#bunch of panels from the hull so you can bend the beam etc etc
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it’s my first day of trying assignments for art therapy! my thoughts on what I kind of realized today are in the tags if you want to read 💛
#katie only look at this tag when you’re in a good and SOLID headspace with not much vulnerability to sudden feelings hijacks#I’m embarrassed and super insecure about showing anyone any art I ever do because I stopped learning at about 10 and decided I was#a SHIT drawer but like. I need to work towards open-arm accepting every part of me as the state it’s in right now and THEN I can work on#improving or changing each part and I need to work on not thinking I am categorically#incapable untreatable insufficient inferior disappointing and never as good as anyone else#because that’s untrue black and white thinking and I am the only one who can love this body the way it should have been loved when I was#younger and taught to hate it and be terrified of it and treated it badly#this year is a LOT of effort in several different areas to slowly feel neutral about myself#…among a lot of really really hard neurodevelopment catch-up work in therapy…bruh…#…brain surgery on your own self without tools to use and having to only use single electrical pulses from where#you’re stuck working within the area itself—it’s so exhausting. like SO exhausting I thought my brain was totally spent and dead a few#times over the years but I truly don’t have the words to describe how the effort of developing or RE-building parts of my brain/brain stem#is. the best I can do is compare it to the time after you’ve found that a ship that you’re in that’s got holes and bent beams in a storm and#is slow-flooding—that’s the ship#/!;and you know it has to BE fixed and you’re the only one there so it’s gotta be you but you DO have instructions from a helpful#coast guard officer who you FINALLY made radio contact with and he’s your only instructions but he’s a lifeline bc of it#so you’re in this ship and you’ve gotta fix it and the officer tells you all the things you have to do like un-weld an entire damaged#bunch of panels from the hull so you can bend the beam etc etc#religion#and under normal circumstances that gets done but a team of five trained guys who’ve Got It and they have the power tools to make it easy#you are in this bungled ship with a few holes and flooded hallways and some major structural damage#and you have#one. single. screwdriver. for the first task. of undoing NINETEEN THOUSAND BOLTS#just to access the damaged area at all#and after THAT you can scope out the area and plan what you want it to be when you’re done#and THEN you do the final step of actually doing the repair and closing#that is what we do in therapy#and our daily lives while we PRACTICE all the things we’re told to try in therapy#katie does art therapy
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