#bro. aradia cares about tavros so damn much

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 226

team charge got me feeling emotions

[pesterloglog]

Karkat Vantas, Vriska Serket

Act 5, page 2296-2297

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

CG: OK THIS IS GOING TO SOUND PREPOSTEROUS GIVEN OUR LAST CONVERSATION.

CG: AND I GUESS PRACTICALLY EVERY CONVERSATION PRECEDING IT.

CG: AND I'M PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DISGUSTING LIKE APOLOGIZE.

CG: AND EVEN THOUGH I'LL HATE MYSELF FOR IT I WILL TOTALLY MEAN IT, I PROMISE.

CG: LIKE, REALLY REALLY MEAN IT.

AG: You're going to ask me to join your team, aren't you.

CG: YEAH.

CG: HOW DID YOU KNOW.

AG: I don't seem to have much choice now! Aradia kicked me off the good team.

CG: HAHAHAHA WOW THAT IS GREAT.

CG: WAIT, SORRY.

CG: NO WAIT, I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE NOW.

CG: I APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF FOR OFFERING YOU A SHITTY MEANINGLESS APOLOGY.

CG: APOLOGY ACCEPTED, KARKAT. LET'S BURY THE THRESHER WITH A TOTALLY PLATONIC BRO BULGE BUMP.

CG: BUMP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

AG: You dork.

AG: Do you really think your usual pedantic quips are going to 8ug me now????????

CG: I'M NOT TRYING TO BUG YOU I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO JOIN MY DAMN TEAM, NOW STEP IN LINE SERKET.

AG: I was just 8etrayed and a8andonded 8y my two accomplices and 8est pals, and on top of that I am soaked in the 8lood of my lusus which I just had to decapit8 myself.

AG: So listening to a cra88y asshole 8e all tickled with his own mediocre retorts isn't going to spoil my evening!

CG: OK, WELL, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.

CG: BUT I MEAN YOU CAN JUST DUMP HER CARCASS IN THE KERNEL AND BRING HER BACK STRONGER THAN EVER.

AG: Wow.

AG: Uh, good to know.

AG: I guess. ::::\

CG: NOW WHY DON'T YOU HOP IN THE TRAP, WASH THAT NASTY BLUE SHIT OFF, AND JOIN OUR FUCKING SESSION ALREADY.

AG: What! It's so rude to dict8 hygiene procedure to a lady. Under any circumstance! Even for douchey loudmouths with delusions of leadership.

AG: May8e you should try to think a8out the dum8 things that fall out of your protein chute for once, Vantas.

CG: BLAH BLAH BLAH.

CG: NOW MY CHUTE IS DOING A FUCKING STELLAR IMPRESSION OF SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.

AG: Anyway, you know my 8lood's the prettiest and you'd o8viously kill to have it.

CG: NO IT SUCKS.

CG: TOTALLY HAPPY WITH MINE, NICE TRY THOUGH.

AG: 8S!

AG: Why would you hide 8ehind your lame gray anonymity then?

AG: You do realize everyone thinks that's totally lame, right????????

CG: IT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS.

CG: I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULD BE A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD.

CG: I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR THAT SHIT ON MY SLEEVE LIKE YOU DO.

CG: LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY.

CG: IT'S PRIVATE, SO EVERYONE CAN GO POINT THEIR PROBING BUSYBODY SNIFFNODES UP THEIR OWN IMPERTINENT SEED FLAPS.

AG: Fine. Like anyone really cares! It's just lame and insecure.

AG: So why don't you tell me what I've got to do here???????? I await instruction from my 8igshot a8looded leader.

CG: OK FIRST THING'S FIRST.

CG: YOU'VE GOT TO CONNECT WITH TAVROS QUICKLY AND GET HIM IN THE SESSION BEFORE HE GETS KILLED.

AG: Uggggggggh.

CG: WHAT.

AG: Can't someone else do that?

CG: NO. WHY.

AG: XXXXO

CG: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, JUST DO IT.

AG: 8ut I h8 that guy!

CG: WHO CARES.

AG: This is your command decision? Getting someone who h8s a guy to save his life? Pretty weak, 8oss!

CG: WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

CG: IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM.

CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM.

AG: I know. I don't really understand it.

AG: It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense.

CG: THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK.

AG: Oh god, what?

CG: I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB.

CG: BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO HATE EACH OTHER EQUALLY, I MEAN LIKE TRUE HATE.

CG: MAYBE YOUR FEELINGS COME SOMEWHAT CLOSE TO FITTING THE BILL BUT I DON'T THINK HE CAN HATE ANYONE, IT'S WEIRD, HE'S KIND OF BROKEN IN THE HEAD.

AG: Fuuuuuuuuck, WHAT are you talking a8out?

CG: I THINK THIS SUBJECT IS BEYOND A LOT OF PEOPLE'S GRASP BUT I KNOW A LOT ABOUT IT, NOBODY EVER REALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT THOUGH.

AG: Whoa really? Oh no shit, REALLY????????

CG: OK, MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HAD THEIR LOBE STEM CAUTERIZED ARE CAPABLE OF FEELING THE TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE AND PITY.

CG: PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE.

CG: AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE.

AG: Karkat, holy fuck.

AG: So.

AG: 8oring.

CG: A WELL BALANCED PERSON IS IS GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DISTRIBUTION BETWEEN HATE AND THE VARIOUS PITY HUMORS.

CG: HAVING A GOOD BALANCE KEEPS ALL THE EMOTIONS SHARPER, SEE I THINK THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

AG: Oh????????

AG: I hope you know I already wore out some good note-taking pens today. All the pens.

AG: All of them.

CG: SEE, MY HATE IS LIKE A FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT BECAUSE I'M AWARE OF THESE PRINCIPLES.

CG: I COULD HATE A HOLE IN PARADOX SPACE ITSELF, STRAIGHT THROUGH TO A NEW REALITY FRESH FOR THE HATING.

AG: Hahahahahahahaha, you don't even know how much I'm laughing at this.

CG: BUT SEE, YOU'RE TOO HEAVY ON THE HATE SIDE, OR AT LEAST YOU PRETEND TO BE WHICH IS MAYBE WORSE.

AG: You aren't reading anything I say are you? You just want to talk and talk and talk.

CG: AND YOU THINK YOU'RE HATING UP EVERYONE HARD WHEN YOU'RE REALLY JUST BURNING OUT THAT ENTIRE EMOTIONAL HEMISPHERE.

CG: IT'S LIKE LUKEWARM HATE. PRETENDER'S HATE, WITH NO COUNTERPOINT AT ALL.

CG: AS SUCH THERE'S NO REAL SUBSTANCE TO YOUR HATE, IT'S LIKE A CARDBOARD MOVIE PROP.

CG: WHICH IS WHY YOUR BRAIN IS BROKEN, KIND OF LIKE TAVROS'S BUT ON THE OPPOSITE HEMISPHERE I GUESS.

CG: OR MAYBE YOUR BROKEN BRAIN LED TO THE IMBALANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I DON'T KNOW.

CG: WHATEVER THE CASE IS, YOU'RE KIND OF EMOTIONALLY SCREWED, SORRY TO SAY.

CG: YOUR HATE'S TOO DULL FOR A PROPER KISMESIS, IN MY OPINION.

CG: AND I DON'T SEE ANYONE CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO BE YOUR MOIRAIL HONESTLY, UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY BOTHER PITYING YOU.

CG: AND LANDING A MATESPRIT? HAHAHAHA!

CG: SERIOUSLY, LIKE THAT WOULD EVEN INTEREST YOU.

CG: BASICALLY ANY FEATURE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL PROFILE THAT USUALLY MAKES SOMEONE VIABLE IN THE REDROM DEPARTMENT MUST BE TOTALLY FRIED.

CG: YOUR BLACKROM POTENTIAL'S PROBABLY TOAST TOO.

CG: HEY.

CG: ARE YOU THERE.

AG: Oh, yeah.

AG: I started tuning you out.

AG: Are you done?

CG: NO WAY, I COULD GO ON.

CG: THIS IS FASCINATING, TELL ME HOW THE FUCK THIS ISN'T FASCINATING.

AG: Did you learn this crap from your awful romance movies?

CG: THEY'RE REALLY INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY.

CG: INCREDIBLY COMPLEX, SOPHISTICATED STORIES, YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.

AG: Hey asshole, stop watching movies for girls.

CG: WHAT PART OF INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND.

CG: ALSO THEY'RE AWESOME, SHUT UP.

AG: Argh, ok! Man! Just let me connect to stupid 8oy-Dum8fuck so I don't have to listen to this anymore!

CG: YEAH OK.

CG: OH, WAIT!

CG: I NEVER EVEN GOT TO THE DAMN POINT.

AG: What is it now!

CG: I DIDN'T NEED YOU SPECIFICALLY TO CONNECT TO TAVROS, I MEAN I COULD GET ANY SCHLUB TO DO THAT.

CG: YOU JUST HAVE TO GET IN HERE ASAP BECAUSE I REALLY NEED YOUR MIND POWERS.

AG: You do????????

AG: I mean.

AG: O8viously you do. Duh.

AG: What for?

CG: I RAN INTO SOMEONE HERE.

CG: A SORT OF DOUBLE AGENT I GUESS.

CG: HIS NAME IS JACK.

CG: HE HAS SOME INSIDE INFORMATION ABOUT HIS KINGDOM.

CG: HE WANTS TO WORK TOGETHER WITH US TO OVERTHROW THE BLACK QUEEN.

CG: SO I SAID OK.

CG: AND NOW I NEED YOUR HELP.

AG: Um, ok.

AG: I can try.

AG: What does he know?

CG: HE RECENTLY GOT HOLD OF SOME INTEL REGARDING A WEAKNESS IN THE QUEEN'S DEFENSES.

CG: I DON'T KNOW ANY MORE THAN THAT.

CG: BUT WE'VE GOT TO HURRY AND GET STARTED ON THIS THING, OR IT COULD GET KIND OF AWKWARD.

AG: Awkward? What do you mean?

CG: I MEAN HE'S JUST STANDING HERE NOW.

CG: WAITING FOR ME I GUESS.

CG: BUT IT'S OK, I THINK HE'S PRETTY MUCH SETTLED DOWN.

AG: Settled down?

CG: WELL, HE STABBED ME ONCE.

AG: Oh, only once!

AG: Are you sure you should trust him? I don't know if I would, 8ut hey I'm not the leader.

CG: NO, NO, IT'S COOL.

CG: HE'S COOL, IT'S FINE I DON'T REALLY MIND THE STABBING, IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.

CG: WELL OK I'M PRETTY SURE HE MEANT TO STAB ME.

CG: BUT I KIND OF THINK THAT'S LIKE

CG: THE WAY HE GREETS PEOPLE?

AG: This game is so stupid.

CG: IN ANY CASE I THINK HE'S PROBABLY ALL STABBED OUT.

AG: Whew!!!!!!!!

AG: Oh, man.

AG: Since you're 8leeding I should ask Terezi what color your 8lood is.

CG: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

CG: SHE CAN'T SEE ME OR SMELL ME OR ANYTHING, I'M WAY OUT OF MY HIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET.

AG: Ok, then I'll ask Jack.

CG: NO, JACK WON'T TELL, I MADE HIM PROMISE HE WOULDN'T TELL.

AG: Dammit! Stupid lousy tightlipped sta8happy dou8le agents.

AG: Doesn't Trollian have some kind of viewport feature?

CG: YEAH BUT I'M PRETTY SURE ONLY SOLLUX KNOWS HOW TO SET THAT UP, AND HE'S BEEN INCOMMUNICADO FOR HOURS FOR SOME REASON.

CG: ANYWAY THAT WHOLE FEATURE SEEMS TOTALLY INVASIVE AND LARGELY POINTLESS TO ME, SO JUST FORGET IT.

AG: Yeah ok, here we are a8out to em8ark on an espionage mission. A spying tool sounds totally useless!

AG: Another gr8 point, captain.

CG: WHATEVER.

CG: JUST GET YOUR ASS IN HERE SO WE CAN DETHRONE THIS GODDAMN QUEEN.

CG: IT'LL MEAN ONE LESS GOD BOSS WE HAVE TO FIGHT.

AG: Fine, I'll be right there.

AG: Just try not to lose too much of your mystery blood and die.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

[purple-stuck]

I really adore your writing! Can I PLEASE request a purple Sollux drabble? Maybe interacting with gamzee?

hey, gz. wanna hang out?

Gamzee stared down at his phone, squinting his eyes at the purple text. Somewhere in his addled think pan he thought it was strange. Sollux hardly hung out with anyone in person. He was always a shut in, especially for Purple blood standards. Only clown who'd attended less church was probably Gamzee himself and that was only because Sollux sometimes made video calls. But, ever sense Aradia... it was a miracle he still answered texts.

Still, Gamzee wasn't gonna say no to his blood brother's company. Maybe Feferi helped him cope. Maybe he went pale for Karkat, those two had always been close. Hardly mattered.

WeLl, ShIt. SuRe MoThErFuCkEr. CaN't SaY nO tO a NiCe AnD pRoPeR hAnGiNg SeSsIoN. wAnT mE tO sWiNg By YoUr PlAcE, oR wHaT?

nah. ii'm at the door. ii wa2 iin the area and fiigured ii'd a2k.

Right on cue, there was indeed a knock at Gamzee's front door. Huh. Sollux must've been right at the door when he texted. Made sense. If Karkat was any indication, Sollux had a habit of just barging into a brother's hive like he lived there and playing all their video games. Probably remembered at the last second that he and Gamzee weren't that close.

When Gamzee open the front door, he found himself staring at Captor's chest. Even hunched over as he was, Sollux was still the tallest troll Gamzee knew. The boy managed to be both lankier and buffer than Gamzee somehow. Granted, that's not hard. It'd be a stretch to call any version of Sollux Captor buff, but any purple blood with a proper lusus was going to be thicker than Gamzee.

Gamzee stopped that thought dead before it sunk in any deeper.

"At least I know I'm not interrupting anything." Sollux said dryly. "That's not the hair of someone who had plans for the evening."

Gamzee snorted, appreciating that the ribbing was good natured. Sollux didn't regard him with the same contempt, say, Equius did, so it was hard to take anything he said as an actual insult. Same deal with Karkat, really. "So, what brings you around to my hive? Feferi finally convince you to go outside?"

Sollux's lips twitched into a smirk before he jutted his thumb behind him. "Nah. I'm just picking up an old hobby."

Gamzee's eyes trailed to the cart Sollux had parked at the bottom of the steps, a chill going down his spine at the sight of faintly blue blood trailing down it's side. "Oh..."

Gamzee's eyes twitched back to Sollux, who just sighed. "I'm on my second kill, so don't worry. I don't kill in odd numbers. Plus, I've seen you making diamond eyes at Karkat and I'm not that much of a dick."

Gamzee let go off a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. "Well, it's good to know I won't be adding to Aradia's fucking corpse collection-"

Sollux stiffened and Gamzee stopped dead. Shit. Fuck. He should know better. What was he doing bring up Aradia, fuck-

"It's... fine." Sollux sighed, bringing his hand to his temple as he steadied himself. "I'm fine. It's fine. She would've found it funny, anyways." Sollux forced a smile onto his face. "Besides, you're not wrong. She'd love to throw corpse parties for these motherfuckers in whatever rung of the Dark Carnival she wound up in."

Gamzee laughed politely and stepped aside to let Sollux in before the conversation got any more uncomfortable. Sollux plopped onto the couch, quickly propping his legs up on the table. "You got any video games? I somehow doubt you're much of a shooter fan."

Gamzee grunted, sliding him a faygo as he took his seat. "Nah. Tav got me into fiduspawn. You ever play that?"

Sollux snorted. "Funny story about that, actually. EQ got me into it. I was talking shit about it around him and he protested that NP was into it."

"Did he? Shit, man, good for him. He always kinda... rolls over around me. Motherfucker's always trying to please me."

"Well, yeah. It's NP we're talking about here. You'd complain is I started talking shit about Tavros."

Gamzee blinked. That was... oddly pointed coming from Sollux. Sure, every word sounded like a sarcastic insult when you put it in his mouth, but it sounded like he was trying to make a point. That suddenly serious stare wasn't helping, and it made Gamzee cough uncomfortably.

"Uh, yeah, I would." His eyes flickered towards the door. Towards the cart. "...Why?"

"You got any feelings for him?"

Now this was starting to get wildly out of character. Sollux was the last person to stick his nose into anyone's love life, unless it was to annoy Eridan somehow. Hell, people just being sappy around him annoyed him, which made this even more bizarre.

"Yeah, well, Tav, said he wasn't interested."

"He's not?"

"Look, bro, I appreciate it, but we don't need an auspistice. You can't mediate what ain't there."

"But you do feel something for him. You care about him, pitch, red, I don't care how." Sollux was almost looming over him now, even without standing up. Gamzee was beginning to wonder whether he should go for his clubs when Sollux sighed.

"Right, right. That.... probably doesn't make any sense to you. I'm sorry." He stood up, face not just sour like usual, but outright grim. "Let me show you what I'm talking about."

Sollux made his way to the door wheeled his cart inside, a chill went down Gamzee's spine.

"...Bro. Did you?"

"No. Gog no. Fucking Messiahs above, hell no! I cull trolls but I'm not a sick fuck who parades their corpses around in front of their friends."

Sollux looked down at the cart, at the body hidden beneath the crumpled sheet. He seemed far, far away for a moment, like his soul had been taken by the Messiahs themselves and his body was an empty shell they left behind.

"You... know Aradia's dead, right?"

Gamzee relaxed, more confused and sad now than afraid. "Yeah."

Sollux looked at him. "Do you know how she died?"

Sollux didn't need an answer and he didn't wait for one. The purple voids of his eyes showed behind his matching glasses. "It started... when Vriska abducted me."

"I was out doing my regular, bi-wipely rounds. Looking for two bodies for Aradia to preserve in a 'corpse party'. Or, more accurately, looking to make two bodies for her to preserve."

"I'd spotted a couple of burgundies, so I went to make my move. I'd barely seen Vriska's face by the time the bag was over my head and by then the needles were in my neck. My guess is she'd paid some FLARPers to help her. I know damn well she couldn't handle me alone."

"When I woke up, I was in Vriska's hive. She looked so... fucking smug when she had me all chained up. She explained what Aradia did to her. Talked about how she'd sent some ghosts her way... and she wanted to get even."

"So Vriska was going to have me kill Aradia."

"That's when the torture began. It was pretty amateurish, but that's all it needed to be. She just needed to distract me, make a crack for her to slip into... one opening was all she needed to grab my mind."

Sollux was staring down at nothing by the time he finished, bending the metal handles of his cart with his grip.

"I still remember the walk to Aradia's hive." He said, choking back something. "I could hear her scream in my mind before she even saw me."

Gamzee's hand landed on his shoulder, snapping Sollux back to reality. Sollux pushed the smaller clown back before clearing his throat. "So, the next time I left my hive, I decided to pay Serket a visit."

Sollux threw the tarp off to reveal Vriska's mangled body. Or, what was of it.

Gamzee took at a step back. The amount of patchwork Sollux had to do to get Vriska's upper torso back in one piece would be impressive if it didn't imply how grizzly the scene must've been before he started. Tellingly, Sollux didn't even try to put Vriska's legs back together. He just dumped the soupified slop into a box and put it on the bottom shelf of his cart.

"Jegus..."

"Yeah, I got carried away."

Gamzee backed up and fell onto the couch, mostly just to get away from the smell. Sollux pulled his two swords out of Vriska's head, wiping them clean in one quick stroke.

"So... why are you telling me this?" Gamzee asked.

Sollux seemed to think for a moment, staring at his reflection in the blades. "To try to understand." He waved his blades vaguely over Vriska's... "body" for lack of a better word. "Most of this was unnecessary. She died quickly but... it wasn't satisfying."

Sollux looked at Gamzee meaningfully. "I figured you could tell me why."

Gamzee's eyes widened. "Shit, man, you mean because..."

"Of Tavros. Yeah. Vriska killed him. The army won't take someone who can't walk and he has no where else to go. That's assuming someone like, well, me, doesn't just pick him up off the streets. He's living on borrowed time on a planet like this, and that's all her fault."

Sollux looked at Gamzee meaningfully. "So... is this satisfying to you?"

Gamzee sunk into the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "Fuck, man. You can't do this to a motherfucker. This is a lot to drop on me all at once." He looked at the corpse, trying not to curl his nose at the sight. "...I mean... no. Fuck, I'd hesitate to say anyone even deserves that, but mostly it just makes me feel... kinda sick."

Sollux slumped down. "I don't get it. This should be satisfying. We should be glad that she's dead, but we're not."

Again, Gamzee was there, suddenly resting a hand on Sollux's shoulder. "...Look, man. I'm sorry I'm not any help with this. Karbro is so much better at this shit than me, but..."

"...I guess it's not really her death that we're looking for. We're looking for a way to make it so all the problems she caused never happened. And... that's not gonna happen. I've accepted that Tav's not gonna get his legs back... and I think he's accepted that too. And, Aradia, wherever she might be now up in that Dark Carnival, knows that she's not coming back either. So... shit, maybe we should just... keep moving?"

Sollux stared at him blankly, before that default grouchy snarl crept back onto his face. "That's a really shitty way to end that spiel, you know that?"

Gamzee shrugged, that some color had bled back into Sollux's face. "Well, shit. I'm no Karkat and you know it."

"Yeah, you're not. I'd still be huddled up inside without that grouchy asshole."

Sollux sighed. Not tiredly, but like a weight had been lifted somewhat. With all that off his chest, Sollux tilted his head up. He nonchalantly lined up his swords and slid them down his throat, swallowing up his blades until only the hilts remained to dangled beneath his uvula. Gamzee squinted at him curiously.

"....What?"

"Shit, man, I have no idea how you manage to talk like that."

Sollux smirked, grabbing his faygo off the table and chugging it in two swigs. At this point, he was just showing off. "Very, very carefully. I'll teach you sometime."

Sollux threw the tarp back onto his cart and began peddling it out the door. "I'd better get going, the sun will rise soon." Gamzee waved him off as he opened the door, pausing just before he closed. "Oh, by the way. You owe me a game night. This one derailed."

Gamzee just nodded as Captor slammed the door, knowing that was Sollux-ese for "let's hang out sometime".

[professionaldork]

Sick Fires

TC: WhAt ThE fUcK iS uP mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg HoMiE g’S? rIdInG oN tHe FuCkInG wAvEs Of SoMe MoThErFuCkInG cHiLl RiGhT nOw? AT: wELL, nOT A WHOLE LOT GAMZEE, aSIDES FROM THE FIGHTING QUOTA BEING FILLED i SUPPOSE, TC: ThAt’S pReTtY fUcKiNg ChIlL mOtHeRfUcKeR. gOtTa FuCkInG fIlL tHaT sHiT oUt On ThE dAiLy By ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg DoZeN, yOu KnOw HoW tHe FuCk It Is. AT: hAHA, yEAH, iT’S ALWAYS LIKE THIS ISN’T IT? TC: ThAt MiGhT bE fUcKiNg RiGhT tAv-BrO. iT’s AlL aBoUt NoT fEeLiNg ChIlL eNoUgH, mOtHeRfUcKeR. aNd ThE fUcKiNg ChIlL iS vOiD iN tHiS bItCh, WhIcH i’M hErE tO fUcKiNg FiX. AT: yEAH MAN, bRING ON THE CHILL OR MAYBE,,,,WE SHOULD START SOME SICK FIRES }:D TC: SiCk MoThErFuCkInG fIrEs? Am I hEaRiNg ThAt CoRrEcTlY? dId A cErTaIn MoThErFuCkEr JuSt ThRoW dOwN sOmE sIcK bIzNaStY fUcKiNg IdEaS? AT: aW YEAH, lET’S START THE SICKEST OF SICK FIRES }:D TC: MoThErFuCkInG tAv-BrO wItH tHeSe SiCk BiTcH aSs IdEaS, mOtHeRfUcKeR yOu BeTtEr StArT sLaMmInG tHoSe SiCk FuCkInG fIrEs DoWn BeFoRe ThEy BuRn ThE fUcK oUt Of YoUr MoUtH. AT: aW YEAH, tHESE WORDS ARE SO HOT AT: THAT THEY MELT WHEN THEY DROP AT: SICK FIRES BE BURNING AT: AND, uH, tHE DREAM BUBBLE’S TURNING, AT: NOW BACK TO MY BRO AT: LET THOSE SICK RHYMES GO TC: MoThErFuCkInG tAv-BrO hOt DaMn ThOsE fIrEs WeRe SiCk As ThE bItChTiTs. Oh, It’S mY tUrN? pRePaRe MoThErFuCkErS fOr ThEsE cHiLl AsS rHyMeS. TC: MoThErFuCkInG gAmZeE mAkArA. aBoUt To FuCkInG bUrN tHe RoOf WiTh HiS bItChIn MoThErFuCkInG rHyMeS hOtTeR tHaN tHe MoThErFuCkInG sUn, ChEcK iT. TC: BaCk WiTh ThE fUcKiNg SiCk FiReS TC: BlOwInG oUt YoUr TiReS, fUcKiNg GaMzEe MaKaRa TC: FuCkInG bUrNiNg ThAt BiTcH hArLoT, bItCh AsS rHyMeS hOtTeR tHaN bIg SmOkE’s SiX fIvE, hOtTeR tHaN aNy FuCkInG fIrE uNdEr ThE sUn, WoAh, CuT tHaT wIrE, gOv. TC: I’m A cRaZy AsS cLoWn CrAzIeR tHaN aNy MaN wItH a CrOwN, fUcKiNg ToUgHeR tHaN a RoCk WiTh ThE sIcK fIrEs To KnOcK. TC: bUrNiNg ThIs MoThEr-FuCkInG hOuSe DoWn In ThE nAmE oF tHe ClOwN, i’Ve NeVeR bEeN kNoWn FoR sAnItY, bUt ThAt ShIt WaS bOrInG. fUcKiNg ChIlL tHe FuCk DoWn AnD lEt Me TeLl YoU a StOrY; i EaT sOpOr SlImE pIeS bEcAuSe I’m A rEaL mOtHeRfUcKeR bUt If YoU tRiEd ThIs ShIt, YoU wOuLdN’t WaNnA fUcK wItH mE bRoThEr. TC: BoOm. FuCkInG dRoP tHaT mIc. GaMzEe MaKaRa WiTh ThE sIcKeSt FuCkInG fIrEs. AT: THOSE RHYMES ARE SMOKING, aND HOT TO THE TOUCH, AT: TAVROS NITRAM IS MAKIN A COME BACK, hOPE MY FIRES AREN’T TOO MUCH, AT: WE CAN THROW THESE BEATS ON THE FLOOR AND, uH,,,, AT:THEY CAN BE OUR WEAPONS IN THIS SLAM WAR, hEH, AT: LET’S SHOW THESE CHUMPS, uM NO OFFENSE YOU TWO, hOW IT’S DONE, AT:WE WIN WARS WITH OUR WORDS, wHO NEEDS A GUN TC: No OnE cAn CoOl ThEsE fUcKiNg FiReS, tHeSe RhYmEs ArE hOtTeR tHaN aNy StRiDeR. TC:cOoLeR tHaN aNy LaLoNdE aNd MoRe FrEe ThAn ThAt MoThErFuCkEr JoHn. ThEsE bUrNs Do NoT kNoW cAlM, hAvEn’T tAsTeD tHe WiCkEd ElIxIr. TC: BuT fUcK, yOu’Re AbOuT tO wItNeSs, FlAmEs ThAt’Ll EvEn BuRn CiNdErS. TC: mOtHeRfUcKeR hAvE yOu EvEr HeArD oF sIcKeR bEaTs Or BaRs? TC: GoT a Dj, WhO’lL bReAk ThOsE bArE nOiSeS, tHeN hE’lL sEt FiRe To MaRs. TaV-bRo! AT: WOAH GAMZEE, tHAT’S SOME SICK HEAT YOU’RE MAKING, AT: THE GROUND BELOW’S GOING TO START QUAKING, AT: PARADOX SPACE BETTER WATCH OUT, AT: BECAUSE BURNING THINGS DOWN IS WHAT WE ARE ABOUT, AT: THE CLOUDS OF SKAIA COULD NEVER PREDICT, AT: A SLAMMING DUO THIS SICK, AT: OUR RHYMES, uM, aRE HOTTER THAN THE GREEN SUN’S FIRE, AT: AND WE ARE NOT GONNA STOP TILL WE TAKE THIS HIGHER, AT: RIGHT TO THE TOP, aND THEN A BIT MORE, AT: NOW i’LL DROP THIS, uH, mETAPHORICAL MIC TO THE FLOOR, TC: ThAt WaS hOt, TaV-bRo, BuT wE gOtTa TuRn Up ThE fUcKiNg HeAt, I nOrMaLlY pReFeR sOmE fUcKiNg ChIlL bUt We AiN’t PuTtInG nObOdY tO sLeEp. TC: ThEsE fUcKeRs DoN’t KnOw, So We GoTtA tEaCh ThEm, WhO’s GoT tHe HoTtEsT, bArEsT fLoW tHaT tHeSe FuCkErS wIlL bE pReAcHiNg. TC: FiRe IsN’t HoT eNoUgH tO rEpReSeNt OuR rHyMeS, nOtHiNg Is NeAr As HoT aS tHeSe BaRs DrOpPiNg SiCk NaStInEsS tHrOuGhOuT tImE. TC: aRaDiA hAtEs Us, ShE cAn’T tAkE wHaT wE’rE sLaMmInG dOwN. bUt We BuRn So MoThErFuCkInG hOt… TC: WeLl, ShE lEaRnEd To Be DoWn WiTh ThE cLoWn. AT: AND DOWN WITH THE CLOWN, hEH, tIME CAN STAY, AT: WE WON’T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY, AT: THESE BEATS EXIST OUT OF REACH, AT: THEY ARE YOUR MIRACLES TO PREACH, AT: EVERYONE ELSE BETTER WATCH OUT, AT: WHILE WE TEACH THEM WHAT THIS IS ABOUT, AT: WE WILL TAKE THEM TO SCHOOL, AT: AND LAY DOWN THE RULE, AT: THE RULE THAT ABOUT THE SICK BEATS, AT: UH,,,THAT IS OUR UNBEATABLE FEAT, AT: THEY CAN GIVE UP BEFORE THEY TRY, AT: IF THEY DON’T THEY’LL GET BURNED AND CRY, TC: MoThErFuCkEr, No TeArS nO tEaRs, We CaN’t HaVe AnY oF tHaT. TC: cRyInG aIn’T cHiLl BuT tHe RhYmInG iS wHeRe It’S aT. TC: yOu GoTtA lEaRn To FeEl ThE cHiLl MoThErFuCkEr AnD kNoW iT’s OuR wIlL, tHeSe SiCk FuCkInG bItChInG aSs FiReS wIlL bUrN yOu ‘TiL yOuR nIl. TC: NoThInG cAn StOp ThEsE rHyMeS tHaT wE’rE sPiTtInG, nOt SpAcE, nOt TiMe, NoT a RiDdLe Or ThE lIvInG. TC: mOtHeRfUcKeRs FeEl ThAt HeAt NoW? fEeL oUr FuCkInG sIcK bUrNs? TC: Be A lItTlE cArEfUl, Or YoU mIgHt EnD uP iN aN uRn. AT: tHESE HOT RYMES, oUT OF TIME AT: THEY ARE YOURS AND MINE, AT: THEY HOLD A POWER AT: THAT GROWS STRONGER AS THEY GET LOUDER, AT: MORE RADICAL THAN THE VAST CROAK, AT: THESE BEATS ARE, uM, tHEY ARE JUST THAT STOKED,, AT: BURSTING INTO YOUR HEAR-DUCTS LIKE CRAZY, AT: THESE BEATS ARE FAR FROM LAZY, AT: SO GET UP AND MOVE, AT: TIME FOR EVERYONE TO GET USED TO OUR GROOVE, TC: YoU mOtHeRfUcKeRs HaVe NeVeR hEaRd Of A fLoW sO fUcKiNg RaW, sO fUcKiNg HaRd, So HoT aNd So CoNtRoLlEd WiThOuT a LaW. TC: tHeRe’S nO fUcKeR wItH fIrEs HoTtEr ThAn WhAt We ArE fUcKiNg SpItTiNg, LiKe An EiGhT hEaDeD lUsUs Oh YoU kNoW wE’rE uNfOrGiViNg. TC: ClEaN oUt YoUr MoThErFuCkInG eArS wHeN yOu HeAr ThIs MoThErFuCkInG vErSe; FeEl OuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg RhYmEs Or I’lL pUt ThIs BiTcH iN rEvErSe. AT: YEAH YOU TELL IT BRO, AT: THE WAY THIS STUFF’S GOT TO GO, AT: OUR FRIENDS HAVE TO HAVE LEARNED A THING OR TWO, AT: THAT PREVIOUSLY THEY HAD NEVER KNEW, AT: THESE SICK FIRES HAVE RANG OUT THEIR LESSON, AT: IT WAS QUITE THE SCHOOLING SESSION, AT: GOT ALL THIS HEAT FLOWING OUT INTO THE AIR, AT: LET’S END THIS WITH A AWESOME FANFAIR! AT: THROW US SOME MIRACLES TO FINISH THIS GAM, AT: FOR IT’S TIME TO THIS CAME TO AN END, TC: We’Re ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg TaV-bRo AnD gAmZeE dUo, ThE tWo WiTh ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeSt FlOw, ThAt’Ll MaKe YoU sHoUt “MoThErFuCkEr” Yo. TC: FoR tHe FeW wHo CaN dIg ThE cHiLl TuNe AnD tHe ChIlL aS fUcK lOoNs WiThOuT tHe BoOnS, i GiVe A bOtTlE oF fAyGo. BoTtOmS uP, mOtHeRfUcKeR, aNd SaY bYe To AlL oF yOuR gOoNs. TC: ThIs MoThErFuCkInG mEsSaGe HaS bEeN bRoUgHt To YoU bY a ClOwN aNd A bUlL, sO mAkE wAy MoThErFuCkEr, ThErE’s BuLlS iN tHiS pArAdE, mAkInG tHe FrOwNs TuRn UpSiDe-DoWn… TC: MoThErFuCkEr WhErE’s My CrOwN?

this is one of my favourite rp things I ever did. I'm Tav and my friend was Gam.

[arlostrider-blog]

How would the Homestuck beta trolls and kids respond to a thunderstorm?

I don’t know about you guys, but I am pretty damn afraid of thunderstorms. I’ve had Astraphobia for a while, and I decided to use it as inspiration to write this and to distract myself from Mother Nature’s rock concert. Hope you guys enjoy! :)

Karkat: Karkat may seem a lot like your usual tough guy, but he isn’t when it comes to thunderstorms. Anyone who’s ever spent time with him during one knows that he cusses out Mother Nature and wraps himself in a blanket until the thunderstorm passes. If that doesn’t work and fails to distract him, he’ll put on a rom com and blast it at full volume so he can’t hear anything else.

Aradia: It’s no surprise that Aradia doesn’t care about thunderstorms, they just don’t bother her. Especially since she’s so used to hearing the voices of the dead. In fact, Aradia has been seen sitting outside soaking in the rain during thunderstorms. One of her favourite things to do is go on adventures in the rain, it just makes them more dangerous and therefore more fun.

Tavros: Tavros being the often nervous and timid troll he is, is one of the most afraid of thunderstorms out of all of the trolls. He usually tries not to bother anyone with his fear and hides out in his room until the storm passes, but if he gains enough courage to actually ask, he usually likes to spoon with someone while he watches Pupa Pan so he feels protected.

Sollux: Sollux can be bipolar at times, especially when it comes to thunderstorms. Sometimes when it’s storming outside he will be fine and continue with what he was doing while others he won’t be able to concentrate on anything other than how loud it is. When he was younger he noticed that his psiioniics were a lot like lightning, and so instead of calling thunderstorms, thunderstorms he calls them psiioniic storms.

Nepeta: Nepeta’s cat like nature really messes with her. She usually spends the day with Equius and hides behind his recupracoon, hissing and scratching at it until Equius can reach her and shoosh pap her without losing his limbs in the process. When Nepeta was a wriggler, pounce would groom her and purr softly to her until she would fall asleep.

Kanaya: Kanaya isn’t bothered by thunderstorms at all, but is one of the trolls who will often walk around the dream bubbles and find anyone who is afraid of them to spend the half an hour or so they usually take to go away with. When Nepeta isn’t with Equius, she likes to roleplay with her to distract her, she has watched multiple rom coms with Karkat, reads to Tavros while he sits in her lap, listens to Eridan rant when he needs to, comforts Dave (she’s even been known to rap with him when he’s really upset!) and anyone else who needs it.

Terezi: Terezi can usually smell a thunderstorm before it’s even here. She has opened a memo many times to warn the trolls and humans she knows are scardy cats that there is a thunderstorm coming. She isn’t necessarily afraid of them, but they can be kind of scary considering she can’t see what’s going on and all she can hear is loud rumbles of thunder. She usually spends thunderstorms with someone else so they can be her eyes.

Vriska: Vriska thinks storms are fuuuuuuuucking awesome. You’d think that having a metal arm that could easily rust would keep her out of the rain, but apparently not. She usually likes to slide down steep drive ways on sleds in the rain which is extremely dangerous, but It’s Vriska so who’s surprised.

Equius: Equius being the strong dude that he is, isn’t at all phased by thunderstorms. He looks after Nepeta during them most of the time but when she isn’t over at his hive during a thunderstorm, he watches my little hoof beast marathons and builds robots.

Gamzee: Gamzee never shuts up about how miraculous thunderstorms are and how it’s like “mOtHeRfUcKiNg DrUmS aLl Up AnD bAnGiNg ArOuNd In ThE sKy.” He sleeps through most thunderstorms, but if he doesn’t he just lies around in his horn pile and drinks Faygo like it’s just another day.

Eridan: Eridan already mopes around enough when it isn’t gloomy and dark outside. He’s afraid of thunderstorms, but not as afraid as Tavros. He often sits inside with loud emo music blaring in his ears unless Kanaya or Feferi come over to his hive to comfort him.

Feferi: Feferi is a lot like a lusus to the other trolls. Unlike her ancestor, she is caring and kind so it’s no surprise that much like Kanaya, she travels around the dream bubbles and spends time with the people and trolls who aren’t doing so well. Feferi has also been caught multiple times dancing, splashing around and singing in the rain trying to get Eridan to cheer up (it worked once, and the two of them actually slow danced in the rain until Vriska nearly ran them over on a sled).

John: John doesn’t care much for thunderstorms. Sometimes he’ll lean on his window pane and watch the rain, try to do some kind of magic trick involving the thunder, rain and lightning (it only worked once, and it was a magic trick he played on Terezi. He counted down and coincidentally, exactly when he got to zero a loud clap of thunder came afterwards. Terezi was convinced John was troll Harry Potter for weeks) while other times he’ll just watch Con Air until he falls asleep.

Dave: Dave is too cool to be afraid of thunderstorms, although we all know he is. Because of his history with Bro and the strifing he had to go through a lot as a kid he hates lightning and thunder because they remind him of the strifes. He distracts himself by throwing down sick fires, rapping, writing more of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff and listening to music.

Rose: Rose finds thunderstorms annoying, but only because she has to turn on a light to continue reading or sewing. Her personal favourite light is Kanaya who is always willing to be her favourite human’s lamp. Sometimes the two of them work on the same project at once, sewing dresses and knitting socks.

Jade: Just like how Nepeta’s reaction to thunderstorms is affected by her cat like nature, being part dog affects how she reacts to thunderstorms. She’s always found them really cool, but ever since she ascended to god tier she hasn’t been able to stop barking at the thunder. It keeps everyone else awake for hours.

[minecraftgender]

current list of all alters

oh lord here we go: Luna: Hello! Im Luna! Normally I talk with a semicolon (;) before what I say. I'm 37 years old (my birthday is April 8) and I've really been around for about four years. I formed in the summer of 2014. I pretended to be an imaginary friend for the longest time up until late February. I'm the mother of our system along with a few others. I really don't have much to say about myself other than that. Oh also I'm pregnant and due in October. Jason: hey im jason im a protector or some shit. idk i like popcorn and homestuck. im 17 i guess my birthday is december 6 because im a fucking homestuck. i formed in late february by being an asshole and yelling at jade because he hates himself. im married to john egbert. woo. oh and addie (theyll be mentioned a lot) is my moirail. i type with a comma (,) before i say anything Lily: HI IM LILY!!!!! im 11 so shut the fuck up!!!!!! i can move up ages if i want. i formed in early march i think but i dont remember exactly when. i like cake and cats and jade and i wanna be just like him!! sometimes i draw!!! oh and my birthday is july 20 just like jade!!!!! im gonna be 12 soon!!!!!!!!! jades best friend addie is my mama and luna is my mom and other people are more moms!!L i have a lot of moms!!!!!!! I TYPE WITH A CLOSING PARENTHISIS LIKE THIS ) Jake: hi im jake. im 14. ill be 15 next march 18th, which is the day i formed. i think i have autism and my special interest is dogs. jades best friend addie is my mom too. i like the color purple, slime and rivers. i have 25 dogs. i really dont know what else to say about myself. i use an equal sign before i say stuff (=). im one of the tallest people in the system because im 6'4" tall. Ruby: hey im ruby im jades old imaginary friend. im 17, ill be 18 on halloween. i just kina appeared in here, its cool. i like minecraft and my little pony. idk im kinda just here and i sleep a lot and i use a question mark (?) Grey: hi there im Grey. i dont really do much in here, just play board games with aradia. i can also tell the future somewhat. really only if it pertains to jade. im 15 and i dont have a birthday since i dont really care about it. i type with an underscore (_). im really not that interesting. uhhhhh i got vored once and it wasnt fun. Emily: we really dont know much about her since she sleeps a lot. we do know that shes 20 years old. she only ever wakes up if im highly anxious. we think shes a survial alter if the rest of us are gone shell be there. shes super sweet tho. Becquerel: Hello, I'm Becquerel, yes the dog from Homestuck. I dont really do much except cuddle with those that want it and protect everyone. I have my old powers, so I can teleport our headspace out of technical existence and such. And still fetch bullets hehe. I was pulled out of a successful timeline though I don't think it was the alpha one. I use a carat (^) to type. I was given a collar that allows me to speak. I like it a lot! [you know, like Up] Rose: Hello, I'm Rose Lalonde-Maryam. I tend to not care about capitalization anymore, I have completely given up on it with this damned device. I'm married to and having a child with Kanaya. She and I are both dating the host Jade. I'm the other mother of this system. I also deal with children when the body has to. I and the others are 22 this year. I have vague memories of the game and all that but Jade needs to hurry up and finish the comic so I can remember the rest. I type using the rose emoji (🌹). John: hey! its your local tricky boy john egbert! i got tossed in here from the same timeline as rose and the others. i am just regular old john! i hang out in here and fight if i need to. i married jason a fee months ago. i type with a hammer emoji (🔨) Dave: its ya boi. anyway im the local fucking rap god. fergalicious, my neck my back, and deepthroat are my theme songs. im dating karkat, hes cute as fuck. i man the tunes in here [he plays fergalicious on repeat]. its lit fuckers. anyway i type with the sunglasses emoji (🕶) that doesnt show up on android. peace. Jade: hi im jade!!!! i used to be jadesprite but i was sad soooooo i got changed to normal dog tier me! i come from a tl where i still have bec powers after i finish the game too which is cool!!! i hang out with Bec and garden by the river! i type with a dog emoji before my sentences (🐶)!!! Roxy: heeeeeyyy its rosxy. i give up on soelling snd shit so yeah. i give out food if u ask and i pretend 2 b a wizurd sometimez. its fun in hrre i can fo nothing all fay. obvs i still drink (i give u some if u ask nice). i thpe with a glass (🍸) n shit. s fun. i dont remember rly anything from my tl. Jane: Hey! I just formed so I dont know or do much in here. I bake for the kids if they ask nicely! I mostly spend my time with Rox. I type with a spoon emoji (🥄) Aradia: Hell0! I've caught up with a l0t of mem0ries and I'm getting m0re with time. I spend my time playing b0ard games with Grey. I'm dating S0llux and Feferi. I have been t0ld that I give nice hugs. I type with my symb0l first (♈️) Tavros: hEY,, ITS UH,,, tAVROS. i SIT IN HERE AND PLAY WITH ALL THE DOGS. iF ANYONE NEEDS ME TO PROTECT THE SYSTEM I DO. i KINDA STAY AWAY FROM VRISKA BUT,,, uH,, sHE SEEMS OK. i DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY. i USE MY SYMBOL BEFORE I TYPE (♉️) Sollux: what2 up. the local pun ma2ter ii2 iin bu2iine22 over here. ii 2pend my tiime relaxiing and enjoyiing not haviing anythiing two really do. playiing that fuckiing game take2 a lot out of you. ii protect the 2y2tem iif ii need two. iim datiing aa and ff. ii al2o type wiith my 2ymbol (♊️) Karkat: I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKERS WANT FROM ME. IM LITERALLY THE FUCKING SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE, RELAXING WITH NOTHING TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DO FOR ONCE. MY GREATEST FUCKING ACCOMPLISHMENT IS EATING 49 PIZZAS WITHOUT PUKING. I PUKED ON THE 50TH. I TYPE WITH MY FUCKING SYMBOL SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE (♋️) Nepeta: :33 < hey! i sit in here and spend looots of time with my meowrail Equius and my rp partner Terezi! its so purrfect to not have all the responsibilities of the game anymore. aaaaand im not dead! i type with my symbol (♌️) but sometimes i furget. 833 wats this Kanaya: Hello Children. I Am Married To Rose Lalonde-Maryam And I Am Dating The Host Jade. I Spend My Time Being Gay And Sleeping. I Unironically Like Vore I Am Not Ashamed To Admit It. I Also Discovered Memes And I Enjoy Them Very Much. Ben Is A Hoe. Bitches Like Yellow. I Type With My Symbol As Well (♍️) Terezi: H3Y. 1 H4T3 TYP1NG ON TH1S SO 1 W1LL M4K3 TH1S SHORT. 4H3M. 1 DONT DO MUCH H3R3 HOST J4D3 1S MY QPP 4ND TH4TS 4BOUT 1T. 1 US3 MY SYMBOL TOO (♎️) Vriska: idk im here for some dum8ass reason. i pro8a8ly wont quirk. im too tired to do anything. jade said i have depression and hes probably right. i spend all my time laying on the floor doing nothing 8ut think about eeeeeeeeverything that went wrong back then. anyway i use my sym8ol to 8e different from everyone else (♏️) Equius: D --> um. i am not sure what i am supposed to say. jason told me to say that i sniff e%haust fumes, which is not a lie. i mostly spend time with nepeta to keep her out of trouble. i am attempting to get over my "obsessiveness with the highb100ds. i use my symbol before speech (♐️) Gamzee: WhAtS uP mOtHeRfUcKeRs YoUr LoCaL cLoWn Is HeRe. I DuNnO I lIkE wEeD aNd HoNkInG oMinOuSlY aT iNcOnVeNiEnT tImEs. I jUsT hAnG oUt WiTh My BrO kArKat. MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLeS bRo. (♑️) Eridan: i dont understand the point of wwritin all this. i spend my time "sulkin" accordin to everyone else. im just relaxin and thinkin about wwhen i didnt have to remember all the bad shit. i also practice magic behind kanayas back. i used the Aquarius symbol before typin (♒️) Feferi: )(ey! I also really dont do much in here. I spend time wit)( Sollux and Aradia thoug)(! We like to talk about life back before the game. ot)(er than that i dont do muc)(. i use my symbol before i say anything (♓️) Her Imperious Condesension: she doesnt want to talk about herself since she doesnt remember much. she didnt know anything when she first arrived so Lily screamed at her to get her into submission. she wont hurt anyone. she uses (🐠) Jack Noir: he wont write anything because hes an asshole. he doesnt really talk anyway unless hes being fucking rude. he uses (⬛️) before he talks. he just generally hates everyone. Steven: Hi! I'm Steven Quartz Universe! I just showed up one day! I hang around and play with the dogs and the others. I'm 14 and I'll be 15 in two months!! I cant wait to talk!!! I use an upside down exclamation point before talking (¡). It's nice to meet you! Wildfang: she never talks, shes super shy but shes 9 year old me. idk how she got here or why. i think its a stable time loop. Rainbow Dash: yo its rainbow dash! im 16! im from host jades sunset shimmer canon!! i just got here yesterday! im agender so i use they/them pronouns and aro/ace. stay cool bitches. go punch a transphobe or smth idk. i use a rainboy emoji before i talk (wow so creative (🌈)) there are also four clones of my best friend and i think a clone of my datemate that disappeared. so 36 countable people including me.

[nora-reads-homestuck]

A6A1 Impressions

Hey all! I’m back with my impressions from Act 6 Act 1. This one will necessarily be a bit shorter than previous impressions posts, but the plus side is that I’ll be doing more of them, one for each Act Act! (God, that feels weird to say. Like... I’m a Martian or something.) Anyway, here goes!

The Characters:

We didn’t see any of the original, pre-Scratch human kids or the trolls we know and love this Act Act. However, we met some new human kids who are all their own brand of weird/annoying/lovable!

Jane: Jane, Jane, Janey Jane. Strangely, though they have almost nothing to do with each other at this point, I’m getting some of the same feelings toward her as I got for Rose all through Acts 4 and 5. A bit of readerly frustration that she’s not doing or thinking the things I know she needs to in order to be truly successful at the game, if for different reasons. Rose was overconfident, a loner, but Jane is stubbornly (but pretty justifiedly, let’s be honest) refusing to take anything she hears at face value. Batterwitch? Couldn’t be. Entering a game to go to a new world? Malarkey. I think it stems from the fact that, all the way back in Act 1, it would have seemed just as improbable, but I’m getting to this having come off Act 5, and I know it all to be true. And Jane can’t be blamed for wanting to continue living in her perfect world, where she’s the heiress and her friends’ problems can’t touch her! I’m a bit worried that she might not take it in stride when she does get dumped into Sburb, and finds out everything she’s been hearing is true. She’s... a bit of a princess. But that’s alright; I still like her a lot!

Jake: Strangely, I’m still not sure what to make of Jake. On the surface level, he’s kind of ditzy, perpetually harangued, loves guns and adventure, indiscriminate in his movie tastes, and prone to outdated slang like Jane (obviously a joke in reference to the fact that his alt self grew up in the 1910′s and 20′s). Seems like there ought to be plenty to work with there. However... none of that really equates to a deeper personality. Is he insecure like Tavros? Overconfident, like Eridan? What do all the Lord English parallels mean? Will be become Lord English eventually? Mystery after mystery. I guess that’s not so unusual seeing how thinly Hussie strung tidbits about Jade, but still, I feel like it’s not enough to go on to really get a solid impression of his character. Hopefully we’ll get more later!

LittleLonde: BE STILL MY HEART. There have been plenty of Homestuck characters it’s taken me a while to warm up to, but LittleLonde is not one of them. She’s so sweet and cheery, encouraging her friends without harassing them, even if she’s worryingly drunk. (Seriously, what is UP with Rose allowing that to happen.) She’s also fucking adorable. I am a bit concerned that my assessment of her as a Cassandra character is accurate, and the Batterwitch really is poised to exploit the inevitability of them entering the game. LittleLonde, like Bro, seems to know a whole lot on the subject, and I wonder where that knowledge comes from. Rose, UU, or both? TipsyGnostalgic would seem to be quite the appropriate chumhandle.

Bro: Bro is for sure the kid we’ve heard the least from, and that’s not surprising, given how elusive his pre-Scratch older self was. Judging by the scant exposure I’ve had to him so far, he’s a narcissistic, dry, rude, but highly intelligent roboticist/AI programmer with ill-concealed pants feelings for Jake. He even claimed that he’s going to be the one pulling the strings behind this session, and that Jane will be a figurehead of a leader. (I’ve got my popcorn ready and waiting for THAT one to be subverted.) Despite my distaste for his asshattery, I think he does genuinely care for Jane, and Jake on more than a carnal level. He’s just going about expressing that affection in all the wrong ways. Constantly berating them that they need to change their behavior? Harassing Jake with a robot? Proooobably not the best way to go about things. We’ve yet to see him interact with LittleLonde, and I wonder what he thinks she needs to be “”more like””. We’ve also yet to see him speak with mystery!troll, though I’m almost certain they must be in contact. Like LittleLonde, he knows a lot of things about the game he shouldn’t, by rights.

UU: We haven’t seen all that much of her, just a conversation here and there, and some hands, but I like my impression of her! She seems kind and cheery, encouraging her human friends instead of berating them like Karkat and co. I still wonder what session she’s from, since she’s confirmed she’s definitely a (Prospit) player. Could she have been some... like... rogue player from the pre-Scratch troll session? I still feel like that’s at least somewhat likely. Hopefully we’ll find out!

On Classpects:

We haven’t seen anything but the vaguest of hints at classpects this time around, though we have two kids’ confirmed: Jane is the Maid of Life, and Jake is the Page of Hope.

We haven’t seen Jane do anything really Life-y yet, but Feferi was the last Hero of Life, and they do share some similarities. Both are heiresses to the Batterwitch, if in completely different ways. Aradia was the last Maid, and the only similarity I can think of there is the fedora. So what will a Maid of Life be like in practice? We still don’t know what Life powers actually do, since Feferi never made it to god tier, but I think it’s safe to be assume she’ll be serving her other players as some kind of healer. I’m guessing her role is meant to be embraced, and that she won’t have much trouble doing this.

Jake is the Page of Hope, and though he hasn’t demonstrated any powers yet, we’ve seen a lot of evidence of... hopefulness in him. He ‘believes in people’, and in fact believes a little too easily, in Bro’s opinion. This is in stark contrast to Eridan, who seemed to have trouble believing in anything but his own damn self. He also shares a thing or two with Tavros, the other Page, like his affinity for tinkerbulls, and a hankering for... er... blue women. I’m not sure whether I think this role is one meant to be embraced or overcome. Bro would have him overcome it, but I don’t think I trust his judgment on what’s best here. Tavros was meant to embrace his role and failed hard at it, so my hope (hah) is that Jake truly embraces his classpect and becomes everything Tavros wasn’t.

Do I have any predictions on LittleLonde and Bro’s classes? I don’t think I have anything too specific yet, although if I had to guess, LittleLonde will be encouraged to embrace her classpect, and Bro will be encouraged to overcome his. For Bro, maybe... Heir? That seems to be about letting go of what you think you know. Prince might fit too, since my current understanding is that it’s about ruling over things, and he claims he’s going to be the one running their session. Bard? I don’t think I ever learned what that class really does. For LittleLonde, I’m not sure about a class, but I’m leaning toward either Blood or Heart as an aspect. She’s so lovable, which could either make her the lifeblood of the team like Karkat was to his, or maybe her unrequited romantic inclinations give her more in common with Nepeta. Hmm, Doom might fit her as well, since she’s got so many negative predictions about the Batterwitch and what’s going to happen when they enter the game. Anyway, that’s about all I’ve got!

The Story:

To start this one off, let’s go back to my predictions for Act 6 and catalogue all the things I got hilariously wrong:

The post-scratch players will live on a vastly different Earth, wherein human culture is much more violent. There will be a new First Guardian which will have steered civilization much like Doc Scratch did, if in fact he isn’t actually the new FG himself.

I’m not sure whether to call this one debunked or not. HIC is all but confirmed to be the new First Guardian of Earth, and while she clearly does have her clutches in some things (Supreme Court Justice Guy Fieri???) this Earth is a lot less dystopian than I was expecting. Assassinations aside, Jane appears to be a pretty normal girl with a pretty normal upbringing. Dave seems to have made it big with SBaHJ movies, and everything’s going pretty well there. Jade is dead as Grandpa was pre-Scratch, and we’ve yet to learn why (something to do with the house tower being asploded?), but nonetheless Jake seems to be getting along just fine. Rose is doing a shit job of keeping LittleLonde out of the liquor cabinet, but still. Not exactly the Hunger Games situation I was expecting.

The post-scratch players’ personalities will resemble the hints we’ve seen through the original kids’ unreliable narrations. Young!Mom will actually be into wizards, young!Bro will be genuinely fucked up and completely unironic about his bizarre interests, young!Nanna will be… basically like Nannasprite, all about pranks and baking, and young!Grandpa will love fighting and… Weekend at Bernie’s.

Ok, well, it turns out their personalities are a little more complicated than that, but this one was basically a gimme.

We will find out that the original guardians somehow absorbed some of their younger post-Scratch selves’ memories, and that’s why they insist on strifing with the kids to train them up, and why Bro stabs Beat Mesa.

This one still seems plausible, if paradoxical, because Dave and Rose have PROBABLY been passing on game info to young Bro and LittleLonde. Them, and UU...

Something is going to go really, really wrong with the timeline, and John will have to repair it with Dave’s help, and that’s why we see those floating arms everywhere. Maybe he’s affecting all the events that lead to Lord English arriving?

Yet to be seen...

Since the Furthest Ring is session-agnostic, they’ll use the map the horrorterrors helpfully provided Dave to navigate the meteor to the post-Scratch human session. Of course, this doesn’t answer the question of how John and Jade will get there! Maybe they’ll somehow meet up beforehand?

Next act, maybe?

When the kids and trolls enter the new, post-Scratch session, it COULD end up a reverse of the trolls’ situation, where they thought they were on separate teams but were in fact working toward the same goal. What if it looks like they have to team up with the post-Scratch kids, but it’s actually a competition or a race to see which group of players can finish the game? Or what if the new human kids are actually evil?? This one seems less likely, but it would be cool.

Still seems pretty unlikely, and I definitely don’t WANT it to be the case.

The post-Scratch players will follow in the trolls’ footsteps and prototype something they really shouldn’t have. That or, in an ironic twist of fate, their session’s Jack Noir will be a good guy who will help take down Bec Noir.

Could happen, but we haven’t gotten there yet. Act 6 Act 1 didn’t make quite the progress of Act 1.

We will see the session that created the trolls’, and it will have some role to play in solving the mysteries of the game’s origins. Lord English will somehow be involved with the origin of the game. Is he a corrupted game element? A virus? Did he create it? Was it his session that spawned the trolls’?

Another possibility for UU’s origins, although it would make more sense if she had come from whatever future session this Sburb session spawns. UU mentions not having entered her game yet, so it seems unlikely she’d have knowledge of the post-Scratch trolls’ session if that’s the one she’s creating. And she can’t be from the post-Scratch troll session... right? But she’s definitely a troll, so... @_@

That’s all I’ve got on predictions! I don’t think I have anything to add just yet that wasn’t covered in that recap, except that the auto responder was totally unexpected, and I can see it causing problems in the future somehow. UU too! What a mystery.

As for the structure of the story itself, I’m enjoying that we’ve returned to an Act 1 structure without it feeling like too much of a rehash. Even though the characters are LITERALLY recycled, things feel fresh and new, and I’m interested to learn more about them. It’s a little frustrating how long it’s taking them to get into the game—not that it’s poorly paced; just that Act 1 was rather rushed in comparison, and I’m dreading a Hivebent-style ‘HERE TAKE 1000 PAGES JUST TO MEET THESE CHARACTERS BEFORE THEY EVEN ENTER THE GAME’ kind of thing.

Shipping:

Despite being such a short Act like Act 1, there was a lot in the way of shipping material. Maybe this is because the kids are a bit older this time around and more caught up in the throes of raging teenage hormones. We have a clear ‘shipping grid’ for these so-called Alpha Kids, because we know who their ectobiological offspring are, but so far they don’t seem to be strictly following it. Jane clearly has a crush on Jake, but so does LittleLonde, and there have been some very strong hints that young Bro does too. LittleLonde didn’t rule out having a crush on Bro, but she seemed to indicate there was nothing going on there. Are we totally going to subvert everything, for the lulz? Will we wind up with Jane/LittleLonde and Jake/Bro?

A shipping section wouldn’t be complete without my own preferences, so here’s what I’m feeling, based on my limited exposure to the kids:

Jane♥Jake: This one’s not only “”canonical,”” but Jane expresses an overt attraction to Jake that he doesn’t exactly seem to mind. Neither does he express clear support for the idea, but hey, I can still ship it.

Bro♠Jake: Bro totally has a thing for Jake, if you ask me. However, he also built the guy a robot that apparently beats the shit out of him on the regular. CLEARLY we have a kismesissitude on our hands. Part of my interpretation of blackrom is harassing your kismesis to be on your level of awesome, as Bro harasses Jake:

GG: Why not just turn [the auto responder] off then? TT: Keeps them both on their toes. GG: Who? TT: Jake and the responder. TT: Jake needs to be more skeptical. Rather than take a Pollyanna jackknife ass-first off whatever turnip truck is blowing through town that day, he's got to apply more critical reasoning to shit. TT: I keep telling him. TT: I keep telling him, dude, you got to be more like Jane.

The brobot could be part of that, too. And there you have it! >:D

LittleLonde♥Everyone (including me): Because obvs she’s too good for this world and deserves everything she ever wanted. She can romance all three other kids to her heart’s content, then come see me when she’s at least 18 and also a real person.

Favorite Panels:

There aren’t a lot of visually stunning panels in an Act so short and mundane, but there are certainly several that made me go ‘dawwwww’.

LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE SHE IS. JUST LOOK AT HER.

Ahahahaha.

Who is this cute robot kid? Is he another violent creation of Bro’s? What’s he doing creeping around in the bathroom while Bro is showering? Who knows!

As sad and frightening as this panel is, it is pretty aesthetically pleasing. The colors of the flowers remind me of images of Rangwali Holi.

Another great image. I love the use of the background image here, far less grating than Hussie’s study, and the beams of light coming through the forest canopy.

Creepy as all shit, but I like the way the robot’s shades stand out against the dark background.

The absolute unexplained ABSURDITY of Jake’s island being populated by lususes (...lusii?) aside, I love the perspective of this panel and how it so easily demonstrates how weird and wild Jake’s life must be.

This image of Houston is so different from the red-hot hellhole Dave’s seemed to be! I love the color of the autumn sky, and the wheeling gulls.

I can hear the cartoon ‘droop’ sound effect in my head. I’m sure you know the one.

So dynamic!!

I LOVE SCRIBBLE MODE SO MUCH.

Alright, I’ll admit this one’s pretty badass.

Favorite Pesterlogs:

Aside from EVERY CHAT WITH LITTLELONDE, there were a few standout bits and bobs, as usual.

It’s questionable phrasing (which seems to come up a lot), but the juxtaposition of archaic propriety with ‘devilfucking dickens’ just SLAYS me:

GT: Jane! GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

I like this first conversation with Miss Mystery not only for the call back to Karkat’s first convo with Jade, but also because it’s sort of a guarantee, no matter how spurious, of a happy ending:

UU: good morning, lovely. ^u^ GG: Why, hellooooooo. UU: so i gUess today is finally the day yoU make everything better. GG: :B! UU: it is the day whereafter the legendary octet of mUtUal progenitoriety will come together and heal a great breach in paradox space. UU: a day delivered throUgh eighty billion years and foUr distinct Universal instances worth of Unfathomable tUrbUlence. UU: and while the emerald eye of this storm is fixed in the abyss forever UU: today yoU are poised to escape its scowl once and for all. UU: by skaias gUiding light, yoU may leave behind its tUrning arms of bright coloUrs and mayhem, and secUre peace for yoUr cosmic progeny for all dUration.

I don’t think these LittleLonde snippets really even need qualifying:

GG: Where have you been today? TG: nowhere just chilling here TG: when all of the sudden GG: "All of a sudden." TG: when all of the sudden TG: it hits me

TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk TG: but not like anything coming on too strong TG: something that says TG: this is totes platonic and everything TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here TG: but still says you know TG: call me TG: if you wanna

TG: well shit jane TG: what am i even supposed to do TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!! TG: *buncha goddamn typos

TG: it was a fuckin cakewake TG: **cakewalk GG: Oh. TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful TG: which i AM but TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded TG: it was just TG: some files TG: that were there TG: unsecured TG: and i took them TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice TG: then applied lipstick TG: femme fatale style TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files

UGH UGH UGH I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

GG: IT'S UP. GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP. TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret TG: *expert TG: but TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass

I love the way UU just casually drops this bomb before signing off all cute-like:

GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible... GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game? UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt. UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it, UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods. UU: <kisses!>

As much as Bro/the auto responder is a bit of a creep, I can’t help but find this conversation funny due to Jake’s desperate, passive-aggressive pandering, and the responder’s blatant come-ons:

GT: Bro. GT: Ahem. GT: Are you there? GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately... TT: State your business, Jake. GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation. GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me. GT: It has just been... GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner. GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie. GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.* GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it! TT: Take it easy, bromide. TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible. TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided, TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time. TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity. TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it. GT: I... GT: Oh. Yes! But of course. GT: The ironies! GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude. GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.

Aaaand the veneer wears off:

TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts. GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it! GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask? GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it! TT: Nope. Not buying it. TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it. TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located. GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

:P

TT: Look at that statement you just made. TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way. GT: Har har har! GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes. GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment. TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.

I agree!

GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers! TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast. GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer. GT: Uuuuuuugh. GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!

And speaking of which:

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure. GT: I do! GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

MORE ADORALONDE:

TG: holy shit jaaaje TG: lol *k GT: Heh heh. GT: Howdy! GT: What is all this commotion about? TG: nothin TG: just your basic run o the mill holy shit TG: and also TG: hi

TG: all i know is shes banking on us doing this and if she needs us to do this than its got to be to make somethin fucking hoorible happen TG: * horbible TG: * whore bible TG: ^ bullseye

GT: I was actually just getting all of my final affairs in order when you messaged me. GT: I was to bequeath to you all my WAB posters. TG: wab wut GT: Weekend at bernies dammit!!!!!! TG: oh fuck yeay TG: im always in need of something to put under my cats shit box

Finally, this conversation between Jane and (gasp!) the real live Bro has a couple gems:

TT: And flaws aside, it's a legacy I'm proud to inherit. My duty isn't to appropriate his methods with absolute loyalty, but to apply reason and improve upon them. To leave my own mark. TT: To perfect the art of irony. TT: It's just like what you're doing with the work of your ancestor. You are striving to perfect his hokey vaudeville bullshit, or something. TT: You seek the Zen of a pie to the face. The Tao of falling the fuck down.

TT: If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word. TT: I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss. TT: Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself. TT: For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war. TT: There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say. TT: Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family. TT: Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere. TT: Bet that coin'll take a good nap there. TT: It's a gamble you win every goddamn time. TT: Yeah. 

Favorite Flashes:

As much as I enjoyed the excitement/nostalgia feels of [S] Act 6 and Jane: Get mail, there’s just really something to be said for the satisfaction of seeing a brick joke come back in such spectacular fashion.

Favorite Music:

I’m not sure whether I’ve really got anything for this one or not! ‘Homestuck Anthem’ is amazing, but it’s not specific to Act 6, and I’ve reviewed it previously. Still, what a great use of a great song!

[g-amzees]

My little Lighthouse

Title: My little Lighthouse Ship: Gamzee Makara ♥ Tavros Nitram, Other Characters & Ship(s) mentioned. AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9896126

It was four in the evening when Tavros entered the livingroom in quiet, heavy steps. His shoulders and his head hanging, looking dead beat.

Gamzee, who was sitting on the couch and watching tv, took one worried glance at his matesprits face. The thick, dark circles under Tavros’ eyes and the way he swayed on his feet tiredly, was still a sight - even after three sweeps of dating - he was trying to get used to. It was hard to hide his concern. Tavros tiptoed behind Gamzee, leaning down into him, chin dropping on to his head right between those long horns. A soft sigh escaping his throat. “I’m home.”

“Welcome home, bro.” Gamzee turned his head murmuring, placing a small kiss on the others cheek, as he wrapped himself around his beloved neck and just held him.

“Did you, uh, miss me ?”

“‘Bout as much as sopor in my ass, motherfucker.”

“Wow, uh. That’s gross,” Tavros shuddered, then yawned widely, "Charming, as always.”

Gamzee chuckled, then turned around and eased forward, far enough to properly touch Tavros’ overly tired face and stroke his thumbs over that hard jaw. “Yo, when was the last motherfuckin’ time you actually slept ? You’ve been gone for quite the time again, motherfucker. You’re all up and working too motherfuckin’ much, brother.”

“Uh. That, depends,” the other Troll gave him a tired half-smile, “what day, is it, exactly ? And yeah, i know, but uh, i can’t help it.”

“See, motherfucker,” Gamzee sighed and stroked his long, slender fingers through the soft, black hair at the back of his best beloved’s neck. “I bet you didn’t motherfuckin’ eat properly either. Messiahs, you’re getting rid all of that miracle flesh i love to get my cuddles on at.”

And as if on cue, Tav’s stomach rumbled and growled lowdly, begging for attention. “That’s, uh well not, entirely true, I had tuber paste.”

“That’s not real good motherfuckin’ food in the long run, you know.”

“It is when it’s, all you got, uh and you’ve been on a week long stakeout, and need some carbs. Being a, cavalreaper isn’t an easy job, Gamzee, you, uh, you should know that.”

The skinny clown just shrugged at his lover while rubbing through his own black, wild curls, “Yeah, yeah. If you say so, brother. I still think you need to take better motherfuckin’ care of yourself. Why don’t you motherfuckin’ change into some motherfucking chill clothing, while I’m all up heading to the meal block. I’ll make you a motherfuckin’ wicked meal, motherfucker. And after that, you can even have some motherfuckin’ chocolate-pie.”

Tavros drew a big breath, took only a little step back to turn around for the ablutions block and almost immediately stumbled. Gamzee reacted fast, his arm shot out and grabbed the edges of Tav’s dirty uniform, keeping him from toppling over.

“Sorry, uh,” His weary voice sounded slightly embarrassed, “I’m really, dead on my feet, it seems. Thank you, for the catch.”

“What are you all up and apologizing for, Tavbro ?” Gamzee giggled at his lover, “Just hold onto a motherfucker, I can walk you there.”

Tavros blushed in embarrassement, braced a hand on Gamzee’s shoulder and let his sweet clown guide him the short way to the other room.

He chuckled as he watched Gamzee take only careful little steps. “I think, I could get used to this, like having uh, a sexy servant that carries you anywhere.” Another big yawn cracked his jaw.

Gamzee furrowed his brows, “No motherfucker, don’t. This is a special motherfuckin’ service just because you’re all up and about to fall flat on that beautiful face of yours. I wouldn’t want you to break one of 'ya horns.”

Tavros couldn’t have possibly kept that sheepish smile that crawled up from his lips at the others words. “Oooh. Oh, so uh, what else, is included in this, special service ?” He tried to sound suggestive, but he was so exhausted and worn out, that he missed his usual seductive tone.

Gamzee just snorted right away at his best beloved’s poor attempt, “Even tired to the bone, you’re still a motherfuckin’ perv, Tavbro. What a miracle.”

The other Troll just giggled sweetly, too worn out to come up with a worthy reply. Not that he cared anyway, his matesprit was right after all.

“Well, I’ll go to the down and get that miracle-meal ready, then feed you properly and throw you into our motherfuckin coon. Come on down when you’re all up and finished, motherfucker. And please, don’t fall down that stairs.” Gamzee grabbed the stronger one’s hand and pushed him carefully through the door to the ablutions block.

Tavros just smiled blissfully as the door shut close behind his back. Getting out of his uniform was a bit of a drag in his terribly tired state. Since cooking would take his man longer than five minutes, he also decided to take a quick shower. He was dirty after the long week out in the fields, with barely water to drink, and basically none to wash, which was unfortunately required when working for the military. He also smelled grossly like sweat anyway and really didn’t want that to be a huge turn off for Gamzee, after it’s been too long since they saw each other. It maybe was only a week, but with a dangerous job like his, a week could feel like months to him. He likes his job and he thinks it’s honorable, but it’s still risky as fuck, and one can never be all too sure that they’ll return from a mission.

But Gamzee was the light in his life, no matter how dark his missions could be. And they were dark at times, with hope gone and lost, darkness descending. But he always knew he had someone he needed to return to. Gamzee’s existence alone was enough to always guide Tavros home.

He felt extremely refreshed after the hot shower and just a little bit less tired, even if only for the moment. He put on his favorite black shirt, which showed his sign in glimmering bronze color. He also put on the most comfy, clean pants he could find in the small block, which was a pair of Gamzee’s dotted pants. He owns at least nine of those, and Tavros finds that fact really ridiculous, every now and again. But that gave him the opportunity to steal one for himself, over and over again. They were comfortable as fuck, so he doesn’t blame his little clown for adoring them so much. He was also glad Gamzee liked his clothes wide and flexible, or else Tavros wouldn’t fit in, being quite a lot buffer than his slender partner. That would’ve been a shame.

After he finished himself up, he left the block and made his way slowly down the stairs, careful not to topple over, and yawning yet again, as he reached the meal block. He sat down with a whispered I’m back, his elbows resting on the dining table and eyes fixed on Gamzee as he was about to finish off the cooking.

“So, uh. Did anything, exciting, happen to you, this week ?” Tavros’ words slurred a little, tiredness taking over after the heat of the showers settles in. He really was trying hard to stay awake.

“Let’s see, motherfucker. Terezi thought it would be motherfuckin’ hilarious to blow up some of Equius robots, when all he was up and doing was asking me out on a pitch-date. She ended up making a huge fuckin’ mess, man. Eqbro was pissed as all shits and Nepeta had to pap the fuck outta him. Buuuut it really motherfuckin’ was hilarious, brother, i’ll give a sister as much. Karbro came over some motherfuckin’ times to check on a brother. Still takin’ me for a fuckin’ wiggler that can’t take care of himself, checkin’ out if i was eating and such. Didn’t say no to some pale sessions in a pile either, motherfuckin’ craved them even, the little miracle blooded brother. I tell you, it was glorious, i hella love teasing them nubby, sensitive horns,” He brought dishes full of deliciously looking food, put them down on the table and sat down to join Tav, who already got his hands on the silverware, “Oh, you also missed our wicked humans friendos. Johnbro, Davebro and Jadesis were all up and came over for a visit. Rosesis wasn’t with them tho, she’d rather met up with Kanaya, motherfuckin’ long distance relationship and such. Everyone motherfuckin’ gathered up and we had a fine ass dinner. I was up and told them to come by again when you’re around, motherfucker, don’t worry at that. Oh, and Aradia messaged a motherfucker a few motherfuckin’ times and asked me all out 'bout her pale-brother’s status, all fuckin’ worried as all shits about you, but I wasn’t much of a damn help, so we just got our worry on together…. And last but not motherfuckin’ least, work was quite the mixture of hilarity and hell. A brother had orders to cull some of them enemy motherfuckers, but overall, it was just shitty routine, s'all.”

Tavros didn’t respond and chewed lazily on a piece of bread, which had it’s crust cut off because Gamzee knew that’s how his lover liked it.

He couldn’t surpress yet another yawn, nodding with is head and blinking his eyes rapidly in an attempt to keep them open.

“Sorry brother, I am all up talking too much.”

“Hmmm? What, uh no. No, no Gamz, no, ’m sorry. You could, speak forever. I love your, voice, and i could listen, to you all day, and night, and never get bored. I want, to ..hear everything, you got to say. It’s not, you - it’s the, job and uh i’m just really, really beat…”

Gamzee just watched him as he mumbled sweet apologies, smiling softly and being really relieved to have him home. They both had quite dangerous jobs, his man being a cavalreaper and himself as a first class subjugglator. But when Tavros was gone for a week and beyond, a hollow feeling settled in Gamzee’s stomach. A feeling that would never ease until his matesprit walked back through the front door of their hive.

“…You, uh believe me, ..right ?” he asked, sounding only slightly alarmed, as he poked his chocolate pie - which is a dessert he loves and couldn’t turn down, no matter how tired he was - with a fork.

Gamzee gave him a heart-warming smile in return. “Yeah brother, i know as much. S'all good, dearest of brothers.”

By the time the dishes were empty and ready to be pulled away, Tav’s head was burried in his arms on the table.

“Hey,” Gamzee walked over to gently shake his shoulder, “let’s get you to coon. Was a long motherfuckin’ week for a brother.”

“Sex, comes first. Get a bucket.” Tavros mumbled as he had a hard time lifting his head along with his huge and heavy horns, and looked at his beloved with tired, reddened eyes.

“Fuck, bro. That can motherfuckin’ wait 'til some other time,” Gamzee lifted him out of the chair and placed a sweet kiss on his cheek, “you need sleep first. I bet a brother can’t even go up the stairs without motherfuckin’ falling like a pupa.”

“Uuuh. You won’t, let me fall, Gamzee.” Tavros leaned heavily against his mate, nuzzling wearily against the soft skin that smelled like cotton candy. “You never have, before, and even if I, did fall I know, you would catch me. Not. One. Doubt.”

In his exhaustion he might not understand what he was saying, or much it meant, but Gamzee surely did and his heart melted away. Melted at the words he was given, melted at the little breaths that tickled against his skin. He never expected to feel so much for this big, self-conscious, kind, beautiful troll when they first met, but he did, and it only grew stronger with every little moment that passed. And it hasn’t stopped yet, it’s like his heart is expanding with every little affection or sweet word he was given from the other, it might even explode one day. It would explode, just like that, and paint the surroundings with love and purple. That’s what’s going to happen.

They ended up in the respiteblock together, Tavros with both hands pressed against the wall with his little clown in between, leaning in closer and asking Gamzee for a tender good-night-kiss in whispered, sensual words.

Gamzee couldn’t think properly. His favorite troll was way too close to his face, his smell invading his cartilaginous nub, the scent of soap and chocolate making his mind all fuzzy. He thought he was ready for the kiss, they had kissed a billion times before, but nothing could have prepared him for the firm, yet soft press of the other’s lips against his after a long week. The heat that spread from the other through his cold body was instantaneous, his eyes closing as he pressed into Tavros, his hands coming up to grip the man’s muscular arms. Gamzee felt Tav’s big hand slide up to his face, cupping his jaw, their lips moving and sliding together as his head was tilted a bit. His legs threatened to give in, as he felt Tavros then slide one of his hands to the back of his head, his strong fingers weaving through his wild mane and the other gripping one of his horns firmly to pull him even closer. As he felt those fingers brush down the back of his neck, right down the middle, he let out an involuntary moan. He definitely needed to pull away soon. Tavros heard the moan, the sound filling his ears like music and going straight down to his lower stomach. He tightened the grip on Gamzee’s horn, his fingers still caressing the spot on the curly-headed’s neck, reveling in every moan he pulled from the clown as he felt Gamzee slide his hands up over his chest to grip the powerful shoulders, the other’s whole body coming closer. He sucked on Gamzee’s bottom lip, nibbling it a little, moaning against it as he felt blunt claws dig into his back. He took a step closer, bringing his body flush to his matesprit, as he pushed his lips against the others again, harder, the kiss getting deeper.

Gamzee’s hands rubbed gently at Tavros’ muscular shoulders with soothing, circular motions and then draggin his sharp claws down that strong, shivering back. It really was a gorgeous back and Gamzee loved touching the place. Tavros moaned softly, arching into his touch, the spot being a constant weak point for the bronze-blood. The soft, warm lips pushing harder against his own, the kiss running the risk of deepening.

But suddenly, Gamzee pulled back, breaking the tender, sloppy makeout.

“Nnnngh..Nah, bro …stop..” he swatted Tavro’s upper arm, “you’re.. too motherfucking tired to.. start anything.”

“B-But,” he stuttered, voice shaking but quiet, “I’m never, too tired for, a pailing session, really.” To fortify that statement, Tavros leaned in closer and buried his face in the crook of his lover’s neck, sucking on it softly.

Ignoring him, Gamzee put his hands onto Tavros chest and pushed his beloved away, as soft as he knew how to. Though it killed him, he tried to keep his touch impersonal and quick this time, not only for the other troll that really needed a day or two of sleep, but also for his own sake. Just a minute longer, and he wouldn’t be strong enough to stop. Tavros let out a soft sound of frustration, but couldn’t get a firm hold on Gamzee, as he tried to keep his lover pushed against the wall. His dead beat body slumping down into the purple-blood’s arms. Proof he really was completely drained.

Too bad Gamzee couldn’t say the same about his own body. He was careful to keep his lower half from touching Tavros. He needed to calm down fast. Tonight’s not the motherfuckin’ night, my excited purple bone-brother, he thought.

“Kay,uuh. ..Let’s.. let’s hop into, coon.” Tavros’ yawned. His voice had become so hoarse and scratchy, Gamzee had to strain himself to actually hear what he was saying.

“Hell yeah, bro, finally you make some fuckin’ sense.” Gamzee groused a little, but made sure he was careful as he picked up the big bull, and carried him through the rest of the room until they reached the recuperacoon.

“Messiah’s, you’re motherfucking heavy for someone who’s all up and didn’t eat much in a motherfuckin’ week” he complained.

Tavros turned his face into Gamzee’s chest and sighed deeply, a happy and content sound, “Mmmmhmm.”

“Yeah motherfucker, you’re not the brother toting around two-hundred pounds of dead weight.” Gamzee joked some more, “But ain’t no problem for a motherfuckin’ bad ass subjugglator like me. Gainin’ muscles and shit.”

Tavros just snorted quietly at the statement as he lifted himself up and crawled into the pleasant warmth of the coon that was full to the brim with sopor-slime, waiting.

“You, uh, not joining me ?” he asks, staring at the clown in confusion, who just stood there and smiled at his lover, bright and wide like an idiot. “Nah, my man. A motherfucker still got a mission to attend to. I’ll be motherfuckin’ off in a few minutes.” “Oh. Oh god, Gamzee. Fine..,” Tav murmured, rolling over, “Just, be careful. I don’t, even ..ask. It’s an order, i demand that from you. Make sure, you come back in one piece safe and, sound. When i wake up, i need ..y-you.. here…”

“Yeah motherfucker, don’t get all up and worry 'bout a brother.”

“Gamzee..,” Tavros whispered as he closed his eyes and let sleep finally take over, “..love you.”

“Love you too, brother,” Gamzee replied, and his breathlessness was surely due to having hauled Tavros’ big and heavy ass across the hive the whole evening, and not from the lump that was blocking his throat.

Gamzee would always return to him. Tavros was the same to him, as he was to Tavros.

The brilliance of Tavros’ smile, the warm glow of Tavros’ touch and the radiance of Tavros’ presence.

This light, so bright, one could see from hundreds of miles away, would always guide him home.

“I love you motherfuckin’ too, my little Lighthouse. And don’t ever fuckin’ forget it.”