockdown life.

You slowly fixed your sleep schedule and got back to eating 3 meals a day. Although you hadn’t managed to get back into running, your talks with Daichi slowly got more frequent and for longer periods of time. The more you talked to him the more motivated you started to feel, eventually you got back into your running routine. It no longer became the odd message to make sure you were eating, but full day conversations about anything you could think of. Eventually you started relying on talking to him to cure your lockdown loneliness, a day without talking to him was not a good day for you. Daichi being the fairly observant person that he is, started to realise and eventually bought it up.

Daichi :) - Hey [y/n], I've been meaning to bring something up with you, you mind if we call?

[y/n] - Yeah sure Dai, just call me whenever i don’t exactly have anything going on

Receiving this was like a bullet to the chest, worrying what it could be about you pulled your knees up to your chest steadying your breathing. As you were lost in your head, your phone started ringing. Answering it you heard his voice for the first time in close to 3 months, it was music to your ears. Slowly over these 2 months you had grown fond of the boy, but you had quickly dismissed the idea of anything forming between each other. Both having different priorities in life, being scared of rejection also didn’t help.

After an hour and a half of deep conversation, a couple tears shed but more laughter at the end. You collapsed backwards onto your bed, he had found out everything. How your parents were barely home, always doing long shifts at the hospital, how you felt like you had no one during those 3 weeks you were MIA. Most importantly though you had confessed that talking to him was like receiving a warm hug. It's exactly what you needed at this time, obviously you would love an actual hug as well but that's pretty hard from a 2m distance.

~ 1 week later ~

Your eyes went wide as they announced on the news that lockdown was starting to be lifted, you were now allowed to meet up with people outside at a safe distance. Smiling you quickly messaged Daichi telling him how excited you were that restrictions were finally being lifted.  

Daichi :) - That's Great [y/n]!! So.. you fancy going on a socially distanced pic-nic tomorrow? Don’t worry about bringing anything but yourself. I got the rest covered, obviously if you're ok with that?😃

Reading the text over multiple times, pinching yourself to make sure it was real. You hadn’t seen Daichi in close to 3 months, and within that time you had developed feelings. What would it be like seeing him in person now, generally being awkward with past crushes, you started to worry about scaring him away. You couldn’t do that, you needed him. Taking a couple paces around the room thinking about what to reply, before realising you were most definitely overthinking it. He didn’t see you that way…

[y/n] - Yeah sure! Just let me know a time and place, i will be there

Daichi - 1pm at the park round the corner from your house?

[y/n] - See you there!! 

The next morning you woke up with a huge smile plastered on your face, excited for the day ahead. Jumping out of bed and rummaging through your wardrobe you pulled out a cute summer dress, not too dressy but showed you put effort in none the less. The summer dress was red and was covered in little white flowers, you had only worn it a couple times and decided it needed another outing.

Walking down your road and around the corner to the park, the wind hitting your face made you feel like maybe the world was getting back to normal. As you walked through the gates, you noticed Daichi stood over by a slightly more wooded area, smiling as you made your way over to him. Greeting each other you forgot how much his laugh and smile made it seem like nothing else mattered, making your heart beat faster in your chest. He ended up leading you through the woods and into a small opening which had 2 picnic blankets laid down at the appropriate distance. As you got closer you noticed that there were sandwiches, fruit and small cakes on both.

‘You didn’t have to do this Daichi you know? A simple sandwich would have been fine?’ You started smiling at him, no one had ever gone to this much effort for you and honestly you felt bad. ‘It must have taken you a bit to set this up…’

‘Oh no, honestly don’t worry about it… i wanted to, neither have been out in a while so i figured why not?’ The laugh that came out sounded almost nervous, which confused you slightly… Was he really as nervous as you?

The afternoon went by quicker than both of you wanted. Chatting, cracking jokes and eating, which the food Daichi had made was really good. You had asked why he had never told you about his clear culinary skills, apparently this was the first time he had attempted something like this. Trying not to get too far ahead of yourself when he had mentioned this, even though you were freaking out. Mainly chatting about quarantine life and how you missed being out of lockdown, being able to socialise freely and do whatever you wanted. 

You only realised how long you had been with Daichi when it started to get dark, letting him know you should probably be getting back. Even though in reality you could have stayed there for the rest of the night and into the early morning. Helping him pack everything up  occasionally sneaking glances at him, wishing you could pull him into a hug or give him a peck on the cheek. Just to let him know how much he had helped you over the past month. Sadly you couldn’t, once everything had been packed away Daichi (being the gentleman that he is) offered to walk you back.

‘I had a really good afternoon, thank you for this Daichi…’ Smiling at him as you walk up to your front door.

‘Would you want to do something like this again maybe?’ The way he looked at you, his eyes almost pleading, with a slight smile gracing his lips. This made your heart instantly melt.

‘If you want to? I would love that!’

‘[y/n]... why would i ask if i didn’t want to?’ Raising a brow at you playfully.

‘Shut up you dork, i’ll see you soon then!’ Laughing as you walk through your door giving him a wave before closing it and sliding down it on the other side, trying to calm your heart that was about to burst through your chest.

Another couple weeks past, you had only met up with Daichi once more, but both were still texting all day with the occasional call. You also had met up with Kiyoko within these weeks, explaining your situation. She thought it was really funny how much you were worrying about it because to her it seemed obvious that he returned your feelings. You were still completely denying this fact though, it was something your brain really couldn’t fathom. However, the next day lockdown was reduced once again, you were now allowed to have people in your house from other families. 

Being as excitable as you were and the fact your parents were out almost all of the time, you rattled off a text to Daichi asking him if he fancied a chill movie marathon night? Both of you deciding to watch The Hobbit trilogy later on in the evening. Hopping up from the couch you started cleaning the house, preparing snacks and setting up pillows as well as blankets on the couch. Seen as though it was a chill night you had decided on a pair of grey sweats and a plain v-neck t-shirt, that was tied so it wasn’t too long.

You had just finished setting everything up when there was a knock at the door, practically running to get it. Opening the door to his smiling face made something snap and you don’t know what came over yourself as you jumped into his arms, wrapping your own around him. Luckily he was quick to catch you. 

‘What did i do to deserve this hug?’ He chuckles to himself as you nuzzle into his neck.

‘Everything. Daichi I owe you so much, you don’t even understand’ Letting out a sigh, he closes the door and carries you over to the couch. Placing you down next to him as you pout at him, sad that the hug was over so soon. You had waited for so long to be wrapped up in his arms and when you finally get the chance it barely lasts 2 minutes. 

‘Listen Daichi… you have helped me so much over the past few months, and honestly…’ Taking a breath to figure out how to phrase your next words, however before you could say anything else he had pulled you back into his chest.

‘I like you too dork…’ Frozen in his arms, how long had he known… How long had he liked you back? All you could do in that moment was snake your arms round him and enjoy each other's company as he started the first film.

~ BONUS ~

‘How long have you liked me Daichi?’ You question him half way through the first film.

‘About 6 months give or take why?’ He turns his attention towards you and gives you a quick head kiss, before looking back to the film.

‘6 months… that's before we went into lockdown..?’

He hums, smirking at your clearly oblivious nature, as your brain was spiralling thinking about how many signals you missed.

Tags: @super-noya @stcrryskies @iwaxme @bb-noya @vventure @ardorwrites-hq-mha @scorpiosanssexy

[lawrising-a]

( continued from here! // @pseudoneiric )

there's a sore sensation nestling against the sensitive skin of his wrist -- not rubbed raw, exactly, considering his tie is too silky to achieve such a feat ( and he, desperately, tried to move as little as possible ) but it still stings. a chiding reminder of what he allowed to happen not even minutes ago. yellow wrapped around him, completely bound and helpless ... it was something he can't say he's done before, not like that. he thinks the correct term would be bondage, but was it? gloved hands sinking beneath layers of flesh to expose the fluttering organs beneath, and expose her own in turn. call him crazy, but that's not what he thought bondage was about. but when was anything with lilian it's textbook definition? he can't blame anyone for his display of vulnerability except himself, completely ensnared with the girl the moment they crossed paths. there were times he watered down his attraction, for both their sakes, blaming her allure for his enchantment. yet lies come clean eventually and here he now perches. the edge of his mused bed, chest rising and falling more then it should as he burns with the black markings drifted upon his ivory skin. lipstick marks painting him in a light he's not used to. he's been stripped of all his warm tones and fake boy scout personas ; left in cool colors. green pants and black marks.

‘and what are you ... the sun?’ whispered a voice earlier, like every hushed word was a secret reserved between the two of them. mat rolls his shoulders, because he doesn't feel that way anymore. never has, honestly. he wants to be beaming lights with a killer gravitational pull, but he ... isn't. the colors on him now is a striking reminder of that : yet he replays lilian's maddening words and fools himself briefly. it's okay to believe lies when she's the one feeding them! as long as she believes it, why can't he humor it? everything she said had been a warped view, a funhouse mirror at those shifty carnivals -- but it was raw honesty from lilian, and he can't turn away the swell of attention. even if he should, even if mat should waltz into the bathroom where she's currently shrouding herself away and spill out the truth. let her know he isn't some angelic force but rather a mockery of one. how matthew naively hopes he can be hers regardless of his lack of good ... it's dizzying, causing his vision to blur, because it's been a while since he's confronted this about himself. the student doesn't like it. but oh, he loves her -- a burning sensation that lights his veins aflame and races his heart.

distractingly, he presses the pad of his rough thumb against the mark on the corner of his lips. a replica of a kiss she once bestowed upon him like salvation itself ( hm, what's with the spur of religious imagery today? hah ). trying to prod away the disappointment that rises every time he feels the wishful want of her actual lips there instead. she has to -- she has to feel something for him at this point, right? that can't be an assumption anymore, can it? questions whirl around as his fingers ghost down his ruined skin, tracing over the words left with his own hands like confirmation. like he's silently saying 'yes, property of lilian eyler.' like he's finally allowing himself a love he thought he wouldn't ever have when he traces, ‘mine. mine. mine-’ that ends with him working his way back up, away from the bulge of his stomach and trembling arms -- away from 'poetry, life, religion' and back to his lips. where he's reminded, with a fuzzy feeling balling up in his chest, 'mine.' almost pushing hard enough to slip a finger through his pink lips, plush and ready for ... mat isn't sure. he just wants her to kiss him there. though he knows she won't, least not today. and even if there's this sickening greed that controls him with a talent, he lets her have that. lets her take all her time in the bathroom and tries not to beg for more. how did she elegantly put in, in all her poetic prose that he's seen briefly in the club? a loyal dog? just for you now, only ever for you, lili--

a shiver rocks his form, startling his hands to the edge of the bed to tear into as he digs his heels into the carpet ( like he once had in the bed, to ground himself, to not buck ). was his pulse racing with the life she declared to adore so much? the man sinks canines into his cheek to hold back from beckoning her out to check. no, no ; he said he'd leave her be. it's a good thing for them both right now. if she had stayed and let the fabric obscuring his view fall from his eyes, he would've reached for her. try to pull them close and he'd ramble like a mad man ... wouldn't he have scared her? some part of him thinks he still has. which wobbles his posture in order to keep his head bowed, like awaiting punishment. almost waiting for pain building in his scalp, because surely she'd card her delicate laced fingers through his hair with a bit more force if she came back out. or was that his gentle throb of arousal wanting that? she got him worked up so easily ; ah, well, at least it's a good exercise for his thinning self control ...

a sigh, shaky and human, whistles out of parted lips. dry due to the fact he can't lick them thanks to the lipstick, though he can't help but wonder if he did -- would he be licking lilian's lips that way? the material touched them ... realizing how wild he is, a thoroughly teased animal, matthew laughs nervously. jesus christ, there's parts of him strewn all around his bedroom, because there's no way mat is fully put together. his brain feels like soupy liquid dripping from his ears and hissing into his scarlet skin. a puzzle of a man that lilian expertly took apart and left half completed. no matter how hard he tries to reel himself in, chase away all the sweetened morbidness delivered, he can't find all the pieces. surely, the clever girl took some with her to the bathroom. she was ... possessive. mat learned that just now. possessive over him, envious of basic things that matthew almost couldn't believe. she'll never know how comforting it was to see. a feeling now nestled happily within because nobody's been possessive of him before! she mustn't of gotten the memo from former friends, didn't hear how expendable he was to everyone who's known him. people don't get jealous for matthew, they don't care how much he sleeps, they don't care if he isolates away -- and they certainly don't care if his eyes linger on a girl with purple hair.

because who would find him special? he's an emotional wreck everyone stays weary of, a boy to eye with skepticism. his jealousy, his rawness, his obsessive love and need is wrong and ugly. you're shunned for those things by society. to the world, mat is anything but special, he's wrong ; so wrong and he's relentlessly tried to change that. but lilian ... she thinks otherwise. feels like he feels. sensitive and lovesick. and while he's always tried to hide before, if the girl with inky hair thinks it's beautiful and radiant ... everyone else must be wrong, because lilian eyler never is! as clever as the devil and twice as pretty, so the saying goes. with a rueful smile, too boyish and gentle for his own sharp face, he thinks it's an accurate fit for his favorite person ever. his throbbing molten core of earth, the darkened reflective surface of his beloved moon.

“im excited about lunch tomorrow, you know?” calls mat, voice as rough as ever ; like he uses it too much. but during this whole date, he fears he hasn't used it enough. “i haven't eaten with another person in a while. i usually just grab an apple and loiter around the library.” did you think i ate with yuri? though the fawn haired male doesn't ask, he quickly kills that assumption if it festered in lilian's mind. “if it goes well, we could ... ah, why don't we eat together from then on? maybe everyday? maybe forever! i think it'd be ... nice.”

the last part is so quiet he's not sure she hears it, but maybe she hears it die off. senses his shyness that bares him like it's her own. matthew doesn't want to dwell in it, so he tries to push forward. telling himself to keep tearing down the walls until there's nothing left ( the bathroom walls or his own? ). she deserves to hear more then his sputters from their little session, brought on by gutting arousal and his own jittery sparks : she deserves the world on an obsidian platter. to know he does want to be owned by her, to understand he'd be so comfortable displaying that label for all to see. and for lilian to be told, sternly, that he'd choose her out of a line up with certainty most would be scared of. love isn't half way for him, ever, and lilian needs to know that. even if his heart thunders and he wants to hear more of her disarming voice instead.

“and i want to be yours ; your idea with the whole 'blindly leading me around' wasn't half bad!” heartfelt chuckling makes him feel like he's vibrating out of his skin, her skin now, isn't it? “i'd let you blind me, i'd let you led me even if i was deaf and mute. you could be all my senses, because maybe then i'd trust them more. you don't know how much i wish these words on me were permanent, lilian --” mat twists his mouth, ruins his hair more. “darling, you just ... i've tried so hard to be normal this year, more then any other, yet you make me so helpless! it's ... how do you do that? do you know how special you are, how beautiful? perfect ... well, perhaps not that ; because you're stupid for worrying about not owning me. isn't it obvious you already do? were these reminders for me, or wishes for you?"

( eyes flutter to words he can barely read on his bared parts, words overlapping due to frenzy. all true. all true )

with a tightening throat, emotions rising like waves and god he could just drown, matthew lays back on the mattress. meekly pulling the tie out from under him, only to drag it over his used wrists. picturing only her. wondering if this sight would entice her to keep going when she comes out. and he wants to say lilian, you've won! congratulations on having a lover for life! or, something like : yuri couldn't pry me from your cold dead fingers! but what stumbles out is something foolish that he immediately grimaces over. hopefully she's too shaken to judge him too much.

“i think you're my soulmate, lilian. i .. really do.” so why would i ever let you go? or deem you unworthy? it's me, im unworthy. not you, never never -- his lashes tickle his skin when he shuts his eyes. breath hitching before evening out. reminding himself to calm down because matthew thinks he'll actually explode otherwise. a bundle of nerves, of her love, is all he really is.