#boudica beard

[praxisia]

Chaos and Cannons and Crabs: Part 3

Trigger warning for abuse mention and mentions of violence.

Alright, I said I’d talk about how Boudica ended up in jail. The idea about why she did what she did was inspired by something a real pirate did as well as that scene in Our Flag Means Death where Edward lost his shit on his and Stede’s whole crew (not gonna elaborate there so I can avoid spoiling people).

In the town that our party is in, Boudica happened to make it to port a few days before the time where the first session takes place. She was bumming around town looking for a short break on shore before heading out on a new job. She ended up in a bar and was spending her time enjoying the ale and the food, when she spotted a man treating the young woman that was with him very poorly. It was so obvious and obnoxious that other people in the bar was starting to get bothered by it too. When he was asked to leave he dragged his date along with him.

Boudica, by that point, was very very drunk and she was having a lot of bad memories come back to her from her time in the brothel. She was drunk enough to follow the guy out of the bar and all the way to his house. She saw everything he did since he left the bar, yelling at that girl and dragging her around like a rag doll. And the more the girl tried to resist the worse it got, until he was dragging her into his house by the ear and locking her up in a small room.

Boudica snuck into his house and surprised him in the dark. She wrestled him to the ground and cut off his ear and forced him to eat it as a permanent reminder to not pull this kind of shit with anyone ever again. Then she knocked him unconscious and let the girl out of the room she was trapped in. 

Boudica guided the girl down to the docks and gave her enough money to buy a ticket or bribe her way onto a boat and then left her to try to hide from the cops. Obviously she was arrested not long afterward, since being covered in ear blood is a dead giveaway that you've committed some kind of horrible crime.

[stuckyhistoricalfiction]

Teasers

Read some teasers of the fics coming out this December and January!

Bucky was frozen in place as time itself stopped, unable as he was to tear his eyes away from unknown warrior. Everywhere around him the shrieks of war ensued but he was silent like the clouds before a thunderstorm, rooted like a tree where others were slipping in the mud. The blood – not his own, for no one got close enough to hurt him – made the strong muscles of his mid-section gleam when the sun hit it, and his massive arms bulged each time the man swung his sword in ruinous circles. Man. Could he really be? A giant amongst them all, with no markings to show where he belonged. Neither blade nor ink had marred his skin, and he lacked the arm-ring that would prove him a Northerner. He couldn’t be theirs – he was fighting against them with a force so strong it didn’t seem human. All the breath left Bucky. He might not wear an arm ring, but he wasn’t wearing that damned silver cross either in a chain around his neck. All he wore was a golden crown.

“Are you done choking?” The voice says when Steve stops aspirating dried vascular plant bits. The hand once again grips his hair, pulls him up and another hand pushes him backward to sit against a tree and Steve finally gets a look at his attacker. His breath stops. Before him is a savage in leather and pelts, with wild black hair and strange markings down his left arm and shoulder, but Steve can’t pay attention to any of it because his face is painted. White and red and vibrant blue streak across forehead and cheekbones and the eyes are smeared pitch black. It makes the striking light gray irises stand out all the more. His teeth show in a predatory smile between blue and white lips. Steve has heard of Celtic witches. Fearsome stories, all of them. “First things first,” the witch sits down in front of him. “I would never hurt your horse, Roman.” Steve gasps. “Of course, you’re a Roman.” The man scoffs. “I could have picked your stance and build out of a thousand. You have soldier written all over you. You and that ridiculous haircut.” The hand is back in his hair, tousling this time, and Steve curses the fact that he did not have leave to let his hair and beard grow before the journey down. It is probably how the stranger in the tavern pegged him. All his offerings to Mercury were for nothing. “The question is not who you are.” The painted face before Steve becomes pensive. “And I can guess what you’re doing here, dressed like a commoner, skulking around my sacred altars.” Steve’s eyes widen in shock. These woods are consecrated. Tony sent him straight into the lion’s den, and like a sheep, Steve went. The predatory smile comes back, spreads across paint. “Boudica rising,” he whispers. “Is that not why you’re here.” Steve blinks. Bites his tongue. Tries to leave his face impassive, but the witch takes one look at him and once again laughs out loud. It is supremely unsettling. “Aaaaaahhhh,” he sighs, content. “I thought so.” Then he cocks his head left. “Your horse is coming back. Loyal beast that it is. When I sprung you and it bolted, I thought we’d never see the nag again.” Falconis steps into the clearing, snuffling and a little out of sorts, but none the worse for wear. He has not damaged himself in his flight through these woods and Steve is glad. He walks over to Steve and nuzzles his cheek, fluffing happily, and then turns— and does the same to the witch. Traitor.

As many things do, it begins with two corpses; one staining the quilt of snow it lays on a rueful shade of crimson, and the other encased in an icy tomb within the rotting carcass of a downed plane. In a way that defies both sense and science, both corpses are not truly dead at all — at least not yet. One corpse clenches his remaining fingers painfully tight, the knuckles paling to match the snow, grappling with the ledge of life desperately while his companion - his other half - readily lets go, ready to wearily sink under the waves of the quiet and the cold. One in denial and the other relieved. Even though they’re as good as, they’re not dead. Some would say it’s a miracle, a marvel, and that’s just the M’s; nevermind the rest. But, when it is stripped down to the bone, flesh and ligaments peeled away until the ivory skeleton of truth is laid bare, it is undoubtable that these icy graves and their icy corpses are inexplicably, irrevocably, and indescribably intertwined. Perhaps it’s fate, maybe one could go as far as to say it’s destiny. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But the one thing that is undeniable is that from the very second both corpses teetered on the thinning thread between living and dying, their orbits crossed. Over the next handful of decades, they are pulled into each other like stars, spiralling closer and closer until inevitably falling into each other in a stellar collision of a single epic, and irreversible mistake.

“Prince Bohemond VI has submitted to the Mongols.” Marshal Phillips announced solemnly. István looked up from the map. “Are we sending forces to liberate them?” He inquired. It was a larger campaign than they usually engaged in, but the Mongols were also a greater threat than they usually faced. Marshal Phillips shook his head and István felt a bolt of shock through his chest. Surely they couldn’t stand by and let Antioch fall to such a cruel adversary? “The prince claims he is submitting willingly. His father-in-law, King Hethum I, submitted over a decade ago, and has been encouraging other monarchs to do the same for years. He believes allying with the Mongols is our best chance to defend the kingdoms of Christendom from the Mamluks.” “If we submit to the Mongols, there will be no Christendom to defend!” István argued. But the other knights didn’t seem concerned. He thought of the scorched ruins he’d grown up around. The way his mother always choked up when talking about his father’s final stand against “the Tatars”. Desperate for understanding, his eyes sought out Jakab amongst the assembled archers. Jakab was already looking at him with a sweet, concerned frown. István felt a renewed sense of sanity as his friend gave a little nod in solidarity.

“You know you’re quite the informant,” Bucky said softly. “Let’s make a deal you keep talkin to me, and I’ll pay you enough, so you don’t have to walk the streets.” “I don’t need your fucking charity,” Steve growled. “It’s not charity.” Bucky grabbed Steve’s wrist. “You’re in the victim pool. You’re almost an exact match for what he’s lookin for. And you got a son—” “Don’t talk about my son!” Steve snarled. “Let me help you!” Bucky yelled. “I don’t need your help!” Steve yanked his arm out of Bucky’s grasp. “I don’t need anything from you—” “Goddammit, Stevie.” Bucky grabbed Steve and pressed him against the wall of an alley. But Nat’s words echoed in his mind, You’re all violent in your own way. Bucky didn’t want to be violent, especially not with Steve. He pulled back a little, giving the fae enough room to slip away if he wanted to. “I won’t force you,” Bucky told him with a sigh of defeat. “But I really do want to help. No charity, no pity, just help. And I need your help too. You know these victims, I don’t.”

[tristanginger]

Dahlings, I am not angry. I am HUNGRY.

[engels-art-gallery]

I wrote a short blurb about how Reynauld always falls victim to Dismas’ gallows humor, and is now fed up with it. Read the full story (with art!) under the cut.

They were victorious once more, but they paid a high price. Alhazred was dead and Boudica tethered at the brink of madness, Dismas and Reynauld both were at death's door, covered in injuries and blood. Yet the highwayman laughed in the face of death.

"Gettin' the feeling death keeps avoiding me!" he boasted, but there was pain in his eyes while he looked over the mangled corpse of their fallen comrade. "When will it end..?" he whispered.

"You should not joke about that!" Reynaulds voice sounded harsher than it needed to be. Dismas always joked about getting killed and dying in the fight for the Hamlet. The knight had heard it a thousand times, and he didn't know how longer he could take it.

The highwayman had a lopsided grin on his face, "Wha'? Ye really think we will get out 'ere alive?" he laughed, but it was the laugh of desperation. He came to this Hamlet to die, to do one good thing with his godforsaken life before it snuffed out. Better than hanging at the gallows, like he deserved it.

"Yes! Yes, I believe it so!" Reynauld shouted, shaking with rage. No he didn't. He knew Dismas was right. It was just a matter of time before they ended up like the occultist, whose body soon would become food for maggots and worms.

An annoyed sigh escaped the highwayman's throat before he looked back at the crusader "Get a grip, Reynauld, and face reality. We are walkin' corpses and not even yer light's gonna change tha'." he said, while cleaning his short sword with a rag. Dismas suddenly looked very intently on the blade. He hated when Reynauld got like this. He almost made him believe with those pretty words of forgiveness and mercy. But there was no mercy for people like him.

Suddenly a sharp pain shot through his left cheek, Reynauld had backhanded him. "Wha' was that for? You fookin' lost yer brains or what?" he growled and held his cheek, shooting the crusader angry looks, his sword ready to strike in case Reynauld had indeed gone mad.

"Stop. Talking. About. Dying!" the knight grabbed Dismas at the coat's fur and dragged him closer. Uncomfortable close. "I'm so sick of listening to you rejoicing your own death and looking forward to dying!" his voice shook with anger and for a moment Dismas feared the mad man would hit him again, but that fear faded once he saw the tears glistening in Reynauld’s eyes. One fell out and mixed with grime and half dried blood on its journey into the crusader's bushy beard.

"I know damn well that we are doomed! I know that we are not making it out of here alive, not at the rate everyone around us is dying. Our enemies are getting stronger and more cunning the more we slay. We are walking corpses, just as you say." the crusader took a shaky breath before he continued, "I know all that but I can't continue fighting like that without hope, I’m not strong enough to do that! I want to believe that the light will save me when I drive my sword into the flesh of the pigs. I dream of living a peaceful life while I shatter the bones of skeletons, and I think of growing old with you while we march through brackish waters and get assaulted by snails!"

Raynaud's voice failed him, and he buried his face in the fur of his companion's jacket, "Please, Dismas, don't deny me this hope." he begged.

The highwayman had listened to his friend until the last sentence. The whole time he believed Reynauld to be naïve, to be blind to the fate they faced. But this was just his way of coping with the horrible situation they were in. 

Slowly he lifted a hand and gently ruffled the scraggly hair of the knight, "I'm sorry, Rey." he whispered softly and decided that he would try to not talk so much about looking forward to death, if it hurt his friend so much.

[team-ice-cream]

When Ev returned to the Game Corner, Kris was wearing a fake beard and shouting angrily about Voltorb. “Where’d you get the fake beard?” Ev asked.

“Under the table.” Kris answered.

Ev looked under the table and, sure enough, there was a large collection of fake beards. “I brought you food.” Ev remembered, getting the sandwich out of her bag.

Kris took it and began eating as she shouted at another flipped Voltorb. “I’ll go fight the gym I guess.” Ev decided since her sister wasn’t at her goal yet.

Mr. Game looked like he wanted to go home. Kris looked like she wanted to punch him in the mouth.

Ev headed down to the gym but the leader wasn’t there, so she went to find them at the Radio Tower. “Hi Whitney! You’re the gym leader?” Ev asked.

“Oh, Ev! I haven’t seen you since you moved to Unova! I heard about the Quiz to win a Radio Card, so I came here to get one... But the Quiz is so hard!” Whitney said.

Ev and Kris had met Whitney in school since she was only a little younger than them. Since there couldn’t be a battle with no leader, Ev decided to take the quiz. After only messing up on the last question, she got all the right answers. She then handed the card over to Whitney. “Wow, you did it! I thought the answer to the third question was surely apricots!” The pink haired girl amazed.

“Actually it’s apricorns. I know since I’ve been collecting them. It’s the fifth one I got wrong since I don’t really listen to the radio.” Ev admitted.

She noticed she was still holding the radio card. “Aren’t you going to take this?” She asked.

“But you won it. Aren’t you going to put it in your PokéGear?” Whitney asked.

“Actually my Xtranciever does that already, so I figured giving this to you would get you back to the gym sooner.” Ev said.

“Thanks! Guess I owe you a battle then!” Whitney smiled.

“You’re on!” Ev grinned.

They headed for the gym. “You know, I’ve heard plenty of trainers talk about how tough your Miltank is.” Ev mentioned.

“Huh. I guess I’m doing my job right then.” Whitney guessed.

They got to the gym and took to the field. “By the way, how’d you become a gym leader?” Ev asked, ready to start.

“Everyone got into Pokémon, so I got into it, too! Pokémon are super cute! Plus I’m warning you - - I’m good!” Whitney grinned excitedly.

She sent out a Clefairy and Ev sent out Faven. Faven used Thunder Wave and the Clefairy used Mimic. A thundershock was then returned with Thunder Wave. Faven’s tackle missed as Clefairy waggled her finger, and used Rock Wrecker. Faven was paralyzed as Clefairy had to recharge. Ev decided to switch for Missie, who got hit by a metronome picked thunderbolt. Missie used Confuse Ray and Whiteny’s Pokémon hurt itself. Then it was a powerful Psywave to the paralyzed Pokémon. Whitney used a Super Potion so the next Psywave didn’t KO. Another and a Thunderwave, another and metronome caused an adorable howl, paralyzed and a metronome caused twinneedle, then the final Psywave. Next up was Miltank and Ev was ready, sending out Boudica. Before giving the move commands, Ev was hit in the head by a Dratini. Turning around, Kristina came in.

“Finally got what I wanted, and in less than a day!” Kris cheered.

“That’s great sis, but can you let me finish here?” Ev asked.

“No. C’mon Pulp!” Kris shrugged, taking her Dratini to the bleachers.

One mighty Brick Break met a tough Stomp. The second one rendered Miltank fainted. Whitney seemed on the verge of tears. “You meanie!” She cried.

“You always did cry when you lost.” Ev sighed.

They waited for Whitney to have her cry and Ev gave her a comforting back patting. The leader finally regained herself and dried her eyes. “Oh yeah, you want a badge. I forgot. Here’s the Plain Badge.” Whitney said, her Pokémon sent for healing.

“Oh, you can have this too! It’s attract! It makes full use of a Pokémon’s charm. Isn’t it just perfect cutie like me?” She smiled.

“Sure, c’mere you cutie!” Ev laughed giving her old friend a hug and playful noogie.

“Speaking of the move attract, Ev has a certain Froslass who doesn’t seem to need it.” Kris laughed.

“And you have a certain Alakazam who always seems affected by it.” Ev added.

Whitney seemed lost and that was probably for the best. “Oh, you must want a battle too! Right Kris?” Whitney asked.

“Yeeeeeeeeees.” Kris groaned, recalling her previous challenges.

“Heh. Guess I’ll be late checking out the new Pokeathlon Dome now open right next to the National Park.” Whitney said.

“Well we could all go check it out after Kris has her battles.” Ev suggested.

“Battles? As in more than one?” Whitney checked.

“Let’s leave it at I’m a bit mad at flying types and have a SUPER grudge on bug types. Except Beef Nuggets.” Kris sighed.

“Is that a Pokémon?” Whitney asked.

“Kinda? It’s called an Ultra Beast which is like a Pokémon from another world. The species is called Buzzswole.” Kris answered.

“Oh, so it’s like the fairy type. I think Clefairy classifies as one now, right? Maybe I should change the gym type to fairy once it’s more established here in Johto!” Whitney guessed.

After telling some more information it was time for Kris to battle. After one loss, Kristina won. Whitney did her best not to cry that time. “Wow. The one people always say is one of the toughest leaders you beat on your second try, the least amount so far!” Ev laughed.

“Holy sh*t, that didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it would.” Kris cried in relief.

“Guess your biggest Goldenrod challenge was Voltorb Flip!” Whitney guessed.

“I hate that game so much.” Both sisters said.

After healing up at the Center, they met up with Whitney at the gate to route 35. “You remembered your Pokémon, right?” Ev asked.

Whitney did a quick check. “Yup! Both are right here!” She smiled.

Whitney tags along to the Pokeathlon Dome!

[addude]

Please feel free to reblog and add to this. 

So, I had this idea that on one of the missions the Chaldea master got struck with some sort of ancient magic and got turned into a young child. Their mind is somewhat intact, they know the servants but still acts like a small child so doesn’t know they are in the middle of everything. The casters confirm that it will wear off in time so they just need to take care of them until it does.

I just couldn’t stop imagining how the servants would treat them.

Boudica, Raikou, and Iri mothering the young master, so much they’d get into a fight over whose turn it was to mother them.

Emiya always making sure to make them healthy meals that were tasty, going as far as to make it look cute. Tamamo cat helping and suggesting cat shapes.

Da Vinci doing art with them, Da Vinci grand painting and the little master drawing with crayons together. Da Vinci always saying the funny little doodles were masterpieces.

Tamamo letting the master sleep on her tail and singing them songs to sleep to.

Nightengale making sure they were always healthy, if they cut a scrapped knee she would be there with a cute band-aid. Most servants fear her behavior would scare the child but she tones it down and spoke in a very soothing voice. When the others asked she explained that children need a very gentle hand.

Edison would show off his invention to them and tried to explain them. Most of the time it would end with the master playfully tugging on their mane.  Edison letting them because well, let the child be curious.

Both Medea young and old gushing over the young master. The younger one made them pancakes and the older one making them good luck charms and taking photos saying how cute they are.

Atalanta always playing with them and fixing their hair. She would almost be a guard making sure no one did anything stupid. She does show them to play with a bow and fire it but making sure they are safe.

Herc is a guard dog around them, when they get tired the big berserker gently carrying them around. 

Quetzalcoatl wanting to teach them to wrestle and being stopped by the staff and a dozen servants. She settles for playful wrestling.

Drake plays pirates with them, usually beating up Black beard, and gives them real gold as a reward.

Geronimo tells them stories and legends.

Hans does tell them stories, begrudgingly forced by the other servants to disneyfy them. 

The others are scared that Shakespeare would do something stupid but is very playful with the master and uses his magic to put on shows for them. He doesn’t say anything but he is drawing from his time as a father.

Frankenstein plays with them and makes them flower crowns.

The master plays with Nursery Rhyme, Jack, Paul Bunyan, and the other child servants. A lot of tea times.

Kiritsigu is the biggest surprise. Yes, he’s cold but he also plays with them much like how Kiritsugu played with Ilya in Fate Zero. 

Billy the Kid has a drinking contest with them, they get chocolate milk.  The other servants later scold him for playing that game with the master.

Ilya finally gets to be the big sister and does everything she can to be a good big sister.  Her heart melts when the master calls them big sis. Chloe laughing at all this and offering cookies and other treats to the master when Ilya isn’t looking. Miyu makes sure they don’t eat too much.

Jeanne and Martha cuddle the master a lot and tell them their legends about fighting in battles and taming a dragon. Plus reading them a lot of bible stories for kids.

Jalter isn’t as close and doesn’t know how to act though she sneaks them candies.

The Knight of the round table all attempt to train the master like they would a young squire and teaching them sword fighting, with a wooden sword.

Saber trying to imitate her older brother Kay when with the young master, results varied. 

Merlin often finding themselves being used as a pillow after the master played with their flower and asked to see his magic.

Orion surprised at how good Artemis is with the young master finding her nature soothing to the child. Orion even playing the part of a teddy bear for them. Then terrified when he hears Artemis suggest adopting the master.

Dantes not sure how to act with the master following them. The master adoring their cloak and hat asking to wear them. Dante eventually lets them run around playing with them.

Euryale and Stheno adoring the young master and making Medusa get them treats. The master adoring all the gorgons saying that every version of medusa is beautiful. Even going as far as to kiss one of the snakeheads on the Gorgon’s head.  All three versions of Medusa plush wildly at that.

Jaguar Warrior running around the facility with the master on her shoulders, Emiya running behind her to make sure she doesn’t drop them.

The Sakura faces and Rin faces work together to take care of the master, Eri especially so but for some reason, they feel working together is the best thing to do. Weird sister act.

Mashu is called Sempai by her master. Mashu finally has her own Kohai.  She tries to be as good of sempai to sempai as sempai was. I’m pretty sure that tracks. 

Caster Gilles comes across the master in the hall and is surprised by their new form. Suddenly Every servant showing up grabbing the master and pulling out their NP ready to use them.  Jeanne just pokes him in the eyes and tell him to keep walking. 

[julio-claudian-saberface]

Amateur Classics Hour: Naming Nero

Fun fact babbling time!

Historically speaking, the guy we generally know as Nero was born Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus (his father being Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus). He shared this name with his paternal grandfather and countless other forebears, as Romans were generally not big on creative nomenclature. Ahenobarbus means “bronze beard”; legend had it that an ancestor’s beard was turned red after an encounter with the divine twins Castor and Pollux. 

Then he was adopted by his stepfather/great-uncle, Claudius, and renamed accordingly to Nero Claudius Caesar Drusus Germanicus. After Claudius died the Drusus got swapped out for an Augustus, hence Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, which may or may not be burned into your corneas from countless loading screens. This was a mashup of names from various sides of the imperial family. 

Nero’s stepbrother Britannicus, who was not happy about being supplanted, was said to needle him by refusing to stop calling him Domitius. A Roman historian writing over a century later attributed a rousing speech to Boudica in which, among other impugnations of Nero’s masculinity, she called him Domitia.

As seen above, the feminine form of Domitius would be Domitia, or possibly the diminutive Domitilla; Nero’s paternal aunts were named Domitia and Domitia Lepida. 

Caligula canonically refers to Nero as, well, Nero, though historically he would’ve been well dead by the time Claudius adopted her. Not the first time Nero and Caligula’s timeline doesn’t quite mesh quite aside from the entire male/female thing. My own headcanon is that it was her nickname for some time before it became official. It was a family name, after all, and one of the most recent bearers happened to be an older brother of Caligula and Agrippina, who died imprisoned in exile under extremely questionable circumstances. 

[skyriderarts]

Skyrider does F/GO

Finally got Nox to work... somewhat... it’s crashing after every battle and scene pls help.

watched the one Grand Order special so I know generally what’s going on?

my free four star was the big boy Herc. The greek buff in me is psyched as hell, and after UBW I’m still mildly hyped for him, but I have no legitimate idea if he’s actually good or not.

After him was 3-stars Robin Hood, which is okay, and Medea, also okay but I’m keeping her on the back lines.

the free Frendpoints one I used got me Shakespeare... I’m crying because I actually look like Shakespeare currently with my hair and beard grown out but he’s just so useless.

I then used another gotcha-roll for shits-n-giggles and got Boudica... I also have no got dang idea if she’s good but why is she in her underwear?

[praxisia]

Chaos and Cannons and Crabs: Part 2

Trigger warning for mentions of attempted sexual assault.

Well, we won’t get to be playing in the pirate campaign for a little while. Just about everyone has some difficult work or college related stuff getting  in the way of scheduling, so there isn’t really a point in trying to play. So, since there’s no update I’m going to talk about my character Boudica a little more.

See, I came up with a character background first before this campaign was ever made, so she became an easy pick for this story. She’s probably also one of the more serious characters in the group.

She grew up poor. Her father tried to earn a living wage for his family through his work as a blacksmith. Boudica’s mom, by contrast, was a thief before having Boudica and returned to her life of crime to help her family. When Boudica got old enough her mom started bringing Boudica with her when she would steal so she could take care of herself if trying to get an honorable job didn’t work out. Eventually Boudica and her mom got caught, and her mom forced her to run home and pretend that she was ignorant to her mom’s crimes.

As a young adult Boudica left home to live on her own and ended up in her own life of crime. She was arrested and, due to the fact that her crimes weren’t severe or violent, she was sentenced to community service. In her home country this means that she would get to pick a job, get paid and assigned a temporary place to live, and would have to try to live a normal life as an average citizen. The punishment is supposed to be a mix of parole and rehabilitation. She ended up choosing to work in a brothel as a prostitute, which I chose because I wanted to have a positive example of sex work.

During her time at the brothel she fell in love with one of the waitresses. They dated and fell in love and ended up living together. Of course this period of happiness had to come to an end in order to set Boudica on her current path in life.

One night while she and her girlfriend were working there was a very drunk and very entitled patron in their brothel who decided to make a massive ass of himself. He was making trouble with the employees, trying to start fights with the other patrons, and ended up setting his sites on Boudica’s girlfriend. He followed her out of the building and into the alley where he tried to get up her skirt. Boudica came out to find them just in time and intervened, wrestling the drunk man off of her girlfriend. It quickly turned into a fight, and Boudica ended up killing the man on accident. Unfortunately for Boudica there was no one to witness the full fight because her girlfriend ran back inside to get help.

Boudica ended up stowing away on a boat without telling her girlfriend where she would be going in an effort to try to keep her from getting wrapped up in her problems. She spent a lot of time sailing around from country to country, pulling odd jobs and having her morals slowly worn down over time. Her life just became more and more dangerous and violent, and she hasn’t made a lot of connections with other people in the time she’s been on the sea (which would be a couple to a few years by the time that our first session takes place).

I'll talk about how she ended up in jail in the next update.

[praxisia]

I've got a session with my pirate campaign group later tonight, so I'll be posting the update later tonight.

[praxisia]

Chaos and Cannons and Crabs

So I'm actually in another dnd group right now. It's a pirate campaign ran by my friend Hannah. The character I'm playing is Boudica Beard, and she is a dwarf barbarian. Honestly, if I had to compare the two, she's a bit more of a serious character than my guy Percival, because Boudica has things like an actual backstory and wasn't created largely out of a joke.

We actually just played the first session the other night. Sadly we didn't come in with a full party of players, partially because it was announced as a last minute session and partially because the two people we were missing were either busy with work or with college stuff. We're going to have to figure out how to pull them into the game later on, but for the most part we were able to get a pretty decent session done.

We started off with everyone in a prison.

Well, I say prison, but it was a bit more of a jailhouse that was built on a small island off of the coast of a much larger town. I mean it did have a closet full of tools for torture, but it's a closet, so it doesn't really count for much in my opinion.

Our mission for the session was essentially to break out of prison and make our way back to the mainland. The fun part was that prior to starting the game everyone was supposed to figure out a reason for why they ended up getting arrested. It didn't really matter what it was so long as it was okayed by Hannah before the session started. The other two characters had fairly tame reasons for why they were arrested.

Timothy Took, a human fighter, and grade A moron, was arrested for reasons he can't remember. See, Timothy, or as I like to call him, Simple Tim, is a bit of a joke character. His whole gimmick is that he is a lucky idiot. He is always at the wrong place at the right time. He somehow got lost from home and has managed to not only accidentally join at least one gang of pirates, but has also managed to be the MVP amongst the crew of pirates he is currently a member of. He is that guy that manages to screw up in the best way possible but never in a way that is genuinely helpful to him. Like, his whole mission in life right now is to find his way back home, and no matter what he does, or how hard he tries, or the fact that he is like surprisingly good at making maps, he is still very, very lost.

He's got no idea how he ended up in prison, but as far as I can tell it may have had something to do with a bar fight gone wrong. And this lucky idiot managed to get tossed in prison with a girl who is apparently the nicest pirate on all the seven seas.

Shelly, a selkie thief, was arrested for stealing a set of twin swords from some sort of rich person, probably. A set of Super Cursed twin swords. As far as her or any of our characters know, it's possible the swords are cursed, but it's not a definite "Totally Fucking Cursed", you know? They did creep out Boudica upon first glance though.

Shelly is one of those robin hood type of characters. She was found as a baby by a gang of pirates and they raised her to be a good pirate. She even belongs to this sort of thieves/pirates guild that has a whole code of honor and everything. This character is also just as nice as she is reckless, which is why her first order of business after managing to free herself from her cell is to try to release every other prisoner in the room with her, and no she did not ask what they did to get arrested first AT ALL.

And finally, there's my character Boudica.

Boudica actually freed herself from her cell with her lock pick because she has thieves tools. Almost immediately after freeing herself she had to throw away the strong instinct to just sneak out on her own because Shelly and Tim decided to give her literally almost all of the common sense in the room.

That's a bit like when all of your friends declare you as the designated driver, except no one is drunk, so you're almost twice as disappointed about it.

Shelly proceeded to unlock the cell of Tim and some random drunk dude before Boudica stopped her and asked her to use critical thinking skills and not automatically assume that everyone in this prison is as nice as herself. The drunk guy? Literally just some dude who was arrested for being drunk in public. He didn’t even want to be let out, he literally told us to leave him alone so he could go back to sleeping off his booze.

The last person in the prison happened to be a human woman who also happened to be deaf. Boudica used some paper and a pencil to ask her some simple questions like “What’s your name,” and “What were you arrested for,”. Her name was Ilar, and she was arrested for theft, but she was stealing to survive, so it was okay in our eyes.

No one in the group happened to know any sign language, and it was too dark for Ilar to be able to read any of our lips anyway, so Boudica (having had her heart strings thoroughly plucked by this point) took Ilar by the hand and started writing words in her palm so that Ilar could understand her. Boudica ended up holding Ilar’s hand until they managed to get to a part of the prison where they could all see again.

After that, breaking out of prison was a piece of cake. We had all managed to find our stuff that had been taken from us when we were arrested (Boudica was really pissed when she found out the prison was trying her add her duel hand axes to their collection of torture tools) and had managed to run into a guard who really hated his job, and said guards old half blind uncle. The guard’s name was Kel and he basically guided us out of the prison and got us to a boat so we could row back to the mainland. 

I think the funniest part of this is that no one ever asked Boudica what she did to get arrested, even though her crime is the most violent one out of all of them. And what was her crime?

She cut off a man’s ear and forced him to eat it.

:)