#bro wendy does this to be a lil shit

[whoreforchr1ss]

“don’t be shy.” — Chris sturniolo

౨ৎsummary: your fucking your friends brother Chris and bouta cum.

౨ৎnote/warnings: nsfw!! dirty talk, (chris is the type to dirty talk u,idc. argue w urself in a mirror),fingering, name calling.

౨ৎ first time writing sum so…enjoy hoes!!!!🍒🍒🍒

(UNEDITED)

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lil song to get u inta it🙈🙈

you and Chris has never really talked but you’re close if u get me.? i mean…especially after that one night u walked into his room and he has just came out of the shower,towel around his waist and everything and u could see his enormous dick bulging through the towel….ofc u had to look,why wouldn’t u?

you both know that you have a crush on each other,yous just couldn’t do shit about it because you were best friends with his brother nick. You had made a promise to nick like 4 years ago and that was to never ever date Chris,it was only a promise to not date Chris and not his other brother matt because Chris was chris and he ALWAYS got what he wanted.

you were in chris’s room with matt and nick. you were all playing fortnite and it was now Chris’s turn to play,you carfully grab the headphones and place em on his head.

N: “im starvinggg” *i whine and sit lousy on chris’s bed*

M: “u wanna go get food or sum?” *i say standing with my arms crossed,looking at the screen glowing on the ps5*

N: “yeh..what do u guys want?” *i say looking at y/n and chris*

C: “wendy’s.” *i say as my fingers click fast on the controller and my tongue sticking out the side of my mouth,because im so concentrated.

M: “nah, im not driving that far” *i say looking at chris with a strict expression on my face*

C: “bro pleaseeee?” *i beg and look at him while pleading and looking back at the game*

M: “shut the fuck up then..” *i sigh and walk out with nick*

chris continues playing the game as i admire his fingers as he clicks the buttons of the controller,while his fingers glide so smoothly against the surface of the buttons..

C: “FUCK” *i say as the screen before me darkens* “thats bullshit..”

Y/N: “chris u lost..ur just bad at the game” *i chuckle softly*

C: “oh shut up..cmere” *i stand up and remove the headphones from my head and pushing back my hair with my hands and waiting for her to sit down in the gaming chair*

as i sit down in the chair,chris places the headphones on my head gently. its just me and him now. He walks over to me and puts both hands on each side of the desk,leaning over me and watching me play with concentration. suddenly he steps much closer to u..like right on ur back close. Your getting visibly nervous as he does this,u can feel his hot breath on ur bare neck. Hes leaning over ur head,his chin barely touching ur head,

Y/N: “what the fuck are u doing?” *u asked him with a bitchy tone*

you get no reply,instead..he just smiles,slightly biting his bottom lip and not taking his eyes off the screen*

Y/N: “your not gonna answer me?” *u ask with a confused expression.

C: “i know u get nervous when i come close to u,thats why im taking advantage of it.” *he chuckles*

Y/N: “i don’t know what ur talking about” *you say while scratching the back of ur neck slightly*

he shrugs and tilts his head slowly looking down on you

C: “but u know im right,u can admit it…its just the two of us here anyway”

he states confidently staring down at u. He then brushes the right side of ur hair back. He begins to lightly kiss your neck which startled you a little bit,causing your heart rate to increase rapidly and your breath to shake.

leaning down into your right ear,he whispers.

C: “i could do alot of things right now..”

his deep whispery voice puts you on edge.

Y/N: “you know we cang do this here.” *u exclaim with frustration*

he rolls his eyes at you before speaking again

C: “dont act like u dont want it.”

you look up and furrow your eyebrows at him and glare into his eyes. Chris suddenly spins the chair around so u face him and he places his hands on each side of your body and stares into your eyes with a spark.

Y/N: “chris’s i don’t think this is a good id-“

your words are interrupted by chris’s wet lips kissing yours,his hands still on the desk,you suddenly find ur hands making their way to his neck and pulling him into a more passionate kiss. his tongue travels the inside your mouth for a hot minute until he pulls back. He looks at ur neck and goes to kiss your neck and nibble slightly on it while leaving small love bites all over your collar bone. you let your head fall back with a soft moan escaping your mouth,you slowly feel his hands reaching into your shorts as he teases you by playing with the waist band and then slowly puts his fingers down ur pants. you open your mouth as ur breathing quickens..he starts to slowly rub your clit and then takes his fingers out and puts them in his mouth as he looks at you..he spits on his fingers and places them on your clit and he starts to rub it in circular motion while staring into ur eyes. your eyes roll to the back of ur head and ur mouth is wide open as u breath through it since the pleasure is too good.

C: “keep ur eyes on me ma..” *i say in a low tone while i rub her clit before inserting my fingers in her pussy without warning and picking up the pace and going faster. My fingers pulse inside her while i kiss her neck softly leaving hickys everywhere.

Y/N: “fuckkk” *you moan out while gripping onto a strand of hair on his head.

Chris adds another finger into ur pussy and goes even faster inside of you.

Y/N: “im gonna c..c..cum” *you whimper out*

C: “cum baby,cum all over my fingers..” *he says in a low tone while going faster and looking in your eyes with hunger*

the only noise in the room right now is the sound of your moans and his fingers moving inside of your wet pussy.

C: “dont be shy..” *he says whispering in ur right ear*

after a few moments,you finally cum..letting out a gasp and trying to find ur breath. Chris slowly removes his fingers from you and looks down on ur pussy and then back up at your eyes and stands up and goes back to his bed

you eventually catch your breath and hear the front door open down stairs..nick and matt arrive home with yalls food..

[imagines-mha]

class 1-A playing mario kart

Character(s): izuku, uraraka, bakugo, todoroki, kirishima, kaminari, sero, mina

EASILY of the most competitive. Especially if it’s against Bakugo.

Recipe for total chaos like this lil bitch spent an entire 2 seasons breaking his arms and strengthening them again he HAS TOO MUCH CONTROL OVER BUTTONS

Can’t stfu when playing so the game’s banned after 8pm in the dorms. Thanks midoriya.

He mains mario when he wants to be cool but we all know toad’s his true calling 😌

Competitive AF. Not as much as Izuku or Bakugo but she could beat ur ass in it and she KNOWS

Gets physically really into it. Leans forward, presses buttons like her life depends on it, swings her ENTIRE MF BODY around like shes in an irl police chase this girl knows some shit 😳

Has accidentally hit some people in the face before *cough* it was bakugo *cough*

Mains either peach or wendy depending on her mood

Why would anyone WITHOUT a death wish play against him and WIN.

He’s bettering himself as a man. I know this, and i love him. But Mario Kart really does bring out his worst side. His language is 97% swearing

He takes this shit almost as serious as sports festivals and WILL fuck shit up if he doesn’t win. Gets mad at Todoroki for a) being confused b) looking like he doesn’t give a fuck c) winning anyways

Mains any scary looking bitch in the game. It was always Bowser until Sero started makin daddy bowser jokes around him smh 😣😣

Help this man. He is the CEO of driving in the wrong direction and almost crying because why is this so hard?

Somehow. Some How. He wins more times than losing. Bakugo swears he’s only pretending to be confused for the sympathy vote

Stays silent the entire time except for small confused grunts here and there. His eyes narrow in so much concentration u can just tell his mind is doing backflips dndnwjdj

He mains either shyguy or his mii character

The TEAM PLAYER. You have no fear of getting punched with this man around no WAY JOSÉ!!

The only problem is that he sticks his tongue out whenever he plays and does the lil lean-forward thing and it’s so cute you drive right off the track every time djfndnjjsw

He’s secretly competitive af but he won’t show it- genuinely celebrates with you whenever you win he’s just so good

His LUNGS WORK OVERTIME PLAYING THIS GAME ISTF. Screams and shouts like he’s at fuckin coachella like kami bby CHILL

He gets so into it that his brain spazzes out and he completely forgets what he’s supposed to be doing lmao

His cute dumbass ends up fucking up *cue his gamer boy tears*

He mains wario and sero mains waluigi and they think this is the defining mark of their friendship

Could play the game with one hand while high on marijuana and still win with flying colours smh 😔

Has never came below 3rd place in his life and it pisses everyone off because he plays like he doesn’t give a shit

Like fr he’ll lay back on the sofa playing while having full scale conversations with his opponents abt life and everyones like SHUT UP SERO IM TRYING TO MF CONCENTRATE FJENFNWNDNW

He basically bullied everyone into letting him be waluigi because “he literally looks like me wtf guys i thought we were bros and you won’t even let me have this one thing. Huh. Feels real nice to be excluded” and everyone immediately gives in because the stars weep when Sero Hanta is upset thank u

Exactly like Kaminari. But worse.

Talks big and threatens EVERYONE with her “skills” and “game”, and tbh everyone believes her because what ISN’T mina a pro at?

This, apparently.

Spends the entire race crashing into Kaminari and falling off cliffs with him. They almost turn the lounge into john cena WWE supreme court every damn time. Rainbow road is her nemesis

Mains daisy because she craves the demise of men also she’s gay bye

[furyfought]

abernathy is a small town, surely you’ve met AGATHA KLEIN ; they can be a little IRREVERENT & OPPORTUNISTIC but have no fear , the TWENTY SEVEN year old definitely makes up for it by being IMPISH & SENSITIVE . most of the time anyway .  they’re usually seen around KLEIN & ASSOCIATES, LLC , as a CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY . you know, i hear they’re affiliated with the local mc, iron kings as an ATTORNEY . they’ve got this vibe of A HEART GROWN RAVENOUS, A CYANIDE CENTER ENCAPSULATED BY SACCHARINE FRUIT, AND A SOUL IN THE FORM OF A SCRIBBLE WITH FANGS going on , makes them easily recognizable.

loosely inspired by jennifer check (jennifer's body), wendy byrde (ozark), ginger fitzgerald (ginger snaps), elizabeth sloane (miss sloane), john silver (black sails), & BBHMM.

+ pinterest, stats.

hey, friends. i’m devin (or dev) & very tickled to be here. agatha’s a combination of two of my favorite muses, and i can only hope that you’ll love her as much as i do. 🤎

"𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄, 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. 𝐍𝐎. 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓."

agatha’s story isn’t one that she likes to tell anymore. she feels it’s useless: to be defined by the actions of others, to attempt to battle the preconceived notions that run rampant regardless of what one says or does. she doesn’t want to beg for understanding anymore, or to claw her way from beneath the filth she’s made of her life. all that most know is all that she can bear to have known. the rest? it’s confetti; a meager concession in a game of chess. if you know her, is that a fact or a weapon to be used against her?

when it comes to the stories that can be told, however.. perhaps the most important is background. agatha’s an abernathy native: raised in grandiose park, flew the coop for college, only to settle back down in bordeaux apartments. klein & associates, llc. has been in her family for generations, each forefather serving increasingly questionable clients. agatha’s life, like that of many kleins before her, was already planned before she’d ever even been a thought in her parents’ minds. under her mother’s rule, there wasn’t any room for straying from that path. agatha would be smart; she would be clean; and she would be, without fail, someone. in other words, she would be her perfect replica. imagine the disappointment when agatha was anything but. 

agatha’s childhood can be summed up by three things: a door slammed shut in her face, an ear-piercing howl, and the chronic longing to go home — wherever that was. it’s another thing she doesn’t talk about, another thing she tries not to think about. those three things have followed her into adulthood, but they’ve taken different forms now. no longer is agatha a child screaming her throat raw — no; now, she cries out in other more productive ways. if you were to ask her, she’d tell you that she’s a woman grown; the past is behind her, buried in the sand where it belongs. the truth is trickier, less absolute. agatha is a child in the form of a woman; forever in the midst of a metamorphosis, unsure if for better or worse. she lacks foresight & lives largely in the now. she can’t imagine a future for herself and her choices in life reflect that.

agatha succeeds because she’s pretty, powerful, and convincing. wherever she falls short, her father is sure to more than make up for it. it’s amazing what people will do for the right price, and when they want to keep certain secrets from ever seeing the light. nepotism & immense privilege have done wonders for her, but she does.. actually work hard, too. she has an incredible memory & is really good at digging for more information & making her case. if she tells you that she’s going to do something, then she’s going to do it right no matter what. she’s dogged in that way, blinded to the outside world by her stubbornness. she works long hours & values her career above all else. she thinks it’s the only sure thing she has & views it as the one stable, secure thing in her life.

agatha is lonely to the point of defect. she lacks a sense of security in her life, which is why she’s so career-focused. she genuinely thinks that the only person ever looking out for her is her dad. she becomes very predictable once you realize that she will always pick the winning team; that she will forever follow the money; and that she is always going to make the decision that most benefits her. that isn’t to say that she doesn’t have any friends omg, but.. she doesn’t really trust easily. if she trusts you and considers you near and dear to her heart, then she’ll choose you. but until she has that reassurance? you’re on your own, bro. 

but like.. you literally would not know that unless you got burned by her. agatha is really good at listening and really good at playing parts for people. the thing with having no story is that she’s free to create her own. if you need a hero, she can be that. if you need a villain, she can definitely be that. she’s eerily good at getting chummy enough to make people think she’s close, only for them to realize.. they don’t actually know anything real about her? fun stuff. 

i think.. her entire life is a vie for power while also wanting to let go of that desire while also being afraid of what might happen if she were to let go of that desire. she’s not tht bad. she can play decent, be a guy’s guy. and she does come off tht way. it’s jus.. underneath there’s tht like .. tht rot tht she can’t scrub away. n it rears its ugly little head smtimes. but. :^) she can be cool n shoot the shit u kno.. heheh.

anyway.. lighter stuff<3 puts the gaslight and gatekeep in girlboss. talks just like her daddy, except for when she’s in the courtroom. egocentric without ever meaning to be. (spoiler: it’s a smoke screen.) she can, must, and will find a way to twist your words into something she can make sense of. believes in mixed drink supremacy. will absolutely smoke all of your weed + play dumb about hogging the blunt. plays dumb a lot actually, until it’s time to be smart. she’s touchy-feely, but freezes up whenever someone touches her. stares — a lot. can’t ever be the person to pick you up after a rough night out, because she’s likely there with you egging you on to do one more shot. every event is a tits out event / she has to be the most overdressed person in the convenience store at all times. can, must, and will be your unsolicited sugar momma. YOU SPIL-DBFDHFDJHBF LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG? energy. thinks everything is a competition because it is. if she loved you once then she loves you forever. thinks going 20 over the speed limit isn’t speeding, actually. a bit of an emotional anarchist. can’t actually take what she’ll dish out. teases u if she likes u. teases u if she doesn’t like u. doesn’t care abt the feud as long as she’s gettin’ tht shmoney. big fan of an emotional sucker punch. 

"𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋."  + below are some ideas open to any & all muses no matter the age, gender, affiliation, etc !

i’ve left how she got involved with the mc totally absent from this intro bc i was hoping to plot it out! i’d love it if someone wanted to be her “in”. could be they were a childhood friend in need of help, a client she got close to, jus smth tht happened by chance.. whtever we come up with works! <3

if anyone needs an evil ex gf .. She’s Here. she will lie, cheat, scam, trash yr car, empty yr bank account.. whtvr you need, baybee<3

conversely.. not-so-evil ex gf? agatha can be nice & caring without there being a catch sometimes. maybe they still talk. maybe they’re friends. u tell me.

fwb / ex fwb? she do be sending them ‘u up?’ texts. 

someone tht agatha only got close to bc she wanted them to testify/be a character witness in court oopz<3

omg actual friends pls.. ppl tht Know her. tht See her. ppl tht she cares abt n would actually do anything for. friends!!!!!!!!!!!!

agatha has “get off my lawn” energy so i think it would be very funnie if someone needed a place to crash n she let them stay at hers thinking it was temporary n then they jus.. did not leave. n she’s like 🤨 hello?

an almost smth? anything weird n awkward n unspoken tht maybe fizzled out or maybe still lingers under the surface?

agatha doesn’t have a budding drinking problem but if she does no she doesn’t but if she does then<3 drinking buddy? someone that she’s gotten into questionable shenanigans with? poor bartender tht has to deal w her trying to “help” them as she waits for her uber to come? the possibilities are endless.

agatha’s all bark n very little bite but i still think it’d be funnie if she had a hateship. jus putting tht out there<3

if yr muse wnts an ego boost via unrequited crush.. lmk. i’m willing to hulk smash all of agatha’s dignity jus for u.

omggg a dealer? >.> who said tht omg #hacked.. 

on n off again thingz? lorde wrote tht "i am my mother's child i'll love you til my breathing stops / i'll love you till you call the cops on me" line abt her</3

budding friendships!!!!!!! ppl tht she goes to pilates or yoga with; people she gets brunch with; ppl she keeps running into n its like heeey u :); little platonic crushes jus . all of the cute platonic thingz tht make her go wtf is this 🤨. 

i mean.. if anyone wants a sugar momma.. I MEANNN..

college friends!! law school friends!! ppl she met over the summer while interning somewhere!! i left tht purposely vague, hint-hint.

tinder dates gone wrong. ghosted tinder dates. tinder thingz.

agatha’s been attending galas / banquets / office partiez for ages now so if anyone wants to be her plus one or her lil fake date... :^) could be cute. cld be angsty. world is our oyster. 

speaking of which.. coworkers n maybe even a lil personal assistant would be so sexie.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also i’ve been mulling over the “we’re Living ex machina!!!!” line and like, it still doesn’t make sense Really, but here’s my Afternoon Musings i guess

i’ve only actually seen ex machina once like 3 years ago but as i remember it goes a little something like This: some rando white-collar programmer guy has like, won a contest where the prize is to go hang out for maybe a few days or a week or so with this ~visionary genius~ tech dude played by oscar isaac at oscar isaac tech dude’s off-the-grid reclusive mansion or whatever.......i thiiiink the Protag Programmer won b/c his programming submission was Really Good but also maybe there’s a [randomly selected] element to it, or maybe we Think it was partly random selection but then learn it was actually All “yeah i chose you b/c your coding was the Best,” idk. doesn’t really matter but anyway yeah protag guy gets helicoptered in to the oscar isaac genius bro’s secret mansion 

oscar isaac soon reveals he has this advanced ai android whomst he wants the Protagonist to study / turing test, and the protagonist does that, but during one Conversation Session with this android (who is named ava i think? and designed to Look Like a Woman oo) like the lights turn off and ava-i-think informs the protagonist she’s found a Weakness in the mansion’s security system and hackt it so that the power (and thus the Security / Monitoring Systems) shut down for a minute like this but could feasibly be thought of as a glitch and anyways she’s like yeah i have feelings and thoughts and i want to Not Be Trapped here, ya gotta help me out here buddy, and then yknow ooh the systems come back on, oscar isaac can Observe them again, intrigue.....tl;dr protag and ava keep having these short secret convos and Do plan to break her out, there’s this dramatic moment where oscar isaac (who’s natch been acting weirder and more erratic as the plot unfolds) confronts the protag after the protag has just like, tried to get him blackout smashed by Hanging Out With Him lmfao and oscar isaac is like “ooh i knew you were planning to break her out, i’m gonna stop you guys though haha pwned” but then oh further twist, turns out ava and protag Knew that was the case and were thinking one step ahead and idk but yeah they break her out and oscar isaac dies but ooh further twist!!! ava locks the protag (or well, just Does Not Unlock, As Planned) in some room and leaves the mansion and gets on the Helicopter meant to take the protag back to wherever after the planned end of his stay. and the protag is just stuck there b/c everyone else is dead and presumably he dies as ava gets to exist in the outside world now, idk, we don’t need ex machina 2 where he’s escaped or smthing lmao

and i do NOT get what winston is comparing their situation to lmfao. like, oh rian is like an advanced ai android??? if anything, her being the more like ~true believer in High Finance as a means of socially beneficial effect~ vs winston like, having the supposedly cutthroat and cold Math approach would make Him more of the ~oh no more a robot than a person~ (though i think it’s Ambiguous whether we wanna judge ava as more Scary Bad or Sympathetic).........you can’t even really make the connection that “oh no we’re being deliberately Replaced!!” b/c if winston is [protag programmer rando] and rian is [ava] and wendy is, i guess oscar isaac then, uhhhh oscar isaac most definitely did Not intend to ~replace~ the protag with ava, he very much wanted her trapped in his mansion still........and the protagonist Only got “replaced” by ava in the sense that she took his place on the helicopter out of the reclusive secret mansion. i really doubt she planned to, or would even be able to, like take over his identity/life beyond that.....certainly not his job lol like, coworkers are gonna notice you’re a different person, there was no implication the androids can like oh shapeshift their appearance or whatever, and no implications about what ava even intended to do in the Outside World which is kind of bemusing b/c like, what of the Practical Questions of being an android and needing whatever Fuel Source a robot does, idk that might’ve been addressed or smthing like “oh yeah they can just Eat,” also she clearly does not Trust People considering her only company was evil oscar isaac creator and she wasn’t interested in bringing the protag along, plus yknow the fact that she Did deliberately manipulate the protag into thinking that she wanted to escape into the world With him........but not like i guess she has any choice for any other world to escape into but the one with all the people where she pretends to be an organic human

like there is just NO point of comparison where these situations line up unless you get soooooooo like broad strokes about ex machina that you’d do better to compare your experience to Anything else lmao. like, does winston think she’s some like, ideal advanced version of him?? like you might consider a crafted AI android to be?? i don’t know but i mean i think we have a more feasible explanation for why he’s so Insistent about this totally being Ex Machina, if only b/c as a straightforward comparison i swear to god it doesn’t work lmfao None of these points line up at all with any significance that’s worth insisting on

given that winston’s Apparently Canonically meant to be crushing on rian, and we have his example of ribbing her by calling her “gal gadot’s quirky sister” which is like, okay so the dunk is “you look similar to this famous a-lister who everyone thinks is pretty” and “also you’re quirky, boom” like, i think that could easily be meant as like, a Tell that winston already ~likes~ her.............aaaand it’s also somewhat ~ambiguous~ but i mean i think it’s safe to say that in Ex Machina you may understand the protag as having Fallen For the ai android lady. so maybe we can Understand this invocation of ex machina as being like “ooh person meant to replace me is Attractive but ultimately i think this Overall Situation is a bad thing i shouldn’t feel this way i resent it” like, a bit of a Reach, but honestly it’s way more of a reach to think about applying anything else about this scenario to ex machina, so i could v much believe that the thought that went behind writing this is once again, like, “okay winston’s invoking one thing on the surface level here, but simultaneously he’s already (inadvertently probably) acknowledging like oh also i have a crush on her already”

between this episode seeming to be Setup and the [winston has a Canon crush] and the fact that it probably seems like They Will Fuck A Nonzero Number Of Times or Make Out At Least But It’s Billions So, Might Get A Humorous Cut To [Postcoital] Or A Scene Where They Arrive At Work Together Short Of Breath With Messy Hair  And Hickies And Winston’s Got A Hoodie W/ “Property Of Rian” On It Until He Goes "Oh Shit Woops” And Hands It To Her And She’s Like “Oh Btw You Forgot Your Glasses.....Uh You Left Them Here On Your Desk Yesterday I Mean Of Course” And Hands Them To Him And An Unnamed Character Stands Up And Asks “Daily Poll: Who Had Sex With A Coworker Last Night” And Rian And Winston Raise Their Hands Before Going “Oh Wait” And Lowering Them With A Shake Of The Head And A Nervous Cough and i’m exaggerating but you know, the equivalent of the billions writing saying “wwinnnk” at us. i am fine with them having an unsolemn like, quasi-rivals-to-lovers (or -And-lovers) dynamic, even with it being a bit messy in like, still an overall Fun way, where yknow it doesn’t have to be peak epic romance cuz a) that’s just Always true and yet it can still be overall an okay thing even if they don’t quite get it together / mostly just trade sparks and sometimes hook up and b) idk seems like mayybe rian’s character isn’t meant to go beyond this season, so, an inherent limit there if true

i’m like Apologetic for being like “already i like their dynamic even as Romantique and it’s kinda cute and fun and i’m willing to continue to be engaged w/ this as long as the writing doesn’t completely fuck it up” lmao like, i guess i Did inadvertently give myself time to prepare for this exact eventuality b/c of wondering if this exact character would have A Thing w/ winston whenever she showed up and even if i was like “haha the character could show up Anywhere and do Anything and what are the odds, right” i was also like “hmm but i’m going to really think about it though” like, as always, didn’t think i was cassandraing that hard, but truly did do it 4x03 style where everyone else can be like “you never [made the text post or gave any indication you were thinking about “what if whoever she plays and winston have some kind of romance thing going on”]” and i can go “i only thought it but didn’t say it....doesn’t count” but well. i did think it lmao and why would i make it up.......sorry i had such a head start on Getting More Used To This Notion.......some crimes can never be forgiven.meme.......

anyways natch “intense horrible passionate” seems a little foreboding but maybe she was talking about it relative to [any Normal show] rather than the standards we’re used to on billions, where this was all but a Meet Cute, and a kind of quasi coworker rivalry where nobody’s taking it *that* deeply seriously and they also seem to mutually like each other by the end of 5x05 already so how not-amicable can it get. and re: Intense like, maybe the writing in future episodes will totally upend this, but i’d say rian and winston in 5x05, even when “clashing,” was like damn near laidback and chill. neither of them seem at all that pressed, but maybe even a sorta-playful Friendly Rivalry is more “intense” than, say, a dynamic that involves no rivalry at all. imo “Passionate” is just like, okay, so they’ll fuck or at least make out? sure. not sure what to make of “horrible” lmfao maybe again it’s addressing like “this is a lil messy and they’re kinda rivals!!!” like, certainly not an ideal start, except by billions standards it IS weirdly great. rian seeming good-naturedly amused by winston is something we didn’t get from his longtime-coworkers until like, now, sort of, and still not to the degree that anyone has smiled at him as many times as rian did in like that course of [1 min long First Scene Together] wherein also winston always gets off to a way worse start with people lmao............like everything about this seems Way Better And More Dialed Back And Grounded than usual, actually. but it’s that like, point of reference of “what’s Usual for winston and, more broadly, Billions” that maybe explains this weirdly strong language when all in 5x05 seemed chill actually

anyways like i said Sorry For Already Liking Rian/Winston This Much with my head start and all where like, i’m even tentatively looking forward to seeing where this goes, by “tentative” i also mean going [”i’ll kill you” the office.jpg] at billions where i am fully aware that maybe where this goes *is* a mess and not in like, just kind of a fun, non-melodramatic, not-treated-like-a-total-joke-but-also-not-that-big-a-deal way, where 5x05 could seem like Those Halcyon Days b/c everything from here out just devolves into an unappealing disaster.......but this is an unexpectedly solid start imo and like. even if this doesn’t become like this epic romance where they officially date and if rian does eventually depart the show by the end of the season, it can still just be Enjoyable and Fun for the characters and, god forbid, the viewers, where like, you don’t have to demand we be desperately invested with our entire life in this deadly serious heartwrenching epic romance, they can just kind of mess around and enjoy having a mutual attraction w/ this mathy rivalry and etc and it’s neither a tragedy of “the greatest love story of all time torn asunder” Or, truly god forbid,” this is a Whole Mess In A Bad Way b/c winston’s involved and ugh who could Really like him, being at all romantically entangled is an embarrassing mistake surely, ew cringe we hate him............like, cautiously optimistic in how like i always say that a Romantic Arc is just an easy/efficient way to develop both characters and it could certainly humanize winston an ounce in a show that treats him more like a walking algorithmic plot device and the thoughts of any viewers but us are limited to “winston annoying” basically........the show doesn’t seem to treat rian as a joke, so it seems possible that their mutual Romance in whatever way it unfolds could also be Not A Joke, which means winston’s part in it isn’t a joke, so that’s Some aspect of him for people to take seriously, for once..........like, the way his apparently-already-official crush played out in 5x05 *was* funny but it also didn’t seem like oh it’s a joke b/c his feelings are a total joke......it might seem that way if this *was* totally unrequited and going nowhere, but i somewhat get the sense that the interest is mutual even by the end of the ep, that didn’t strike me as a “shove off, it could Never Happen” shutdown from rian there, just like, hold off on that for rn maybe cue to rein it in a little, not just yet........anyways lmao i’m like “oh yeah i started this post about the baffling ex machina thing” but yeah the point is i think so far it’s pretty solid and i like it and am cautiously but [relative-to-billions level of Hopeful] about whatever developments we’re surely gonna get b/c it def sounds like this has Not ended with 5x05, but seriously @ billions i swear to god. yes so far the approach to winston’s crush here and even their unfolding mutual dynamique and dare i say, romantic interest, is being handled with an encouraging level of “this is Humorous but the characters / their feelings are not what’s being treated as A Total Joke or anything,” but who knows what will come next, this is billions and you can’t predict anything. fingers crossed about it all, though

[prvntcessa]

listen up 10s a 4 is speaking! shdlaskhd what’s up sluts i’m cherry, i’m 21, use she/her pronouns and live in PST! this is mischa, princess of the russian mafia. she wears black lipstick, is massive scammer, laughs at videos of people falling down the stairs. here is a shorter sparknotes version of her bio and some fun and fresh headcannons

please enjoy this gif of mischa cosplaying indie xoxo

SPARKNOTES BIO! 

skeleton: the career criminal

name: mischa dostoyevsky ( formally xia han)

age: 25

gender: female

pronouns: she/her

fc: natasha liu bordizzo

born as xia to a dirt poor family of literal SCAM artists. we luv a scamily babey! her parents basically sold fraudulent anti-aging serum to dumb, white new york tourists everyday ( with the added bonus of her older brother dressed up like an OLD ASS MAN doing cartwheels n backflips like woooow this stuff really works! ) her job was basically sneaking through the crowd of people while they were distracted and pick-pocketing their money, valuables, shiny shit etc.  

that white savior guilt money was paying the bills until one of the karens they conned got hives from the allergic reaction to the red food dye they used in the fake serum and her brothers literal Old Man disguise flew off like 90s rapper fly away pants when it was windy as fuck one day so basically The Authorities Have Been Called Luv, the police showed up and xia didn’t know what to do bc she was a kid so she just BOLTED AND RAN ... does not know what happened to her family to this day

grew up on the street, continued the family business of being a fcking scammer and basically bought tampons by telling power walking, baby backpacking ladies that she was gonna have to feed little timmy cockroaches if they didn’t pay off, slept with crooked stock brokers, seduced old guys, cleaned out their apartments, stole all their money, jewels, watches, credit cards, priceless antiques -- THE WORLD WAS HER SUGAR DADDI BB

all of this changed on day when she making her nightly run by the alibi, a bar she called Dumb Rich Guy Bar and saw a weird old guy come out looooaded with what looked expensive shit,  but she really wanted his pocketwatch which from her experience was mad expensive. so she did her lil routine and THOUGHT she stole the watch but LOL SPIDERMAN MEME, he stole the watch back and the ring she was wearing AND HIS BODY GUARD HAD A GUN PLACED ON HER. MMM WHATCHA SAY

so turns out the weird old guy she tried to steal from was VLADIMIR DOSTOYEVSKY!!!! THE HEAD OF THE RUSSIAN FUCKING MAFIA. yiiiiikes! lmao she was like cool im gonna die but he was like hold up, u chose the pocket watch, the only real and valuable thing i was wearing ... i like u ur smart u have fire, u remind me of my dead wife  YOU WILL BE MY SUCCESSOR ur name is now mischa for my unborn son and i will teach u the ropes

so there is no more xia, only mischa, basically adopted by vladimir who she calls dad/nana and who calls her rabbit as a nickname (they play monopoly every night and VLAD CHEATS EVERY TIME BRO). she is the only girl in the bratva aka The Brotherhood which is what the russian mafia is called. shes kind of their wendy. shes worshipped outwardly but theres probably a lot of people that hate her ... which leads me to ........PAPA DYING! BIG RIP OG PAPA! he was poisoned at dinner and people say it was the italians but mischa is sure it was an inside job

bc of vlad dying *pour one out for vladdy daddy* mischa is head of the bratva aka russian mafia they call her PAPA bc thats how people refer to the mob boss SO SDHLLKDSH

ALSO PLOT TWIST! originally the plate that killed her dad was the plate she was given but he switched with her bc his piece of chicken was bigger and he wanted her to have it :((((( SO THE POISON PLATE WAS HER PLATE SO SOMEONE WAS TRYNA KILL HER DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN

ok here are HCS they are from the bottom of my app xx

nicknames include who’s your papa, big papa and daddy purely because it’s iconic. but also she is probably that gifset where rihanna is talking abt how shes a bad bitch w top energy but is a massive bottom ahdlaks

mischa i think has to look a certain way of looking when dealing w the mob ( sort of girl boss, designer clothes, femme fatale ) but i think she is relatively unlady-like and prefers ratty jeans, plaid skirts, flannels, black combat boots, messy ponytails and the like when she’s relaxing. reminds her of life before.

practices makeup on dmitri and boris (her body guards) who complain a lot but also love her xoxo 

owns a very big fluffy, luxurious cat named perogi, he’s her son, a gift from dear old dad. 

has a pretty severe drinking problem ( vodka on the rocks is the poison ) after her father died and sleeps with a gun ( although i think she's better with a knife )

thus can drink you under the table also swears like an old sailor man ( is working on it, the whole mob sighs when she calls japanese businessmen idiot douche canoe fuckbags to their faces during monthly debt collections )

mischa can speak 5 languages in order to speak to people all over the world: madarin ( from her childhood ), english, russian ( mob ), spanish and french. 

pansexual queen and i want to say scorpio 

she’s grateful obviously to папа doing more off the grid, low quality criminal stuff without supervision because she is a truant, tramp, scam artist cat burglar klepto at heart <3

cinnamon roll meme: looks like she could kill you and would probably kill you

so i want to say she probably met the star of the show doing something where she snuck out at night with her bodyguards not knowing, wore her civilian clothes, blended in kept her head down because she missed freedom and accidentally met them out there like that under a pseudonym to hide her mafia life/continued to sneak out to see them like that before being exposed. very double life stuff angsty secret mafia princess stuff. we love hannah mon-mafia.

scared her parents will resurface/past will resurface ( supposedly папа bribed the police but . . . karma is a bitch )

has A LOT of suitors meant to strengthen The Empire and bridge conflicts between mobs but cares little, them: 💕, her: hocks a loogie and wipes on pants … she SUCSKSSKSS

has burped at important business dinners before and simultaneously has brought massive mafiosos to their knees. literally will have your dick cut off if you say something misogynistic, racist or something about her father :) she has a collection. ( its a big collection, but still quite little if you know what i mean )

rumored to have killed a man with the sharp end of her louboutin.

has a slight accent just from being surrounded by it constantly and word switches

smells like cinnamon and scraped knees

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 7X7 The Mentalists

This Week has been ABSOLUTELY dfa;os'ias, I am Tired, and my schedule is WACK, but

eh...I think I need an episode here, comfort shitshow here we go

ah yes angsty Sam

ah a medium

ouija board

man literally nothing good happens on a ouija board

there is science somewhere in there

huh what was her reaction

what was that face

sir the important papers?

this is not going to go well

uh oh

vengeful spirit?

oh god why are you ANGERING THE SPIRIT

oh boy actual spirit signs

HOLY SHIT THE PSYCHIC IS FUCKING DEAD

he's stealing a car? huh?

he looks so disgruntled

THE FUCKING RADIO

AHAHA HE FOUND A JOB THROUGH SHITTY RADIO

bruh where's the Impala, isn't the impala always with Dean?

I was gonna say they should call Cas and then I remembered :(

ah he notices the lil know..fake psychic stuff

ooo vibe

he's gonna say something incredibly out of pocket isn't he

BEN ACKER AND BEN BLACKER WROTE THIS AHAHAH

this is a fun themed cafe tbh

"special of the day: you" LMAO

ah hippies

DEAN'S FUCKING FACE

LMAO SAM'S WORKING THE SAME JOB

Sam's gonna be a lil bitch about this

I miss Pamela

I miss Missouri

WHERE IS SHE

"virile manifestation of the divine"

DEAN'S FACE

HE'S SO PRESSED THAT SAM DOESN'T CARE

...it is a little bit like Sam cares too little and Dean cares too much

"we're not the winchesters, lmaooo we get that a lot"

"we're completely harmless" LMAO

"energies" "completely gentle"

what the actual fuck is going on

"I'm Russian, I can spot the law"

THIS IS HILARIOUS

ooo a necklace that passes down the next of kin through fake psychics? interesting

"he broke my spoon" he's so huffy

they're literally both so huffy

"It's an honest living"

S I R WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR JOB IS

ah she's a profiler

body language

"I've got a open mind"

oh they're FUN tho

she's also a nonbeliever like he was, but they both kinda read people? I think?

Sam sorry bud ur third wheeling gain

"we did NOT know"

b r u h can you maybe chill

THE SIMULTANEOUS BADGE RAISE

bruh EVERYONE CAN READ THEM LIKE A BOOK THIS IS HILARIOUS

like yes I know I'm supposed to find this sad, but it's so funny how they're like "oh we can work together and bury things" AND THEN EVERYONE LITERALLY READS THEM LIKE A BOOK AHAHAHAAAA

ah man not the Russian

oh god not the fork

oh god nonono

I SWEAR TO GOD SINCE WE CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT IT'S EVEN MORE GRUESOME NOW

OH GOD NO PLEASE CUT AWAY

WHY DIDN'T THEY CUT AWAY

WHAT THE FUCK

OH MY GOD

I have no idea what the hell the tone is supposed to be anymore

"agEnT bouRNe"

"chest full of cutlery" lmaooo

"it's either this or los angeles" (in terms of policing)

they're both different kinds of cynical ha

they stopped talking like FBI agents

his FACE aHHH

self recognition through the other yada yada

is lily dale really like this

wait HOLY SHIT THEY ARE APPARENTLY LOTS OF PSYCHICS

"I hate this town" of COURSE YOU DO DEAN OF C O U R SE

this is not sarcastic it's literally everything he would hate

"family is a pain in the ass anyhow" LMAOOO

"thank the spirits" Ma'am this is a wendy's

"now will that be cash or credit"

it really must be lucrative

huh oh there we go vision of death

ah accent gone

and she called the girl, who brought Dean

they're all kinda phony

ah the camera

there we go caught on camera

ah chokes from behind

two am huh

oooo and she gives people visions of their death interesting interesting

heh sibling acts

the costume design is really cool though, honestly the concept is kinda cool

lmaooo ham fisted "sibling acts never work"

...the campbells

ah they were gay

DEAN YOUR FACE

bro the adr in that one bit sucks

lMAO THE PARALLEL

"no magic powers(full of crap) but took care of her younger sibling with Magic" aka Dean and Sam

ELLEN?? TELLING HIM NOT TO BE STUPID?

THANK GOD FOR FUCKING ELLEN I LOVE HER

"you lied to me and killed my friend" ok finally mention her

bruh and you didn't kill Sam

"That's what family does, the dirty work"

he is kind of acting like a dick though

AHAHA THE BAD SIBLINGS HAVE TO DIG

what if one warns and the other doesn't

Dean doesn't want the powers lmao

DAMMIT I THINK SHE WAS WARNING YOU

Always the fucking lighter

that was a fun design though

aw they're vibing that's fun

aw she'll stay with her

uhhh

SHIT YEAH THEY DIDN'T KILL HER

THE SALT

HOW ARE YOU OUT OF SALT

AH THE IRON

ah yay dies right in front of her

ah of course Dean hug

good sis bad sis

aw he's mad he killed an innocent ghost

they really focus on Dean I swear to god

ah the questioning

she was smiling ah jesus christ

ah they're doing it in the morning

ah the juicy lighter

ope bones are gone

the headliners of a specific carnival?

top psychic dogs

ah it's her next of course

ah sand circle

"does it hurt 'em"

"never thought about it"

OH AND HE ACCEPTS IT BECAUSE SHE'S ALSO A SKEPTIC

Ah here we go

find the bones before she kills them

this is like genuinely creepy tho

ooo vibes

ah a gun

OO TRAINING

"I hate when they do that" LMAOO

ooo the dual monologue

real thing isn't pretty or entertaining ok

"I can't pay my rent"

Is...is there a cultural appropriation thing in there

he missed

wasn't Sam also a psychic

ah the yellow teeth

ah JEEZ

bro poor Melanie jesus

"he was boning her"

it was right there

THIRD WHEEL SAM YA BOI

heh she got him

"I wish I had better weeks

bruh his eyes are SO GREEN wow

wow one episode to get over Amy huh

no Dean is not ok

"ever since cas, I'm having a hard time trusting anybody" UH

"we're poster kids of functional family life"

SIR

1. horror. Ok here's the thing. It's less vibe-y, but it's clear as day, it really drives home the mundanity of the horror. Like it could happen to anyone is the thing, and since the thing is bright, lit normally, it drives it home. Seriously I think the horror(when done well) works better.

2. Dean and melanie. Listen. He understood her bright-eyed questions and considered them better not because she was hot(let me have this) but because they were both skeptics. Like bright eyes without the bright eyes, yk?

altho third wheel Sam lmao

3. concept. Listen the concept of a cursed locket, but then it's the sister ghost and then the other sister was really fun! like it was an actual mystery, and lily dale itself(being a town of frauds, Dean feeling like fraud, Sam having to be the one that confronts the real psychic) was excellent, I liked that concept.

they were annoying as shit to deal with tho.

4. reading people! I just like that the whole idea was based on reading people(something neither of those fuckers can do) and how they, with the lies and repression, were uncomfy with it. I thought that was neat.

5. the cultural...appropriation? Like it kinda reads as "I wasn't as Flashy or Palatable so I starve and everyone else gets to be fine and profit off of what's fake versions of mine. Like..you can make the reading. The way it was done makes me uncomfy, but also that's a kind of real reading.

6. Sam(and Amy?). IT felt like Sam forgot about the fact that Amy was his friend and was more angry that Dean lied to him. But his lil Huff was in character and made sense for Anger Issues Winchester.

7. Dean's spiral(CAS). Dean's guilt spiral and trust spiral literally after Cas? Like the man is fucked, Ellen from beyond the grave is trying to tell him to shut up, and it's basically...entirely hinging on Cas and his feeling of doubt and insecurity there.

Bro I'm sorry but what the fuck even when he's not here he's here

[thelastspeecher]

Ok, for the de-aging prompt. How about Stanley after he was de-aged by the axolotl, in a world where they couldn't reverse it and he has to grow up again. Can have any characters and any age, just something like that with Stan living in that world. Where the Mcguckets are raising him up?

(For people who might be a bit confused by the scenario, it refers to this adorable fanart/fanfic thing. I put most of it under the cut for length.  At the end, there’s a few notes about things I think happen with this AU of an AU.)

August, 1971 – Gumption

              “Here.”  Pa McGucket slid Stan apiece of paper.  Stan picked it up andfrowned.

               “What is this?”

               “Official adoption papers,” MaMcGucket said.  Stan squinted at the nameon it.

               “‘Banjomin Stanley McGucket’,”he read aloud.  “What- why are youchanging my name?”

               “Well, we’ve been tellin’ folksthat yer a distant relative, so we figured it’d be easiest to just…continuegoin’ that route.  An’ it seems cruel tocompletely change yer name, so we kept the ‘Stanley’ in there fer ya.”

               “…Thanks.”

               “I know this ain’t the bestsituation, hon,” Ma McGucket said, beginning to stroke his back gently.  “But it’s what we got to do, since thataxolotl wouldn’t listen to us.”

               “Yeah…”

               “We also wanted to let ya knowthat we won’t force ya to go back to kindergarten or anythin’,” Pa McGucketsaid.  “We won’t degrade ya.  But ya will be gettin’ some lessons from us,to make sure ya don’t lose any skills.”  

               “And when ya get a bit older, itmight be nice fer ya to start up again. Just to be socializin’ with folks,” Ma McGucket added.  Angie walked into the kitchen.  

               “Good mornin’, y’all.  What’s goin’ on?” she asked cheerfully.  She ruffled Stan’s hair.

               “Stan’s officially adopted,” MaMcGucket said.  Angie beamed.

               “Good.”

               “You’re just happy you’re notthe youngest anymore,” Stan grumbled.

               “That’s a bonus, that’s fersure,” Angie conceded.  “But I’m alsoglad that no folks’ll be takin’ ya away from us.”  She shrugged. “An’ like the axolotl said, it’s a chance to start over.  Have a good childhood.  Gumption’s a nice place to grow up, lil bro.”

               “If ya say so,” Stan saidquietly.  Angie grinned at him.

               “Would ya listen to that!  Yer already turnin’ southern!”

               “…Great.”

—– 

November, 1971 – Gumption

               Stan stared at Violynn’s oldestchild, a girl named Layla.  She staredback resolutely.

               “Are they havin’ a starin’contest or somethin’?” one of the older McGucket siblings asked quietly.  Stan was still figuring out how to tell themall apart, but it seemed like it was probably Harper who had spoken.  He was the most talkative.

               “I’m not sure,” someone elsesaid.  “Stan?”  Stan looked up.  It was Angie. She sat down next to him.  “Uh,are ya goin’ to talk to Layla?”

               “Dunno,” Stan said.  Angie cracked a half-smile.

               “At least yer honest.  Stan, ya need to socialize with some folksyer own age, okay?”

               “But-”

               “I know,” Angie saidsoftly.  “But Ma and Pa think it’ll begood fer ya.”  She rubbed Stan’s back ina reassuring manner.  “An’ look at itthis way.  Socializin’ don’t always meantalkin’.  Ya can go play with thechickens together, or do some colorin’, or even watch television.”  Someone cleared their throat.  “Okay, Violynn don’t like the last one.  But the first two are options.  Spend some time with Layla.  She’s a sweetie.”  Layla beamed at the compliment.

               “Okay,” Stan mumbled.  

               “Thank ya, Stanley.”  Angie watched Stan stand up, grab Layla’shand, and lead her back to his room.

               “He’s a bit of an odd duck, ain’the?” Basstian said idly.  Angie sighed.

               “Don’t act like that,Basstian.  He’s been through a lot.”

               “Yeah, uh, how are we related to him?” Harper asked.  “He doesn’t really look like a Guckling.”

               “He was some sort of cousin,then Ma and Pa adopted him,” Lute replied.

               “Stan is a bit strange though, ya got to admit,” Violynn saidgently.  

               “Everyone in our fam’ly is a bit strange,” Lute pointed out.  Violynn smiled.

               “Touché,” she said.  Lute exchanged a look with Angie.  The two youngest McGuckets hadn’t been verypleased with the decision to hide who Stan really was from their oldersiblings, but they had to admit it was easier than the truth.  

               “Fidds was precocious like that,”Harper said.  “Y’know, kinda mature ferhis age an’ all that.  Maybe he’ll be anengineer, too.”

               “I don’t know if bein’ aprecocious child means yer destined to be an engineer,” Fiddleford said.  “But I agree that Stan has a lot ofpotential.”

—– 

December, 1971 – Gumption

               “So, you have five siblings?”Ford asked Fiddleford as they walked towards the McGucket house.

               “Six,” Fiddleford corrected.

               “Oh.  But the picture you have-”

               “My folks recently adopted oneof my distant cousins.  Banjomin.  But we call him Stan, ‘cause that’s hismiddle name.”

               “Ah,” Ford said quietly,deciding to keep his thoughts about people named “Stan” to himself.  Fiddleford opened the door.

               “Fidds, is that you?” a southernfemale voice called from somewhere inside the house.

              “Yessir!” he replied. Fiddleford pointed at a small basket nextto the door. “Put yer shoes in there, please.”

              “Ah, so this is one of thosehouses.” Fiddleford snorted.

              “We’re in the kitchen!” the same voice from before shouted.

              “Okay!” Fiddleford called back.

               Ford followed Fiddleford intothe kitchen.  Sitting at the table doinghomework was a teenaged girl Ford recognized from Fiddleford’s pictures as hisyounger sister.  Next to her was a youngchild, busily scribbling away at a coloring book.

               “That looks mighty nice, Stan,” Fiddleford’syounger sister said kindly.

               “Thanks,” the child said.  “I’m experimentin’ with palettes.”  There was a definite twang to his voice.  Fiddleford’s sister chuckled.

               So that’s the adopted brother. Fiddleford cleared his throat. His sister looked up, beaming.

               “It’s so good to see ya again,Fidds!” she chirped.  “An’ this must beyer roommate?”

               “Yep,” Fiddlefordconfirmed.  He pushed Ford gently towardsthe table.  When he was close enough,Ford held out a hand.

               “I’m Angie,” the girl said, shakingthe offered hand.

               “Stanford Pines, but I go byFord.”  The child sitting next to Angiestilled.  Ford crouched down until he wasthe child’s eye-height, something he had picked up watching Fiddleford interactwith children.  “Hello, your name is Banjomin,right?”  The child looked up at him withblazing eyes.  

               He looks almost like a Pines child.

               “Go to hell, Sixer,” Stan saidin a high-pitched, clear voice.

—– 

January, 1982 – Gravity Falls

               “I keep forgetting you looklike…that,” Ford said weakly, staring at his 16 year old twin.  Stan shrugged.  “How did you drive all the way from Arkansasto Oregon without anyone stopping you? You’re a teenager.”  Stan shruggedagain.  “Right.  Well, uh, come in.  Thank you for agreeing to help me.”

               “Eh.  Not like I had anythin’ better to do.”

               And after that, everything justwent downhill.  

               Stan sat at the kitchen tablenow, staring at the thick book in his hands, trying to focus on itsweight.  Trying to ignore the burningpain in his shoulder.  It was no use.  Tears streamed down his face.

               I-I can’t do this.  I’m just-just some dumb kid.  Sixteen fuckin’years old.  He looked at the phone onthe wall and walked over to it.  Hisfingers numbly pressed buttons.  Thephone picked up on the second ring.

               “This is Angie McGucket.”  

               “A-Angie,” Stan sobbed.  There was a rustle over the line.

               “Stan?  Is everythin’ okay?”

               “N-No.  I fucked up. I fucked up big time.  B-bad.  I- I-” He couldn’t force out any more words.

               “Okay, where are ya?” Angieasked.

               “G-Gravity F-Falls.”

               “In Oregon?”  Stan nodded, then realized she couldn’t seehim.

               “Y-yeah.”

               “Okay.  Are ya in a safe location?”

               “F-Ford’s research place.”

               “All right, I know where thatis.  Stay there.  Don’t leave. I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay lil bro?”

               “‘K-kay.”

Notes:

Stan does end up going to school again, but only when he’s the age to be in 5th or 6th grade.  Ma and Pa McGucket don’t want him to lose a lot of his school skills.

Stan actually does pretty well in school, because Ma and Pa McGucket fight tooth and nail to make sure his needs are met (in this AU, he’s got a learning disability).

The longer Stan stays de-aged, the more he becomes mentally de-aged.  It’s the whole “mind is a plaything of the body” trope thing.  But he never completely regresses.  He just seems to be a fairly precocious child.

Ma and Pa McGucket raise him right.  He has a good second childhood, and more loving family members than he knows what to do with.

Yes, even though Stan is 16 in 1982 now, Ford still calls him and shit goes down with the portal. 

When Angie gets to Gravity Falls, Stan insists that he wants to stay there to find a way to bring Stan back.  Angie sends him back to Gumption to finish high school, but she also effectively takes over the shack.  

Once Stan graduates from high school, he comes back to Gravity Falls, and he and Angie work on the portal together.

This is a Dangie AU.  Angie marries Manly Dan and is Wendy’s mom.  I’m handwaving the age gap for the most part.  Maybe Angie does some research on Stan’s “condition” and combines it with Ford’s work, something goes wrong, and she gets turned 20-something when she’s 30-something.

This is also a Portal Angie AU.  While working on the portal with Stan, it turns on by accident at some point and Angie goes through.  

I’m sure other things happen, but that’s what I’ve got right now.  I’m always down to chat about AUs though, so if anyone else has any thoughts, send ‘em my way.