#been a busy yr for me
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I’ve seen a few people mention this, but it deserves being screamed about from several angles: if you haven’t already, do yourself a favour and go and read
‘Tis the Damn Season by littelbluefish on AO3
(are they on Tumblr?? I don’t know).
It’s beautiful and lovely and emotional and sweet and gave me so many lovely warm fuzzy feelings 🎄✨
(Quick summary: season 2 never happened and Simon and Wille have become cautious friends over the years. They see each other at a Christmas Eve Eve party and reevaluate their relationship.)
GO AND READ IT!
#it’s taken me days to read it#because I’ve been busy#but my god I’ve enjoyed the snatches of time spent reading this#the last chapter has me all a flutter#yr fic rec#yr fanfic#young royals#wilmon#author: littelbluefish
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queer women when trans-masc/men's lived experiences are just a little too similar to their own: 😡☝️🤬🚫😤🤬🚫😡🤬😤☝️
#bc thats really j gotta b what it is right?#bc idk how u can hear ppl#go through exactly what youve been through#the only men or men-like companians who can ever truly ***empathize*** w women#and u want to talk over them or claim that their experience isnt valid in some way because???#what???#it makes u feel some type of way???#u dont like it????#u dont agree w it bc personally its not yr own personal experience????#bc u think it somehow takes away frm yr own expereinces???#when in relaity were both j expereincing the same thing and both suffering in totally similiar ways j in different directions#or sometimes still even in the same direction#idk im really tired of this kinda.. indifferent if not invalidating attitude ppl will have towards transmen#or even transmascs#if theyre a lil too masculine or a lil too binary (which again will always b skewed due to individual perceptions)#and tbh#it kinda scares some of yall bc#honestly some of us including me including some trans ppl too#dont know what good kind gentle postive masculinity looks like#its never been modeled for us (which is glaringly obvious looking at the stae of the world)#idk it just comes off as ignorant and closeminded and yall wpuld think ud b the the last ones caught dead being exactly that#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbt#queer#literally fighting the same fucking battle but were all too busy killing the whole squadron w friendly fucking fire#like i love yall but come on
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even online i cannot escape middle-aged adults trying to tell me their life story and hit on me,,,,,,,,, help,,,,,
#why was a 52 yr old texan trying to hit on me on THIS BLOG OF ALL PLACES....... BRO..........#and telling me about his divorce and everything 😭😭#also im sorry USamericans but uhm. some of yall are a little funny sometimes with the way you live in such a vacuum fdsjkl#(it is not ur fault and i understand that and i do not blame u for it. nor am i saying you are stupid or anything like that fdjkl)#(but also why tf do u not put your country in ur address for shipping.... literally every other country in the world does that JFDSJKL)#but anyways he asked me where i live and i said turtle island bc thats a safe vague answer and he... assumed it was michigan??#for some reason ????#but what could i expect from a 52 yr old texan trying to ... hit on a 22 year old. on tumblr. goddamn. sobbing on the ground.#WHY DO I ATTRACT THESE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE I GOOOO#i've heard so many woes and life stories of middle-aged adults and been hit on so many times and im so tired 😭😭😭#sometimes its interesting to hear about ppls lives but not when im like. busy with shit. like at school or at my workplace or on my blog😭#WHY WAS HE MESSAGING ME ON /THIS/ BLOG OF ALL PLACES. BRO. FJDSFJKL#this is my blog where i get silly over FICTIONAL CHARACTERS HDSGJKL CMONNNN MAN#vent //#ask to tag#dandy.cmd
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being a freshman in highschool is so crazy
#im gonna disappear AGAIN after this but i thought it would be funny to make a post for the hell of it#im way too busy to be consistently active on tumblr. ballet has consumed me#so anyways yeah im a freshman in highschool now lol#and im freshman council president too#hashtag stem#speaking of stem im like seriously SERIOUSLY considering taking biomedical science as a course in college and i wanna go to the UK#anyways ive mainly just been preparing for this HUUGE ballet competition soo a lot has been on my plate#and i havent been watching a lot of anime...but i did finish season 5 of mlb and the movie#the movie was great. season 5 was season 5#but i watched like 3/4 of the ghibli movies during the summer and it healed me#ive been doing a lot of self reflection lately which is so crazy. and i think about like. everyone all the mutuals at least once a week.#everyone ive met on this godforsaken site genuinely shaped me as a person so much and the time i had here was so wild.#ig thats why it feels to weird to just permanently leave it all behind#i will never deactivate this acc and ill never stop coming back to this hellsite but ill never be that 12 yr old again#dragon's trash
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ok two things.
not that i need to clarify and not that anyone needs to know more detail but. to clarify from my post last night: my brother did nothing wrong by showing his music to me AT ALL. but there are two things that are hard about it and i hate to say it but the bigger one is… he has the same spark i used to have and feel like ive lost forever snd him making unfathomably beautiful music makes me… jealous. or at the very least mournful about what happened to my own musical / poetic pursuits and skills and how i feel like i will never be able to do anything like that again bc ive lost myself and feel detached from my life and am frozen like a dear in headlights. and the second thing is he’s in a lot of pain rn with his own situation and we don’t communicate abt it except in ways that are extremely like.. strained and sheepish and i feel like a bad big sister for not being more affectionate and like trying to force through the barrier and be lovey dovey with him basically bc i think he needs / wants that even though we’re both weird about it. lol
my cousins posted a picture of them smoking together on their ig story and my mom screenshotted it and sent it to me and my siblings w/o knowing that ig tells you when you screenshot someone’s story and is now doubling down on how righteous she is abt taking a screenshot bc they’re being stupid and smoking when it’s unhealthy. and my dad is telling her “people are allowed to be you g and make mistakes” and she’s continui ng to double down abt how when she was their age she didn’t care about fitting in and just accepted that she didn’t fit in instead of engaging in bad behavior etc etc. like first of all our cousins didn’t hurt anyone by posting that why did she need to screenshot it 💀 they’re going to read into that for sure and i don’t blame them like it’s just so weird and im so fucking embarrassed abt it. and second of all lkke… you are not better than them for not smoking or doing other stuff and also them smoking isn’t necessarily abt fitting in. shut up 💗 [UPDATE post cancelled apparently ig doesn’t notify ppl when they screenshot stories anymore. but my point abt her being judgy abt young ppl being young ppl remains]
#purrs#delete later#ask to tag#the ig story screenshot thing is making me so fucking mad too bc when i bc ame out as bi on social media years ago she fucking screenshotted#the story and it freaked me out and when i asked her abt it she said she screenshotted it to make a point abt how you shouldn’t put#private information (like abt ur sexuality) online bc ppl can use that against you and hurt you and it’s nobody’s business when…. she was#LITERALLY the only person to screenshot that post and guess what. SHE used it against me!!!!!!!! like idk how to describe it but she’s so#judgmental towards young ppl (esp me and my siblings lol but still) like. figuring themselves out in public and just existing and these#aren’t the only examples either it just sucks so bad and is so fucking weird. mind your own damn business lol#the coming out day snapchat story screenshot fiasco is one of the worst and most painful things that has ever happened to me in my rs with#her and with my own sexuality btw 💖 it’s been like 6 yrs and it still hurts and silences me to this day lol
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I— thinkitstimetofeedmybrainandrewatchyoungroyals
#I’m back#I was busy dealing with turning the big three o on the same day rwrb was released and it was a big week to process#then I got swept up in starting up volleyball and someone recommended haikyuu so now I’ve been obsessing over silly boys who play ball#which is pretty on brand#but yeah my adhd brain really took a hold of me this past month#but I’m ready to dive back into YR#and I have content I want to get out and just need the motivation to make it happen
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finally getting a helix piercing tmrw 🥹
#been thinking abt getting one for like 5 yrs 😭 took me stupidly long lmao#still dunno if i wanna get it on my right or left ear tho.... gotta decide tomorrow :')#i'd rlly want to get a second pair of lobe piercings too while im there but i doubt they'll have time for that..#when booking the appointment the website only allowed me to choose one service#and i know they're v busy bc there's a sale campaign on all piercings this week......#my posts
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KZSCR SHIOPERR SPOTTED WHO BOOKMARKED MY SCARAXIAO FIC. INSERT THAT ONE IMG OF A GUY W A RAID INSECT SPRAY BOTTLE........
#GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT............IM FALLING AAPART IN2 TINY POECES....#LEAVE ME ALONE.....AKIRA M..........#in tears throwing up gagging upset frowning pool of salty wet teara down my face#SROP FOLLOWING NE AROUND.....WHAT THE FUCK...#im meber looking bqck at that fic im srry ive been scarred looking at my chscr fics on ao3 nd like#kzdcr mfs flocking to it....leave me alone dawg.....(this is why i orphaned all of my works as small amount as they may be)#an entire groupnof kz scr likers flocked to my fics nd it became a piece of media they absolutely adored nd sum of them tried talkinh 2 me#even tho i clearly had v*nxi kzscr zh*ngxi ka*luc in my dni.#plspls those ships make me the most 7ncomfy (ka*luc soecificallg bit thats obv ND ALL OF TJOSE WERE THEIR CKEAR FAVS#nd fheu even reqd me to make a kzscr nd venxiao fic. rlly rlly invasively.#even tho i told them Hey Im Not Comfortable With That.#had 2 orphan my works nd leave that twt acc nd then i vowed 2 never make a genshintwt acc ever again LMFAOOO#id go 2 my moot for this but theyre currently busy nd even rho theyd want 2 hype me up nd be haters 2gether theyre.#theyre a senior high student....doing.....senior high stuff....#mae......paws at the window like a lost cat....mae....pls stop being old this is so sad.#(shes like a yr older than me BWAHSJDKEK 😭😭)
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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
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I hate people with dreams because I wish I could give up mine !!
#this isnt' meant to be a deep post im just screaming into the void#im back in the city and there is just this deep sense of dread and I wish I could call my friends and talk abt it but everyone who would#understand is too busy#I have one fren who I think mite but shes busy#I have one midterm this week and im still scared of my prof even tho ik she means well and I rightfully pissed her off last last week#I want to leave the committee I work for completely#I want to leave this school completely!!#aaaaaaaaaaa#I want to go grad school#I also just look online and I wish I went to a diff school than this one#bc my family does NOT have the money for this school if Id just waited and gone somewhere else I would not be in this much DEBT#ik i was in a tough situation a few yrs ago and HAD to just pick a school + get out#but still#I think just. if my life events hadn't been so shit and bad#if I hadn't been in such a Bad place during and after the pandemic id be at a diff school#one that didn't make me feel so BAD and one that didn't put me in so much debt#some of why im pissed off and anxious is lit my fault#I burned some bridges and hurt ppl and pissed them off!!#but yn when u make a mistake and everyone around u will def define u by it#bc me rn#I just need to leave and not come back#or if I do not come back for a long time#I wish I could pack my shit and do the rest of the sem online#the only thing I'd miss is choir bc I love it#all of my friends (most of) are in choirrrr#its the way choir is the only thing that makes me feel good I hATE everything else
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I'm fine
↑ she was not fine
#I've been so emotional lately akskdka rough time of year for me 🥲😔#it's been a long year in general#I've been crying kind of a lot lately. just rly overwhelmed with this delayed grief.#I've been dating or hooking up w someone since i was 16 so this year i focused on myself n friendship instead#and it's been great. but it also gives me a lot of space to process everything and find clarity - which is also great but The Grief 🫠#giving myself space 2 process my feelings includes making time to cry and talk my way thru it openly 👉👈#transitional periods of ur life r hell fr though it moves by so slow when you're in it then completely forget when ur in ur next phase#i hope better things are coming for me soon. i do my best 😔 i think next yr will be a lot better after i move and I'm trying so hard to#enjoy right now. *long deleted sigh !!!!!*#i wish i could just throw myself into someone's arms and be held. but idk when or how I'll meet the next person 😮💨#dating apps around here r kind of hell and i gave up on them tbh. i think they're a lot better in A Town but it's too oversaturated#and also none of the friends i made thru them rly stuck. i keep busy w my friend n hobbies n bandit and it leaves me satisfied day to day#but there is a very deep Yearning inside of me that's rly gnawing at me lately 🥲#sleepover talk
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if the old mandoesnt keep his p4 in the wdc, im going to leave f1
#kidding. but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#had to let go of my p3 hopes but CMON LET HIM STAY IN P4 AT LEAST#top 5 at least......???? p4 tho praying#the fight for p4 is actually crazy tho. literally 4 drivers. its honestly super impressive hes kept it this long#sooooo...old man keep it a bit longer pls#ill always be really depressed abt the p3 tho bcs i really wanted to see him at the fia gala on that third step :/#it wouldve been so nice to see sob sob after so many ssns but ah ig now#well next year he'll be on the top step so its whatever atp-#anyways fp 1 time yayyyyyy#i dont think ill be able to watch another even till quali#not bcs im busy but bcs waking up on the wknd fuckign sucks#even quali and the race...i really dont want to wake up#since japan tbh the times have been pretty great for me but im gonna get so fucked w that 8 am start#also!! its so fucking surreal this season is over????? wow it really got me thru this yr#catie.rambling.txt
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he <3
#big bro <3 he's cool! but is he as cool as best boy t.orgal? hmmm thats up for debate#ash feeds him treats and gives him lots of pets!!! pat pat pat pat pat#ash rambles 💚#i've been doing nothing but study so brain is mushy#but c.live! brother! and t.orgal! friend!#f.f16 and m.ass e.ffect are keeping me goinf ajdhqjdh i love them#my first fucking post about c.live hasnt popped up so screw it! i'll make another!#also fellas i think my crush on g.arrus v.akarian is much more than that- may or may not have two fankiddos#ahskjqkdjq i've been seriously going through it as of late with school and shit but at least theres hot aliens 😳😳#but yeah. ash isnt actually blood related to c.live! thank fucking god- i freaking hate his mom LMAAOO#she's just a close friend who he starts to see as a sibling type#especially since shes the same age as his actual little brother#theres about 5 yrs between them so ash is around 28ish! a wee bit younger than her gf v.ivian#big bro is cool :D#... i still like his dog better-#(that was a joke. mostly.)#so much studying.. so tired... but we must persist#once the horrors pass i shall finish m.ass e.ffect 3! muahahaha!#a while back my friends and i decided to go out this weekend. and me being busy as shit is not gonna stop me from dancing it up LMAO#so we're on the study grind 😎#also on the freaking brainrot grind oh my god- m.atthew has been on my mind all day!! and ofc g.arrus and the two fankiddos i'm working on#also an old crush AJDJAJJSJQ i need to finish h.aikyuu since a.kiteru has my whole heart#okay yeah thats all#everyone look at t.orgal and how cute he is :D! and ig c.live too#my screenshots too! me and f.f16 photo mode are besties :D (i have spent an embarrassing amount of time zooming up on my gf v.ivian)
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Mercury 13 at Wikipedia
#the lady general rambles#this is specifically to bean my bro with next time he says that lack of famous women in history means evidence of female inferiority#i don't think men who can't even *checks notes* make pressure suits have any business flying jet planes#sorry to apollo 1 but more of nasa should have been on fire#fuck them fuck them all with their stupid diapers and piss tubes tereshkova and ride were the only astronauts who did anything cool ever#and laika of course#and the lm#who gives a shit about apollo or whatever fuck them who needs them#am i supposed to believe that any man ever *really* achieved anything? when wiki entry mercury 13 is right there?#i just think they're too dramatiqye and incompeténte it's just *biology* they can't even make a spacesuit right after 30 yrs#man i'm so fucking furious like i *knew* in theory and i've avoided it specifically because i knew it would upset me but I'M VERY SMART#DID RIDE EVER GET A FREE CORVETTE#i'm not looking this up. hashtag self care.
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Working on this one Yuu drawing and it has been like 3 weeks . This drawing is really teaching me the meaning of patience
#one of my resolutions for this yr is to be more patient so i am doing my best#actually i know these days it looks like im just posting a lot of uncolored doodles but#i actually do have a lot of painted artwork that took me weeks to do i just either havent finished them completely#or its like work so i can't post it yet until after publication 💀#its been so busy for me lately 😭
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they r soooo. anyway
#lol um anyway . i kissed them for the first time yesterday but it literally feels like a yr ago but it also feels like today#on a bridge at night against a cityscape. river looked like a painting...etc it was nice . and then. yh theres a lot to talk abt#so i dont wanna say it all rn bc im tired but yeah. they r . sooo. pretty cool etc etc. whatever im fine im just . angry that i dont get to#see them that often bc they live in a diff city etc. also took them to a spot which usually is like . relatively busy bc london is busy all#the time but it was cold and it was at night so there were like 0 people there. the view was so good but other things were better#also kissing smn w a vertical labret is actually just >>>#lol en ee way i miss them#im soo overwhelmed w life rn and theyre not rly helping but like. in a good way#i told my friend to lmk if he notices that im becomjng too engaged w romance to the point where im neglecting academics#and he immidiately said it. like according to him im thinking abt her too much when i should be thinkint abt philosophy too much#which is like. idk if that's true bc ik he has a rly skewed perspective bf he kind of swore off datint#etc but at the same time . wbat if hes right. omg. but also let me have this Moment#that was last week when i was forcefully taken to manchester by a university society . like we hadnt even kissed yet#i fell asleep bc ive been so exhausted and when i woke up i realised they briefly appeared in a dream i had#and then i started tearing up out of Fear bc like . whenever ive lost smn i loved the dreams were the worst#like . good dreams. were horrible. and now its like what if this turns out horrible ? but i dont wanna self sabotage bc i rly rly rly like#them . i gave them a rose and on the train home i could stop staring at their hands holding the rose#and i know theyve liked me for months and i know theyve been waiting for months but somehow its still like#what if it just fades. whatever happens happens ig. i took them a leaf compressed in a poetry book from#a book shop we found on our second date tgth. they gave me a necklace w a small vial and a tiny flower inside#its so pretty. thinking abt the way they put it on me + when they wrapped their arms around me when i was cooking for them etc etc#im FINE its FINE its OKAY . whatever !!!!!#[chroma blue]
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