#because later in the trailer Ruby is bound up by them

[starleska]

another look at Jinkx Monsoon's mystery musical villain!!! 👀🎶

[truetgirl]

This got long so I’m gonna put it under a read more but basically, TLDR: Guide My Way from the finale, when taken in context with the other songs of Team RWBY, got me thinking.

I am obsessed with how Red Like Roses Is basically just a battle theme that drops quick references to all of team RWBY, Part 2 is really both Ruby and Summer’s song, a glimpse into a conversation neither of them would ever really get to have, and now Guide My Way (AKA Red Like Roses Part 3) seems (from what we have of it so far) to be about Ruby coming to terms with having felt like half a person for so long. Like the first two songs feature her but they aren’t, strictly speaking, for her.

Part 1 is a thesis statement on her entire team and a backing track to a fight sequence, and that all makes sense. It and the Red trailer in general were meant to be eye-grabbing, interest piquing stuff. A first showing for the whole show. But the consequence of that is that Ruby herself didn’t really get the same level of setup in her trailer that her teammates did, nor a song that was wholly dedicated to her.

Part 2 is closer to being Ruby’s song, but she’s still sharing it with the ghost of her mother. Still sharing something that should be a pure deep-cut look into her soul, from the audience’s POV, with her mom. Lines like “you weren’t the only one who needed me, I thought you understood” and “it doesn’t matter how, the petals scatter now” are unique in the four original character themes in that none of the others have to share thematic real estate like that.

When other characters or nebulous “people” are referenced for Weiss, Blake, or Yang it’s still kept strictly in the bounds of each of their perspectives. Mirror Mirror is strictly about the disparate parts of Weiss’s self. From Shadows talks about other only in terms of how Blake’s struggles fit into the larger problems between humans and faunus. I Burn is 100% about Yang being a fuckin’ hotshot cocky bitch (god I love her) and only references anyone else for her to laugh at the thought that they can take her down. And then after these every one of them has gotten like 2+ songs that are also exclusively to highlight the major points of their journeys!

Meanwhile Ruby’s song is not just about her own pain, but about how Summer would feel if she were still here. Every time Ruby tries to say something in the song about how she feels, it immediately swaps to Summer’s response, usually as a sort of counterpoint to what Ruby herself said. One way you can read that is as Ruby feeling like her own feelings don’t matter in the face of her mother’s memory and sacrifice, and that stunting her development as her own person.

Cut to nearly 9 full volumes later and Ruby’s been a leader for a long time, always putting her team and her friends before herself, and that’s taken a serious toll on a girl that wasn’t doing great anyway. She finally crashes, finally breaks, cries out in anguish because despite everything she’s tried to d she’s never measured up to the example of her mother. In her own eyes, she’s been at best half the woman she needs to be. A failure next to her perfect mother’s ghost.

And now, after all of this, as Ruby finally chooses herself for the first time in her life, as she finally accepts herself who is as a person worth of respect and love as everyone around her, she finally gets a song that belongs completely and utterly to her. She rises stronger than she’s ever been to the tune of “Other side, did you mean to make me half or make me whole? Will I ever be complete? When will I become all of me?” and it is SO. FUCKING. GOOD! She’s finally ha the time and grace afforded to her to grapple with these questions. Finally had the perception of her mother as this perfect woman brought back to earth. Finally accepted that, good a person as her mom was, she’s not some infallible archetype up to which she has to live forever. Accepted that she, as she is and as she will one day be, is enough.

God damn it I love this show.

[sid471]

I’m doing these out of order 😊

Oopsie. Hello friends I watched episode 3 and I’m gonna talk about it :3 TL;DR: ... Fuck >_> Spoilers in bound. Don’t want, go away thnk yoooou 😗

So the whole squad got into the academy ^_^ That’s good :3 I think one of Blake’s shadows hit the button 🤔 But yeah they made it and the reactions were funny XD Started off with a bit of comic relief. That’s good ^__^

Buuuuuuuuuuuuut then we see Watts. And..... Of course Ironwood is working with him <_< We all knew he was going to but that doesn’t make it any less annoying >_> He’s not getting off my “Please die soon >_>” list with this kinda behavior <_> Watts is hacking shit around the academy and the final goal is to hack Penny 🙄 We all knew >_< But I hope it doesn’t work. Penny is still robot, but she’s more human than anyone in Atlas. Maybe her humanity will make it impossible to hack her? Or at least impossible to take complete control of her. Or maybe this is just wishful thinking. Aaaaand as a cherry on top of the cake, Watts finds out that they’re in the academy and Ironwood sends a whole buncha reinforcements after them

Anyway next we see more of RNBW(P) and we get an official breakdown of how Ruby’s Semblance works ^_^ complete with a cute graphic :3 

So they use Ruby’s Semblance to get to the room they’re looking for and Penny gives Pietro control of her body, which is very interesting that she can do, and Pietro gets to work doing his thing. 

While that happens, Nora, Blake, and Weiss actually have a very sweet and needed conversation. Blake says that she hopes the others are okay and expresses concern over Yang and Ruby’s relationship, me too girl, and Weiss says “Of course they’ll be okay. Sometimes sisters just have different ideas of what’s right. And that’s okay. They’ll work it out.” not verbatim, but that’s the message. And Nora says “Yeah don’t worry! Oscar’s improved a ton, Yang’s strong enough to protect everyone, and Jaune’s new upgrades are awesome! ^_^” Again not verbatim, god I just watched it I already forgot I have the memory of a dead goldfish >_> And then Blake and Weiss look at her like ‘Forgetting someone? 🤨’ and then she adds on “Oh! And Ren is... Ren is... *sigh* I don’t know what he is anymore. Every time it seems like we’re making progress something always just... pushes us back 😔” We get some Nora vulnerability I was surprised and pleased. And Blake says “When you spend so much time with someone... They can become a part of you. But that’s just it. They’re one part of you. You can’t forget about the whole.” Very good advice from our favorite cat girl. And Nora says something, again that needed to be said, “I don’t know who I am... without Ren. How sad is that...?” And Weiss says “Well... You can use this as your chance to find out. Do something only Nora can do! 😄” And Nora says, sarcastically, and sadly “Like what? Be strong and hit stuff?” I LOVED that whole talk. It was very needed for us and the characters.

But that part with RNBW isn’t done yet Pietro finishes what he’s doing, I forgot because fish brain >_>, and relinquishes control back to Penny. He also reveals that he wants Penny to stay in Amity with Pietro and Maria. Which... makes a bad bad thought come to me that I’ll talk about at the end <_<. Penny says “No but they need me here... Right?” and Ruby says “Well... If you’re up there Salem can’t reach you. She’ll never get the Relic.” Which only amplifies my bad bad thought >_<. But that comes later <_< 

The quintet go the leave the room only to find the Ace Ops there. Wonderful >_>. But Weiss, sassy queen she is, says “Losing to us once wasn’t enough?” And Marrow says “We were just holding back on you guys! >_>” Which... Why would they if they were serious about arresting them? More proof to my “Ace Ops didn’t WANT to fight RWBY” Theory :3 anyways they all gang up on Penny and try to guilt trip her into coming back with them, Marrow, again <_>, saying “You have the power to stop this. Just take the Relic and give it to Salem and everything will be over.” which I find interesting that that’s what Ironwood wants to do because that just gets Salem that much closer to winning <_< God Ironwood is delusional >_>. But Ruby, Queen, says “Until Ironwood changes his mind about Mantle nothing is going to change!” and she’s right, why is a 17 year old girl smarter than 4 people in their late 20s, maybe early 20s for Marrow, who are higher ups in the military, and the leader of said military <_<

Congratulations it’s not just Ironwood I hate now. It’s everyone in Atlas, except Winter who we haven’t seen since last episode, but I know wouldn’t blame Penny for her condition. She’d blame Cinder. You know... The person’s who’s fault it is? Something the FNDM and Ironwood have in common: Blaming the heroes for something Cinder caused 😊 I know not everyone but still 

So Harriet mocks Ruby and the others and Penny steps in front of her friends, and outside of the room they’re in, and says “Leave her alone” and before Ruby can warn her, the door closes behind her. Which ALSO adds to my they don’t wanna fight RWBY theory .-. I mean I get that they wanted to isolate Penny and take her by force. But I mean hey... If you’re “The best huntsman in Atlas” you should able to take all 5 of’em probably right?  😊. ANYWAY, Then....... WE SEE PENNY USE THE MAIDEN POWERS! 😱😁 Penny fights the Ace Ops, by herself, QUEEN, and actually holds her own rather well considering it was 1v4. Vine gets close to the door but Penny says “You’re not hurting my friends!”, showing her loyalty to her new team ^_^. She holds her own, but y’can’t expect her to completely destroy them because, it seems like, the rest of the Ace Ops, Team HAZE as I’ve seen it called, has worked on their coordination since ‘holding back’ against RWBY.

While Penny fights the camera switches to the other side of the door with the rest of the team to see them trying to open the door, Weiss using her Arma Gigus to try and destroy the lock but it doesn’t work and Weiss calls the Ace Ops cowards, which they are, and the door won’t budge because of the electricity field around it. Electricity. Hmm... Who there likes lightning 🤔. Total mystery. 

Anyway while they’re trying to figure out how to open the door it goes back to the fight, with Penny more than holding her own with the Floating Array in conjunction with Maiden powers, but she’s still taking a lot of hits. Back in the room, Nora has a moment, repeating what she said before but with more confidence, “Be strong, and hit stuff.” before she sticks Magnhild into the lighting and takes ALL of it into her body, causing her body to actually get scars from the sheer amount of electricity she’s absorbing, and blows the door off, hitting the Ace Ops and getting them trapped under it. She says “That was pretty awesome.” before her Aura immediately depletes and she passes out. Penny rushes to her side worried as the Ace Ops push the door off of them. And then they all fight together, but something weird happens. Ironwood says something to HAZE that we don’t hear, and they say understood. And the fight continues, but it abruptly ends once Harriet grabs one of Penny’s swords. The Ace Ops leave afterward and Ruby and Weiss are like “That was suspicious 🤨”. Their attention immediately goes back to Nora though as May shows up with a plane to get them out of there.

Penny and Ruby talk on the plane and we finally see the famous hug that was in all the trailers :3 Penny says “It’s time for me to go isn’t it...” And is clearly upset about it. Ruby hugs her and tells her not to worry and they’ll see each other again. After another moment, Penny gets out of the plane and flies up to amity.

The episode ends with the Ace Ops giving Watts Penny’s sword that they took and Watts saying “If you can’t beat them... Make them join you.” and then credits.

Remember that bad bad thought I mentioned a few paragraphs ago? Well..... What if Watts makes Penny kill Pietro >_< Pietro and Maria are alone in Amity so they don’t have protection it’d be Penny with her Maiden powers vs 1 old man with a very damaged aura and one old woman who’s very out of practice >_> I don’t want it to happen >_< But it’s a possibility....... And Iiiiiiiii hate it <_<

Phew even if you have seen the episode I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped at the Tl;DR .-.

[readingontheedge]

Dawnflight

The Dragon's Dove Chronicles Book 1

by Kim Iverson Headlee

Genre: Historical Fantasy

 Print Length: 415 pages

Publisher: Lucky Bat Books

Publication Date: February 25, 2013

 What if King Arthur’s queen was every bit as heroic as he was? Find out by immersing yourself in this epic story of the power couple whose courage and conviction would shape the destiny of a nation. Gyan is a Caledonian chieftainess by birth, a warrior and leader of warriors by training, and she is betrothed to Urien, a son of her clan’s deadliest enemy, by right of Arthur the Pendragon’s conquest of her people. For the sake of peace, Gyan is willing to sacrifice everything...perhaps even her very life, if her foreboding about Urien proves true. Roman by his father, Brytoni by his mother, and denied hereditary rulership of his mother's clan because of his mixed blood, Arthur has followed his father's path to become Dux Britanniarum, the Pendragon: supreme commander of the northern Brytoni army. The Caledonians, Scots, Saxons, and Angles keep him too busy to dwell upon his loneliness...most of the time. When Gyan and Arthur meet, each recognize within the other their soul’s mate. The treaty has preserved Gyan’s ancient right to marry any man, providing he is a Brytoni nobleman—but Arthur does not qualify. And the ambitious Urien, Arthur’s greatest political rival, shall not be so easily denied. If Gyan and Arthur cannot prevent Urien from plunging the Caledonians and Brytons back into war, their love will be doomed to remain unfulfilled forever. But there is an even greater threat looming. The Laird of the Scots wants their land and will kill all who stand in his way. Gyan, Arthur, and Urien must unite to defeat this merciless enemy who threatens everyone they hold dear. 

Add to Goodreads 

Goodreads: 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22371012-dawnflight 

Amazon * Apple * B&N * Google * Kobo * Audible * Books2Read * Smashwords    

Arthur said, “I advise caution.”

“Caution, indeed.” Urien’s look adopted a hard edge as he ground fist to palm. “I don’t trust these Picts. In fact, I don’t understand why you didn’t obliterate them with Caledfwlch when I”—he stabbed a thumb at his chest—“gave you the chance.”

With effort, Arthur resisted the impulse to touch his sword’s ruby-pommeled hilt, the smith’s inspiration for naming it Caleberyllus, Latin for “Burning Jewel.” After Abar-Gleann, Cai had coined a Brytoni name for Wyllan’s finest creation: Caledfwlch, “Caledonia’s Bane.” It was perfectly apt, and it had almost caused a diplomatic disaster.

He spared a glance for his friends and was thankful they were too far away—and too engrossed with flirting with two more serving women—to have overheard the exchange. Two months was enough time to heal flesh wounds but not enough time to salve Cai’s pride for having to endure Arthur’s public rebuke in order to preserve the fragile peace. He returned his attention to Urien. “Do not forget that your charge was carried out under my orders.”

Urien glared but let the remark pass. “The Picts have been a menace to our borders for time out of mind. Why didn’t you—”

“The same can be said about the Saxons, Angles, and Scots.” These last two Arthur spat like the curses they were to him. The Angli had killed his father. And the Scots… he banished a grisly memory with a long blink. “None of them have demonstrated a willingness to negotiate with us for peace. The Caledonians were willing, and Brydein will be getting a much stronger cavalry as a result.” Arthur grinned. “You should thank them for your promotion.”   

Video Trailer: https://youtu.be/mHOESkv-R_c

The Dragon's Dove Chronicles Book 2

 Print Length: 439 pages

Publisher: Lucky Bat Books 

Publication Date: June 11, 2013

 “Magnificent.” ~ Kathleen Foley, author of the Faith in Uniform series In a violent age when enemies besiege Brydein and alliances shift as swiftly as the wind, stand two remarkable leaders: the Caledonian warrior-queen Gyanhumara and her consort, Arthur the Pendragon. Their fiery love is tempered only by their conviction to forge unity between their disparate peoples. Arthur and Gyan must create an impenetrable front to protect Brydein and Caledonia from land-lusting Saxons and the marauding Angli raiders who may be massing forces in the east, near Arthur’s sister and those he has sworn to protect. But their biggest threat is an enemy within: Urien, Arthur’s rival and the man Gyan was treaty-bound to marry until she broke that promise for Arthur’s love. When Urien becomes chieftain of his clan, his increase in wealth and power is matched only by the magnitude of his hatred of Arthur and Gyan—and his threat to their infant son. Morning’s Journey, sequel to the critically acclaimed Dawnflight, propels the reader from the heights of triumph to the depths of despair, through the struggles of some of the most fascinating characters in all of Arthurian literature. Those struggles are exacerbated by the characters’ own flawed choices. Gyan and Arthur must learn that while extending forgiveness to others may be difficult, forgiveness of self is the most excruciating—yet ultimately the most healing—step of the entire journey. 

Add to Goodreads 

Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23885583-morning-s-journey 

THE CLASH OF arms resounds in the torchlit corridor. Blood oozes where leather has yielded to the bite of steel, yet both sweating, panting warriors refuse to relent.

Her heart thundering, Gyan grips her sword’s hilt, desperate to help the man she loves. Caledonach law forbids it.

Urien makes a low lunge. As Arthur tries to whirl clear, the blade tears a gash in his shield-side thigh. The injured leg collapses, and Arthur drops to one knee. Crowing triumphantly, Urien raises his sword for the deathblow.

Devil take the law!

Gyan springs to block the stroke. Its force jars her arms and twists the hilt in her grasp. She barely holds on through the searing pain.

Urien slips past her guard to slice at her brooch. The gold dragon clatters to the floor. Her cloak slithers to her ankles, fouling her stance. As she tries to kick free, Urien grabs her braid, jerks up her head, and kisses her, hard. Shock loosens her grip. Her sword falls. She thrashes and writhes, but he holds her fast, smirking lewdly.

“You are mine, Pictish whore.”

Urien’s breath reeks of ale and evil promises. She spits in his face. He slaps her. She reels backward, her cheek burning. He grabs her forearms and yanks her close.

“Artyr, help me!”

No response. 

Amazon  * Apple  * B&N  * Google  * Kobo  * Books2Read  * Smashwords  

Video Trailer:

https://youtu.be/Bk0uPDfq7TY 

The Dragon's Dove Chronicles Book 3

 Print Length: 415 pages

Publisher: Pendragon Cove Press

Publication Date: March 11, 2019

 Outcast, clanless, and but a junior officer in Arthur the Pendragon’s army, Angusel struggles to rebuild the life stolen from him through betrayal by the person he had held most dear. His legion allegiance thrusts him onto the campaign trail as one of Arthur’s forward scouts, stalking Angli troops and being among the first to clash with these vicious enemies at every turn. But the odds loom high against him and his sword-brothers, and they will need a miracle just to survive. Pressured to make the best choice to ensure her clan’s future leadership, Eileann struggles with her feelings for Angusel, whose outcast status makes him forbidden to her as a mate. When Angli treachery threatens everyone she loves, she vows to thwart their violent plan to conquer her clan. But she is no warrior, she has no soldiers to command, and she will need a miracle just to survive. How can one soldier make a difference? How can one woman save her kin and clan? In the crucible of combat, Angusel must surrender to the will of the gods, and Eileann must invoke divine power to forge the most dangerous warrior the world has ever known. 

Add to Goodreads 

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43730715-raging-sea 

“Where is the brush?” Eileann asked, as much to forestall the inevitable as to seek an answer.

A heartbeat later, she chided her fear. Outcast or not, Clan Tarsuinn needed him.

Them.

“No brush. The anointing is as much about the connection between the anointer and the anointed as it is about the connection between the anointed and the gods. Use your finger, like this.”

Neoinean dipped Eileann’s index finger into the dye, tapped the excess on the rim, and guided it to sketch the shape of a salmon on Angusel’s forehead, near the hairline. Eileann felt a wee tingle as she completed the fish. His surprised expression told her he had felt it too.

“Now state to the anointed the god-mark you have drawn and its purpose.” Neoinean stepped away and regarded Eileann, cocking an eyebrow as the silence stretched.

Eileann cleared her throat and gazed at Angusel. “The salmon of Clota. For wisdom.” She wasn’t sure how a warrior fighting in the throes of battle frenzy could exercise wisdom, but she was not going to cast doubt upon her teacher’s example or the purpose the goddess had revealed.

Angusel bobbed his head, his curly black hair obscuring the fish.

Palms angled upward, Fioruisge changed the chant to echo Eileann’s words and embellish them, begging for the goddess’s gift to be bestowed upon the anointed.

“Use what you know of the gods and their abilities, my lady,” said Neoinean, “to draw their marks upon the anointed where you believe those divine gifts will benefit him the most.”

“Please draw the god-marks so that my armor hides them.” Angusel glanced at Neoinean, uncertainty creasing the salmon. “Does the anointing permit this?”

“It does,” stated the apothecary.

“They are meant to be seen!” Eileann itched to shake sense into him, but touching the anointed was forbidden save to craft the god-marks. “How will the gods find you if you hide the marks?”

“The anointed does not wish to offend those who have rejected him, and that is a worthy consideration.” Her teacher, apparently exempt from the touching stricture, patted Eileann’s shoulder. To her surprise, Fioruisge wove Neoinean’s words into the chant. “Fear not, child. The gods will see the marks as you draw them, and they shall not forget. Priests and warriors may choose to make their god-marks permanent, but the rite does not require it.”

Eileann inclined her head at Angusel. “As you will, then.”

Behind shuttered eyelids, she cast about for an image to draw and received a double blessing. Upon opening her eyes, she asked Angusel to lift his arms so she could anoint his biceps. The sketches looked crude, childish, and incomplete. She prayed for them to work; she hoped that the longer and stronger tingling was a sign that they would. “The bull of Lugh on your sword arm for strength, and the stag of Cernunnos on your shield arm for cunning.”

Fioruisge added Eileann’s pronouncements, raising her arms higher with each new verse.

Whatever concoction Neoinean had given Eileann must have taken full effect. In swift succession she drew the spear and rod of Nemetona on Angusel’s right thigh for fierceness, the mare of Epona on his left thigh for speed, and the sun of Lord Annaomh over his heart.

“For hope,” she told him about the sun, and wondered at the word choice the god had inspired. The sun of Annaomh represented justice, leadership, and truth. Lord Annaomh was revered for those traits, as were the warriors who honored him. And yet hope was appropriate, since the strengthening sun delivered salvation from winter’s grip, and the Lord of Light embodied salvation from the eternal ravages of his twin brother, Annàm, and the evil Samhraidhean.

Angusel beamed without touching her, as was proper for this phase of an tùs. The time for their touching would come, but not soon enough for Eileann’s liking.

The final image burned into her brain and killed her swelling excitement.

She gasped, fist to mouth.

“What is it, child?” asked Neoinean.

“A mark I dare not draw upon the anointed,” Eileann whispered. That the image was unlike any she had seen for this god represented the least of her worries. “I fear what it may do to him—to us both.” 

Amazon * Apple * B&N * Google * Kobo * Books2Read  

Kim Headlee lives on a farm in southwestern Virginia with her family, cats, goats, Great Pyrenees goat guards, and assorted wildlife. People and creatures come and go, but the cave and the 250-year-old house ruins--the latter having been occupied as recently as the mid-twentieth century--seem to be sticking around for a while yet. Kim has been a published novelist since 1999 with the first edition of Dawnflight (Sonnet Books, Simon & Schuster) and has been studying the Arthurian legends for nigh on half a century. 

Website * Facebook * Twitter * Bookbub * Amazon * Goodreads * Smashwords * Newsletter 

Open Internationally: $20 Amazon,  Gift codes for e-books (several titles, including some not being toured); and audiobooks of Dawnflight, and related novellas The Color of Vengeance and The Challenge.

 US only: Print copies of The Color of Vengeance, The Challenge, another related novella titled Twins, and The Challenge comic book (one winner each)

Follow the tour HERE for special content and a giveaway! 

https://www.silverdaggertours.com/sdsxx-tours/the-dragons-dove-chronicles-book-tour-and-giveaway 

[rantsaboutponies]

Equestria Girls: Legend of Everfree

Can they please stop making these? I don’t budget my time well, it’s 2:30 in the morning, I want to go to bed. Just remember, I’m doing this for YOU guys. For YOU guys.

For the record, I wait until the last minute to write these reviews because they usually take almost three times the length of the movie to write. It’s also why I can’t watch them on TV; I have to pause constantly.

First of all, I didn’t hear jack shit about this movie. I think the viewership for each one really is dwindling. I barely even saw any porn of it! That is surprising!

Second of all, was this one ever available on Netflix? I swear I streamed the third one there, but now it doesn’t even have a listing (nor does the fourth one). Hopefully the version I got is the uncut version (it’s not a TV rip, and the runtime does match), but if I left anything out, be sure to tell me. Oh, and I’ve given up on that list of “things that all these movies do that directly contradict the fact that this universe intersects with the pony universe” that I tried to carry over into the second movie’s review, so keep that in mind.

Oh, and can anyone let me know if they see a trailer for My Little Pony: The Movie in the theater? It comes out in four months, and I’ve been at almost all of the kids’ movies this year (yes, even Rock Dog, which actually wasn’t half-bad, and The Boss Baby, which was not as bad as the trailers made it look but was still the worst of the kids’ movies I’ve seen this year [which isn’t actually surprising, since there have only been three]; I’m still not seeing Smurfs, though, and I’m sure as fuck not seeing Spark: A Space Tail), and I’ve seen nothing about it. I’ll make a separate post about that closer to October.

All right, the review proper starts...NOW!

I said it before, and I’ll say it again: DO THESE HIGH-SCHOOLERS HAVE PARENTS?! SERIOUSLY, WHERE ARE THEY?

Thirty seconds. Thirty FUCKING seconds. That’s how long it was before Pinkie Pie made me want to strangle her. Literally. Thirty seconds. Her first line. Fantastic impression you’re making on me, movie.

All right, Rainbow Dash throwing a picture of herself into the suitcase is certainly part of the annoying one-dimensional writing that she (and really, all of the characters) has had in these movies, but...I’m sorry, I still laughed. Forgive me.

Wow, the...uh...plot just started right away, didn’t it? I’m so confused. I sure hope this is a dream sequence because otherwise this is really stupid. Oh, okay, it was. Never mind.

Ah, the indie rock craze has finally hit Human Equestria. You guys are, like, five years behind on that, you know. I gotta be honest, though, I kinda like this theme song. I feel like it would sound better with different singers, but I’m digging this so far. Maybe this movie won’t be so bad? Ah heh heh heh...

I briefly forgot that Human!Twilight’s Spike was magically given the ability to talk at the end of EQG3, so I was thrown off there for a second. I just realized, though, that that means that they don’t ever have to have any connection to Pony!Equestria ever again. Smart idea, but Pinkie’s summary of the previous three movies immediately afterwards negates what you were going for there (especially since none of that has anything to do with the plot of this movie directly).

“You’ll get used to it.” Yeah, you’d better get used to your “friends” talking shit about you to your face. The second movie was full of that. *sigh*

Oh, goody, Professor Umbridge is the camp director. Please tell me she gets dragged off by centaurs at the end of this movie, too.

“Stay away from the rock quarry. That’s off-limits. Unless, of course, you’re a main character, in which case the plot will facilitate that you go there at some point during this movie, probably somewhere near the end. Just a heads-up.” (Also, “rock quarry” is redundant, dumbasses.)

Actually, the word “sapphire”’s link to the Latin “sapphir” (or “sappir” or “sapphīrus”) links to the Ancient Greek “sáppheiros”, meaning “precious stone” or “gem”, which probably linked to a Semitic source (similar to Hebrew’s “sappī́r”, referring to lapis lazuli), but may be related to a non-Semitic source such as the Sanskrit “śanipriya”, meaning “dark-colored stone” or, literally, “dear to Saturn”. And, as an interesting sidenote, the Ancient Greeks didn’t even have a word for “blue”. Also, rubies are not just sapphires “with chromium”; rubies are corundum with chromium. Sapphires contain other impurities like titanium, iron, or magnesium (which give them any of a number of non-red colors) that rubies may not contain at all; since chromium is what colors them red, chromium is the only impurity required to make a ruby. So, in other words, shut your fucking face, you smug dipshit.

By GOD, I hope Gloriosa is the villain because I really hate her.

See, even though Filthy Rich is, well, filthy rich and could very easily be an upper-class dickhead, the show never made him one. He’s clearly not aware what an utter bitch his daughter is, since he punished her for it the one time he found out, but he has always been depicted as someone who cares about his community and acts kindly towards the other ponies in the town without being condescending or displaying any obvious class distinction. It is something notably unique about the show and is something I’ve actually admired amidst its recent waning quality.

The people writing this movie apparently didn’t know that and just went, “His name is Filthy Rich? He must be the VILLAIN!” Goddamnit, you fucking worthless TV movies.

Oh, man, oh, man, please tell me that Princess Celestia is holding a flute there in the background because she’s telling a “This one time, at band camp” story. I’ve already made that joke at least five times in my head by now, so please tell me I’m justified.

Holy shit, look at that setup! These girls get massive tents with only two people in each and with FULL-SIZE BEDS! So much for “roughing it”! How big is this camp again? This must take up a ludicrous amount of space.

Please tell me they’re not going to do Sunset Shimmer’s storyline again with Twilight. Come on.

No, Sunset, if there’s anyone you should be nervous around, it’s Pinkie Pie.

Okay, Fluttershy’s line about “birds that land on your finger” WAS funny until you felt the need to explain the joke with Rainbow Dash’s “I think that only happens to you.” Rule #1 of comedy: Don’t! Explain! The joke!

Does Vinyl Scratch have an amazing wireless connection, or do her headphones themselves contain an MP3 player? I don’t see those working any other way.

Can I punch Timber in the face yet?

How the hell would you make that dock into a catwalk? The only way that would work would be if either the models entered from or the audience were seated in the water. Otherwise, the models will be walking away from the audience and not easily visible for the majority of their time on the runway. You’ve gotta think about logistics, Rarity!

PUNCH.

Hmm...Gaia Everfree’s story is kind of weak. And arbitrary. “YOU CAN’T STAY!” “Oh, please let us stay!” “WELL...OKAY. BUT YOU’LL HAVE TO LEAVE! EVENTUALLY! AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE!”

25 minutes in is a little late for your first song, guys. I was starting to think this wasn’t going to be a musical.

Oh, thank GOD, Timber is a villain, too. That means we’ll get to WATCH HIM DIE. ... Okay, fine, wishful thinking. Hell, being the villain in these movies (or on the show) pretty much guarantees that you’ll get even more screentime in later installments. (Also, he apparently can’t hear anything that’s right next to him as long as he’s offscreen. Right.)

Of course, the scene in the cafeteria reminded me of this.

And in the next scene, it’s impossible not to think of this.

So... Rarity’s just...useless. That’s been established, right?

Goddamnit, Pinkie, stop being a menace! You almost killed all of your friends! Again!

Hmm...this song sounds like a really lame, low-rent version of this.

Wha? You mean the obvious villain is obviously a villain? NO. (Except I guess that means that Timber isn’t a villain as well. Damn.)

Boy, it’s really convenient that Gloriosa is having these extremely lengthy and detailed flashbacks while they all just stand there, totally unbothered by Sunset zoning out and holding onto her arm.

I do like that they made dummies of Twilight and Sunset just because they weren’t there for the dress rehearsal. How long do you think that took?

“I GOT THIS!” That’s got to be one of the weakest things I’ve ever heard that someone tried to turn into a catchphrase.

Well, looks like someone really liked Maleficent.

I gotta ask...has there ever been a good villain song in the MLP movies or the show?

“Oh, no! She’s forming a wall that clearly has an upper bound! If only we had some sort of appendages that we could use to project our bodies upward! No, I think we had better wait until the vines completely form a dome over us. Surely that will work.”

I think the writers are trapped in this paradox of knowing that they have an actual interesting character in Sunset Shimmer but being forced to focus all their efforts on the Mane Six because they’re the main characters, despite having no personalities to speak of.

“What are these?” “I’m not sure! But clearly they will be in stores alongside the release of this movie!”

Ah, so you got out of the logistical failure of trying to figure out how the dock could act as a runway by canceling the fashion show altogether! Wow.

Okay, this song is definitely one of the better ones in this movie series, but holy crap, get some stronger singers. I mean, all right, I know you can’t, but...can’t you, like, release an official cover of this song recorded by an actual singer, like Disney does with their animated musicals?

I do always love the moronic cliché of the villain showing up at the ending celebration for no logical reason other than to scowl at the protagonists and storm off angrily.

You know, there are only so many features and accessories and superpowers you can add to these characters before you start running out of places to put them.

*GASP* OH MY GOD THAT ENDING CLIFFHANGER MEANT NOTHING! Seriously, fuck off with that shit.

And of course, the stinger has to show that Pinkie Pie always ruins everything. ALWAYS. ALWAYS.

All right, so in conclusion...these movies are all the same. I mean, I think we kind of established that already, but man...

Can we just give Sunset Shimmer her own movie? One where she just fucks off by herself and finds better friends with actual personalities and they all do something interesting? Can that be the next theatrical movie? Please?