#bib being funny

[thethera-rossa]

[agnesandhilda]

raichi is on international television fighting for his life against a guy going :P

[lowkeyremi]

Haikyuu men as fathers pt 3.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

Ft. Sakusa, Iwaizumi, Kageyama, and Osamu.

The age range of the kids will differ for each character but it’s from babies up til like 17 or 18 (also sometimes I model the parenting off of the way my parents were w me n my little sibs lol)

CW: Indication of pregnancy, relationships, marriage, certain styles of parenting,

Enjoy lovelies <33

………………..

Sakusa Kiyoomi:

The panic on his face is pure gold. “Babe… Babe she’s drooling on me!” You whip out your phone so fast. “Smile for the camera, Kiyo!”

He’s pouting, but you don’t really care. Not after you told him to grab her bib because she might drool. He insisted that ‘my little girl won’t drool on me.’ And now here he is panicking about it.

It’s not that he minded her saliva… it’s that he’s in uniform because he wanted to hold Kokomi before heading to work.

Your nine month old daughter is clapping her hands at her dad. You’re sure she finds this whole ordeal hilarious just like you do.

“Stop recording me and get the bib. It’s gonna get on my uniform.” He says with his eyebrows furrowed. “What happened to ‘oh she won’t drool on me’ I thought you didn’t need the bib.” You mock your boyfriend of three years.

He frowns and sets Kokomi onto the floor. “Go crawl to mommy, yeah?” She immediately starts crying and you knew this would happen. Your baby is most definitely a daddy’s girl.

“Kiyoomi, pick her back up. She wants her daddy.” He glares at your statement because you’re still mocking him. “This is not funny.” He states. Just as you were about to make a comeback Kokomi took the both of you by surprise.

She was crying and crawling over to Kiyoomi, “Da- DAA!” Both your eyes widen at the realization that’s she’s saying ‘da da.’ You open up your phone and press record. “Kiyo! Make her say it again.”

“I can’t just magically make her say it.” He says sarcastically and you roll your eyes. “That’s not what I mean! Start walking away I’m sure she’ll say it again.” Kiyoomi walks very slowly so she has time to catch up by crawling and sure enough she says it again, “DA DA.”

You stop the recording and clap your hands. “Good job, princess! That is da da!” Kiyoomi picks her up and wipes her tears with his hand.

“Don’t cry little one, da da’s right here.” He assures her and she claps again.

And for the next couple of weeks all Kiyoomi heard was “da da.”

Sure you were bummed she didn’t say “mama” first, but guess what? You aren’t the one who has to go help her when Kiyoomi’s around because all your little princess wants is her “da da”

He’s so sensitive abt her, for example he cries on her first birthday because “she’s growing so fast”

He teases you for being jealous of your daughter, but you can’t help it! She’s getting all his attention :( (he tends to you later <3)

He seems like the type of dad to sign his kid up for a bunch of sports/activities so he can try to find something for her to become good at

He has tea parties with her, she loves when you play the charming prince and kiyoomi plays the pretty princess 😂

OMG whenever she has nightmares he’ll follow her back to her room and sleep in her bed w her (you keep telling him he’s gonna break it lmfao)

Doesn’t let her date for a LONGGGGG time

He spoils her absolutely rotten

He cried tears of joy when he saw his little girl walking down the aisle being the cutest little flower girl at your guys’ wedding

SUCH A SOFT DAD, she’ll ask for something and you’ll give him that look so he’s like “N-no.” And she gives him those eyes and he’s like “baby, how I can say no to those eyes?!”

Iwaizumi Hajime:

“HIGHER DADDY, HIGHER!” Your seven year old daughter screams as Iwaizumi launches her into the air and catches her.

“Sato has to have his turn, pumpkin.” He sets his little girl down and comes over to you with grabby hands for his son.

“He’s one Haji, that might scare him.” You reason. He takes him anyway and you shake your head.

He throws Sato up into the air, it’s not too high. He catches the chubby little baby and you wait for the crying. It never comes though, because you hear your little boy giggle.

”What’d I tell you, sweetheart?” His face is smug because he was right.

“Daddy lift me up too! Mommy says you’re very strong!” She too has grabby hands. “Oh really?” He says smirking. The brunette lifts up his daughter so he’s holding both children in his arms.

You’re staring, hard. You and Iwaizumi have created a beautiful little family that’s bound to grow bigger at your surprise.

“Take a picture, Mommy. It’ll last longer.” His tone is laced with smugness. “Yeah yeah.” You roll your eyes. Even though his statement was meant as a joke you pull out your phone and take a picture anyway.

As he’s about to set them down you stop him, “wait we gotta get one more with me in it!” You say walking over to them to take a selfie.

“We don’t want our other little one to feel left out, now do we?” It takes him a second to realize what you said. It was too funny not to document his response so you snap pics of his surprised face.

“You’re pregnant?!” He says in shock. “Yeah, thanks to somebody.” Your daughter is next to speak.

“It’s because of the baby fairy, right?!” She asks excitedly.

Iwaizumi laughs, “yeah, the baby fairy is bringing you another little sibling.” Iwaizumi explains with a big smile on his face. You want to flip him off but not in front of the kids.

He’ll take his little girl to the gym (and his son when he gets older) and use her to do his work outs (She’ll be on his back while he’s doing push ups, “five more, Daddy!”)

teaches his children the importance of health

i can see him empowering his daughter and telling her if someone hits her then she has permission to hit back

sometimes he misses his children’s events but he’ll make up for it with something fun

He seems like the type to want a lot of kids (enough to have his own little volleyball team lmao)

He’s always telling them to not be like their uncle oikawa

ALWAYS taking pics of the little cuties

Idk what it is abt him but Sato it his only boy, something abt him just makes me think he’d have almost all girls 😂

Invested in a suv so he can drive the kiddos to school

such a fucking dad boss, he goes to all the parent teacher conferences, etc etc.

I’m 1 mil percent sure he makes his kids wearing matching pjs and they love it at first but they hate it when they get older lmao

he’s the strict but nice dad (pretty chill until one of the kids fuck up or if he isn’t a fan of something)

Not only does he get on his kids for eating junk food he nags you about it too

has all his kids stuffies names’ memorized “daddy! Popcorn has a boo boo!”

he’s big on family outdoor trips (you suggested glamping and he told you that’s such an oikawa idea and your fam is gonna do camping the right way)

Hesitant on letting his kids use technology, he didn’t want them to become fully dependent on tech (they aren’t 🫶🏾)

Kageyama Tobio:

“That’s my boy. When you’re setting you don’t want to slap the ball up with your palm, it’s more like slightly tapping it with your fingertips, uhhh does that make since?” Kageyama tries to explain to his twelve year old.

“I think I get it?” Kaito says in a questioning tone. Kageyama scratches his head. “I wonder when your mom will get home with the girls.” Kageyama thinks aloud.

Kaito shrugs and returns to practice setting the ball. He’s done it a few times and Kageyama praises everyone of his sets, even if some of them are really crappy.

“Dad, you don’t need to praise the bad ones. It doesn’t make me feel better. If you praise my trashy work then I’ll settle for being trashy.” Kaito explains to his father. Kageyama puts his hands on his hips, his face turns into a smirk.

“If you want real practice don’t get upset when I criticize every little thing. You know I’m nit picky when it comes to volleyball.” With that he removes his hands from his hips. His steps were even and he asks his son for the ball.

“Mom says you’re bitchy about volleyball. She says it’s gotten better though.” Kaito says, meaning little harm. He knew that would get Kageyama riled up.

“Huh? You’re joking, right?!” Kageyama’s squeezing the volleyball and Kaito is suppressing a laugh.

“Well she says that’s what uncle shoyo says and she agrees with him.” Kageyama mumbles something about you and Hinata. Kaito is sure it’s something along the lines of, ‘I’ll show them a true bitch.’

Kaito gets some good practice in, mainly because his dad is somewhat upset.

You’re finally home with your twin daughters who are two. You find your husband and eldest in the backyard together playing volleyball.

“Kaito, you’ll be as good as your dad one day!” You praise seeing the results of Kageyama’s practice with him.

“What’s this talk about me being bitchy when playing volleyball?” Kageyama confronts and your eyes immediately land on your son.

“Kaito! You cannot keep a secret for the life of you, huh?” You say with a chuckle.

“I get it from you, Mom.” He says seriously.

“Babe, it’s nothin serious. Just a small observation of Shoyo. It’s not supposed to be in a mean way.” You try to coax him. He isn’t having it though.

He starts fussing so you tell Kaito to get his sisters and take them to go play with toys.

As soon as they’re out of sight you walk up to your husband and give him a warm, loving kiss.

“Tobio, you are not taking this to heart right now,” a small chuckle leaves your lips. “As your wife I make comments about you all the time cuz you know as well as I do that I mean it in a loving way. I’m still not over you calling me a swelling balloon when I was pregnant!” You rant, the ending part of your rant earns a snort from your husband.

“You’re my swelling balloon.” For some reason that almost sounded sexy but you aren’t going to let it slide. You give him a playful punch.

“Can you guys quit being saps?” Kaito yells from the door.

“It’s your night to help potty train.” You say with a wink and Kageyama groans.

If he sees his child showing any interest in volleyball he’ll do his best to make his kid a next gen star

he despises that you make the family match for holidays and you send the photos out to family

He lets his kids run around butt naked when they’re little (until you scold him)

he wouldn’t see the problem in letting the twins have ice cream for breakfast

he learned how to do hair so he can braid his little girls’ hair 🥺

he and his son argue abt the dumbest things (got that Kageyama and hinata energy)

Also the competitive dad who wants his kids to be better than everyone else’s kids

he will literally bully any little kid to the point where they cry if they mess w his kids

I don’t think he’d freak out when his daughters start their period he’s just like “okay. I think ur mom has pads somewhere 🧍🏻”

Miya Osamu:

“Pa! Come quick!” 6 and a half year old Haruki yells from the bathroom. When Osamu hears him he comes running up the stairs and into the bathroom.

“The heck ya doing in here? Yer ma’s gonna tear ya a new one!” Osamu examines the mess his son has made with finger paint. “I was trying something, Pa. Then my tooth came out cuz I was wigglin’ it!”

It isn’t until his son says that sentence that he notices there’s a small empty space in his mouth where his little tooth should be. “Huh? This yer first tooth?” Osamu asks.

“Pa, I been talking about this darn tooth for weeks!” His son responds with sass.

“well ‘cuse me for forgettin’ little man.” Osamu says with a roll of his eyes. This boy has got your attitude big time.

“You stay right here, ima go get ya some warm salt water. Don’t ya move.” Osamu warns as he goes to fetch some water for his son.

“So I can’t even breathe?” He asks sarcastically.

“Quit bein’ a lil smart aleck.” Osamu demands with a little bit more strictness in his tone. He’s usually pretty laid back with his son but sometimes Haruki hears the way his Uncle ‘Tsumu talks to his dad and he thinks he can talk that way.

Osamu runs down the stairs to the kitchen and scrambles around for a cup. He finds the salt and sprinkles some in. He puts the cup in the microwave for about a minute and it feels like the longest minute of his life.

“Hurry, Pa! The blood’s gettin’ everywhere!” Haruki yells out of worry.

Osamu retrieves the cup from the microwave and stampedes up the stairs to the bathroom.

“Here, swish it. All of it.” He commands.

“Pa I don’t wanna swish all this salt water it won’t taste good.” He explains to his pa.

“Do ya want the blood to go away or nah?” Osamu asks and Haruki shakes his head yes.

Your mini me began to swish the water as Osamu cleaned up the bathroom.

“Yer lucky I saved ya. Shoulda told yer ma ‘bout the mess you made.” Osamu snorts.

“Do ya think my baby sister will look like you or ma?” Haruki asks instead of thanking his father for cleaning his mess.

“I reckon she’ll get my beautiful eyes that drew yer ma to me n my thick brows.” Osamu says proudly puffing his chest.

“‘s not the only thing ma calls thick.” Haruki mutters which makes Osamu look down to him.

“Whaddya mean?” He asks his eyebrows scrunching up.

“She always talks to Uncle Rin ‘bout how thick ur butt is but she says it with two c’s at the end instead of T-H-I-C-K. What does the one with two c’s mean, Pa?” Haruki asks out of pure curiosity.

Osamu’s face goes red and he covers his face.

“It don’t mean nothin’ at all son. Don’t listen to what yer ma says that’s just her talking crazy.” Your husband explains.

“So when she tells me to go to bed-” Osamu cuts him off.

“I outta pop you for how smart yer acting.” Osamu says firmly.

“Sorry Pa, I’ll stop.” Haruki has a cheeky little smile on his face. He knows Osamu isn’t going to do anything. You handle all the discipline.

Osamu’s phone buzzes loudly in his pocket and he takes it out to answer it.

Osamu’s face goes still and then his eyes about pop out his head. “Slow down honey one word atta time.” Haruki hears you yell over the phone.

“We’re on our way right now.” Osamu says in quickly.

“Let’s go pack yer bag Haruki, yer staying with Uncle ‘Tsumu.” Haruki doesn’t move a muscle but then his dad gives him the look that says ‘do not test me right now’

“Is Ma okay?” Haruki asks his dad slightly worried.

“As okay as you can be goin’ into labor.” Osamu responds. For Haruki’ age he’s an advanced child but he’s picked up on the twins vulgar language and their accent. He knew what it meant when Osamu said you went into labor.

“My sister’s comin’?!” He asks excitedly.

“Mhm, now go pack yer bag. Ya need three shirts, three pairs of pants, some underwear and matching socks. Yer uncle will take ya to school. If I don’t come get you within the next three days just ask yer uncle to wash yer clothes. We’ll most likely see ya tomorrow but yer gonna stay with yer uncle to yer ma’s outta the hospital.”

Osamu explains all at once. “Okay Pa!”

let’s his kiddos get away with a lot more than they should

teaching them to cook was like his favorite thing to do

he lets you handle the punishments because Osamu is a soft dad

Whenever atsumu is over and you aren’t around he’s swearing like a sailor to his brother and his kids pick up on it 😭

100% a cuddler (Haruki acts like he hates it but he doesn’t)

idc what y’all say but he takes his daughter shopping like prom coming up? He’s there when she’s trying on dresses

no phones at the table enforcer (believes in quality family time)

he was relieved to not have twins like his brother did 😂

always teasing Haruki (for example he hates seeing u guys kiss so Osamu purposely kisses u in front of him just to upset him lmao)

the poor man tries his best w homework but geometry doesn’t make any sense “why are there shapes in math ya only really need to know how to add, subtract, multiply, n divide”

something just tells me he has a bird feeder and he enjoys drinking his coffee in the morning (little ones have hot chocolate) and watch the birds come and eat

[queen-of-reptiles]

𝚁𝚄𝙻𝙴𝚂

description: For Alexia, she had rules...

rule one: don't date teammates

rule two: don't give up

rule three: don't date your best friends siblings

rule four: ignore rule 1 and 3 for y/n hermoso

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Alexia Putellas x female reader

this is all fiction! Jenni and Alexia were never a thing in this au!

warnings: fluff, a little bit of angst, bad google translations of spanish !

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y/n just posted

liked by lucybronze, marialeonn16 and 309, 388 others

tagged fcbfemeni

y/n VAMOS BARCA! 6-0 ❤️💙

view 19, 339 comments

username1: she is so hot i wanna cry 😭

username2: VAMOS VAMOS VAMOS ! ❤️💙❤️💙

username3: Tres goles para nuestra superestrella!!! 😱

three goals for our superstar

jennihermoso: Mi hermana menor ❤️🥹

my baby sister

^

y/n: te amooooooooo !! ❤️

love you

lucybronze: Little star!! 🌟🌟

^

y/n: my double assist bestie!!! ☄️

username4: Ella es tan linda! 😍😍

she's so pretty

username5: BODY YADA YADA YADA YADA 😛😛

username6: Su celebración del tercer gol fue demasiado divertida 😂

her third goal celebration was too funny

^

username7: ¿bien? su pequeña salsa 😂😂

right? her little salsa

marialeonn16: HERMOSOOOOOOOO!!!! 🩷

^

y/n: LEONNNNNNN!!!! 🩷

keirawalsh: I still have no clue what you said to me at half time... 🧐

^

y/n: you'll get it one day amiga! ��

alexiaputellas: ❤️💙

^

y/n: ❤️🩷🫡

username8: want her body now please!! 😛

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y/n just posted on their story

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alexiaputellas just posted on their story

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y/n laughed as Mapi tumbled over, the defender getting her feet tangled as she tried to tackle y/n, the young Hermoso instead sending the tattooed blonde the wrong way and onto the ground.

y/n sent a cross into Alexia, the woman striking it past Cata and into the back of the net, meaning just as Jonatan called time, the playful training match coming to an end.

y/n cheered with her bib team, jumping on Aitana who was closest to her, the woman laughing and spinning the winger slightly as they celebrated.

Salma poked her tongue out at her friend, clearly annoyed at the playful loss, y/n just shook her head at Salma who laughed as she watched y/n get off Aitana.

An arm wrapped around y/n's shoulder and Alexia pulled the girl into her side, y/n's head coming onto her shoulder being just an inch shorter than her Captain.

"Perfecta como siempre mi estrella." Alexia hummed, relishing in the blush which fought its way up the woman's cheeks.

perfect as always my star

"Sólo porque la reina lo recibió." y/n countered with a smile.

only because the queen received it.

The use of the term usually made Alexia feel slightly shy, but whenever the words slipped from y/n's lips, something twisted in her stomach, a protective want that made Alexia want y/n to chant the name out in pants and groans beneath her.

As y/n turned to laugh at Mapi, Alexia shook her head of the thoughts which had started to push into her head, she looked up arm still wrapped around y/n only to see Lucy watching her with a knowing look.

The Brit seemed to have been able to sniff out the captain's crush since she stepped foot in Barcelona. The only other soul to know was Mapi, and that was an accident.

Alexia had gone out with the team and the one time she had decided to let loose, and drink she spilled the secret she had kept so close to her heart.

She was in love with y/n Hermoso, her team-mate, her striker, and worse, her best friend's little sister. Mapi had found her in the bathroom after two drinks.

Alexia didn't drink often so she didn't have a high tolerance and she was sat on the closed toilet lid, head in her hands as she tried to rid her impure thoughts while she tried to not think about y/n and the tight dress she was wearing.

When Mapi found her, she was scared her captain had hurt herself, but the woman just scoffed and blamed love for her injury, it didn't take Mapi long to figure it out after that.

Alexia rolled her eyes at Lucy, the Brit just sighing and looking away as y/n chased after Mapi, the blonde letting out a panicked shriek as y/n chased her down with her water bottle.

"Mierda." y/n cursed as she missed Mapi.

shit

Mapi turned back with an evil grin and before y/n could blink she was covered in ice cold water and Mapi was howling in amusement as she stood there shocked.

The rest of the team were all laughing along as y/n trudged back to them, a pout on her lips as she waved her hands in upset at her soaked body.

"Alexia." y/n whined but the captain shook her head.

"juega juegos estúpidos, ganas premios estúpidos, princesa." Alexia hummed, Mapi shouting in victory as y/n huffs.

play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, princess.

Suddenly y/n launches forward, her body jumping onto Alexia's back and pressing her cold wet shirt into the back of Alexia's dry one, the captain letting out a shout of annoyance.

"juega juegos estúpidos, ganas premios estúpidos, reina." y/n hums back.

play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, queen.

Alexia huffs and rolls her eyes but her hands come up to hold y/n's thighs, walking them both toward the changing rooms which once they arrive in, y/n hops off.

Lucy laughs at y/n as she rips her wet top off, flinging it at the now shouting Lucy. y/n ignores the complaining older woman and moves to the showers, unaware of her staring captain.

Alexia wondered if she hadn't seen y/n shirtless in a while, but the once faint outline of abs, were now a chiselled picture on her stomach, the rest of the toned muscles hidden behind her sports bra.

"You're drooling, la reina." Lucy mutters to Alexia, and the captain glares at her.

"Shut up." She sighs.

Once the group were all changed, a large group of them made their way toward the exit, the Barcelona sun still dangling high in the air, trying to keep as much of the day alive as possible.

y/n was talking to Ingrid when she saw her, a body lent against her car, a familiar body who when y/n let out a shocked call looked up grinning.

"Jenni!" y/n yelled, racing over at her sister, the two meeting in a very tight hug, it becoming impossible to define where one sister started and the other met.

If there was one thing that was known of the Hermoso siblings, it was that they were incredibly close. And since they no longer played at the same club, the two were known to visit each other as often as possible.

Jenni's move was tough on her younger sister, the two having been depressed from days at the beginning when they weren't together everyday.

While the two had now become used to the distance, the shock of seeing her sister was still an incredibly grateful one for y/n, especially when they had a day off the next day.

"¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?" y/n asked her sister as they pulled away. The group coming over and hugging their friend one by one.

what are you doing here?

"Me jalé el muslo, estoy bien antes de que te preocupes. Simplemente no jugaré durante las próximas semanas." Jenni explains as her sister kisses her cheek again.

pulled my thigh, i'm okay before you worry. Just no playing for a few weeks.

"¡perfecto! ¡Puedes unirte a nosotros esta noche!" Mapi grins.

perfect, you can join us out tonight

Jenni laughs but nods, knowing there was no saying no to Mapi Leon, and y/n grins as the group agrees to meet in several hours at their usual place.

As y/n starts packing her car and the others depart, no one notices the shared look between, Lucy, Mapi and Jenni, no one other than Alexia herself.

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y/n just posted

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tagged jennihermoso

y/n Mira quién vino de visita!

look who came to visit

view 16, 387 comments

username1: AWWWWWWW 🥹😍

username2: my fav sister duo!!!! 🥹🥹

lucybronze: Ready for tonight!!!

^

y/n: 😏💙

marialeonn16: 🥹🥹

^

y/n: 🥹🥹

jennihermoso: ❤️

^

y/n: ❤️

username3: 😊😊😩

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jennihermoso just posted on her story

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y/n just posted on their story

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Jenni sat happily sipping her drink, watching her sister who laughed as Mapi picked up another four uno cards. The group were at a small beach-side bar.

It was a usual for the group to go and relax, they didn't have to drink or party and were warned against it during the season so the bar here was perfect for them to relax but still be out.

Jenni was sat next to Alexia and Lucy, the latter talking with Keira about something funny that her nephew had done, Alexia was just sat watching y/n.

"So, will we talk about it?" Jenni asks Alexia, using English as she knew if her sister was to overhear, which would be doubtful, she would have a harder time picking out English words, not as fluent as her sister.

"Talk about what?" Alexia asks, turning to face her best friend, her face stone cold.

"Your feelings for my sister." Jenni shrugged and if she hadn't have known Alexia so well, she wouldn't have seen the slip in her cold mask.

"Jenni." Alexia sighed, clearly not having the strength to lie to her.

"It's okay, amiga." Jenni tried, knowing how much Alexia hated being overly vulnerable. "It's okay." She adds.

Lucy and Keira move with a shared look, understanding their captain deserved privacy in this moment, the two opting to join the rest of the group who were watching the intense Uno game happening.

"Rule one, don't date teammates. Rule two, don't give up. Rule three, don't date your best friend's siblings." Alexia denies, her voice void of any emotion.

The captain knew as soon as she slipped from her cold mask Jenni would see. She would be able to see the pleading in her eyes, the captain would be begging to be with her sister if not for her rules.

"Rule four, ignore rules 1 and 3 for y/n Hermoso." Jenni says simply.

Alexia and Jenni never had to say much to each other, they both preferred it that way and with that sentence Alexia could have cried.

She looked over at her best friend who smiled softly as if promising it was okay. Alexia gripped her best friend's hand, grateful for her more than she would be able to voice.

"Now, you must swallow your pride amiga, and your stupid rules." Jenni warns as she nods to her sister, who had bowed out of Uno and gone to get another drink.

Alexia nodded and moved quickly, smoothly gliding next to y/n as she thanked the bartender for her new drink.

"Hola Ale." y/n smiled as she looked up at her captain.

"¿Quieres salir a caminar?" Alexia asked softly, and the look in her eyes had y/n nodding and placing her drink down as they left the bar.

do you want to go for a walk?

The two found themselves walking hand-in-hand down the beach, the crisp Barcelona air still warm, even with the inky sky above them reminding them of the time.

They talked quietly, their conversation flowing easily as they talked of anything that came to mind. But as y/n giggled at a joke Alexia had made, the captain could no longer keep her rules.

"Sal conmigo." Alexia said softly, not even realising it had slipped from her lips.

date me.

y/n paused, her body tensing as Alexia stopped, cursing herself in her mind for how un-romantically she had said that, an entire speech had been brewing in her mind but instead she said that.

"qué?" y/n asked.

what?

"Sal conmigo." Alexia repeated, stronger this time. While stil not what she wanted to say it was progress.

date me.

"¿Qué pasa con tus reglas?" y/n asked rush, holding up three fingers to show she knew the three.

what about your rules?

"¿Quién te habló de ellas?" Alexia questioned annoyed.

who told you about them?

"Mapi." y/n admitted sheepishly, Alexia sighing.

"Mapi." The woman nodded.

Alexia bit her lip and stepped closer to y/n, her hand coming up to take hold of the woman's waist, giving her time to pull away, but when she didn't, Alexia pulled her closer.

"Eres tan hermosa que duele, juegas como nadie que haya visto jamás y podrías llenar el océano con cosas que sabes. Pero no podrías llenar el océano con mis sentimientos por ti, porque ni siquiera los océanos tienen suficiente espacio para ellos." Alexia whispers.

You're so beautiful it hurts, you play like no one I have ever seen, and you could fill the ocean with things you know.

But you couldn't fill the ocean with my feelings for you, because not even the oceans have enough space for them.

Her speech was much closer to what she had wanted to say and y/n sucked in a shaky breath, her hands coming up to cup Alexia's face, as if trying to reassure herself this was real.

"regla cuatro, ignora las reglas uno y tres si eres t/n Hermoso." Alexia whispered.

rule four, ignore rules one and three if it's y/n Hermoso

y/n smiled softly, her thumb rubbing circles on Alexia's cheek as she pressed her forehead against her captain's.

"Bueno, entonces estoy de acuerdo con la regla cuatro." y/n giggled softly.

well, i agree with rule four then.

Alexia let out a breath laugh, her nose brushing y/n's as she did so, her hand tightening around her waist as the other came up to rest behind her neck.

"¿puedo besarte?" Alexia whispered.

can i kiss you?

"Por favor." y/n pleaded and Alexia needed no more.

please.

Her lips pushed against y/n's softly slotting them together as she pulled her tighter to her body, she took it no further, despite her body begging her too, simply for now having their lips together was enough.

And suddenly, Alexia was very grateful for rule four.

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y/n just posted on their story

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alexiaputellas just posted

liked by jennihermoso, marialeonn16 and 478, 327 others

tagged y/n

alexiaputellas mi amor

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y/n just posted

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y/n A la mierda las reglas uno y tres

fuck rules one and three

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END

kicking my feet giggling nd shit at this one

loved writing this cannot lie

two requests in one on this one!

Thank you for all the requests ! I will do my best to work through them!

-

Queenie xo

[totaly-obsessed]

Book Love

Alessia Russo x reader UNC

-> Alessia loves how different the two of you are, despite everyone's teasing

-> Special thanks to @babsisbakery for helping out with ideas

➳ Masterlist

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Alessia Russo was hopelessly in love with her girlfriend. And it was no secret. But the blonde's popularity didn’t save her from the teasing she received on the daily.

She constantly heard ‘Why would you date someone like that?’

‘You could have anybody.’

A couple of times she was even asked if she dated you because of a bet or because she just wanted to use you. That was the first time that you saw the harsh captain that she could be – making her teammates run until they felt like vomiting blood.

Not all the teasing was bad though – a lot of it actually quite funny. At least to you. Lessi would still get mad, but when she saw you laughing, her problem vanished into thin air.

Whenever you would show up at their practice sessions, the blonde did not get a break. She was too busy staring at you to notice the girls throwing bibs at her. You did not notice it either, too deep into your book – not really being interested in the sport and just showing up for your girlfriend.

Lotte, the blonde’s best friend, loved that she was dating you. You felt like a safe place to her. A cozy blanket that could shut out the rest of the world. You always had an ear open for the half-brit so that she could rant about her latest book without having to explain why some things just annoyed her about it.

While she loved the two of you, Lotte could not stand hanging out with both of you at the same time. When Alessia was around you, you could hardly stand up without the footballer following you like a lost puppy. And the blonde would not stop looking at you until you left the room – so she just ignored her fellow lioness until you were gone.

Alessia’s favorite part of the week? The evening after a match. No matter if they won or lost, she would spend the evening the exact same way. You would join her in her room, curled up in her bed. The blonde's head heavy in your lap as you stroked her hair with one hand, the other holding the book that she picked.

She loved you, your touch, and your voice – so having you read to her after an exhausting game?

Jackpot.

Most of the time you made it two chapters deep before the striker fell asleep in your lap, and you did not dare to continue reading.

One time you had read just a couple of pages more until you realized that she had fallen asleep – but it was already too late. When you took out the book the next time, there was a pout on the blonde’s lip, as she immediately rolled off your lap.

“What is wrong Less? It’s our book!”

A deep sigh left her body, still ignoring you. “Baby, I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

She did not forgive you.

She really did not.

At least until your hand had found its way into her hair. With a deep hum, her body relaxed into you. “What’s up, huh?”

“You read without me!” You could not really take the ‘anger’ in her voice seriously. Not when she was purring like a kitten, whining when your hand stilled for a second too long.

“Oh! I am sorry my girl. Promise I did not mean to.” But the blonde did not let up, still having her back turned to you. So you took to your last resort – back scratches and praises.

While she voiced her complaints that your hands left her head, she shut up really quick when she felt them creeping up her shirt You lightly scratched her back, whispering sweet nothings into your girlfriend’s ear, as she was on her way to dreamland.

You knew that the blonde had never really been mad at you for reading ahead, but it seemed that she just needed a little extra touch this evening.

Alessia was always open about her feelings, but she never wanted to cross boundaries when it came to physical touch – always letting you decide how much the two of you touched. If it was up to her there would not fit a single piece of paper between you.

While you wished that her teammates could see Alessia this way, so much softer than they were used to, you were glad that you could keep this side of hers to yourself. She was fiercely loyal and would shut anybody up who would make remarks about the differences between the two of you.

She wished it could stay like this forever. Being able to carry your books through the hallway. Seeing you on the bench for her. Laying in bed with you reading to her, falling asleep to your soothing voice.

But she knew that both of you had to grow up – even if she did not want to.

She wished for a love like the ones from your many books. A love so deep, it would need much more than different countries to break you apart.

[httplilyyy]

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 || 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐀 𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐒

pairing: alexia putellas x reader

summary: you were always second best but maybe this one time you’d be first.

warnings: like one swear word, angst, fluff & slight smut

word count: 3.6k

a/n: i was watching friends whilst making this, hence your ‘best friend’ being called rachel.

woso masterlist request

You were used to being second best in everything. The league, the ballon d'or and now the world cup. But you had just transferred to Barcelona so you hoped that would all change.

Another English prospect joining Barcelona caused a lot of media to be focused on you throughout the world cup. Especially during the last game where you’d be playing against your future teammates.

But what the media didn’t know was that you were quite close with their star player. Alexia Putellas. Although you used to play in the WSL, you had met one night in Ibiza and immediately hit it off.

There was a slight problem, however, you had fallen for her and so had your best friend.

Your best friend, Rachel, had met Alexia one day by coming over to yours unexpectedly.

You knew of her crush on Alexia and you did everything in your power to stop yourself from falling too, but it was pointless. You were already in too deep and you feared there was no way out.

What you also knew was how Alexia would never feel the same way about you. So you let your feelings be buried deep inside whilst you tried to put on your best brave face and be a wingwoman for your best friend.

It was currently the first training back from the world cup and you had just pulled your car into park. Rachel sat beside you, sporting the Barcelona gear, fiddling with the hem of her top.

“You’re going to be fine, I promise.” You smiled, giving her hand a squeeze before getting out of the car.

“But what if I make a fool of myself, I hardly know any Spanish.” They replied, getting out themselves.

“Use google translate.” You shrugged with a teasing grin, getting your kit back out of the boot before making your way into the building.

“You’re an ass.” Rachel muttered, jogging to catch up with you.

“I know, you love it though.” You chuckled, nudging her with your elbow.

“I like someone else's.” Rachel whispered, watching as Alexia walked a few paces ahead.

“Uh huh.” You murmured, feeling jealousy begin to bubble in your stomach. “So I'll see you after training?”

“Wait what?” Rachel questioned, seeing as you skipped off in front and joined up with Alexia. “Y/n!”

She could hear your laugh bouncing off the walls as you turned a corner and left to the pitch with Alexia.

Although it was the first session back since the world cup, it was not an easy one. With the blistering heat beaming down on you it made the drills just a little bit more harder.

You caught yourself staring at Alexia throughout the day, going from little glances when she wasn't looking to blown out stares. You cursed yourself every time for looking at her that way but you just couldn't help it.

It had gotten to the end of the session when a mini game was formed, unfortunately, Alexia wasn’t on your team. After half an hour of an intense game, your team came up short.

A lucky goal scored by Patri secured the win for the other team and although it was only a game for fun. You couldn't help but feel a little down, but this was what you were used to, being second best.

You took your bib off and made your way to get a drink. Sitting alone, you finally let yourself calm down. But that didn't last very long when a shadow appeared in front of you.

“There’s my runner up.” Alexia teased, squirting some water in her mouth as she looked down at you.

“Ha ha, very funny Ale.” You huffed, a smile escaping your lips.

“I was hoping we would be paired up together today.” Alexia sighed, sitting beside you, her leg bumping yours causing goosebumps to erupt all over your body.

“Oh really? You like me that much, do you?” You chuckled, leaning back on your arms and looking up at the sky.

“You have no idea.” Alexia whispered but it fell deaf on your ears.

Someone else walked up to the two of you, causing you to look away from the sky. Rachel appeared in front of you both, an apologetic smile on her face.

“Oh, hey Rach.” You smiled, standing up from your position.

“Hey, you two.” Rachel replied, but she didn’t look at you, so focused on Alexia, watching how the muscles in her arms tensed as she pushed herself up and off the floor - not that you noticed.

“How’s the first day as a physio been?” You asked, hoping to gain her attention but it was futile.

“It’s been great.” Rachel grinned, still not looking at you.

“So what brings you over here?” You questioned, using the bottom of your top to wipe away the sweat on your face.

“I’m here for Alexia, actually.” Rachel said, looking at the midfielder with a certain glint in her eye.

Whilst you wiped your face, you didn’t notice how Alexia wasn't focused on Rachel at all but she was looking at you and more specifically, your abs that glistened in the sunlight.

“Huh, I'll leave you two to it then.” You smiled, sending a wink to your best friend and walking away, trying to ignore how your heart panged with each step.

After you left the two there wasn't much else for you to do. So you headed for the showers to change out of your sweaty gear.

Some of the other girls were already in there but they soon left, leaving the showers to yourself. You didn’t want to spend too long, not wanting to keep Rachel waiting after she had finished with Alexia.

Stepping out of the showers, your body wrapped in a towel, you quickly walked to your kit bag to get changed.

You were about to unravel your towel when you heard someone cough from behind you. Turning around in one quick motion, you nearly gave yourself whiplash at the speed, you were met by a certain midfielder.

“Jesus, Ale.” You sighed, hand placed over your heart. “I thought you were with Rachel?”

“She just wanted to do a quick check up on my knee.” Alexia shrugged, taking a step towards you.

“Right,” you mumbled with a slow nod before turning back around to your bag. “We’re uh, actually going out for some coffee, or something, tomorrow and you should come.”

“For coffee or something?” Alexia teased, moving so she sat next to your bag.

“I mean, you don't have to come.” You replied, raising an eyebrow.

“No, no, I didn’t say that.” Alexia rushed out, her hands finding your waist.

You didn’t say anything, looking down at the midfielder, waiting to see if she realised what she had done. It took a few moments but she got there and removed her hands from your waist in record time.

“Lo siento. I didn’t-”

“It’s fine, Ale.” You chuckled, placing a hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “But I do need you to leave so I can get changed.”

“Oh! Right, well, I'll see you tomorrow?” Alexia said, the tips of her ears burning.

“I’ll send you the details. Now go you perv!” You smiled, chuckling as Alexia’s eyes widened before she ran out.

You shook your head, a smile forming on your lips at the woman but it quickly disappeared, remembering that you shouldn't be feeling that way about her.

Scolding yourself, you quickly got changed, packed your bags and made your way back to your car where Rachel was waiting for you. She sent a smile your way but you ignored it, rushing to put your bags in the car.

“You okay?” Rachel asked, raising an eyebrow at your actions.

“What? Yeah, yeah I'm fine.” You replied, getting into the driver's seat.

“You sure?” She questioned, getting into the car herself.

“Mhm.” You hummed, starting the car and reversing out of your spot. “Oh, before I forget, I invited Alexia to our little coffee thing tomorrow.”

“You what?!” Rachel exclaimed, making you turn your head to her for a split second before focusing back on driving.

“What? You like her, no?” You wondered, grip tightening a little on the steering wheel.

“Of course I do, I think the only person who doesnt is Alexia.” Rachel huffed, playing with her fingers.

“See, I'm helping you out.” You shrugged with a grin.

“And how are you helping me out exactly?”

“By being a wingwoman.”

“Brilliant.” Rachel muttered sarcastically causing you to lightly punch her arm.

“You’ll thank me when you’re married.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

The rest of the drive back to Rachel’s apartment was in silence, a comfortable silence, but you could feel a little tension though you weren’t sure what why. Pulling up in front of her place, she thanked you before walking into her building.

Sighing to yourself, you drove back to your house. Parking your car, you sat in your driveway, occasionally looking towards your phone before you decided to pick it up and message Alexia the address of the coffee shop.

Ale

Ah, so that’s where I'm meeting you tomorrow. I thought you’d forgotten about me

You

Why’s that? You know I could never

Ale

Took you an hour to message me the address

You

I had to take Rach home

Ale

Mhm, not second guessing inviting me were you?

You

Why would I do that?

Ale

No idea

You

Okay, good night Ale

Ale

Wait, what time do I have to be there for?

You

11?

Ale

Okay, I’ll see you then

You

Buenas noches, ale

Ale

Sleep well, Y/n

Turning your phone off, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding and resting your head on the headrest, staring out in front of you.

Finally deciding to move, you grabbed your bag from the backseat and made your way into your house. You left your kit bag by the front door and slumped your way upstairs and into your room.

Quickly changing into your pyjamas, you did your nightly routine and went straight to sleep, not bothering to charge your phone and as soon as your head hit the pillow, you were out like a light.

You woke up to the morning light beaming onto your face, mentally cursing yourself for not shutting the blinds the night before. You rolled over, checking your phone for the time only to realise it was dead.

Groaning you plugged your phone in and got ready for the day. Finally getting dressed, you checked your phone once again, nearly screaming into the air as you realised the time was 10:58am.

Running around your house to find your shoes, you slipped them on before tumbling through the front door and into your car.

Driving a little over the speed limit, you managed to get to the coffee shop in record time. Finding somewhere to park, however, was another story. By the time you made it into the shop it was 11:24.

“Look who's finally decided to show up.” You heard from the side of you.

“I forgot to charge my phone.” You muttered, rubbing the back of your neck as you turned to see Rachel and Alexia sitting at a table together.

“Of course you did.” Alexia said, smiling behind her cup as she brought it to her lips to take a sip.

“Let me go order and I'll be right back.” You said sheepishly, before walking off.

You could hear a chuckle from behind you but you paid no attention to it. Ordering your favourite, you were back at the table in record time, thankful that the line wasn’t too long.

The three of you talked about anything and everything, you occasionally slipping out of the conversation to let Rachel talk to Alexia by herself.

Scrolling on your phone, you only looked up when a hand waved in front of your face. Seeing it was only you and Alexia at the table, you tilted your head confused.

“She went to the toilet.” Alexia said, knowing what you were wondering.

“Ah,” you said, nodding in understanding, “you okay?”

“I’m fine, you?” Alexia smiled.

“Good.”

“Are you doing anything later?” Alexia asked, her fingers tapping on the table.

“No, nothing really.” You replied, straightening your posture.

“Do you want to do something together?”

“Like what?” You wondered, resting your head on your hand.

“Not sure, maybe a movie?”

“Yeah, okay. Do you want to come round mine, or we could go out?”

“I’ll come to yours, if that’s okay. Then it could be just the two of us.”

“That’s fine.” You smiled, internally beaming. “It’s a date.”

Unbeknownst to you, your words caused butterflies to erupt in Alexia's stomach. Although you meant nothing by what you said, Alexia couldn’t help but feel a little hope.

“Hey, what have I missed?” Rachel questioned as she sat back down in her seat.

“Nothing, just talking about football.” Alexia replied, sending a small yet discrete smile in your direction.

“Boring.” Rachel huffed, leaning back on her chair. “I was hoping you’d be talking about me.”

Before you could stop yourself, a cough made its way up your throat, quickly covering it up with a smile.

“What’s so funny, y/n?” Rachel asked, tilting her head towards you.

“Wha- nothing. I promise.”

“Mhm, I better get going anyway.” Rachel smiled, standing up from her seat.

“Same here.” Alexia said, standing up as well.

“I guess that means me too.” You joked, getting up yourself.

“I’ll see you both soon.” Rachel said, giving the two of you hugs, Alexia’s lasting a little longer than yours.

“See you.” You smiled, fishing your car keys from your pocket.

After Rachel walked off to her car, you were left with Alexia. You stood beside the midfielder not knowing what to say, rocking backwards and forwards on your feet.

“What time do you want me to come over?” Alexia questioned, turning to face you.

“Any time, I don’t mind. I've just got to clean up a few bits.”

“Okay, how does six sound?”

“Good, yeah, I'll see you then.”

“See you later.” Alexia said, giving you a quick hug and a small kiss on your cheek before walking off.

Blushing profusely, you got to your car, quickly driving home. You went from cleaning the living room to cleaning the whole house, scared that even a miniscule thing could put Alexia off.

Going all out with the snacks, opting to place a variety on the coffee table as well as drinks, you felt that everything was okay, or at least, you hoped it was. Opening netflix on your tv you waited for Alexia.

You didn’t have to wait long and before you knew it, the doorbell rang, indicating that Alexia was here. You felt your heart rate increase knowing that you’d finally be spending some time with her alone.

In a friendly way, of course. Right?

Shaking your head, you scrambled yourself off the sofa, remembering that Alexia was waiting outside your door.

Opening the door to the catalonian, you smiled, noticing that she had changed her outfit from earlier on, opting for something more comfortable.

You opened the door wider, ushering her in and closing it behind her. The midfielder waited for you in the hallway, letting you guide her into your living room.

The two of you sat down on your sofa, a small gap between you as you played a random movie that was recommended to you by one of the girls from barca.

“You really went all out with the snacks.” Alexia chuckled, making herself comfortable, resting an arm over the back of the sofa.

“I couldn’t choose.” You mumbled with a shrug, leaning forward to pick up some crisps. “Want some?”

“These are my favourite, how’d you know?” Alexia questioned, taking a couple from the bowl.

“I had a hunch.”

“Oh really? Okay then.” Alexia said teasingly, moving a little closer to you, your thighs only mere inches apart from each other.

“Just watch the movie.” You said, huffing out a laugh and taking one of the crisps from her hand before popping it into your mouth.

“Hey! You have a whole bowl.” Alexia complained, slapping your arm and shaking her head at your antics.

“Sorry.” You replied with a grin, turning your attention back to the movie playing.

Alexia, however, kept her gaze on you. Long forgetting the movie, she watched every little thing you did, the way your eyes would widen at something one of the actors said or how you’d smile at the jokes.

You hadn’t noticed her gaze on you, completely focused on the movie and you were really enjoying it, until a sex scene came up. Shifting in your spot, Alexia noticed your discomfort.

She turned towards the tv and saw what was playing, lewd moans came from the speakers and it was as if the two of you were watching soft porn.

“You alright, y/n?” Alexia questioned, a small smirk displayed on her features.

“Mhm,” you hummed, eyes widening at the screen, “they’re really going at it, jesus.”

“Jealous?” She teased.

“What? No!” You exclaimed, turning your body towards the midfielder.

Only then did you realise the close proximity of the two of you. You could feel Alexia’s breath on your lips, her eyes staring into yours and your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest.

“You sure you’re okay?” Alexia asked again, this time a little quieter.

“Yeah, I’m just-”

“Turned on?”

You paused, contemplating your next words.

“Yeah.” You whispered, looking down at Alexia’s lips before trailing them back up to her eyes.

“Lean back.” Alexia ordered softly, pushing you gently against the sofa.

Your back hit the cushions, your head resting against the armrest. Alexia smiled, moving to hover over you. Her hair created curtains, blocking out the rest of the world as she looked deeply into your eyes.

“Is this okay?” She asked quietly, her lips hovering over yours. You nodded, not trusting your voice. “I need words, cariño.”

“Yes,” you whispered, “this is very much okay.”

“Then can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

You barely got to finish the word before her lips were on yours. Desperate and hungry. A silent understanding of how long the two of you had been wanting this.

As much as you were loving every second, your mind couldn't help but wander back to Rachel. Kissing Alexia didn't feel wrong, it was perfect, but you had a deep nagging feeling that you were betraying your best friend.

“Ale, I- I can’t-” You mumbled between kisses, but still pulled her in for more.

“Why not.” Alexia questioned, swiping her tongue against your bottom lip.

“What about Rachel?”

“What about Rachel? I don’t want her, I want you.” Alexia said, pushing her knee between your thighs causing you to involuntary roll your body.

“Shit, I-”

“Y/n?” A voice called out and you immediately stopped what you were doing. “What- Wow, unbelievable.”

“Wait no. Rach!” You said, pushing Alexia off your body.

“How’d she get in?” Alexia questioned, creating a little space between the two of you.

“I gave her a key, not important right now.” You said, waving Alexia off.

“I can’t believe you.” Rachel muttered, throwing her hands up in the air.

“I-” You started but Aleia cut in.

“Why are you acting like this? It’s not like you liked me?” Alexia questioned, confused at your best friend and ignoring you slap her arm in an attempt to get her to stop talking.

“You know what, you both deserve each other.” Rachel shouted, scoffing before storming out of your house.

“Rachel!” You said, chasing after her, leaving Alexia alone and confused on the sofa.

“Save it, y/l/n, I don't want to hear what excuse you come up with!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see that.”

“Real classy, Y/n.” Rachel scoffed, shaking her head as she came to a stop on your driveway, finally turning to face you.

“No I didn’t mean it like that-”

“How did you mean it then, huh? You knew how much I liked her! You knew, and you go behind my back and do that, what a friend you are.”

“No, Rach. C’mon, please.” You pleaded, desperately trying to get her to listen to you

“No! You know what, we’re done. Don’t talk to me again.” Rachel said, pointing a finger at you.

You watched as she shook with anger and sadness, before she let out a sob and turned to run away again. This time you didn’t follow her, lowering your head in sorrow.

Walking back to your house, you stumbled into the living room, seeing Alexia still sitting on the sofa, looking down in her lap, fiddling with her hands.

“Hey! Y/n, what just happened?” Alexia questioned, standing up as she heard your footsteps get closer.

“I uh- I can’t do this Alexia.” You mumbled, tears brimming your eyes as you looked to the floor, folding your arms in front of your chest.

“Do what? Us? What do you mean?” Alexia wondered, walking closer to you, your bodies just inches away from each other.

She took your hands in hers, her fingers tracing delicate patterns. You felt yourself grow weak at the knees but suddenly pulled away from her hold.

“I just can’t, I'm sorry.” You said, ferociously wiping away a tear that fell before walking away.

“Y/n!” Alexia said, her voice breaking as she followed you through the house. Watching as you got in your car, seeing it pull off the driveway and disappear around the corner.

You were finally first, the girl shared the same feelings, yet you still managed to throw that away. Maybe you should stick to what you know. Being second best.

[thehistoriangirl]

Hi!

Could you write something for Viktor in this Father's Day please??

Thank you so much, have a great day 🖤

Hi anon! For sure :3 I hope you like it

Little Genius

Viktor x Fem!Reader---1.4K----SFW

Tags: Established Relationship (they're married) | Pregnancy | Fluff | Viktor would be such a great dad yall can't change my mind | Happy Father's day to all who celebrate :3 | This is not proofread at all bc Father's Day is over in less than an hour i'm sorryyyy ;---; |

Viktor felt your head nudging against his side, making him lower the book he was reading since yesterday—since you had finished it without waiting for him to read it out loud. A small betrayal Viktor washed away with your extra long session of kisses after dinner.

He reached to turn off the lamp, your hand brushing his before he could pull the tiny rope. Golden eyes took in your alert face, body wiggling closer to him so Viktor could rest his right leg over your hip.

His hum reverberated in your whole body due to the closeness of your cheek and his chest, heart beating content as you melted against the soft touches, the nonsensical patterns he drew against the thin, worn-out fabric of your pajamas.

“Not tired yet?” he asked, looking at the clock hung on the wall almost reaching midnight.

“I want to show you something,” you said, fiddling with the loose threads of his favorite blanket, the one he packed from his house in Zaun and kept in Piltover, even now.

He mourned the sudden loss of your warmth once you incorporated in your elbows, reaching for the nightstand on your side of the bed. Though curiosity made his golden eyes twinkle as your fingers scouted the insides of the last drawer.

“What is it?” Viktor peeked over your shoulder, seeing your hand gently cradling a small, white box tied close with a golden ribbon. “Are you going to propose, my love? Because I’m sorry to tell you this, but I beat you to it around two years ago,” he chuckled, rubbing with his thumb over the golden band decorating a finger in your left hand. Soft, slightly dry lips kissing the reverse of your palm once you glared playfully at him.

“You’re not funny,” you said, thought your curved lips testified completely the opposite.

“I hate to argue with the love of my life, but I am. Otherwise I wouldn’t have win you over.”

“Well, what if I say that you win me over with your terrible jokes?”

Viktor feigned a deep betrayal just like they were represented in the Opera House; hand clutching his shirt over his heart, closing his eyes while his face twisted in a grimace of hurt. “Your words break my heart.” His hands enveloped your waist, pulling you against his chest. “You better have a plan to wound up my poor heart. Your devote lover is very sensible.”

You beamed at him, eyes crinkled in crescents. “I do have one.” Wriggling against his tangled hug, you sat with your legs crossed, settled right in front of Viktor, putting the box on his chest. “Open it.”

The mysterious object was covered with a layer of paper, and for a few moments all that it could be heard inside your shared room was the wrinkled paper being pushed away to reveal the gift.

“Huh?” Viktor frowned, his fingers brushing the softest fabric as he raised the clothing out the box to see it against the light of the bright, golden lamp.

A vivid, burnt yellow bib made of crochet in a pattern oddly familiar for his own baby clothes kept inside a bag under his mother’s bed back in Zaun. The lettering read: Papa’s Little Genius.

He gazed at you, founding your expression of pressed lips about to burst into giggles. “My love?”

“Do you know what day is today?” you said, brushing the empty box away to straddle his hips.

“Sunday?” He could barely articulate any words with your comfortable weight pressed against him.

You lowered over his chest, nuzzling your nose in the crook of his neck and nibbling on his ear just for the fun to see his pale skin flush deep crimson every time. “It’s Father’s Day,” your voice sent shivers down his spine, goosebumps traveling all over his body as his body torn between your allure making pool molten desire down his stomach, and his brain scrambling around by your shushed words.

“Father’s…” he said, holding your shoulders as he looked down toward you and over the bib resting on the pillow next to him. His golden eyes opened, a gasp hitching his already quickening breath. “Are you… you… I… we…”

You burst out laughing, your vision became blurry with the halo of tears pooling in your eyes. “Yes...,” you whispered, as if it were such a delicate thing, a dream, almost, that if talking too loud about it would make it disappear. “You’re going to be a Papa very soon.”

His teary eyes matched yours as he hugged him flush against him, taking in the smell of your hair, how perfectly he feels blessed at just basking in your presence. And now, not only had you given him your whole body and soul and heart. No, you were about to give him a legacy—a future carved in his blood and flesh.

A child.

His child.

His rough fingerpads caressed your cheeks, wishing to take in every little detail about this moment so he could treasure it for eternity.

“I thought I was the luckiest person in the whole world when you accepted to be my spouse, but now?” He laughed, wiping your tears away. “Now words can’t describe how I feel knowing that you’re carrying our baby.”

Viktor chuckled, his smile that one of a child’s that had just discovered the wonders of life for the first time. His hand cradling your belly.

“Hi, little one,” he muttered, almost afraid to cause a bad impression to his unborn baby. Fingers gently caressing the soft skin under your shirt. “I’m your Papa. Hi,” Viktor repeated, finding himself in a loss of words. “I… I promise I’m going to read a lot of books about parenting, and that I’m going to come up with pretty toys for you, and I promise that I will make daily time to play with you… and sing to you… and tucking you to bed,” his voice broke, a knot straining his throat. “I don’t know anything about being a father, but I promise you I will be the best for you, little one.”

With a groan, he sat on the bed, lowering his head to kiss your belly, hands interlocked in the small of your back. “Only the best for you and your stunning mother. I hope you look just like her,” he said with a chuckle. “Though I will struggle to ground if that occurs… hmm, just be easy on me, alright?”

He looked up at you, eyes full of wonder and pure, unfiltered adoration.

“I just know about them, but I already love them so,” Viktor confessed, caressing your hair, his hands pulling down your chin so his lips could encounter yours. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” He mumbled between kisses of all kind—as soft as the brush of a feather, bold ones with his teeth biting your bottom lip, his tongue exploring your mouth in a slow, sensual dance. “I love you. I love you both,” he corrected, patting your belly.

“Do you like the bib?” you hummed, and he laughed. “Your mother scold me a lot because I kept getting lost while knitting the pattern.

“I knew I recognized that style.” He scanned the bib, arching a playful eyebrow toward you. “Little Genius, eh? Pretty high standards, don’t you think?”

You roll your eyes, swatting his chest lightly. “You say that as if you won’t let them see all your blueprints and chalkboards full of equations the moment they’re born.”

Viktor’s heart fluttered at the thought. He would have to babyproof his studio—and for sure his child wouldn’t step inside the lab without a full-body protective uniform, but the thought of sharing with someone else besides you about his vision of the world and the place he had in it made him feel like he was inside paradise.

A personal goal to make this world much happier, and safer, and fairer.

His baby’s world.

“I love you,” he said, kissing your whole face with delicate kisses that poured out everything words could never express. His devotion. His love. Everything. “I will never be able to pay you back for this…this miracle.”

“I don’t want you to pay me back,” you said, hands resting over his quickly-beating heart. “I love you, too. And your love for both of us is more than enough.”

He smiled widely, showing you that grin you adored so much, that made you melt and wish you could, too, give him the whole world.

“How lucky I am,” he hummed, settling you against his chest. “To have my whole universe safely resting in my arms.”

[nevadancitizen]

-> CH. 3: ANDROID AUTOPSY (OR IS IT NECROPSY?)

synopsis: you start to work on the autopsy of the ortiz android. connor tries to establish a friendly rapport with both you and gavin. but gavin is, as always, a fucking cunt.

word count: 2.4k

ships: Connor/Reader, Hank Anderson & Reader

notes: connor looks so fucking funny while he's falling in the break room scene 😭😭 like i hate that he's getting hurt but his face is EMOTIONLESS LOLOLOL

HoFS taglist: @catladyhere (if you'd like to be added to the taglist, just ask!)

HEAD OF FALSE SECURITY MASTERLIST

When you walked into work ten minutes ago, you expected something to be wrong. That’s just how it goes these days, with deviants running rampant in the streets and all. 

But not this. Not the deviant from last night, deactivated in his holding cell. Apparently, he rammed his own forehead into the wall and didn’t stop until he died. Thirium stains the wall, the floor, and his already-bloody uniform.

You sigh, holding a hand to your forehead. “Блять…”

“I recognize that one,” Chris mumbles as he unlocks the cell. 

You slip on your bib apron and tie it in the back. “Yeah, most Americans do.”

You walk into the cell and gently put your hand on the android’s shoulder. He doesn’t move. He really is dead.

“I fucking hate this job.” You grunt as you pick him up in a bridal carry. Thirium stains your apron as he slumps into your front. “Goddamnit. I’ll slap whoever triggered the deactivation so hard they’ll remember it ‘til the first of next month.”

“Sure you will.” Chris locks the door as soon as you exit. 

You huff out a light laugh. “Accompany me to the autopsy room?”

He smiles. “Anything to get out of being in Gavin’s company.”

You and Chris mostly walk in silence to the autopsy room. There’s early morning chatter and the scent of coffee floating through the air. People give you a wide berth when they see the limp android in your arms.

But the walk is short. The door before you reads ANDROID AUTOPSY ROOM. You adjust the body in your arms and press your right hand to the biometric scanner. It beeps once and the door opens.

“And this is where I get off,” Chris says.

You smile and bend at the knee, mimicking a curtsey. “Thank you for accompanying me. And if Gavin burns his tongue on hot coffee again, please! Feel free to get me right away.”

Chris laughs. “Yes, Officer!”

You laugh in kind and enter the autopsy room. The door shuts automatically behind you. Inside is a long steel table and lots of electronics – screens, wires, outlets, cords. You set the body on the table and get to work. 

You flick on the power switch and the computers come alive, one by one. The screens come on and quiet music starts playing – a string piece accompanied by softly-sung Russian. 

Once everything has come on, you move over the android and press just behind his ear. With a soft click, the plastic flicks open and a small port is revealed. When you open your left hand, the wires of your polymer glove snake out and plug themselves in. 

The screens light up with reports on the biocomponents – percentages, damage reports, the like. Your eyes flit over the numbers, trying to decipher what was abnormal. 

You unplug and the wires slither back into your glove. You sigh and start filtering through the data, finding what was important and worth noting down. You work that way for a while – looking over numbers and biocomponent data and listening to music.

After a while, you feel a buzz in your pocket. You pull out your phone, read the text that just came through, and send a quick one back.

Chris: Connor just came thru. Said it was looking for you and Hank. Sent it your way You: you sent an ANDROID to an ANDROID autopsy room?? Chris: Humans are in human autopsy rooms all the time dumbass You: true. just hope connor doesn’t freak. hank here yet? Chris: What do you think? You: axaxa you’re right ))

You look up from your phone as there’s a knock at the door. You get up and unlock it, revealing who’s behind it – and, of course, it's Connor.

“It’s nice to see you again, Officer.” He smiles. “May I come in?”

“Nice to see you, too. And, uh…” You move to the side, gesturing inside. “Yeah, sure. I know a deactivated deviant isn’t the most welcoming sight, but…”

“It’s okay.” Connor moves inside, rubbing his hands together as he observes the room. “I’ve seen plenty of them.”

“Ah.” You move back over to the computers. “I’m not sure whether to be impressed or concerned.”

“Impressed, Officer.” Connor stills in place, his eyes flitting over the computers and the numbers on them. “I’m the one who deactivated most of them.”

“Oh. Okay.” You glance over your shoulder at him – you’re not used to having someone else in your workspace. You gesture to a chair that’s tucked into a corner. “Uh, you can sit. If you want.”

Connor nods. “Thank you.”

He moves over to the chair and sits, folding his hands in his lap politely. His eyes are still on the computers, quietly watching as his LED flickers yellow and processes the data. The only sound is the soft music and your footsteps as you move between screens, noting down abnormalities.

Connor cuts the semi-silence. “Where are you from, Officer?” 

You glance over at him, then back to the computers. “Chelomey, Russia. Why?”

“I want to establish a friendly rapport. It’ll be easier to work together if we know each other better,” Connor says. “I’ve heard Chelomey described as ‘the first city of the skies.’ It’s on the first successful flying platform – the Icarus, correct?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “That’s right.”

“How was that?” Connor asks. “Living there, I mean. What was it like growing up?”

“Eh.” You shrug. “Got a nice Makarov Pistol when I was ten. Never had a snow day in school – we were just above the clouds. Was surrounded by children of astrophysicists and bioengineers.”

“You say that like they’re a separate group of people,” Connor says. “What are your parent’s career paths? If it’s not too intrusive to ask.”

You turn, leaning back against the autopsy table and facing him. “Sounds unrelated, but – do you know how the Icarus Platform works?”

Connor furrows his eyebrows, his eyes flitting to the floor as his LED turns yellow and flickers. After a moment, he looks back up at you. “The engines operate on the principle of the Archimedes Screw. The propellers don’t interact with air currents, but directly with Earth’s magnetic field instead.”

You bring a hand to your mouth to stifle a laugh. “Did you just look that up?”

“No.” Connor’s gaze immediately falls to the ground. “Yes.”

You cough to hide your laughter and turn away. “Okay, okay. Don’t worry – I won’t tell anyone. I didn’t expect you to know anyway.”

Connor clears his throat. “Please, let’s return to the topic at hand.”

“Yeah, okay.” You scratch the side of your nose and smile. “The engines take up a ridiculous amount of energy, yes? So there are nuclear reactors on the platform to supply a continuous energy flow. My parents worked in the northern reactor together.”

You shrug. “Not much more to them. Named Olga and Yegor. Nice people. Doubt you’ll ever meet them.”

“True,” Connor says. “I doubt they would let an American-made android into the USSR. I also doubt that the travel ban to and from the USSR will be lifted anytime soon.”

Your head dips in a nod. “Maybe if you were manufactured back in my home. But there’s a chance that, if you were, you’d be dancing ballet in the Maya Plisetskaya Theater.”

“I feel like that’s a metaphor.” Connor’s eyebrows furrow. “But I don’t understand it.”

“It’s not.” You laugh, hiding your smile behind a hand. “There are specialized robots that dance ballet in the theater – I went once, not my style. Just a chance that, with how nimble they made you, you could’ve been a ballet bot.”

“There are robots made specifically for ballet?” Connor asks. 

“Well… they’re…” You cringe a little. “Multifunctional?”

Connor shifts so that he’s sitting on the edge of his seat, his elbows on his knees and his hands together. He seems intrigued. “Multifunctional how?”

You look away and cover your mouth with a hand. You can feel your face start to warm. You really don’t want to talk to Connor about this. He obviously knows about sex and prostitution, because it might be involved in the cases he’s handling. But you don’t want to talk to him about either of them!

You bite down on the inside of your lip, hard, to dismiss wandering thoughts. (Because, honestly, you shouldn’t be wondering what his model is capable of doing! Not when he’s right there in front of you!) You swallow thickly and try to talk.

“Господи, khm…” You groan quietly. “It was also a, uh, brothel? Kinda? The clients were human, but the whores were… not.”

“Oh.” Connor looks down at his hands. He rubs them together, almost like a nervous tic. (But androids don’t have nervous tics. Do they?)

“Yeah.” You scratch your cheek, trying to ignore how warm it is. “I’m, uh… I need a coffee. And I can’t leave anyone alone in the autopsy room if they’re not authorized to be.”

“I understand.” Connor stands. “I’ve been meaning to explore the office. May I accompany you to the break room?”

You nod. You really hope he’ll continue to act like the past half minute didn’t happen. 

As soon as you have all the computers in standby mode, the music paused, and your Thirium-stained apron hung up, you lead Connor out of the android autopsy room. The walk to the break room is short, and he adjusts his pace to match yours as you walk. 

Internally, you really hope that Gavin isn’t there. Maybe he got hit by a car coming back from O’Mansley Donuts.

But, of course, hopes are meant to be dashed. And that dream is crushed when you hear Gavin scoff as soon as you enter the break room. 

“Fuck, look at that…” he says. You tense as soon as you hear his voice. “Our friends, the plastic detective and the werewolf, are back in town!”

“Please, not today, Gavin.” You spare a glance at the poor officer that Gavin has trapped in conversation. Then, you move over to the counter to find a spare paper cup and the coffee pot. 

“What? I just wanted to congratulate it on its good work last night!” 

“Thank you, Detective Reed.” Connor nods politely. 

You scoff under your breath and internally curse him for being programmed to be so nice. As you pour yourself some coffee, you wonder: would it really kill him to tell Gavin to fuck off?

When you turn around, hot coffee in hand, Gavin is standing a few feet away from Connor. You lean back against the counter and decide to let this play out.

“Never seen an android like you before.” Gavin looks Connor up-and-down. “What model are you?”

Connor stands, unfazed. He doesn’t even blink. “RK800. I’m a prototype.”

“A prototype!” Gavin parrots. He turns to the other officer, gesturing at Connor vaguely. “Android detective!”

He looks back to Connor – looks up at Connor. It would be funny if you weren’t so on edge.

“So machines and commies are gonna replace us all.” His eyebrows raise. “Is that it?”

Connor stays silent, just looking at Gavin.

“Hey.” Gavin clicks his tongue. “Bring me a coffee, dipshit.”

“Gavin,” you cut in, a warning unspoken in your tone. Connor blinks once and tilts his head slightly to the side. 

“Get a move on!” Gavin snaps.

You set your coffee on the counter and hurry over. You put a hand out towards Gavin – again, a silent, unspoken warning.

“I’m sorry,” Connor says. “But I’m not permitted to take orders from you.”

“Oh! Oh.” Gavin cracks a wicked, sarcastic smile before driving his fist straight into Connor’s solar plexus, quick and unpredicted.

“Вот чёрт!” You immediately move to catch Connor as he almost collapses, wrapping an arm around his front and steadying him with your other. He recovers after a few moments and blinks hard before pulling himself away from you. He adjusts his tie (which, honestly, didn’t need readjusting) and sighs sharply.

“Are you okay?” You ask. You’re tempted to hold a hand out just in case he collapses again.

“Is it okay?” Gavin laughs sarcastically. He jabs a finger at Connor. “If Hank hadn’t gotten in the way yesterday, I would’ve fucked you up for disobeying a human.”

He steps backwards. “Stay outta my way. ‘Cause next time, you won’t get off so easy.” Gavin’s eyes turn from Connor to you. “Same goes for you, werewolf. If you stay in my way, I won’t fucking hesitate to trample you.”

You narrow your eyes. “Last I remember, wolves eat pigs.”

Gavin just scoffs and turns to the other officer. He exchanges a glance with her, and they both walk out together. He gives Connor a way-too-forceful shoulder-check on the way out.

You turn to retrieve your coffee from the counter, then lean back against it. “What an asshole.”

“Is Detective Reed usually like that?” Connor asks. “That… aggressive?”

“Yes.” You blow the steam off your coffee and take a sip. Way too bitter, but you don’t have any other choice regarding caffeine.

Connor moves beside you, facing the entrance of the break room. “And what did he mean when he called you werewolf?”

“There was a Russian serial killer called The Werewolf.” You look down into your coffee. “He was a cop. It spread, and now corrupt cops are just called werewolves. Gavin thinks he’s smart, calling me that, even though I’m not technically a cop.”

Connor hums. When you glance over, his LED is flickering yellow. You choose not to comment on it.

“Are you okay?” You ask. “Like, actually. Gavin punched you pretty hard.”

“Androids don’t feel pain,” Connor says. “The impact disrupted my Thirium pump for a second, but it quickly regulated itself.”

“Good.” You take a sip of coffee.

Connor turns to look at you. “Why are you concerned, Officer?”

You glance at him, then look down into your drink. “I don’t know. Just don’t need Gavin putting sticks in our wheels, that’s all. And putting you out of commission would be a major problem.”

You can see Connor still looking at you out of the corner of your eye. His eyebrows draw together a fraction of an inch, then he looks away.

You turn the other way and choke down another sip of bitter coffee. 

[radiansjort]

BEST PARTS OF 2024 OLYMPICS (as someone in the US)

all the buzz around the cardboard beds. idk why the whole idea is so funny 💀

lebron hoisting that flag like george washington crossing the delaware. him and coco were perfect picks for flag bearers fr

POMMEL HORSE GUY. mr clark kent who got picked for the men’s gymnastics team JUST FOR THAT ONE EVENT, showed up, served cunt, and ensured us their first men’s gym medal in 16 years. stephen nedoroscik you will forever be iconic. (the whole team really— i also love seeing fred richards’ parents reactions LMAO)

THE USA WOMENS RUGBY TEAM 🗣️ being down 5 with 7 seconds left to go COAST TO COAST TO SCORE AND WIN THE BRONZE FOR THE FIRST US WOMENS MEDAL IN RUGBY!!! also ilona maher you will forever be iconic. 

flavia saraiva falling in warmups and being like ok bet, slaps a band aid on her black eye and goes out to help brazil win their FIRST MEDAL IN WOMENS GYM OHHH YEAHHH

GUATEMALA EARNED THEIR SECOND MEDAL EVER 🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️GRACIAS JEAN PIERRE BROL CARDENAS 🗣️🗣️🇬🇹🇬🇹🇬🇹🥉LOS CHAPINES FTW ‼️(if it weren’t for the new bib number rule instead of a shootout we could’ve gotten higher but i digress 😔)

THE WOMENS GYMNASTICS TEAM EATS ONCE AGAIN. 🐐🐐🐐

kim yeji’s AURA???!??? she came out there and shot with her hand in her pocket like she graduated from the university of servington, which she did, all while holding her daughters toy elephant 🥹

suni lee’s, simone biles’, and brody malone’s comeback stories were all so heartwarming to see, especially rebeca andrade’s coming back after THREE ACL TEARS?!!?

henrik christiansen (aka muffin guy) is literally so funny 😭🙏 bro actually has SO. MANY. tiktoks about the olympics village chocolate muffins and i give all credit to him for the fact we have the recipe now 😋

GUATEMALA WINNING ITS FIRST GOLD 🥇🥇🥇 ADRIANA RUANO 🐐🐐 PRIMER BRONCE Y AHORA ORO 🥉🥇🇬🇹🇬🇹🇬🇹🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️

that turkish guy who just came out there in a t shirt and rawdogged the olympics 😭😭 imagine doing the shooting event with no eyewear, no ear covers, and just eyeballing it and winning SILVER??? bro is a hit man tryna not be suspicious by winning gold 🤨🤨

snoop dogg just chilling?? bro is participating in trials, trading pins, going to like every event and cheering, wearing FULL equestrian gear with martha stewart 😭? watching skateboarding finals w tony hawk? my guy is on the side quest of all side quests

katie ledecky my GOAT 🐐. i always love seeing her as the only swimmer on screen!! she lowkey has time to get out of the pool, do some interviews, get a snack, and come back to watch second place finish fr 

i do not usually watch cycling but i got so sad when remco evenepoel’s bike broke down BUT he had such a. huge lead he STILL MANAGED TO WIN GOLD!!! 🔥🔥

loving all the countries making history with their first medals!! julian alfred (st. lucia) and thea lafond (dominica) SHOWING UP FR!! also a lot of countries got their first medals in gymnastics specifically like kaylia neymour (algeria), carlos yulo (philippines), ángel barajas (colombia), etc. LIKE OKAYY THE GYMNASTS ARE NOT HERE TO PLAY

all the noah lyles haters been real quiet after he won gold in 100m 🤫🤫

the french pole vaulter who LOST because his peanits was too big. LIKE??!!?? sure you have a big wiener but at the cost of LOSING THE OLYMPCIS LMFAOOO

the women’s balance beam podium was so cute 😭😭 the two italians, alice d’amato and manila esposito, biting their medals together, and zhou yaqin from china looks over and does it too 🥹

armand duplantis hit the turkish hitman celly after breaking the pole vaulting wr AGAIN and winning gold 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 tuff. he actually built different cuz tell me why he’s broken the wr LIKE EIGHT TIMES IN A ROW???

YEAHH BRAZIL BEAT FRANCE AND SPAIN EVEN WHEN THE REFS WERE TRYING SOOO HARD TO MAKE EM LOSE ‼️ like they were NOT slick we could tell 🤨

bro the figure skaters from beijing 2022 FINALLY getting their medals like??? i really took two years for the IOC to investigate? okay. AT LEAST THEYRE FINALLY GETTING THE BAG H 🗣️🗣️

imane khelif getting a gold despite ALL THE SHIT BEING THROWN AT HER‼️ she faced all these brain dead critics yet came out to win it, and saying without her haters the win wouldn’t have been so satisfying??? QUEEN SHIT 👑👑

women’s soccer SLAYED SO HARD. like i’ve seen enough build the alyssa naeher statue. that shootout against sweden awakened that dawg in her and she LOCKED IN. 

men’s and women’s basketball wins over france 🔥 imagine being the host country and both ur basketball teams go to the gold medal match just TO LOSE TO THE SAME COUNTRY LLL

usa winning the most medals 🔥💪 they not like U.S. fr 

shoutout to that guy who tried to climb the eiffel tower without ropes at the closing ceremony 😔✊ arrested before he could achieve greatness 🕊️🕊️🕊️

[wittlesissyb4by]

It was such a pathetic sight. Ryan was squishing in his chair, crinkling in his ridiculous diaper, and blowing raspberries between bites of mushy carrots.

I can’t believe how far he’s come, or, rather, how far he’s fallen. Ryan used to be a pompous, chauvinistic asshole who got a little too big for his own britches. If he wasn’t trying to  impress his holier than thou attitude upon anyone he could in public, he was doing it at home with me. I was beneath him. I was nothing but a 50’s housewife expected to cook, clean, and pick-up after him. Oh, and to be there to please his tiny dick for almost a full 30-seconds…

I was tired of it, sick of being nothing but a vending machine for him to call on, only to be left thankless and underappreciated. Things had to change.

So, I started off small, slipping various hormones and chemicals into the food I was ordered to cook for him every night. When he was sleeping, I’d put on a little hypnosis for him to listen to after I popped my earmuffs in. 

The effects were gradual at first. He started complaining about his nipples hurting. I’d find wet stains in his underwear, and he’d whimper and whine about the tiniest things (okay, maybe that wasn’t much different than before…). Soon I noticed him constantly needing to have something in his mouth. It started out with just his fingernails, then a toothpick, a plastic cap, and–when I started taking those away and he’d (literally) cry–he would resort to sucking his thumb.

He was actually giggling with delight when I brought home a pacifier. That was when things really started kicking in. He’d come home from work with wet underpants, and would wake up in soaking sheets. So, obviously, it was time for diapers. He protested at first, but soon I’d come into the living room to find him humping and crinkling on the floor, drooling all over his thumb. Where he used to bark at me to bring him a beer when he got home, he was now begging and pleading for a bottle of ‘milkies’ with his wittle baby voice.

He learned to address me as Mommy, to say ‘pweez’ and thank you for every little thing. He even agreed to let me bring home other guys. Real men for me to play with. There was a time where he’d try to act all macho in front of other men, now he’d get on his knees and suck their dick if I told him it was his ‘ba ba’ for the day.

He has no problem dressing like a girl, in fact, he kind of throws a fit if all his pink tutu’s and rompers are dirty and he has to wear a blue onesie. I used to let him hump his huggies as much as his little heart desired, I’d rather him pump his pitiful load into pampers instead of my pussy while I pretend to enjoy it–but then I took that away as well. He still whines and cries sometimes for me to let him out of his chastity cage for ‘cum cums’, but those are a thing of the past now.

It’s funny, he used to think he was so smart, he’d belittle everyone around him for not knowing the most random of facts. Now? He’s practically a braindead, bimbo baby. I mean, look at him. He’s blowing raspberries with muck in his mouth and drooling down his bib, smiling the whole time. He doesn’t seem to mind that he’s sitting in a heavily soiled diaper, in fact, he’s mushing around in it like a happy piggie playing in the mud.

I wonder if he understands that all of his money is now in my account. Sure, I’ll drop the hypnosis and send him out to work, only to make him snap back into it as soon as he’s home so I can tape him back in a diaper. Ryan–or Rylie–as she’s now called, is not even close to a man anymore. Her little dick is caged and diapered, right where it belongs. Now excuse me while I shovel more slop into her babbling mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a custom caption I did for one of my lovely supporters on SubStar! If you would like one of your very own, consider subscribing to the Silver tier or higher!

[boxturret]

The Consequences of Bibs

Bohrok are cool. Their combiners are not. They don't even have names, look it up.

I was messing around with the Bohrok Kaita builds a bit and noticed something funny with the instructions.

The combination of Lehvak, Gahlok, and Kohrak, the Ice Bohrok, which will be referred to as Kaita A, clearly just uses most of a Lehvak for its head. Its such a reuse that they literally just tell you to go back to earlier in the book and reread those instruction pages, rather than reprint them, as this part of the instructions was in Lehvak's book.

This has the result of the Kaita A instructions being 80% of a bohrok shorter than the other one, so they have more pages left than the other combiner!

They make use of this with 4 pages with lots of nice story renders, 4 per page.

Now the second combiner, composed of Pahrak, Tahnok, and Nuhvok, referred to here as Kaita 1, has a bit of a difference. Much of the build of Kaitas A and 1 is identical, the main differences being in the arms and the upper torso. Kaita 1 also embeds Tahnok's face shield inside of Nuhvok's body.

This means that they can't just reuse parts of the main Bohrok instructions like Kaita A, which leads to the instructions overall being longer. To keep things simple they most likely wanted the instructions for all 6 sets to be the same length, so this led to a reduction in the number of pages devoted to the story renders, having only two.

They're much smaller also, they manage to squeeze 9 per page compared to Kaita A's 4.

But you may notice something odd there. 4x4 is 16, but 9x2 is 18!

That's right, despite having smaller images overall, and less pages, the Kaita 1 instructions actually contain MORE images. The hive cell about to burst and Onua and Whenua meeting at the Amaja Nui are exclusive to these two books.

Yes I said two. For poor Nuhvok, after the first two books cover the legs and head, has to show everything else, and thus only gets a single page of renders.

It shares the same format as the others of Kaita 1, but is super abbreviated.

So on this day let us all take a moment to appreciate little Nuhvok, the Bohrok that had to shoulder the bulk of its Kaita instructions due to the addition of a silly little bib, and as a consequence contained the least story renders of any of them.

[sunsetkerr]

A THUNDERBIRD | s.kerr

summary: you're on your way to the Suncorp super netball finals, and sam is right there behind you.

pairing: netball!reader x sam kerr

notes: love netball!reader, my baby girl

samkerrupdates

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samkerrupdates sam's story today! her girlfriend is flying out to melbourne to play in the suncorp super netball final!

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user1 go thunderbirds!!

user2 no because shes actually little simp for y/n and its so funny to me

user3 has sam wrapped around her finger

user4 y/n looks so cute wtf

user5 sam and y/n are my favourite couple ever I can't help it

↳ user6 this. 24/7. 365.

yourinstagram

liked by samanthakerr20, alannakennedy and 45,387 others

yourinstagram the girls in pink tie dye for training today #thetiedyeproject <3

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samanthakerr20 the best of the best

↳ yourinstagram dont jinx it stupid

↳ samanthakerr20 knock on wood

user1 y/n is so pretty

user2 the wa wearing the gk bib is so funny to me for some reason

thetiedyeproject looking good girls!

mackenziearnold slaying or whatever

↳ yourinstagram something like that

hayleyraso looking good y/n x

↳ samathakerr20 dont flirt in front of me ras, I'll bench u

↳ yourinstagram she wouldn't dare xo

ynlnupdates

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ynlnupdates y/n posted on her story today! im hoping that sam comes out to watch the girls play in the final, but I know football season is starting to heat up- but we can hope!

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user1 I love their little posts for each other

user2 I want what they have no lie

user3 sam is so cute, I would also miss her y/n

samkerrupdates

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samkerrupdates sam is at the final for the thunderbirds to cheer on her girlfriend y/n!

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user1 I knew she wouldn't miss it 😭

user2 I hope they win so bad

user3 sam rlly is her biggest fan <3

user4 I love lesbians

↳ user5 a mood

samanthakerr20 uploaded to her story !

samanathakerr20

liked by yourinstagram, adelaidethunderbirds and 859,387 others

samanthakerr20 YTFG 🏆🐐 So fkn proud of you it's insane @yourinstagram, can't wait to watch you take home the world cup next 🩷🩷🩷

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maryfowlerrr YES MOTHER 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 LETS GOOOOOO

user1 sam being sappy on main right now

↳ user2 did you expect anything else from her?

lucyaustin THE BEST SIDELINE SQUEALER OUT THERE KERR

↳ samanthakerr20 someone has to yell at you to run faster 🔥

user3 congrats y/n!!!!

user4 the netball fan in me is screaming so hard

user5 imagine winning after 10 YEARS, what a game

mackenziearnold when it went into overtime I nearly shat my pants, so proud of you y/n!! 🩷

hayleyraso WORLD CUP NEXT!!!!!!

yourinstagram I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SAMMY 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

yourinstagram

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yourinstagram suncorp champions (for the first time in 10 YEARS)

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samanthakerr20 so incredibly proud of you, now and forever

↳ yourinstagram I love you

↳ yourinstagram don't get sappy with me

[aplpaca]

tell me another bird fact please,,

White-throated Sparrows have 2 color morphs: one with white stripes on their head, and one with tan stripes on their head. Both males and females can be either white-striped or tan-striped. White-striped individuals are more aggressive, outgoing, and territorial, while tan-striped individuals are less outgoing, and have been found to be more "attentive" parents. Pretty much all mating pairs are composed of a white-striped individual and a tan-striped individual. However, its been found that all females prefer tan-striped males and all males prefer white-striped females. But because the white-striped females are more aggressive, they end up getting the tan males first, and then the white males and tan females end up pairing up.

Vultures in the Americas evolved separately from vultures in Europe, Asia, and Africa. The have similar traits from evolving into similar niches, but theyre not actually closely related

Personal anecdote rather than a Fact, but when I interned at a hawkwatch, we would set up a big fake owl on a pole solely for the purpose of seeing if we could get the migrating raptors to fly in closer to try to scare it off. The larger birds like Red-tailed Hawks and Red-shouldered Hawks and the larger falcons like Peregrines would usually only dive in on the fake owl when they had already been flying directly overhead of it. The American Kestrels however, which are about the size of a Mourning Dove (or like a twelfth the size of a Great Horned Owl, which is what the fake was representing), would make 90 degree turns from 2+ miles out of the way to come in and divebomb the fake owl before continuing on their migration path. And I just always found that really funny. Heres a female and male American Kestrel (male has the grey on his wings)

Green Herons often use bait to catch fish. They'll toss a bug or a smaller (dead) fish or something into the water and wait till the fish gather around it, then grab ones that are the right size for them. Here's one doing it with bread

Theres a population of about 2000 Rosy-faced Lovebirds in Phoenix, AZ (theyre native to Africa) that have learned to use air conditioning vents to stay cool. They only use them when temperatures are over 90F/32C

Mourning Doves can fly up to 55mph/88kph

Woodpeckers dont just peck stuff to find bugs. They also do it to attract mates and mark territory. And the louder the noise is, the more impressive it sounds to other woodpeckers. So when they peck metal pipes and utility poles and stuff, they're not looking for bugs in the wrong place, they're being loud on purpose

Theres a family of birds in Central and South America called Antbirds. Not bc they eat ants, but bc they, to varying degrees, follow ant colonies and eat the bugs and small animals that are running away from the ants. Some, like the Bicolored Antbird, are obligate ant-followers, and get the vast majority of their food this way. Heres a Bicolored Antbird

male Temminck's Tragopans (a type of pheasant) have this bright blue bib thing they can unfurl/inflate in their mating display. Also this pheasant species nests in trees, which is uncommon for pheasants (they usually nest on the ground). but seriously look at this shit

[adultbabystories]

Daddy talks - Part E

Pleasure flows through your whole body, leaving you melted over Daddy’s lap. Your whole being is in his grace, having you leaking pre cum and saliva all over. Babbling funny words behind your pacifier while he hits your prostate repeatedly. You don’t have an orgasm in the traditional sense, but waves of sexual energy go through you. You are his boy, he is your daddy.

He stops and caries you to bed. He flops you to your stomach, giving you a giant plushie to hold.

“Hug him, he’s your friend now.” he says.

You hold the bear tight, his fur close to your skin, making you hot.

“Lift your head.” he says as he wraps a bib around your neck and leaves it under your chin like he was protecting the bed from something you might eat and spill.

Naked, just a bib around your neck, you are laying on the bed, holding a plushie. You don’t see daddy but you feel the bed rocking as he climbs on it. You hear lube pouring into his hands and feel it creeping into your hole. Again and again, he’s hitting your sweet spot, making you not only make the bedding sticky but also your new bib, dripping saliva from over-sucking the pacifier.

Daddy moves on the bed, and you suddenly see him just at your side, his knees towards your eyes, high as a mountain, naked. As he takes care of your hole, his huge cock became erected more and more. His right hand keeps going in your rear end, and his left plops out your pacifier. Your chin is dripping as you look up, looking into his eyes and his huge cock in between.

“Baby needs something new to suck on? SUCK!” he commands and inserts another finger into your warm hole.

You latch onto his hard dick, sucking it as hard as you can. Saliva and sweat drip on your colorful babyish bib.

[gooselycharm]

hi there! i'd just like to say that your kris and noelle "something else" comic has been driving me insane /pos and i'd love to hear more of your thoughts on those two!! their relationship is one of my favorite things in deltarune and your comic just got everything about them so right 🙏

thank you for reading "something else"! oh man, [more of] my thoughts on kris+noelle.... i sure got some of those.

this was one of the first tweets i made after finishing chapter 2 nearly... freaking 2 years ago. and basically i've just been saying that over and over again in different ways because i'm still not tired of the concept yet and probably wont ever be LOL. i'm obsessed with how badly the narrative wants to force them into an easily categorizable dynamic, especially the romantic one in snowgrave. the literal THORN RING, the more possessive dialogue options, spamton calling noelle a side chick LOL... it all creates this unnerving visual novel bad end atmosphere that feels manufactured by someone who's only ever learned about romance through secondhand sources. they're two queer teens trying to navigate their changing relationship with the only role models they know being their parents' own failed heterosexual marriages. they're so divorced² (divorced children of divorce).

i also like that for being so tragically doomed coded they can be funny! both in a dark humor way and also like, genuinely funny, like the stories of them as kids with kris covering themselves in ketchup and hiding under noelle's bed lmao. i mean there's even something funny about the romantic trappings of the snowgrave route, like trying to put wedding cake embellishments on a crime scene... you know, funny like kids trying on their parents clothes but they're too big and for some reason they're also crying and covered in blood? um.

i'm also SOOOO interested to see how snowgrave will continue in chapter 3! i really liked the hopeful note chapter 2 ended on (well. i took it as hopeful anyway). there's that bit where noelle is talking to herself and she says something like "recently kris has been acting so strange and no one else has noticed... i have to figure out why" and then kris jumpscares her LOL but i think i took that one line and really ran with it. noelle really is the one who knows kris best and despite how scared she is, she's still determined to help them... i like the little subversion of victim/hero going on, the implication that kris might be the one who needs rescuing.

the additional story/lore that came with the spamton sweepstakes made me CRAAAZYYYYY like my GOD... it's cute that noelle likes glitches/creepypasta when kris is kinda a walking creepypasta <3 also, god, noelle falling asleep listening to kris playing piano in the other room... there's so much like. wistfulness and nostalgia and this like... distant/detached intimacy packed into how noelle narrates that scene. it's kind of funny how much there is to dig into when like on a surface level they're just fairly regular childhood friends who grew apart LMAO they're extremely deep to me okay...

on another note i guess i do ship them? i like their dynamic whether it's platonic or romantic (the best is a weird mix of both 👍). it just can't be boring LOL like... this is one ship where trying to apply cookie cutter tropes to them really falls flat and the game is ahead of you on that anyway. in terms of romantically shipping them, i honestly don't think they're doomed to repeat patterns forever... i think they could actually be good for each other! but that's not really the aspect of their relationship that interests me akldjf;alk;sdg maybe i will make 60 page comic of kriselle going to couples counseling some other time

ANYWAY i'm going to cut myself off here, because i really could go on forever lol. i'll give you some links for further reading though

hellspawnmotel's deltarune art

lula pillowbug99's deltarune art

this art by raspbearis which features prominently in my internal kriselle bible

my own unfinished kriselle playlist

my own essay on gender & allegory in deltarune if for some reason u are not tired of hearing me talk yet

okay bye now & thanks again for reading my comic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jacksdinonuggets]

Give In

Summary: Charlie wants to have a little day with Vaggie but her partner is being a bit stubborn. Luckily, after a few back rubs and babying, she slips and lets Charlie take care of her.

Vaggie had woken up that day feeling fuzzy and unmotivated. She had a lot of things to do that day, so even if she was feeling little, she had to repress that feeling. Work couldn’t wait for her to babble on the ground and have tummy time. It couldn’t just stop and let her cuddle with her Mama/Mommy. She tried to get out of bed to start the day, but someone grabbed her hand.

“Baabbeee, come back to beddddd,” Charlie whined, trying to pull Vaggie back. She forgot how clingy she was in the morning.

“Sorry, sweetie, I need to get breakfast ready,” Vaggie pried her hand off of her and tried to get out of bed.

“Can’t we have a day off? We could go on a date, or just cuddle, Ooh! We could have a little day~” Charlie proposed, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Vaggie looks down, “I- uh, I’d love to but we have a lot of things to do today,”

Even though she did want to be little, she knew she couldn’t procrastinate. 

“Oh come on~ I love taking care of my wittle ity bity baby~” She baby-talked Vaggie. No matter how much the babying made her want to slip, she refused.

“Nope, no, no, no, I need to be big today,” Vaggie said, getting up from the bed and going over to the dresser. Charlie got out of bed and put her hands around her waist and pulled her close, hugging her.

“Then maybe a date?” 

Vaggie sighed, “No, sorry, sweetie,” She pushed Charlie lightly away from her and pulled her top over her head and onto her body. Charlie whined at the loss of contact.

“Come on, you need to get ready too,” Vaggie stood on her tiptoes and gave a peck on her chin. 

As Charlie got ready, she couldn’t stop feeling like Vaggie was repressing her little feelings. It wasn’t good for her, even if she had a bunch of stuff to do or errands to run. Things could be postponed, mental health couldn’t. So she had a plan to help Vaggie get into her little headspace.

As she was setting the table for breakfast, she gave Vaggie a zoopals plate instead of the normal paper plate. When Vaggie sat down and saw her plate, she first smiled, but it quickly turned to a nervous look.

When she was eating, a piece of egg fell onto her shirt, but Charlie was quick to clean it up off of her.

“Maybe we should get you a bib, sweetheart,” She said, wiping her shirt down. She licked a napkin and cleaned up Vaggie’s face, an action that always made Vaggie feel small. However, she just refused to slip! She just sat there awkwardly and didn’t even comment on the bib thing.

When they finished eating, vaggie tried to do the dishes, but Charlie swiftly took them and left no room for discussion. So Vaggie decided to help out by cleaning the lobby. It was a bit of a mess, some debris still around from the last time their wall blew up. She swept it away and vacuumed.

She found a pair of toy keys in the couch cushions. She fought the urge to immediately put it in her mouth and start chewing on it, or shake them to make a funny rattle-like noise. It would be nasty if she were to put them in her mouth. Afterall, the couch cushions were disgusting. She had already found multiple pieces of popcorn, gum, and stains on it. She just shoved them into her pocket for later.

When she was done, she tried to brainstorm some more classes they could do later that week. An idea that seemed pretty cool to try out would be music therapy. She wrote it down on her brainstorming page. So far, that was the only thing there. It had been 15 minutes. She groaned into a pillow. Why was this so hard? Her brain just didn’t feel like working.

“Hey, you doing okay, sweetheart?” Charlie walked over to the couch and kissed the back of her head.

“Yeah, my brain is just…not wanting to work right now,” Vaggie mumbles. Charlie strokes her hair and gives her a bit of a scalp massage. It really calms her down and she can feel herself falling asleep to it.

“How about you take a break? You’ve been repressing a lot and need to regress,” she says.

“Mmm, but what about the hotel?”

“Alastor can take care of it. That’s why he’s here after all!” Charlie jumped over the back of the couch and lands next to Vaggie. She pats her knee and kisses her face. Lots of non-sexual physical touch helped her become small. She remembers one time when they were cuddling in bed, Vaggie had accidentally regressed due to Charlie giving her scalp massages, lots of kisses, and rubbing her shoulder or tummy.

Charlie continued to show her affection and before long, Vaggie was leaning into the touch. She snuggled up against her, showing that she was small.

“Aww, you finally gave in?” Charlie pecked her cheek.

“Mhm, being big is hawd,” Vaggie lisped, snuggling closer to Charlie. The princess smiled and stroked her hair. 

“I bet it is, baby girl,” she responded. 

They cuddled for a few minutes in silence. It was relaxing for both of them and they were about to fall asleep, until Charlie lifted Vaggie into the air.

“I almost forgot! We need to get you changed into your diapie. Can’t have any accidents, now can we?” Charlie booped her noses, carrying her to their nursery. She places her onto the changing table and vaggie babbles and blows a raspberry. 

“Aww, aren’t you the cutest wittle baby~” she tickles Vaggies tummy, making her erupt into giggles.

Charlie slid off her underwear and skirt but noticed something in the pocket. She pulled it out and it was Vaggie’s teething keys! She quickly washed them into the sink and gave them to Vaggie. Then, she grabbed one of her diapers. It was a normal white one but it had pink text that said “Baby” on the tape landing area. After she got it all taped up, she gave it a little pat.

“All done!” she announced, picking Vaggie up and setting her down on the floor. Vaggie hobbled two feet (about half of a meter) before falling onto her knees.

“Oop, someone’s feeling pretty small, huh?” Charlie grabbed her from the ground and scooped her into her arms. She gave her a peck on her forehead before laying her down in the bed. She summoned her pacifier and clipped it onto her shirt

Vaggie babbled happily when the paci was placed inside of her mouth. It was adorable to see Vaggie be her happy baby self. It had been a while since the last time she was able to regress this young. Sometimes, she’d regress to toddler years for an hour or two but she had a feeling her baby would be this small for at least 3 or more hours. The girl always worked herself to the bone, she deserved a break.

“Does my little one wanna watch cartoons, cuddle, play or go for a walk?” she asked. They had a sized up stroller that she could push her around in so they could still go on strolls to the park when Vaggie didn’t feel like walking.

“Cubble,” Vaggie babbled quietly. With her paci, a lot of letters turned to b’s when she was talking but Charlie knew what she meant.

“Alright baby, we can cuddle,” Charlie hopped into bed and pulled her close. She handed Vaggie her stuffed bear so she could have double the comfort. She looked up at her and smiled.

“You’re such a cutie!” Charlie squeezed her tight. It was impossible not to die from adorableness when little vaggie was around.

They cuddled for a while, enjoying each other’s company. Every once in a while, Charlie would give her back rubs, nappy rubs (sfw of course), or scalp massages. They spent the rest of the day relaxing and having little time.