#between the ugly and the beautiful is by AGE and not like. class or ethnicity or whatever right. bc if everyone in your society will | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anastkantdhangar · 5 years ago

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Why India’s Social Milieu Needs An Urgent Contemplation

India, traditionally, has been offering astounding variety in virtually every aspect of social life - diversities of ethnic, linguistic, regional, economic, religious, class, and caste groups crosscut Indian society, which gives light to its very inclusive, secular and democratic character. But why there has been a social unrest lately?

India ranks 144th on the World Happiness Index out of a total 156 countries on the list, even behind the likes of Pakistan, ranked 66th, and Bangladesh, ranked 107th.

17th June, 2019, a 24-year old man called Tabrez Ansari was mob-lynched in Jharkhand. He was tied to a pole sometime around midnight, and was beaten brutally till 6 in the morning, and was also forced to chant Hindu sayings. As usual, police arrived late, Tabrez was taken to the hospital, where even his blood pressure was not recorded. He died four days later.

Kashmiri Pandits were victims to a similar unfortunate happening. They were forced to exodus from their own home, and ever since, Kashmir has been even more of a hot topic.

It was a similar mob which chased and killed Inspector Subodh Kumar Singh in December, 2018 in Bulandshahr. He was trying to control a mob that had gone on the rampage after cow carcasses were discovered nearby the locality. The same mob also raised slogans against the police during the unfortunate happening.

Back then, between 2015-2018 specifically, such things were done in the name of cows, an animal which holds a religious significance in Hindu mythology. Considerable amount of such happenings on the name of cow slaughtering frequently grabbed news headlines back then, and as a consequence, consumption of beef in India saw some low. When reports of cow being starved to death in official government shelters started coming in, and also about that stray cattle were destroying crops and farmers were not very pleased with it, politics abandoned cows. It is obvious that cows, along with other animals, need to be protected, also given the fact that dairy products are a must, there needs more to be done to protect and nurse them. But the project of fear and violence that had been started, still continues in various forms.

But, unfortunately, cases of mob-lynchings still take place in our beloved India. The very recent case of Palghar district in Maharashtra, where two Hindu saints, while being in police custody and being taken to Gujarat, were attacked by locals. Reports suggest that the rumors were spread in the area about a gang which abducts children, and on the suspicion of the same, the saints were beaten to death, while the act of police standing quietly beside raised many questions.

A particular section of society, including sections of media, left no stone unturned to give it a communal angle. And there is no denying that there are communal and casteist angles to most of such cases, but there is a larger angle to it. The fact that somehow normal and a routine act it has become to lynch anyone you disagree with, who is outnumbered, is a thing which we need to question. What message are we passing on to the youth? Aspiring to be a global superpower, what are we projecting ourselves as?

The Larger Picture

Democracy has space for various views, expressing dissent in a dignified manner, solving issues, but no democracy can justify use of violence or any arbitrary means to deal with dissent. The very feeling of people that they too are ours should not be compromised at any cost.

The fact that the frequency of such acts has increased in last few years outlines that a message has been passed on to the society, especially the youth, that to beat up someone who does not agree with you, or who expresses any or some form of dissent is a normal practice. Of course, there also has to be some manner and dignity in which dissent should be expressed in a democratic society. But to suppress dissent brutally should not be a solution in a civil society.

This the reason why a new debate had acquired the headlines for some time about whether and how India has been growing intolerant rapidly, but the media and the viewers, the public, a large part of it, did not pay much attention to it. This was and is, what I believe, still a relevant question to ask and explore.

A considerable section of the youth has grasped that dissent or disagreement can be or has to be suppressed, even if it needs violence, which is more than worrisome. This is very much evident owing to recent JNU Campus Violence amongst students back in winter during anti-CAA protests. And the youth today, is the future tomorrow, which is why this makes it even more worrisome.

This even stops many from expressing their views, fearing that might get beaten up by the people having other views, and by not letting other ideas to be out there in the society, the prevailing ideas of the authorities are being hailed as champions. This is where we are failing as a democratic society. We have stopped or started to prevent asking questions.

A democratic society is always full of different ideas, views and perspectives, that is the beauty of democracy. A democratic society always cleaves up, if a one and only idea prevails in the society, there has to be something wrong, we are never going to realize what's wrong in such a scenario, and we have contemporary examples of such autocracies. And there were reasons why human, with time, switched from monarchy to democracy, he liked the idea of discussing various angles and coming up with one which could be best, as it will cover as many as loopholes, angles and point of views as possible, for the best of interests for every section of the society.

The Core Youth Issue

India’s 65% population comprises of people aged 35 or below, making it potentially one of the youngest country in the world, but what’s fresh in them?

A child learns most of the civil and moral values at home, he learns what he sees, and tends to practice the same, this is the normal scenario. What he learns through the education system, along with his moral values, is somewhat an outline of what kind of a person one is, how one’s attitude is. And India’s education system has been questioned ever since.

The Indian government’s very own draft education policy tells us that National Assessment and Accreditation Council (NAAC) rates 68% of our Universities average or below average, and 91% of our colleges are rated average or below average. These second-and third-grade colleges would have produced generations of average or below average students and scholars.

Today’s youth of India has been in the making for decades. A great deal of efforts must have been put in to finish off all the curiosity and hunger for knowledge and information. The youth no longer wants to understand why a system made them spend lakhs of rupees studying, when at the end most of them could not find jobs which could even earn them Rs.20,000 per month, but still are repaying their education loans. It is the official data released back in 2018 that around 67% families in India survive with a monthly family income of Rs. 10,000 or below.

Those who demand information, who understand their world, those who question the status quo, are the ones who sustain democracies. Can we expect such democratic ideals from the youth of a country where 91% colleges and 68% Universities are average or below average? 65% of Indians might be under the age of 35, but there’s little sign of anything fresh in their thinking. Their minds are not young. They were first burdened with great ignorance, and now they’ve been blinded by communalism.

With 91% colleges being second and third rate, it was inevitable that the youth is kept away from the realm of knowledge. This must have had a large say on why WhatsApp University became so popular, the very messages people received on their private chats must have felt to them that they now had an access to knowledge, the very fact that it was so easily accessible, made it very impactful. Lies and misleading information designed to prejudice them and incite them to violence now began to reach their smartphones as personal texts.

Fear Of Speaking Out (FOMO FOSO)

Our Lok Sabha has passed amendments to Unlawful Activities (Prevention) Act last year, that gives authorities the power to declare any individual a ‘terrorist’. After it was amended, many social workers who have worked for the under-privileged for years, and raised important issues which was not in the best of interests for the authorities, have been imprisoned under UAPA.

As an obvious consequence, many have held themselves back to not speak out on issues they would have spoken on otherwise, the fear of intolerance of some sections of the society which may turn ugly and the fear of trolls of social media of the great IT Cell may also have been the reasons for the same.

There was a very popular dissent outrage in the form of protests in the form of anti-CAA-NRC protests. Protests in cities and college campuses took place across the nation, some also turned ugly as violence broke out in certain protests. To counter anti-CAA-NRC protests, pro-CAA-NRC protests were also being held in various parts of the country, which was first of its kind. The national lockdown owing to the coronavirus pandemic has brought the topic to a stop, but during this lockdown, various student leaders of anti-CAA-NRC have been charged under UAPA.

JP Narayan addressing a rally during JP movement in 1974. Many scholars speculate that the real Emergency started not in 1975, but in 1974.

In the history of independent India, its hard to remember any other popular mass protest where people across the nation came to roads to express dissent to the authorities, only one such example crosses our minds - the JP Narayan movement in 1974, during the time when Indira Gandhi used to be the PM of India, which mostly included students, and was ultimately suppressed after imposition of Emergency in 1975. But owing to a new practice we have accepted of labeling every sound that questions the authorities as anti-nationals or leftists.

India has had a history of patriarchy, which still prevails in many forms. Women in India, historically, have not been provided equal rights and recognition as men do. In such a nation, be it in the name of anti-CAA-NRC, such a large all-women protest of a scale as big as Shaheen Bagh is a very, very rare thing. Irrespective of our political affiances and interests, the fact that historically deprived women actually came out and led a mass protest on their own, which lasted for more than 3 months and has come to a haul owing to the pandemic, this certainly deserved some thoughts.

Motive of the protest, political interests and such stuffs can be and should be questioned, but in the process we should also give some recognition to things which are rare and important.

We all may share different political thoughts, different political affiliations, but at the end of the day, we all belong to one nation, and our ideas should be for the best of interests for our nation and its people as a whole.

#india #indian government #Indian Media #indian youth #dissent #politics #society #ndtv #India Today #CNN #bbc #new york times

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provokingthoughtpieces · 5 years ago

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An exploration of colorism

Colorism is the practice of discriminating against people of a darker skin tone, and it happens amongst individuals belonging to the same racial group or between racial groups.

The roots of colorism go back to colonization. Many people of Indian and African backgrounds and ethnicities wish to be lighter skinned to meet Western standards of beauty.

In India, it is taught that the fairer you are, the better you are. The fairer you are, the easier it is to find a husband. The fairer you are, the more people will like you. Yes, something as trivial as the shade of brown or black you are has a large impact on the way people are treated in Indian and African communities.

In India, advertisements for the popular skin whitening cream ‘Fair and Lovely’ depict the darker woman not getting the job or the part in a play simply because of her skin colour. The advertisements are formulated in a ‘before’ and ‘after’ manner, showing the protagonist after she has used ‘Fair and Lovely’ finally landing the job and in a glowing white light, as if having fairer skin somehow propels you to the heavens.

The message that these advertisements convey is that light is beautiful and dark skin is something to be ashamed of; something to ‘fix’ with a cream that will open doors for you in life. Go to Ghana, India, China, Malaysia, South Africa and you will see billboards and magazine and television advertisements for skin whitening creams everywhere. The area of concern of this message is that it depicts dark skin as somehow inferior and has an impact on the young girls and boys in these communities.

As someone of Indian ethnicity myself, I often heard advice from my older relatives telling me not to go out into the sun for fear of getting too dark. I saw my grandmother use Fair & Lovely and cover her face with powder to look fairer. When relatives told me that I had gotten ‘darker’ from being in the sun too much, I always used to wonder why that was something to be ashamed of; something to worry about.

Only when I grew older did I fully begin to understand that these were comments stemming from a history in colorism in India. I was fortunate enough to grow up with parents who didn’t place much importance on the colour of my skin. I was fortunate enough to have role models like Lupita Nyong’o, Viola Davis and most notably, Mindy Kaling, who taught me that dark was beautiful, and just how little the shade of your skin should impact upon your future prospects in life. However, this isn’t the case for many young boys and girls living in Indian communities today.

I came across an interview in a documentary titled “Fair? A Documentary About Skin Colour in India”, which attempted to discuss the issue of colorism in India. The interview featured a young middle-class boy with a dark complexion conveying his wishes to be ‘fair’ and ‘attractive’ like his classmates. What do his classmates do to achieve such a fair complexion? They bleach their skin.

The boy looked distressed and somber, noting the different whitening creams he has used to try and lighten his complexion. The boy looked about 10. This shocked me, because I did not think that this was an issue amongst such young men and women. However, this boy was growing up around peers who bleached their skin and denounced his naturally darker skin as ‘ugly’, just because they were conditioned to think so. When the interviewer asked the boy “What do your teachers tell you?”, the boy replied with his head down “You are dark so we don’t like you”.

“You are dark so we don’t like you”. This is the gist of the Fair & Lovely advertisements and the marketing ploy of bleaching creams that this boy’s peers use. You are dark so society will not like you. You are dark so your potential husband will not like you. You are dark so you will not land your dream job. And so on and so forth.

Some people are lucky enough to recognize and reject the standard, but most are not because of the internalized colorism that exists within these communities.

Colorism can have a damaging impact on people in African communities too. There is a stigma of colorism in the US amongst, most notably, African American girls. There used to be something known as the ‘brown paper bag’ test that was common practice in sororities in the US. This phenomenon involved young college-aged girls comparing their skin color to the color of a brown paper bag to make sure that they were not darker in color than the bag. The point of this exercise was to somehow ‘weed out’ the darker girls, who weren’t allowed membership in the sorority on that basis alone. The brown paper bag test was not only used in sororities but at many multi-racial social events from the early 20th century to the 1950s. This surprising practice shows how colorism is rampant even in our modern society, and it is terrifying to think that colorism is often internalized within a particular racial community.

As of late, a lot of discussion has surrounded the Nina Simone biopic, which casted a lighter skinned Zoe Saldana in the lead role of Nina Simone. Nina Simone was known not just for her music, but for the fact that she was a darker skinned African American who had made it in the music business, at a time that having dark skin was looked down upon. This is why Zoe Saldana’s portrayal of Nina Simone sparked a colorism debate. Many people were outraged and believed that they did not receive an authentic representation of Nina Simone in Zoe Saldana. The fault was not with Zoe Saldana herself and her ethnic background, rather it was with the casting decision itself. Kierna Mayo, editor-in-chief of Ebony Magazine, conveyed her sentiments about the casting decision on NewsOne, commenting that

“The sensitivity here is particular of Nina Simone, who herself so embodied racial pride, who herself so did not fit the Hollywood package … image that we all have grown so accustomed to that we can spit off the names Paula Patton and Zoe Saldana with ease, but we cannot find their darker-skinned peers.”

Mayo alerts to the issue in question – that the casting directors missed out on an opportunity to cast a darker and talented African American who more accurately represents Nina Simone and the image she portrayed in Hollywood.

It is important to note that colorism is present in many different communities, not only in African and Indian communities. It is present in many East Asian communities, in Middle Eastern communities, and pretty much any other community that houses people of different shades of skin. It is not important where colorism originated. It is only important that we unlearn all of the beliefs that have been indoctrinated into our minds about colorism. The world is too many shades of beautiful to think that perfection can be achieved with only one shade.

#colorism #african-american #indian #sjw

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redorblue · 6 years ago

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The Story of a New Name, by Elena Ferrante

I just finished reading The Story of a New Name, the second part of Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan Novels, and I’m completely blown away by how good this book is. The first one, too, and I can’t wait to read the third and fourth part, but this one genuinely makes me want to bow down to Elena Ferrante and promise her my firstborn child. I’m not saying that it doesn’t have its lengths, but the amount of detail that she puts into the settings and the richness of the characters’ inner lives makes me want to read twenty more of its kind - it’s just that good. It even makes me want to freshen up my Italian because the difference between speaking standard Italian and the Neapolitan dialect is an important part of the book and would probably add a lot more depth, but... I can’t wait that long.

The first two installments of the tetralogy are mostly set in Naples in the 1950s and 1960s, in a poor neighborhood at the outskirts of the city. This is where Elena and Lila grow up: two girls with very similar backgrounds (working class fathers, stay-at-home mothers, miserable living conditions, a lot of domestic and street violence), but with very different personalities. Lila is a very extroverted person, direct to the point of rude or aggressive, courageous, impulsive, sometimes manipulative, very passionate, and gifted with a very creative and astute kind of intelligence. Elena is more of an introvert, a very diligent, responsible and disciplined person who tries to avoid conflict at all cost and has a good eye for unwritten social rules, with a rich emotional life but an aversion to sharing it with others. She’s also gifted intellectually, but rather as a result of hard work; she’s what you’d call booksmart as opposed to Lila’s intuitive intelligence that’s mostly focused exclusively on her rather volatile fields of interest.

In short, in many regards they’re each other’s opposite, which makes their friendship incredibly fascinating from the outside and alternately fortifying or toxic from the inside. When things are good, they ignite each others’ brains with ideas and they support each other no matter what; when they aren’t, Lila manipulates Elena into things that hurt her (or both of them really) and intentionally ignores her discomfort, while Elena distances herself, judges Lila and tries to assert her own superiority. The competitive streak that runs through their friendship at times inspires both of them to surpass themselves, but it also leads to them constantly trying to outdo each other - and let the other know. No matter how fraught their relationship gets though, they are always the most important person in the other’s life, both the anchor that stabilizes them as well as the benchmark that they measure themselves against. It’s a defining element of both the main characters’ lives, even as their paths drastically diverge: Elena, because of a combination of luck and hard work, gets the chance to continue her education after primary school and even goes to university, while Lila, who has the talent but lacks the luck, is not allowed to go to school any longer and is ultimately forced by circumstance to get married at 16 - which, considering her personality and the society she lives in, obviously does not go well. All in all, it’s a fascinating portrayal of a lifelong friendship under (at times) incredibly difficult circumstances that shapes both of them at their very core. It doesn’t romanticize or trivialize a bond like that, but shows it in all its ugliness and glory, and what’s more: it makes this friendship the central relationship of the book.

But the story is not only a brilliant examination of female friendship (and it is very distinctly female: both characters can never escape their roles as girls/young women in a heavily patriarchal society), it’s also a very observant analysis of the ways that class and gender intersect to shape and constrain the paths and personalities of Elena, Lila and their friends and neighbors. I’m tempted to add ethnicity to the mix, too; I’m not sure if ethnicity is the right term, but I can’t think of a better one, so I’ll stick with that. I’m not exactly knowledgeable about Italy’s demographic makeup, but if I remember it correctly, there is a quite distinct divide - culturally, economically, socially, linguistically... - between the North and the South, with the North as the economically stronger (and possibly less corrupt) part and therefore in a position to look down upon the South. This is an especially important aspect of Elena’s story in The Story of a New Name, when she goes to Pisa to study and feels forced to hide her Neapolitan background as much as possible. However, in the neighborhood where Elena and Lila grew up and where most of the first and second book takes place, ethnicity plays less of a role. Externally, within the framework of greater Naples, the main dividing line is class, expressed as income, way of speaking, access to education, clothing, and general display of wealth. The neighborhood itself, on first glance, is more homogeneous: even the local bigshots, who own a car, give out shady loans to the entire neighborhood and maintain ties to the mafia, aren’t particularly educated or refined in comparison with the Neapolitan upper classes. What they do have is money, and that’s one of the observations that I love about this book: money, no matter how much of it you amass, can never be the same as being born upper class; it can buy some privileges, but it can’t buy parity with the truly powerful. Within the limited domain of the neighborhood, however, money is one of the main mechanisms of stratification, the other being gender.

Toxic masculinity plays an important role in the story, and it shapes the lives of everyone in the neighborhood in different ways. We don’t meet many of the older men (= parent generation), but that’s a statement in and of itself: many of them are either dead, dying, or in prison. Those that are left are characterized by submissiveness and resignation to those with more power, and they channel their feeling of powerlessness and the resulting emasculation by beating and abusing their wives and children. The older women have lived too long under such circumstances: they do care about their children in some way, but the methods they use to make especially their daughters conform to patriarchal expectations and thereby protect them from male wrath end up doing just as much harm as the fists of the fathers. Female solidarity and close personal friendships such as that of Elena and Lila are rare because of the women’s feeling of disempowerment, trauma from a lifetime of violence and general economic hardship. And so the vicious circle repeats itself, with everyone caught up in it absolutely miserable, but unable to do anything about it, since class limits make it virtually impossible to get out.

This is equally true for the younger generation. The boys are taught from a young age to associate male behaviour with violence, aggression, a very prickly sense of honor, and a superiority over women that allows them to possessively watch over them and use violence against them to keep them in line. This holds true for rich and poor neighborhood boys alike, which proves that it is not an issue of class alone. The author further supports this argument by giving counter-examples like Alfonso, who in theory is just as predisposed to toxic masculinity as all the other boys: a violent father, (temporary) economic deprivation, violence in his peer group... What makes Alfonso different from most of the other boys is his personality on the one hand and his advanced education on the other. I think the author is saying that education is the key to overcome at least the worst outgrowths of violent male behavior. Of course education is contingent upon the class a person is born into, but with Alfonso, and partially Enzo (and Nino, too, much as I hate to admit it), she proves that neither class nor gender automatically make a man violent - and that neither one is an excuse for toxic masculinity. This claim is strengthened further by a counterexample, namely Bruno Soccavo, the son of a rich industrialist who leads a privileged life and still thinks it his right to sexually exploit the female workers at his factory.

But since the focus of the story is on Elena, Lila and their female friends and frenemies, this is where we get the most intimate insights into what toxic masculinity and economic deprivation/dependence together do to f**k up the lives of girls and young women. The girls mostly display a pretty thorough understanding of how things work: they know what they can and can’t tell the boys in order to avoid violence among the boys and towards the girls themselves. I’m pretty sure that even Lila knows how to avoid offend the boys’ sense of honor, but between her recklessness courage, her desire for freedom and her self-destructive streak, she just doesn’t care very much. But even this understanding, the result of a lifetime of studying the behavior of the men around them, does not help them very much because it doesn’t leave them enough room to put their feet down, let alone breathe. Lila is the best example of this: after being denied further education and blossoming into a beautiful teenager that attracts the attention of every male around her, including a rich mafioso, she really has no other option than to marry the (seemingly) most acceptable of her suitors at 16 years of age. But of course, he turns out to be violent and controlling, too, and since he’s more powerful than her brother and father, she really has nowhere to turn to. And as I mentioned already, neither the older women nor the girls have enough emotional or material capacities to meaningfully help each other. Some of them also simply don’t want to (the author doesn’t romanticize anything here, either), but I dare say that even that is a result of economic deprivation plus toxic masculinity: from a very young age they’re drilled to think of marriage as their only way to relative economic security, and their future husband’s affection as the only way to avoid being beaten or even killed. So it’s natural that female solidarity, as desirable as it’d be, is not very wide-spread in the neighborhood. Basically, what the book says about toxic masculinity and patriarchal systems is this: yes, it hurts both men and women, young and old, rich and poor; but in the end, it’s always the women, and especially the poor women, who end up with bruises on their face.

#the story of a new name #the neapolitan novels #elena ferrante #book review #toxic masculinity #intersectionality #seriously this book is so good #I adore it

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alysharichardss · 6 years ago

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The Impact of Media Representation and Portrayal on Minorities

In the era we live in today, much of an individual’s knowledge comes from how they perceive what they view, and media plays a huge role in what is presented to individuals. The representation and portrayal of racial minorities in mass media has been and still is a pressing issue. These representations and portrayals are problematic as they promote stereotypes, stigmas, and ideas surrounding superiority and inferiority. All of which reinforce a divide between racial minorities and the majority.

Axel Aubrun et al.’s “Six Harmful Patterns in Newspaper Presentations of Race” is centered on the analysis of news media's influence on the lives of minority individuals. According to Aubrun et al. in media “minorities are portrayed as distinct from and unconnected to Whites, as the ‘Other...” (5). This can be done through various forms of media, from film to internet, television, as well as magazines. However, news media coverage in particular commonly associates minorities with dysfunction, delinquency, unemployment, poverty, and crime (Aubrun et al. 15). Although the depiction of problems and differences between races can be significant, the overarching effects of portraying one race as negative or inferior to another can be divisive. Aubrun et al. use the term “distancing effect” to describe the separation between the minority and the majority caused by media (14). Aubrun et al. state it can be challenging for white individuals to connect to minorities who are consistently depicted as inferior, or an “other” in comparison to them (ibid.). News media’s portrayal of minorities can make those individuals out to be “less than” their white counterparts. This divide can be especially harmful when negative depictions are common. However, the effects of media portrayal do not end with divide.

In addition, Aubrun et al. suggest that by characterizing minorities and their communities as problematic and needy, those who consume these portrayals can begin to view situations regarding minorities as “permanent and unchanging” (14). As a result, problems persist in minority communities and nothing is done to combat them (ibid.). When what is being viewed on a large scale influences the way individuals view other races in reality, it can lead to an abundance of problems that go unsolved. A cycle between portrayal and problems presents itself in real life. Moreover, news media is not the only form of mass media that has the capability to do so.

In a survey conducted in November 2019, 86% of respondents said media (TV/Film or News Media) has an influence on their own views pertaining to their race or other races (See Appendix A). All respondents answered that there is somewhat, or a definite correlation between media portrayals and stereotypes associated with race. Moreover, 93% of respondents believe minority groups in race are portrayed more negatively than non-people of color in media (Appendix A). The survey conveyed that the views of most individuals are influenced by what is presented in mass media. All respondents were between the ages of 17 and 50. However, media consumption and its influence on the lives and beliefs of minorities begins far before adolescent and adulthood.

Lack of representation in media of minorities can be impact children negatively. Neal Lester’s “Disney's the princess and the frog: The pride, the pressure, and the politics of being a first," explores Disney’s first inclusion of an animated black princess. Disney is a “globally dominant producer of cultural constructs related to gender, race, ethnicity, class and sexuality” (Lester 294). Because the franchise is largely viewed by children (of all races), author Dorothy L. Hurley speaks of how depictions of different individuals are, “translated into beliefs children hold about status in particular group membership, in relation to notions of good, bad, pretty, and ugly as reflected in the films” (qtd. in Lester 295). This conveys the power media has on one’s mind. For children, portrayals of individuals in media are often internalized and held as true.

Before the arrival of Princess Tiana a black royalty in Disney’s Princess and The Frog, the representation for African American princesses was at a low. Lester refers to the overwhelming presence of Disney’s white princesses, and the questionable historical portrayal of animated characters of color (Lester 295). Disney’s lack of representation of black individuals, and positive portrayal of white royalty sent a message to minority children through Disney’s association of “beauty, fame, fortune, and desire with whiteness” (Lester 295). Donna Brown Guillame, television producer, shares the message Disney films sent her when she states, “when I was young, all the fairytale princesses had long blond hair. When you are black, you just don't feel like it could be you”(qtd. In Lester 294). Lack of representation of minorities in media networks such as Disney, can have a harmful influence on youth of color. Particularly when those who are frequently represented are associated with positive characteristics and are of the majority race. They may feel inferior to the majority. It can make minorities believe things such as “beauty, fame, fortune, and desire” are unattainable if they are not white (Lester 295). Princess Tiana in the Princess and The Frog was a step towards inclusion. However, many children did not grow up with that representation in media. Portrayals and representation of African American females on TV specifically are problematic as they are often negative and have influenced young girls and women alike.

Media consumption has the ability to affect how African American youth views themselves. Gholnescar Muhammad and Sherell McArthur’s “Styled by Their Perceptions’: Black Adolescent Girls Interpret Representations of Black Females in Popular Culture,” is centered on black girls and their internalization of media portrayal. Muhammad and McArthur assert that current representation for black women in media is flawed and current media portrayals make it harder for young black girls to develop their identities (133). The authors conducted interviews with black female adolescents ages 12-17. Nine percent of respondents spoke of positive portrayals in music and on TV (Muhammad & McArthur 136). However, 64% respondents stated they viewed media representation of black girls as negative, with depiction of “exaggerated characters, objectification, and belligerence”(ibid.). The result of these portrayals Muhammad et al. states, is that many African American women may feel the need to act a certain way to not play into negative stereotypes in media, even if it is warranted (138). Being forced to suppress emotions to not play into stereotypes associated with race can have a damaging impact on an individual, especially at a young age. Media’s influence on how individuals are perceived were discussed by numerous black girls who took part in Muhammad and McArthur’s study.

Violet, an interviewee, wrote about being judged based on preconceived notions about black girls surrounding ignorance and confrontation. She speaks of how although she embodies “cleverness, mannerism, gentleness,” people make their minds up about her at first glance and are unwilling to see anything else (qtd. in Muhammad & McArthur). Therefore, media portrayal and representation, can promote negative and racially stereotypical stigmas widely associated with a singular race. In the case of black adolescent girls who took part in this study, media portrayal and representation presented the capability to make forming their identity’s difficult. In addition to the promotion of stigmas, and racial stereotypes, the over sexualization of minority women in media can have dangerous consequences.

Media depiction in media can put women at risk in the reality. Debra Merkin’s “Three Faces of Eva: Perpetuation of The Hot-Latina Stereotype in Desperate Housewives” is centered on common portrayals of Latina women on television. Merskin claims that mass media, more specifically, TV is used today as a means for majority (white male) beliefs about sex, race, and gender to be spread (134). Merskin argues that by conveying stereotypes that depict certain races as the “other,” media enables “racial superiority” to continue (ibid.).The power of stereotypes in media can be have a negative influence on the lives of Latina women in particular, whom in mass media are frequently portrayed as "exotic, sexual, and available, and as more in touch with their bodies and motivated by physical and sexual pleasure than white women” (Merskin 136).The constant exploitative portrayal of minority women in media has the ability to alter their value and worth in a general sense in reality. In the interviews conducted by Muhammad and McArthur a respondent stated that the over sexualization of minority women in media makes them,“ vulnerable to mistreatment by others and susceptible to violent acts such as rape or abuse” (qtd. in Muhammad & McArthur 138). When an individuals value is constantly depicted as less than, and they’re over-sexualized frequently, it can put them in harms-way in reality. Not every individual’s portrayal in media is accurate. When these portrayals are frequent, the impacts are more damaging than anything else.

In essence, mass media’s representation and portrayal of minorities is a fairly significant issue. Media has the tendency to overlook minorities, and when they are represented, the portrayals are commonly misleading. The impacts of media representation on minorities, and all races as a whole are more harmful than anything else. Although the issue of lack of media representation minorities is resolving, stigmas and a divide still result from the presence of racial stereotypes portrayed in media. Will the minority ever be represented equally or portrayed equally to the majority in forms of mass media? Does the inclusion of one African American princess dismiss decades of absence? Overall, one step towards change, is better than no step at all. And informing oneself about issues otherwise overlooked, is the first step towards making a difference.

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okimargarvez · 7 years ago

Text

S. VALENTINE IN RED (BLOOD)

Original title: San Valentino in rosso (sangue)

Prompt: crime case, anonymous courtesy, one night deleted.

Warning: none.

Genre: romantic, angst, friendship.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, BAU team, Roxy.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot.

Legend: 💑💏😘😈🔦🐶

Song mentioned: none.

A serial killer who kills only once a year: in the period preceding and following Valentine’s Day. His victims are apparently random, they don’t have in common neither gender nor ethnicity, or age, or social class. But the BAU team is forced to speed up the investigation, when their computer technician is in danger of becoming next victim.

MY OTHER GARVEZ STORIES

S. VALENTINE IN RED (BLOOD) 02/14/16

-And those flowers? - the dark man scrutinizes the colorful bunch of carefully placed on the desk of computer technician. The latter glares at him, asking him telepathically probably the reason for his sudden entrance. He had never entered in before. In nearly six months. The thing is quite strange.

-What is it, Alvez, do you think I bought them myself?- her tone is ironic with different bad shades, as always when she talking with him, apart from rarely if the subject of their conversation is Roxy. Yet that draws him far more than if she behaves like with all the others, even with Stephen, the very latest member who was joined their team, with whom she has been since the beginning sweet, cute and loving. Exactly the opposite to him: after all he has committed a serious infringement: he had taken the place of Agent Morgan.

-No.- he answers only. As hard as her is a weird, eccentric person, especially in the way she dresses up her hideout and herself, from what he can see (he doesn’t lose the opportunity to carefully scrutinize every detail of the room, all the pictures - damn, how many photos of her with Derek, them hugging… - cuddly puppets, colored pens), he can’t imagine her buying flowers for herself. She maintains a fixed her gaze in that of man. Always with the same defiance in her eyes, but what’s really at stake? He has some ideas, one, to be sure, but not the courage to express it. But something shines through her manner however: the lips that fold into mischievous way, arched eyebrows, smarting eyes and brighter than usual.

-So, what do you want? - how strong is the urge to take off that grimace of her mouth, once and for all? Enough to fall? Or surrender?

-Anything. But Emily told me that we must work together.- he announced casually, as if he didn’t care the task given by their leader. He really isn’t able to mask the entire satisfaction that he feels, telling her that she’ll forced to endure his presence for many more hours than what she thinks; that she had to got to get over it, seek to cooperate with him. Alone. The woman snorts, whirling around, turning to one of the numerous screens scattered around her bunker and sitting at her desk. Her blond hair flutter wrapping her face. He doesn’t hold a slight chuckle and after a moment’s pause, he approaches her slowly, bending and staying a few centimeters from her neck. For a moment in his mind pass very different images, from those of the case that they should studied.

-I am perfectly able to do my part alone.- she says, her voice firm and precise, not even turning and trying to pretend she doesn’t care the concrete fact that the damn breath of him, warm and… (no!) is brushing her bare and vulnerable skin. She doesn’t know if the man has noticed it, but soon his face is almost up to her shoulder and she can’t help but experience a feeling of deja-vu quite particular, because the male subject isn’t the same of her memories. And this is precisely the problem. She feels the weight of his eyes and embarrassment that tries to make red her cheeks. But she’ll never give this satisfaction to him. But he doesn’t stop to staring her and if she thought good for a moment about it, she would come to the right conclusion. Three coincidences are a proof. And she would have far more to explore.

-I’m sorry, Emily said that we can’t stay alone and you have to get over it, she had entrusted you to me.- he makes a significant pause. She hates when he does that. And then, the choice of terms. Entrusted, as if I were a… No, what Alvez intends is quite different, as if she really need a protection… -You have to learn to be more professional.- isn’t the first time that he gives her a scolding this kind. Once he dared to say that she should be nicer (but in his head, he thought cute) with him. I, the Queen of nice! And he had the gall to respond, Maybe like … the Queen of ice. And perhaps the heart of the matter was that the beautiful dark man wanted to be able to make melted her… in more ways than one.

-Okay, Newbie.- she strongly highlights her favorite nickname for him. -There are papers.- she shows him a huge pile that nearly submerge whole table. -We must digitize each document.- she makes even a break, allowing herself to turn her head toward his. Now they are at the same height. She approaches a bit. A little too much. she seems to see his pupils dilate, but… -Enjoy yourselves.- and she returns to take care of her computer.

Luke passes the next three minutes mentally relive the last scene. What the hell she had wanted to do? Only provoke him, or was there more? Maybe she… knew? And what it was there to know? Here was the real question. So, it’s better if he focuses his resources on those files. And so, he begins with finding a chair, bringing it closer to that of her (but not too much, keep a safe distance) and dictate her those information’s, which turn quickly in brilliantly data from the action of darting and quick fingers of the bespectacled blonde. She is so fast also in other situations? he can’t help but wonder, then he thanks everyone who has made sure that the thoughts remain as such, stored in personal storage and inaudible from other external.

-What’s the matter with you, Alvez? You saw a ghost?- he realizes that he was holding clutching a paper from a long time. She is peering him too carefully. He must recover immediately.

-I was… I was just thinking that today is Valentine’s day.- he shoots the first bullshit that crosses his mind. She doesn’t seem very convinced, but she flies over.

-Uh uh.- she emits verses in television sitcom style -Don’t tell me that Roxy has a rival.- is her convoluted way in order to extract information without him clearly understand that she is interested to know if he is engaged, without her knowing. And maybe something more, but we overlook. This is what the dark man hoped, but not betting on it too many chips. He shakes his head. He is unable to say more, because it would sound something like Actually yes, she is here in front of me. What the hell is this thought? Concentrate on this damn case! But there’s nothing to do. Isn’t destiny that today is a fruitful day.

-It’s eight o'clock at night…- Garcia looks up to a rose clock kitten-shaped, with its tail beating the passing of every second. But he observes the way in which some tufts of her hair fall on the neck, until the neckline. But he can divert his attention before the computer technician being aware of it.

-Well, you can go home, I still have to settle a thing.- after a moment, she understands that he has no intention to carry out her order. -I don’t need a damn bodyguard!- she says, placing angrily already digitized documents in a special folder. Luke asks himself the real reason behind this sudden anger that seems to have possessed her. Even he seems to see a reflection in her dark eyes and some crystals on her eyelashes, as if she had been crying…

-It is useless to try to fool me, Garcia. We can’t be alone until the unsub shall have been catch.- and this thing doesn’t dislike him at all. But he lets her guess this only minimally. Almost there was a game going on, between them, an endless game, destined to remain without a winner. Not at least until neither of them will make a really bold move first. Not until neither of them won’t be willing to reveal his cards.

-But imagine if, with lean JJ blonde with blue eyes, Emily brunette and slender, Tara and her shades of amber… the crazy on duty would kidnaps me! - and how many things can be in a word produced by a single syllable, two only letters? A whole world, immense suffering, an unknown past (but not too). Garcia isn’t unable to restrain herself. She wouldn’t certainly have wanted to make it clear to the agent with whom she has less relation in entire team, that she not considered herself aesthetically worthy of being the victim of a serial killer.

-Except for the fact that they will not stand alone- ugly truth, this (JJ has Will and her sons, Tara her father and her brother, Emily has Mark and Sergio) -what would you mean?- but looking at those so damned dark eyes, in those depths in which she wants so desperately to get lost and not think about the consequences (at least for one fucking time), she realizes that he knows, what, how serious is, no, she doesn’t want to think about it. But he understood everything, or better he understood too much, and the blonde is not able to deal with the repercussions of this.

-What you think- she crosses her arms, defensive -and you not have the courage to say.- now his black eyebrows are raised surprised and concerned. But it’s just her head. It’s not real. -What I’m not beautiful enough to receive flowers from a stranger, nor chocolates… therefore why with all the beautiful women available in the BAU, someone should kidnap me?- and this time there is no trace of irony in her tone, or angry, if not towards herself. They dominate the sadness, sorrow towards what she feels like an absolute truth and impossible to change. -In the movie, those like me are killed only if they are unable to mind their own business.- but she reads too much understanding into those spheres open to scrutinize her. Too much to bear. If it was any other day, but it’s that day. She goes back in many years, when her hair, tied in pigtails, came up to the knees of Luke. When she was really happy, and she hadn’t to strain every day to believe it. She is a positive person. But there is difference between hoping and believe it seriously. One difference platonic, that only those who know the Iperuranio may really understand. Damned philosopher’s exam…

When tears begin to fall, she leaves free the documents, preventing them from stain and get wet with a part of her DNA. While the salty drops continue their path down her face up to clothes, she curses herself for being so weak, so foolish as to start crying right in front of him. She would have so much need of the man who replaced him. He doesn’t tease her. He would hug her, and everything seems better. Bearable. Better than nothing. But unfortunately, when she lifts her eyes in front of her there is always the ex-ranger, tall, dark and bland-some, and terribly sexy, even when he pretending to be concerned about her. If only he hadn’t occupied just that place. If only he hadn’t joined the BAU. If only she hadn’t been so… not his kind of woman. What the hell are these thoughts? She doesn’t like him, dammit, Luke Alvez. She can’t stand him. Every time she tries to take the elevator and believes she can enjoy a minute to herself, he appears behind her and he starts doing questions about her Canadian boyfriend. And then, wretched Emily, although I love you the same, she must stand him indefinitely. Why she had to put him with her? They could all camp out in their offices. But others have their lives outside of here: moms that need help, husbands and sons, boyfriends, ex-wives not too ex… You’re damn alone. And he is no less. Although he has at least a very cute dog waiting for him every night. And heck, how difficult it is to strive to appear unpleasant when there Roxy around.

From the corner of eye, despite hers are grew cloudy, worse than if there was fog on the highway, she captures a movement. The man is always there that stares at her, but now he is really extremely too close. An alarm continues to reverberate in her head.

-Penelope…- finally it’s what comes out of his lips, so stretched out toward hers, colored. She decides to completely ignore the tone of gentleness and understanding in his voice and focus on whatever he may have done wrong.

-Don’t call me Penelope. You’re not…- but this time Luke hasn’t going to wait, to grant her time.

-I’m not..?- and the distance is still reducing. She can’t argue anything. -Derek Morgan?- still no response or sign of life. -It’s his what you meant, or not?- any signs of tenderness disappear from his expression. In its place predominates again that look of defiance that she’ll never caught. -Exactly, I’m not. I’m your partner in this case, and because you don’t…- a moment before he had earned some points and less than a thousandth of a second later, he has already ruined it.

-I don’t have…?- the tears have dried on her eyelashes. The tap is finally closed. Her cheeks are red with anger that has again conquered her heart. -I haven’t anyone?- but it sounds more like an affirmation than one rhetorical question. -JJ has Will, Emily has Mark, Tara her father and brother, Spencer his mother, Stephen his family, Rossi his ex… and I have no one and that’s why I am forced to spend Valentine’s Day with you.- it was not exactly what she wanted to say. It could easily be misinterpreted. -Why I shouldn’t cry?- she stands up and deletes the last traces wet with a sleeves, giving him shoulders, not having the courage to hear his answer, if never will be there. But a sudden grip on her arm forces her to look back at him and in a second their equally dark eyes chained each other.

-I have never said that you shouldn’t cry…- he says so gently that this time even Penelope isn’t able to argue with some pungent phrase, fired at random (but not too).

-Please, don’t try to seems sweet.- she says after a few minutes that remain silent, simply either of them ever distract the eye from the other. -I’ll come home with you, I give up.- she raises her hands imitating the gesture of surrender. And for the second time in a few hours, in his mind pass very different pictures of how he would spend Valentine’s Day with her, if he could. -But I don’t want fake sentimentality.- she is quick to argue before turning off the computer, put on hers jacket (which can’t quite mask her exuberant forms), grab the bag and walk out of her bat-cave, followed by Luke. He raises his eyes to heaven, asking for divine help to survive the evening.

The elevator ride has never been so long. Those few seconds seem immense. Neither speaks. Luke looks at her only in passing, as to make sure that she is true. She doesn’t notice it, intently staring at her shoes. They come to his car in silence. Before he has the time to open the door, Penelope is already seated. Not because she feels at home, but just to prevent him to do some act that could put her even more embarrassed. Neither has the courage to break the ice. Luke thinks of a million ways to start a conversation, but he discards them one after another. Because in the end, the only thing he would like to ask her, is the reason why just a moment ago, she burst into tears. Not only because she doesn’t consider herself suitable to the kidnapping. He is sure. There’s more to this.

Eventually, however, they stop before in front of a house of modest size. But too big for one single person. And this time the blonde can’t prevent that her coworker opens the door to her. But he stays in the doorway, when she gives him a sharp look before disappearing behind the door of her own home. She didn’t intend to share with him this part of her life. She always tried to keep it separate from work, although ten years ago she was being unable to avoid it. After just five minutes she resurfaces with a small suitcase with wheels. She looks up and immediately Luke’s eyes capture hers. Apparently, she doesn’t seem to have moved since she had left him there. He notices the way she looks at him and he understand what she is thinking.

-It’s all worked out.- she justifies herself with a shrug. The man is going to grab it out of her hands, but she avoids him, fleeing toward the car. Left alone he raises his eyes to heaven (for the umpteenth time and probably certainly not the last) before reaching her. It will be a long night, much longer than he could believe. Because when they get closer to his home, where Roxy is awaiting (unaware of the surprise that awaits her), he can’t help but imagine what he would it was going to happen with her. It’s hard to concentrate on driving, having her so close. And when they ’ll behind those walls…

He opens the door and lets her go first; in doing so their bodies brush slightly, by transmitting tremors each other, although both do ignore it. But he is less able to her to play ignorant, and at that exact moment he would reach out his arms and holds her so that the contact between them endure some more. Her perfume, her skin … enough!

The hand automatically finds the switch. Roxy is in crisis because she doesn’t know whether to greet prior the guest or her master; eventually she opts for “attacking” both simultaneously. And in doing so she forces them to stay closer. After another awkward moment, she unexpectedly speaks first.

-Show me where I’ll sleep, so tomorrow morning we’ll be able to get up early and maybe then this story will be ended.- but he takes his time, indeed. He approaches her of a few centimeters to the passing of every minute. And she didn’t move away, but she not even goes meet him. She stays still, as in shock. The last time a man looked at her that way and who behaved in a similar way, she found herself with a bullet near the heart. But he isn’t like Battle. Even if she knows him too little to be able to judge him. But he is a federal, he doesn’t want to kill her. But… why he keeps getting closer and closer? He wants to make fun of her, is the only solution. Or loneliness is playing some sort of a trick with his mind and rather than spend Valentine’s Day alone, he is willing to pretend to be interested in her. In any case, when now only two air centimeters separates their faces, fortunately Luke stops. But his hands come to life and wrapping around her face, caressing her cheeks with both thumbs.

-What… what…- for a moment she isn’t able to ask the question. -What are you doing?- his gaze seems so sweet, as when he talks about his dog. It’s been too long since a man touched her seriously. She is too vulnerable. But she can’t give up at this point. She still has a dignity. And then… she turns red at the thought of showing naked before his eyes.

-Just something I wanted to do for a long time…- he whispers, not leaving the grip, while on his full lips is painted a smile devoid of any kind of irony. Still he can’t believe this is happening. He hadn’t decided a priori that as soon as they were safe within his walls, he would make his move. However, when there was that brief contact, he realized he couldn’t continue to reject the desire the whole evening. This was the opportunity he had been waiting for a while. When he would have another chance to have Garcia to his house? -I desire you terribly… I’ll not pretend it’s not so…- he immediately captures the expression of surprise which appears on her face. -If I were a unsub, crazy and dangerous, I’d kidnap you without thinking twice.- he whispers with a sexy tone that beats any Fifty (but even Hundred) Shades of Gray, Red, Black… is the most strange and absurd compliment that she have ever receive. She can’t help but chuckle, though nervously. -I’m serious, Penelope.- her name… how it sounds on those lips… it is useless that she still to deny. She wants him, she wants him in a way so tragic and intense, to hate herself. She needs him, without knowing why. And then his fingers slipping toward her mouth, touching her lips, opening her mouth, and finally he starts to lean in his direction, making her feel all their height difference. When their mouths come into contact, everything that happened before this moment seems to fade. She doesn’t want to think about the fact that tomorrow morning, definitely, she’ll be in the throes of remorse and repentance. At least for one evening, she wants to live what will happen and nothing else. While the tongues are intertwined, conducting various dances, in the numerous minimum pause for breath, she feels so beautiful, so desired… After a few minutes his hands going to remove her jacket, without letting her, as she had watch only in the movie and this excites her more than she would like. Each button causes her a gasp. Taking courage even her fingers, colored with rainbow colors, getting under his shirt, unbuttoning it and finally meet the skin under it, run through the muscles in length and breadth. She can’t help but smile when she hears him moan with pleasure. -Penelope…- her jacket falls to the ground. The big hands of the man linger a moment, remaining on the ribs, causing her various chills. She has to give him the green light, so he finally can reach her breasts and losing his mind simultaneously. And when he realizes that he can’t really resist more, that his jeans are really too tight… he leads her into his room (where no other woman has ever set foot), making her walk backwards. He takes off her shirt, her skirt, then he is stopped from her hands and her agitated tone.

-We could… turn off the light?- she doesn’t want him to see her how she truly is, without make-up and accessories, out of her role as BAU’s omniscient genius. Without those things, she doesn’t think she can be attractive. And Luke didn’t take long to figure it out. He stares her intently, still stroking her cheek once.

-You don’t need anything else, apart from your soul, to shine before my eyes.- and after a statement like that, even the fears of Garcia falter, enough that allowed him to complete his work.

And before they become one, he looks long at her, with a mix of desire and tenderness, as if to make her understand that yes, he wants her in that sense, but there’s more behind and when he have will the courage to peer into his soul, he’ll prove it. And in that instant, she believes him.

Lying beneath his muscular body and dripping sweat, she still can’t be convinced that it really happened. Sure, she was out of practice, but he’s been… monstrous. Luke remains in this position for a while, raised his body with the arms to avoid crushing her. It was far more than what he could expected, though never before he had dared to imagine how it could be. Yet, though she seems satisfied, remains a shadow that floating on her face, trying to obscure that moment.

-What you’re thinking, chica?- a lifetime had gone by since the last time he had used that nickname for her. She hadn’t realized how much she missed until she hadn’t heard it again. There was a something personal and possessive, in that nickname in Spanish.

-That it was excellent sex, but in a few hours, my crumpled dress will be the only tangible trace of it.- he didn’t expect she would give him an answer so blunt. He is glad she told him the truth, but at the same time he didn’t like her choice of terms, to define their… Close encounter. But, thinking about it, in fact, she’s right.

-This depends on us…- he replies, without yet being able to expose himself. Penelope looks at him strangely. -If you wanted to…- he strives to take courage -…I could show you the difference between having sex and making love…- at this point the blonde pushes abruptly away him and trying to get dressed. When he tries to stop her, she begins to scream.

-Don’t try to make me believe that suddenly you’re in love with me or other silly stories like in C-movie. It’s Valentine’s Day, we found ourselves forced in this situation, I don’t… for a while, and because of the impetuousness that you have shown, I guess you too. Two frustrations have led to a few moments of satisfaction. Now we don’t have to build on this a Disney tale.- the worst is that she really seems to believe in what she says with bitterness and sadness, gradually lowering the pitch up to a kind of resignation.

-Even if I told you, you would think that is a lie, right?- she nods firmly. -So, let me try to use another kind of “speech”. If you were to have right, you just would have to making “good sex” like you insist on defining it…- and if she decides to surrender, it’s mainly because she wants to get to understand why the hell, he still wants to fool her with this story of “there is more than rubbing under the sheets”.

The next morning, they don’t get up at six, like Penelope had expected, but much later, exhausted from the second and third round. In the end he had reason; making love was something else; yet she still didn’t believe him at all, she couldn’t let go herself and risks, yet she was very close to do it. Already the first cracks in her armor of ice were visible without the aid of a microscope. Luke had understood, especially when he had awakened in the middle of the night and he had found her, resting on his chest, her face innocence of a child. But he wasn’t going to push too hard on the accelerator, he would have given her time, now that he had made a significant first step. The street to convince her that he was really interested in her as a person (not just physically), it was still very difficult and tortuous.

Yet only hours after he finds himself again back to square one.

-Where are you?- random question doesn’t seem to have any immediate effect. -Garcia?- she finally turns to him and seems to sense his presence. But she isn’t going to say anything. How she can? She has now admitted herself to be attracted to him, but what happened last night was just a lucky… case, a convergence of situations, definitely not something that will be repeated in the future. With the idea of being forced to spend the evening together, because there was a serial killer on the loose, the distorted thinking that she could become one of the victims… this must somehow have him excited, driven him to do what he did. But it was only a moment, a way to stress that they were still alive, that everything was still possible. But she couldn’t tell him, because she wouldn’t have been able to mask the fact that for her, their meeting wasn’t just sex. -Hey, it’s almost time to go to work. Criminals don’t wait!- he tries a joke that not obtain any reaction in woman. Now he really starts to worry. But when at last their eyes meet, everything becomes terribly clear. -Yet. Tell me I’m wrong, Penelope.- while he talking his tone increases the intensity. -Tell me that you aren’t again convinced that yesterday I was just… caught with the situation.- but she doesn’t respond, and a slight furrow starts to dig between them.

02/13/17

A year after that groove has become a chasm. They continued to work together, as if nothing had happened; a few months after, they start again to exchange jokes in the presence of others; but unlike previous times, there was much more behind, than some expressions two-way. It was as if each blamed the other for what had happened between them. Because in the meantime, the feelings that were unripe, have developed, settling in their souls. And taking with this resentment and regret.

The killer of roses, as the press had dubbed the unsub, which kills during the period close to Valentine’s Day and for the rest of the year will become off the grid, was still active. On February 15 the previous year Penelope and Luke had been welcomed by the dark looks of their colleagues. The name of another woman that night had been added to an already too long list. But she hadn’t been a total stranger. She was a childhood friend of Emily. The chief of the BAU had decided that there wouldn’t be another. And she was prepared to keep this promise at any cost.

To the point that she pushes JJ to give an interview, where she threw a challenge to the killer. And someone didn’t like it.

Garcia winces when she hears someone reach her behind shoulders. She was re-reading for the umpteenth time the note she had received. Like the others, it was signed cryptically. But today it contained one more particular: he tells her to wait for him the next day in the waiting room that preceded the entrance to the main offices of the heads of various departments of the FBI. She had suspected from the beginning that he was one of them, indeed, she had even hoped that could be Luke… but that wasn’t his style and basically it was better that way. She had to find a way to forget. It had been just a damn night; there had been no promises or exchange of important phrases. So why she hated him so deeply? Why a year had passed, and she couldn’t overcome it?

-Look that, we are just waiting for you…- the man was able to give only a sidelong glance at the narrow cardboard between the long fingers of the technician, remaining a bit too long staring her. But he doesn’t have enough elements to make an educated guess. Although, judging by this perfume… it’s certainly something private and … gallant. And it bothers him, a lot. Especially because before entering into Penelope’s bunker, he lingered a few minutes behind the door, hearing her talk to herself. And in this case, he understood every syllable uttered by her full lips. She believes that the type of the cards, damn if I catch you, you’re dead, is also in charge of the flowers she received during all this week… chocolates… books… everything that I gave her, accompanying each gift with a phrase (engraved on each one and inseparable from it) that I hoped would show her who was the “handler”, the “sender.” But I just made sure that the type of the cards earned more points. And I can’t even say anything, because that is going to make me look like an idiot.

-Luke? Now you’re the one lost on moon.- she chuckles slightly. She adores make fun of him and she doesn’t do anything to hide it. When he lifts his head, as always, their eyes chain up, and in those brief moments they confess million secrets, and, as Bukowski said, they make love with eyes. It’s weird how easy it’s to forget that he knows everything, that he has seen her naked in every possible way implied from the term. It’s absurd how easy it’s to continue this farce rather than admit they were wrong.

-Someone has perhaps a secret admirer?- he dares to ask, carefully watching how she arranged the different flowers (why you not go to do a damn search on the internet on their precise meaning?) and as one of the books he gave her, is open in the middle on the table. The blonde raises her eyes, annoyed (because he has no right to ask her about her private life) and yet flattered by his jealousy (because this could mean that perhaps he still feels a little something for her).

-If it was, it’s not your business.- he comes dangerously close, as he had hardly done in recent months. Because kissing her wouldn’t lead to any result, except to meet again in the horizontal position. And once it wasn’t enough, in fact, it has done more harm than good. -I know you think I can’t be worthy of receiving attention from a man, but you’re not always right.- she says it not because she believes seriously (the past year is at least served to find more self-confidence and begin to truly love herself, with or without glitter), but because she wants to force him to contradict her. With the corner of eye, she sees his hands tight a fist, the veins of his muscular arms stand out along with the muscles tense. He bends a little toward her, and, as it happens during accidents, she doesn’t seem to be able to move around and avoid catastrophe.

-I never said you didn’t deserve male attentions, but who or what tells you it’s a boy? Do you know him? You did identified him in some way?- he tries to try to make her understand that, notes aside, the man who has rekindled her smile these days, through various surprises that would show how much he had learned to know her seriously, was none other than the one she had in front of her. But Garcia doesn’t notice the love that he gives her. She just thinks that he demonstrates a kind of very childish jealousy, as if he doesn’t really want her, but at the same time he wishes that no one else feels something for her. She finally able to reactivate circulation of her blood and takes a step, leaving the door ajar. But Luke stops her before she can get out of it completely, grabbing her arm.

-Leave me! Did not you say the team was only waiting for me to expose the case? And then, let’s go. The others will be wondering if we weren’t sucked into a black hole.- but he isn’t going to do the right thing, or at least the most rational, reaching their colleagues and taking care of their work, another day pretending it’s nothing. He lets her go, but he turns towards the flowers, books and anything else that was donated by the “mysterious admirer.” She observes him in shock, unable to understand what the hell he’s doing.

-You might not be able to understand it?- he makes them all fall down in front of her. His dark eyes seem like coated with a thin veil. Might be tears, but it looks little likely. -May. You had tell JJ you liked science fiction novels of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, even more than the well known masterpieces of Sherlock Holmes.- shock increases more and more in Garcia, as she listening to him talk, associating something she said, maybe in passing, during the last year, each of the objects that she has received this week next to Valentine’s Day. -When you were a kid your favorite color was purple and you dreamed of having a horse.- also the puppet go to reach the pile at the foot of the blonde. When he silent, she remains for a moment to stare him, unable to pronounce the truth in a loud voice: it was him. Luke Alvez knew her better than herself. But… why?

-But… but… those notes… those words… why you didn’t write something that would make me realize that you were behind this?- the Latin sighs, frustrated.

-I never sent you any note.- a shiver runs through the body of the computer technician. Not for pleasure, but of sheer terror.

-So… who did write this?- just then the door opens and Rossi appears, the worried look that turns quickly in surprised and confused to see them like that, all those objects and flowers on the floor.

-Luke, Penelope, we were about to send out the search team…- no one laughs at his joke. -What the hell happened here inside?- it doesn’t take a profiler to note that both are blushing and launch murderous glances at each other. -Where’d this come from?- before he can make time to talk, the man is preceded by Garcia.

-I have a secret admirer. I was arranging this mess, when Luke came to warn me that the meeting was about to begin, and… we clashed. He was giving me a hand to collect everything.- the explanation given is credible enough, but Dave feels that doesn’t properly correspond to the truth. Before entering he felt them shouting each other and neither of them was bent or it was going to resetting… But he decides to overlook. They have already lost too much time. The blonde throws a sharp look at Luke, who wonders why she wanted to cover him, and if he has to positively interpret this attitude or rather the exact opposite. At the end he gives up and follows the other two down the hall to the meeting room. He tries to ignore it, but it’s impossible not to notice the mischievous look of JJ, the confusion of Reid, doubts painted on the faces of the rest of the agents.

Emily rolls her eyes and finally begins to expose the case that everyone knows very well -The last victim was Sasha Ivanova . And I emphasize “last.” As I said a year ago, there haven’t to be others. We have to catch the unsub. We have had more than ten years to take him, he was being free to do what he wanted. It’s time somebody ruins his plans.- anger in her eyes is evident and it’s also transmitted in the way she holding the remote control. -But I have not called you here to reiterate the obvious. There is news.- Luke subconsciously search for Penelope’s eyes and her hand (but not implement his own thoughts). -Chicago police found some interesting details…. Each of the victims under their jurisdiction had received “gifts” from a secret admirer, in the week before the murder.- after the last sentence also Rossi stares Garcia, who looks toward her shoes, hoping to disappear.

-But especially, they found some notes. The hand that had written them is the same in all cases.- now Agent Alvez feels really fear, fear for this woman, so damn stubborn that she would be willing to get kidnapped in order not to let people know that he is the author of the gifts she has received… but not the notes. And she is willing to risk, in order to prove that she has reason: she isn’t a type that someone might abducting, consequently she runs no risk.

-Garcia, can we talk for a moment face-to-face?- the woman takes a second too long to get up. Luke would follow them, but he doesn’t know what excuse to adopt. -All those gifts that I saw in your room… there were some notes to accompany them?- she doesn’t know what to say. Betraying Luke? Or rather betray herself, because what David will think, when he’ll know that she lied about something like that?

Left in the meeting room, Luke can’t concentrate on what his colleagues are saying. Conversations come to his brain as muted, as if he had cotton in his ears or was in a soap bubble. He can’t think of anything other than what they are saying? And the answer comes soon enough. The oldest agent returns alone. Things get worse than he expected.

-What’s going on, Dave?- Emily finally gives voice to what everyone is wondering.

-Penelope received very similar gifts to those you have just described a moment ago.- everyone except Luke, open their astonished eyes. -And even the famous notes. No need for a graphologist for sentencing that were written by the same person.- JJ launches a desperate look toward Reid.

-What? Why she doesn’t told us about it? And where is she?- the young genius puts his arm around the blonde, now in tears. Tara stays more composed, but she is equally worried.

-She is in my office. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and we don’t know when the unsub will hit. Just finished here, I’ll accompany her in the secret areas of the FBI for Witness Protection.- the ex-ranger immediately guess the future: he not see her again for who knows how long, if not forever. It’s not an acceptable perspective. But even the idea that she can seriously become the next victim of the killer of roses. If only she would leave herself to protect by me! He has before him an important choice: are more important his own selfish needs or the safety of the computer technician?

-We can’t even greet her?- no one could answer negatively the desperate request of the blonde of the FBI. The oldest in the room nods his head and everybody make their way to his office. Luke last, lost in his thought. I can’t let her go. I can’t lose her. Rossi knocks with two shots, then he pauses, and he knocks other three times. The door opens, and Penelope appears that tries to hold back tears, with poor results. The impulse to rush to comfort her is strong, more than any other he has had at this year’s “separation” and abstinence, to kiss her or hold her so their bodies again converging. But yet he resists, with the last of patience grains he’s got. In the room they are eight of them, but, as one of the classic cliché, it’s just them in there. Their eyes are fixed, inseparable, they are seemingly oblivious to what is happening around; they carry on one conversation parallel to the verbal one. She is pleading him not to do what he thinks, and he, in turn, he’s apologizing because he can’t perform what she asks.

-Penelope… Why didn’t you tell us anything?- the women of the team surround their friend, partially interrupting the visual contact between the two. It’s the leader who speaks, while JJ strives not to cry in turn. She thinks of the day that saved her life, shooting point-blank at her attempted assassin. You do whatever it takes to protect your family.

-I… I didn’t think it had to do with the case. I was seeing one of the security officers of the first-floor and… I thought he was just very shy. - Luke feels a sharp pain in his chest at this revelation. But she is saying the truth, or it’s just a way to escape from him?

-No, not again. This time I’ll not allow to happen what happened with Battle.- the brunette says resolutely. Now Tara, Stephen, not to mention the agent Alvez, are even more confused. Meanwhile, the self-control of the latter is going more and more going to hell. -A policeman with murderess hero syndrome…- Prentiss begins to explain, but she is blocked by their own victim-subject of the story.

-I know that you will do everything to stop it.- she glances her very clear. Don’t speak of this matter. She doesn’t want him to know. She doesn’t want he knows this part of her life, this is connecting directly to a person and a series of misunderstandings that led where she is now. It doesn’t matter that for this man (damned the day when Hotch asked him to work with the BAU!) she now feels a much stronger feeling of confusion than a year earlier.

-I hate having to be a spoilsport, but… we have to go.- Rossi changes the subject. Luke observes Penelope, the woman for whom he feels more than he wanted (because this has greatly complicated his life) taking her own bag. He decided that this time he’ll not let her go away, like that day nearly a year ago.

-Wait! I have something to say.- everyone turns toward him. Garcia silently shouts him to stop. We can go on like this. We can pretend that nothing happened. Only you and me, know that. -I’m sorry. I gave her those things. Not the unsub. Except for the notes.- he adds bitterly. He explicitly turns to her and everyone understand the implications at stake. JJ wonders how it’s possible that she not noticed what had happened between her best friend, godmother of her children, and the Newbie. Sure, there were some incidents that had given her to think about, like when he played with the remote control in the meeting room and he had taken time considerable to pass it at her. Not to mention the countless times she had caught him staring at her. Yet she didn’t connect the dots. What stupid! -I’m sorry, Penelope. I know you didn’t want others to know, but I can’t allow you to finish in the witness protection program and disappear forever… just because I’m unable to deal with the complexity of the feelings that you arouses in me.- behold, he had said this. Now there’s no going back. Now everybody knows, including her. She stares him even more astonished than before, if possible.

-This doesn’t change anything, however.- the pure wisdom of Rossi intrudes, he’s not just able to realize that his kitten has a true lover, willing to do anything for her, even humiliate publicly himself or expose himself to rejection. -The writing matches perfectly, meaning that Garcia is still among the potential victims of the killer of roses.- the dark man nods, but he still seems to have something to say. Also, because all the others are still paralyzed by the news.

-I’m aware that she is still in danger, but… I would like to be able to contribute to her security, if you allow me… I participated in several operations of the witness protection program. I know how it works. And if the killer is clever enough, no protection is enough. I also feel that Garcia was chosen for a reason. Her belonging to the team.- finally someone seems to be able to recover.

-I understand what you want to mean. With this press conference, Prentiss has virtually challenged the unsub. Or in any case, it’s what seemed to him.- Reid asserts, while his face assumes the classic thinker’s poses.

-But then why he hasn’t hooked me up?- the chief asks.

-Because Garcia was … the woman most low-risk.- saying this, he knows he hurts her. But it’s better an ugly truth than a pretty lie, but with little lasting and more harmful effects in the long run. -You, Emily, live with your boyfriend… JJ has a whole family thinking about her, while Tara has returned to live with her father and brother… Penelope is simply the only woman in BAU… lonely.- and adding this, he transmits the idea that it’s her fault. It was mainly her stubbornness and her belief that he can’t absolutely like her, what had truncated any possibility of a serious development between them, a year earlier. And he was too confused at the time of their past, to prevent her from doing that bullshit.

-I’m fear you’re right, Luke.- the Italian admits. -And then, what is your proposal?- if he could say exactly what he thinks! Go to my house, make her a special dinner, talk, talk for hours, explain and ask for explanations. Try to find a way to make her understand how difficult it was this long year, because her coldness has hurt me, how I wanted to hold her, even by force, and only tell her I’m sorry, I’m very confused, but not enough to let you go away. How I wanted to try the feeling of having her lips fused with my own, and the courage to ask her if she, too, at least once, maybe before going to sleep, she felt that loneliness hug her, hold her in a vise that is neither liberating nor consoling. And then try to convince her that I’m able to protect her, I can do it, I’ll always be here, whenever she needs it. That I know her more than she would like, but certainly not as much as I would like. That it wasn’t just sex, even that night. And finally, that I haven’t been here for many years of her life (certainly not my fault); but I’m here now.

-I think that if the unsub discovered that she is no longer alone- not all notice the choice of words, the use of present (although hypothetical) which indicates that what follows this verb corresponds to a fact existing and not an uncertain possibility (what really is, in this case) -he’ll change the target. And though this would mean that another woman would run the risk of being killed… I feel I can be partly selfish, this time.- and the sense of his theory is more readily apparent to all.

-You would pretend to be her boyfriend until we take him?- a break. -We may need days as years. This is no light commitment. Or maybe you want to make a back and forth around the time of Valentine’s Day, doing the exact opposite of many males that not want to buy a gift for their lovers and fulfill the duty imposed on them by the capitalist society we live in?- it seems that talking was Reid instead is Emily the one make fun of him affectionately. For Luke the idea of having to protect her for years has certainly not displayed as a burden. Everything is relative, depending on the perspective from which you look at things. As an old man who breaks a mirror: he’ll be happy to have yet seven years (of trouble).

-According to me, you hope, rather, that continue to pretend, Garcia forget what the truth is and fall into your arms!- JJ also helps to lighten the atmosphere. The idea that another woman could be killed tonight and that they will have to investigate her death, now doesn’t even brush them. Even profilers have the right to a little serenity.

02/15/18

He finds her exactly where he thought: standing in front of the monsters’ wall, that is, every unsub that they had captured over the years, since the unit had opened its doors, long before they worked on it, both she and him, or that they met. He vividly remembered the moment Emily had hung that picture, while she was crying, a prayer to her disappearance friend, she, that didn’t believe or didn’t want to believe in any kind of God. Even the woman at this moment in front of him, she had a giant tight in the throat, that day and although she wasn’t able to consume mourning, allowed him to console her, to lay his hands on her shoulders, to embrace her. And she let him shout at her, not wanting to go along her, this time, while repeating like a mantra, before the image of yet another tragic murdered woman, surrounded by rose buds - It should have been me, there. It should have been me. It was no less blurred in his memory the moment when he had called to tell her -It’s over.- and how they had made love, directly to her office, as soon as he got off the jet, exhausted and alone desiring to sleep indefinitely. And as he found the strength for a second round, but this time there hadn’t been a third. But the next morning she was still there, in his arms, and although she was very embarrassed and awkward, she had not tried to escape. She had preferred to hide her face on his skin, which had finally absorbed those tears for too long withheld (for the year they had lost, because she wasn’t been the victim), she had tried to disappear to merge with him. And then she had re-emerged from the abyss and the other side had found right this man, patient as always, determined as never before.

She feels his presence behind. If even she hadn’t recognized his walk or his scent, she hadn’t need to be a profiler, or put a motion detector in his cellphone, to identify the person who appeared behind her. She not turns to look at him.

-I seems absurd that has passed already almost a year. I realize that it’s a banality that doesn’t suit me, but sometimes it’s as if it happened yesterday, others days seem to me full years passed and much more often… it seems it never ended.- he didn’t say anything. He moves at her side, to look exactly the same direction of the woman. His arm around her shoulders and in that single gesture there are friendship, respect, love, understanding, desire, consolation. -And even more comical, or tragic, depending on how you look at it, it’s that I owe my happiness to a serial killer.- she turns completely to him. It’s not need to replicate anything. It’s like this were a conversation made thousands of times, a ritual. Purifying.

-Let’s go home.-

TAGS: @theshamelessmanatee @itsdawnashlie @talesoffairies @janiedreams88 @kiki-krakatoa @yessenia993 @teyamarra @c00lhandsluke @gcchic @arses21434 @orangesickle @entireoranges @jarmin @kathy5654 @martinab26 @thisonekid @thenibblets @perfectly-penelope @ambrosiaswhispers @maziikeen92 @lovelukealvez @reidskitty13 @jenf42 @gracieeelizabeth27 @silviajajaja @smalliemichelle99 @charchampagne14 @ichooseno @ megs2219 @rkt3357 @franklintrixie @thinitta @chewwy123 @skisun @maba84 @saisnarry @myhollyhanna23 @thenorthernlytes

#garvez #penelope garcia #luke alvez #luke x penelope #penelope x luke #garcia x alvez #alvez x garcia #criminal minds #cm #valentinesday

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doc-dearborn · 7 years ago

Photo

Basics:

Character’s Name → Caradoc Dearborn

Character’s Nickname(s) → Doc

Age → 17

Birthdate → 11th of May

Zodiac Sign → Taurus

Ethnicity → British

Gender → Male

Sexual Orientation → Bisexual

Blood Type → A+

Species → Pureblood

Appearance:

Hair color → Brown

Eye color → Dark brown

Height → 6′ 2″

Weight → 63.5 kg

Scars → A small scar on his hand from a Quidditch injury he got in his first ever game.

Tattoos → None

Birthmarks → Nothing that stands out, a few moles on his back but they’re not that noticeable.

Piercings → None

Dress/clothing preferences → Comfort above fashion. He prefers muggle clothes outside of school time but he has a series of wizarding robes that he feels comfortable in. He usually goes for dark colours and greys, although his Hufflepuff scarf is a signature piece of clothing.

Right/left handed/ambidextrous → Right-handed

Glasses/contacts → Has glasses but only wears them on occasion, he usually wears contacts although he’s been practising a charm that works in about the same way as contact lenses do.

Wizarding World:

Blood Status → Pureblood (by birth, his mother remarried a half blood when he was around 7)

School Attended → Hogwarts

School House → Hufflepuff

War Alliance → Order of the Pheonix

Wand → English Oak, Unicorn Hair, 12"

Patronus → Snow Leopard

Boggart → Someone he cares about telling him they’re disappointed in him

Amortentia → The Hufflepuff Dorm Room, apple pie cooking and fresh earth

Mirror Of Erised → He sees himself as a successful herbologist, a wedding ring on his finger and surrounded by his family and friends.

Family and Relationships:

Parents → Eira and Martin Dearborn are his parents, although his biological father is Abraham Goyle. His mother left him when he was around three years old and remarried when he was seven.

Siblings → None

Grandparents → Martin’s grandfather is the only grandparent still in contact with the family, he is a muggleborn wizard and Caradoc loves spending time with him.

Marital Status → Single

Significant Other → None

Children → He wants to have them some day. Also do his plants count?

Pets → Freckles, his tabby cat

Other family members → Cressida is his ‘sister’, technically they’re actually step siblings now. Their mothers were close friends in school, however when Cressida’s mother remarried (to Caradoc’s biological father) and kicked her out of her home Eira took her in instantly and stopped contact with Cressida’s mother.

Friends → So many. Frank is his best friend without a doubt. Also Ted, Alice, Lily, Dorcas, Mary, Remus and Marlene are people he considers himself close to in his year. As well as that he has the younger students he is incredibly protective of.

Enemies → Rodolphus Lestrange. Pretty much all Death Eaters. He also has the usual rivalry with opposing Quidditch Teams.

Religion:

The religion they follow (if any) → Doesn’t really follow any religion although he believes in an after life.

Superstitions → To an extent. He believes strongly that bad things happen in threes, as well as a few other superstitions his mother has drilled into him. (Don’t put new shoes upon the table)

Location:

Country of Birth → England

Place of Birth (Town, city, etc) → London

First Language → English

Accents → He has lived in Wales since his mother left his father when he was three, so he has a bit of a Welsh accent.

Schooling:

House → Hufflepuff

Best Subject in School → Herbology

Worst Subject in School → Arithmancy

Additional Classes Taken → His additional subjects in third year were Care of Magical Creatures, Arithmancy and Divination

Quidditch → Beater

Are they a Prefect? → Nope

Extra curricular activities → Nope

Home:

Live with parents/grandparents/alone/other → Live with his mum, dad and Cressida

House, apartment, etc → Small ish home in the countryside of Wales

How Many Bedrooms? → Three

Mode of transportation → Floo Network

Picture of bedroom at home → A little bit like this

Address → Rose Cottage, Pembroke, Wales

Inner Workings Of Your Character:

Secrets → His huge crush on Frank, the fact that he feels super unprepared and lost about his future, he’s scared of what’s lurking at the bottom of he ocean, he’s not really that bothered about winning the Quidditch cup he just hates the idea of Gwenog loosing. That despite all his ego and flare he had a huge crush on James Potter when he was in fourth year.

Fears → That he’s going to die young, without accomplishing anything.

Worries → That he’s actually just a huge disappointment and that his friends will one day inevitably leave him.

Eating Habits → He eats a little more than the normal seventeen year old boy, but eats regular meals at regular times, only snacking occasionally.

Food preferences → He likes desserts (especially when pastry is involved)

Sleep preferences → Late to bed, late to rise.

Book preferences → Sci-Fi, incredibly cheap pulpy science fiction to be exact.

Music preferences → Popular/rock music to be honest, he just likes to dance.

Introverted/extroverted → He does well with people but he has to spend a bit of time alone to recharge, so a bit of both.

Optimist/pessimist → He’d say he’s a realist, even though he tries to look on the bright side when he’s with other people.

Hobbies → Quidditch, herbology, general gardening.

Pet peeves → People gossiping about him, reading over his shoulder, using him for homework help and them blanking him in the corridors.

Prejudices → He tends to assume anyone younger than him will need his help and he is wiser than they are.

Proud of → His family, his friends, his achievements and talent in Herbology.

Biggest vulnerability → He’s deadly terrified of being left alone, or loosing someone due to his own weakness. His friends can be a weakness if they’re being threatened because Caradoc will do anything to protect them. He also tends to look for the best in people.

Embarrassed by → People giving him undeserved praise.

Worst memory → His biological father screaming at his mother, and cursing her when she tried to leave, it’s one of his first memories. It’s joint with the first time he found a younger muggleborn crying after she had been harmed by an older student.

Best memory → One summer he and Frank went flying around the country side all afternoon and finished the evening by having a bbq with Frank’s family and staying up talking well into the evening.

Skilled at → Herbology, judging what people need, quidditch (to an extent)

Unskilled at → General essays, making quick decisions, cooking anything except sweet stuff.

Attitude → He’s got a positive attitude although he will get pissy with people if it’s deserved.

Obsessions → Herbology, he really wants to be the best of the best.

Stresses → The impending war

Addictions → None

Allergies → None

Medical history → The usual scrapes and bruises one gets from being an adventurous kid and learning Quidditch at a young age.

Favourite Object Kept In - And Why:

Their closet → His Hufflepuff Scarf

Their bedroom → Does Freckles count? Because he loves his cat so much

Their purse/bag → His wand.

Their fridge → If it’s present his mums Apple Pie.

Their desk → The photo of him, his parents and Cressida took a few years ago.

Their pockets → He tends to keep a few sunflower seeds and such in his pocket, which is really stupid and makes him smell a little bit like dirt all the time, but sometimes when he’s stressed out he’ll randomly plant some around the gardens in Hogwarts.

Favourites:

Favorite Animal: → Cat

Favorite Band: → Pink Floyd

Favorite Book: → The Time Machine by H.G. Wells

Favorite Color: → Yellow

Favorite Country: → France (his grandpa took him on holiday there)

Favorite Drink: → Orange Juice

Favorite Food: → Apple Pie

Favorite Flavor: → Sugar sweet biscuits

Favorite Movie: → Star Wars: A New Hope

Favorite Musical Genre: → Prog Rock or anything he can dance to

Favorite Mythical Creature: → Nifflers

Favorite Number: → 4 (his number on the Quidditch team)

Favorite Pastime: → Gardening / Herbology

Favorite Person: → Joint between Cressida Zabini and Frank Longbottom

Favorite Place: → His garden at home.

Favorite Season: → Spring

Favorite Song: → Wish you were here - Pink Floyd

Favorite Spell: → Lumos (makes bedtime reading way easier)

Least Favorite Animal: → Spiders

Least Favorite Band: → Likes most music so doesn’t really have a least favourite

Least Favorite Book: → Great Expectations (his mum made him read it and it was too boring for him)

Least Favorite Color: → Grey

Least Favorite Country: → Hasn’t travelled enough to have one.

Least Favorite Drink: → Coffee (hates the taste)

Least Favorite Food: → Sprouts

Least Favorite Flavor: → Anything too bitter

Least Favorite Movie: → The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

Least Favorite Musical Genre: → He’s not hugely into punk music.

Least Favorite Mythical Creature: → Any that will blow up on him.

Least Favorite Number: → He’s never thought about it.

Least Favorite Pastime: → Jogging

Least Favorite Person: → His biological father.

Least Favorite Place: → The potions room, he always feels claustrophobic.

Least Favorite Season: → Winter (all the plants die)

Least Favorite Song: → You're Sixteen You're Beautiful (And You're Mine) - Ringo Starr

Least Favorite Spell: → Crucio

Sexual Life:

Gender You Last Had Sex With: → Male (in summer, a childhood friend he had lost touch with)

Dominant or Submissive: → He’s pretty flexible but more submissive.

Fetishes: → Praise, lingerie,

Turnons: → Knowing the other person is having a good time, people biting his neck, heavy make out sessions.

Turn-offs: → People who don’t wash, smelly breath

Favourite Position: → He likes to be facing his partner but he’s not that experienced so he’s an awkward fool.

How Active is Your Sex Life: → Not very active at all.

How Did You Loose Your Virginity: → Again, an old friend in the summer holiday before seventh year.

Ever Impregnated Someone or Been Pregnant → Nope

First Love: → He’s never been properly in love, but his first real crush was on Mary in his third year followed by James Potter and the awkward coincidence of anyone in Gryffindor who was friends with either of them.

Who Do You Find Attractive → People who are kind to him, who he can tease and joke around with. He likes genuine people and people who show interest in him. He’s not above finding someone attractive just because they’re cocky and attractive though.

Marital Status: → Single

Do You Have A Significant Other (if yes, how do you feel about them): → No

Personality Classification:

Jung → ENFJ: "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be.

Enneagram → Type 2: I must be helpful and caring to survive. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

Moral Alignment → Neutral Good

Four Temperaments → Melancholic

Vices → Doubt, Envy, Fearfulness, Impatience, Jealousy, Wrath

Virtues → Altruism, Caring, Creativity, Empathy, Gentleness, Understanding

Tropes → The Boy Next Door, Adokable, Chronic Hero Syndrome, The Confidant, Hyper-Competent Sidekick, Platonic Life Partners, Undying Loyalty, Beware the Nice Ones

Statistics:

Compassion → 9/10

Empathy → 9/10

Creativity → 8/10

Mental Flexibility → 5/10

Passion/Motivation → 8/10

Intelligence → 7/10

Stamina → 6/10

Physical Strength → 6/10

Battle Skill → 6/10

Initiative → 7/10

Restraint → 6/10

Agility → 6/10

Strategy → 8/10

Teamwork → 9/10

#bellumvecharacterdev1 #caradoc dearborn

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mirandalinportfolio · 6 years ago

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VICE: Face Shapes and Blood Types: Wading into the World of Online Dating in China

The Mandarin term shengnu literally means “leftover woman.” It was coined to describe China’s growing crop of middle-class women who, thanks to new educational and economic opportunities, have been able to rise to unprecedented ranks within Chinese society—at the expense of their love lives. Nearing (or, heaven forbid, passing) the age of 30, these women find themselves materially successful but romantically unattached.

As a female in her mid-20s, living in China with a graduate degree and no significant other, I’ve been particularly sensitive to the term’s use. But while local media and gossipy mothers often use it derisively, my leftover sisters and I have come to embrace it as a badge of honor worn by independent women who know what they want and are unwilling to settle.

We shengnu are in dual position of being supposedly desperate, but in actuality having all kinds of men to choose from. In 2003, Gong Haiyan, a single coed from Shanghai, started the online date site Jiayuan.com (“Beautiful Destiny”) because she was frustrated by the lack of legitimate dating options she found around her. The bare-bones website she initially sketched out has since grown into China’s largest online-dating website, with over 56 million registered users, more than OKCupid and PlentyOfFish combined.

Like Gong Haiyan, I have, in my years in China, had little luck on the traditional meat market, so I decided to see if her internet service, and a few others like it, could be a better matchmaker for me.

Signing up for an account on Jiayuan or any of China’s other big-three dating services starts like most sites: cheesy screenname, recently created email account, vaguely accurate description of age and looks. But just like democracy, dating in China has developed distinct Asian characteristics. Your blood type, face shape, and willingness to have your future in-laws live with you are treated as basic information (O-positive, duck-egg-shaped, to be discussed when the time comes, for the record).

My profile photo also proved to be a sticking point. It was rejected three times, initially because I chose some abstract avatar, then because not enough of my face was visible. “Show the world who you really are,” the site moderator urged. Although that struck me as contrary to everything the internet stands for, I submitted my passport photo and was passed to the next phase.

While most of your profile’s essentials can be filled out with the help of a drop-down menu, the final stage requires a personalized self-introduction. A provided example on Zhenai.com (“Precious Love”) is instructive as to what kind of women the service is appealing to:

Before, in order to focus on my studies, my mom didn’t let me date. Now, because of work, I don’t have time to date. As time passed, I suddenly discovered I’d already become one of the “shengnu.”Actually my demands for my other half aren’t that high. He doesn’t have to be that handsome, or that wealthy, but he must be motivated, responsible, obedient, and that’s about all. I have great hopes and visions for my future, but I hope to accomplish them with the person I love….

It was flattering but not altogether too surprising that within minutes of activating my profile, my inbox was flooded with messages. The first came from a 26-year-old, O-type (hurray our children, or rather our child, will be a universal donor!), triangle-faced man named “Poisonsc…” But as I browsed through his profile, alarm bells quickly went off. He was a private entrepreneur. He listed his monthly income as 3-5,000 renmindi per month (equal to about $480-800 dollars, an average white-collar salary). He didn’t own a car or a house yet. No wonder he was single.

With the growing numerical disparity and social parity between sexes, women know that not just anyone will do anymore. Owning a car and home are standard expectations before marriage. A candidate’s appeal rises if he has a five-figure monthly salary and stable career (state-owned corporations are best), but falls if that means he has to work overtime and thus won’t be around to whisk his partner off on romantic dates. Modern China’s romance with materialism was epitomized on the popular TV dating game show “Are You The One”, when one contestant famously claimed she’d rather cry in the back of a BMW than smile on a bicycle.

Baihe.com (meaning “Lily”, but also literally “Hundred Matches”) makes it easy to weed out the scrubs. Users can sort users by age, height, education, and income. Though IRL I’d like to think I’ve never judged any person by such narrow criteria, I decided if I was going to date in China, I had to do it with a Chinese mindset. So clicking the obvious choice, I browsed on.

The top hit was a block-headed 30-year-old with a lush head of hair named Heavy. The self-described “Chairman-looking” home-owner had posted half a dozen photos of him frolicking on an exotic beach. He clearly had the right salary-to-free-time ratio.

Like nearly every male profile I browsed, though, Heavy had almost no demands of his partner. He wanted someone between 24-28 years old, 140-175 cm tall, preferably ethnically Han. But income, education, and housing situation—factors that can make or break a man's prospects—were all listed as “no preference.”

Despite the cold rationalism that seems to surround these sites, all these sites still cling to the sweet romantic notions. It's about finding your other half. Each user, before finalizing their profile, must check off a box affirming their good moral character and honest intention to search for a spouse on the site, NOT a one-night stand. Bang With Friends, this most certainly is not.

But while sites try to ensure pureness of heart, there's no escaping the internet's inherent ability to con, especially in a country that trades on its ability to mass produce fake Chanel purses and pirated DVDs.

When I began my online search, the Chinese Lunar New Year was fast approaching. It’s a time when virtually everyone in the country returns home, gathers with their loved ones, and is ruthlessly interrogated about their personal lives. Accordingly, internet message boards light up with ads seeking and offering rental girlfriends and boyfriends. Taobao, China’s version of eBay, for a while banned the search term altogether.

“Busy at work, no time to consider relationships,” reads a typical message. “Can anyone help me cope with the parental pressure?”

Though joke and scam posts are rampant, I decided to respond to one that at least sounded thorough. User 19760923b was a 32-year-old male, Master’s degree, 180 cm, 75 kg, “probably considered good looking” seeking a 25- to 30-year-old female for an eight day "rental" to northeastern China.

“I’m just a regular office worker, not anyone rich, so anyone looking to get rich or become a mistress please don’t apply. If you’re too ugly or too fat, it will tip my parents off, so sorry, you won’t be considered.” What a charmer.

19760923b promised the rental wouldn’t be required to sleep in the same room or perform any kissing and fondling, though she “must be willing to hold hands.” He offered 300-800 Renminbi per day, negotiable. The deal also included train tickets to and from Beijing. If necessary, he’d be willing to also accompany his rental girlfriend to her hometown.

Using a mix of my latent Chinese class skills and Google Translate, I wrote a brief note expressing my desire to fake it. Within a couple of hours, I received an email: “Thank you for your reply, but I don’t think you will be a good match to bring home.” Even to play a sham girlfriend, the rejection felt real.

But my heartbreak was soon eased. A bounty of new "flirts" and "winks" were waiting in my inbox. One man in particular, using the name “Single-Minded,” had sent 13 messages in a span of 35 minutes. Though back home such over-eagerness would be ruthlessly mocked over a round of drinks with girlfriends, in China, it felt reassuringly sincere.

“Your subtle smile makes my heart jump,” cooed his first message. “I love to smile too. I hope we can smile together. Can I get to know you more?”

Mousing through his profile, I learned he was university educated, a car and home owner, and employed in finance by a Fortune 500 company. I was already imagining my mother’s approving nod.

In his next note, he waxed even more poetic: “In the whole world, who knows how many millions of people pass us by, but fate made me stop and look at your photo. I hope you will look back at me.”

His clear, unobstructed profile photo showed an athletically built man in his early 30s, with hair gelled into the snow cone swirl common among aspiring C-Pop stars. He was also wearing what looked like a lumpy holiday sweater knit by his grandmother. A sign of filial piety, I hoped.

As I clicked to respond, a screen flashed open offering me a series of ready-made responses. There was the generic, “Thank you for your interest. Please tell me more: ^.^” Or the flirtier, “If you read my message, write back so I know you reciprocate O(n_n)O.” Or the straightforward rejection: “Thank you for your interest. I don’t think our circumstances are a fit. Good luck, hope you find your soulmate.” I wondered if 19760923b had copied his response from here.

But as I considered what level of emoticon flirtation to use, I realized Single-Minded’s messages had also been computer generated. A row of tabs suggested dozens of opening lines, categorized from "funny" to "cute." Worst of all, my Single-Minded suitor had chosen from the "standard" section. He didn’t even use a creative scripted response!

Outraged, I aired my sense of betrayal to a male Chinese friend. Far from sharing my indignation, though, he bashfully confessed that at the age of 25 and just entering his first official relationship, he too had used a move learned from an American teen soap. How else, he asked, were young people, sheltered by overprotective parents since birth and often right through their adult lives, supposed to know how to hit on girls?

If, as they say, Chariman Mao abolished arranged marriages in 1951 after his own unhappy experience with the practice during his first marriage, the system that’s replaced it hasn’t made finding a genuine connection any easier for Chinese men and women. In the end, I got rejected for the role of a rental girlfriend, used an algorithm to pick out men by their income and blood type (which I later discovered in Asia is associated with certain personality types similar to zodiac signs; type-Os are ambitious, self-confident, and recommended to eat extra poultry and fish), got wooed by a succession of swirly-haired men with scripts, and continue to be harassed by all three dating companies trying to sell me additional matchmaking services. But I am still no closer than before to finding my soulmate.

And probably even further from finding a one-night stand.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yv5987/face-shapes-and-blood-types-wading-into-the-world-of-online-dating-in-china

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miyukistarseed · 8 years ago

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Love is My Resistance

Reporting live from the school’s computer lab. I just came out of my Contemporary World Literature class and one particular theme seems to recycle in each class - the theme of being othered. In novels like The Yacoubian Building and The Funny Boy, we read about characters who feel like they do not belong, they feel like they are being othered. During discussion I was triggered and I realized that I’m othered, too. I’m Dominican, Cuban, and Ecuadorian. And now I’m sitting in front of this computer, dumbfounded, wondering how did this happen when my Ecuadorian and Cuban family is high-key racist? I always turned away when these issues were brought up in conversation at the dinner table because I always turn away and lose interest when people bring up fake issues. Yes, I always thought that hating someone for where they came from or for who they loved was a fake problem and a distraction from what honestly matters in life. And yet, the family holds on to these old ideas that black is unpure and dirty. My Ecuadorian father had the nerve to attack my sister for being into black men. Meanwhile, my Dominican and Cuban mother is puzzled, standing quietly beside him. When my father and mother began dating, his family hated my mother because she’s Dominican and Cuban. So why is he still racist even after marriage? My Cuban grandfather would constantly fight with my Dominican grandmother over who’s better, who’s more pure, and who is more white.

This war is confusing to me because no one in my family was forced into marriage so why were there issues about who is better DURING marriage? No one forced my Ecuadorian father to marry my Dominican and Cuban mother. No one forced my Cuban grandfather to marry my Dominican grandmother. So why was there war? Why did the racism survive in my father long after he married my mother? Why did my family measure one another and hated one another? Why didn’t they teach me and my younger brother Spanish? Why did my father feel shame when his children were so beautiful and bright? Why were we othered when we went to family parties? Why did my uncles steal from us? Why did my aunt othered us? Why were we not invited to family events? Why did my father marry my mother when he knew how his family felt about her? Why did he marry her knowing how he feels about black people? How was I created from an angry and hateful relationship and come out so loving and compassionate? By what divine order was I able to survive in chaos and madness?

To be clear, I never experienced racism outside first hand - or at least I do not remember. For those who cannot see, my skin is fair and it’s difficult for other people to guess where I am from or to guess how to treat me because I do not look European, Asian, African, South American or like an Islander. I consider myself the Queen of no identity because I’m a mixture of all of the identities. It is my super power or my shield in the outside world. Humans will look at me and think, “how am I supposed to treat her?” It’s as if I do not exist in the program, so you will just have to deal with me manually - or honestly. I do not look rich or poor. I do not look gay or straight or bi. I am difficult to define and this is what I love. I love breaking the program that is already broken. I love being that spirit you come across that challenges the program we have been programmed into. My last name doesn’t even exist in history. And yet, here I am. It is definitely a blessing to not have experiences with racism outside. But inside, I just realized that is where my enemy resides. An internal war that has marred my family for generations.

I remember all too well how my parents treated my sister for having a black boyfriend at sixteen. Although they are my parents and I love them very much, I am a grateful daughter - I have to be honest and say that it was an evil way to treat someone who was simply in love. The only thing that was wrong about the situation was my father’s hateful and ignorant attitude about it, and how he expressed it. I suppress my sadness and rage when I think of how they treated her throughout our childhood and early adulthood. Sometimes I think they broke her.

Now as an English major, I’m programmed to jump to conclusions, to ask any possible question, to explore and to dive deep with no floor to limit me. I’m asking myself if there is any love in the house. I’m asking myself if there was any love to begin with. I’m asking myself if they attacked my sister more than me and my brother because she as the first born may represent their defiance - for not just marrying without the families’ consent, but to create a Dominican, Cuban and Ecuadorian family. It is by far the dumbest issue I have had to explore, and yet it’s the most violent and chaotic issue I have experienced. Really, Miss Moon? Being Cuban, Dominican, and Ecuadorian is a violent problem? Yes, Reader, but only when I am with the family. When I am outside, this issue does not exist. When I am outside, no one knows I’m Dominican, Cuban, and Ecuadorian. When I am outside, I lose memory of the fights. When I am outside or with my friends, I am completely blinded by love. When I am outside, no one has these family issues. When I’m outside, daughters adore their fathers. When I’m outside, everything makes sense. When I’m outside, there is math and everything adds up just as it is promised to. When I’m outside, problems are small and temporary. When I’m outside, stress does not frighten me. When I’m outside, I am brave and bubbly. But when I’m home, I’m frightened. When I’m home, my safety is in question. When I’m home, I have to call my sister when I’m being threatened. When I’m home, problems last decades. When I’m home, madness is in the air and in my ears. When I’m home, I’m confused. When I’m home, I’m lethargic and stagnant, locked in my room. When I’m home, I’m doomed.

I always thought it was cool that I am mixed, that it was a divine privilege to have access to a selection of ancient wisdom. It was the coolest collection I had as a child, not music, not rocks, or stamps - I had cultures and histories, I had blood and dna. With that comes the old and ugly ideas, the racial war. Though it makes me regret my existence to think it wouldn’t have been a war if it weren’t for me but then that would be me fucking up the timeline. There is no need for regret when I have not done anything wrong. There is something me and my siblings can be proud of - through us the racial war in our family and our blood will die. The issues our grandparents kept alive in their lifetime have died with them. The racism in my father will die with him, too. And although the war has harmed us in our childhood, we will not drag the war into our adulthood. We will not hate ourselves. We will not carry on these foolish beliefs of being impure and dirty and push it onto our children. As long as I exist and I am mixed, that madness and chaos is dead.

The war will end when I disappear and take my ethnicities away with me - through me the countries will exist safely, harmoniously and poetically, through me they will be passed on with love and light, through me the war will be healed or hopefully forgotten and buried.

Racism and hate is certainly taught but I think the students are responsible for what ideas and beliefs they adopt as their own. I guess I could have learned racism from my father but as a child who grew up in Hudson County, I always thought racism was a belief only for idiots and evil people. I’m embarrassed to admit how my Ecuadorian family treated my father and us. I’m also embarrassed to admit that my father stayed true to their beliefs so he can feel a part of them. He did not want my sister to date black men because he was terrified of what his family would think - completely forgetting that WE were his family, completely dismissing the fact that their opinion meant nothing because

1. They already didn’t like us. 2. This should not be an issue in this day and age - to care what the flying fuck the family thinks. 3. We were not reliant on them financially - which is a common reason as to why someone would care about another person’s opinion, if they were financially dependent. Well, we were never financially dependent on his side of them family or any side for that matter.

The problem with people having an opinion on interracial dating or marriage is that they make it a personal problem. The idea of my sister marrying a black man brought my father doom.- I’m sitting in this chair laughing, why would someone else’s marriage or dating life hurt you and your already broken relationship with your family? I call it fake-doom, fake-panic, fake-problem, fake-madness. Why? Think about it, if the problem is not harming you financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, then it is not a problem. What is happening is that you are experiencing a challenge against what you have learned and what you are learning now is that the system that was pressed onto all of our ancestors was a tool used to oppress us and keep us from happiness. Race is fake but it’s an old war and possibly the only thing you have in common with your siblings, now who will you choose? The siblings who have stolen from you and your children or your children’s happiness? This is the kind of math that I’m proficient in. But not everyone loves themselves and I honestly think that is what it comes down to in all situations between humans. I don’t think my parents know how to love themselves and ironically that has been my social media career - to love myself. By loving myself I hold no judgement of me above my own. Does this make sense, Reader? It’s difficult to measure yourself when your family is judging, isn’t it?

For a long time I shrunk myself into the mold they wanted me in because it kept them safe from embarrassment. Thankfully, the mold is temporary and literature is sacred - especially when it comes to journalism and history. It would be a pity if I swept the darkness under the rug and pretended it wasn’t there and never happened. It would also be a lie. Now, I’m not outting my family for entertainment value or to embarrass them. I’m not writing this out of hate and resentment. I’m writing in the name of love, I’m writing for my child self who has been keeping secrets she does not want to keep anymore. I think this is the perfect time to look inward and share with others what I mean when I say “the doom”. We all know “the doom”, our family teaches us “the doom”. It takes bravery to open this can of worms, Reader! But I think it is so important for you to know, to study closely what it means to be mixed, what it means to face your family and measure at what cost are you willing to break the norm, what it means to challenge your beloved parents what they know, what it means to love someone when the world tells them no WITH VIOLENCE, what it means to be the younger sibling and wanting to protect your older sibling from harm even if that harm is coming from your father and mother, what it means to face a violent web of conflicts when it is alive and well every waking moment. I’m writing so others can learn from this and never repeat it as parents. It isn’t to be romanticized just because Miss Moon here is writing about it, and she’s alive and happy. No one can repeat me. Remember that not everyone can come out strong and healthy from a broken home. You have my other two siblings as examples, not that they are better or worse but they are both different from me. I want to end the cycle by confessing it’s existence because silence has kept it living for too long.

Did you always hear “blood is thicker than water” growing up? I did. Read carefully - you can choose your family, yes, you can choose healthy relationships over toxic ones even if it is over blood. You can call it selfish or survival. I have had a taste of both and I have to be honest, I love the friends I have attracted into my life and I do believe that they are good for me and are in perfect alignment with my highest love frequency. As I got older I realized that it is better to accept everybody and everything as temporary. Before this idea would worry me and hurt me. But after 23 years of war, I’m longing to put this cycle to its’ end. And it’s not to say that I do not love my family, please don’t get it confused. I do love my family. I won’t lie and say they haven’t hurt me. I think they hurt me everyday, honestly. Maybe it’s me keeping our problems a secret that is keeping them from changing and evolving. Instead I try to inspire them with self love and harmony but I don’t think they want to learn from me. Perhaps they’re afraid that their 23 year old daughter unlocked the wisdom they were longing to find. When it ends there will be peace and all of the violence will be forgiven. And no one will feel othered because we know that we belong to ourselves and our existence is perfect and wonderful and we will exist whether someone likes it or not.

One day we will exist in peace, when we forgive ourselves for not loving ourselves for so long.Maybe that’s what it takes to end the war, to tell them I forgive them for the war that was pushed onto them. Truthfully, forgiveness is far from my heart when we do fight. But I want peace with my parents more than my pride. Anyone can declare war. But it takes forgiveness to end one. And I will end the war because love is my resistance.

(Disclaimer: Don’t want you to walk away thinking my father was evil and my mother was good. My issues with my mother are different than the issues with my father. I cannot consider my parents as evil or innocent. I do consider my relationship with my parents as toxic, confusing, and gray. Sometimes they are my sunshine, most times they are the storm. They are troubled and I hope with all of my heart that they somehow find their way. I want everyone to find their way. But these two are my creators so they are first on my wishlist. If you have a parent(s) like mine, I feel you. I think it is safe to say you can love them even though they hurt you because I know you love them for giving you the chance at life. Don’t feel bad about loving, just know the difference between loving and enabling toxic people. And be safe, my love. And welcome to the Resistance.)

#missmoonletters #lettersfrombeyond

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bronovafourteen · 7 years ago

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Nina

Nikolina Bronova Mori, professionally known as Nina, is a brazilian and naturalized american, bulgarian and japanese singer-songwriter, composer, multi-instrumentalist, record producer, dancer, choreographer and actress under Columbia Records. She is amongst a small group of entertainers who have been honored with an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony Award. Nina holds the record for the artist with the most singles to top both the Billboard Hot 100. She is also the only artist to have all albums debut at the top of the Billboard 200.

Profile

Full name: Nikolina Bronova Mori (Николин�� бронова 森). Birth date: December 7th 1996 (21). Birth place: São Paulo, Brazil. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius. Chinese zodiac sign: Fire rat. Height: 1.68cm. Weight: 52kg. Blood type: O. Voica type: Soprano. Vocal analysis: Star.

Curiosities

Animals: Miku (pomeranian) and Misha (rottweiler). Body type: Theatrical romantic (medium height, hourglass and voluptuous figure, medium to big bustline, small waist, fleshy arms and legs, small and delicate bone structure with a soft sharpness). Cup size: B. Ethnicity: Brazilian, bulgarian, italian and japanese. Face type: Classic (balanced and symmetrical). Family: Shigeru Mori (father), Ekaterina Konstantinova Bronova (mother), Elena Bronova Mori (older sister) and Karolina Bronova Mori (younger sister). Hobbies: Reading, drawing, listening to music, singing, dancing, watching movies and television series, exercising, traveling, collecting pens and notebooks, taking pictures, riding her bycicle and writing music. Instruments: Acoustic guitar, banjo, banjo ukulele, baritone guitar, bass guitar, clarinet, classical guitar, drums, electric bass guitar, electric guitar, flamento guitar, flute, harmonica, harp, keyboard, piano, synthesizer and violin. Languages: Bulgarian, english, french, japanese, korean, mandarin, portuguese, russian and spanish. Religion: Catholic. Sexual orientation: Heterosexual. Shoe size: 7.5 (US).

Early life

Nikolina was born in Ribeirão Preto, the daughter of a bulgarian lawyer and a japanese farmer. She lived in Brazil until the age of seven, when she moved with her mother and sisters to Bulgaria, following her parent’s divorce. From the age of five, she wanted to become a singer, and took various musical classes throughout her early years. She moved to the United States as an exchange student in 2010 and, after posting music covers on YouTube, she was discovered by a representative of Columbia Records and signed to the label.

Personality

Positive traits: Adventurous, brave, broad-minded, charming, compassionate, creative, determined, diplomatic, faithful, freedom-loving, friendly, good-humored, honest, humanitarian, independent, intellectual, intuitive, jovial, loyal, magnetic, modest, optimistic, philosophical, realistic, self-confident, sensitive, sympathetic, warmhearted and well-liked. Negative traits: Competitive, compulsive, greedy, escapist, idealistic, irritable, obsessive, resentful, restless, selfish and a worrier.

She is known for being very nice to her fans. Many of them report being well treated by her whenever they meet.

Physical appearance

Black and straight hair. Green eyes. Fair skin. Curvy. Dimples. Two piercings on her left ear and three on her right ear. One tattoo on her left ribcage (“to the stars to the moon”) and one tattoo on her right shoulder (japanese writing of “Mori”) and one tattoo on her right wrist (written “honey”).

Vocals

Critic Of Music

Vocal type: Spinto-soprano. Positives: Legendary interpretive wit, thanks to incredible knowledge of musical phrasing and vocal pedagogy. A defining, trademarked voice. Incredible breath support, showing no signs of fatigue and carrying extensive legato passages with ease. Incredible utilization of dynamics, using all volumes from fortissimo to pianissimo and everything in between to craft incredible phrases. Great control of her passagio and incredibly balanced instrument. Powerful, resonant belts that are mixed with head voice, that are well-supported and healthy, projecting massive resonance with ease. A master of breath support. Able to rapid fire mid and upper belts. Her low notes are also well supported, dark and full. The head voice is resonant and piercing, full and fluid. Her vibrato is well developed and rolling, and can be executed with ease. Her timbre is velvety and luscious and makes for a perfect midrange. She is also able to sing complex melisma in all registers, with every register well connected. Her falsetto is light and sweet. She also has unparalleled register transitions, switching from chest to head, head to whistle, and even chest to whistle without as much of a pause. Pitch perfect in 99% of performances. Technically, a brilliant singer. Negatives: Occasionally raises her larynx in upper-belts.

Albums and singles

Yours Truly (2014) Into You Love Me Harder One Last Time Problem (ft. Big Sean) The Way Too Little Too Late

Vivid (2015) All I Want For Christmas Emotions I Wanna Dance With Somebody Love On Top No One Physical

Revival (2016) Bills, Bills, Bills Bootylicious If I Were A Boy Independent Women Say My Name Single Ladies

Here, My Dear (2017) Attention Can’t Feel My Face Diamonds Let’s Groove September Sexual Healing

Fever (2018) Bad Liar Dangerous Woman Do I Wanna Know? Psycho Killer Take Me To Church Wild Thoughts

Portrait (2020) Back To Black Chandelier Drunk In Love Love On The Brain Stone Cold Un-Break My Heart

Spirit (2022) Hello Rolling In The Deep Send My Love Set Fire To The Rain Someone Like You

Who I Am (2025) Because Of You Bleeding Love Fallin’ Halo If I Ain’t Got You I’m Not The Only One

Time (2028) Can’t Make You Love Me I Have Nothing I Look To You I Will Always Love You When We Were Young

How Does That Grab You? (2030) Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) Dust In The Wind Every Breath You Take Killing Me Softly The Sound Of Silence

Katerina (2032) Bohemian Rhapsody Come Together I Want To Break Free Sign Of The Times Somebody To Love We Are The Champions

Waiting To Exhale (2035) Always On My Mind Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood Hurt The Blower’s Daughter Wonderwall

The Diary Of Nina (2038) Can’t Help Falling In Love From This Moment On Here Comes The Sun Loving You Yesterday You’re Still The One

Glassheart (2040) A Change Is Gonna Come All The Man I Need Cruisin’ Greatest Love Of All Let’s Stay Together Say A Little Prayer

Bird Of Happiness (2045) Dreamlover Hero Love Takes Time Someday Vision Of Love We Belong Together

These Are My Blues (2050) At Last Feeling Good I Put A Spell On You Respect Something’s Got A Hold On Me This Is A Man’s World

Albums and non-title tracks

Yours Truly (2014) Bad Decisions Be My Baby Closer Fools For Him Gone And Found Greedy Higher How I Want Ya (ft. Jordan Fisher) How To Be A Heartbreaker I Don’t Care Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart Let Me Love You Never Wanna Know Only One Paper Heart Right There Sometimes Tattooed Heart Tears (ft. Clean Bandit) Touch Me Wild You’ll Never Know

Vivid (2015) All That Baby, I Body Language Boy Problems Can’t Sleep Love Come Alive (ft. Toro Y Moi) Cry Dorothy Dandrige Eyes (ft. Esperanza Spalding) Dust Is Gone Finesse First Time Gimme Love Hard To Say No I Didn’t Just Come Here To Dance Maiden Making The Most Of The Night Primetime (ft. Miguel) Run Away With Me Say You’ll Be There Schoolin’ Life Store The One Too Good To Say Goodbye We Were Rock & Roll Your Type

Revival (2016) 10-20-40 Be Alright Countdown Cyber Stockholm Syndrome Ego Fantasy (ft. Amber Liu) Gave It Away Glow If I Ever Fall In Love (ft. Janelle Monáe) I Got The Juice (ft. Pharrell Williams) Knew Better Listen No Mythologies To Follow No Tears Left To Cry Oh No! Primadonna Girl Red In The Grey Ridin’ (ft. A$AP Rocky) Rose Gold Simple Things Slow Love Tears (ft. Clean Bandit) Ugly West Coast What An Experience

Here, My Dear (2017) 6 Inch (ft. The Weeknd) Adorn After The Love Has Gone A Lonely Night Bound Broken Clocks Coffee Done For Me Emotion Every Kind Of Way Falling For You Fetish (ft. Schoolboy Q) Fire Rides Heart Less In Your Bed Love On The Weekend Lovely (ft. Khalid) Ocean Eyes Passionfruit Perfect Sir Greendown Somebody Else Something About Us (ft. Daft Punk) Sure Thing Thinking About You Too Good (ft. Alan Love) Touch Me

Fever (2018) After The Storm (ft. Bootsy Collins and Tyler, The Creator) Are You Satisfied? Baby Boy Birth In Reverse Black Sheep Cupid’s Chokehold Empty Nesters Faster Forrest Gump I Wanna Be Yours Locked Inside Miracle Alligner Night By Night No Control One For The Road Puppet Love Redbone Run Baby Run Self Control Someone New Stockholm Syndrome Strange Mercy To Be Alone Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? Yeah Right Your Teeth In My Neck Zombie

Portrait (2020) Belly Ache Betsy On The Roof Bored Cake Copycat Django Sambo Eyes On Fire Hostage I Don’t Wanna Be You Anymore If These Walls Could Talk Liability Love Is A Losing Game Nicest Thing Pilgrim Reality Russian Roulette Serial Killer Talk Me Down Tears Dry On Their Own Teen Idle Tunnel Vision (ft. Shamir) Victory Until We Bleed Use Me You Don’t Do It For Me Anymore You Know I’m No Good

Spirit (2022) 57821 (ft. Deep Cotton) All I Ask Dark Paradise Hometown Glory I Can’t Get Started I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving You It Takes A Lot To Know A Man Love In The Dark Lucky Million Years Ago Never Been In Love Before River Lea Rumour Has It Sad Girl Salvation Speechless Sweetest Devotion Tightrope (ft. Big Boi) Turning Tables Venus Video Games Vultures Water Under The Bridge You Young And Beautiful

Who I Am (2025) Almost Is Never Enough As Long As You Love Me Bad Religion Cannonball Crave You Draw Your Swords Every Little Thing He Does Is Magic Fireproof Freak Home Just A Boy Let’s Get Lost Listen Malibu Midnight Bottle Moonlight Oh, Maker! Older Chests Start Of Time Talking To The Moon Tell Me That You Love Me Training Wheels Valentine Volcano Whatever You Like

Time (2028) 9 Crimes All Of You Can’t Pretend Caught Don’t Look Back Emotion Illuminated I Miss You Jealous Lies Little Boy Blue Love Nick Of Time Nirvana Nitesky (ft. Robot Koch) Nostalgia One (ft. U2) Palace Pink (ft. Grimes) Religion Remedy The Chain Wolves Wondaland

How Does That Grab You? (2030) All I Have To Do Is Dream Build Me Up Buttercup But Not For Me Can’t Live Without Your Love Heal The World I Fall In Love Too Easily If I Had You I’ll Be There I’m A Ruin I’m Gonna Find Another You Immortal It’s My Party Look For The Silver Lining Look Into My Eyes Make You Feel My Love My Funny Valentine Only Hope Pink Matter Quickie Slow Dancing In A Burning Room Solo (ft. Andre 3000) The Touch Of Yours Lips Want You Back Wonder You Don’t Own Me

Katerina (2032) Bloodsport Boogieman Come To Mama Holding On Ivy Japanese Denim Killer Queen Land Locked Blues Leave Me Lonely (ft. Macy Gray) Like Real People Do My Favorite Faded Fantasy Neon Valley Street Pain Please Don’t Leave Me Regret Sally Ride Sinner’s Prayer Sober Slow It Down Somebody Told Me Stop The World Touch When You Were Young Who Knew Yellow Brick Road

Waiting To Exhale (2035) A Heartbreak All The Way Down Blood Dazed In Daydreams Delicate Elephant Everywhere I Go Freedom (ft. Kentorey Johnson) Guiding Light Heart Beats Slow I Don’t Want To Change You I’m Afraid In Chains Love Me Like I’m Not Made Of Stone Medicine No Such Thing One Flight Down Pink + White Put Your Number In My Phone Rootless Tree Run Say It To Me Now Ship To Wreck The Animals Were Gone You Don’t Have To Go

The Diary Of Nina (2038) Big Jet Plane Blackbird Burning Love Clementine Color Me In Creature Fear Dogs Don’t Know Why Falling Slowly Flightless Bird, American Mouth Gravity Happily He Was Too Good To Me Love Has No Pride Lua My Ideal Paper Aeroplane Slow Dancing In A Burning Room Stand Tall Strong The Long Day Is Over The Moon Song Time After Time Waiting On The World To Change

Glassheart (2040) All This And Heaven Too A Woman’s Worth Believe In You And Me Crazy, Classic, Life Follow Rivers Hardest Of Hearts Honeymoon Avenue I Am Every Woman It’s Always You Like You’ll Never See Me Again Never Let Me Go One Night Only Picture Me Gone Radioactive Run To You Screwed (ft. Zoë Kravitz) The Light Is On Tired Of Being Alone Tomorrow (ft. Tame Impala) Valley Of The Dolls Want You Back You’re Still My Man

Bird Of Happiness (2045) Alterlife Always Be My Baby Anytime You Need A Friend Can’t Let Go Cosmic Love Dirty Computer (ft. Brian Wilson) Drumming Song Falling I Don’t Wanna Cry I’m Not Calling You A Liar Lay All Your Love On Me Like Someone In Love Living Dead Make Me Feel My All One Summer Night Shoot The Moon Suspicious Mind Take Me To The River The State Of Dreaming Wildest Dreams Without You

These Are My Blues (2050) Ain’t No Way Buy The Stars Code Cold Cold Heart Don’t Judge Me Do You? Embraceable You How Deep Is The Ocean? Hypocrates I’d Rather Go Blind I Get Along Without You Very Well (Except Sometimes) I Want You I Was Here Lipstick Long Long Way Love T.K.O My Future Just Passed Take A Bite Too Much Heaven Valerie Voila What’s New? You Light Up My Life

Singles

No Tears Left To Cry (2018) No Tears Left To Cry

Collaborations

2015 Hymn For The Weekend (ft. Coldplay)

2016 You Know You Like It (ft. DJ Snake)

2017 24k Magic (ft. Bruno Mars) Loyalty (ft. Kentorey Johnson)

2018 Sensual Seduction (ft. Cardi B)

2021 Get Lucky (ft. Daft Punk) Lose Yourself To Dance (ft. Daft Punk)

2027 Lost On The Way Home (ft. Chromeo)

2029 Stay (ft. Mikky Ekko)

2034 Digital Love (ft. Daft Punk) I Feel It Coming (ft. Daft Punk)

2036 Beautiful (ft. Miguel)

2043 Empire State Of Mind (ft. Kentorey Johnson)

2058 How Deep Is Your Love (ft. The Bird And The Bee)

Soundtracks

La La Land (2019) City Of Stars I Won’t Say I’m In Love The Audition

Lés Miserables (2024) On My Own

Breakfast At Tifanny’s (2026) La Vi En Rose Moon River Once Upon A Dream

The Hunchback Of Notre Dame (2033) The Bells Of Notre Dame

Pocahontas (2037) Colors Of The Wind If I Never Knew You Just Around The Riverbend Savages (Part One) Savages (Part Two)

Funny Girl (2041) A Piece Of Sky Don’t Rain On My Parade My Man The Man That Got Away Why Don’t You Do Right?

Anastasia (2046) Journey To The Past Learn To Do It Once Upon A December

The Nightmare Before Christmas (2049) Finale Kidnap The Sandy Claws Sally’s Song

The Prince Of Egypt (2057) Deliver Us When You Believe

Filmography (movies)

La La Land (2019) Breakfast At Tiffany’s (2026) The Hunchback Of Notre Dame (2033) Funny Girl (2041) Two Days, One Night (2044) Anastasia (2046) The Nightmare Before Christmas (2049) I Am Love (2053) The Prince Of Egypt (2057) Amour (2084)

Filmography (television series)

Pocahontas (2037)

Theatre

Lés Miserables (2024)

Covers (on YouTube)

2011 Everytime by Britney Spears. Like I’m Gonna Lose You by John Legend.

2012 E.T by Katy Perry. Paparazzi by Lady Gaga.

Cover performances

NBA All-Star (2016) Star Spangled Banner by Francis Scott Key.

BBC Radio 1 (2017) Bad Romance by Lady Gaga.

American Music Awards (2019) Got To Be Real by Cheryl Lynn (with Cheryl Lynn).

Grammy Awards (2023) Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen (with Pentatonix).

BBC Radio 1 (2028) Hands To Myself by Selena Gomez.

Super Bowl (2034) Star Spangled Banner by Francis Scott Key.

BBC Radio 1 (2042) Hold It Against Me by Britney Spears.

MTV Music Video Awards (2049) My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion.

Partners

Owen Teague (2012) Tidiou M’Baye (2016-2017) Jeremy Lin (2018-) *married in 2019

Children

Anton Lin (2027) Isabela Lin (2029) Luna Lin (2032)

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bronovaseven · 7 years ago

Text

Nina

Nikolina Bronova Mori, professionally known as Nina, is an american and naturalized bulgarian and japanese singer-songwriter, composer, multi-instrumentalist, dancer, choreographer and actress under Columbia Records. She is amongst a small group of entertainers who have been honored with an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony Award. Nina holds the record for the artist with the most singles to top the Billboard Hot 100. She is also one of the only artist to have all albums debut at the top of the Billboard 200.

Profile

Full name: Nikolina Bronova Mori (Николина бронова 森). Birth date: December 7th 1998 (19). Birth place: Washington, United States. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius. Chinese zodiac sign: Earth tiger. Height: 1.68cm. Weight: 52kg. Nicknames: Goddess Of Music, Queen B, Songbird Supreme and The Voice. Blood type: O. Voice type: Soprano. Vocal ranking: Star.

Curiosities

Animals: Miku (pomeranian) and Misha (rottweiler). Body type: Theatrical romantic (medium height, hourglass and voluptuous figure, medium to big bustline, small waist, fleshy arms and legs, small and delicate bone structure with a soft sharpness). Cup size: C. Ethnicity: Brazilian, bulgarian, japanese and portuguese. Face type: Classic (symmetrical and balanced features). Family: Shigeru Sugahara Mori (father), Katarina Montes Bronova (mother) and Karolina Bronova Mori (younger sister). Fandom name: Beehive. Hobbies: Reading, drawing, listening to music, singing, dancing, watching movies and television series, exercising, traveling, collecting pens and notebooks, taking pictures, riding her bycicle and writing music. Instruments: Acoustic guitar, banjo, banjo ukulele, baritone guitar, bass guitar, clarinet, classical guitar, drums, electric bass guitar, electric guitar, flamento guitar, flute, harmonica, harp, keyboard, piano, synthesizer and violin. Languages: Bulgarian, english, french, japanese, korean, mandarin, portuguese, russian and spanish. Nicknames: Goddess Of Music, Queen B, Songbird Supreme and The Voice. Religion: Catholic. Sexual orientation: Heterosexual. Shoe size: 7.5 (US).

Early life

Nikolina was born in Seattle, Washington, the daughter of a bulgarian lawyer and a japanese farmer. From the early age of five, she wanted to become a singer, and took various musical classes throughout her early years. After staring in the Broadway production of Lés Miserables and winning a Tony Award for her performance, she was discovered by a representative of Columbia Records and signed to the label.

Personality

She is known for being very nice to her fans. Many of them report being well treated by her whenever they meet.

Physical appearance

Black and straight hair. Green eyes. Fair skin. Curvy. Dimples. Two piercings on her left ear and three on her right ear.One tattoo on her left ribcage (“to the stars to the moon”) and one tattoo on her right shoulder (japanese writing of “Mori”).

Vocals

Critic Of Music

Albums and singles

Vivid (2015) All I Want For Christmas Emotions I Wanna Dance With Somebody Love On Top No One Physical

Yours Truly (2016) Into You Love Me Better One Last Time Problem (ft. Big Sean) The Way Too Little Too Late

Revival (2017) Bills, Bills, Bills Bootylicious If I Were A Boy Independent Women Say My Name Single Ladies

Lemonade (2018) Can’t Feel My Face Diamonds How Can I Ease The Pain? Let’s Groove September Sexual Healing

Fever (2019) Bad Liar Dangerous Woman Do I Wanna Know? Psycho Killer Take Me To Church Wild Thoughts

Portrait (2020) Back To Black Chandelier Drunk In Love Love On The Brain Stone Cold Un-Break My Heart

Who I Am (2022) Because Of You Bleeding Love Fallin’ Halo If I Ain’t Got You Million Reasons

Spirit (2025) Hello Rolling In The Deep Send My Love Set Fire To The Rain Someone Like You