#blah blah blah @ nuance in the last paragraph

[nothinggold13]

I know I said this in my tags on the poll but I just CAN’T get behind “sloppy wet,” like, it is a VISCERAL disgust. Someone’s there going “it’s not sexual!” and guess what!! I never thought it was!! Someone else is going “it’s like a little slobbery baby kiss!!” and guess what!! I love babies and small children and I make them my entire life, but I still think their slobbery kisses are gross!! And I don’t want heaven meeting earth to feel gross!! And I don’t want God’s love to feel gross!! And I don’t think the original context of the song changes the way that line feels!!

Like, if it doesn’t make YOU feel that way, that’s great for you!! But I think creating alternative lyrics when playing the song in worship is SO valid, because it DOES feel icky to a lot of people!! The original lyrics are important in the context of what John was writing, and why he was writing it, and, again, as I said in my tags, I’m sure he had a meaningful reason for writing it that way, even if I don’t understand what was going through his mind for that particular word choice. It just doesn’t mean I have to sing it that way. He’s an evocative writer and of the two songs of his I know, his lyrics make me feel so many things!! Unfortunately in this case that feeling is “ew ew ew ew get off of me ew” which I fully trust was not his intention but also fully does ruin my experience with the song.

Is “unforeseen” the BEST alternative? Maybe not! But it is the version I learned many years ago at camp, and I think it is a beautiful word that is more pleasantly evocative than “sloppy wet,” so that is what I will sing. (I understand that some people get bad connotations from that word, too; in this case, I’m the one who does not see it in a bad way at all. Some people see unforeseen as non-consensual, but for me it’s the cinematic first kiss scene: something you’ve been waiting for, and yearning for, but haven’t known when the moment would finally come! In my mind, it’s a deeply shared “at last” experience! Which, to me, fits the line of the song much better! But because everyone does NOT feel that way, I understand why they might want other alternatives, too!)

Anyway, you can yell about “sloppy wet” being meaningful in the original context until you’re red in the face, but you also have to accept that that might not change the “ew ew ew” reaction that that image causes in some people!!

Good music has a tendency to grow bigger than the original artist. People will change pieces of a song to make it more reflective of their own experience. That’s not cowardly. That’s an act of love.

[bigskydreaming]

Child heroes are always gonna be a complicated and murky topic that NEEDS to be handled with nuance, don’t get me wrong.

But that said, I will always hate edgelord takes that try and make Robin, the boy hero, a helpless victim of Bruce’s manipulations, who pushes him into vigilantism or just views him proprietarily or as a tool to be used.

Because to me that ignores the entire point of what Robin CAN stand for.

Since, after all - Robin is not actually a child capable of being endangered. He’s a character whose narratives are defined entirely by what narrative choices a writer CHOOSES to go with.....

And half the point of fiction, especially fiction that springs from genres that have no real-world equivalent for their settings, characters, tropes, etc....

Is to use fiction as a vehicle to see what results when not hindered by the limitations of reality. Anyone who’s followed me long knows that by this I don’t actually mean to use fiction to try and pretend its DIVORCED from reality, that it doesn’t reflect reality to any degree or say anything meaningful about reality that reflects it.....no. Not my point.

I’m saying that fiction is IMO best utilized as a tool not for how its capable of being lesser or more finite or limited than reality, but as a tool for how its capable of TRANSCENDING reality, and opening up avenues to explore MORE than we’re capable of exploring in strictly reality-based mediums.

“What if everything we know to be true of reality is still true, if all the emotions are still present, if the cause and effect of how actions beget consequences and emotions and these in turn beget more actions....what if that’s all still the same as reality....except for this ONE SPECIFIC way in which we eliminate that stricture, just to see what happens when we take that limitation off the table thanks to the fact that we know these characters don’t exist just to live their own fully autonomous lives, but rather are created, with intent, to tell a specific story for a specific reason.”

And THAT’S the distinction, IMO, that allows us to not say ‘oh stories about children who are heroes shouldn’t encompass the fact that children SHOULDN’T be in these situations, and can be hurt by them, and hurt in ways that will carry lasting impact and consequences that no child should ever have to contend with, if there’s any other option whatsoever’.....

But rather, to say ‘stories about children who are heroes SHOULD encompass the fact that children shouldn’t be in these situations, and can be hurt by them, and hurt in ways that will etc etc etc blah blah you get the point I’m literally just copying and pasting that last paragraph”.....

BUT. In ADDITION to all that.....

Fiction, and the opportunities afforded by writers innately having stewardship over where their own narrative takes the fictional characters they craft TO be steered through a particular narrative maze, in pursuit of a deliberately chosen endpoint and message.....

Also lets us craft stories where a child character, put into situations where any real world equivalent is likely to be harmed and traumatized due to the vulnerability that situation carries....

Can also at the same time be MORE than just a probable victim. 

Because fictional characters have an innate power that no real world equivalent has:

Fictional characters, by their nature, have the innate power to beat any particular odds their author wants them to beat.

And thus fictional characters, even ones who are put into positions that yes, agreed, no one should ever HAVE to be in.....WHILE aware that like it or not, there are always going to be real world individuals who relate to that positioning and DO see parallels to their own lives....

Thus fictional characters can become not just mirrors, or analogs, or proxies.....but actual symbols that inspire, that represent and stand for things that resonate with readers on multiple levels. Show glimpses of reality or our own lives not just as they are, but as we’d like them to be, as we might hope for them to be, as we sometimes NEED them to be.

For example:

Robin, a fictional child hero in the hands of narrators who make specific narrative choices with intent, in pursuit of guiding an over-arching story into a specific shape of their own choosing, to be whatever they want it to be, look like what they want it to look like.

That child hero, in the hands of a writer who wants to push a child endangerment narrative about how Robin’s very existence as a vigilante is child abuse, because there’s no real world equivalent in which he would have the power to fight Bruce’s choices for him here, if Bruce were determined to exploit his guardianship over Dick Grayson and MAKE him be Robin?

Well that gives us Robin, a traumatized orphan who is pushed by a guardian into doing things he doesn’t want to do and that aren’t for his benefit. And I mean, that’s a story, alright. Its even a story you can write if you want to. Its just not a story I want to read, because I’ve read that story a million times, a million ways. 

That’s every story about someone with power looking at someone younger, smaller, weaker, more vulnerable than them and saying ‘here’s how I choose to exploit power over this other person, because I want to and I can’.....just dressed up in a Robin costume.

But take that same child hero, in the hands of a writer who wants to push a narrative about how Robin’s very existence as a hero can speak to any number of readers who have ever empathized with being a traumatized child who feels alone, outmatched, surrounded by danger and dangerous people, and who wants to give said readers a narrative where they can look at that child they see parts of themselves in, and see that child against all odds, still somehow finding, taking and using power on his own behalf and that of others?

Well that gives us Robin, a traumatized orphan who is looked at by everyone stronger, older, bigger, more enfranchised than him....and seen as nothing BUT an inevitable victim, an easy mark, prey to be further traumatized, used, exploited, etc.....

Only to get their ASS handed to them by that kid instead. As he laughs in their faces for being so fucking dumb as to look at characteristics like ‘small’ and ‘vulnerable’ and ‘hurt’ and make the expected but faulty assumption that anyone described by those labels must also inherently be ‘weak’ and ‘helpless’ and ‘exploitable.’

And see, THAT’S the story that I look to Robin for. That’s what has me drawing from the well of Robin narratives in search of, or to create more of.  

THAT’S a story that I’m always gonna think we can use more of.

Because yeah. In real life? There’s no scenario in which what a kid in that kind of position MIGHT be able to stand for or represent, on the off chance that he somehow manages to beat the odds and win the day or not get traumatized to hell or back by the experience....is worth the risk of ever putting them in that scenario when there’s any possible way to avoid it, whatsoever.

And that’s what makes it so that in real life? Its absolutely true that even with the logistics of vigilantism and superheroes aside, you can NEVER have a figure like Robin, child hero, without that child’s heroism quite literally being child abuse and endangerment at the same time.

But in a fictional world?

The rules are different, because of the one ultimate narrative rule to rule them all (just in my personal ranking, to be clear. YMMV):

And no, its NOT actually ‘because these are fictional characters, and thus they can’t REALLY be hurt, and thus their hurts don’t matter.’

That take is bizarrely counter-intuitive and self-defeating IMO, because of fucking COURSE fictional characters’ hurts STILL MATTER, even though a fictional character isn’t actually ‘real’ and thus isn’t ‘really hurt.’

If fictional characters’ hurts DIDN’T MATTER, the entire genre of hurt/comfort quite literally WOULD NOT EXIST.

Because if readers didn’t perceive those characters’ hurts and comfort as mattering in any way, shape or form....what even would be the appeal of that genre?

Why would readers and writers be pre-occupied with hurts they see as ENTIRELY meaningless, on the grounds that they’re fictional hurts attributed to characters who aren’t real, y’know? It makes no sense. Fictional hurt and comfort don’t matter in the specific WAY that real world hurts and comfort matter to people experiencing nonfictional versions of those things, sure. Absolutely true.

But its not inherently a one to one comparison. Those fictional hurts of fictional people STILL MATTER to readers, just in different ways and to different degrees, and the very fact that they DO matter, do resonate, do mean something relatable, is the entire reason people read and write those kinds of stories in the first place.

If fictional pains didn’t matter, full stop, stories revolving ENTIRELY around fictional pains wouldn’t be any more marketable than stories that are several hundred words dedicated just to describing a tree that doesn’t exist.

And I mean, idk about you guys, but I’m pretty sure I can’t remember the last time I came across an AO3 story where a one chapter ode that simply says ‘here’s a tree. Its pretty. The end’ somehow racked up several hundred comments and kudos.

Death to this idea that fictional characters can’t really be hurt, and that’s the difference between reality and fiction because like a) you’re not TECHNICALLY wrong when you say this, but b) you’re not actually saying what it sounds like you’re saying and c) in all practicality, you’re not actually saying anything productive whatsoever, usually all while acting like you’ve just definitively won an argument BY saying this.

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyway. Point is. So, like, no. That’s not the narrative rule that makes a child hero able to be more or other than JUST an inevitable child endangerment narrative.

The narrative rule that ACTUALLY makes all the difference here is:

A narrative is ALWAYS shaped by whatever choices the narrator CHOOSES for it.

The very odds that are an untenable risk that no one can justify expecting a real world equivalent of a character to take, or risk?

Are an entirely different beast, in the realm of fiction.

Because in fiction, those odds and whether or not a character gets to beat them, is one hundred percent ENTIRELY in the hands of the person shaping that narrative....as is the reason WHY a narrator might choose to let any given character beat particular odds, or be beaten by them instead.

THAT’S the difference.

[bufflessbodney]

Hi Dr, I was doing some research into vitamins for my sciatica and came across mention of a supplement I used to take up until right before my first manic episode by the name of rhodiola so I checked and found an article that said it can cause mania. Then I looked into two others I was taking, and, same deal: green coffee supplements which I was taking for energy and maca root powder which to be honest I took in abundance at probably three times the recommended dose, as well as the energy drinks ..being as I had never had a manic episode before I had no idea I was setting myself up for anything; I have had severe chronic muscular pain in my entire body since the age of 20, diagnosed as fibromyalgia -but then one Dr said it wasn't but she did not do nearly as elaborate an assessment as the first- and as a single mom I felt very depleted and lethargic much of the time so I was trying to boost my energy levels and it was working. Then I went on a vacation and to look for housing as we were planning to move, and it was the very first time away from my kids (other than the brief interlude between when my sons were stolen and when my daughter was born which was only a matter of months) and at my friend's house where I was staying (___) so I was unable to sleep for the majority of the time, a nap here and there, and things just got weirder cuz it was a house of partiers and I was seeing a guy there too who was very strange and long story short I ended up wandering the streets and slipped into homelessness within which I obviously did not sleep pretty much ever. I went off all my supplements cold turkey (there were a few others but I cannot remember which). Anyway my daughter and I were very close and talked pretty much constantly and I just remember the LACK of conversation filling my mind with this ..uh ..I don't know how to explain it, it was like I was still talking to her in my head but also needed to find a way to fill the lack somehow. And I also felt deeply compelled to do emotional healing work. The very first bonkers thing that happened and my only 'real' so called 'hallucination' that I recall, was when I screamed in an alley for about 10 minutes because I was persistently haunted by the memory of being recently raped, after which, with wonderful immediacy, I saw tiny rainbows surround and float around me for a couple of minutes. So either I cracked something in my brain by screaming or it was God comforting me or some shit. But I don't think in all my life I had ever screamed before and it was pretty intense.

Then my first manic episode was when after not sleeping at all for days and days, not even an hour, or eating in at least 2 days I think (long story) my weird friend kept taking me into restaurants and then out again and I kept thinking he was going to feed me and I was getting progressively more confused and I guess irritated or whatever word works and a guy noticed and offered me a toke off his joint and I hadn't smoked in a while and I took a huge blast and it just sent me (back) into screamland:

So this is why I think we are mainly dealing with PTSD stuff cuz I have been an expert at repressing my whole life, like, really really good at it. And then the subsequent manic episodes were, in my opinion, similarly, like, echoes of the first; occurring out of an impulse toward healing but sort of forced by circumstance (not sleeping, eating, excessive marijuana intake, etc). I also have pretty strong theories with regard to subtler considerations but you may neither be interested in such 'pseudo' scientifickicities or persuaded by them. However, myself having lived in BC for half my life where holistic medicine is considered the norm in many if not most circles, I cannot discount my views or replace them with what I consider to be a less than evolved conception of matters at hand (no offence; 'research' being what it is is still just at whatever stage it is at, and is not in itself a proof of truth or however you wanna phrase that). Such considerations are the effects of pretty much every thing I ingest on 'whatever' level they effect upon. During 'mania' or 'hypomania' it 'feels' like straight up 'vibration nuance variability' but I have such a sensitive disposition and I mean that physically as well that I can back that up with my own, less wacko\esoteric/bonko research and experience. For example I was vegetarian from the age of 18 until days before I went manic the first time (which I believe is another factor) and then felt addicted to meat and couldn't quit until a couple of months ago. Then I was tempted into eating meat again and I literally couldn't stop feeling like I was going to die afterwards. Albeit it was just like a wandering, mild, but still persistent thought, and I was high, but I never feel paranoid or yucky like that and I know it was the meat. Dairy has somewhat similar effects on me, but almost the opposite (I feel emotionally comforted by it but my body physically does not like it). And when manic or hypomanic I am really compelled toward vegetables like I used to be as a vegetarian but sort of lost my zazz for since becoming bipolar for some reason, BUT, I find them a nuisance and too fibrous and find myself sucking the juice out of them. Etc.

Anyway, blah blah blah who cares about the rantings of some lunatic, but I, for myself, think there is something very simple and natural to the process of healing, and that ultimately it would be within God's design to draw us back into harmony with nature at some point. I know I am 'ahead of my time' in many respects, I'm not a genius for nothing, but I feel encouraged by our last meeting and now that you have acknowledged the possibility that I might not be bipolar (and please understand that it is because to me the diagnosis simply does not make sense given what I understand about myself and my life and the nature of reality etc) I feel my time of necessarily challenging what does not make sense or sit right in my mind (for how couldn't I?) is less of a necessity and we can focus on potentialities etc. And don't worry I don't go around spouting my 'wisdom', I just live my life and if people learn anything from me it is only by paying attention.

Sorry about my run on paragraphs, I honestly cannot figure out how to not.

[datingadviceonreddit]

Sometimes when I match with women that seem to have high interest in me - I tend not to waste time and just ask when they are free for a date. Instead of texting for days and it going nowhere. Id rather exchange a few and then get their numbers so I can lock in a date. The women that match with me seem to only want to lock in a pen pal. And I’m too busy to be on the phone all day with a female. I have business to attend to. When I say stuff like “I’d rather hear that story in person” or “that seems interesting I want you to go in detail about it when me meet.” it’s always taken well. But when it come time to lock in a time and place they get cold feet. On the other hand if I commit to the whole text until we dont process. It ends 50-50. The conversation fizzles out. I get bored from hearing them put their whole story in a blue bubble. I get distracted from my work. And if we do meet up the nuance is not there for me. Because she has spent the last week talking my head off. Why do women get cold feet when a guy asks them out directly? Is that not the point of these apps. Meet people and get outside. I only do this with mutual high interest matches. I rather spend an evening learning about a women I’m interested in than hearing it over text. That way I can devote my time and be present. Some people can’t be on their phones all damn day. I use to think this was only a trend for younger girls that match with me. But it happens with older ones as well. They would rather waste days of my time texting and calling me - then linking up in person. Once again these all are high interest matches. Fast replies. Detailed replies. Good back and forth. I just don’t understand. And my dates are far from elaborate. Lets meet at a park so we can talk about all the crap you want to blow my phone up about. Something low risk for the both of us. This way I get to see them in person and make my judgment based on real life and not what they present on social media and on these dating apps. People are too caught up with staging and playing perfect. So I do this to weed out all the low hanging fruit. This has worked great for me in the past but sometimes it fails badly. I get that women want to feel me out a bit over the phone. But if i pass all your initial test (from the initial match to getting the number) and the chemistry is right - why is so bad to just go on a date? REAL HUMAN INTERACTION! Im convinced some women just want a pen pal or someone to validate them and react to their stories . I really liked this girl and I devoted some time to talk to her. At the peak of the convo I mention I’m free tomorrow and how it would be nice to meet IRL. Crickets. Mind you she was blowing up my phone before that. Voice notes. Long paragraphs. Blah blah blah I work here, i like this. Women are weird. Is that not what you want to do - meet the guy you’re interested in? This is what i think - they just want us to orbit them and give them validation. Until they get bored and pick the next high interest victim. via /r/dating_advice

[ineedthat125]

NS FL 4

Oh my goodness that was so hard...I got a handful of “wtf” passages but ya girl still managed a 125 (forever crying emoji). So it is okay. I know AAMC will not be this hard, some questions and answer choices, and passages were ridiculous. Just have to keep going. 

Be careful with reading “new information” always. 

Like I mentioned a couple of days ago...if a question asks me to go to a certain paragraph, but the main idea is one of the answer choices, go for that answer. Let me do some investigating on these type of questions real quick. With “most likely” questions...go for the main idea, the bigger purpose. 

From today’s NS: 

The author most likely quotes Alan Horn in the third paragraph in order to:

AAMC FL2: Why does the author most likely mention “the role of chance” (paragraph 4)?

Old AAMC: “The discussion of the history of the word...is primarily intended to support the author’s claim...

Interesting. Okay. I’ll watch out for this verbiage and if I am confused best believe I will hit up Steve.

Like I have mentioned a billion times...better to be safe than sorry and take a glance back to reaffirm my beliefs...cause ya girl read that line too fast and was wrong. 

nuance - a subtle difference

concession - compromise

precedent - example

qualm - doubt

larceny - theft

specious - seemingly logical, but actually misleading

facetious - treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor; flippant.

When the answer choice seem bogus and I’m freaking out, watch out for the author’s tone in the passage and pick an answer that flows with it! Wild stuff that NS is throwing at me lol. 

I need to be careful with answering questions too quickly, even when under lots of pressure with a weird Russian passage. I need to be careful and take a deep breathe. Will definitely practice on this in these last less than two weeks haha. 

Okay so they threw in another public health passage that listed all of their goals and blah blah and that freaked me out last time...it did this time too. And I’ll try really hard to read precisely and not freak out with all of the content, like Steve tells me. 

I know its really hard when stressed, but I got to push that cortisol aside, pretend like I can that is lol, and be as reasonable as possible and not add logic. 

When you are not sure of an answer, remember not to freak out and read around that line in a P! And think of the main reason...don’t let fancier answer choices doubt you. Trust your gut too, sometimes, oof lol. Trust your gut after scanning! 

emphatically - in a forceful way

Oh my. This was a hard last set of passages. It went from Russians to a lot of content in a HIV passage to some museum (that I handled well, thankfully) to some weird art passage that I was so lost, to a famous museum which was a little hard to figure out how the author felt about it, but thankfully, it clicked and then a historical passage!!! That was brutal. But its teaching me that I need to get less freaked out when this happens...and calm down and look beyond all that mess and find the main idea. Which I promise to work on...