#bonus points if its literally just another four swords game almost 20 years after the last one

[xmascritter]

Ive seen people be like "how on earth can they follow up botw and totk with another zelda game?" Which is fair, but those people seem to forget there are two sides to zelda. The very serious side, and the silly side. And Im not just talking about moments, Im talking about whole games. Botw and totk both leaned pretty heavily into the serious side, even though the link is probably one of our silliest yet.

So the only logical conclusion is that the next couple games should be the exact opposite.

Im talking like, triforce heroes and spirit tracks levels of chicanery. I need these next couple games to have game specific mechanics and themes so ridiculous that the game reviewing sites will pre-emptively call it stupid before its even out.

I need the world to be so silly and wacky that link almost feels like the straightman to a joke, but the whole thing is played so sincerely that it cant help but make you smile.

I need the villain to not be ganondorf; its either vaati, or the villain needs to be one of those one of single game villains made only for this specific setting of zelda, that fans will love and beg for more of and then never see again.

I need the technology to be weird and look oddly advanced with no explanation despite the fact every single character looks like they just came from the local ren faire.

I need the style to be toon link. We havent seen the lad outside of smash bros in nearly a decade. And not only do I need it to be toon link, I need the entire game to be stylized in a way that throws all the older zelda fans completely off like windwaker did. I want this to be the persona 5 of zelda games, so visually distinct it changes how all other toon link zeldas are shown in media by extension.

I need link to have a companion again, and they have to be the most annoying little shit. Im talking navi levels of annoying. But then the game makes you attached to them and sucker punches you at the end when you eventually have to part ways.

And I want another alternate world that I personally will be begging for more lore about, only to never see it again in the zelda franchise.

The only way to truly follow up a game that takes such dedication and respect to the previous iterations of the franchise while subverting many of the tropes you'd find in the games is to make a game so pack full of the tropes but so earnest about it you can't help but enjoy yourself. And the only way to really do that is to lean hard into silly Zelda.

[weareassassin]

The Assassin Class - Palladium Fantasy. Part 1

Oh! I’d almost forgotten about this project.

For those of you without long memories, back in the day I was planning to doing write-ups of The Magpie for different systems. But it fell by the wayside. However I’m making an effort to do more. But, instead of me going straight back the AD&D 2e character I was supposed to share with you... two years ago... I’ll try something different. Well a little different.

Let’s continue below the break.

Palladium Fantasy RPG must have started life as Kevin Siembieda’s homebrewed version of AD&D e1. He obviously played with the optional Psionics rules as well as a bunch of stuff from Unearthed Arcana, including the Comeliness attribute/ability. Of course like a significant number of these homebrewed variants, ol’ Kev’ filed off all of the D&Dness and published it as its own thing. It was quite successful. There are 21 sourcebooks, many still in publication, for the fantasy setting alone. There are also many other settings and different versions of the system, including Heroes Unlimited (superheroics), Beyond the Supernatural (horror), and various historical settings. Not forgetting licensed rulebooks for Robotech (giant anime mecha IN SPACE!) and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which is where many of us first encountered the system). Of course all of this ultimately led to Rifts. A post-apocalyptic smorgasbord, grabbing something of everything that Palladium Books had published up to that point to create the weirdest and wildest game of the second wave of TTRPGs.

Now it may come as no surprise to any of you that there is an Assassin class (Occupational Character Class; O.C.C.) in Palladium Fantasy. Nor should it come as any surprise that I’ve adapted The Magpie for it. After all it’s close enough to D&D that I can almost transfer stuff straight over without changing anything. Almost.

I’m using the 2nd edition of the rules, published in the mid 90′s when Palladium was at the height of its popularity. I’m going to follow the character gen rules as written. Well yeah, apart from the stuff I’ve pregenerated.

Str 13, Dex 15, Con 17, Int 16, Wis 11, Cha 14

These are the pre-rolled ability scores for the Magpie in every version of the character. Only Palladium doesn’t use Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom or Charisma. Oh no. Kevin likes to use two letter codes instead. (Or possibly four characters with at least one “.”)

I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient) instead of Int. M.E. (Mental Endurance) instead of Wis. M.A. (Mental Affinity) instead of Cha. P.S. (Physical Strength) instead of Str. P.P. (Physical Prowess) instead of Dex. P.E. (Physical Endurance) instead of Con.

Then he adds two new ones.

P.B. (Physical Beauty) which seems to replace the optional Comeliness (Com) from Unearthed Arcana. Basically how good looking a character is.

Spd. (Speed) which is literally how fast a character can run. Multiplied by 20 and you get the number of yards or meters the character can run in a minute.

Okay so the first six are easy. I just convert the D&D ability score into the Palladium attribute score at 1:1.

The last two require 3d6 rolls. Thankfully my old trusty plastic knuckle bones are with me today. I roll a 15 for P.B. Yeah I’d say that’s about right. And then I roll and 18 for Spd. Jay is a fast boi.

I.Q 16, M.E. 11, M.A. 14, P.S. 13, P.P. 15, P.E. 17, P.B. 15, Spd. 18

However for any attribute that rolls 16 or higher (is “exceptional”) gets an additional d6 added to it. I roll a 6 for I.Q., 3 for P.E. and 4 for Spd. I adjust the attribute scores (but not for the last time. Oh no! We’ll be back).

I.Q 22, M.E. 11, M.A. 14, P.S. 13, P.P. 15, P.E. 20, P.B. 15, Spd. 22

Hit points are equal to P.E. and add 1d6 per level. I roll a 4 for first level.

S.D.C. (Structural Damage Capacity) are different from HP for some reason. But also the same. It says here that “Men at arms” roll 3d6 for S.D.C. and assassin is listed as one of those classes. I roll 13.

Now we get to Psionics. 

Psionics are basically another term for “psychic”. Psionic characters have a set number of powers and a pool of points (I.S.P.; Inner Strength Points) to use them. There are even four Psionic character classes; the Psychic Sensitive, Psi-Healer, Psi-Mystic and Mind Mage. However there are no Psi-Assassins (Psisassin?). But there is still a chance for Wild Talents. Which are are available, at random, to 1 in 4 characters of other classes. There’s a 9% chance of being a Major Psionic and a 16% chance of being a Minor Psionic. By sure chance I roll 01; this incarnation of the Magpie is a Major pain in the b Psionic. I can choose any 6 spells powers from the three lists of Healing, Physical or Sensitive; or 8 from just one of them. There’s no shadow themed list, or powers. So I choose Bio-Regeneration from Healing, Summon Inner Strength from Physical and, Meditation, See Aura, Sixth Sense and Telepathy from Sensitive.

My base I.S.P. is 4d6 + M.E. score. I roll 21, which gives me a base of 32. There’s also an addition 1d6+1 per level. I roll 6 (5+1). So I start with 38 points of I.S.P.

The downside is that my skill bonuses from my O.C.C. (class) are halved and I only get half the additional skill picks. Although Secondary Skills are unaffected.

Next we choose Race and Class. There, again, is no Dhampir and given that Palladium vampires are more like Buffy vampires (’demonic’ intelligences possessing and animating the dead) there isn’t any likelihood of there ever being any. So Human will do, especially as the big difference between races is the number of dice rolled to determine attributes.

Class is, of course Assassin.

Assassin’s can’t be of any good alignments (and this is a game that allows evil paladins. Sorry “Palladins”.) and are limited to the alignments Anarchist, Aberrant, Miscreant and Diabolic. 

As an aside Palladium doesn’t use the Lawful/Chaotic and Good/Evil dichotomy. It has 7 alignments: Principled, Scrupulous (both Good), Unprincipled, Anarchist (both Selfish), Aberrant, Miscreant and Diabolic (all Evil). There are no neutral alignments as Kevin doesn’t believe in them.

The Magpie is Aberrant. Which is to say evil, but with a strict code of honour.

Assassins must have an I.Q. of 9 or higher and a P.P. of 14 or higher. We qualify.

We get a bunch of bonuses to combat and saving throws, which I shall detail on the character sheet. When we get to it.

There’s a long list of skills with bonuses to them. These I have to half because of the Major Psionics. Skills in Palladium are usually percentile based, with a maximum of 98%. Otherwise they are Weapon Proficiencies (WP) or they give some other bonus. Palladium is possibly unique in that some skills modify attributes. You don’t get +1 to strength just because you hit fourth level. No, you buy the Body Building skill which gives you a bonus to P.S. as well as some other benefits.

I get Climb/Scale Walls which also gives me the sub-skill of Rappelling, Concealment, Detect Concealment (& Traps), Basic Maths, Pick Locks, Prowl, Track Humanoids, a Native Language and two other languages.

I get 4 WP. I choose Knife, Sword, Two Weapons and Targeting (which gives a bonus to thrown knives). I also get the Assassin Hand-To-Hand skill. Which is one of the big draws to the class. I then get to pick two skills from the Rogue and Physical skill lists and another two from the Espionage skill lists. Then I get 5, no 3 (psionics again), picks from a bunch of other skill lists. 

I pick Disguise, Intelligence, Interrogation, General Horsemanship, Surveillance, Running, and Acrobatics.

Running gives me +1 to P.E., +4d4 (I roll 12) to Spd. and +1d6 to S.D.C. (I rolled a 4)

Acrobatics gives me +1 to P.S., P.P. and P.E. +1d6 (I rolled a 6). It also gives me a +5% to rappeling and the sub-skills Balance, Highwire and Back Flip.

I then finally get two Secondary Skills. Given Jay’s tendency to run away into the wilds I picked Land Navigation and Wilderness Survival.

Jays attributes are now:

I.Q 22, M.E. 11, M.A. 14, P.S. 14, P.P. 16, P.E. 22, P.B. 15, Spd. 36

All that’s left now is to gather equipment and go adventuring. 

I’ve written enough for now. Part 2 will follow soon enough with 1st and 15th level versions of the character.

Join me then.