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heathersdesk · 4 months

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My grandfather was killed in a hit and run accident in 1978.

His mother and sister struggled with life after that. They decided to go on a trip across the United States together to get away from things for a while.

I discovered this trip when I was going through photo albums and suddenly saw a place I recognized.

The Salt Lake Temple.

They went to many places during that trip. But there was something truly special to me that, in one of the worst seasons of their lives, they ended up at the temple.

I served part of my mission at Temple Square. I was waiting for a visa to Brazil that I began to think was never coming. I had a truly horrendous time in the MTC babysitting a district of Elders who spent weeks on end bullying me and tearing down my self-esteem. I was told directly by someone, I forget who now, that I was being sent there to recover. And when I realized that the mission had no young Elders in it at all, that it was only Sisters and senior couples, I came to appreciate what that meant.

I had so many wild interactions there with so many people. Some of them were strange, like the guy who viewed the Book of Mormon as proof of alien interactions with humans. There were moments of heartbreak, like the woman who was in tears at the Christus statue who attacked us when we checked in on her. There were moments of pure delight, like when an LDS family with two young daughters came to that same Christus statue. The oldest girl, no older than 4 or 5, squealed "JESUS" and ran to the Savior's feet, little sister in tow. Whenever I hear someone mention the teaching to become as a little child, she is exactly who I think of.

There were also moments that were meant solely for me, like when I met the first Sister to ever be called to the Boston mission I had hoped to go to to wait for my visa. Boston has a large Brazilian population, many of whom are members of the Church. I had begged in prayer to be sent there and was told by other people it wouldn't happen because "Sisters don't go there." I had an entire conversation with the woman who was going to be that change. It seemed cruel to me at the time, dangling the carrot of something I wanted right in front of my face. In time, I've realized it was so I would remember that God does miracles and is aware of the desires of my heart, even if it means I don't get what I want. Someone needed to exercise enough faith to push that door open for women. I put my full weight behind it, and I can be just as proud that it opened for someone else.

But some of my favorite people I met there were people who just made me laugh. I met a Jewish convert from New York who told us his conversion story, how what drew him in was the Plan of Salvation. He summarized it in a New York accent in a voice I can still hear in my mind: "So you're a god, eventually. But can you pay RENT?!"

One of my favorite people I met was a Scottish convert named Agnes who was doing the Mormon trail across the US, beginning in New England and ending in Utah. She was a much older woman and told us all about her pilgrimage, and how she had cuddled with the oxen at the baptismal font in the Manhattan New York Temple. (I've been there. You enter into the baptistry on face level with them, or did the last time I was there.) She shared her testimony with us, and I'll never forget what she said.

She explained that the story of Joseph Smith was really hard to get her mind around. It truly is an insane set of asks: angels, gold plates, polygamy, and all the rest. She talked about how she came to accept it—not through any kind of empirical evidence or proof, but through faith and what that looked like.

For her, it was the recognition that being LDS was the best way she had ever encountered to live an excellent life. She said that the worst case scenario she could imagine is one where God would say to her, "You know that whole business with Joseph Smith was a load of crock, right? But you lived such a good life, I have to let you in anyway."

That has always stayed with me. Agnes was one of many people who came to the Square looking for something. I saw people come there looking for faith, or a fight, and truly everything in between. And it's only now that I'm older and wiser that I see something clearly now that I couldn't see then.

Agnes didn't need to come to Temple Square to find faith. She already had a tremendous amount of faith. She, and many others, were looking for conviction. I was at Temple Square long enough to learn you don't get that from a place. While a place like Temple Square can illuminate the possibilities for conviction through the lens of history, it doesn't bestow that conviction through contact or proximity alone. Conviction is made from the materials of your own life and your own choices. Your will, how firmly you place yourself into an immovable and unyielding position, is the measure of your convictions. It comes from within.

Faith is the decision to believe in what you cannot see, and what cannot be proven objectively. That never goes away. Nothing we experience in life, no place we ever visit, will create a shortcut under, over, or around that decision to believe, to trust in God. Faith, at its core, is a decision. The ability to continue making that decision over and over again, under all species of hardship and opposition, is conviction.

Where Jesus walked is nowhere near as important as how Jesus walked, and with whom. The same is true for all of us. Our walk with God might never take us anywhere near a temple because of where God has called us to go. But we are the holiest dwelling places of God on earth—not any of the buildings we've made.

Be a holy place of living faith wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be. Worship God, no matter what places you can or cannot enter. There is more than one way to access a temple. One way is to enter a place that people invite God to dwell. The other is to become that place. There can be no separation from God where communion never ceases. It is the refuge that is unassailable by others for as long as the person wills it so. The torch within will not go out.

The temple is not special because it has some holy essence that springs forth out of nothing, to passively be absorbed by others. The temple is special because it directs people to Jesus Christ, who is the giver of healing and peace. The temple is just a building. It's Jesus Christ that is the true power behind it all, whose objective is to make you, me, and every person you know the holiest creature you've ever beheld. You are the end goal.

#mormon #lds #mormonism #tumblrstake #the church of jesus christ of latter day saints #religion #faith #queerstake #christianity #lds temple #temple square #Alma 32

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super-cosmic-library · 1 year

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loosely based on this post

tw: mentions of blood

Look, everyone had gone through a vampire phase. One Mrs. Stephanie Meyer had a heavy hand in that. And even if one had somehow managed to skirt the whole Twilight saga, there were a litany of other vampire books/tv shows/movies that came in its wake. Almost everyone in the 2010s wanted a vampire boyfriend. Even Robin, whose taste veered toward the more extraterrestrial side of paranormal fiction, had confided in Steve that she wouldn’t mind having an undead, blood sucking vampire girlfriend.

All in all, Steve didn’t get it. Why did nearly all of the girls in his grade fawn over the idea of getting with someone older than their great grandfathers? It was gross. Not to mention the fact that vampires didn’t have blood, so how would they even be able to get it up in the bedroom?

The whole mess baffled him to no end, and he was grateful when its popularity died down. He didn’t know if he would be able to take listening to Max and El giggling over Edward What’s-his-face.

His relief, however, was short lived. Just as the kids he baby sat started to enter high school, the Twilight saga had a resurgence of popularity all thanks to TikTok. Only this time, he didn’t just have to hear it from the girls. Max and El had gotten Lucas and Will to watch the movies with them, which led to them reading the girls’ copies of the books. And, look, Lucas he understood. When Steve was in high school, he would have done anything to please Nancy. (Luckily, she had been more interested in the rising popularity of the dystopian genre. He had thoroughly enjoyed listening to the Hunger Games series on audiobook.) But Will? Even if he was just doing it to bond with his sister, Steve thought the boy had more taste than that.

And when Lucas and Will became obsessed with it, so did Mike and Dustin. Again, Steve understood Mike, even though unlike Lucas, he was totally oblivious to his crush on Will. But Dustin? As far as Steve was aware, Suzie wasn’t allowed to read the series, even though the creator was also Mormon.

At least Erica was still at the age where she turned her nose up at any hint of romance.

But, you know, it wouldn’t be such a big deal if the kids obsession with vampires contained itself to the fictional world. He could deal with it better if it did. If then, they might be able to talk about other topics of interest. Hell, Steve would give anything to listen to the boys ramble all day long about their Dungeons and Dorks game. But Steve wasn’t so lucky.

Because while he loved the kids’ strong, creative imaginations, it meant that sometimes their fictional obsessions would spill over into the real world. And that. That was what he was really fed up with.

“I swear, it’s him,” Dustin nearly shouted over the other boys. “Same name. Same exact hair. He’s a vampire.”

Steve restrained a groan as he looked up from the dishes to see Dustin, Lucas, Will, and Mike at the dining table crowded around what appeared to be a high school yearbook.

“He can’t be!” Thank god, Mike was being the voice of reason. (Something Steve never thought he would be.) “I’ve seen him walk to his van in the sun, and he was totally fine. Also, on spaghetti day in the cafeteria, he ate, like, three slices of garlic bread!”

Steve had thought too soon.

“Then how do you explain this?” Dustin asked, gesturing to the page.

“Maybe it’s someone he’s related to?” Will offered.

“I don’t know,” Lucas said. “The resemblance is uncanny.”

Curiosity got the best of Steve. What could he say? Even if he hated this whole vampire thing, he enjoyed the weird little adventures his kids went on. Steve didn’t have many friends growing up. Hell, aside from Robin, he didn’t have many friends now. At least, friends his own age. It made his heart warm, seeing all of them getting to be a bunch of idiot children together.

But they didn’t need to know that.

“What are you little shits looking at?” He slung the dish towel he had been using to dry the flatware with over his shoulder, and made his way over to the table.

“Steve, we think our new DM is a vampire!” Dustin announced excitedly.

Steve put his hands on his hips (his signature mom pose, according to the kids), and rolled his eyes. “Vampires aren’t real.”

He didn’t say it to dull the kid’s enthusiasm. If anything, antagonization was their form of love language. Plus, Dustin always took the discouragement as a challenge to double down on whatever stance he took. Steve had to admire the kid for his confidence in himself. He knew first hand how easily that could be stripped away.

“Then how do you explain this?” Dustin slid the yearbook over for him to look at, pointing at the man in question. “He’s been in high school for years.”

Steve glanced down at the page. “Oh, Eddie Munson? He was in some of my classes last year. He was held back twice; though, that may have been because he almost never showed up to class. But that doesn’t mean he’s a vampire.”

“This is an old yearbook, though,” Lucas countered.

“If last year is old, then how ancient do you think I am?” Steve snipped. He pointed to the class picture that captured his likeness. “Look, there’s me. Does that mean I’m a vampire?”

“Steve, this isn’t your yearbook.” Dustin held the cover of the book up for Steve to read. There on the cover, in green and gold, were the words “Class of 1985.”

“What?” He snatched the yearbook from him, and flipped back to the page they had been studying. “No, that’s . . .”

He trailed off. Yes, that picture had captured his likeness; however, it was his father’s name that was written underneath. His father, who he was apparently the spitting image of.

“Maybe it’s his dad,” Steve tried, flipping through the pages. “Or his uncle. Doesn’t he live with his uncle?”

“We already checked the rest of it.” Mike snatched the book away from him. “He’s the only Munson in there.”

“His dad and his uncle could have not been in high school together,” Will countered.

“Thank you for being the only reasonable person here.”

Will blushed at Steve’s praise.

“I am telling you,” Dustin trudged on. “Eddie Munson is a vampire. And we’re going to prove it.”

~~~

Proving it ended up being more challenging than the boys had thought. As Mike had already proved, Eddie had no aversion to garlic or the sun. Crosses, Lucas pointed out, had no affect on him either, seeing as he wore one on his ring. So there went that theory. Dustin had even followed him into the bathroom one day to see if Eddie had a reflection in the mirror. He ended up having two Eddies stare at him like he was a creep.

Either none of the stereotypes were true, or--and Dustin was loathe to admit it--Steve was right.

There was still one more thing they could try.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Lucas said.

Dustin huffed. “Well, do you have any better plans? Because the only thing we haven’t tried yet is a stake to the heart, which is a dumb thing to begin with because that could kill anyone.”

“What about holy water?”

“And how are you going to get a priest to agree to bless a bottle of water?” Mike asked.

“My pastor might do it,” Lucas said.

“Let’s just try this first,” Dustin said. “And if it doesn’t work, you can call your pastor.”

The plan was simple, really. While they were playing DnD that afternoon, Dustin was going to “accidently” get a paper cut. Eddie’s reaction to the fresh blood would determine whether or not he was a vampire. It was fool proof.

Unfortunately, it seemed like Dustin was a fool. Who could blame him, though? Eddie was an amazing Dungeon Master. He knew just how to craft a story to suck just about anyone in. It wasn’t until they were packing up at the end of the session that Dustin remembered the plan. That probably explained the looks the other boys had been shooting him the entire time.

Dustin was just about to drag the edge of a piece of paper across this hand, when the drama room door banged open.

“Alright, you little shits. Get in the car. I’m already having a bad day, and I don’t need your moms blowing up my phone asking where you are.”

“Steve, why do you have a tampon in your nose?” Will asked.

Dustin glanced up at Steve, only to find that the man indeed had a bloody tampon in his nose.

“I had a nose bleed, and didn’t have any Kleenex in my car. It’s the only thing Robin or I had. And it works, so I don’t want to hear anything more about it.”

Blood.

Dustin nearly gave himself whiplash turning his head to look at Eddie. Eddie, who was staring at Steve with eyes that could only be described as ravenous.

“King Steve,” Eddie drew out as he approached Steve.

“Munson.”

“Now why’s a pretty jock like you carting around a bunch of nerdy freshmen?”

“I baby sit them.”

Eddie chuckled. “Yes, they are a bunch of babies.”

That was met with a round of protests from the kids.

“How hard was your nose bleeding? Aren’t tampons supposed to be super absorbent?”

Lucas was right. There was a ring of blood leaking down the tampon.

“Are you okay?” Will asked.

Eddie, however, did not look okay. Dustin had never seen him so focused on one thing as he was with Steve’s nose. And that included DnD.

“Yeah, it just happens sometimes. I’ll be fine. Now come on, or Robin’s going to start honking.”

They were being corralled out of the building before Dustin could come to any concrete conclusions, but judging from the way Eddie had stared at Steve’s nose, he was sure their hunch was correct.

Now they just had to prove it.

~~~

Turned out, the best way to prove their DM was a vampire was to show up at his trailer unannounced. Catch him off guard while he was at his most comfortable. In fact, the hardest part about the whole thing had been trying to convince Steve to drive them over to the trailer park. In the end, he was a push over as always.

Dustin bounded up the steps to the trailer, the other boys close behind. He pounded on the door. “Eddie!”

A crash came from inside, followed by a grumbled “shit.” A few moments later, Eddie swung open the door.

“Couldn’t have given me a heads up?”

“We have some urgent DnD questions. Couldn’t’ve waited for you to respond.” Dustin and the rest of the boys pushed passed him into the trailer. Only Will hesitated, sheepish look on his face.

“Hey, wait, what are you doing!” Eddie called after them.

“Oh my god, have some manners,” Steve slammed his car door closed.

“Steve,” Eddie began. “They roped you into this?”

“They threatened to walk otherwise. Couldn’t let them get hit by a car or kidnapped.”

The four boys searched around the tidy trailer, not even trying to appear like they weren’t.

“What are you knuckleheads doing?” Eddie asked.

Steve, who they had not informed what they were doing, seemed to have caught on to their plan. “Not this again.”

“You know what they’re doing?”

“Guys, look!” Mike, staring in the fridge, exclaimed. The boys ran over to him.

“Hey, you guys, get out of there!” Eddie exclaimed.

“Yeah, knock it off. Let the man live in piece.”

Dustin, Lucas, and Will gasped when they saw the contents of the fridge. Yes, there was normal people food in the fridge--nothing to write home about. But stacked on the top shelf was the motherload: bags and bags of blood.

Mike grabbed one and held it out for Steve to see. “We fucking told you!”

“Eddie’s a vampire,” Dustin vibrated with excitement. “Eddie, you’re a vampire.”

“Eddie’s not . . . there’s gotta be . . .Eddie?” Steve looked to Eddie as if asking him to deny the kid’s claims.

Eddie crossed his arms over his chest and heaved out an exasperated sigh. “Looks like you caught me.”

“I fucking told you!” Dustin shouted at Steve.

“Language.” Steve snapped. “Eddie, come on. Be serious. Vampires don’t exist.”

“Telling the truth, Harrington.” Eddie flashed them his fangs. “I am a vampire.”

“You’re teeth aren’t normally that sharp,” Will said.

“I can control when my fangs come out,” Eddie said with a shrug. Then, to demonstrate, he retraced his fangs, so his teeth looked human again. “It’s been handy in hiding from mortals. In fact, you guys are the first to figure it out. Surprised it took this long for anyone to notice, honestly.”

“So you’ve been able to hide in plan sight for, like, hundreds of years?” Dustin asked.

Eddie slouched down onto the couch, understanding that he was about to be pelted with about a million questions. “More like forty.”

“Forty?” Will asked.

“I was turned in the ‘80s. ‘86, I think. I don’t know, the years start to blur together.”

“So, you’re just as old as our parents?” Mike scoffed. “Lame.”

“But I look much better than them.”

The boys took his nonchalance as permission to start their rain of questions.

“So do you have vampire powers?”

“How can you eat garlic?”

“Does the sun not burn your skin?”

“Do you have to get permission to enter new places?”

And on and on they went, only briefly pausing for Eddie to get a sufficient answer out. Meanwhile, Steve just stood by the door. Dustin could tell he was trying to process the fact that he had almost graduated with a vampire. Dustin could understand. Had he not already been convinced himself, the information would have taken a bit to accept.

When Steve finally came back around, he joined the group surrounding Eddie.

“Why are you still at Hawkins High?” Steve asked. “You were in class with my parents. Couldn’t have you gotten out and gone someplace people won’t recognize you?”

Eddie paused, actually giving that question some thought. The other boys let him think it through instead of feeding him more questions. They wanted to know the answer too.

“Well, I tried to once, but then Wayne started having health problems, and I didn’t want to leave him alone. When I realized that I had stopped aging, I decided to stay with him even after he recovered. Realized that if I don’t grow old, I’m going to outlive him. I’d rather spend the rest of his life with him, than in hiding and regretting it when he’s gone. As for people recognizing me: you’d be surprised how little attention the freaks of Hawkins get.”

The group sat in silence for a moment, letting his words sink in. Dustin supposed that if he were turned into a vampire, he would stick around to spend as much time with his mom as he could.

“Speaking of, where is your uncle?” Lucas asked.

Eddie smiled to himself. “Technically, he’s my little brother. We started doing the whole uncle/nephew thing when he got too old to believably be my brother. And he should be finishing up his shift at the hospital. Decided to become a nurse after finishing chemo. He has always been the smart one. Besides, it helps with procuring my stash of blood.”

Mike perked up at that. “So you do drink blood?”

“Yes.”

“But we’ve seen you eat real food.”

“You’re point?”

Mike huffed. “So do you need blood to live, or is it just a craving--like wanting a Coke?”

“I can eat real food, but it doesn’t fully satisfy my hunger. Only drinking blood does that.”

“Have you ever?” Steve gulped. “Have you ever drank blood from a person.”

“You offering?” Eddie smirked.

Steve flushed.

Weird.

As his friends continued to talk, Dustin’s mind wandered. It was no secret that Steve found men attractive. He was the biggest slut in Hawkins, after all. And Dustin had only ever seen him nervous around men who he thought were really hot.

Oh, Dustin could have fun with this. After all, didn’t everyone want a vampire boyfriend?

okay, well this completely got away from me. will I make this a series? mayhaps.

#steddie #vampire eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #Eddie Munson the boomer vampire

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bigmack2go · 4 months

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Describing musicals accurately but still missleading if you don’t know them:

Starlight express: kid plays with toy trains even tho he’s supposed to sleep

Hamilton: They both die at the end but its only one person

Heathers: „those two gay ppl are the reason for suicide“

Be more chill: a failed attempt to recreate Qualityland irl

Newsies: ✨inflation✨

Dear Evan Hansen: „those trees are the reason for suicide“

Tarzan: swing it baby

Sneakerella: guy builds a whole ass city inside his shoes

Come from away: booktropes???

Chicago: prostitution

Alladin: ghosts and feminism

Into the woods: …

Cats: magikKK

Annie: reverse newsies

Hadestown: ‘lmao. Imagine dieng on your wedding day HAHA— oh.’ OR ✨spring✨

Mathilda: reality is a concept

Lion king: monarchy’s *a single nod*

Spring awakening: „sex is the reason for suicide“

Falsettos: jewish kid plays baseball and sucks, gay men play tennis and die

Rent: pay up or DIE👹

Tuck everything: “SURE! Kid, make that innocent FROG immortal. WHY NOT?/sar”

Phantom of the opera: dejavu

Les Miserable: Europeans steal bread <3

In the heights: less sad, modern version of west side story

Highschool Musical: guys only want that one thing

West sod story: „capitalism is the reason for suicide“

Mean girls: suicide is fake

Waitress: HOMOSEXUAL!… *cospiracy voice* or is it?

Six: pitty party

The prom: little miss perfect but it isnt

Rovky horror show: hehe heha😈

Bonnie & Clyde: „love is the reason for suicide“ /hj

Beetlejuice: black, white & green

Little shop of horrors: „trees are the reason for suicide“ THE SEQUEL

Hairspray: ah yes, the 60‘s… don’t you love capitalism

D: if the Grimm brothers made sequels

Book of mormon: ah yes… jesus…

The guy who didnt like musicals:”YOU are the reason for suicide” *dramatic music*

Moana: “as a kid in th- what? Wrong musical? Oh…”

Ride the cyclone: reality is a concept pt. 2

The outsiders: Bonnie and Clyde x westside story (awithout the racism) crossover

Illinois: gay people have bonfire

The greatest show: fame changes ppl *nods inquisitively*

Bonus cuz idk if this counts

Jatp: hot dogs are the reason for suicide

#broadway #my posts #musicals #I would have taken #‚cancer is the reason for suicide‘ (literally)#for Illinois #but that wasn’t misleading enough so….#to be fair #the one that i took isnt as muskeading as i want it to be either #but its the best i could come up with

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sailboatdreamer · 6 months

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Back to the Night We Met - Chapter 2

After an awkward first encounter, you try and get back in Angus' good graces.

I had made myself scarce for the next day, only really encountering the others when necessary at mealtimes or right before falling asleep in the cold, dark infirmary.

I hated it. I felt like my initial failings had only managed to continue into the next day, when i could barely make eye contact with the others. I’d learned their names at least. The sour-faced blonde was Teddy Koutnze, and while he didn’t really seem- to me at least- very physically intimidating, he had a way of irritating the rest of us, and when Mary snapped at him over dinner, nobody said a word. Then there was Jason Smith, a mild mannered wealthy son of some business guy, practising civil disobedience by not cutting his hair, and therefore missing out on winter vacation. The two youngest were Alex, a mormon kid who’s parents were away on missionary, and Ye-Joon, a korean kid who couldn’t fly to see his family. Then there was Angus, who i’d regretfully embarrassed myself in front of only the day before. It didn’t bother me so much to run into Teddy as much as it did running into Angus, who’s snarky and annoyed attitude made me feel incredibly nervous. My avoidance of them all (except really for the younger boys) did not go unnoticed.

I was passing time in the expansive library certainly better than the one i’d been used to, when I encountered Mr Hunham doing his rounds.

“Oh! There you are.” He’d said. I gave a shy sort of wave. I was halfway through my copy of Catcher in the Rye when he’d arrived.

“You know, if the young philistines back there (pointing towards the hall) are giving you any trouble, you don’t have to stand for it, i know how utterly undignified some of them may be.” This had made me laugh slightly, only because it couldn’t be further from the reality, and it was the second time i’d been approached with this concern.

“No, no honestly they’ve been…. accomodating” i recall the help i’d gotten from Angus yesterday with a slight wince.

“Sincerely? Well-colour me surprised. I didn’t think they had it in them.” He expressed with a surprised look. I’d of thought Mr Hunham would’ve been a much nastier person, considering the disparaging ways the boys talked about him late at night. He was actually quite kind, and respectful, i’d noticed how much care he paid to Mary especially.

“Yeah, Angus even helped me with my bag yesterday.” I could see his expression turn to a slight shock, followed by a grin.

“Really? i- wow.” He gave me a nod of acknowledgement before turning and leaving, undoubtedly to go back to monitoring the boys, now with the newfound idea that they may not be entirely without saving.

Unsurprisingly, it took a lot to move me from my place in the library’s old leather couch. I’d even found a soft blanket that i’d used to cover myself, somehow avoiding Hunham’s exercise sessions, though his voice echoed through the walls. ”Without exercise the body devours itself!” I’d heard him cheer. It wasn’t until later in the evening, still in the library, trying to finish my copy of Emma, when i’d encounter another student.

He’d waddled in, perhaps not seeing me at first, after all i was pretty quiet. I watched him over the nose of my book, huffing angrily, and slumping down at one of the couches across the library hall. Angus. I didn’t dare approach him, he looked pretty upset already, but just as i was thinking so, he saw me. A silent exchange, i can only imagine i’d looked as startled as he did.

I noticed the small wound on his cheek had been patched up with a small band-aid, and an associated rip in his sweater had been stitched over.

“Have you been in here all day?” His tone is more accusatory than i would’ve hoped. His anger from whatever he’d been putting up with was seeping through.

“I may have… i mean, i went to go see Mary in the morning.”

He just nods with a huff. “And Wall-eye isn’t on your ass?”

I shake my head “I saw him. I let him know you helped me with my bags yesterday, he.. looked surprised.”

He just rolls his eyes, i don’t push it further. I know they all hate Hunham, he’s tough on them, a fan of discipline and ancient philosophy makes for a particularly tough chaperone.

“What’re you reading?” I hear him mumble after a minute.

“Emma. Jane Austen?” I watch as he studies the cover of the book, still seeming a little shaken up. “Right yes… matchmaker.” I nod with a slight smile, he’d read it.

“So… i see you got patched up.” i say, pointing to his bandaid. “yeah… fuckin’ koutnze…”

“What happened?” I press the topic gently, in a way I wanted to know if it was something more serious or just general scuffling between boys.

“I.. had this picture- in my luggage” He sees my expression change to confusion as he mentions luggage, if he was staying over, why had he packed up luggage?

“I wasn’t, actually supposed to be here. My mom decided the only time of the year she gets to see me would be the perfect time for a honeymoon with my new stepdad.”

God, what a shit situation, i think to myself, though i only manage to get out ‘im so sorry…’

He brushes it off with a wave of the hand, “Its me and my parents when i was a kid. Koutnze took it, i know he did, but he refuses to give it back.” He grumbles.

I wonder to myself if i can get it back…. i should. It would mean the exchange between Angus & i would be fair, and hopefully it could help us move on from our awkward first impression.

“What a dick….” I say with a scowl, met by Angus’ own.

“I know right.” I see him pick up my copy of Catcher In the Rye and we read together for another hour until we were called to dinner, and back to the infirmary.

A fair few of the boys were using the showers, and the ones that weren’t were outside, looking for Alex’s lost red mitten. I take this fruitful opportunity to find that picture, hoping it would bring me into Angus’ good graces, and restore a little of his faith back into this holiday.

After a quick and careful scavenge through Teddy Koutnze’s luggage, i find a small compartment, something that had been cut out in the side of his suitcase. A secret pocket of sorts, and low and behold, i reach in, and out comes the picture. It was unmistakeably Angus, though ten years younger, his stark and angular features, and soft brown eyes confirmed it in my mind. I slip the picture into my pocket and leave his things as i’d found them.

I left to find Angus, and just as i’d expected, he was in the midst of comforting poor Alex in the courtyard outside, who’s mitten was found, but had a small tear near the thumb. I approach them both. “look, it’s okay, Mary’s probably got some thread, i’m sure she’d be happy to fix it.” He says in a soft tone, patting the young kid on the back.

“Hey, do you mind if we talk for a minute?” I say quietly, meeting his gaze. To this he reassures Alex, and gets up, following me a few paces over.

I take the small, polaroid-like picture out of my pocket and hand it to him, watching his expression light up.

“You actually- you found it! How… where?” I was glad to finally see Angus happy for the first time since i’d arrived. “Some secret pocket in his suitcase… fucker is sneaky”.

“Thank you… really thank you.” He says sincerely, tucking the pocket inside his winter jacket. I shrug it off but internally i’m beaming “Of course.”

#angus tully fic #angus tully x reader #angus tully #the holdovers fic #the holdovers #paul giamatti #mr hunham #mary lamb #da'vine joy randolph #dominic sessa

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ratgrinders · 4 months

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I'm struggling to recover from last episode. Please can you give us a selection of Buddy Dawn headcanons ranging from weird to angsty??

Ur so real for that. I fuckin love Buddy, he has has some of the funniest lines out of the Rat Grinders I think, so here you go:

Buddy going so hard on the Bacharath name even after its been proven wrong is so funny. I'd like to imagine at least a very SMALL portion of him is just him playing it up for the bit, just because he knows it annoys his party. Just to be a little shit.

I think Buddy keeps 50 different identical versions of the same uniform in his closet. However, I think if Buddy ever gets the chance to try out his own styles as opposed to the typical missionary-esque uniform he always wears, he'd have the WORST fashion sense known to man. I'm thinking garish clashing colors, maybe he gets really in to Hawaiian shirts for a bit.

Also I think he really loves dogs. I think he has a golden retriever with a very stereotypical dog's name like Sparky and he loves that dog more than life itself.

Keeping with the Book of Mormon theme from last time, and inspired by the caption on this piece of fanart by @eustacedekolta, everyone go listen to the song Turn it Off. That's Buddy, to me.

I think he DID meet Helio in that brief moment after the Last Stand. I think this meeting could've gone a lot of ways, but one way I imagine is that Buddy is aware the Entire time that he is not his god's first choice, that Kristen Applebees stood in the very spot he stands now and turned him away. And I think Buddy remembers this, and is filled with rage that this god he's always had so much conviction in never had any for him in return. And then he leaves, acutely aware that he wasn't even the first one to forsake this god for another.

With how Bobby was talking to Kristen post-Buddy's disappearance (seemingly trying to get Ankarna's name rather than it being all concern for Buddy) and the revelation afterwards that Bobby's been in cahoots with Porter, I struggle to imagine a scenario where Bobby is truly 100% supportive of his grandson and has his best interests at heart. I'm reminded of Mac and Donna, who may love Kristen in their own way, but who's love is rife with hidden Terms and Conditions that she will always fail to meet. I think Buddy loves his grandpa, but there's always this undercurrent, or implicit understanding, that he can't tell him Everything and that there's a certain image he has to maintain around him.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #original post #rat grinders #buddy dawn

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nerdygaymormon · 4 months

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My 10 year Tumblr anniversary

June 2024 marks 10 years since I started this blog!

I originally began this blog as a way for me to follow discussions taking place on Tumblr about important topics in the LDS community, like racism or Ordain Women, which couldn't be discussed in mainstream LDS spaces.

I soon found the LGBTQ+ LDS community which called themselves queerstake. I would message them and make comments on their posts, and they gently encouraged me to write my own blog posts to share my thoughts with others. I resisted, thinking I had nothing of value to add to the conversation and no one would be interested in what I had to say. I finally wrote my first blog post in June 2016 and it was about meeting the Sistas in Zion and sharing that I'm gay and the kindness of their reaction. That post got exactly zero likes or comments, reaffirming my belief that I didn't have anything of interest to share. I didn't write another post until August and it got a few likes and that was enough, I wrote several more posts that month and haven't stopped.

I used to go to blogging sites to find blogs by queer Latter-day Saints. Their stories resonated with me and felt important. Usually they began with someone coming home from their mission, which they hoped would be rewarded by God removing their gayness, and being disappointed or surprised this didn't happen. They expressed a commitment to staying in the church, but as the months went by they more and more wrote about the hurt they experienced, the pain of church policies aimed at them, insensitive encounters with church members and leaders, and anger at things said in General Conference. Typically there would be entries for a few months and then the blog goes silent, no more entries.

I would think of not just how important these blogs were to me, but in some distant future they would be of interest to historians wanting to better understand what it was like to be a queer Mormon at a time of big changes in society and the LDS Church.

Most of those blogs were written by folks in their 20's and lasted just a few months to maybe up to 2 years. I thought perhaps writing as someone in their 40's would add to these voices, and for it to matter I needed to be authentic in sharing my thoughts, feelings and experiences, showing the good, bad, and ugly. I honestly was surprised and thrilled if I had a post reach 40 or 50 likes, and was unprepared for having a post in 2017 get clicked on more than a half-million times.

Since my viral post a lot of younger queer people started following me. I still wanted to be honest and authentic and vulnerable, but I also wanted my blog to be a queer-positive space, which is why is have many posts with rainbows so visually it's clear this is a blog of a queer person.

I started getting many messages with questions, often anonymously which meant the only way I could respond was by posting my answer to my blog. I soon felt like I was the Dear Ann Landers of Queerstake and have posted about 2000 responses since 2017, which averages to about 150 such responses per year.

Because queer people usually don't grow up being taught about queer history and culture, I will occasionally make posts about such things, including about LDS queer history because as a queer Mormon, I can be proud of the LDS pioneer and pioqueer legacies.

The person who started this blog 10 years ago could never have imagined I would be out to everyone in my life, and once I was out that I would still be a member of the LDS Church and get to meet General Authorities, that I would have my words published in books, be a guest on podcasts, or serve in the leadership of an organization (Affirmation) for queer people. It's been a wild ride.

#david gets personal

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novelconcepts · 9 months

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Another year, another absurd amount of books read (296, because if I wasn't reading or writing this year, my brain was on fire). I was asked again for my top books of the year, so here we go: 2023's top 10, in no particular order.

This was the first book I read of the year--literally, vacated the hangout with my wife and sibling-in-laws to sit on their couch upstairs and eat through it. Do you love The Fall of the House of Usher, but wish for a nonbinary protagonist and a lot more mushrooms? This is the book for you! (T. Kingfisher is fucking rad, I made a concerted effort to only list ONE of her books on here, but honorable mention goes to The Twisted Ones for fucking me upppp.)

A gay, post-apocolyptic Pinocchio retelling involving copious robots, found family elements, and a cool-ass treehouse. Klune always hits for me with his unrepentant queer family dynamics and sense of humor. Honorable mention to the first two in the Green Creek series (although that's got a lot more...adult elements in among the werewolves, you've been warned).

I thiiiink I found this through The Homo Schedule podcast (PSA: if you missed out on Jasmin Savoy Brown and Liv Hewson doing a podcast together, now you know better), and it wrecked my shit. Tons of trigger warnings, as this is a memoir about abuse within a queer relationship, but it's so beautifully written. I personally suggest listening to the audiobook first, then standing anxiously behind someone at a book warehouse sale, hoping they'll set down the only paperback copy so you can swipe it.

A fantastical-historical reimagining in which the KKK is filled with literal monsters, and Black women are resistance fighters armed to take them out. Visceral and intense, and truly an excellent horror story.

Just. Such a soft time travel story about a daughter and her father and cherishing the time you get with loved ones. I was thoroughly unprepared for how lovely I found this one. It's very kind.

Spooky house, take-no-shit redhead, protective sibling elements, bisexual recluse with a sword who really just needs a nap. I haven't found a Harrow book yet I haven't slapped five stars on. She's so good at character and atmosphere, and I'm always surprised at how fast her stories race by.

The whole Daevabad trilogy (of which this is the first book) is just magical. A girl from the mortal world finds herself embroiled with the centuries-long prejudices and wars of djinn in a fantastical city. It's one of the rare stories of its kind that does have a love triangle, but doesn't feel like a love triangle; it's far less interested in the insufferable "who gets picked" than it is in the actual horrors these people are both perpetrating and coping with. It's an intoxicating ride.

Fuck You, TERFS: the book. Given that fact, there's obviously quite a lot of transphobia to deal with, but it's very clear that those people are wrong, and it's a super-engaging (and super-oh-god-what-comes-next) witchy time populated with queer, protective, interesting characters I'm excited to see again in the follow-up.

Have you ever wanted a haunted house story with visceral imagery and a rather lovely twist? Gailey has you covered. As much as I enjoyed The Echo Wife, I think I actually loved this one more, and it makes me so excited to see what else they've got up their sleeve.

One of my final reads for the year, when I was just churning through hardcovers at the speed of sound. I love this book. I recognize it won't be for everyone, but it takes so much of what I love about IT (one of my all-time favorite books, despite its flaws) and twists it through the lens of an author who escaped the Mormon church. It's horrific, it's fantastically abstract in places, it explores childhood and memory, imagination and abuse, and almost every character is queer. It's a great "I simply cannot sleep until I've finished" read.

#long post #book recs #t kingfisher #tj klune #carmen maria machado #p djeli clark #emma straub #alix e harrow #s.a. chakraborty #juno dawson #sarah gailey #kiersten white #plenty of others could go on this list as well but i figured i'd keep it to ten this time around #still can't believe i read just shy of 300 books in a year #bonus shoutout to the animorphs series all of which is out on audiobook now (the main books anyway)#and which honestly really do hold up well

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