#blahhhhhh
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Sol
#I’m just gonna put these here so I can rant about all the issues I see in the#so like I as an idiot was like let’s see if I can do a style study on qwille using my favorite boy right#but qwille a brain works in mysterious ways cause like I’m trying to hard to firgure out how they know where to put stuff#and of course the rendering is like that in between fully rendered and that more soft vague#which is gorge#but my brain when I do it is like you need to fix you need to fix this looks bad you suck blahblah#not to even mention the anatomy#which is completely fucked here#I can’t do shoulders to save my life#and he looks so dumb sitting on that box#like what’s wrong with his shoe#I know something’s wrong#I think I need to take a moment#I’m caught in one of those logic loops rn#blahhhhhh
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i fear. that i sunk-costed myself into this rook concept and now i can't face the fact that it isn't doing what i wanted it to do. fuck
#like i like it!! it's good writing#it's not what i set out to do tho and i lost sight of that at some point#and that is probably why even tho i like the writing i feel very lukewarm about it overall#blahhhhhh#mer speaks
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Yeah I gave up on victor 😭 I did all of these as practice for drawing securitrons
And they suckkkkkk
I’ll do them when I have motivation victor sucked the life out of me ok I hope you enjoy them
#yes man#fanart#fallout new vegas#my art#yes man fallout new vegas#fallout fanart#victor new Vegas#muggy fnv#marilyn fallout#blahhhhhh#art practice#so ugly
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scary thing
#homestuck#my art#cherie#homestuck art#homestuck oc#homestuck oc art#oc#oc art#troll ocs#troll art#homestuck ocs#blah#blahhhhhh#blah blah blahhhhhh
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ughhhh i want to draw more preston but my hands are literally turning to lead lately whenever i pick up a pencil
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literally how am i meant to have good nutrition if every single pre-prepared meal is unsafe for me and i live alone so food just goes off in the fridge before i finish it and i'm too fatigued for big meal prep and my kitchen is tiny and there are no more goddamn sources of protein i can put in my diet
#i have never in my life had adequate protein intake and i'm pretty sure it's a factor in my fatigue#as well as probably affecting my muscle strength and therefore pain#but just. how!!! where do i get it from!!!#dietitian was literally at the point of suggesting huel and if i could tolerate liquid food i would do that#unfortunately smoothie and shakes and anything like that is a no for me#sets off my gag reflex#blahhhhhh#personal
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Opening 15 fics to try to avoid opening reddit at all today so I don't tank my fucking mood even further.
#blahhhhhh#i ache all over and i want to be in bed#i gotta get it together i have meetings today we have to achieve sweetie status in the one with one specific nurse in particular#i did remember oolong tea today instead of chamomile#so i have that going for me#-pers
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BACK FROM WATCHING GODZILLA MINUS ONE. OUHHHHHHHHG THE GODZILLER.
#GODDD THAT WAS SONFUCKING GOOD#BLAHHHHHH#AHHHHHHH EUUE UEU EURUEU#SOBS AND CRIES.#IT WAS SO GOOD....
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at my employers' corporate office in Georgia which is rly big compared to the tiny office I used to work in.
anyway. gotta pee real bad but idk where the bathrooms are and I'm too nervous to ask. 😭
#inb4 plz pee i will! eventually 🙃#like prb in the next half hour or so when i get back to my condo#blahhhhhh#rxwen.txt
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hello relapse my old friend….
Tomorrow is a new day tho.
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I AM SO SLEEPY NOOO
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struggling to stay awake at work rn
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maybe i’m just sick
and this is how it's gonna be
maybe this is all i know
and i know it's not you, it's me
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Okay I might not be finishing this AC extra till this weekend 😔🙏
#also my dr cancelled my apt because she is sick but then didnt have an opening that worked for me until the end of next month#blahhhhhh#im training in another thing today and have to be stuck in a room with everyone doing group work for like. all day.#this week feels so long#-pers
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I hate that healing from trauma also means that I have to physically sit with my grief wherever I am as it washes over me and passes
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matt and I are finally going on vacation together but also his parents and brother are coming too and like treating us to like a lot of things and paying for a good chunk of the trip and we’re going to Disney and I haven’t been able to afford to go in so long I am………….very autistic about Theme Parks but I am anxious bc like i haven’t gone with someone’s family since like my first trip when I was 16 when I went with my bffs dad and brother and it was……not great.
And I’m like hhhh bc like
1. The lone fatty amongst a family of skinnies and having to deal with a theme park as a fat person and take things into consideration that they won’t think of and it’s going to be awkward….
2. They don’t know I’m autistic and idk if I’m gonna end up having to mask the entire time bc like do I want my boyfriends very neurotypical cishet upper middle class Christian white family know I’m autistic on top of EVERYTHING else about me idk ugh. And if I mask the entire trip I’m going to have a fucking meltdown at some point.
3. The heat…………. I haven’t been to Florida in June in a very long time especially not since I gained all my weight back like. Lordy Lordy this trip on top of everything.
But also
Im only paying for only my flight and Extremely Discounted park tickets bc Matt’s brother is in the military. So like. I am excited to go I am and I’m excited to take a vacation with him but
The odds of me having a good time are stacked against me folks
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