#but I cannot be bothered changing it in the last fiction

[an-ambivalent]

Yandere! Jujutsu Kaisen Headcanons

Warnings: As this is yandere fiction, this deals with behaviours  that can be uncomfortable and triggering to read. Read at your own risk. This work is purely fictional, I do not condone this behaviour irl. By clicking the 'read more/keep reading' you are consenting to read this at your discretion.

Characters:  Satoru, Suguru, Choso and Sukuna 

Yandere! Gojo 

Type: Clingy & overprotective 

Satoru is the ‘strongest’ and yet he’s lost so much. He’s never going to lose you too; that’s why, he keeps you nice and locked up secure in his extravagant residence that only he can access. You can’t leave the premises due to the tight security procedures Satoru has in place. But you wouldn’t need to since he made sure you have access to everything you would need or want within the premises. Well, almost everything.  It’s never easy to earn Satoru’s trust given how many people pray for his downfall. However, once you become his person, you will always be his person. This is particularly after the trauma he experienced, but very specific to you. When he’s with you, he wears no masks or facades. He can be completely true to himself. He can let his insecurities and fears about not being good enough bleed freely, and he can show his ugly desperation and cling onto you like a leech without any fears that someone will take you away from him. Anytime he’s not on a mission, he spends all of his time with you. You’re the only person keeping the last of his sanity intact. He loves you, he loves you the most. So, he is never going to let you go.

Yandere! Suguru 

Type: Possessive 

There’s a turning point in Suguru’s life where everything changed, including your relationship with him. You remember when being around him felt like pure bliss. He used to be so kind, considerate, and attentive to your needs. But after that one mission, that made Getou abandon everything, all became different. 

He had abruptly showed up at your abode with empty eyes, fully drenched, and his wet clothes and hair clinging onto him. He clutched onto you and dug his  fingers into you and frantically begged you to leave with him right then and there. You were only trying to calm him down, but he had mistaken this as reluctance, hesitation, and a change in your loyalty to him. How could you even think about abandoning him when he needed you the most?! You noticed the darkness in his expression too late. He had you imprisoned to your spot with a curse he summoned without your notice. The jeer on his face was terrifying, and the glare he looked down on caused unanticipated tremors in your muscles. 

“I don’t know why I bothered asking… You’re just like everyone else. But I can’t let you leave me. Not you. You’re mine. I’ll make sure it always stays that way.”

Yandere! Choso

Type: Stalker and protective 

Typically, Choso is lax and doesn’t care too much about what you’re up to, as long as it doesn’t break any of the rules he has set for you. Few of these rules being: you can’t go anywhere without his permission, you have to tell him everything and give regular updates if he cannot accompany you. Typically, he is always watching you from the shadows. Even without your regular updates, he knows what you’re up to because if he can’t follow you for some reason, then he makes one of his siblings keep tabs on you and report back to him. 

Choso really cherishes you. He does whatever he is capable of to take care of you. He believes that it is duty to look after you and protect you. He will ruthlessly hurt and kill anyone that hurts you, or believes will hurt you. 

Although Choso wouldn’t normally hurt you, there are instances where he might do something so that you depend on him. Choso enjoys being needed. He loves it even more when you rely on him for the most mundane things. It makes him feel like you cannot live without him just like how he cannot live with you. So, if there was ever a time where he feels that you’re becoming distant and trying to strive for independence, you might ‘accidentally’ have a fracture or two so he can support you and be there for you again. 

Yandere! Sukuna 

 Type: Sadistic & possessive 

Sukuna has a preference for pain. Causing pain is how he felt free and exhilarated, causing pain is how he felt powerful, and causing pain is how he expressed his love. You’re an innocent petite being… Well, you are in comparison to his demon form. No matter what your size is, from Sukuna’s perspective, everything and everyone is smaller and beneath him. 

He loves you the way a monster can love and cherish their most prized treasure or pet. You may not be his only lover, but you are his number one. You’re the closest to perfection he craves and your innocence, opposite to his corrupted self, is what draws him in. He wants to be the reason for your ruin, your corruption. He wants to be the devil who shows you how delightful temptation is, pull you in, and just when you’re on the edge, tear off your wings, and shackle you to him so that you can never leave him. So you only belong to him. 

[itsjustrosee]

HIII I'VE BEEN SO INLOVE WITH YOUR WRITINGS SO FAR 🙏

since your request is open I'm hoping you can write this for me (I cannot express my thoughts to a full on fan fiction to save my life💀)

Request: so like reader is a runner. Minho and reader were running away from a griever like frantically trying to lose it then Minho suddenly pulled reader to a small crack on the wall so they would lose the griever. The griever was just around the area trying to find the two that's why both of the runners were just there in the crack, close together, litterly body to body😼 and you know some friction started to happen 🔥but of course they just can't do the thing😣 in the maze💀 so like after the griever was gone they both ran to the Glade and ykykyk they continued what they started🤡

If you don't get it basically smut☹️

Hehee thank youu in advance😘😘😘!!!

literally love this concept, and I will gladly accept ur request <3

SMALL SPACES (Minho x fem!reader)

Summary: look above for summary ^ (I made this enemies to lovers btw I'm sorry I couldn't help myself)

Warnings: Cursing, spice, smut (I don't really use the glade language in this one)

Word count: 4.6K (proofread, but there still might be some mistakes)

Today was like any normal day for you. You woke up at the ass crack of dawn, sloppily put on your clothes, and excited your hut. You walked across the glade, taking in the rather peaceful atmosphere while you looked up to see the sun peeking over the maze walls.

"God, mornings really aren't your thing, huh? You look like shit." Minho chuckled as you approached him while he stood waiting for the maze doors to open. He wore his signature blue shirt, which was paired with his infamous runners' vest.

Minho stood there with that shit-eating grin on his face as you stood next to him, rubbing your eyes and stretching as you let out a groan.

Since coming to the glade as a girl, all the boys have been nice to you and dare you say, rather respectful. All of them except for Minho. You never knew what you had done that warranted Minho's hatred for you, but it didn't matter because the feeling was reciprocated.

You really only needed to deal with Minho's attitude or rude comments when you both were running the maze together, which, unfortunately, was quite often. You came to the conclusion pretty early on that the worst part of being a runner wasn't the concept of getting trapped in the maze or being eaten alive with a griever, it was dealing with Minho's bitch ass.

"Not even a good morning. Starting the day off strong I see." You sigh, glaring at Minho while he checks the time. The doors should be opening soon and you wished that Ben and the other runners hadn't gotten totally hung over from the bonfire last night, resulting in them being in the medhut this morning with some really strong headaches. And it was because of that that only you and Minho would be running the maze together today.

"You know me," Minho replies while giving you a wink. You scoff at him, reminiscing about how you'd much rather be where you were ten minutes ago, sleeping in bed. "You know which parts of the maze we're running today right?" Minho asked, changing the subject.

"Yup, the outskirts of section six." You say as you roll your eyes, not bothering to mask the attitude in your voice. You put your hands on your hips, facing the maze while tapping your foot on the ground impatiently. You were ready for the maze doors to open so you could stop having to talk to Minho.

You knew yourself and you knew you wouldn't be able to stand talking to Minho much longer without giving in to the strong urge you had to maul him. But maybe then you'd finally be able to ruin his perfect hair.

I mean, how dare he have the nerve to wake up this early in the morning and look so put together. It wasn't fair.

"Well, someone's more grumpy than usual," Minho says, noticing the slight scowl you have on your face.

"I'm not grumpy." You reply while continuing to stare at the maze doors.

"Right," Minho says sarcastically before continuing, "You're going to get wrinkles if you keep making that face. Just letting you know." Minho explains as he lifts up his hand and brings it towards your face. He's about to tuck a fallen piece of your hair back behind your ear and you feel a faint blush beginning to spread on your cheeks. For a second, you're tempted to let him, but that's until you come back to your senses, slapping his hand away as you do so.

"You just love pissing me off, don't you Minho?" you snap at him as you turn to face him.

"I'd say I love seeing your reaction to me pissing you off much more," Minho replies with a smirk as he stands confidently, bringing his hands up to his chest and latching his fingers onto the snug space between his runners' vest and his shirt.

"What, seeing me get mad?"

"No," Minho says while taking a step towards you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you closer, his face now mere inches away from yours. "Seeing when I get you flustered." Minho finishes as he towers over you.

You look at him, shocked, and quite frankly, very bewildered.

Was he right? Yes, he definitely was, but you'd rather get stung by a griever than openly admit to that.

Nonetheless, it's safe to say his comment was exactly helping to calm the heat you felt on your cheeks from before now spreading like wildfire across your face.

You opened your mouth to say something in reply which would've been some sort of string of insults at Minho, but before you could, you both turned your attention to the maze doors which began to open. The stone screeched as whatever mechanism was built into the maze pulled the doors apart, revealing the maze and its seemingly infinite number of twists and turns.

As the doors came to a halt, a cold gust of air that the maze emitted whenever the doors opened or right before they closed, hit you and Minho. No matter how many times you felt it, it never failed to give you goosebumps all along your spine. The feeling of the wind on your skin made you remember the fact Minho's hand was gripped firmly around your wrist. And for some reason, instead of deciding to pull your wrist free right away, you decided to let him keep his hand there.

You exhaled a long and deep breath, one that you didn't even know you were holding in. You decided not to say anything else about what Minho had just said for the sake of being scared of where the conversation might lead.

So without warning, you jogged into the maze, pulling your wrist away and leaving Minho behind you.

"Hey wait up. Where do you think you're going?" Minho asked breaking into a sprint to catch up with you as you made sharp turns around corners of the maze.

"Where do you think?" You counter with an irritated voice.

"You know how to get to section six?" Minho questioned again, jogging up next to you.

You rolled your eyes but remained quiet. Speaking to Minho right now was taking up too much of your energy. All you wanted to do was stay quiet and focus on actually doing your job.

"Oh, so you're ignoring me now?"

Silence

"Fine. If that's what you want. No more talking." Minho said with an exasperated sigh.

And that's how the majority of the day continued. You and Minho mapped any remaining parts of the sixth section, though there wasn't really anything new to jot down, and stayed silent.

Even while you and Minho sat and ate lunch, neither of you spoke. You were determined to not be the one to break the silence and to be quite honest, you appreciated the quiet. But part of you missed the banter that you and Minho would get into. It helped you cope with the fact that almost the entire maze was mapped but there still didn't seem like a way out. And all in all, to you, your bickering and arguing could actually be quite fun at times, and it distracted you from having an existential crisis.

As hours began passing, you and Minho drew your searches for new areas of the maze to a close and began heading back towards the glade. You were beginning your trip back far earlier than normal, considering you were far out in the maze and not very close to the glade. If anything, it would be better to get out of the maze early than have the doors close before you could get back in the glade.

You jogged through the seemingly endless turns of the maze. Both you and Minho had gotten tired from today's work. You felt your legs burn and your energy dwindled with each stride you took toward the maze's doors.

You both couldn't have been too far from the glade when you heard it. Maybe you were ten or so turns until you reached the door, standing in a path that branched out in three different directions. One path was to your left, one to your right, and one straight ahead of you. You and Minho planned on taking the one straight in front of you to get back to the glade. However, you stopped dead in your tracks after hearing that sound, one in which you knew all too well.

The blood-curdling screech pierced the air, echoing along the walls as you and Minho just stood there. The worst part wasn't hearing the griever, but more the fact that it was far closer to you than you had anticipated.

You looked at Minho for some sort of reassurance. You wanted to convince yourself that maybe you were just hearing things, maybe you were actually just going crazy. Unfortunately, Minho's expression stayed stoic but you could see the fear in his eyes which honestly scared you more. Minho had been a runner for a while, much longer than you, so to see his carefree attitude change to something more wary and serious was new for you.

After standing in that spot for a couple moments, unable to move any part of your body, all of your worst fears were confirmed as you saw a griever turn a corner and run down the long passage of the maze that was in front of you.

Your breath hiched and for a split second, all you could do was stare. Stare at this disgusting, gruesome, and fucking terrifying creature. It was as if someone picked up a monster from your nightmares, something only your imagination would be able to conjure up, and placed it right in front of you. Something as horrifying as whatever the fuck that creature was, shouldn't have ever existed. But it did. And it was headed straight towards you.

Unlike you, Minho reacted quicker upon seeing the griever. "Come on. We need to go. Now!" Minho yelled, grabbing your wrist as he sprinted down the corridor to your right. Seeing the griever was all you needed to regain all the energy you had lost from running all day, and you quickly followed suit after Minho.

You ran as if your life depended on it, and in this case, it did. Literally.

Minho held onto your wrist tightly as he led you through the maze, the griever was hot on your tail and you both knew you wouldn't be able to outrun it for much longer.

Minho led you both into a different passage and ran down it frantically. Suddenly he pulled you into what could've been considered as a crack in the wall.

Most of the passageways in the maze ranged in various different widths. Some corridors were larger or smaller than others, but the one he had pulled you into had been smaller than you could've ever imagined. It would've been easier if you had gone in side-by-side, but at this point, that was a bit of an afterthought. Minho placed you in front of him as you both squeezed into the passage, desperate to escape the griever.

Your backs were up against opposing walls of the crevice, causing your chests to be pressed against one anothers. His hands were now placed firmly on your hips, pushing you into him as he attempted to eliminate more space around you in order to shuffle both of you further into the slit in the wall.

To be fair, you had to give Minho some credit because the griever wasn't able to reach either of you and trust me, it tried. Even as it left, both you and Minho knew it would still remain in the area, waiting for them to leave, so they would just have to wait it out.

You waited there for at least an hour already and the only issue was, of course, the lack of space. You had your hands on Minho's chest while his were gripped tightly around your waist, all while you did your best to keep your face away from his.

You would be lying if you said the tension in the air wasn't palpable.

Heat radiated off of Minho's body and beads of sweat laced your forehead. You didn't know how you could last another minute, let alone possibly another hour with your body pressed against his like this.

"It's only going to get more awkward if you don't say anything," Minho said while sighing, finally breaking the silence that had filled the air for some time. For the first time since you both got into this mess, you looked at him.

He looked just as tense as you did and you felt something in the atmosphere between the two of you shift. There was more of a longingness in the air, almost as if there was some sort of unspoken tension between the both of you.

"I don't get you Minho." You said as Minho gave you a confused look and you weren't quite too sure what you were going with it either, but you continued nonetheless, "It's like one day you hate me, then the next you're flirting with me. Seriously, is it just to tease me? Do you just like getting any sort of reaction out of me?" You said as the words just began to spill out of your mouth.

"I don't hate you," Minho replied, clenching his jaw. It almost seemed as if there was more he wanted to say but there was something that had stopped him from saying it.

"Then what is it Minho? What's your problem?" You asked with anger in your voice which was mixed for some reason with a twinge of sadness.

"The problem is that I like you (Y/N). I like everything about you." The look in his eyes matched the sadness you felt as he continued, "I've liked you for the longest time. I never said anything about it because I'm basically your boss and I didn't want to make things weird. I know that doesn't excuse me for being a dick but-" He paused, "I'm sorry. I mean it, I really am."

You looked at him, stunned once more by his words. Like a dam, all of the feelings you've had towards Minho flowed out at once. You had always vowed that you never liked Minho, not even as a person, but you knew that was far from the truth. Minho was the only boy in the glade that you had ever felt attracted to and it was safe to say the both of you had been denying that feeling for the longest time.

"Please, say something," Minho pleaded with you, looking down into your bright (E/C) eyes.

You wanted to say something. Really you did. But you just couldn't find the right words to say, so you didn't say anything at all. Instead, you kissed him. I mean, actions speak louder than words anyways, right?

You closed the small gap your face had with Minhos as you crashed your lips into his. Minho quickly got over his shock and reciprocated the kiss. In all truth, kissing Minho felt exactly as you dreamed it would. He was gentle yet passionate with you and if one thing was sure, he definitely took his time with you, savoring every part of your mouth as you allowed his tongue to enter it.

Minho drew away from you for a moment, "So I'm guessing you don't hate me anymore?" He asked, his lips already swollen from kissing you.

"We'll see about that." You answered with a cheeky grin on your face as he kissed you once more.

You melted into his touch even further than before, snaking your hands around his neck while he pulled you closer to him. As the kiss continued, it became more desperate and hungry, and neither of you could hold yourself back from each other.

At that moment, nothing else mattered. Not the fact that a griever was trying to kill you, or even that you were stuck in a giant maze. The only thing that mattered to you right now was Minho.

Minho drew away, biting your bottom lip as he continued to kiss you down your jaw and Neck, making you pull your head back slightly and moan. You felt Minho get hard under you, and it wasn't helping that the bulge from his jeans was positioned right by your throbbing core.

Though you could've stayed there, letting Minho kiss you all over, your mind reminded you of where you actually were. Part of you wanted to say fuck it, I'll take Minho right here and right now, but the more logical part of your brain knew you needed to get out of the maze now before the doors closed. And by now, the griever should've been long gone.

"Minho," you said breathlessly as he looked back at you after leaving marks all over your neck and collarbone. "We need to get back to the glade." You finish. You could see the look in his eyes and clearly, he had the same moral dilemma as you did a moment ago.

"Right- yeah, you're right let's go," Minho replied as you both did your best to squeeze out of the tiny crevice you had both wriggled yourselves into. Minho checked for the griever and thankfully it was nowhere to be seen.

Minho interlocked his fingers with yours as you ran through the maze, navigating its bends and corners. His grip was firm and protective and he was extra alert, checking behind and in front of you every so often.

Eventually, you both found yourself back in the glade with barely any time to spare. You let out a sigh of relief as you stepped onto the bright green grass, putting your head down and letting go of Minhos hand as you placed your hands on your knees while you panted.

The doors let out that familiar gust of wind and began to move once more, closing you into the glade for yet another night.

"What happened to you guys? We thought a griever got to you or something," Newt joked, walking up to you and Minho by the maze doors. You could tell a wave of relief passed over his face as he saw you both exit the maze and after he noticed that neither you nor Minho were injured.

You stood up straight again, putting your hands on your hips and giving Minho a look. You were about to tell Newt about the very close-to-death experience you and Minho just had, but before you could say anything, Minho spoke first, "Nope, we just spent too much time exploring. We made a lot of progress though." He lied.

You gave him a puzzled look. You both definitely did not make 'a lot of progress', not unless he defined 'a lot of progress' as rerunning areas of the maze you had already seen and mapped.

"We did?" You asked looking at Minho but he cut you off slightly as he continued.

"Yup, we did," Minho said grabbing your wrist and walking past Newt, "That's why we need to go to the maze room now," Minho concluded.

"Don't you guys want to eat something? Fry just made his stew, I'm sure you both are hungry by now," Newt asked, a little confused over Minho's urgency. For a while, Minho had started just grabbing a bite to eat before going to the maze room or bringing some food to the maze room as he mapped, but apparently, today was different.

"We're okay. Thanks though Newt." Minho said, still dragging you away as he waved goodbye to Newt who was left just standing there looking just as confused as you were.

After you both walked far enough away from Newt, Minho's grip on your wrist softened slightly, and soon you were both almost at the maze room.

"So are you going to tell me what that was about?" You questioned.

"Oh come on. Do you really think I'm going to let you get away with not finishing something you started?" Minho asked, pulling you into the maze room, closing the door, and sitting you down on the table in the center of the room. He stood in between your legs as he placed both of his hands on your hips, leaning his face into yours, leaving barely any room between your lips.

You chuckle slightly while looking at him, "A little eager aren't we?" You ask him while you place one of your hands on his nape and the other on his cheek.

"How could I not be? I've waited far too long for this," Minho counters, one of his hands traveling up your side as the other stayed on your hip.

You thought the tension was heavy in the maze, but now it had grown ten times greater in here.

A deep sense of longing and desperation filled the air as you looked at Minho again, meeting his eyes as you spoke, "You're not the only one who's been waiting."

And with that, Minho's lips found yours. You clung to him as you wrapped both of your hands around his neck. Minho reciprocated as he wrapped one of his arms around your back, bringing you even closer to him, while his other hand allowed itself to travel under the back of your shirt and up your spine. The feeling of his hand lingering up and down your spine sent shockwaves through your entire body.

Minho began kissing you hungrily and passionately, and being the sexually deprived teenager he was, he already grew hard again. You felt the bulge from his jeans press against your heat and you soon began to long for more of him.

You and Minho were quick to take your hands off of each other for a moment to take off your runners' harnesses. Your shirts were on the ground soon after, and you couldn't help but stare at Minho's figure as he stood in front of you.

God, this man was the definition of hot.

The way the muscles on his bicep flexed as he took off his shirt was quite possibly the most attractive thing you've ever seen. Not to mention that each and every one of his muscles was toned and defined.

Minho noticed your eyes linger on him, "Someone's staring." Minho stated as he lifted your chin up with his fingers, fiddling with the zipper of his jeans with his free hand while he did so.

"Can you blame me?" You ask, taking off your shorts and letting them fall on the ground, "You're hot Minho. I can't help but stare." You say as you begin to sit up straight. You tilted your head and placed your arms around his neck once more, staring up at him with a puppy dog-eyed expression.

Minho, who clearly isn't used to receiving praise for his looks, is floored. It's safe to say the compliment went straight to his dick because you could feel him grow even harder under you. You chuckle as you kiss Minho once more and this time, he melts into your touch completely.

Minho moves one of his hands to your back, the other moving up your thigh until it reaches your soaked panties. He moves them to the side so that he has access to your pussy and he places two of his fingers between your folds, rubbing you up and down.

A moan escapes from between your lips as you throw your head back, relying on the arms you have wrapped around Minho's neck and the hand he has on your back for support.

"So wet for me already," Minho chuckles to himself as he continues rubbing circles into your clit. Suddenly, he pushes one of his fingers into you, causing your body to jolt in pleasure and surprise.

He adds in his other finger and begins pumping them in and out of you, agonizingly slow. As if a reflex, you roll your hips against his hand and moan his name. You fail to suppress your soft whimpers as he picks up the pace, making you drown in pleasure.

"Minho please, I want you." You breathe out, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Want me to do what baby?" Minho asks as you bring your head back up to look at him.

"I want you inside me." You confess. "Please," you whimper, on the verge of begging him.

Minho kisses you softly as he takes his fingers out of you and you use your elbows to prop yourself up. Minho pulled his boxers down so they pooled at his ankles and his cock sprang out, hitting his stomach as he did so. His cock was long and hard as beads of precum dripped down from his tip. Fuck he was massive.

Minho lined himself up with your entrance and with one swift push, he entered you fully. You gasped as you sunk into him further. Your walls stretched around his girth and the quick pain you felt as he made his way inside you was quickly replaced by pleasure.

"Fuck- you're so big," You moaned out, as Minho began his thrusts.

He groaned as he began moving in and out of you. The pleasure both of you felt was unmatched as Minho gripped your hips, using them to help guide his movements.

"God you feel so good," Minho panted as he continued to thrust in and out of you.

Minho kisses you again, messily and sloppily as he continues with his movements, but neither of you can focus on kissing the other, not when he is pumping in and out of you. You couldn't help but savor what it felt like with him inside you. The way he filled you up made you feel like you were on cloud 9.

Minho kept mumbling out words of praise while he moved in and out of you and he could tell by the way your walls began to squeeze around him, that you were close. And you could tell that he was close by the way that his thrusts began growing more sloppy and desperate. But maybe it was him removing one of his hands from your hip to apply more pressure to your clit as he rubbed circles into it, that pushed you over the edge.

"Minho I'm going t-" You began to say as your voice broke but you couldn't finish your sentence before letting out a loud moan. A wave of ecstasy crashed over you all at once and you threw your head back in pleasure.

Minho groaned as he pushed into you with one final thrust, filling you up completely. It took a moment with the both of you panting before he pulled out.

You sat up straight as Minho brought his head towards your ear, "You did so well, you know that, right, baby?" Minho whispered before meeting your eyes. You gave him a smile and he gave you a soft kiss. "Want to grab some food and then cuddle in my hut for the night?" Minho asked as he pulled away, picking up his scatted clothes and putting them back on.

"Mhm," You replied with a smile. Today was quite an eventful day and to be honest you were exhausted and Minho picked up on it.

"Are you tired?" Minho questioned as he grabbed your remaining clothing and put it back on you while you yawned.

"Just a bit," You replied with a chuckle as you hopped down from the table.

"We can go to be early tonight then," Minho said while wrapping an arm around your waist and leading you outside the maze room. You pecked him on the cheek as you both walked off.

____

Bonus

"Hey Minho I know it's your day off but I can't find (Y/N) anywhere. I checked her hut and then thought maybe you'd know wher-" Newt paused as he barged into Minho's hut to see Minho now sitting straight up in his bed. "Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to your neck?" Newt asked, referring to the very obvious hickies you had ended up leaving Minho.

Minho was struggling for a response as you emerged from under the sheets in Minhos t-shirt, rubbing your eyes and looking over at Newt.

Newt looked at you both, bewildered and flustered as the dots finally connected in his brain. "You know what- Never mind. I'll leave you guys to it. Didn't mean to interrupt." Newt replied quickly, slamming the door on his way out of the hut.

You huffed and rolled back on your side in hopes of getting a bit more sleep. Minho gladly wrapped his arms around you and joined you.

Ok, this might be my favorite fic I've written so far. I'm really happy with how it turned out and I hope you guys like it too!!

Also, thank you guys again for all of the overwhelming support I've been getting. And thank you guys for 30 followers!!!!!!!!! I can't thank you guys enough for how kind you've all been, but seriously you're all so amazing and so sweet.

[heliza24]

Complicated Thoughts on Daniel's Turning (or, in defense of disabled vampires)

So I have complicated feelings about Daniel’s turning. The way I feel about it changes every day. Sometimes I don’t mind it, but some days, on days like today when I’ve dealt with a bunch of other ableist bullshit out in the real world, I kind of hate it. Or at least I think I might, depending on how season 3 pans out.

One of the first reasons I fell in love with the show was its inclusion of a disabled character as the main audience surrogate. I’ve already written a lot about what good disabled representation Daniel is, and how including a sick character serves as a foil for the bodily transformation vampires experience and adds to the story. So many of the show’s themes of immortality and grief are thrown into high relief by the inclusion of Daniel as a disabled/chronically ill man.

Interview with the Vampire is a show about trauma and grief, and I found it especially exciting that the show’s refusal to pull any punches extended to addressing the pandemic. The pandemic is a huge source of loss, trauma and grief, especially for disabled people, and Hollywood’s response to that has been to memory hole it as quickly as possible. Most shows, artists and viewers find it too painful to delve back into these sore spots. But Interview with Vampire can’t do that, because the main plot of the show is about a character being “protected” from trauma by having his memories removed. This is a show that wants us to confront our grief in our pain and learn how to move through it.

So you can see how Daniel showing up as a vampire in the very last minutes of season two was a little jarring and initially upsetting to me. Gone are all of those complex explorations of illness and trauma and instead Daniel is almost a completely different character. The fact that this was dropped as basically a tease for the next season, like a Marvel post credits sequence, was what really bothered me. This incredibly important transformation was reduced to a punch line at worst and a “coming next on” at best.

There are a lot of unfortunate tropes that get used almost every time an able bodied writer decides to include a disabled character (and let’s be real, they are always able bodied, because disabled writers do not get hired to show run). One of the most common is the “magical cure“. This happens in almost every example of speculative fiction that includes a disabled character that I can think of. It means that disabled characters are effectively written out of almost every fantasy and science fiction story. There are a lot of problems with this trope. It tells disabled people that they don’t deserve stories that include magic or adventure. It takes away opportunities from disabled actors and means that able bodied actors are cast, and then instructed to “crip up” for the scenes that take place before their cure arrives. (I love Eric’s performance, but it’s not lost on me that he’s an able bodied actor playing a disabled character). There’s the fact that cures are very rarely complete, and most disabled people live in a halfway world of having some access and some treatment that is effective, while they still deal with the physical pain or exclusion that being disabled brings. And there’s no reason that this in betweenness would not extend to treatment available in speculative worlds. Perhaps the worst part of this trope is that it bends to able bodied peoples’ discomfort around this ambiguity. Chronic pain and inaccessibility and reliance on care is sad and scary to a lot of people, and they’d rather not see it. And because of that, they lose out on an opportunity to explore all sorts of themes that only disabled characters can really unlock. Themes about the body, about metamorphosis, about community, and about a hundred other things that us crips understand in a way that someone outside our bodies cannot see in the same way.

So the way that Daniel was presented at the very end of season two was as a complete and total magical cure. He doesn’t have to worry about pandemic anymore, his movement seems a lot easier, and he’s immortal now.

If the show moves forward in this way, without digging deeper into Daniel‘s transformation and perhaps re-examining some vampire lore, it’s going to end up sacrificing some of the themes that made season one and two so great. And it’s going to make me very upset.

However, I think there’s a lot of opportunity for the show to explore Daniel’s transformation with sensitivity and depth. I haven’t talked about Armand yet in this meta, but I love him and I love shipping him with Daniel. My love for Devil’s minion is perhaps the one reason I wasn’t purely angry about Daniel being turned in the way that he was; I do appreciated the way it sets up the show to explore their complicated dynamic. In particular, I’m fascinated by the fact that Armand not only violated his own personal vow never to turn someone, but also violated the great laws when doing so. Daniel breaks the laws in just about every way – he’s written about the history of the vampires, he knows the vampires true identity and has been allowed to live, etc. But the biggest violation is that Daniel is “crippled“ when he’s turned. Now I’ve already written about the way the vampire coven and the great laws espouse eugenics, and I think the show makes it pretty clear that these laws are harmful. The greatest tragedy of the show is Claudia‘s murder. She was killed because according to the coven, she was turned too young. This early turning really had no tangible negative impact on her life as a vampire except in the way that other vampires perceived her. The consequences were all imposed by the coven, who saw her body as wrong and unacceptable. In show canon Armand was also turned when he was sick. Specifically, he had some kind of wasting disease, then made him lose muscle and feel weaker as he came closer to dying. I’ve always maintained the part of the reason that Armand comes down so hard on Claudia is because he projects his own insecurities and weaknesses on her. If he doesn’t eliminate her, someone might recognize how similar they are and question Armand‘s power and authority.

I wonder how much older Daniel’s Parkinson’s reminds Armand of his wasting disease. I wonder if the fact that their vampire eyes are the same color makes Armand think about how similar they are, and about how they are both violators of the Great Laws. I wonder if they ever talk about the ableism inherent in vampire society. I wonder if Armand worries that his transformation of Daniel will be incomplete or botched, because he’s never made one before and because why would there be a prohibition against turning disabled people if there weren’t potential negative consequences? I wonder if sometimes Daniel feels conflicted about leaving behind a body that caused him pain but also shaped him into the person he is, the person that Armand fell in love with (fell in love with again?). I wonder if the show will explore any of these questions with the depth the deserve, or if it will lean fully into a quick and tidy magical cure for Daniel. I really, really hope they do the conversations around Daniel’s turning justice. Because I think in the right hands, a script that explores these issues could be transcendent. These are all themes that the show has already been exploring, and it would be a downright shame to fumble the opportunity to deepen the storytelling around bodily difference, eugenics, grief and change at the final hurdle.

If I were writing on the show, I would lobby hard to have Daniel still retain some symptoms of Parkinson’s even after he’s turned. I know that Daniel will be an unusually powerful fledgling, because he’s Armand‘s only and Armand is very powerful and old. But disability does not preclude power. Daniel should have extraordinary vampire instincts, and power – we’ve already seen him master long distance telepathy quite early, and he could have access to other gifts as a young vampire too. But he could be doing all those things while still sometimes having tremors or fatigue or experiencing the ghosts of old pain. What an interesting way to add complexity to a loud and brash new fledgling.

In general, I want to make the case for disabled vampires. Anne Rice was immensely talented but also immensely ableist. But that doesn’t mean we have to be too. We can take her world and make it more colorful and diverse, just as the show has already begun to do. And let me tell you, there is no group of people more prepared to become vampires than disabled people. We’ve already had to adapt to bodies that act in unruly ways. We’ve already had to cope with being outcasts in society. And those of us with chronic pain (I include myself here) have a more similar relationship to pain and bodies to vampires than to most other humans. Vampires spend a lot of time being afraid of pain; since they are immortal, it’s the next biggest threat after death. Not a lot of people experience pain in this way, as totally separate from a mortal threat on their life. But I do, because even on days when I am in blinding, horrendous pain, it is in no danger of killing me. Its only consequence is the toll it takes on my mind and spirit. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anyone more prepared to weather the uncertainty and the pain and the brutality of living forever than disabled people. And I would absolutely love to see a disabled vampire in action on my screen.

As we move into season three, and into Lestat’s rockstar career, we’re going to necessarily leave behind the world that is still concerned about the pandemic. Rock venues and musicians in the real world have abandoned any kind of Covid precautions and no longer care if their concerts are super spreaders. Lestat doesn’t strike me as someone particularly concerned with the health of mortals, so I’m sure he’ll be the same. So I hope in order to balance that out, the show does make a deliberate attempt to continue exploring disability through Daniel. I guess they might also weave the pandemic into the Great Convergence and whatever they’ve got cooking for Those Who Must Be Kept since those things were mentioned together and season one, and I would also be excited to see that.

In the meantime, I’m going to be writing a fic that explores Daniel’s turning in a way that delves into all of the questions I asked earlier about the intersections of disability, eugenics, and vampirism. I would love if you read the first chapter and subscribed. I would also love if you included disability in your discussions about the show, and especially about baby vamp Daniel. I can only hope that the writers will follow our example!

[bethanydelleman]

Do we have an idea what the reason for Fanny's constitution is? Since she doesn't seem to improve (much) it must be chronic but im not a doctor. To be fair her aunts don't really take her health into consideration so it might be treatable if anyone actually bothered.

Also following the health aspect: I find it really hard to judge health and illness in older novels bc 1) words and medicine have changed over the centuries so that makes it harder to grasp what's happening from my modern understanding of medicine and 2) the people in fiction seem to be almost comically prone to die. Something shocking happens? They get a delirious fever and die. Got rained on? Instant pneumonia. Were people just more vulnerable without vaccines and antibiotics or did the authors just like the added drama? (I'm specifically thinking of Wuthering Heights and older Cathy's death here)

I do generally think that if anyone paid attention to Fanny, she might be healthier, if not entirely strong. It cannot be good for her to be sleeping and spending her downtime in an unheated room! I get a bad feeling that she doesn't always get the best food, Mrs. Norris probably glared her away from even trying long ago. It doesn't seem like she's ever seen a physician or anything either, though we don't know. No one really seems to care about her health.

To your second question, I think it's both. Some deaths are just for Romantic/Gothic effect and can be caused by very little. However, without germ theory of disease and basic imaging technology, I do think a fair amount of deaths would feel completely random. A person can die of a heart attack or stroke in minutes without much warning. That said, there were autopsies and doctors were not completely clueless, but generally disease was not well understood.

Austen mostly avoids this trope, Marianne Dashwood just wasn't out in the rain (in the book she never was, she had wet socks), but we are told she has been neglecting her health since the revelation about Willoughby. Tom Bertram was drinking heavily and fell from a horse, he might just have a wound infection. Louisa Musgrove has a very realistic head injury in Persuasion. To be fair to Emily Brontë, Catherine 1 didn't eat for three days straight and had been weakened by an earlier sickness. She died soon after giving birth, so it wasn't completely out of nowhere.

Also, when considering the poor, they had chronic food insecurity and malnutrition. When you are already vulnerable, it doesn't take as much to kill you.

ALSO, getting measles (not the vaccine) weakens your immune system overall for years. So yes, lack of vaccines would hurt you long term. Many childhood illnesses can have lasting effects.

[limbus-limousine]

Keep saying this but I loooove how relationships are talked about and portrayed in Demian (1919). Like. To an insane degree that I can barely put into words. It bothers me how overlooked it is sometimes? People always have a tendency to shove fictional relationships into very cramped, defined little boxes and then fight over the plastic label.

The way relationships are seen in Demian is one of the main reasons why I hold this book so close to my heart, because it was the first time I saw my thoughts put into words that I could analyze and study. That and the whole premise of how growing up in a religiously oppressive environment disguised with love and purity will inevitably affect how you process your feelings toward others... Makes me relate to Sinclair a lot. And it feels like a gross oversimplification to restrict his feelings as platonic or romantic.

I've talked about how I see Demian and Eva as extremely related entities before, how they are essentially the same. But I think their distinction as physical characters is very useful for the storytelling and symbolism. As I see it, Demian (the book) is all about love. It's not just about finding love in someone else but also finding love in yourself, in what you do and where you are in your life. This might be more of a personal interpretation, but to me, Eva represents a very, very specific feeling, in a way it's a culmination, a point where you finally stop to think and say to yourself "maybe I am okay. This is what okay feels like to me". Freudian influence aside... The motherly themes hit me really hard for this very reason:

When I read how Sinclair slowly fell out with his family, it spoke of a very specific experience. A very specific realization. "This deal isn't that of a bad friendship or acquaintance. I won't have a second chance. Simply because of how I was born, where I was born, there are human experiences that I'll never be able to know, and I am powerless to change that", you cannot choose your family, your mother, right? It's what you get, and you see around you what could've been but never was, and it makes you feel weak.

That's why Frau Eva is such an important figure. Because that is when Sinclair finds his family again, in a way. Why should blood matter so much? Sure, there's a biological connection, it's also been studied that romantic relationships reach their "high" during their earlier days due to hormones and neurotransmitters, right, "love at first sight", but those will eventually cease production as all does. It is your choice to nurture that relationship and to cherish it, to keep and to care for it. Blood does not matter, home is a person and it's right next to me, right now. I think that is what Frau Eva is, as a whole. And allowing that feeling to coexist with the platonic and the romantic is very important as I see it. One of the main problems of this motherly dynamic is the power difference, what makes Sinclair struggle in his childhood is the constant sensation of being watched, of being subjected to severe judgement. Frau Eva is supposed to remove that factor, she listens and she welcomes any thought or idea, there isn't fear of rejection or punishment, that's what makes it feel "like home". That was, kind of, the last step to reach the fulfillment Sinclair needed. I see Eva as the "destination" of this whole thing.

And Demian, he is the journey. One of the biggest mistakes one can make is to dismiss the process and work that goes into an achievement, because it is important. There is no Eva without Demian, they are intrinsic by nature. And journey is something that never leaves you. Even when Sinclair reaches his destination, he never stops caring about Demian. He visits Eva and he visits Demian, even if he has to walk through horrible weather, he speaks of his dreams to them, and he sits at the table and eats with them. Because during your journey you gain so many things you never expected, and at the end of the road, they become part of your fulfillment and needs as much as the main achievement is.

What Sinclair obtains from Demian and Eva, and everything in between them, is a unique relationship, deeply fulfilling, trusting, reassuring, a place where you know you can come to, even when you're at your lowest. Eva capitalizes on the genuine care, nurturing qualities, but Demian, too is a mentor, although I find falconer to be a better comparison. He helps the sparrowhawk grow its clipped wings, but in turn, he shall not stop it from flying, only the bird itself can choose to return the falconer's affections. But at the end of the day, all the falconer wishes for is to see him take flight. Sinclair obtains everything: friendship, camaraderie, acceptance, relief of a deep rooted guilt, no judgement for his human desires, the care and trust he lost from his mother, and something to look forward to after waking up in the mornings.

At the end of the book, Sinclair is separated from both of them, as I've said, they are intrinsic. But of course, they don't fully leave. As I see it, the kiss being from Eva means that your achievement is and will always be a sweet thought. Something you hold dear, that you can think of to comfort yourself. But Demian is there to deliver it and to fix Sinclair's wounds because journey is experience. It is what strengthens you and gives you the tools to face future endeavors. And it feels safe... You are finally safe within yourself.

But what about the scary factor, though? Because that is present too in both Demian and Eva (which I happen to really enjoy, as well). As always, I think it's a balance. It's good to know fear, it's a human emotion like any other. But the fear that radiates from them is more... Animal-like. The fear Sinclair once felt was a deep rooted terror that was born from something divine. You're being watched. You're being judged. You're wrong. You're a sinner. That's scary. Because it's telling you that the danger comes from yourself. When you see a beast staring into you, you don't feel self conscious, you don't feel repulsed, you feel the most natural shape that fear has. Beautiful things are scary. A snake can be scary. The stars can be scary. But it's not their fault, and it's not your fault either, it's just how it's meant to be. Because all feelings —love, anger, fear, sadness— and more, they are all important, they are all natural. But natural feelings can be beautiful. Artificial feelings make you fear something you've never witnessed, they make your stomach churn at the thought of yourself and they make you cry for something you haven't done. And most people around you live holding onto relationships that are, fundamentally, held by artificial feelings.

That is... Most of what I interpret from this book. And, god. It feels more like the book read me and not the other way around. I think I've truly found a bigger respite in art thanks to this novel. I have wanted to see the same beauty in the naturally grotesque... Learn about myself until rotting, flesh, maggots become just as beautiful and full of meaning as spring rivers and flowering plains, and for anger and fear to turn into something I can love and cherish like I do my inner child. Although they, too, have surely grown up.

That's it. I wanna play toysssss

[fabbyf1]

Hi!

I’m not sure of this is how to go about this correctly.

I’m not sure what your position is on others drawing inspiration/directly from your incredible fan fiction writing but, on Ao3 there is a fic called ❤️lestappen- One shorts💙 by lestapeeen. The most recent chapter (14) is very similar to the monza chapter of long live(twwct) specifically the piggy back and proposal promise. some of the dialogue is exactly the same.

I figured you should know. If it’s a cool with you or if you knew already, sorry to be a bother.

DISCLAIMER: This post, by no means, is asking for ANYBODY to send this author mentioned (and tagged) below hate. On anon or main. I have been pretty damn clear with my feelings on the matter below. They know what they've done, and I won't stand for it. Nobody needs to make this worse by sending them death threats. With that out of the way, let's deep dive, shall we?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

First off, god bless you, bestie. God BLESS you. I want to smooch you on your incredibly wonderful forehead. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I cannot be everywhere at once and cannot possibly read every fanfic posted to AO3, but it's not fucking cool for people to straight-up plagiarize my shit.

Secondly, I'd like to ask that if ANY of my followers come across something that looks very suspiciously similar to my fics, please let me know. You can for sure send it on anon, or send me a dm.

Now, with that being said, I clicked on this fucking fic not knowing what to think. I went into it with a pretty open mind, knowing that there are quite a few authors currently posting fics that are verrrrrrrrrrry similar to my writing style. I've gotten pretty close to calling a few of these authors out but haven't for a few reasons.

Fanfics based on the same ship, in the same canon setting, are always going to be... let's use the word "similar" here. The plot can only change so much when you're following canon events, you know? I don’t write AUs, so I’m only going off canon-inspired fics. My fics generally follow along with canon timelines and therefore, other author’s fics that follow the same timeline are going to be... similar. I get that and accept that.

Characterizations are bound to be... well, fuck it, let's use that word "similar" again. I'm gonna be pretty forgiving when someone's Max is damn near the same as my Max because one: I'm a good and forgiving person, and two: I think my characters (while totally fucking fictional) are very life-like to the real person. So, with that in mind, when I read a fic with characterizations similar to mine... I will usually give somebody grace... and accept that maybe, just possibly, they see Max Verstappen (the person) the same way I do (fictionally) and it’s a big old coincidence that our fics read so similar. You know? Does that make sense?

But with all that being said, I’m not a fucking idiot. 

And honestly? I give more grace than I should on this goddamn website. (lmfao, respectfully.) This is sadly not the first time that somebody has very much written in my likeness, and I know it won't be the last. But this is definitely the boldest version of plagiarism I've seen. I haven’t clicked on any chapter except for 14, and I heavily skimmed the first part, but let’s take a little deep dive into some of the highlights. Because I will show the receipts, bestie.

from their story:

from long live:

..... right, let's move on.

from their story:

from long live:

okay................. sure

from their story:

from long live:

If you're going to plagiarize my shit... you could at least put it in a different font, so to speak. "Hey, can I copy your homework?” “Sure, but change it up a bit.” 

Girlie pop, you stopped even trying to change it the fuck up. 

Let me be clear: I do not authorize anybody to translate, re-post or distribute my work without my written consent. This is in a disclaimer (that I will post below) in every single one of my fics. Taking MY dialogue is NOT okay. 

Direct quote from the beginning note of Long Live:  DISCLAIMER #4: This is 100% fictional, and I do not own any person, team, or sponsor referenced in this story. I mean no offense to any person(s) mentioned and characterized in this story. I am not affiliated with any part of Formula 1 or its subsections. Please do not translate, re-post, or distribute my work without my written consent. I will cry.

To sum up, writing is not easy, and it takes time and effort. Time away from my friends, my girlfriend, my family. Time away from my job and my other hobbies. Long Live is 76 thousand words and took me countless hours to write.

To have somebody so blatantly and disrespectfully post MY SHIT as their own and not even try to give me credit? To not write a note that said, “Heyyyyy go read long live, which I [clearly] really enjoyed!” or even a “Some of this dialogue was inspired by @fabbyf1” or even just a “lmfao some of this i didn’t write but the rest i did” really pisses me off.

Why did it ever have to come to this?

I am SO disappointed right now.

Happy fucking Friday, I guess.

For full transparency, here is the link to their fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55255699 and here is the link to their tumblr: @l-estappen

Here is the link to MY fic, which was posted on April 2nd, 2023, and written in Google Docs with revision history about a month before that. I have receipts out the fucking ass, my dear. https://archiveofourown.org/works/46190509/chapters/116284915

Be well.

[knave-of-flowers]

quan yizhen is currently in my “highest kin” spot and will probably become an alter at some point because the last person i related to this much was probably scara.

like wei wuxian and aventurine and vash are all way up there. but i took ONE LOOK at yizhen and went “yeah he’s gonna make me cry bc i’m so him” and i was correct.

main differences:

- i have never been popular

- i do not physically fistfight people (though i do so verbally in the same way he does physically)

- i talk more than him (but it’s usually the same kind of bluntness)

other differences:

- i’m not a god

- i was not possessed and ordered to kill people

- i am not chinese

- i am not a fictional character

- other “i am not physically this person” differences

but like he has curly brown hair like me in the art and everything. the one line where he asks yin yu why he’s angry, and then asks “did i do something wrong?” my god. that killed me. that’s me. that’s literally me. and also being called annoying and asking everyone if they think you are? also being clumsy, breaking things, getting dirty all the time as a kid, etc.? ME. i cannot express how much this man is me if i was in tgcf. like if i transmigrated i would probably end up in his body and him in mine.

i’m not even done with the backstory and the yin yu stuff yet. but i am going to cry more i already know. also the celestial themes with them, him being dog coded, the tragic ending…. it kills me! i’m literally more upset about this than black water arc! because i’ve been through multiple situations that remind me of this!

him being childish and confused and nobody bothering to explain anything to him because it’s frustrating. him being bullied and also hurting others but not seeing anything wrong with his actions. him struggling with boundaries. him not reading other’s emotions even when he is expressive himself. him believing his friends and trusting them to mean what they say. him having a passion he’s talented at and devoted to. him being a teacher’s pet and being hated for it. him working as a loner. him leaving gifts instead of expressing verbal thanks. him expecting a gift from a loved one and asking them directly when he didn’t get one. like literally down to tiny details like that. i straight up feel like i was reading an alternate version of my own childhood.

it’s funny because i understand the situation with yin yu from the outside and i sympathize with him and the others involved. but if i was in yizhen’s shoes i likely would have reacted almost the exact same way he did. i wouldn’t have realized, even if i thought something was off with yin yu i would have just trusted after being reassured.

he’s very much a character i’ll use to describe myself to others too. i’m hoping to find some official art of him that isn’t black and white to use for my PFP here and maybe other places.

people can usually tell he’s autistic when reading his character, but the other characters just think he’s annoying and odd and stupid. where quan yizhen never learned how to mask, i did. i learned how to keep quiet, not ask questions, not socialize or just speak as little as possible, smile and nod, not fight when people made me mad, pretend i like things i don’t, etc. because not only did i get mistreated less, but people told me to do these things. they told me outright “people don’t like you because of this, so change it.” that’s how i survived my school years, and i still suffered immensely. i think it’s funny because yizhen wasn’t considered disabled. nowadays he might be diagnosed, he might have when i was a kid too. but if he had been raised as a girl? nah. he wouldn’t be. not until later like me.

also hot take i don’t think he’s stupid he’s just socially inept. i haven’t seen proof either way yet but he might be brilliant at reading, writing, math, art, whatever. he’s clearly smart when it comes to fighting. but people assume he’s stupid because of how he interacts with others. i don’t think one is better than the other, if he is stupid that’s fine and if he’s not that’s fine too. i just get the vibe that people misunderstand him and think he’s dumber than he is.

anyway that’s the whole ramble!

[iamthecomet]

What was it like for you when you started writing ghost fics? What made you start/what type of fic did you start with?

Hope your day is well! If not, use this as a vent post. 😊

(Here’s me paying the Per tax)

hnnnggg oh GOD that picture of Per. FUCK. My day was a good one so far, no venting necessary! So, I love this question, and I have a whole ass story about it. I have a feeling I'm going to write an entire essay about this--I'm sorry in advance.

I'm throwing that part under a cut for scrolling ease.

So Flip of a Switch was the first Ghost fic I ever wrote. It's also the first smut I've ever written and let people other than my best friend read. I was struck by HORRIBLE Ghost brain rot last summer. I was going through some BULLSHIT and Ghost turned up for me in a big way. It was like they fell back into my lap when I needed them the most. And I was devouring fan fiction like crazy. And the thing about me with any fixation is that eventually--inevitably. I will need to write about it. And With Ghost I desperately didn't want to. I had convinced myself that fan fiction was a "waste of my time" because I wanted to be a "real writer"** and all that other toxic bullshit society brainwashed me into think. But I was powerless and I couldn't resist. So, I wrote that fic in the beginning of September last year and I buried it. I threw all of my effort into the novel I was trying to finish. And then into the new story idea I had (which is laughably Ghost adjacent I just needed to write about it and couldn't give myself permission). And I pretended to forget about it, and read fan fic and looked longingly at tumblr. And then, almost two months later, I gave up. I was watching this community happen from outside and I wanted in. Kinktober looked so fucking fun and I'd missed it and I just...wanted to be a part of this. And truly, whether they know it or not, @st-danger and @kroas-adtam were two of the biggest reasons why I finally just gave in and posted my fic. Theirs were the fics I went back to over and over again. And theirs were tumblrs I looked at over and over and went "I want to know these people so bad" (And now I do!! ♥♥). I wanted to talk to people about ghouls. I wanted Ghost friends. I wanted to WRITE about ghouls and scream about them with people who wanted to scream back. And it was slow at first. Some moments I wondered why I even bothered because clearly no one cared. And then I wrote more, and I persisted, and I forced myself into conversations on tumblr and uh.... Hi. here we are. I cannot put into words the parts of me this community has healed. I am a different (better, happier) person because of it. I've changed my view on what I actually want to do with my life because of it. Fuck man, I'm so happy I gave into my fixation almost a year ago and went "fuck it I'm doing it." **Fan fiction is real writing. Fic writers are real writers. I knew that all along. I just had convinced myself that because I was trying to write professionally I couldn't also write fan fic. It was a reflection on how I thought of myself--not other people who wrote fic too. Everyone who wrote fic was/is a real writer to me, but I couldn't figure out how to include myself in that.

[dballzposting]

i feel inclined to add on to that ask abt movies (cuz i love watching movies).

Trunks to me speaks to me as a person who at one point expected the stuff he watches to change him a little. To help him think in a different perspective and challenge his preconceptions or. SOMETHING. hes the kind of guy to try to watch movies like 2001 space odyssey but by the end of it, just looks up the ending explained. he has to try to get anything out of it. I don't think he liked trainspotting. I don't think he knew what to make of The Shining. Trunks would almost certainly try to not get bored at the beginning of Pulp Fiction (the bulk of that movie is talking). But he'll still go see movies in theaters or watch whatever he's got laying around in the house though.

He thinks he's watching movies to gain something but tbh ? Trunks has been watching movies all his life, and it might just feel rly weird to suddenly. not to. If that makes grammatical sense. I think it just gets too quiet in his house. His mom's always working on something in her lab, vegeta's always in his training room, etc etc. so he puts em on to chill. Even if he doesn't really get them sometimes. Bulma seems like the type to do the same thing while she works, maybe he gets it from her.

That's probably why watching movies with goten is so interesting though. He can really get to the core of what it's trying to say, engage with the story and themes on a meaningful level and come up with his OWN well constructed analysis with an infectious enthusiasm reminiscent of the way Gohan talks about entomology.

And Goten, country bumpkin that he is, probably hasn't even seen more than MAX 30 movies in his life (ever) besides whatever soaps his mom leaves on. he's glad trunks invites him over to watch this stuff. At the end of analyzing whatever film they saw I think he'd be like Waow. That was so cool Trunks thank you for showing me this :-) can I borrow this dvd and never give it back and Trunks will be like yeah man thats cool I'm glad you liked it so much. I have a bunch more laying around it's whatever. (He found a lot of these movies in this "guest" room he's never really been inside of. It still has a lot of stuff from before he was born.)

I think that's so interesting.. that Trunks is familiar with the elements present in film but because it's familiar, it's harder to parse how or why these elements are meshed together to make the whole. he's just "watching" them without really thinking about anything and as such, doesn't gain anything.

But because Goten isn't accustomed to watching movies all the time, he can look with unclouded eyes. Not just watching, but observing and taking all of it in.

Its the difference between hearing and listening if that makes sense.

(One last tidbit which isn't super important. I mentioned earlier a guest room. It was yamcha's. When he moved out, he didn't really take a lot of things with him, choosing to leave some of his clothes and most of his movies behind. Bulma probably told him that he could just leave his stuff there in case he ever wanted to visit. The only movie he bothered to take with him was Caddyshack. For some reason. Why)

peace 🌷

I mean this as a kindly reminder and I'm saying this to everyone: you can always make your own post / reblog the post in question in order to add on to it. You can get your name out there. Look alive... It's showtime. I mean I will always faithfully post asks (I cannot guarantee in a timely manner) but never forget your options there.

(For instance perhaps posting your own words on your own post stands to grant them more respect, rather than forcing them through the filter of somebody else's input in order to be posted - as is the reality of sending asks. I can tell when someone really cares, and I appreciate that, and I try to be faithful to that, but I also like to babble. Maybe some posts ought to be stand-alone?)

(Gotta raise my glass to this though becasue i found out today [I would have found out a week ago if I had bothered to check my email] that I may or may not be helping my school start a film club so TBH i gotta appreciate this ..... and I gotta respect the grinde.... It's funny thouhg because you know I actually hate watching movies. When the time comes I ought to come back to you and the other user for recommendations. Well anyway back to the ask)

OK Well this is some real shit you just said. I fully agree. It coheres with what was already said although with some extra sensitivity ...

Reposting this segment for a TL;DR becasue I thought it was an elegant conclusion:

Trunks is familiar with the elements present in film but because it's familiar, it's harder to parse how or why these elements are meshed together to make the whole. he's just "watching" them without really thinking about anything and as such, doesn't gain anything. But because Goten isn't accustomed to watching movies all the time, he can look with unclouded eyes.

I mean really it all comes down to Trunks being a Modern CityBoy; he's used to background noise, he's used to mindless entertainment. Goten doesn't have things in his life that are meant to be taken for granted, though, so that just makes him overall more attentive and appreciative.

That's the greater discussion here ... A veiled call for action for us all to try to look with fresh eyes upon our own lives ....

Really, If Trunks isn't taking to the creative storytelling aspect of it, he should at least take a shining to the technological artistry. Maybe he doesn't care why or when, but he does know HOW they do what they do. That'd be swagg. But then he'd have to do research on something that isn't Minecraft related. Sighhhh

BTW Thanjk you for addsing that Caddyshack bit in there for me. Mondo appreciated <3

[onaperduamedee]

Notes on A Memory of Light

Loving the symbolism of metal melting in the rebel Andoran camp. Infighting is useless now. Only the Last Battle is important. 

Talmanes started showing more empathy because of Mat. That is adorable.

Ah, the Trollocs are locking people inside Caemlyn and the city is now burning. Everything's fine. 

Isam POV? And an insight into the people actually surviving beyond the Blight in Thakan'dar? I like that. Fantasy and science fiction excel at creating groups of people so completely devoid of humanity that they can be slaughtered by the thousands for the sake of heroism and epic battles - Trollocs, the orcs, stormtroopers. RJ didn't go beyond alluding to clans and a language for the Trollocs, and his DF are notable for their shallow motivations. Here, we get an insight into Isam, who grew up in violent lands and turned to the dark because there was nothing else.

"There was a softness to the man equal to his genius—an odd, but inspiring, combination." - oh Talmanes is "in love" in love. 

"My people live with a grave misconception of the world, Bayle. In doing so, they create injustice.” - I'm listening. Maybe Leilwin can join Ituralde and Aludra in the rebellion to destroy the Seanchan after the Last Battle.

"Nynaeve al’Meara was what, back in Seanchan, one would call a telarti—a woman with fire in her soul" - A raging sun! 

Nyn gives Leilwin a deserved earful for losing the a'dam. So far her attitude was "I did a whoopsie and need to save my ass." She wants redemption, she needs to work for it.

Leilwin's submission to Nyn and the AS... People in power cannot imagine a world without submission. If they are not in power, someone else will be and surely treat them as bad as they treated others.

Does it bother me that Leilwin is doing this primarily as a point of honor rather than genuine contrition and empathy for the victims of the empire? Yes. But at least she's not a danger anymore.

It's interesting to be reminded that Aviendha was very much meant to "train" Rand so that he understood and served best the Aiel's interest. And now the WO want her back to spying/sleeping with him. She changed; she's not going to do that.

If I were Aviendha I would just not have Rand's children instead of changing one name to game fate, but for the WO it is primordial that Avi has his children to tie him more to the Aiel. They're just as embroiled in the Game of houses as the other nations.

Bair is my favourite of the Wise Ones. (I think? Their personalities are too similar.) She's right to go investigate Avi's visions. 

"Talmanes couldn’t reproduce Mat’s blend of insanity and inspiration" - That's an accurate description of Mat. His stupidity is his genius.

"The Black Tower is a dream. A shelter for men who can channel, a place of our own, where men need not fear, or run, or be hated." - so, the BT took disenfranchised men, isolated them even more and turned them into weapons: yes, it's the army.

I don't know what to do with that Androl plot. I like that the Black Tower's politics are at last explored, but it should have been done much sooner. We're on the eve of the Last Battle; we don't have time for that.

Taim is Turning people now? This is so very bad. Also, Asha'man are recognizing that Aes Sedai are scholars above all, not soldiers, unlike Asha'man.

Aludra is the best, saving the dragons as she did, guiding refugees. Such a fun character.

Moghedien not wanting to overuse the spider motif on her clothes made me snort. I missed her. 

Moridin rescued Lanfear by killing her so that she could be resurrected? That's a way to do it. 

That platform over a sea of doomed people on fire!

Of course Graendal is punished by being made ugly and both the remaining female Forsaken are under the thumb of Moridin and Demandred: groundbreaking 

So Taim has been raised to one of the Chosen. Light, did Rand fuck up with the Black Tower.

Aww, Talmanes wanted to taunt Mat more before dying. Their relationship is really endearing.

"They’re not bloody Aes Sedai on wheels. We can’t make a wall of fire." - Aludra is hilarious. Please be in the show. I see her as Nikki Amuka-Bird.

Wait, are we really losing Talmanes? Is Moiraine coming back with Mat to heal him? 

I enjoyed this prologue. It didn't read at all like the last prologue of a 15-books long series, but the Talmanes/Aludra Caemlyn resistance was quite enjoyable

“The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills, Perrin. We’ve become what we needed to become.” - Like Egwene is Siuan's, Rand is Moiraine's, through and through.

So Rand spies on Elayne and Elayne spies on Rand and Avi spies on Rand... No comment. YKINMKATOK

"Siuan would have killed for this ability, [...] How many more plots could that woman have spun if she’d been able to visit others as quickly, quietly and easily as this?" - I just love how often Siuan is in Eggy's thoughts. How relatable.

"This is not a decision he should be allowed to make alone." - Eggy is as cross with Rand for deciding without consulting his allies as she is about the plan itself. Last time, LTT failed precisely because he decided he could do it on his own.

HELL YEAH NYN CAME THROUGH AND SAVED TALMANES! Also the show did her explosive weaves already. I love these details. 

Interestingly, Moiraine must be a pretty strong healer if Nynaeve considers healing a poisoned wound like this difficult.

"I may be Amyrlin, Nynaeve, but I am still Aes Sedai. Servant of all. My strength will be of use to you." - I continue to be baffled by the existence of fans who hate Egwene. She's now linking with Nyn to help her heal the wounded.

Rand has grown a lot. He clearly sees that he cannot do this on his own and he needs to actually explain what he does for his allies to agree to his plans. 

Also you're damn right Perrin, Egwene is the smartest of you lot.

Light, I'm still pissed about the Kin. If really they must be tied to someone, I would rather they were to Nynaeve than become an army transportation service for Elayne. Not everyone needs to answer to a monarch and the Kin used to be free!

Rand thinks about people as tools, but also says he sees the people under there as well: this is a callback to Moiraine's words at the end of TEotW and TSR. I cannot stress how much Moiraine has impacted Rand's development, good and bad.

Bookcloaks: Moiraine isn't one of the main characters, she shouldn't be featured that much in the show

Moiraine: still shapes Rand's thinking after being absent for 8 books, as well as having ties to the other EF5

Have we read the same books?

How the hell did Caemlyn end up invaded though? If Elayne learned anything from the dungeons it's that the Shadow was planning to attack. There were mercenaries outside Caemlyn that she could have used as reserve. I truly don't get what her plans were here.

That said, major kudos to Elayne for not rushing in recklessly to save Caemlyn and accepting the city is lost for now. It seems she did heed Birgitte's advice. They do not have time to fall for that kind of diversion now.

"Oh my, Androl. You really don’t know anything about us, do you?”

“Honestly? No. I’ve avoided your kind for most of my life.” -  I am very fond of narrative devices allowing the big story to be told through a small window. Also, their banter.

“Let me explain something to you, Asha'man. This is my fight. If the Shadow takes this tower, it will mean terrible things for the Last Battle. I have accepted responsibility for you and yours; I will not turn away from it so easily.” - oh wow, it’s that servant of all mentality coming out at last.

"We exist to make certain that men who can channel do not accidentally hurt themselves or those around them. Would you not agree that is a purpose of the Black Tower as well?” - I'll take more of that nuance about the Reds thank you. Delicious.

"It’s been over a hundred years now. I miss my family, but they’d be dead by now even if the Darkfriends hadn’t killed them.” - there's something about Aes Sedai as curators of the Light, even incredibly flawed ones, that makes them so moving. Also, glad the books are acknowledging that longevity is truly a burden.

Light, Androl refusing to stop channeling with Pevara while they were linking was stressful.

They bonded each other? They have access to each other's thoughts? I was not expecting that. That's a way to even the scales between AS and Warders at least.

Look, I LIKE what Androl and Pevara's story is doing thematically, I LIKE the added nuance to the Reds and the Asha'man, I LIKE their chemistry, but this feels so disconnected from the main plot. Everyone is at the Field of Merrilor right now.

"Only if we had blood feud, Elayne.” - oh, their descendants will if Avi's vision is to happen.

Aviendha is definitely written weirdly around Elayne, but even another author cannot erase their gayness.

Please, no more polycule nonsense. I never thought I would say this but there's actually something worse than love triangles and it's badly done polycules. Light, I hate the way this four-way relationship is written and truly pity Rand.

They ARE rescuing Logain! I love a good breaking and entering. Also Pevara is a boss of the Vandene tradition.

Wait, how did the Oaths let Pevara answer that the captured Asha'man could not hear when she had released her shield of air on him?

Seeing Emarin trick Taim's goon is entertaining and it makes me want to read more about class in this universe: there seems to be a divide between bad and good nobles, without questioning how the good ones still wield the same weapons except they're good so it’s okay.

"If Lanfear still lives… might Moiraine as well?" - she's haunting Rand, I tell you. Lanfear is pretty much immortal and he still hopes. 

"We are drawn together, you and I. Time after time after time." - Moridin/Ishy's obsession with Rand is so queer.

"You’d rather not exist than continue to be you. You must know that he will not release you. Not ever. Not you.” - I would have cried. Rand has learnt to use words as weapons and they are sharp. The meeting with Egwene will be something.

As cute as using saidin to wash Avi is, I have such an allergic reaction to the way their relationship is written. 

I really like Rand's words about the AoL and what it means to have the memories of a dead man. I wish he would chat with Mat.

Did no one think it was necessary to warn Egwene earlier of the time for the Very Important Meeting?

I snickered at Egwene approaching Roedran, who has no idea what's happening, and intimidating him for giggles.

Rand's display with the tent was so dramatic. I love him.

"Even Elayne had gobbled up another country when the opportunity presented itself. She would do so again." - so the expansionist angle for Elayne is very intentional on BS's part.

Light, Egwene's reflections on imperialism and Rand. I cannot wait to see Madeleine Madden, who is Aboriginal and comes from an activist family, deliver this. It's going to be magnificent. 

"Would you appoint an emperor, someone to rule over us all? Would you become a true tyrant, Rand al’Thor?” - Egwene is taking no prisoner today.

Rand came prepared with the Dragon’s Peace! In exchange for his life, a non-aggression pact, the control of the Seals and the armies?

"You came, told me what you were going to do and walked away.” - That he did and it wasn't the smartest move. He has to work WITH her: she's the Keeper of the Seals. 

I love this chaos and back and forth. This is going so terribly.

OH BLOODY HELL RAND JUST EXPLAIN YOUR PLAN LIKE YOU DID TO PERRIN WHY ARE YOU ASSUMING SHE WON'T UNDERSTAND

Wool-headed idiot. Egwene may be too unbending, too unwilling to take risks, but Rand is doing such a bad job at presenting his plan.

"Light, Egwene. You can still do it, like the sister I never had—tie my mind in knots and have me raving at you and loving you at the same time.” - awwch, these two. It's the other deliciously rich relationship I am looking forward to on-screen.

"The Seanchan are our worry now, aren’t they? Peace can never exist so long as they are there.” - someone listen to Alliandre. This is The Issue.

Egwene is right: this is such a mess.

Egwene calling Berelain a lightskirt: not this again, shut the fuck up

"As you wish this of me, I will sell it to you in exchange for a legacy of peace to balance out the legacy of destruction I gave the world last time.” -  is it peace? The harm's been done already, some by himself. Not the way to sell his plan.

"His frown died as soon as he saw the person who entered.

Moiraine." - Lads, she's here!

I am tearing up.

WHY are we in Perrin's POV of all people? This is silly.

I AM SCREAMING Perrin was about to go hug Moiraine before Rand approached her.

Darlin probably going "Caraline?!? Is this real?"

"The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills, Rand. Have you forgotten that?”

“I…”

“Not as you will, Dragon Reborn,” she said gently. “Not as any of us will." - I need a moment. I'm too emotional.

The running gag of Roedran not recognizing Moiraine, and Egwene or Grady flicking him, is just priceless. 

SCREAMING Sanderson is downright writing Moiraine as mischievous again. This is too funny. She had become so desperate before the docks.

"That is a relief, as I believe I was on a path to stilling, if not execution, before.” - Moiraine is such an unintentionally funny character. I've missed her too straight answers. 

I love the hidden pride in her respect for Egwene.

"Don’t you dare tell Lan about this,” she growled.

“I would not dream of it,” Moiraine said [...]

“Insufferable woman,” Nynaeve grumbled as she wiped a tear from the other eye. " - it's okay. It's only Nyn hugging Moiraine in my eye.

"The only one we know for certain will not walk away from this fight?" - I was incidentally thinking before she arrived that the only way to convince his allies was to make them understand he was their champion of the Light, not their general.

"Grady would know her only by legend, of course, but tales of Moiraine had spread among those who followed Rand." - she deserves it, honestly. Also, I love the idea of Moiraine gaining a reputation like Cadsuane's. It's only fitting.

"The last Age ended with a Breaking, and so the next one will begin with peace—even if it must be shoved down your throats like medicine given to a screaming babe.” - I love her so much. Why does she always end up babysitting leaders?

Hello, Moiraine's solving the issue of how to get the allies to agree to a unified army and break the Seals. She's a skilled negotiator.

So Rand appoints the people who had a habit of enslaving Cairhienin and pillage countries as enforcers? Yay.

"Then not much has changed, has it?” she asked lightly. “I believe you have often resisted doing what you are supposed to. Particularly when I am the one to point it out to you.” - Their relationship was SO fraught before, now it's so tender.

How did everyone agree that Elayne should lead the armies? I'm all for lady generals because there are NONE, but did everyone in the room forget Elayne is an Aes Sedai?

Oh wow, screw you Rand, so hard, for throwing the damane under the bus.

Again, Rand invoking order as a reason why the Seanchan empire isn't so bad is alarming. He would not be the strongest soldier against fascism, I guess. I am genuinely angry with him.

Lan thinks surprisingly often about Moiraine in his POV. Interesting. 

The assault on Tarwin's Gap moved me and it was a relief to see everyone join Lan, but it also reinforces my sadness for how thoroughly it means Rand had abandoned Ituralde.

"I’m always careful,” Elayne said absently" - stares into a camera as on Abbott Elementary 

"I won’t have one group presuming to keep to themselves and fight alone. You’ll accept our help.” - Rand was right. She's good at handling egos.

Why is Siuan not intervening at all on behalf of the AS? She's just here as Bryne's escort? I hate this. 

“To fight alongside Aiel. A day I never thought I’d see, in truth.”- aww Ituralde will get his glorious homoerotic battle after all.

"Tensions are high, but you kept us together, smoothed over bad feelings, prevented us from napping at one another. Good work" - That's exactly how Elayne dealt with Nynaeve and Egwene back in Tear. Nice. Her reaction to Bryne's pride is so cute too.

Underneath all the tonally shifting fluff of the succession arc there was a perfectly compelling arc about leadership, much more efficient than Perrin's. I maintain that the biggest problem with the Perrin and Elayne leadership arc was editorial.

Oh, the Ogier decided to join the fight. I'm not terribly fond of the idea that everyone should be able to fight. The Gardeners were daunting precisely because they were Ogier, fighting. The be-all and end-all of bravery isn't fighting.

Elayne, if you trust Perrin, you can trust Faile, don't be silly. 

“That man,” Elayne said, “is never where he needs to be.”  “And yet,” Perrin said, “he always arrives there eventually." - Perrin's defense of Mat is actually quite endearing.

"The Seanchan are the enemy,” Elayne said. “Mat doesn’t seem to understand that, considering what he’s done." - I'd say Mat understands it as well as Rand or Perrin, both of whom fail to see the Seanchan as true enemies. So there's that.

Why are they going to such lengths to get and hide the Horn? They have Travel? Did I miss something? Why would they need Faile to transport the Horn covertly? Someone can just do what Rand does with Callandor and Travel to hide it?

Anasai of Ryddingwood is one of Moraine's favourite poets and then this bit: "Each of her poems was written as an elegy. This was for her father. She left instructions; it can be read, but should not be spoken out loud, except when it was right to do so. She did not explain when it would be right to do so.” - I have thoughts and feelings: artworks in fiction tend to be very forward with what they say about characters. This is no exception. Moiraine is someone who kept as close a watch on her feelings as on her mission. She left no explanation to Lan about what she did. This elegy is also a reminder of her letter to Rand, a man destined to die, who she believed in beyond her disappearance. 

Also Lan and Moiraine talked about poetry?!?

Elayne also wants to have one of her children on Saldaea's throne. Why am I not surprised? 

Bashere is an idiot if he thinks that Elayne telling everyone she is having the DR's children would be wise. Not only are soldiers not entitled to this, but it will create ground for Elayne's opponents to overthrow her later: Rand is still feared by many and it will be seen as an access for the Aiel to 2 Westland thrones. 

Of course, Elayne just does just that immediately after.

Androl and Pevara's tale is more gripping that the LB preparations on the various fronts: it's fresh, it's different, it's a little bit deliciously weird with the double bond. We've already seen so many of those big battle strategizing talks.

"Were all Aes Sedai like her? He’d assumed they had no emotions, but Pevara felt the full range—although she accompanied it with an almost inhuman control over how those emotions affected her. " - woof the dehumanization of Aes Sedai still has a bright future ahead.

I'm genuinely having fun with Androl and Pevara's plotline, even for short scenes. I wish we spent more time with them because so far the different battlefronts are not doing it for me and there's not enough Egwene.

"He handed Mandarb off to a groom, holding up a finger to the horse and meeting his dark, liquid eyes. “No more biting grooms,” he growled at the stallion" - that was hilarious and perfect. Horsegirl Lan is here.

"Take care, Lord Agelmar. It almost sounds as if you are calling me selfish.” “I am, Lan,” Agelmar said. “And you are.” - Oh the burn, Agelmar is setting things straight with Lan. Tell him. His character development is long overdue.

Love the way Agelmar used the "Duty is heavier than a mountain" line against Lan: Lan has been running toward facility and away from responsibilities. Reclaiming Malkier was an excuse to die and Agelmar sees through him. Tenobia and Lan can both play at war for their personal heroic views.

Eggy chapter! My heart sings. 

"She was glad she had allowed the Hall to take a larger role in the war; there was a great deal of wisdom to the Sitters, many of whom had lived well over a century." - Yep, you don't have to like them to use them.

So the Amyrlin has to authorize weddings? For sisters I imagine? Or is she like a mayor in Tar Valon? 

Egwene will set up the hospital in Mayene? That's bold. It's a secluded and small nation though, so more vulnerable.

"Of course, every Seanchan was close to being a Darkfriend." - it's telling that it takes Egwene who's been enslaved and tortured by the Seanchan to label them correctly. They are a rot. And a lot of the male characters lack empathy towards AS in general so that doesn’t help.

I'm sure Leilwin swearing fealty to Egwene is supposed to come full circle but yeah. I'll hold off most of my comments until the end of the book and I see how the Seanchan arc concludes. I am skeptical so far.

I don't care for Rand and Elayne's romantic/strategic interlude. He's been with her for a grand total of 2 weeks? But they are obviously deeply bonded because they are having children together. I need the show to make them much more believable as a couple.

Also Lews Therin's memories being an advantage... Uh. Were characters beside Rand so definitive before about settling the debate whether Rand's voices are really LTT or madness? It's a HUGE gamble on their part to trust LTT’s voice. He went to great length to hide it because he doesn’t know what the voice is. 

WHY is Rand explaining again ta'veren?

There must be far more behind Rand's miracles than what he believes? He hasn’t chosen yet because he hasn’t been truly challenged. He does still affect the world negatively. The prophecies are about him saving or destroying the world after all. This implies the DO would have performed miracles had Rand fallen to the Dark. 

The Rand/Elayne date is one of the most bizarre and stilted romance scenes of the books, and there have been a number of those. It may be the point though? They don’t really know each other beyond a crush.

It's interesting to hear Elayne recognise that her shrewdness is mainly social capital.

"After all,” Elayne said, “I can defend myself, as I have proven on a number of occasions.” - she still doesn't get it, gdi. Birgitte needs to recruit Agelmar so that he gives her the talk.

"It is extremely unfair for me to have to deal with you. I wasn’t certain you’d noticed"- Birgitte has the sharpest of tongues and I adore her for that.

Oh Uno is alive and swearing!

"Birgitte hated battle planning, something Elayne found odd in a woman who had fought in thousands of battles" - yeah... How odd that a person who's seen so many battles would hate the clinical preparation of slaughter beforehand.

The only solution was to destroy Caemlyn to root out Trollocs. Elayne was so right about setting everything on fire.

Hell yeah, Birgitte robbed a queen. As she should. She would get along fine with Moiraine "I'm no lady" Sedai.

Birgitte is one of my favourite characters because she's probably the most anti-war and anti-military of the lot. It's not twee rejection on her part either: she saw firsthand the damage done by this sort of escalation. The danger is grave.

"Don’t you see?” Elayne said. “There won’t be war any more. We win this, and there will be peace, as Rand intends." - this is starting to sound like nuclear arms race. It'll lead to something horrific like the Choeden Kal being used in battle.

Yesssss Egwene getting approval from the Captain-General! She's been accepted as a Green, unofficially!

The Gateway weave used to spy on the Trollocs is clever. And I love the implications that the Greys will perfect them in the future.

They send Siuan to fetch rope. I will bite Sanderson. The show had better correct this.

Woof at Egwene insisting the Aes Sedai would not be used as reserve. She's right. They have trained all their life for this. This is their purpose.

"The Rahad had fought off every invasion so far. Light. Rand should have just hidden there, instead of going up to fight the Last Battle." - I like that. Wouldn't it be nice if the Rahad led the rebellion against the Seanchan?

Mat's acceptance of the Seanchan colonialism remains the most egregious aspect of his character. I hate it so much. And of course we get a happily married Seanchan-Ebou Dari couple because why not.

I was about to be pissed at Moiraine for saying compassion is a weakness but she has a point when it comes to Rand. Compassion toward an enemy bent to destroy others is violence to others. And Moiraine paid the price up until a few days/weeks ago.

"It will not matter,” Moiraine said. “You will face him, and that will be the time of determination." - yep, Tolkien set the big battle as a distraction because the fight would not be won there. The show cannot keep all these battlefronts.

Awwww Rand kept a gold mark as a reminder of Moiraine. Moiraine must be a mess inside.

Interestingly, Rand not seeing a reaction on Lan and Moiraine after they meet again could very well be his inability to read them, simply. I hope we'll get more than that. This is insufficient.

"Elayne taught me to rule, but you… you taught me how to stand" - Rand saying this and then making exactly the mistake Lan would make is ironic in the best way. Also Rand, you spent a few days making out in Tear: that's not a political education.

For real, even Lan is telling him to listen to Moiraine, so of course Rand tires himself in a futile attack against Taim and Trollocs that accomplishes nothing because so many leaders in these books are utterly selfish heroic fools.

I keep on being astonished that what Elayne did to Birgitte isn't considered a violation as big as what Moiraine and Alanna did. And said violation is having terrifying consequences on her personhood even if Elayne couldn't have forseen them. I get she felt she didn’t have a choice, but I’m uncomfortable with the fact that RJ introduced a concept that’s akin to rape and then created an exception where it’s okay to bypass consent.

"It was all right to be reborn, fresh and new. But to have her memories—her very sense of self—ripped away? If she lost her memories of her time in the World of Dream, would she forget Gaidal completely? Would she forget herself?" - genuinely, the tragedy of losing progressively all of her memories is one of the most poignant in the books. And she's alone in figuring out that she has most likely being cast out of the Horn and won't be reborn. It's terrifying.

Lanfear meeting Rand in his dreamshard to manipulate him one last time. Compassion is not a weakness, Moiraine is wrong about that. But Rand should be aware that it's one of his levers and the Forsaken and the DO particularly will use it.

The relationship Rand has with Lanfear, his ex from another life 3000 years back, is more captivating than the one he has with any of his current love interests. I stand my ground. I cannot wait to see them on screen with a current reading too.

"down deep, it was not Lews Therin who made up Rand’s core. It was the sheepherder, raised by Tam. " - he loves his dad so much, he’s the most powerful channeler alive and his greatest pride is being Tam’s son. 

How satisfying to see him stand up to her and be confident in who he is without being consumed by anger or guilt.

"Do not cut off your foot for fear that a snake will bite it, Perrin Aybara. Do not make a terrible mistake because you fear something that seems worse." - Edarra is so right, but Perrin will not listen and will still succeed because ta'veren.

"Within the embrace of saidar she could see the signs of color that the Shadow wanted them to ignore. The grass wasn’t all dead; there were tiny hints of green, slivers where the grass clung to life. There were voles beneath it; she could now easily make out the ripples in the earth. They ate at the dying roots and clung to life." - Eggy's an uncommon embodiment of hope: deeply traumatised, impossibly fighting, but always hoping. Her hope is bitter, righteous and real.

"He was the manifestation of the land itself." / "she felt as if she were one with the land itself" - The parallels between Rand and Egwene... If ever there was an argument to be made about the Dragon's soul being split, here's your proof.

"Egwene—afire with the One Power, a blazing beacon of death and judgment—was the cauterizing flame that would bring healing to the land." - and another parallel. Also dear light, the Green Ajah led by Egwene in battle are a sight to behold.

The Elayne side of the assault is a little vacuous and the only way to fill it is to have Elayne discuss the tactics and positions in Fal Dara. I don't care if Elayne is the armies' leader. It's getting repetitive.

At least, Egwene's side provides the novelty of Aes Sedai actually fighting. And Lan's side... No, I'm not that interested in Lan's side either. 

Even Tam is made Lord. I can get behind nobility being abolished through making everyone nobles.

Fain killed Perrin's family! I wasn't that invested in the Perrin/WC arc but it provides great drama. 

"Light protect the wetlander who dared tamper with ji’e’toh." - so naming the Aiel enforcers of the Dragon's Peace is a good idea how?

"I’m going to a place you cannot, my friend,” Perrin said softly [...] “I’m sorry.” 

“You’ll go to the dream within a dream,” Gaul said, then yawned. “Turns out I’m tired.” 

“But—”  

"I’m coming, Perrin Aybara. Kill me if you wish me to remain behind.” - This whole scene is so gay. Gaul is Perrin's Sam. They are going together to a Black Tower to destroy a magical artifact and slay a monster. Gay Gandalf exists. I love this.

"[Nynaeve] had been speaking with Moiraine and for once, she didn’t smell a twinge hateful. Something had happened between those two women." - wait, he was there for the hug so something else happened. Do I need to also write this?

Of course, Perrin is still adamant about TAR. I really like his despair at inaction though. And it's been touched on in the show already. 

"This isn’t evil, it’s just incredibly stupid.” - Light, it feels good to see the boys back together.

Loving the description of the storm as a black hole with Rand at its center in TAR. 

So it is a dream spike in the Black Tower. Nice. 

What is Lanfear doing in the Black Tower in TAR? What is Graendal doing in the BT in reality? I AM STRESSED

Toveine was Turned? These poor women. They were force-bonded, imprisoned and Turned to the shadow.

Androl weaving just a wide enough gateway to deflect balefire is supremely silly, but I don't care: it saved the day and alerted his friends.

Androl is such a refreshing character: he is surrounded by incredibly powerful protagonists whose dilemmas mainly revolve around keeping control and not hurting people. And you've got Androl who doesn't have enough power to abuse.

The contrast between Perrin naturally trusting Asha'man and distrusting AS is hilarious given that Asha'man nearly killed Rand even before Taim had started Turning them. 

Wait, Lanfear is helping Perrin? What is going on?

Lanfear is a fascinating character when she's not seen through the crazy ex lens. Perrin sold the WO Shaido to the Seanchan, Rand conquered nations in the name of peace: it's always about power. Lanfear chose the DO but Rand could just as well destroy the world if he doesn’t choose right.

Oh wow, poor Gaul. He will be forced to take in a second woman when marrying Chiad. What a tragedy. 

Seeing Androl defeat Taim's people with gateways only was fun. As a writer, it's clever to introduce regularly fun new uses of magic.

The chapter opening on Mat dangling from a balcony to get into the palace. I am laughing. Typical Mat. 

"He had not survived this long by taking fool chances, luck or no luck" - why are they like this? The self-awareness of a periwinkle.

Mat's thoughts on Rand and Perrin's heroism... He's arguably the one of the three who's the most loyal as he will be dedicated to strangers and people he hates, even if he spends his time saying he won't help his friends.

“We really are high up, aren’t we?” “Normal people use stairs.” - be glad he didn't arrive by stolen raken because he would do that. 

"Tylin and Nalesean can have a little dance together about that." - that loyalty again. Tylin hurt him badly.

"The secret, it turned out, had not been to harden himself to the point of breaking. It had not been to become numb. It had been to walk in pain, like the pain of the wounds at his side, and accept that pain as part of him." - a little better. I am still bitter about Veins of gold. It was ill-fitting to the rest of his arc and failed to acknowledge his mental health. 

"Nothing is too fine for you,” Rand whispered. “Nothing.” - oh my heart. This Tam and Rand scene will kill me.

Rand gifts the sword to Tam and practices with him: it's just a lovely character scene that strikes the right balance between awe and love. The way the fight helps Rand mourn his hand gives depth to a loss that was mostly ignored. Beautiful. If anything, this scene should have had the impact Veins of gold had. Mourning the person he was and cannot be again is an important step in healing, much more than his realization on love, that's not wrong but doesn't address his loss.

Rand and Mat united by the realization that moss lives.

I really like that Tuon is a practiced martial artist and in a completely different martial art too. 

Tepid take: grey men are overused and they lost their mystique a while back.

Mat is so cozy with Tuon: it's too depressing. I had hope he would keep his ambiguity concerning her, drawn to her but also positioning himself as a shield between her and the harm she can do. It seems we lost that. 

Also Tuon's voice is off.

"Loial, son of Arent son of Halan, had secretly always wanted to be hasty." - awwwwww, everyone knows he loves humans and would rather spend his time with them, it's okay. I love Loial's classic antihero arc. He's the Bilbo of this universe.

It's still disheartening to see all these characters - Loial, Elayne, Egwene - become bloodthirsty and revel in violence. And these long descriptions of mutilation and slaughter are justified by the Trollocs' dehumanization. They're props.

"Did you know that I used to spend hours in thought, trying to discover what that mind of yours was conjuring? It is a wonder I did not pull every hair from my head in frustration.” - wth, why are Mo and Rand so cute together now?!?

“It was not merely stubbornness that drove you; it was a will to prove to yourself, and to everyone else, that you could do this on your own.” She touched his arm. “But you cannot do this on your own, can you? " - like in TSR, he's his people. I’m quite proud it’s something I clocked as early as TDR.

Also one of the reasons Moiraine is such a compelling mentor for Rand: she's the same. She's so used to distrusting everyone but herself. Considering the short trailer for s2, the resemblance will be explored in the show soon.

"That said, I am one of the oldest people in existence.” 

Moiraine smiled. “Very nice. Does that work on the others?” - they're killing me. She knows him. And they're on the same wavelength now that Rand has stopped fighting who he is.

"You are still a wide-eyed sheepherder at heart. I would not have it any other way. Lews Therin, for all of his wisdom and power, could not do what you must." - OH MY HEART I AM A PUDDLE Siuan and Moiraine were after all his first believers.

The discussion about Rand growing! Killing the DO (and Rand finally realizing that because Moiraine disagrees it doesn't mean she is controlling him)! Their banter about Cadsuane! THE GENTLE CHIDING! The tea! I WAS NOT EXPECTING SUCH TENDERNESS FROM THEM HOW

“Merely seeing if that still worked.”

“I never fetched you tea,” Rand protested, walking back to her. “As I remember, I spent our last few weeks together ordering you around." - this is seriously one of the loveliest scenes in the entire saga. Also, it’s important to remember that this Moiraine is greatly diminished: she lost most of her powers, is behind on so many events and spent months being tortured. This isn’t only about Rand’s growth; it’s about Moiraine’s perception of her power.

"Thank you for your advice. Now, and always. I don’t believe I have said that enough. I owe you a debt, Moiraine.” 

“Well,” she said. “I am still in need of a cup of tea.” - Okay, their relationship might rival Egwene and Siuan's. I'm fiiiiine

"Sometimes, she wished that weaving were easier to understand." - I always love the contrast between how others perceive Moiraine - in control and mysterious - and her POV where she is just an exhausted ball of confused despair and doubt.

Four paragraphs of Moiraine POV? Really? This is a joke, right? Also when do we get to address what happened to her in the Tower of Ghenjei? Or is it going to be like with Egwene and Nynaeve and only men get to have their trauma acknowledged?

Lan's fight scenes remain so repetitive: I read them out loud to go through them. It's 50 ways to slay your Trolloc:

You just slice up the back, Jac.

Twist in the sword, Cords.

You don't need to be clean, Seaine.

Just take the Blight back.

"If I could round up each woman in the Borderlands and put a sword in her hands, I would. For now, I’ll settle for not doing something stupid— like forbidding some trained and passionate soldiers from fighting." - Lan has no time for sexism.

Yep, now Taim is fighting on the Borderlands front because there aren't enough channelers there. Makes sense. This is bad for them. This makes me really excited to watch the show build up to this point, because the BT was not doomed from the start: Rand fumbled their management quite badly.

Mat gets into a bragging contest with Rand the moment they meet: feels so right. Also while being held by Tuon. They're just dumbass boys with the weight of the world on their shoulders. I laughed at Tuon's guards inefficiency though.

"You look nice, by the way. You’ve been taking better care of yourself lately.” 

“So you do care,” Rand said. 

“Of course I do,” Mat grumbled" - their banter is so fun. I've missed this kind of levity between old friends.

This makes me think: how did Moiraine learn about Mat's memories? Did they chat about it on the way back from the Tower of Ghenjei? Did Moiraine deduce it like she deduced so many things? Did I miss this?

Rand reasoning Tuon out of her unconditional claim on the land is so satisfying. She walked straight into that one and he gained such finesse and authority since the start. 

Mat notices Rand's humming because Tuon is a beautiful woman. Nice.

There he goes again with the Seanchan making life better for the people. Tell that to the Atha'an Miere, the Aes Sedai and the people who lost their land to the settlers. I love the blossoms around Rand being such an argument though.

“By the way, I saved Moiraine. Chew on that as you try to decide which of the two of us is winning.” - I AM DECEASED

So Rand gave away entire nations and abandoned the damane to the Seanchan. He sentenced them to at least 100 years of servitude. I'm fuming. This is such a triumph of imperialism and fascism shaking hands on the fate of the world because their strength is needed. The tragedy may be the point, but I don't think two white US authors can write about this with enough nuance.

The way Egwene leads on battlefield is so distinctive and her: it's so organized and effective. And Siuan talks! One sentence, but still. She's in charge of... Intel, I guess? Perhaps she's working in the closet where they also put Nynaeve.

Leilwin's argument about the Seanchan is very "not all cops". To gain Egwene’s trust, she could start with recognising her role in the Seanchan culture of slavery. Her nation's wealth is built on the dehumanization of part of the population. Don't get me wrong, I feel it's a realistic depiction of someone from an oppressor class trying to make amends but it's vexing because it's the last book and very little seems to indicate even the start of a change in the Seanchan mentality.

Oh, Gawyn is absolutely going to activate the Bloodknives' rings. It's going to be horrific. 

Awwww, Rand reveals himself just before leaving a battlefront to give his soldiers hope. I love that detail.

"Rand saw a gray-haired woman approaching. And behind her, a smaller figure in blue stopped and pointedly turned the other way." - that's so bloody funny after NS. Cadsuane is probably the only being Moiraine fears.

Cadsuane clocks Rand's gifts to his loved ones because he thinks he's dying. Rand pointing out he won't give her one because he doesn't care about her is PERFECT. 

Oh, Cadsuane thinks there is still a chance he survives too? Intriguing.

"You have cracks in you, Rand al’Thor, but you’ll have to do.” - She's so proud of him but she's incapable of saying it.

The Asha'man are free! But, boy does it sting to realise that Rand did nothing to help them. Zilch. He just felt bad for them.

"Lan knew what it was like to be chosen, from childhood, to die [...] to be pointed toward the Blight and told he would sacrifice his life there. Rand al’Thor would probably never know how similar the two of them were" - Oh YEAH. I like that. It would have been nice to see any of that acknowledged earlier through a Lan POV, but you know, at least it's there. Still, we get it now, after the narrative hits us countless times with how important Tam has been to Rand in shaping him. The point is that Rand ultimately isn't like Lan because he had Tam (and Min and Nyn and Lan and Mo), which is very bittersweet for Lan. To say nothing of the fact his quest for hardness instigated by Lan almost broke Rand, and the world with it. Rand, thankfully, is not his mentors.

We're getting so many horsegirl Lan moments. I love it.

Hello lord Baldhere, fellow queer. 

Okay, where is this going with Agelmar? They ARE all tired. Agelmar is right. As long as they are together to shoulder the burden, it's all good.

Does Nynaeve get something to do at some point or is she going to be as underutilized as Siuan? This is getting ridiculous. 

Cairhien is defenseless and full of refugees? jfc The great generals are making mistakes left and right.

I am in love with the image of the tempest eroding the cities and mountains in TAR. It's so poetic. 

Yesssss, the cracks into nothingness are a result of excessive balefire. I was waiting for this to happen! Consequences! I love them.

Egwene's goodbye to the WO was sweet, although it makes me afraid some of them won't make it.

"You are Galad’s brother?” - There's no drama like Damodred-Trakand family drama. Rand's insistence that he's NOT related to Elayne is quite awkward.

The ribbon for Egwene is v moving. I adore their relationship, with all its tension and incomprehension. It's a realistic depiction of friendship put through the grinder of responsibility and adulthood. It's tragic but sweet.

OH MY GOD THE SEALS ARE FAKE! NOT THIS LATE IN THE BOOKS 

"You’d be real funny without any fingers,” Mat growled. - Mat is such a jerk to servants. But that's also an excellent threat to use against men who can't keep their hands to themselves

Mat being fitted for new Seanchan garbs is giving me major NS vibes. 

Light the fact that Mat has no issues being married to someone who now OWNS Ebou Dar... It's character assassination at this point.

"If I’m going to look ridiculous, I might as well do it with style." - I hate it because he still has such zingers. 

Still not tired of the fight on the AS front. I enjoy the way Sanderson writes magic battles more than non magic battles.

"It was the middle of the Last Battle, and the woman still took time each morning to do her face." - and she's right to do so. It's called "dress to kill." I love Leane and Egwene is better than such patriarchal nonsense.

Oh my gooooooooood the Sharan attack on the AS camp? Romanda being burnt on the spot? SIUAN? Yukiri? Leane? NO! They came out of NOWHERE. This is catastrophic, bloody hell.

So Thakan'dar is... Mordor? 

"Better that one people should end than the world fall completely under Shadow." - Avi is probably the most selfless among the main-adjacent characters, but still so angry about what this sacrifice means for her people.

Ituralde cementing himself as the best general by asking the right question: Rand killing the DO could take days, weeks even, not just a few hours. Also I don't know why it made me giggle to imagine them all spying on the forges like that.

Honestly, Avi's development as an Aiel able to see the strength of wetlanders and the fact they may not all be foolish is very satisfying. She’s so much more open-minded. I would love for her to take on a more ambassador-like role after Tarmon Gai'don, not just a WO.

"You would have the Seanchan join Egwene’s battlefront?” Moiraine asked, aghast. “Is that wise?” - SCREW THIS as with Mat, the level of violence that Rand is enacting on channelers by forcing them to work with the Seanchan is mind-boggling.

Siuan POV! Thank the Light Yukiri and Siuan escaped. And a contingent of AS and soldiers! Please tell me Siuan is now getting an intrigue as the new interim leader who regains some of the respect she lost during the schism from the AS?

Blood and ashes, now Siuan's hiding her despair at the number of AS lost by claiming they were treating her badly anyway. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. She's still the Amyrlin at heart.

Siuan's faith in Egwene is killing me.

"The Black Tower men claimed that only a few of their number had joined the Shadow, and that the channeling had been the result of an attack by the Black Ajah." - oh I love this, the BT is as skilled at obfuscating their mistakes as the WT.

The whole thing with Lyrelle coming full of prejudices and contempt is nice. She's a bit the butt of the joke here, but it's important for the Asha'man to get this moment of assertion and empowerement. I hope they get to confront Rand too.

"Well, men have a choice in their fate, and weapons do not. Here are your men, Aes Sedai. Respect them.” - I LOVE that. Now, release the AS you force-bonded.

Also, Pevara is in love ? Moiraine and Lan were really the exception, uh?

"The Black Tower has learned to survive without him. Light! It always survived without him." - Rand as the absent father who abandoned his children while Logain becomes the BT’s father and paid the price is honestly a phenomenal choice.

Re: the Sharan, I'm very confused about the book introducing this late a completely different culture with its own channeling prejudice. 

Leane is alive! MY GAL. Also will be used as a messenger. Don't hurt her. 

Bao is Demandred, right? 

Yep

Gaul and Perrin hunting Slayer in TAR and finding Graendal... It's entertaining ngl? I like it better than the endless fighting and there's always the mystery of wth the Forsaken are planning.

And wth is Graendal planning with Bashere?

I hope the show radically changes how TAR behaves because the flying and fighting could look so silly on-screen. The show has done so well so far with the magic.

Lanfear is far more interesting now that she hates LTT.

Ituralde was right. The Bore distorts time. The people in Shayol Ghul could spend hours there while weeks pass outside.

As shocking as the Sharan invasion is, like the Seals, it feels like last minute plots introduced not to reach TLB yet.

Well, it didn't take long for Gawyn to be stupid and to wear the Rings. And he did that for scouting? 

The detail of Egwene using her Two Rivers tracking skills and removing her shoes to sneak out of the Sharan camp is PERFECT. Her roots!

"My authority is not drawn from my power to channel, she told herself. My strength is in control, understanding, and care. I will escape this camp, and I will continue the fight." - this reminds me of what Mo told her in the show about power.

Egwene is so used to keeping AS calm that she cannot alert Gawyn through the bond so she resorts to remembering the most traumatic event of her life, her captivity with the Seanchan. I NEED the show to adress sooner the depth of her trauma.

"Egwene had been younger then, but no more powerless than she was now. It would happen again. She would be nothing. She would have her very self stripped away. She would rather be dead. Oh, Light! Why couldn’t she have died?" - this part… Egwene was 17 when the Seanchan took her and she spent 2 months in captivity being tortured, used as a weapon and dehumanized. Her time prior to the Waste is ROUGH and even after she learns to control herself, she's haunted, often panicking when she fears losing autonomy. A lot of Egwene's actions can be understood as her not receiving any help from authority figures, the Tower, her mentors, her friends after hugely traumatic events and stepping into that role of protector, of Mother, for herself and others.

Leilwin saved Egwene from the Sharan! I actually really like that. Also I like even more that this didn't turn into another captivity arc. The next character getting captured will be tossed into the Bore.

Avi leading the assault around Shayol Ghul is nice. There's not enough female generals in these books. 

"A woman in blue, small of stature but not of will." - you're right Avi, Moiraine is a giant in will. Also, Smolraine my love

Rand walking into Shayol Ghul with Laman's sword is a choice that I love for Moiraine-related reasons. Also wearing a replica of the coat Moiraine had had made for him and a Two Rivers shirt. These are really nice details showing his growth and the influence of his two first and final mentors.

"Fortuona represented order, and she had married chaos himself. What had she been thinking?" - you made your bed, now lie in it and perish 

I take great pleasure in watching Mat insult the Blood at every opportunity.

So peach blossoms are an omen?

"Fortuona could swoop in and all of those damane would be hers. Hundreds upon hundreds. With that force, she could crush the resistance to her rule back in Seanchan." - Not only trusting Tuon is immoral but it is also stupid. Well done Rand.

I don't have much to say about Elayne's front. Things are bad, like in the North. She still insists on joining the fight and it's pretty static, so I guess it's a matter of time before she does something reckless.

"Yes, he was going to lose. But with these resources, he’d do it with style." - Ituralde is like an older more Seanchan-hating Mat and I love him. And Ituralde respects Sea Folk, which is a rarity among the characters.

Oh good, Ituralde has nightmares about Maradon, that doesn't make me even more distraught about what happened there.��

"The longer you fought, the more you saw the enemy as being like yourself." - I keep saying this but he's my fav general.

The way Sanderson writes battle scenes and which ones work or don't for me remind me of John Rogers' advice on writing action scenes: "Don't write action sequences. Write suspense sequences that require action to resolve."

“Light. It was good to see Egwene’s face." - do not hit me with Siuan and Egwene feelings now. She cares so much. 

Doubting Egwene is really Egwene, Siuan asks Egwene where they first met and Eggy recollects Siuan LIFTING her from the ground.

"You bound me with Air on our trip down the river from there, as part of a lesson in the Power I have never forgotten.” - both Eggy and Siuan were powerless prisoners denied empathy because their existence was a transgression and this rocks.

I bloody hope Egwene doesn't trust the Seanchan: even if Tuon gave her word, and for Mat only too, you bet Galgan and others haven't. 

Interrupting Rand's fight with Moridin to switch to Lan's POV ? Really? Really!?!

It's very important for people to understand that everytime a character gets into an overly detailed description of troops' movement my brain pictures more or less this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2F&source_ve_path=MzY4NDIsMjg2NjQsMTY0NTAz&feature=emb_share&v=oskCypnfoA8

Light, the mistakes being made on the battlefield left and right. What is this mess? 

I feel so bad for Ituralde who's been at this for months. 

Is Perrin seing the Finn in TAR near Shayol Ghul? What are they doing here? Following Moiraine?

Uh, that is now the second time TAR is now used to make people brain-dead and uh. I don't like this. 

Perrin is using the Dreamspike to keep people from using Gateways near Shayol Ghul? But wasn't that already impossible so close to the Bore?

So... A few minute inside the cavern is HOURS just outside. Rand is going to come out and he'll have grandchildren. 

This Gaul/Perrin outing is rather fun tbh. 

I was not expecting a Tuon and Egwene confrontation but here we go.

"The Seanchan damane were not free women; they could not choose to fight. From what she’d seen of the Sharan male channelers, they were little more than animals themselves." - Interesting distinction, and poverty also pushes people to the army.

"it would be better if I see you not as marath’damane, but as a queen among the people of this land.” “No,” Egwene said. “You will see me for what I am, woman. I demand it." - oh, we WILL discuss how queer and militant Eggy is written at some point.

"So long as I am free from your collars, I prove to every man and woman who draws breath that you are a liar.” - Her very existence is a transgression, a proof of the Empire's lies. Light, I love Egwene. 

Mat's little wave to Egwene was so cute.

Egwene taunting Tuon with Mat's ta'veren pull was funny but I maintain that Tuon is ta'veren herself. 

"Be more specific,” Egwene said. “Tell me with your own voice, woman." - why the hell didn't she choose Blue? She reminds me so much of Moiraine and Siuan.

Bloody hell, the Seanchan got the Sea Folk on Tremalking as well. I want to scream. The Sea Folk were slaughtered in Ebou Dar for resisting. 

Tuon also wants to send missionaries in Tar Valon like the proper coloniser she is. Classic.

Egwene is doing such a better job than Rand at handling the Seanchan. She's actually renegotiating his terms and getting people released. 

This is also why Rand's attitude toward Egwene is so perplexing: the AS are powerful tools, particularly for negotiation, use them!

"Do you realize that every one of your sul’dam, your precious trainers, is herself a marath’damane?" - I was waiting for her to deliver that blow and she did! Such an incredible showdown. Egwene is a skilled, passionate orator.

How very Mat to treat this again as a both-sides issue. It is nice that he did step up to protect Egwene from Tuon, who had openly threatened to enslave and break Egwene personally not 5 minutes ago.

Tskk, Bashere isn't a DF: he's been manipulated by Graendal, you fools! All of this could have been avoided if they'd left a sizeable army in Cairhien or evacuated the city. 

Siuan has an angreal as well, not a strong one, but she uses it to help! MY STRONG GAL

"Did she think he’d let a woman forget her oath? It didn’t matter to him whose company she kept. An oath was an oath." - I am sorry Bryne is creepy and his relationship with women is why it doesn't surprise me Gawyn sees him as a father figure.

And now Min will meet Tuon as a messenger because that woman is more skeleton key than character. 

I was bracing myself for Min's inevitable repugnant and somewhat favorable views on Seanchan and lo and behold.

With Min speaking of her visions within earshot of Tuon and Tuon snatching her, it strongly suggests that Tuon is ta'veren, right? She is a descendant of Hawkwing after all and was able to resist Rand's ta'veren pull.

Here's the the thing: Agelmar being manipulated is good drama but the chess move upon chess move upon chess move are getting repetitive. 

Loial growing roots from the ground in battle with singing is just a fantastic image.

So Min should stay with Tuon to advise her and nudge her in the right direction. If she can do that without becoming like Mat, good. 

Bryne also made several mistakes: Graendaaaaaaaaal!

"You are a soldier!” Lan bellowed. “Act like one!” - character development for the ages. 

If Tenobia dies, what does it mean for Faile in the succession line?  

Poor Agelmar though. It's a harrowing ending for him. All the great generals made puppets in their armies’ slaughter.

It was only a matter of time before Mat became the true leader of the armies, so Tuon's move to name him their Seanchan general was expected. And given what's happening with the other generals, he’ll replace Elayne soon.

"Mat had tried to make her say she saw a hat floating around Mat’s head. That would persuade Tuon to stop trying to get rid of his, would it not ?" - okay, I laughed.

“With that, thousands of bottoms hit their saddles, producing a slapping sound that reverberated across the legion, and each soldier sat at attention, eyes straight ahead" - ass cheeks clapping like a Seanchan legion does have a ring to it.

Min, Mat, Rand... They spend more time admitting that the Seanchan are organized and train well than condemning their atrocities. It's so bizarre. 

Mat took a damane prisoner. I'm just... I want to cry. They are killing my boy.

Not really fond of the way that the great generals were all ousted by random men rather than Egwene (shrewd politician with expertise in Dreams), Siuan (an actual spymaster and Bryne's partner) or Elayne (the armies' leader trained in the Game of Houses).

Elyas is in the Wolf Dream!

Also five days since Rand walked into Shayol Ghul... Hello, this is long. I want them to come out and it's been 3 years. 

Yay, for Perrin figuring out what happened to the generals on his own even if it's too late!

"Nynaeve closed her eyes. Moiraine stared straight ahead as if determined not to look away, no matter the price." - I don't know who's braver for it. I love them. 

Rand's POV are too short! Obviously it's bc of the Bore but it's frustrating!

"We sent ourselves,” Logain said." - nothing more satisfying than seeing a character I suspected could become legendary live up to their potential. I am so proud of him. 

Of course, Androl is the miracle with his impossibly large gateways.

Elayne's wonder at the full circle is bittersweet: Aes Sedai, Asha'man, we're here at last and it's glorious! But also it's a reminder of how binary the magic system is. It's still so exciting and gratifying as a symbol of healing!

"How do you handle so much of the One Power? How do you keep it from consuming you alive, burning you away?” - between that and what Androl did when he tapped into Pevara's power, it's probably a good thing he isn't more powerful bc he has issues

"Three thousand years ago the Lord Dragon created Dragonmount to hide his shame. His rage still burns hot. Today… I bring it to you, Your Majesty.” - the gateway straight into the heart of Dragonmount is the most badass feat of channeling.

"One miracle, my Lord,” Androl said, voice soft, as if strained. “Delivered as requested. That should hold them back for a few hours. Long enough?” - he's the Avi of the Asha'man, so wholesome.

Uno survived the attack by stripping to swim in the river! I love his weird little experience.

Min answering “Oh. Yes. I suppose you have" to Eggy because she forgot about her captivity with the Seanchan is so callous. This, plus her attitude towards Siuan during FoH, her dismissal of Birgitte after the poly-bonding and Rand in the context of the polycule? Nope. Don't like. Past a certain point, her IDGAF attitude becomes jerkiness, like Mat.

Ituralde's disoriented POV! That was missing in this corruption arc. And he exited dragged away by wolves! 

Egwene reflects on Mat treating her like a painting but always saving her, and concludes that of course she trusts him: it's a real, moving moment showing they still care deeply about who they were, but most importantly who they became.

"People who started to drown didn’t yell, or sputter, or call for help. They just slipped under the water, when everything seemed fine and peaceful. Unless Mat was watching." - that gets me okay. He looks after his friends.

"So which was this? Was she drowning or not?" - I love how much Sanderson is embracing Egwene's trauma and how it affects her ability to assess the risks she's taking. She has been drowning for a while and no one has noticed.

"It was better than her fighting for the Shadow, wasn’t it?" - Mat will not even remain in my top ten if this goes on. The argument that people enslaved are somehow saved from a worse fate is a white-supremacist one.

Demandred with his orientalist cosplay and raving about the Dragon is starting to feel like the most ridiculous of the Forsaken. He's a formidable enemy but he's the most buffoonish of the Forsaken by miles.

Tuon uses Min's visions exactly like Elayne, believing they are a protection against death, except she straight up sends people to their death.

For the twist, I hope Min is massively wrong about one prediction before the end.

"That fellow spent entirely too little time looking at women. He was shy around them, Talmanes was." - leave him be, he's gay. I will fight Sanderson because he labels random characters as gay and the gayest characters (Elayne, Avi, Talmanes) are not.

At least Min stands her ground: people should not be executed for intentions but light, is she naive about this Seanchan counselling and how she can both survive this ordeal and truly help the Seacnhan’s victims. This is way over her head. Mat, for all his foolishness, is better equipped.

How long exactly has Elayne been pregnant at this point? It feels like it's been 3 years, but logically she's 6-7 months along? The show better do away with it or shift timelines. It's not like BS is writing in-depth about motherhood anyway.

I'm no army tactician and even I could have told them that the solution was to have one front rather than 4. 

Trom's uniform soaked through with blood is such good imagery. The Children of Light are dressed like Red Sisters.

Galad has such an interesting arc as a zealot starting to see nuances of grey. Both Gawyn and Galad basically entered militias, and Elayne herself is depicted as rather expansionist in these last books. Could it be Elaida's influence? Bryne’s?

Tam and Elayne are wrong: this wasn't a victory. People are not a price to pay for peace. I'm surprised that Tam thinks that, even if I do see the point in giving meaning to death. Galad's desperate protest thats it is a lie is quite moving and true to the character.

"If you knew my life,” Slayer said, “you’d howl. The hopelessness, the agony… I soon found my way. My power. In this place, I am a king.” - I do hope the show keeps evil Lan. It's important to depict why people who chose the dark did so.

Laras is managing the Tower and novices while the Aes Sedai are away! I love the way this is echoing the beginning of NS with the Aiel war. Also Faile ending up with the Horn for safekeeping is PERFECT. Full circle. She deserves to be the protector of the Horn.

"the Six-Story Slaughter and Hinderstap" - Iove that the Band has lore. 

Aravine's past is too much of a secret not to be important soon. Where's Bawler when you need him?

I'm sorry Olver's uncles are giving me such strong found family feelings. I love the Band.

An attack was to be expected on the caravan getting the Horn but dear Light, Berisha sent them to the Blight as an escape? Faile has the worst luck.

So the red-veiled Aiels are all the male channelers the Aiel sent out to die. That's absolutely harrowing actually. The ostracization of their own created their own monsters. Avi understands just how much of a reckoning the Aiel have coming.

Cadsuane MVP with that heart-stopping weave. I'm surprised she could even do that since Avi was the one in danger. Sanderson seems much more lax with the third Oath.

Why are they not using the copies of Mat's medallion to protect the generals?

Setalle suspects Berisha might have sent them there with intention, good or bad. Is it even possible Berisha overshot her Gateway? 

Of course Faile figures out Setalle pretty quick: she's so sharp and I love her for that. Setalle being an Aes Sedai who burnt out though… OOF

"The Horn of Valere, lost in the Blight. A nightmare." - That's ironic since it started there.

Sarene was taken by Graendal? For what? Is Graendal the one who took Alanna? Where is Alanna? 

Light, the Aes Sedai are getting slaughtered.

The Blight is FUN. I love a good horror setting. 

Liking this Avi/Cads combo. They're not unlike one another in their one-mindedness and it makes sense they would protect Rand against the Forsaken trying to get to SG. Although I'm surprised none showed up so far.

Not Vanin and Harnan stealing the Horn! 

"I am not spending the Last Battle clinging to a rock! she thought. Not the same one the whole time, at the very least." - Nyn is as pissed as I am about Mo and her being relegated to glorified batteries.

Alanna is trapped in Shayol Ghul because of Moridin, bleeding out? WHY DID NO ONE THINK ABOUT THIS BEFORE? HE’S BONDED TO FOUR WOMEN WHO COULD ALL BE CAPTURED At least Nyn will save the day. 

I LOVE the fact that Merrilor is situated at the fork of two rivers. It's perfect.

I'm also glad everyone saw reason and made Mat the commandant general at last. He's worth 100 great generals. Elayne is good at organizing people but we need the genius of a single mind. 

Also, unrelated, but does Mat have memories of women? IS HE THE DOCTOR?

I love this moment between Eggy and Mat before the battle where they act like an odd mix of siblings and leaders, even if Eggy still sees him like a rambunctious little brother and he like a girl pal to protect. It’s a rare last moment of ingenuity before the end of the world that doesn’t feel naive either. They’re both changed and there is no coming back.

The Last Battle chapter gets an epigraph from Loial! 

Deafening the guards with thunder to save them from Draghkars was very clever. Well done, Elayne. 

"Why was his hat banded with pink ribbon, though?" - I would love for anyone to address Mat’s rape properly. This is so disturbing.

Mat is right to keep his plans to himself though. Between DF, Forsaken using compulsion and dreams, Turning, the Seanchan plotting, I would not trust anyone... right, I'm beginning to feel like Moiraine. Mat must certainly think like her now.

The joy of this part comes from characters meeting each other or working together for the first time: Setalle and Faile, Uno and Talmanes, Lan and Tam, Avi and Cads... 

Demandred is still bellowing for Rand. This got old fifty pages ago.

Like Birgitte, like Moiraine, Logain’s POVs are a rarity but his mind and experience are endlessly mesmerising. He IS a bad guy, turned to the light to help, except he wouldn't have been a bad guy had people known how to handle male channelers in the first place.

"When every breath had encouraged him to find a knife and slit his own throat." - Like Owyn. The strength it took Leane, Siuan and him to go on in TFoH stupefies me, truly. 

Logain is in charge of recovering the Seals from Taim feels so RIGHT.

"Was this what you wished for, his mind whispered, when you raised the banner of the Dragon? When you sought to save mankind? Did you do it to be feared? Hated?" - his role as false Dragon is so interesting: how was he different from Rand? But in the end he is leading the male channelers to battle and facing the Dark One’s armies.

Logain realizing he cannot be sure of Gabrelle: buddy, you captured and force-bonded her. Did you really think she would not do anything to survive? 

Tam POV! Why are we getting so many random men's POV? I like Tam but come on, this is a lot of the same types of character. 

Pevara and Androl remain very cute, okay? I love their banter and fun things are happening magic-wise with them. That double bond could lead to an abolition to the binary magic system and I am here for it.

Coincidentally, Mat and Talmanes have a secret language of their own. Band lore, again.

I love the carrier raken system set up. It's so dramatic but effective. 

HOLY MACKEREL the opening credits of the show are actually a depiction of what Rand's mind conjures when he tries to picture the Pattern during his fight with the DO?!?

Rand's first vision is basically how Isam and the people in Thakan'dar live currently. 

Dreadlord Nyn would be terrifying and so twisted. I do love that even in this dark reality Moiraine is enough of an outcast to be executed.

Of course, Gawyn heads up straight toward Demandred without telling Egwene or anyone. In a way, the devolution is pertinent: he promised to obey Egwene, but the call for heroic sacrifice is too great. Toxic masculinity will kill him. It’s well done.

"Siuan nodded, approval—even pride—in her expression. Egwene was Amyrlin; she had no need of either emotion from Siuan, and yet it lifted a little of her grinding fatigue." - have I mentionned I love them with all my heart? Truly prime duo.

And another Rand/Egwene parallel: Moiraine "found" them both in the Two Rivers. In their search for the DR, Siuan and Moiraine also found the one who would break and save the White Tower and guide them to the Last Battle.

"And if a woman were to wish for a legacy, she could not dream of greater than one such as you. Thank you." - okay, now I'm crying. Siuan went from losing everything, her name despised, to finding the greatest legacy in Egwene. Egwene is Siuan’s.

I'm glad Egwene sent Siuan to do what she does best for once, finding spies, studying people. 

I really hope the show embraces their relationship with all its thorns and fondness because it's a fantastic mentor/student one between women.

Demandred is so obsessed with Rand he cannot conceive anyone but Rand leading this assault: it seems such a preposterous blind spot for someone supposedly clever. 

Faile plans to sneak into the supply station and use the enemy's Gateway? Hell yes! She's so smart. 

So Perrin is recovering in Berelain's palace with Uno. That's such a delightful combination. And Luhann saved him!

Right... Perrin left Gaul in the Wolf Dream, didn't kill Slayer and didn't stop the generals save maybe Ituralde... 

The Asha'man and AS still have so many prejudices. It'll take some time after TLB before they truly understand each other.

"I’m trying to read that thought,” Pevara said. “Did you just… compare me to an old strap of leather?” - Androl, gilf lover. They are Adorable together. 

I am still wondering what the hell their story does in this book but I like them.

If Androl and Pevara are the ones to find the Seals, I'll be okay with that. Their plan is so goofy, fooling around with mirrors of mist in the enemy camp. At least they are together and none of them is pretending to be a Forsaken.

Graendal took Rhuarc? What is going on with the Forsaken who are not Demandred? Where's Moghedien? Cyndane? There are too many threads flying around.

Seanchan is still part of Rand's utopia? I get it, he wants them to be part of tomorrow's world, and not all of them were slavers, but still, it's so tone-deaf because as they are, they slaughtered, enslaved and dispossessed countless people.

Awwww Perrin's granddaughter, the Ogier, the school! Rand's dreams about building a better world are so HIM. 

Silviana was prepared to take on Gawyn's bond?! Egwene's inspires such devotion, it's a bit dizzying.

"It’s like a hole inside of me, Elayne. A deep, gaping hole. Bleeding out my life and memories.” - Birgitte's fate is so absolutely heartbreaking. Her despair is hitting hard as well because she’s been so strong.

Giving the medaillon to the WC IS unwise, but who cares about the after? No one.

Mat running away with Tuon is not the same as dismantling the Seanchan Empire. That's only letting another Empress take her place. 

Oh bloody hell, Siuan's saved Min by stopping the heart of a Sharan channeler! That was hot.

And of course now she runs into a burning building to save Mat like her uncle Huan did for strangers. ... Siuan... no I knew it was going to happen but Light that was sudden. It's a blink and you'll miss it moment.

I also hate deaths caused by the idiot ball. RJ's Siuan would not have made such a gamble; only Siuan "dumbass energy granted by BS" Sedai would. This accomplishes nothing. It's a pointless "she should have listened to Min" moment.

"how could affection thrive beside the burning passion that was his hatred for Lews Therin? " - gay. that's so gay. The Forsaken are just a bunch of raging queers. 

This diffraction of POV is grating. Too many short POVs succeeding.

"The man would hold back and deliberate, worrying over his decisions, until boiling forward in a reckless military action." - accurate, but that was Lews Therin, this is Rand. 

I say the thing about POV and my guy Juilin turns up. Go Juilin!

The WC used to butcher AS's corpses and cut them into pieces for fear they would rise again like vampires? I did not need that information. Scalding take: the AS were never respected; they were feared because they were not considered human.

Did Pevara need to out Emarin in the middle of a break-in? 

Galad carrying his brother's body, hoping to save him, thinking that Elayne hadn't loved him. You know what, Gawyn was a fool and the tragedy is that he reverted back to his childish self 

and it costs him is life.

Oh fuck, Egwene losing the bond is rough. She's absolutely drowning now.

Tam as it all started, fighting. 

I'm confused, wasn't the threat that the DO would break the wheel and end everything? When did it become a tyrant robbing people of their morality?

"Ride out there and die for really no purpose? Or come try to keep me alive for your Empress." - Mat is Moiraining Karede into not wasting his life. How fitting. He did start seeing people as tools too. Nyn is the only one left who don’t.

"I had long wondered,” Lan said to Tam. “About the man who had given Rand that heron-marked blade. I wondered if he had truly earned it. Now I know.” - That was cute. 

"Siuan.… Siuan had always been so strong." - Strongest person Eggy knew.

Thank the Light Birgitte is here because Elayne still has 0 sense of self-preservation. 

I adore the idea of Galad facing Demandred! The irony of Demandred dying by Rand's brother blade, unable to channel at him! 

Oooooooh Loving Nyn healing Alanna with needles and herbs because Rand is leading the circle. Moiraine is just chilling apparently? 

(what if Moiraine felt Siuan die and is in shock? I know it's not that but listen...)

Bashere and Deira were this close to invite Mat to a threesome because he yelled at them.

"Only they would probably hear it all the way up in the Blight, too." - That's funny because the Horn is currently in the Blight!

Loial! I'm still so gutted that the Ogiers of all people had to turn into beasts hacking at Trollocs for TG. There are other ways. 

Aww Teslyn and Mat reunion on the battlefield! Why does Mat have so many wholesome relationships with women?

"Egwene al’Vere can grieve,” Egwene said, standing up. “Egwene al’Vere lost a man she loved, and she felt him die through a bond. The Amyrlin has sympathy for Egwene al’Vere, as she would have sympathy for Egwene al’Vere, as she would have sympathy for any Aes Sedai dealing with such loss. And then, in the face of the Last Battle, the Amyrlin would expect that woman to pick herself up and return to the fight." - That hurts. And the echoes with Rand and LTT!

"I forget how young she is.” - she is so bloody young. 19? 20? 

Egwene bonded Leilwin!?! EGWENE MY GOD STOP FOR A SECOND YOU CANT SOLDIER ON THROUGH A TRAUMATIC EVENT BY RETRAUMATISING YOURSELF

The Androl disguise used by Taim on Androl to kill Logain is a bit silly, but I'm okay with Pevara and Androl taking on the Wondergirls and Mat-Thom mantle of shenanigans. The rule of cool prevails.

"Together, their forces moved upriver in the night, leaving behind the fighting Andorans, Cairhienin and Aiel. Creator shelter you, friends, Arganda thought." - Rand, with Moiraine's help, really did it. He united all nations in this fight.

WHY are we even getting an Arganda POV here? We are drowning in men POV. 

"You surrender when you’re dead. Many a man has been given less.” - Not NS feelings. Look, we're not getting a Lan/Moiraine convo, so I'm taking what I can.

Here for Rand's utopia turning into a nightmare where people's agency is removed. The S1 finale is also echoing SO MUCH of the Last Battle. It's so satisfying. Mat wondering who's setting Sharans on fire. Probably Eggy and Vora's ter'angreal.

Aravine?! A former DF? Who tried to escape?!? And fell back to the shadows?? SO MUCH IS HAPPENING 

Olver stabbed the channeler?!? I wasn't expecting to like Olver as much as I do but Mat's son is such a brave little guy.

Leane fighting! I agree it's so satisfying to see how strong and united the Aes Sedai are now after fumbling for so long. 

Egwene came through and is unleashing Hell on taim and his channelers! 

Talmanes is in a cave rebuilding dragons with Aludra? So many chess pieces around.

Bela is the MVPest of them all. 

HARNAN AND VANIN WERE TRYING TO STEAL MAT'S TABAC JUSTICE IS SERVED 

Faile killed Aravine and gave the Horn to Olver! And is using herself as a decoy?!? Light, I love her, she's so quick.

Love Logains's thoughts on vengeance and how empty it is for him now: he is arguably at the height of his glory, leading the Asha'man into TLB. What could revenge bring him? 

Logain Ablar, keeper of the Seals by interim. I like the sound of that.

"Egwene led an assault the likes of which had not been seen in millennia." - I'm so proud of and so afraid for her. I get why she chose the Green now. She has the heart of Aiel, she's justice on the battlefield itself.

Light, Egwene is facing Taim now, a newly raised Forsaken. This leadership triangle between Taim, Logain and Egwene, where Eggy and Logain swapped roles, is delicious. 

Eggy is so sharp for redirecting lightning with iron rods like that.

A little bit of closure for Ila and Raen! Also we get insight into the Tuatha'an in relation to the Aiel: if the Aiel are struggling to envision a future with the the Dragon's Peace, what of the Tuatha'an in the middle of all-out war?

Bela died! Olver has the Horn! Is this rugby? 

Major kudos for allowing Egwene to be this angry and unhinged on the battlefield. I've said it before but she has a rather masculine arc, despite being depicted as very feminine. I love that.

Hurin is also fighting for Rand! 

Light, Berelain has a good head on her shoulders because I would be overwhelmed in her place. 

Galad lost a hand like Rand! This truly is the chapter of all the payoffs and parallels.

Annoura saved him, burning herself out for a WC! It's also so loyal of her. My Berelain/Annoura shipping dreams may not be dead. 

Rand is watching everyone die! Bashere! Deira! Hurin! Rand weeping for Siuan! Nonononon I don't want to cry now.

That "Aes Sedai ridgecat"? He's talking about Egwene? This is so funny. Taim cannot even contain her and needs the help of Demandred's ter'angreal to deal with her. I get such a kick out of seeing them underestimate her.

Of course, it's Mellar who kidnapped Elayne. HE BEHEADED BIRGITTE?!? And now he's trying to cut out Elayne's babies? I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM WHY 

However horrific, that would have been an interesting twist to Min's vision, ngl

"OUR ACCOMMODATION IS NOTHING?" - that made me laugh. The phrasing is just peculiar. 

Yesssss, give me Rand being tempted by nothingness: he has suffered so much. Nothingness would be peace for all and himself.

The way Min uncovered the spy and the compelled Seachan general was really neat. Siuan would have been proud. 

The Aes Sedai falling dead because the others who had saved them had been balefired? How did the world even survive the Breaking?

Eggy bloody countered balefire?!? She's healing the effects of balefire on the land? THE FLAME OF TAR VALON 

She released Leilwin just before... I'm sobbing, crushed. 

Light but that description was beautiful and peaceful. She did find peace.

She took all the Sharan channelers with her. They lost half the Aes Sedai. HALF. It's too much. How is this fight still going? Don't you dare saying that Aes Sedai aren't servants of all after that.

"Not without Egwene, her Two Rivers stubbornness, her iron backbone. Not without a miracle." - YOU SAY IT MAT SHE WAS IRON. 

Also, he was tasked with saving her from the AS... She saved them all. 

The miracle will be Olver.

“I sure am growing tired of that man,” Mat said. - we all are. He's frankly annoying. 

"He pretended that he would still write the story. There was no harm to such a little lie." - Awww, Loial. Also, it's sadly reminiscent of Jordan.

So Lan learned nothing and decided to go fight Demandred on his own, leaving his army leaderless in a suicide mission as foolish as Gawyn’s and Galad’s. What he said Tenobia shouldn't do. What Agelmar told him was selfish. 

I'm glad he got his pivotal badass moment, but that's still a regression for his character?

"I am just a man,” Lan whispered. “That is all I have ever been.” - The man who as a nation.

I'm not entirely sure it's fitting as he has no real connection to Demandred and isn't an underdog, but Demandred is also such an awkward villain.

"How could a man just… let go? Wasn’t that letting go of responsibility? Or was it giving the responsibility to them?" - Rand learnt from Tam that loving people is sometimes letting them go. It's an epic about growing up and parenting truly.

"Am I not allowed to be a hero, too?" - that broke me. Rand is no longer dreaming about Iliana, no longer hearing LTT. He is hearing Egwene's voice. My sobbing had stopped at that point and it came back with a vengeance with that line.

I know the woman cast down from her throne is Morgase, but listen, it should be Siuan. She was instrumental in finding and supporting Rand and it cost her the Amyrlin Seat, her powers, her life. This is her story as much as Moiraine's.

"It was about a woman with a secret, a hope for the future. A woman who had hunted the truth before others could. A woman who had given her life, then had it returned. That woman still fought." - stunning. I love Moiraine a normal amount.

"It was about a woman who refused to believe that she could not help, could not Heal those who had been harmed." - you bet Nyn will never give up protecting and helping people. I love her so much. 

The man who lost his family is Perrin, right?

"It was about a woman who would not bend her back while she was beaten, and who shone with the Light for all who watched. Including Rand." - A literal beacon of light. Her journey was glorious. I'm not even cross it ended how it did. It was a good ending.

"It was about them all." - I am fine. Such a satisfying conclusion to an ensemble saga. The Forsaken may have been there to make him give up, but there were always people fighting, sometimes alone. It all comes back to Moiraine's seminal TSR speech: "I fight for you,’ Moiraine said before Egwene could open her mouth, ‘as does Egwene.’ A look flashed between the two women. ‘People fight for you who do not know it, any more than you know them. You do not realize what it means that you force the form of the Age Lace, do you? The ripples of your actions, the ripples of your very existence, spread across the Pattern to change the weave of life-threads of which you will never be aware. The battle is far from yours alone. Yet you stand in the heart of this web in the Pattern. Should you fail, and fall, all fails and falls." - The Shadow Rising, C57 It's always been about them all.

Birgitte was not cast out the Horn and has her memories back! That's a hell of a miracle. The Heroes at last are called by Olver! I'm good with him sounding the Horn. It feels satisfying enough and Noal came back as a hero to save him.

Re: Elayne losing the bond, is this how Moiraine experienced the bond snapping though? Because between what we know of Egwene and Elayne's experiences, I dread to think what it was like to go through that while being tortured.

"But you’re still my friend. Will you ride with me?” - That was cute. I'm sad she never got to see Mat again. 

Oh Light, I forgot Darkhounds existed. There is something as too many Shadowspawns at once and this is what my brain is experiencing.

Avi, Cads and Amys against Graendal? That's a showdown for the history books. 

"I’d feel like I needed to bloody move to another country, [...] one where the monarchs don’t have pudding for brains.” - tbf, Elayne is young and reckless. She’ll grow out of it.

MAT USED THE PEOPLE FROM HINDERSTAP TO FIGHT! BLOODY GENIUS OF A MAN

And Grady is unleashing the river Mora on the battlefield... Good for him for making it this far. 

Androl and Pevara are such chaos agents, ignoring Logain’s orders like that.

Moghy was the servant Seanchan spy! And is now disguised as Demandred. I'm listening... 

Light, the gateway and dragons combo to fire securely on the enemy is a smart move. Magic is meant to be used in fun and new ways each time.

I'm glad Sanderson didn't forget how ridiculously strong Talaan and Alivia are. Alivia is also a trained soldier. 

Avi killed Rhuarc under compulsion? Avi will need to process so much once this is done, she's going to need a lot of support.

Alviarin is still kicking and shooting for the Chosen seat. You do you. Rand is a trap though, I bet it's Pevara. 

It is Androl! And now they are prisoners in the Stedding. I like that. It's like a kinder Bore and sets up Ogiers as guardians.

I love the image of Merrilor partially turned into a field of glass and about to shatter. 

I love that Logain isn't good. He's still seeking more power, dominance. But when he's told refugees are dying... The BT has responsibilities now.

Master Luhann's pep talk to Perrin was interesting in the way it recalibrates his arc: by making it about fear of oneself rather than leadership rejection, it complements the wolf arc rather than being a stepping stone on his wolf journey.

Sometimes what people consider an AS answer makes me think none of them have ever talked to anyone. I don't know what Perrin wanted Masuri to say here. 

Thom spent TLB sitting on a rock outside Shayol Ghul, composing, smoking tabac. Perfect.

"She stared at the end of the world, with grit and determination." - That's Moiraine for you. 

"Rand deserved it. Moiraine, too. This would be her victory as much as it was his." - And Siuan's. It's been their fight for 20 years.

I still can't believe Moiraine and Nyn have so little to do. It's a waste of their characters. I get what they do is crucial, but like with the Cleansing, they are batteries. 

I clapped at the Black sister pretending to be Cads, getting stabbed by Thom and thrown into the DF pit.

The storyteller figures - Moiraine, Loial and Thom - are fascinating in their different journeys: Thom as the storyteller who ends up writing a story; Loial as the antihero living the story to record it; Moiraine as the storyteller trapped in a story.

Poor Grady being traumatised by the rage zombies from Hinderstap. 

So Fain dissolved part of himself into Shaisam and now he's something akin to Mashadar? Not weird at all. 

I can't believe Mat did get to ride a to'raken.

Why is releasing the bond so easy now? Everyone does it. 

Driving Slayer. Beating. Pounding... What. Perrin, that’s gay.

Okay, the last fight between Perrin and Slayer was cool. The hopping between Wolf Dream and reality was new and dynamic and eerie.

The wolves are heroes too? Okay. This is becoming a little too kitchen sink for me. 

Clever, clever Avi for using the gateway to destroy Graendal because she cannot walk to escape.

Mat is Mashadar-resistant? And killed Fain. I'm cool with that. The confrontation itself was a bit underwhelming but it makes sense Mat is the one. 

At least Perrin grew enough to choose Rand over Faile. Responsibilities, they are tough.

They tricked Moridin and are now controlling him? I can't believe I accidentally guessed part of the plan. 

And the True Power is the key to resealing the DO! Yesssssssss that's fitting considering its exploitation started all this.

Graendal is now under compulsion and following Avi? That's a bit random. I see it's supposed to be comeuppance but it's also accidental and she won't be even aware of being punished. Like Mesaana, it's just another powerful woman depowered rather than killed.

Asha'man are treated with more respect than the AS ever were after one battle? Good that the story ends on this high for them, but it never addressed the treatment of Aes Sedai as monsters declawed by the Oaths and their dehumanization.

Logain broke the Seals as Eggy asked! What a bloody satisfying conclusion for him. 

It figures that Lanfear compelled Perrin because he could not have been that naive. 

Hey, I hope Perrin saying he still hates Moiraine is a bloody act.

Tepid take: breaking a woman's neck and then remarking she's beautiful? Gross. Even if it's arguably the lingering compulsion, it's a sexist dehumanizing trope. 

Yes, Rand understood he could not kill the DO and resealed him. He WAS wrong.

Moiraine saving Nyn's life and pulling her out of the cave when Rand went nuclear. Feels good. Feels organic. 

"You did well, Rand. You did well.” - Nope. My heart. Moiraine believed he could save the world and he did.

“I left… to save you,” Nynaeve whispered. “I only came along to protect you.” “You did, Nynaeve. You protected Rand so he could do what he had to do.” - Nyn accomplished so much but still protecting Egwene and Rand would have been enough.

"It was the Fourth Age now, wasn’t it? Could an age start in the middle of a day? That would be inconvenient for the calendars, wouldn’t it? But everyone agreed. Rand had sealed the Bore at noon." - asking the right questions here. I love Loial.

Ituralde survived! And is convinced by Yukiri to be king? 

Avi, Min and Elayne are sensing Rand, that's why they're not worried. Although why they are not masking their reaction is beyond me. If Nyn is already onto them, more will be.

Aludra is rebuilding the Illuminators' guild with dragoners! That's a great way to rehabilitate soldiers. 

So Moghy was taken by the Seanchan? That's quite underwhelming. The Seanchan are basically a bad women dumping ground at this point.

All things considered, Perrin had a good arc. It got lost in the middle for ages but the foundations of it are solid and the story can easily be adapted with minor tweaking, contrary to Mat's arc that got completely squandered.

Perrin finding Faile was really moving though. Also if he was able to retrieve her alive from a heap of corpses, Moiraine doing so for Siuan is entirely possible and Nyn can save her. Min can be wrong about ONE vision.

Birgitte's last gift being to spare Elayne from her increasingly belligerant path is fitting but yeah, I'm not hopeful for the future of Andor's neighbors even with the Dragon's peace. Elayne was ready to privatise the Horn as she did the Kin.

So Rand swapped body with Moridin. How disappointing. Alivia's big role in his death was... Providing him with clothes and money so he could slip away? Cads figured it out, which means Moiraine did, and Nynaeve suspects, so she will know.

I don't get why Min, Avi and Elayne showed no emotion at all during the funeral if the goal was to keep his survival a secret? It's bound to raise suspicion. Also why Rand is not sure they will follow him? Is he not planning to see his kids?

To have him reborn as a non-channeler centuries later, without insight into what the future would be, would have been better. This undermines his speech about the nature of the Wheel giving second chances: his rebirth is a freak swap accident.

And again, nothing about the trauma Rand faced during TLB. He saw his friends die and was exposed to the Pattern itself: he's completely fine. Not even affected by the True Power exposure Moridin was suffering from. It's a bit underwhelming. Big reset button agaon.

"The wind blew southward, through knotted forests, over shimmering plains and toward lands unexplored. This wind, it was not the ending. There are no endings, and never will be endings, to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was an ending." - I love beginning callbacks.

About this open ending: 1. I am okay with the Aiel's fate remaining uncertain. The ball is in their camp and I think Avi is the best leader they could hope for to transform and survive. Rhuidean showed a possibility, otherwise Moiraine would have slept with Rand.

2. Also okay with Cads as Amyrlin. They need a strong leader to rebuild so naturally they turned to the past but the AS were also changed enough by Egwene to have been set straight in their ways. The collaboration on the battlefield is proof enough of it. AS don't have a choice but to follow Egwene's path as well. Between the heavy casualties suffered during TLB, the BA executions and the sisters taken by the Seanchan and now trapped by Rand's peace, there are probably 100-200 full sisters left. The majority of their contingent is now AS in training picked up by Egwene. They have no choice to follow Eggy's path to survive. As for they alliances with the Windfinders and the WO, the same happened to them: killed, burned out or enslaved. Hundreds of Shaido WO have been lost to the Seanchan and the Shaido was the largest clan. To survive, they will have to rely on Egwene's terms. The Seanchan never agreed to let go the captured damane go if they wished as Egwene bartered either. You can be sure that the Seanchan won't forget that Egwene agreed to let missionaries into TV and across the nations. Tremalking should be free though, as Mat witnessed the agreement. But yeah, the Seanchan are now a threat channelers will have to contend with. So I assume that Cadsuane, who doesn't want to be Amyrlin and has never followed any of the rules, will fuck off as soon and fulfill her obligations as little as possible. Perhaps the Amyrlin Seat itself will disappear for a more horizontal structure?

3. Could it be that the girls seem not to care about Rand because he's not ta'veren anymore? They aren't pulled to him and thus truly have a choice in not following this new Rand on adventures while they have duties here. They grew to like each other, but Rand was ta'veren. So now they can re-learn to love him if they wish? It’s such a bizarre ending. It doesn’t make sense for them not to at least fake their reaction to protect him.

On the book overall: This book will definitely get merged with ToM because technically it was only battles. I agree with the criticism that Sanderson got lost in the battle scenes and prioritised unnecessary POVs to the detriment of established characters in need of resolution, like Moiraine or Nynaeve. Certain arcs get an unfitting and abrupt conclusion like Lan’s and Siuan’s, Lan randomly surviving and Siuan randomly dying. Elayne’s arc is also underwelming because she’s commander general when it doesn’t really make sense and gets replaced by Mat halfway anyway. I disagree with the criticism that Androl was unnecessary though because it was a solution to the Black Tower Jordan problem that should have been dealt with much earlier. The fact that Lan, Moiraine and Siuan didn’t meet again after literally starting this quest 20 years ago is a sham. The Seanchan though… Their fate is so timid considering how big of a threat they are? It’s implied that maybe Min could nudge Tuon in the right direction, with Mat’s help, but Tuon isn’t the Empire and what of the previously captured channelers, conquered lands, massacred Athan’an Miere. Structurally, it does feel like edited notes with a blend of important resolution scenes and BIG BATTLES, so it may be my least favourite of the Sanderson books?

I still enjoyed it, with major caveats regarding certain arcs. It was a feat to finish the saga considering the amount of stuff to conclude. I’m still a little overwhelmed by the book, days after finishing it, so it clearly did something right. If anything I have more elements to discuss for ages.

[pastelwitchling]

A Curse for True Love by Stephanie Garber

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This book is a little more complicated than the previous two, I think. Spoilers below.

To be completely honest, this book was not a 5-star read for most of it. Then the final fourth happened, and I was enamored. I don't think the book itself is worth 5 stars, I think it has quite a few problems, which I'll get into in a second, but I absolutely adore Evangeline, Jacks, Chaos, and Lala, I love the world, I love the writing, and I'm so obsessed with the romance that I don't think I needed this book to be flawless, I just needed it to be... itself (?), and it managed to do that.

Nevertheless, here are some of the reasons that kept it at a 4 to 4.5-star rating for most of the story;

- Jacks... was barely in this. At least for more than the first half, and that's too much time for a main character to be missing. The blurb made it sound like Jacks and Apollo were going to be kind of in competition with each other for Evangeline's heart (the tagline was literally, May the best villain win), and yet for almost the entire story, Jacks has no idea that it was Apollo who had erased Evangeline's memory in the first place.

- The pacing was very slow. The entire first half could've so easily been condensed. There were moments when I was getting just a little bored while reading. Now, I was suffering severe PMS pain, and maybe I just needed a better distraction, but that doesn't change the fact that the pacing was very slow. It's book 3, the final one, and we were STILL having the same conversations with Jacks about how dangerous it was for them to be together, and him pushing Evangeline away. I understand WHY he was doing it, but it's the LAST book and we were still going in circles for so much of it.

If this book had been 700-800 pages or wasn't the last one, I would've understood why it was moving so slowly. But more than halfway through and NOTHING was really happening? More than halfway through and the main couple is BARELY together? It's just too much, to be honest.

- Chaos was barely in this as well. I was sure he had some feelings or attachment to Evangeline in the previous book, so I thought that at the very least, he would be more involved. Maybe it's just a personal thing, but I really loved him as a character, and thought we could've used a lot more of him.

- There was no weight to the Valor's return. This ancient founding family had come back from the dead, and it was kind of dismissed as an afterthought.

That's really all on the parts that dragged the book down a bit. For what I loved...

- Evangeline. As always. I love her unique personality, I love how she's allowed to be this POLITE girly girl who loves pink and sparkles and pretty things and dreams and magic and still be such a strong character. In this era of adorkable/emotionless female main characters, Evangeline Fox is such a breath of fresh air.

- Evangeline and Jacks. Words cannot express. I've already said this before, but I have not loved a fictional couple like the way I love these two since Celia and Marco from The Night Circus, which is the highest form of praise coming from me. The chemistry, the romance, the AESTHETIC. Don't touch me.

- Evangeline and Lala's friendship. This is why the pacing bothered me so much. I wanted so much more of these two together, I adore them. I feel like they're what the sister relationship in the Caraval series SHOULD'VE been.

- I loved Jacks saying he didn't even remember what Tella looked like and Evangeline being his everything and the truth behind the curse. I was worried we wouldn't get an answer for that true love's kiss, but ohhhh did Miss Garber deliver.

- That kiss and what followed. I can't even... I... *brain malfunction*

- I knew that's what the ugly tree would do, I so KNEW it, and it was very satisfying.

- I'm glad that Aurora turned out to be a psycho. It was very fun, but also, I hated her from the first page. I can't stand too-perfect characters with adorkable/sassy personalities. I'm just glad that I got to hate her with reason, that's all :)

Just overall everything. Like I said, this book alone isn't flawless, but neither were the last two and I still gave those 5 stars. The biggest thing is that this book doesn't feel like an ending, it feels more like it's kind of already setting up the next series, which is NEVER how a book should feel. Still, I fell in love with this series because of the characters and the relationships and the world, and all of that stays true to itself, so. Also, I think it helps that I went into this after heavily mixed reviews, so I knew to force my expectations down. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look into getting the pretty British pastel editions of this glorious series.

[makeyoumine69]

Omg I wrote an ask but then my app crashed, I’m not sure if it sent ☠️ um. Okay if you got this ask already, please feel free to ignore this… lets see if I can remember what I wrote hahaha rip

Like the recent anon you got, I may also need some reassurance about something. What do you do if you really like a character, but then they do something highly triggering, and then it changes your entire perspective of them? And yet, you still want to be with them? I just watched AP a week ago and I was starting to hyperfixate on it. I really like Patrick a lot, probably the first time I’ve ever shipped with a villain who is THIS ruthless, and I’d see him murder ppl on screen and I’d think “oh teehee he wouldn’t hurt my OC though :)” sjfhkshdjg it also helps that I skipped almost all of the murder scenes except the Paul one (my friend who LOVES this movie watched it with me, told me to look away while they fast forwarded through the scary parts) I really cannot handle horror at all, but I wanted to try seeing this movie because I love Christian Bale. So I suppose you can say I technically only watched 30 minutes of this movie XD

I was having a real good time coming up with fluffy stories for my OC and Patrick for a full week now. But then I foolishly watched the deleted scenes yesterday without asking my friend to check the video to see if it had any triggering content… and I liked the scenes very much, except the one with Courtney. That scared the shit out of me. I have had a personal experience of being sexually assaulted and hit in the bedroom without consent, so seeing Patrick kind of yank Courtney around and yell at her, and roughly pull out, hurting her, it definitely triggered me and I was stress vomiting afterwards for a few hours. And today I woke up and I still cannot stop thinking about it. I felt really, really good with Patrick up until I watched that yesterday, and I am so shaky and nauseous just remembering it. It just keeps replaying in my head, despite me trying to stop thinking about it. I believe the director commented that they deleted that scene and replaced it instead with the scene where Patrick and Courtney are simply talking after they had slept together, where she’s just feeling depressed and saying “if you don’t call before Easter, have a nice one” or something like that, I am paraphrasing. But it didn’t imply any violence had occurred beforehand, at least I really hope not

I know Patrick is awful. I know he’s horrible. I know he is the worst, I did this to myself by liking him in the first place. I feel very stupid when I vent about this to my friends, they’re like “well… just don’t ship your OC with him if it bothers you. He’s literally a serial killer, it shouldn’t surprise you that he would also hurt women sexually. Just stop thinking about it.” but it doesn’t feel that simple, I can’t just… stop, you know? I spent an entire week *obsessing* over this character. I got serotonin out of this, it was a habit to think of him; my brain cannot simply just say “oh whatever I’ll drop him then, move on to something else”. I have absolutely tried distracting myself with other interests in the last 24 hours. I have watched other movies that aren’t scary, I have looked at different characters from romantic comedies that don’t involve murder, I have binged SpongeBob episodes lmao, but my brain is very much attached to Bateman. I want to feel comfortable with him, I like him. I wanted to ship my OC with him very badly, and I still do! I know he’s fictional, I shouldn’t be overthinking this, but I feel so shaky and unsafe when I think about him now. I feel heartbroken like I’m going through a breakup, as silly as that sounds, because I have been really looking forward to making this character someone fun to write about. I keep reminding myself it was just a deleted scene, he didn’t really hurt Courtney in bed, but god… it was jarring to see it happening regardless. I know he does these things in the book, I know he’s despicable, but I really wanted to hope that movie!patrick could be someone I could potentially try testing the waters with. Like the anon you answered recently, I have also had a poor experience shipping with villains and I am trying to reclaim that for myself. It feels scary knowing he has the potential to be physically or sexually abusive, when I am trying to practice the whole “I am the exception with villains” thing. I’m so sorry, I am writing so much omg I promise I’m almost done

So I guess I’m just asking for you to lie to me and say he’d be gentle with people in the bedroom, or that he wouldn’t bother hitting somebody or hurting them because it doesn’t bring him satisfaction...? Or even just… he didn’t hurt Courtney… *wouldn’t* hurt Courtney. Or Evelyn. Or Jean. Or whomever else. Like, if he’s ruthless, I’d rather he just murder people, not assault them, does that make sense? Oh my god I know that sounds completely out of character but I need somebody who knows him very well to try to reassure me, if you were okay with that of course. You’ve been writing him for a long time so I think you’d know him best and i know if anyone can convince me that Patrick has a gentle side to him, it would be you. And if anybody else wanted to write reassurances in the replies as well, by all means, I need all the help I can get lol. If you wanted to respond to this, of course. Please don’t feel pressured to respond if you don’t want to! Forgive me for sending such a lengthy ask. I feel very silly. Have a lovely day, I very much enjoy your blog btw you seem like a very kindhearted person :) sending you hugs. Again, please don’t worry about responding if you don’t wish to.

Hello dear!

Jesus, it's such an honor to hear people say that I know Patrick very well, it literally makes me cry! 😭

I would tell you this - when it comes to having crushes and just interacting with different characters, we all have our own visions of them. Speaking for myself, as much as I try to write Patrick canonically, I don't really write any gore or him committing murders because my psyche blocks those aspects of his personality, but I don't judge people who write him really violent and brutal - that's just not my cup of tea. I can't say that I tried to find some good traits in his personality, no, I just accepted the fact that I fell in love with a narcistic, arrogant man who has mental problems and loves to manipulate people. All those "I can fix him" things never worked for me and I never really tried to imagine him changing in a good way for me. Actually, I just let him live rent free in my head, and as for the way I write him - sometimes I feel like I want to write him being gentle and loving - I really have a thing for sweet and affectionate Patty, sometimes (most of the time lmao) I'm into some really angsty shit, so probably most people don't like my writing because in my stories Patrick appears to be a dickhead and a total bastard. But like I said, we all look at characters from our own perspective and we have the right to imagine our crushes the way we want them to be. After all, only Bret Ellis can present Patrick's character the way he is supposed to be, since Ellis created him.

Speaking of the deleted scene with Courtney, it was a little different in the book, but yeah, I wouldn't recommend reading the book because it's much more triggering and disturbing than the movie. Honestly, when I read the book for the first time, I had a big breakdown because I felt disgusted by the things Patrick did in the novel and Bret did a great job of making Bateman a real monster, so I can say that the movie version of Patrick is less off-putting. Even now I try to avoid reading the book too often because some chapters make me really depressed. But I can confess that I'm one of those people who believe in the theory that Bateman didn't commit all those murders and that they were all in his head. In Lunar Park, Bret Ellis' other book, he hinted that all the murders were actually not real. So I can recommend you to read this book because it has a lot of interesting facts about Patrick Bateman as a character from the novel.

I hope I made you feel a little bit better, and my DM is always open to talk! Thanks for sharing this with me! 💕💕💕

*sending my love and hugs!*

[libraryfag]

tag nine people u want to get to know better

thank you theo @callixton

three ships:

Tomshiv Succession: their dynamic makes me so insane. i can't even describe it. like they both love each other so much all they can do is bring each other pain and tragedy etc

Hamratio/TragicDanishBoyfriends Hamlet: again its about the fucking tragedy of it allll along with the princess/knight dynamic. completly changed my brain structure when i was 14 and about once a month i become reobsessed with them which is what i've been doing a lot lately as i have been playing Carrie and Lowell again and ugh.

Oakworthy dndads: a more silly one to prove i'm somewhat a romantic at heart. like they are just two nerdy little autistic bisexual freaks who have identity issues and are just like me <3

first ever ship: Probaly Blitzstone (Blitzen x Hearthstone) from the Magnus Chase books

last song: im currently listening to Chess #1 from chess. pretty typical of me ig

last film: LOTR: Two Towers! im really enjoying the films so far. also kind of connects to the question before last in that that dwarf and :hat elf definetly fucked!

currently reading: In order of recency- You Live And Fern (Interactive Fiction), All The Light We Cannot See (physical reread), Wizard Of Oz (podcast/audiobook), Picture Of Dorian Gray (physical)

currently watching:Edgar Allan Poe's Murder Mystery Dinner Party by Shipwrecked Comedy. i'm on the last episode and really enjoying it

currently consuming: hot lemon and honey drink <3

currently craving: sleep

tagging: @vassyflorence @transexualbf @oscarwildeismyidol @porciaenjoyer @eraserheadbabygirl

i literally can never bother tagging more than 5 ppl at once lol

[that-birdy-chick]

/2 and to be aware that you'll have some people jumping down your throat trying to explain away terrible writing choices with 'uwu poor steve has sooo much trauma uwu, you don't understand him' and proceed to write a giant block of meta full of hcs and personal interpretations and projection while trampling over your (a real, flesh and blood human being's) very valid feelings of frustration with the way the characters are written in this tv series, just to 'protect'(???) steve (fictional character!). also hilariously forgetting (or just ignoring) that the character of danny also has metric tons of trauma and none of it gets addressed. there's a pretty good reason why s6-10 are seen as 'character assassination' of danny and are the reason some authors left the fandom. sure, there's some nice mcdano moments! and storylines! but it's a quality rollercoaster there are some things that happen that i lovelovelove and others that make me want to hit my head on my desk so hard (the 'charlie will hate you' thing, everyone being ungrateful/dismissive, and in s8, and in s9 and in s10). the producers+writers for some reason cannot make them feel as close as they were in the first 5 seasons and that's just so sad man. they had a great thing going and they dropped the ball so hard. I really recommend rewatching the the first seasons right after ending the series to see the contrast, not just in writing choices but how the actors themselves are trying their best and still seem to be so -done- with everything which is absolutely tied to those links in my first ask; plus alex wanting to be done by s5 and leave, and scott also being done by s5, but staying (even if in lesser capacity, check his imdb: starting from s6 onward he disappears for 4-6 episodes (for his fam and his acting career))

i reiterate, i just writing this to say it valid to feel happy/glad/frustrated/angry/have negative feelings about the show, and nobody should make you feel like they are not or try to explain away questionable stuff like it's your fault you don't 'get it' (while making things up and not taking into account the unfortunate happening in behind the scenes).

hope you enjoy what's left of the series! love to see your thoughts on the episodes!!! (and mcdannno 👀)

Hey anon!

thank you so much for the advice and your kind words!

Seeing as I'm still pretty new to the fandom and that I've been nothing but warned about the last seasons, the heads up is very appreciated!

So far people leaving their own interpretation of Steves character and the overall writing under my posts hasn't really bothered me,

Honestly, I really like to hear other people's perspectives on these things

so long as everyone stays mostly respectful or doesn't get outright nasty towards me as a person, I'm fine with it

Maybe that will change overtime when I'm not quite as new to the fandom anymore but right now, I find it mostly interesting what others have to say

Still thank you tho <3

It's always nice to have people looking out for the new guys <3

About the stuff you mentioned with Danny and 'character assissination' I have to agree 100%

as much as I've started to like s7 the longer I keep watching the more the cracks start to show again,

with both Danny and steve being uncharacteristically nasty at times again towards each other and also this overall feeling that they're just not quite as close as they used to be?

Don't get me wrong it's still miles better than s5 and don't even get me started on s6

But with everything you just told me, that was apparently going on behind the scenes, I guess it's no wonder?

Still I keep my fingers crossed that once I've made it to the end it might not be quite as bad as I've heard?

Maybe it's just false hope because s7 has done a pretty good job emulating the vibe of the earlier seasons so far

Right now I'm at the episode where max is leaving and I have to say it genuinely made me teary eyed to see him go and knowing that he won't be the only character this season to leave for good doesn't make it very easier to keep going,

even if I really dig this more light hearted and at times somber vibe this season.

I also really liked how everyone got a very heartfelt speech about who they are to max and I felt they did a very good job keeping it equal

Sorry, this got a little out of hand also hope you're okay with me sharing this with the rest of the fandom

I just wanted to show my gratitude and share my overall feelings on the show so far

Thanks a lot again and hopefully this wasn't to long a reply<3

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

Drowning in his gaze (part 1)

Elendil x reader

This is mainly inspired by this post by @the-haven-of-fiction about Lloyd Owen’s character in Monarch of the Glen. This is part one of three.

*****

Imagine being a family friend of Elendil; your parents die when you are very young, and his father, Amandil, becomes your guardian. The two of you grow up together, and are inseparable even after he joins the Sea Guard and you become an apprentice at the Scribes Guild, an art you are both capable in and passionate for. It has been Amandil himself to suggest you pursue a career as a copyist and writer: there is always work for a capable scribe, he told you, and once you were part of the Guild your future would have been secured.

Unspoken feelings develop between you and Elendil when you are still too young to understand them and to consider each other more than a playmate and confidante; you just know you are important for each other, get along very well and would trust each other with your life, and have no reason to think things will change in the future.

They do. 

A few days after you come of age Amandil talks privately to you concering your future. You are now old enough to inherit your parents’ estate, that he has managed for you in accordance with their desires, but it is not just that. 

“Your mother and father wished for you to settle down, marry and raise a family. You descend from a respected family and your dowry is... not unsubstantial, not to mention your personal qualities, and because of all of this it shouldn’t be difficult to arrange a good match for you. Do you have an intended? Is there someone who has... captured your heart? Otherwise, if you want, I can find an husband worthy of you.” 

It takes you a while to find an answer, since your dear guardian caught you completely unaware; even though you know you are now old enough to marry and some of your friends have already found a partner -or are desperately trying to, even resorting to professional matchmakers to select an adequate spouse- you never thought the same thing could happen to, or interest, you. You wouldn’t mind getting married, one day, and have children, but to actively pursue a relationship? That had, somehow, never crossed your mind, nor the idea to look for a person you could live and share your life with...

“So? What is your answer, (name)?” Amandil asks, sitting behind his desk as you stand in front of him; matchmaking is not really his area of expertise, or something that interests him in the slightest, but he takes the promise he made to your parents very seriously, and in his heart he has come to love you as if you were really a child of his own blood, and is determined to make an honourable match for you “You do not have to decide right now, and the last word will be yours in any case; but you are a grown woman, and while you will forever be welcome in this house, it is time for you to think about your future.”

Obviously he is right, and you don’t have the heart to tell him that to be a bride is the last thing on your mind, and you are much more focused on becoming a member of your Guild and earn enough to become independent. Therefore, “I appreciate your concern, father.” you answer; you have always called him that, spontaneously rather than because he asked, and it has made you both happy “I promise I will think about it.”

And in the following days you do, so much that Elendil, who today you have gone riding with as you often do, notices something is off. “Are you all right?” he asks; you are walking side by side on the beach, your footprints visible on the sand behind you and soon covered by the waves lapping on the shore “You have been... distant, these last few days. Is something bothering you?”

You hesitate, finding yourself unable to confide in him, maybe for the first time in your life, and for a reason you cannot quite understand. You are not surprised that he, alone among all your friends and acquaintances, has noticed there is something on your mind, since he knows you better, and loves you more, than anyone else, just like there is no one in Númenor that you care for and trust as you do him. You wouldn’t be too concerned if you really were to become an old maid, you could accept it, but what you could never renounce is Elendil’s friendship, his unwavering loyalty, his presence in your life...

In a word, you will never let him go.

“I spoke to your father, this morning.” you tell him in the end, as you sit on a rock at the far edge of the beach, where you often stop to admire the sunset; a gentle wind blows around you, flicking Elendil’s brown hair and the hem of your dress. Your horses are a stone’s throw away, nibbling on the sparse vegetation growing at the base of the low hills surrounding the beach. You tell Elendil of the conversation with Amandil, “... and so now he is ready to find me a husband, like those old ladies who plot to have their grandchildren marry.” you laugh in the end, expecting your friend to share your amusement.

But he doesn’t. Elendil, standing by your side, is looking at you as if you have suddenly grown wings, or stated you want to move to live under the Sea - as if, in brief, he is seeing a side of you, and a possibility, he never thought existed. 

“... and what did you answer?” he asks in the end, leaning on the rock; he is not even smiling.

“Well, that I would accept to meet a few potential husbands, were he to find someone he deemed acceptable, but that since I am in no hurry to get married, I would do it only if I were completely sure.” you explain, confused by his reaction “Elendil, what is wrong? Don’t you think I should get married? Or you fear no one will ever want me, whatever dowry I can offer?”

“Of course not! Any man would be fortunate to earn your hand, and your love."

“I am glad to hear that. Why do you seem so upset, then? You do know I will care for you forever, even when I have an husband and five children.”

He knows, he assures you, and he must know, because since you were barely more than children you have sworn you will never leave each other’s side; he cannot doubt of your affection and friendship, but then, why has he grown sad all of a sudden, and worried...?

“Elendil?”

“I am all right.” he answers quickly, almost curtly, as if he desperately wants to close the conversation “I only wish...”

“Yes?”

“Nothing. Shall we head back? Father has invited guests for dinner, we will have to clean ourselves.”

You wouldn’t say that he is angry, or saddened, but you know Elendil well enough to perceive there is something wrong, something bothering or scaring him. You would ask about it, to offer him your help as the two of you have always done, but you cannot, because for some reason, your friend has started avoiding you. Not openly, leaving as you enter a room or pretending to be busy when you know he is actually lying; it is way more subtle. He avoids your eyes when you sit in front of each other at dinner, and accepts the request of his friend Raumos, the assistant Sail Master, to help training some cadets for the Sea Trial, only two days after telling you he had decided to refuse, which leaves him much less time to spend with you.

He is avoiding you; Elendil, your dearest friend, is doing everything he can to keep away from you, something he has never done before, not even when you occasionally fought as children and were both too proud to make an offer for peace. This situation is painful enough, but not as much as not having the faintest idea why. You have not fought, and after spending a whole afternoon reflecting on the matter, you are quite sure you have done nothing to offend him; you really have no idea what might have caused this new surliness. You could ask, of course; confront him and beg him to tell you the truth. If only you had the courage, and were able to go beyond the deep, inexpressible but strong suspicion that sometimes, it is better not to know...

If Amandil has noticed the change in his son’s attitude towards you, he keeps it to himself, and in any case, as much as you love and trust him, you certainly cannot ask his opinion on such a personal matter. You try and focus on your work, and spend time with your other friends, but cannot stop wondering why Elendil has suddenly become so cold and distant... and why you have taken it to heart so much, and why, when you think about it, you cannot help being also reminded of the conversation you had with your guardian, about your marriage prospects. 

Do you have an intended? Is there someone who has... captured your heart?

The truth is so simple and evident, as clear as water, that you cannot understand how it took you so long to realize it. Someone has captured your heart; someone you could see yourself marrying, sharing your life and raising a family with, and there is a reason why it pains you so much to see Elendil grow so cold towards you, and you are unable to even contemplate a future where he is not by your side...

You have fallen in love with your dearest friend, maybe when you were still too young to know what it means, and since then that feeling has never wavered, nor, you suspect, it will in the future. You would be content to remain Elendil’s friend for the rest of your life but, with an ambition you have never experienced elsewhere, you cannot help wishing for more, and while you have never given too much thought to matters of the heart, everything has changed, in the blink of an eye, as if the truth had always been in front of you and you were simply too naive or blind to see it. Being his best friend and confidante is not enough; you want to be Elendil’s partner, his lover and his companion and one day, if you both so wish, his wife and the mother of the children you know he wishes for. You know you could never wish for a better partner, and you would gladly do your utmost to make him the happiest of men. 

How could you never see it? For years you have slept next to him, even in the same bed when one of the two had had a nightmare or simply you had so much to tell each other that it couldn’t wait until the next morning, seen him half-naked when you went swimming together and been held in his arms as you danced -he is an excellent dancer- close enough to feel his heartbeat, and you never realized... you never understood...

You do not feel as if you had wasted time; Elendil has always been part of your life, and because of it you are happy. But all the same, you feel you have to tell him the truth, and be sincere about your feelings.

Obviously, there is just one problem; you have no idea whether Elendil feels the same or not. Beginning a courtship is usually men’s duty and prerogative, and he has never given you the impression he has even just thought about you as a potential partner, let alone proposing. If anything, for a few days now he has acted as if he can barely be in your presence, let alone spend time with you - a behaviour that you cannot explain and that saddens you deeply, and not just because it suggests that he doesn’t share your feelings.

What to do? You think about it while you are at work, pouring over the old scrolls you are copying and the important letters you are tasked with writing under dictation, or you choose fruit and bread at the market’s stalls, or you mend a tear in Amandil’s favourite tunic. You fear that confessing your feelings might put a strain on your already tense relationship, but at the same time, you fear that if you don’t tell him what you feel, Elendil could end up slipping away, either because someone else catches his interest -it has not happened yet, but your friend does not lack admirers- or because whatever problem has arisen between you ruins the long years of close friendship you have shared.

When you were barely more than children, you had promised to be always sincere with each other; and so you will be, even though you are trembling with fear at the mere idea. 

The opportunity arises two days later; Amandil is supping with some friends, which leaves you and your friend alone in the house. “May I come in?” you ask as you peek in his room, and Elendil, sitting on his bed, is visibly startled as he quickly hides a piece of parchment, maybe a letter, behind his back.

“What is it?” he asks, forcing himself to smile “Is dinner already on the table?”

You assure him dinner is the last thing on your mind. “May we talk for a moment?” you ask as you step in the room, and he silently nods, making space for you on the bed. He is clearly ill at ease, so much that he can barely look you in the eyes, something that had never happened between the two of you; even when you occasionally fought, you have always talked about whatever problem there was between you, and in the end made peace without any lingering resentment. This is different; this is scary.

You sit quietly for a minute next to him before stating: “You have been avoiding me.”

He doesn’t protest; he doesn’t try to justify himself; he just looks at you, with those Sea-blue eyes that have never felt so full of emotion, so focused on you, after many days of avoidance.

“Have I done something to upset you? Are you cross for something I have said?”

“No; it is not that. You have done nothing wrong.”

“It pleases me to hear that. Then, would you please tell me why you suddenly cannot even bear to look me in the eyes? We have been friends for so many years, Elendil; I think we should be honest with each other. I don’t want to lose you, and... and I must confess that I also have something to tell you.”

Silence. You have never been shy, but suddenly you would rather jump in shark-infested waters rather than confessing your feelings; still, you force yourself to go on, eyes lowered to your now shaking hands.

“You have always been a part of me; my best friend, my confidante, my ally against whatever enemy or danger I could have to face, and I would be grateful for things to remain like this. But just now I have realized that for a while... maybe for a long time... my feelings have changed. I...”

“(name)...”

“No, please; if I stop now I’ll never find courage again. Elendil... my dearest Elendil, I have fallen in love with you." you confess, and now it is you who is forced to keep her eyes low on her knees “Fully and truly, my heart is yours. I do not expect that you feel the same, especially now that you have been so cold towards me, but I wanted you to know, and if there is a possibility, however small, that you see a future for the two of us, I wish you would, well... consider it...”

Why are you talking as if you were proposing a business offer, with that foolish formal tone? You sigh, feeling at once relieved and disappointed, and then a warm, calloused hand enters your field of view, and takes yours, the thumb caressing your palm. You finally meet his gaze, and those blue eyes express such emotion to make you dizzy; it is as if you are drowning in his gaze.

“Elendil...”

“You... you do not know how happy...”

That is enough. A hint of a smile, words that do not suggest a rejection, and all your fears and hesitations disappear; you look at him, your breath caught in your throat, and he is smiling, his hands outstretched towards you...

A moment later your bodies are pressed against each other, your hands have grasped Elendil’s tunic while his arm is wrapped around your waist, and you are kissing, desperately, hungrily, avidly, your desire fuelled rather than quenched the longer the kisses last, and your friend is groaning -a sound you had never heard him make, nor you ever thought you would, and it is exciting and delicious and so raw in its sensuality, and then you are the one moaning as his tongue caresses yours and Elendil’s warm, strong hands have started moving on your body...

“Yes... yes, darling, like this...”

“You are... oh, how beautiful you feel...”

For a few exhilarating minutes, it is as if you are flying; and then the warm, solid body you have been holding on slips away. Your friend stands and steps away from the bed as if he feared for his safety; he turns, his face in his hands, and for a whole minute it is as if he is fighting against himself.

“Elendil...”

“I am sorry. Forgive me, I... I cannot do it.”

You remain silent, kneeling on the bed, your heart in your throat and the presentiment that something terrible is about to happen, and in the end your friend turns to look at you. 

“The Sea Guard has offered me commission away from Númenor, in a kingdom we are at war with.” he tells you, and he is uncharacteristically curt in doing so, as if he wanted to get it over with “I have accepted. I shall leave in two days.”

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

“How long.”

“I do not know. Five years at least. Maybe more.”

Five years. Five years without seeing him...

You stand. You talk, hating the pleading in your voice. “Take me with you.”

“No.”

“I am serious, Elendil.”

“I am serious as well. We both know you are only halfway trough your apprenticeship with the Scribes’ Guild; you cannot give it up, and furthermore, I am going to war, and it will be dangerous enough for us soldier, let alone a civilian. If something were to happen to you, I... I wouldn’t know how to live with myself.”

He is sincere, it is easy to see it in his blue eyes, and he only has your safety and well-being at heart; still, the simple idea of losing him, just now that a new world of possibilities has opened in front of you, terrifies you.

“I do not care about the danger; and I can postpone my apprenticeship until we come back.” you propose, taking a step and then another towards him; your heart is beating so fast it hurt, and you can barely restrain yourself from throwing yourself in his arms, begging him not to leave you, and then kissing him until you can no longer say where one of you ends and the other begins. 

“We both know that cannot be done, unless an apprentice has fallen ill or for an equally serious reason. If you leave the Guild, it will mean wasting all your years of work. You need to stay here, where you will be safe, continue your studies...”

He is serious as he speaks, reasonable, focused on your good even if it means to suffer himself; it is exactly what you would have expected from him, selfless and kind, more concerned with protecting the people he cares for than himself, but in that moment you are not grateful at all; you are angry, and terrified, because you know you are losing him and there is nothing you can do to stop it...

“I will return.”

“When?!” you ask - you scream, actually, and you flinch when you realize that you are dangerously close to losing control. Elendil is still in front of you, and does not protest when you take his hands in yours; the sacrifice he is making is enormous, heartbreaking, but he believes he is doing the right thing for you, and this makes his convinctions as immovable as the Meneltarma.

"I care for you; more than I ever cared for anyone else." you state in the end, and while expressing your feelings has always proved difficult for you, your friend is the exception: he has always known your heart, without judgement or criticism, and because of this it has felt so easy, and natural, gifting it to him "Do you care for me as well?"

He sighs; he is the bravest man you know, but still what he is doing requires more courage than a man can have. "(name), please..."

"Do not beg me; be honest instead. If you want me as much as I want you, you will tell me, and I will leave with you; whatever danger, we will face it together, and I will be content to share your destiny. Tell me now, or... or...”

“Or what?” he asks, still in that brusque tone you have already started to hate; he doesn’t want to hurt you, far from it, and he has never been cruel in his life, but for a moment you are dangerously close to hating him; how dare he decide for both of you? What gives him the right to take responsibility for your safety, as if he were your father? “Will you renege on your confession? And accept another man’s marriage proposal?”

“Maybe I will!” you answer; you regret those words a moment after you have uttered them, but you are too angry, too humiliated, to stop and talk reasonably “Maybe I will, as soon as I find a man who is not scared of his own feelings!”

Elendil falls silent; the rage in his eyes is deep, burning, but unlike so many other men, he doesn’t express it with shouts, insults, accusations or fits of rage. He just looks at you as if he dosen’t even know who you are, and that... that is worse, and more painful, than a slap on your face.

“Very well. If this is what you want.”

You move to let him leave the room, silent, determined but not at a run, and half of you wishes you could run after him, apologize and confess that while you disapprove, you are grateful for his desire to protect you, and you will never marry anyone else, because your heart is his, and his alone. It would be enough to make peace between the two of you; and while it would not solve everything, it would make things enormously better.

Unfortunately that is not the part of you that you decide to listen to, and you wait to hear the sound of Elendil’s footstep reach the other end of the house before giving in to crying.

You do not talk about it anymore; not on that day, not on the next, not on the clear, cool morning the expedition Elendil is part of makes ready to depart, for only Eru knows how long. Amandil decides to accompany his son to the harbour, while you decline because, you explain, you have an important commission to present to the Guild tomorrow. 

He is more splendid than ever in his soldier uniform, the long blue cape shaken by the wind and the helm under his arm, as you say your goodbyes on the porch. 

“I will pray for you.” you tell him, and you hate yourself for that, because while the sentiment is sincere, you doubt your pleas to Eru and Ulmo will make some difference, and there is so much you should tell him instead, while you still have the chance “Be... be careful, I pray you.”

The ghost of a smile touches his lips; the sadness in his eyes breaks your heart.  “I will.” he promises; after a moment of hesitation a kiss touches your forehead, and then he has turned and left, his strong and stately figure silhouetted against the azure sky.

Tagging @starlady66 and @elvenenby .

[rubberduckyrye]

You don’t need to post this, but thanks for caring about antisemitism on a deeper level beyond that whole Kokichi’s hat thing. Just saw a different post that really bummed me out so seeing you being thoughtful about it cheered me up (which is funny bc Gonta’s backstory never personally bothered me, probably bc my standards are low and at least the reptites portrayed as nice there & a video game reference lol)

NGL Anon I'm morbidly curious about the post you saw, but aside from that--

I actually want to give @jacksmusesdrv3 credit here, because for the longest time I did not want to really engage with the antisemitic stuff at all--which while my intentions were good (as in I wanted to just kind of erase them from my rewrite), it made me blind to other antisemitic notions in the narrative, a lot of them being philosenitism, which in this case, is a very specific breed of antisemitism that idolizes the stereotypes instead of condemning them/using them to fear monger.

I knew that the hat was likely a reference to WWII Germany (I still can't believe military officers wore hats with SKULLS ON THEM like how can I take you seriously you are LITERALLY being supervillans in a cartoon I cannot--) and I knew the Reptites were suspiciously similar to the "lizard people" thing, but there's quite a few a bit of philosenitism in it--things I plan on trying to remove if possible.

I also have been discussing the ableism (pardon the extra salt for the post with the links, this one's personal) and racism in the narrative of V3, both of which I also plan to either address or reassess.

I am very neurodivergant (AuADHD), so the ableism is something I face first hand in my daily life--but the racism and antisemitism aren't things I experience, which is why I want to learn about them and rework the story of Twins AU to be rid of them, if possible. Especially since the ableism is baked into the character interactions and Gonta's character arc so that's hard to remove, but the racism in Angie's writing is mostly backstory related so that can easily be reworked and changed. (Namely, I'm stuck on if I should keep the deities she refers to as the Atua, since I'm not sure if that's interchangeable with the Kupua, which is specifically Native Hawaiian, where as Atua refer to deities that aren't so specific.)

For the antisemitism and antisemitic-philosentism, I'll need to do more research on. I know there is something with Kirumi's last name being a reference to a prime minister of Japan, which has something to do with philosentism/antisemitism, but I don't 100% recall it atm.

Still!

I try to be very, very mindful of these sorts of things in fiction, as I want to create a story that isn't going to perpetuate stereotypes or harmful rhetoric, which will isolate readers of those groups from my work. I never have fun seeing ableist shit in media, in fanfic, so I apply that same logic to everything. A Native Hawaiian won't like seeing Angie's narrative racism. A Jewish individual would feel uncomfortable seeing antisemitic characteristics, even if they are being glorified. So I try to eliminate those things from my own rewrite.

And TBH, I am a little ashamed of myself for wanting to shut down any discussion about the antisemitism/philosentism in the past, because I didn't realize it was making me ignorant. I thought I recognized all of it and that was arrogant of me. I have a lot to learn, and I will always be learning! So I've been slowly working myself up into discussing it and understanding what about V3 has the antisemitism and the antisemitic-philosentism, so I can rework that in my own story.

But yeah--sorry for the long response, I just kinda started rambling a bit.