#btw: an article I saw specifically mentioned that he will be back in the next episode so don't panic (like I did.... possibly)

[two-hearts-beat]

wegen einer Fortbildung ist er nicht dabei? what haha

[sabaramonds]

if anyone is wondering if im going to do an analysis of double & mikoto i uhhh need to find more stuff to read in english about psychiatric care and dissociative disorder patients in japan but given what ive found so far im like. well this is what i expected from milgram ill be honest having read the voice drama tl and watched the mv 8573485 times (omg hanae natsukis vocals) i do have a few thoughts. mentions of CSA and childhood abuse below as well as medical abuse - mikoto2 ("john" LMFAOOOO) claims he was born from mikotos workplace stress and implies that mikoto did not have DID prior to that; DID is only developed in childhood, but its common to live your life without knowing about it until adulthood (the average age at diagnosis is 29-35 years as of a 2007 paper on sciencedirect i just double checked; according to a 2009 piece from the national library of medicine, the average patient for a diagnosis is a woman of about 30 years old and a retroactive view of the patients medical history and symptoms tend to reveal a lifetime of DID symptoms) so basically im saying that its equally possible deco and yamanaka are unaware of this or mikoto2 is lying his ass off because why would he want to tell some amnesiac teenage prison warden btw the reason i exist is because mikoto was abused as a child. why do you think our mom divorced our dad. even if es likely researched it themself and is probably aware of the statistical likelihood that mikoto experienced long term childhood abuse, why would mikoto2 say it...especially if that abuse was sexual in nature - according to this video recorded by a japanese man (a recovering hikkikomori who experienced forced hospitalization in the past), the 2017 statistics for mental hospital inpatients was that there were 280,000 patients at the time, and 170,000 of those were hospitalized for over a year. 90,000 had been in hospital care for more than 5 years and 26,000 had been in care for 20 years. he also references that most psychiatric care facilities are private in nature, not government-run, so they prioritize the amount of patients they receive in a short period of time because it earns them more profits (another video i watched compared this practice to a mcdonalds burger vs a proper restaurant; make more at a cheaper cost). likewise, long term care facilities dont want to let their patients go easily, because even if families or the patient cant afford to cover the cost, insurance or the government social security system will cover it. a combination of the psychiatric business as its run and the broader cultural attitude towards mental health (in some cases, families do not want their shame to be public, and actively do not want their mentally ill relative to be released from the hospital; if this is the case, its more likely for a patient to be forcibly hospitalized long term without anyone outside to advocate for their release) so im kind of like. hm. (see saw motion with my hand) as far as rep goes i think its kinda middling, especially because mikoto2 is the Alter Who Kills People For Some Reason trope, which always sucks and basically every journal, article, or vlog ive looked into from people with DID has said "god please stop with the murder alter trope please please", but considering the source material i think its...well, its honestly better than what i was expecting. but milgram is designed to be abstract to a certain extent and were still missing information, so who knows. maybe yamanaka and deco have something else up their sleeve regarding mikoto. but yeah i couldnt find anything specifically regarding patients with DID (or related disorders) but i did only poke around for like 2 hours in the middle of the night soooo ill come back to it and that concludes my findings on this topic for today. stay tuned for my next mikoto fic installment or whatever

[quirklessidiot]

aoba johsai’s sport’s journalist (h/c’s)

just crack+ fluff + platonic-ish relationship (gn!y/n) (w: language!) a/n: this has been bugging me for awhile now since i havent seen headcanons of this yet (if their are do send them on my ask box) and since im on a slump, i decided to write this down. this is completely fun, easy-going, and self-indulgent, really perfect for someone stuck on a slump ksks. idk if i should make some for the other schools but oh welp enjoy! happy 900 btw werkwerk uwu so weird to reach this when im not even very active.

Now let’s be honest here, it’s no surprise that the volleyball team of aoba johsai has their own sports journalist. Like, c’mon, they’re one of the best in the prefecture.

But let’s start with the basics here, shall we? Let’s start with you, how this all goes through, and how you got into this heaping pile of mess.

Yep, you.

There you were in high hopes to get into journalism for college so what better way was it than to apply for the school paper? It would definitely look good and pretty in those college applications *chef’s kiss* you’re a second year btw idk if that matters but yeah..

Much to your surprise no one was applying for the news section which was kind of sad since you wanted a buddy there.

but-but it turns out though everyone was applying for the sports section completely understandable, next to feature, it was the most exciting thing to write because there was going to be a special section and writer for the volleyball team.

You knew that volleyball was kind of a big thing around your school?? you just didn’t expect it to amass like that much people.

The editor in chief is obviously surprised, you were the first person on that day to come in there and actually apply for something else.

and guess where that led you to?

Yep, the sport’s section, specifically the volleyball team’s personal sports journalist. Your brain goes brrt brrt because you were not a sports writer at all and you were, ironically, scared of ball games.

VOLLEYBALL WAS COMPLETELY NEW TERRITORY FOR YOU.

Your editor in chief laughs it off and says, “you’ll do fine… its like news bUT SPORTS! IT’LL DEFINITELY LOOK GOOD IN YOUR APPLICATIONS!”

You’re not sure if you should be terrified or terrified?

It doesn’t help that on the first day when you enter the gym you look terribly constipated and panicking a lot because of all the stray balls being spiked and tossed around.

It also didn’t help that you crash course the terminologies and the member’s name a night before and you were just running on iced coffee that day.

Yeah, way to make a first impression, huh?

When you approach the coach, you’re not exactly sure what to say and you were this close to chickening out until you saw one of the players come up to you and ask if you were alright and if you wanted to talk to oikawa.

you’re loading for a second there.

and the poor guy who asks you if you were alright, starts looking actually worried because you weren’t responding at all.

“OH, oH IS THAT THE CAPTAIN?”

the guy literally looks very confused?? because what kind of rock were you living under that you didn’t know Oikawa???

so you go ahead and introduce yourself and say that your name was Y/N and you were the new sports journalist for the team.

“....soooo you write?”

“...”

at this point on, you’re also confused too

and idk man, first impressions do indeed last because you ended up (unknowingly) sharing the same brain cell with Matsukawa Issei.

you both were just confused there, straight up looking like two kids who got left behind by their mom in the grocery check-out line.

anyways...

He tells you the team’s pretty chill and you should stop looking like they spiked a ball on your puppy or something.

Basically introduces you to the whole team after, 

no questions asked, just go with the flow.

You basically just click and vibe???

Not only because you crash coursed and related to whatever they said, 

you literally all shared the same brain cell together.

Kentaro was another story though, kid basically hated your guts at first, it felt like if you were to say one sentence to him that day, he’d literally spike a ball at your direction.

“we’re basically the same year tho :(” -Y/N

“lmao well do i’ve got news for you, y/n-chan.” - Oikawa and basically everyone on the team.

you gradually start to understand the coolness of the sport since you had to incorporate visiting them once or twice a week during practice.

but suddenly it becomes almost a daily routine after a month because they’re just really friendly people??

like wow, they’re all friendly giants.

You’re literally just there to write about them but they’re really patient and kind, they even invite you to practice games so that you could practice out your skills in writing since you mentioned that you’ve never written for sports yet.

they even give you some added key terms that aren’t found in books and online.

you’re def closest to iwaizumi and matsukawa.

iwaizumi because he makes really funny fish jokes about oikawa (yes you arent supposed to be laughing but man theyre funny af, oikawa would usually call you and iwa corny because the jokes aren’t even that funny) and yes its canon that whenever iwaizumi sees an oikawa fish in textbooks, he starts laughing and joking about it.

no explanation needed why you ended up being close to matsukawa.

its obvious after that first meeting ya both would be besties.

same brain cell bros go brrt brrt.

incredibly!! supportive!! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH

like when you release a new write up about them, Oikawa would usually go, “It’s such an honor to be apart of your first steps, can you sign this?”

dramatic but hella supportive, we stan the gr8 king

“oh, wow, i thought you said you didn’t write before? how come you sound like a professional already?” - Hanamaki 

another dramatic best boi.

akira + kindaichi getting shy because they’ve never experienced this yet. So whenever you try to interview them about stats or something for a special issue, they usually end up a stuttering mess

“w-well, L/N-san...”

kentaro slowly warming up to you but still looks like he wants to spike a volleyball at your face 90% of the time but unlike before you’re used to his whole thing already.

“Move, extra.”

“You were great, by the way. That was a powerful spike!”

you may or may not be included in random ramen nights with the team

yes, oikawa buys you your own bowl of ramen

itadakimasu.

he doesn’t mind tho, he really loves how you write them. 

so its sort of a thank you for giving the team justice when you write about them.

team says you’re technically part of the team so they make you your own jersey. Now when you watch your games people ask if you’re like the manager or smthng.

“ no :’) “

When they lost against shiratorizawa and karasuno, you were bawling too like you were apart of the team.

this pretty much cheered everyone up despite the loss because your crying face was apparently very funny and memable.

oh right, your article was passed on to the town’s newspaper

it was literally like 7 am on a saturday and your notifs went zoop.

they added you to their group chat and spammed you with pictures of the articles that you wrote.

“...wOW I CAN’T BELIEVE IT?? YOU GOT FRONT PAGE FOR SPORTS???” -Oikawa

“we didn’t even win the tournament but we still get a feature?? thats so cool?? holy shit?? CONGRATS KSKSKS” -matsukawa

lmao idk matsukawa looks like a keyboard smasher tbh idk why

pretty much its normal for you to even start hanging out already outside of the court and after practice to get steam buns.

more chaotic mess and clumsy you running around.

your volleyball sports writing experience wouldn’t be complete until someone accidentally spikes a ball at the back of your head amaright?

ironically, it’s yahaba who does that to you. poor smoll bean.

“wow, you’re dumb.” -kentaro says to you

“ :’)” -you.

“y/N-SAN I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.” -yahaba 

overall, you found yourself in a safe haven with the volleyball team and yes, you also cried when the third years graduated. 

the third years have a picture with everyone on the team + you with a very red face from all the crying?? once again, you’ve proven yourself to be a meme.

continued to write for them up until graduation.

and its def obvious you kept in touch with all of them after, duh.

[creativenicocorner]

wip asks!!! for terpsichore: 4, 17; for alto mare: 8, 16 (eyes emoji); in general: 10, 23, 27!

For Terpsichore:

4) What came first, the title or the plot?

Oh the plot for SURE!! I distinctly remember back on a sweltering hot day in 2018 when I lived in LA looking out my window, outline roughly finished and ready to start typing up ch1 going, “this bitch needs a title.” and lo and behold I ended up with what is arguably a very pretentious title for a very long fic fjfdjss but I love it all the same. In a way I always sort of knew the title would be some sort of theatre/classics reference. 

17) Post the last line you wrote in your WIP

You and I both know I’m incapable of sharing JUST a line lol

Jim lingered on these for a while, at the unmistakable smile in his mom’s eyes, and found it harder to gripe. 

It wasn’t that he was any less angry at Strickler, goodness knows Jim had his valid reasons, but rather had to come to terms with the fact that Strickler was able to do one thing Jim barely saw his own dad inspire (even from name mention alone): make his mom smile.

If a picture is worth a thousand words Jim found himself staring into volumes upon volumes. 

For Alto Mare:

8) When creating the characters for your WIP, what came first to you?

Ooo for this it really depends on the character in question. For instance with Marta, her name choice was born from a want to f/f a Lucio Dalla song Anna e Marco (one of my favorite songs btw), while also giving Barbara and James a healthier contrast. Creating a sort of chiaroscuro dynamic. Though not just for the toxic/red flag v healthy relationship but even in small choices example: Barbara and James jumped at the chance to be together, whereas Anna and Marta are taking their time to decide. 

James is basically an amalgamation cathartic vent machine born from most of my bad relationship experiences. While also a tightrope walk, and tragic reminder that Barbara does indeed end up marrying this person, and sometimes it’s hard to see red flags when you’re wearing rose tinted glasses. 

But really it just depends overall. I think what I contemplate first is, What does this scene need? Is there a missing something that other characters cannot give? What can this character offer/inspire/show as a contrast as. 

Anna could be a good example of this. As an overall aspect I wanted to give Barbara a friend, and simultaneously give her character more grounded tangibility. Yet in many ways Barbara and Anna are very different (despite the fact that I also like to joke that Anna is, like, the cooler ‘edgier’ Barbara haha).  

16) Give a spoiler for your WIP.

At some point Barbara falls asleep on a train, misses her stop, and has to get off at the Santa Maria Novella train station...which is in Florence. Luckily someone is there to help her~  >;3c 

(please note this isn’t something that happens in the upcoming chapter. A spoiler for the upcoming next chapter would be.... [squints] Bular, Earthquakes???? O:   Anywho please don’t walk through Villa Borghese at night.)

For General:

10) Do you have an outline? Do you stick to it?

I do have an outline! But It isn’t so much that I stick to it, that I just write it in metaphorical pencil. I like to give myself slightly fixed points I know I want to reach. Little markers on the trail, but want to also know/ want to give myself the permission to be okay with the idea that, sometimes plans do change. While researching for a specific plot point you might come across some interesting details you might want to add at the last minute and that’s cool too!! 

In short, I do have outlines, they just tend to sit in lawn chairs and hammocks with breezy linen shirts and a fruity cocktail with a fun bendy straw, occasionally pulling up from their sunglasses and saying, “Hey don’t forget to do this. I don’t care how. Or don’t, I’m not your boss.”

In short short, it’s more of a guideline haha. Granted certain aspects ARE set in stone, it’s how they happen that’s more left up to “whatever happens happens”

23) What’s more important: characters or plot?

Oh heck this is such a loaded question. Because it can be approached in so many different ways. Yet at the same time it’s very ‘what comes first the chicken or the egg?’ 

Characters move the plot, yet at the same time the plot creates the characters. I think it depends on the vibe of the overall story. 

27) What is the best writing advice?

Look at me, really look at me. Don’t forget to save. SAVE DO IT RIGHT NOW SAVE THAT WIP. 

Also, give yourself permission to write out of order. If you’re really passionate about writing a certain moment that isn’t going linearly with what you’re next chapter is, freaking go for it!! You’ll thank yourself down the road, and it might unblock that current chapter hurdle! Or heck you might even re-inspire a few lines for a section you already wrote about!

Set deadlines while also being okay with the knowledge you might not reach that deadline. Give it the old college try, and sing the words of Mr. Incredible in your hearts “We’ll get there when we get there.”

My favorite advice is probably this: if you’re stuck on a certain section or moment, try writing by hand. If you’re like me and occasionally get distracted cause your spelling is god awful, or have a habit of venturing elsewhere on the world wide web, it’s a neat way to just sit and focus. No little squiggly lines to google, or wiki articles to go down a rabbit hole of. Just you and the words while racing against your thoughts hehe

But overall I don’t think there is a singular writing advice to rule them all, and sometimes the best advice for one day might be the worst on another day, and that’s okay too! Remember, you’re growing along side your writing process! 

[phoenotopia]

2019 October Update

Woops, I slipped by my stated blog date since I thought September had 31 days for some reason. So here's the end of September update, 1 day late.

--------------------------

Writing... And more writing.

That captures the majority of what transpired the last 2 months. The biggest cutscenes have been scripted as well as most towns, so we're really close... I estimate that the writing will conclude within the next 3 *weeks* and we will actually have a game that can be played from start to finish... Don't get too excited though, because then begins the game's vigorous playtesting phase and more polish. And since I've never launched a commercial game before, the next steps (PR, marketing, lot checking, ESRP rating application, trailers recutting, release date finding, etc) are uncharted territory. The only experience I have is launching a flash game 5 years ago, and that was a lot quicker and a lot less complicated... And so, I can't gauge how long it'd take nor give an accurate release date yet. However, as soon as I do know, it'll be sure to post it here first!

--- COMPUTER BROKE DOWN ---

Among the events that transpired in the last 2 months, my computer actually broke down. It would manifest as the computer shutting off about 10 minutes after turn on. And this was really worrisome because if my computer croaked, it would be a huge blow to the game's development. The time it would take to restore the specific dev environment I had set up would be considerable...

Luckily, it was repaired after 4 days of intense troubleshooting. I'll spare you the long list of events that transpired, but eventually my brother and I were able to narrow the problem down to non-spinning fans on the graphics card. I was able to zippo-tie two chassis fans together, and insert them below the Gfx Card's heat sink. Much cheaper than replacing the whole graphics card!

(please hold until the game's done)

--- MORE PLAYTESTING CHANGES ---

I'll discuss here some additional fixes/changes to the game based on my brother's previous playthrough (still going through that list, heh...)

F. Remember you can climb roots

I remember from a public demo I attempted (3 years ago?), that a lot of people got stuck at these roots, not realizing they could be climbed. Since then, we did a few things to ensure that the first encountered roots would be climbed. The roots' colors were brightened so they would stand out. A character, Ernest, comments that others have climbed the roots. And finally, standing in front of the roots will cause the "Press UP" tutorial prompt to appear.

So how did my brother fare when I did the playtest 2 months ago? He climbed the roots, thankfully. He climbed the next few sets as well. However, later on, in a dungeon, he forgot that climbable roots were a thing. Back to square one. So there's a lesson here... Even if you teach a player something, there's no guarantee that it'll stick.

So in the picture above, you can see my next attempt at an invisible hand to remind the player. In the red circle, notice there are 4 blue dots. These blue dots pulsate wherever there are climbable roots (They're a lot more visible in motion). The idea is to tie an unusual image to an action. I anticipate when the player sees 4 pulsating dots, they'll react by attempting a variety of actions, before eventually concluding that you can only climb them. And that this experience will be more memorable for it - to be conjured up whenever the player sees 4 blue dots. I look forward to observing what happens with the next blind playtester. (Btw, in reading this blog, you have disqualified yourself from playtesting :P)

G. Instant Food Eating

As stated in a previous blog post, the player can't eat from the menu. Food must be eaten in real-time. It's up to the player to find a safe spot to eat, away from interruptions. Some foods can be eaten more quickly, proving more valuable in a fight.

However, what about on the world map?

You can't use tools or items on the world map, which means no healing at all! I saw my brother opening the menu and tinkering around, confident that it could be done. Because why couldn't you?

Indeed... he didn't say anything, but I wrote it down as a feature to be added. And after adding it, found that eating from the menu was  fun! After years of using the new system, to have the old flash system's implementation of healing again was refreshing.

And so I decided to add it as a possible new characteristic of food. There's now a special class of food, "candy", that actually can be used from the menu (world map or no). Rest assured, candy items will be balanced - costing more than regular food, and their healing effects will tend to be less than other more timely items.

(the “eat” subcommand appears for "candy" class items. The candy icon on the bottom-right denotes a candy class item)

H. Fishing Hud finally updated

This wasn't something discovered through playtesting, more of an unfinished task that sat around for far too long. 

(Old fishing hud on left. New fishing hud on the right)

In the old fishing hud (perhaps an example of minimalism taken too far), the fish's health is represented by 10 white dots. In the new fishing hud, the fish's health lines up and mirrors the player's own stamina. Whoever outlasts the other wins!

I had actually been sitting on the finalized graphics for over a year. For some reason, the last 10% implementation of a feature tends to be the most boring. In game development, I find myself jumping around often, working on whatever can catch my interest. That's good for ensuring that the game's development is always moving forward in *some* capacity. But now at the tail end of development, only the most boring tasks are left...

--- WRITING ---

So I mentioned writing. One of the things written in the last 2 months was the entirety of the "monster" village's NPCs. This time I also roped in Pirate (formerly artist, now also writer), since she's quite familiar with their lore having drawn them and their town.

When I wrote trolls, I wanted to give them a unique speech, not unlike the Mr. Saturns from Earthbound. My idea was to capitalize all words and then strip away as many unnecessary words as I could, while keeping the meaning identical.

Pirate then took the result and improved upon it, establishing rules their language could follow to be consistent:

Simplified negatives (no instead of not/don’t/can’t/etc);

Object pronouns replace subject, possessive and reflexive pronouns (me/name instead of I/my/mine/myself). 

No ‘be’ verb or it’s conjugations (am, is, are).

No verb conjugation.

No articles.

(A sample of troll language. Harpy language is similar, but no caps, and a few other variations.)

Another neat thing that happened naturally over the past two months was a construction of a "timeline". The timeline takes the form of a 2D chart, with the major players lined up on the left, and the years up top. There are new characters this time around, and having the timeline as a reference, helps to make sure the lore is on point.

(the timeline, blurred. An internal tool to aid writing)

--- FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY ---

Speaking of which, it was the game's 5 year anniversary this past August 20th. Thank you to Firana for reminding me!

Five years... Five Years... T_T (I thought I'd be done by now)

It'd be neat to do a longer in-depth retrospective on this game's long development, but I'll wait for the game to be properly finished first.

--- FAN ART ---

We have 3 lovely fan arts that came in the past 2 months.

(Art by Amaury Lorin)

I like how this picture selectively colors the night sky, comet, and fire. Very artistic! Amaury also submitted a poem (in French). Here it is!

Parmi cette clarté que la nuit seule émet, Au-dessus des radis géants qui s'épanouissent, Nonobstant sans souci les herbes qui frémissent, Sous un ciel calme et sombre, un village dormait.

Éprise de liberté, une puki part Là-bas, quelque part où des prés plus verts la tenant. "Oh, s'écrie un enfant, une étoile filante!" Veille, enfant : pour tes grands yeux curieux seuls, ce soir,

Indifférente au sol précipité sur elle, L'étoile tombe... Écoute, enfant, elle t'appelle; L'étoile : "Suis-je un ange, un messager du ciel?

Avec mes feux, suis-je augure, ou suis-je étincelle? Gloire d'un monde haut, d'une nuit éternelle... Et j'arrive!" --Dors, enfant, tes yeux ont sommeil...

                                                         ...mais demain...

(Art by LittleLys Owo)

Gale smiling and flashing the peace sign. Nice! I like the skillful use of vectors to draw the lineart.

(Art by Shafiyahh)

Shafiyahh, who also drew fanarts in the last update, returns with this cool picture of Gale sporting the katana, a hidden weapon that... JK. I Love the composition of characters, and the flashy background - very anime-esque!

That's all for now. Next update will come at the end of November!

[everlastingdreams]

Dex x Reader: Sugar Crush Chapter 5

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Notes: This is one of the chapters where the trigger warning is for !!!! And btw did I mention I like to leave small clues in my stories for future chapters, have fun figuring those out. :) Also foreshadowing.

Summary:  Reader moves into the same building as one Agent Poindexter. A bond starts to grow between them. Can the reader move on after a traumatic past ‘relationship’ ?

Chapter: 5/?

Trigger Warning:  Mentions of physical and emotional abuse ! YES this one will come with trigger warnings. I tried not to post too much into detail stuff but this entire thing comes with a trigger warning !

Word count: 2196

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

After Dex had left, you decided to spend the day making waffles. And to do that you would need to go out and buy the ingredients. You didn't just want some random brand of butter or a random brand of sugar, no. The ingredients you needed had to be of a specific brand. The old brands your mother always used. You had found the recipe of the waffles in her old cookbook after she had passed, you even had the old waffle maker she always used and you took great care of it. Even though time had aged it visibly, it still worked amazingly well and fast.

You went to a few shops before you finally found one that had the things you were looking for. As you were reaching for the milk your hand bumped into someone else's. You quickly pulled your hand back.

“Sorry.” you blurted out at the same time as the other person.

The blonde woman next to you chuckled at the situation.

You took a jug of milk and handed it to her “Here you go.”

She looked at you in light suprise as she took the jug you were holding out to her “Thank you.” she was tapping her fingers against the jug and you knew she had noticed the marks around your eye. You had seen her eyes scan over it for only a second. “I'm Karen. Karen Page.”

Her introduction now took you by suprise considering you two were total strangers who just bumped into each other in a store. You reminded yourself that you could use more friends in this new city “I'm (y/n) (l/n).”

She held out her hand and you shook it.

Her voice was low in volume as she spoke to you again “I know it's none of my business but-”

“But your going to get involved anyway ? Doesn't suprise me to be honest, I bet most reporters would.” a small smile on your lips as you looked at her.

She let out a breath “I...how did you know ?”

“I read your articles in the newspaper on this uhm.. Daredevil guy.” you casually stated.

“Oh. That does explain things.” she let out a chuckle “I just..” She pointed at her own eye discreetly “I just wanted to say that I know a good lawyer if you'd consider pressing charges. He's a good guy, he helped me as well when I was in trouble.”

Your eyes fell for a moment, you appreciated that someone you didn't even know would care about your well-being. If only you had met someone like her earlier, perhaps you would have pressed charges against your ex. Perhaps you wouldn't have had to hide from him. Perhaps that would have been a mistake, yes, it would have been a mistake.

“Thank you, Miss Page. But this..” you pointed at the remainder of your bruised skin “Isn't going to happen again. I left him.. I am starting a new life, away from him.”

A smile appeared on her face “I am very glad to hear that. You have made the right decision. If however you would still consider to press charges against him..” she rummaged through her bag for a moment “This guy will help you out, I am sure of it.”

She handed you a card “Foggy Nelson?”

“Yes. He works for Hogarth, Chao and Benowitz now. He used to work for Nelson and Murdock.” she clarrified.

You gave a quick nod “Thank you. I'll... I will think about it.”

“Great, and uhm.. good luck.” she told you before she left you to continue your grocery shopping.

Past.....

The sun was shinning down on you as you walked down the street.

A smile dancing on your lips as you turned the corner and smiled to a person you had often seen around in the stores, always ending up chatting a bit together.

Life wasn't always perfect, but right now it did feel that way. You shared a cozy house with a nice garden with your boyfriend. You had met him about four months ago when you were sitting on a bench reading a text message on your phone when you became aware that someone had taken place next to you. It pulled your attention away from your phone and when you looked up into a pair of dark green eyes you felt your heart flutter. He was gorgeous, no, he was more then that. His raven black hair combed back neatly, dressed in a suit that looked like it was made especially for him. He was the epitome of confidence. The moment his eyes locked on yours, the moment he said “Hello” with a voice as smooth as silk, you knew you were lost.

He was the perfect boyfriend, and not long after you two met, you were living together.

He often worked late in his office, but when he came home he never spoke about work. Avoided it even, it should have been a red flag but you couldn't see that. You felt so lucky to have a guy like him. All you knew is that he worked for a security company that protected people who were wealthy enough to afford it.

You had decided to suprise him at his office, you had never been there before but it was easy enough to find the building. The fact that the door to the building was unlocked didn't strike you as strange, it was probably open for potential clients. You walked inside, making sure to close the door again quietly. You didn't want to ruin the suprise. A quick look around showed you that there was no one on the first floor. You had expected a receptionist or perhaps even a secratery, but there was no one. You made your way up the stairs, ignore the feeling in your gut that something was off. Second floor, no one. Third floor, no one. This place didn't just look abandoned, it was abondened. The rooms were empty, no one was working there.

The feeling inside you grew, this was wrong. Something is wrong. You heard voices coming from the floor above you, you listened and heard your boyfriend's voice but it was unclear what he was saying.

You brushed the strange feeling away, surely there was a normal explanation. Perhaps they used this building to ensure the safety of their clients, perhaps that's why there was no one else here.

You walked up the stairs to the fourth floor and the voice of your boyfriend got clearer as you neared the room he was in. As you got closer you could hear other voices, three other voices, all of them male.

Something inside you warned you, warned you to stay quiet, to listen. Your plan was to walk in his office and shout suprise and hand him the cupcakes you had baked that morning. But now you stayed around the corner as you listened to what they were saying. You peeked around the corner and saw your boyfriend leaning against his desk, relaxed as he looked at another guy who was sitting on the chair in front of him. Two others were standing at the side, as if they were guarding something or someone.

“Mister Davis, you must understand that my client is very upset about these unfortunate circumstances. He placed a lot of faith in you when he asked you to keep his shipments safe.” your boyfriend's silky voice cut through the silence of the room.

The man in the chair scoffed “I tried alright! Everything went smooth until Daredevil showed up. How the hell was I supposed to handle that situation ?! Not even Fisk could beat that son of a bitch! He's in prison thanks to him !” the man shouted in anger.

Your boyfriend sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose “I'm afraid that trying is not enough. You failed Mister Fisk, the shipments are lost because of your incompetence-”

“My incompetence?! Shaw, you son of a bitch, I've worked for Fisk for years. How dare you speak to me like that!”

“Let's keep this professional, Mister Davis.” a slight hint of annoyance was audible in your boyfriend's voice.

The other man slammed his fists on the chair he was sitting in “Damn you ! You think you're above me ?! Above the others !”

Your boyfriend only sighed again as he stood now, a hand smoothing out his suit jacket as he turned his back to the man “Mister Fisk has asked me to give you another chance. Do you think you will be succesful this time ?” his voice showed no interest in the man.

“You don't think I will ?!” the man stood up from the chair fuming now.

“Indeed, I do not.” he turned to the man, his expression was blank.

“Who the hell do you think you're talking to !” the man's voice was loud now.

Your boyfriend didn't speak, he looked at the man with little interest before he closed his eyes and sighed once more.

Then it happened quickly, your boyfriend pulled a gun from his jacket and shot the man only once. Sending a bullet straight into his head. The man fell backwards.

The sound of the gunshot made you jump, a short scream escaped your throat at the unexpected  situation. And you knew they had heard you. You didn't wait, you ran, back to the door that would lead to the stairs. And right when you put your hand on the door handle you felt someone yank your hair back, before they grabbed your arm and held it behind your back to push you against the door.

One of the men who had been in the room was now holding you against the door.

“Got them!” he shouted and you heard the others nearing.

The other man was the second to show up, and when he got closer to you he grabbed a gun from behind his back. The one holding you turned you around, slamming the back of your head against the door as he did. And soon you were face-to-face with Shaw “Easy, gentlemen. This one belongs to me." he walked over to you and the guy holding you let go.

“Sweetheart, you must forgive this man for handling you like this. But you did give us a reason to distrust you. Why are you here ?” he was calm as he spoke, as if nothing had happened. And that is when a feeling of dread washed over you, this wasn't the first time he killed someone. You were shaking with fear, a tear escaped your eye and you couldn't speak.

He nodded to the other man to take a step back and the man did as commanded “(y/n), Why are you here?” he asked again but this time there was a sharp edge to his words.

You couldn't look him in the eyes, not anymore “I wanted to suprise you.” your voice almost a whisper.

His mouth curved into a smile, but you knew it wasn't a genuine one “Well, color me surprised.”

He let out a breath as he dragged his hand over his chin “I really wish you would have called, sweetheart. Now we are facing a problem. You saw what just happened didn't you ?”

You focused on his tie instead of on his face as you nodded.

He nodded as well "Alright, here's what's going to happen. You didn't see anything. And if anyone asks, you will tell them exactly that. Understand ?" You nodded lightly, not able to form words as your throat tightened. His hand struck your cheek and you looked at him in shock, finally meeting his eyes "I asked you if you understand, you would be smart to answer that clearly."

“I understand.” your voice broke.

He held on to your chin with his fingers “Good girl.” he said and placed a quick kiss on your lips. You wanted to throw up at this point but you knew you had to pretend everything was fine. His eyes fell on the bag you were holding “Did you bring me some of your famous cupcakes, little dove?”

You swallowed before you answered “Yes.”

“See this, gentlemen, this is why I like this girl. She's beautiful, she's smart and she knows how to cook.” he took the bag from your hand “And she knows when to keep quiet.” it sounded like a threat and you were sure that it was exactly that.

He took a step back from you “I'll be home a little later tonight, love. I have some things to take care of. But this guy here is going to make sure you get home safely.”

This was his way of telling you, to not try to run.

Shaw walked past you and one of the other guys grabbed hold of your arm and guided you out the building and to the house you shared with Shaw.

The only way to survive was to obey Shaw, knowing that if he wanted, he could end your life.

All you had to do was be a “Good girl.”

Tag list for this series (let me know if you want to be added or removed from the list :) ) :

@marvelmayo @givemeabite @aquietfortitudeandstrength @missminx1993@fuchsiagrasshopper @legion-18 @love-mia-marisol @star-spangled-man @bilson-bethel

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

I cannot figure out how to sign up or log in to gizmodo to explain directly to the author how wrong and broken they are so this will have to do. If anyone is able to post on this site I’d love them to link to this.

 “Although Peter Parker had several love interests in his early comic book history—most notably, of course, Gwen Stacy—when Mary Jane Watson was introduced, she was clearly the be-all and end-all of Spidey relationships. ”

 This is wrong on two counts.

 If we define MJ’s introduction as ASm #25 where we first see and hear her then she was absolutely not the be all and end all of Spidey’s relationships. They weren’t in a relationship and she existed as a gag nothing more.

 Fair enough though, few people count that preferring her furst full debut in ASM #42. Even then that statement is wrong.

MJ was introduced as a rival and foil to Gwen Stacy who was the actually intended endgame be all end all love interest.

 “Before that, early issues of Amazing Spider-Man spent almost a year teasing her as a potential romantic partner for Peter, with Aunt May constantly trying to set up a date between Peter and the mysterious, unseen Ms. Watson. Peter wouldn’t first meet MJ until the final moments of Amazing Spider-Man #42—with the cry of her famous line, “Face it, tiger... you just hit the jackpot!”—and it was love at first sight.”

 Oh okay so they do know about her pre- ASM #42 appearences they are just wilfully ignoring it.

 More importantly it was never love at first sight. Peter was attracted to her but he wasn’t in love with her at all and like 2 issues later was thinking how he actually didn’t like her.

 “Peter immediately began dating her, but it didn’t last that long, and the couple eventually broke up for the first of many times. ”

 Again wrong.

 Peter and MJ at best casually dated. They were not exclusive and not going steady therefore no break up ever occurred.

 “This led to Peter dating Gwen again while MJ, still a good friend to the duo, hooked up with Harry Osborn.”

 Again wrong. MJ and Gwen being friends is contentious. They were in the same friendship group but were not particularly close. Moreover Peter and MJ as I said never broke up. Peter began courting Gwen and said nothing to MJ who had herself been casually dating Harry too.

 This was the 1960s and college kids there was a lot of freely traded flirting and dating at the time. In truth Gwen and Harry were dating slightly more seriously but they didn’t even break up and when Gwen and Peter began courting that pissed Harry off.

 MJ didn’t even immediately begin dating Harry after Peter and Gwen got serious and when she did they were again not exclusive though Harry believed they were. Hence the famous panel in ASM #97 wherein Harry tells MJ she’s his girl and she dumps his ass telling him she’s no one’s girl but her own.

 “Gwen’s now-iconic death at the hands of the Green Goblin in Amazing Spider-Man #121 drove Peter and Mary Jane together again as they both tried to come to terms with the loss of Gwen.”

 This is also not strictly speaking true. Yes Gwen’s death was the catalyst but they were not bonding over a mutual loss of Gwen. MJ supported Peter in his time of need which led to their friendship deepening and spending more time together and from these interactions they fell in love.

 Had other circumstances served to allow a (single) Peter and MJ spent more time together, gotten to know each other better, showcased a lot of care and loyalty to one another the same scenario would’ve occurred. But Gwen’s death was such a big deal it threw them together is all.

 “But once more, it didn’t last that long—Peter’s dual life as Spidey began to tear them apart, and when Peter offered a hasty marriage proposal, Mary Jane turned him down, and decided to escape her stressful life with a move away from New York, leaving Peter on his own again.”

 Again this is incredibly incorrect.

 The first time Peter and MJ were explicitly dating on the page was ASM #136 (the debut of Harry as the new Green Goblin btw) in 1974. Their relationship BEGAN to fall apart after Peter’s proposal in ASM #182 and her rejection of it in ASM #183 in 1978. They were still together though but there was an understanding they were no longer exclusive or going steady so they saw other people whilst still seeing one another and steadily drifting apart in spite of efforts to try and repair their relationship. The final end came though in ASM #1992-193 in 1979. Peter made one last effort to fix things with MJ and convinced her to go on a date with him but Spider-Business made him miss it and so MJ decided she was done with him, telling him as much in the next issue.

This means Peter and MJ had some form of relationship, USUALLY a serious and exclusive one (across THREE titles!) for four to five years!  So ‘didn’t last long’ my ass.

Moreover MJ’s move out of New York wasn’t immediate. She appeared two more times, once in Spectacular Spider-Man #38 and then again in ASM #201 both in 1979.

Only after this did MJ move away and at the time it wasn’t even talked about IIRC. She was just phased out of the series without mention and only later did we learn her absence was due to her having moved away. It was even later that we found out her move away was partially prompted by Peter’s proposal and more significantly her learning he was Spider-Man.

 “Upon her return (and the reveal that she had figured out that Peter is Spider-Man), the two remained friends.”

 Again this is grossly over simplifying things.

 MJ returned in ASM #241-242 in 1983 and revealed she knew Peter’s identity in ASM #257 in 1984. During the interim Peter and MJ were still friendly with one another.

It was the reveal of her knowledge of his dual life along with her own painful past that made them CLOSER friends and confidants.

 “But dual traumas—Peter losing his close friend Ned Leeds, and Mary Jane confronting her crooked father—led to the two getting closer again, and this time Peter’s second marriage proposal stuck. Well, actually, MJ turned him down again but eventually reconsidered.”

 Again no.

 Peter and MJ grew closer following MJ revealing her secret history in ASM #259 and then they CONTINUED to grow ever closer thereafter.

 Ned Leeds death and MJ confronting her father were part of that sure, but they weren’t the root cause.

 Ned’s death was likely the motivation Peer needed to propose a second time and dealing with her Dad is THE thing that led MJ to accept the proposal, but they were already in love, already effectively dating and already very close.

 “Peter and MJ’s married life was defined by a frankly absurd amount of drama. ”

 God. An absurd amount of drama in a SUPERHERO story. Who’s ever heard of such a thing.

 Thank God there wasn’t as much drama in Superman and Lois Lane’s relationship across 70 years or Reed and Sue’s marriage across 45 years.

 It’s not like at one point they split up because Reed put their son into a coma   or Sue miscarried their child only to become reimpregnated with her years later.

 “Mary Jane’s modelling career hit new highs after her marriage, only for her to be stalked by her former landlord, who not only ruined her career but then kidnapped her (the first of many, many kidnappings during her marriage). ”

 Again kidnappings of a superhero’s loved ones! *clutches pearls*

Also MJ’s career was ruined by Jonathan Caesar AFTER he stalked and kidnapped her. FFS at least get the sequence of events right Wikipedia explains this better!

 “Meanwhile, Peter was distraught by the arrival of a couple claiming to be his long-thought-dead parents. Once they were revealed to be Life Model Decoy robots sent by the Chameleon (hired by Harry Osborn in an attempt to get revenge for the death of his father Norman, a.k.a. the Green Goblin) to kill him, Peter had a total mental breakdown, abandoning Mary Jane for a while before they eventually reunited.”

 The article pretends like the above event quickly followed the former when it didn’t.

 Moreover it claims Peter’s mental breakdown was specifically due to his parents being imposters but it wasn’t. It was actually multiple incidents gradually putting him under immense strength and the straw that broke him was actually Aunt May’s coma.

 Like...maybe fucking READ the comic where he breaks down maybe?

 It’s also debatable to say he ever actually abandoned MJ. He went off the rails briefly in that story but it was actually MJ who temporarily abandoned him though she made it clear she would be coming back.

 Then after a lot of other stuff they reunited.

  “And then, oh and then, there’s the Clone Saga, one of the most infamous Spider-Man stories ever told. ”

 FALSE! Peter and MJ’s reconciliation happened DURING the Clone Saga not before.

 “In between all the wild nonsense about Peter clones, Ben Reilly, and Peter being convinced that he’s a clone so he abandons being Spider-Man altogether, Mary Jane became pregnant, only to tragically give birth to a stillborn child after she was poisoned by an agent of the Green Goblin. ”

 Again not true.

 Peter didn’t abandon being Spider-Man because he was a clone. The story arcs ‘Exiled’ and the ‘The Greatest Responsibility’ make it explicit that just because Peter is the clone doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be Spider-Man. It was decided peter SHOULD remain Spider-Man but it was actually his impending fatherhood that led Peter to retire and hand the mantle to Ben.

 Also MJ giving birth to a stillborn child is at best debatable.

 It’s HEAVILY implied Norman merely faked the baby’s death. This makes more sense for his character too.

 “The horror and stress of the whole event—which culminated in the return of Norman Osborn, the apparent death of Ben Reilly (don’t worry, he got better too, eventually, sort of), and Peter’s return to the Spider-Mantle—understandably put the couple’s relationship on the rocks.”

 No it didn’t.

 The story arc in which Norman returned, Ben died and the couple believed their child to have died actually ends with the reaffirmation of their relationship and shows them growing closer and stronger from it.

 This is then corroborated in the very next issue, Spec #241 which again reaffirms they’re relationship is strong.

 “Then MJ got kidnapped (again) by a telepathic mutant who wanted to steal Peter’s life (and his wife) and staged a plane explosion in Amazing Spider-Man#13, which led to Peter believing MJ was dead for over a year. ”

 FALSE!

 Not only did he skip over more than TWO YEARS worth of stories by jumping immediately from the end of the Clone Saga in 1996 to the Mackie/Byrne era (which began in 1998 with the plane crash in 2000) but he also falsely claims Peter believed MJ was dead for over a year.

 He didn’t.

 MJ was presumed dead by the public for just 6 months and for the MAJORITY of that time Peter was in denial over her death. When he found her alive he even admitted he never truly believed she was dead. Meaning Peter NEVER thought she was dead and felt that way for 6 months not 12.

 “As if all this wasn’t more than enough kicks while Peter and MJ were down, Civil War broke out in the Marvel universe in 2006, which saw Peter’s identity made public, the superhero community tearing itself apart over something that is in equal parts tragic and dumb, and Aunt May and MJ having to go on the run after Spider-Man’s ginormous roster of foes started chasing them in the wake of Peter’s big, foolish reveal.”

 Wow there is so much misinformation to unpack here.

 Okay, so first of all Peter and MJ WEREN’T separated or dealing with the fallout of MJ’s trauma when Civil War occurred.

 They parted ways in 2001, got back together in 2003 and Civil War was 2006!

 Furthermore the Parkers didn’t go on the run because of Peter revealing his identity, it was because he no longer trusted Tony Stark and thus decided to go on the run...I said the author was wrong I never said the story was logical.

 “That still left the problem of Peter’s identity being made public during Civil War, however. Peter asked Doctor Strange to cast a spell that would wipe his identity from the mind of everyone in the world, including Mary Jane, in Amazing Spider-Man #641—only for Peter to protect Mary Jane from the spell’s effects at the last minute. Despite being kept in on his greatest secret, Mary Jane ultimately decided she couldn’t keep risking the danger of being someone special to Spider-Man, and told Peter to move on and find someone else to share his life with.”

 Again this misrepresents the sequence of events. The author pretends that these events occurred after Peter and Mj broke up in the new revised timeline when in truth the mindwipe was the thing that led to them breaking up (stupidly).

 Moreover the break up was spawned by MJ (stupidly) not wishing to risk her family not herself.

 “The two remained friends and confidants over the next few years, until another wild Spider-Man event—The Superior Spider-Man, in which a dying Doctor Octopus took over Peter’s body and seemingly sent Peter’s consciousness into the villain’s previously dying body, effectively killing Peter”

 FALSE!

 In Superior Spider-Man Doc Ock created back ups of his own and Peter’s minds and uploaded said copies into one another’s bodies.

 The Peter who died in Otto’s dying body was never the original, the original was simply a passive observer within his own body.

  “When Mary Jane noticed that something was up with Peter, the two quickly broke up again”

 SUPER FALSE!

 MJ DIDN’T NOTICE anything wrong! THAT was why the story sucked shit.

 Otto himself ended things because he believed that they shouldn’t be together because he’d always endanger her.

 “And when Peter was eventually restored to his body and Otto’s deception was revealed to her, Mary Jane decided once and for all that Peter’s absurd life as a hero shouldn’t define her life as well, choosing to remain friends with him but remaining mostly separated from his life. (Valid.)”

 No. INVALID.

 MJ victim blamed  Peter and wasn’t saying his crazy life defined her. She was saying some nonsense about wanting a normal life but still wanted that in the city where Skrulls invade ever summer.

It was toxically out of character.

It also wasn’t ‘once and for all’ since oh I dunno she still stuck around in his fucking life.

“The revitalization of Marvel’s continuity in the wake of 2015's Secret Wars kept this status quo for MJ and Peter—although fans jonesing for the couple’s time together were thrown a bone by Marvel in the form of Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows, an ongoing series that began in 2016 about an alternate-reality version of Peter and MJ that remained married, had a daughter together, and currently fight crime as an entire Spider-family.”

 Okay true but how is that relevant to the point of the article?

[reylosource]

modern au prompt fill #1

continuing my inability to write drabbles, and trying not to scrutinize this one too much - here you go! Thanks for the prompt @necromancerluna =)

She had been watching him since he had appeared earlier in the evening, disheveled and zombie-like, his hair was still perfect though. Rey hated it a little, that it always taunted her with its bounce and silky texture.

Not that she knew what it felt like, exactly, she had only daydreamed about it; she should have been a little embarrassed by her obsession, by the way her eyes were drawn to him whenever he came in to work - or study, or whatever it was he did.

Surrounded by young good looking college males all day was definitely a perk of the job, a little eye candy for someone who spent hours cataloging books in relative silence. But Ben Solo wasn't a young good looking college male, a fact that Rey was painfully aware of; he was a researcher working on the University's large sociology grants - and definitely wasn't young, although she hadn't been immediately aware of that, couldn't tell by his looks.

And oh, she had studied him. Mostly his profile, and the broad back that was always hidden under t-shirts that seemed far too casual for a mid-30s sociologist. He came in every few days, late at night when the library was quiet, and usually when Rey was working. But he never said anything, just settled into one of the tables and stacked it high with papers and an odd book or two, which Rey appreciated - even in libraries, books were an uncommon accessory for research now.

"I'm headed home, Rey - I hope the night stays quiet," one of the older librarians said to her as he wrapped his scarf around his neck. "I doubt you'll have many other visitors in this weather - the supplies are in the back office if you need them. Have a good night."

Rey grinned, "Alright, Dr. Dameron - thank you!" He was always puttering over her when she had to stay late, but she had been working in the library on campus all four years and she could handle herself. Still, she still thought it was nice to have people worry over her - she would probably never get tired of it.

An hour or so passed as she reviewed the stack of books that had been returned to the bin during the day, mindless work that only served to encourage the daydreams about Ben Solo. Even though it was technically against the rules, she had earbuds in and was humming to herself, imagining herself singing to him.

What if I told you That I need you That I love you for all that you are? Would you hold it against me For speaking so freely? What would you say? Would you walk away?

A throat cleared behind her, loud - as if he had attempted it a few times before - and she gasped, ripping the earbuds out; her body was frozen, back facing the direction of the voice. She knew it was him with every fiber of her being, even though she had never heard him speak before.

"Pardon me, sorry for scaring you," he spoke again and his dulcet tone sunk deep into her stomach and she turned around, biting her lip in a nervous attempt to avoid making a fool of herself. Moving slowly, as if she were underwater and very surely making her look like a crazy person, she finally faced him and brought her eyes up to his face. Somehow she had never realized how tall he was, but that wasn't what she noticed first.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," she said before clamping her hands across her mouth, a flush rising in her cheeks. Wasn't the number one rule of admiring someone from afar that you don't make it obvious you've studied them? Next to perhaps not interacting with them - she had been in good control of that, until tonight. That was out the door now.

Instead of laughing, or making it even more awkward, the corners of his mouth lifted up in a smile, "Uh yeah, sometimes - my contacts were bothering me today, so uh-"

He ran his hand through his hair and Rey's heart stopped momentarily as the strands pulled through his fingers effortlessly, falling into a natural part that she knew so well. Shaking her head, she finally remembered her job.

"Sorry about that - is there something I can do for you?" She watched as he adjusted the fine-rimmed glasses she had mentioned earlier, failing not to be entranced by his eyes and gestures. His fingers were long, she noted idly.

"Yes - I'm looking for a specific article from one of the earliest copies of a sociology journal. I know sometimes they aren't catalogued in chronological order, and they're not online so-"

Rey perked up, drawn out of her haze, "Absolutely! I love digging around the old stuff, do you have the article title?" He handed her a note card with his handwriting on it, "Wow your handwriting is pretty legible, don't normally see that in academics like yourself."

She didn't know what had come over her, but he seemed to draw out her nerves and with it her talkative streak. "It's a side effect of a younger me, unfortunately."

Rey tilted her head in silent question and watched as he tried to make himself smaller as he answered quietly, "I was convinced when I was younger that calligraphy was a noble pursuit, I would write all my papers in that style, much to the chagrin of my mother and teachers. I've since stopped, though."

"Oh, that's a shame - I think calligraphy is beautiful, I miss the art of letter writing," she said earnestly, and saw how his face lit up in interest. "I mean, as much as you can miss something that you were never around for, I suppose. But you can't really deny how incredible it is to read old letters."

Normally she kept those kinds of thoughts inside, knowing it made her sound like such a hipster millenial, but she felt it was only right to share a bit of herself after he told her of his calligraphy efforts. And she was rewarded with a light laugh and his smile, and Rey thought she would do anything to see that again.

"Well uh, I'll get started looking for this - might take a while," especially because her brain was fizzled and full of his laughter and the way his glasses made his eyes the focus of his face. Disarming was the word she would use.

Trying not to linger and make herself look too foolish, she ducked her head a little and moved past him - he moved out of her way and she felt his eyes on her as she disappeared into the stacks.

An hour later, she brought the old journal over to him, with a slip of paper marking the spot. He was deep in thought, scribbling something on the pad of paper he never went anywhere without. Rey quietly slid the journal onto a stack of books to his left, "Here you are, hope it helps."

But he didn't respond, barely even registered that she was there, and Rey frowned. She walked back to the check-out desk, trying not to take it personally; he was clearly very busy, this was his job after all. Not everyone could spend hours daydreaming of someone and have it not come back to bite them - he was an adult.

The rest of the evening passed slowly as she didn't feel up to listening to music anymore, meaning she just had to slog through her work without distraction, plagued by her mind and second-guessing their interactions.

A stack of four books, with the journal on top of them, were placed gently on to the counter she was working at, "Thank you for your help earlier, sorry - I was distracted by my thoughts."

Rey hated that she saw his face blush in embarrassment, knowing that she couldn't call him an asshole and move on, "Oh - that's okay, just glad to be helpful."

Ben watched her as she moved to take one of the books and check it in, "You are - very much so."

Her hands shook as she nodded, avoiding his gaze as she picked up the scanner. "Well, have a good night - stay safe."

Unable to say anything still, she felt him tap the counter and leave, the clink of the doors as they were opened and then closed again. She pulled the third book from his stack and saw a slip of paper sitting on it, ripped from some sort of note pad. Her heart sped up a little as she realized the writing was heavily stylized - calligraphy, if she had to guess.

This may be too forward, and if so please feel free to ignore it entirely and I will not take offense, but would you like to have dinner with me some time? I can't seem to stop thinking about you.

It was short and simple, his named signed below, with a number. Rey bit her lip before she realized she was alone and let out a loud squeal. Turned out, Ben Solo was just as big of a nerd as she had imagined.

I'm free tomorrow night. I would love it. I'm Rey, btw.

Almost instantly, he responded.

I know.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Clock Analysis Part 3 - What Episode We’ll See Beth in and Why

Okay gang! New episode tomorrow and I’m super excited. So my guess for when we’ll see Beth is 8x10. It’s  based on a lot of evidence I and my fellow theorists have found.

The first is simply the sequence of events I’ve mentioned before in THIS POST and THIS POST. In 5x03, Bob dies from a walker bite. The clock in the room when he dies points to 8x08, which is when we found out Carl was dying from the same cause, so we can parallel the two. The VERY NEXT episode, Slabtown 5x04, is where Beth wakes up. So if Carl dies in 8x09, it would make sense for Beth to show up in the next episode, 8x10.

Not to mention, we always saw the music box as a symbol of Beth’s awakening (see my account name ;D). And then there’s the rule of threes. 8x10 is exactly three seasons after 5x10. Now, we did say this about 8x08. The MSF made sense to us as a time for her to show up because it would have been three seasons after Coda. But I read something the other day—a random article about 8x09) that talked about how death is especially common in TWD’s MSFs. I think that’s applicable here. The MSFs are about death, so perhaps we were always wrong about that. They wouldn’t bring her back in a MSF because those are reserved for major deaths, and this will be the opposite of that.

Historically (in the show) episodes 10 are often about life. 4x10, Inmates, Glenn survived at the prison. He had a mini death fake out on the bus, and in 4x10, they revealed him as being alive. (X, X, X). 

5x10 was the music box, and all about the survivors coping. 6x10 is where Rick and Daryl meet Jesus. Aside from the obvious JESUS symbolism, this is them finding a new community, new allies, and more survivors. Life! 7x10 is New Best Friends. There’s not one big example in this episode, but rather lots of little ones you could find. And it’s kinda built into the title, right?

So all of the above just shows that it makes sense for her to appear in 8x10. But it’s not all super-concrete evidence. So now, let’s look at—you guessed it—the clocks.

Let’s start with Slabtown, because that can be a discussion all by itself. Remember that as Beth wakes up, we see the second hand of Beth’s clock tick from 4 to 5, from 7 to 8, and then to 10. 

The prevalent theory was always that these numbers represented the episodes relevant to her story line in S5. (Which was yet more evidence that 5x10 was important and about her in some way: music box.) And I still think to some extent that’s true. It’s too much of a coincidence that she was in episodes 5x04, 5x07, 5x08, and then the music box woke up in 5x10 to simply dismiss it.

But now I also think it’s more than that. M-Nonny and others have argued that perhaps the 8 and 10 on Beth’s clock point to her awakening in 8x10. That actually makes a lot of sense. Why? Because the time the clock reads is 5:20, which points to 5x04, and this IS episode 5x04. That creates a tie between 5x04 and 8x10. So in 5x04, Beth awakens directly after Bob died from a walker bite. It would, again, just make a perfect parallel if she shows up in the episode right after Carl dies from a walker bite.

In terms of the numbers being tied to episodes, I’m going to take it a step further. I don’t have detailed evidence on this, but I honestly thing the numbers could also stand for seasons. She was in season 5, obviously. The second hand ticking from 7 to 8 is interesting because, even though Beth wasn’t in them, season 7 is when Negan arrived and 8 is a continuation of Negan. We believe Beth will be tied to the Negan story line, so it’s super-suspicious that these numbers specifically, rather than season 6, are what we see on her clock. If that’s the case, the 10 may also point to season 10, but we won’t know if or how that’s the case until S10 rolls around.

Other Clocks: Edwards’. I talked about this in Part 1 of my Clock Analysis. Remember the clock in Edwards’ office changes from 8:40 (resurrection) to 8:50 (8x10) and may show the episode in which the resurrection will happen.

Clock in 5x09: @wdway found this and I’ve honestly never heard any other TDer talk about it. True, I could have just missed it, but none of the theorists in my group had heard of it either, and generally at least one of us has.

So remember this scene where Rick, Michonne and Glenn talk in Wiltshire? This scene has always been suspicious to us because Glenn holds a bat (Negan foreshadow) and talks about Beth being alive in the present tense. 

This is one of the bats we saw associated with Beth (the other big one is in Inmates, which is an episode 10, btw) and felt like it was a clue.

So in the open garage behind Rick and Michonne, there’s a wall clock. Guess what time it reads? 8x10. 

So perhaps, just like the clock in Edwards’ office, it shows the episode where these clues will be fulfilled? Here’s hoping!

Other random 8x10 evidence:

In 4x16, we have the scene where the Claimers find Rick, Michonne and Carl. This is yet another scene that has way deeper significance now that we know Carl is dying. I’ve thought for a long time that this scene was a foreshadow of Beth at Grady. (See the post I did about it two years ago HERE. Also HERE.)

It’s mostly about subtle parallels. Carl wakes up in a blue suburban (Beth wore blue scrubs and the color is associated with imprisonment; there’s also the blue suburban they drove in 5x09). He wakes up to find danger around him. There’s also broken glass shown. He’s sexually threatened, but not actually assaulted. All parallels to what happens with Beth at Grady. And since it’s Carl who wakes up, in this analogy, Carl = Beth. So you can see that the entanglement is functioning on many levels. So why am I going over this? Because of something Joe says.

Remember he starts counting backwards from 10, planning to shoot Rick when he gets to 1, but Daryl shows up and says stop. And what does Joe reply? “You’re stopping me on 8, Daryl.” I picked up on this during my rewatch before S8 began, and saw it as yet another emphasis on the number 8 and season 8 being important. But they specifically emphasize the numbers 8 and 10. Obviously it wouldn’t make any sense to count up from 8 to 10 in this case. They kinda had to start at 10. So it’s either pointing to 10x08 or 8x10. Just saying.

I also think it’s important to note that in the next scene, where Rick and Daryl become brothers, Rick talks about keeping Carl safe, and how he’d do anything, even rip out Joe’s throat to make sure Carl stays alive. Major foreshadowing, y’all.

Finally—and this is one of my favorite evidences, again found by M-Nonny—in Coda, FG’s decides to be random and sneaks out of the church to go to the school, where he ends up being chased back by a horde of walkers, and the church is ultimately lost. I remember thinking this scene was so random when watching Coda for the first time. Since then, we’ve found lots of Beth symbolism in it, so it’s made more sense.

But check this out. One of the things we’ve analyzed to death is the bible FG opens and looks out. We’ve looked at numbers and stories and passages. All kinds of things. And here it is: *drumroll please* The passage he opens to is Chronicles 8:10.  

And whose name just so happens to appear on the page? Beth’s:

(Photo source: @teamdeluzzionaljb-blog)

And this happens in Coda, people. CODA!

It also occurred to me that it’s interesting that FG’s church is lost here. Here’s the minor spoiler: Carl will die in Alexandria’s church (which we’ve always felt had Beth vibes) and it will burn down around him. So in both cases, a church is destroyed. Just kind of interesting.

So this is most of my 8x10 evidence. I’m sure there is probably more we would find if we did re-watches looking specifically for this, but this what I’ve got.

Disclaimer: Despite all this, could I be wrong? Sure. I know I’ll have at least some haters hate on me if she doesn’t show in 8x10. All of this evidence points to SOMETHING big in 8x10. I think and hope it’s Beth. There’s a very good chance of that. But it might be something else too.

M-Nonny did remind me of one really compelling piece of evidence that may run contrary to this 8x10 theory. I’ll post in more detail about this next week, but it’s about the “how the harvest gets home” truck sin 5x16. When Aaron and Daryl find the wolf trap, the truck shave that logo on the side, and we’ve long thought “the harvest” is Beth. The license plate Aaron removes from the truck has an 816 on it, which may mean that Beth won’t show until the finale. 

And if she doesn’t show by 8x10, I honestly won’t expect to see her until then. But Alexandria is Aaron and Daryl’s home. The wolves go to Alexandria in 6x02 and even drive a “harvest” truck into the wall. So I’m hoping Beth will show up earlier (like in 8x10) and 8x16 will be when she finally arrives at Alexandria. *fingers crossed*

So, all THAT said, I’m totally going to get your hopes up about something else. Thanks to a Nonny for sending this to my inbox. (I’ll officially answer your Ask tomorrow, but I read it a few days ago and totally freaked out about it. ;D)

The following is the final paragraph of THIS ARTICLE, which was written by a blogger who received an advance screener of 8x09. Check out what she says:

So my group totally went to town on this, did tons of research and discussed with hundreds of comments. See, in the comments of this blog post, someone asked if the last scenes that caused tears of joy might be something with Negan or a Richonne baby. The blogger answered yes, but she wouldn’t say which one.

So my group morphed into super-hero researchers. ;D Here’s what we discussed:

My issue with this being a Richonne baby is saying that half the fandom will hate it. I guess those really angry about Carl might see it as switching one child for another, but I think those people would be in the minority. Saying half the fandom might want to punch Gimple seems really over the top if this is just about a Richonne baby.

This blogger isn’t a huge Richonne fan. She doesn’t hate them at all, but she doesn’t ship them in particular, and mostly just doesn’t really care, so she isn’t someone who’d have such a strong reaction to a Richonne baby.

The same is true of Carzekiel. We talked about it being a Carzekiel thing, but while she kinda likes the idea of Carzekiel, she doesn’t especially love or ship them, so again, it probably wouldn’t give her this extreme a reaction.

This blogger really loved both Still and Alone, and enjoyed the romantic moment between Beth and Daryl in Alone. Just saying.

If it’s not Richonne, then it must have something to do with Negan. Since we do think Beth is tied to Negan, we’re okay with that. Kind of hoping we’ll see who the prisoner was from the handcuffs Daryl saw in 8x02 (because we think it was Beth). Let’s just say lots of conjecture and head canons about these mystery scenes have been floating around my group the past week.

So we don’t know what these scenes are, and they might not be Beth, but we have high hopes. If they have to do with her, then this theory is wrong anyway because she’ll have shown up in 8x09, rather than 8x10. I’d be happy to be wrong in that way. ;D

And hey, even if it’s not anything obviously to do with Beth, I think these final, shocking scenes will be very important and tell us a lot. But here’s hoping they’re about our girl.

If you read the entire article, the blogger also says there are several unforeseen twists throughout the episode, and some are tied to Siddiq, who has Oceanside ties in the CBs. So once again, Oceanside comes into things, and that feels Bethish too.

Okay, I’ll shut up for today. Bottom line: I’m very excited for 8b and totally believe our girl is coming home. Thoughts?

[flowerboymoongirl]

What are the Odds? 2.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom Holland accidentally adds you to his friends list, and when you hit him up about about it you think that’s gonna be the end of that. Simple. But Tom does the complete opposite. Let the social media flirting begin.

Warnings: some cursing, bad flirting, annoying brothers.

Word count: 2898

A/N: Thought this chapter was long but once I finished it I felt like it wasn’t, so be prepared for longer chapters, which I hope ya’ll are ok with lol. I have a lot of details in my mind for their specific dynamic together along with relationships of the other characters so im glad ill be able to put most of those details into the upcoming chapters. enjoy.

//////

So about the whole, ‘I’m gonna tell him’ thing you told the roomies.

That... is easier said than done. Watching a celebrity’s private social media page is wrong, but also really interesting. Like those “CELEBRITIES! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!” articles in those trashy magazines that you use to skim through at the grocery store while your mom did her shopping. Most days, Tom posted what you would deem ‘normal people activities.’ Him walking his dog in the morning. Him having a beer with who you assumed were his roommates. Him leaving his clean laundry on a chair in his room for a few days and then posting about his guilt for doing it. We’ve all been there. But then, he would also post things that you were sure was on the invasion of privacy range you were crossing. He had posted going out to restaurants or clubs that were super exclusive a few times, him drinking with his friends which lead to drunk Instagram stories, (once again, we’ve all been there) or he’d post gym selfies or his outfit of the day, which like, how were you suppose to deny yourself that?

But overall, he seemed like he tried to live as normal a life as possible, and was pretty down to earth for the most part. Which made you feel bad for being so nosey in his life. He obviously wanted privacy, and here you were watching all of his private stories meant for his friends and family. You could practically hear Zoë telling you how you should’ve figured out how to unlink yourself from that list two weeks ago when she told you to. It was exhausting sometimes how often Zoë was right.

Which lead you to finally telling yourself that the next time he posted something you would message him about the mixup and then carry on with your life like you weren’t bummed to not be able to watch Spider-Man’s day to day activities. You needed to get a better hobby.

“Earth to y/n, are you in there??“ Kevin said as he waved his hand infront of your face.

“Isn’t it time for you to go to work? I thought maybe you fell asleep at the dining table for again, until I noticed your eyes were open.” You glanced at the clock. 3:30am. Waking up for the 4am opening shift for work was the worst.

“Uh, yeah. I was totally spacing, guess I’m still just tired.” You said while you grabbed your jacket and keys.

“Don’t fall asleep on the way to work please?” He said while we followed you to the door to lock it.

“I won’t, don’t worry Kev.”

“Alright, later boooo”

You gave Kevin a smile and a wave and walked down the hall to the elevator to get to your car. You were lucky you didn’t live far from the bakery and your coworkers didn’t ever mind if you were late, they all understood that while whole morning shift was the shift to have, it could be hard getting up in the morning. Your drive to work was quick since there was no traffic that early in the morning and when you parked you saw your coworkers getting out of their cars as well. Perfect timing. You said your hellos to the group as you all walked inside and walked to your stations to start the day. You all shared the big back room of the bakery but all had your own little corners with your things. Your corner you had just started to decorate and you had really started to feel like it was your own cute little corner. You had a dozen random colored aprons from your friends/family that you worked in hung up nicely on the walls, a few pictures of you and the roommates on your summer trip to Rosario last summer, love notes left from Theo and Zoë when they came in and you couldn’t go out to make them their coffees because the back was crazy. It still could use a couple more pictures to fill the space but at the moment it was cute enough for you. You smiled while you put your keys and your purse into your locker underneath it and pulled out your phone to put into your apron when you decided a quick look through your social media’s before starting the shift would be needed. 

Theo had already sent you posts to look at on insta and it seemed like Kevin had mentioned you on twitter before he went to bed when you left. You opened your Instagram after you tied your apron on and low and behold, Tom was on the top of the page. he had the newest Instagram story of everyone you followed.

Guess we’re doing this early, you though in your head. You sighed while you clicked the profile and thought about how you were gonna message him and not seem weird. Hopefully it wasnt a gym selfie or a shirtless picture because that would be too awkward to follow with a message. Hey, I noticed you aren’t wearing a shirt and that I do not know you. Hope you’re doing well.

But it wasn’t a shirtless selfie. He had posted a picture of a very sad looking round of dough in a bowl. “Attempt #3 to this whole baking thing, my pizza dough doesn’t seem to be rising 🤨” he had written underneath it. You clicked to the next slide. Same sad looking round of dough.

“Been two hours, and not any growth. Someone help me 😐” was written in red. Homie was basically begging for your help. This was also a way to sneak in the “hey I dunno you but you added me, no problem to I’ll just let myself out haha🙂” that you were looking for. Realistically, this was your opening for you to casually let the guy know the mistake and roll out looking like a normal human being and help him make pizza. Foolproof. You hit the message button and began to type.

Hey. I think you added me to your close friends list on accident? While I do know how to to make a mean pizza, not sure we know eachother irl haha. As for your dough, if you added yeast to your dough and it’s still not rising, your yeast might be dead 😕 could be expired yeast, or the water you used for the recipe was too hot and killed the yeast. just switch out to warm water instead if that’s the case. Hope It helps!

After reading it a couple times and deciding it didn’t sound too cringe, you sent it.

“There. I did it. Back to our regularly scheduled program.” You told yourself and started your morning setup for the day. As you started to get into the groove of the day time seemed to have a mind of its own and before you knew it, it was time for your lunch break. You were ready for a break after running from the front and back of the house continuously to help with customer service and coffees when needed, and then running back to finish off baking your breakfast items for the day. You had left a water bottle and some leftovers from dinner the day before in the communal lunchrooms fridge and had made your way to the back to get it. Fishing out your phone from your pocket, the screen illuminated and you noticed some notifications pop up. The roommate group text had left a whopping 12 text messages, the apartment had awakened you joked to yourself. Some snapchats from friends and from an ex-boyfriend you weren’t sure you even wanted to open, notifs that your tweet was retweeted a couple times, 2 message notifications from TomHoll-

“OH SHIT!” You yelled as you dropped your food container and almost your phone on the ground. He wrote back. HE WROTE BACK HE WROTE BACK HE WROTE BACK. TWICE?! WHY TWICE?! You wanted to hide, but why it’s not like he could see you through the screen. Why did you out yourself again?! What was the reason you snitched in yourself?! From the notifications details it had looked like he had written you once two hours ago and then another time 46 minutes ago. You wanted to open it but you also wanted to log off of Instagram forever and pretend you weren’t who you were. You screenshotted your notifications just as evidence for yourself that this was really happening and then decided to quit being such a wimp and open the damn messages. There was a green dot on the bottom of his profile picture before you opened his messages. He’s online right now. Great. Totally awesome. He probably sees I’m online too. I’m fucked, you thought in your head. You opened the message convo.

Hey, totally sorry about that, my brother must have added you when he started the group for me, hope my random stories didn’t bother you too much 😅 and thanks for the tips, think it could have been that the water I added was much too hot, maybe fourth times the charm haha. x

and the last message

started over (again) on my dough and added warm (not hot) water instead like you said and I think she’s alive! She seems a bit dry in the bowl but she is growing, so thanks again. I just may have a veggie supreme pizza in my future 😊 x

You were shook. Okay he was a normal person, you knew that. But to write you twice and thank you? And to be so casual about it even though he totally didn’t know you. He was super nice about it and then thanked you like you weren’t snooping on his life for the last 3 weeks. He was much too nice, and he wrote back twice to update you, it seemed rude to not write back now. You double tapped the last message and decided to just keep it to the pizza at hand and keep it short and sweet. Play it COOOL BITCH!

No worries, thought I’d let ya know. You can punch down the dough and spray it with a mist of water, should bring her back to life. Longer you let it proof the more flavor it’ll have, so don’t worry about deflating it. Do put a wet rag over the bowl to help keep your dough moist though, it’ll help it grow if the towel if warm too btw. I wish you luck in getting that (pizza) bread 🍕🍞

“Get that pizza bread? Ugh, why am I like this?” You said as you contemplated telling your roommates. Last time you told them about it they totally did a 180 on what you thought they would say, so maybe this time you should just keep this weird bread conversation with a well known actor to yourself. This was probably the end of it anyways, he’d finish his pizza and go back to not knowing who you were. Though you did worry about if he had sneaked a look at your page when he got your message and seen all of your posts, that you were highly critical of at the moment. A lot of questionable posts now that you though about it. If you were him, you would have clicked on the page almost immediately to get a look at the person snooping on your life.

When he first got the message he was confused as to who it would be, he didn’t recognize the photo or the username. And then he read the message and realized he didn’t recognize it because he did not know this girl.

“Harry you absolute div.” he muttered to himself while he jumped onto her page. Harry had told him he’d make him a close friends list like he had for his page since Tom wasn’t that great at Instagram, and in the process he seemed to have added this girl on accident. He had hoped she wasn’t someone shady and he thought back to some of the things he had recently posted and cringed. There was no new gossip or media info as of late leaking about him in the tabloids so it seemed like this girl didn’t run to press with all of his private stories. He had been drunk one too many times on that close friends group that she could have easily screen recorded and sent out to daily mail or whatever shit tabloid would pay for it.

He scrolled down to look at her pictures.

Cute girl.

American girl, a California girl to be exact. Not LA but San Diego. LA girls were a different breed and a no-no in his experience but this girl wasn’t a LA girl. Her pictures were too casual for that. Picture of her and her friends at a bar, picture of her and her dog walking on the beach, picture of her at what looked to be her job;a bakery. A mirror picture in some badly lighted bar restroom with a friend, both with smiles on their faces and a drink in their hands. She was wearing a a yellow floral wrap summer dress with a pair of wayfarer styled reading glasses. Even in the dingy mirror and the bad bar bathroom lighting she was attractive and seemed laid back. He had already written back to her to say sorry but now here he was on her page looking at her pictures, hoping he didn’t accidentally double tap anything. He had remade his pizza dough the way she suggested and now it was growing, surely it wouldn’t be bad if he wrote to her once more to let her know it worked? He sent another message and tried to work on some emails his publicist had begged him to look into while he messaged Harry on Instagram.

You added a random girl on my close friends list ya div. poor girls probably seen me drunk atleast a handful of times. 😑

Harry immediately typed back.

...but is she cute bruv? send me the username if so, your chance is ruined but I could make a move 👀

He ran a hand through his hair and thought of all the ways to insult his younger brother when the alert of another message came in. She had written back with a corny ‘get that bread joke’ with the emoji and all. He smiled and double tapped her reply. She had a cute personality. He went back to his drying out dough and reworked it as said and followed her instructions once again. He was feeling bold, so he decided to write her again.

Honestly, what would I have done without you today? You saved me with your baking skills and for that I am eternally grateful. Will possibly send you a picture of the final pizza pie once Its finished. 👨🏻‍🍳 x

It immediately had the words ‘seen’ written underneath his message and his eyes widened. She double tapped the message and was writing back, so he quickly jumped out of the message. He didn’t want her to know he was sitting there waiting for a response to his bad lowkey flirting, that would just be embarrassing. Maybe it wasn’t so bad though, that his dumb little brother had accidentally added her, he had thought to himself as her message appeared.

Sounds good Gordon. Or Mr.Ramsey, my apologies.

He smiled when he read the message and you yourself had a smile on your face after sending it. Very cheeky, you thought. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself about the situation you had just put yourself in. You just had a message conversation with Tom and you actually kept your chill and didn’t make that much of a fool of yourself. He probably couldn’t even tell you were having a mental breakdown from him writing to you. As you got back into the groove of work it seemed as though the rest of your work shift went by just as quick as the beginning of the day from how busy the bakery had been, and now you had just cleaned up and hopped back into your car to go home. Theo had texted you asking what you wanted for dinner and you had just texted him back when you got an another message alert from your phone. It was a picture. It was his finished produced, all baked and pretty, veggie supreme like he had said. It looked as though he has even brushed the crust with olive oil, bonus points for that. 

“The finished product, tastes as good as she looks 🍕🤤” he had sent to you. Just you. Tastes....as good as she looks.....LOL.

“You could say that again Spidey.” You said while you put your seatbelt on and turned on your car. You liked the picture and saw he had yet another story on his page. You clicked it. It was a boomerang of him pulling a slice from the whole pie to bring to his mouth, a picture worthy melty cheese stretch and all combined with him looking just as good as the pizza. “Call me Gordon👨🏻‍🍳🍕” it was captioned. It was posted on his close friends list this time and you couldn’t help but notice, you were still on that list.

[ryougimonogatari000]

Character Spotlight: Ayaka Sajyou

Today, I’m gonna shed some light on Fate/Prototype’s main female protagonist Ayaka Sajyou! (because I feel like it lmao.) More under the cut.

To those who are familiar with her, she’s known as Shirou’s prototype from before Nasu conceptualized the now widely popular Fate/Stay Night visual novel together with Takeuchi even before Type-Moon’s earliest days. But that’s just lightly touching on her character. In truth, she’s closer to a fusion between the three main Masters of Fate/Stay Night, eventually splitting into what would become Shirou, Rin, and Sakura for the final product. She shares Shirou’s role and position in the story as Saber’s Master (who is also King Arthur but is a completely different person and is not a genderflip unlike his FSN counterpart); has elements of Rin’s backstory, appearance, tsundere personality (see her quote above. TL: “Are you an idiot?!“) and relationship with her Servant (though Arthur’s much less cynical than both Archer and  Artoria), while also sharing Sakura’s attitude (namely, feeling inferior to her supremely talented older sister), status as a younger sister, as well as some elements of her generally passive personality. Though she was eventually unused in favor of those three and FSN in general, she wasn’t forgotten and her would-have-been story was also animated as a short OVA special by Lerche, the guys behind Carnival Phantasm (of all series). Though Prototype’s story is incomplete (because all info we have of it is just a draft) we at least have a prequel novel that’s basically Prototype’s answer to Fate/Zero.

Background

(Disclaimer: Haven’t read much of Sougin no Fragments so some info about what Ayaka did there that wasn’t mentioned in the main work is a little incomplete)

When she was younger, Ayaka Sajyou had lived together with her father and older sister, Manaka Sajyou in a magus household. Both she and her sister Manaka are half-British by descent thanks to their British mother, who died before the events of Sougin no Fragments, and purely Japanese father, Hiroki Sajyou (this explains why Manaka’s features are noticeably more western compared to her sister’s). Thanks to the way magi families work (think Sakura’s position in the Tohsaka family minus being given away to the Matous), Ayaka always saw herself as average and inferior compared to her ludicrously talented older sister, and their father (seemingly) ignoring her while continually supporting Manaka thanks to the Grail War that was happening at the time sowed the seeds to her low self-esteem by the time Prototype’s story rolls in. Her completely average stats and magic circuit quality (grade C) don’t exactly help her case.

But what cemented her pessimistic outlook towards herself and her reluctance to participate in her Grail War eight years later were her older sister’s last words to her before Saber literally stabs Manaka in the back just moments before Manaka nearly sacrifices her to the Grail:

Manaka: “Because, Ayaka, you're ordinary. Being an ingredient is the only thing you're good for.“

Of course, being traumatized to the point of losing her memories regarding that incident thanks to seeing her nutty older sister brutally killing their father and other young girls in front of her while knowing she’s next probably reinforced her reluctance to participate a lot...

By the time of Prototype’s Grail War, she contracts with Saber and is given the title of Princes for her rank as the 7th Master.

Personality

As mentioned, Ayaka’s personality traits are a combination of the Tohsaka sisters’. While she’s passive and pessimistic toward herself, often seeing herself in low regard, she’s also surprisingly tenacious and fiery when she’s being teased, and becomes more courageous over the course of her story (sadly, unless Nasu or Sakurai made a complete reboot of the main Prototype work, we don’t get to see just how she grows). In the official drama CD where she and the main cast celebrate Christmas together, she gets a hammy side to herself thanks to playing the only sane man there (and her topnotch KanaHana voice acting is a big bonus in itself).

While she’s already a tsundere when it comes to Saber whenever he teases her like I said, she becomes even more aggressive when she takes her glasses off and is much more confident as a result, becoming even closer to Rin in personality as a result (but since Rin is the tsundere queen, Ayaka’s not quite at that level yet). According to Nasu and Takeuchi though, this haughty personality of hers (though less confident and much more childish than Rin’s) is actually her true personality albeit one she hides at home.

Apart from her personality, taking off her glasses changes her appearance a little: her hair and eyes basically glow, and she’s honestly gorgeous when her glasses are off. While there’s no real confirmation over this whatsoever, it’s heavily implied that she’s more powerful when she takes her glasses off, if her final confrontation against Sancraid Phahn (Proto’s equivalent of Kirei but whose personality is more reminiscent of Alba from Kara no Kyoukai) is anything (P.S. She wrecks the room they’re in and we only get to see the aftermath where Phahn is already beaten). Then again, that was after her character development came into full circle, where she sheds her self-esteem issues in exchange for her hotter, adrenaline-makeover self.

Naturally, Proto-Gilgamesh finds her really attractive without her glasses, and her feistier attitude doesn’t hurt much either (tbh, i don’t really get why she needs to wear glasses. She looks great without them and it doesn’t look like she has eye problems either since Sougin no Fragments shows her without them at all so why). 

Speaking of her character development btw, her growth is much more straightforward than Shirou’s, though that’s a given since her work was originally supposed to be a light novel and not a visual novel like Shirou’s. So in terms of characterization, she’s much more basic than Shirou, her development being much more linear thanks to the nature of her story.

Abilities

Pre-character development, she uses her family’s Witchcraft using an unidentified form of black magic that uses crow’s feathers as weapons, which she puts to great use during her “fight” against Lancer in the OVA. During and post-character development, she takes Saber’s advice and begins to train in Formalcraft, a.k.a. “Thaumaturgy for dummies”. What the specifics are behind these abilities is unknown so we don’t really get a complete picture of what she’s capable of doing as a magus. The one thing we can confirm however, is that while competent in using black magic, she isn’t particularly good at it, and like Shirou’s Projection magic, Formalcraft is something not many mages would consider practicing but is something she discovers she excels at and has high aptitude for.

By the way, as a magus, her stats are completely average. She’s a flat C in terms of magecraft and magic circuit quality, so while she’s not as bad as how Shirou started out as before his awesome upgrades in UBW and HF, she’s not impressive either, and constantly has to rely on her Saber to fight for her when needed. Like Shirou, her status as a below average Master sets her Saber back too, just not to Shirou’s level when he first started his War thanks to actually being raised in a magus household. Manaka, Saber’s original Master in the previous War, had rank EX quality circuits, so uh, yeah, quite the downgrade for Saber. But hey, at least Ayaka’s sane.

Final Words

To end this article on our Proto-protag, let’s list down the number of appearances she’s had in the Nasuverse outside her story (including all those drama CDs and 4koma shenanigans). Naturally, since it’s a prequel, her younger, eight year old self appears in Sougin no Fragments, and she plays a small, but very crucial supporting role in that LN series. She’s in the Fate/Hollow Ataraxia PS Vita port’s hanafuda mini-game together with her Saber where she meets Kiritsugu and his Saber (which leads to a funny convo right after), she’s a boss fight in Capsule Servant which was also included together with Hollow Ataraxia, she cameos in Fate/School Life as a Homurahara student (though technically that’s not her per se, but her alternate universe counterpart in the Stay Night universe), and is the first boss Satsuki and the Back Alley Alliance (plus Saber Mysterious Heroine X and Ciel) have to beat in Type-Moon’s 2013 April Fools event, representing the rat of the Chinese Zodiac.

In Fate Strange Fake, Ryogo Narita mentions very early on that the blonde “Ayaka Sajyou” who appears in that series as a main character and also the Master of a Saber who happens to look a lot like Proto Saber is not her or even an alternate universe counterpart of hers since her true counterpart there is name-dropped by El Melloi II and Rohngall as someone who was in Romania during the events in Strange Fake. Think of the blonde “Ayaka” there as being similar to Fate/Extra Rin. Having the same name with another known Fate character, but is not quite them or their counterpart either. 

So there you have it folks! Here’s hoping that she and her series get rebooted either as an LN series or as an otome game (it’s got reverse harem vibes so it’s possible). Of course, Nasu should get the Tsukihime remake out first before he continues to milk the Fate franchise further since it’s taking him waaaayyy too long to finish it.