#but! that was on my Big Jobs list and I wasn't actually sure I'd be able to move it to the new position by myself

[sinni-ok-sessi]

I'm normally pretty fastidious but there comes a certain point in a task where you're so ready for it to be Done that you'll lie down in the dirt to do it

relatedly, I am going to be picking twigs and stuff out of my hair for the rest of the week after painting the raised planter

[skyahri]

Retire |Kakashi X Reader| HC

Summary: You need some convincing to leave ANBU.

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and depression. Mentions of suicide. A bit angsty and self-destructive, but fluffy overall.

- - - - -

Even though he'd retired a few years back, you were still an active ANBU captain.

The job was grueling, and he was well aware that the longer you stayed, the worse the missions became.

That isn't just because of the overall baggage people acquire, but because seasoned black ops were often sent on the more... unethical missions.

You'd been acting off recently. He had let it go at first, knowing how taxing the line of work could be, but something in his mind was bugging him to investigate.

He assumed everything had started to actually get to you, so he decided to check in on you between missions with team 7.

He knocked on your door. It took a minute, but you answered.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but this wasn't it.

Your appearance was appalling.

You'd lost a lot of weight, you had bags under your eyes, and you reeked of alcohol.

"Just checking in on you. It's been a while."

"Yeah, Tsunade has me on back to back missions. This is my first break in months."

He had assumed his intensive schedule with his team was the thing keeping you two apart, but apparently not.

"How about you get cleaned up while I go get us something to eat? My treat."

"I'm pretty tired, Kashi. I think I'd like to continue rotting for the time being. Thanks for the offer, though."

You gently shut the door in his face.

A sour look plastered itself on his face.

Unfortunately, your use of rotting didn't seem too far off, so he decided to talk to a third party about it.

His first stop was to see Tenzo. Maybe he knew what was up since you two worked so closely.

"I've noticed as well. I tried to ask, but they told me it wasn't appropriate for subordinates to question their captain."

Add that to the list of odd behavior.

You loved Tenzo like family, just like Kakashi did, so the sudden change was worrisome.

He went to ask Asuma as well, knowing he had been in the village more often than he had recently.

Asuma pulled him inside his home and away from prying eyes. Last thing he wanted was the wrong person hearing such a sensitive information.

"We already talked to Tsunade about it months ago when we noticed a decline in her health. Word got back to them, they said something about breach of trust, and they haven't spoken to any of us since."

Kakashi just nodded.

He remembered a time where he also reacted poorly when he'd been questioned in a similar manner.

The only difference is lord Third actually listened instead of allowing him to dig himself deeper into an early grave.

He dwelled on it for a few days.

He cared about you deeply. It was different than any of his other friendships- more personal and open.

The last thing he wanted was to go behind your back and end up with the same treatment the rest of the group was getting.

So he put on his big boy pants and showed up at your door again with vengeance.

He had been practicing what he'd say the whole way over. He needed to be prepared for anything you threw at him so he didn't falter.

But when you opened the door, his fire simmered out.

You just looked so tired.

His words got stuck in his throat.

So he did the only thing he could think of - he just walked forward, straight into you, and wrapped you up in a hug.

You resisted at first, but the second his warmth hit your bones, you relaxed.

It only lasted for a moment before the feelings started to set in, causing your body to shake with sobs.

You fell to the ground, dragging him with you, but his hold didn't loosen one bit.

"It's okay. I'm here for you."

That only made things worse. Something about his comfort was making all the feelings you've worked so hard to repress bubble up to the surface.

After you'd visibly calmed down, he'd picked you up and carried you to the couch. He positioned you so you'd be touching as much as possible without him being too forward.

"I hate ANBU."

Straight to the point. He wasn't sure if that was good or not.

"Why don't you retire? It's been almost fifteen years. That's way longer than most make it."

You hesitated. You had a reason, but the thought of saying it out loud made it sound so silly.

One look at Kakashi’s face told you he wasn't messing around.

You sighed and leaned your head on his shoulder. It made it easier to answer without him looking at you.

"If it's not me going out there, its someone else. I'm already too far gone, may as well save someone else from this fate."

Oh.

Kakashi had fully been expecting some sort of 'I can handle it' response, but this one was so... awful. Just absolutely heart-wrenching.

He collected his thoughts, trying to find a way to reason with you.

"There are people in ANBU who can handle that kind of mental load. You were that person many years ago,"

You just looked at him with that sad, defeated face, and it broke his heart all over again.

"But that's not the case anymore. It's time to pass on the torch."

You shook your head, ready to get up and kick him out. He just pulled you back down and held your hands in his.

"I was so angry when I was forced to retire. I felt like I could do more, like it wasn't that bad, and everyone was underestimating me. Do you know what happens when shinobi like us aren't told to quit?"

You shook your head.

"They end up like my father."

You stayed silent after that. How could you argue when he had just pulled the dead dad card?

So you promised to think about it.

He knew that would be as good as it would get, so he dropped it and opted to switch to a lighter subject.

After an hour or so of talking, you fell asleep. He carried you to your bed and tucked you in. He thought about staying over, but decided against it.

He didn't see you the next day. He'd knocked on your door, but no one answered, and he couldn't sense you inside.

He hoped you were just busy and not on another mission.

He did see you the next day, however.

He was heading to the Hokage's tower to chat with Tsunade about team 7's next mission when he bumped into you.

You smiled at him.

It felt like he was looking at a different person. You were almost glowing. Your eyes seemed a bit brighter, face looked a little fuller, and overall vibe was less damming.

"I retired this morning."

He damn near hugged you in front of the whole village.

"That's great to hear."

[gallusrostromegalus]

the 'Kon :)' in the list of things you're pleased about in aeiwam has be EXCITED please tell us more (if you want to)!

Soon after Masaki died, Isshin Kurosaki moved his family. It's mostly because the original clinic didn't feel haunted- if Masaki's spirit were still here, Isshin would know what to do, but instead he felt like his heels were dogged by the hole where she used to be.

It didn't hurt that the new place was larger, in a better school district, and closer to his friend Ryukken. He's almost feeling cheerful about the new place when Ichigo runs up the stairs and from room to room before calling dibs on one, because he's a big kid now and doesn't want to sleep where he has to listen to his dad snoring all night >:(.

Isshin felt slightly less cheerful when he looked out the big window in Ichigo's room to determine if he needs to put up some child safety grates, and realized their new neighbor was a taxidermist.

"I feel like it gives them a sort of dignity- A Life After Life, if you will." she said when he went by to make sure his neighbor was only eccentric and not something out of a horror movie. He wasn't entirely sure which, actually- Ms. Tanaka was an octogenarian with skin like tissue paper and a back like a question mark, but her living room was a veritable zoo of reconstituted animals, many of them former pets, if the number of domestic cats was anything to go by.

"Oh. Yeah!" Isshin grinned, terrified, and was struck by the idea of some goon in the 12th division slavering in the afterlife, desperate for her to shuffle off the mortal coil and bring her undoubted skills with dead bodies to R&D. "We've always been very spiritual people."

(Continued under the readmore)

"Oh, just like the nice young man who used to live in your house!" said Ms. Tanaka, sitting down in her armchair that was adorned by an ostentatious past-tense peacock perched on the back. "Odd fellow. Worked nights, spoke like he was born in the Sengoku Era or something, but very nice."

"He's BEAUTIFUL!" said Ichigo, staring in awe at an enormous Ginger Tabby Cat by the window, mounted in repose on a emerald velvet cat bed. Ms. Tanaka had done an excellent job conveying a sense of benevolent egotism on his whiskered face, but Ichigo's growing fascination with the Macabre was beginning to worry his father- Ichigo had seen the taxidermy stoat in the back window and INSISTED on coming along.

"Isn't he?" beamed Ms. Tanaka. "His name is Bostov! He was my very best friend for many years."

"Wow! Can I pet him?" Ichigo asked, eyes wide with delight.

"Ichigo, that's uh- that's not a real kitty-" Isshin began to sputter.

"Of course he's a real kitty!" Ms. Tanaka laughed, a noise like an ungreased gate. "You can pet him if you're very gentle." Ichigo stroked the deceased animal with exceptional delicacy for an overexcited Kindergartner. "He's so soft!" he gasped.

"Do you like him?" asked Ms. Tanaka.

"I LOVE HIM!" Said Ichigo, cheeks flushed and eyes bright for the first time in months now. Perhaps having a distant relative of the Addams family for a neighbor isn't so bad, if her creepy hobby cheers Ichigo up... Isshin sighed.

"In that case, why don't you take him home with you?" Smiled Ms. Tanaka. "I'm sure he'll be a good friend to you too."

"UH." Isshin blurted out, nearly spilling his tea on a flock of quail under the side-table.

"I have SO MANY friends in my home with me- it's bordering on a fire hazard!" Ms. Tanaka chuckled. "I'd be delighted to send him to a home where he'll be loved. Please- consider him my housewarming present!"

"CAN WE? CAN WE TAKE HIM HOME? PLEASE DAD??PLEEEEEEEASE-!!" Ichigo asked, stars in his eyes.

Isshin froze, horrified at the prospect of having... That. In his house. Watching him. ...and at the same time, completely unwilling to dash his little boy's dreams.

"yEaH oKaY." Isshin grimaced, soaked in a cold sweat.

*****

Bostov The Former Cat was bad enough, but at least the taxidermy beast 'lived' on Ichigo's bedroom dresser and not down in the living room where Isshin would have to look at it's green glass eyes, which seemed to follow him around the room. It wasn't right having a hollow thing in the house like that- any wandering spirit could decide to climb in there! He resolved to have it warded, but Kisuke said he was on a trip to the Caribbean for "Botanical Research" , and wouldn't be back until "After the Big Holiday on the 20th". Isshin hung up the phone, groaned and rubbed his face. It was fairly late, and he was still at the kitchen table, going through all of the licensing paperwork to get the clinic up and running.

"Hey Dad?" Ichigo asked, holding up a small plastic toy. "What's 'Soul Candy'?"

"Soul Cand-?" Isshin frowned, turned to look at the toy and nearly jumped out of his skin, swiping it away from the boy. "WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS? DID YOU EAT ANY??"

"...it was upstairs, in the back of my closet." Ichigo pouted. "-and no, I didn't eat any strange closet candy. I'm not stupid."

"Oh thank the Gods..." Isshin sighed, sitting back down at the table and shaking the small, duck-headed pill dispenser. Empty. "-I'm sorry I yelled Ichigo, but this is Very Dangerous stuff."

Ichigo arched an incredulous Eyebrow at him. "Really? Is this the same kind of dangerous that the half my Halloween candy you confiscated and ate was?"

"Ah- well. No. That was Dad Tax. This is actually dangerous. Here, come sit with me a minute." he pulled out the other chair at the kitchen table. "Remember how I told you about the ghost that lived in my attic when I was your age?"

"The Shinigami?" Ichigo asked.

Isshin did not *enjoy* lying to his children, but a little knowledge was a dangerous thing, and not enough even more so, so he'd concocted a little fantasy to explain why he knew all about ghosts and why the children never saw their grandparents, so he could tell them about the dangers of this world without telling them too much.

"That's right- His name was Kaien Shiba, and he was a Soul Reaper. At night, he'd turn into a ghost and leave his body behind, and go escort spirits to the afterlife or fight hollows." Isshin said. he'd named the fictional soul reaper after his favorite nephew in a fit of inspiration- he'd started telling Ichigo a tale from his days as a Shinigami one night after slightly too many drinks and had to convince Ichigo that that was only a distant acquaintance.

"...Like what killed Mom." Ichigo muttered.

"Um. Yeah." Isshin nodded.

They were silent for a moment.

"-Anyway, the way he turned into a ghost was that he'd swallow one of these little candies that would come in these tubes-" Isshin pulled the duck's head back to show Ichigo the mechanism. "-and Poof! he'd jump out of his body as a ghost so he could use magic to save people! But-there was a little soul inside the candy that would come out and take care of his body while he was away! Like a babysitter, but for his own butt! After a few hours, the little soul would stop working, and Kain would be home to climb back in."

Ichigo blinked at the mechanism, thinking. "So. There's a little person in these candies?"

"If there were any in here, yeah." Said Isshin. "They're not like. Whole people. Just little collages of behaviors and phrases. You know, like the fake voice that talks on the phone when you call to refill a prescription!" Ichigo frowned, considering something. "...There weren't any candies in this thing, were there?" Isshin asked, suspicious.

"No." Said Ichigo, frowning at him. "It'd be really lonely, being just a little soul, stuck in a candy, wouldn't it?" he asked.

"I suppose so, but I don't think the little souls are aware while they're in there. It's like being asleep for them." Isshin shrugged, lying to himself as much as his son about that.

Ichigo still frowned. "...What happens if the candy goes into a body without a soul in it? Like a dead body?" "Huh." Isshin frowned. "I dunno, actually. I guess the little soul would run around and operate it for a while, until it faded out, like it did with a normal body?"

Ichigo nodded, still preoccupied.

"Why?" Isshin tried.

"...No reason." Ichigo muttered, kicking his little feet. "Just thinking."

"Alright. Promise me if you find anything else weird or see any random candies to not touch them and tell me right away, okay?"

"Yeah okay." Ichigo nodded, only sort of paying attention. "I'm gonna go to bed. G'night dad." he muttered, getting up from the table and handing the dispenser to Isshin before giving him a quick hug and stomping up the stairs.

Isshin watched him go, aching a bit. I wondered how old he was gonna be when he started keeping secrets from me. He sighed, looking down at the Soul Candy Dispenser. Not that I'm being a Paragon of Honesty for him to follow...

---

"GIRLS? ICHIGO? HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN MY STETHOSCOPE?" Isshin hollered, searching fruitlessly under the couch cushions.

"NO!" Hollered Karin from where she and Yuzu were playing in the small front yard.

"TRY ICHIGO'S ROOM, HE TOOK A BUNCH OF LAUNDRY UP TO SORT." called Yuzu.

"THANKS GIRLS!" he called back stomping up the stairs. Ichigo was at karate- he'd finally returned to classes, or at least, Tatsuki had finally physically dragged him back into the Dojo. "Man I hope I didn't put it through the washing machine-" he muttered, opening the door to the boy's room and started searching through the basket of laundry on his bed.

Isshin stopped, and stood up, frowning around the room. Something was off.

Ichigo was a tidy boy, somehow, and his room was usually in order save for whatever video game he had out to play and the bed he never made but... Isshin turned fully around trying to figure out what was off before his eyes finally landed on the top of the Dresser.

The Emerald Green Velvet Cat bed, home of Bostov The Cat, was empty.

"Did he take the cat out of the bed to play with?" Isshin wondered aloud, hoping that that, and not several other horrible scenarios, was what was happening. He could hear Karin and Yuzu giggling through the window, and he peeked down at them- they appeared to be having a tea party on the thin strip of grass, and the guest of honor amongst the dolls and stuffed animals was a familiar-looking ginger tabby. "Oh! The GIRLS took him out to play with." he sighed with relief, leaning against the window to watch them.

...and watch a strange man approaching down the street, who stopped at the garden fence. Isshin frowned- maybe he was just watching the girls play, in a normal, wholesome way like he was doing right now. ...or he could be taking candy out of his pocket and waving the girls to come through the gate.

Isshin jumped on the bed, tore open the window with such force it jumoed out of it's track and was halfway out to jump down at the man from the second floor when the most EXTRAORDINARY thing happened.

Bostov, Who by all accounts had been deceased for the better part of a decade and was made of little more than a skin and some glass stretched over a wood-and-cotton frame, Suddenly leapt up from his chair, claws and teeth drawn like swords and leapt upon the man, battering him visciously with a stream of einvective so foul it made Isshin's barrack-hardened linguistic sensibilities blush, before chasing him back down the street like a short, furious, ass-seeking missile.

"GIRLS!" he shouted, jumping down anyway. "-ARE YOU OKAY?"

"DON'T GET MAD AT ICHIGO OR KON!!" Shouted Yuzu, tears in her eyes.

"...ichigo or who?" Isshin blinked.

"Way to spill the beans, Yuzu." Karin groaned. "Yeah Dad, we're FINE- Kon was here, he'll beat the crap out of anything."

"Who's Kon?" Isshin repeated.

"HEY DAD." Shouted Ichigo, skidding into the garden in his karate gi, and out of breath, clutching an unconvincingly stiff Mr. Bostov under his arm. "SO. UH- WELL MR. BOSTOV CAN MOVE NOW. FOR SOME REASON."

"Uh-huh?" Isshin glared at the cat, who glanced away nervously. "Why do you think that is?"

"...it's a Christmas Miracle?" Tried Ichigo.

"Ichigo, it's fucking April." groaned Karin.

"...Passover?" tried Ichigo.

"-This wouldn't have anything to do with that Soul Candy Dispenser you found, would it?"

"uhhhhhhh..." said Ichigo. Honesty might not have been one of the boy's virtues, but at least he was a terrible liar.

"PLEASE DADDY DON'T GET ANGRY!!" Sobbed Yuzu, throwing herself around his calf and wailing. "MR. KON IS THE MOST NICEST KITTY IN THE WHOLE WORLD! HE PLAYS TEA TIME AND DRESS-UP WITH US AND TELLS JOKES AND CHASES AWAY DOGS AND SCARY MEN AND HE ALWAYS WAKES UP ICHIGO WHEN HE'S HAVING A NIGHTMARE-!"

"Yeah, actually, Kon's like. the first thing to make me laugh since. Well." Mumbled Karin, plodding over to Isshin's other leg and leaning heavily on him. "Please? he's weird, but he's a good guy."

Isshin sighed, then glared back down at the cat. "Alright. Who are you?" he demanded.

Ichigo and the formerly immobile cat glanced at each other and the feline unfolded as Ichigo set him down, shaking himself out and sitting on the walkway.

"So, uh- Hi. My name's Kon. Kon Bostov, if you wanna be formal, in honor of the beast whose body I currently inhabit." He nodded, waving a paw evocatively. "-And, uh. Well, how much do you know about the afterlife?"

"-Being from a long line of psychic mediums and prone to hauntings, my parents rented out our attic to a Shinigami when I was a child, and he told me pretty much everything." Said Isshin, and Kon winced. "So. Is 'Kon' short for 'Mod Konpaku'?"

"Ehh... well, Yeah." Kon winced. "-But hey! It wasn't my idea to be cooked up in a lab by some maniac and then put to death minutes later for something I didn't even do!" he snarled, fur bristling.

"What?" asked Karin.

"Kids I- Look, I didn't mean to lie, there just wasn't a good time to bring it up but. Technically, I'm wanted by the law. I'm an artificial soul created for battle to be put into dead bodies, but literally four and a half minutes after I woke up, the soul society- where all the Shinigami are from- condemned me to die, because they didn't like how strong some of the other Mod Souls were. I managed to roll myself off of the table and into a box of normal bodyminders to hide, Got put in a dispenser and then the shinigami that had been here accidentally left me behind." Kon explained.

"COOL!" Shouted Karin.

"NOT COOL. BAD!" Shouted Isshin. "Okay, okay I- I mean you're right, I never- I mean, the way Kaien told it, the whole Mod Soul program was pretty shady and it sounded really unfair. But why would a Shinigami just leave an important and dangerous tool lying around?"

"...I don't know how much spiritual sense you have my guy, but this town doesn't have a Hollow problem so much as the Hollowpocalylse goin' on." Kon grimaced. "-I really hope that guy's okay, he seemed pretty cool from what I could tell. I don't actually remember hearing him get called back to soul society." Kon muttered. "-Anyway, about three weeks ago, your brother found me in the dispenser in the back of his closet and put my candy body into this taxidermy cat, and I've been hanging out with the kids since then! You know, like a cat is supposed to do!"

Isshin stared blankly at Kon. The girls hugged his legs, lips wobbling, but he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, firming up his resolve- no matter how nice he seemed, a Mod Soul was a dangerous thing- and one crafty enough to live right under his nose for the better part of a month? No, absolutely n-

Isshin opened his eyes to see Ichigo had picked up Kon, cradling the cat to his tiny body, eyes wide and beginning to glisten with tears.

"...Ah. What the hell. You make the kids laugh." Isshin sighed, and all four cheered, thanking him profusely and promising to be extra-good and take good care of Kon- "But you put so much as a Whisker out of line and you're in deep trouble, got it?" Isshin leaned into the cat's face, scowling menacingly and shaking his finger at Kon.

"Understood sir!" Kon Saluted. "So when's dinner? Ichigo's been sneaking me scraps but I could really go for some chicken, or maybe ham-" he asked, tail thrashing excitedly.

"You can eat?" Isshin asked. "I thought you were all... Whatever they stuff taxidermy animals with?"

"-Might've been, but I'm all complete now? Fluff, guts, claws-the works!" Kon shrugged, hopping up on Isshin's shoulder. "-Between you an' me, I ain't even neutered! But that ain't a problem- Plenty of hot pussy around, if you know what I mean, especially that sweet little tuxedo bobtail just up the street- Me-YOW, huh?"

"Oh gods." Groaned Isshin, covering his face. "What am I letting into my house?"

"An intact male cat is called a 'Tom' Dad." Karin called over her shoulder.

"Alright Kon, a few rules- No more swearing in front of the kids, no bringing ladies around the house and for goodness sake DON'T TELL ANYONE YOU'RE HERE!" Isshin snarled at him.

"Alright, alright!" Kon sighed, rolling his eyes. "Out of curiosity though- What rank was your guy Kaien?"

"Hm?" Isshin asked.

"Only that I thought only the captains and a few lieutenants ever knew about project Spearhead." Kon glanced at Isshin, arching an orange-striped brow at him. "-funny thing, having a seated officer doing routine patrols, isn't it?"

"I dunno?" Shrugged Isshin, trying to keep his shoulders from tensing up, "-He didn't actually tell me all that much about how the soul society is governed."

"Huh." Kon nodded, smirking just a bit. "Interestin' guy, this Kaien. You should tell me about him sometime!"

"KOOOOONN!" Yuzu called. "My Dollie's shoe got under the fridge!"

"Coming Sweetie!" Kon called, jumping off Isshin's shoulder to reach his skinny little cat arm under the fridge and swat the missing accessory out from under the appliance. Yuzu applauded with delight and hugged him, laughing for the first time in ages.

Isshin watched them play for a bit and sighed. He not a bad guy, this Kon. All the same- Isshin took out his phone and dialed a number.

"~Urahara Shoten, home of Karkura Town's finest Candies, Cell Phones and Card Games! I'm on sabbatical 'til the end of the month or so, so if it's an emergency, hang up and call the Kurosaki Clinic! Or die! If it's not an emergency, leave me a message with what you need and I'll hook you up when I get back! Bye!~" Urahara's voicemail recording sing-sang over the line.

"Kisuke. It's me, Isshin. You will not fucking believe what my kids found in the new house. Call me as soon as you get back."

[tarjapearce]

Bad Teachings (Pt. 5)

Miguel O'Hara x F!Reader

WARNINGS: Strained relationships, friendship starters, piercings, awkward truths. Slow Burn.

Summary: Relationships are weird. And truth isn't always kind. At least, you might have a friend.

(Might feel a bit boring, but we're building something here. 🥹)

Pt. 6

"OK. I've got one for you." —

—??

"What's the scariest plant?" —

You almost giggled into the reply in your head. It was another ridiculous joke, silly but science-y that upon reading it on a blog, you instantly thought on sending it to Miguel.

In the meantime while he replied, if he ever did that is, you kept on working in a new project. Despite the previous client complaining initially on the low numbers on her beauty product line, the numbers were making small changes in other states, giving a glimpse of hope in the team.

Your job itself at this marketing company, Searchbloom, was to make the briefs, office automation of said briefs and of course help prepare new campaigns for approved projects and important clients  such as celebrities, big companies, influencers and anyone with enough money to afford a complete market investigation.

Your phone buzzed as you finished another brief from a client.

—Red Tide or Algae Bloom. Really bad for marine ecosystems.

You blinked and shook your head at the little fact that you'd probably forget in the next hours. The giddyness of your comeback taking over once more.

Interesting. I thought it was the BamBOO!—

—Ever thought in going out more?

Damn.

Campy jokes were scratched off your list of things. You could picture in your head the reaction, dead, boring and possibly judging.

I'd need real friends for that(?) —

—Not a bad thing to be on your own, y'know?

Oh?

Swallowing at the dryness of your mouth, you finished the little brief, digitally signed it and sent it to another coworker in the other side of the office cubicles.

I know. But doing things on your own isn't always fun. I mean, I'd really love to go shopping, hanging out for lunch and the like with other people.—

His eyes squinted at your words on his screen

I mean we are social beings by nature, sadly, and as much as I'd like to keep doing things on my own, the making friends fever has taken over. —

—Trust me, don't rush things. They'll come to you in the right time.

Your brows arched in surprise at what you just read and pursed your lips in a tight smile.

I mean, I could ask you to hang out but I know you are a busy man. Plus, I gotta step a bit more out of my comfort zone, ever since I got out of college feels like the right time to start making little changes, can't be socially inadept forever, I guess? —

And I'm not sure if you'd actually be interested in such things, you're a workaholic, so yeah. Sorry for the long ass message. —

He hummed and his lip curled faintly upward

You should try it as well.—

—Got enough to live by. Thanks.

You actually give these "Leave me alone" sorta vibes 🤔—

—That pretty much sums it up.

Oh...

                                      I see—

Your heart gave a wobbly and doleful beat, eyes stuck in reading that sentence over and over again. You gulped laboriously the lump that had just formed in your throat.

He wasn't asking to be left alone, was he? Maybe he was actually hinting that you should leave him alone.

Oh no. No, no.

You hated assumptions. But he was pretty clear about the meaning of the message, right? Right?

Closing his chat log, you put your phone away and tried to pour yourself into work to little to no avail. Your brain felt like split in two, blooming headache biting at the back of your head. Week had just started.

You tried. You tried with all your might to keep the harrowing-thoughts at bay, but over thinking you ever old friend only made things trickier than intended. You barely wanted to look at your phone, cause what would you find there but implicit rejection? Even though the other part of you wanted to reach out, at usual.

Another cold realization. You were the one that always sparked the small and sparse conversations you had.

"... Fuck." Seeing your log of messages with him, offline, just made you cringe at how precisely you were acting and wanted to avoid be seen as. Clingy and desperate.

Gulping down, you pressed on the trash bin icon. Breath stilled for a second as you tapped on the 'Yes' confirmation button. He hadn't replied since yesterday.

Why would he anyways?

Question ghosting over your mind.

It wasn't that hard to process.

His words seemed to make sense now. The palpitations in your heart only made themselves clear further the more you thought about it.

God knows how long he had been waiting to say such things.

You grunted at your thoughts. The noise and unkind thoughts reverberating in your head, made your migraine to simmer to a higher level. You had barely slept as the whole situation was breaking piece by piece the little functionality you had left for the day.

But, tasked yourself with one thing, to not look at your phone through the day. A rather easy task since you only used it to check your little social media, watch funny things or videos that caught your interest.

The knitting and crocheting stash of videos in your gallery weren't enough to keep you distracted. So you had added a new category, city wandering for new spots. And four pm sounded like a good hour to actually start. 

And if wandering the city alone, after work to keep you busy from over thinking probable assumptions wasn't considered a hobbie, you certainly didn't know what else to call it.

So you finished work, clocked out and adventured yourself in the arts of local wanderlust. But of course traffic fucked throughly all chances of doing so. You went to the supermarket to grocery and toiletries shopping.

The situation had made you so oblivious to the fact that you needed to replace some basic stuff at home. Shampoo, toothpaste, conditioner, exfoliants.

You couldn't help but notice the coffee and grain aisle full of new products. Hazelnut lattes, cardamom and clove blends, brands you didn't even know that existed, some cheap, other expensive, and of course you took one in between. A small international sample blend.

Your card surely had died a little when you slid it to pay. Almost a houndred bucks in beauty products and another houndred and a bit more in groceries.

The groceries and toiletries were checked from the expenses list. To your little solace, Mr. Landlord was waiting for you with a man and another door.

You let them work, as you unpacked your things. At least you had a new door, a prettier yet still sturdy like the previous one.

Still, no message from Miguel.

----------

On Wednesday you tasked yourself with the same endeavor as yesterday. Not checking your phone. The videos in your "To watch" list were boring and annoying. Political propaganda, movie recommendation spams, mysoginistic stands ups, reactions to bizarre videos.

Nothing worthy to wasting your time on your lunch break. At least you would have the chance to wander the city on your own. You had noticed some work you had slacked, finished and other projects advanced. A perk you didn't think possible in the admist of chaos.

But why would you even congratulate yourself for doing something that was expected from you?

Right.

You clocked out and once more you went to the city. This time no traffic was there to stop you. Parking in a lot, you took your tote bag and walked. Getting comfy shoes to walk after work was added as a mental note. You stopped on a sidewalk.

Streets bustled with people walking like they were probably late to an appointment, Neon signs begun flashing their lights, adorning the streets with their different colors, different sort of aromas filled in your lungs. Pee, trash, hot dogs, sweets and bakery, perfumes, cigars, gas, weed somewhere.

An overwhelming start. You walked in the bakery's direction. To your surprise when crossing the street it was just a little mobile kiosk with choux pastries. Even though the products looked esthetically pleasing, the prices on the whiteboard underneath, made you turn in the opposite direction. And just then you found your first treasure.

Tea Bar. But not a gentrified-looking tea bar with over the top foliage decor with expensive furnace that charged you for just breathing their air. More like a tavern-esthetic sort of Tea bar named Julien's Potions.

Spices, herbs, and other pastries, rested within funky shaped glass containers, the clerk was also into a sort of role-playing that added a little charm to the place. Hand carved wooden tables and chairs littered strategically the small local. Six tables max. The art on the walls was minimalistic, yet still added to the overall layout in the place.

Prices were significantly much more affordable and the little treat you got, a red berries cold brew tea and Mango muffin, we're exquisite. It gave you enough energy boost to return at the parking lot. Of course you took some pictures of the place.

You felt proud. Your first solo adventure had been wonderful.

On Thursday you had ran into a little fancy liqueur shop. Ironically as it was, alcohol and you didn't get along, but the different labels, the shape of the bottles, the year of brewing, the array of sizes and prices, the origin place, made it all too pretty for you to ignore. There were bottles that surely would  cost at least five months worth of your paycheck.

Friday was a busy day at work and of course you just went home. On Sunday you had found a well hidden treasure, a bakery. This time, you took more pictures of the different pastries you had never seen before. Petit fours intricately adorned with such precision you wondered if they had a special machine for it.

Puff creams, chocolate croissants, pain au chocolate, Buttery buns that made you salivate. It kinda brought you back to the baking school sales, your mom's peach gallete and strawberry tarts were popular, and  the only two recipes you knew by heart. The rest, long forgotten and replaced with new hobbies' knowledge.

-------

A week and a half had been exactly gone by, and not looking at your phone had been easier than you had thought. You had discovered a few more places to add to your personal list. A crystal and esoterism shop, where you bought lavender incense. A little thift shop where you got a lovely and fashionable champagne colored trench coat. And today, you kinda wondered where you'd take yourself on a Friday evening

This time you hoped to find a knitting shop. Starting a new hobby meant to invest in it. And your cheap wools had ran out as you were learning the basics of knitting. After work, you'd park your car in a spot of the parking lot, but to your surprise it was closed early. So you drove until you'd find another, nearby the thrift shop you had found. Open 24/7.

You walked east, the bustle of the city wasn't as loud in some parts of it. You gave the thrift shop's clerk a brief smile before continuing down the street. To your surprise there was a Tattoo and Piercing studio. A.F.A.U.'s Emporium. Sid Vicious' voice reverberating through the place the closer you approached.

Your eyes widened upon seeing none other than Hobie on the front desk, organizing a bunch of guitar cords. The place was divided in two. To the left there was the tattoo artists and piercing cubicles. To the right, apparels and other handicrafts were neatly displayed before anyone that actually took the time in looking.

Walls painted in jet black, with a dim white grunge texture as a decor. Pictures of protests, famous singers that made a significant impact on society through their subversive forms of expressions were hung on the wall.

Jello Biafra, Kathleen Hanna, Patti Smith, David Vanian, to name a few, along some bands logos spray painted in some spaces.

A stark contrast with your well dressed for the system-look. Hobie arched a brow at you and chuckled.

"Got lost in the way, birdie?"

You shook your head as you kept looking around.

"I was wandering the city, actually found this place by mere coincidence. Looks pretty cool."

"Humbly"

"You work here?"

He sneered and shook his head.

"I owe it. Me and many others, actually. I'm just the face fo' it."

"What does... AF..."

"Anti Fascist Artist United." He sniffed as his lip twitched.

Your eyebrows rose and you glanced over the piercing cubicles.

"So ya just... wander in the city and see what happens?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Cool. But dangerous."

"I never go too deep in the city just... the outsides. Don't want to fuck around to find out what's in store for me." you chuckled, Hobie followed.

He tucked his hands on his pockets and walked over you, he motioned to follow him.

"How come every time we met you turn cooler?"

He shrugged and took you to the handicrafts.

"You did them?"

"No. My work's on the other side. These are made by local artist that are involved one way or the other in tryin'to get mo' spaces for people that actually bring a change into community."

"So all of this Merch..."

"Ain't free, that fo'sure."

You giggled

"No, I mean, You just rented this place to give other people a space to offer their art and goods without charging them?"

"Nah. they do pay a small quota, meaning, they can come and clean up, organize shite. Government pays the rent, they get full profit of their thingies. Everyone's happy."

"And the tattoo part?"

He smirked and shrugged.

"Government pays the rent, so... puttin' that to good use."

Your eyes widened slightly and you just nodded.

"Might need a bit of that smart for myself."

"You gotta shape it, birdie. Anyways, what brings ya here besides, yer 'wanderlust'?"

You sighed and shook your head.

"Been wandering the city on my own to try and distract me from something that is messing me up. Just glad I found a familiar face after almost two weeks of random strangers."

"Life's a bitch, innit?"

You nodded and went through the merchandise. T shirts with trippy designs, Pottery in fruit shaped bowls, handcrafted watercolors and painting supplies and of course, knitting tools. Your grabbed a couple of  wools and paid him to take  the small bundle with you.

"So what yer' here for?"

You looked up at him and sighed

"I'm trying to make friends on my own."

"How's that going?".

You shrugged and a humorless laugh came out your mouth.

"I mean... ever since college... way even before that, actually-" You looked up and scratched your neck awkwardly when he gave you his seizing stare.

"Sorry. Don't wanna bore you with my ramblings."

"Haven't said nuffin'" He sat across you and looked at your fumbling hands. The music had died down a bit.

"Saw yer door being replaced."

"Oh yeah. I'm glad I'm not getting stuck anymore." You looked at him and chuckled.

"Whut?"

"Do you always stare at people like you're judging their choices?"

"Yeah. Makes it funnier when they get all squeamish. Like ye."

"I'm not squeamish."

He arched an eyebrow and you both chuckled.

"Can I ask your age?"

"So ya can feel a Lil'more glum for what you might have or haven't achieved so far?"

"My thoughts exactly." you shrugged with a silent laugh.

"24."

"Ah, yeah. I can already feel the disappointment."

"A too well dressed disappointment"

"Is that why you call me... uh... runway girl?"

"No. Glam life, glam dressing, glam job. Runway sort of shite, so runway girl. Been there, done that. Not fo' me."

You didn't know whether to feel offended or laugh at his assumptions. Everyone was assuming lately.

"My life is anything but glam, Hobie. Just work enough to keep appearances. Something that my job also requires from me."

"That's why the name is perfect for ya"

"It's boring."

He pursed his pierced lips in mild derision

"Graduated uni?"

you nodded.

"Found a job of what you did study for?" Again, you nodded and sighed.

He chuckled.

"Still, you're just assuming. My life is boring. Really. One would think that working in branding companies offers you alot. But it's just another fancy way to say you're-"

"Another workforce for da capitalism?"

You chuckled and shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess. And people think I actually hang out with celebrities-"

"You don't?" He snorted and you frowned

"See?! You were assuming things! And no. It's rare when I actually meet someone famous. I basically make resumes of what they want, how they want it and make it come true. And if I ever meet them means no good. And still I have to dress up like I'm interviewing someone important."

" A wish maker, then. Might call ye Fairy."

" Sounds less brash than Runway girl actually."

" So lemme get this, you graduated uni, are working on something you actually prepared yourself for, dress up like an expensive doll, but... ya wander the city alone tryin' to make friends? "

"Sounds a bit more depressing and pathetic when you put it that way." He tittered at your words.

"Sounds like you're just living by."

"Yeah. That's been a recurrent feeling, even before college."

"What do ye want?"

"Uh... what?"

"Like, yer acting like yer living the life some dream of, but have the life some hate. That leaves ye in the middle. What do ya want?"

"Right now? I'd like a hug and be told everything, at least up here" You pointed at your head, "Will be fine. But since life is a bitch, I wanna get my ears pierced actually."

His smile was satisfied.

"That's a start innit?"

"Yeah... just realized that ever since college, I... didn't get the chance to do a lot of things."

"Uni seems like the dementor of people's dreams. Even worse if it's private." You chuckled and nodded. He motioned for you to follow to the front desk.

"Both ears?"

"Nah, just my right one for the moment."

"A'ight. Pick one, it's on me."

You looked at him with excited eyes, he just smiled.

"This one. It looks soo cool and it's stylish." You went for a triple helix hoop in your upper lobe.

"Golden, silver or colored?"

"Uh... golden."

He prepared his working area. Your chest felt a bit less constricting.

-----

The first thing you  did when coming home, besides giving Hobie a ride and greeting his mom on the hallway and getting a random invitation for afternoon tea, was to look at your new body modification on the mirror. Golden 6 mm hoops adorned your ear. You couldn't help but feel giddy and a little sore. Hobie was careful, and he was a pro at it.

Your phone had been buzzing nonstop hours ago. You made a quick dinner for yourself out of the left overs. You then took a shower and changed into your pjs, TV remote on hand, The Diary of Bridget Jones ready to play for the third time, when the notification sound dinged. You groaned.

Your thumbs padded and scrolled through the logs. Some were from the work's group chat reviewing the week's assignments, others from your social media announcing new videos for you to watch, your ex college classmates uploading new photos, and something more unexpected.

Miguel's name on the bottom of your notifications. It was almost comical how you had to rub your eyes and make a double take to confirm that it was him. He had messaged you. Your heart skipped a beat. Your thumb hovering on the unread text, like if reading it would make the room to suddenly explode.

You pressed on it and all you could do was blink almost stupidly at it's contents.

—If you're done giving me the silent treatment drop by on sunday. Need your help.

---------

Taglist:

@yeyrpp2 @zaddyskye69 @gejo333 @bigbassbug @daddylorianisastateofmind @namjooningera @d1lf-loverrr @amb3rrz @xantic0101 @niyanispunk

[mswritingthings]

Big Prompt List

Instead of randomly putting out a few little lists here and there, I'll try to do a big one every 6 months or so. Yes, I did reuse a lot of my older prompts on this one, but the next one will be newer ones.

"It's always nights like this that I feel the loneliest."

"I can't be 'just friends' anymore!"

"This sort of thing was never meant to happen."

"Why don't you love me?"

"I have tried so hard for so long, and I'm just exhausted."

"There has got to be more to marriage than what we have."

"Please, just come back to me. I miss you."

"Don't cry, I hate it when you cry."

"I can't believe you'd do this to me."

"You were supposed to love and cherish me."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Just come back, we can fix this."

"I feel lost without you."

"This isn't about you anymore. It's my turn."

"What do you want from me?"

"There it is. There's that smile I love so much."

"I've never been happier with anybody else."

"You've shown me what it's like to be loved."

"Let's go do something, just the two of us."

"It's hard not to love you, I know that now."

"Love me or leave me here."

"If you call me baby, I'll always be yours."

"I want to taste her lips cause they taste like you."

"You looked at me like I was someone else."

"You're drunk, go home."

"I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did."

"I'll be anything you want. You love me more than you love yourself."

"Relax, there's no reason for you to be so wound up."

"I'd be willing to lose everything to make them happy."

"You're like an angel, my angel."

"We're in love, and I am actually happy for once."

"Please don't ruin this for us."

"We aren't together anymore, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you."

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that you're loveable?"

"I like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, it's cute."

"Everything always works out in the end because it's you."

"Wow, you look absolutely breathtaking."

"I don't have to keep changing because they love me for me."

"Come on now, let's have some fun."

"You're going to be the death of me."

"Talk dirty to me."

"You're ridiculous."

"Charming, you know just how to make a girl blush."

"What kind of trouble are you going to get me into?"

"If you're gonna cuff me, you might as well throw the gag in too."

"Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"

"A little flirting never hurt anybody."

"Just get over here and kiss me."

"God, you are so fucking hot sometimes."

"Do you believe in love?"

"I'm going to fight for what I want to be."

"Do you really love me underneath it all?"

"There's not much left of me."

"I want to drag you down with me."

"I love myself, I want you to love me."

"Do you think of me when you're with her?"

"You are a brick tied to me that's dragging me down."

"Don't you remember how you told me you loved me baby?"

"I was supposed to be a doctor before all this started."

"Death wasn't supposed to feel like a mercy."

"The stars look different down here."

"Believe me, I didn't want it to come to this."

"Don't go, it's not safe out there for you."

"Your job isn't to make sure I make it out alive, not anymore."

"I don't want to live forever."

"Where do you go when you feel like there's nowhere to run?"

"And everything you ever said now tears me all apart."

"I've seen the things you put me through and I wish I could die."

"I love it so much it just turns to hate."

"When they get what they want, they never want it again."

"You want it all, but you can't have it."

"After all the lies you told, who will save your soul?"

"Life is perfect, never better."

"Fuck you."

"Isn't it much more fun fucking than fighting?"

I know I said to get laid, but I didn't mean them."

"I hope this lasts forever."

"Don't go, I need you."

"It's ben a long time."

"Sit and drink with me."

"The pain always subsides eventually."

"I got used to this."

"Tell me it'll be okay."

"I can't say sorry anymore."

"Please come back to bed."

"It wasn't worth losing you."

"There's too much at stake for me to let you be so selfish."

"Sometimes I wish that I never met you."

"You're insufferable, but I love you."

"It's a nasty business, that's what they don't tell you about loving someone."

"I have lost everything, but I keep going because I have to."

"There's a whole world of poeple out there who will love you."

"I know I'm now who you wanted to spend the night with, but I am here."

"I give up, being loved isn't worth all this humiliation."

"If you look away from me again, I swear I'll stop."

"You can have me any way you want, just ask nicely."

"You've taken good care of me, now let me take care of you."

"You have got to stop distracting me so much while I'm trying to work."

"Hey, all I'm looking for tonight is a good time."

"There's not a lot a good kiss can't solve."

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

Sir Pentious perhaps?

Certainly, my dear!

Send me a character and I’ll list:

Favourite thing about them: His dorkiness! I like how he starts out trying to be intimidating so he'll be thought of as a formidable foe, and then learns to embrace his naturally dorky self and be a better person. Maybe there's a message there about toxic masculinity? Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Least favourite thing about them: That so-called 'joke' in Episode 6. You know the one. I mean, you can't have a whole episode taking sexual assault seriously when it happens to Angel Dust and then turn it into a joke when it happens to Sir Pentious. I'd have preferred it if, instead of Pen being dragged into the sex room, Valentino overheard his "sex with everybody" line and started offering him a job at the porn studio and making him flustered, and that was what motivated Angel to stand up for his friends.

Favourite line: "The only cool thing here is to say 'No' to drugs! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage!"

brOTP: I like the enemies-to-friends thing he had going on with Angel Dust! My favourite moment is in Episode 5, when Pen is trying to shield his cookies for Lucifer from Angel's grabby hands, and then he has to stand up straight to salute Lucifer with a quick, "Your majesty!" before he goes back to shielding the cookies, but it's too late because Angel's taken one, but Angel doesn't make a big deal of it, he just says, "Heya, short king," to Lucifer as if there's nothing out of the ordinary going on. They're like brothers! Pen is the responsible one and Angel is the naughty one, but at the end of the day, they've got each other's back. It's fun to watch!

Also, now that Sir Pentious is in Heaven, I love the thought of Emily becoming his new best friend! She could show him how Heaven works, and he could teach her what he knows about Hell, and together they could try to find a way to let Charlie know that redemption actually works.

Plus, there's the angst potential of Sir Pentious interacting with Molly - he knows who Angel Dust is, and she knows who Anthony is, but they don't know they're talking about the same person... I'd love to see a Pen/Emily/Molly trio going on escapades in Season 2!

OTP: CherriSnake! I wasn't sure about the ship at first, but it's grown on me. It's a neat example of the enemies-to-lovers trope, where Sir Pentious' admiration for Cherri as a worthy opponent turns into something more romantic. And they could have bonded over being inventors - Pen with his gadgets and Cherri with her "brilliant explosive contraptions". Too bad he only confessed his love a few seconds before his heroic sacrifice...

I think I like this ship for its potential. What will Cherri do now that Pen is gone? Will she find out he's in Heaven? Will that motivate her to stay at the Hazbin Hotel, to get redeemed herself and be reunited with him? It's rife with story possibilities!

nOTP: Sir Pentious and Vox (StaticSnake?). Mainly because Vox told Pen to kill himself in Episode 2. That was unacceptable.

Random headcanon: Sir Pentious has a son! Remember that moment in the pilot when Angel said, "Harder, Daddy!" and Pen replied, "Son?!" I think Pen did actually father a child when he was alive, and he'd been scouring Hell trying to find him again. (And for a moment there, he thought Angel was declaring that he was his son.) Pen never found his son in Hell, but now he's in Heaven, maybe he'll have better luck...

Unpopular opinion: I actually quite like Sir Pentious' singing voice! It's nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be. And I much prefer it when characters' singing voices match their speaking voices, instead of being wildly different. (Looking at you, Vaggie.)

Song I associate with them: @hazbinned made a video of Pen being kept awake at night by Angel blasting out "Made You Look" by Meghan Trainor, so now I associate that song with Sir Pentious! LOL!

Favourite picture of them:

[galaxythreads]

i literally don't understand the mcu script writes who've bragged about never having seen the previous movies, like bro??? how do you expect that script to be consistent with the rest of the canon?????????

normally I'd laugh and be like Yeah, anon, these guys are insane, but you have bypassed Mental Breakdown part of my brain and now I am deeply, deeply curious.

---

Why is it that mcu script writers are so proud to be arrogant?

---

Warning for minor language.

So anyway, the person I thought of specifically as being Generally Terrible to the Franchise Lately was Michael Waldron, who wrote Loki, Dr. Strange 2, AND is currently working on Avengers: Secret Wars. (Yay)

So I did a lot of research about where this guy CAME from and how he's impacted everything because I swear to God I'd never heard of him before Loki. And now I see him everywhere, but usually only in loathing.

---

Michael Waldron, according to Wikipedia, is currently 35 as of 2022 and graduated from some Film School i haven't heard of and can't be bothered to remember. He is unmarried(?) and has been active in the film industry since 2014. (8 years, for those of you counting.) He started work on Loki in 2020(? unconfirmed).

The thing that struck me the most was how incredibly short his project list is.

My man has six (6) completed projects. He had three before he started on Loki. And while this doesn't necessarily mean that he's bad, it does show a level of inexperience that baffles me personally.

For comparison, Kenneth Brangah, one of four screenwriters for Thor 1's list is this:

And again, it's not like Brangah's list is enormous, but I do see a lot more experience under their belt before they were approached by MCU rather than Waldron, who had done three projects. Brangah had 20 years in sceenwriting when he went to work for Thor. Waldron had six.

And the amazing thing to me is that even the shows Waldron's executive producer on, he wrote like, two episodes for it? Then he handed it off to other writers. So he doesn't, as far as I can tell and I found, seem to have a lot of experience actually working the writing process, just supervising it.

(I could be wrong)

But here is his latest series Heels, for reference.

the section says "Written by" above the names, I cropped it weirdly.

---

So we have a man who has, at this point, worked six years in the industry. He has worked on three shows. He was the assistant for one show, he did not write in the other one, and he has written for ONE show, total. Produced one show, was the executive producer for ONE show.

What I am seeing here, is, from what I can see, a lack of experience. And it shows. Badly.

So why did Marvel hire him?

----

According to an interview Waldron did, where I'm drawing a great deal of this information, he has always wanted to work for the Big Leagues. He wanted to work on Star Wars mostly, from what I could see, but he didn't think that Marvel would be bad either. When he approached his agent about how to get working for Marvel his agent told him he needed to have written a movie.

Now you're probably wondering. I DID look at that list of projects he's been involved in, and there wasn't a movie.

You are correct!

Waldron wrote a movie called The Worst Guy of All Time and the Girl Who Came to Kill Him. It's on The Black List and was never filmed, to my understanding. But he sure did write that script. And that script, I believe, is where a lot of issues in Loki start to come to light, but we'll get to that in a minute.

"At some point the script made its way to Marvel as they were meeting people for Loki and that got him in the door to pitch and that pitch got him the job."

When Kevin Feige was hiring directors, Waldron walked in and "I thought I was going to get it, but that's my attitude, I guess, hopefully as unarrogantly as that can sound, but I think you got to be confident" (Waldron). Feige was apparently impressed and hired him on.

Which again, a bold choice that COULD have been great, to give a small name the chance to work on a project like this?? Incredible. Just not in this context.

I feel immensely confused that MCU, which is a multi-billion dollar industry, did NOT actually hire someone with years and years of experience like they did for Thor 1. Instead, they went with someone who, personally to me, didn't have enough experience to seem like he knew what he was doing.

So now Waldron is working in MCU. Things are going great for him. He has TWENTY WEEKS to come up with the plot, the scripts, and the story for the entire Loki series.

TWENTY. I cannot emphasize this enough. That is no time at all. They went from blank slate NO IDEAS to a full script in TWENTY. WEEKS.

So HOW then, did Waldron get approached to do Dr. Strange 2?

Apparently, Waldron and Owen Wilson were talking one day and Waldron got asked to do Dr. Strange 2 because it was just as chaotic as Loki was.

WALDRON: Yeah. By that time, I had been able to build the trust. We'd written Loki. Loki was in good shape at that point. It was headed into production. I was getting ready to go to Atlanta. Fortunately, the scripts were in good shape. One of our writers, a close friend of mine, Eric Martin, took my place and went and was the writer on set, which you've got to have, and he did amazing work carrying the show across the finish line, from a writing standpoint. And yeah, it was just, "All right. You did Loki. That was crazy. Come do Dr. Strange. This is going to be crazy, too." That was really fun.

And guess what! This is the instructions he was given FOR Dr. Strange 2.

WALDRON: It is purely, 100%, "Make the most kick ass Dr. Strange movie you can possibly make." There was no, "You got to get here. It's got to fit here."

Which, by the way, Feige stated that he had no plans for the Loki series beyond time travel, and Waldron was instructed to do whatever he felt like. A 100% most kick-ass time travel series, you might say.

---

Okay. So now that we have some background, I'm going to get onto my soapbox and explain why this man was a horrible, horrible directing choice and shows 0 understanding of the characters. This is going to go over Loki and Dr. Strange 2, for reference.

---

LOKI:

The biggest disaster I see with Loki is that the FIRST -- and I emphasize this, the FIRST -- thing that Waldron says about Loki in the interview is this:

Waldron: And I'd written a time travel movie about a character who was kind of a villain, and kind of a sh*thead, like Loki.

I think that the problem that Waldron suffered from the most in Loki is that Waldron didn't want to make a TV series about Loki. He doesn't like the character very much from what I can tell. Obviously, he calls him a sh*thead, but he never has anything nice to say about Loki as a whole either. He doesn't want to talk about Loki as a person, or Loki's story, Waldron wants to talk about the TVA. I seriously cannot emphasize this enough. Not once in the interview did Loki as a person come up. Loki didn't even seem to be a character to him.

The TVA is where Waldron seems like most of his time was spent, because that was, after all, what MCU wanted to do. I honestly, genuinely do not believe this man would have taken the job for Loki if it wasn't about time travel. Because Waldron could focus on the TVA and not Loki. Loki was an irritant he had to occasionally do something with.

And now we get to his script that was pitched to MCU.

Waldron: I sat down and I wrote a script that was a time travel action rom-com, is how I would describe it...because they [Marvel] wanted to make a time travel show. And I'd written a time travel movie about a character who was kind of a villain, and kind of a shithead, like Loki.

And the thing is, to me, sounds a lot like the TV series. A romcom, with time travel, and a sh*thead kind-of villain. That's the series we got. I do wonder how much of this pitch made it into the final series, because this is what Waldron had as a reference. (The director wanted to make a romance from what I understand, that was her vision of the series was this long-winding romance, and it doesn't look like anyone sat down in the writer's room and explained to them that the last thing that would fuel Loki's story forward was romance.)

And the thing is, Waldron doesn't seem to understand Loki as a character at all, if Loki is "kind of a villain and a sh*thead" because yeah, sure, Loki can be considered that, but that's not WHO Loki is. That's what people SEE him as.

Waldron at no point references having read the scripts for the Avengers, Thor 1 or the Dark World inside this interview. This doesn't mean he hasn't seen the movies or read the screenplay, as I often hear said about him, but it is strange to me that he makes so little mention of Loki.

This man is so focused on the TVA. Despite how much of a disaster the TVA ended up being. Here's some notable quotes:

WALDRON: What did I learn? Don't write one about time travel, because it's a pain in the ass.

WALDRON: ...A foundation of what constitutes a broken time law and what doesn't, so that we could then just, which is about Loki breaking a time law, and then you have to move all that stuff as far to the background as humanly possible, because you don't want the audience focusing on the rules of time travel during your show.

I love how "Loki breaking a time law" is supposed to be the center of it all and comes off as an afterthought.

And.

"don't want the audience focusing on the rules of time travel in your show" YEAH. CAUSE IT'S GARBAGE. Maybe if he and the others had had more than a weekend (exaggeration, untrue statement) to work on how time travel works, we'd have something that didn't make me want to scream into a pillow for ten years.

WALDRON:  All over our writer's room, our white boards were just covered in timelines. And it's just, "No, time travel works this way," "No, time travel works that way." That was the great challenge of our show, it was because the Time Variance Authority is an organization that literally manages and polices all of time, we had to define what time is to them and what time is in the MCU. 

I think we can blame this disaster on the Russo brothers. ^

WALDRON: Those are all questions we had to ask and define for ourselves. I think that what's fun about the TVA is it takes something remarkable, like time travel, and really packages it in a very soulless, sort of bureaucratic way. That's what was exciting to me, as a writer, was to take something so magical and just make it utterly soulless. -- So what we have is a writer's room so focused on the TVA that Loki becomes a secondary concern and the lens from which we VIEW the TVA, and then it stops becoming Loki's series and starts to become the TVA's.

But no one seemed to realize this.

And also "That's what was exciting to me...was to take something so magical and make it utterly soulless" is a GREAT way to go about time travel. I also think he applies this to everything and it shows.

So again. Writer focused on the TVA. Appears to me to not care about Loki. Spends a majority of the interview discussing ANYTHING but the main lead of his show. Does not want to talk about growth or character or WHERE LOKI CAME FROM? WHY ARE YOU NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR LEAD?

But that's okay. Because we all know that the TVA was the main character of Loki, don't we?

---

Another interesting point, I thought, was how Waldron writes relationships. I watched a review of his TV series Heels, where the reviewer came to this conclusion about the main characters:

"...And that's just what made this show so fascinating, is that…all these characters, that in some way, treat each other horribly, but in other sense do care about each other, and they're all so entwined with trying to make this thing work."

and that sounded extremely familiar. Because this is the cast of Loki. Waldron seems to have discovered his Character Formula.

Thanks. I hate it.

I just...this man can't have been a bad writer in just Loki right, and this has to be a consistent theme across all his work? And honestly, he's worked on so little that I don't know. I can't have an honest opinion of him. From what he has worked on, terrible character chemistry seems to be the general vibe. Waldron does not seem to know how to write characters that you understand why they like each other.

Hence, Loki being abused by every figure of authority in Loki, and Slyive treating him horribly, but somehow they all like each other in the end.

Because that's Loki. The TVA series, Loki on the side, getting beat up. Because he's bad.

---

DR. STRANGE 2:

Dr. Strange 2 has a similar set of problems. It was written in a rushed time frame, there was no overarching idea for a plot and where the story needed to go, Waldron was just told to do what he wanted, and Waldron didn't seem to be too focused on character arcs.

Wanda, obviously, takes a devastating hit as far as arcs go, but I wouldn't say that Dr. Strange was spared, either. The two of them go through rapid flipflopping in terms of the growth they've incurred throughout the entire MCU, and it shows. Badly.

One thing that Waldron did say that absolutely baffled me was this:

WALDRON: I became good friends with Jac Schaeffer, head writer of WandaVision, while I was writing Loki. Her and I became good pals, because we were kind of in it together and everything...So, I had the benefit of just being able to call Jac and talk to her about Wanda's character and everything, because it was really important to me that I do right by her with what she did with Wanda as a character. And also, with Lizzie, who's a friend of mine. I really worked with her and made sure, "Okay, you guys just did this incredibly intimate show about this character that grew her so much. Let's make sure that we're doing that justice and telling a fulfilling next chapter of that story."

I am so confused. Waldron honestly appears to want to do right by Wanda, but Wanda's growth from WandaVision was destroyed in Dr Strange 2 (and I want to emphasize here that Waldron made no such comment about talking to Tom Hid. or previous directors of Thor movies) so then how did Wanda end up going through such a downward spiral? Waldron wanted to do right by her, and yet???

I think the biggest problem is that Waldron doesn't have to think long term. He's almost not supposed to. He said this:

WALDRON: Well, I think one of the joys of being a writer in the Marvel world is getting to make terrible messes and leave them for your predecessors

WALDRON: For instance, you write the Loki show and then you end up writing Dr. Strange 2, having to clean up your own mess and that can be a lot of fun.

WALDRON: And it will naturally connect to the MCU and it will naturally get the MCU to where it's supposed to go, in some ways that we expect and ways that sometimes you don't expect, and I think that's part of the fun.

Waldron was given the explicit instruction to write a good Dr. Strange movie, but not a good MCU movie. Part of the reason that Phase 4 feels like a bunch of puzzle pieces from different puzzles is that it was designed to be that way. Feige is just going with the flow to see what will happen rather than having any sort of idea of where to take the series.

"It will naturally get MCU to where it's supposed to go" is one of the most hilarious statements I've ever heard, by the way. As someone who has done original writing, and planned out a series, my 200+ page document of planning, background, and worldbuilding laughs at you. (And I still don't have it all finished, because I've had MONTHS to work on this). Maybe. Maybe they want to try and not publish the first draft of phase 4?

Waldron wasn't told to make a movie about Wanda, or how to progress Wanda's character in a way that made sense post her growth. And any problems that were there they blamed on the Darkhold, because it's someone else's problem to clean up. Very neat. Very good planning.

---

So overall, I don't think that MCU writers are proud of their ignorance, I just don't think that they see a problem with it. Writers are told to do what they want to, without there being any plans for character growth or plot advancement, so they do. They put whatever they want out on the sandbox and wait for someone else to clean it up.

Feige seems fully onboard with this plan. So the real problem, I think, is the fact that MCU is expecting writers to come up with complex, interconnected plots in twenty weeks, and the writer's don't have the time to write consistent character arcs, they just tell a flashy story because at least you get something out there.

I honestly don't imagine Secret Wars will be any different. Waldron has shown that he really really enjoys writing stories, but not characters. This is not to say that we should blame all of this on Waldron, because I don't think it's really his fault. I think it's more the fact that he's the byproduct of a system set to fail.

The writer's ignorance is someone else's problem in MCU, apparently. But don't worry. This will naturally get MCU where it's supposed to go. Just tilt your head and squint a little. Then close one eye. And then the other. Now you can see what brilliance Phase 4 is clearly.

[liminalpebble]

I Left the Lights on For You

Eddie Munson angst and comfort oneshot, Eddie x gender neutral reader, Eddie's a good friend and a sweetheart. Minors DNI

CW: Talk of depression around holidays, mental health issues, self-harm ideation (but not acted upon), drug use. (Positive ending, though) Minors DNI

Summary: The holidays are awful for you. In your darkest moment you turn to Eddie, your dealer, to get something stronger than the usual to ease the pain. Eddie, being no stranger to loneliness and sadness, senses something is very wrong and decides to reach out to you. Eddie Munson x gn reader.

A/N: Sorry for the dark subject matter folks, but I wanted to give some representation of how hard it is for many of us with mental illness this time of the year, and I'd like to think dear sweet Eddie would definitely hold our hands through this. Please, if you are feeling like this in real life, reach out to your friends here or in the 'real' world, to a hotline or a website. Hell, message me! Don't stay quiet and don't suffer alone. You're not bothering anyone. You're a beautiful human being who deserves love and care. Please, please stay. Here is a list of resources in various countries.

Much love,

Peb

I Left the Lights on for You

You trudged through the trailer park in search of Eddie's place, narrowly avoiding spots where black ice had plastered over the gravel of the lot. It wasn't that late but it felt like some kind of eternal arctic night as you trudged through the snowbanks and felt the icy air numb your face.

Having a weird sense of time and feeling numb were nothing new to you by now, albeit in a different way. This time of year was so miserable for you, but you kept that to yourself around everyone else, smiled and played along. Why spoil it for them? The few of “them” that were even there anymore. You'd done a pretty good job of shutting everyone out even before the Christmas depression put the cherry on top of that shitty mental illness sundae.

Even calling Eddie had been difficult. It'd been so long since you used your phone that it had begun to gather dust on the coffee table. You knocked the gray fuzz off with and dialed. Your fingers drummed nervously as the phone rang. Maybe he wouldn't pick up. Maybe this wasn't even his number anymore. Maybe he doesn't want to....

“Hello?” a cheery, lazy voice answered.

“Hey,” you breathed out, not sure if you were relieved or scared to talk to him, “ Hey Eddie, it's...”

“Aww. Sweetheart. Come on. I'd know that voice anywhere. How ya been? What can I do for you?”

You didn't know him that well. As with everyone, you kept him at an arm's length, but he had a persistent warmth about him, like he specifically wanted to thaw you out and liked the challenge. Despite your nerves you couldn't help but smile when he flirted. How long had it been since you smiled?

“Hey uh...well...my stash is running kinda low and I was wondering if you have anything? I'm sorry to call during Christmas break I know you and Wayne must be...you know...celebrating or whatever.”

Eddie busted out a bemused chuckle. You could practically see his big smile from the sound alone. “Nah, honey, don't worry about that. In fact, Wayne moved out with his sweetheart so I'm here all by my lonesome and Christmas isn't exactly my thing. Fucking hate it, actually.”

“Fuck, me too.” you said, with a relieved exhale. “It's nice to hear someone else feels the same way.”

“What was that? I didn't catch what you said after 'fuck me too'.”

You chuckled, “Oh fuck you, Munson.”

“Gladly.”

You were laughing hard now. A genuine laugh. It felt amazing.

“Listen. Why don't you come by the trailer? It's a little cold to do business in the woods.”

Your jaw clenched. You'd never been to Eddie's place. You'd only ever met on neutral ground, specifically, at the picnic table hidden in the trees. This felt oddly personal...intimate.

“Uh...are you sure? I don't want to impose.”

“No! Not at all. I got nothing going on and I'm bored out of my mind. Come on by. I can even smoke you out if you'd like.”

“Uh thanks. That's really nice of you. I'll be there soon, okay. Just gotta get myself together. Which number is your place?”

“Just look for the lights. I'll leave 'em on for you.”

You scrunched your face up in confusion, “Won't everyone have lights up? How will I know which is yours?”

He chuckled again. “Oh you'll know. Trust me. See you soon, sweetheart.”

----

You decided Eddie didn't need to know that just “getting yourself together” would be an ordeal. How long had it been since you showered? Since you'd eaten? What day was it anyway? Settling back into the oppressive darkness within yourself, after the flicker of Eddie's light, made it seem all the darker by contrast; suffocating.

Come on. Not long now. Just get it together...just once more.

The warm shower did feel nice. So did the clean clothes. You stared at yourself in the foggy mirror for a long time. Your own face, blurred around the edges stared back. That seemed appropriate. Seeing your tired eyes and drab shapeless clothes, you felt like a ghost in a human costume; like this was some kind of backwards Halloween. It felt weird and wrong and ill-fitting to try to be a person right now, nonetheless you grabbed your things and hurried out before you could convince yourself not to go.

----

And here you were, swaddled deep in your parka, weaving through a trailer park full of the tackiest yuletide displays you'd ever laid eyes on. Just when you thought you'd never find the one you were looking for, a eerie crimson gleam caught your eye.

Eddie Munson was standing in the doorway of his trailer, surrounded by strand after strand of entirely-red Christmas lights, punctuated by the glowing motifs of pentagrams or skulls. He gave a smirk and opened his arms in a showman's gesture, proud of his handiwork.

“What do you think?”

You giggled. “I love it” you answered, as you pattered onto the porch, eyes wide.

He held the door for you in a gentlemanly gesture, ushering you into the balmy warmth of the trailer.

You don't know what you were expecting of Eddie Munson's habitat but “clean” was certainly not it. Glancing around, you could see that the place was shabby but very clean and tidy, and the tangy smell of lemony soap told you it was recently scrubbed.

“Did...did you just clean for me?”

His cheeks went red and he nervously tousled his hair, “Yeah. I didn't want you to run away screaming because of my gross bachelor pad.”

He looked so cute...devastatingly cute, with his red cheeks, dimpled smile, pajama pants and Garfield slippers. You'd never seen him like this. Every time you'd met before he was all decked out in chains, leather, and ripped jeans (although he was pretty great to look at in that too). You had the thought, not for the first time, that he would be great to look at in or out of anything.

You waved a hand dismissively “Eddie, you really didn't need to do that. My place is a disaster...just like me. I promise I wouldn't have cared.”

He smirked at that but then his big brown eyes scanned you. He could see the dark circles under your eyes, the twitch in your clenched jaw, the way your fingers and feet drummed and fidgeted. This was familiar to Eddie. He knew where you were at immediately because he'd been there himself, and he knew it felt like the bottom of the world.

He cocked his head sideways and looked down at you as he asked a softly, “Hey...are you okay?”

You twitched as if struck, blinked a few times, mustered yet another artificial smile, and nodded like a bobble-head. “Yeah! Yeah...of course. Totally...totally fine.”

He nodded, but his expression was still skeptical. “Well, can I get you something to drink? It's cold out there. Want some coffee or hot chocolate or...”

Your heart was beginning to ache at his kindness; kindness you didn't feel you were worthy of. You had to do what you came here for before you were distracted by it. “No...no. Sorry. Thank you but no.. just ah...let me know what I owe you and I'll leave you alone,” you said, gesturing to the little plastic bag of dried leaves between you.

“No! Really. You don't have to go! I promise. Unless you...you know...don't wanna spend anymore time with The Freak than necessary.” he said with an edge of hurt in his voice.

You came closer and grabbed his arm gently, assuring him, “No! No, Eddie, it's not like that. It's not that at all. You're so...you're so kind. I just...I'm not great company.”

He held both your shoulders, met your eyes with his sincere dark chocolate ones, and said, “You're perfect company. I promise. I'd been wanting to get to know you better and this is nice. Sit tight, take your coat off. I'll heat some cider and roll us a joint.”

You relaxed after his reassuring touch, peeled off your coat, then watched as he puttered around the kitchen. How long had it been since someone touched you? Talked with you? Assured you that you weren't a bother? Could he know how much that meant to you? You hadn't been able to feel much of anything lately except a blunt despair, and you hardly ever cried, so it surprised you when you felt the warm saline misting your tear ducts. You swallowed hard against the lump in you throat, attempting to talk around it. Thankfully his back was turned, so he wouldn't see your troubled face as you inquired, “Actually Eddie, I was wondering...do you have anything stronger?”

He paused with his back to you; movements stopping abruptly to listen closely. “Uh, I'm not sure. I might. What do you have in mind?”

You swallowed. “Ketamine...Vicodin...anything like that.”

He turned around now, brow scrunched and mouth dropped open as he thought, weighing his words and yours. “How much are you thinking? You gotta be careful with that stuff, you know. Space it out. Or with Vicodin...shit...I wouldn't go near that, honey.”

“As much as you can give me” you replied flatly, trying to keep the emotion from your voice.

“Why?” he asked slowly, eyes boring into you. You could tell, even though your gaze was on the floor, glaring hard at the tawny shag carpet.

“I just don't sleep right. You know? I'm nervous all the time. I'm just so...I need something to...to make it stop. Listen, I know it's expensive and I brought the cash for it, so please just...”

Eddie came up closer to you now. Before you knew it, you were mere centimeters from his chest, a Motorhead tee shirt dominating your field of vision. He smelled like detergent and cigarettes and warm skin and you wanted more than anything to snuggle into him forever. He took your face gently in both hands and guided your gaze up to his.

“Honey, look at me. Don't look away, okay?”

All you could do was nod, and swallow down the lump in your throat as you met his gaze. Eddie felt his heart break a little when he saw your beautiful eyes well up and spill over. He stroked your cheeks and said, “Just let it out and let me hold you. You've been holding onto it alone for too long.”

Before you knew it, you were heaving huge gasping sobs into his chest as his long arms encircled you. You panted and coughed like you had been drowning and finally...finally...had breached the surface as your rescuer pulled you up. He thought you felt so small and fragile, shuddering in his arms. He picked up one of his hoodies from the couch and draped it around you shoulders as he sat you down next to him.

When you were finally able to speak again you said in a raspy whisper, “I'm sorry, Eddie. I didn't mean to...”

“Shhhh. Cut that shit. I want you to be here. I'm glad I could be here for you.”

“Please, don't pity me.”

“I don't. I've just been where you're at,” he said knowingly, kissing your forehead and stroking his hand up and down your back in comforting little rubs. “Listen, I've always liked you a lot. I really wanted to get to know you but I thought you'd never want to hang out because I'm weird and intimidating.”

You laughed at that. “No! I was being the weird one. I never found you intimidating. You're so sweet, Eddie. I just couldn't...I was stuck inside...you know.”

He met your eyes, and his plush pink lips gave you a sweet smile. “Yeah. I know exactly the feeling. So please...just please stay. Talk to me. It'll be alright again one of these days. It really will. But for now let's just get through tonight.”

You nodded, wrapping the big hoodie around yourself like a security blanket. “Thank you,” you said and kissed him on the cheek.

“I got you, sweetheart. I'll always leave the light on for ya.”

@leelei1980 @msgexymunson @take-everything-you-can @loz-3 @veemoon @elegantkoalapaper @ladyofthestayingpower @hellfirenacht @sweetsigyn @itsfreakingbats @fairyysoup @joejoequinnquinn @josephfakingquinn @eddies-house

[ech0schamber]

I am STARVED for akutagawa angst. I am begging!! I need a fic, where reader and aku know each other through the port mafia. Right? They get close 🤭 BOOM?! One day she leaves like dazaii?!!! 🤯 (omg) he is obviously betrayed. BUT THEN (drumroll) CONFRONTATION. He finds her again. How will it end up? Could he ever forgive her?? 🤔

ahhh, i really hope that you don't mind that i'm sticking to the bulleted headcanon list like my other posts! i'm really bad at writing drabbles (is that what it's called?)

☆you had worked for the port mafia for quite some time, slowly working yourself up the ranks

☆during that process, you had become close friends with this emo cat. akutagawa had actually started to admire you after a while. it seemed like no matter how hard the job, or how injured you got, you always got right back up with a cheery smile on your face

☆he would eventually become fascinated by you, but who wouldn't? you seemed too nice to be a part of the port mafia, a little too happy as well. it's like nothing in the world could actually get you down

☆let's pretend that was all a façade tho! it's exhausting to work for mori, especially since it doesn't seem like he cares about the members of the port mafia unless they are a higher up

☆you never let it show, but it was really starting to wear you down. each scar you got was just another reminder of what hell you were put through everyday

☆i'd like to think that even akutagawa never noticed this. the two of you had become really close friends, he'd even fight to keep you safe if you got too badly injured during a mission, something he doesn't do for anyone (besides gin)

☆it was kinda obvious to everyone else that aku liked you. but you were an oblivious fuck /affecationate

☆it got to the point that people started to take bets on who would ask out who first, when you guys would actually get together, or if you guys would get together at all

☆don't judge them, it can boring at work sometimes

☆but of course, some stories don't get a happy ending :]

☆you had grown too exhausted from the work you had to endure everyday, tired of the scars that litter your body, and just tired of dealing with mori. you had run away, left everything behind. you wanted a new life for yourself

☆of course, you wanted to explain to akutagawa first. you had debating telling him for a full week before you decided against it. it was going to hurt, but you had to leave. akutagawa would for sure try to keep you in the port mafia, he saw no point in leaving this life style

☆so instead, you had packed the bare necessities and ran away like a dog running away from a scolding. you didn't have too much money, so you couldn't leave yokohama. you didn't think too much of it, yokohama is pretty big right? there's no way that the port mafia has power over all of it

☆and your plan had worked. you actually managed to get away from the port mafia, you had settled down and found a job at a small shop near your place. it wasn't the best work in the world, but it made you happy. you had finally found peace through the raging storm

☆it had actually been a couple of years before you ran into any members of the port mafia. you had probably changed the way you look now, but not drastic enough that no one would recognize you

☆and of course, it was akutagawa that you ran into :]

☆the port mafia had been informed that someone who looked like you was working for the same small shop. of course someone was gonna rat you out, you don't exactly get to just leave the mafia without some conflict!

☆mori had decided to send akutagawa for this as he'd be more likely to recognize it it was actually you or not

☆so there he was, casually strolling into the shop you worked at. he immediately recognized you, and was filled with a bad mix of emotions. fury, betrayal, sadness. he almost started a fight with you before you even noticed that he was there

☆thankfully you had noticed before and shooed him out of the shop before the owner started to question things. he oh so casually threatened you, stating that you better explain everything before he used roshomon on you

☆while you didn't explain all of it, you did tell him that you were tired of the life style that came with being part of the port mafia. you had grown tired of the constant fighting, of constantly worrying about your life, tired of the scars, just tired of it all. you were shaking by the time you were finished speaking, you added that you just wanted to move on and make something good out of your life. you only life once, yeah?

☆you also told him that you wanted to tell him. you didn't want to leave him in the dark like that, but it wasn't safe to do that. if someone had found out that he knew where you were, they would torture him until he finally let up. you were too scared to tell him, and it still hurt like hell that you had to do that to him

☆little did you know that aku had finally managed to gather his feelings up, and was about to ask you out before you left :,]

☆he didn't speak much during this confrontation. it hurt to find this out, it hurt to see you again. all those emotions he managed to bury came flooding back, except for the love he once carried for you.

☆you had finally managed to ask if he would forgive you. you were met with a simple "no"

☆it hurt, but you could understand why. you were more shocked when he talked again.

"But I won't tell the boss where you are."

☆he, of course, didn't let you respond to this before he turned and walked away. you couldn't help but smile at that. maybe some stories have a bittersweet ending

☆and he kept true to his word, he reported back that it was just a misunderstanding, that it was simply just someone that looked like you

☆but now you two avoid each other in public, not wanting to stir those emotions back up. let's hope that mori never sees you. im pretty sure he will kill you if he does

-------

i hope this is angsty enough :']

[halfmoth-halfman]

what’s the point of a fic rec list if ur only going to show the same people every month

we get it you want to show off ur big writer friends & you want to suck up to the other popular writers but you can do that without lovebombing their fics with the same nonsense keysmash this was amazing *insert random heart gif* review for every single fic until they’re forced to acknowledge you

it’s kind of cringey & i wouldn’t be surprised if it made some of those writers ur trying to suck up to really uncomfortable

we all see the same popular writers all the time they don’t need ur sad attempt at exposure and ass kissing to get people to read their fics people want to see new & small writers or writers who don’t get a lot of notes not the same fics from the same writers that always get rec’d

maybe next time try finding actual smaller writers in here & giving them valid reviews instead of ignoring them &making them feel bad for not being good enough to make ur omg best writers ever 💜 list each month

i realize that you're probably a troll and i shouldn't bother with this but there's actually some points in here that kind of concern me so i'm gonna answer this piece by piece so i can get my thoughts out properly.

why show the same people every month

it wasn't and isn't my intention to only show the same people in my fic rec lists. i've said this before on here but i'm very busy irl so i don't have a lot of time for tumblr and reading and exploring for fics. most of the fics i see are from people i follow, the fics they reblog, or the recommended posts tumblr gives me so those are the majority of what goes on my fic rec list.

it sucks, but i don't have a lot of time to search and find new fics or writers. if i had a less demanding job or personal life than i'd love to take more time to explore fics, but i just don't and i realize that can come off as me favoring certain writers but there's nothing i can do to add more time to my day. i've always made it clear that i am open to new recs/fics/writers, i've found some of my favorite fics through other recs people have sent me!

it's also for that reason that i made the monthly fic recs specifically for fics that were also written in that month. i can't keep up or keep track of what month/year every fic was posted to make sure they're added accordingly. i thought making the monthly rec list this way would not only show off new fics and maybe newer writers/blogs but also be easier for me to keep track of what fics to include so i don't get overwhelmed and end up quitting.

i also made sure that the monthly fic rec list isn't the only time i recommend fics, i have an entire blog dedicated to fic recs that i reblog every fic i like to. i link to it in every fic rec list so everyone can go and look at all of the fics i like and recommend.

we get it you want to show off ur big writer friends & you want to suck up to the other popular writers

i don't think this is a good way of looking at it, if i'm being honest. i'm not trying to show anyone off or suck up to anyone, i just wanted to make a post that showed my appreciation for fics that i liked in one big post since (as i said above) i don't have a lot of time to do comment reblogs for every single fic.

and it really bothers me the way you seem to view "popular" blogs on here. this feels like you're implying my "big writer friends" are only my friends because of that. this is tumblr. it isn't some overused high school stereotype where everything is a popularity contest. people can just be friends because they get along and like each other. and, i don't know if you know this, when you're friends with someone usually you support the things they do. i like the things my friends write, so i support their fics. it's as simple as that.

you can do that without lovebombing their fics with the same nonsense keysmash this was amazing *insert random heart gif* review for every single fic until they’re forced to acknowledge you

i know that i'm a writer, but i am not good with compliments. i do my best to try and pick out my favorite lines or focus on the things that i really loved about a fic, but when i have to think of new ways to describe how much i liked something, my brain blanks, so i default to my usual compliments. i don't think there's anything about that that's lovebombing, and i don't think you really know what that word means.

also i have never once said that anyone had to acknowledge me or my rec list or anything else. i make my rec list and give my compliments as a way to show my appreciation, i do not expect anything back from any of the blogs i mention the same way i don't expect any type of interaction from anyone on tumblr. nobody owes me any kind of interaction, and i don't make my posts with that expectation.

it’s kind of cringey & i wouldn’t be surprised if it made some of those writers ur trying to suck up to really uncomfortable

i don't give a fuck about being cringy, if you find my rec list cringy then that's your own problem.

however, i would like to say that it was not and is not my intention to make anyone uncomfortable with my recs, and if what i've said in those comments has made any of the writers i mentioned uncomfortable then i am truly sorry. i am more than happy to untag you or remove you from the list or whatever you'd like to make you comfortable. this was simply a way for me to highlight the fics that i've enjoyed each month, but i do not want to do that at the cost of making someone uncomfortable.

we all see the same popular writers all the time...people want to see new & small writers or writers who don’t get a lot of notes not the same fics from the same writers that always get rec’d

anon, i don't know if you know this, but you can also make a fic rec list. i'm just one person, i'm not going to see every single fic from every single writer. there are fics i'm going to miss, writers i'll probably never see. i can't help that, and it feels a little unfair of you to put that on me.

if you're tired of seeing the same writers, then reach out to other writers!! make your own fic rec list with new writers on it!! or if you're that desperate to see certain writers on my rec list, then, like i said, my askbox is (almost) always open for people to send me recs.

maybe next time try finding actual smaller writers in here & giving them valid reviews instead of ignoring them &making them feel bad for not being good enough to make ur omg best writers ever 💜 list each month

you'll probably get a lot of joy from knowing this, but i think this part actually bothered me the most out of this entire post. i'm very concerned with the idea that people think i'm purposely ignoring them or that my fic recs are making anyone feel bad or like they aren't good enough.

this was just a fun way for me to show fics that i like and give my appreciation to the writers without getting overwhelmed or worried that i wasn't doing enough. it was never meant to make anyone feel bad about themselves in any type of way, and i am so unbelievably sorry if i've caused anyone to feel like that.

i do my best to find new writers when i can. i check every recommended fic tumblr gives me, i scroll through the for you page, i even go through character tags, but the problem of it is, i just don't have enough time to look through every single hour of every day. i try, i really do, but i'm not going to be able to see every single fic. i'm in no way trying to be hurtful or rude, it's simply a me problem that i don't have a solution for.

my reviews won't change, nor will my monthly rec lists. i do the best that i can, i enjoy making these lists, and i haven't heard of anyone else having a problem with this except for you. i'm sorry how i do this has upset you this much that you felt the need to send this to me, but i hope that you can come to realize that none of this was done with harmful intentions and maybe take this as a chance to make your own rec list and shoutout some of those fics that you feel i've been ignoring.

[treasureyourfire]

Tarot in the shadow of Anxiety

-Long Vent post-

(English is not my mother language, sorry for the mistakes.)

I am currently in such a state that my faith in myself and in the Tarot has been greatly shaken.

If anyone else has experienced something similar, I'd appreciate some advice.

Anxiety and panic make it difficult to read -especially- to myself. I've always struggled with self-confidence, I can't fully trust my intuition either, it's hard for me to hear it. I try to meditate daily (but yeah, there are small or large breaks), try to connect to the right channel with breathing techniques and self-calming before reading, but there are situations when it's very difficult for me to find and maintain my inner peace. I get thrown off balance easily. I've been fine in recent months, although in general I get a milder anxiety when I sit down to read tarot, which I overcome sometimes quickly, sometimes more slowly. I think this originates from lack of self-confidence and maximalism, perfectionism.

However, recently I had a day where I went into overdrive, when I couldn't keep my patience and sanity.

I have been harassed in nearly a week by a hidden phone number that I did not answer. I usually don't answer if it's encrypted or if a displayed number isn't in my contact list.

I asked cards for it and interesting things came out of the caller, what kind of person it might be.

Since when I've started practice tarot, this was my first YES or NO question :

Do I know the person personally?

I got the Five of Swords, which I took as a definite NO, so I didn't deal with it any further.

Then, early in the morning on Monday this week (March 25, 2024), my phone vibrated again, twice in a row, this time with an actual phone number. On the first call, it "rang" persistently and for a long time, the second call was shorter, lasted about half a minute. It wasn't in my phonebook and I wasn't expecting a call from anywhere or anyone, I didn't make new acquaintances recently, so I didn't pick it up either.

But an avalanche of catastrophizing started in me... Could it be a doctor? Ambulance? Police? (I had reason to assume these possibilities due to certain events in my life.)

I didn't dare to call it back for several reasons.

I asked a card.

Why did this number call me?

Ten of Swords

I immediately panicked, especially after looking up the general meaning of the card. I feared the worst.

I asked another YES or NO question;

Should I call it back?

Strenght in Reverse

I took it as a NO.

This was where I first panicked and I was unable to ask the cards for clarification.

After I stopped asking, it was interesting that for some reason I always wanted to say or thought of Nine of Swords instead of Ten of Swords... I wondered what if that meant that my own negative mental state had produced this Ten of Swords and I didn't got the true message.

After making sure everyone is all right in the family, a big stone rolled off my chest. This time, however, I didn't leave it at that and called the helpline with that I might be a victim of telephone harassment and gave them the new number. After the family's and my own private investigation, it turned out that the number, which was not encrypted, was probably a wrong number and was not the same person who had been calling me from the hidden number. We laughed about it.

But next, the guilt and overthinking hit me... Why did I act... I rushed it... I want to stand up for myself "for once", but I still feel guilty, what if I send the police on an innocent person. As long as they deal with the matter... (I am writing this post on Wednesday. The police haven't contacted with me since then, and I expect that (even though it's their job to see about it) they let it go.)

After getting into a "calmer" state of mind, I sat down again that day to ask for clarification.

For the Ten of Swords (Why did this number call me?) I received the following cards;

Six of Pentacles

Seven of Cups

Five of Swords

Queen of Cups (I felt that this card represented me, but even though it was an upright card, in this situation it did not indicate its positive/healthy state.)

I read a negative message from it.

I asked it differently.

What was the caller's intention? ;

Ten of Pentacles

Four of Cups

This was where the complete confusion finally came.

This sentence comes out of my mouth many times during some readings; "I wish I hadn't asked."

I felt that the first and second half of the message were completely opposite to each other. First I thought of negative intention, then positive intention. Of course, I don't know the other side, and it seems I won't know what the caller's true motivation was.

Maybe the cards were showing my own confusion? That I thought of several possibilities regarding the case?

I haven't known the meaning of each card comprehensively, so it's difficult for me to interpret and read them together, especially when several cards pop out at the same time (I prefer to work with pop-out cards rather than drawing), and I know that negative emotions and thoughts can take me in the wrong direction, no matter how hard I try to ground myself.

Maybe I wanted to analyze a too complicated case (or I made it too complicated for myself) with too many cards and questions, because in the end it all felt like a big, self-contradictory mess. I tortured myself emotionally too much. I had enough and didn't want to continue to force myself to calm down, and to translate the messages more deeply and soberly.

Last I asked advice:

What to do next to make it the best for both sides:

The Magician

This was the point, when I had finally had enough for the day. For me, the Magician seemed to "scream": "Create, act!" And I was just... What should I do? Should I call the helpline again to ask to forget my call from earlier? Should I worsen the situation or my own mental well-being? No! It was enough! I just wanted to run away and break away.

My second intuition was that the Magician indicated that I should continue to deal with my own things (this card has shown itself to me many times in the nearly past), to look at the big picture, my whole life, not just this one day, as it was the only Major Arcana in the reading. However, I wouldn't consider The Magician as a "Let it go and move on" card. Or do I should?

In hindsight, under action and creation it might be referring to bringing my thoughts down to earth level, and with this post I just have done that.

In any case, my self-confidence went under the frog's butt after the incident, and maybe I'm even more anxious to take the Tarot in my hands... I'm afraid of new emotional turbulences (I hated them always), of being overwhelmed. Supposedly there is NO such thing as a WRONG READING (but maybe wrong channel), yet I am afraid that I am not doing it right… I am afraid of another meltdown and disappointment. If it turns out that Tarot is not my path either, then I have no idea what it could be...

I'm still very much a beginner, there are pitfalls with this, I shouldn't take it to heart, but it's always been difficult for me.

Do you have any advice for me about this spread?

What would you have read from these cards?

Looking at my situation through the eyes of an outsider, maybe would help me to be more enlightened.

I've tried to research the following topics before to become a better reader, but I'm grateful for any advice you guys can give me. <3

What techniques do you recommend to read card combinations?

Do you have any other tips for dealing with my "tarot-anxiety"?

advice on how to manage my relationship with Tarot,

advice on how to strengthen the connection with my intuition

advice on how to strengthen the connection with my spirit guides?

When does the mind (knowledge or ego) speak and when does intuition speak?

If you're still here and read all the way through, thank you very much!

We never know what someone has to experience and learn on their own path, there may be low points, but I hope that I will not create more posts with such a desperate and tormented state of mind.

Take care of yourselves. <3

[tiikerikani]

"I feel that it is time for me to pursue another opportunity that is more aligned with my career goals and values"

I’m 100% quitting my job if they require us to use Gen AI

They did, so I quit. I gave my one months' notice today and will start New Job near the end of next month. Of course I have to credit random Recruiter Guy for showing up in my life at exactly the right time; I wouldn't have left without an exit plan.

I try to be a principled person and there aren't always opportunities to safely stay true to those principles.

-----

When Recruiter Guy messaged me on LI last month, I was intrigued that it actually seemed like he'd read my profile (unlike the spammy messages I usually get). I've never worked with a recruiter before, so it was interesting having a sort of agent pitching you to the company and liaising with them instead of having to be persuasive and do all the arrangements on your own.

Since the technical writer role is a new position in this company, I figured that it would mean they would be open to ideas on how to do things and wouldn't be forcing me to use AI things.

When Recruiter Guy asked for my salary expectations, I gave him a number in the middle of the range that was in the job description. The entire salary range is a significant increase over what I'm earning now[1], so I had literally nothing to lose and everything to gain trying for this. He said he'd ask for a bit more than my figure. (And that's what I'll be getting.)

The role would be a massive step up in responsibility for me and I know it's going to be a challenge; as the in-house writer I'd be responsible for maintaining the entire documentation library[2]. In-house writer is actually the role that many technical writers aspire to. You get to work closely with and really know the products you write about, and you can give feedback during the product development process.

I would have asked about it anyway, but the interviewer wanted my thoughts about using AI, and I said something along the lines of "I know people who do, but I do not because I trust my writing skills and good writing that gets taken seriously needs to have a touch that only a human writer can provide." She agreed that AI text sounds really obviously fake, so I took this as a good sign.

There was a small sample task that I had to do on my own time (given a list of specs, write a brief product description). Not a huge fan of copywriting but a product description is still very factual and not usually trying to sell stuff to people who don't want it. I returned the assignment along with a thank you note for the interview.

The interviewer wanted to speak with one of my references, so I directed her to talk to my master's thesis supervisor. He made such a good impression that she wanted to read my thesis (which IS, in the end, the only formal writing sample I can provide because I can't divulge who I've done work for) and had Recruiter Guy set up a chat for me with their HR person. Whom I spoke to on Good Friday because it wasn't a public holiday in their country and I didn't have big plans for the Easter weekend anyway and I just really wanted to move the process forward as quickly as possible. They were also extremely impressed and went back to Recruiter Guy right away, who then called me that afternoon. I'm sure he would not have done this if he wasn't optimistic about my application since he was very well aware that it was a public holiday for me.

So yeah, I got the offer email just as I was about to leave for the concert last Thursday, and I wrote back immediately to accept it. Recruiter Guy called me as I was getting out of the metro and I really hate talking on the phone in public, but THIS WAS IMPORTANT ENOUGH for an exception. We discussed the start date and agreed that I could have a gap week in between to just...catch my breath and rest a bit.

New Job is a hybrid workplace and they expect people to come to the office at least a couple of times a week, so I hope some social life and networking can actually happen??? Their products include hardware devices so it also makes sense that I need to physically be there to examine the things to document them properly.

__________

[1] With the amount of experience I have now, with a job that requires a university degree and specialized language skills, and living in the Helsinki area, I should NOT be earning BELOW the national median wage (across all industries)!!!

[2] A recurring theme in my art and what I try to do with it is wanting to be seen, so it would mean a lot to me to be able to point to my work and say "I did this," rather than writing anonymously as a contractor.

[borgevino]

so, since last june i've been having about as stressful a time as it's possible to have in an office job. luckily this era is over (i'm still in the same job but now working 10h/wk) and i'm starting to recover.

it's hard to identify burnout / extreme stress while you're going through it (although maybe i'm speaking for myself here). here are some things i've noticed.

major stress symptom i've observed in myself and others: the narrowing of appetite until you're essentially only eating 3 or 4 "safe" things while everything else, even if you have enjoyed it in the past, sounds nauseating. for months, i could only eat taco bell and pizza. this has dramatically improved since i reduced my hours

various life skills i've developed simply vanished. i could not put together a grocery list at all -- i couldn't think ahead to what i would do with ingredients i bought. i also could not handle cooking -- I could barely make rice in the rice cooker. it was like i'd forgotten how. (this is back i'm happy to say! i did have to go "well let me shop like i'm 23 again" to get it but i made two home cooked meals this week)

i also lost a lot of coping mechanisms. all of my bad old protestant thought patterns came back with a vengeance. for example, i was taught growing up that complaining was A Sin -- i've unlearned this but found myself putting "cw complaining" on various tweets (this also is better now)

it became much harder to connect with my friends or my partner. luckily my wife (he/him) and i have done a bunch of work on communication already, but it became harder for me to spend time with him, simply because so much of my energy was spent on work (also improving!)

while i was in the high stress state i tried various remedies:

being comfortable physically and grounded somatically was essential. taking baths with lavender in them, petting the cats (and being sat on by them), taking deep breaths: small things, but incredibly helpful.

weed seriously helped. it affects everyone differently: for me it quiets all the anxiety alarm bells and gives me a 30,000 foot view of the situation. putting things in perspective was often humbling and reassuring at the same time. (i did not try alcohol because of the hangover factor)

there were a couple times when i took a week or two off to try and get some rest. these actually did NOT help; mostly they made things worse. i'd relax a little and then five things would go wrong in my body at once (presumably because i wasn't producing as much cortisol)

notes on recovering:

i'm taking a college class and that little bit of structure on my week is very helpful. also it gets me out of the house -- i've been WFH since the start of the pandemic, and i've gotten out of the habit. days i leave the apartment and do something besides just go for a walk or shop tend to be good ones

i've been sleeping a ton -- 12-14 hours a day, long naps. i'm lucky i can just let it happen -- i'm letting my body's instincts take the lead. if we need to sleep until 1pm occasionally, sure.

in the same vein, i'm not pushing myself. could i have made cornbread or corn waffles with tonight's chili? sure! a year ago i would have. but that sounded tiring, so i didn't. etc etc. i haven't started on the monumental task of getting the apartment to its pre-stress uncluttered state yet, because that would be too big a push for right now. "i will be compassionate with myself" is something i've been telling myself over & over.

it's surprising and encouraging how much things have changed for the better in the course of the past three weeks.

[literaticat]

Hi, Jenn. This might be a weird question, but I don’t know where else to turn. I’m reading an eARC of a new upcoming novel for a MAJOR author. There are characters from a marginalized community I know a lot about… and there are huge inaccuracies. Flat-out false things. I don’t know if I should say something. If so, where do I go? What do I say?

If the whole thing makes you uncomfortable, you don't HAVE to do ANYthing about it. Lots of times books are just... bad, or not good for YOU, and that's fine. Stop reading it. Don't recommend it to people, don't buy it for others as a gift, if somebody asks "hey did you like this" you just say, "wasn't my cup of tea" or whatever. Not your problem, file under "bad" in your head and move on.

If, however, this is really egregious and has riled you up to the point where not only do you think it's not for YOU, you feel like it is actively HARMFUL and you are feeling compelled to do something about that, as I see it, you have one go-to move:

Review it. After all -- that's what ARCs are for, they aren't meant to be silently hoarded, they exist in large part so that people will read and review the books ahead of publication. This can be someplace public, like GoodReads or social media, or less public, within the ecosystem you got the e-arc from. **

The closer you are to being a Professional Book Industry Person, the more diplomatic you should be here. If you are "just a reader" -- ie, not in the book industry and don't plan to be -- go off, babe. You can totally review this in a public way on goodreads, or make a tiktok, or whatever. Obviously you should be following community guidelines. You don't need to curse the writer out or insult or threaten them or anything like that. Like, snarky can be funny -- but are you being mean just to score points and have a laugh, or are you giving actually helpful insight/information? Tending toward the latter will make people take you more seriously, and if you are talking about actually harmful representation, that's important.

IF, though, you are an author or professional Book Industry person: Bookseller, agent, editor, etc -- well, I feel like it's our job to SELL books, not to bash them publicly. Outrage generates clicks, and you probably have a bigger platform of Book People than many folks do, so YOU calling a book out publicly can result in a big kerfuffle -- and you definitely would not want hoards of this famous person's fans coming after YOUR books with pitchforks.

So if that's the case, I'd consider just sharing your feedback privately with the publisher (and obviously with your friends group chat!) rather than putting it on blast for the whole internet. Again, you can do that through Edelweiss or whatever (see footnote) -- or write an email to the marketing person listed on the ARC if there is one -- or write a kindly worded "call in" email to the agent or editor if you are in a position to know them.

They may appreciate the feedback, or they may be annoyed with it; they may do something about it, or they may ignore it altogether -- but hey, you did what you can do, with minimal blowback onto yourself.

** (I'm not sure how Netgalley does it bc I don't use that site, but on Edelweiss, writing a review and sharing feedback with the publisher is as simple as pie. When you are looking at the book listing there's a little symbol that looks like a "talking balloon" with three dots in it. Click that. It will give you the chance rank the book according to various metrics and a space to write a review, and you can choose if you want to share it publicly on the site, or just with the publisher.)

[aroihkin]

I thought the huge claw foot bathtub in the main floor bathroom would just be a nice occasional bonus thing and I'd be showering downstairs.

I did that for a while, but then one day when fibro was whooping my ass real hard all day at work, I came home and, despite being dirty, I dumped a bunch of Epsom salt in the tub and took a soak.

I told myself I would just clean the tub later and resume my plan to keep it as only for soaks. You know, scrub myself clean downstairs and then come up and soak if I wanted to, to keep it cleaner.

Yeah, no. I have rediscovered that baths are great even for getting clean, and now this is the main bathroom I use for everything lol. The tub doesn't get particularly dirty per use, nothing at all like shitty plastic apartment tubs did, and I actually fit in the damn thing pretty well which I did not in apartments.

So, something that I thought was a very nice bonus but wasn't on my list of priorities in looking for a house, has turned out to be absolutely amazing. It's helping with my fibro a lot. And with all the aches and pains from my extremely physical job. A+ never living without a big cast iron tub again.

I also turned up the water heater's temperature, which I could have never done in an apartment. (In a rented house, sure, but wasn't going to manage to rent one of those here lmao.)

The temperatures weren't balanced for the two heaters inside the tank, either, so I fixed that while I was at it. 8D The thing was installed new right before I got this place, so I've made it happy right off the bat while also making me happy. Win-win!

[mbrainspaz]

I'm at my wits end. The boss has hired two rich high school boys to stop me from working overtime. I haven't trained the second one yet but it sounds like I'm going to end up doing it because he's worked two days and the 'manager' hasn't bothered to show him how to lead a horse yet. High school boy no.1 is killing me. Every day I give him a task list and he just doesn't do it. I get back from my mandated break and ask him if he did anything and he's just like :) "No." The audacity of a straight cis white boy! First I told the 'manager' and he said 'yeah, I've had the same problem.' He did nothing about it as far as I can tell. He has zero backbone when it comes to confronting anybody so that wasn't surprising. I had a Talk with the boy and he seemed remorseful but continued to do a shitty job. So I told the corporate boss. She said she'd handle it ("And you still absolutely may NOT work ANY overtime! PEASANT!""I'm sure high school boy will give the horses water and food on time despite habitually failing to do that!"). You know what she did? She showed up an hour late, told the kid to drink water, and left again. e_o AAaaah?!

So I'm like—'this is why I need to work overtime, because shit isn't getting done.' And she's like, 'No :)' 'he's just a kid.'

NO SHIT?! YOU HIRED HIM THOUGH. He's not doing the job we need done.

And NOBODY CARES!

the audacity.

Can you imagine if I'd tried that as a 19 year old 'girl' at my first big barn job? Hell, I made maybe one mistake in the whole summer and that manager grilled me within an inch of my life. I gave one horse not enough hay, one time. He treated me like shit for the rest of the summer. This kid—rich boy—we stopped asking him to do hay for the horses because he was so intentionally incompetent We were like 'please give them more hay'

and he was like 'no :)'

f*ck

I asked him to clean all of 6 paddocks today and gave him 2 hours to do it. This time last year I was cleaning all 20 a day by myself in 2 hours. I think he cleaned maybe 2. GUESS WHO GETS TO CLEAN THE OTHER 18 ALONE IN 115 DEGREE HEAT TOMORROW?! Because nobody else is going to f*cking do it apparently.

Honestly I should just not. I should just stop working too. What the hell are they gonna do about it? Fire me for being the only person who's shown up for my shift on time and gotten chores done reliably all summer? Fire the only person who communicates with every part of the team and the clients? The only one who actually cares if the business is doing ok? You know they would! It's so stupid and universally ironic you KNOW it would happen to me.

They've already disciplined me repeatedly for trying too hard and caring too much.

And like yeah no sh*t the kid doesn't want to do actual work. The truck his parents bought him is worth more than the cumulative earnings I've made in this industry in the last 5 years. He's just doing this job because his mommy made him. After high school they'll get him a white collar job where he gets to 'manage money' for 100+K and he'll gleefully brag about what a hard worker he is because he had a job shoveling shit once and 'actually those jobs aren't so bad and poor people complain too much because really they deserve to suffer if they can't hack the system' like he did.

ugh. My whole life I'm going to live at the whims of utterly incompetent people who are richer, dumber, and meaner than me. I called my rich uncle for advice the other day and he said "you know really workers are only really productive for 40-60% of the workday." I LAUGHED MANIACALLY while actively doing the work of at least 2 people.

"average business person works 40-60% of the day" factoid actualy just statistical error. average business person works 0 hours per day. Texan Peasant, who lives at work & works for 200% of every day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted