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azenta · 4 years

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hi! thanks for ur posts on IVs, it helped me understanding them in a lot more detail and nuance. could u contrast what aux so vs so blindspot would look like in the withdrawn triad (4, 5 9) of inferior fe types? im confusing telling apart low fe/enneagram withdrawness from soc blindspot. like an ixtp 5/9 sp/so vs ixtp 5/9 sp/sx ... sorry if this is confusing let me know if i can explain better and thank u.

First off, you're asking something highly specific, so i will present each things apart to contrast them and you will have to put things together yourself, because this would be awfully long to do.

Aux Soc: Having the need for Soc but as a mean to satisfy Sp or Sx. Using relations and networking to satisfy the dominant. Also, the sentiment of belonging in a group, either real, composed of friends or acquaintances, or symbolic, such as one's culture, family root, even identifying with a certain category/community (ex.: LGBTQ, gender, work affiliation, etc.)* as a prolongation of the dominant instinct. The belonging in a group brings either Sp or Sx to the individual. A concern for reciprocity and similarities in relationships, as Soc is seen as bringing some "stability" to the dominant. Also, an attunement to power dynamics within given groups (again, real or symbolic), again to better perceive what is best for the dominant in the case of aux Soc**

*Note that simply saying you are (ex.) homosexual is not Soc, that would just be a fact, it's more about saying you are from the LGBTQ, that your self, mentality and/or identity is defined through a "social" category. Homosexuality, and even sexual orientation and identity, defines the person rather than homosexuality being an aspect among many in the individual. They'll use it to define to what they belong.

** Very simplistic example: Soc identifying someone as a leader. Sp/so could want to affiliate with them as it'd bring good ways to Sp, or either avoid them as this leader could be going beyond their boundaries, comfort or threaten simply too much the self (related to the core.) An Sx/so on the other hand could use it as an opportunity for challenge or get some rival which would arouse their Sx for intensity (also related to mating, male against male to win over the "female", a matter of life or death. "Female" could simply be the feeling of being attractive and the liveliness gained from it), or end up being buddy as they have good chemistry and being friend with the leader would bring more Sx occasions, or even they could want to seduce them (Male, female parading bs). Again, depends of the core goal.

Soc blindness: Uncaringness and a certain unconsciousness/blindness about Soc. The person doesn't feel the need to belong in any particular group/affiliation (real or symbolic) and neither rely on networks or even forming and caring for networks as their core goal or as a support to their core. They won't identify(/self/mentality) with groups, and also can have very rigid and inaccurate perception of "soc groups". They can understand that they exist, but they won't see the point of building or defining their Self/identity/mentality around it. An uncaringness for the reciprocity and similarity with others, what matters is the chemistry and having their boundaries respected. Also, obliviousness to power dynamics.

Within withdrawn types

As a general rule, Soc makes withdrawn core more "out there", or simply, more extroverted. But truth is withdrawn mechanism of 4,5 and 9 is about making one retreat into either the heart (emotion), the head or the body itself, and Soc means group serve as a "place" to withdraw to. Soc will therefore help them indulge furthermore into either their emotion, head or body. The goal of withdrawness is to make one retreat where they are the most at ease in order to avoid their core fear one way or another.

A Soc 9 within a group of friends will actually be totally withdrawn and absorbed into the "present moment" and disconnected both of their emotions and head to be more in tune with their "body" or world around. Even a Soc 5 within a group mean they are actually withdrawing from reality by indulging their sense of competency and utility through mentalizing and analyzing (head) for the sake of the people/group (ideology, project, etc.) they are involved into. Same goes for Soc 4s, through others (Soc), the group/s they belong to, they can indulge into their emotions more intensily. They are less typically introverted, but still nonetheless withdrawn from one reality or another. Though, it's important to recall once more that those said "groups" can be symbolic, however usually they always reach people having the same sense of belonging to that group as a way to actually feel that they belong to it (another example, Music genre, such as Metal Lovers or even K-pop fans).

By consequence, Soc blind withdrawn core are the most typically introverted. Only Sp/so will also make them more introverted due to Sp dom reservedness, but within groups you'll see them be quite active as it will be a way to withdraw for them, especialy online groups.

Core 4: Soc in 4s will be used to define the identity, so using some groups (sense of belonging in certain groups) that would accentuate how unique they are. They could all well see how everyone is and pursposefully going against to stand out. They'll want to form relations with people as a way that makes them feel even more unique, because they'll be glorified (more w3) or loved/appreciated for their uniqueness, and this attention will validate that they are indeed unique.

Soc blindness will make the 4 unconcerned to where or what they belong. Their sense of identity will probably be built more around provocation as a mean to attract something highly specific (Sx). As much as repulsive reaction than intrigued reaction. They'll be less into comparison to harness how much they stand out and more self-absorbed. However, it makes them more at loss as how to be unique since they have barely any reference to know how much they are really unique, and so how much they succeed in their inner quest. It ironically makes them stand out quite a lot, but since they cannot see for themself, they never really feel like they are unique enough, and this brings them in constant cycles of destructing and rebuilding anew.

Core 5: Soc in 5s is using networks to gain knowledge and to extend their knowledge too, as a mean to feel they are useful and competent. They are more prone to also hoard knowledge useful to the group they want to/ feel they belong to. They'll be more in a quest to be useful to something bigger than the self.

Soc blind 5s will not care to have any sense of belonging into a group to feel they have any usefulness, they'll believe only the right persons can understand them, and so be less concerned (if at all) about sharing or spreading their knowledge to feel useful or competent. They'll use it more as a mean to test and attract the right things or persons (someone that complete them, that make up for their weaknesses), and so will rather share it at given moment. In other words, they'll be more possessive of their knowledge. Their competency issues will be more at play with any knowledge or expertise that help them make up for their weaknesses, so that "complete" them and therefore, preserve them. The more their weaknesses are still obvious, the more incompetent they'll feel and the more prone to hoard even more knowledge to fill the gap they'll indulge into.

Core 9: Soc makes the 9s attuned to find group/s (even a cause, such as animal cruelty enters this realm of Soc group too) with which they can merge with and extend their needs into. This group (real or symbolic) become them and they become the group. The many relations and network will allow the 9 to extend itself the most possible. They also depend on those relations to not get their sense of peacefulness disturbed, and therefore will rely on any relationship to make them avoid being in touch with their own inner needs (Sx or Sp dom will make them pickier on which to choose or maintain). They'll also depend on the peacefulness of the given group (they want to belong to) or individual around to feel at peace.

Soc blind 9s want to find particular someone/s with whom they can lose themself into safely (Sp way). Again, all about completion of the self and the prolongation of the self in another, though up until a certain point due to Sp. The other's needs and desires become the 9 desires. Those 9s haven't a sense to belong into something greater and won't feel able to extend to just anyone to fulfill their needs. Their needs is specifically the completion of themself through a complementary pair. Of course, for Sp/sx this completion would rather help them better maintain boundaries, to better define themselves and maintain other's at bay. Sp/sx are less about loosing the self and more about finding something or someone (that complete and have chemistry with) that helps them better preserve their sense of peace.

Side note: The soc blind description are heavily leaning toward Sx/sp tbh (especially 9's). The aspect of provocation and seeking chemistry is still obviously present in Sp/sx, but not as much obvious and used as a way to preserve themself furthermore.

IxTPs: Inferior Fe is valuing your personal judgement at the expense of how it makes other feels and what other's values. Ti is how they conceive things work so if it doesn't please others or hurts other's feelings or values, they'll just not care, because that's how things work however you feel about it, whatever you value. Tho, healthy and growing IxTP ultimately aspire to reconcile their truth with other's values, so to get a sense of morality that is still coherent, accurate and true but that also consider other's values, feelings, judgement in it. So, that align with a "greater good".

The difference with low Fe and soc blindness is, low Fe is the one responsible to be uncaring or inconsiderate of others, and soc blindness is a simple obliviousness to group affiliation, power dynamic and not caring about entertaining relationships for the sake of it (aka networking). Being an inconsiderate fuck is (not so healthy) low Fe bullshit, not Soc blind ones. But mixed together you get someone that don't care that you value and care about something different than them (low Fe), and so won't chew their words about their (often amoral) opinions about what you care, however you feel and care about it, since they don't care about being socially rejected or ostracised for it, as they don't seek that sense of belonging and neither value Soc methods of attaining such. In other words, they don't care about the consequences of their words. Sp/so IxTP will be as inconsiderate but they tend to be more careful about how they say their shits, they are less crude in their way of being an ass. They tend to use politness as a way to smooth their words, even if what they say is still really "assholish", to avoid being expulsed or rejected from groups and to not lose too many relations. I'd say they are polite asshole. Also, well, IxTPs also tend to not know if what they say is right or not, and soc won't make up for it, it just smoothes the "how" they put it, not "what" they say.

Also side note, in general, being an inconsiderate ass is just being on an unhealthy range of your personality, and low Fe just means how one is being an ass. But any type can be an inconsiderate duche lord.

So... That's the best answer I can offer as of now. The description for the enneatype x IVs could be way more detailed as it is much more complex than that. But at this point, it gives an idea of how it falls altogether.

#ask #ivs #e4 #e5 #e9 #soc #soc blind #i could make this even longer but i will overheat my mind if i do #and i have been procrastinating 6 other asks so i need to get through it some day x"D

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ais-n · 4 years

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2| and where is the trauma? both hsin and boyd were severely sexually abused. and emilio's illness is always treated as a joke. look Ais, your series has done me so much good between the bad it did. i found i'm gay lmao and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful that you wrote this ok. but there are things that were offensive, and maybe it was unconscious, since i doubt you wanted to be racist or write a mlm relationship but more like hetero. i wish i could just enjoy the books but my heart breaks

3| idk what the one who questioned that could possibly mean between all the things but thats what i mean. i appreciate you a lot. i hope this didn’t make you feel worse or whatever. but some people really did end up hurt badly after reading icos and im one of them. with all respect, and hope that i didnt disturb you much, farewell.

++++++++++++

Aha I just realized I can put both 2nd and 3rd asks in one! Which is good because, again, the gay comment makes me laugh out loud XD As I said in the other post, thank you again for reaching out, for explaining your concerns, and for the courage you no doubt had to bring forth in order to do so.

I’m getting right into the answers in this one although I will probably ask more questions for clarification on some of the points, as I did on the first one, to make sure I’m not misunderstanding or misinterpreting anything.

More below the cut! :)

EMILIO’S ILLNESS

I’m really sorry but I wasn’t sure what you meant by that. Which illness? How is it treated as a joke? Could you clarify?

TRAUMA

So this I thought was super interesting that you felt there was no representation of trauma in ICoS, or I assume you also mean its aftereffects. That’s actually one of the few points I feel pretty confident saying the series does portray a lot of, both in some cases the experience of it and in other cases the repercussions.

One of the reasons both of them are so severely dysfunctional individually and together is because of trauma.

I don’t want to muddy up this post with a huge tangent but someone had asked a few years ago about the result of the Aleixo mission on Boyd, if he was diagnosed with anything, and so on. If you’re interested, I wrote a long ass reply about the psychological effect of sex trafficking on survivors/victims and talked about some of the things you see Boyd do that are a bit reflective of that. More info at https://aisness.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/boyd-aleixo-psychology/

I think there probably would be more information on all this by now, or at least I certainly hope there would be, but at the time of writing Fade that was the sort of research that was available.

Although, full disclosure, I don’t tend to write characters looking up the DSM symptoms for this or that; I write what feels right for them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes later look it up and realize they would have likely been diagnosed with this or that thing or they could be displaying traits of this or that.

At any rate, with Boyd, his trauma started early on, and pretty much everything about him is a reflection of that in some form. I don’t see trauma as specific to sexual assault; it’s most certainly a result of that but also of many other things. Boyd dealt with a lot of neglect and/or emotional abuse as a child, he was bullied by his peers, and generally speaking it was difficult for him to feel like he belonged anywhere. He was very often judged by others, often negatively, for things completely outside of his control, like his parents, their jobs, his home, the amount of money his family had, his looks, etc.

If you look at the Mayo Clinic’s list of child abuse, Boyd falls pretty well under emotional abuse and a bit under neglect, and you can especially see the toll that had on his personality by reading the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse in particular:

Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem

Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm

Depression

Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus

Desperately seeks affection

And general symptoms:

Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence

An apparent lack of supervision

Self-harm or attempts at suicide

If you look at Complex PTSD, and in particular Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) you can see a lot of Hsin:

Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others’ emotional states”

Behavioural control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”

Dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

I wouldn’t say Hsin dissociates quite that extensively but I feel like he does display some dissociative tendencies at times.

Boyd has some too, like

Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

I think in some ways you could argue they both display aspects of:

Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

When Boyd was little, he often wondered why other people were treated better than him - why, when he was getting perfect grades, he was going above and beyond whenever possible, when he was trying to be “a good boy” all the time, when he went out of his way to stay quiet and not bother anyone – why, despite all his attempts, other people were celebrate yet he was reviled, even if the people being celebrated were awful people doing awful things. He used to study other people relentlessly, trying to understand what it was about them that made them acceptable and what it was about him that made him not.

That’s why, despite being such an introvert, he’s good at blending in and going undercover; it’s why he can adjust to new situations and, in a way, act - because he always had to monitor and adjust himself his whole life just to feel seen and loved. His dad loved him on his own so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but with the trauma that came from the loss of his dad, and what happened with Lou, plus everything afterward, it really messed everything up.

Boyd was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but more of emotional abuse. Well, I guess, I should say for the most part he wasn’t.

Hsin was definitely a victim of childhood sexual abuse and probably physical abuse (that bit I can’t recall for sure). He was raped even as a small child, and that led into different aspects of his life. One reason, for example, he would go berserk and was seen by the Agency as unreliable in cases of him seeing sexual assault was because he saw, in some way, himself in those victims. It was probably his way of protecting people when he hadn’t been protected, himself.

I can’t speak too much on Hsin’s specific mental health status or repercussions because I didn’t write him so I’m not fully in his mind, but I do know that sort of berserker aspect is part of what came from his sexual abuse and physical abuse and just generally how he grew up. If I recall correctly, a lot of that led into why he was so unstable and dangerous when Emilio first found him; why it took so long to get Hsin to find a way to deal with the violence and aggression and anger in him, in addition to everything else that would have happened regardless of that childhood trauma. Why, too, it was such a huge deal when Boyd was able to earn Hsin’s trust, because he had learned in his life to trust almost no one.

You can see some of the way they both display aspects of C-PTSD as adults as well in the list at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder#Adults

I should be clear: I am NOT a psychiatrist or psychologist so I’m not suggesting that they would be specifically diagnosed with any of these disorders were they to get official diagnoses. However, the reason I bring it up is to show that a lot of the series reflects the way their coping mechanisms lead them to interact within themselves and with the outside world, all of which is often directly or indirectly tied to trauma.

Why is Boyd so terrified of anyone seeing him without his shirt in the beginning? Trauma. Why is he depressed? Trauma. Why is he suicidal? Trauma. Why does he go out of his way to avoid a certain block? Trauma. I would have to look at specific symptoms of different things but I would guess that you could also tie back some of his instability and his sometimes inconsistent reactions to trauma as well. Sometimes he does things or says things that may seem a bit reckless, or cold, or some other unexpected thing at that time - and a lot of times it’s probably in part related to how he learned to cope with things and what his levels of defensiveness are or his fears are at that moment. But he also has a complete inability to see the good in himself for a long time which also ties back, I would think, to some of the things he experienced growing up/previously.

Boyd is an incredibly unreliable narrator. He spends most of his narration thinking about how awful he is, how he should just die, how he isn’t doing a good enough job, and so forth. Yet, that fails to show the impact of some of his choices and decisions. Boyd was pretty much the first person to treat Hsin like a normal human being, to not see him as a surrogate of anything or anyone, to not have any ulterior motives or expectations of him (no matter how well-intentioned), and to truly gain his trust as a result. Yet, Boyd didn’t really see it that way. He didn’t see how important it was for Hsin that he ended up in his life; he didn’t get why Hsin was exasperated the times Boyd said he (Boyd) should just die, that there was no value to his life. He didn’t believe he could be loved so he couldn’t see it was even a possibility at first. Therefore, he spends a lot of his narration over the series belittling himself and downplaying any of his own achievements while simultaneously rewarding or acknowledging what others around him are doing. Not every moment of his narration, of course, but his default state of self is to think he sucks and others are probably better.

Conversely, Hsin is a confident narrator. He often doesn’t doubt himself, doesn’t care what other people think, and is very sure of himself in a lot of aspects like his physical prowess which, itself, is already above and beyond nearly everyone else. Yet he also learned not to trust or rely on anyone else in his life, so he’s incredibly suspicious of others because that’s how he had to learn to be. So, especially in the beginning of the series, in his narration he tends to be very factual about his own achievements and not shy away from acknowledging the things that are powerful about him (even if he doesn’t always see it as anything that special), while simultaneously seeking out anything untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, or unworthy about those around him. His narration tends to point out the flaws of those around him because he learned that if he doesn’t protect himself, he’s vulnerable, and when he’s vulnerable he gets hurt.

The result of that is, if you read their narrations straight as if it’s all perfectly reliable, Boyd seems even more unreliable and Hsin seems even more perfect than they actually are, because their default states of being overlap in a manner which magnifies the flaws in Boyd and the merits in Hsin.

Both of them learned to be how they were because of how they were raised, what they went through, and more. Same as how they react to various things throughout the series.

I can’t more specifically comment on anything without knowing what in particular you were thinking of when commenting in the ask about trauma and sexual abuse. But I think generally speaking, they already start the series having learned coping mechanisms that work for them based on trauma they already individually experienced. Those coping mechanisms end up oftentimes being challenged and at times destroyed or reworked throughout the course of the series. That is what leads to a lot of their ups and downs as individuals and as a couple; why their story isn’t a straight arc going up but instead derails a lot. And why they both spend the entirety of the series coming to terms with who they are both internally and externally, and what that means for their relationship, and how they can find a way to grow as a person and a significant other. They both ultimately have to work on trust; Boyd has to learn to trust himself, Hsin has to learn to trust others, and they have to learn to trust each other.

The way people deal with trauma is not the same for everyone. Sexual abuse doesn’t result in the same reaction for all people. I’m not sure if maybe one of the things you were thinking is maybe about sexual abuse during the series itself? I already linked something that goes more in depth on Fade so I won’t touch on that book, and I really can’t speak for Hsin because he isn’t my character so I don’t want to misrepresent his thought process as hidden behind narration or actions at different points.

The only other thing I can think of that maybe you’re thinking about is Boyd’s valentine status, and how he doesn’t seem to have overtly strong reactions to anything until Fade. If that’s one aspect of what you were thinking about, part of that is just how Boyd deals with things. He tends to avoid things that are difficult for him or he has difficulty focusing on, and oftentimes shuts down emotionally.

I think honestly he probably dissociated to some extent during a lot of things; kind of separated his body from his mind and felt like whatever happened, happened. For a lot of the time that he was a valentine early on, he had such little love for himself that regardless of how upsetting anything was, how little he wanted to do certain things, he felt on some level like he deserved it. Some things were probably a subconscious form of self-punishment for being born, for being who he is, for surviving when Lou didn’t, for surviving when his dad didn’t, for never being enough for his mother, for just plain existing. Then as time went on he grew to rely on Hsin and find strength in him. It’s also not like every mission he had was a valentine one, or even that every valentine has to end in anything physical.

That’s why he was able to find ways of dealing with things in some form, even if he didn’t like it or was uncomfortable at times, until the Aleixo mission. He thought he knew how to handle things; he thought he had found apt coping mechanisms. But that mission tore that all apart and nearly destroyed him. His coping mechanisms didn’t work the way they had and now he had to find a new way to survive, and from there came a lot of his instability and more that you see in Fade and as I mention in that blog post.

But in short, I feel like the majority of the series ends up touching, indirectly or directly, on some form of trauma as experienced currently or in the past by one or more of the main characters, and their resulting actions then drive the plot. That is one thing we were very specific about doing: having the plot adjust to the characters rather than force the characters to adjust to the plot. That’s why Afterimage exists, actually; the original plan was sort of like 3/4 of Evenfall and then kind of jumping into aspects of Fade. But we realized at the end of Evenfall that certain things would occur which would then lead to Afterimage and Afterimage then led into aspects of Interludes, which then led into aspects of right before Fade, which then affected a huge part of Fade itself, which then informed 1/27. We didn’t set out to write a series specifically about trauma, it’s just sort of one of those things that happens if you take two characters who have been treated so cruelly or poorly for so much of their lives, and put them together as any sort of team - but especially a team that becomes a couple, and a couple that becomes all but married.

+ +

Regarding the other stuff, I haven’t had a chance yet to check if you answered my question about the hetero relationship comment, so I can’t comment on that until I know more of what you mean. But I would say that generally speaking, I don’t know that I believe it’s necessarily fair to label anything as strictly “hetero” vs “m/m” vs anything else for a relationship. That brings with it a lot of assumptions of what it means to be not only gay or LGBTQIA+, but also straight. It seems to suggest there is only a single way or a very strict set of ways for a cis male and a cis female to be together both in a relationship and to have sex, and I guess I don’t feel like that’s necessarily reflective of reality. People are very complex and so are their relationships, as well as their sex lives.

I’m not sure how specifically the series ended up hurting you but I’m very sorry you felt hurt by anything. That’s a terrible feeling to have to experience. I hope that in whatever way, however it may work best for you, you have the time and space to reflect and recover and rejuvenate. You, like everyone, deserve it.

And honestly, if that means you have to leave the series completely in your past, never to think about it again, if that’s what’s healthiest for you, I truly wish you are able to do so. Stories are there to connect with other people, to share our thoughts and sometimes help us work our way through our own while reading. No story is worth your mental health being put in question. If it is truly upsetting to you to think about the series, it is absolutely not worth your energy. You are more important than a story will ever be. Everyone is. And I say that despite how much I love and rely on stories to get me through life.

If part of your duress is you like aspects of the writing style but the series itself and its contents upset you, you could try reading some other stuff. I have some things I wrote solo that you can find on my AO3 if you want. But also you can find other writers entirely. Depending on what you’re looking for in a story, and the sort of topics you’ve learned work well for you or don’t work well for you, you should be able to find a ton of great series out there and great authors out there who will leave you with the happier aspects of your reaction to ICoS without anything more detrimental like it sounds happened for you with ICoS.

Regardless, I truly wish you the very best. As I said in the other one, please stay healthy and safe! And, if you’re in a place to manage it, stay happy as well :)

Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friend!

#ask ais #icos #in the company of shadows #Anonymous

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vankoya · 7 years

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Can i vent a bit please? Im in uni and im not a party person. I dislike going to those uni parties and i hate the taste of alcohol. Im not really outgoing and ive made close to none actual friends, i mean its my fault honestly. Dont really put myself out there but anyway i dont mind being alone. Im just starting to feel like im abnormal, i dont like the thought of going to campus parties and i dont feel good in them. I dont drink so im always afraid of being judged. I just idk feel out of place?

Uni anon: and im just afraid that in the future ill regret not going like everyone says i will. Im afraid, bit right now im too exhausted and i just dont want to go. I feel so torn and i feel shitty. Just shitty. Share your wisdom with me please 😣

First of all, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to attend social events, or not wanting to drink alcohol. I am an ambivert, but my introverted side shows itself more often than my extroverted side, where I frequently avoid going out and I do not avidly reach out to my friends to hang out, unless they contact me first. Alongside this, during my last semester, I never went to any uni parties, nor actively reached out to any of my fellow uni students to become pals with them. That was all completely my own decision, and I was okay with that!!

It sounds ridiculous, but socialising (no matter if it is in person, or over social media/messaging) mentally exhausts me a whole lot, even if I thoroughly enjoy it while doing it. I will honestly go out with my pals, have the greatest time, and then not go out with them or see them again for a whole month. Sometimes, I will have a few weeks where I do see them every weekend. But I will always revert back to that state of simply wishing to indulge in my own company and my own hobbies, such as writing. Similarly, I have a few pals who are precisely the same. So, I can tell you for certain that it is not abnormal to not want to go out!!

In regards to thinking you will be judged for not drinking, I can confirm that nobody will judge you for that. The majority of the time, they will not even notice that you are not drinking. If someone happens to go out of their way and judge you, they are simply a massive fucking asshole. At least fifty percent of the time that I go out, I do not drink, usually because I am driving home, or I am too broke to afford any drinks, and I have never had anyone judge me for not drinking. Feel free to use those excuses as well, if you are concerned about someone approaching you and questioning you as to why you are not already drunk!! But I can guarantee you that nobody actually cares whether you are drinking or not, so please do not stress yourself too much over that.

At the end of the day, yeah, you might regret not going to particular events. I seriously get post-FOMO, where I will wish that I had gone to a party or a club event after it has occurred, especially one that all my pals had loads of fun at. I do think it is important to climb out of your shell every once in a while to socialise and remind your friends that you are alive, but it is not necessary at all to overdo it!! You just do what you feel most comfortable doing, okay!!

#advicevory #blabvory

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rebelinksart · 7 years

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Hi ree! So im going to be selling my art at a con in artist alley! Are there any tips I should know? (i met you at a con last year, thats why im asking you)

Oh gee golly, there’s a whole lot to cover there, and I dunno what all you’ve already got figured out, but I’ll go ahead and touch on all the basics and feel free to send another ask or pm me if you want me to expand on anything! Also, sorry for sitting on this for so long, but I wanted to make sure I covered everything I wanted too. I’ll still probably forget a lot but, oh well.

So here we go! Ree’s guide to Convention Survival!

1- You’re going to do both better and worst then you expect!

Go ahead and erase everything you expect to occur at this convention. Chances are you aren’t going to get signed on to your favorite developer (Though I do have friends who’ve made connections at cons that lead to that later down the line ;3), but you’re going to do okay, people will show interest in your work, and you’re gonna learn a lot. I dunno it this is universal, but before every con i find myself in a constant back and forth between the best-and-worst case scenarios that leave me exhausted and nauseous before the event, yet always find myself in between both extreme scenarios. You’re going to do okay! I believe in you :D

2- You gotta talk to folks!

My first conventions, no exaggeration, were a bit of a nightmare. I found it hard to sell art and harder to make connections. This nightmare, however, was COMPLETELY self caused. There’s a billion artists in the artists alley. Even more than art, people are there looking for an artist. In order to draw folks in, you have to engage them! For me this was super rough because I’m introverted as all get out. What helped me break out of my little shell and make some friends and moolah was creating a persona to use as a sort of personality-shield while in these situations. While I’m by no means the expert on all this, the way I went about figuring out who I was gonna ‘pretend to be’ during cons was by looking at my art and figuring out how it made me feel, and then playing that feeling up to an extreme. The result’s an odd hybrid of Tour Guide Barbie and Tracer. I find myself going to this extra chipper form of myself whenever I need to engage with folks now, because it’s something I’ve practiced enough that I know how to use it as a way of socializing and engaging with folks. Find whatever little tricks and characterizations you need to make it easy to talk to folks, and then talk to everyone. Say hello to anybody who’ll make eye contact, ask folks who stop how the con’s been for them, ect.

2.5- You gotta get folks to talk to you!

This was a little trick that I actually learned from my mentor! Once you’ve gotten people to stop at your table, get them to talk to you. Ask them questions about their day! If they express interest in a particular print that they like, ask them if they like the series its based off of: who their favorite character was, what they though of the sequel, who they main, etc. Phrase things so that it stops being a conversation between a buyer and seller, but between two fans of a similar thing. If you met me at a con, chances are you saw me doing this in action. It feels a little awkward at first, but not only is it a good way of getting folks more interested in your work, it’s a great way to make connections and friends. I’ve met so many cool folks through conventions, and a majority of them I met from them stopping and pointing out a picture I had for sale.

3- Have a variety of stuff for sale

This is one I’m still working on learning, but it’s very important- try to have a good variety of stuff available! This comes in two varieties- First, have stuff based off a lot of different media. Have a good mix of movies, comics, games, cartoons, anime, etc. Try not to let yourself have 20 prints of your favorite show and then a handful of other things . Try to keep it balanced. Second, try to have your work available in a variety of forms. The main way to sell art is as a print, but the more options you have the more interested people are gonna be, and the more likely you’ll be able to sell something to someone hesitant about buying. Popular options asides from prints are stickers, buttons, charms, notebooks, phone cases, pillows, and magnets. Along with that, if you feel like being a bit busier during the convention, bring some art supplies and offer sketch commissions! In my experience a whole lot of folks come to cons just for sketch commissions- During my cons I’ll end up having to take things back to my hotel room and draw through the evening just to cover all the commissions I get.

3.5- Ask other artists about the stuff they sell!

Again, if you’re as introverted as I am, this may be hard, but i highly encourage having someone watch your table for a bit so you can walk around the artist alley. Look for products/art styles/ concepts you like, then walk up to the artist and ask them how they made it, what programs they used, where they ordered it. A lot of folks aren’t gonna really be interested in giving away ‘trade secrets’ or whatever, but this is an industry, not a competition, and I guarantee there will be some artists there that will let you know about a cheap place to order good stickers from or a cool free art program. Plus, art friends are always the best friends to have, and those connections will get you a whole lot of cool info down the line.

4- Remember to have fun!

This is gonna be a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ sort of thing. It can be easy to get hyper focused on the need to do well at your convention. However there’s a lot of cool things to experience, and you shouldn’t make yourself miss out on them! See if you can get someone to watch your booth if there’s a panel you’re interested in, see what activities are going on after the artist alley closes, buy something neat for yourself. Work can be pleasure too!

LAST SILLY LITTLE BONUS POINTS

-Every con I’ve been to has rules about food, but every con I’ve been to artists take food into the alley while they’re working. While I dunno the rules on it all, every con I pack my bag full of at least 3 Neuro Sonic’s and a bunch of skittles and granola bars to keep me going. Haven’t been yelled at yet. I say get your munch on and see if you can avoid pricey convention food.

-Also, probably not healthy advice, but caffinate HEAVILY. You know those Neuro Sonic things I mentioned five seconds ago? They sell em in Walmart, and are the only reason I’ve ever survived a convention ever. Coffee, soda, tea, whatever you gotta do. Keep yourself kicking.

-If you’re still looking for places to buy products, Vistaprint is my go-to for most my stuff. Good prints, great business cards, I plan on ordering some of their cards and notebooks for my next con.They also have sales all the time, which is super rad.

-Oh snap, BUSINESS CARDS. If you don’t have some, get some. If you have some, GET MORE. That was the biggest surprise my first convention, is the sheer amount of business cards people will take. Like good golly. Get yourself a ton of business cards

That’s all I can think of right now. Let me know if you have any other questions, or if you’d like me to rant more about stuff! And good luck at your convention! You’re gonna do great!

#ree talks #i believe in you!!#convention #artists alley #Anonymous

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thatunhealthysideblog · 5 years

Text

Coping with Migraines

I had a really bad week last week; constant on and off headaches and migraines. And since Ive been writing a lot of downer posts recently, I decided today I would write about all of the ways I’ve found to cope with them. Please keep in mind that everyone’s headaches and everyone’s migraines are different - even some of my migraines dont “behave” the same way my migraines usually do. Some of the things that work for me may not work for other people or may make someone else’s symptoms worse.

Exercise

I find that I cant do a lot of intense-level exercise because it will at times trigger a migraine or can make an already active headache/migraine worse. Even simple house-chores can exacerbate an active migraine. Because of this, I try to keep exercise to lower-intensity things like walking, swimming, and stretching/yoga. In addition, I regularly do preventative exercises my migraine physiotherapist taught me to realign my upper neck.

Medications

When I first started to experience migraines, Id take Ibuprofen (i.e. Advil, Motrin Im sorry I dont use brand names anymore; I refer to meds by their medicinal names, dont judge me please). Since I developed GI distress, I cant take Ibuprofen as its an NSAID; in other words, it could trigger worse acid reflux symptoms or help cause ulcers/GI bleeding/other forms of GI chaos. Now, I take Acetaminophen (i.e. Tylenol), which I think overall has been less effective for me. I usually have to take higher doses than I did Ibuprofen and Im more likely to have to take a second dose (or third, or fourth, depending on how long/severe the migraine is). My mom finds Feverfew an effective preventative treatment, however I havent tried taking it.

Non-Pharmaceutical Coping Mechanisms

This is where I think I’ve really excelled in experimenting the last year or so.

Some people recommend peppermint essential oil, or a blend of essential oils including peppermint - dont get me wrong, Ive found these oils to be effective relief to a certain degree, however I would rather not pay upwards of $30 for a little roller of oils. Thats where Vicks Vapo-rub (or the generic version) comes in. Its hella cheap, does the exact same thing. I smear it on my temples, over my eyebrows (be careful around your EYES, PLEASE), and down my neck.The coolness relieves tension and can give me enough relief to continue working or whatever until the meds kick in or until I can rest.

Lights have been a bit of a struggle for me. Quite often before and during a migraine things will seem waaaaaay too bright, especially when the lighting is not natural. Sometimes lights can also cause additional stabby pain. My workplace has been accommodating in that theyve removed some of the fluorescent lighting directly above my workspace. I also rarely have a big overhead light on in my room; rather, I use strings of small twinkle lights or lamps which give off less direct light. And when I have an active migraine the best thing for me is to be in complete darkness until its over.

Icepacks are my BEST FRIENDS. I have a few. This past week whenever I was home I was rotating them out; ever time one got too warm, Id swap it for another. The most effective place for an icepack Ive found is if you place it across the nape of your neck, just above where your hairline is. If I have a particularly bad migraine thats also causing burning or stinging behind my eyes, Ill place an icepack on my upper neck and another (wrapped, so its not too cold) icepack over my eyes.

Avoiding long phone calls or meetings/gatherings where someone is speaking into a mic has also been good for preventing migraines. I think I might get migraines from these situations because the sound is sent through a speaker system, but Im not an expert. Ive just noticed a trend, haha. So I prefer messaging/texting as I can usually socialize with people for longer periods without developing symptoms (which is fine anyway because Im an introvert and prefer writing over verbalizing). I can usually last about 45 minutes with a phone call - sometimes more, sometimes less. If Im going to a gathering where a mic is being used, I try to sit as far away as possible and will at times step out of the space completely in order to give myself a rest.

#living with migraines #chronic migraines #that unhealthy sideblog #headaches #meds #medications #exercise #prevention #essential oils #peppermint #icepacks #lights #complete darkness #migraine relief #headache relief #triggers #control

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kristxff-bjxrgman · 6 years

Photo

TASK 001 — DIG A LITTLE DEEPER !

(Answering this as Kristoff because it’s more fun that way.)

BASIC INFORMATION.

What is your full name ?

Kristoff Andersson Bjorgman

How is it pronounced ?

Kris-tohf Ann-duhr-sohn Buh-your-g-man

Is there a meaning behind it ?

Kristoff - basically Scandinavian for Christopher, which I’m told means carrier of Christ (okay...)

Andersson - son of Andrew (I don’t know who Andrew is)

Bjorgman - .....I absolutely have no idea about this one.

Do you have any nicknames ?

Christopher (this was by Anna, when I first met her, in which I immediately corrected her), Ice Dude, Woodsy Guy, Tall Guy, Hey You, Weirdo (by my cousins)

When and where were you born ?

I am adopted, so I’m not exactly sure where, but my birth date is on May 3.

What’s your zodiac sign and what traits do you most relate to ?

Zodiac, schmodiac. I don’t really believe all that stuff. But if you really insist, they all say I’m a Taurus. That’s the bull one, right? Awesome.

Traits? Well, it says here on the Internet that Taurus men are down-to-earth, stubborn, reserved, and can be aggressive and competitive. Well, I guess that’s me alright. It also says here that Taurus men are supposed to be well-traveled and highly successful financially. Now, I highly doubt these though.... Who came up with this stuff, anyway?

Oh, but it does say that when we fall in love, we fall in love deeply and completely. Okay, that’s sounds good. And that, we’re also great at se-- *coughs* Okay, I think that’s enough for now.

What’s your nationality ?

American, but we’re basically ethnically Scandinavian.

What’s your occupation ?

The most stable job at the moment is helping out with the family’s lumber business. I mean, I’m still in college, and will continue with the family business in time.

What gender do you identify yourself as ?

Unabashedly male.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

What’s your eye color ?

Brown

Do you wear glasses or contacts ?

No.

Hair color ?

Uh, light brown?

Have you ever dyed your hair or wanted to ?

What? No.

Height ?

Um...tall? I’m pretty sure I’m past the 6 feet mark..

Body build ?

Athletic? But also sorta slim? I mean, I dunno.

Do you have any birthmarks ?

Nope.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos ?

Also, nope.

If not, do you want to get some ?

Not at the moment no. I mean, I don’t think I’ll look good with them anyway.

Do you have a healthy life style ?

Yes, I’d like to think so. I mean, after all, I LOVE carrots.

How easy do you get sick ?

Not pretty easy. My mom usually says I’m like a rock. Not easy to break.

Any marks on your body ( injuries, … ) ?

I do have some small scars in my arms and also a bit on my legs. Mostly due to my mountain climbing, but nothing too serious.

What’s your personal style/how do you like to dress ?

Um, comfortable wear? I’m no fashion expert, ya know. I’ve heard others say that my style can be either a combination between ‘lumberjack and mountaineer’ or ‘exhausted college student and hobo’.

What is your favorite and least favorite feature about yourself ?

I like me. All of me. But then again, I think being taller than most people I know is a total bummer.

PERSONALITY.

Positive traits ?

Loyal. Hardworking. Resourceful. Protective. Frank and Intelligent. I can go on and on, ya know, but I think that’d be too selfish of me.

Negative traits ?

Stubborn. Introverted. Awkward. Sometimes bossy. Quirky. Shy. A loner. Well, so they say.

What do you consider to be the best and the worst part of your personality?

Loyal and protective, for my best traits. And my worst? Um, being stubborn and bossy, I guess.

Are you more extroverted or introverted ?

Introverted

Any talents ?

Expert at hiking, mountain climbing and camping. Also great at all things lumber. And ice. And a decent lute player.

What are your fears ?

Losing my family. Or Sven. Or anyone I love. *coughs*

Do they have any phobias ?

No, nothing that I can think of, no.

What is your soft spot ?

I have a soft spot for animals. Usually.

List 3 pet-peeves you can’t stand.

High prices at Oaken’s. Like, seriously man. I do not believe that carrots can be that EXPENSIVE.

Complaining about having to walk, instead of riding in a truck. Look, riding in a truck is great for travelling long-ish distances, but if it’s not that far, then we should just walk, right?

The thought of committing yourself to someone for the rest of your life, without getting to know each other THOROUGHLY first.

EDUCATION.

How far did you go in school ? Are you still studying ?

Currently a junior at college. Trying to see if I can graduate with a degree in business management.

Do/Did you like school ?

Eh, it’s alright, I guess.

What type of student are/were you ?

Let’s just say that I’m not the brightest, and I’m also not the dumbest in my class.

What is/was your favorite subject ?

I loved woodworking. And also Biology, I guess. Music too.

And your least favorite?

English, I guess.

What were you/would you have been voted as “most likely to…” in the yearbook ?

Most Likely to be a hermit and live in the woods for the rest of his life

FAMILY.

Who are your parents ?

Clifford “Cliff” Stefan Bjorgman - adoptive father; current proprietor/manager of Bjorgman Lumber.

Hulda Inge Bjorgman - adoptive mother; a crystal “healer” in her spare time

How would you describe them ?

Well, dad is...dad. He’s cool, as far as dads go. Doesn’t really speak or socialize much, so I guess, we’re similar at that aspect. Loves the business as much as he loves us.

Mom...well, she’s a bit chattier than us boys in the family. And by chattier, I guess you could say that she and Anna get along very well. She can be quite meddlesome, but I think she only does that because she wants to take care of us, and that she just wants the best for us.

Do they have any siblings ?

No. I got TONS of cousins though.

Are they close with their family?

Oh, yes. Very.

ROMANCE & SEXUALITY.

What’s your romantic and sexual orientation ?

I guess you can say that I’m heteroromantic and heterosexual.

Are you seeing anyone right now ?

*coughs* Um... I mean... *coughs* Um, no?

Have you ever been in an relationship ?

Well....no. Not really...?

Have they ever been in love ?

*shrugs* I guess. Maybe. Yeah, maybe you can that it’s a yes.

How easy do they fall for someone ?

Not easily. Really.

In their view, why didn’t any past relationships work out ?

*sighs* I dunno. Maybe because they just don’t understand or appreciate me the way I am...?

What do you look for in someone ?

Well, I’m just really on the lookout for someone who likes me for...well, me. If some girl can appreciate that, then heck yeah, maybe I can like her back too.

Do you believe in love at first sight ? or fate ?

Ugh. My mom is going to tease me sooo hard for this.

Falling in love at first sight. No. I believe that you get to know first before falling in love with them. After all, you’d never know if he or she picks his or her nose if you don’t get to know them better, right?

On fate... Well, I guess I slightly believe more on that.

What’s your views on romance ? Do you go after it or avoid it ?

Oh, I mean, romance is great. I don’t exactly avoid it, but I also don’t actively chase it. I mean, I’m romantic, but on my own pace, ya know.

Did you have your first time already ? How was it in your point of view ?

*coughs* Uh, it was...alright, I guess. *coughs*

What is your view on sex ?

Sex is...great, um, okay? I mean... Why are you seriously asking me these questions though?

What are your turn ons and turn offs ?

What the---? *coughs* Okay, I’m not gonna say ‘turn on’ or ‘turn off’. Well, in girls, I like it when they are funny, and can also get my sense of humor. Also, it helps if they can tolerate me.

Were you ever cheated on or have you cheated on someone ?

Never cheated on anyone, and no one has cheated on me...not that I know of.

Do you want to get married in the future ?

Yeah, sure. Someday.

Have kids ?

Not right now. Maybe someday.

QUIRKS.

Are you right or left handed ?

Right.

What’s a word that’s always on your lips?

What?

Is there a saying you keep on repeating ?

‘You almost set me on fire.’

I find myself constantly saying this when in the company of a certain someone. *coughs*

Do you curse ?

Sometimes. Secretly. I try as much as possible not to.

What’s your worst habit ?

I...tend to smell sometimes...? *shrugs* I shower, I swear! But I guess that’s not really a habit, right? If we’re talking habits, I guess it’s my frequent preference to just...be outside. That’s a habit, right?

Do you drink or smoke ? How frequently ?

I drink...occasionally. But not that much anyway. And no, I don’t smoke.

Are they an early bird or a night owl ?

Definitely an early bird.

How tidy is your room ?

Eh...not really that tidy.

How long do you usually take getting ready in the morning ?

I like getting ready in a jiffy, so most probably, around 30 minutes tops?

FAVORITES.

What’s their favorite color ?

Shades of blue and green.

Favorite movie ?

Oh, the Lord of the Rings franchise. Definitely.

Music Genre ?

Folk.

Food ?

Um...all of it? But, the healthy ones of course.

Book ?

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Favorite non-alcoholic drink ?

Fruit juice.

Ice Cream Flavor ?

Rocky Road

Indoors or outdoors ?

Outdoors, definitely.

#okay #i know kristoff's late to this party #but i can't help it #carthaytask #carthaytask001 #task #about

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