#because my heater decided to die on a night when it’s supposed to be -5

[renee-walker]

Get to know me or something maybe

I was tagged by @emeejee 🥰

Name: Shana

Star Sign: Aries

Gender: Damn, I feel like a woman

Height: 5’2”. On a good day :/

Sexuality: Well, not straight?

What image do you have as a wallpaper: On my computer it’s just. A cool mountain.

Lock screen: On my ipad both my home and lock screen are different pics of @carol-on’s balcony. On my phone rn it’s this very generic thing S found me because it matches my phone case lol.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years: I mean, I’m not a planner? But hopefully with a job that leaves me less stressed for money than I am now and living in an a-frame cabin with @carol-on, two cats, and a tortoise named Genevieve.

If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be: well, the instant answer is someplace where the heater works. The more heartfelt answer is somewhere where I could see Amelia more than four times a year and also have my kids around a whole lot. Bonus points if it’s not humid.

What was your coolest Halloween costume: Well, in fourth grade my friend Julianne and I dressed up as a two headed monster. We each got into one leg of my grandfather’s overalls and we put stockings over our heads. We legit did the entire trick or treat route having to jump in tandem in order to move. Amazing.

What’s your favorite ‘90s show: I mean, how can I choose between XF and Buffy?

Last kiss: Romantic kiss? Leaving Amelia at the airport :/

Have you ever been stood up: I don’t think so?

Have you ever been to Las Vegas: I have not, and I’m not sure I’m upset about that.

Favorite pair of shoes: HARD QUESTION. Because I love shoes to an unnatural degree. Tie between my black/multicolored Vans and my super gay almost knee high brown Doc Martens that I bought because MMB had them. I am embarrassing.

Favorite fruit: Nectarine, omg

Stupidest thing you’ve ever done: Marrying a boy? NO JK I WOULD NEVER TRADE MY KIDS FOR ANYTHING IN CREATION. So, allowing my self worth to be tied to my physical appearance.

Favorite .gif: This answer would change every ten seconds, but rn the one of Scully rolling her eyes in Bad Blood. Possibly tied with the Kermit flail, an absolute classic.

Tagging: @faith5by5-1013 @sophiascarol @imorca @silver-89 @rhiannonfrater @captain-coffeebean @lookforastar. But only if you want to play!

[impala1967dwinchester]

Dean Winchester: Embrace (Request)

*Not my gif*

Paring: Dean X Reader 

Pov: Reader 

Warnings: comfort from dean, hunt gone wrong, reader crying, LOTS OF HUGS, mentions of Sam (Briefly) 

Summary: The reader come back from a hunt gone very wrong, and all she want is to be in Dean’s arms tonight. Once she makes it to the bunker, she falls into dean’s arms, not being able to keep it together anymore. 

Word Count: 2k 

Masterlist 

Tag list: @akshi8278​, @deanswaywardgirl​

This was supposed to be an easy hunt. One and done type of thing, but that ended shortly after I got to the motel. Dean and Sam already out on a hunt, I decide that it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I went out on my own.  

Shooting Dean, a quick message. “Dean, there’s a hunt about an hour away from the bunker. It involves kids, so I’m packed up and leaving in 5. Love Ya.” I sent the message stuffing my phone in my back pocket.  

Buzzing I pulled it out seeing a message from Dean “Ugh, I wish you weren’t going by yourself, but I understand it involves kids. Be safe and text me when you get to the motel. Love Ya sweetheart.” Well, that had gone by much easier than previously thought.  

So, throwing my bag in the passenger seat of on the many cars I drove off to the motel. According to the article children were going missing in the local town. The thought of so many parents being scared and missing their children was eating at me, so I thought I’d at least try to help.  

Quickly I learned that kids were disappearing, most disappeared near an old shut down mental asylum. Something about kids and wanting to search places that clearly had “DO NOT ENTER” signs on them.  

It was still early in the afternoon so I made my way over to the parents of the latest missing child. They wore worried expression on their faces as they say the quick flip of the F.B.I badge.  

In short, they had said that their son had gone out with a few of his friends. Riding bikes and being a destructive teenage boy. For a few moments the image of Dean being that way crossed my mind, internal smiling at the thought.

I had figured that it was probably a ghost based on the rather odd story the parents retold me. Saying that their son had told them about how the light were flickering and, all the sudden it was really cold in the asylum. It’s the middle of summer, so cold spots are definitely more prominent.  

When I made it back to the motel, I made quick work of trying to figure out where the old mental asylum was, grabbing way to cups of coffee, and junk food from the vending machines I worked until at least twelve in the morning.  

I hadn’t ever realized how much the Sam and Dean’s help was. It was nice to have a tech nerd at your disposal, and a heater next to you in bed every night. Once I had fallen asleep at the dirty small kitchen table in the motel, I thought it best to move to the bed and text Dean.  

“Hey baby, I made to the motel a while ago. You know me got caught up in trying to help. Fell asleep trying to research going to sleep now. Good night baby, Love Ya.” I sent before plugging it in to its charger and falling into a deep sleep.  

When I awake the next morning, I looked over to my phone seeing a new message from Dean. “Sleep well sweetheart. We will be home today, keep me in the loop. Can’t wait to see you.” He messaged with a winky face at the end.  

Rolling my eyes, I got out of the crappy, not memory foam bed. Hearing the slightly creaks and cracks of my bones. Thinking that it would probably useless if i grabbed a shower before going on a hunt, so I opted to grab one of deans stolen flannels, my pants, and my boots.  

Once I was officially ready for the day, I went right back into researching. Finally, hours later I had found an old document that just so happened to have to the address of the mental asylum.  

It was a picture of a few nurses, a doctor standing proud in the back, and a gaggle of children in front of the nurses. Around the doctors' neck hung a stethoscope. It read at the bottom of the picture  

‘Doctor Ethan Zingler, Nurse Betty, Nurse Lewis, Nurse Andrea, with the many mentally insane children. Doctor Zingler holding his prized possession his stethoscope.’ “Fuck yes” I screamed. Damn that was dumb luck.  

Quickly grabbing the car keys, I slammed the motel door, making my way over to the car. Again, I shot him another text, “Alright, found the address for this place. Should be an easy fix. Be home soon, Love Ya.” Sending it before starting to pull out of the parking lot.  

When I made it to the mental asylum, the gates lock was broken making it much easier for me. Making my way into the mental asylum it was quiet, giving me an uneasy feeling. A scream grabbing my attention, but when I made it their nothing, nothing was there.  

As I walked around more, trying to find these lost kids. Turning around at one point, I saw a figure of a decomposed older women. Her white nurses outfit torn at her heart, all the sudden instead of staring at me she was full speed running.  

Cutting into one room I lost her, standing there for a minute. Re thinking everything that I looked up, and the parents had told me. It clicked it was ghosts, they were ghouls. This means that everything I had on me wasn’t going to work.  

Hearing the should of many children screaming at once, I ran towards it. I saw the Doctor his stethoscope wrapped around the necks of one of the children, I ran in trying to get a shot in, but before I could I had they two other nurses hold me down, one trying to stick me with a needle. The other had her very decade hand around my neck.  

I watched every single missing child be killed in front of my eyes, once the doctor was done, he turned looking at the two nurses. They let me go and he slow staked over to me, his hand covering my mouth. I reached down in a quick and swift motion grabbing a long machete knife I had attached to the loops of my pants. In two swift movements I sliced the heads of the nurses off. Looking over at the once respected doctor I chopped his head, it landing on the ground.  

Swiping the blade over my thigh, I slipped it back into its case. I walked out of the asylum flipping it the finger. Getting into the car, it was starting to hit me, that I had watched at least 3 kids murdered in front of me. I was here to fix this, to bring them home safely.  

I drove, no music, no running thoughts in my mind. I just drove, when I finally made it back to the motel, I grabbed a quick shower, trying to wipe away the images of them dying, trying not to cry. “Y/n you’re a big girl. You’re a hunter, fuck you’re with a Winchester get it together.”  I said to myself.  

“Hey baby, how is everything? I haven't heard anything in a while. Sam says that I should stop worrying, but you’re my girl. Text me back please.” Dean messaged me.  

Climbing out of the bathroom, I grabbed my phone, my arms barely keeping the towel wrapped around my chest. “Everything is fine. I’m okay honey. I will be home tops 2 hours, Love Ya.” I sent him back.  

If I broke down now, here, I’d never be able to leave. I need to get dress, I need to get home, I need Dean, now. Wrapping another stolen Dean flannel around me, I could just barely smell his leather, and whiskey cologne on his shirt, I pulled up my sweats.  

Grabbing the rest of my stuff, and throw it into the passenger seat. I walked down to the front desk; I gave to women her keys back. Starting the engine to the car this time I turned the radio on, finding a station that reminded me of Dean. “80′s rock coming your way. Now playing ‘AC/DC Back in black” Taking a deep inhale I back out and drove down the street, radio blasting and windows down.  

“Can’t wait to see you sweetheart!” Dean sent a message as I inched closer and closer to the bunker. Finally, I slowed down and drove down the darkly lite drive way that led to the bunkers garage. As I inched closer, I started to break down, I didn’t want to be a disappointment. I didn’t want Dean, or Sam to see me as a failure.  

I could feel the prickle of tears wanting to escape from my eyes, but shook my head and pushed them back in. As I parked the car, I only grabbed my phone, not really in the mood to look or see anything hunting wise.  

Slowly I made my way to the garage door. Stopping as my hand made contact with the cold handle. I reached for a deep breathe, and opened the door. Conversation still going on, I walked past the library hearing both Sam and Dean call my name.

But the idea of facing them, after everything was too much. I heard the scratch of the wooden chair against the floor. I walked into Deans and I shared room, plopping onto the memory foam bed.  

I heard the bedroom door, slowly open “Y/n?” Dean’s voice bounced off the cinder block room. “Y/n? Are you okay?” He said shutting our bedroom door. “Y/n? Are you hurt? If you’re hurt, I can fix you up, but... but you’ve got to tell me.” He said coming closer to me.  

My breathing becoming harder for me to control. Deans hand landing on my hips first. “Y/n please look at me. You’re scaring me.” I couldn’t take it anymore, I moved quickly making Dean lose a bit of balance before his hand wrapped around my mid-section.  

A breath that I didn’t realize I was holding came out, “It’s okay, you can just cry. I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Dean said rubbing circles into my back. “You’ve got me Y/n. You just tell me what happened okay, let me known that us Winchester deal making didn’t rub off on you.” He said a little chuckle at the end.  

“De... Dean I’m so stupid. I let 5 kids die because I di... didn’t know what I was hunting. I watched the gho..uls kill them. De... Dean Please just hold me. Please don’t thi.. think of me any different.” I said, a few hiccups interrupting me from finishing my sentences.  

I felt Dean take a deep inhale, before speaking, “Damn, Y/n why.. You know what you’re so resilient, so brave, you’re no where to being stupid. Me and Sam got the covered for you. It’s okay, I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t with you, I’m sorry, but I’m tell you’  

He said pulling me away from his shoulder. Lightly touching my chin, bring my attention to him. Our eye making contact. ‘Y/n I’m telling you that you couldn’t have done anything more then you did. You’re an amazing hunter, an amazing person, you’re prefect Y/n. I don’t to ever hear you say that you’re stupid, or that you think me or Sam will think of you differently because we just won’t. I love you baby” Dean said.  

I reached up to kiss lips, a small, sparked filled kissed. It was as if that kiss was an okay for me. The okay that Dean was being true with me. “Dean, can.. can we just lay together please? I don’t want to let you go just yet” I asked.  

He gave me short smile, and shook his head ‘yes’. “I love you, sweetheart. Get some rest.” He said kissing my temple, “Love Ya too De.”  I said before the tiredness of crying and the beat of Dean’s heart lulled me into a deep and warm sleep.

Completed 02/27/2021 

[sdottkrames]

We have seen each other through it all

By: @sdottkrames for @an-odd-idea, my pinchitting for @friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Rating: general

Relationships: Tony Stark & Peter Parker, Tony Stark & May Parker & Peter Parker

Characters: Tony Stark, Peter Parker, May Parker

Summary:  Peter's first year at MIT was a bit harder than he anticipated, and Tony plans a road trip to help his spider-son feel better. But of course, there's some mishaps along the way!

Link to AO3: Here

“Tony, I thought this was supposed to be fun ?” Peter tried to grin, but it turned into more of a grimace through his chattering teeth.

“Yeah, it was. Until this hunk of junk decided to quit working.” Tony gestured to the heater in the corner of their motel room, which was wheezing and sputtering in an attempt to stave off the cold of the Wyoming winter. It wasn’t working. Tony had tried to fix it, multiple times, but it was so broken there was no repairing it. It needed to be completely replaced. He and Peter had decided to tough it out in favor of getting sleep, but they were quickly regretting that decision since neither of them were sleeping.

The pair fell silent, their breaths making clouds in the air. Tony could hear Peter’s teeth chattering and Friday reminded him quietly in his earpiece that spiders couldn’t thermoregulate. Tony forced himself out of the relative warmth of the ratty, though thick, blanket he was under and went in search of another one. He hissed as the little warmth of the blanket was abandoned, but pressed on.

What I wouldn’t do for this kid, he thought ruefully as he walked to the closet, which ended up being empty. Every closet was bare, and the front desk had already given them their allotted one extra blanket each. Tony groaned quietly and headed back to the bedroom, looking at the lump that was Peter on one of the two twin beds.

“FRI, how’s he doing?” He asked his AI, panicking a little when he didn’t hear Peter’s chattering.

“Peter’s temperature has dropped to 96 degrees Fahrenheit. Hypothermia occurs at 95 degrees. I suggest warming Mr. Parker up as soon as possible.”

Tony cursed. Last Christmas, Peter’s first Christmas back after the blip, had seen record cold temperatures. New York had nearly frozen. But when May and Peter’s heater broke, they hadn’t said a thing. May too proud to admit she needed help, and Peter too unsure of himself to ask for it. That had ended badly. Tony had received a panicked phone call from May when she came home from working at the hospital to find Peter barely conscious and ice cold. They had learned the hard way that their spider baby couldn’t thermoregulate. It had taken nearly three cups of hot chocolate, 5 blankets, and lots of cuddling to revive Peter.

Cuddling.

In a stroke of inspiration (and kicking himself that he hadn’t thought of it sooner), Tony grabbed the blankets from his bed and padded over to Peter’s.

“Scoot over, underoos,” he said, nudging the kid’s side.

Peter sluggishly rolled over, and Tony threw his two blankets over him, then crawled under the small pile. The warmth from their shared bodies and the extra blankets was almost immediate. They both sighed in shared contentment at the same time. He quickly wrapped his arms around Peter, rubbing briskly to encourage warmth.

“Are you s-s-sure you’re okay w-with this?”

Tony shook his head. Even after all the movie nights Peter had fallen asleep on him, the cuddles last winter, the hugs Tony had given him, the kid still didn’t believe he deserved to be loved and held and taken care of.

“How many movies are you going to fall asleep squished into my side before you believe that I really don’t mind it?”

Peter hummed unintelligibly in response, and Tony felt him burrow closer, Peter’s face finding a home in Tony’s neck, the soft curls tickling Tony’s nose. Peter’s eyes drooped shut.

“Alright, I know you’re tired, but no sleeping until we get your temperature up, okay?”

Peter nodded, but his eyes stayed closed.

“Okay, bud, talk to me. What’s been your favorite part of this trip so far?”

Peter lifted his head, and Tony grinned as he saw a little more light in the young hero’s eyes. It took a minute for Peter to think. Tony guessed it must be a hard decision. They’d been on the road for almost a week, and had stopped in a different spot every night. Philadelphia, the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, Chicago, the St Louis arch, Mt. Rushmore. It had been a fun trip, albeit a bit chilly, but tonight had taken a turn for the worst.

The wind whipped outside their window, accentuating the thought and making Tony shiver. It was cold enough inside, he didn’t even want to think about the outside.

“I’ve loved all of it, but mostly just because I’ve been able to spend time with you.” Peter’s voice was small and unsure, but Tony’s eyes burned with tears he quickly tried to blink away as his heart melted . What had he done to ever deserve this kid? Suddenly, the bed felt a whole lot warmer.

“Don’t go making me soft, kid,” Tony joked, but his voice was thick and his arms tightened around Peter.

“You’re already soft, old man.”

Tony scoffed. “Alright. If you have enough energy to crack jokes, you’re warm enough to sleep.” Just to be safe, though, he called out to Friday. “What’s his temp, Fri?”

“97.8 degrees Fahrenheit.”

“Bedtime for the spider baby!” Tony said, and Peter made a few snuffling noises as he burrowed impossibly closer to Tony. Within a few seconds, Peter’s breathing had evened out and Tony knew he was off in dream land.

Tony took a few moments reveling in the warmth and comfort of holding his son before he drifted off as well.

***

“Tony, they are huge !! Like, I knew they were big, but they’re ginormous!”

Tony chuckled as they continued driving through Yellowstone national park, just 10 feet from a herd of buffalo (the cause of Peter's excitement).

This was exactly why he had planned this trip with Peter. Peter had come home from his first semester at MIT and Tony had instantly known something was wrong. There was a spark missing from those doe eyes, he spoke a little less, picked at his food a little more. It had worried Tony sick. So when May had suggested the two of them take a road trip together during Pete’s three week Christmas holiday, he had jumped at the opportunity. He instantly knew it was the right decision when Peter’s eyes lit up as they planned their trip. Tony let Peter pick all the spots, too excited by Peter’s excitement to shoot down any idea.

“Can we go see the geysers next? Old faithful has been on my bucket list for forever!”

“Sure, kid.” How could anyone say no?

Peter continued to stare and smile.

***

“You’re going to kill me. You’re actually going to kill me. When I die, I’m going to haunt you so bad.”

“Pete, if you can survive the vulture and green goblin, you can survive the bunny hill.”

Peter grabbed Tony’s arm, panic overwhelming him. He couldn’t seem to stand up right on his skis, and there were so many people around. He was sure that he would fall and someone would ski right over his hands or legs, or he would run into someone and knock them over and be left with crippling embarrassment.

“Nice and easy, underoos. The hill isn’t that steep. If you start going too fast, move your skis like this,” Tony turned his skis horizontal. “You’ll stop pretty quick, okay? I’m gonna stay with you the whole way, I promise.”

Peter swallowed and nodded, slowly inching his way down the hill.

Tony had learned how to ski many years ago. His father had deemed it below the Stark name, so Tony made a point to learn as a way to rebel and had fallen in love with the sport. Living in Malibu had hindered his ability to really practice, but he went once a year to Colorado or Utah and spent a week on the slopes, usually joined by Rhodey. When they’d planned the trip, Tony asked to stop at his favorite resort in Colorado, and Peter had enthusiastically agreed.

Now he seemed to be second guessing it.

“Pete, it’s okay.”

“But what if I’m not good?” Peter looked at Tony with such open vulnerability, and Tony’s heart ached for the anxiety he could see in Peter's eyes.

“Listen, the first time I skied, I fell on my butt more times than I can count. More times than I want to count. Everyone falls down the first time! If you fall, nobody is going to laugh, I promise.”

Well, Tony lied. Because when he fell, Peter laid there giggling, his worries forgotten in the thrill of speeding downhill, and Tony couldn’t help but laugh along. Then he fell down and it made them laugh even harder. It was a good 5 minutes before they were able to get up and ski again.

When they got back to their hotel room (thankfully one with a working heater), their noses red and legs sore, they collapsed together onto the couch. Tony automatically put his arm around Peter, and he felt the young hero snuggle closer.

“Are you having a good time, buddy?” He asked, his hand running through Peter's soft curls. Peter moaned quietly, his body slumping as the tension left under Tony’s gentle ministrations.

“Yeah, the best.”

***

It wasn’t until the second to last day of their trip that disaster struck again. They were driving in the middle of nowhere Iowa, Peter was asleep while Tony listened softly to AC/DC to keep himself awake, when suddenly Peter bolted up, wide awake.

“Everything alright Pete?” Tony asked.

”Bag. I need a bag,” Peter’s eyes were wide with panic as he looked for a plastic bag, and Tony knew exactly what was happening. He quickly pulled over, and Peter jumped out before the car was stopped. Tony got out and walked around, rubbing Peter’s back as he heaved into the snow.

“Get it all out, Pete. It’s okay.”

“This is so embarrassing,” Peter moaned.

“Oh, if you only knew how much Rhodey had to see me puke. Have fun your freshman year, but not that much fun,” Tony said, soothing his hand in circles across Peter’s back. “Feel better?”

“A little weak, and my stomach hurts still, but I think I’m okay to keep going,” Peter said, his legs shaking as he stood up. Tony looked on in concern, but Peter wouldn’t meet his eyes as they walked to the car. He hugged his arms around his middle, effectively closing himself off, so Tony let it slide to not embarrass him further.

They drove on in quiet for about a half hour, and Tony’s concern just continued to grow. “Pete, you know I’m being serious that you don’t need to be embarrassed, right? You musta eaten something bad. It’s okay, bud. We’ll just stop and get you some nausea medicine at the next Convenience store. It’s really no big deal.”

Peter didn’t lift his head. “I hate that you keep having to take care of me.”

“Whatdya mean?”

“I mean, like, you invented time travel for me! You nearly died for me. And then I can’t even handle college by myself because I just miss you so much.” By now, Peter was crying. Tears streamed down his face, and Tony had to use every ounce of his self control not to take his hands off the wheel to wipe them off. “And classes are so hard, and I just...I don’t know what I want to do with my life and I feel like I will just fail and disappoint you and May. And you take me on this trip to make me feel better,” he glanced at Tony. “I know you did it because you could tell I was having a hard time, so don’t try and deny it. And then you have to take care of me cause I can’t freaking thermoregulate and I’m scared to ski and then my stomach hates me,” he broke off in a sniffle, seeming to deflate after laying down the burden he’d apparently been holding on to for months.

Tony let the silence marinate for a minute before reaching out a hand and placing it on Peter’s knees. “Peter I need you to listen and really get this into your thick head, okay? I do not regret for a single instant going back through time to save you. When I lost you…” Tony pressed his lips together and willed back the panic inside him, though he knew Peter could hear his heart rate change. “It was the worst moment of my life. Having you back is the greatest gift in the world because you complete my family, Pete. So I don’t regret anything. And as for taking care of you, bud, I literally signed up for it when I decided to give you that suite. I made you my responsibility. And I don’t regret that either.”

He glanced at Peter and was relieved to see a watery smile on the kid’s face, so he pushed on. “And as for school, it’s hard your first semester. It is. But you are doing much better than you think you are.”

“Really?” Peter asked, his voice breaking.

“Guarantee it. And I promise you, you will never disappoint me or May.” He grinned at Peter, before amending his statement. “Well, we were pretty disappointed when you ran into a burning building with no back up, but you will never be a failure to us. You don’t need to be perfect or know exactly what you want to do right now. We love you just the way you are, bambino .”

Peter sniffled. “Okay.”

Tony squeezed Peter’s leg. “Well, now we got that outta the way, how bout some tunes?”

Peter laughed and plugged his phone in, playing some AC/DC softly. He was asleep again by the time they got to their next hotel, and Tony gently shook him awake.

“Ugh,” Peter groaned, before his eyes shot open and he desperately searched for a trash can. His eyes zeroed in on one by the hotel entrance and he rushed over, barely making it there before his stomach emptied its meager contents.

“Alright kid. Let’s get you to bed,” Tony said, rubbing Peter’s back, and guided him gently to the front desk and then their hotel room.

Peter flopped onto the bed and started snoring almost immediately. Tony shook his head at Peter’s ability to fall asleep instantaneously. With the sound of his son’s soft snores in the background, Tony brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas. He figured Peter would probably have to throw up again eventually, so he laid Peter’s things out and let him rest for now.

Sure enough, Tony woke to the squeak of the bed and the click of the bathroom light, followed closely by the sound of retching.

“Oh, bud,” Tony sighed. Peter’s face was filled with tears again, and his forehead was shimmery with sweat. “You’re really not feeling good, are you.”

Peter shook his head.

“Alright. First things first, do you think you can get up to rinse the gross taste out of your mouth?”

Peter did, and Tony flushed the toilet and grabbed the clothes he’d laid out earlier.

“Okay. Let’s get you into some comfier clothes now.”

Tony helped Peter changed into his pajamas, Peter feeling too sick to be embarrassed. He wasn’t too sick to squeak in surprise, though, when Tony slid his arms under Peter’s, lifting the boy up.

“Tony! What’re you doing?”

“Carrying you to bed, spider baby.”

Peter sighed, and wrapped his legs around Tony’s waist, laying his head on Tony’s shoulders. It was exactly how Ben used to carry him when he was little. It was comforting to be held like that again. Being sick always made Peter feel like a kid again, just wanting to be held and coddled, and he forced back the embarrassment so he could fully enjoy the experience.

“Stop that,” Tony said, digging his fingers into Peter’s sides.

“Stop what?” Peter mumbled into Tony’s neck.

“I can literally feel you overthinking and feeling bad. I do not mind taking care of you; in fact, I enjoy it. So there!”

“Okay,” he whispered. Then added. “Thank you, Tony.”

Tony gently placed Peter onto the bed and smoother his hair back. “Not a problem, okay?” He moved to grab a water bottle and the medicine they’d gotten earlier. “Take some of this, and we’ll go back to bed. Hopefully this is just a 24 hour bug and you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

Peter took the medicine, but didn’t feel like going back to sleep. “Actually, do you think we could watch something?”

“Sure, bud. Whatever you want.”

As the soft sounds of Animal Planet enveloped the two, as Peter allowed himself to relax into Tony’s side, Peter willed himself to focus on Tony’s assurances. He committed those words to memory, something concrete, tattooed onto his very being.

Tony ran his hands through Peter’s head, scratching softly and making Peter’s eyes droop in pleasure, and soon they were both asleep.

***

Peter crashed into Tony, giving him the tightest hug. Tony hugged right back, just as tight.

“Thank you, Tony. I really had a good time,” he said, trying to hide the stupid tears filling his eyes by nuzzling into Tony’s shoulder.

Tony wasn’t fooled. He pulled Peter away and gently wiped his cheek. “No problem, bambino. Remember what I said. You’re never a burden. You’re never a failure. You got this.”

He and Peter had had a couple more conversation reiterating those truths, and they’d brought May into it on the way to drop Peter back off at MIT. They’d determined that Peter would come home one weekend a month, and they would go visit him one weekend as well. Peter had forced back the guilt and just allowed their love to fill him.

He hugged Tony once more, pulling May in for a group hug before giving her one of her own.

“Bye baby,” she said. “I love you so much. And if you need anything, I’m right there.”

“Me too, underoos,” Tony chimed.

“I know,” he said, and meant it. With Tony and May in his corner, he could do anything.

[sombra--colomar]

I know no one is going to read this, because it’s just a long chunk of text about a person they don’t know, who blabbers about her life. But... You know what? I am proud of myself. Reason being that when I was 13, I was awfully depressed and wanted to take my own life. I got close a couple times, but changed my mind and didn’t do it. I told myself that because it was almost my birthday, I told myself “I am going to live until I turn 14, because I don’t want to miss that. But probably not 15.” These words are still constantly in the back of my head.  There is a long story to this, but I am going to make it short enough for people to read, if they want to. My parents would always fight about everything. My dad wasn’t there for me when I grew up. When my brothers got good at sports, that’s when he cared about them. But for me, he never showed that he was proud of me, or that he was happy with anything I did. He always yelled at me over the smallest things. While talking about and praising my brothers.  I was bullied in school, from 1st to 9th grade. All by the same people trough the whole thing. I have had footballs thrown in my face, I have been pinned up against a brick wall and punched until I cried, I had a teacher yell at me, and when I yelled back, she put her hand over my mouth and shoved my head back against the heater, while she told me to shut up. Someone I thought was one of my best friends would always tease me, sometimes she would bite, scratch and hit me, simply because she could.  This all happened during my first 5 years of school. Among many other things. And it carried on at a milder level between 6th to 9th grade. Sure, I made a few friends along the way, some which are still very close and important to me. And who I love very dearly, even if we don’t talk every day.  In fact, they were my safe place. If I didn’t have them, I know for a fact that this would have been much worse, and a lot harder to go trough.  There was no calm at home, as people would yell at me for everything, my brothers and their friends would always yell at me for nothing.  And people found it strange that I had agression issues, that I would throw tantrums over the smallest things, and that I had moodswings out of this world. And with that... came the suicidal thoughts, as mentioned above. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I just wanted to be able to be happy, and not have to deal with being bullied and yelled at over everything I did. I think the time it really hit me how bad things were, and that it’s terrifying how easy it would have been, was when I ran way from school. I don’t remember what had happened that time, as I ran away from school quite often due to mental breakdowns. This particular time, I got to these train tracks, with a wire fence that I could easily climb over. I decided that I was just going to do it right there. I remember walking up to the fence, put my foot in one of the loops, but something made me change my mind. I stood there for a couple seconds, before backing off again. I started walking back to school again, and just as I got trough the tunnel, the train came. Less than  minute after I had nearly climbed over the fence. Back then, I thought that perhaps it was a sign. As if the train waited for me to get to safety. It probably sounds silly now. And I agree, it does. But the thing is... I didn’t realize how close I was to dying that day. If I had climbed over the fence, then changed my mind, I wouldn’t have made it back over again in time.  So maybe it was that way? That I wasn’t supposed to die that day, and that I was meant to keep on fighting?  With a lot of willpower, I managed to get trough.  I had a couple abusive relationships along the way, where the mental abuse I had already grown up with carried on with people who claimed they loved me. Every day, I wanted to end my life. I got into self harming, which I hid from everyone as well as I could. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night where I was allowed to sleep, but I spent many days going to school without sleep at all, which lead to me falling alseep during class. Though, for the most part, I didn’t go at all. I just didn’t have the energy to deal with people. Sure, I graduated, but I failed miserably with my grades, because I didn’t have the energy to do what I was supposed to. The list of things just goes on. What kept me from quitting was the friends I made from 10th to 13th grade. Some of them are also among the best people I have ever met, and I don’t know what I would have done without them.  Even the friends I met online at this point were a huge reason to why I was able to carry on. They let me talk if I needed someone, they kept telling me that everything was okay. And  if I hadn’t met all of these wonderful people, I don’t know where I would be now. And let’s not forget the people I have met at conventions. Even though we just started as ‘cosplay buddies’ or something like that, they have also played a huge part in my life, and I love all my friends just as dearly. You all know who you are, and I owe you so much.  My abusive relationships came and went. But not without leaving mental scars that are still with me today. One of those people were even physically abusive, threatened to hurt me if I didn’t do what she wanted me to do, and when I got sad, I was yelled at for that too.  But then I met a man who has come to be one of the most important people in my life. After my previous ex broke up with me, me and him started talking more and more. And we got closer to each other. Even though we live far apart, and don’t see each other very often, I am still happy and proud to call him my boyfriend. He puts up with all my mental problems. He helps me when I need someone to talk to. He protects me if I need it, and he makes sure that I am happy and safe. Even though my problems are taking a toll on him, because I have my mental breakdowns over nowhing, because I expect to get yelled at, he is still there for me.. My brothers are now my friends. My mother is too. My father could do better, but he tries now. I have gotten a wonderful little sister along the way, she is now 6 years old, and she means so much to me. Even though my life isn’t perfect, It’s a lot better than where I came from. I still cry a lot, I still have social anxiety, and I still suffer from depression that I have been refused medical treatment for. But I am still here. I can smile, I can be happy, even if it’s difficult at times. I turn 24 later this month. It’s now 10 years since I said I would make it to 14, but probably not 15. I made it to 15. Way past it even. I am still here, and I am still fighting. I have my battle scars, but I am still standing. That is why I am proud of myself. And even though I did so much stupid stuff as a kid, and I would love to tell myself how much of a moron I was, I think that if I could go back in time and talk to younger me, I want to tell her that she is strong. That she will be okay, and that she is going to pull trough even the hardest of times. I want her to know, that even if it’s not easy, she will grow up to be a strong woman who is happy to be here. A woman who makes people smile, a woman who is loved, and a woman who, despite doubting herself here and there, can still do better than she wants to believe. So...thank you, younger me, for not climbing over that fence that day.  Thank you for not giving up. I am so proud of you. I am proud of us. <3 

[dudeeveryoneishot]

i just need to talk real quick about how shitty of a weekend im having because i am super emotional and i have no one to talk to.

I have 3 friends, my friend H is on vacation in seattle washington for the next week and i know hes having a great time but im kinda jealous and i wish he was here. my best friend V moved 20 hours away this summer so I never get to see her and I really miss her. She’s at a party tonight.

My 3rd friend is B, one of my closest friends from high school who i had a crush on for 3 like years split up with his girlfriend a few months ago. then one drunken night a month ago we ended up hooking up. we talked about it afterwards and we became kind of a thing. i went to visit him 2 weeks ago because he is in school 3 hours away, and we spent the whole weekend together and it was really lovely. then the next weekend (last weekend) B came up to visit and he was supposed to be coming to my apartment with 2 of our acquaintances and he bailed without saying anything and spent the whole day with another girl and he ended up fucking her. so then im like heartbroken and feeling really fucked over that he would do something like that to me after we’ve known each other for 5 years. 

my mom and dad left thursday and wont be back until sunday so i am on our farm in the middle of nowhere, completely alone. They went to go visit my brother who is in the military and they are all going to the military ball together. my dad is retired military so he could go and my mom is his plus one and then my sister in law is my brothers. i didnt have anyone so i couldnt go and they didnt even bother to ask if i wanted to go and just stay at the hotel for the ball itself. i just feel so left out. i know they are going to be going out to eat and having all kinds of fun together and im stuck feeding the chickens. i havent seen my brother in like 5 months and i wont be able to see him until christmas.  

so i was gonna throw a party tonight with B. i was still upset with him but we’ve been friends for so long i wasnt going to cut him off completely and I wanted to have a chance to talk to him in person about what happened. so we invite our entire friend group from high school and a couple others. they all say they are coming so i start getting my house ready. then, 2 hours before its supposed to begin, they all call B one by one and say they cant make it. great. 

so im really bummed out. then B and i decide that the two of us and his brother would come to my house anyways and drink and watch stupid movies. He was supposed to let me know when they were going to be coming over but said it would probably be around 8. so i wait. and wait. and i never hear anything. I shoot him a message at like 7:30 asking if they are coming and he leaves me on read. So at 8:30 I call him. I cant understand anything he’s saying because he keeps breaking up. I send him a couple more messages and he doesn’t answer my question. So I ask his brother whats up and he doesnt know either. So I tell his brother to keep me updated. 10:15 rolls around and i havent heard anything so i ask the brother if I should just assume they arent coming and he replies “probably”. 

i just dont understand why he would just bail on me like that (like he did fucking last weekend) when we have been friends for so fucking long. like it would have taken 2 seconds to message me and say “hey something came up im sorry we cant come”. instead he leaves me on read and never tells me whether he is coming or not and i’m forced to message his little brother to finally get an answer. like thats so fucking rude. i feel like i have no idea who he is anymore. idk if i’ve always just been purposefully blind to his issues because i had a crush on him and the way he has acted in the past week is just who he truly is or what.  I just really need to stop attaching myself to people who I know are selfish and shitty acting and then being surprised when they are selfish and shitty acting

so now im here. completely alone, all my plans haven fallen through. idk im so lonely and upset and i cant talk to H about it because he is super excited about his vacation and in a good mood and I dont want to bother him, V is at a party and drunk, and B is the cause for most of my sorrow and he isnt responding to me. I even tried to message my mom despite our non existent relationship and she said she needed to go to bed about 3 replies in.

and im going to be alone until sunday.

oh and ive got our propane heater thing on and it smelt a lot like gas in here earlier and now im kinda dizzy so im lowkey hoping i die of carbon monoxide poisoning. at least that’s a death that wont make my family look bad or feel guilty. it will just be a horrific “accident”. if my queue runs out and im still not posting, im hopefully dead.