#bi Connor you are still so real and true in my mind

[transselkie]

I’m right about everything always including my silly pointless long standing head canon that Malcolm Pace is gay apparently. 

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Let’s talk about the B in LGBTQ. A recent CDC poll found that 5.5 percent of women and 2 percent of men aged 18-44 identify as bisexual, which is significantly higher than the percentage of women and men who identify as lesbian/gay (1.3 percent and 1.9 percent, respectively). Even many people who don’t identify as bi have swung both ways at least once: 17.4 percent of women and 6.3 percent of men age 18-44 surveyed have had some same-sex contact.

Yet we don’t hear all that much about bi rights. But bisexual people still face discrimination, often from unexpected sources. Here are just a few of them.

Mental Health Professionals

YouTube vlogger Connor Manning recounted an awful encounter with a therapist who told him that he isn’t really bisexual. Instead of offering him proper treatment, the therapist spent a half hour trying to convince him not to call himself bi.

About the incident, Connor says,

What if I was someone who was freshly questioning their sexuality? …For a lot of people, especially those seeking help for their mental health, these things are an issue and they’re confusing and scary. To have someone who’s supposed to be a resource I can trust, someone I can open up to, try and invalidate my identity was really deeply sad to me. I also talked to a few people about it after the fact and they told me that this is something that happens all the time, unfortunately.

Research confirms this. A 2007 study published by Columbia University Press found that more than a quarter of therapists assumed their bisexual clients needed therapy for their sexuality. About a sixth saw bisexuality as a symptom of mental illness. Seven percent of therapists in the study tried to convert their bisexual clients to heterosexuality; 4 percent tried to turn their bisexual clients gay or lesbian.

Unfortunately, the misconception that bisexuality isn’t a real, unique sexual identity is very common. It’s so common that bi rights activists have an expression for it: bi erasure. Bi erasure is pretty much what it sounds like: Insisting that bisexuality isn’t real and that bisexuals are “really” just confused straight or gay people.

Faith Cheltenham of BiNet USA says that bisexuality is often subsumed under ‘gay’, but in reality “being gay is as different from being straight as being bi is. It’s not being half straight, half gay… you’re going to have a completely different life cycle experience from your gay peers.”

A young bisexual person going through that unique life cycle might feel lonely and confused and seek a therapist for help. If that therapist just turns around and tries to suppress their sexuality, it’s devastating.

What’s especially alarming about this is the fact that bisexuals (especially bisexual women) suffer from mental health problems at a higher rate than the rest of the population. They need help more often, but they’re less likely to get it if they have to fight uphill just to have their sexuality acknowledged as real.

Immigration Officials

Since 1994, United States immigration policies have recognized persecution for LGBTQ status as grounds for asylum. However, it’s not always easy for bisexual people to gain asylum. In correspondence with Unicorn Booty, Apphia Kumar, a bi rights activist, wrote that Immigration officers aren’t properly trained to handle bisexual asylum seekers, and often don’t understand it. “They have the incorrect perception that bisexuality is a choice or can be hidden in the face of persecution or that our identities depend on the gender of our partners.”

Recently, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 7th Circuit denied a bisexual Jamaican man asylum on the grounds that the man wasn’t “really” bisexual. Why not? Because he was married to a woman, even though he had dated men before and had been repeatedly assaulted for having sex with men.

Claiming that someone isn’t “really” bisexual because they’re currently an opposite-sex relationship is like claiming that someone isn’t really bilingual because they only speak one language at a time. It’s a ridiculous attitude based on broken logic. But immigration officials, even well-meaning ones, reinforce this misconception. Via email, Kumar noted that immigration lawyers often don’t understand bisexuality or they don’t consider it strong enough for an asylum claim, so “to increase the chances of someone getting asylum, they advise the asylum seeker to apply as gay or lesbian. This in fact increases the trauma of invisibility and doesn’t allow us to be our true selves in the long run.”

Their Partners

Bisexual people face a higher rate of intimate partner violence than straight or gay people. According to a 2010 survey by the CDC, a staggering 61 percent of bisexual women are raped, physically abused and/or stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetimes, compared to 44 percent of lesbians and 35 percent of heterosexual women.

Bisexual men face unusually high rates of domestic violence as well: The number is 37 percent of bisexual men, compared to 26 percent of gay men and 29 percent of heterosexual men. Interestingly, the majority of this violence is coming from an opposite-sex partner. Ninety percent of bisexual women report being abused only by a male partner, and 79 percent of bisexual men report being abused by female partners.

Why is the rate so high? LGBTQ-rights activists say it comes from cultural stereotypes that paint bisexual people as immoral and undependable. Queer activist Lola Davidson writes, “A big factor of violence towards bisexuals comes from the oversexualization of bisexuality in the media and pornography. Bisexuals are often portrayed as very promiscuous and morally-ambiguous, often cheating on their partners or threatening their identity in some way.”

Stephanie Farnsworth also believes that anti-bisexual domestic violence comes from insecurity and fear of infidelity. She writes, “Checking through messages, demanding that no alone time is spent with a person of any gender and isolating one from friends suddenly becomes the norm because bisexuality is still read as wanting to have sex with anyone and everyone even though this disregards the logic that no one would ever expect a heterosexual person to fancy everyone of a different gender to them.”

We can find an example in this in the allegedly abusive relationship between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard and the media’s trashy response to it. Gossip rags suggested that Depp’s violence stemmed from Heard’s bisexuality, that he was afraid she would cheat on him with a woman.

Sadly, when bisexuals are abused, they might not have anywhere to go for help. At a Bisexual Community Issues Roundtable at the White House, one bi survivor of intimate partner violence told a heartbreaking story about being rejected by a battered women’s shelter:

The shelter staff told me I didn’t belong there, that they only served women abused by male partners. They referred me to a new gay community anti-battering project. That group also turned me away, saying that I was bisexual, not gay, so they couldn’t help me. What I felt too angry and defeated to say back then was, “Why can’t services be designed with bisexuals in mind? If we design services sensitive to bisexuals, they end up being responsive to both heterosexual and gay people, too, don’t they?”

The Media

Unfortunately, the media does a lot to reinforce negative stereotypes about bisexuality.

On television and in film, bisexual characters are usually portrayed as schemers, manipulators, and hedonists. Depraved bisexuals are so common in fiction that they even have their own TV Tropes entry. Here are just a few well-known examples from the list of evil, unhinged, monstrous bisexual characters:

Obviously, it’s not inherently wrong to portray a bisexual character as a bad person. But it’s a problem when an overwhelming number of dramas associate bisexuality with evil.

That Depraved Bisexual trope mostly applies to male characters. Female bisexuality is often presented as a performance meant to titillate men, or a way for a woman to sow her wild oats before settling down and having a “real” relationship with a man. The Daily Beast writes:

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to unpack the appeal of this falsified narrative of bisexuality. The concept of a bisexual or lesbian woman who needs to be “saved” from her own sexuality is essentially a revamping of the classic damsel in distress narrative, with the male character’s conquering masculinity cast in the role of hero. The character of the bisexual woman offers the potential for a killer combination of girl-on-girl action paired with the possibility of heterosexual redemption.

But it’s not all bad. We’ll always have Darryl, the goofy, paté-loving boss on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

Non-fiction isn’t much better than entertainment media. Bi erasure abounds here, as news publications and biographers have a hard time acknowledging that bisexuality even exists. Many real-life bisexuals, past and present, end up referred to as either straight or gay. When actress Amber Heard announced that she had a girlfriend at a GLAAD event in 2010, the press called her a lesbian.

When actress Anna Paquin discussed her marriage to actor Stephen Moyer, Larry King asked her some really clueless questions:

King: “Are you a non-practicing bisexual?”

Paquin: “Well, I am married to my husband and we are happily monogamously married.”

King: “But you were bisexual?”

Paquin: “Well, I don’t think it’s a past-tense thing.”

Larry King: “No?”

Larry King, syndicated talk show host, holds a weirdly common misconception that bisexuality means constantly having sex with men and women simultaneously.

The LGBTQ Community

The queer community treats bisexuals like a redheaded stepchild. Gays and lesbians often have the same negative attitude toward bisexuality that straight people do. A survey published in the The Journal of Bisexuality found that bisexual people receive only a little less discrimination from gays than they do from straights.

Bisexuals make up about half of the queer community and have always played a significant role in the LGBTQ rights movement, but they receive disproportionately little support in return. In Forty Years of LGBTQ Philanthropy: 1970-2010, Funders for LGBTQ Issues reports that bisexuals receive the least amount of funding out of all targeted LGBTQ sub-groups, less than 0.1 percent. Gay men received the most funding.

Back in 1999, Dan Savage told gay men not to get into relationships with bisexual men. Savage has softened toward bisexuals since then and insists he’s not biphobic, but in a more recent thinkpiece, he totally dismissed the concept of biphobia and suggested that bisexuals were to blame for discrimination against them because they weren’t out enough. Savage also wrote that it is “difficult for me to accept a bisexual teenage boy’s professed sexual identity at face value.” That’s not very different from clueless straight people who think that gay teens are just going through a phase. Coming out as bi is hard enough without getting shade from the people who are supposed to be your allies.

Bi people have to fight to make their voices heard in the queer rights movement. When they express their sexuality, they are often met with hostility. Bi activist RJ Aguiar says that when he wore his #StillBisexual shirt to the 2016 LA Pride Parade, he was “met with a lot of silent, sideways looks, and even the occasional remark like, ‘What are you doing here? This isn’t for you. Go home.’ “

Telling a bisexual person that they’re not welcome at an LGBTQ Pride Event is appalling. The queer community has to do better, and stop trying to chase the B out of LGBTQ.

[therockyroberts]

     Special Delivery || Rocky Roberts + Connor Kent 

Tagging: Rocky Roberts & Connor Kent ( @connorxkent)

Location: Vancouver General Hospital 

Date: February 23, 2019

Notes: Rocky and Connor go in for a routine checkup that ends up with a month early surprise. She gives birth to Scarlet Maxine Kent & Peter Quill Kent.

 It had been a routine checkup like any other. Rocky was getting closer to the time that she was due so appointments came bi weekly instead of monthly. She’d already been put on bedrest and she was keeping to that, but all it took was a look at the doctor’s face at this last check up for her to look at Connor and know that something was wrong. Her heart sank and she reached out for Connor’s hand as the doctor left the room speaking in hushed tones with the nurse. They hadn’t told them anything yet, and she bit the inside of her cheek. This was Rocky’s worse nightmare that something would be wrong with the babies or her. Or that it would cause some unnecessary stress for Connor. He had lived through this before. She didn’t want this to happen again. Thankfully, though they didn’t say that there was anything seriously wrong. Sometimes with twins one, grew faster than the other and they would need to do a C-section and the babies would come a few weeks early. They left to prepare for the surgery and to get ready to prep her for surgery too. She reached out for Connor’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “Everything’s going to be okay. I’m scared but me and the babies are going to be just fine.”

Connor knew. He knew in his gut that this all been too good to be true. There had been a little seed of fear that had sat buried in his chest all this time. Fear that he was cursed. Fear that good things like this couldn’t happen to a guy like him. Fear that somehow, someway the universe was going to take away his babies once again. And all it took was one look from the doctor to confirm all the pain and anguish festering up inside of him. “You don’t,” Connor let out a stream of cuss words under his breath, squeezing her hand all too tightly back before quickly pulling away. He wanted to yell. He wanted to scream. He wanted to curse the universe for doing this to him again. For putting him through this again. “You don’t know that. You don’t know that. Fuck,” He cussed once more. Running his hands through his hair as he resisted the urge to punch something. “I- I’m sorry… I know …. I know I’m being helpful right now,” He said between drawn out breaths, trying so hard to keep calm despite the sound of his heartbeat banging rapidly against the walls of his chest. “But I just… I love you, Rocky. So much.” And the four words he kept to himself at the tip of his tongue- I can’t lose you.

Rocky bit the inside of her cheek. She was going to be strong. She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t going to feel like a failure, like she’d done something wrong. Though her mind had gone through all of the possibilities of things that she had done. She thought that she had done everything pretty much by the book. Rocky looked at him. “Connor,” she said confidently. “We’re going to have two healthy babies. Me, Scarlet and Peter are going to be okay. I love you too, okay? We’re going to be parents…they just…they’re coming out a different way,” she assured. Granted she didn’t necessarily want the scar that would come from this, but she was going to meet their babies. “Hey,” she said as she looked at him. “It’s game time,” she said with a wink. “I’ve got my head in the game, and I’m ready. I need you to hold my hand. We’ve got this, okay? Scarlet and Peter didn’t come this far not to meet you,” She assured him as the nurse came back in explaining the procedure and that they’d be ready for surgery soon.

 “Okay,” He said with a nod, kissing her forehead lightly. “You’re the strongest girl, I know, Rocky Roberts. If anyone can do it, it’s you,” Connor told her, pressing another kiss against her lips, even though to say he wasn’t freaking out and potentially on the brink of having a heart attack was the understatement of the lifetime. “I love you. It’s- it’s going to be fine,” He said again, even though this time it was more for him than it was for her. Holding on to Rocky’s hand tightly as the nurses prepped for surgery. Placing the curtain up over Rocky’s stomach, before they turned to the both of them and asked if they were ready.

Rocky smiled at Connor and said, “I love you,” before nodding to the nurses that she was ready. They were about to do surgery on her while she was awake, and apart of her was glad because this way she could keep talking to Connor. Could let him know that she was fine and there. She could also hear her babies when they came out. Although she was freaked, and mostly kept talking to know that she was, in fact, okay. It was for peace of mind for her to. She’d done a guest star role on a medical show once where they did a surgery and her character was speaking and once her words started to slur the doctors had known something was wrong with her character. But this wasn’t TV. This was real life, and she didn’t want to take any chances. But relief came when she heard one cry and she held her breath until she heard the other. “Sure her body ways numb from the waist down and she didn’t dare move while they’d been working on her but she felt tears running down her cheeks. “Connor, how are they? Are they okay? Baby how are you? How am I?” But Rocky knew she was fine. The surgery coming to an end, and she knew she’d feel like she was hit by a truck but she was alive. The babies are alive. She was just so happy.

Connor held onto Rocky’s hand tightly the entire surgery, trying to keep calm and not appear as panicked as he was. Especially as he glanced over the curtain and saw his girl cut open like a live autopsy. Squeezing her hand even harder, trying to stay calm as he asked one of the surgeons that ‘they were going to stitch her back up right?’ And when he heard them both start crying he let out a sigh of relief. “They’re okay. They’re so tiny. But, they’re okay,” He promised, and when the babies were quickly taken off to the other wing, he told Astrid and Damien to follow after them and keep an eye on them before returning to Rocky’s side. “They’re going to need to be put on regulators for now and we’re probably going to have to spend the night at the hospital with them, because they came so early, but they’re okay. And you’re… You’ll be fine… I mean… you’re sort of in pieces with your organs in bowls, but it’s fine…?”

Rocky frowned. She knew that the babies had to go to get checked out, but she also was scared for them still they were alone. “Is someone with them? I don’t want them to be alone,” she felt panicked and then he said that her organs were in bowls. She felt even more freaked out. Her strong moments were over. She wanted to be with her babies. It was weird that she couldn’t feel them, couldn’t feel anything but the occasional tugging. “Are they putting the organs back? Because I want to be with the babies.” It was easy to tell what they were doing when she was carrying them, but now they were out in the unknown. She was still in the unknown. Though it wasn’t like when they were done she would be up and walking around. She couldn’t even have the good pain medications. She was in recovery and she had let them know as much so she was about to go through some hell once the numbness wore off. When the doctors were done stitching her up, she pouted still because she was in no shape to see the babies, but she looked at Connor, “Ten fingers, ten toes on each and everyone okay?” They were probably in the NICU. But she had to trust that they were fine.

“Shh, hey. Relax. My brother’s with them. They’re not alone. I promise,” Connor told her, giving her a light kiss as he squeezed her had again. “They will. But, darlin’, it going to be some time. Okay? The babies are fine, but their lungs are undeveloped right now. So, they need to be exposed to the least amounts of germs as possible. Everything will be fine though. And yup. Six on each. Don’t you worry,” He teased, before telling her, “Relax. They have only 10. I promise, everything’s going to be fine. You’re a mamma. And I’m a daddy, Rocky. We did it. But, you’re gonna need to get some rest, okay? We have their entire lives ahead of us. All they need right now is for you to have a fast recovery. Alright, Beautiful?”

 “Okay. Okay. As long as someone’s there. I should have told them to quarantine off the wing like Beyonce did.” Rocky sighed, but it was content when he kissed her and gave her hand a squeeze. “As long as they’re okay. I just miss them. I’d say it’s weird not carrying them but it’s also weird because from what you say parts of my body weren’t even in my body for a bit.” Her eyes narrowed when he said six on each she almost panicked until she realized he was teasing. “Now is not the time to make me laugh.” She smiled. “We’re parents,” she said almost in disbelief but they were. “You’ll still love me even when I’m a monster because I don’t handle pain well,” she warned him. “You’re going to have three babies for a while. But I promise I’m going to rest."

“Of course you’d want to be like Beyonce,” He let out a little laugh as he kissed her once more. “They’re okay. And I know. But, it will be fine. You’ll be good as new, I promise. Just a tiny scar,” Connor said, despite it being not so tiny. “You’re amazing for doing this, you know that?” He told her, kissing her once more. “We are parents. And I love you always. And good. Go to sleep baby. I promise to be right here when you wake up.”

Rocky nodded at his words. Who didn’t, she felt as though she was having so much trouble keeping her eyes open. “Two babies came out and so did my organs…it’s not tiny.” She knew it wasn’t and as she spoke she felt like her voice was getting farther and father away. “Okay, I’ll sleep. If you see the babies, tell them I love them too,” she told him before falling happily into sleep. For the moment pain free and her worries drifting away. She was a parent now. Someone’s mother and she couldn’t wait to meet their twins.

[littleblackneko]

Dear Evan Hansen Secret Santa Present

Hi @killingstalking5381 im your Santa for the @dearevanhansensecretsanta I hope you enjoy this fic and have a great holiday season :) Could It Be I Like You- by Connor Dante It was December 22nd, and the twist in Evan's gut grew tighter as he approached the Murphy household. Not just because of the shouting coming from the inside, but because he knew there was something wrong with him. Evan picked at flecks of stiff material coming off his cast. He steeled himself, breathing in and out deeply, trying not to panic. He was there to see Zoe. And say hello to her brother. As a friend. At least that's what he told himself as he reached out and rapped gently on the door. There was no answer, and the yelling on the other side continued. He didn't want to interrupt what was going on, but the reservation was in twenty minutes, and it took fifteen to get to the restaurant, plus time to walk to and from the car, and to get coats on and...and if they didn't leave soon, they'd be late and they might lose their reservation and… Evan knocked more firmly on the door. To get Zoe, he thought, he was here to pick up Zoe. Evan took a step back at the glare that the tall, lanky Connor Murphy had on his face. When he registered it was Evan, his face softened and he stepped to the side. "Ever heard of a doorbell, Hansen?" he smirked, the previous tension a distant memory. Evan's voice got caught in his throat searching for a reply, and he tugged at the sleeve of his polo. Connor chuckled as Evan stepped inside, "You know I'm kidding, right?" He then hollered for Zoe to get her ass downstairs in a tone that Evan hoped was also a joke. Evan said nothing as he tried not to examine the way the long, dark hair fell over Connor's shoulders in a haphazard but luxurious fashion. He startled himself at the thought and tried to force it out of his head. Zoe walked into the room then, laughing for some reason when she saw the two boys. Evan shrugged it off as something he missed, but Connor agitated. It was very clear as tenseness enveloped his body that he thought that she was laughing at him. He not so subtly flipped her off, snarling, “Evan’s here.” “I see that,” she said unphased by the sudden mood shift, grabbing her bright purple coat and throwing it over her shoulders. “C’mon, Evan, let’s leave him here to stew.” “‘M not stewing,” Connor grumbled but they were already out the door. ~~~~ After Zoe and Evan pulled away, Connor skulked over the couch, bringing his knees up to his face and burying a scream in them. Why did Zoe have to get up in his business all the fucking time? She knew this was a pressure point for him and she’d dug her stupid little fingers into it. So what if she thought he always looked at Evan a little too long? So what?! It didn’t mean he was gay or anything. Right? No, he couldn’t be. Absolutely not. He already had enough issues, he didn’t need to give another excuse for the rest of the world to hate him. But his sister insisted it was true, absent-mindedly stating that she thought that they would make a cute couple just to piss him off. Couldn’t he just want to have a friend? Was that so hard to believe? But no, Zoe wouldn’t stop poking at the nerve, the little dot of his being that was questioning whether the rest of him was right or not. That little part that agreed with Zoe. That little part of him that wondered why it would be so bad. That little part that just wouldn’t quit wondering what it would be like to kiss Evan Hansen. Zoe thought they’d be great together, but who knows whether that was real or just to frustrate Connor. Was it real or just a little game she was playing to put doubt in his mind. He wasn’t gay...he wasn’t! But he was starting to have trouble convincing himself of that since Evan had shown up at the door. Hell, he’d had trouble since Evan showed up in his life. If he wasn’t interested in Evan, why was he so frustrated that Evan was out with his sister right now? ~~~~ Evan did everything right: opening the car for her, holding the door, pulling out the chair in the restaurant, offering the thing as close to easy conversation as he could manage, so he was a little shocked when, in the middle of their meal, Zoe brings up Connor. More specifically, Evan and Connor. He feels his heart skip a little when she suggests, “Y’know, I think you two would be cute together.” He almost spews his drink, as well, but he’s not about to admit that. Was he mistaken, or was Zoe not viewing this as a date, but as an...opportunity to set him up with her angry older brother? She must just not like him. That has to be it, she doesn’t like him and she doesn’t want him to feel bad about it, so she’s making up this story that her brother has a crush on him. And yeah, Connor wasn’t a bad guy, and maybe they were kind of friends, but it wasn’t like that, he wasn’t interested in him like that. “No, Zoe, I’m not gay,” Evan tried to protest, but his voice came out in a whisper. “Having a raging crush on my brother doesn’t mean you’re gay. You could be bi, or pan, or anything.” “I’m not-- I don’t--.” He stuttered out. “I believe you even less than I believe Connor.” “You’ve talked to him about this?” Evan felt heat rising on his neck that he didn’t know how to explain away. This was ridiculous, right? Zoe didn’t know what she was talking about. He wasn’t...he couldn’t be. He couldn’t have been lying to himself for this long. “Well, yeah. Both of you, I just want you to be happy. Even though he’s a dick, you two would be, like, good for each other. And you deserve that.” The room was getting too small. The corners of his vision were hazy. His heart was pounding too hard and heavy for him to pretend that he was okay. Damn, and he hadn’t brought any of his emergency meds. “I need-- I have to-- bathroom.” He managed to spit out before bolting out of his chair. Zoe looked concerned but luckily didn’t follow him as he sped away towards refuge, a pair of exquisite eyes and long brown hair flashing in his mind that didn’t belong to Zoe. He quickly realized they had resided there long before Zoe had even mentioned the possibility to Evan. What was wrong with him? ~~~~ What the fuck was wrong with him? Connor was resisting the urge to yank his hair out, or just to do something stupid, anything, to get him off this trail that his sister had started him down. Because even if he was interested, which he definitely couldn’t be, but even if he was, there was no way he was good enough for someone as sweet and kind and beautiful as Evan. Connor was a self-proclaimed mess. He would never be good enough for anyone. And that’s when he realized he had thought of Evan as being beautiful. Fuck. He knew what he had to do. He texted his sister the plan (he was sure she’d be thrilled) and grabbed it before rushing to the front doorway to wait. ~~~~ After Evan’s panic attack, he had returned to the table, significantly more reserved, still fighting his realization. After the bill was paid, they sat in awkward silence on the ride home. Evan’s head was reeling over his revelation, and Zoe seemed apologetic for putting him into such a funk. All that was in Evan’s mind though was how he didn’t realize it earlier. He had feelings for Connor Murphy. How did he not see it before? Under that abrasive exterior was someone so beautiful and kind-hearted and he wanted him so badly now that he ached. Despite this discovery, what was he supposed to do about it? Zoe had implicitly stated that Connor wasn’t interested in him. She remained quiet as she messed about on her phone and Evan drove with his fingers tense around the wheel until they pulled up to the Murphy household. Evan was frozen in place until Zoe gave a sly smile and asked him to come inside. He obeyed , but his mind wasn’t in the present anymore. His entire mind was just worry, worry, worry now. Feet walked mechanically to the front door. “Evan, how about you go in first?” Zoe said, unlocking the door. Evan quietly agreed, throwing open the door. He was faced with Connor again, this time in a much different light. This time Evan knew what he wanted and what he thought he could never have. And then he noticed what Connor was holding above Evan’s head. Mistletoe. “This alright, Hansen?” Zoe had slipped through the door past them to offer some privacy, and Evan was thankful; he was sure his face was bright red. “Yeah, it’s alright. F-for sure.” Connor’s mouth turned up at the corners ever so delicately as he leaned in and placed a kiss gently on Evan’s lips. Evan’s hand came up to tangle in that luxuriously long hair and Connor cupped Evan’s cheek on the other side. Hold. Breathe. “That was…” “Yeah.” Evan felt the tingle running from head to toe. This time, though, it wasn’t anxiety or fear. It was utter bliss.