#because she spent years missing bits of plot-relevant dialogue

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Minor pet peeve: Subtitles on streaming services that just say "Speaking in (foreign language)" that cover the English subtitles that were already part of the movie/show. Good work, you're less than useless!

[fancytrinkets]

veilguard impressions

spoilers ahead. a list of my opinions and impressions as I play this game

basic starting notes after having played for 30+ hours

overall I am having fun playing this game

there are things I like and things I don't like. these are subjective and I don't think everyone is going to share these opinions or agree with me

I am not going to give an overall opinion of how much I liked it until I've finished playing

things I like so far

the way the characters look. I do like the character design style quite a lot

seeing characters from the books and stories: the crows from Tevinter Nights; Felassan from The Masked Empire; Maevaris from the comics and Tevinter Nights

the look of returning characters that I've met so far. I honestly think Dorian looks FANTASTIC. I do wish Morrigan and Isabela looked a little bit older in their face textures, but overall I love the look. (For Morrigan I'm also willing to let it go by imagining she can magic the subtle signs of aging away or something like that)

exploring scenes from Solas' past in the Crossroads

the Portal-style open-the-way-forward puzzles are fun because they're new (not sure how they'll hold up on multiple replay; could become annoying, I imagine)

that Rook has a unique conflict in their backstory, based on faction, and other characters mention and react to it. it feels like a solid way of rethinking the playable origin-story from Origins

the continuity with DA2 in having Varric as the narrator, speaking over beautifully illustrated backgrounds during some transitions

the continuity with Origins in having cutscenes of the antagonists play during transitions

combat related: I like the chained moves being mapped to buttons; I am still getting a feel for them; I imagine it would be harder if I didn't have an xbox elite controller with paddles, mapped to the ABXY buttons in addition to the buttons themselves

combat-related: using the bow is pretty fun. I never like archer builds, but I'm enjoying rogue plus bow a LOT. the smooth transition from blades to bow and back is great

not as much inventory management: I have spent plenty of my gaming life customizing swords while comparing them to every other sword in my inventory. I'm okay letting this stuff get simplified for me

Dorian DOES know Emmerich previously, a fellow necromancer, and I appreciate that!

Mae having been kicked out of the magisterium and the Lucerni disbanded a year before the present, and Dorian being the magister on the inside for the Shadow Dragons. That played out in a way that was pretty close to what I anticipated based on what we know of Tevinter politics

things I dislike so far

some of the companion conversations feel like they've been workshopped for a generation that's much younger than me — which is fine, but there are some things the characters say to each other that strike me as... well, YOUNG, and not the kind of dialogue I'd write if it were me

I'm also ready for varric to step aside as a character in game. while I appreciate his narration, I'm finding his pep talks and advice to be a little grating. though, depending on how I feel at the end of the game, I might find some fanfic inspiration in this feeling, so I'm actually not salty about it, just noticing my own reaction here

I'm finding I choose characters to accompany me based on who can prime and detonate the specific combat moves; and that feels limiting in a way that I wasn't expecting. I often pick one character who feels relevant to the mission, then default to whomever can prime or detonate for them

I totally missed the "customize your Inquisitor" side panel at the start of the game. disappointed enough at having generic FLavellan show up that I quit my first Rook and am now replaying on story mode to catch up to all the time and plot I lost

things I haven't formed a full opinion about yet

the combat overall. it is VERY different from all previous games, and I'm honestly not even comparing it to previous titles in the series because it is a whole new thing. the dodging and chained moves remind me of Elden Ring, but I find Elden Ring combat is more satisfying for me. the explosions and pacing remind me of the Borderlands franchise, but Borderlands was also more satisfying for me. I don't love it OR hate it. I'm kind of in the middle, I guess. Though, like I said, I'm fond of the bow

the Veil Jumpers. (I chose this background with my first Rook before I quit to replay.) I think I get what the writers were going for. Solas unleashes some new weird shit and the Dalish start checking it out and then recruiting more people to investigate. that feels reasonable to me. also, even though the mood is cheerful, it's clear a LOT of them are dying. I appreciate that because they are running around poking at unstable magic and malfunctioning old relics... but yeah, the cheerful mood and the "can do" vibe feels a little off to me in a way I'm not totally sure how to explain. it's almost like the writers realized the past games had written the Dalish into a really weird corner where they were "stuck in the past" but also uneducated about so much of their own history. and now they are trying to remake them into a newer, more "fun" group of people. it's just... a thing I notice

the choice between Minrathous and Treviso. I haven't seen how this plays out in the endgame yet, but I'm expecting a break or betrayal from Lucanis after choosing to fight with Minrathous instead. (I was planning to romance Neve with my first Rook, so that choice seemed important; I'm going to make the same choice with my remade Rook, as a Shadow Dragon whose home is Minrathous) So... yeah, I'm kind of hoping Lucanis will unleash an unholy mess upon us based on that choice. It feels very Mass Effect, but if the Virmire survivor lived and was changed by the experience of being abandoned by Shepard. I am hoping it goes poorly in the later part of the game, but you know, we'll see...

companion characters. I am reserving judgment until I've finished the game and of course I've spent more time with some than others due to the recruitment timings. at the moment I'm personally most fond of Neve, Davrin, and Taash (though I just met Taash, so will need more time to solidify that opinion. I think she's going to be my remade Rook's romance instead of Neve). I like Lucanis; he doesn't feel like a personal favorite, but I like him. Harding is fine; overall she's a bit too sunshine for my tastes, but I like her well enough. I will probably like Emmerich more as I continue to play. I feel like I just met him. Bellara is the one I'm struggling with most, but I think that's connected to my mixed feelings on the Veil Jumper faction in a way I haven't figure out entirely yet

the story arc overall. I don't have a handle on how I feel about what's happening and so I'm reserving judgment on until it I've completed the game for the first time

[basedkikuenjoyer]

I’m Saving My “Red” Puns

So, this one fell by the wayside. I saw Film Red in theatre and have always had...thoughts. But it was such a rollercoaster I needed to see it again before saying anything. That being a polite way of saying I needed a second viewing to get what the hell I was looking at. We’re not going to treat a movie as canon or even really talk too much about the full plot. I don’t care about that here. But...I’m still utterly puzzled by its existence. You have to understand, I cannot disentangle any thoughts about Film Red from the way I interpret Wano.

Could you? We weren’t heavy into the idea by then, but this blog was rolling before the details about Red came out. By the first post I already had some of these core kernels in mind. Bringing out the idea of Kiku as more of an actress, that she could spark something deeply atavistic in Luffy through Shanks/Makino, the light/dark theming and the parts of ourselves we hide. Using this as an opportunity to probe at Luffy’s mindset a bit more. How the hell do you think I felt seeing Uta after several months of thinking about that?

The One Piece films are in a weird place. Not canon and wouldn’t fit at all. Headcanon I say they’re exploits Usopp made up. But since Strong World we do tend to get a couple elements that are a gray area. Canon but likely won’t be used in the main story, maybe with a nudge or two at something to come. This Figarland Family and a strong hint it’s relevant to Shanks would be Red’s. That’s it, just a casual one-off line of dialogue. Said my piece on that, from what we’ve seen of it in canon it could lead to setting up Shanks with a similar background to Kiku/Izo. When you already have quiet potential set up there. But I do think some of these newer Film ____ movies serve another purpose. They’re not canon, but an echo of what’s going on in serialization at the time. Gold & Dressrosa’s parallels are the most blatant if you ask me, but Strong World, Z, & Stampede have all done it as well. There’s at least an element of like, the movie tracking with the mindset of current One Piece.

So does that mean I think Uta’s going to be super important? No, not at all. Just that she felt like priming the pump for things we were already looking at and where the story was going to go as Wano wound down. Cipher Pol & SWORD, Shanks and probing at his past. Those are things already paying off. But the big spotlight is on Uta. Who comes into the picture after I was already wondering about teasing out hidden sides of Luffy through another performer he’s been getting chummy with. 

Now, what makes something like that soooo much weirder and less likely to be pure coincidence?

I love that every time I dig back into this I find out something bizarre about Art NUE. Remember Kikuhime? This time it’s drone footage of a massive stone structure. 30 tons of Luffy slugging the Nue. Of course, I’m bringing this up because of the Kiku doppelganger. Came about a year before Wano. Major non-canon echoes on either side of an entire arc spent cryptically in the background. That’s heckin’ strange...

Seriously. 30 TONS of stone for one part of this full exhibit where the local girl is a dead ringer for the local girl who dominates the first half of real Wano being Miss Cryptic the entire time. If I had to have brain rot about someone in this pirate epic, at least I get the girl who makes my conspiracy corkboard look halfway sane.

[mediaevalmusereads]

A Duke, the Lady, and a Baby. By Vanessa Riley. New York: Zebra, 2020.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Rogues and Remarkable Women #1

Summary:   When headstrong West Indian heiress Patience Jordan questioned her English husband's mysterious suicide, she lost everything: her newborn son, Lionel, her fortune—and her freedom. Falsely imprisoned, she risks her life to be near her child—until The Widow's Grace gets her hired as her own son’s nanny. But working for his unsuspecting new guardian, Busick Strathmore, Duke of Repington, has perils of its own. Especially when Patience discovers his military strictness belies an ex-rake of unswerving honor—and unexpected passion . . . A wounded military hero, Busick is determined to resolve his dead cousin’s dangerous financial dealings for Lionel’s sake. But his investigation is a minor skirmish compared to dealing with the forthright, courageous, and alluring Patience. Somehow, she's breaking his rules, and sweeping past his defenses. Soon, between formidable enemies and obstacles, they form a fragile trust—but will it be enough to save the future they long to dare together?

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: racism, blood, violence, allusions to suicide, imprisonment, and non-voluntary institutionalization

Overview: I first learned of Vanessa Riley while reading an article about women of color and historical romance, so when I finished a rather confusing (and depressing?) read, I decided to see which of Riley’s books my library had on offer. This novel originally caught my eye because of the marketing: a multi-cultural regency romance? Seems like just the thing I’m looking for! Unfortunately, the writing style just didn’t gel with me, so for that reason, I can’t give this book more than 2 stars.

Writing: While I can respect the easy-to-digest prose style of most romances, Riley’s style didn’t work for me for a number of reasons. First, I found the use of the first person jarring. If you know me, then you’ll know that first person narration feels unnatural to me (unless the book is self-conscious about the way perspective is being used). But I also found the first person strange because Riley’s book alternates between Patience’s POV (which is in first person) and Busick’s POV (which is in third person). While the shift in POV was a nice delineation between the two characters’ perspectives, I ultimately had some trouble losing myself in the story because there was such a marked shift. I found myself preferring Busick’s chapters over Patience’s because I found it easier to let the prose just kind of wash over me.

Riley’s prose style is also a bit too reliant on dialogue and rhetorical questions for my taste. A large portion of this book involves characters talking to one another, which would be fine except I felt like Riley used dialogue in order to tell readers things rather than show them. The dialogue would repeat certain ideas or events over and over again, and the flow of the conversations didn’t feel natural, as topics would change abruptly or characters would speak in ways that didn’t feel genuine. I did like moments when Patience and Busick would have a little tit-for-tat; Riley is strongest when writing Patience's witty comebacks to Busick’s insistence on military order.

But because there was so much dialogue, there wasn’t much room for anything else, and I felt like Riley wasn’t quite sure of how to create suspense without dialogue. As a result, there are a lot of rhetorical questions; “Was she a spy?” “Did he have some secret in his past?” and the like. I feel like these types of questions popped up every other page, and part of the reason they were relied on so much may have been because Riley had a tendency to tell rather than show. Riley would point blank tell us what her characters were thinking or feeling, as well as what actions they were taking, and as a result, the narrative (and characters) felt flat.

Structurally, I also think the book could have used some tweaking. Early on, I felt like Riley was using a lot of expositional dialogue to dump a lot of info on the reader, and Patience’s internal monologue would make allusions to characters or events in ways that felt awkward and/or not relevant in the moment. I even had some trouble determining what exactly was going on at first because the book starts out with an exciting scene, and the circumstances that created that scene were unclear (unless you read the book summary first). To help with this, it would have been beneficial to get some kind of prologue, and if Riley didn’t want a prologue that depicts Patience being separated from her son or being victimized by the antagonist, then maybe we can see her escaping Bedlam or joining the Widow’s Grace - anything to give the book the space to establish a setting.

Plot: This book primarily follows our heroine, Patience Jordan, as she tries to regain custody of her son, Lionel. Following her husband, Colin’s, suicide, his uncle Markham seized control of their estate at Hamlin and claimed guardianship over Lionel. The reason? To gain access to Patience’s father’s money. To cover up the truth, Markham had Patience committed to Bedlam, so now, Patience must find evidence that Markham fabricated this insidious plot - evidence that she thinks is contained in some legal documents hidden within the family home.

However, Lionel’s legal guardian is not Markham, but Busick Strathmore, Colin’s cousin. Wanting to do right by his family, Busick seizes control of Hamlin and establishes himself as Lionel’s adoptive father. Not sure if Busick can be trusted, Patience gets herself hired as a wet nurse for Lionel, and uses her knowledge of the house to look for the legal documents that will prove Markham’s guilt, thus preventing her from being separated from Lionel again.

On paper, this plot looked really intriguing, but in practice, not a whole lot happened. Most of our time is spent reading the dialogue between Patience and various other characters, and we don’t actually get to see much of her snooping around, risking getting caught, and so on. Events didn’t seem to build on one another, so I mostly felt like I was getting character snapshots rather than an actual narrative.

There’s also something of a side plot where a mysterious “ghost” causes some minor trouble around the house. Personally, I think this plot could have been more centralized; if Riley had gone full Gothic romance (I’m thinking Jane Eyre because Jane gets hired to care for a child and Thornfield is spooky), I think this book would have been a delight. But the existing tone is a little too light, so it didn’t quite achieve the desired effect.

I also think that the whole Widow’s Grace stuff removed a lot of agency from Patience. While I liked that Patience had friends - especially friends in high places that could wield social influence to help her - having an organized, underground band of women was a little much for me. I would have preferred to see Patience concoct plans and discover information on her own, rather than having the Widow’s Grace act as the architect.

Characters: Patience, our heroine, is fairly likeable in that she’s brave, determined, and fiercely loyal to the people she cares about. I really enjoyed following her as she tried to search for her legal papers, outsmart Busick, and bring her companions along for the ride. I also liked that she had a lot of complex emotions surrounding her husband’s death; while the marriage wasn’t happy (and she has a lot of feelings about being treated as an Other), she also feels guilty about potentially contributing to her husband’s depression and wonders what she is going to tell her son about his father. I liked seeing her try to work through all these emotions, all while remaining focused on her goals.

Busick, our hero, is also fairly complex, but my appreciation for his complexity is dampened by some of the cheesiness that surrounds his military outlook on life. Busick is a former soldier who is working through his feelings about being injured in battle. Two years before the story begins, Busick loses his leg and must either use a prosthetic or a wheelchair, and he has a lot of issues with the perceptions surrounding his disability. As a result, he tries to hide the fact that he’s missing a leg; he never uses his wheelchair (except when alone) and plays it off like his leg just isn’t healing right. This kind of internalized ableism could have been really interesting to read about, especially since there was an opportunity for Busick to learn more about his value as something other than a soldier. However, Busick’s desperate desire to be useful to the war effort came off as fairly ridiculous; not only does he bring soldiers into his home and conduct drills in his yard (wouldn’t that be done at a camp or base?) but he tries to put Lionel on a strict military-style schedule and requires people to witness him as he rides a horse around the lawn (to prove his strength?). His past as a notorious rake isn’t really utilized effectively either; while we get allusions to his amorous activities, I didn’t really see how it was relevant. Did the military give him more discipline and now he’s reformed? Does he find himself slipping back into his old ways now that he can no longer fight on the battlefield? How does this situation with Patience and Lionel challenge all that? I think I would have liked to see Busick grow a little more, maybe by having him use his guardianship of Hamlin and Lionel as a way to “prove” that he’s changed from rake to responsible, disciplined adult (and his disability threatens that by making him seem incapable, so he has to deal with that as well). And while there were some hints at those kinds of things, they really weren’t central to his story.

Side characters were fairly enjoyable in that they had sweet relationships with the heroine or hero. I particularly enjoyed the relationship Patience had with Jemina - her fellow inmate at Bedlam who suffers from amnesia. I appreciated that Riley didn’t make Jemina seem “crazy,” but instead, she was a capable woman who demonstrates genuine affection and concern for her friend. I also liked that Busick had a similar support in Gantry, a viscount who is helping Busick with Hamlin (and with self-acceptance?) while also struggling with his own family issues. Lady Shrewsbury, the head of the Widow’s Grace, was interesting for the role she played in using her social power to get Patience into Hamlin, but otherwise, I didn’t really like the idea of the Widow’s Grace (because it removes some agency that could have been given to Patience instead).

Markham, our antagonist, is barely present, so I don’t really have many thoughts on him. While his actions were sneaky and abhorrent, and I appreciated that Riley didn’t use him to showcase a bunch of on-page misery, I also thought he was underutilized.

Romance: I hate to say it, but I think Patience and Busick lacked chemistry. I couldn’t quite see how each character enriched each other’s emotional lives; Patience seemed to like Busick because he was fatherly towards Lionel and because he was kind, while Busick seemed to like Patience because she was pretty and defiant. I wish Riley had done a little more to make them feel made for one another; maybe Patience challenges Busick’s rigid outlook on life and shows him that he has value beyond just being a soldier. Maybe Busick shows Patience that she matters as a person - something that was lacking in her marriage to Colin - or that she doesn’t have to take on all her burdens herself. There were hints of some of these things, but because of the writing style, I thought we were told rather than shown that the two characters had feelings for one another.

I also think the romance lacked heat and longing. While not every romance has to be sexy and steamy, I do think that there should be some element of longing that plays out in how the characters interact physically. One place where Riley actually does this pretty well is when Patience discusses how well she works with Busick while taking care of Lionel at night - the two hand him over to one another and move around the room as if doing a “dance,” and they brush against one another and smell each other’s scent. But other than that, it felt like I was smacked in the face with statements like “I noticed his mouth and wondered what it would be like to kiss it” or “Didn’t you notice? He follows you with his eyes!” I personally like these physical moments to be a little more subtle and for them to build on one another without the author having to spell out what they mean for me.

TL;DR: A Duke, the Lady, and a Baby has an intriguing premise and good characters, but ultimately lacks a strong plot, gripping prose style, or steamy romantic chemistry. Most of what holds this book back is the overuse of dialogue and rhetorical questions to create suspense, as well as the tendency to tell not show. While I would love to rate this book higher, the prose just isn’t there.

[revengerevisited]

Maddie rambles about Kingdom Hearts: Dark Road

Let’s just get this outta the way: Xehanort is my least favorite character in Kingdom Hearts. Now there are certainly more boring and underdeveloped characters but as far as evil deeds go, it doesn’t matter how ‘cute’ or ‘relatable’ Nomura tries to make Xehanort. I will never forget that he tore Ven’s heart in half, tortured Vanitas for four years, killed his own best friend, possessed Terra’s body for a decade, possessed Riku’s body as Ansem, unleashed Heartless on the worlds resulting in countless deaths, manipulated Organization XIII for years, and experimented on Kairi as a child and eventually murdered her in front of her best friends. Any attempt to make me sympathize with him just ain’t gonna work.

Also, I’m not taking any of these ‘Character X is secretly Character Y’ theories too seriously until they actually happen. Yes, it can be fun to speculate that Bragi or Odin is secretly Luxu or the Master of Masters, or that Brain is Eraqus’s ancestor, or that Demyx is the MoM, or that Ava or Vor is Kairi’s grandma, or whatever other theories are out there. But until there’s conclusive evidence that’s all they are, speculations and theories.

On that note, I don’t know why Xehanort is having dreams about the KHUX Player’s adventures but I don’t think it’s because Xehanort is the Player’s Nobody or a reincarnation of the Player. Reincarnation has never been a concept present in the KH series, and honestly it just sounds like bad fanfiction. Plus, if Xehanort does turn out to be the Player, then I feel bad for everyone who spent a lot of time creating their own unique character only to have it be replaced by the generic default Player in KHDR’s opening cutscene and then re-replaced by Xehanort of all people. Perhaps Xehanort simply has a unique, unexplained power to see into the past like Namine’s memory manipulation or Terra’s precognition.

Either way, this past-sight just makes it harder and harder for me to believe that Xehanort wanted to learn about the Keyblade War in BBS, since it seems he already knew all he needs to know. Xemnas knows that Luxord, Marluxia, Demyx, and Larxene are from the past, young Xehanort lives in Scala ad Caelum which was built over the ruins of Daybreak Town complete with a huge machine explaining Daybreak Town’s demise, Eraqus talks about the Book of Prophecies like it’s common knowledge, the list goes on. Also, I don’t like the implication that Xehanort chose Ventus as his vessel and later as material for the X-Blade only because he knows him from the Player’s dreams. Then again, if his dreams of the Keyblade War end before the Player meets Ven and Lauriam, then Xehanort wouldn’t know about them and would instead be more familiar with Skuld and Ephemer.

I will say that one thing I do like is Xehanort comparing himself to a starfish laying on the beach, both for the humorous imagery and also just a bit of that islander backstory flavor. Xehanort being the outsider of his friends group and not telling the whole truth of how he ended up in Scala is also an interesting Kairi parallel, although him being found unconscious in the middle of a city is kinda overused. I do like that the surrounding cities around Scala are all uninhabited, since trying to wrap my mind around these huge mountain-sized cities with potentially millions of people in them was a little too much for my brain to handle.

I do however find it quite bizarre that it’s taken some worlds so long to recover from the Keyblade War. Not only that, but apparently people just appear out of thin air once their world is restored. Like, how? It just feels weird and uncomfortable, almost like these people only exist for the protagonist and audience’s amusement rather than being independent living beings in their own right. I dunno, there’s just something deeply unsettling about those implications. It also makes me wonder how long ago the Keyblade War was, if places like Agrabah still aren’t finished only 75-ish years before KH1. The characters refer to it as a legend, so it must’ve happened a long time ago, right? Some fans think it’s only been 100 years since the Keyblade War, but that would be like the equivalent of calling World War 1 a legend.

The worlds all being on different timescales is also extremely headache-inducing, both as analyst and a fanfic writer trying to keep track of the plot. Couple that with time travel and the whole thing just falls apart. Of course, if each world runs at a different time, then perhaps this is why Xehanort looks so much older than Eraqus, or rather why Eraqus looks so relatively young when he’s supposed to be 80-ish years old. And if that’s the case, then do any of the characters’ ages really matter? I’ve already proven that their ages have been retconned before. Also, this renders timecodes such as ‘75 years later’ and ‘one year later’ from Re:Mind and other parts of the series completely meaningless. The timeline is broken.

Anyway, I’m not sure how much Norse Mythology will play into the story, but all the new characters have Norse names with two that stand out the most. The first is Master Odin, named after a Norse god who sacrificed one of his own eyes for knowledge, which is an interesting parallel to the MoM. The second is Baldr, the as of yet unseen seventh student who has a missing sister, because evidently Nomura likes recycling his previous plots before they’ve even finished. In Norse Mythology, Baldr is the god of light whose death kickstarts the events of Ragnarok. How this’ll be relevant in KHDR remains to be seen, but after seeing those four gravestones in the timeskip/flashforward, I can’t imagine this ending well for anyone not named Eraqus or Xehanort. 

Now, as funny as I find it that the new characters have all been killed off this quickly, I’m not entirely convinced that those are Urd, Hermod, Bragi, and Vor’s graves. They could actually be the graves of the missing upperclassmen, if some of them turn up dead. Speaking of the upperclassmen, I would hope that Yen Sid is one of them, but I have a feeling he won’t be allowed to show up simply because of Disney’s stranglehold on its own IP. It’s pretty sad and ironic seeing as this series used to be all about Disney, but I assume that’s why Nomura is straying further and further from the brand.

About the four new student characters, I don’t have any particular attachment to any of them, beyond Vor’s name being hilariously unfortunate. I find it a bit eye-rolling that fans continuously snub Kairi but will instantly latch onto any new characters like Yozora and these four despite barely knowing anything about them. It doesn’t help that, and please correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that any of the four who you choose to be in your trio will have the exact same dialogue in cutscenes no matter who you pick, meaning that these new characters don’t even get much of a chance to develop their own personalities because all of their dialogue has to be generic and bland enough to fit all four of them.

Young Eraqus is probably the best character so far, simply because he’s the only one with any personality. Granted his supposed cowardice has yet to be seen, but it’s mentioned so often that I assume it’s gonna be an important plot point later. However, I’m finding it hard to relate young Eraqus with his adult counterpart seeing as their personalities are just so different. I’m aware there’s a 65-ish year gap between this Eraqus and older Eraqus, but there better be some major character development to explain this, especially since even standing in front of his presumed classmate’s graves he still seems fairly chipper.

On that note, as humorous as ‘Tardy Fleetfoot’ is, just like with Xehanort, don’t think I’ve forgotten that this guy caused Terra’s insecurity and self-doubt with his overzealous anti-darkness stance, probably heavily influenced Aqua’s black-and-white anti-darkness keyblade-first-ask-questions-later thinking, was also probably the one who told her to lie to Ventus about always living with them, and attempted to straight up kill Ven and Terra. Eraqus’s actions aren’t as bad as Xehanort’s, but they certainly aren’t acceptable in any capacity.

Something odd I noticed is that Eraqus knows what the Heartless are called, and even the difference between Pureblood and Emblem Heartless-- well, part of the difference; I’m assuming he doesn’t know that future Xehanort created them. But anyway, my point is that Aqua doesn’t know what the Heartless are called until Mickey tells her in BBS 0.2. Before that she simply calls them ‘dwellers of darkness’, and even mistakes one for an Unversed. Does this mean Eraqus never taught his students about the Heartless? Why? Perhaps after his classmates died, he decided to shelter his own students from the worlds, hence why their Mark of Mastery was so simple? I’m just guessing at this point. Of course, there’s still no real explanation as for why the Emblem Heartless are here in the past. My best theory is that someone used the Book of Prophecies to summon them... somehow. It really just seems like an excuse to gloss over the corner Nomura wrote himself into with the whole ‘Emblem Heartless were made by Ansem’ thing, but we’ll see.

Honestly this whole series is just one big endless death-spiral of constant retcons and nonsensical plot twists and at this point I’m just exhausted. My view on KH has become one of mild and morbid curiosity, rather than expecting anything truly great. Is that cynical? Yes, but I’ve watched other once-great series (Star Wars, Voltron) worsen over time to the point that they just fizzle out and die, and I’m afraid it’s the same deal with Kingdom Hearts. I don’t think I’ve truly enjoyed a KH game since BBS, and if the series just continues down the path of introducing bland new characters every time Nomura gets bored rather than developing the already established ones, I don’t know how long I can stay interested. The Dark Seeker Saga is over and he really needs to let Xehanort go.

To end this on a positive note, I am tentatively hopeful about Melody of Memory. The gameplay looks cute and fun and the story looks like it will have more development for Kairi and her backstory, which is something I’ve been wanting for a while now. Focusing on the original cast is definitely a step in the right direction, and I hope this series can keep moving forwards rather than backwards.

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Jenny’s Belated Live Blogging - 11th April 2019

- I love Maxine episodes so much. No one is surprised by that at this point but they always work so well and have such nice flow and fit in a lot of the things that I like. When does she get to write every episode?!

- even from the start just getting Eric and David standing outside the B&B while all the ornathologists were running around. That was fun and felt like the old days with random ridiculous things going on in the village. And I loved Bob and Dan running around in their camo trying to take a picture of the bird and getting the wrong one and all the other villagers just being amused. That’s a plot that we would not have gotten this time last year and I’m really happy that kind of stuff is making a comeback because it’s just good lighthearted fun and it’s something that works great with those characters too.

- the Kim/vets stuff was great too. I am so thrilled to see a return to the work related stories. I feel like part of the reason there were so many dumb cheating plots and so many heavy stories in the past couple years, is because a lot of the work drama just got cut out and they had to fill time in other ways. But aside from just the general, I just really like this vets story now that Kim is involved and that’s not something I thought would happen. But her and Rhona together is so good. It brings her down to earth even if she is still scheming. And there’s minimal Graham, which is excellent. I also love that they’re going to continue to build on this relationship by having her get Rhona to help with Jamie, which is a great idea. I’m so happy they’ve managed to turn Kim around now that the Joe Plot is...over?!?

- And Paddy and Vanessa who we can sometimes get annoyed with when they’re in their respective relationships, work so well together in this type of story. I’m so happy Vanessa was finally allowed to go back to work so we could have this content again. That suspension was the worst decision ever. I even loved them both not wanting to tell Chas and Charity about the deal. This kind of content is what will make those relationships work better too because they have each other to bounce this kind of stuff off of. A couple months ago, Paddy and Vanessa sharing a scene was so weird because it had been so long and now it finally feels like it’s supposed to and I’m so glad.

- the Vic/Ellis, Tracy/Billy stuff was also a lot of fun today. I love that Tracy and Billy figured out what Vic was up to straight away and then locked them in but also spent the whole day together anyway so maybe they’ll work on things between them too. Things were thawing anyway. She got a drink with him. And Vic and Ellis singing Cher and drinking champagne together was perfect. They got together so weirdly and we didn’t even realize they’d become anything more so I’m sort of glad they broke up and now we get to see a little of them getting back on the same page. Those early stages are really important for me to enjoy a couple so I’m glad we’re getting that. I just fear for the Big Night Out stuff but for now it’s all lovely and sweet.

- I thought the Liv/Jacob/Maya stuff tonight was great. I’m soooo glad that Jacob said no and broke up with her just so she didn’t have to have sex with him and do something she didn’t want to do even if I was still heartbroken for her.

- I’m so happy Gabby was back with her this week too. I love their friendship and it was so nice seeing her be so supportive with Liv. That hug she gave her was so important too. I adore them when they’re getting along.

- with regards to the ace stuff. I do think it’s kind of time for her to use the word. They really did miss their opportunity when she said she was doing internet research. It’s a bit frustrating because, we all get it and it’s very clear that they did their research because she is saying all the right things. Like the part about ‘sometimes people like me just do it anyway for their partners’ or some variation of that. I just wish they’d stop having her talk around it even if everything she says does ring very true. I still hope she gets to say the word one day.

- that said, my heart broke when she said that she didn’t know how someone was ever going to want someone like her because I feel that so much. And again, I loved that Gabby was there to give her a hug. She needed that and the encouraging words and I’m glad she got them.

- I was also very happy to get to see both Robert and Aaron be there for her tonight. Thank you Maxine. I liked that, you know, we got typical Aaron wanting to kill Jacob and Liv having to talk him down. I loved Robert putting a hand on his shoulder to keep him in his chair. I of course adored the entire conversation with Robert on the bench. Definitely long overdue. I also can imagine them finding the condoms and deciding Robert may be the best one to go have that chat just because Aaron a) doesn’t always do well with that and b) he might get too worked up. In any case, I love Robert and Liv’s relationship and I’m so glad that Maxine loves it too so we get this kind of content. He was so sweet with her and understanding and calm but also so encouraging, telling her she’s brilliant as she is. Plus, I love the added bits of humor in there with the ‘boys are rubbish’ line and the ‘you’re telling me not to get revenge?’ line. Perfection.

- and I liked that that wasn’t it either. I loved that we got Aaron checking in with Robert after the chat and Robert telling him not to worry. I loved that Liv came downstairs and reiterated that nothing happened and that she was okay. They were such good family scenes, the kind we rarely get and the three of them do work well together when given the chance.

- and of course, the surrogacy stuff. There were definitely a few things that could have used more on screen discussion but I was relatively satisfied by what Maxine did manage to get in there within allotted screen time.

- I was happy Aaron questioned Robert’s sudden decision to give him a chance to explain. They were always going to have to do it in the UK for logistics purposes anyway, so I don’t mind his change of heart. I also liked that when he said he didn’t want to make Aaron wait, that Aaron challenged him on that too so he could explain. I don’t know that every writer would do that. I mean, I still wish they would address Aaron’s Seb related issues/motivation. It will forever drive me crazy if they never go back to it and I don’t think they will now but I guess I’ll have to get over it. I at least like that they addressed some of the Robert concerns.

- I also just liked seeing them so excited to be on the same page again and to feel positive after the meeting. Plus, Aaron’s cute little clothing crisis before hand was amazing and I loved Robert telling him he looked great. Also I liked that they managed to get both of their color codes in today. Red and blue earlier and then they changed into their blue and black. Well done.

- even though they’re talking about money still, I like that they’ve moved forward a bit in the process now. We’re no longer stuck completely at square one and that is very needed. Even if this surrogate doesn’t work out, at least they’re at a new stage now.

- I also loved having Liv involved and interested in what was going on and especially that she did it in that sarcastic way. They really felt like a family tonight and it made me very happy.

- with regards to the ‘swimmers’, haha, I do wish they’d had that conversation on screen but I’m glad that they at least said that they’d had a conversation and didn’t just announce that they were going to use Aaron sperm or something. And I know there’s a portion of the fandom that has a massive problem with all of this but like...I don’t think that the characters at least did it in a particularly offensive sort of way. Especially since Maxine consciously had Aaron correct himself and say ‘well it’ll be both of ours obviously’. Plus, I always love Aaron not being able to talk about that sort of thing and his ever popular awkward hand gestures. I love that that’s just his consistent thing. Haha

- and of course the sofa cuddling and giggling at the movie. I’ve waiting ages for them to lay on the sofa like that and I’m so glad it finally happened. Plus the dialogue, talking about their future kid. Again, I loved the family banter with Liv saying Seb was going to be an evil genius and Robert correcting her and saying ‘handsome genius’ was perfect. And of course the comment about Aaron’s eyes. We all use Robert loving Aaron’s eyes so much in fan fic so it was great to get that little moment. And Aaron craning his neck to look up at Robert was lovely. Good content. I am pleased.

- as for the blackmailing. It makes a lot of sense that it was Liv that caught them and that it’s her that’s blackmailing Maya. With anyone else, I feel like it wouldn’t make sense that they would tell but since Liv has been involved this whole time, Maya is able to use that and her alcohol problems to manipulate David to preemptively discredit her and then threaten her with. But I also really liked that Liv brought up Gordon. Yay relevant character history! It’s good that she can take that knowledge and apply it to this situation and see through Maya. But it’s also such a messy situation since Liv was with Jacob and there’s so many hurt feelings on top of everything else. It makes a tough situation even tougher so it all does still feel relatively believable. At least within the context of a soap. And as much as I wouldn’t want robron using pedophile blackmail money to fund their surrogacy, I sort of like that Liv even went there because well...she’s learned from the best living with her brothers. Haha. But yeah...it’s all a mess and I can’t wait for it all to come out so all these kids can start getting help.

- all in all, these were great episodes and again I shall profess my love for Maxine Alderton. She is perfect.

- I hope these thoughts met your expectations @memorieswarm haha

[slothcritic]

Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 4 Review

Hit-or-miss introduction makes way for some golden moments.

The opening skit for Snakeway to Heaven has a satisfactory comedic weight to it, though upon re-watching it for this review, I noticed an editing mistake I had never noticed before, despite becoming a fan of the series in 2012. When Goku falls off Snake Way, the scene actually freezes on that frame. It wouldn't be noticeable if the truck itself hadn't frozen as well. Small gripe but I thought it was an interesting observation to share.

[Title Sequence]

Goku's scream carries over into the first few seconds of the intro and resumes near the last few seconds, which I found to be a well played editing decision.

Once Goku has stopped falling, we're treated to an amusing take on the filler ogres from hell. The blue one is given the Swedish Hansel-und-Gretel accent while the red one speaks like a German or Austrian. And puritan as ever, KaiserNeko made sure to use the original, unedited footage. It would’ve been funny to see them maybe have a scene or two with the ogres wearing their different HFIL shirts, or maybe a bit more fun poked at the Ocean Dub, but no such luck in this scene.

TFS doesn't spend too much time on this scene at all, really. It’s filler, and so nothing here really matters to the story aside from laugh-factor. The comedic nature of this first scene is that it’s rushed. Goku swindles the two ogres out of a fight, like he’s trying to swindle the show into skipping this filler arc, as he immediately guns it for the exit... and then stops?

It would've been a much more emphatic punchline if the scene had changed right here. Instead we have an awkward stop-and-go motion to the scene they're trying to orchestrate and it feels stilted. A lot of this scene after Goku finds the exit I find to be entirely unneeded. Raditz has already been established as being in Other World so the callback here wasn't necessary, the special King Yemma fruit could be argued for having no plot relevance as it never existed in the manga, and we didn't really need that post-Goku scene to get the hint that these ogres were very chummy with each other when it came to subjects like oil wrestling and speedos.

But then, where would they put that great joke about the Blood Fountain? And the small dialogue about Dabura I did find risible as a fan of the original DBZ, despite my usual curmudgeonly take on yet-to-be-established jokes. Like many things, this does get much better as the series continues, eventually turning some moments of sequence-breaking into moments of well-crafted foreshadowing. This is just a funny pointless joke, and a nod to fans of DBZ, that has no impact on the actual story of DBZA itself.

Again, this isn't too much of a big deal. Just a whole work-with-what-you've-got bizarre scenario likely due to bizarre source material. Yet this was all deemed funny enough to edit, voice and keep in the episode instead of trimming it out like the other 90% of this mini-arc. I'm not convinced the presentation was done to par, but I do feel that the inclusion of "Goku in Hell" is necessary for the sake of tying loose ends together. Also, it would've been a far more egregious decision to have that cold open end in a do-nothing cliff hanger. So, a goofy scene and perhaps iffy writing, but not terrible.

We then return to the person who has so far been the breadwinner of the series, and Piccolo hasn't let up on either the humor or Gohan. Kind of a contrast to how somber he is in the show. It's not whack-a-doodle humor, it's exaggerated frustration and exasperation, which lands almost dead-center on my humor nexus.

But even better than Piccolo has to be this next scene - Debatably the first "meme" or seriously quotable moment in the show's history: Popo's Pecking Order.

On paper this doesn't look like it'd be necessarily funny, but when you attach to it a very do-nothing character like Mr Popo and turn him into a sadistic dictator, combined with the special emphasis and excellent delivery of the line, it's simply outstanding, and raises the bar for this entire episode.

Now I've said before that the source material of Z shouldn't factor into the end product that is DBZA. If I were to show this episode to my mother, I shouldn't have to show her all 291 episodes of Z so she can understand it. The show should be able stand on its own. That's not to say parody should have zero factor in the writing of this, or that there should be zero references at all, ever. By god what a silly thing to imply. But people can still enjoy Spaceballs even if they haven't seen Star Wars.

However, in the case of Mr Popo, DBZA does a good job of setting up Popo in the same way Z does. He initially speaks in a low, subdued tone, and is spoken of by Kami as some kind of adviser, or perhaps a respected peer, but as someone who is indirectly and respectfully implied to be below him. After all, it's called Kami's Lookout, not Popo's Lookout, and Kami is literally regarded as "The Guardian of Earth" while Popo just appears to be... there.

That all changes the second Kami leaves the outdoor area and Popo is entrusted with the reigns of the new Z Fighters. LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS!

The Krillin Owned Count also chimes three in this scene, and shows its first signs of picking up momentum.

Back on Snake Way, Goku gets eaten by the head of snake way, which leads into Jadoshin's palace. This is such a quick, cheesy, quirky but funny edit that I'm not sure what to say beyond I enjoyed it. It just hits you and then boom, you're in her castle.

The joke of Jadoshin being voiced by Solid Snake (Princess Snake, Solid Snake, on Snake Way) seems like a bold strategy but I think it's one of the better jokes they've committed to that ended up being really good, at least this early on. The voice even lends itself to the awkward dialogue that would've simply lost its charm or fallen flat otherwise.

Unrelated, but one of my favorite lines from the dub happens in this scene, where Jadoshin's attendant simply says "I've got something to show you. And it's my gun.", and then kills herself with it. I didn't expect to see that in this scene, but a small part of me did hope.

When Goku finishes up in the hot springs (with a Metal Gear Solid box gag to boot) and tries to leave, Jadoshin then states that she wants Goku inside her. Goku is confused, of course, and smash cut to Goku flying for his life from a massive green fire-breathing snake trying to eat him.

Jadoshin however still has the voice of Solid Snake even in this form, complete with periodic grunts as they maneuver through the air. This eventually transitions into Jadoshin saying waka-waka, and the backdrop changes into a Pac-Man map. The Pac-Man skit was perhaps a bit overdone, with Goku finding meat instead of the normal fruit, but on the whole this was a very "solid" scene.

During the Ozaru scene, I feel like Piccolo just screaming "MOOOOOOOON!" in the DBZA Kai version is funnier than the "Stop mocking me!" we got in DBZA proper. Also, donkey kong barrel, really? It's not bad, but it's an "oh, brother" moment, like hearing a very bad pun.

When Gohan transforms back into his human (or Half-Saiyan technically) form, his junk is censored with a Dragon Ball. This is an interesting contrast in philosophy over the years, as KaiserNeko explained the decision "to not censor baby dicks" in a Episode Breakdown livestream on the Broly Abdridged movie, where Broly's baby wiener can be seen uncensored in a few scenes of that movie.

The episode ends with Goku continuing down Snake Way, having tied Jadoshin up into a tangled ball, prompted the GAME OVER screen and someone yelling "Princess Snaaaaaake!"

Conclusion

Despite my lackluster thoughts on how Hell was handled, this episode had a lot going for it compared to it's predecessors! Most of the episode was spent on two strong scenes, and while I didn't think the Ozaru scene was anything special, it didn't feel out of place or off-kilter, but provided more insight and I suppose world-building into the relationship between Piccolo and Gohan and the constant reminder that they're training to eventually face off against the Saiyans. This is further reinforced by Stinger #2 with Nappa and Vegeta en route to Earth.

This was almost opposite to Episode 3, which I felt had strong bookends. While I didn't find the end of this episode to be bad, it was simply "alright" when compared to the Popo and Jadoshin scenes. Characters are starting to have stronger internal identities instead of simply being parodies of their original counterparts. Though it is noteworthy, and rather obvious, that this only applies to characters with speaking lines. Tien, Yamcha and Chiaotzu made their first appearances but had nothing to say. Maybe it would have been cluttered or detracted from the pacing of the Popo scene, but it may prove challenging to properly attach sentimentality to these characters in the short few episodes they have before the inevitable happens. 

Because y'know, nobody watched Dragon Ball.

Score: 73

Passing Thoughts

I liked that Stinger #1 dealt with the actual ramifications of DESTROYING THE MOON unlike the series proper did. I guess it was just no diff for the Dragon Ball world?

"He made a horrible mess of the blood fountain." "Looks fine to me." "IT USED TO BE WATER!"

"I killed everything here with my bare hands. Including the bear hands." -Pictured in the top left of the frame are actual bear hands.

"Stop grunting, it's creepy!"

"CLOTHES BEAM!" and “That is easily my most metro attack.”

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

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Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

________________________________________

So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

________________________________________

And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Fanfic Asks

Found here: https://itsreallylaterightnow.tumblr.com/post/615345458657771520/

1. who is the hardest character for you to write? Oh gods, it's gotta be Gar. I don't do the Spontaneous Goofy Silly thing. I just have absolutely no idea how to write a goofball because I really don't connect to Being a goofball whatsoever, especially one who's So Totally Opposite of myself. Although, if OCs count, it might also be Kary, because she's also spontaneous, but she's pretty rage-y about it and has a VERY sour attitude towards strangers, she's totally silly and teasing around friends, flirty around cute people-- she just takes a lot of energy to keep up with.

2. who is the easiest character for you to write? Dove? Does Dove count? Because she's my OC baby and I've written more for her than any other character in any universe. But if OCs don't count, it's gotta be Raven. I can write for HOURS about things like empathy, meditation, reading, the ins and outs of what emotional control does to your mind and relationships, and having A Dark Side that you're too compassionate to ever give in to. I've spent more than 15 years of my life obsessed with her, analyzing her, noticing her traits and extrapolating as much as I can based on a wealth of canon glimpses into her deeper layers. She's the character I "get" more than any other character aside from the ones that spawned from my own head.

3. How do you know if your writing is “in character”? If I can read the dialogue and hear it in their voice, I've got 'em down. c: I overanalayze a LOT about the characters: their phrasing and linguistic quirks especially, but also their actions, their motivations, their personality-- though, to be fair, Marv Wolfman did a lot of Deep Dives into what makes each character tick, which makes writing fanfic for the Titans a bit of a cakewalk. It's still tricky, especially given that I write in a sort of amalgam universe stuck between the comics and cartoon, so characterization is always a bit of a gray area. But I can generally tell if Something Is Off about a line or action. Don't always know how to fix it, though...

With only such very, very RARE exception. Some scenes are inspired by my own experience, some are inspired by other media (even if I didn't really enjoy it, if I liked a particular line of thought, a scene might sprout from that planted seed). The Final Journey was heavily inspired by a book called Toes by Tor Seidler, at least the very last part of the book.

I have no fucking idea where DDD came from though, that one honestly just spiraled way out of Dove's control, and then out of MY control, and the entire writing process was just a desperate scramble to capture her breakdown and PRAY she'd get out of all this madness alive. Yes, my own experience informed HOW to write about it, what it might feel like, but the idea for "Dove slips up So Fucking Badly she kills people"? What the HELL.

5. Do you tell the people in your life that you write fics? Everyone who's REALLY close to me knows about Dove. Some of them know about Srentha and Kary, I think few of them know about Leyla... I tell everyone I'm a writer though. And if they ask, I will proudly proclaim that I write fanfics about my original characters.

6. What has been the hardest fit for you to write? "Fic", I think that's supposed to say? But uhhhh, probably DDD. Watching Dove go through that has been... really rough. Really, really REALLY rough. (To put it into perspective, I used to write for 3-7 stories every single week. But once DDD started going downhill hard, about the time Dove's first victim happened, I became absolutely OBSESSED with figuring out how she gets out of it.

7. What fic of yours makes you the most emotional? Honestly, that depends entirely on my mood. Lovey-dovey mood? Probably either all the fluff of secretshipping, or the tragedy in Spellbound pt. II. Self-doubt and PTSD? Raven's counsel at the end of DDD. Mystical or spiritual mood? The Final Journey because of Dove being guided by Azar.

8. What is a scene you wrote that you are most proud of? Holy hells bells, the climax scene in DDD! The battle! Between a really powerful empath and a totally unhindered telepath! In a mindscape! I haven't managed to make myself really proud of the ~style~, but the CREATIVITY. The "weapons" they used! The scenery! The escalation, the drama, the consummation of everything Dove had been fighting and Raven had been fighting with her over, and then the ENDING? Gods. Writing such an abstract battle scene was a HUGE challenge, because I've never seen any precedents for it. But I really, really love the way it came out.

9. Is there one character that you refuse to write? why? ...Rrrronaldo? Not that I've done much of anything with my SU ideas, but his arrogance and Totally Missing the Real Actual Meaning of things would probably just make me angry. Come to think of it, that's also the reason I refuse to put Terra in my stories. (Aside from the fact that I would go fucking insane from trying to figure out what the HELL her mindset is alone, what's her plan, what the hell did "Things Change" mean, etc. I just can't do it for her. And I don't forgive her.)

10. When you write fics, how much of canon are you willing to ignore/skip over? Veeeery, very little. I only have Three Anti-Canon Rules in my fanfics: 1.) The Brotherhood of Evil wasn't able to break an ancient and powerful curse that took Raven A FUCKING WEEK to LEARN how to break! So Malchior can't have been released by them. 2.) Sons of Trigon was a bad fanfic and doesn't exist in canon. I absolutely 10000% refuse to acknowledge anything in that story. And 3.) We don't talk about Things Change.

11. Do you prefer to be cold or hot when you write? Oh, cold, absolutely. I've written in an 85F room with two cups of ice water and three fans before, so it's not like I can't write in the heat when I'm really inspired, but I'm so sensitive to heat that I have passed out while sitting when it was just 75F outside. But cold... Cold I can THRIVE in.

12. What is your ideal writing area? My room. Somewhere quiet, peaceful, calm, separated, and where I know I won't have people trying to read over my shoulders.

13. How do you come up with your titles? I try very, very hard and hope I've come up with something that Sounds Nice AND Makes Sense. (I'm still debating the title of "Fire and Flight: The Keys to Igniting a Pacifist Heart". 'Flight' because that's what Srentha's name means, and it's his debut story, but like.... Fire only means Devastating Things to Dove, so I'm reeeeally fighting myself on that. I love the poetry in the title! But like.... couldn't the poetry be a little less devastating? But my brain refuses to spit anything else out. And also, that Day of Fire was a pretty important plotpoint, since it's the whole reason they were separated...)

14. How do you come up with chapter titles? Usually picking something that Sounds Cool and Has Relevance to the most important aspects of the chapter. I'm still really proud of calling a chapter of DDD "Sins of the Father" BEFORE Marv Wolfman used that phrase for Raven!

15. At what point in writing a fic, do you decide to quit? Who says I quit? The only way I'll quit a fic entirely is if I don't want to write it anymore. But because of the aforementioned Curiosity and Drive to Learn about what the heck is happening in these scenes in my head, that rarely ever happens. There have been exactly Three (3) fics that I quit writing. ~ 1.) The Titans/Pokemon crossover, because I realized I had no idea what to do with a Misdreavus in Titans Tower. (That one actually got published, but then deleted in a fit of Self-Consciousness because I was convinced people would find it cringey. I really wish I'd kept it because it was a cute idea, at least... and nowadays I can think of so MANY things! I never even wrote her meeting Silkie!) ~ 2.) The shameless self-insert where comic!Raven showed up in my room one day because I realized I had no plot ideas whatsoever, I really just wanted to write about meeting Raven in an actual physical sense. ~ 3.) Misery's Company, my Ruby Gloom fanfic, because frankly that was another shameless self-insert fic, and I realized I had no idea what to do once we got Misery back to Gloomsville. And then I realized I didn't have any particular motivation to even write it THAT far. I just totally lost interest. I didn't want to write about the rest of the Gloom crew. And I utterly lost touch with the magic in the show. I couldn't write in the style that meshed so WELL with that fic anymore. It's actually still up for adoption, I just have to find someone willing to actually adopt it.

16. How much of your personal life do you put into fics? Mhhhh, only as much as is relevant. Mostly writing from experience With Situations and Feelings, though I don't insert my reactions into how others would handle their experiences. DDD probably got the most so far. Although I can't lie, I've also found myself consulting some of my own experiences when writing for Raven as well. Like what empathy feels like... but it's mainly for things like Deciding Which Descriptive Words to Use.

17. What is the most supportive comment you have gotten? Ooh, that's hard! I've gotten several good reviews that really motivated me-- they were all on fanfic.net, but maybe the one that was like "The originality is too great to be lost" on DDD? Or the review I got for the Unforeseen revamp that was like "It flows like silk" and talking about how much better it was than the original!

18. What is the most negative comment you have gotten? All the accusations of Dove being a Mary Sue? Yeah. She never WAS, but I didn't know how to write a bio about her without comparing her to Raven, so nowadays I can see why they went there.

19. How do you handle negative comments? Back then, I sent a pm and asked them to clarify. Nobody ever did... 8F But nowadays I mostly just ignore it.

20. What story that you have written makes you the happiest to re-read? Either really triumphant or really soft moments. I love the gentle moments between Dove, Srentha, and Leyla. I love the plot progression in Something Special. I love the revamp of Mystery Sickness, seeing how far my writing has come. I love reading any tender scene between Srentha and Dove. Dove's memories with her mother are so formative and important and sweet and special. I love how peacefully Dove and Srentha's marriage scene came out. There are just so many that make me happy...

I also wrote a really cute scene between Steven, Lapis, and Amethyst where they made a sort of roller coaster for him because he was banned from FunLand and that's just an adorable sweet idea, but I never fully wrote it, whoops.