#because i was PUNISHED as a child for behaving ‘autisticly’ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

my-chemical-aromance · 1 year

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sometimes i discover terms and words that describe the things i do that are associated with autism but whenever i bring them up i always get “you were never like that before!!”. i used to get in trouble at school, at home, at church for talking so much. I’ve always been hyperverbal I just didn’t know there was a word for it back then. even after i knew i was autistic but didnt know being hyperverbal was a thing i told people i stimmed by talking. before i knew echolalia was a thing i chalked it up to just liking how things sounded or it being a form of stimming.

you’re telling me that just because there’s a word for what i do that’s associated with autism, suddenly I’ve never displayed this behavior before?

all that learning these terms has done has made it easier to understand and explain myself. instead of saying “i talk a lot because I’m autistic and it’s a form of stimming which i do to self regulate” i can now say “i’m hyperverbal because i’m autistic.” or instead of saying “i’m not repeating you to be mocking it’s just something i unconsciously do when i like a noise or word or how you said that word.” I can say “I use echolalia because i’m autistic, thats why i repeat things the way i do.” In both these examples not only is the second option more concise it’s clearer and people understand me better.

i’m not going to apologize for wanting to understand myself and wanting others to understand me.

#actually autistic #everyone’s totally chill with me being autistic until key parts of my behavior and personality are due to the autism #i had a conversation w my mother the other day that sparked this post #i had repeated what she said a few times and she was like #‘why do you do that’#‘you know thats annoying right’#and i said its actually called echolalia and its frequently a symptom of autism #and she immediately scoffed at me and said ‘you never did that before’#yes. yes i did.#i didnt just read this term and decide i wanted to do it #when i actually first read of echolalia i didn’t understand it #i had to read 7 different articles to understand what it was talking about #and then i didnt #associate it with me until another autistic friend pointed it out #and i thought back on my speaking habits and after a while realized that yes that is something we do #and i really hate hearing ‘you didnt do this before’ because not only is it stupid it implies there was a time before i was autistic #ive always been autistic you were just in denail about it until a handful of medical professionals told you point blank i’m autistic #maybe i do do it more now but yk why?#because i was PUNISHED as a child for behaving ‘autisticly’#that didnt make me less autistic it just made me fucking hate you #anyway.#idfk how to tag this #echolalia #hyperverbal #autism spectrum #autistic experiences #autistic community #autistic adult

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