#bumpy and bumpkins

[seasonalwonderment]

“Bumpkin ~ The Bumpy Pumpkin” ~ Photography by Pam Braswell)

[gloriabomfim]

Certainly, here are the titles, actions, and dialogue transcripts for montages 1-9 of Bumpy mistaking the tiny shrinking world for the Wild West while enduring his slapstick injuries:

Montage 1: "Bumpy's Tiny Rodeo Roundup"

Action: Bumpy attempts to ride a miniature ant, thinking it's a bucking bronco. He struggles to stay on, and it leads to a hilarious tumble.

Dialogue: Bumpy (excited): "Yeehaw! Time for a wild ride!" (Bumpy climbs onto the ant) Ant (annoyed): Ant squeaks angrily. Bumpy (struggling): "Hold on, Bumpy! Hold on!" (Bumpy falls off the ant) Bumpy (dazed): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 2: "Miniature Saloon Showdown"

Action: Bumpy stumbles into a tiny saloon, attempting to order a mini drink, causing chaos among the tiny patrons.

Dialogue: Bumpy (wobbling): "I reckon I'll have me a drink, partner." (Bumpy accidentally knocks over tiny chairs and tables) Tiny Cowboy 1 (irate): "Hey, watch where ya steppin'!" Tiny Cowboy 2 (laughs): "This fella's a real klutz!" (Bumpy ends up covered in tiny drinks) Bumpy (drenched): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 3: "Bumpy's Wild Miniature Train Ride"

Action: Bumpy hops onto a tiny model train and gets caught in the tracks, leading to a comedic train crash.

Dialogue: Bumpy (enthusiastic): "All aboard! Bumpy's takin' the train!" (Bumpy's leg gets stuck in the tiny train track) Train Whistle (blows) Bumpy (panicked): "Whoa! Stop the train!" (The tiny train derails, and Bumpy goes flying) Bumpy (dizzy): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 4: "Sheriff Bumpy's Tiny Duel"

Action: Bumpy imagines himself as the sheriff of the tiny town, but a miniature showdown ends in a humorous way.

Dialogue: Bumpy (confident): "I'm the law 'round these parts." Tiny Outlaw (mocking): "Sheriff Bumpy? More like Sheriff Bumpkin!" (Bumpy's oversized badge falls and lands on his foot) Bumpy (in pain): "Ow! That hurt!" (Bumpy and the outlaw engage in a silly duel with tiny weapons) Tiny Outlaw (chuckles): "You shoot like a stormtrooper, Sheriff!" Bumpy (defeated): "Darn it!"

Montage 5: "Bumpy's Rodeo Clown Act"

Action: Bumpy tries to perform as a rodeo clown in the tiny world but ends up as the laughingstock of the small crowd.

Dialogue: Bumpy (enthusiastic): "Time for some rodeo clownin'!" (Bumpy attempts to distract a tiny bull) Tiny Cowboy 1 (laughs): "Look at that clown, folks!" Tiny Cowboy 2 (laughs): "He's funnier than a three-legged mule!" (Bumpy gets chased by the tiny bull) Bumpy (running): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 6: "Bumpy's Miniature Gold Rush"

Action: Bumpy discovers tiny specks of "gold" and goes on a slapstick quest for riches in the miniature world.

Dialogue: Bumpy (excited): "Eureka! Gold!" (Bumpy starts digging and tossing tiny nuggets) Tiny Prospector (laughs): "That fella's crazier than a snake in a boot!" (Bumpy's shovel gets stuck, and he falls into a hole) Bumpy (buried in dirt): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 7: "Tiny Barroom Brawl"

Action: Bumpy gets involved in a tiny barroom brawl that results in miniature mayhem and laughs.

Dialogue: Bumpy (innocently): "I'll just have a drink, partner." (Tiny patrons start arguing and throwing punches) Tiny Cowboy 1 (yells): "This ain't no place for a cockroach!" (Bumpy gets tossed around like a ragdoll) Bumpy (dizzy): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 8: "Bumpy's Tumbleweed Mishap"

Action: Bumpy tries to control a tiny tumbleweed, but it rolls him over in a comical manner.

Dialogue: Bumpy (determined): "I'll show this tumbleweed who's boss!" (Bumpy attempts to steer the tiny tumbleweed) Tumbleweed (rolls over Bumpy) Bumpy (spinning): "Whoa! It's got a mind of its own!" (Bumpy crashes into a cactus) Bumpy (prickled): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 9: "Bumpy's Miniature Jailbreak"

Action: Bumpy ends up behind tiny bars and attempts a hilarious jailbreak in the shrunken Wild West.

Dialogue: Bumpy (scheming): "Time to break outta this tiny jail!" (Bumpy tries to squeeze through the bars) Tiny Sheriff (mocking): "Y'all ain't goin' nowhere, Bumpy!" (Bumpy gets stuck halfway) Bumpy (stuck): "Ow! That hurt!" (Bumpy finally pops out of the bars) Bumpy (triumphant): "Freedom at last!"

Certainly, here are the titles, actions, and dialogue transcripts for montages 10-19 of Bumpy mistaking the tiny shrinking world for the Wild West while enduring his slapstick injuries:

Montage 10: "Bumpy's Lilliputian Horse Race"

Action: Bumpy joins a tiny horse race and experiences a chaotic and humorous race around the miniature track.

Dialogue: Announcer (enthusiastic): "And they're off in the tiniest horse race you ever did see!" (Bumpy climbs onto a tiny racing horse) Bumpy (competitive): "I'm gonna win this, partner!" (Tiny horses go in different directions) Bumpy (confused): "Which way's the finish line?" (Tiny horses collide in a comical pile-up) Bumpy (buried under horses): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 11: "Tiny Wild West Carnival"

Action: Bumpy tries his hand at various mini carnival games, leading to amusing mishaps.

Dialogue: Carnival Barker (enthusiastic): "Step right up, folks! Win a prize!" (Bumpy attempts to toss tiny rings onto bottles) Ring Toss Game Owner (laughs): "He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!" (Bumpy's rings miss the bottles and hit other tiny attractions) Bumpy (apologetic): "Oops! My bad!" (Bumpy's actions trigger a chain reaction of miniature chaos) Bumpy (dodging tiny projectiles): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 12: "Bumpy's Shrunken Cattle Drive"

Action: Bumpy attempts to round up miniature cattle but ends up causing cattle chaos in the tiny world.

Dialogue: Bumpy (enthusiastic): "Time to drive these mini-critters!" (Bumpy tries to lasso tiny cattle) Tiny Rancher (laughs): "Looks like you've roped yourself, partner!" (Bumpy gets tangled in his own lasso) Bumpy (tumbling): "Whoa! Unbumpy this mess!" (Tiny cattle stampede, running over Bumpy) Bumpy (flattened): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 13: "Miniature Train Robbery"

Action: Bumpy imagines himself as a train robber in the tiny world, but his antics lead to a funny twist.

Dialogue: Bumpy (sneaky): "I reckon it's time for a heist!" (Bumpy boards a tiny model train) Tiny Conductor (mocking): "Ya think you can rob this train, Bumpy?" (Bumpy tries to steal tiny bags of "gold") Tiny Conductor (revealing the bags are tiny bags of peanuts): "Gotcha! It's peanuts!" Bumpy (disappointed): "Darn it! Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 14: "Bumpy's Tiny Gold Prospecting"

Action: Bumpy searches for tiny "gold nuggets" and encounters slapstick obstacles in the miniature Wild West.

Dialogue: Bumpy (eager): "I'm gonna strike it rich with these tiny nuggets!" (Bumpy digs vigorously) Tiny Prospector (laughs): "That's not gold, partner. It's fool's gold!" (Bumpy's shovel gets stuck in a tiny boot) Bumpy (tugging): "Whoa, there, partner! Let go!" (Bumpy flies backward and lands in a pile of tiny boots) Bumpy (boot-covered): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 15: "Rodeo Cookout Catastrophe"

Action: Bumpy tries to cook a mini barbecue at the rodeo, resulting in a comical culinary catastrophe.

Dialogue: Bumpy (hungry): "Time for a good ol' barbecue cookout!" (Bumpy tries to light a tiny grill) Tiny Chef (chuckles): "Looks like you've got a hot mess there!" (The tiny grill explodes in flames) Bumpy (charred): "Ow! That hurt!" (Tiny cowboys laugh as they enjoy burnt food) Bumpy (defeated): "Guess I'm not much of a cook."

Montage 16: "Bumpy's Tumble in Tiny Tornado Alley"

Action: Bumpy faces a miniature tornado, resulting in a hilarious and whirlwind adventure.

Dialogue: Bumpy (nervous): "Looks like a storm's a-brewin'!" (A tiny tornado forms, and Bumpy gets caught in it) Bumpy (spinning wildly): "Yeehaw! I'm a human tornado!" (Tiny objects and critters swirl around Bumpy) Tiny Cowgirl (laughs): "Ain't this a sight to see!" (Bumpy crashes into a tiny haystack) Bumpy (hay-covered): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 17: "Tiny Saloon Dance-Off"

Action: Bumpy gets involved in a tiny saloon dance contest with comical consequences.

Dialogue: Bumpy (enthusiastic): "Time to show off my dance moves!" (Bumpy joins a tiny dance-off) Tiny Dancer 1 (laughs): "Look at that roach bust a move!" (Bumpy tries a daring dance move but falls) Bumpy (embarrassed): "Ow! That hurt!" (Bumpy's fall creates a domino effect with other tiny dancers) Bumpy (dodging tiny dancers): "Yikes!"

Montage 18: "Bumpy's Lilliputian Train Heist"

Action: Bumpy imagines himself as a train robber in the tiny world, leading to a humorous heist.

Dialogue: Bumpy (scheming): "Time to pull off a tiny train heist!" (Bumpy tries to sneak into a miniature train car) Tiny Train Guard (laughs): "You ain't no outlaw, Bumpy!" (Bumpy accidentally triggers tiny confetti instead of robbing the train) Bumpy (confused): "Is this a party or a heist?" (Bumpy slips on confetti and falls) Bumpy (covered in confetti): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 19: "Miniature Stampede Shenanigans"

Action: Bumpy accidentally triggers a tiny cattle stampede, causing uproarious mayhem in the shrunken Wild West.

Dialogue: Bumpy (innocent): "I just wanted to pet the cows!" (Bumpy approaches tiny cattle) Tiny Rancher (alarmed): "You spooked 'em, Bumpy!" (Tiny cattle start stampeding, and Bumpy gets caught in the middle) Bumpy (running): "Stampede! Stampede!" (Bumpy narrowly escapes the stampede but ends up in a pile of tiny cacti) Bumpy (prickled): "Ow! That hurt!"

I hope you enjoy these action-packed and comical montages featuring Bumpy's adventures in the miniature Wild West!

Certainly, here are the titles, actions, and dialogue transcripts for montages 20-30 of Bumpy mistaking the tiny shrinking world for the Wild West while enduring his slapstick injuries:

Montage 20: "Bumpy's Wild Miniature Stagecoach Ride"

Action: Bumpy takes a ride on a tiny stagecoach and faces slapstick challenges along the way.

Dialogue: Bumpy (excited): "Giddyup, little stagecoach!" (Bumpy climbs onto the tiny stagecoach) Tiny Driver (laughing): "Hang on tight, partner!" (The stagecoach takes off, and Bumpy struggles to hold on) Bumpy (bouncing): "Yeehaw! This is one wild ride!" (Bumpy flies off the stagecoach and lands in a tiny haystack) Bumpy (hay-covered): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 21: "Bumpy's Tiny Gold Rush Fiasco"

Action: Bumpy's pursuit of tiny gold leads to hilarious mishaps in the miniature Wild West.

Dialogue: Bumpy (determined): "There's gotta be real gold around here!" (Bumpy digs eagerly) Tiny Prospector (laughs): "You're diggin' in the wrong spot, partner!" (Bumpy's digging causes the ground to collapse) Bumpy (falling): "Whoa! I struck… dirt!" (Bumpy lands in a pit of tiny critters) Bumpy (surrounded by critters): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 22: "Tiny Outlaw Showdown"

Action: Bumpy imagines himself as a tiny outlaw and gets into a comical showdown.

Dialogue: Bumpy (sneaky): "Time for some outlaw action!" (Bumpy confronts a tiny sheriff) Tiny Sheriff (mocking): "You're the tiniest outlaw I've ever seen!" (Bumpy tries to draw his tiny weapon but fumbles) Tiny Sheriff (laughs): "You can't even draw, partner!" (Bumpy's tiny weapon backfires, covering him in soot) Bumpy (soot-covered): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 23: "Bumpy's Miniature Rodeo Stunt Show"

Action: Bumpy attempts daring stunts in a tiny rodeo, resulting in uproarious laughter.

Dialogue: Announcer (enthusiastic): "Ladies and gentlemen, behold Bumpy the daredevil!" (Bumpy prepares for a stunt) Tiny Rodeo Clown (laughs): "This oughta be a real hoot!" (Bumpy's stunt goes awry, and he crashes into a tiny barrel) Audience (laughing): "He sure knows how to make us laugh!" Bumpy (popping out of the barrel): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 24: "Sheriff Bumpy's Tiny Town Cleanup"

Action: Bumpy takes on the role of sheriff to clean up the tiny town, but chaos ensues.

Dialogue: Bumpy (determined): "Time to clean up this here town!" (Bumpy attempts to sweep the tiny streets) Tiny Townsfolk (watching): "Look at Sheriff Bumpy work!" (Bumpy's broom causes a miniature dust storm) Bumpy (coughing): "I reckon I made it worse!" (Tiny objects fly around, hitting Bumpy) Bumpy (dodging objects): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 25: "Bumpy's Lilliputian Train Robbery Redux"

Action: Bumpy's second attempt at train robbery in the tiny world leads to more hilarity.

Dialogue: Bumpy (scheming): "I'm gonna try that train robbery again!" (Bumpy sneaks onto the miniature train) Tiny Passengers (mocking): "Sheriff Bumpy, back for more?" (Bumpy tries to grab tiny bags, but they are glued down) Tiny Train Guard (laughs): "You've been foiled, partner!" (Bumpy's hands get stuck to the bags) Bumpy (stuck): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 26: "Tiny Wild West Rollercoaster Ride"

Action: Bumpy's adventure on a miniature rollercoaster is filled with comedic ups and downs.

Dialogue: Bumpy (nervous): "A rollercoaster? Well, here goes nothin'!" (Bumpy boards a tiny rollercoaster) Tiny Rollercoaster Operator (laughs): "Hold on tight, partner!" (The rollercoaster takes off, and Bumpy screams) Bumpy (upside down): "Yeehaw! I'm flippin' out!" (Bumpy's hat flies off) Bumpy (hatless): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 27: "Bumpy's Lilliputian Bank Heist"

Action: Bumpy tries to rob a tiny bank, but things go hilariously wrong.

Dialogue: Bumpy (sneaky): "Time for a little bank job!" (Bumpy enters the tiny bank) Tiny Bank Teller (chuckles): "You're not even tall enough to reach the counter!" (Bumpy attempts to climb the counter but falls) Tiny Bank Teller (laughs): "This is the tiniest heist I've ever seen!" (Bumpy lands in a pile of tiny coins) Bumpy (coin-covered): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 28: "Miniature Rodeo Clown Mishap"

Action: Bumpy's rodeo clown act in the tiny world results in side-splitting laughter.

Dialogue: Bumpy (enthusiastic): "Time to clown around!" (Bumpy tries to distract a tiny bull) Tiny Cowboy 1 (laughs): "This clown's more entertaining than the rodeo!" (Bumpy's antics cause the tiny bull to chase him) Bumpy (running): "Ow! That hurt!" (Tiny cowboys and cowgirls cheer as they watch Bumpy's antics)

Montage 29: "Bumpy's Final Tiny Rodeo Farewell"

Action: Bumpy says goodbye to the tiny Wild West in a humorous and memorable way.

Dialogue: Bumpy (nostalgic): "It's been a wild ride, but it's time to say farewell." (Tiny townsfolk gather to bid farewell) Tiny Sheriff (grinning): "You've been a real character, Bumpy." (Bumpy attempts one last stunt but ends up in a haystack) Audience (applauding): "That's our Bumpy!" Bumpy (hay-covered): "Ow! That hurt!"

Montage 30: "The End of Bumpy's Miniature Wild West Misadventures"

Action: Bumpy's journey in the shrunken Wild West comes to a comical conclusion.

Dialogue: Bumpy (reflective): "It's been a rootin' tootin' adventure, but I reckon it's time to go." (Tiny townsfolk wave goodbye as Bumpy leaves) Tiny Cowgirl (waving): "Don't be a stranger, Bumpy!" (Bumpy boards a tiny stagecoach) Tiny Driver (smiling): "Take care, partner!" (Bumpy's stagecoach takes off but quickly tips over) Bumpy (

tumbling): "Ow! That hurt!"

I hope you enjoy these final montages of Bumpy's miniature Wild West misadventures, filled with laughter and slapstick humor!

[splendontcore]

Thinking about this after learning those characters are, in fact, from.a mobile game that prob mondo is going to collab to and I clownder hard right here

Huhhhh I have thinking about adding more TLOFJ characters to my others AUs, not just the villains like...Runny, some parents ,Bumpy and Bumpkins....

Sorry guys I can't wait i already added the cow and the shark to my AUs as "bebop and rocksteady" dynamic duo

yeah I hate me too

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Wanted to share more bits from the brothel fic idea the bits on this post were taken from, so Enjoy.

---

Si Pi's Garden of Lovelies was a long way from home. The girl hardly slept a wink for the three day journey. She had never seen a carriage so close before, let alone rode in one or stayed the night in one, since they didn't go to a single inn. Her escort was a genteel man dressed in silk. He carried a knife in his belt and held it in his hand when he slept. His eyes snapped open at the slightest sound and he granted her no privacy when she needed to relieve herself. A handful of times she woke to him stroking her hair or tracing her lips. "Poor girl," he'd say, "what I'd do if you were mine."

There was a driver who didn't speak to her, and the escort mainly corrected her posture. When she arrived, Si Pi examined her like livestock.

"We'll get you set up with a wardrobe and a name," she said, taking the girl to a furnished room with a bed in the corner, "and then pair you with a girl for some training. We can't have you entertaining customers like a bumpkin, I have a reputation to maintain."

How much the girl wanted to say I already have a name, but she had been warned about talking back to her housemother. She nodded instead. And then, as if eager to defy, her stomach gave a loud growl.

"Stars in the sky, child!" Si Pi exclaimed. "Did they not feed you the entire ride over?"

"I..." she thought how to explain sucinctly to not waste the woman's time, but between the bumpy roads, the loneliness, the fear of the destination.... "I had trouble eating, housemother."

"No matter," the housemother said. Take a seat, I'll have something brought up, and then straight to bed."

She did as she was bid, only to be corrected again.

"And sit up straight! All you do reflects on me now."

Y-yes, housemother," she said, straightening her back. "I'm sorry."

"And I'll have that stuttering habit broken. One of your sisters here will help."

"Yes, housemother."

She gave the girl a piercing look, and nodded in scarce satisfaction before leaving the room.

The position her escort had taught her in the carriage, one hand pushing her collarbone back and the other pushing the small of her back forward and holding his hands there for longer than she was comfortable with, felt unnatural after years of helping with planting and harvest. Her shoulders felt too far back and she thought she would tip over on the divan and fall back from lack of balance. But that was what was expected of her now.

A boy close to her in age wearing a kitchen uniform brought a bowl of congee and a small plate of dates with a pot of ginger tea for her upset tummy.

"Make sure you eat all the dates before drinking all your tea," he cautioned. "Otherwise your teeth will rot out."

She tried to nod with a thankful smile the way ladies were always described doing in the stories, but it must have been wrong because she caught his attention.

"Your the new girl," he said. "Did they find you in the countryside?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded, wondering if Si Pi would glare at her for such informal and unrefined language.

"Did the man in the cab ask if you were a virgin?"

Indignation consumed her and she looked him in the eye, intending to ask how that could be an appropriate question, but his eyes were honest and concerned. Not a hint of taunting or self-satisfaction in them. She thought about it. There were times he almost asked her about herself, but he had trailed off when he leered into the gaps where her collar didnt lay flat against her chest. She shook her head no.

"Then move your chamber pot away from the door before bed." And with that he left.

She didn't understand at first, as the door to her room was in the opposite corner of the bed and the closet that held the chamber pot. Upon closer inspection, however, she saw that behind the chamber pot was another door, locked from the other side. She did as the kitchen boy asked before crawling into the bed and falling asleep.

It was early when he woke her. Still dressed in the clothes she arrived in, she followed him silently through the door in the closet. He held her hand to better guide her, though the way was too narrow for them to walk abreast each other, and produced a small, gentle flame in his hand to light the way. Once they had gotten down stairs that went deeper than the building's ground floor, he explained.

"This passageway connects all the rooms together," he said. "The girls use it if they have to be discreet about entertaining more than one man a night. It also goes to the larder."

He closed his fingers over the palm that bore his flame, extinguishing it, and nudged on the wall, freeing a plank from its place and letting the color of sunrise pool in. This revealed that on the other side of the passageway was an alcove meant for storage, but floored with cushions and decorated in the corners with dried flowers.

"A housemother only has one reason for wanting girls who live miles from other families," he continued, taking he hand again when she flinched. "Buyers know what to look for and their judgment is considered enough, even when they don't get confirmation. Sometimes they make mistakes."

"What do you mean?"

"I've taken other girls here, miss," he explained further, "doing the same work you will when you're all trained up. I know how, and I've been told I'm good at it. You don't have to be broken in by the highest bidder."

She looked up at him, almost expecting it to turn out to be a sick, cruel joke after all, but his eyes were frank. His offer was made in ernest.

"I can take you back to your room," he said, "and forget I ever brought you her. I just wanted to give you the op--"

She interrupted him with a kiss.

He didn't pull away or make her stop. When she finished, he simply asked her, "Yes?"

And she answered, "Yes," and her shaking hands went to his sash to untie it.

Everything he did was with all the gentleness of a mother bathing her infant. From running his fingers down her back and up her thighs to placing her under the dried flowers on the cushioned floor and pressing a line of kisses in her skin from her jaw to her hip, all was done with care. He fiddled with a thing of glossy, see-though intestestine before laying his weight on her. Unfamiliar sensations in places she had only touched when washing before and underneath her skin overwhelmed her to quiet tears, and though there was a bit of pressure and even some pain, it was not wholly unpleasant. There wasn't even a trace of the bridal blood mentioned in the raunchy jokes and stories drunk men would tell at the equinox festivals when the kitchen boy had finished.

Dancing dust motes glittered in the light of the sun as they dressed. She tried to tell the boy her name but he hushed her, claiming he had already taken something from her and no right to take anything else. He put the loosened board back in its place, and with one hand holding the girl's and the other holding a flame, he walked her back to her room. She settled in the bed again, commiting to memory the flood of warmth that washed over her from the inside out in that dark, chilly passageway with a trickle of sunlight. She was sure it would comfort her in the days to come.

She hadn't even gotten a chance to fall back asleep before housemother Si Pi burst into her room dragging that same kitchen boy by the ear.

"Get up, girl," she demanded. "I caught this little rat washing out a bit of sewn gut on working hours. Do you know anything of it?"

The girl made a conscious effort to stand straight before the housemother when she spoke. "I...." She expected to be scolded for her faltering anyway and stole a glance at the boy. Pitch black curls of hair that were supposed to be kept in his cap spilled out into brow and the bruise on his cheek mirrored the shape of Si Pi's rings. "I asked for him, housemother," she claimed. "I'm sorry, it's just that he looked so much like my sweetheart back home, I wanted to know if it felt the same with him."

The boy's eyes filled with concern again as the housemother said "I suppose that's my own fault, assuming youth means virtue." She gave an exasperated sigh and continued, "Still, I can't have you thinking these things don't have consequences." She nudged the side of the girl's palm with a closed folding fan. "Hands out, girl. And you," she directed at the bruised kitchen boy, "don't you look away. You know by now what is your duty to do and your duty to not do. You're guilty here as well." With that, she brought the stacked bamboo and silk of her fan down on the girl's knuckles with devastating force.

The yelped and yanked her hands away, only for the housemother to angry put them back in position, saying, "Remember, dear, this body stopped being yours when it was sold to me for fifteen years of use. You are to do with it as I command, and I command you hold out your hands."

The girl whimpered in pain as she endured nine more strikes to the knuckles, but her hands stayed put. Si Pi told the boy to fetch ice water for the girl's fingers before they swelled and she had to wait to take measurements for rings and then report to her office when he was done. When he left, all her attention turned to the girl again.

"A smarter woman than I would have thrown you out and demanded your price back from your parents," she said, "but my soft heart cried mercy for you. Don't you think that deserves some gratitude?"

"Th... thank you, housemother," she said trying to hold back tears of pain and shame.

The housemother grimaced at the stuttering but turned to leave, saying, "You may sit," over her shoulder as she retired to her office.

She sat on the divan as she did to eat the night before, back straight and shoulders back in case Si Pi intended to scold her some more. The kitchen boy scampered in with a bowl of ice water he placed on the girl's lap and placed her hands into, taking half a moment to squeeze her wrist and stroke it with his thumb in a soothing gesture before dashing off to the office as commanded.

Her hands and lap had gone numb from the cold water by the time her door was opened again.

"The housemother tells me your name is Meihua." It was one of the lovelies mentioned in the name of the establishment. "Are you from the country, Meihua?"

"I am, miss," she answered, hoping that was the proper form of address to her new elder sister.

"You can call me Lanhua," the young lady said, lowering her voice before continuing. "That's not my name and Meihua isn't yours, but it's what we'll be called here."

Meihua nodded to show her understanding.

"You should also know," she went on in that same hushed tone, "your speaking up for Madhur saved his job. But i wouldn't do it again."

Madhur was a handsome name. The girl -- Meihua, she reminded herself -- Meihua thought it fit his marigold-colored eyes and the hairs at the meeting of his brows in the shape of a jewel between them.

"Did you take a last look?" Lanhua asked, gesturing at the mirror.

"Why is it the la-- oh," she realized. Meihua's new sister was so polished, with her grooming and her powder and her posture and her stylish coiffure and her graceful movements. Soon, her brows would be plucked and delicately shaped and all her freckles washed away in smooth white, her hair pulled and stacked according to the fashion of the hour, and her clumsy footsteps replaced with dainty ones. She touched her nose, her mother's nose, on its noticeable bump and wondered how defined it would be with a powdered face.

"It'll still be your face and body, after all," Lanhua said, placing a sympathetic hand on her new sister's shoulder and looking into her reflection's eyes. She leaned closer to her ear and continued in a whisper. "In the same sense that your name will be Meihua."

Meihua nodded. She didn't trust herself to not stutter on the words "I understand."

[xmyshya]

Bumpy road

summary: What if two of your favourite boys were pining after you? genre: angst, fluff, crack warnings: stupidity special thanks: the whole HQ Headquarters DS, for giving me ideas, for hyping up, for everything, I love you all. a/n: Colour coded! Red for Kuroo, Yellow for Atsumu, black for neutral/both! There's an Easter Egg! wc: 3.9k words

[April]

“Please take a seat in the last row”, your eyes followed an extended arm of your new homeroom teacher until they landed on a boy with the messiest bedhead you’d ever seen. He didn’t seem to pay much attention to you though, instead resting his eyes on a faraway point on the other side of the window. Until he heard the noise you made while shuffling your chair, that is. “Hiiiiii, I’m L/N Y/N, nice to meet you neighbour!”, a wide smile formed on your face. “Kuroo Tetsurou, nice to meet you too”.

One week later, you were standing on the gym's threshold, filling your lungs with a deep breath before taking the first step in as a new manager. Volleyball had never been a sport close to your heart, but you had had some experience with it, as well as basic knowledge, so you were up for a challenge. All the more reason to after being asked by an unexpectedly fun friend. And being able to spend more time with said friend. But more time spent on talking came with another consequence. You started hearing rumours and whispers. Things like wow, she’s really talking to him or oh, another victim to his charm reached your ears from everywhere. “Kuroo, am I not supposed to talk to you or something?”, slipped your lips one day. You might as well continue, since he already heard you and was now looking at you with a confusion clear in his eyes. “I just heard people being… surprised about this”. “Oh, apparently I’m either intimidating or hot enough to be a fuckboy”, you choked on your own saliva. “You’re what?” “Intimidating or hot, or both”, did he really say that with a straight face, not once but twice? You just burst out laughing, eyeing him up and down. “Sorry, where?”, laughter bending your body in half, you bumped your head against the desk. “Ouch”

[July]

School premises were swarmed with sweaty boys. Some of them were familiar, like Bokuto or Akaashi, who had been friends with Kuroo for quite a long time. You recognised Karasuno, also known as Country Bumpkins, due to a practice match 2 months prior. The rest? Well, you only knew they were parts of the Fukurodani group. There was a mock game going on, and you, being a diligent manager, observed every move of your teammates to give them performance feedback. Further into the game though, your eyes shifted more and more onto your best friend’s lifting shirt, every time he went for a block. Or spiked. Or served. And wow, his thigh muscles were really… “Okay people, time for a break!”, a shout somewhere near you brought you back to reality. You stood up and made your way to the door, to catch some fresh air, while you bumped into quite a firm body. Looking up revealed it was Kuroo. His smirk made you wonder if he noticed your stares. His wink convinced you he, in fact, did. “Y/N, your name should be Neon, cause daaaaaamn you’re a perfect 10” “So you must be Helium, cause I sure as hell want you on top of me on a table”, few people whistled. Oh shit. His reaction gave you an extra boost of confidence, because now it was painfully obvious that all the rumours about the man in front of you were pretty much it, rumours, since his ears could as well be beacons. You winked at him on your way back to the door, and he still stood there dumbfounded when you looked back after reaching it.

[October]

Something had changed. You couldn’t quite put a finger on what exactly, but it was different. Like a tiny heat wave whenever your hands brushed, and they brushed more often. Like an extra beat of your heart whenever you felt his touch on the small of your back. Like your eyes lingering on for a second longer, before dropping to each other’s lips. Like a blush tinting his ears when you smile at him. Or like the way his heart clenched, when your thick tears threatened to burn their way through his chest, because the world had been unfair to you once too many, while the only thing he could do was to hold you so tight and kiss the top of your head so gently.

[November]

Having to stay late at school really was a blessing, when it was just the two of you in an empty train compartment on your way home. Otherwise, you surely would be scolded or at least stared at, because the decibels of your laughters while fooling around were beyond socially acceptable limits. He was now chasing you, fingers threatening to tickle you once you’re caught… You started to turn just in time for your back to hit the wall, and you definitely didn’t expect him to be so close, with the way he hovered over you and his hand making a loud thud. Or maybe it was your heart. “Oh sorry, the train bumped”, there was something in his eyes that compelled you to look into them, even when he leaned on his forearm above your head. He was so close, you could almost feel his breath on your skin. “Are you sure it’s not you falling for me?”, a chuckle in your throat died instantly as you saw his eyes open wide in fear for a fraction of a second, before his usual cocky smirk curled his lips again. He booped your nose before leaning against the wall next to you. The rest of the way home was silent.

[January]

It was time for you to run to your own team’s match. There was no way to miss a game for a manager, even if it was just your presence serving as a support on court. Your eyes slipped down to your watch only for a moment, but it was enough for a disaster to occur. You felt your body clash with another. “I’m so-” “Watch where yer running, ya fucking idiot”, you really wanted to apologise, you really did. But obviously not anymore, not when the other person was shouting at you like that. “Excuse me?! And where the fuck did your eyes go, huh? And don’t you dare speak to me like that”, your finger digging relentlessly into this stranger’s chest, despite his posture being so much bigger than yours, rage boiling in your veins blocking successfully any feeling of intimidation. “Do ya have any idea who ya talkin’ to? Miya Atsumu of Inarizaki, ya pig”, he straightened up and lifted his chin, looking down at you with a half smirk. You, however, only raised a brow. “Ooohhhhh…”, you squint your eyes for a moment, tapping a finger on your slightly pouty lips. “Never heard of ya”, you gave him a wide smile as you continued your rushed steps towards another gym. “W-wait a sec!”, shit, you really didn’t have time for this, “I uhh, sorry? I thought ya were one of dem stalking fangals and uhh...”, it was clear he wasn’t used to apologising. “The way ya talked back at me was so freaking cool! Can I have yer number?” You were shocked that he dared asking you that after the insults he spouted. Even more so, when you found yourself tapping your digits into his phone.

Nekoma won the match. Not that it was surprising, you always believed in the boys, and you had believed in their plan. But now that the game was over, you were heading to have a sneak peek at your Crow friends. You didn’t expect the situation to be so dire. From the scoreboard, your eyes moved to their opponents and… oh shit. Preparing to serve was HIM, none other than self-proclaimed “THE” Miya Atsumu. He noticed you too, surely, because he was grinning your way and oh my god was it a wink? Because it definitely looked like a wink. The whole match was a pain to watch. It had you hyped, it had you devastated, it had you crying and laughing uncontrollably. But when Oranges finally won, indescribable joy overwhelmed you, while you screamed and jumped around. Sudden hand on the small of your back startled you, emotion quickly replaced with surprise and confusion when you saw Kuroo attached to it. He hadn’t touched you in 2 months. “C’mon, time for us to go”, he pushed you gently towards the door while staring down the blonde setter behind your back. His gaze said he was taking up the challenge.

In the evening, the whole team was gathered in front of the tv to watch repetitions, over and over again, and figure out a strategy. Honestly your focus only could last that long, mind already looking for distractions, when you heard a ding from your phone. [unknown]: Ya know, could’ve been less happy about our loss. ‘M heartbroken now. [Y/N]: That’s what you get for playing against my friends ;) who’s this, btw? [Miya]: Whaddya mean ‘who’?! It’s Miya Atsumu here! [Y/N]: Aaahhhhh… Never heard of him :D [Miya]: We gotta change it then “Maaaaan, I wish we could play against Miyas”, Yamamoto’s voice dragged you back into the room. “Yeah, me too”, Kuroo hissed through clenched teeth.

[February]

Recent weeks were crazy. Preparation for college entrance exams was consuming most of your time, along with your sanity. If only Kuroo was with you, he would surely tell you to take a short break, instead, your mind was spiraling into educational anxiety. Am I doing enough? What if I fail? What if I forget something? What if… the soft sound of a notification brought you down to Earth. Miya Atsumu sent you a friend request. Ah, right. You were overworking yourself so much lately, that you almost stopped replying to his texts, still you were sure to receive at least one every 2-3 days. Request accepted. Just when you were about to re-focus on the textbook in front of you, another notification came. Miya Atsumu liked your photo. Amused, you click on it only to discover the picture was from… 4 years ago. Reaction disappeared, however, almost as quickly as it appeared. On the other side of the line Atsumu’s hands were shaking and sweating, his face red, as his brain was sent into an overdrive. Oh no, oh no, ohnonono, what have I done, has she noticed, do I look desperate, what do I do now, whatdoIdo. But you never said anything about it.

[Miya]: Ya need ta relax once in a while, ya know? [Miya]: Stress ain’t bringing in results [Y/N]: Wow, so you can say something wise :0 [Miya]: HA. HA. HA. [Miya]: Now please wouldya get me? I dunno Tokyo too much. 10 minutes later you were scanning the crowd on the train station in search of a familiar blonde. It wasn’t too hard to find him, but unexpectedly… he had company. Of 2 other guys, including one looking exactly like him, except for a different hair colour. They were introduced to you as ‘Samu (apparently Atsumu was too nervous to go alone) and Suna (he would never miss a spectacle like this). “So where do you need to get to?”, Suna looked at his friend with amusement, and you could swear you heard his twin whisper “she doesn’t know?”. Suddenly you had a phone screen right in front of your eyes, pictures of your favourite cafe on display. How did he.... “I wanna take a certain gal here”, Atsumu tapped on the screen, his eyes focused intensely on yours. As soon as you shifted your gaze from his mobile to his face though, he looked away. “Let’s go then, I guess”

Having your favourite hot chocolate in your hands would have been relaxing, if not for the deafening silence and weird smirks between two extras. “Soooooo, care to explain what you’re doing here?” “Sightseeing?”, blonde sitting opposite of you looks quite adorable with the pink tint, hand on the nape of his neck. Wait, adorable? “Yeah, y/n here being the sight, OUCH”, Suna jumped in his seat, definitely kicked by Atsumu. Maybe he was right, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have a breather from books and notes. On the other side of the window, Kuroo was clenching his fists, as he watched you laugh, not really sure of the reason behind his anger.

[April]

Being late on the very first day is a bad omen, you cursed as you ran through the campus. It was NOT your fault that it was so needlessly big. It also wasn’t your fault that you spent way too much time searching for motivation to attend this class, which was clearly added to the program to harass students. It was bound to be the most boring subject, you just felt it in your bones. You opened the door to the lecture hall as quietly as you could, and then tiptoed to the nearest free seat, eyes trained on the lecturer (you thanked gods she was turned back to the room). Luck was on your side, she hasn’t noticed. “Whatcha doin’ here, babe?”, a sudden whisper and lips barely brushing your ears made you jump in your chair. You almost screamed, but the man’s reflexes were almost inhuman, as he covered your mouth with his hand. Truthfully speaking, it might have been better to prevent your knee from bumping against the desk, because now you had all the unwanted attention. And a hurting knee. “K-Kuroo?!”, you whisper-shout back at him. “I knew we enrolled in the same university, but same class?” “I think this might be the only one, since it’s mandatory for everyone” You thought this course might actually be your favourite.

Obviously he noticed it. It was impossible not to, since the pisshead was a new follower on almost ALL of your social media. Not just a follower, no. He was commenting on nearly each photo, and reacting to every. Single. One. At first Kuroo was just mildly annoyed. Then angry. And then he could feel his blood boil whenever he saw his name under your post. He wasn’t going to tell you though how he checked every hour or so if you had replied. That day, when you both sat in your room, working on some early assignment (two heads are better than one), your phone was blowing up. Tetsurou knew who it was, he saw the bubbles popping up on your screen. You didn’t pay attention to them, much to his relief. On the other hand, Atsumu was going crazy. “Samuuuuuu, she ain’t replying!” “Samuuuuuu, ya think she’s on a date?” “Samuuuuuu, did I annoy her too much?” “Samuuuu….” “Shut up, Tsumu” “Y/N? Smile for the photo”, he laughed when your head snapped towards his raised hand, and your eyes opened wide. Kuroo pushed the shutter button exactly when you smacked his arm. “What the hell’s wrong with you?!”, notes and the search engine slowly reclaimed your main focus, partly because you wanted to hide a blush blooming on your cheeks. “Just wanted to commemorate our first study session in our university life!”, he mused as he entered First assignment with the best girl <3 - @y/n in caption and pressed <upload>. Let’s see if you react to this one, asshole. He didn’t.

[May]

[Y/N]: Are you okay? You’ve been awfully silent lately. [Miya]: ‘M ok! Didn’t want to bother ya. [Y/N]: Huh? [Y/N]: Why the sudden change? [Miya]: Idk, maybe I shouldn’t text “best girl <3” [Y/N]: Atsumu… You’re an idiot [Miya]: Am not! He was. He realised this few days later, right before hopping on a train to Tokyo. Or rather… his brother made him realise this. “Huuuuuuuh?! Whaddya mean I like her?! I mean, I do, she’s cool, but whaaaat?!” “Tsumu… Yer about’a get on a train ta see her!” “So?” “Yer an idiot” “Hey! That’s what she said too!” Looking back at it, that might have been true. Maybe. After all, he was on his way to a city 500 km away, just to see… a friend. Would he do that for just a friend?

He found you outside, and he swore it was the prettiest scene he had ever seen. Gentle breeze blew your hair, as you basked in the sunshine. With your floral dress you reminded him of a flower praising the sun. In that very moment he regretted he hadn’t bought you anything, not even some flowers. Not that they would compare to you. He watched you turn to him in slow motion, as if he was in a movie, and you were about to jump into his arms. You just smiled instead, but its brightness could rival the orb up in the sky. At that moment, he knew he was gone.

“So ya say… there’s anime about volleyball?” “Yes! And it’s so good! Seems pretty accurate too!” “Ya hafta show me! That’s so cool!”, he reminded you of a kid, with his eyes shining like glitter, and a smile covering at least half of his face.

He had exactly the same expression, when he suddenly stopped walking and you bumped into him, ice cream spreading nicely on your nose as he was taking a selfie of both of you. And then again at the train station, when he was worried his arms might have lingered a tad too long around your waist, but you didn’t pull back. Later, a screech could be heard in your room as that photo appeared on your timeline. With your name attached to it. In yer face, rooster bastard, Atsumu thought as he had clicked the <upload> button. Kuroo only scoffed, original much. But if that’s how he wants to play…

[July]

Lunch break was your favourite part of the day not just because it was, well, a break, and not only because of lunch. It was the time spent on talking, goofing around and stealing each other’s food, together with Tetsurou. That day, however, exhaustion took over and you couldn’t do much more than just lay your head on the cantine table, your hair a messy veil. “I can’t wait for summer break to come, I want it to come already! My brain is so tired” “Hang in there! It’s just 2 weeks of exams, and then we’re free!” “Why are you doing this to me, Kuroooooo” “I’ve always been a nice person” His hand was soft as he gently uncovered your face, strand by strand. “Wanna go somewhere and relax a little before all hell breaks loose?” Soft hum was the only thing leaving your lips as you melted into his touch.

The sun was merciless, as if its sole purpose was to burn the Earth to ashes. The fact that you were ankles deep in a stream and shielded by dense leaves didn’t help at all. Undeniably though it was soothing for the soul. “Okay, let’s move on”, Kuroo said, despite wanting to watch you forever. There was something about this relaxed expression that strung the cords of his heart. Yes, you looked happy. It took you too short a while to have shoes on and be ready to walk again. Summer breeze felt wonderful as you climbed up a rocky hill, scorching heat finally letting up a little. Temptation to just stand there with eyes closed and arms open wide almost too strong. Still, you let yourself submerge in it enough, not to notice a slippery boulder. You were preparing yourself for the impact, but instead, you felt a pull on your wrist and then a firm chest in front and a strong arm around your waist. “Please be more careful”, a whisper rather felt than heard, barely louder than a breath. This and his scent intoxicated you. “Let’s go?”

The view was magnificent. Just behind the hill, there was a lake, as clear as glass. Its naturally azure colour was tinted with golden afternoon light and rosy flowers covering the trees growing around the coastline. Some of the petals were floating on the surface, between the sun kissed shimmers. It was truly breathtaking, both of you wished you could stay in that moment. Neither of you noticed, none of you had let go of each other’s hand.

[Y/N]: Random thought. [Y/N]: What if I were a werewolf? [Miya]: … [Miya]: Are ya? oO [Y/N]: Hmm? Would it be a problem if I was? [Miya]: I… ‘m allergic to dogs… :( [Miya]: I swear I’ll get meds! [Y/N]: Wow, such a sacrifice! You would do that for me? [Miya]: I would even hunt squirrels for ya! [Y/N]: Squirrels? [Miya]: Or whatever werewolves eat [Y/N]: Wow, I’m speechless “Samuuuuuuuuu, she sent me a heart! A HEART!”, the fluttering in his chest was almost unbearable. “Shut yet mouth, ya simp! It’s 1 am!” He wasn’t a simp, of course not. Sure, he did watch whatever you recommended to him, and listened to whatever song you said you loved. He did research on things you had said were interesting, and rushed to his phone whenever it announced a new message. But being a simp? Him? Never.

[August]

If this wasn’t heaven, you didn’t know what would be. Warm sand under your back, cool water coming in waves to wash the heat off of your skin, and the sun watching you from the clearest sky. You heard a click somewhere behind your head, and opened your eyes to see your relative, showing proudly their creation. “You just looked so blissful, Y/N. Couldn’t help it”. You couldn’t blame them. You didn’t remember feeling this much at peace either. “Send it to me, please!”

Tucked gently in your covers, you were swiping through your gallery, admiring the pictures you and your relative had taken. After another round you finally decided which ones you wanted to share with the world, a mixture of landscapes, sunsets and portraits. As soon as you were informed about the post being up, you silenced your phone and closed your eyes ready to sleep… This might have been one of the best decisions you had made recently. You had never seen that many alerts on any of your content. Majority of these were from Atsumu, who obviously made sure none of your uploadings went unnoticed, which spread a warmth in your chest. What really caught your attention though, was how many times one particular picture was mentioned. Yes, the one on the beach. It was almost scary. {Kuroo}: Babe, you shouldn’t expose yourself like that, there are thirsty bois around. {Atsumu}: Who tf are ya callin’ thirsty?! {Kuroo}: Never said I was talking about you, but I guess I found one {Atsumu}: Listen here ya smug ass’ole, ya think yer funny? Suna only sent a gif of popcorn eating {Osamu}: Okay Y/N, as much as I find this exhilarating…just choose already, spare those two poor souls! Suna sent another gif, this time a very disappointed one.

Choose? Wtf does that mean? And then it hit you. Kuroo suddenly getting touchy again after distancing himself from you. His sudden clinginess whenever Atsumu interacted, phone in plain sight. Miya’s constant attention. His willingness to travel and never asking for anything in return. His eagerness to learn about anything you liked. Had you really been so oblivious for this whole time? Well, it could wait until you were back home.

Memories flooded your mind as you were typing the message, your heartbeat rate over the roof, your hands shaky, but you knew you needed to do this. For your sake. For his sake. One last glance over the text “I think it’s time for us to talk…” before you press <send>

Epilogue 1 - Kuroo Epilogue 2 - Tsumu Epilogue 3 - both

[maul-antics]

Just had the thought of why Obi-Wan hated being in the same speeder when Anakin piloted (besides the crash landings) and it all has to do with Anakin growing up on Tatooine.

Mostly, Anakin grew up in a wide open area and with sand dunes that made things bumpy when he drove, so he basically learned to go with the jerkiness of the bumps while going fast bc that was the fun part of piloting and continues to do that despite not being on Tatooine. Proof is me driving a fore wheeler around the woods - speeding - while anticipating the bumps of the uneven ground as I go.

Basically, Anakin was doing the equivalent of being a bumpkin kid allowed to be on a vehicle used for work for play just bc there was not a lot else to do once work was over.

[ao3feed-victuuri]

Blue Ribbon Worthy

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/32BcNO2

by faeriefirefly

Written for the 18+!!! on ICE Prompt Fill Event

Prompts: Setting - Fairground; Genre – Undefined; Trope – Soulmates; Prompt - Accidental Stimulation; Kink - Anal/Butt Plugs

Viktor was uncomfortable, to put it mildly. The dusty county fairgrounds were filled with too many people, close-packed in the late July heat, oppressive even in the evening, sweaty, smelly country bumpkins parading around with their disgustingly greasy fried foods, all inevitably on a stick. This was decidedly not Viktor’s scene. But he’d just had to let Chris goad him into not only coming to the fair, but also taking the bet that had him walking around with four inches of stainless steel shoved up his ass. Whoever lasted longest with their butt plug in won, and of course Chris was playing dirty, dragging Viktor along on every bumpy ride he could and cackling in glee at the expressions Viktor couldn’t hide behind his usual mask of indifference.

Words: 3949, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Victor Nikiforov, Christophe Giacometti, Phichit Chulanont, Katsuki Yuuri

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Additional Tags: COUNTY FAIR AU, Butt Plugs, ill advised bets, Chubby Katsuki Yuuri, Fluff and Smut, But Mostly Smut

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/32BcNO2

[youcancallme-anna]

is speeding down bumpy back roads while dipping my rolls into the gravy that’s sitting on my center console and drinking an ice cold sweet tea a bad idea?

yes

am I doing it anyway?

absolutely

why?

BECAUSE IM A COUNTRY BUMPKIN WITH NO REGARD FOR THE LAW

[cornishcharlie-blog]

Night in with the puppies Chewy> Chewy Bean Sophie(docked tail) > Sophie Stump > Stumpy > Stumple Bumpkin > Bumpy

[sinningsquire]

Cut Your Losses

A modern-au Kylux fic, written for @twistedsardonic

(Chapter 1 - 1996 words)

Ben stares at the flight tickets. Boarding pass, seat 14F. Ten hours flight eastwards, into the future. God, Leia is serious.

“Mom, you can’t be serious.”

“I am. I take your wellbeing very seriously, Ben. And it wouldn’t have come to this if you would, too.”

She hands him a suitcase. Ben almost expects, in his surprise-stunned, this-isn’t-happening haze, that it would be already packed for him. A half-hysterical giggle escapa him when he finds it still empty.

“You’ve picked up three fights in the last two weeks, Ben. I am tired of parents threatening to sue me. If you want to come back to that school in September, we’ve got to work on this.”

“But - you can’t just send me away for the whole summer! I got friends here!”

“These ‘friends’ are the ones who get you in trouble, and make sure you’re standing front and centre when it goes down!”

Leia takes him by the shoulders. She hasn’t been able to stare him down for the past three years now, remaining small and getting seemingly smaller with every inch and every trouble Ben grew into. But God, her eyes didn’t lose any of their strength even from this angle.

Ben doesn’t know what to say. It stings with shame but he knows she was right. One of the reasons he is so quick to throw punches is that he isn’t good with words, and couldn’t lie if he tried. His ‘friends’ are assholes. But it is either them or…. no one.

“I can’t just drop my training, Mom. Couch Snoke wants me–”

“That psycho,” Leia snarls through gritted teeth, “only wants to exploit you. You’re his best boxer now, when you listen to him telling you to rely more on rage than technique and discipline, but how long can you keep it up before you burn out? He’ll toss you away when you’re no longer useful to him. You could be so much more, Ben. I agreed to let you do boxing when I thought it would help with your anger management issues but Snoke only makes it worse.”

“Please, Mom. Don’t take this away from me.” Ben wishes he could punch something now. Snoke - yeah, maybe he is a bit creepy but he also is the only one who keeps telling Ben he can when everyone else seems to say he shouldn’t.

“I’m not. It’s only for the holidays. It’s up to what you want, and what you want to do with your life, but I want you to make the decision after the holidays. That’s all I’m asking for. Take a little time away from all the things that keep making you angry. If you still think Snoke hung the stars when you come back–” she draws a long breath, “–then I’ll step back. Promise. But now I want you to get some perspective.”

“By sending me away?” Ben hates how small it sounds. For fuck’s sake, he’s almost nineteen.

“Oh, Ben.” She huggs him tight, ignoring the roll of his eyes. Thankfully not commenting on the way he returns the embrace, clinging to her like a child. “You won’t be alone. I spoke to the school counsellor. She suggested you should spend some time somewhere quiet, preferably with animals.”

“Mom, I’m not going to therapy to pet dogs and cats all day–”

“I know darling. That’s why I’m sending you to Luke.”

“Oh God.” Ben groans. He hasn’t seen his hippie Uncle in ten years, Leia maybe in five. “Old bat’s grown tired of his hermit cave in Greece? So now he’s running an animal shelter in what, Transylvania?”

“He’s having a go at organic farming somewhere in Czech Republic, actually,” Leia says primly. Ben suspects she disapproves a little of her brother’s bohemian ways, too.

“Somewhere,” Ben parrots after her. “So you don’t even know the name of the middle of nowhere place you’re sending your only child to. Splendid, Mom.”

“Hush,” Leia pats his cheek. “I’m sure it will be a lovely place.”  

*

The ‘lovely place’ is a decrepit mouldy farmhouse surrounded by seemingly endless muddy fields, with nothing but earth closet and no cell phone signal. The farm’s only connection to civilization is a unkept bumpy road and a bus connection, operated twice a day by a loud, dilapidated, overheated trashcan driven by a smelly, grumpy driver. Not to mention that said civilization is a sleepy hollow of a town where nobody speaks English and everything is hopelessly closed on Sunday. Including the only café with a free wi-fi.  

Ben is hunched over his phone under a convenient balcony, trying to shield the screen from the obnoxious drizzle that’s been dampening his clothes and his mood alike since– well, forever. He shivers. It’s July but this country seems to have no concept of summer. It’s been raining, pouring, or at least drizzling every day since Ben came here and it doesn’t look like stopping anytime soon.

The sharp trill of a bell behind him startles him so much that he almost drops his phone into a puddle. His phone - the only thing keeping him same in this organic farming hell. He growls and turns, about to tell whoever startled him where exactly they can stick their stupid bell - not that he hopes anyone would actually understand him - when his eyes catch on a flash of ginger, the colour as bright and shocking as sunshine in this dreary weather - and the indignant reproach dies on his lips.

A young man with gorgeous fiery hair and icy glare is standing in the half-opened glass door, an expression of angry disapproval written all over his freckled face. He’s saying something, it sounds like a rude question from the lilt at the end of it. For all Ben knows of Czech, he could be saying anything. Ben tried - contrary to what he sometimes lets people think, he can be smart when he wants to - but there’s probably a special circle of hell set aside for this language. To be fair, this man could be wishing him a nice day. Ben’s experience with locals has taught him that they tend to look as if someone got their knickers into a twist every morning without actually being cross with anyone.

The man keeps talking and Ben suddenly notices he’s been blocking the door to a shop. His gaze flicks up to read a sign: Kadeřnictví Kroutilová. There are big glossy photos of artfully arranged hairstyles in the shop window. A hairdresser’s saloon, then.

The air coming through the crack in the door is warm, smelling of shampoo and cologne. Ben hasn’t seen a boy his age - well, one that wouldn’t be doggedly driving a tractor on weekdays and mindlessly driving around a badly tuned car on weekends - in so long and he has nothing better to do. He smiles.

“Could I get a haircut?”

The hairdresser shuts up and frowns. Oh, right. No luck with English here. Ben shrugs and points at his hair, fingers snipping in an imitation of scissors. It’s been getting a little into his eyes lately, anyway. Even when he won’t be able to chat, he can still get an eyeful of good looking guy.

The hairdresser replies with something that sounds a little more polite and steps aside, holding the door open.

It’s a little saloon - two revolving chairs, two sets of tools, and one old woman dozing off on a flower-patterned sofa in the corner, with dye applied to her thinning hair. Ben folds himself into the narrow chair by the washing stand and tries not to be too obvious in staring at the nice ass that presents itself when the redhead bends to sweep away the hair clippings left by previous customer.

He thinks he catches a smirk when the boy straightens - and wouldn’t that be finally something worth his time in this awful place - but then every last hope of a change of luck is squashed when the boy lifts an elegant, finely-boned hand and plucks a piece of straw from behind Ben’s ear.

Ben feels his face burn in anger at the unfairness of it all. It doesn’t matter that he comes from a city with more people than live in this whole goddamn country. Here, in front of this gorgeous, sharp, clean-shaven man, Ben is the country bumpkin, with straw sticking out of his hair from when he was helping Luke muck out the stables this morning. Hell, he probably still reeks of manure.

He looks away, eyes sweeping over the yellowed photos decorating the walls, hairstyles that were last in style in the eighties, and heaves a long-suffering sigh. One of the perks of being an American in a Czech country town is that he can let his thoughts run loud and freely whenever he likes.

“I suppose you wouldn’t know how but if you could make me look something other than your great grandfather, that would be nice,” he huffs. As predicted, the hairdresser shows no sign of offence. He simply adjusts the water temperature and begins to massage Ben’s scalp with his fingertips, and… well, it feels fucking amazing.

Ben is a bit sorry for his pettiness. The boy is probably doing his best, stuck in a town where every man wears the same haircut their father wore. Not much chance to practice the hipster lumberjack sweep around here.

Hair dripping, smelling nice and hopefully free of any straw, Ben relocates into the revolving chair. The mirror in front of him is a bit rusty around the edges and when Ben ducks his chin a little, he can see the reflection of the other mirror on the opposite wall. The hairdresser is quite tall, so tall that he has to lean forward a little every now and then to clip the hair around Ben’s ears and hairline, and his ass in the mirror is a masterpiece.

The quiet snip snip snip and the light touches, tilting his head here and there, lull Ben almost into a trance. He snaps into focus only when the cloth around his neck is pulled off, and for the first time since he sat down, he takes a look at his own reflection.

He looks… good, actually. More than. He never thought his locks could look this good parted on the side, with the layered haircut letting them fall over his forehead in a lazy, self-confident wave. Behind him, the hairdresser, sporting an intense look of concentration, is running his fingers tacky with some waxy product through the locks, making sure they stay the way the should. Ben is impressed.

“Um...thanks, I think,” he scratches his neck, itchy with the fine bits of hair that always get under the collar no matter how many towels he’s wearing around his neck. The boy gives him a quick smile. He looks very pleased with himself. Well, Ben thinks, he should be.

The hairdresser rings him up using a honest-to-God calculator and Ben leaves, lighter of a considerable sum of money and feeling better than he had in… forever, truly.

Which lasts exactly until the next morning when he climbs down the stairs to get breakfast and Luke greets him with raised eyebrows:

“Did you try cutting your own hair using a bowl?”

Still bleary eyed and only half-awake, Ben snatches the first mirror he can find and freezes.

The parting on the side is gone, his hair having reverted to its natural down-the-middle parting it’s grown into for the past nineteen years. With no product to keep the hair falling forward, it’s taken to fall backwards and around, as his locks usually do….

...and it looks like a bowl cut.

The fucking hairdresser gave him a fucking bowl cut.

For a moment, Ben wants to think that the boy simply made a mistake. Small town, not much practice… Then he recalls the small, self-satisfied smile on those full, pink lips.

That asshole knew precisely what he was doing.  

To Be Continued 

Link to AO3

[ao3feed-yurionice]

Blue Ribbon Worthy

by faeriefirefly

Written for the 18+!!! on ICE Prompt Fill Event

Prompts: Setting - Fairground; Genre – Undefined; Trope – Soulmates; Prompt - Accidental Stimulation; Kink - Anal/Butt Plugs

Viktor was uncomfortable, to put it mildly. The dusty county fairgrounds were filled with too many people, close-packed in the late July heat, oppressive even in the evening, sweaty, smelly country bumpkins parading around with their disgustingly greasy fried foods, all inevitably on a stick. This was decidedly not Viktor’s scene. But he’d just had to let Chris goad him into not only coming to the fair, but also taking the bet that had him walking around with four inches of stainless steel shoved up his ass. Whoever lasted longest with their butt plug in won, and of course Chris was playing dirty, dragging Viktor along on every bumpy ride he could and cackling in glee at the expressions Viktor couldn’t hide behind his usual mask of indifference.

Words: 3949, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Victor Nikiforov, Christophe Giacometti, Phichit Chulanont, Katsuki Yuuri

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Additional Tags: COUNTY FAIR AU, Butt Plugs, ill advised bets, Chubby Katsuki Yuuri, Fluff and Smut, But Mostly Smut

source http://archiveofourown.org/works/20632910

[splendontcore]

some crumbs of lore...........and also retaking some discarded characters becauses 22 isnt enough, no sir

[ao3feed-yurionice]

Blue Ribbon Worthy

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/32BcNO2

by faeriefirefly

Written for the 18+!!! on ICE Prompt Fill Event

Prompts: Setting - Fairground; Genre – Undefined; Trope – Soulmates; Prompt - Accidental Stimulation; Kink - Anal/Butt Plugs

Viktor was uncomfortable, to put it mildly. The dusty county fairgrounds were filled with too many people, close-packed in the late July heat, oppressive even in the evening, sweaty, smelly country bumpkins parading around with their disgustingly greasy fried foods, all inevitably on a stick. This was decidedly not Viktor’s scene. But he’d just had to let Chris goad him into not only coming to the fair, but also taking the bet that had him walking around with four inches of stainless steel shoved up his ass. Whoever lasted longest with their butt plug in won, and of course Chris was playing dirty, dragging Viktor along on every bumpy ride he could and cackling in glee at the expressions Viktor couldn’t hide behind his usual mask of indifference.

Words: 3949, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Victor Nikiforov, Christophe Giacometti, Phichit Chulanont, Katsuki Yuuri

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Additional Tags: COUNTY FAIR AU, Butt Plugs, ill advised bets, Chubby Katsuki Yuuri, Fluff and Smut, But Mostly Smut

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/32BcNO2