#obviously there ARE disrespectful ways to change someone’s music

[nothinggold13]

I know I said this in my tags on the poll but I just CAN’T get behind “sloppy wet,” like, it is a VISCERAL disgust. Someone’s there going “it’s not sexual!” and guess what!! I never thought it was!! Someone else is going “it’s like a little slobbery baby kiss!!” and guess what!! I love babies and small children and I make them my entire life, but I still think their slobbery kisses are gross!! And I don’t want heaven meeting earth to feel gross!! And I don’t want God’s love to feel gross!! And I don’t think the original context of the song changes the way that line feels!!

Like, if it doesn’t make YOU feel that way, that’s great for you!! But I think creating alternative lyrics when playing the song in worship is SO valid, because it DOES feel icky to a lot of people!! The original lyrics are important in the context of what John was writing, and why he was writing it, and, again, as I said in my tags, I’m sure he had a meaningful reason for writing it that way, even if I don’t understand what was going through his mind for that particular word choice. It just doesn’t mean I have to sing it that way. He’s an evocative writer and of the two songs of his I know, his lyrics make me feel so many things!! Unfortunately in this case that feeling is “ew ew ew ew get off of me ew” which I fully trust was not his intention but also fully does ruin my experience with the song.

Is “unforeseen” the BEST alternative? Maybe not! But it is the version I learned many years ago at camp, and I think it is a beautiful word that is more pleasantly evocative than “sloppy wet,” so that is what I will sing. (I understand that some people get bad connotations from that word, too; in this case, I’m the one who does not see it in a bad way at all. Some people see unforeseen as non-consensual, but for me it’s the cinematic first kiss scene: something you’ve been waiting for, and yearning for, but haven’t known when the moment would finally come! In my mind, it’s a deeply shared “at last” experience! Which, to me, fits the line of the song much better! But because everyone does NOT feel that way, I understand why they might want other alternatives, too!)

Anyway, you can yell about “sloppy wet” being meaningful in the original context until you’re red in the face, but you also have to accept that that might not change the “ew ew ew” reaction that that image causes in some people!!

Good music has a tendency to grow bigger than the original artist. People will change pieces of a song to make it more reflective of their own experience. That’s not cowardly. That’s an act of love.

[genericpuff]

The Derivative Fashion Sense of Lore Olympus

So I'm usually out here going Gordon Ramsay on Rachel's ass about her writing and art, but for this unsolicited essay I will be wearing a different hat.

Yep, we're going Miranda Priestly today. Specifically the Miranda Priestly who talks fashion, not the Miranda Priestly who abuses employees lmao (though rest assured, I'm gonna have a lot of curt words throughout this).

Disclaimer: I am not at all an expert on fashion, these are just my thoughts and observations from studying fashion styles as part of my own artistic journey, so as always, take what I have to say with loads of salt. I also realize the irony that I am addressing the derivative nature of Lore Olympus when I, myself, am creating a derivative retelling of Lore Olympus.

Alright, enough small talk.

There's this general misconception in runway fashion that all those "impractical outfits" are meant to be worn by the average person, people such as myself who see these outfits and go "what the fuck do you mean Lady Gaga wore a dress made out of meat?!" When we see these crazy fits, our first impression is often "Why would anyone wear that?"

Well, because they aren't outfits. They're art pieces.

And not only are the outfits themselves art pieces, but the people wearing them are the canvases. These outfits aren't designed for just anyone to wear, especially not your average Joe, they're designed both with the artist's vision as well as the model in mind. A lot of thought, expression, cultural influences, and personal messaging is sewn into these designs.

Think about it this way, you couldn't take that aforementioned Gaga meat dress and put it on Taylor Swift. Not only would it not be physically tailored to her, but it wouldn't align with Swift's brand of music. Gaga, at the time of wearing that dress, was making a statement that came about from a collaborative effort between herself, the canvas, and her fashion designer, the artist. The meaning would be lost if you put Swift, Katy Perry, or any other musician into it, because the fact that Gaga is the one wearing it is part of that meaning.

What would happen if you did take the meat dress and put it on someone else? Well, that's how you get the controversial 2022 Met Gala when Kim Kardashian wore the sequin dress that Marilyn Monroe wore for JFK back in 1962.

Not a replica. Not a re-interpretation. The actual literal dress that Monroe once wore. This was a very bold - and in my opinion, reckless - move on Kim's part, because not only was she forcing herself into a dress not tailored to her (and yes, there has been deliberation on what damage was caused to the dress on account of this) but rather than working with a fashion designer to come up with a fresh new interpretation of the same concept, she just went "yeah I'm gonna wear the exact dress", in what many interpreted as a disrespectful power move to artificially put herself on the same level of prestige as Monroe. But she still isn't on that level of prestige and it speaks volumes that she thought carving out her own legacy would be as simple as just taking someone else's. The wolf wore the sheep's clothing with the intent to fool the sheep, but it was still a wolf.

But okay okay, WHAT does this have to do with Lore Olympus?

Well, Rachel released a new interview clip.

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A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

I will say, these seem to have all been recorded at once probably when she was back at NYCC and they're probably going to be released daily leading up to the free release of the finale. Why they're hyping up the free version rather than hyping up the FastPass version that actually generates income, I have no clue, but I digress.

As always, the transcript is as follows:

"I really like looking at like, uh, vintage clothing and silhouettes that are... y'know, timeless. I mean, obviously it's really hard to future-proof work that's set in the modern setting because of course the times are gonna change, like, rapidly and there's not a lot you can do about it, but in terms of, like, fashion, there are just some silhouettes that are always going to look very classy, so... I try to put things that will not age. Like, I think there was a chapter recently where she [Persephone?] had like a very vintage Dior look which I really liked, um... and I feel like that will always look nice, like in 10 years time I'll be like, 'She looked good'. But there are some outfits which are more modern where I'm like, 'That probably won't look good in 10 years time'. But, y'know, we still got the inspired vintage Dior outfit so that's good, that's safe."

There isn't much to say about the actual transcribed text itself, but I do think it's very telling that Rachel tries to upsell her sense of fashion sense in LO when... much of it is just flat out derivative. At best she's often referencing real life people (mostly Hollywood celebrities) and at worst she's usually just grabbing stuff off Pinterest inspo boards without any consideration towards the influences or who she's putting into them.

That said, I do think she told on herself quite a bit in that final line of the interview clip - "that's good, that's safe."

I can understand wanting to play it safe in terms of knowing your limitations and not wanting to create something that would be dated in a few years.

But fashion... isn't about playing it safe. Because ultimately, how something ages in the long term isn't something that you, the artist, can control, and like many art mediums, you need to be focused on what to create next, not on how well your old art pieces still hold up in the present where they've been removed from their original context.

And I think this rings true for a lot of Lore Olympus, beyond just the fashion. It's all just a little too safe. We see it in the fashion, we see it in her uncommitted writing decisions, we see it in how often she's willing to retcon things just to write herself out of corners.

And I think that's really Rachel's biggest weakness as a creator at the end of the day. As much as she's tried to put on the persona of "screw you, I'll do what I want", her actions are always the opposite of what she says. She says that the fashion in LO is very vintage, but I can count on one hand how many outfits were actually vintage. The vast majority of them are a lot more modern, with a lot of Western influences, and sometimes with a boob window thrown in.

Case in point, the most recent outfit of Persephone wearing a practically-nude sparkle dress?

That's Rihanna's Swarovski dress that she wore in 2014.

Now, to Rachel's credit, she did find a way to personalize this to Persephone by removing the cap and giving her a rose-shaped bun, but the outfit itself is still just copied directly from Rihanna. Not only is there not a whole lot of Persephone's influence beyond her being literally made out of roses-

-but there isn't anything calling attention to the fact that this is a Greek myth retelling. And this isn't just a problem with the Swarovski dress callback, this is a problem EVERYWHERE.

And of course, that's not even touching on the fact that Hades and Hecate are forced to wear suits constantly. Because, according to Rachel, the fashion inspiration for Hades and Persephone only went as deep is "he's the groom and she's the bride"-

Rachel plays it safe by sticking purely to the inspirations she consumes from modern American media. The "modern twist" on the myths in LO is literally just "it's Greek myth but it's set in Los Angeles". She doesn't seem to want to put herself out there and actually consume Greek content any deeper than what she can find on Google, and it shows in how little Greek there is in this Greek myth comic.

There is, ironically, as I've been told by community members in ULO, a fashion collection called Persephone created by Paolo Sebastian, and in it you can see the actual Greek influences in these outfits far more than what you see in even Persephone's most visually stunning outfits:

These are dresses and yet Paolo uses them as an opportunity to tell the story of Persephone, somehow even more faithfully than an actual written adaption of The Hymn to Demeter. Because fashion, too, can tell a story - and Lore Olympus' fashion, like its writing, has no story to really tell, at least not in Rachel's hands when she's just pulling whatever she can find from what she treats as a pile of "stuff" on Google.

And that's not even getting into how the writing plays it safe much in the same way as the fashion influences and artistic choices. A good example is that S3 premiere sequence, in which Hades and Persephone are pulled away from each other so that... they can get washed down by their family and peers.

Rachel doesn't really do anything to re-contextualize this reference for the context and setting and circumstances of LO, she just goes "I liked that bath scene from Beauty and the Beast so I'm going to put it in LO."

And of course, it doesn't work as effectively as it did in Beauty and the Beast, because the whole original point of that scene was to showcase the big and scary Beast being washed down like a dog by his servants-turned-into-furniture while he stresses over how he's going to win over Belle. It's a comedic subversion, artistically by showing the ferocious beast reduced into a wet dog, but also on a narrative level by showing through his dialogue and actions how nervous he is to impress Belle because his own fate - as well as the fates of his servants - depend on her falling in love with him. He can't afford to mess this up.

But in LO, it's two naked people who we already know love each other and are committed to each other, we've already seen countless scenes of them being sweet on each other and showcasing that they're into each other, and by all accounts they've already gotten their happy ending, so it makes no sense for them to just be like "OMG SHE LIKES ME?? I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE LIKES ME!" "should I seduce him?!?!??" because this seems like a no-brainer and there's zero actual stakes riding on this the way that there was with Belle and the Beast. Plus the people washing them down aren't their servants who are in the same situation as them, they're random gods from the Pantheon whose affiliation ranges from "family" to "never even had a conversation before". One of the women washing down Persephone has literally never spoken a single line of dialogue to her; another one of them was literally dumped by her partner because he wanted Persephone more than her. Who are these people and why are they enthusiastically appearing to give her a bath? Why is Hades being given a scrub down by his own brother?

And that's really the most striking difference between inspired references and derivative ones. Undertale was a game created by a guy who was in love with retro games like Earthbound and Megaman. Stardew Valley was a game created by a guy who loved Harvest Moon and used to play it with his girlfriend. Content that's built on the foundation of another is natural and the basis of inspiration, but you have to go further with it than just going "yeah this thing existed and I'm taking it", otherwise you miss the purpose of why those inspirations were created the way they were.

And when you don't actually explore how you can re-interpret those influences and add your own voice into them, that's how you wind up writing like Rachel whose writing is about as inspired as a cheap character swap cutaway gag from Family Guy.

Rachel's great at referencing, but that's not at all an impressive thing to do as proven by Peter Griffin. She's not at all re-contextualizing or expanding on what inspired her... but she still claims that she's exactly what she's doing because she calls Lore Olympus a "deconstruction". But her deconstruction only ever goes so far as "well what if Aphrodite left Ares for Hephaestus instead of the other way around?" and then just showing that question and never answering it or delivering on the potential of what that could cause. At best, she'll ask a "what if?" but then never actually show us the what if, it begins and ends with the question and the question itself doesn't provoke any thought deeper than "huh, yeah, that would be neat I guess." Episode's over, next scene. What if we showed that clip of Bill O'Reilly freaking out on set, but like, replaced it with Stewie Griffin and changed nothing else about it except for that? That's the joke, next scene.

I know, we're digressing hard off the fashion here, but the fashion itself is just a symptom of a much bigger problem that expands even beyond Lore Olympus - Rachel plays things way too safe. Even her responses in her interviews are painfully subdued, often resorting to the same tired answers that we've heard 823190589320 times before to the same hand-picked questions that are undoubtedly chosen ahead of time to ensure she doesn't have to answer anything too complicated. And when she does say "I have thoughts about xyz" she never actually... expresses her thoughts. She just says she does and then moves on without any further elaboration because she can't wholeheartedly commit to whatever thoughts she has going on.

Granted, I'm sure that part of that is owed to the fact that she might feel like she can't say anything while the critics are breathing down her neck. I can understand that. But it's gotten so chronic that it's now bleeding into the work itself and it's led to even more criticism of her work. Need I remind you that this is the same person who copy pasted the definition of "xenia" from a first result Google search into her comic instead of naturally writing it into the script:

Rachel played it so safe that she basically treated her own audience like kindergartners by explaining what a scene meant even after explaining it in the text:

As true as it is in fashion, writing stories and making art takes risks. That doesn't mean you have to completely throw caution to the wind, but if you don't take risks, you do yourself the disservice of writing something that can truly be called unique and special to you. If you don't use your influences wisely, if you don't analyze and re-analyze what's influenced you over the years, you're going to wind up losing a lot of subtext in those influences and missing out on the opportunity to add your own voice into the re-interpretation. Rachel does take a lot of risks in LO, but they're not calculated risks, they're not risks that actually have any meaning behind them, she's sort of just throwing stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks, and worst of all, when it doesn't stick, she herself doesn't stick to it, she backpedals, she cowers away from the decisions she's made.

Rachel expressed her worries about depicting fashion that would become aged, but Lore Olympus is already aged through her own inability to commit to her decisions, take risks, and find her voice. It's aged itself through its poor interpretations of the myth, it's aged itself through its reliance on Tumblr tropes that have already been replaced tenfold, and it's aged itself through Rachel herself riding off the initial innovation of creating Lore Olympus and then never continuing to challenge herself or raise the bar for herself.

It proves true the discussion around why Lore Olympus became popular - at the time, it was groundbreaking, drawn in a style that we hadn't seen much of before, with fresh new takes on the myth; now, in 2024, its 'takes' feel tired and half-baked, and its art style has become a corporate-scrubbed shell of what it once was. And yet, Rachel is still rewarded for it all the same, so settling for comfortable mediocrity has become the name of the game.

Rachel may be trying as hard as the Disney life action remakes and Kim Kardashian to put herself on the same pedestal as the greats of yesteryear simply by copying what they did, but in playing it this safe and refusing to find her own voice out of the voices that influenced her, Lore Olympus isn't timeless. It's soulless.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making a "Hate Club" for my sister? My sister (13) and I (16) have never been close. She is very loud and energetic whereas I am not. She always has been a bit of a jerk sometimes, but recently she has been unbearable to be around. She has been outright mean to our parents, calling them names, screaming at them, throwing things, and doing so every morning when she gets up for school, and every evening when she has to go to sleep. Because of her "screaming schedule", my already bad sleep schedule has been ruined, and I need multiple naps to make it through my day properly because she wakes us up so early. I talked about this to some of my friends who know her, and we decided to make a group chat called "(Sister's name) Hate Club" where we could vent about how she has affected us personally. Sometimes our vents would devolve into mean comments or theorizing about why she's like this, but we never said any of this to her in person, or to anyone outside of our group of 8. However, one night when my mom (63) and I were coming home from a play we had gone to see, she saw a notification for (Sister's name) Hate Club. I had my phone connected to the car's display to play music, so she saw the notification, clear as day. I lied to her at the time, and told her that it was a group chat for stuff in our scout troop, as I didn't feel like explaining what it was on the way home. I thought that she would be mad at me. After I told her, she didn't talk much for the rest of the night. The next day, she confronted me as I was leaving for a doctor's appointment. She said "I don't know if you can tell, but I'm pretty angry at you right now." When I asked her why, she told me the group chat. She started saying how I was a bully, and how I was acting just like my sister does when she's mad. She wouldn't let me get a word in, so I rolled my eyes and left in the middle of her sentence (which I understand was not a good move, but I was already running late and I was angry now too). When I was done at the doctor's appointment, I decided to text her that it was actually a vent group about my sister to try and explain why the group wasn't actually a hate group. When I got home and into my room, she confronted me and we had a big argument. She kept on saying how I was bullying my sister, and apparently she talked to 2 of my friend's moms, saying "If your child made a hate group about someone, would you be mad?". They both responded with some form of "I'd be livid". One of those people got in trouble with their mom and had to write an apology letter to mine once their mom found out what my mom was talking about. In the argument, I told her that "I need a space to vent" and she said "The venting is not the problem, the name is". When I told her "It's just a joke name, because I obviously don't legitimately hate her", she said I was still bullying her. After that I got very defensive and started swearing (not directly at her, but for word emphasis), and she started saying I was disrespecting her now too. At that point I said I would change the name, because I know she's a hard-head and would rather die than admit that she's wrong in any given situation. I've changed the group chat name twice, and now were acting like nothing ever happened. I've talked to my friends that were in the group, and they've said that I'm NTA, but I'm still not sure if they are right or just biased because I'm their friend and they were hearing everything from my perspective. So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[weirdqueerleftistunity]

I was trying to forget about those people that think Leftist Unity is a weird ship because, "Tankie is a fatherly figure to Ancom" but I accidentally stumbled across a reply in the comments that reads,

Also jreg: Portrays tankie as a father figure to ancom directly before this song

..and it just baffles me. I've always found the flashback to be such an exaggerated portrayal of Ancom's naivety that I see it as a reflection of Commie's own flaws more than seeing it as an accurate portrayal of their relationship. When looking back on the dialogue of their break up, I see the pattern of Commie wanting to assert his ideology and his reality over the other, to "educate" Ancom who CLEARLY doesn't know what qi's talking about.

Commie: Come, take my hand. You are not thinking straight. Ancom: Nah, I'm thinking just fine. Actually a lot more clear than I've been thinking in the past. [...] Commie: Is this about all the times I killed all the anarchists? Come on! We were fighting capitalism and fascism. We had no time for anarchy! Ancom: Yeah, we were definitely never cool on that front. Commie: Clearly you have brain damage. More brain damage than usual. Ancom: Nah, actually, I feel like a lot more clear-headed. And come to think of it, this whole leftist unity thing was always a way of tankies to just control all leftist discourse. I'm kind of sick of that shit [...]

Ancom may be under the effects of nihilism, but qi didn't suddenly fabricate a dismissive, demeaning, infantilising Commie - it's just that under the slightest pressure, the slightest change of perspective, Ancom realises qi doesn't want to stay with Commie anymore. And what reason does qi have to stay when even Commie can't come up with a convincing argument for qim?

Commie: But… but the centrists. The… the extremists! [...] Commie: What do you want me to do? Represent the entire left? What do we do without the gays? Who's going to represent the gays? Commie: What do I do without you? What do I do without him? Ancom: Oh tankie, one last thing. It's quee/quem.

^^ That's the expression of someone who's realising that through their own behaviour, they've pushed the one they love away. You could say that up until this point, Commie has felt he provides guidance and purpose to Ancom; but really it was Commie who was the one deriving purpose from being Ancom's superior. With no purpose, a void that needs to be filled, it's no wonder that Commie is taken by Auth-Right's narrative that he's a part of a greater political war.. But back to my point.

Having the flashback where Commie is reminiscing about a version of Ancom that must think of Commie as a "teacher" being sandwiched between the break up (Ancom asserting that qi is tired of constantly being used and disrespected) and the duet (Commie reflecting and coming to realise he needs to treat Ancom as an equal if he wants qim to come back) - to me, this is obviously a tool of contrast. If you're taking the flashback literally as to see Commie as Ancom's parent rather than the exaggeration of the flaw that Commie infantilises the other then.. Idk what to say other than, do you REALLY think Ancom would say, "you're so smart, I'll do whatever you say"? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like this is a fictitious version of Ancom that idolises Commie: an illusion that was shattered the moment Ancom left and showed Commie that qi doesn't need him as much as he needs Ancom to feel whole.

This contrast is what helps the song Leftist Unity absolutely slam dunk my feelings every time, because you watch Commie go from yearning for this inaccurate memory of Ancom to having an argument with Ancom where qi is framed in a way where qi is equal to the other. Like I'm not someone who's great at deciphering imagery, but I think it's quite blatant that musically and visually there is not a superior side. Though Ancom does turn grey and fade into the background, this more signals how Commie has been left behind to mourn the loss of the other now that qi's gone.

And after this we get the interaction between Auth-Right and Commie where Auth-Right takes advantage of this beautiful butch lesbian's heartbreak; where Commie is on the brink of making a meaningful change before experiencing some character regression as Auth-Right convinces the other that he doesn't need to change.

Auth-Right: What, are you still sulking about that degenerate? Commie: I just… I just don't know who I am without Anarkiddy. [...] Commie: I don't know, [Auth-Right]. I have been reading about left communism, and- Auth-Right: Commie, listen to me. [...] The left versus the right. The far left versus the far right. Everything falls into place around us. And I wouldn't give that up for anything. [...] Commie: This is the kind of authoritarian unity I always wanted. Auth-Right: Well, now that the degenerate's gone, we can finally have it.

Commie obviously isn't perfect here. Change can be rocky, so he still calls Ancom "Anarkiddy" here but he IS trying to learn more about Ancom's ideology (once again, it is just tragic that Auth-Right takes advantage of this beautiful butch at his lowest)... And I want to point out Commie READING qis theory to highlight the fact that Ancom isn't an idiot who needs to be educated on every little thing, Ancom isn't a child, Ancom just knows qis OWN ideology's theory better that Commie's. If you quizzed Commie on Ancom's ideology, Commie likely wouldn't know nearly as much a Ancom does, but because Ancom doesn't talk like an "intellectual" people seem to think that Ancom doesn't know anything. Like Ancom LITERALLY brings up Kropotkin and Bookchin in episode 3- do I have to point out that Ancom can read or what? Again, it makes it weird to see the flashback taken literally because of COURSE Ancom is going to be viewed as childish if you don't have any respect for Ancom's ideology - which is exactly what Commie did.

This post could likely be more polished to better explain my point, but basically, I will always take issue with people who assert that Leftist Unity is a father-son dynamic when I think the text is trying to communicate a narrative of Ancom being treated in a demeaning manner - which makes it even MORE insulting when you do the exact same thing (infantilising Ancom) the narrative is communicating was WRONG.. Of course, you can interpret the text whichever way you want, but don't jump on shippers as if we don't know what we're talking about. We have seen the text, we just don't think it says what YOU think it's saying.

Also, they canonically play tropey romantic music when Ancom and Commie reunite so I think maybe the editor might understand the text better than you- Sorry, who said that? (This is just a petty remark to be funny. I'm just being opinionated, you honestly can interpret them as father and son if you want.)

[eriexplosion]

God IDK if I'm prepared for Solitary Clone again tbh

Weak for the design of Desix really, I just love this fully enclosed city style thing

And GOD am I weak for Tawni Ames, like. My lady. I'm particularly weak for her in her mask with the voice modulation. Forget taking the dude hostage she should have just shot him. I had to look up his name (Grotton) because I refuse to call him the governor he's just some bitch that showed up suddenly.

CROSSHAIR THOUGH. THERE HE IS. He somehow looks even worse than Return to Kamino and several months (presumably) of recovery from his 32 rotations on an open platform. Terrified to think of what he looked like right when they found him.

The food has upgraded, now instead of merely 'cylinder' we also have 'Drumstick' and 'orb' not that Crosshair gets to eat any of them.

God I'm sorry it is so funny to me that Crosshair has managed to get less popular like it's awful for him obviously but like. He was always dreadfully unpopular HOW did it get worse?

I have a working theory that it's perceived favoritism. Like, he apparently has a bare box for a room and he sleeps on a slab without a blanket but it IS a private room. He gets called on personally by the Admiral, even though the audience knows it's pretty much just to be disrespected. They didn't bother going back for him on Kamino for 32 days but they DID go back for him and that's more than most clones get.

Alternate theory is that his vibes are just that bad because he's so desperate and lonely. Poor bastard sits silently at the end of the table and STILL gets abandonoed.

The way that Crosshair spends so much of this season in a variety of depression jammies

Rampart just casually like BTW HOW LONG DID WE LEAVE YOU FOR DEAD? JUST REMIND ME. I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO DESPERATE THAT YOU'RE STICKING WITH US AFTER THAT.

Seriously the fact that he can be like 'wow this clone is so loyal he forgave us for leaving him for dead' and instead of appreciating what he has he has to needle Crosshair about it. Just. "Left for dead and yet you still came back... why?" Smug faced bastard man.

"I'm a soldier of the Empire" because "I LITERALLY REJECTED EVERYTHING ELSE I HAD FOR THIS I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER OPTIONS" doesn't play as well.

I really want the batch to know about this but I don't think he'd ever tell them. If there's one thing Crosshair is good at it's, for whatever personal reasons, choosing to present himself in the most unsympathetic fashion possible at every opportunity.

I wonder again if Crosshair was ever officially promoted. He still has a CT prefix rather than CC, and Rampart's super casual about putting him under someone else's command, referring to it as 'not ready to play commander again' it's like the entire title was just a good behavior courtesy rather than an actual promotion and so no official changes have had to be made. And now it's clear that Crosshair doesn't need good behavior courtesies or in fact any courtesy whatsoever to try desperately for approval, so why bother?

Really thought that he'd act out more against Crosshair over the false report thing but there's something so funny about the fact that he was doing this LITERALLY just to be a bitch because Rampart just is like that.

CODY

Crosshair looking at Cody's exact markings skeptically until Cody pulls his helmet off because the color is just as important as the design. Why aren''t you YELLOW?

"You're lucky I was available." I love that it takes literally 1 second for Crosshair's completely deadpan snark to come back when faced with Cody because what was he doing before this other than being miserable in his box of a room?

Cody probably is surprised but not because the batch went AWOL but because Crosshair didn't go with them. He doesn't know about the chips and Crosshair was the LEAST likely to follow orders before, not the most. Cody's experiencing Opposite Day over here.

Goddddd the musical cue after 'then they're traitors, like the Jedi' as Cody realizes that Crosshair is NOT safe to pressure on this anymore. I don't think he'd ever actually turn Cody in tbh but Cody can't know that. He's seen a LOT of clones act in ways he never thought they would after all. He's acted in ways he never thought he would.

Crosshair really seems to have dropped his attitude about regs like he uses the word once but he's completely chill with the new squad. Downright chatty practically, he's even said MULTIPLE sentences.

"He saw it coming. The galactic empire." Yeah fun thing about that Tawni, he DID see it coming true because that was. The plan.

I do love that they give people multiple outlooks - Serennians hate Dooku for obvious reasons, on Desix they don't really know how corrupt he was, so Tawni is almost admiring of him. In the end, Dooku and the Republic were corrupted and everyone is suffering for it but they can only see their piece of it.

Can't be mad that Tawni shot them down, Crosshair was told to come here and shoot her pretty much so like, her instincts were Correct.

Off to check the crash for survivors of which there are several literally no crash has ever had no survivors in Star Wars apparently.

Crosshair is so excited to get to shoot things again finally something he's good at.

The way he says "Trust me" just damn. The voice. The voice is so good.

I'm still not over Crosshair sitting COMPLETELY STOCK STILL WHILE BEING SHOT AT, ZERO FLINCHING LIKE THE RISK OF SHRAPNEL ISN'T EVEN REAL. And the shot straight down the tanks barrel, GOD.

The way that if things went different in all of this Crosshair might have actually found some acceptance with a squad but since the universe demands that Crosshair be as miserable as humanly possible as often as possible, that is not to be.

Love how they actually made the droidekas intimidating by bringing them into such tight quarters. Also the sound design on their rolling is done FANTASTICALLY.

Still, RIP Wyler :c

Seeing the tactics play out is so good. Yes I know our boys are on the side of evil but you don't have all the facts. (I love them.)

CODY SCREAMING NOVA'S NAME WHILE CROSSHAIR HAS TO PULL HIM OUT OF RANGE OF THE EXPLOSION.

Stairwell Scene Stairwell Scene STAIRWELL SCENE. Genuinely loved how they framed the fighting here, sticking them into interesting locations where they get to use the environment just. Adore.

POV: you still haven't bothered to train your hand to hand skills

Just yeet the puck into the air it's fine Crosshair will manage it's good. This shot is so completely impossible and improbable but you know what's more important than that? It is extremely cool.

"Nice throw." "Nice shot."

TOO BAD THAT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TO GO VERY BADLY INDEED

THE CALLBACK TO MINA BONTERI GETS ME

The thing is that Crosshair was ordered to kill Tawni like, straight up ordered to kill her, and yeah he still has his rifle raised at this point but he was letting her talk, he was letting Cody actually negotiate, and when he was told to lower his rifle he did.

I remember right after this came out there was a lot of things about how Crosshair was BLOODTHIRSTY and FINE WITH KILLING HER and like he didn't jump to the task, not even when Grotton ordered her execution, he didn't do anything until Cody was threatened with consequences.

Crosshair isn't bloodthirsty, but he will do anything for people he cares about, including taking a shot that he knows Cody never would before Grotton even finishes saying 'consequences for disobedience'

The way Cody tried so hard though just, I love him, I adore him. All he wanted was for everyone to get out of that room alive.

THE WORST PART IS I think Cody fully understands why Crosshair took the shot too. The timing is obvious. And that makes him feel worse, because he did NOT want anyone to die for his sake. He didn't want Crosshair to kill her for his sake either. This whole thing was just too much.

I feel like his last moment with Crosshair in front of the memorial was him still trying one last time to get through to him, let him have a chance to say anything that might make this better (or make it seem like Cody has the option of trying to get him to leave the Empire with him) and Crosshair failed THOROUGHLY by doubling down on orders.

They both have to live with their choices and it's agonizing actually I am in PAIN.

Crosshair lying awake all night and then staring at the helmet when he wakes up.

GOD I am never over the absolute venom in Crosshair's voice when he's forced to spit out Cody's CC number to get Rampart to acknowledge it. It's the way he never argues his own number or his own treatment, but disrespecting CODY is different.

Also Rampart looks completely Disgusted that clones are out here having names still after all this.

His face on 'Problem?' is the most punchable thing I have EVER looked at.

Anyway I really do want to see Cody again post going AWOL but I would also be fine if we don't catch up with him until significantly later and he shows up in Kenobi season 2 or something. Unlike many people did when this aired I don't think they ever wanted to imply anything other than that Cody did in fact go AWOL, so I don't think we'll be seeing him as a CX clone or anything.

God this episode is still so good.

[hello-nichya-here]

What are your thoughts on Taylor Swift and the controversy about the dead fan?

*sighs* Okay, lets make one thing clear here: I have not seen any brazilian fan, media, or law enforcer so much as implying Ana's death was in any way Taylor's fault, because it wasn't.

T4F was extremelly irresponsible for forbidden people to bring water to the concert in a stadium, filled with metal plates and a ton of pyrotechnics, during an awful heatwave that got the temperature of 60°c (140°F). Lots of people got second degree burns, over a thousand fans passed out, and lots were sick enough to vomit. And, tragically, Ana died - and the bastards didn't even give her family the money to take her body back to their city, so she could buried. They had to ask for donations.

None of that is Taylor's fault, and I say this as someone that has never really cared all that much about her music (though I do think she should not have used pyrotechnics that day due the heat, and fans DID beg her not to). Brazilian companies can be very irresponsible and not give a fuck about anyone's safety as long as it makes them a little bit extra money. I also don't blame her for canceling the show of the following day as "By the way, someone died" is a more than understandable reason to be upset, and considering the temperature was still absurd, she would have been risking another tragedy. She did well to not perform again until it was safe to do so.

HOWEVER, the way she and her associates have handled the situation is attrocious. A quick stories saying "Guys, I'm so upset, I won't even talk about it or mention this girl's name at all" is not the same as offering sympathy to the family - and despite what plenty of foreign fans/media outlets have been saying since this happened, NO, Taylor/her associates did NOT get in contact with the family, did NOT offer condolences or any help, and did NOT pay any homage to Ana. Like I said, she did not so much as say the girl's name, and a moment of the show in which fans were planning to have a minute of silence in Ana's honor was changed, preventing it from happening.

This was made worse since people started comparing this to the time Taylor's mother visited a girl that passed out in concert in Dallas and offered her tickets to another show, and are wondering why there's this odd "don't talk about it" approach now.

The cancelled concert also led to controversy - because the fans were not warned that it would no longer be a show until they were all ALREADY in the venue. Again, this was nearly 24 hours after the tragedy, so there was more than enough to announce that (completely understandable, and like I said, probably far safer) change of plans.

She has not been pushing for any kind of punishment towards T4F either, even though by now it is abundantly clear they are to blame for one of her fans being dead, and several others needing to be hospitalized. She'd obviously be more than within her rights to do so, as it's her image attached to this mess, and she could have easily ended up sick/injured herself. Once again, the actual people here in Brazil were the ones calling out how absurd T4F's behavior was and are pushing for it to be illegal for companies to do anything remotely simmilar to what they did.

Some of her associates were also getting in trouble with the police because they covered their car-plates to not be identified by fans. Disregarding a countries' law when people are already thinking you're being a bunch of arrogant assholes that expect to get away with anything and everything.

I don't know if her management or her family or a friend or whoever told her that keeping quiet was the best away to avoid a scandal, but if someone DID tell her that, Taylor needs to stop listening to that person immediately and address the issue already, because right now she's coming off as cold and VERY disrespectful.

Tragedies happening in concerts or festivals is nothing new, be it in Brazil or anywhere else. Shit can always go wrong in a place packed with people, specially if the organizers are idiots. But there is a way to behave when that happens, and it includes the artist in question having the basic decency to at least contact the families and say "I am so sorry for your loss, I'm looking into what I can do to make sure this never happens again" - aka the bare fucking minimum.

[crying-fantasies]

Heaven Events

Synopsis: He was supposed to have a way more peaceful life in that little town, not crossing paths with a war dog, but you had interesting stories inked in your skin, so he couldn't stop himself.

Warnings: Rohan being Rohan, blood, memories of battles and deaths, Reader has some serious problems, description of old injuries.

When he heard about an acquaintance of Jotaro coming to the town he was excited, he wanted so badly to see and read about the man's previous adventures but trying to read him with his stand was clearly impossible if he still wanted to live.

Knowing that this person would provide him with that same information sounded more useful, and less like a suicide.

That is, but when he saw you...

Rohan really felt like he was in front of a warrior that got into many battles and lived to tell the tale.

He was... expecting something else, he already meet your younger sibling and the teenager looked way more normal than any other in the town, and that's a lot to say even when they had those strange birthmarks on the face, he expected that you also looked normal.

But what is normal in this town? So he just did what's best for him and approached you either way.

You were... not quite like he expected you to be.

He expected the strongest voice of someone that has seen the death in the eyes and returned alive, he didn't have a solid idea of what you lived or why you looked like that to begin with, he took you by surprise the first time, he can recall how you almost jumped in your place, it was like you were ready to attack back if he even said something bad to you.

"Um..." he was stuttering, wasn't he? How inappropriate, he needed to recompose himself, you could be a resourceful friend if possible, he was feeling excited of only thinking of all the things that you have seen in all this time! "My name is Kishibe Rohan, I'm a mangaka and I really would appreciate if you could answer some questions" he was direct, maybe too much.

Okay, yes, way too much, you were too close, what was your goal? Did he say something wrong? No, no! He will stay where he is and if you wanted to fight then he was ready for-

You only took his hand, shaking hands, that's what you were doing and he felt like an idiot, of course you would do that! You were practically a tourist and he was the one that already traveled to so many places, he should have noticed your struggles, "It's a pleasure, Mister Rohan" oh, wow, first name basis, that was fast, "did I say it correctly?" You asked to yourself, he noticed that and was about to tell you that you did, even when you called him for his first name the first chance that you had and how disrespectful that could be in Japan but, he didn't mind, so he just let you be.

"You did" kindness is difficult to express for him, but he noticed your relived posture when he talked in english and not in japanese, and he is also relieved, and a little bored, to see that you are not a brick wall of solitude like Jotaro.

Talking about what happened in the past is obviously painful to you, changing the subject constantly when you get to certain parts, the best parts he could say! And he was growing anxious, you could be telling a great adventure and then, nothing, just a painful expression while looking to the nothing, remembering something that you didn't want to ever live again.

But he wanted to! So badly! He was about to break the expensive pen on his hand everytime that you stopped in the best part.

"I'm sorry" you could say in a funny voice, your japanese really needed improvement, "could you do your thing?" You extended your arm to him and it took him a moment to realize what you wanted.

And then it hit him.

Who told you? Was it that group of stupid teenagers? Except Koichi-kun and your weird sibling, of course.

So he, with a gentle touch that he didn't knew that he had with other human individuals, started to approach your arm, he had a drawing of Heaven's door ready on his sketchbook for dire circumstances, but if you really wanted then-

What the hell was that?

In your hand a red book that he was sure wasn't there before just appeared, you opened it but he noticed the index and the large, incredibly large, list of names on it before you found one with the title of your name on it before handing it to him.

"You can read it, I really don't know how to tell you the things that you want to know" you just took a better position on his sofa, almost like you wanted to sleep there, when Rohan touched the red book he noticed, this was a stand, no doubt, was this your stand? And you would let him touch it like this? So simple? He didn't even need to ask!

And he was thankful for everything, for your existence, for your stand and it's incredible data! Almost more than 20 years of your life were read by the go of one week, he got attached to it so fast, he didn't even care that you stayed on his house if he could read for as long as he wanted, he didn't care if you two ended up eating together while he kept reading the book, in other occasions he could have just closed the book and eat like a decent person, but he was just in the part of how you started to use Hamon, and that only got more questions in him, asking you right away when you were doing breakfast as a thanks for letting you stay there, for some reason you didn't like to stay in the luxurious hotel in town, but that was fine for him! He got you 24hrs near to ask you about everything.

"It's a force of the sun used to fight" you did a little movement and spark like energy surrounded your fingers, Rohan had seen some unbelievable shit in his research hunting, but this was indeed something that he didn't expect to exist, quite interesting from a stand user, he was taken back when with your hands full of the strange energy you took his, taking a big inhale of air, the strange energy now flowing on his body, he couldn't express how he felt, how intense but tender it was, how close you two were in that moment, just to have you going back on your things while saying that you noticed his hands were stiff due to his continuous work on his manga, now that he moved his fingers he noticed, he didn't feel any problem with them.

"Wait, it is also used to heal?!" Rohan started to run after you with your book secured between his arms and chest, he didn't care if you were laughing at him and saying how fast he focused on only one thing.

And of course he didn't care when he saw how you also used that sun energy thing in the stupid group, except for Koichi-kun, his poor friend really got injured in all that mess.

Maybe things got out of hand way faster than he expected, it wasn't common for him to stop his reading at some important point in a good book, but in this moment he really needed it after learning what happened to you.

To such a young you, in the middle of the desert, with a monster behind you and blood of dear ones blended with your own that was still bleeding from your wounds.

Said wounds were now scars, so many, so visible, and yet you were still sane.

"Josuke Higashikata, what were you thinking?!"

"Ugh, don't say my name like that, you sound like my mom!"

"You should have called me to fight the enemy!"

Okay, maybe not exactly sane, but you weren't a lunatic.

Rohan noticed, of course he did, even when he was so focused, of how your arrival to his life changed a bit his way of researching data, now if he ever got the intention of going out you would go with him.

"Why, thought?"

"You have my book, I can't be away from it" your explanation, firm and simple, was enough, "you can give it to me if you want to go out"

But he couldn't let go of it, it was evident by how he protected the book with his body when the idea of you taking the book was almost real or when he really almost lost it when his "research hunting", like you called it, got out of hand, it always got out of hand, forcing you to help him more than once to scape an almost certain death.

"What do we say now?"

"Um... Thank you-"

"No! You won't ever do this again!"

Of course it happened again, and again, and again, almost all your time in Morioh was spent with him, he got to know more, way more, than he expected thanks to the book, and now that he had read it past the nightmare in the desert, well...

Rohan finally understood why you and Jotaro-san, despite having survived such a thing together, were now almost like two strangers, and you noticed, of course you did, even while carrying baby Shizuka in your arms and watching her closely you noticed how Rohan was thinking about something.

"It was nothing"

"I didn't say anything"

"I can feel you fuming, stop it, it's bad for the baby"

Why were you taking care of that baby to begin with? He wanted to ask you that, but couldn't say it at the end.

Romantic topics weren't his usual field, that's why his manga was a shonen, not a shoujo, he wanted to ask, of course, he couldn't the last thing that he wanted was to intrude more in your life, he knew that he could get a little selfish, but it was with the good intentions of improving his story, so when he finally got to the end of your chapter he noticed how it was still been writing, he could feel your beating heart when he touched the new words that were being put there, maybe you could feel it, because you now took the book from his hands, he didn't even notice you, or when you arrived, not even the baby in your arms made a sound!

You looked at the book, then at him, and he was so sure that you chuckled in that moment before you returned the book to him, but in a different chapter that wasn't yours.

"Don't put such a sad face" you told him while going to his living room, leaving him with the chapter that talked about your late grandmother who recently passed away.

Rohan wanted to ask you about you and Jotaro, but his interest was catched in the new life that you showed him in less than a few seconds, you laughed, this time he was sure, you laughed and for a moment it sounded strange for him, it was maybe the first time that you did it freely.

Does that mean that you felt more familiar with him? It was a possibility, he didn't want to think deeply about it.

Then, when everything is going fine with his life, Josuke Higashikata has to present yet again in his life, and for what? To try and take some money from him and burning his house.

The times with you in there were now totally lost, alongside your book of course, given that now you couldn't stay in his house and now you returned to the hotel, and just in the best part of your grandmother's story!

So he took his car between days to go visit you to Morioh Gran Hotel in order to keep reading the book, often seeing you with the baby or with a gloomy face, quite similar to the one that you had when he first meet you, at first he didn't get it, specially because you weren't like this, it's not like he knew you of all his life, it was you, but also not you, not entirely.

He got his answer to your weird behavior, and that was the very same Kujo Jotaro.

But what was he supposed to do? He didn't have idea, he did read all your history with Jotaro, but he didn't had any desire to be entangled in your romantic mess, much less when he read that the man was married and with a child somewhere, so he did what always turned well for him (that was a lie) and go to do some researching.

Which ended bad, because he crossed ways with the killer, but then you appeared to stop him from dying (again, but none of you would ever know that) and Rohan finally noticed that the red book wasn't your stand (well, it was, but not at the same time) and he got enamoured by the way that All Love looked like.

Nature's natural talent, he didn't care how stupid that may sound, was something that keeps amazing him even now, when your stand showed him once again that the nature of it amazed him even more

And so, when all the mess was finally over, his own stand showed him that he got you in a different light.

Especially when he saw you yet again with your new officer uniform, just when you caught him taking some experience to his manga.

"Why are you stealing?"

"I'm not!"

Ugh, now he had to deal with you.

[ithinkabouttzu]

hey hon !! I saw you were doing ships so I figured to submit one ( TP and/or BoB :) )

To get appearance out of the way — I’m 5’7, with short curly dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I wear glasses, so I love being completely unable to see without them (/s)

I enjoy most if not all forms of creative expression, but writing is the main focus. I’m currently working towards getting my masters in English, so there’s that. That being said, I am also self-taught in art and music, and used to play soccer as well. I really enjoy painting and playing piano primarily :)

Personality wise my MBTI changes all the time so literally all I can put is “XNXP” truthfully — but beyond that I tend to be a pretty blunt and straightforward person. I’m pretty sarcastic and teasing especially with my friends. I’m very openminded and will try anything at least once. I know that the people in my life tend to see me as someone they can go to for advice / solutions because I don’t like to sugarcoat and they expect that sort of honesty from me.

My love languages are acts of service and physical touch especially. I don’t come across as huggy in real life but I am, in fact, very huggy and like to be useful so there’s that. I always felt that Actions speak louder than words when it comes to expressing appreciation, at least from my standing.

Yes thank you so much for your request! Btw I LOVEEE your fic Sad, Beautiful, Tragic. it’s so good omg (Also so sorry about the long wait!)🙃🧡

I ship you with…

Lewis Nixon!

Song recommendation: Perfect - One Direction

- Okay bestie hear me out, but when I was reading your description Nix just popped into my head, Some of the things you mentioned just reminded me of him, and not just that but I think your vibe matches him a lot!

- When he first met you, he would he more calm about his feelings towards you, he’d think to himself like, “Dang, they’re hot” but then I think he would try to dismiss it, he’s seen you around the town before but hasn’t made a move on you yet, just because you’re one of the first people who actually makes him a little nervous

- and also there was another thought in his head that you might already have someone (cause i mean cmon, you’re obviously super attractive, why wouldn’t already have somebody?) and wouldn’t want to be disrespectful towards you if you did already have a partner.

- But I think talking to you would be inevitable at some point, like he can’t just walk around you with out saying something to you forever, you guys would be at a bar or something on the weekend, so you already know it’s PACKED, and you go up to the actual bar to get a drink and that’s when you accidentally bump into him

- You immediately say sorry to him, and he’s just like 😳, he did NOT expect to see you there that night and he was totally unprepared (and we already know this man hates being unprepared)“Are you okay” You would smile at him, and then he’d snap back into reality like, “Oh, yeah, i’m great” His confidence would just burst out of his chest at that point. “How bout I buy you a drink?”

- I think then you guys would be talking all night long, til the bar closes at least. he’d even make sure to not drink too much that way he wouldn’t be blackout drunk in front of you and could talk to you in a somewhat sober way

- Y’all have that fun sarcastic humor so y’all would just be laughing it up in the bar before closing time. It was probably one of the nights where he genuinely had fun talking to someone (other than Dick ofc)

- Just in general though afterwards you guys share that same type of humor, like you guys love to joke around and tease each other, almost like best friends would. Like banter is used A LOT in your guys’ relationship, you guys also know not to take it too far so when you guys do joke around it never actually does turn into a fight/argument.

- you guys are both a very smart couple, but he finds you brilliant, How you can just write up a whole page of words in a couple minutes, is a whole SKILLL to him, he always asks you to read what you’ve written to him after you’ve finished too (if you’re comfortable with reading it ofc)

- he’s almost a little jealous of how smart you are, you’re wayyyy more creative then him and he loves your open minded attitude. When he has a question about anything musical or literature he’s going straight to you to ask.

- He also loves hearing you play piano, he might even ask you to teach him some basics if you want to, it’s so soft and melodic to him he just can’t help but feel peaceful when he listens to your playing, really just any other piece of music you play.

- Both of you have this thing, where you guys aren’t super huggish in public, but when you guys are with each other, y’all are so loving and it’s so cute 🥹 like both of you can leave this adorable side of you, just for the other person to see and it’s heart MELTINGGG

- Lew usually likes to keep the pda minimal around people or in the public, only holding hands, or a hand around your waist, But when you guys are together in private, he’s so much more affectionate to you like cuddles and everything 😭 you see this side of him that he barely shows you anyone else, like this cute and giggly side of him omg.

- He’s also is big about showing you that he cares about the little things in your guys relationship. Like if he stops by a shop and sees a bouqet, with your fav flowers he’ll get them for you, or if you’ve had a bad day he will sit and talk with you and will be there for you in the best way he can.

- he can be a little awkward when it comes to expressing his feelings to you, even though he totally loves you, he feels like he doesn’t ever know what to say, but you never hold that against him, he always try his hardest to show you that he loves you in other ways then just words.

- You like painting? please show him how to paint and he will be GLAD to do it with you sometime, That would also be such a cute date idea, like you and him painting with eachother and then showing one another their finished product after. Your painting would of course look better then his but he would never admit that 🤣

- And if any of the guys need some advice? They’re going straight to you guys if they want the full and honest truth. Y’all are the “OG couple” to some of the younger guys so if it’s anything having to do with relationships and they need some real advice, then they’re going to you guys.

- date nights with this man are always so fun! He can always find things that both you and him enjoy to do and will arrange everything! Honestly for dates your job is to just be there while he does everything else 😭

- But if you try to help him with anything he will not let you at all LMAO like he just wants to treat you like full on royalty and that means you not having to move a single inch for anything the whole entire time, just in general he’s more of a romantic, like giving you his jacket if you’re cold, opening doors, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, little things like that he really enjoys doing for you.

- When he finds out you used to play soccer he is SHOCKED, like he’ll ask you how good you are at it and little questions like that, you might even play him a little bit and just show him the basics of the sport 😭 one thing that he can’t wrap his head around is the fact that you can’t use your hands at all, and if you beat him in a one on one match he will definitely blame it on the fact that he can’t use his hands, “I can’t just use my feet, I feel like i’m gonna trip over this ball!” BAHAHAHA

- But you guys would be so perfect together, like it’s almost like dating your bestfriend, the chemistry is PHENOMENAL and when you guys are together it’s just so natural, neither of you have to act any different then how you guys already are, This relationship overall would be so so nice omg.

Thank you again for your request lovely! I had so much fun making this and i hope you enjoy!! 💛💖🤭

[figureinthedistance]

speed of the sound of loneliness one of the best john prine songs maybe obviously. i think its interesting there is a very famous cover by a straight woman. shout out to nanci griffith rest in peace no disrespect meant in this post i love u. but anyway i think this song loses such value when its sung abt a man rather than abt a woman bc i think the relationship problem it describes is smth thats cliche if the person is a man + interesting if the person is a woman. these are the lyrics

btw im pretty sure its still you come home big when youre feeling small. anyway when i first heard this i literally wondered if john prine was maybe singing abt a father or a brother until later verses which show its abt a romantic relationship. "how can a love thatll last forever get left so far behind."

i think its interesting that i rlly love this song + love the lyrics + its one of my fav ever opening verses but genuinely it gets soooo downgraded when i think of it as being abt a man.

it reminds me of the time i played someone "ill be here in the morning" by townes van zandt + they thought it was mediocre + nothing to be impressed by but they didnt kno who he is + when i told them it was from the 60s it totally shifted their opinion + then they thought it was great. bc its like impressive for the sixties in a way that yeah it maybe wouldnt be if it came out in like 2008. but i had never thought that i had always loved it but i had always known what era townes' music is from.

its funny to think contextual information can radically change what feel like very instinctive + visceral reactions to art. is my point.

[bubble-n-trouble]

{OOC} -- The rules + general info! <3

16 + / semi. selective / OCs and crossover muses welcome / TWST yuusona <3

Also, follows come from @mydarlingdahlia !

1 ~ No NSFW asks, please - but suggestive is fine.

2 ~ Calypso is my Yuusona, please be respectful!

3 ~ Owner of this blog (Hi, name's Lottie :3) will pop in sometimes, so please be nice!

4 ~ (Not a rule, just some backstory stuff/info about her)

Calypso Xaymaca is originally from Jamaica (yes i'm aware Jamaica doesn't exist there ROLL WITH ME), and came from a big family with nine siblings. She remembers she has a twin brother, but that's about it. She came from a pretty wealthly family, people who could be considered royalty on her island.

She loves all animals, singing and listening to music, and being as much of a menace as she can be around NRC campus without getting in too much trouble. She is also 6'0! She stands on business and does not take disrespect from anyone. As she says, her hands are rated E for everyone. (Literally. She WILL fight a housewarden.)

Her favorite season is either fall or winter, mostly because of the holidays! Her favorites are Christmas and Boxing Day, or Offering Day. Weather doesn't change much where she's from, so she's used to balmy, hot weather pretty much year round, with a few exceptions.

She does have her favorites, but she won't tell who, obviously. It's for everyone to find out when she's ready.

She cannot live without having a playlist for every mood. It's a must.

Her birthday is March 25th, she's an Aries. :)

She's surprisingly good at hand to hand combat, but whenever she's asked about it, she just shrugs and says, "Eh. Notin' to worry 'bout." (Her Jamaican Patwah/Patois slips through sometimes, so here's a website that can help translate!) She can be a bit rude/sarcastic to some people, but most of the time it's never with ill intention. Most of the time.

She has a preference for spicy food, and will try anything once! She is basically immune to spice, though, since back at home she had something spicy with almost every meal.

She doesn't care for Crowley much and finds him a bit annoying, but puts up with/tolerates him nonetheless.

She's the Ramshackle Dorm Housewarden (in her eyes, it's not official. Let her be delusional/aff)

Takes care of her appearance, and often does her hair/makeup, but she will get down and dirty if need be. She is not above straightening someone out if they're getting out of line.

Calypso is from Ocho Rios, Jamaica! She sometimes talks using her Jamaican Patois to confuse people because she finds it funny, but she mainly uses regular English with a slight accent.

Purple text is Calypso speaking!

Default text is me/the mod speaking! :)

5 ~ Please be nice to me OOC. Sometimes my replies are slow, because I do have a life outside of RP. Being mean in RP is cool, as long as it goes with the thread/the character.

6 ~ Communication is key!! If an RP thread isn't working for you/you want to drop it (given you provide me a reason) DM me and let me know! I'm actually nice I swear ( T . T )

7 ~ Just be respectful/nice in general on here. No hate of any kind will be tolerated.

8 ~ I can basically do any type of RP, just no asterisks. Please :)

9 ~ Minors can interact with this blog, as there will be no NSFW present. Suggestive humor at most, but even then, it will be mild. But, I do ask that if you are under the age of 17, you shy away from my main. Please and thank you :)

Also, this is a multi-ship blog. Meaning - Calypso has no set S/O or age, and it can change depending upon who she's being shipped with.

Like this post for a starter!

Discord : char_dahlia (If you would like to contact me by a different way other than tumblr)

Alright, that's everything. Capiche?? Good. Now, let's start the show!

[philomelas-tongue-says]

is this the year I finally, despite my lifelong resistance, get into pop music? stay tuned

[tressasinterlude]

𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 #𝟑: Female Public Figures Dating Men with Questionable Views That Contradict Their Image & Alleged Politics

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗥: These rant blog posts are really just reflective of my thoughts at the time that I make them and are posted here because I need an outlet to release all of this shit I have going on my busy ass mind. That’s it and that’s all. Now let’s get into it..

This rant was greatly inspired by none other than Ms. Robyn Rihanna “Tell Your Faves To Pull Up [in regards to social injustices directly affecting black people]” Fenty and her openly colorist boyfriend, A$AP Rocky. Aside from the fact that Rihanna tends to slip under the radar and is never held accountable for her problematic ways due to her conventional beauty (i.e. Her heavy usage of anti-Asian slurs, particularly targeted towards Chris Brown’s ex gf, Karrueche), it’s very alarming that a woman who has an entire makeup brand with a campaign based around the inclusivity of ALL black women is publicly flaunting a beau who once said that DSBW do not look good with red lipstick.

And yes, I’m very much aware that Rakim said this tasteless comment over 8 years ago but from the looks of it, not much has really changed with him. Don’t @ me about it neither because I don’t care.

Also peep how he compares a hypothetical darkskinned woman to a man (Wesley Snipes) while trying to explain how his antiblackness isn’t wrong because he said something about white women as well. Gaslighting at its finest. Don’t you just love it! 😀

Furthermore, you would think that somebody of Rihanna’s level of stature would know not to associate themselves with someone as messy as A$AP Rocky but... Stupid is what stupid does, I guess! I can’t even begin to place the blame on him anymore because he’s revealed his true colors and we all have made the deliberate choice to either accept it or don’t and have discontinued all support for him. Unfortunately, misogynoir is never the dealbreaker for most people and the hatred for [dark-skinned] black women is so engrained in society that it’s frowned upon when we publicly speak out against it. Very ass backwards if you ask me but that’s society for you. Now, enough about that. Let’s focus back on Ms. Vita La Coco.

As a woman who claims to be a girl’s girl and is always presenting herself to be someone who is the epitome of a pro-black feminist bad ass, it just makes her alleged activism come off so disingenuous when she’s also laying down with the same man that actively attacks the demographic she’s supposed to be standing in solidarity with. It’s “Black Lives Matter” on the IG posts but your vagina is getting moist for a man who openly stated he doesn’t relate to what goes on in Ferguson because he lives in Soho & Beverly Hills. Ferguson being the exact place where a 17-year-old black boy’s lifeless corpse laid on the hot concrete for FOUR hours after he was murdered by a police officer. He couldn’t 'relate' to the fate of so many black men, women, and children who are murdered or seriously injured from state-sanctioned violence because they’re poor and he is not or so he thought.

But then again, what can I really expect from a woman who identified as being “biracial” until as recent as roughly 6 years ago? What can I really expect from a woman who called Rachel Dolezal a ‘hero’ for cosplaying as a black woman? I’d be lying if I said my expectations for her were high in this regard because sis has always shown us she was lacking in this department. And just for the record, this is not a personal attack on Rihanna at all for the die-hard Navy stans in the back. I admire her latest fashions and bop my head to her music just like the next person but she’s getting the side-eye from me on this one.

Trust and believe me though, she’s not the only woman who I can call out for being a hypocrite. Of course not! This stone can be cast at a few others. So without further ado, why don’t we bring Ms. Kehlani Parrish to the front of the congregation? Prior to Kehlani’s recent declaration of identifying as a lesbian, her last public relationship with a man was with YG. Yes, the same YG who felt it was necessary to say him & Nipsey had ‘pretty light-skinned’ daughters to raise in the middle of his deceased friend’s memorial. By the way, Nipsey’s daughter is not even light (or at least not in my book anyways.) She’s a very deep caramel tone just like her father which makes what he said even more moronic. Yes, the same YG who thought it was clever idea to use slavery as an aesthetic for a music video to a diss track about 6ix9ine. And yes, also the same YG who has derogatory lyrics targeted at bisexual women. Just to end up sweating the red carpets with one. I swear the jokes just continue to write themselves.

This raises the question once more; How high of a pedestal can I really put a multiracial woman who has a song titled ‘N*ggas’ and when received backlash for the song in question, she used the ultimate ‘I’m mixed’ copout while not having a visibly black parent in sight?

It’s also kind of suspicious to me that many were not privy to Kehlani’s secret romance with Victoria Monét (pictured bottom right) until Victoria did an interview with Gay Times revealing she fell in love with a girl but they subsequently broke up because Victoria had a boyfriend and that girl was pregnant in a polyamorous relationship. Fans began to speculate because both Victoria & Kehlani previously candidly spoke about their sexual orientations, Kehlani had just had Adeya and they both were seemingly close. Their short-lived fling would later be confirmed when Victoria released the song ‘Touch Me’ on her last project and Kehlani hopped on the remix. Meanwhile, Kehlani’s relationship with Shaina (pictured bottom left) was very overt and all over her Instagram feed from my recollection. And as you can see, Shaina looks absolutely nothing like Victoria. They look like the complete opposite of eachother in every aspect which is kind of alarming(?) to say the least because why is it that the women she proudly claims as her partners tend to have a very racially ambiguous look such as herself but her ‘sneaky links’ on the other hand are undoubtedly black women? Again, it could just be me jumping conclusions. You know, I’m kinda good for that however something tells me I’m not. Y’all be the judge of the material though.

Last but not least, I’d like to touch on Ms. Raven Tracy very briefly. I was very weary about even including in this segment and if I should just put her in a entirely separate blog post with other women who openly date abusers despite their checkered past (alongside Nicki Minaj & her r*pist murderer of a husband, India Love & Sheck Wes etc.) being this particular blog post was based around the theme of lightskinned/mixed women dating men with extremely problematic views about DSBW. Raven obviously isn’t lightskinned or mixed however I refused to ignore how contradictory her [former] relationship with an alleged (I used this word very loosely and mainly for legality purposes.) serial r*pist while promoting a brand that is all about feminism & body positivity. This also traces back to A$AP Rocky by default being that Ian Connor is his very close friend and he came to Connor’s defense when several women came forward detailing accounts of Connor allegedly s*xually assaulting them. (I wish I could place the actual video of what A$AP Rocky said verbatim but Tumblr only allows one video per blog post. 🙄)

Back in June of this year, Ian & Raven had a back & forth on Twitter after Ian tweeted about Raven “fucking everybody” behind his back. I can only assume that he was alluding to Tori Brixx posting a video of her ex, Rich the Kid & Raven kissing on her story. Disgusted is not even the word to describe my feeling when she admitted she stuck by Ian despite of his many allegations of s*xual abuse because she loved him and her being a empath causes her to want to help everybody. Imagine aiding and abetting a predator and even paying for his bail & legal fees just to turn around and expect sympathy because this same individual cheated on you and exploited you all over Twitter for the public to see. The same man that you would get back with not even a WEEK after the fact & turn off your IG comments because it isn’t our “business” after making it our business...

That being said, I just genuinely want to know: Why do these women completely go against what they stand for in regards to these men? Maybe it was never genuine from jump street and if that’s the case, why jump on the bandwagon of performative activism? Is it because it’s profitable right now? Is it because disrespecting black women is not an immediate death sentence to your careers and more often than not actually helps you advance even further? I guess that’s the billion dollar question that’ll never truly be answered. I just want the world to stop using black women as their stepping stool to get to where they need to go and then discarding of us when we’re no longer beneficial. Support us all the way or don’t support us at all. We deal with enough disrespect as is so we’d appreciate if y’all would stop straddling the fence and partake in your misogynoir out loud if that’s what you choose to do. We have no use for fake allyship and quite frankly, it’s doing more harm for us than good. Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

- 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝙴𝙳𝙶𝙰𝚁 𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙽 𝙷𝙾𝙴. 💋

[binunus]

college bf!eunwoo

a/n I LOVE HIM !! I WOULD LITERALLY RISK IT ALL FOR HIM !! also rip to the disappointing hookup experience I had that made an appearance in this headcanon...yes I’m still angry about it.

→ pairing: eunwoo x f!reader

→ genre: smut, fluff, fwb to lovers

→ tw: hookup culture, mentions of drinking and drug use, implied almost SA, this is a bit heavy compared to the other ones like please be a cautious a little when you’re reading this

→ word count: 5.6k

_______________________________

here we go ladies and gents

i had something completely different planned for this

and it was super angsty and dramatic

but i had a monumental experience last night so I’m changing this up

and okay okay

i usually try to write all my stuff gender neutral but bc of the idea I have for some of this plot, it’s gonna be a female reader

im sorry to all my male identifying loves :(

and back to our regularly scheduled program

cha motherfuckin eunwoo

lee fuckin dongmin

he doesn’t go by dongmin, he prefers to go by eunwoo, only his family calls him dongmin

as soon as he stepped foot into the university, everyone knew him

and I mean everyone

he’s so attractive

but don’t get it twisted, eunwoo’s the humblest, sweetest bean

he gets very embarrassed when people compliment him for his looks

applied for random roommates his first year and got paired up with swimmer!bin

he and bin become besties and end up rooming together their entire college career

major: music performance, specialty in piano

most people (besides those in the music department or astro) would have never thought eunwoo was a music major, especially since he was incredibly smart and athletic too???

usually gets mistaken for a STEM major

often helps the boys (especially rocky and sanha) with their studies

and oof when he tries out for–and makes it into–the basketball team

everyone ???? floored

eunwoo has game on the court...now with dating??? eh not so much

(at least not sober shh)

he’s tried dating before, at least in the first year or so

the basketball team kept trying to set him up with people

but it never got anywhere substantial and eunwoo always trusted astro to really give the vibe check and no one ever passed

and so he settled for hookup culture every now and then

his emotions are guarded :’(

yes he’s very easy to talk to and always so nice and well mannered

but he’s only himself with astro

now, where do you come into this???

you’re a cheerleader

you and eunwoo know each other by association

you cheer for his home games, you’ve been in a couple of classes together, you’ve seen each other at parties

but would you call yourselves friends?? not really

now you know it’s highly unlikely for you to have a lasting boyfriend in college, especially with your affiliation as a cheerleader, so you also opt for hookup culture

less messy feelings, less drama, less commitment, all that fun

so the first time your paths really intertwine with eunwoo is at a party

the basketball team won a big game and they were out celebrating yuh

and ofc since it’s his team, eunwoo popped out

he only really attends parties hosted by the basketball team bc he feels a bit obligated to go LOL but he always brings swimmer!bin for support 

and it’s chill bc bin is also an athlete–yes it’s exclusive like that

but this time, bin couldn’t go so it’s just eunwoo hanging with his team

and yes, you can guess it, you and him get partnered up to play beer pong together!

that’s so cliche omg

but ah ha you hear your opponent, one of eunwoo’s teammates say to one of your fellow cheerleaders: don’t worry baby, I’ll carry you through this game

and you cringed a little ugh men

eunwoo turns to you like: ah sorry if we lose, it’s all luck with me. The guys usually pick to play me bc I’ll probably lose. I’ll drink the cups for you though if you want me to.

you get a little fired up, like aw why do they pick on him that’s not fair

you: well I’m not horrible at pong, so let’s try to crush em

he played pretty well ok! you both got balls back twice in a row right in the beginning

your team was on a roll

you and eunwoo won three games back to back

you were feeling a bit bloated and hazy from the beer that you and him had to drink, but you were still pretty self aware

and you and eunwoo were just chilling after playing the games, you two were on a pretty good wavelength and you wanted to continue it after joking around in between plays

alright now obviously you don’t go into these parties just strictly looking for a hookup, you go to have fun and let loose

but if the person and situation arises??? you wouldn’t necessarily turn it down, especially if that person was cha eunwoo

and yeah, eunwoo was entertaining the idea too, it’s been a while since he vibed with someone like he has with you

basically by the end of the night, you brought him back to your place–you’d rather eat shit than hook up at the basketball house, it was messy and musty and just nope

your place was closer than his

and ~yuh~

it was pretty damn good

he didn’t stay the night, bc well this was a hookup, so after you both had your fill it was a casual alright see you around!

oh lord the fuss your cheerleading team gave you at the next practice asking how your hookup with eunwoo was

the news spread like wildfire

eunwoo didn’t hook up very often so every time he did, it was like breaking news

which is honestly a bit fucked up, but seriously this is how college is

alright so your sex drive skyrocketed after fucking eunwoo 

you hook up with another guy at one of the following parties

but it didn’t compare to eunwoo rip so you were pretty disappointed

and you were sorta wondering like hm? should you hit him up? but decided against it 

and then! you saw him at the gym working out with literally all of astro

bin probably forced the other 4 to come with him and eunwoo sksksksk

and you were like shit why does he look so good

not gonna lie, just in case he was looking over, you tried to make your ass and tits pop out a bit more, you know squats and shit

unfortunately, it caught the attention of other guys at the gym and not eunwoo grrr

and you were literally just planning to stop being a coward and go up and talk to him, but a guy blocked your path

and he was lowkey being very creepy and way too close for your liking

but you weren’t having it, hell no you ain’t a damsel in distress

being a cheerleader taught you how to defend yourself against predatory men

so you were basically telling him to fuck off and leave you alone, but he was being really damn persistent about it

and just as the guy was about to put a hand on you, eunwoo steps in and he’s like: dude, she’s clearly not interested, fuck off.

after a bit of a stare off, the guy leaves and wow you’re face to face with eunwoo again hehehe

his eyes switch from a glare to a soft worried look and he’s like, hey are you okay?

and you’re like a little giddy, maybe also a little bit turned on bc he’s still like fresh from a workout, his hair was brushed back revealing his forehead, his arm muscles were really defined right now, and just he’s so hot? 

but you smile nonchalantly, you genuinely could have just slapped the shit out of the guy or kicked him right in the baby factory, but eunwoo stepping in was also a pleasant surprise, you weren’t complaining

you: yeah. I could have handled it, but thanks for helping

and he just grins, your confidence?? attractive

the two of you just like look at each other for a couple seconds and you’re yelling at yourself in your head like don’t cop out this is what you were waiting for !!

you: so...you’re here with your friends?

eunwoo: yeah, me and my roommate forced them to come work out with us haha. did you come by yourself?

you: yeah, I usually work out with my teammates, but I decided to come alone today

eunwoo nods and you see him like look at your neck and you immediately get a bit shy bc you knew there was a hickey there from your last (very disappointing) hookup: you’ve been having fun recently?

your face flushes: the last one was embarrassing really, so honest to god no

eunwoo: why was it embarrassing? if...you don’t mind me asking

you immediately facepalm: no, yeah I don’t mind telling you...ugh, eunwoo I was literally catfished. this guy really talked mad game about his dick and then when I agreed to hook up, he asked me to suck him off and it literally only took him less than ten minutes. and after he came, he just pulled up his pants and said “damn you give really good head” like the fuck? he didn’t even offer to return the favor or anything, and when I asked him “wait, are we gonna fuck?” he just said “maybe next time.” maYbE neXt tiMe?? I was played so hard, you have no idea how pissed I was, eunwoo. and now I have to wait for his dumb fucking hickey to heal so that I can literally just repress that hookup even happened.

his jaw literally dropped: he didn’t give you anything?

you shook your head, you were getting pissed again 

eunwoo couldn’t believe his ears, he glances back at astro for a second and then he clears his throat: well...what are you doing after the gym?

you: nothing, just going home and taking a shower. My roommate’s not gonna be home tonight so I’m probably gonna wallow in my sorrows about that hookup again

he laughs: well sounds like you have a fun night planned, but if you want some company?? I’d be more than happy to come over and help you forget about the sad disrespect of that hookup.

who said eunwoo couldn’t flirt ???

and he was thinking about hitting you up again too before but he didn’t wanna seem like a fuckboy or anything

but seeing you defend yourself against the guy?? lowkey was a bit of turn on for him

obviously you agreed hello

eunwoo going up to astro: so uh...imma head out first...I’ll see you guys later. :)

sanha: hyung so scandalous *O*

you and eunwoo fuck again

and after this time, the two of you have a little bit of pillow talk

basically you tell him that fucking him ruined all other guys for you bc he was just that good

and eunwoo usually gets shy from compliments, but his ego with this one??? he felt a bit proud ohohoho

and he’s like: honestly, you’re the only person I’ve fucked in six months, but I gotta agree that our sexual chemistry is pretty good

so where do you two go from there?

friends with benefits baby, full on fuck buddies

you both talk and agree that you two weren’t looking for relationships at the moment, but the sex was good

i’m gonna get into specifics later, but for now a little more plot

obviously, you and eunwoo talk a lot more now that you two were basically fucking each other at least once a week

the guys notice that he’s so much more?? carefree?? less stressed out?? ever since you and him started your little agreement

and they’re already scheming by themselves, like eunwoo would not get into a situation like this unless he trusted you as a person

and at first it was really just, call each other over, have sex, stay for a little bit longer, then leave

neither of you ever stayed the night bc that’s just an unspoken rule

until there was this one party, a group of people were in one of the rooms at the basketball house and they told you to come join them and ~do drugs~

don’t dabble kids, I’m serious

and you were chilling with eunwoo and bin for a bit until they called you over and you were like: wanna try too?

eunwoo and bin didn’t do it obviously, but you were curious so you went and told them you would be back in a bit

eunwoo was worried about you, bin could see it from a mile away

he kept glancing back at the room and one by one people started to come out, but none of them were you

bin nudging eunwoo: go check up on her

eunwoo opens the door to see you being like pinned down on the bed and he turns livid

he pulls the guy off you and punches him right in the face like: what the fuck do you think you’re doing? what did you give her?

you’re noticeably out of it, sobriety? not there

the guy basically laced something in the drug he gave you, omg you were roofied??

bin comes in and he literally has to hold eunwoo back from beating the shit out of the other guy

the two take you back to their apartment and were making sure that you didn’t die or something shit

literally cannot believe the first time you slept over at eunwoo’s place was when you were drugged up

you wake up the next morning, nauseous, body weak, and confused

eunwoo also wakes up because of your movement: hey y/n, are you okay?

you: eunwoo...what...what happened last night??

he sits up and gives you a recount of the party and you just like hug your body tightly when he brings up the drugs and start crying

he’s a bit shocked when he sees your tears, but he just pulls you in for a hug to try and comfort you, obviously that must have been a bit traumatic

eunwoo: hey...it’s okay...I’m just glad I checked up on you before something worse happened

you: I’m such a fucking idiot...I can’t believe I let myself get put in that situation again...no wonder people think I’m a just a dumb whore.

~trauma~

you and him spill your deepest darkest most traumatizing secrets that morning and you just feel more connected to him

you: I honestly never really told anyone...thanks eunwoo, you’re a good friend.

he feels more protective of you after that??

you start hanging around with him and astro more

and the guys really like having you around !!

you’re very easy to get along with, you also joke and tease eunwoo with them, they love you !

you even become really friendly with the other guys’ partners

about half a year into your fuck buddy relationship with eunwoo

everyone: why aren’t you dating y/n yet?

eunwoo: what do you mean?? we’re just friends...with benefits??

before you even know it, you’re spending literally all your time (when you’re not training or practicing or at class) with eunwoo and his friends

you sleep more at eunwoo’s than you do at your own apartment

honestly you two are already acting like a couple

except for the fact that you only kiss each other when you’re fucking, or you don’t hold hands in public, or you don’t say the L word to each other obviously

but the cuddles? the jokes? the hanging out? if you two are seen together there’s still a little form of physical touch––like a hand on the waist, or resting his elbow on your shoulder––something that tells other people that you two are a bit exclusive to each other

and maybe it’s because both of your emotional capacities when it comes to relationships are akin to a pubescent thirteen year old, but you and eunwoo?? don’t really realize that you’re both basically in love with each other

and it’s also the fact that catching feelings in a friends with benefits?? forbidden

but what if both people catch feelings?

you don’t realize you like eunwoo until a year of fucking each other

damn a year?? y’all really suppressed those romantic feelings hard

you and him were hanging out, per usual, but in the piano rooms of the music building

eunwoo had to practice his repertoire for an upcoming performance and you were free so you decided to come along and keep him company

you knew he was a music major and that he played piano, but you never actually heard him play

you were just chilling by the window, scrolling through your phone, and then he just starts playing and your jaw?? literally dropped

it was so intricate and fluid and elegant, you looked over to the keys and his hands just moved so expertly over them

you were put in a trance, it was so beautiful??

and then you look up and his concentration? seriousness? he has honestly never looked more attractive to you than in that moment

and then eunwoo meets your eyes and he smiles a little: is it bad?

you: no, you’re amazing actually...

and your stomach does a triple somersault and your cheeks start heating up, like why is your heart going haywire???

you start spacing out and obviously he notices

eunwoo calls your name and pats the space next to him on the piano bench

eunwoo: what are you thinking of, hm?

you: n-nothing. keep playing, I wanna hear more

and so he does and your heart just won’t chill out, especially now that you’re literally sitting mere centimeters apart from him

he’s still playing and you just can’t stop thinking about how much you want to kiss him–and not in a sexual way

and that honestly scared you, so you panicked and put your hand near his crotch

eunwoo jolts in surprise, but he doesn’t say anything, he just chuckles and continues playing

do you have sex in the piano room to try and distract yourself from whatever you were feeling? yeah

you hide your feelings for a little bit, but the more time you spent with him, the stronger they got, and you honestly didn’t know what to do

so you tried distancing yourself, you gave eunwoo the excuse that cheerleading competitions were coming up–which they were, so it wasn’t a complete lie–and you needed to focus and have time to yourself

it was so weird for you not seeing him and astro all the time, you barely responded to his text messages or calls, and when you saw him around campus, you would immediately try to avoid him, and it hurt but you were ~scared~

eunwoo’s a smart boy, he knew something was off with you

but after a week of trying to contact you, he didn’t wanna seem annoying or a bother, so he tried not to

even though all he wanted was to see you or talk to you, like it was beyond sex at this point

he missed you, he thought he was going to go insane

he didn’t realize his feelings for you until he saw you talking to a guy in the athletic building

he had basketball practice, and you just finished your cheerleading practice

you were talking to this one guy from your philosophy class, basically joking around and talking shit about your professor

and eunwoo saw you smile at something the guy said and he just felt jealous

his fists clenched, he hated seeing you smile and laugh with the guy like how you used to do with him

and it also didn’t help that you and him haven’t really talked in two or three weeks and he just missed you so much :(

he tried not to think about it during his practice, but it didn’t work, he was off his game for this one, even his teammates and coach noticed it

he went back to his place after practice and called over the boys and basically vented his frustrations

jin: eunwoo. you like y/n

eunwoo: I know...fuck what do I do

bin: tell her, obviously

eunwoo: and risk our?? friendship??

myungjun: you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that she likes you back

rocky: yeah...I mean why else do you think noona started distancing herself from you?

eunwoo: maybe I’m just feeling like this because we haven’t met up in a while and I saw her talking to that guy and I don’t know? I’m horny?

sanha: hyung...you sound indenial and jealous.

bin: you like her. we’re surprised you didn’t realize this earlier.

anyway, the day of the competition comes, and the guys and their partners decide to pop out and support you

and seeing them actually made you feel so warm, you wave at them brightly and you meet eyes with eunwoo and you smile at him even though the butterflies are back and at full force

the group is so proud watching you and your team compete, their cheers are debatably the loudest and you literally have to stop yourself from laughing in the middle of your routine

your school places first yuh

and after talking with your team and discussing celebration plans, you go to the group

you were having such an adrenaline rush, you immediately run up to eunwoo in a crushing hug and you kiss him

eunwoo doesn’t even hesitate to kiss you back

astro and them: ohohoho hey

you: I’m so happy you all came! I can’t believe we actually won!

you were going to celebrate with your team bc you knew they were throwing a party, but celebrating with eunwoo and astro/their partners seemed way more appealing to you

you all go out to dinner and drink a little bit casually and it’s all such good vibes

you missed hanging around with them all and it just felt so right

eunwoo rested his hand on your thigh the whole time throughout dinner, he missed you alright, and just seeing you so happy with all his friends? he was hooked

when the group parts ways, it’s just you and eunwoo heading back to his place bc bin is spending the night at his partner’s apartment

and honestly the tension is so thick between you two

you barely make it past the door before you’re both latched onto each other, making out and all that steamy stuff

after you have sex, the two of you are having that post-sex cuddle in his bed and your heart is pounding so loud

you: hey...I’m sorry if it was weird that I kissed you earlier at the venue, I don’t really know what came over me, I was just so glad to see you guys

eunwoo: you don’t have to apologize for that y/n...I missed you

you roll around so that your back is to him bc you do not have the strength to look at him in the eyes right now

eunwoo hugs your waist and pulls you in his chest, he’s spooning you and he has no plans on letting you go any time soon

you: uh...eunwoo, I-we-uh maybe we should stop this...thing from going any further

he literally freezes: ...did I do something wrong?

you: no! it’s...I...fuck I don’t know how to say this...I know we’ve been hooking up for a year but just recently I...think I have feelings for you...and it’s not fair for either of us to continue this if we’re not on the same page.

eunwoo: y/n, I–

you’re rambling now, you’re scared of what he has to say: and honestly you’ve become someone I really don’t wanna lose in my life. You’re an amazing person and friend, and I don’t wanna fuck that up by having feelings for you, especially since you probably don’t feel the same. I just...can’t have casual sex with you anymore...I’m sorry, it would break me.

you’re like trying to get up and you tell him that you’re going to go to the party your team’s hosting but he just tightens his grip

eunwoo: don’t go...please

you: eunwoo, I can’t stay here–

eunwoo: you don’t even know what I feel, y/n...why are you so sure that I don’t feel the same way as you?? because I do...honest to god, y/n, I like you so fucking much. the month that you didn’t talk to me was like hell and I don’t ever wanna experience that again. I missed you so much I thought I was going crazy...please don’t go.

you roll around and face him again

you: y-you like me? you’re not just saying that because you want to keep having sex?

eunwoo: I’m not just saying that because of the sex...I promise

you: so...what does that make us now?

eunwoo: well would you do me the honors and be my girlfriend?

god finally you two are dating

you realize that not much really changes after the two of you make it official

the pda does increase though, you actually hold hands and kiss each other in public now

and you two are more cutesy with each other

yes astro pretends to gag whenever they see you act all coupley

petnames!! you call each other baby, sometimes you call him minnie!! as in dongminnie !! im screaming!!

a poster couple, the basketball player and the cheerleader

literally when you’re both wearing your uniforms and you kiss each other, it’s like one of those teen movies

lots of forehead kisses especially right before bed

eunwoo’s a clingy cuddly boy, especially now that you two are together

lots of study dates?? he is a scholar after all

you’re each other’s biggest supporters !! you always go to all of his recitals and basketball games, he always goes to your competitions

he’s very soft okay, will never stop showing you off or telling you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you

the first I love you came shortly in the relationship, and that’s because you’ve known each other a year prior and the feelings were really just building up since then

you were in the piano room again and he was just playing for fun, but you always loved hearing him ~tickle those ivories~

he was playing a song and singing along and you swear you had heart eyes for him, his voice was so soft and gentle and just wow

you’re sitting next to him and you just hug his waist while he’s playing

eunwoo’s smiling so wide and then he’s singing to you 

he doesn’t even get to finish the song, because you’re grabbing his face and kissing him 

he’s laughing in between kisses and you can’t help but laugh with him

grrr he’s so cute!

and then you two are just looking at each other

eunwoo: hm? 

you: I love you, minnie

he doesn’t miss a beat: I love you too, y/n

you and him have a lot of deep talks together, especially right before bed

it’s the time when he can just let out all the frustrations of the day and just be with you

he actually holds a lot of pressure and worries, but knowing that you’re by his side, comforts him a lot

the two of you have so many pictures together it’s so cute

eunwoo’s a bit possessive alright, not in the toxic way, but will he tighten his grip on your waist if a guy seems to be getting a little too friendly with you? yeah

not gonna lie, you get possessive too, it’s hard especially if your boyfriend is cha eunwoo, he’s the fucking perfect package god dammit

you both tell each other that you don’t have to worry about other people bc y’all are just both so whipped for each other

but it’s still cute when either of you are jealous

he’s actually pretty into couple items, but it has to be like minimalistic-style

like matching plain color hoodies or matching pajama sets

will not wear a “he’s mine, she’s mine” shirt or something

but it’s okay bc neither would you sksksk

will he wink at you if he makes a three pointer during his game? yeah.

literally loves when you wear his clothes or fuck, his jersey?? a turn on

and here we go !! I’ve been talking about sex so much but let’s get into it !!

in the beginning, like before you two started dating, when it was just your fuck buddy friendship, it was sexy

and not saying that it’s not sexy now that you two were in a relationship, but before it was just lust

eunwoo’s a freak alright, you can’t convince me otherwise

he’s a little kinky

definitely into food play, you two use whipped cream during foreplay a little too much...

100% into anal

you know how much he loves ass, has a very nice ass himself

and we already been knew, but yes he’s an ass guy

s p a n k i n g

eunwoo seeing you in your cheerleading skirt? immediate turn on

will literally fuck you while you’re wearing your skirt...just your skirt.

alright alright, you have a hand kink...was it awoken by watching eunwoo play piano all the time? yes

does eunwoo use that to his advantage? yes

the amount of times he’s fingered you??? vaginal and anal??? lord have mercy

very much into overstimulation, will keep fingering you until you squirt

and yes im bringing back my the choking kink

literally if his hands make any contact with your neck area, even when he’s just kissing, you will drench

but ugh you and eunwoo making out and you know how he like cups the back of the neck?? i know y’all have seen it from the true beauty kiss scenes, and then it gets heated and his grip just moves to the front and squeezes and when your mouth opens in a gasp, he shoves his tongue down your throat

that’s so sexy

do you like choking on his cock? probably more than you should

does he make you deep throat until tears are literally streaming down your face? most definitely

he loves marking you?? it’s just a tell tale way to show everyone you’re his

he’s a bit feisty...will he manhandle you during sex?? yeah

eunwoo is a dom. I am 100% convinced that he is a dom, you won’t be domming him honey

daddy and babygirl kink...I said it...

okay he’s a bit of an exhibitionist...would probably be down to have sex anywhere as long as you don’t get caught

piano room sex? locker room sex? library sex? movie theater sex? restaurant bathroom sex? yes you’ve done it all

will he finger you while you guys are having a movie night with the guys? yeah

eunwoo’s a tease, he’s a little shit, will tease you until you’re literally in tears begging for him to just do something

favorite position is doggy, it’s the view of the ass for him

although you two both do like experimenting different positions, especially if it has to do with “training your flexibility”

will pull your hair while he’s fucking you from behind, and will plug your asshole with his thumb–don’t knock it until you try it...it’s...a pretty good feeling

sometimes wakes you up by eating you out

very much a giver ugh king

the type to grip your thighs tighter when you try to push him away from overstimulation just to force another orgasm out of you

believe it or not, he’s a gasper/grunter/groaner

nothing is hotter than hearing eunwoo groan right when he’s about to cum oooof grrrr bark bark

okay but soft gentle sex with eunwoo is so passionate

all you feel is the love and sincerity, especially when he’s just looking in your eyes

the love making happens a lot more obviously when you start dating

he’s just so in love with you alright

gives the best and sweetest after care ugh

cleans you up, gives you massages especially if it was a rough session, cuddles you, draws you a bath, brings you water, everything

always makes sure to tell you he loves you after sex

i would risk it all for eunwoo like please ruin my life

anyway

ugh I just wanna put the idea of protective eunwoo during a party in your head

his hand is always on you. waist, thigh, shoulder, anywhere casually

you don’t fight?? but you do argue

arguing is healthy, and you both would rather let it out and bicker with each other in the moment than let it bottle in and build up into something worse

but when you do have a disagreement, no matter how big or small, you two always make sure to never go to bed angry with each other

communication is very important for the both of you

you’re his better half :’) all the things eunwoo struggles with, you help him with it and vice versa

he figured out you were the one for him during one of your deep late night pillow talks

he was worried about what he’d do in the future after graduating, like he was genuinely having a crisis about it

but you just talked so calmly to him: baby, no matter where you end up after graduation or what you end up doing, you’re going to be fine. You’re such a hard worker and I know that you’ll succeed...no matter what, I’ll be here for you minnie. I believe in you, you’re future is going to be great.

and he just kisses you so sweetly: will you be in my future, baby?

you’re smiling and you just giggle at him: if you want me to be...I’d love to be a part of it.

ugh y’all are so whipped for each other !!

astro always teasing you two, even when you’re all older

you and eunwoo are equally ticklish so basically y’all are fucked when they wanna mess with you

both of your families love you and him instantly

they push marriage immediately after you both graduate college

even astro’s like: we know you two are probably gonna tie the knot first...when’s the wedding?

not gonna lie, you and eunwoo probably get married probably 2-3 years after college, pretty young age

sidenote: eunwoo 100% cries at your wedding, especially when he sees you walking down the isle in your dress

and he has huge baby fever so you bet y’all had kids fairly young too

the best dad !! ugh he loves kids !! ugh so domestic

im just gonna say, y’all have beautiful children

trusts bin and jinjin to babysit your kids the most...he’s scared of the rest of the boys watching over his children

anyway eunwoo literally deserves the world and I just?? love him so much?? happy ending yay hehe

_________________________________________

2-21-21

[diegos-butt]

Unnoticed (chapter one)

Summary: He had watch her grown up. He had seen her transform into a beautiful woman, with a strong will but insecurities. Despite being away from time to time, he had fallen for her, hard. She on the other hand, had seen him become a big, strong man. But deep down she knew he had a soft side. She had fallen, hard, for him too. Another thing they have in common? The believe that the other will never feel the same. Will their feelings for each other always stay unnoticed?

Captain Daniel Syverson x Kathy Davis (plus size/curvy/thick OFC)

Warnings: none. bad writing maybe. mention of beer?

Wordcount: 5.4k 👀

A/N: I tried something here so bear with me. Honestly curious of what y'all think.

•••

I was walking to my brother Tim’s house as the sun was settling down. He was throwing a barbeque for his best friend’s return, Captain Daniel – Dan – Syverson, or just Sy, as we usually called him. I smiled as I thought of him. I had known him for so long. He and my brother had been friends since I was born. So, I grew up with them, teasing me but when someone bullied me, they were there faster than the blink of an eye, ready to knock the bully down.

They always stood up for me, even though they knew I could take care of it myself. But they insisted. Every time. And that was nice, to know they would. To know I always had someone who would be there for me.

As we got older, our groups of friends intertwined, and we became one larger group of close friends. Me, Tim, Sy, Holly, Shane, Benjamin, and Brianna. We all lived in this town, went to the same high school. Some of us even went to college together. Now we were all working in this town as well, except for the captain. He was away from time to time. And I would never admit it, but I missed him so much while he was gone. My brother’s house came into my sight, and my heart skipped a beat. After all these months, I was finally seeing him again.

When I fell for him? I can’t even remember; it is like I have always been. However, I have always tried to hide it, so he doesn’t know. At least, that’s what I think. If he does, he’s being a good friend and doesn’t treat me any differently.

What our friendship is like? Teasing, and full of sarcastic comments. Unlike everyone else, he calls me Kat instead of Kathy. I’d never want to change that, so I will not ruin that by confessing my feelings. What’s the point? He does not and never will feel the same. Right?

I took a deep breath and opened the door of my brother’s house, hoping Sy would already be there. I walked through the hallway and living room until the garden came into my sight. Sy just disappeared into the shed, so I walked through the doors outside, and said hello to my brother.

“Hey sis,” he welcomed me and gave me a hug. “He’s already here you know. I’m sure he showed up early for you.”

“Oh, shut up! That’s not true, he is just happy to see his best friend again,” I laughed and slapped Tim on his arm.

“You might be able to fool him, but I can see the nerves in your eyes Kathy. Just admit you’re happy he’s back,” Tim teased. I wanted to smack him when we heard noises coming from the shed. Sy walked out carrying two lawn chairs.

Tim released me from his hug. “Go say hi to him,” he whispered. I took a step towards Sy, and felt my heartbeat increasing. He dropped the lawn chairs and proceeded to walk to me. Our steps became faster, and quickly he was close enough to wrap me in his arms. He lifted me up and I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting out a little squeal. He smelled good, manly, but so good. His buzzcut was starting to grow out, and I couldn’t help myself but to stroke his head. He buried his face in my neck, and I giggled. He was home.

“You’re back,” I said softly, the butterflies in my stomach going crazy. Contain yourself, he doesn’t need to know you missed him that much.

“Otherwise I wouldn’t be standing here darlin’,” he answered, and I could see in his eyes that he was happy to be home again.

“Welcome home you big idiot,” I grinned, I loved teasing him.

After squeezing me tight one more time, he’d put me down again. Suddenly I realized the sounds that disappeared when my eyes met his for the first time in so long had come back. The sound of the flock of birds came back, just as the noises Tim was making while meddling with the barbeque.

“Oh, that’s how ya welcome me back home?” Sy said. I laughed and walked past him, while picking up one of the lawn chairs.

When he’d lifted me up, it was just me and him. He always does that when he comes back from a tour. I don’t even know how it started, but it had become a thing. He knows I like that, that I love that. He is the only one I trust enough for that, because I know he will never let me fall. I did fall though, but in a different way.

“I could also have started by saying you should trim your beard. It looks like shit right now,” I mocked, and walked past him. He’d placed his hand on his chest and pretended I had hurt him. His chest though, how on earth did he get even bigger? Quickly, I moved towards the sitting area, and placed the lawn chair down. He followed close behind, and when I looked around, I saw his eyes moving up. Was he looking at my bum? Why? I tried to not look puzzled, but I felt like I was failing hard.

“Ya know, being disrespectful in the army can get you in a lot of trouble,” he said and handed me a beer. His hand touched mine slightly, and I pulled my hand away quickly.

“Really? You’re going to punish me then?” I raised an eyebrow at him. You can punish me in a couple ways captain. No Kathy, he is your friend. He is just your friend.

“Who knows.” He cocked an eyebrow at me and finished his beer. I nearly chocked on mine, and thankfully Shane and Benjamin busted through the door and stepped outside onto the terrace, preventing the continuation of the conversation between me and Sy. They were cheering loudly, screaming Sy’s name, and hugging him. I chuckled and took a few more sips of my beer.

I watched as Shane and Benjamin tried to tackle Sy, they obviously failed. To be fair, Shane and Benjamin weren’t small guys either, but Sy was definitely bigger. I took a sip of my beer and watched as my brother joined them.

While watching the boys I noticed Sy’s physique, he looked even more broad than before. I had no idea that was possible. He currently had Shane in a headlock, flexing his bicep. I wanted to crawl under that arm myself, not in that headlock, but still. He could choke me though.

I was rudely awakened out of my daydreaming when Holly and Brianna suddenly stood next to me. The two girls tried to hug me at the same time, which failed due to their hight difference. Me and Brianna were both quite tall, while Holly was smaller.

“Kathy! Let me guess, the captain has already said hello to you?” Holly said and wiggled her eyebrows. Trying to hide the fact I had a thing for the captain from them was useless, these girls knew me better than I knew myself.

“Did he do that cute hug yet were he lifts you up?” Brianna added while hooking her arm through mine.

“Hello to you too, and yes he said hello to me, and yes he did that hug thing. Don’t make it look like it’s a big deal!” I said and took the last sip of my beer.

“No, did I miss it? That is my favourite part of Sy’s return!” Holly pouted. The brunette took the beer bottle out of my hand and placed it on the table. “Sy! Aren’t you going to say hello to us or what?” she shouted. The boys stopped talking and closed the gap between our groups.

“Hi girls.” Sy opened his arms for Holly and Brianna and gave them both a hug. The chatter immediately started, everyone asking Sy questions about how he was doing, and how happy he was to be back.

“Stop! Everyone, stop talking for a minute!” Brianna shouted. “Since Holly and I were a bit late, we missed the famous welcome back hug between Sy and Kathy.”

“I was there,” Tim laughed. “Maybe you should’ve known they would both be here early.”

“We were planning on being early, but sweet Holly over here was being incredible slow,” Brianna said and gave Holly a death glare which turned into a little smile.

“I think they should do it again,” Holly grinned. Oh no.

“I think they should too, apparently we all, except Tim, missed the highlight of Sy’s return. We should not be robbed of that moment,” Shane agreed, and a playful smile appeared on his face.

“Oh, come on guys!” I said. “The man has just gotten home! Give him a break.” If he lifts me up again, I might faint. This actually made them cheer even louder.

“C’mere darlin’. Let’s give the audience what they want.” He gave his beer to Benjamin and winked at me.

He caged me in his strong arms again, lifting me up, effortlessly. I threw my arms around his neck, and I heard everyone around us cheer. This was my happy place. I don’t know if it is the being lifted part, of just being held by his strong arms.

Far too soon for my liking, he had put me down on my feet again. His eyes locked with mine, and I nearly drowned. The blue in his eyes looked even brighter than ever before.

I was rudely pulled away by Shane, who cheered loudly while putting his arm around my shoulder. Everyone was laughing and cheering. Benjamin walked inside to grab the speaker, and a few seconds later music mixed with our noises in the garden.

“Hey guys, who wants to eat?” Tim shouted.

“Better give me a sausage, I’m in the mood for some meat,” Holly answered with a mischievous grin. I laughed at her; she was never afraid to speak her mind.

After we had finished eating, we all sat around the firepit. The sun was already gone, and the moon and stars shone above us. While we were eating Sy wanted to know what we had been up to. We were all doing great, we had jobs and nothing major had happened. Unlike last time, no pregnancy scare for Holly. Me and Brianna did start our own business, after our last employer went bankrupt. We were now the proud owners of our own interior design business.

After we were done telling Sy about the last months, Brianna had asked Sy about his. I saw the look in his eyes change, he looked down at the glass in his hand, and avoided the question. I knew he didn’t want to talk about it. Thankfully, Benjamin understood it as well.

“Sy, a toast to you!” Benjamin said, and raised his glass. “Welcome home man.” We all raised our glasses as well.

“Thank ya Ben, it’s good to be back. And I’d like to thank y’all for writing me those letters. They mean a lot to me,” Sy said. I thought about the letters I’d send him. There were many, so many. A few years ago, I had no idea what to write, but eventually I figured I would write what I wish I could tell him. I wished I could talk to him about my day, about things that bothered me, about things that made me happy.

Quickly I learned he liked it. When he got home the first time I did that, he had thanked me in private. He had told me it helped him get through tough days, that it made him feel like he was home. In that moment, I was so close of telling him how I felt. Yet I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk losing him as a friend.

He did write me back, but his letters weren’t as long as mine. They were usually a paragraph or two. He wasn’t that much of a talker, I knew that, but it didn’t stop me from teasing him.

“Well, next time you could try and write longer ones back you know,” I began. “I have put so much effort into my pages long letters, and all I get back is a paragraph from you just thanking me.” I attempted to pout but started laughing. “Nah, just kidding. We know it means a lot, so we’re happy to write them.”

I smiled at him. The letters kept him sane, and I was happy to send them. Just like the others. I looked at Sy, he sat opposite of me, and I wished he’d sat beside me. His body radiated a warmth that was always welcome, even if he just sat a meter away from me. But from this distance, I could not feel it.

“Don’t be funny darlin’. Might not answer yours next time,” he joked and pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Like you would ignore her Sy,” Shane mocked. Wait, what? What is that supposed to mean. Everybody started laughing, while I was starting to freak out. I had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but the conversation around me continued, and the moment to ask a question about it was gone. My mind was going crazy, and I pretended to listen to the conversation, but I didn’t hear a thing. I know he wouldn’t ignore me, but why did Shane say it like that? And why did Sy suddenly look so awkward?

The fire slowly went out, and that was our cue to head home. We all stood up, and helped Tim clean the mess we made.

“Guys, why don’t you all just go home. I’ll help Tim clean up the rest!” Brianna suggested. I knew she had a thing for my brother, and this was her way of getting close to him. Of being alone with him.

Everyone laughed but agreed. A very nice thing of living close to each other, was that we were all able to walk home. Holly, Shane, and Benjamin walked home together, and Sy suggested he’d walk with me, since we both had to go in a different direction than the others. I walked inside to grab my cardigan, while Sy lifted two lawn chairs back to the shed. When we were out of reach, the others started talking.

“Are they seriously never going to notice they like each other? Or is it just obvious to me?” Shane said.

“Oh dear, it is painfully obvious,” Brianna added.

“I think we need to help them a little. They need a little push,” Holly suggested. They all agreed, but they couldn’t continue discussing their little plan because Sy and I appeared again. Completely unaware of the conversation that just happened.

We said goodbye to Tim and Brianna, and walked home. Holly, Shane, and Benjamin took a left, and Sy and I took a right. It was just us, walking next to each other. It felt nice to be in his presence again, and because I was so close to him, I could finally feel his warmth again. We spend the way walking to my home talking, he wanted to know everything about the business I started with Brianna and how my family was.

Far too soon, we reached my home. We stopped in front of the house, a small 2-bedroom home. But it was nice, and cosy. I liked it there, but I was ready for the next step. To settle down with someone. With him, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

We faced each other, and fell silent. I looked at him, the moonlight highlighted his face, and I spotted some new scars. I wanted to trace them with my fingers, but I restrained myself.

“Alright, well, it is so nice to have you back Sy,” I said.

“It is nice to be back here,” he smiled. We fell silent again, and I smiled back at him.

“I should go inside,” I spoke softly, and opened my arms to hug him.

He hummed and wrapped his arms around me. He squeezed me tightly, and I nuzzled my face in his neck. He smelled so good; I loved his cologne. We broke up the hug, but he kept me close and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. My heart was beating fast, and my breathing started to get heavier.

“Goodnight darlin’,” he said and winked, or at least he tried to.

“Goodnight captain,” I answered, and gave him a smile. He laughed, and started to walk away backwards, and watched me until I was inside. I waved at him before I closed the door and saw how he waved back and turned around to walk home.

I leant with my back to the front door and sighed. Will he for always not notice my feelings for him?

I watched Tim as he prepared the barbeque. The soft rays of sunlight spreading through the garden. The sunlight reminded me of her, Kathy, or Kat as I liked to call her. Especially the last time I saw her before my deployment. The sun shone on her face, and lit up her hair, making her look like a goddess. I almost broke my promise to myself and told her how I felt. I could never tell her; I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

The teasing, the banter, the sarcastic comments. Even though I pretended she annoyed me sometimes, I missed her and our dynamic the most while I was away. She kept me sharp, a goal to come back to. Thanks to her I got through those months. Especially her letters. Those long letters.

She was actually the reason I had shown up early at Tim’s house. I was hoping she would be here early too, so we’d have a little moment of privacy. Well, Tim was there, but he knew how I felt. He had known for a long time. I had always seen Kat as Tim’s little sister, but the moment she started to become a woman, that changed. I had always fancied her presence, her humour and we got along very well. But ever since she had grown into a beautiful woman, it had been different. I wanted more, but I knew that would never happen. Nevertheless, I settled for being her friend because I could not bear not having her in my life.

I grabbed a beer and opened it, quickly taking a few sips. Too caught up in my own thoughts, I nearly missed Tim asking me to grab a few more lawn chairs from the shed at the end of the garden. I set my beer down of the table, nodded at him and walked to the shed.

The shed was dark, but I spotted the lawn chairs without any problems. Those nights in the dark desert had increased my night vision. I was about to step outside when I heard it. A laugh, but not just a laugh. Her laugh. It was like music to my ears. She was here, finally. Kat.

Hastily, I stepped outside, and my gaze immediately fell on her. She hugged her brother as they laughed. When Tim let her out of his embrace, her eyes locked with mine. Completely forgotten about the lawn chairs, I dropped them and started to walk towards her. Her feet moved as well, making their way to me, speeding up a little.

Before I knew it, she was in arms reach, and I wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her up. She wrapped her arms around my neck and squealed. One of her hands stroked my hair that was starting to grow out, and she nuzzled her face in my neck while I smelled the rose scent of her hair. Even though she might not be the smallest, I could lift her up effortlessly and I loved reminding her of that. I could think of another few ways of throwing you around darlin’.

“You’re back,” she said softly.

“Otherwise I wouldn’t be standing here darlin’,” I smiled. She removed her face from my neck and looked at me. She looked even prettier than I remember. I had no idea that was even possible. Don’t get mushy man, damn.

“Welcome home you big idiot,” she grinned at me, and I put her back down on her feet. Uh, not even back for a minute and she’s already teasing me.

“Oh, that’s how ya welcome me back home?” She walked past me and started laughing. She picked up one of the lawn chairs.

“I could also have started by saying you should trim your beard. It looks like shit right now,” she mocked as she walked past me. I placed my hand on my heart, pretending she’d hurt me.

Shaking my head, I picked up the other lawn chair and followed close behind her. She looked good, really good. The jeans she wore hugged her in all the right places. She placed the lawn chair down and looked at me. My eyes immediately left her behind, and I placed the lawn chair I was carrying down as well. She better not be standing with her ass towards me again, or I will smack it.

“Ya know, being disrespectful in the army can get ya in a lot of trouble,” I said and grabbed a beer for her. I handed it to her, our hands lightly touching. Quickly, I grabbed my own beer from the table.

“Really? You’re going to punish me then?” The sunlight caught her face, making her look like an angel. She tried not so smile, but the glistering in her eyes gave her away.

“Who knows.” I chugged the rest of my beer and cocked my eyebrow. I know a few ways I’d like to punish ya darlin’.

Before our conversation could continue, the door to the terrace busted open, and Shane and Benjamin stepped outside. Cheering loudly, chanting my name. They walked over to me and threw their arms around me. They tried to tackle me, but even though they were strong, I was the strongest one of the group. Tim joined us, and they let me go so we could talk.

“Welcome back man,” Benjamin said and slapped me on my back. “We missed ya.”

“I understand, my presence is gift. Y’all should be glad I’m back,” I declared.

“Whatever Sy. Don’t get too cocky,” Tim said, he stood beside me and lifted his arm to smack me on the back of my head. I simply shot him a look, and his arm fell down next to his body again. I chuckled, and from the corner of my eye I saw Holly and Brianna had also arrived. I liked the girls, they were nice and sweet, but most of all good friends.

“Sy! Aren’t you going to say hello to us or what?” Holly shouted. I walked over to them, the other men following close behind.

“Hi girls,” I said and opened my arms for them. I gave them a hug, and everyone started asking me questions. I tried to answer them, when suddenly Brianna yelled.

“Stop! Everyone, stop talking for a minute!” she shouted. “Since Holly and I were a bit late, we missed the famous welcome back hug between Sy and Kathy.” Might have been a reason I was here early.

“I was there,” Tim laughed. “Maybe you should’ve known they would both be here early.”

“We were planning on being early, but sweet Holly over here was being incredible slow,” Brianna said, and I noticed how she looked at Holly like she would kill her. Soon the look turned into a smile nonetheless. Thank you, Holly.

“I think they should do it again,” Holly grinned. I had to try not to grin too much. Being close to her, felt so good. I would love nothing more than to hug her more often, or to cuddle up on the couch together. The chances of that happening, were very slim, and my heart sunk a little in my chest.

“I think they should too, apparently we all, except Tim, missed the highlight of Sy’s return. We should not be robbed of that moment,” Shane agreed, and a smile appeared on his face.

“Oh, come on guys!” Kat said. “The man has just gotten home! Give him a break.” Her comment made them cheer even louder. Doesn’t she want me to hug her again? Well, that’s not my problem ‘cause I’d hug her anytime if it were up to me.

“C’mere darlin’. Let’s give the audience what they want.” I closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around her. I could smell her perfume, and I didn’t know what kind of scent it was, it just smelled like her. It smelled like home.

Every time I hugged her, there was just one thing I was afraid of. That I would not let her go again, because that’s where she belonged. She belonged in my arms, and I wished she would realize that one day. But I had to let her go again. Shane immediately wrapped an arm around her, while everyone cheered. Soon I noticed someone had put on some music.

“Hey guys, who wants to eat?” Tim shouted. I’m starving but not for that kind of meat.

“Better give me a sausage, I’m in the mood for some meat,” Holly answered with a mischievous grin. She was a sweet girl, always joking around, but don’t you dare mess with her. Don’t you dare mess with Brianna or Kat either, they will make you regret it. I liked that about them, that they were strong women.

An hour later we had finished eating, and we sat around the firepit in Tim’s garden. The sun long gone, the moon and stars providing us some light. The last hour I had mostly asked them how they’ve been, and it did me good to hear everything was going well. Tim’s construction company, where Shane and Benjamin also worked, was doing great. They were happy I would soon be joining them again. Holly’s clothing store has made a big profit in the last month.

I was happy to hear that Kat and Brianna started their own interior design business after the company they worked for went bankrupt. Kat’s eyes lit up when she spoke about it, and I loved seeing her with this passion.

After they were done talking about what they’ve been up to, it was my turn. I told them quickly a few things I could tell them. That I wanted to tell them. Thankfully, none of them asked anymore questions. They knew I preferred to not talk about it.

“Sy, a toast to you!” Benjamin said, and raised his glass. “Welcome home man.” Me and everyone else raised their glasses as well.

“Thanks Ben, it’s good to be back. And I’d like to thank y’all for writing me those letters. They mean a lot to me,” I said. It was true, getting letters while being far away from home, is the best feeling ever. Especially her letters, she had written me long letters, talking about the little things in life. She’d wrote about the weather or an awful client at work. She would just write about her day-to-day life, like she would if I were there. I had kept every single one of her letters, safely stored away in a box that was now underneath my bed.

“Well, next time you could try and write longer ones back you know,” Kat spoke. “I have put so much effort into my pages long letters, and all I get back is a paragraph from you just thanking me.” She pouted, and looked incredible cute, but started laughing. “Nah, just kidding. We know it means a lot, so we’re happy to write them.” She gave me a smile, and I wished she sat closer to me. Instead, she sat across the firepit from me.

“Don’t be funny darlin’. Might not answer yours next time,” I joked.

“Like you would ignore her Sy,” Shane mocked. Shut up Shane. Everyone but her started laughing. Oh no, what is she thinking? Kat looked confused, and I knew she wanted Shane’s comment to be explained. Thankfully, Holly started telling a story about a client in her store, so the moment to address the comment was over. Thank god.

Soon, the fire went out and that was the universal sign for us to go home. We stood up, and started helping Tim clean the plates, cups, and cutlery. I looked at Kat, I liked watching her move. The way her hips swayed when she walked, was one of my favourite parts about her.

“Guys, why don’t you all just go home. I’ll help Tim clean up the rest!” Brianna suggested. I chuckled. Smooth Brianna. I had known for a while she had a thing for Tim, and I knew he felt the same. We all laughed and agreed with her plan. Holly, Shane, and Benjamin walked home together since they lived close to each other. Kat and I had to go the other way.

“I’ll walk you home darlin’,” I said to Kat, and she nodded in response.

“I’m going to grab my cardigan from inside, and then I’m ready to go,” she added, and quickly walked inside. I noticed the lawn chairs still had to be carried back to the shed, so I lifted two up and walked to the end of the garden. I heard the others talk behind me, almost whispering, but I didn’t pay any attention to it.

When I came back, the conversation between them stopped immediately. What were they talking about?

We said goodbye to each other, leaving Tim and Brianna behind. Holly, Shane, and Benjamin went to the left, while me and Kat started walking to the right. It was nice, to be alone with her. Calmness washed over me, while at the same time a fire inside me burned.

During our little walk, we talked. I wanted to know everything about her business, and she happily answered my questions. I watched her from the corner of my eye, when she talked, she uses her hands to gesture around, and it was an adorable sight.

Way too soon we reached her house. We stopped in front of it, and we fell silent. The moon provided a little light, bringing out the beautiful features of her face. I wanted to cup her cheeks and kiss her. Sy, dude, get yourself together. She is a friend. A. friend. You don’t kiss friends like that. Right?

“Alright, well, it is so nice to have you back Sy,” Kat said.

“It is nice to be back here,” I smiled. We fell silent again.

“I should go inside,” she spoke softly, and opened her arms for a hug. I could also go inside with you.

I let out a hum and wrapped my arms around her thick waist. I squeezed her tight, and she nuzzled her face in my neck. I loved it that she wasn’t fragile, and that I could just hug her like I wanted to.

We broke up the hug. I did not let her go yet, I wanted to kiss those soft lips so bad, but I settled for kissing her cheek instead. I hoped she did not hear my heart beating fast, or my sinful thoughts. She let out a little whimper, and I knew I had to let her go before I would drag her into her bedroom.

“Goodnight darlin’,” I said and winked. Shit, forgot I can’t wink.

“Goodnight captain,” she said and laughed at my attempt to wink. I shook my head and took a few steps backwards. I watched her go inside and waved before she closed the door.

I turned around and starting walking to my parents’ house. A few years ago, we had built a cabin at the end of our property. While I was serving, I lived there at the times I was back home. I was now back for good, but I still had to tell Kat, and my friends. It was time to come home, I was ready. I was ready to settle down. With her preferably, but I knew that would never happen.

I sighed, and dropped my head. Why won’t she notice me the way I notice her?

•••

> chapter two

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[nightowlfandom]

Yandere! Corrupt Angel! Keigo Takami X Demon! Reader- Episode 1/3: The Same Side Of A Coin

CHECKOUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

Hey friends.....this is a ride Theres talkings of suicide, sinning, degredation, heaven vs hell and religious themes. You’ve been warned.

Leggo

...

You stood in the middle of the dancefloor, staring around the room. Once a year heaven and hell would come together and host the gala of the century. The Dark One and The Holy One would set aside their differences one day out of the year and host a party bringing both their children together for a huge affair.

Every demon and angel across the nine realms would show up. The beautiful, the ethereal, and the not so beautiful too. You watched as each leader sat respectfully on their thrones.

You watched as The Dark One looked over his people. It was times like this you admired the man. Your soul had mistakenly fallen to the pits of hell when an angel who wouldn’t do their job correctly denied your entry to heaven. You were given special treatment as a result.

The other demons knew you didn’t do anything wrong and they didn’t hold it against you. In fact, the other demons treated you like a kid sister. They never let you near any real demon business. 

“Ah, Young Y/N! Come!” The Dark One waved you over. “There’s someone you must meet my child.” 

“Yes, Sir!” you gave a thumbs up from the crowd. “Excuse me, Pardon me.” you shimmied through the crowd. You caught the eye of many angels. The other demons spoke highly of you, saying how the feather freaks would be lucky to have you...they were right.

You wore a black gown, with a pretty decorative necklace. Your wrists were decorated in beautiful lace cuffs that matched the rings on your right hand.

“Y/N, my word you look beautiful as ever.” The Dark One praised. “I want you to meet-”

“The Holy One, I know you...my family speaks...spoke-” you corrected yourself. “Highly of you.”

“Y/N, as I live and breathe. Old Goat Face wasn’t kidding.”

“Oh shut up and fix your bedsheet, Cloud Breath.”

You giggled as the two argued like siblings. 

“Y/N, I would like to personally apologize. I’m afraid some of my children can be quite...elite about who the let through the gates.”

You remember being thrown down the stairs, falling for a while, then landing next to a lake of lava. Of course that was a while ago.

“It’s okay...not like I was the purest soul in the world anyways.” you shrugged. 

“Sin does not define you my child, I’m sure your heart would have landed you here with me had a different angel been working that day.”

That didn’t change the fact that you were booted to hell. No one could change that even if they wanted to.

“Ah! Keigo My boy! Over here!” You watched as The Holy One waves someone over. You kept your eyes on the Dark One.

“How are you holding up, dear?”

“I’m well.” you bowed respectfully. “Sorry for not socializing enough.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, my dear girl. As long as you are enjoying yourself.”

You smiled, about to reply when a new body came into the picture. A tall man, in a black tuxedo strode up to you, the dark, and the holy One. he was obviously an angel from his golden thin rimmed halo hanging above his head of sandy brown hair. Only instead of white wings, his were blood red. They were unlike any you’ve ever seen before. You had never seen a higher level angel before in the flesh.

“Y/N, Triple 6....this is Keigo.”

“Nice to meet you, man. Don’t let twinkle toes tell you anything about us. Demons aren’t so bad. Y/N here is proof of that.”

“Y/N huh?” you finally met his sharp eyes. His gaze held yours for what felt like an eternity. His smug expression slightly faltered as he stared at you. His lips parted slightly at the sight of you. Never in all his days had he seen such a low level demon hold such a high priestess appearance. “I’m...charmed to meet you.”

“Likewise.” you bowed your head respectfully. You had noticed a few select demons getting near you. All the upper levels seemed to glare at this Keigo person with intense hate and you were positive it wasn’t just because of the color differences. 

“You don’t have horns.”

“Excuse me?” you raised an eyebrow.

“You have no horns.” he said again, a smirk teasing his lips.

You moved your hair from in front of your forehead to reveal two little bone-ish stubs. They weren’t sharp, nor prominent like the higher-ups. You remembered the others saying you needed horns that fit you just right. They would grow...eventually. 

“Hm, Keigo, Y/N...why don’t you two go on the dancefloor?” The Holy One asked.

“With this asshole? No thanks.” you rolled your eyes. “You think just because your higher up than me, you can disrespect me?” you crossed your arms. (Read more below the break)

...

“Disrespect. Dear girl, it was merely an observation!” he looked amused at your anger.

“Don’t you smile at me.” you seethed. “I know a pompous ass when I see it.”

“Y/N, do try and calm yourself.” The Dark One put a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it with malice.”

“Come on. What do you say.” he held out his hand. He winked.

“Only because I refuse to say no to a God twice.” you seethed.

Everyone watched as Keigo, wings spread crossed the dancefloor with you on his arm. You obviously weren’t too happy, given your first impression had already down down the drain. 

He’d better not touch Y/N if he knows what’d good for him,

Keigo of all people, dancing with a demon doesn’t surprise me.

You tried to ignore the gossip as a hand rested at the base of your spine. Keigo looked down at you, his smugness unwavering as he began move with you to the music. It was a low, slow jazzy tune with what could be described as a ‘sensual piano’ melody. 

“I really didn’t mean it the way you took it, doll.” he whispered in your ear. “But you’ve got fire, I respect that.”

“I..I’m sorry.” you sighed. “I’m just...used to people degrading me because-”

“This is so new to you.” he finished, his smile slightly faltering. “I was like that too, thousands of years ago.”

“Well I’m on year two so-” you scoffed. “It’s not that bad...I guess. Hell isn’t as bad as the books say it is.”

“Well heaven isn’t all clouds and rainbows either, doll. I’ve been banished so many times I’ve lost count.”

“Banished? I don’t understand.” you tilted your head to the side.

Keigo could see what was left of your innocent aura hanging around you. Most people who fell into the pits of hell were already long gone with no trace of human emotion or attachment. You...were different. It reminded him of...himself once upon a time.

“I’ve gone rogue. They tried to restrain me but they give keep giving me chances.” he shook his head. “That’s the think about the Cloud Kingdom, dear. They refuse to believe there are bad people in the world.” 

“Is that why...your wings are-”

‘No...that’s more of a stylistic choice...can’t let all those souls go to waste can I?” he winked. “Red suits me don’t you think.”

“Y-yes.” you replied honestly, finding it hard to lie. 

“So what about you?” he raised an eyebrow. Among the hum of the other patrons and the music, not to mention your demonic heart thumping loudly against your chest you felt Keigo’s breath on the shell of your ear. It was like he was telling you a secret. “What brings you to the pits...killing an ant by accident?”

“My application for the gates was apparently denied.”

“No why would that be.” you don’t look like the type to sin.

“Trust me.” you shook your head. “I’ve sinned more times than I can count...I guess putting a bullet in my head was the last straw.”

Keigo’s breath hitched in his throat as you told your story. You...you shot yourself? Such a small thing? You weren’t a murderer, or god forbid anything else. He felt himself silently fill with rage. You had the glow of an angel that was for sure.

“I’ve come to terms with it. Guess I wasn’t worthy.” you shrugged.

“You are always worthy.” he abruptly cut you off. “It’s these white wear wearing, cloud riding fuckers that aren’t worthy.” he seethed. ‘What other sins could you have possibly committed.”

“...The Dark One hasn’t told you?...I’m a lust demon in training.” you explained. “I used sex to fill voids when I was alive. When I couldn’t replace my pain with pleasure...kapow!” you put your fingers to your head and faked a gunshot.

“Lust demon?” Keigo raised an eyebrow. “That explains why you look so sexy tonight.” he flirted.

“Are you hitting on me?” your eyes widened.

“Depends. Do you like it?”

You hadn’t noticed that Keigo body was flush against yours. Skin to skin. You felt warm, scorching hot beneath him. That was the demon fire. 

“Y-yeah.” you nodded. “I do...wow-” you stepped back from him and fanned yourself. 

“Is everything alright?” Keigo stepped forward and laced his hands in yours. 

“What have you done to our sister?” a high priestess demoness waltzed up. She glared at Keigo who seemed unfazed, only raising an eyebrow. “Y/N, Dear are you alright?”

“I don’t know.” your chest heaved. “I feel- so...” you partially moaned.

“What has this angel scum done to our sister.” a male demon stormed up. He unfurled his dragon-esque wings. “Sister Y/N, say something.”

“I need air...I have to go outside.” you immediately walked away. Keigo, in a confused state watched you walk away.

“Sister Y/N is unwell! We must go after her.”

“She’ll be fine, we’ll know if she’s in trouble.”

Call it instinct, but he had to follow you.

[gay-snom]

contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3