#blurb night october 22

[ohcaptains]

jfhdhfjf i just can’t stop thinking about him fucking the newest front of house who’s just really good at her job and he appreciates how easy she is for him when everything else is hard especially when she lets him fuck her when he needs to blow off steam SORRYEYY ?????

Carmy doesn’t know when it happened.

Doesn’t know when it started, but he’s starting to think it’ll never stop. You’re just so…helpful. Good at the till, good with the customers, good at the fancy new coffee machine Carmy had bought (just for you) and good at expediting, when shit got busy, and he needed another hand. Good, good, good, good – fucking brilliant, if you ask Carmy, wasted on a place like The Beef, or The Bear, or the shit hole his brother left him, that he’s trying to make good. Good, good, good. Good at other things, too, like keeping quiet when you’re in his office and he’s fucking you from behind. Or, getting loud when you’d managed to get to his apartment, and he’s saying how thankful he is.

He’s spilling the truth into your mouth when you gasp his name, hitching your legs up higher so he can hit that spongey spot that makes your eyes roll back – makes you go quiet. Until you’re sobbing out how thankful you are. Gripping his curls, nose pushed against his, I like making things easier for you, Carmy. You whisper as you grind into him, I like being good for you. That’s how it starts – this whole good thing.

“Good,” he’d comment when you finished a particularly hard lunch rush. “You did good,” and he’d see it. See the way your face relaxed and feel how he’d want to say it again.

He can’t stop saying it. Can’t stop when it’s after closing and everyone’s gone home. When he’s got you against the door to his office, mouth pushed into your ear, and he’s taking his time, making his strokes deep and steady as he says, so good for me. Such a good fucking girl. I’m not letting you leave this goddamn restaurant – and he kisses you between words, between grunts and groans – not letting you leave my goddamn sight.

[hearts-hunger]

Welcome to the 2023 GVF Fic Writers Halloween Event! Prompts are below the cut, but first, some info about this very spooky affair.

٭ The rules are simple: pick a prompt from the list below and write a fic about it! The prompts range from particularly Halloween-y to just general autumnal vibes, and you're welcome to riff off any of them in any way you choose. On your post, please note which prompt (or prompts) you picked for your fic!

٭ This event is open to all GVF writers, whether you're a seasoned vet or a first-time writer! If you're a reader, show your love for GVF writers by liking their fics, reblogging them, and commenting in the reblog or even just in the tags. All fics from this event will be reblogged by me and added to a masterlist that will be linked in my bio!

٭ Fics can be written for any and all pairings — x reader, slash, platonic, x oc, multi, whatever you like! It's also open to any length fics (blurbs, oneshots, series) and all genres, from vampire sexy to candy sweet to scary movie spooky and everything in between. Please make sure to clearly tag any potential triggers in your fic — we want this event to be accessible and fun for everyone. Please also use a readmore in any fics that are longer than blurb length, just to keep the dash tidy.

٭ Absolutely no negativity will be tolerated, whether from readers, writers, or anyone else. This is a community-building event, and if you're not here to have fun and be kind to others, don't be here at all.

٭ Tag your fics with #gvfhalloweenfics. To make sure I don't miss your fic, please tag me (@hearts-hunger) so I can reblog your fic and add it to the masterlist!

٭ The deadline is technically October 31st, but I'm happy to add fics to the masterlist any time before or after Halloween if your creative energy is grooving or lagging. You can also write as many fics as you want!

٭ Now that I've talked your ear off, let me say one last thing before we get to the prompts: my asks (with anon) and dms are always open for any questions about this event! Please reblog this post to get the word out, and tag any writers you think might be interested! Happy writing, and happy Halloween!

1. carnival haunted house 2. real haunted house 3. pumpkin patch 4. apple orchard 5. scary movie night 6. campfire ghost stories 7. baking halloween treats 8. carving pumpkins 9. trick or treating 10. decorating for halloween 11. making costumes 12. putting on halloween makeup 13. halloween bar crawl 14. ghost hunting 15. monster/ghost/witch au 16. county fair 17. halloween party 18. exploring a graveyard 19. adopting a black cat 20. playing with a ouija board 21. buying halloween decor 22. dark magic 23. a walk through the woods 24. cosy coffee date 25. camping trip 26. hay ride 27. local oktoberfest 28. cabin vacation 29. halloween/autumn wedding 30. starting a new halloween tradition 31. fic based on a halloween song

[hauntingcryptids]

All Works Masterlist

Ordered by fandom and then by character

Doctor Who

Eccleston!Doctor

Working On Requests 

Tennant!Doctor

Prank Wars - 17 August 2022

Smith!Doctor

So Where To First? - 2 January 2023

Ganger!Doctor

I’m Not Him - 4 January 2023

Second Best - 

Number One Priority - 

Capaldi!Doctor

Touched Starved - 5 January 2023

Speaking Up For Your Needs - 23 February 2023

The Professor Next Door - 

Whittaker!Doctor

First Proper Date - 28 October 2022

Impromptu Sleepover - 3 November 2022

Soaked Through To The Bone - 4 November 2022

Feeling Good - 15 November 2022

Runaway Makeout - 27 December 2022

Choosing You - 31 December 2022

New Dress - 17 January 2023

Keep It On - 14 October 2023

Wanted and Needed - 

Dhawan!Doctor

Baked Devotions

Baking Hijinks - 5 September 2022

Scheming Timers - 7 September 2022

Apology Desserts - 9 September 2022

The Master’s Plan - 17 November 2022

An Afternoon With Tea And Books - 20 July 2023

New Attire - 23 July 2023

Changes - 

Why Not Me? - 

Simm!Master

Borrowed Black Hoodie - 29 October 2022

Soft Spot In The Hearts Of A Murderer - 24 February 2023

Gomez!Master

Exception - 24 August 2022

Taste Testing - 25 August 2022

Sneaking In - 29 August 2022

Never Leave Me - 31 October 2022

Break In Blurb - 2 November 2022

Warm On A Cold Night - 5 November 2022

Jealousy Looks Good On You - 16 November 2022

Secret Date - 26 February 2023

MI6 Agent O

One Good Day - 8 January 2022

O, What A Beautiful Morning - 21 October 2022

Share Your Coat And Jumper - 22 October 2022

Work Hard, Play Hard - 28 February 2023

Dhawan!Master

Frogs and Snails - 8 January 2022

Cuddling Headcanons - 8 January 2022

Protectiveness Headcanons - 8 January 2022

Heartbeat Headache - 28 March 2022

Alone - 29 March 2022

Sneaking Around - 30 March 2022

My Baby Doll - 19 August 2022

Quarantine Breakdown - 20 August 2022

Comfort Cuddles - 21 August 2022

Anything - 22 August 2022

Best Laid Plans Of Monsters And Masters - 28 August 2022

You Don’t Mean It - 31 August 2022

Sneaking Around Part 2 - 4 September 2022

Quiet Morning After A Disturbed Date - 18 October 2022

Library Day - 19 October 2022

A Little Thought - 26 October 2022

You Are More Than Your Failings - 27 October 2022

Fall For Me - 28 October 2022

Beg For It - 30 October 2022

Get Some Rest, Love - 11 November 2022

Trust In Me - 12 November 2022

Kidnapping Dates - 18 November 2022

My Brave Little Human - 19 November 2022

And His Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day - 25 December 2022

Look To The Future Now - 25 December 2022

My Baby Doll Part 2 - 22 February 2023

Drumming Noise Inside My Head - 1 March 2023

Torturous Flirting - 2 March 2023

Lie Down With Me - 6 March 2023

Belle Of The Ball - 29 March 2023

Safety Over Teamwork - 22 July 2023

Tell Me That I Belong To You - 12 October 2023

Back In The Old Cemetary, I‘m Dying To See You, My Love -

Stay With Me - 

Please Don’t Leave Me - 

Collectible Remains - 

Something Happens And I’m Head Over Heels - 

As The World Falls Down - 

Tennant!Master 

Working On Requests

Whittaker!Master

Back Against The Wall - 18 August 2022

Secret Lover - 3 September 2022

Plus One - 1 November 2022

Attempted Backstabbing - 4 March 2023

First Kiss -

First Time  -

Why Not Me? - 

Martha Jones

Bedside Manner - 5 March 2023

Our Flag Means Death

Frenchie

Sunlight - 11 April 2022

Strings and Makeshift Patches - 19 April 2022

Kissing Frenchie’s Hands - 20 April 2022

Edward Teach x Reader x Stede Bonnet

Waking Up Beside The Two Of You - 8 January 2023

Stranger Things

Eddie Munson

Shower Detox - 6 June 2022

Aftercare, I Love You - 28 December 2022

Breakfast Not In Bed - 3 January 2023

The Band Ghost

Phantom

You've Got Good Dreams - 15 October 2023

X-Men

Peter Maximoff

Dark Side Of The Moon - 1 January 2023

[makeadealwithdean]

I posted 3,715 times in 2022

That's 626 more posts than 2021!

93 posts created (3%)

3,622 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@evergreencowboy (of course lmao)

@angelsdean

@deanandkastiel

@becauseofthebowties

@thursdaysidjit

I tagged 3,710 of my posts in 2022

#dean winchester - 951 posts

#destiel - 682 posts

#castiel - 678 posts

#steve harrington - 523 posts

#stranger things - 508 posts

#billy hargrove - 448 posts

#jensen ackles - 376 posts

#eddie munson - 349 posts

#spnedit - 329 posts

#spn - 280 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#if billy had lived they would’ve found comfort in each other as platonic besties and they’d talk about their boyfriends and they’d be happy

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

makeadealwithdean's friday sunday fic list - stranger things

here's the fics i've read this week (09/02/22) and yes, this is supposed to happen on friday, but work kicked my ass this week, so here we are on sunday night. my bad! anyway, as always, writers, if you don't wanna be on here, let me know, and i'll take you right off! and most of these are gonna be smut and 18+ only, so minors dni!!!

steve harrington:

mommy? sorry. mommy? * by @hawkins-losers

more perv!steve * by @creelteeth

just like in the movies * by @the-archxr

two idiots by @huffle-pissed

are we more? by @keeryshouse (my note: omg I LOVE THIS FIC so much— 100% a comfort fic of mine)

eddie munson:

shy!reader smokes with eddie * by @indouloureux

three men and a baby by @queenimmadolla

needy * by @thisishellfire (my note: this made me SCREAM)

fake it * by @fan-fantasies

stress relief * by @evergreencowboy (my note: OH I AM FERAL BYE)

eddie helping you out of a panic attack by @ddejavvu

friction * by @faeology

eddie’s horny in the middle of the night * by @hellfirehoe

other (including ships):

brusk manners * by @latelyanobsession (billy hargrove x reader)

teasing billy while he's working * by @prrttycrier (billy hargrove x reader )

fuck the hate away * by @dckweed (billy hargrove x reader)

living after midnight (rocking to the dawn) * by @mourntheantagonist (harringrove)

billy hargrove x reader smut (and the first 2 parts) * by @bluesfortheredj

this sweet harringrove blurb by @ariesbilly

eddie and y/n tease steve at work * by @lilacletter (steddie x y/n)

head rush * by @deedoop (harringroveson, eddie x steve x billy)

three inch rule by @fanatics4l (harringrove + hopper) (my note: would just like to add that this fic prompted an hour long discussion with my bestie and my s/o bc i just loved it that much)

harringroveson plays d&d by @biillyhargroves

See the full post

738 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

#4

let’s remember the real reason for the season

776 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

#3

haven’t seen the winchesters pilot yet but this put me at peace

911 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

#2

makeadealwithdean’s friday fic list - stranger things

here's a list of the fics i've read this week (8/26/22) and highly, highly recommend! these fics are not mine and belong only to the writers, so writers, if you don't want to be mentioned on here, message me, and i'll take you off no questions asked! also, most of these fics are smut and 18+ ONLY, so minors dni!!

steve harrington:

~ i want to touch you * by @poeticandors (my note: this whole series is PHENOMENAL, probably my favorite steve series <;3)

~ pretending * by @poeticandors

~ perv!steve * by @creelteeth

~ put away my pride * by @wtfsteveharrington

~ baby, baby, baby * by @pixiemunsons

~ the king (pornstar!steve) * by @poetrieshouse

~ sex education * by @sortagaysortahigh (my notes: my other very favorite steve series)

~ fake it 'til you make it by @thefreak-thebanished

~ power trip * by @silkscream

~ car troubles * by @hellfiresangel

~ private eyes * by @peachesworld96

~ you shook me all night long * (series) by @pinkchubbiebunnie (my note: i LOVE this series sooooo much <;3)

~ needy * by @bvmbshell

~ cloud 9 * by @sortagaysortahigh

eddie munson:

~ the dungeon master * by @chaoticmunson

~ 18 * by @chaoticmunson

~ vanilla * by @fan-fantasies

~ BOO? * by @eagerbby

~ nice bracelet * by @starbxcks

~ cover girl * by @eddies-perm

~ out loud by @iheartyouyou

~ menace by @retrobutterflies

~ groupie * by @hellfirebabes

~ birthday surprise * by @hellfirebabes

~ the crescent moons by @huffle-pissed

See the full post

1,636 notes - Posted August 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

give it a try - s.h.

See the full post

1,641 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[starryevermore]

31 Days of Halloween (2021) is an exercise of creativity born out of the desire to delve more into the fantastic. Sixteen stories feature Colby Brock as one supernatural creature or another (except for one, which delves more into fairy tales, but magical nonetheless), and the remaining fifteen are more on the “realistic” side of fantasy with the typical ghost-hunting shenanigans (some more serious, some more comical, as it should be). None of the stories are connected; all of them exist in their own, individual universe. Enjoy! xx

(Also fun fact: all of the headers on each fic is my own handwriting!) 

(Note: Planning for 31DOH began in October 2021, writing began December 6, 2020, and writing finished in January 7, 2021.)

(Note 2: I made the graphic for this back in July 2020, when I was still “starrybrock” and I’m too lazy to go back and find the video and stuff to remake it lmao) 

Total Word Count: 27,458

KEY:

📚: Full-length fic

📃: Blurb

📃 Day 1: "To Hell and Back” (Demon!Colby)

you play with the ouija board alone and accidentally summons a demon that can’t get you off his mind.

📃 Day 2: “Holding My Breath”

“i’m telling you, this place is haunted!”

📚 Day 3: “Nipping at Your Nose” (Winter Spirit!Colby)

a certain winter spirit takes an interest in you.

📃 Day 4: “All the Devils are Here”

“how do you kill something that’s already dead?”

📚 Day 5: “God Rest His Soul” (Ghost!Colby)

you move into what was once the trap house and encounter the ghost of a certain emo boy.

📃 Day 6: “Overnight in Haunted Hotel (Gone Wrong)”

“there is no way I’m staying here overnight!”

📃 Day 7: “Bring Me A Dream” (Sandman!Colby) 

he always made sure you had the sweetest of dreams.

📃 Day 8: “A Ring of Salt”

“i saw on tv once that salt will keep them away.”

📚 Day 9: “A Dove in a Golden Cage” (Vampire!Colby)

your vampire decides that you must be his equal.

📃 Day 10: “Where Tragedy Reigns”

“something really horrible must have happened here.” 

📚 Day 11: “Tale as Old as Time” (Beast!Colby)

he was the beast. you were the beauty. could i make it anymore obvious?

📃 Day 12: “To the Other Shore”

“did you just hear that scream?”

📃 Day 13: “Lord Prepare Me” (Angel!Colby)

he would always make sure nothing bad ever happened to you.

📃 Day 14: “Beyond the Veil” 

“you look like you just saw a ghost.” 

📚 Day 15: “A Labyrinth of Perplexities” (sorta Minotaur!Colby)

you are cast into the labyrinth as punishment for a crime you never committed and come face-to-face with the beast that resides in its walls.

📃 Day 16: “What Goes Bump in the Night”

“what do you mean the hotel is haunted?”

📃 Day 17: “By the Light of the Moon” (Werewolf!Colby)

he saw himself a monster, but you saw him for the sweetheart he is.

📃 Day 18: “Twas a Dark & Stormy Night”

“i mean, what’s better than being trapped in a haunted house with a spirit hellbent on attacking us while a storm rages outside, all while we have no cell service and a car that won’t start? oh, right, literally anything else.” 

📚 Day 19: “At Springtide” (Selkie!Colby)

every springtide, a mysterious man comes to visit you.

📃 Day 20: “Nosferatu” 

“please tell me that’s you flickering the lights.” 

📃 Day 21: “Cast a Spell on You” (Witch!Colby)

he cast a love spell, and that’s how he met you.

📚 Day 22: “The Witches Forest”

you can’t believe your boyfriend was stupid enough to run off into the dark and dangerous woods.

📃 Day 23: “Out of this Dull World” (Fairy!Colby)

perhaps you should’ve listened when they said to be careful who you gave your name to.

📃 Day 24: “Where Spirits Meet”

“we’re at a graveyard at three in the morning. what did you think was gonna happen?”

📚 Day 25: “Touched by a God” (Deity!Colby)

sick of the monotony of living on mount olympus, you descend into the underworld and meet the god of the dead. 

📃 Day 26: “Cursed”

“this place is cursed.”

📃 Day 27: “Choke Me Like You Hate Me” (Incubus!Colby)

there are some things that even a sex-obsessed demon can love.

📃 Day 28: “Something Wicked this Way Comes”

“we have to run—now!”

📚 Day 29: “The Song of Sirens” (Mermaid!Colby)

you lament about the pains of being immortal as colby brings you as much comfort as he can muster. 

📃 Day 30: “Seeing is Believing”

“ghosts aren’t real!”

📚 Day 31: “Wildly, Insanely, Infinitely” (Prince Charming!Colby)

you gave up on your happily ever after, until a handsome stranger rides in.

[buckybleu]

Isla's 13 Nights of Tricks & Treats 🎃🍬

October is here and that means some fun is about to begin! For 13 nights in October at 8PM PST, I'll be posting drabbles, blurbs, and some imagines (not all are Autumn/Halloween related)! Each night will vary; some will be with Xu Shang-Chi and others Bucky Barnes. Some nights may be sweet, others not so much. Although majority are already planned, if there are other characters or prompts you want to see, let me know! I'm always open to suggestions and ideas!

Happy Autumn and Happy Halloween! I hope you enjoy your read 🧡

Tricks & Treats Schedule:

Oct. 1 - muffin man

bonus: the toaster incident

Oct. 6 - princess aurora

Oct. 8 - donut seduction

Oct. 11 - date night

Oct. 13 - his girl

Oct. 15 - home

Oct. 18 - scones

Oct. 20 - tango with the devil

Oct. 22 - grumpy cat

Oct. 25 - mr. & mrs. xu

Oct. 27 - morning kiss

Oct. 29 - you

Oct. 31 - whiskey & tequila

[just-another-wasteland-merc]

Birthday!

It's October 22, which means it's both Em and Merc's birthday! So, to celebrate, I wrote a teeny little blurb for you, which is under the cut.

I hope you all have a great day!

Em wasn't sure which roused her from sleep first, the arm tightening slightly around her waist, or the soft but scratchy kiss on her shoulder. She smiled when his arm under her came up and she chuckled when he pulled her in for a tight, sleepy hug.

"Morning," she greeted quietly. She rested her hand on his forearm, and her fingers traced random patterns along his skin.

"Mm.. morning," he mumbled.

She felt his head touch hers, and his steady breath out his nose sent chills down her back. Em patted his arm a couple of times, then rolled over to face him. She was immediately met with a kiss on her forehead, and his hand smoothing up her back.

"Any big plans today, honey?" he asked, eyes still closed.

"I don't have anything planned, no," she replied. "Why, what's up?"

"Well, since you don't have stuff planned, I figure we can head out for a little while. Go give Fredericks a hard time at the bar he just opened."

"Sounds like fun. Just.. don't announce it this time. Remember last year?"

He chuckled. "How could I forget? I carried you home over my shoulder like a sack of tatoes. But you had a lot of fun that time."

She joined in with giggles. "I did, but the day after really sucked."

He cracked an eye open, then leaned in with a half-awake kiss on her mouth, and she smiled as she kissed back.

"And how about a nice walk by the river?" he suggested.

"At night?"

"Any time you want. This is your day."

She stopped short, and watched him. He raised a brow.

"Hey," he murmured softly. He touched her cheek, and watched with a small smile when she leaned into his touch. "It's something I won't ever forget. I can promise that."

"Are you sure you can promise that?" she raised a brow at him.

"Well, how about this: I make it to sixty, and I'll reassess that statement."

"You'll make it to sixty. You've got me watching your back."

"I think you're more watching my ass, but I suppose that's just as good."

She giggled. "What can I say? It's a nice ass."

"I can tell, since you like smacking it in public."

"I like sneaking a hand under your duster and making you blush in plain sight even more."

Mac laughed, a little louder. "I know you like it." He kisses her one more time. "So, birthday girl, what do you wanna do?"

"I think being right here is just fine for right now. A few more cuddles, then we can make trouble for everyone else."

"Sounds like a fantastic plan." He kissed her once more. "Happy birthday, Em."

"Thank you, RJ."

[ohcaptains]

You should be so so proud of yourself, oh my goodness!! I started following your works a little before you hit 2k, and to get the privilege to see how much you've grown, how much you've done, and the absolute art you capture in your writing has been astronomical. You deserve this and more, I hope you take some time to treat yourself and truly acknowledge how talented you are! Thank you for sharing your gifts with us 💚

If you're still taking requests by the time I send this (hopefully you're not too overwhelmed with submissions) could I ask for something involving Carmy? I absolutely adored the pieces you wrote about him and how you were able to grasp how complex he is. 💕 I've had a bunch of thoughts involving him and face-riding, overestimation, or squirting because a friend of mine and I were talking about how his need for perfection and drive to push the limits in the kitchen might carry over to the bedroom and I would love to see your take on it! If this isn't something that interests you, I would love to see any thoughts you have to share on his character!

Whether you choose write it or not, I hope you took the time to read this just to know how appreciated you are.💚

Congratulations again! You deserve the world *mwah* 😊

okay noah fence but this message was so lovely. thank you, angel. I'm so incredibly grateful that you're still here. I hope I've done your request justice<3

Carmen. Carmen was an enigma that you wanted to figure out. Now and then, he’d give you some clues. An inch of the truth, and you’d cling to it, desperately hugging it, until it would reveal something else. One of those things was the admission that he was a perfectionist, and that perfectionist quality bled into all things.

“Carmy,” you whisper, the tone of it high pitch and cracking. Pushed from the back of your throat, finally managing to get the word out. You pair the word with your fingers tightening in his curls, the blonde/brown mop of his between your thighs. That, plus the push of your hips, arching into his mouth, feet shoved into the mattress, trying to get him closer, trying to get him to stop – not sure which one you want.

He's been at this for hours. Well, minutes. Feels like hours. But 3 times was a good endpoint. Four? Now that was being greedy. You guess that’s another thing you can put to him – Carmen was greedy. Well, greedy when it came to you. The thought makes your skin heat and makes you all gooey inside. Then, his big, bumpy nose is nudging at your clit, and you’re gasping, the sound a strangled, shocked sob.

“Carmy!” you repeat, louder, this time. He doesn’t answer, though. Too busy taking his time – too busy pushing his tongue into your hole, and dragging it upwards, between your wet, puffy slit, then circling it around your clit. You jolt, clutching his hair tighter. Clutching the duvet, too, to keep you to this plane of existence.

“Fuck – okay, okay, okay, okay,” you breathe, trying to self-soothe. The grumble of what sounds like Carmen laughing echoes through you. “Asshole,” you spit, and he laughs louder, now. Fumbles about and gets onto his knees.

“Jesus.” You watch the whole thing, thankful that you’ve got some reprieve, but this is worse, somehow. Better, even, as he braces his arms around your hips and lifts you, ass coming off of the bed, your fingers scrambling for something to hold onto before he’s back where he started – blue, bright blue eyes alight as he works you over with his tongue and sweet, pink lips.

“Think you’re—fuck, m’god –” your eyes roll back, and you forget what you were about to say. Something about being too good at something, but the thought goes to purgatory as heat pushes at the back of your clit, again. This time, though, it’s hotter and heavier. Tight, your body tense as it readies itself for something else.

“I’m – Carmen.”

You’ve lost your thought again.

He speaks, words muffled by the wet of your cunt. “Don’t be silly, I’m carmen.” “Shut up.” “Mm, mean,” he mumbles, glancing at you for a brief second. A second too long, really, when you see his lips and cheeks glistening with you. “Don’t know why I like you so much.” “’ cause I let you eat me out for hours.” He hums a laugh, “it hasn’t been hours. We’d be on number 10 now if it had been hours.”

You note how he says we. Note that he’s counting. “Can’t take ten, can barely take four.” “Guess we’re about to find out, huh.” “Please be—” you take a deep breath, cunt clenching together and mouth falling open. A loud, unkept moan comes out, and Jesus, If you were watching Carmen, you’d come right there. His face goes red. Beams with accomplishment.

“Please let me do this forever.” “Okay,” you gasp, not hearing him, but your fourth orgasm is gunning for you, threatening to take you under and never release. You fumble for his hair. “Okay,” you repeat, brain blanking, going to goo as he pushes his pointer finger at your swollen hole. Pushes inside, and you’re clenching around him, tight and unyielding.

“Please lemme come,” you sob, looking down at him with pleading eyes. Mouth open, tongue coming out, burning all over. You bump your pussy against his mouth, the scene so hot and desperate that you swear it’s not happening to you. But it feels all so real. Real, as Carmen sucks your clit into his mouth, and pushes his finger deep inside of you, in, and out, rolling and you don’t have time to warn him.

Hits you, and it’s wet and hot, spreading over his mouth and cheeks and god, soaks his chin, too. Carmen licks you clean. Groans and mumbles through the whole thing, and you swear, somewhere in there, you hear a thank you.

[nazyalenskyism]

Masterlist

A master list of my Grishaverse works (newest to oldest): Ao3 Works (All of the fics below are also posted on Ao3)

(* = still updating) (^ = based on a prompt from my ask) (~ = blurb)  (last updated on October 22, 2021)  Grishaverse Headcanons

Let’s Get Married* Summary: A Zoyalai modern AU with fake marriage.

Inside This Place is Warm Summary:  A cold night causes a stubborn Zoya and a cocky Nikolai to strike again. (just pure Zoyalai fluff.)

Feels Like Gold* (5/5 chapters are on ao3) Summary: When an ancient blight that divided their nation in two threatens to turn everything to ash and take more than ever before, the monarchs of Ravka find themselves becoming increasingly more entangled with one another as they desperately try to save their people. As months of quiet moments found in the maelstrom of leading nations blossoms into something they’d both sworn was impossible, the two find themselves at the precipice of change, and like a certain someone is constantly saying, “when people say impossible, they usually mean improbable.”

Alone Together Summary:  After observing the same mysterious stranger from afar at party after party, Zoya finds herself swept into a familiar sort of dance, but for the first time in her life she finds herself faced with an equally capable partner.

Sweeter Things Summary: Kaz discovers a few things about himself and his fellow Crows thanks to an outing to Ketterdam’s most expensive café.

This Love* Summary:  A Zoyalai One For My Enemy AU. Two heirs from enemy empires find themselves in the same room for the first time in years. Is their future elastic, letting them fall back into one another or has too much happened since then, causing them to break apart forever?

Not The Time!^ Summary: Nikolai and Zoya have the worst timing.

You Looked Chilly^ Summary: based on the prompt: ‘Person A wrapping a blanket around Person B when they are sitting on the couch and watching a show.’

Stop Looking at me Like That^ Summary: based on the prompt: "Nikolai and Dominik, best friends to lovers: stop looking at me like that."

Do You Remember? ~ Summary: A short piece using the prompt: ‘Person B reminiscing about the time they first met Person A. They're still in awe of how far they've come.’

Spinning Yarns ~ Summary: A short piece using the prompt: ‘Person A knitting something for Person B.’

Take My Hand, Wreck My Plans^ Summary: A Zoyalai fic based on the prompt: ‘Some angst and comfort. Some reunion after a very, very long time.’

There’s no Need to Break the Door ^ Summary: A Zoyalai fic based on the prompt: ‘There is no need to break the door.’

Unusual Encounters (Grishaverse Minibang) Summary: With impossible stakes on the line for both the Ravkans and the Crows, the last quiet moments before the chaotic auction provide a brief opportunity for peace.

You Will Suffer For This ^ Summary: A Zoyalai fic based on the prompt: ‘You will suffer for this.’ Nikolai gets down on one knee, much to his own amusement.

And Here I Thought You Couldn’t Get Any More Ridiculous ^ Summary:  A Zoyalai fic based on the prompt from an anon: ‘And here I thought you couldn't get any more ridiculous’

Shadows in My Mind Summary: It wasn't supposed to happen like this, not yet.

Barely Leashed ^ Summary: A 1045 word Zoyalai fic based on the prompt from an ask:  a commoner disrespects zoya in front of nikolai disguised as a commoner.

What Will Time Take? ^ Summary: A 508 word short Zoyalai fic based on the prompt from an ask: maybe time would not erase me.

Sankt Nikolai Day Summary: Sankt Nikolai's day is celebrated on the darkest day of the year, and so the king and his friends have a little celebration of their own this year.

Moonlight Summary: Another night, just the same, but Nikolai isn't holding back anymore. 

How You Get the Girl * Summary: A Zoyalai AU fic based on ‘How You Get the Girl.’ |  Nikolai tries to win Zoya back, but she’s not going to forgive him so easily. Nikolai shows up on Zoya’s doorstep asking for a second chance.

The Love of my Life When... * Summary: Zoya broke things off to protect them both, or at least that’s what she told herself. As the weeks pass and she reflects on her time with Nikolai, things don’t appear to be as black and white as they once had.  Nikolai thought that this time would be different, that he had finally found the one. After Zoya left, no matter how hard he tried to move on, he couldn’t. Through memories and lingering interactions will the two will find it in themselves to find their way back to one another?

Ribbons Summary: Based on the Rule of Wolves snippet released today. Nikolai wants nothing more than to pull that ribbon free.

One of These Nights Summary: A modern Zoyalai  AU, where there was only one bed 

Can’t Fall in Love Tonight Summary:  A modern Zoyalai politics AU. Nikolai is running for office and Zoya is has been his right-hand woman since University. Feelings are finally realized and Zoyalai banter.

Share This Dance Summary: A last dance between a general and her king.

Just Friends Summary: Nikolai and Zoya are just friends… aren’t they? | Zoyalai modern AU.

Free Falling Summary: A modern AU where Zoya gets injured and stays with Nikolai.

Warm Hands Summary: The impending wedding tomorrow reminds them of what they want what they can never have.

Just a Kiss Summary: Zoyalai are on a mission and have to kiss for cover.

You Can Hear it in the Silence  Summary: A short Zoyalai fic based on some lyrics from ‘You Are in Love.’

I’ll be Yours if You’ll be Mine * Summary: A political engagement, two idiots in love. They both think that the other will never be able to love them back. Just Zoya and Nikolai being Zoya and Nikolai.

Tonight Will be Different Summary: A modern Zoyalai AU, Nikolai is a politician and Zoya is his manager.

[theonyxpath]

We have sailed the Acid Sea and now know land is near – and with it all the fun a pirate could desire at Waterdog Port! Yarrrrr!

In other words, Pirate of Pugmire‘s Kickstarter has passed its funding goal, and now we’re headed towards some sweet Stretch Goals. Thanks to everyone who pledged so that we can get this companion volume to Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau printed and out into stores!

And if you haven’t yet had a chance to pledge, there are still a few awesome reward tiers left – some of which include having your pet illustrated as a pirate! – and the KS runs until Thursday. There’s a link below in the Blurbs! section for your convenience!

V5 Chicago By Night art by Michael Gaydos

Leading in to our next Kickstarter campaign, today we were thrilled to reveal that we will be posting a Trinity Continuum: Aberrant webcomic starting tomorrow, Tuesday the 18th, here on the Onyx Path website!

The webcomic will run every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday for about six weeks, coinciding with the TC: Aberrant Kickstarter starting the first week in July.

We had the extreme pleasure of working with comic book writer extraordinaire Paul Jenkins, who has written so many amazing works for Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, including winning an Eisner award for writing the Inhumans for Marvel Knights, that we’ll let you all Google him rather than trying to list them all.

We’ll have more info on Paul, as well as awesome artist Doug Stambaugh, in the weeks to come as “You Are Not Alone.” rolls out. This is our very first webcomic, we are incredibly excited about it, and we hope it won’t be our last, and is designed to give a taste to new and long-time Aberrant fans of just what the world of Trinity Continuum: Aberrant is like.

Shunned By the Moon art by Leonardo Albiero

Another announcement for today is that we’re incredibly happy to be working with the multi-talented Travis Legge as he leads the development of our upcoming Scarred Lands projects. Travis has already sat in with Eddy, Matt, and myself, as we whipped project ideas into a schedule, and now he’ll be pulling those ideas into actual books.

This doesn’t change how we’re handling the new Scarred Lands Creature Collection with our friend Jon Hodgson’s new company, Handiwork Games, and I actually was able to talk with Jon at UK Games Expo and we firmed up plans for the upcoming Kickstarter Jon will be running for the book. Expect amazing art, fantastic layout and usability, and the chance to pick Reward Tiers that allow backers to determine additional monsters to include in the book beyond those already planned.

We also talked with Chris and Matt from Modiphius while at UKGE about our ongoing Vampire 5th Edition projects. Everyone was excited at being able to work closely together on new V5 books – and that was before the recent Origins Award for Best RPG of the Year! Congrats to all involved!

V5 Chicago By Night art by Ken Meyer, Jr

Finally, for anyone who is thinking that every third word I write is Kickstarter, look below at what we have going on sale this week: the Advance PDFs of both the Blood Sea: Crimson Abyss for Scarred Lands, and the long, long, long-awaited Signs of Sorcery for Mage: The Awakening 2e! Neither of which had a KS, so there!

Regardless of how we get there, we’re:

Many Worlds, One Path!

BLURBS!

Kickstarter!

Our Pirates of Pugmire Kickstarter has funded! Now we’re going for some cool Stretch Goals in these, the final fantastic days! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/200664283/pirates-of-pugmire-a-realms-of-pugmire-tabletop-rpg

Pirates of Pugmire is a chronicle sourcebook for both Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau. It’s usable in either game, or as part of a joint experience. Some highlights include: * Two new species for players to enjoy: lizards and birds * Six new callings, including two for dogs and two for cats * Rules for building, sailing, and sinking ships * A trove of new allies, enemies, and treasures * Information on Waterdog Port and Port Matthew * “Going on the Account,” a chronicle of three new adventures, taking characters from 1st through 6th level

You can also hear Eddy discuss the writing and design of Pirates of Pugmire on the Onyx Pathcast on your favorite podcatcher, or here on : https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/)

ONYX PATH MEDIA

Onyx Pathcast art by Michael Gaydos

This Friday’s Onyx Pathcast features an interview with fantastic writer Klara Herbol!: https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/

And Here’s More Media About Our Worlds:

Due to ill health, Matthew has had to postpone the Onyx Path News! It’ll be back later this week

He has however uploaded another episode of the Scarred Lands actual play he ran for Red Moon Roleplaying, so do check that out on the Onyx Path YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/xnEc5Qznsw4

We have two further episodes of Occultists Anonymous, the Mage: The Awakening actual play as follows: Episode 21: The Quest Begins Songbird is charged with making himself useful to the Adamantine Arrow, and with so many ‘nerds’ at close hand, maybe he can make use of that connection to the Mysterium…https://youtu.be/wyE_fVd9KYo

Episode 22: Prime Time A letter is investigated, a message sent, and a being from beyond this world is summoned… Just a normal Tuesday. https://youtu.be/il9VOFSh_gU

The Story Told Podcast have uploaded their excellent interview with Meghan Fitzgerald regarding Changeling: The Lost: http://thestorytold.libsyn.com/episode-29-meghan-fitzgerald-interview

For the love of Chardun, check out the Devil’s Luck Gaming Twitch stream if you haven’t already done so: https://www.twitch.tv/DEVILSLUCKGAMING

And that’s it for media this week! We need more actual plays, reviews, and video breakdowns of our games, so please get in touch with the Gentleman Gamer on the Onyx Path Forum is you would like to create content that we can in turn promote!

Please check any of these out and let us know if you find or produce any actual plays of our games!

ELECTRONIC GAMING

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is now live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is awesome! (Seriously, you need to roll 100 dice for Exalted? This app has you covered.)

ON AMAZON AND BARNES & NOBLE:

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue from which you bought it. Reviews really, really help us get folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these fiction books:

OUR SALES PARTNERS:

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there! https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

We’ve added Prince’s Gambit to our Studio2 catalog: https://studio2publishing.com/products/prince-s-gambit-card-game

Now, we’ve added Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition products to Studio2‘s store! See them here: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/all-products/changeling-the-lost

Scarred Lands (Pathfinder) books are also on sale at Studio2, and they have the 5e version, supplements, and dice as well!: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/scarred-lands

Scion 2e books and other products are available now at Studio2: https://studio2publishing.com/blogs/new-releases/scion-second-edition-book-one-origin-now-available-at-your-local-retailer-or-online

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

And you can now order Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, Cavaliers of Mars, and Changeling: The Lost 2e at the same link!

On Sale This Week!

This Wednesday, we’re releasing an Advance PDF DOUBLE FEATURE with Signs of Sorcery for Mage: The Awakening 2nd Edition, and Blood Sea: The Crimson Abyss for Scarred Lands 5e both coming to DriveThruRPG!

CONVENTIONS!

Gen Con: August 1st – 4th Save Against Fear: October 12th – 14th GameHoleCon: October 31st – November 3rd We’ll also be back at PAX Unplugged later this year!

And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM EDDY WEBB (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Geist 2e Fiction Anthology (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

Trinity Continuum Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum Core)

Wraith20 Fiction Anthology (Wraith: The Oblivion 20th Anniversary Edition)

One Foot in the Grave Jumpstart (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2e)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #2 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Exigents (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Terra Firma (Trinity Continuum: Aeon) Titanomachy (Scion 2nd Edition)

Crucible of Legends (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Many-Faced Strangers – Lunars Companion (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle: Global Outbreaks (Chronicles of Darkness)

Redlines

Monsters of the Deep (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Tales of Aquatic Terror (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Scion: Dragon (Scion 2nd Edition)

Kith and Kin (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

Masks of the Mythos (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion: Demigod (Scion 2nd Edition)

Second Draft

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #1 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

TC: Aeon Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Development

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Oak, Ash, and Thorn: Changeling: The Lost 2nd Companion (Changeling: The Lost 2nd)

M20 The Technocracy Reloaded (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Creatures of the World Bestiary (Scion 2nd Edition)

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Scion Companion: Mysteries of the World (Scion 2nd Edition)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Chicago Folio/Dossier (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Let the Streets Run Red (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Cults of the Blood Gods (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

TC: Aeon Ready-Made Characters (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

Manuscript Approval

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Pirates of Pugmire (Realms of Pugmire)

Hunter: The Vigil 2e core (Hunter: The Vigil 2nd Edition)

DR:E Threat Guide (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

DR:E Jumpstart (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

Editing

Memento Mori: the GtSE 2e Companion (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

Spilled Blood (Vampire: The Requiem 2nd Edition)

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Heroic Land Dwellers (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Post-Editing Development

M20 Book of the Fallen (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

V5 Chicago By Night (Vampire: The Masquerade)V5 Chicago By Night Screen (Vampire: The Masquerade)

CofD Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

Witch-Queen of the Shadowed Citadel (Cavaliers of Mars)

Distant Worlds (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Scion Ready-Made Characters (Scion 2nd Edition)

Dark Eras 2 (Chronicles of Darkness)

Indexing

ART DIRECTION FROM MIRTHFUL MIKE!

In Art Direction

Contagion Chronicle

Dark Eras 2 – Got all the art in from Sheikman and everyone else is working.

M20 Book of the Fallen – Getting art over to WW for approval.

VtR Spilled Blood – in the worx.

Trinity Continuum Aeon: Distant Worlds

Trinity Continuum Aberrant – KS Sketches and finals coming in.

Hunter: The Vigil 2e

Ex3 Lunars

They Came From Beneath the Sea – Getting it going.

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

In Layout

V5: Chicago

Trinity Core

Trinity Aeon

CoM – Witch Queen of the Shadowed Citadel 

Proofing

WtF Shunned by the Moon

DR: E – proofing with Eddy

Aeon Aexpansion

C20 Cup of Dreams – This week.

Ex 3 Monthlies – At WW for approval

At Press

Dragon Blooded – Deluxe shipping to Studio2.

Dragon-Blooded Cloth Map – Shipped to Studio2.

Dragon-Blooded Screen – Printing.

The Realm – Reviewing errata.

Trinity Core Screen – Printing.

TC Aeon Screen – Printing.

C20 Player’s Guide – PoD files uploaded.

Geist 2e – Gathering Errata.

Book of Oblivion – Putting in errata.

Trinity: In Media Res – PoD proofs ordered.

Scion Jumpstart – Backer PDFs going out this week.

Scion Ready-Made Characters – Backer PDFs going out this week.

Blood Sea: The Crimson Abyss (Scarred Lands) – Advance PDF on sale this Weds!

Signs of Sorcery – Advance PDF on sale this Weds!

Today’s Reason to Celebrate!

Today must be the calm before the storm, because tomorrow issues a double helping of birthday fun for both Neall Raemonn Price and The Gentleman Gamer himself, Matthew Dawkins! Many happy returns to you both!

[shredmytapestry]

〚 adelaide kane, cisfemale, she/her, twenty-five 〛🌹 MAIA TILDEN has found themselves in florence, italy since OCTOBER of 2016 and are currently FIND A STABLE JOB AND MAKE A HOME HERE. people close to them would describe them as SINCERE but also INTENSE. maybe that’s why they’re known as the FACADE. a rumor is going around that they RAN AWAY FROM THEIR FIANCE AND CHILD. – mar, 22, she/her, cst

hi i’m mar & this is my sweet child maia!

biography...ish

maia is 25 and she’s positive she’s done nothing with her life. she graduated high school, saved money and went to university. she graduated university with a masters in environmental science in hopes to save the world. now she’s a year out of university and has no idea what to do. well, she does but money doesn’t come so easy. 

maia made a split second decision to pack up and move to florence, she applied for a visa and she got in. that was that, she bid canada goodbye and now she’s been in florence for 3 years working here and there to make ends meet. not wanting to dip into her savings, some weeks are better than others, some weeks she’s really hungry. she does what she can, just trying to prove to herself that she can do this. 

her rumour is false, but she did flee from her fiance. after seeing exactly how her life would play out, it scared her to no end. she explained her situation and they didn’t understand. so maia left anyway, stubborn as hell and not willing to sacrifice life to satisfy someone else. there was however, no child, only talk of adoption. 

blurbs 

maia is a happy bisexual & quite proud of being so

she’s been trying to network so badly while in florence that she hasn’t gotten a chance to even look around properly 

her relationship with her family (sans ex fiance) is actually good! she hopes to visit again one day

she’s considered making florence her home... if she does, manage to find a job

she lives in a cheap but homey flat w/ a couple of roomies

baby girl is a vegetarian 

plots

a friend! it’s simple, friendship in any form of the word. maybe they work together at a cafe? maybe they met on a dating app? 

roommates! any gender/age/anything. anyone who isn’t completely sketchy and willing to live with her! maybe they bond and drink cheap wine and watch friends, maybe they don’t speak. whatever works!

one night stands! speaks for itself. was it good? was it bad? did it become a one week stand? 

canadians! whether they’re travelling through or staying, come visit maia for the best poutine ever.

that’s all i got for right now but will update!

[nbiblioholic]

Down the TBR Hole was originally created by Lost in a Story! The point of it is to help cull your reading lists down, or maybe push higher anticipated releases up on your TBR! And maybe you all can help me along the way, and tell me if you’ve loved or hated any of these! How it works: ➽ Go to your Goodreads to-read shelf. ➽ Order on ascending date added. ➽ Take the first 5 (or 10 if you’re feeling adventurous) books - I do about 15-20 because my list is HUGE ➽ Read the synopses of the books ➽ Decide: keep it or should it go?

The Darkest Hour (KGI #1) by Maya Banks Avg rating: 4.16/Release: September 7, 2010 A while back I read one of the books of this series and I enjoyed it so much that I promised myself that I would start from the beginning. So here it is. And when I find the time to read it, I'll let you know if I enjoyed it as much. Verdict: Keep

Dirty Angels (Dirty Angels #1) by Karina Halle Avg rating: 3.93/Release: June 15, 2014 Because I've enjoyed so much of what I've read from this author, I've taken to adding her books to my TBR as I come across them. This one is of particular interest to me because it has a trigger warning. It's like telling me not to look at something. I'm only more curious. And... I just one-clicked! Verdict: Keep

Charmed: A Prescott Novel (Prescott Series #3) by Joanne Schwehm Avg rating: 4.09/Release: November 8, 2016 I remember helping to promote this book with my limited social media presence. I wasn't doing bookstagram yet and I was very rarely on Twitter. I didn't have a blog, much less an FB page. My attempts were miniscule at best, but they were there. I'm actually not interested in reading this book, but thought I should add it to interest others. Verdict: Delete

Nights With Parker by Alice Tribue Avg rating: 3.84/Release: September 22, 2016 I've read from this author before and enjoyed it, but this one looks like it may turn into a favorite. It's about an alpha-hole, which everyone knows are my kryptonite. Nothing makes me hotter! Verdict: Keep

Junkie (Broken Doll #1) by Heather C. Leigh Avg rating: 3.91/Release: September 13, 2016 New-to-me author! I remember being very excited to read this. Although it follows a common organized crime theme, it seemed to be a little bit different. How often is the heroine a junkie? Seriously. That alone makes me want to know more. I only wish this series was in KU so I wouldn't be scared spending my money on it. Verdict: Keep Poughkeepsie (The Poughkeepsie Brotherhood #1) by Debra Anastasia Avg rating: 3.92/Release: November 22, 2011 This author's work is usually hit-or-miss for me. I've loved some and I've... not so loved some. But this one was recommended as one I'd thoroughly enjoy. I hope I won't have to beat someone upside the head if it turns out I don't like it. Verdict: Keep

To Hate Adam Connor by Ella Maise Avg rating: 4.23/Release: June 9, 2016 I've really liked everything I've read from this author. Her stories follow a predictable theme, however, her voice makes them unique. Enjoyable stories with relatable characters. Verdict: Keep

The Silent Waters (Elements #3) by Brittainy C. Cherry Avg rating: 4.38/Release: September 22, 2016 New-to-me author! Although I've never read anything from this author, I've heard nothing but great things. I actually received a signed copy of Behind The Bars, which I haven't read yet (on my side TBR - and yes I have many TBR lists) so I do have an opportunity to try her work. I guess we'll see. Verdict: Delete

Covet (Splendor #1) by Janet Nissenson Avg rating: 4.47/Release: June 21, 2016 I actually read the third book of this series and although I usually love whatever I read from this author, I didn't love this. I see no reason to continue. Verdict: Delete Hot For Teacher Anthology Avg rating: 4.35/Release: October 18, 2016 Dang it, I really wanted to read this when it was released. But as many of you know, wanting and reality aren't always aligned. I'm unable to find this anthology on Amazon so I guess I missed my chance. 😭😭😭 Verdict: Delete The Lion's Lady (Crown's Spies #1) by Julie Garwood Avg rating: 4.17/Release: March 1, 1991 I'm embarrassed to say that's it's been a while since I've read a book from this author. Embarrassed because I used to be quite addicted to her writing. If you could see my huge library of her books, you'd understand. So to say I'm excited to jump back into one of her worlds would be an understatement. Verdict: Keep

Maneuver (Men of Inked: Southside #1) by Chelle Bliss Avg rating: 4.23/Release: July 31, 2018 I happened to get the first series, Men of Inked, a boxset for FREE on Amazon. I haven't had the chance to read it yet, but I'd like to before I dive into this one. From what I remember of this author, her books don't have descriptive sex scenes, which annoyed me, but I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised. Those covers need sex! Verdict: Keep

Disclaim (Deliver #3) by Pam Godwin Avg rating: 4.32/Release: August 31, 2016 I won a signed copy of Deliver from a Goodreads giveaway but haven't had the chance to read it yet. Since it's recommended that I read that and Vanquish before reading this one, I guess this book has to wait. Verdict: Keep

Can't Own This (Can't Touch This #2) by Tess Hunter Avg rating: 4.17/Release: ? There's no release date yet for this book. I enjoyed the first one of the series and I'm still looking forward to this one. Honestly, I don't think there's a Pepper Winters book out there that I wouldn't purchase. Verdict: Keep

Spied by J.M. Miller Avg rating: 4.08/Release: October 20, 2016 New-to-me author! I'm not sure what prompted me to add this one. It wasn't recommended and I've never even heard of it before. After reading the blurb, I'm not feeling the pull. Verdict: Delete The Heart of a Killer (The Killer #1) by Jaci Burton Avg rating: 3.90/Release: October 25, 2011 I don't think I've read a book from this author since 2015. And I think what I did read was sports romance. This story seems completely different from what I've experienced from her and I'm excited to see what's to come of it. Verdict: Keep

Meeting The Unpredictable by Riann C. Miller Avg rating: 4.20/Release: September 29, 2016 I can't remember the last time I've read anything from this author. Definitely not one of my go-tos, however, I do know a lot of people who love her work. I'm not the biggest fan of new adult stories, but I've been told that this one is an exception and is full of feels, so I guess we'll see if it is. Verdict: Keep

The Player by Claire Contreras Avg rating: 4.04/Release: October  10, 2016 Even if I wasn't already a fan of this survivor of an author, even if I wasn't already excited to read this book, have the seen the freaking cover?! Yeah, I'm definitely not passing this one up! Verdict: Keep

The Studying Hours (How to Date a Douchebag #1) by Sara Ney Avg rating: 3.86/Release: September 13, 2016 I actually have this book already sitting on my kindle. Funny thing is, I've read all of the other books in this series and feel like I know the characters from this one already. Hopefully I'll get to this one sometime soon. Verdict: Keep

Roping The Virgin (Cowboys & Virgins #2) by Alexa Riley Avg rating: 3.82/Release: September 25, 2016 There isn't a time in my life that I'll turn down reading a book from Alexa Riley. Smut-tastic and smut-terrific pleasures is what they are. These stories are great fro reading in between meatier stories. Don't expect a whole lot of substance, but do expect a good time. Verdict: Keep Have you read any of these books before? Am I on the right track by keeping/deleting them? That's it for this edition of keeping it real with my TBR. I hope your TBR remains long and fruitful!! Happy reading!! xoxo

[bloggerblagger]

87) Blank space. (And the profound questions deriving therefrom.)

                                                              I was there.                            ______________________________________________________________________

I am looking for a film.

I have hunted high and low and I can’t find it.

I don’t mean a roll of film - who has those these days? Unless you’re living in the dark ages. Or in Hackney or Stokie or Lewisham and have a beard, tatts, nose ring, possibly a lip disc - and that’s just the girls, tee hee. (Sorry, I meant cis gender women.) (And trans women too of course.) (Maybe I shouldn’t have started this.)

Anyway, no, I do not mean that kind of film, I mean a film as in a movie, a flick, a picture, a cinematic experience. I have lost one - no. 45 to be precise - and being a bit anal about these things, I am quite disturbed.

To explain: a few weeks ago we had the London Film Festival. As a one time titan of the airwaves, and now the the author of this estimable blog, I am, in exchange for an ever increasing fee - forty five quid  this year - able to blag a press pass.

And very grateful I am. What better way to fill a retiree’s days as the autumn chill begins to bite.

The trouble with joy

Ah! If only simple pleasure were enough for me. I am, as Woody Allenonce described himself, ‘anhedonic’. As I understand it, that means incapable of having a good time for the sake of it.

Something - somewhere inside my amygdala or frontal lobe or wherever such impulses lurk - insists that I must have an aim, a goal of some kind. It’s as though standing before the Eiger, it would not be enough for me to admire its magisterial beauty. I would feel an  irresistible compulsion  to grab some crampons and leg it  up the North face. (Okay, possibly a slight overclaim there but you get the idea.)

And thus it is that, each year, my principal purpose at the festival really has nothing to do with appreciating  the glories of world cinema. As with the mountain that must be climbed because it is there, I hear  an irresistible call to a completely pointless course of action.

My personal Eiger (it really should be Everest but I’m stuck with the Eiger now) is to pay an average price of less than £1 per screening that I enter.

Rules of the game

And lest you think that’s dead easy - and that all I have to do is walk in, get the person with the BFI badge and the little hand held   recording doobery to record my press pass number, and  then walk straight out again - you are most seriously mistaken.

Rule 27 subsection b, clearly states that I have to see enough to be able to write some kind of review for each and every film.(See below.) (And further below.) (And much further below.) Furthermore, although I am  permitted to walk out if I think the film is really shite, I have to stay for at least half an hour.

It is a feat  that I have, for one reason and another - typically, violent vomiting brought about by a surfeit of Gallic pretentiousness or a crippling attack of wobblycamitis -  never previously managed to accomplish. And inflation makes it an ever more daunting prospect. It’s like the Eiger growing another couple of thousand feet every year. At the 2018 price, it would mean I had to see at least forty six films.

Reaching for the stars

The one thing that gave me a tiny shred of hope was that this year I would be in London with a more or less empty diary for the entire period of press previews, beginning Sept 24th, and for the actual festival, which ended October 21st. Forty six films in twenty nine days. Obviously tough, but at one and three fifths  a day, it did seem just about doable.

In fact, a bit  like Mo Farah, who is happy to ease himself into the race and hang about at the back of the field for the first lap, I saw only one film a day for the first week and gradually stepped it up so that by the beginning of the final week I still had twenty three films to see. Yes, as  the bell sounded for the last lap, I still had an immense amount of ground to make up.

But I was honed, oiled (a steady diet of oatmilk lattés) and up for the challenge. Saw four films a day Mon to Fri, except Wed when I saw five - my first ever 5 a day! Saw two on the Sat - but, as much as it stuck in my craw, paid - PAID! - for a ticket for one of them (will explain later) so  only one counted. And  then three more on the final Sunday. Meaning I had seen forty eight films overall  with forty seven eligible  - forty seven for the price of my forty five pounds press pass. Average cost: 95.744 pence.

NINETY FIVE POINT SEVEN FOUR FOUR PENCE!!!! Cue tumultuous applause, wild cheering, caps being hurled into the air, my modest, slightly sheepish acceptance of bouquets thrown at my feet, headlines in the dailies, in depth analyses in the Sundays,  a billion tweets, Facebook breaking down through worldwide overload,  invitations to appear on Breakfast TV, The  One Show - rejected - Graham Norton - maybe - James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke - okay -  and The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon - accepted if whole show is devoted to me.

Let the naysayers nay

Of course, I knew there would be doubters. Small minded types consumed with envy - very possibly like yourself - and  conspiracy theorists  who would insist that, like the landing on the moon, seeing forty eight films (forty seven eligible) in twenty nine days was simply beyond the reach of humankind and that the whole enterprise was some kind of epic confidence trick.

So I knew I would need proof. And so I kept notes. Contemporaneously. Each film I saw, I noted down on the yellow notebook thingy on my i-phone. From one to forty eight (forty seven eligible) they went in and were consecutively numbered. And then, at the end, it was my intention to review them. (Too busy resting in my  bivouac - aka the cafe in the PIcturehouse Central - to write them as I saw them.)

That was the plan and the plan was put into effect. All went swimmingly, if several tads slowly - at the time of bloglication it’s already the thick end  of a month since the Festival finished - until I reached no 45.

And then - disaster.

YIkes!

44 was clear enough: ‘Ollie and Stan.’ And 46 was there: ‘Girl’’. But beside the number 45, there was nothing. Just blank space. (And though Blank Space could easily have been a film, perhaps based on the song Blank Space by Taylor Swift - ‘I’ve got a blank space baby, And I’ll write your name’ - and there was actually a film called Blank Spaces made in 2010, the blank space in question was just in fact, no more than that, a blank space.)

The reader - if there still is one - will be easily able to imagine how distraught I was. I was - and I remain - convinced that I had seen forty eight movies (forty seven eligible) but I could only identify forty seven ( and therefore only forty six eligible.)

How could this have happened, I wept and beseeched the God in whom I do not believe? As expected, no answer, but retracing my fingers I concluded that in writing the reviews beside the numbers, I had unwittingly deleted the name of the film that had been beside the number 45.

An absence of proof

I grabbed my dog-eared copy of the Festival Programme and cross-checked all the gazillions of  titles with those on my list, to see if there was one that I recognised that might have been no.45. But when you are as anal/OCD/idiotic as I am, you have to be punctiliously - obsessively - honest and I have to confess that I couldn’t find anything. I delved into the settings of  my i-phone’s yellow notepad thingy several times to see, if I had by any chance, inadvertently made a copy of the original entries before I began the review, but nada.

Eventually I had to accept that,  like Shergar, the name of the film that should have been beside no.45, would never be found. My only consolation was that this fascinating tale would be the basis for a fantastic movie, which I shall, one day, star in, write, direct, and produce: ‘And the winner of the Academy Award for Best Actor/Writer/Director/Motion Picture goes to: Richard Phillips, Richard Phillips, Richard Phillips, Blank Space!’)

Other than that, I am left with nothing but a terrible quandary. Do I insist, despite the missing movie,  that I saw forty eight films (forty seven eligible) and that  the price of 95.744 per film stands? Or do I say, since I cannot name film no.45, that, for the official record, I shall accept, albeit grudgingly and bitterly, that only forty seven films (forty six films eligible) can be counted, which increases the average price to 97.827pence per film. Yes, still inside £1 but unarguably by a substantially narrower squeak.

But  that is not proof of absence.

As you will imagine, I have, before sending this blog post off into the e-ther, fought an epic battle with my conscience. I have tossed and turned in the night, spent days in a monastic retreat - well, sitting on the loo, as good as - before deciding that, one missing title notwithstanding, I did indeed see forty eight films (forty seven eligible) and will claim, until the moment I have taken my last breath that the average price per film was 95.744p.  Indeed, given the importance this  has assumed in my life, it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that these will be  my actual last words -  though hopefully not right now.

However, my rigid insistence on  complete honesty  demands that I confess that there is another reason for choosing the 95.744 option.

It is this: There  is another rule - 39, clause iv - that has to be obeyed. And to explain that properly, I need to go out of order and begin my reviews with no.22

Ignorance is not always bliss.

Rule 39, clause iv, states that I must see every film ‘completely cold’ - by which I mean, knowing as little as conceivably possible about what I am about to see. I make a point/fetish of never reading the Festival programme blurb before I go in. When going to the cinema in the ordinary way, that is to say paying a proper price, I do everything I can to avoid seeing a trailer, usually by timing my entrance so I miss them, but if not, I  cover my eyes and stick my fingers in my ears, and I would go ‘la la la la la’ except I would be bombarded by popcorn and soggy nachos.

And I never, ever so much as glance at a review until after I've seen the film, and not just because I think all reviewers - except me - are tossers. I want to make a judgement of my own, uninfluenced by the half baked opinions of others. I want to witness  the story unfold exactly as the director intended that it should. Of course my determination to be so pure has its drawbacks occasionally, and never more so than  in this case.

Thus:

22 Little  Drummer Girl

I went in with high hopes as the director Park Chan Wook, who made the astonishing Korean and Korean-ised version of Sarah Waters’ fantastic (I thought) novel Fingersmith. (His film was called The Handmaiden, not to be confused with The Handmaid's Tale.)

TLDG started intriguingly and then, after about  an hour, the end credits rolled, seemingly  half way through the film. I sat there thinking, ‘how very odd’,  but, given my admiration for this director’s previous film, I decided this must be some uber cool directorial device and carried on watching regardless. Then an hour later the same credits rolled again, this time, as it turned out, at the conclusion of the performance. Even odder, for there seemed to have been no clue - at least none that I’d picked up -  as to why the credits had  been run the first time.

So whatever uber cool trick the director was trying to bring off, it was clearly way too cool for me. Moreover the story was left completely unresolved. It seemed as though there was a lot more  to be said  and  the audience had been left high and dry. The whole thing was completely baffling. Until, that is, I finally referred  to  the programme blurb and discovered this wasn’t a film at all but the first two episodes of a new BBC series. (Now showing.)

Why should this be shown at a Film Festival, especially when the TV series is to be broadcast only two weeks later? Answers on a postcard please.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.0* (Not a film.)

So, you can see the problem. This wasn’t strictly a film - as in a movie that you might see in a regular cinema - at all. So should it count?  If the Rules Committee (me, myself and I) took a really strict view, they might not allow The Little Drummer Girl through even though I had  thought it would be a proper film  when I went in.

You can see where I am going with this. If I had not refused to back down on the missing no.45, I could have been in serious trouble. Because If I hadn’t and the Committee  put their black caps on in regard to no.22, I would be down to forty six films viewed and only forty five eligible, meaning the average price of entry would be £1 exactly.

Still a formidable achievement but, whichever way you look at it, £1 cannot be simultaneously less than £1. I would my miss target for yet another year.

Agonisingly close but no cigar. And you can’t really plant the flag unless you’ve reached the summit.

Let the record show

As I have said, I am not a believer but sometimes one simply has to invoke the name of the  so-called creator because it is the only word that will do. So thank God that after long, and sometimes hotly contested deliberations, the committee voted by a majority of two to one (myself and I for  the motion, me dissenting)  to take a lenient view and admit no 22. What’s more they didn’t even raise the subject of  the missing no.45.

So, all’s well that ends well. Will 95.744p ever beaten? One never knows, but my guess this is a Bob Beamon Plus Plus Plus sort of record.

One final note before I get to the other forty six reviews. I am the reviewer who is absolutely, positively guaranteed never to give the game away. No plot spoilers, no tedious Kermodian descriptions of every tiny thing. In fact, sod all apart from the odd detail such as the title, occasionally who might be in it, its country of origin and the briefest reference to  the skeleton of the story.

Reading one of my reviews you will never learn who dunnit. You won’t even know  wot they dun.  

The rest of the reviews:

1 Asako 1&2 (numbers are part of the title) 

Japanese romance with a clever plot twist.  Inoffensive, watchable - a slightly different slant (shamefully politically incorrect pun but impossible to resist) on familiar themes. 3*

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3*

2 Petra 

An incoherent Spanish film about a young woman and a small daughter in search of something or other. Complex plot which asked too much of this audience. (By which I mean me.) Tiresome.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.1.5*

3 The Guilty 

Highly unusual and thought provoking thriller of sorts. Although nothing remotely like it, except in its ‘message’,  it reminded me of the celebrated Guardian commercial - celebrated if you lived  in the advertising bubble, that is  - which showed one scene from different points of view, each one altering your assumptions about what was going on.

A lot of concentration required for ‘The Guilty’  - slightly more than I had. A few irritating plot flaws but worth your time.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.4*

4 Wildlife

Thanks to British Rail’s time honoured uselessness,  I was 10 minutes late but I don’t think I missed anything crucial.  This was the very first film I saw but I can still just about remember it which says quite a lot for it I suppose. Carey Mulligan who I usually don’t like is very good in this 50s Americanadrama. Ed Oxenbould as the teenage son in the midst of a family crisis is impressive.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3.5*

5 Crystal Swan

The lesson to be learned here is that  under no circumstances choose Belorussia  for your next holiday unless unremitting bleakness turns you on. But the story of a rebellious young woman desperate to get  a visa to America is intriguing and persuasive.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3.5*

6 Shadow

Another of those Chinese warrior films which involves all sorts of leaping about and balletic sword twirling. Not my cup of Lapsang Souchong  but if it’s yours, go for it.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3*

7. Arctic.

Icelandic. Very snowy. A man lost and hungry and  not a happy bunny (not that any bunny would be)  in the eponymous frozen somewhere. In short, All Is Lost on Ice. (A brilliant line if I say so myself. If you haven’t seen All Is Lost, you should because it’s better and also because you will then appreciate the brilliance of the line which will otherwise be wasted on you )

On the other hand if you don’t see it, Arctic will probably seem more original and interesting than it did to me.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3*

8 Jinn

Awful, unlikely story about a black Californian teenager who wants to shake her booty  and her controlling TV weatherwoman mother who discovers Islam. 

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.1*

9 Manto

Worthy but tedious biopic about a famous writer caught up in the cross border chaos of Indian/Pakistani independence. I lasted for about 3/4 of it, then decided to get a sandwich instead.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.1*

10 After the Screaming Stops

Where else but at a press screening at the London film Festival would you find yourself watching a documentary about a Bros reunion? Interesting  in that it showed what an incredible jerk Matt Goss is. And sometimes funny in the laughing-at as opposed to laughing-with sense.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3*

11 May  the Devil Take You

Walked out. Hated  it. Apart from that I can’t remember anything.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.0.5*

12 Mandy

Never got all this cult film bollocks.  Never liked Russ Meyer or  got George Romero or John Waters  and this film which appears to be in this ‘cult’ category was , as far,  as  I was concerned,  simply unbearable. Left after an hour.  Yes, I know it’s had fantastic reviews from all and sundry but then remember, fengshui proves that a billion Chinese can be wrong.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating. - (minus) 200*

13 Ash Is Purest White

A Chinese melodrama about low level gangster life centred on the life of the moll. (I mean morr- ha ha ha.) (Is it racist to make pathetically obvious jokes, if you can call them that, about Chinese/ Japanese pronunciation issues? Probably yes, so why do I keep doing it? Discuss.)

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.2.5*

14.Widows

The gushing reviews it seems to have received (judging by the number of stars on the posters on the underground)  baffle me. It was nothing more than a highly polished turd. The original television serious was completely implausible and this film is no improvement. In the trailer  that I advertently failed to miss, ‘12 Years a Slave’ director and, in another life, Turner prize winner, Steve McQueen - the new one not the dead one - appears himself  to  claim this is the film he always wanted to make. 

Personally  I think it might have been about the money.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.2*

15 Thunder Road

A curious piece, written and directed and starring  the same person, all about the  disintegrating life of an American policeman. Tonally it was partly black comedy and partly unalloyed tragedy. A tour de force of sorts creatively,  but not quite sure what to make of it.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3*

16 Border

A love story with knobs on - but not necessarily in the usual places - this is a quite brilliant piece of filmmaking which questions the very nature of attraction.  ‘Border’ has a very contemporary story but one which is drawn,  apparently,  from Nordic mythology. One of the two or three best films I saw in the festival.  Highly recommended.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.4.5*

17 Colette

I started by being irritated by Collette. Keira Knightley has had a bit too much onscreen rumps pumpy to be a convincing teenager in plaits skipping through the grass. And there was early dialogue referencing toothpaste and the top line on an optician’s charts. In 1892? Did they have those in 1892? (The answer it turns out is yes - toothpaste invented in the 1850s, Colgate producing it in jars in 1873 and in tubes in the 1890s, and opticians have been around since earlier than that - so one in the eye for me. And one  in the mouth.)

But all this became quickly irrelevant anyway. Because I stopped being picky and submitted to the  charm of this film, seduced by the bravura performance of Dominic West - who seemed  made for his twinkly eyed, moustache twirling part  and by the surprisingly nuanced Keira Knightley - never been a fan but I am now. As it turned out, after that first slightly jarring note, she was perfectly cast as the country school girl who goes on to be a revolutionary in the fin de siecle culture war in Paris.. But above all it was the astonishing, and very well told, story of Collette - nothing of which I knew - which fascinated. In short, a  damn good night at the cinema.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.4.5*

18 Beautiful Boy

Film about parental angst over teenage son’s descent into drugs hell. I found it interesting, if for no other reason than it made me realise the blindingly obvious fact that each viewer sees  a film through the prism of their own life experience and that must affect their appreciation of it. In  this case, as a father I couldn’t help but see  things  from the father’s point of view but if you you were in the first flush of youth you would, I think see it from the son’s. 

The  casting of Timothy Hutton  as the expert to whom we see Steve Carell talking caught my eye because he was, about 40 years ago,  the Timothy Chalomet  of his day - remember ‘Ordinary People’?- and then looked a little like him.

And here’s another curious little factoid about Timothy Hutton - perhaps something to thrill the table with if Christmas lunch is flagging. He also appeared in a 1996 film called Beautiful Girls.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3.5*

19 Sometimes. Always.Never

Light, low budget British comedy with Bill Nighy; painstakingly made and clearly a labour of love. A little twee at times but very well played and with something semi-profound to say - though at a distance of a few days, having seen so many films since, I can’t remember exactly what it was.  

It had a particular appeal for me because the hero had  spent a life in the menswear business, as my father did, and  the title refers to how one should button a three button jacket, from top button downwards - something I learned at an early age and have never forgotten.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3.5*

20. Roma

I would say that Roma was a faultless recreation of 1970s Mexico City except that I wasn’t in Mexico City in the 1970s so how could I know?  It did however ring completely true to me - apart from a shower head which looked suspiciously modern - pedantic? moi? - and demonstrated  the astonishing versatility of the director, Adolpho Cuaron, who  also made ‘Y Mama Tu Tambien’ 'Children of God' and ‘Gravity’ - that’s some CV -  films which could not be more different to this. ‘Roma’ is a sort of upstairs downstairs story and has wonderful performances from all the actors but most particularly from the main character, the young servant girl. 

If I have one caveat it is that it didn’t quite ‘speak to me’, apart from making me queasily guilty that I have a cleaning lady.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.4*

21 Non Fiction

One of those literary French films purporting  to be profoundly intellectual (even if, in this case, also supposed to be ironically amusing.) All about writers and publishers and their existential angst in the digital world.  But then  aren’t all French films like this about existential angst - whatever it means? This is the sort of thing I viscerally loathe  and after about half an hour, je sort, and  gave ‘Non Fiction’, the General de Gaulle - ‘Non! Non! Non!’

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.1*

23 Life  Itself

Not everybody loves this film; in fact, the reviews have generally had the whiff of a  blocked drain,  but I claim my right to vigorously demur - up to a point. Directed and written by Dan Fogelman (the guy who does ‘This Is Us’ on Netflix or somewhere) it begins with a story about familiar  Noo Yorker angst but approaches it from a surprising angle - at least to me. ‘Life Itself’, comes in four labelled acts, something I don’t like in movies usually but the first three  worked for me. The  last seemed like a rather - make that very - tired cliché. 

My main issue with the film was that, whereas with Roma I couldn’t quite understand what it was trying to say, here the message was triple underlined in upper case bold. Not yet quite at the stage of jibbering senescence where I need to be spoon-fed.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3.5*

24 Wild Rose

Have to declare an interest here. The film’s star, Jessie Buckley,  is someone I know a little, and whose  career I have watched with interest since she was about 18 when she appeared on a TV talent show and after which  I interviewed her. I am a massive fan. She is an astonishingly gifted singer and a damn good actor. (Brilliant in her earlier non-singing role in last year’s ‘Beast’, which I thought was an exceptional movie, better than this to be honest, and which may yet prove to be a bit of a sleeper.)

 ‘Wild Rose’ is about a single mother from the badlands of a Scottish estate who has a yen to be a Nashville diva. (A bit like  Lady Gaga in ‘A Star is Born’. C&W seems all the  rage at the mo.) ‘Wild Rose’ has a few credulity stretching moments but the  feel good peaks make you want to ignore  those. It will make the Saturday night popcorn go down with a tear and a cheer. And it is a wonderful showcase for Jesse, who, If there is any justice, is destined for Hollywood mega stardom.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3.5*

25 Sunset

Lazló Némes, who made last year’s wincingly convincing Auschwitz film ‘Son of Saul’, now comes up with a wobbly cam evocation of verge-of-World War One Budapest called ‘Sunset’. By a complete but happy coincidence the person sitting next to me turned out to be an old  pal, Saul Metzstein, who is a movie director himself. 

I was gratified to learn that he was as mystified by this film as I was. No idea what the point of it was - went straight over my head. (Which,  admittedly does not require much intellectual elevation.)

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.2*

26 Dogman

Loved this. One of my Festival top three or four and likely, I read,  to be a runner in the Oscar Foreign Film race. It’s a modern tale of the  little man in a hostile world and takes place in one of those seedy parts  of Italy that you find everywhere if you stray very far from the tourist trail. It is already on release - in fact, by the time I get around to posting this blog, it may already be finished, but try to catch it if you can. (Beware of violence though, if that bothers you.)

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.4.5*

27 The Kindergarten Teacher

Never been much of a Maggie Gyllenhaal fan - always seems a bit cold and distant to me - but she is exceptional in this unusual contemporary New York drama about a thoroughly decent middle aged woman who,  for reasons which may or may not be valid,  finds herself out of step with those about her. Intriguing and thought provoking and better the more I think about it.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.4*

28 They Shall Not Grow Old

Everyone is raving about Peter Jackson’s  colour and  3-D reincarnation of genuine old World War One footage but it left me pretty cold.

It may be - no doubt is - an astonishing technical feat but after so many books and plays and films and so much TV and radio devoted to the subject I am afraid to say that I have a touch  of World War One fatigue and this didn’t relieve my symptoms.

Last year’s  wonderful remake of RC Sherriff’s ‘Journey’s End’ packed far more emotional punch, for me at least. Yes, the colour pictures of corpses and lice and rats and trenchfoot were ghastly but I wasn’t shocked and I wasn’t surprised. Who doesn’t know that World War I was unspeakably awful? Or rather, who amongst those who might go to see a film like this, doesn’t know? (‘Venom’ fans, I would have thought,   are unlikely customers.)  

My biggest complaint, though,  is about the soundtrack: I found the unrelenting stream of voices irritating and soon switched off and stopped listening to what they had to say. Easily the most powerful piece of sound in the film was, I thought,  the accompaniment to  the end title, the marching troops singing ‘Mademoiselle from Armentiers’. (Sung  of course, as Ah-men-tears’.) Nothing seemed to me to sum up the pathos and suicidal naivety  of the cannon fodder as much as this.

Perhaps more music of the same intensity and fewer quotes might have made them more memorable.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.2.5*

29 Rosie

An Irish version of a Ken Loachy sort  of film about decent people caught in the poverty trap. Persuasive and faultlessly done. But I am not sure what it told me that I would prefer not to know but unfortunately do.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.3*

30 El Angel

A highly original and sometimes very funny,  blood soaked,  true story  about a teenage boy with decent, law abiding parents and   a head  of blonde curls  which is  set   in  Argentina (where, typically, people  are swarthy with black hair) in the 70s, and   who determinedly but very merrily sets about pursuing his ambition to become a ruthless murdering gangster. If there seem to be a few contradictions there, that is the joy of this film. 

Remember to search  for it on Amazon or Netflix in a few months  if it doesn’t get a release.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.4*

31 Florianopolis Dream 

Was really   struggling to remember anything at all about this film  and,  until I checked, I thought it was more of the seedy  Italian  seaside and the story of two women battling it out to claim maternal rights over a small child. But now I realise that was another film entirely, which was....

32, Daughter of Mine.

Okay but in the unlikely event of  it ever getting a release, I wouldn’t worry about FOMO if you can’t manage to see it. 

And, now that I  do remember it, likewise  Florianopolis Dream, a Brazilian effort about a family’s seaside holiday in a place where it seemed to be perpetually cloudy. (Just to be clear, the  cloudiness was nothing to do with the plot, which was largely non-existent, but the obviously very low budget. I am sure the director would have preferred the sun but couldn’t afford to wait.)

BloggerBlagger Star Rating.

Florianopolis Dream 1.5*,

Daughter of Mine 2.5*

33 Capharnaum

A close second, that well  might have been first had I not seen the winner afterwards in the race to be my top pick of the festival. Timing is everything.. This is the heartbreaking yet ultimately uplifting story of a boy of about twelve brought up in abject poverty in the slums of what I presume was Beirut. 

The performance of the boy is magical and though a two hour journey through the world of the  Lebanese dispossessed (or rather,  the  would’ve been dispossessed if they had ever possessed anything in the first place) may not sound like a fun Saturday night at the pictures, do not be put off. Whilst not so much pricking your conscience as repeatedly firing a  Kalashnikov at it, it somehow manages to be a feel-good movie at the same time.  

My only quibble was that the editing around the clever device upon which the plot is built,  slightly confused me at the end. Oh, and also, what’s with the title? Could they have found anything more obscure? Or maybe there was a clue in the film but, if so, I didn’t pick it up.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 4.5*

34 Birds of Passage

Think of this as a pre-prequel to Narcos. Drugs and grisly murders mixed in with a bit of ancient dream interpretation  in Colombia in the sixties, when it was the  Native Americans (or one of the 87 tribes of Pueblos  lndigenas  as they call  them in Colombia - isn’t Google marvellous?) and not the Sicarios who were cashing in on the medical benefits of the local cash crop. 

Judging by the gore in ‘Birds of Passage’,  they  could have taught  Pablo Escobar a thing or two about effective persuasion -  blowpipes were out and sub machine guns deffo in. Clear and solid storyline, good pace, convincing acting, and lots of ketchup  - what’s not to like? Another probable Oscar Foreign Film contender.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 4*

35 Carmen and Lola

Good late Sunday night on BBC4  type film in which two young gypsy women in modern day Spain confront the fixed ideas of their incurably misogynistic families. One fascinating side effect of seeing this film  was noticing in the sub-titles that the Roma  in Spain (who are not shown as travellers but living in permanent homes) refer to the wider Spanish community as white  people.  

To me,  the man and woman in the Spanish Street  and the Roma  all looked pretty much the same - dark haired and sallow skinned,  and hard to differentiate from each other. I mentioned this in the Q&A afterwards and Spanish members of the audience - and remember, film festival goers are usually predictably right-on - seemed a bit put out. Perhaps I was being tactless and/or naive. Prejudice runs deeper than you might think.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 4*

36 The Quake

I correctly interpreted the title as heralding  a thriller about an earthquake and looked forward to some  light relief from the intense social commentaries that are the bread and butter of the festival. I have rarely seen a bad Norwegian film but I did this time. Ludicrous  plot,  wildly overdone CGI including a slowly toppling, and clearly named  Radisson hotel - very  odd  product placement. Avoid.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 1*

37 Girls of The Sun

A no punches pulled war film from a French woman director about Yazidi girls fighting in the Kurdish army in Iraq. Couldn’t help but be struck by the casting of far and away the prettiest girl as the group leader and main character. A curious - commercial? -  decision in such a feminist piece. 

A decent enough effort otherwise  but I feel that Henry Naylor’s plays which have done so well at Edinburgh and in New York in recent years (Borders, Angel etc, a couple of which are on at the Arcola, Dec 4-22)  and which deal with similar themes  do so much more effectively. A rare case - for me- of the cinema being inferior  to the theatre.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 3*

38 The White Crow

Quite nteresting without being competely fascinating, watchable without being riveting, this is a tale of the early days of Nureyev directed by Ralph Fiennes, who also appears,   thankfully not as Rudy, but as his teacher, giving a performance which I found somewhat  distracting as he strongly reminded me of Paul Whitehouse. Nureyev Is portrayed as an unsympathetic character, driven and selfish, which could well have been true, so ‘The White Crow’ ticked the ‘seems authentic’ box, although his chilliness  doesn’t help you love the film.

 I would semi-enthusiastically recommend it, but I doubt it will be shown very widely since I can’t see it  doing brilliantly at the box office - not sure that the world of ballet is a place the Saturday night  popcorn crowd want to visit.  And who under 50  will know much - or indeed anything - about  Rudolph Nureyev and his place in the sixties zeitgeist?  But then who cares? It wasn’t my money.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 3.5*

39 Burning

There seemed to to be a bit of a buzz about this film amongst the so called press (aka the vast number of liggers who, like me, and with no less right, had managed to blag a press pass) but I have no idea why. It’s a strange story about the homecoming of a rather disorientated young Japanese chap with a father in gaol and another contrastingly self assured young fellow  who is doing jolly nicely thankyou. Plus, for some reason, there are burning glasshouses. Utterly mystifying - to me at least - and so slow it made the average glacier seem like Usain Bolt.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 2*

40 Yommedine

A road movie about an Egyptian  leper and a runaway orphan. (One of the many surprisingly good things about this film is that there it unlikely to be a Hollywood remake.) 

An astonishing achievement to have made such a simultaneously upbeat  and yet deeply moving  film about people one would normally think of as being at the very bottom of the heap if, that is, one gave  them any thought to them at all. Brilliant performances that take us beneath the skin that so many are terrified  to touch.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 4*

41.Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Stands a pretty good chance of coming to a cinema near you and I don’t you think will begrudge the price of a ticket. Melissa McCarthy gives a masterful - if that’s the right word to use - performance in the true story of surly, lonely, habitually rude 51-year-old biographer and lesbian Lee Israel  and her extraordinary and ingenious attempts to make money in 90s New York.

 Richard E. Grant plays her camp hoppo with all the Richard E. Grantness that you’d expect and Dolly Wells does a nice little turn as a guileless bookshop owner. (To be frank I might not have mentioned her, but coincidentally her mother was my Airbnb guest on the day I went to see this film, so I thought it was only fair to give her a shout out, and I did think she was pretty good.) Amusing, touching and very watchable.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 4*

42 The Hate U Give

Based  on a ‘young adult novel, this is the story of a young black girl living  in a rundown,  violent, gang ridden   district because her father, whilst allowing her to be sent to a private white school doesn’t want to make the move into a middle-class world. (Sounds fairly unlikely but on this occasion, I wasn’t in one of my usual hole picking moods so I went with it.) 

A series of regrettable incidents  force her to come to terms with the conflicting  aspects of her identity. Not quite sure if this film was actually intended  for my demographic group, but, despite it’s improbable  plot turns, I thought it had something useful to say. And hear.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 4*

42 The Sisters Brothers

Saw this on the day that I actually managed to attend five screenings. A notable achievement but knackering and while I was supposed to be watching  this - I think it was my fourth of the day  - I have to admit I nodded off more than once.  I have a strong feeling it was probably rather good - featured Joaquin Pheonix, Jake Gylenhal, John C.Reilly, so a promising cast -  but I’m not really sure. Anyway, it’s cowboy film with a slightly Coen Brothers tone of voice, but isn’t one of theirs.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 3.5*

43 A Private War

Like Maggie Gyllenhaal - see The Kindergarten Teacher, above -  Rosamond Pike has never been  a favourite of mine. and for similar reasons. I’ve always found her ice queen manner slightly off putting. Here she is playing legendary war journalist Marie Colvin but I never believed her. Lots of actoring with cigarettes and an eyepatch and her unruly wig flapping about  but it just seemed like dressing up to me. I kept wanting to scream at the screen, ‘Put a bloody helmet on!’.

 For all that, I can’t deny that ‘A Private War’ held my attention and had the odd moment.The sort of thing that might not  seem a complete waste of time when it makes its inevitable appearance on    BBC2 late on some future Sunday night. Otherwise not really recommended.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 2.5*

44  Stan and Ollie

As a child in the er ah ahem um er nineteen whatevers I use to love Laurel and Hardy and here John C. Reilly and the make up artists do a great job of recreating  Oliver Hardy on screen and Steve Coogan is more than passable  if less impressive as Stan laurel. 

A fascinating story of their later years but for me, let down by the stagey, artificial representation of fifties England. Also very odd casting and playing of legendary impresario Bernard Delfont. Was Lew Grade’s brother really like that? No idea but not how I imagined the man who brought us Sunday Night At the London Palladium. Still, all in all, a pretty decent night out at the flicks.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 3.5*

45. (As previously discussed.)

46 GIRL

 On the final Saturday I went with some friends to see the announcement of the result and the screening of the film which had won the best first feature award and I had to pay so I could sit with my pals. A little bit of a gamble as there was a chance I had  already seen the winning movie,.  

The winner  turned out to be Girl,  a story about a Belgian boy of 15 who wanted to be a ballerina. (Note:  Not another Billy Elliott -  he wanted to be a real ballerina.) When the announcement of the award was made, the  good news was that it was a film I hadn’t  already  seen but the bad, I glumly thought, was that I had consciously decided not to see it earlier in the week because, to be honest,  I have grown a little weary  of the entire LGBTQ I XYZ trans-gender, cis gender, gender  fluidity,  gender whatever, what? WTF!, what-do-THEY-do? thing. 

Only it didn’t turn out to be bad news at all. Girl is an absolutely extraordinary film, deeply touching with an astonishing performance by the young boy playing the young boy who wanted to be a girl. Not only was it riveting viewing but it made me completely rethink my attitude to the whole transgender thing.  Whereas  previously my attitude might have been summed up as ‘all these boys wanting to be boys and girls wanting to be boys - perlease!’ I felt afterwards that I had at least a small but sympathetic understanding of the predicament that Victor/Lara and his family faced. And by extension, others like them. A really good film can do that - open your eyes and mind to a different world. 

So, from being  a movie that I hadn’t wanted to  to see, Girl became my personal pick of the festival and recipient of the Palme d’bloggerblagger

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 5*

46 Blaze

Went to see this because I noticed that Ethan Hawke was the director and I am a bit of a fan of his work both as an actor and as a writer - he once wrote a very good novel, the name of which now escapes me. Unfortunately this film, a story, supposedly true, of a  singer and songwriter in the sixties - I think - failed to stop me from making short but frequent visits to the land of nod.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 2.5*

47 The Fight

The very last film I saw, A low budget British film about a fortyish woman in a racially mixed marriage with a bullied  child and  a dark secret and a bad relationship with her own mother and who, for some reason that I never quite got to grips with,  takes up boxing.  I might have appreciated this film more  had my hearing been better. I discovered in post movie conversation (with one of the other members of the  press/ liggers ) that I had mistaken the spoken number 30 for 13 and that had a significant bearing on my misunderstanding of  the story, and consequent confusion and mild dissatisfaction.

BloggerBlagger Star Rating 2.5*

PS Anyone with so much time on their hands that they have waded through this nonsense until the end will have noticed, as I have only just done, that there were, in fact, two no 42s. Which I take to mean that, joy of joys,  we have found the missing no 45. (Something obviously went awry with the numbering system in my i-phone’s yellow notebook thingie. Or possibly, though obviously improbably,  it was my fault.)

Delighted to have been vindicated in my claim that I did indeed see 48 films (47 eligible.) Or, if there were an appeal against the present ‘Little Drummer Girl’ decision (unlikely but you never know) and it were to be upheld by the Rules Committee (even unlikelier) I would have seen 47 films (46 eligible.) And in even that remote eventuality I would still have officially reached the summit of my personal Eiger (Everest).

But it also means   80% of the first 1500 words of this post are completely redundant.

I could start again, I suppose. And I probably should. And yet….really?