#but I only have like 30 things in it right now so I'm struggling LOL.

[potential-fate]

slowing down my queue to only 5 posts a day cause I've been busy aiight?

dunno yet if I'll still post Arkhelios updates in the queue and just have them be like two hours apart instead, or if I'll schedule them manually and have them be the same general times as before. anyways.

as per usual, most of my queue is reblogs, but if you wanna just see my posts I have a link from my page to only show my original posts or u can click here

[prettyboybuckley]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @saybiwithme @bi-buckrights @zainclaw

How many works do you have on ao3?

160

What's your total ao3 word count?

1,070,239

What fandoms do you write for?

I've mostly written for 9-1-1, though I started off with Shameless (6 fics) and I have written some for Teen Wolf (5 fics). There's one 9-1-1 crossover with Schitt's Creek.

Top five fics by kudos:

parents always yelling (telling us to get our acts together)

i just want something to hold on to (and a little of that human touch)

I will come to you (even in my sleep)

open up again (i believe in second chances)

exes and the oh's

Do you respond to comments?

Always, even if it takes me months. I actually just caught up again (there's still a bunch to go, but right now the oldest is 17 days ago instead of 250 days...). It's just a rule I have for myself, and even with the backlog I've kept it up so far, so I'm not going to stop doing it now.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm not a big fan of angsty endings, I generally try to at least make it a hopeful ending or, in the case of the college au, use an epilogue to fix things.

But I guess sunny skies & summer highs qualifies as an angsty ending simply because of the cliffhanger (and yes, there is still going to be a continuation, I'm working on it 🙈).

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Choosing one out of 160 is really hard, but I think tell me, will you stay or will you run away is definitely one that deserves a mention here, because it already has a happy ending and then the epilogue just makes it even better 🥰

Do you get hate on fics?

Not commented on the fic itself, no. I've had some people talk shit about my fics on twitter, though, and not even vaguely but calling me by (user)name.

Do you write smut?

Is grass green? Yeah, I write smut 🤭 Thanks to two times kinktober, I have 95 explicit fics, by far the most used rating for my fics.

Craziest crossover:

let's have some fun tonight is my 9-1-1/Schitt's Creek crossover fic for 9-1-1 Rarepair Week, and my only crossover fic

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

My head over feet Buddie valentine's two-parter got posted as one chapter in Wattpad work with over 30 fics once. Filed a DMCA and Wattpad took it down within two hours.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Two of my fics have been translated into Russian afaik, one on ao3 and one on Ficbook

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope. It may be a nice challenge for the future? Not sure who I'd do it with.

All time favourite ship?

Gotta go for Buddie on that one, lol. Especially if you look at my writing history. But I often tend to hyperfixate on one ship at a time (current reading obsession is McDanno)

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Buck's POV of if love is art then you might be my masterpiece. I really want to, but at this point it's been two years since the original so I don't know if it'd be worth it either. (I know not everyone was happy about how I ended it, but I doubt any of them are still waiting for more). Writing a different POV of the same fic takes an amount of planning that my brain just really struggles with. And I could pick up where the last chapter (before the epilogue) picks up, but I think that way there would be some crucial information about Buck missing.

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told quite a lot of times that I am good at keeping characters, well, in character, even when putting them in partial or complete AU's. Of course, what is in character or not is subjective, but I do always challenge myself to work as much of the canon backstory and personality into who they are in the AU as possible.

And I like to think I'm pretty good at writing smut.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm terrible at pacing, which multiple of my long fics prove. It'll be drawn out first and then suddenly rushing. And being ESL I do struggle with things like sentence structure and grammar pretty regularly still.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

As long as there is some kind of translation provided somewhere I like it, but I'm not so quick to use it myself. Not beyond a few Spanish words here and there (generally pet names between Eddie and his family we've seen on the show or the occasional curse word when I feel it fits better than an English one, but I usually need to employ help from Spanish-speaking friends for those).

First fandom you wrote in?

Shameless! I binged that right before I started 9-1-1 and combined with the creative writing minor I was doing, it was actually what got me back into writing in general and what made me write my first ever fic.

Favorite fic you've written?

My in your arms i feel safe-series (which I always lovingly refer to as the ace kink fic) is definitely one of my favorites simply because of how personal it is to me and for the reason behind me writing it in the first place.

Other strong contenders are i would've loved you forever (it's never enough but i wanted it to be) and i'm begging you, come home to me (Teen Wolf, Thiam)

tagging @monsterrae1 @rogerzsteven @loserdiaz @watchyourbuck

[shadowsandsunset]

I wish nothing but good things for Oliver Stark and Lou Ferrigno Jr.

They gave us such an authentic, gentle, tender experience. I've watched the clip of that kiss several dozen times now.

Oliver, especially, has been amazing in his interviews and social media posts, empathetic and honest and sweet. I don't know his sexuality and I don't speculate in real people's sexualities, but regardless he seems like a true ally. He seems to Get It.

As someone who came out later in life** it really touches my heart what they're doing.

9-1-1 has always seemed to try to do good by their queer characters and I really appreciate that.

Hen and Karen have always been a fantastic and very real feeling example of a wlw relationship.

This show is doing amazing. I wish nothing but good and happy things for the cast and crew who make this happen.

**Under the cut is my coming out/self acceptance story if you're interested.

Tw: repression, self harm, drug use, shitty relationships both familial and romantic.

I tried to come out as a teenager in the early 2000s after I kissed a girl for the first time. It did not go well.

My mother was a complicated woman and she loved me very much, but when I told her I was bi (I prefer pan now but at the time I didn't have that word) she told me it was a phase and that she was disappointed, that she would always love me but that it was wrong in the eyes of God and she couldn't accept it.

Disappointing my mother was worse than her being angry. It felt like my heart was carved out of my chest. I feel like if she had been angry or openly cruel I could have fought back, but her sadness destroyed me. I was 16 then and I continued to live at home until I was 24. I'm in my mid/late 30s now.

So I repressed that part of myself for well over a decade and spent a lot of time depressed and miserable. I self harmed and did A LOT of drugs. I'm clean now except for super occasional weed use. I have a lot of scars from self harm.

My mom died several years ago and it wasn't until after her death that I allowed myself to even think about it, any of it. I was in a relationship with a man for eight years that was loving but he was an alcoholic and I had to walk on eggshells around him because of his mental health struggles; he was emotionally abusive but in a way that was only apparent in hindsight. I thought that my relationship with him was as good as I was going to get. We broke up not long after my mom died.

The only family member I am out to is my older sister, who has been amazing and accepting and loves me completely. Without her support I would be lost.

I have now dated/hooked up with women, men, nb and trans people. I have explored my own gender identity (it's whatever, I don't feel like a woman despite having the female equipment and appearing female in body, I feel pretty masculine but not like a man either, and I don't have strong opinions on pronouns, but I feel like I fail at femininity and masculinity in equal measure so I call myself genderqueer. I don't have any desire to take hormones or have any surgeries, I just want to be a person without having to perform gender).

I live in a conservative small city in the US south and I feel disconnected from the wider queer community. I don't know how to bridge that gap. There is a small queer community here but you can't really be openly out and be safe.

I'll be going to my first pride event this June. I'm excited and terrified because I don't feel like I'm queer enough or The Right Kind of queer, which is such a stupid stress to have, but I don't have many friends to talk about this with and I am hoping to get out there and make some but I'm nervous. I'm socially awkward and kinda weird. I'm also single and trying to mingle, lol.

I like who I am now but it was an incredibly difficult road to get to this place. I'm still on that journey, and maybe I always will be but that's ok. I'm finally myself.

[elsa-rain-world-stuff]

PART 2 OF MY FIRST TIME IN RAINWORL

PART 1 HERE!!!!

I don't care if you didn't want it, i'm doing it anyway!

today we have more people in the dialog (probably), so:

Doc - person from the previous post

Lily - new person who was also struggling with rw

Me - me, Elsa Fogen

october 18, 2020

Me [21:43] : you crawl out AND THERE'S THAT THING SITTING

Lily [21:24] : ahhahha they're blind, but can hear very well Me [21:46] : that bitch sitting right where i need to go

Lily [21:24] : throw a rock, it'll be distracted and go away Me [21:58] : threw at it and it ate me :)

october 19, 2020, new chat

Me [19:15] : Which wai is better..........

Lily [19:25] : Hi everyone Can i scream here about stupid scavs Me [19:32] : Yes and i'm gonna scream about FUCKING OCTOPUSES AAAAAAAAAAAA DIE BITCH

Me [19:44] : alright FUCK i'm tired of this shit fucking longlegs Me [19:44] : i like them, BUT THEY PISS ME OFF SO MUCH WHILE PLAYING AWJMLALMOWAJA Me [20:17] : SO, actual question, which way is better? Me [20:25] : chill

Me [20:31] : fuck

Me [20:39] : what the fuck...

Me [23:07] : I THINK RAAAAAAAIN IS COMING

Me [23:09] : AH FINALLY

NEEEEEEST Lily [23:09] : how you managed to lose all your karma as monk? Me [23:11] : two words FUCKING LONGLEGS scary

Malevich's black square

Me [23:11] : minus fucking eyes

Me [23:40] : *FURIOUS SCREAM OF HATE*

Me [23:40] : why hello

Me [23:40] : you don't need a translation they said there's no dialog they said AND NOW I CAN'T UNDERSTAND SHIT

october 20, 2020

Me [00:02] : what happened????????????????????

Lily [00:03] : he will kill you if you keep coming back or stay after he told you to leave Me [00:04] : UM

Me [00:14] : um

what's with karma Lily [00:15] : Five Pebbles made you maximum karma Me [00:16] : alright then. where do i go next? i don't understand shit Lily [00:16] : go after orange Me [00:18] : ?? Lily [00:18] : Well. That thing that shows you the way Me [00:33] : HAHAHAH IT WAS FUCKING KILLED AND I HAVEN'T SEEN IT IN AGES Lily [00:34] : It comes back after If it didn't that means that you ate neuron from Moon Me [00:38] : i don't think so... i didn't eat anything from Moon and it was killed in citadel Lily [00:38] : you're glowing It means you ate white fly Me [00:40] : i didn't eat from Moon Lily [00:40] : Ok, then why are you glowing? :D Me [00:40] : i ate those flies only at five pebbles, BECAUSE THERE WERE NO OTHER FOOD Lily [00:40] : idk then ahhh by the way Five Pebbles tells you where to go Me [00:51] : ahkepadwaha fuck would be great if i understood him Me [01:08] : rip my thing, good thing it was

Me [01:08] : what the fuck

After that i used a passage and teleported to outskirts, and saw my overseer again. I can't find any messages about that but i remember that i didn't visit chimney and sky islands on my first time lol. also i got very poor translation for the game yeah

Me [22:18] : what are these things

Me [22:52] : AH SHIT THIS FUCKER TOOK MY EXPLOSIVE SPEAR THAT I CHANGED(( Me [22:52] : FUCKING ARSENAL HERE

Me [22:52] : THE FUN THING IS THAT I DIDN'T DO IT Lily [22:53] : WHATDOYOUMEAN who did then??? Me [22:52] : I DON'T KNOW SCAVENGERS PROBABLY WHY THO THEY HAVE STASH NEARBY BUT MY GAME STARTED LAGGING BECAUSE OF IT LOL

Also this conversation i think it's funny

october 21, 2020

Doc [0:30] : ELSA I'M GONNA EAT YOU NOW Me [00:32] : why :0 Doc [0:33] : I asked you many times who would you be in rw. Just to draw. Me [00:33] : ah. idk. a cat mb, i don't know anyone yet Doc [0:33] : Which? 🗿 white. yellow. red. green. dark-blue. almost black. light blue. another light blue. orange. maroon. Me [00:34] : speckled purple 🗿 Doc [0:34] : purple Me [00:34] : kidding ЪAWHWAZH AWHZWHWHAHW SINGLE BRAIN Doc [0:34] : IT EXISTS IT FUCKING EXISTS *sends picture of sleeping spearmaster* -------- Me [12:51] : by the way, i will have this glowing forever? Doc [12:51] : What? Me [12:52] : well that appeared after i ate flies at Five Pebbles Doc [12:52] : I think yes. Me [12:52] : Nice By the way, overseer showed up And was killed by fucking scavengers twice

october 22, 2020

Me [0:12] : FUCK HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME O U T there's one place, very deep well and there no pipes to climb up and there's shelter up there i fell in that well couldn't go further and long story short i'm like sitting there thinking what do i do i had an option to die but i didn't want to and so i decided to wait till the rain and go up with water AND IT WORKED Me [0:18] : my genius plan worked here

Lily [00:19] : AAAAAA NO WAY SO IT'S NOT AN EMPTY PLACE IT'S A PIT??? THANK YOU ELSA THANK YOU VERY MUCH SMOOCH SMOCH SMOOOOCH Me [0:19] : I'm just not afraid to take risk sometimes you can farm karma later anyway (but in some places you'll lose more while farming) Lily [00:20] : i just though it's gonna rain like in open place Me [0:21] : i believed and hoped that it's gonna be flooded and no rain Lily [00:22] : How did you HOW DID YOU EVEN GUESS THAT Damn You're my salvation Me [0:23] : i can't climb onto damn deers((((( they're slippery bitches Lily [00:24] : they also sit on you Me [0:25] : OR DON'T SIT AT ALL

and here you can see my internal explorer had beed awakened

Me [0:25] : h m what is this pipe and where it leads...

Me [0:25] : and He R E

Me [0:25] : standin

---- Me [17:52] : i'm trying to make good relationships with scavengers

october 23, 2020

Me [15:59] : WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ORGY

Me [16:02] : FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I'VE JUST NOW UNDERSTOOD HOW TO SIT ON THESE CREATURES

oh, the bird was sucked into the ground Me [16:03] : - so what's with the money? - what money - money that i invested in in stopping rains (it's a reference to an old meme...)

Me [16:03] : WELL FUCK IT THREW ME AWAY

Me [16:07] : DUDEEEEE

Me [16:11] : FINALLY YESYEEEEEESSS NEW SHELTER

WELL I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO MAKE PART 3 BECAUSE OF IMAGE LIMIT

LIKE AND REBLOG FOR NEXT PART OR WHATEVER

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Skipped the day yesterday because my PC died, but I’ll try to write more replies today!

Starting with the ones related to our recently posted drawings~ But there are also some about twst characters and ships: Malleus, Riddle, Sebek/Jamil and many many more.

hipsterteller asked:

*sees Azul and Idia making out* welp someone better take a picture

I’m pretty sure Jade and Floyd are already on it. Maybe Ortho too, but for more wholesome reasons than the tweels…

hipsterteller asked:

Dang it Kalim…

He just HAD to ask Jamil to come back as soon as possible!

Anonymous asked:

~ 🎵 There goes the vizier hauling ass, like always 🎵 ~

Lmao thank you for the mental image of Jamil racing through the streets of Silk City in his big-ass robes. Looks like he forgot to get the food though... Maybe he and Kalim could have some fish for dinner?

You’re welcome~ Poor Jamil, getting food from the store isn’t even his job, but he was nice enough to go, and for what? To race right back through the streets of Silk City in his big-ass robes 😭

If Azul, Jade and Floyd didn’t bring them a pizza this time, they’ll have to have fish for dinner…

Anonymous asked:

Jamil is gonna murder these people, he doesn't care if he gets in trouble. That reminds me, does the...oh who am I kidding, of course they knew Jamil is acting like a snake by using Kalim again.

Jamil is so sick and tired of them, it’s been 30 seconds and he is already done LOL

They probably haven’t seen each other in quite some time, and Jamil isn’t planning on doing his subtle-Kalim-seduction thing in front of these three, but I have a feeling they’ll still notice that there is something going on between them. They know a snake when they see one…

Anonymous asked:

We seen the mafia Octavinelle often visiting Scalding Sands, but what about the Shrouds visiting there since they are often with the mafia?

Oh Ortho would love to visit, but he doesn’t usually get to go with the Octavinelle trio and stays by Idia’s side; and Idia probably hates the idea of visiting Scalding Sands, because it’s way too hot, and Kalim and Jamil are there, and Kalim is annoying and Jamil is scary, and the whole thing is going to be awkward, what is this really, a college reuinon? Yada-yada, mumbling Idia noises.

But still, they’ll visit them at least once. Even if Azul isn’t persuasive enough, Ortho’s puppy eyes are going to break Idia’s will for sure.

snowblub asked:

Whenever I see a post of yours and I know it's yours btw I look at what's there then forget I'm following you then go up to press follow and then realise that I do follow you. Short memory struggles... The amount of times this has happened is a bit embarrassing ngl.

But at least now you know that you got someone who would follow you a hundred times if possible?? I just thought to tell you.

AHHH This is so sweet of you?? Thank you so much. The fact that my drawings give you an urge to press follow despire already following is such an amazing thing to hear! <3 <3 <3

Anonymous asked:

I made the mistake of showing a newer friend your twitter account, I did warn them...😭😭😭

Like yes I like you BEACUSE your problematic, someone has to speak for us :(

~Anon &lt;3

Ohh, I hope you didn’t have a bad fight with them, Anon. Having arguments and even falling-outs with friends because of ship-related content is always unfortunate :(

We can only speak for ourselves, but if you feel seen/inspired by the fact that we have the audacity to post our problematic stuff, I’m very happy to hear that!! <3 Thank you for supporting us.

Anonymous asked:

I've also been thinking about how Malleus threw off the dom/sub radar, and I think it's funny if he throws off everyone else's radar too and even himself guesses whether others are doms/subs wrong like 90% of the time LOL that's how we got rollo & mal flirting with each other, both convinced the other is going to rail them later that night, only to be met with disappointment😔 it's okay boys, there are plenty of gargoyles in the sea....

Anon THIS! I COMPLETELY AGREE lol Especially with Rollo and Malleus; I don’t know if Rollo expected anything from Malleus (he was being a tsundere, that’s for sure), but Malleus clearly read the room in… his own way…

We like to joke that this happens because Malleus learned the art of flirting from Lilia.

Now I can’t stop imagining Malleus’ confused blinks when he learns about the dom/sub positioning of some of the couples.

Anonymous asked:

Do you think Epel would like Heathers?

I don't know, Anon, I think Epel wouldn't really get Heathers 😭 But he'll appreciate the fact that it's less "girly" and more intense.

Anonymous asked:

"azul is only hot when he's angry" anon here. i changed my mind. i saw the light. im a redeemed soul.

Ah Anon! It’s good to hear back from you and see that you are no longer a hater of Azul’s natural immeasurable sex appeal. I’m sure Azul would be very pleased to hear that (and sexy) <3

(But in all seriousness I do wonder what made you change your mind…)

Anonymous asked:

I don't know if he's ever expressed a desire to become one in canon, but occasionally I cone across fics and fanart that portray Riddle as a Prosecutor. Every time I end up imagining him as an Ace Attorney rival and then end up laughing because I picture Phoenix thinking 'I thought I was done with the Von Karmas.'

Anon, he fits the role of an Ace Attorney Prosecutor PERFECTLY, and he would be SUCH AN ANNOYING BITCH TO PLAY AGAISNT LOL We love Ace Attorney very much, so we also joke about Riddle being a prosecutor from time to time. I have at least one sketch related to this topic but we posted it on ko-fi.

Our go-to is usually to give Ace the Attorney role, not only because of his name, but also because him being confrontational with Riddle is always a fun thing to imagine.

Imagine Riddle’s angry sprites as a prosecutor… he’s even worse than some of the Von Karmas… at least he doesn’t use a whip I guess lol

Anonymous asked:

i saw this sebejami doujin on pixiv and Sebek is my favorite boy along with Ortho so, what do you think about their dynamic?

They’re intriguing! It’s always interesting when someone who isn’t Malleus gets Sebek’s kind-of-sort-of-approval (a very important achievement I know), and Jamil somehow managed to do it. Maybe it’s because he managed to sit through Sebek’s hours-long rant about Malleus’ grateness in that one vignette, but it honestly shows just how interestingly their personalities play based off each other. Jamil is constantly done with everyone’s bs, but he’s unfrotunately tolerant enough to take a passive role and listen. But he is also enough of a tease to enjoy Sebek’s “cute” and silly moments, like when he watched him almost fight a goat during the Glorious Masquerade event. So I feel like to him Sebek would be a massive pain in the ass (and let’s be honest, with Jamil – who isn’t?), but also have his surprisingly endearing moments.

But this is based on their interactions in the Glorious Masquerade event + that one vignette in which Jamil promised to listen to Sebek’s odes for Malleus lol

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Do you have any headcanons of if it's revealed Lilia and Malleus are married or at least SHOULD be? Cause, again, the idea of Silver never questioning kisses and what not until NRC when they said I Love Yous and kissed in public and someone pointed it out is so funny to be

The thought has never occurred to me because to be honest, just like Silver, I never question anything that Lilia does lol

But I can picture some people from the NRC being confused about Lilia and Malleus’ relationship, because they’re definitely closer than just being friends… so while I’m not sure if they would think about them as a married couple(or who should get married), some people definitely think they’re banging lol

And Silver is very chill about it… if only these people knew the whole truth about Lilia’s relationship with both Silver and Malleus… marriage is the last thing that would come to their mind lol

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Hot take: Deuce gives Jack boob-jobs aka when you put a boner between the pectorals aka breasts/boobs and either the person receiving would move against the chest or the one who's chest is being used would squeezed their chest together and bounce. Thank my cousin for this random headcanon, never needed to know this was a thing but here we are

This 100% should be a thing, and Deuce 100% should do that, because Jack deserves it!!

This also 100% wouldn’t be Jack’s idea, so… I’m looking at Deuce knowing that he has seen this before. What are you reading/watching in your free time, Deuce?

[yoinkschief]

What’s your general HCs for the fellas ? (Identity, race, sexuality etc)

Whooaagh, that's gonna be a long list, I have a ton of like small headcanons for them that mean like absolutely nothing, but I'll try to keep it to a simple list

Just quickly though:

I HC them all to be generally around 27/28 and in their late 30's/early 40's during WTFuture/in the future,, there was no real way to put that in a good list with them lol

And they're all best friends - just cause they're a group of people doesn't mean they only get to have one bestie yk, they're all super close

Also Ellsworld is canon alongside Eddsworld, they co-exist with each other

Tom - Mixed Race (Black/Irish from his mom, White/American-Hawaiian from his father - Trans Masc-Nonbinary (AMAB) He/They/(sometimes)It (It/Its depends on who it is) - Bisexual (massive masculine lean) (worst taste in men EVER) - Styles his hair to look like his fathers (otherwise his hair is usually textured around the 3's,,, like 3A/3B) - Very pear shaped like his father, and hairy too lol, the alcohol certainly doesn't help with that - Wears reading glasses (later this turns into him genuinely needing a prescription,, another thing he gets from his father - he looks very similar to his mother in terms of facial features and skin tone, but has a lot of his father's aspects) - Fear of eye contact (has gotten a lot better about it now that he's an adult, but still struggles with it with people he does not like/does not know) - Autistic - 5'5" (the shortest of the ensemble) - Works at a diner while part-timing music independently - "Monster" form is man made and extremely painful to turn into (there is no way he could control it,,, in some iterations of my headcanons like in different stories there are ways that he can have like a pact with it,,, like in my Mattsworld AU (WHICH I NEED TO POST ABOUT AUGH) he's "controlled" it a bit by making a deal with it,,, of what I haven't quite figured out yet oof) - Has quite a few tattoos on him,,, (Polynesian shark teeth on his left upper arm, cyan colored harpoon tattoos on his left side, a pinup mermaid girl on his right side, and the Nordic rune for "Wolf" on his right outer thigh) - Also he inherited his anger issues from his father as well, forgot to add that earlier with the list of things he's inherited from his old man lol - Momma's boy (/affectionately, not like he can't do anything without his mom, moreso like he really loves her a lot and obviously they're very close since they both lost Tom's father that day so for a while they were all the other had to remember him by) - Tamara is his cousin from his mother's side of the family - His first friend was Edd - His mother died when he was in highschool - father when he was in elementary, it really hit him hard (it was just before his senior year and had he not done so well the years prior he would've failed HS because of it) - Diesss ???? It's like the whole "OMG they killed Kenny" bit more than anything - like if I had to describe it, he has the Loony Toons death curse, where he dies on screen but in the next panel he's fine cause no one can actually die on a kid's show, yk ? - Tons of piercings,, mostly on his face but also in other places on his body too, though it's more like two other places other than his face area - Loves Ska music obviously, but also punk and rock, thinks artists like Destroy Boys, GRLWood,

Edd - British,,, and probably has some Italian in him somewhere, y'know like family rumors/talk of like "well I'm 1/4 Italian" or "your some odd greats grandma was Italian" that kinda thing,,, not quite sure, not curious enough to care to get some DNA test kit - Homophobic (/j) Gay, man kisser, masculine hug enjoyer, he holds hands with other boysss - On the AroAce spectrum, not really a hard no on either, just more of something he doesn't think about on a day to day basis nor really care about unless the thought is put in his head - Moles scattered across his body (not many, just one or two here and there - and none that are particularly bad or harmful) - Wears reading glasses (more specifically blue light glasses cause he's looking at a screen all day every day) - The only one of the gang that doesn't have any genuine mental disorder,,, he's got his problems sure but he's neurotypical through and through - His problems being main character and plot armor - More seriously though he has a raging hero/savior complex that gets him into a lot of trouble at times - 6' even, second tallest of the group - Very apple shaped,,, when I draw him I think very round thoughts if that makes sense - Had a major emo phase in highschool,,, he kinda snapped out of it during Senior year, or rather the summer leading up to it, but man it was wretched LOL - A child of divorce (they still made it work for him - it wasn't like they fought or it was a domestic abuse thing, they just fell out of love with each other and couldn't stand being in the same house anymore, but they love Edd so they made it work for him the best they could) - Works as an animator - professionally and freelancing ! Hard fucking order but he LOVES they process of creating art, seeing the end result is so gratifying to him and being able to see all the love and attention he put into it - Has a Youtube channel where sometimes he reviews animated movies/shows/shorts - he doesn't update it a lot, it's like a "if I feel like it" cause he only does Youtube as a hobby and as a place to hold his animation portfolio - His first friend was Matt, they've been friends since like diapers - REALLY really good friends with Tord - doesn't really know why but they are like bound by the hip - He's only got ear gauges - he doesn't try and stretch them a ton like Tom does, he's fine with just normal sized gauges that don't stretch his lobes all that much - Has a VERY BROAD music taste, anything from Lemon Demon to Oingo Boingo, to PinkPantheress, to Joey Valence & Brae, to Weird Al,,, anything under the rainbow of music genres he's probably heard one song from each - PowerEdd is canon still !! Not the superhero, but the powers he and Eduardo now suffer with lol,, but they're not really potent, his body chemistry is just kinda fucky now cause of it,,, bro glows in blacklight and sometimes just in general

Matt - British/French,,, basically he's incredibly white - Pansexual (he used to also be GenderFluid in my headcanons,,, but in the past year or so I've decided against it - he's more of just a guy who likes makeup and to wear dresses more than anything else) - Ginger with freckles, they cover his body in splotches mostly, but he's got a few individual ones here and there on his body as well (they've clustered around his face, hands, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees and like two separate patches on his back) - His hairstyle has changed so much with me over the years and it's my own damn fault lol, I don't draw him enough but that most comes with the "I don't wanna draw him wrong" thing but if I don't ever draw him how will I draw him right ?? It's a cycle is what it is - The only one with prescription glasses since middle school - he just wears contacts instead, he HATES how he looks in glasses - his parents had him get LASIK surgery to correct his vision,,, since then - His personal account where no one (except like the gang) knows it's him is very unhinged, he says some devious shit on there (it's a public Twitter account) - Also Autistic, but in a DRASTICALLY different way than Tom is, they're like opposite sides of the spectrum (Tom doesn't mask often, Matt masks like all day every day, Tom can't make eye contact, Matt makes intense eye contact, that kinda thing yk,,, even despite the fact they both have texture issues they have very different issues with textures - also Tom was very early diagnosed and Matt only got diagnosed after Tom kept pestering him to do so) - He's some kind of narcissist, just haven't been able to really pin point it down yet,, I need to do some more research on it - this could change in the future because of that so this is like a maybe canon - His father left him when he was very young like maybe 5-8 range, and his mother married his step father WAY too soon after, him and Matilda is his step sister (He HATED her at first, she tried to be very kind to him cause they're the same age and everything, and this is the first time she's had a sibling, but every time Matt looked at her all he could see was his father leaving him,,, it took until after college for them to actually grow closer as siblings and friends) -6'1" just an inch above Edd - Edd was his first friend - they've been through thick and thin together, they comforted each other when both their parents divorced, so obviously they've got a bit of a trauma bond through that, and are really the only ones who understand that kind of issue - at least in their eyes - Twink. Through and through. Despite being partially French he's got very back luck with growing hair on his body, and when he does it's thin and very lightly colored - Works as a model and "social media influencer",,, basically he's a walking propaganda poster - Has earrings, mostly wears a lot of gold - Doesn't like listening to music often,,, this hurts me to write as someone who can't NOT listen to music, but he just doesn't have a music taste,, I've mentioned before how he listens to some female rappers and other song artists like Mitski and Girl in Red, but that's only because he's listened to them on like the radio or had someone else recommend them to him, he doesn't actively listen/search for music - Still a vampire,,, er, really just half vampire ?? I'd like to think they lads did a séance of some sort on him and for the most part it worked but like Edd his chemistry is still a little fucked cause of it, y'know ? Like he's still got pointed ears and teeth, can't really do much about that, and a BIG craving for red meat and the like, but he can survive without a constant need for blood, and his skin was already sensitive to the sun anyway so there's nothing really new there

Tord - Just a Norwegian fool - Trans Masculine (AFAB) He/Him - Bisexual (with a MASSIVE fem lean,,, he IS the bad taste in men) - His hair ? Yeah that's natural - he's got some WICKED cowlicks,,, when he was younger his mom would try to brush them back to make him look more normal, but even when his hair was longer it didn't really do much for him - ADHD haver, VERY late diagnosis and still doesn't really believe it, but that's a whole lot to do with misinformation of negative dumb jargon shoved down his throat - Narcissistic Personality TRAITS, not the disorder, but TRAITS of the disorder (as in he doesn't actively have the mind set and intentions of people with NPD, but he does have the mannerisms and habits of one,, but that's because of how he was raised by two Narcissists - it's a damn miracle he doesn't have the disorder, but either way he's gotta go to therapy about it,,, and he will,,,,,, eventually,,,,,,,,, after you drag him there by his hair but I mean he'll be there) - Tattoos on him as well (Left shoulder to a half sleeve of a snake, tramp stamp of Ouroboros, and between his shoulder blades beneath the back of his neck is Jason Voorhees' mask) - Can not regulate or understand his emotions,,, the only way he really knows how to deal with intense emotions of any kind is through very physical and aggressive means,, it's why him and Tom get into so many spats, but mostly cause Tom doesn't put up with his bullshit as someone who is very good at reading and understanding his own and others' emotions - Bro's got a very broad chest,, he's like incredibly male passing, even before having gone on Testosterone - Redditor. Sorry I don't make the rules except I do and he's a Redditor. - Also has an Instagram account and it's all thirst traps,,, and I'm torn between how much interaction he'd get on them,,, like I wanna say he gets none because he's a damn loser weebcell dorklord, but I've also seen how EW fandom craves him and that makes me think that this would be no different, ykwim ?,, sigh,, realistically speaking he would get a lot of interaction with his posts and I hate that for him I hope something bad happens to him - Technically Tom was his first friend (??) in the sense that Tom was the first person he met in highschool and was the one he talked to the most during then,, at least when Tom's life was stable, it gets kinda iffy after Tom's mom died and that's where the first part of their rift really started - But him and Edd and SUPER close, despite Tom being his first friend, Edd and him just click REALLY well - Has a similar death thing like Tom, except his is more of like the anime death curse - if he dies off screen, no the fuck he did not, he is coming back as the villain - LOVES Twenty One Pilots, favorite band of all time, usually he's not a die hard for a lot of things, but TOP is one of them, he also likes poprock/poppunk, things like that, think like Imagine Dragons and Mindless Self Indulgence (YES THEY'RE TERRIBLE I KNOW, LOOK AT WHO'S LISTENING TO THEM AND GET BACK TO ME ABOUT IT) but he also listens to hyperpop like S3RL and Machine Girl, but that's just cause of all the base it usually has - that's like background music for him to work to

That's pretty much all I can think of off the top of my head of just general thoughts for them,,, I'm sure I could think of more specific ones but then we'd be here all day

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

hi. im having a really bad day. (cw for mean parents, academics)

my mother’s really mad at me because i’m approaching 30 and still unmarried and still without a master’s degree, and today she basically confirmed im a failure 😖 she knows it’s largely because my mental illness was untreated until this year, not that it matters. 🤣

can i request a quick drabble/scenario for how levi would respond/react to a reader going through this? just a sentence is enough! i’m at wit’s end right now. (turning to fanfic about my comfort character for help. 😭)

feel free to ignore if it’s too much! i get it, just typing this was way too much emotionally for me too. LOL

hi nonnie! i'm so sorry, i got this last night and was too out of it to write this 😭 i hope things at least feel a bit better or less intense today

this is also something i've dealt with—my dad literally just revealed to me the other day that he thinks my life is still a shitshow jkalfsd

notes/cw: mentions of mean parent, academics, self-loathing, levi being sweet and blunt at the same time because it's levi, just sweetness :3 word count: 880

You tried to put on a smile for the sake of your boyfriend, but it felt next to impossible. After all, how could anyone smile after their parent openly called them to chastise them for things beyond their control? It didn't matter that you were struggling with your mental health, it didn't matter that the pieces just didn't line up for you to live that "traditional, prescribed path", all that mattered was that you didn't do it.

You told yourself you didn't care. You told yourself their opinion didn't matter—but part of it still did to you.

You hadn't eaten properly all day. All you've had was a mug of coffee and a piece of a potato chip that you've nibbled on throughout the day to test to see if you could eat. You couldn't. You tried your best to hide this, but you already knew that it was next to impossible to hide anything from Levi. The man was stupidly observant.

"What's going on?" Levi asked as he pulled up a chair next to you.

"Hmm?"

"You've been chewing on that damn potato chip all day and you haven't moved out of that chair in hours."

You glanced down at the chip and then up towards Levi, looking straight into his intense, gray eyes that had a worried look within them.

"Oh, have I?" you asked, genuinely unaware of how long you had been stuck in this position. Your phone was next face down next to you after you had flipped it upside down upon hanging up on a phone call from your mother, in which she had oh-so-kindly decided to provide you a report on her analysis of your life.

Levi glanced over towards your phone and then at your state. He sighed.

"It was your mom again, wasn't it?"

Your eyes slightly widened upon that question.

He knew. Levi always knew. No matter how much effort you put into hiding whatever it was that was bothering you, Levi always seemed to read straight into your soul.

You averted your gaze and nodded.

"Yeah...It was."

"What'd she say this time?"

It took you a while to respond.

"Just...the usual," you mumbled. "How disappointed she is that I haven't really finished school, or how I'm not even married yet, and that I'm-"

You took a shaky breath as you felt your emotions building. You felt like a lump was building in your throat and that your eyes were heating up. You gripped onto your leg in a desperate attempt to keep yourself together, especially in front of Levi.

"That you're what?" Levi asked gently.

"She basically confirmed that I'm a failure," you said, with your voice barely above a whisper as your felt tears building at the corners of your eyes. You opened your mouth to speak again, but Levi was faster.

"Do you seriously believe that?" he asked. The question was harsh, but his voice was gentle and instead of a frown, he only looked at you with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"What-"

"You heard me," he said, never taking his gaze off you as he grabbed your chin so that he was looking into your eyes.

"Do you really believe that?"

"I-I mean, she's right in that-"

"Right about what?" he asked again, challenging you.

"Well, I still don't have my Master's-"

"You had to withdraw because of your mental health condition," he said, before prompting you to go on.

"And I'm still not married-"

"And you really think that it's impossible to be happy or successful without it?"

You didn't respond. You knew he was right.

"Next?" he asked again, confident that he was going to succeed in invalidating everything your mother decided to throw at you.

You fell silent.

"I know you're trying to help, Levi," you whispered, "but I'm sorry if I can't find myself believing that I'm not a-"

You felt your lower lip quivering as the emotions began to boil over.

"-a f-failure," you said quietly, your voice breaking.

Levi wrapped his arms around you, pulling your head against his head.

"You're not a failure," he whispered. "You've been dealt unfair cards, and you've come so far despite it. It's her loss for not recognizing that."

You took comfort in listening to his heart beat as you buried your face into his chest.

"You're not a failure," he repeated. "If you want to finish school, you'll get there. If you don't, that's okay too. Just because you've struggled with your mental health doesn't mean you're deficient."

He pulled away so that he was looking into your eyes before gently flicking your forehead.

"So quit pitying yourself," he said, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips as he saw the pout that formed on your face. "You're capable of more than you know."

You rubbed at your forehead. Levi pulled you into a gentle kiss shortly after, with one hand gently placed on the side of your face. He lingered there for a few seconds, before resting his forehead on yours.

"Never doubt yourself, love," he whispered.

He gave you another quick kiss before standing up.

"Now, let me whip you up something to eat, so you get some food in you other than coffee and that damned potato chip."

[hananoami]

[ Directional Orbit ] Fire - Stage 110 Clear VOD

I cleared Rafayel's Directional Orbit: Fire - Stage 110 yesterday, 05/15, in the most unorthodox way possible; more details about that below. For now I want to give an overview of this stage for those who have yet to reach this far. Stage 110 requires two teams. The Protofield Stellactrum for Team 01 is 6-Pearl memories and for Team 02 its 6-Violet memories. By having a perfect match with the colors for the Protofield Stellactrum your < Resonance Skill > can break 2 Protocore Shield Layers in a single strike and increase DMG to weakened by 100%. For every matched Stellactrum you'll receive an attribute bonus that increase DMG Boost by 5.0% and DMG Reduction by 5.0% (up to 30%). I want to reiterate that there is no right or wrong way to play the game. You should use whatever you have available to you. My game play will differ from yours, but I still wanted to share my experiences and offer tips for the trials. With that said, please feel free to contact me if you ever need advice~ I'm super shy, but I'm always happy to help others. ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭♡

Oh boy... how long was I stuck on this stage? The earliest post referenced was recorded on 04/24 so it's been three weeks. Within that time a LOT of resources were invested into my Violet and Pearl builds. This includes leveling up memories, farming protocores, and leveling up said protocores. I wrote a lot of entries about those upgrades, but you can find them all under my #directional orbit fire tag. I have countless hours of game play footage, showcasing my attempts to figure out what worked for me and how could I improve. Even in my clear video you can see where I had to cut my failed attempts out as I was constantly restarting the second half. It's a satisfying feeling to see how far I was able to progress. Unfortunately I don't have an updated screenshot of the final team set up in the overview page. However, the only difference would be switching the solar pairs. Team 01 will use the Violet solars [Deep Sea Riches] and [Deep Sea Promise] and Team 02 will use the Pearl solars [Temple's Promise] and [Temple's Sunset]. No other changes were made; all of the lunar memories remained the same. Team 01

After switching things up a bit I went into the first half of the fight with Abysswalker Companion using Phantasma Sands. Previously I was able to auto battle this part without any issues. Having a perfect match meant my resonance skill was able to break 2 protocore shields in a single strike, making it easier for me to bring those wanderers to a weakened state faster. However because I opted to go off colors it took me a while longer where I had to manually play. At first I was struggling clear the fight. There were many attempts with me timing out and the wanderers had around 1 and a half or less HP left. I didn't feel like leveling up [Myths] any higher than lv 40 cause I wanted to save leveling resources for Zayne lol... This is when I decided to use more core energy resources to build up my protocores. I used up 20000 core energy exp to level up a pearl delta (CRIT rate) to +12 and another 20000 core energy exp to level up a pearl beta (Expedited Energy Boost) to +12. I don't remember how much gold I spent on the top of my head, but it was still a decent amount invested. Yanno, even with the core upgrade I still died a lot and failed right after LOL. I don't remember which one of the two wanderer types that puts a ticking debuff on you to take damage, but they stack and your HP will DROP without realizing it. Pretty sure it's a reflective damage from the one that has a shield around it. So every time I was attacking it I was also kms... 🫠 Thanks InFold. So yeah, I would try to be a bit mindful about what you're attacking. If they have a shield up that's doing that you can usually dispel it with interrupts/charged attack or bringing them into a weakened state with resonance skill. I love Abysswalker's kit because it groups them up so nicely before Sharky comes and bites them.

Team 02

The suggestion to use God of the Tides companion for he second half and keeping his lunars the same came up in a conversation I had with a friend after a talking about my meme of a run for open orbit - stage 120 (you can read more about that here). After being stuck on this half for over 3 weeks you'll try anything with hopes that it'll actually work. I had zero expectations on how it was gonna turn out but fortunately for me it did well after a handful of failed attempts! Prior to my clear run I tapped a violet delta core (CRIT rate) from +9 to +12 that had HP bonus as one of it's substat. God of the Tides is an HP talent memory so I wanted to make the most of it by having that extra bit of stats to make up for missing 10% attribute bonuses. I was already focused on increasing my CRIT for this build, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to commit to upgrading this specific protocore. Upgrades are expensive y'all. The stats before weren't as ideal imo which is why I was hesitant before taking the gamble to roll HP bonus %. I know my clear vod made it look easy but what really happened is that I somehow managed to crit harder during this run compared to all my failed attempts earlier (╥ᆺ╥；) CRIT rate is king, especially if you plan on ignoring the Protofield Stellactrum by going off colors to try and brute force things.

The following are my final team set up and their stat attributes--

ADDITIONAL SCREENSHOTS

Companion: Rafayel’s Abysswalker Weapon: Phantasma Sands ♡ Affinity Bonus: 92 When you take a fatal blow, Rafayel teleports to you, blocks a hit, and counter attacks. Enemies will be knocked back. [ HP 3600 || DEF 90 || ATK 180 ] Pair Bonus [AB] - Starting Effect: increases team DMG by 8%, and reduces team DMG taken by 8%, and increases Crit DMG of Deepsea Persuit by 30%.

5☆ Deep Sea Riches (violet/solar) Lv 80/awakened rank 2 using +9 SSR protocores

5☆ Deep Sea Promise (violet/solar) Lv 80/awakened using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆Tipsy Invitation (pearl/lunar) Lv 60 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆ Fireworks Vow (pearl/lunar)

Lv 60 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆ Before Sunrise (pearl/lunar)

Lv 60 rank 1 using +9 SSR protocores

4☆ Myths (pearl/lunar) Lv 40 rank 3 using +9 SSR protocores

Companion: Rafayel’s God of the Tides Weapon: Tidal Embrace ♡ Affinity Bonus: 92 When you take a fatal blow, Rafayel teleports to you, blocks a hit, and counter attacks. Enemies will be knocked back. [ HP 3600 || DEF 90 || ATK 180 ] Pair Bonus [TP] - Starting Effect: increases team DMG by 8%, reduces team DMG taken by 8%, and increases Crit DMG by 10% when fighting along side Sea Spirits. - Duo Rank 1: boosts Ardent Oath charge by 20%. The starting level of Sea Spirits rises to Lv. 2, and Sea Spirits will last for 5 more seconds. - Duo Rank 2: increases Energy Charge cap by 1. During Heavenly Rain, recovery rate of energy charge is increased by 30%.

5☆ Temple’s Promise (pearl/solar) Lv 80/awakened rank 2 using +9 SSR protocores

5☆ Temple’s Sunset (pearl/solar) Lv 80/awakened rank 2 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆ Your Fragrance (violet/lunar) Lv 80 rank 1 using +9 and +12 SSR protocores

5☆ Whispers (violet/lunar) Lv 80 rank 1 using +12 SSR protocores

4☆Ivory Nightfall (violet/lunar) Lv70 rank 3 using +12 SSR protocores

4☆ Hidden Shadow (violet/lunar) Lv 70 rank 3 using +9 SSR protocores

[trashlie]

ILY FP 237

Wanna know something that feels insane? I went to go reread 151 for yknow, reasons, lmao and I noticed it came out September 30, 2021.

/2021/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE THAT EPISODE DROPPED?! NO WONDER WE CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!! NO WONDER WE'RE ALL AS FERAL AS SHINAE AND CLIMBING WALLS AND CHEWING THROUGH OUR KEYBOARDS. I can't get my head around this lmao TWO WHOLE YEARS?! What the HECK?! This has been WILD!!!!!!!

Anyway, I kind of wish you guys could have seen me immediately after reading this episode because I swear it felt like I went through the five stages of like, grief or something, for reasons I'll get to lmao like, my friends and i live blog at each other as we read and it was just a wall of screaming cat emotes sent over and over and DREAD and STRESS and some kind of dramatic chaos and calamity before we got it out of our systems and were like "okay i can be normal* about this now

*as normal as possible all things considered lmao

Anyway. AN EPISODE AIN'T IT? Let's go

I had fantasized a lot about how I waned Dieter and Nol's conversation to go, and as always, I was not entirely on the mark. That's why I'm not the one writing ILY XD But regardless, I love what we got, and we got things that I did NOT expect at all!

There's something about how it starts off with that sort of.... "we're pretending everything is normal and that you didn't totally oversee me making moves on the girl you like while i thought you were sleeping and you don't even know why I came back after blocking all of you let's definitely make visitation plans" that is so funny to me, even though that's absolutely how I expected it to go. Dieter is the master of playing it cool, much to his own detriment, but it works in this case, because Nol is so very like a feral cat, isn't he?

I'm actually really glad that we touched on the topic of visitation because I was SO CERTAIN Nol wouldn't want them to visit him, wouldn't want to be seen like that, wouldn't want to be reminded of their lives going on while he's stuck behind bars for a crime he didn't commit. And Dieter is not that subtle with the way he goes down the list of the potential visitors Nol can have - not that there's, yknow.... many..... lol but we all know what he's getting at, carefully hedging the important matters at hand. "It would make you happy if she visited you, too... right?"

Something so funny about my agitation at the end of this episode was that I so badly wanted to comment on how Nol's reaction to Dieter winning the game reminded me SO MUCH of the expressions Shinae makes lol I don't know if that's just a result of quimchee's artstyle or just one of those many things they have in common, but it makes me laugh a lot.

Dieter possesses a rather straight forward nature that I'm so envious of. I'm the kind of person who struggles to bring up things that I need to talk to friends about, too burned by past experiences that didn't go well that I still get worried that addressing important topics with my friends will go south even though I know better, so I beat around the bush, I hem and haw. But Dieter is SO direct with Nol, even as Nol tries to deflect, even as he attempts to bush it off. It's so admirable! Especially while Nol is being.... well. Nol lmao

I CANNOT believe that he really went nine-year-old on the playground being accused of liking a girl like. He LITERALLY went BLEH why would I even HURL alkfjkafjafjkafkjafjk MY GUY?! ALKFKAFJAKFKAJFKJ?1 He is akjffakfj a MENACE truly related to Nana!!!!!!!!!

I think this must be the most open and honest Nol has ever been with Dieter. When you think about it, Dieter really is the one friend who has been the most "on the outside" of Nol's life, he has only known Yeonggi, and it wasn't for malicious reasons. That's all the stuff Nol dislikes about his life, that he tries to neatly compartmentalize. Up until recently, he was able to do so. Kousuke was off his back, he was more or less free. Everything changed when Rand went out of country and Kousuke had Nol helping out at the office. Dieter had no reason to really know much more about Kousuke and Nol's relationship because Soushi joining their group meant Kousuke wasn't around as often, and we saw that they both were able to thrive (as well as possible) outside of the way of each other.

So for Nol to open up enough to tell him that he doesn't really make friends, despite how it looks. That most people don't really seem to like him, that he doesn't like his peers or his family, that they are really the only people he has let into his life is big. There's so much Dieter still doesn't know about him, but baby steps. You can't just dump all of that, even if he was ready to.

And in him saying this, to some degree I understand. After all, all this while Nol wasn't even aware of those feelings, of what she meant. I think there were moments - like at the formal when he made her laugh - but it wasn't anything like when he had his head rest upon her shoulder, feeling at peace despite his injuries, feeling calm despite the location, feeling like he could fall asleep and learned that it had nothing to do with medication that made him realize it. So on the one hand I DO get his logic, because what if he IS misplacing this feeling, what if he IS wrong, what if he's making something out of nothing?

But I'm sure on another level he knows better, because he knows what Dieter saw, because he was acting on what he felt.

I think Nol has never had feelings for anyone, because he has nothing to compare this to. He said he "tried to make it work" with Alyssa, but there's a sense that he was never actually into her, that there weren't actually any feelings there and they never grew as time went on. And now that he feels these unfamiliar things for Shinae, how is he to know?

What's really funny is that this is the same tactic as Shinae, but in reverse. When she told him we're all friends and he adamantly told her no, because he knows better, because it wasn't platonic, because their kind of friend is so different from how she's friends with Dieter. And even though he's the one who knows his feeling and suspects hers, he still tries the same logic she used: that anyone else could be in her position and maybe he'd still feel the same, that maybe it's just because he's so starved for kindness that he's responding to that.

Again, we know better, but it's so funny to me that she literally tried to use the logic that all friendships are different but also she could put anyone else in his place and it would be the same.

Please. I need them to stop kidding themselves lmaoooooo

For Nol's sake, though, he needs it to be a thing that will pass, because in his mind not only does he endanger Shinae by caring about her, but he also betrays his friend, only further hurts him, and given that Nol's whole deal is that he tries to rebalance the bad he brings into the world by making up for it with good, he's really doing a terrible job.

Unfortunately for Nol, feelings don't work like that and logic can't control them. He can tell himself it might be a thing that can pass, that it might be something that he'd get over, but that doesn't change Shinae's feelings, and the fact that she clearly likes him, not Dieter. It would be so much easier for Nol if Dieter actually treated it like a betrayal, if he was mad at him, if he felt like Nol had wronged him. He wants him to be angry, because he can at least use Dieter's anger and pain as a reason to step back, because god knows Nol himself does not have the will power to do it on his own. If he can say "Acting on my feelings is hurting my friendship with Dieter" he could have a concrete reason to ignore them, because it's not worth losing his friendship.

But that's not who Dieter is. He isn't giving him that kind of excuse.

We can see, too, just how important those friendships are to Nol, that hurting Dieter would be reason enough to drop his feelings! Because these are the only friends he has. The only people who have made him feel like he has value. Made him feel not like nothing but something. A somebody. Special. That's not something worth throwing away, which is ironically what gets him into this problem. These people made him feel special, and he came to care about them as they care about him, and in his mind this has endangered them all, and it's more than enough reason to hold them at arms' length, to smother his feelings and hope they'll die out like cold embers, hope that if he doesn't fans the flames or add new wood, it will go cold.

I really feel for Dieter having this conversation because honestly, it can't be easy. Even though he's holding himself together, we know that it still hurts. His expression with his eyes closed when he mentions how he's seen the way Shinae cries for him... agonizing! He's seen it multiple times now! He's always the one who picks up her pieces and gives her comfort, even though it hurts him to do, even though he knows why she's crying. It wasn't just what he saw that morning when they thought he was asleep - he's been watching this all along, from the beginning, always consciously comparing himself to the people in her life and how she interacts with them. Even as a friend, he doesn't have what she has with Minhyuk or Nol. Dieter knew all along what he was getting into, knew all along the way they interact, the way they gravitate towards each other, and he couldn't help but hope he might have that, too. That with enough time they could be like that. All this morning did was show him that he was never going to have that with her, that he never really stood a chance. ;~; But he tried! It's more than Nol can say right now....

Nol's agitation is such a BIG deal! Again, Dieter has never really known Nol. Yeonggi wasn't like this! Yeonggi didn't have this energy, that feral cat energy, that edge! His shock in response to how Nol responds shows that much - because to him this isn't a big deal, if he likes her then he likes her and he just wanted Nol to know that he won't hold it against him. But there is just so much Dieter doesn't know! He can't understand at this point why Nol is so emotional about it, why he seems so agitated and upset, why he's insisting it will never happen. Seeing those emotions on his face!!! The way Dieter goes from startled to defensive to concerned.

"If you don't like seeing her hurt, it's in your best interest to keep her away from me."

That sounds so threatening! He's the only one who is hurting Shinae, what Nol is saying can't possibly make any sense to Dieter.

He doesn't know about the formal.

He doesn't know about Shinae getting tricked by Yui, how she was coerced to attend that harrowing formal in order to protect someone who it turned out didn't need protecting.

He doesn't know about the fall from the pool and how she hit her head and was in the hospital when she should have been at home getting a good night's sleep the night before her college entrance exams.

He doesn't know about the contract she's locked into.

About the roofies, about Sangchul.

About how Shinae could have been assaulted, or how she could have died.

This is the most honest Nol has probably ever been with Dieter, with anyone but Shinae at this point, frankly, and unfortunately Dieter doesn't know anything, can't understand, but what he can see is that Nol means it. The fear on his face! He looks so childlike in how distressed and afraid he is!

When we really think about it, in Nol's eyes, it is about him. That he is a blight, a mistake who was never supposed to exist. That what happened to his mom was because of him, because he exists. Because he didn't treat her well. What happened to Shinae is because he took interest in her, because she meant something to him, and that wasn't acceptable. He believes harm comes to those he cares about, but in his view that's the extent of it. It's not that Yui is a monster, it's that she's a monster to him.

He doesn't have our objective knowledge. He doesn't know that Kousuke has been drugged and manipulated his whole life, that she drove that wedge between him and his father. He doesn't know that Yui invited Shinae to Kousuke's apartment and treated her inappropriately, tried to undress her, put her in Kousuke's clothes. Does he even really understand how Shinae wound up at the formal? That it wasn't about him at all - that Shinae was convinced Kousuke did something wrong by giving her a job she didn't deserve, that she had to attend the formal to "protect his job".

So to him, it's just because it's him. Because he cares. Because he is a mistake and doesn't deserve any of this, and that they are punished for him not knowing his place. His worries extend to Dieter and Soushi as well, because they are also people he cares about, and maybe the universe will harm them, too, to remind him of his place.

He doesn't know what he has to protect them from, just that he must.

One of these days, we are going to get flashbacks of what happened when Nol was taken away to Hirahara Memorial, and I'm not ready. The way he looks so small and childlike sitting there in his bed with all of his fear and distress, all of these feelings so knotted up inside. What did they do to him when he was in there? What did they say to him, that made him so deeply internalize this belief? Almost two years of being broken down, being convinced that the things that happen to those you care about are the direct result of you caring of your existence. And that's the most frustrating part about it - it's so deeply ingrained, so intricately woven into his psyche that he can't just change his way of thinking. It's going to be so difficult to undo that thinking!

Not that this is really new to us but, just getting to really mull over this is so heartbreaking. Nol is so terrified of losing her, that he's willing to lose her to protect her. He'd rather not have her at all if it will keep her safe, if it will protect her from harm, even though it's so clear that he wants the opposite. He cares so much and it makes him so very afraid. How does he live like that?! That constant battle of wanting vs what he fears, how he let them into his life and broke his rules and in his mind this has put them in danger.

"If you don't like seeing her hurt, it's in your best interest to keep her away from me!"

He really would rather be the one that hurts her to protect her than to take any chances and it just makes me feel SO EMOTIONAL. ;A; OKAY. Because what can you even do to help him? He is so..... I don't like it when people say the word broken, because it often feels low-key like they mean someone is too traumatized to ever be "repaired" but when I say Nol is so broken, I mean that he has been put in situations that have damaged his self-view, that have damaged his psyche, that have altered the way he thinks and feels to such a degree that he is sitting here willing to hurt people in order to protect them, because he lives in this constant fear of unknown that he cannot predict. They took this vulnerable kid and put him through absolute HELL, they broke him and then they refused to put the pieces back together.

I hope that Dieter will talk to someone about it. Is it something he can talk about with Shinae? Can he pull together any clues? He's our most observant character, but does he know enough to start to grasp this very real fear that has gripped Nol? He was there at the arcade when Kousuke and Yui came to pick up Nol, when he reacted strangely to her being there, when he slapped away Kousuke's hand. Is that something that he'd remember, think is worth pursuing? And even if so, what can come of it? He looks genuinely worried and concerned, though, and I hope that something will be able to come of it, because I think even if he can't understand what Nol fears, he at least knows that to him it's very real.

Soushi's timing with the jello just.... KILLED me. KILLED ME what a time to interrupt ;______; How do you get back to that conversation?! And especially with Kousuke there now, it's effectively over. It just!!! LKFAFKJAJFKAKJFAJKFKJAF KLJAFKJAF AKJFKAJFKAFJKAF IT KILLS ME OKAY AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGH

And while I know very well that Kousuke is there with good intentions, that he looks so haunted standing in the hallway waiting for Nol, I can't help but feel a heavy curtain of foreboding coming down, because Kousuke comes in like an omen. Because things go bad when he shows up, even when he's not the one trying to stir things up. And frankly, I don't look forward to this, because I know whatever is going to go down is going to hurt! There's something so..... I guess bitter about Kousuke's very too little too late moment, how he has struggled all these years with how badly he wants Rand's love, how much he fears not being good enough, how terrified he was that Nol could have it and replace him, the guilt for destroying a young child who was never a real threat to him (even though Yui absolutely made him out as a real threat in Kousuke's mind). It's like... knowing that Kousuke is starting to unlock this, is starting to see the insidious underbelly, while knowing it's too late. Nol has wiped his hands of him. He literally nearly died as a result of what happened the night before and even if Kousuke is coming to reach out to him, or to confirm something, Nol has no reason to entertain him, to hep him.

I feel like we are very much seeing that table turn, the role reversal. We're going to watch Kousuke fall apart, trying his best to hold himself together, with no one to turn to, no one he can actually trust, his paranoia eating him alive. It's not that I think anything heavy is going to go down as much as.... maybe we're going to watch Kousuke reach out to him, whether for help or to acknowledge something - that Nol, too, was drugged, that this must be why he hates tea so much, that so many times he ignored Nol's pleas for help - and Nol is probably going to reiterate how very done with him he is, that he wants nothing to do with him or this family any more, that he is done with them and what they've done to him. And just. AUGH ALKJAFKJJKFJKAF IT KILLS ME I'M SO EMOTIONAL I'M SO DISTRESSED BECAUSE WE KNOW WHY KOUSUKE WAS LIKE THAT WE KNOW HOW HE WAS MANIPULATED, HOW THE DRUGGING WAS USED TO ALTER HIS MEMORIES AND HOW HE RECALLED EVENTS HOW HE BELIEVES IN THIS FICTITIOUS VERSION OF NOL WHO WAS FORMED BY YUI'S WORDS AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE NOL IS SO WELL WITHIN HIS RIGHT AND I JUST. TRAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIC SIIIIIIIIIBLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIINNNNGSSSSSSSSS ;A;

And things just always go south when Kousuke comes around. He puts Nol in a worse mood, he starts to act out more. We literally watched this kid jump off a fucking balcony into a pool below and revisit the last time he was at the bottom of a pool, contemplating never returning to the surface! THINGS NEVER GO WELL WHEN KOUSUKE IS INVOLVED AND I'M NERVOUS AND SCARED AND I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ;A;

At this point, I feel like everything really is up to Shinae at this point, because Nol is back to trying to rebuild his walls and put them up as high as he can, so ready to try to ignore these feelings, to play them off, to tell her that it probably means nothing, that he must just be acting this way because she's been nice when no one else has and if it was anyone else he'd probably feel the same way and GOD I am ready for her to go off on him. He all but told her to leave and come back when you know why you're fighting so hard for me, but I don't think he's actually PREPARED for her going back knowing her feelings, knowing what she wants.

Until now, there's always been a disadvantage between Shinae and Nol in their relationship, where he is always the one with the leg up, the one who knows more, the one who is making moves, the one who is in control of things. But I think we're going to see that change, based on her very feral way of fighting her feelings, how she was about to try to break down his door in order to continue their conversation, how agitated she is by the thought of him throwing her away.

It really does come down to her pure determination, and I'm fully expecting her to go in there and get into an argument with him lmao and frankly, I welcome it. I think that's the only way they're going to get anywhere. There's so many things they need to talk about, they need a heart to heart DESPERATELY but I don't think we're going to lead with it. I go back and forth on how I expect her to go, because she was SO READY to go back in and demand her things back "if I can't have you" (SCREAMING STILL) but now that she knows her feelings... will she? I hope she will, still. Because now it's almost worse, right? That he's taken all these things from her AND he still has a girlfriend AND he now has her heart? HOW IS THAT FAIR, GIVE IT BACK, GIVE BACK EVERYTHING!

I want them to argue because I think they're both a little more honest when they aren't thinking about what they're saying, when they let the hotheaded energy take over and words come out. Nol is probably going to play the "this probably doesn't even mean anything" game, the "this will probably pass and we'll both move on" game, the "maybe i'm just a selfish asshole friend and none of this means anything" game and Shinae is too hardheaded to let that slide.

I want her jealousy and insecurity to come out when Nol tries to shield himself with “I have a girlfriend” and I want her to remind him he said it was fake and he resents her. I want her to look him in the eye and ask if he can really throw it all away, if he wouldn’t have any regrets if he gave up and left her. I want him to fail to answer and instead tell her that maybe he can, who knows, maybe none of this is really real. And I want her to kiss him and prove to him how very real it is, how very much they both want it, and how very much they need each other.

And when she pulls away he can lean in, following her, pulling her back in, his brain off because god knows the moment her mouth touches his it's all over, he's melting, his resolve is crumbling and he's going all in, pulling her against him fingers in her hair mouth crashing back on hers so hungry so touch-starved so full of want.

They can talk about everything else once she's convinced him this isn't so fleeting. She can remind him what she already said, that she deserves a choice in this matter, that leaving doesn't change anything because she still works for the company she's still under contract and now there's more she can tell him - how Yui made her an offer that would essentially tether her to them, how Rand told her to take it that he says Yui will never let her go. That it was not about him that Yui is a witch, tell him about Kousuke's birthday, tell him about the way she got tricked, tell him about the things she tried to do to her.

I've already acknowledged that nothing can undo the years of damage that was done to Nol in the hospital and through years of abuse, but I think Shinae can, at the very least, make him see that she very much is just as trapped, that she's worse off if he leaves, that together they are so much stronger, that they don't have to endure this alone. He can tell her how scared he is and she can stroke his hair and reassure him the best she can that he's allowed to be scared in front of her that she feels scared, too, but maybe she's more afraid of losing someone who means so much to her, who is literally the reason she's gotten through everything she did. That maybe he thinks he's a monster but she's something else in him, that he is the sole reason she could endure that harrowing night.

I WANT THEM TO HAVE AN HONEST HEART TO HEART SO BADLY. I feel like we MUST be going that direction. There's been too much build up not to. As Lil Anon put it, ILY has never been quick to reward, and we must go through the ups and downs to get there. We've had this moment dangled in front of us for so long but we're not getting it easy. But we can see it in the narrative - the emphasis on their mutually realized feelings, that Nol was given that 3 day extension that leads so close to Christmas, the emphasis on her mouth, that these feelings happened before he went to jail. If there wasn't going to be a resolution, NONE of this would have needed to happen, especially not the 3 day extension. Quimchee is absolutely drawing this out - and not even in the "putting up pointless obstacles just to draw it out" kind of way but in the "you are going to be so satisfied when we get there" kind of way lol. It's just so easy to get spooked because that's what the writing is doing! That's tension, baby.

Hopeful optimism is always my downfall lmao but I just feel like we ARE going to have that resolution, that even if there's no relationship at this time, they will know where they stand, that she can convince him not to push her away, that they are too important to give each other up. Whatever he's afraid of, they can brave it together! I WANT IT AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S SO CLOSE OKAY AND I'MA FLKJAFLKJAF AFLKJAFLKJAFKLA FLKJAFLAKJFLKAFJLAFKAFKLAFJAFKJFKAA

We were given two small asides about Nol's phone and the Bible, and I wonder if we'll be seeing those play out the 22nd. The phone is obviously coming in Kousuke's visit next week, but I wonder: does it even work anymore after everything that happened? It was still working after the pool fall, which feels like a miracle, but after falling from the second floor, after getting slammed around in the snow, now covered in blood, will it still be able to turn back on?! lmao I'm not sure what to make yet of Alyssa's messages left hanging like that, especially after walking "into the light" with Gun. There's the fact that she's off to some schedule, so could there be a chance for those dating rumors to come up that she has to strike down? On the one hand, they feel like they could be left hanging, which kind of feels so symbolic of their whole relationship lmao but. IDK!!!! At the very least it probably needs a charge LMAO but idk idk this is the area I get murky because I think it can go so many ways. I don't think Nol has any intention of breaking up with her at this time, especially because he'll probably try to use it as a shield against Shinae, but.... I've always felt the break up would come from her due to dating rumors. Especially because of how bad his reputation is at this point (violence, roofies which makes it sound like he sexually assaults people) it would be EASY for Alyssa's agency to spin it and make it sound like indeed, she does not have a relationship with him and in fact he has frightened her or something. They were even in public at the Christmas party arguing even on the dance floor, before what happened later so. Idk SOMETHING will come of that, I'm sure.

But I'm also hoping referencing the Bible means that maybe he will find it when everyone else has left and he's bored - especially if his phone won't turn on - and take a look at the letters Shinae mentioned, since he only thought there was the one.

This is really important to me, because I need Nol so badly to see how he stands in the same place his father did. I want him to be able to better understand his parents - how his mom stayed clinging to a married man who she could not really be with, how she uprooted her child and herself to move closer to him. How she tried over and over to be there for him, to try to support him, and Rand didn't allow it. How unlike Rand, Nol has less to lose. He isn't married, he doesn't have a child, a family. He doesn't NEED to stay in a relationship that will only suffocate him, that will turn him into a hollow husk of a man like Rand did. I NEED him to realize that he is on a fast track of following in his father's footsteps, in becoming this empty meaningless man.

I want him to see how Rand's feelings for Nessa never went away. Even after she died, he still carried her around in that Bible. In her letters, in the photograph of Nol. He carried her around because he never got over her. And is Nol prepared to live that way?

This is also why I'm perfectly fine with Nol and Shinae kissing before he and Alyssa break up, because I think it would help him better understand his parents - how Rand had a duty to his marriage, but he fell in love with someone who actually meant something, and how she was the love of his life that he never got over. To understand how his mom could be with someone who was married. For him to understand that feelings are NOT logical, that you can't really control them. He never meant to develop feelings for the girl his friend likes - but it still happened.

Maybe if Nol can understand them, it will help him forgive them a little, give him a tiny bit of peace. And hopefully help him to make the right decision, to accept the love people give him, and to face his fears together with them.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[aprillikesthings]

oh god oh god

HEY GUESS WHAT I'm down to the last two episodes of She-Ra in my rewatch

On a related note, should you desire to read them all starting from s1ep1 for some godforsaken reason, here's the link. Please be amused at my claims that I would not do this for every episode and my repeated attempts to cut back on how much I copy/paste dialogue and/or explain the entire plot instead of just making jokes and commentary

If, somehow, you are New Here, I've been rewatching all of the 2018 She-Ra, ostensibly for fic-writing reasons as I had forgotten huge quantities of the plot. I have since become deeply obsessed, as one does.

I make a lot of adult jokes, random asides, references to other things, commentary, and a lot of cursing and crying. I love Catradora and I love Catra especially and have a tendency to add a screenshot every time they so much as look at each other. It seems silly to warn for spoilers at this point, but yeah, this is a RE-watch. It's just that I forgot a lot of it because I watched it the first time as it was coming out (pun intended). The shit I did remember is so fucking random tho lol

The last time I tried to do a two-parter in one post the number of times I had to reblog it because tumblr only allows 30 images per post got real stupid, so while I do still assume I will have to reblog multiple times per episode, I'm doing each episode separately.

HERE WE GOOOOO

s5 ep12 Heart (pt 1)

jfc i'm full of adrenaline lol

Also I have a beer, it's a citrus IPA because I live in Portland and it's required by law

(not really I just genuinely like them. that and IPA's that taste like gnawing on a douglas fir. also fruit sours.)

LOL I was so anxious I looked away from this post and consumed most of my beer this is gonna be hilarious

ALSO my goal is to finish these two episodes before the Easter Vigil service tomorrow night at 8pm

Theoretically I should be able to watch two episodes of TV in a day and a half, right? AHAHA

Bow should play Wonderwall

she always looks so soft with her hair down

but also having that thing just floating in front of your chest like that has gotta feel weird

ON A RELATED NOTE I know I made the joke in the last episode about how many people have the failsafe as a tattoo but the PROBLEM is that now I literally LIVE with a tattoo artist whose work I like--I already have two tattoos they've done, here and here, and the temptation is extremely high?? but I don't have any other obvious fandom-related tattoos (unless you count the title of a Björk song) so it feels weird to start with this one???? Like I don't have any LoTR or BBC Sherlock or SU or K/DA tattoos (to list off a bunch of fandoms I was devastatingly obsessed with at the time) so getting one for THIS fandom feels kinda weird. But like, also, if I got it kinda small on one wrist it would look kinda cool and be a nice loud DID U KNOW I'M GAY kinda thing. Gyahhh.

She's struggling to do She-Ra, and I'm sitting here YELLING because IT'S BECAUSE CATRA LEFT and UGH I want to murder Shadow Weaver

(eyyyy I won't have to, ha ha oh god)

Oh she manages to transform anyway. Without making any noise or glowing lights, just pop, She-Ra

awwww but also lol

related aside but like, every culture that figured out bows and arrows invented at least one kind of string instrument. Literally archers just fidgeting with their bows and going "oh this makes a nice sound, what if I put more strings on this thing." So many different places and cultures invented things like a guitar or like a harp or like a violin. But also I want to know who the FUCK figured out the hurdy-gurdy??? oh my god I just looked up the hurdy-gurdy and I'm cracking up because one of the earliest depictions of it is from the 1100's, in the Santiago de Compostela cathedral. A place I have been. Because I did the Camino last year.

oh right plot

I would like to take a moment and be grateful for the people who put together the transcripts on the fandom wiki for saving me typing up long bits of lore-heavy dialogue

She-Ra: "Prime is getting closer every day to figuring out how to access the Heart of Etheria. If he succeeds, he can use it to destroy worlds, galaxies, maybe even the entire universe. The Failsafe is our only chance at stopping him."

"His hold over them grows stronger every day they're chipped. If we don't free them now, we might lose them forever. Prime holds every advantage in this fight. He'll be ready for us. But we have a plan. Entrapta?" Entrapta: "I finally succeeded in cracking Prime's signal pattern. If I get access to his Spire network, I can use it to broadcast a jamming frequency that will disable all of the chips on Etheria, freeing everyone at once!" She-Ra: I need you all to get Entrapta to the Spire and keep Prime's forces distracted while she jams the signal."

"We're going to make sure that Prime can never hurt anyone ever again. We're ending this today. For good."

oh lord so Shadow Weaver is still there, sulking and looking away, and she looks over at her and starts almost losing She-Ra and being Adora again

have I mentioned how much I hate Shadow Weaver >:(

Adora goes outside...and looks around. I know who she's looking for. *sobs into a pillow*

NO. she's LOOKING for her GIRLFRIEND

I made that joke and then Glimmer literally says "Any sign of Catra?" I have to remember that at this point in the story literally everyone knows how in love they both are. Except them. Of course.

Adora: "She's not coming back." ;_;

Adora: I mean you don't have to come with me this could be dangerous Bow: the fuck are you talking about of course we're going

And she turns into She-Ra again, roll intro

Okay so they go to the Crystal Castle thing where Light Hope was

it doesn't look so good

but also that's creepy

anyway they tell the hologram (not Light Hope, the other one) that they're looking for the Heart of Etheria and that they're Friends of Mara. She-Ra gets scanned and then a door opens into a passageway. Bow and Glimmer take her hands and they walk into the hall but:

she's still looking for someone

I have to deal with another episode and change of her looking for Catra ghghggh this hurts meeeee

OH SO OF COURSE they literally switch to showing us Catra

bahaha okay so she sits up and looks behind her kind of sadly, and Melog just skids to a stop so hard they throw Catra off

And Melog looks at Catra like she's fucking nuts. Catra's like, wtf is wrong with you??? and Melog looks back like BITCH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? Catra what did you think was going to happen when you got a therapy animal that can literally read your moods. Melog knows you're being a dumbass and has NO reason to pretend to believe your surface "I don't give a shit" act!!

Melog does airplane ears at that. And then just pounces Catra.

Time for pressure! Just like a real therapy animal. Big weighted blanket!

oh shit I forgot about this bit

Catra just immediately starts crying.

Catra: "You saw what happened! Adora chose Shadow Weaver, okay? Not me!"

*sobs into hands* you useless fucking dumbass that is your abysmally low self-esteem talking literally every living semi-sentient thing in the galaxy knows Adora's in love with you EXCEPT YOU

I can get frustrated with AU fics where these two both pull this "but what if she doesn't like me back" thing for ages while everyone around them is face-palming in frustration, but like. You have to admit. It's accurate to canon.

(It's also accurate to lesbians in general, lbh. Either fucking on the first date or doing the "but what if she's not into me" thing for months-to-years. Sometimes both, including in some of the fics I've written, heyooooo.)

Melog purrs and licks her face. A clone approaches and they both go invisible and then follow it.

MEANWHILE

the rest of the rebellion is attacking Horde Prime's ship thing

Wrong Hordak helps Entrapta get into the spire. The whole point of this fight (which I didn't bother screenshotting lol) is to give Entrapta time to disconnect everyone's chips from Horde Prime.

Lol once inside Entrapta does another one of those "holy shit this stuff looks so cool...OMG FOCUS" things

Back at the Crystal Castle Glimmers like "omg are you scared" and She-Ra says "No, I just hope this works." Liar.

Bow: "It'll be okay. And when we get back, it'll be a whole new world."

this poor girl. she's so heartbroken.

(meanwhile the plot of my fic-in-progress is literally them breaking up. (not forever.) but it's hilarious of me to get SO UPSET over this scene when I'm going to force them to repeat it. like it's a mutual decision in my fic but it doesn't make it hurt any less.)

PFFT I unpaused it, and IMMEDIATELY:

I just said OH SHIT out loud lol

oh god I saw someone talking about this in a youtube video right around when I started my rewatch

It's a hologram, she's not actually there. And Catra goes through multiple other ages, including her kid self, being chipped on Horde Prime's ship, when they were Horde cadets, etc; before going back to looking like she does now.

Adora's sharp little gasp of shock here

Adora goes to touch Catra's hand and the hologram disappears

(good lord she's beautiful here)

And I think I agree with the youtube video: Adora knew she was upset about Catra running off, but this is the moment she specifically realizes she's in love, and it breaks her heart into tiny pieces.

(Hah, I actually say a very similar thing in part of my fic that they mention in the video--that previous to this, she refused to let herself want this or even think about it. "I didn't even realize this was something I could want.")

BUT ALSO so like is this a remnant of Light Hope's programming that tortured them with childhood flashbacks in season one (in order to drive them apart) or what

LOL NO

I know I made this joke before but I'm suing Nate for emotional damages

She-Ra: "We need to be careful. It looks like this place can still project memories."

oof

A still-invisible Catra follows the clone to where Horde Prime's ship is and is visibly terrified and shaking. A clone who might be Hordak turns around with that white in his eyes that means Prime is using him to see, and Catra just tries to be quiet and not move but she's obviously triggered, and I mean that in the literal PTSD sense.

Horde Prime (via Hordak?): "My brothers. The time has come at last. No longer shall She-Ra stand in my way."

oh okay so Horde Prime's actual ship is still in space (just orbiting Etheria I assume) and the planet-side thing is him speaking through one of the clones via the hive mind.

"Begin the acquisition process!"

are they just gonna straight-up drill into it?

apparently yes

the whole area lights up with that sickening green light, including all the lines that characters kept noticing on the ground that looked like some combo of circuit boards and First Ones' writing.

meanwhile, Adora keeps slipping out of being She-Ra for split seconds and is clearly stressing The Fuck Out and possibly walking in the wrong direction in her distress, only to walk into another memory/hologram.

And I've predictably hit the image limit, but 13:30 to go which is better than last night pfft okay gonna reblog

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Hey, I wanted to ask if you will be posting the Steddie upside-down AU on Ao3? I haven't read it since, like part 30 or something, and it's kind of daunting to go and catch up now 😬. Idk why, but long fics on Tumblr really discourage me for some reason (probably because I have to click and navigate the links to chapters and it isn't one big chunk like 'entire work' on Ao3 which is how I read all of my fics. Also I can't have a tab open with the fic and read it over a span of few days, which I do with long fics (I'm only on the app) ). Although, it's okay if you aren't planning on posting it there, no biggie, I probably brave it when the fic is finished. You do have a great navigation system in place so there's at least that (I've seen and read through worse) so it won't be the most annoying thing. I do love the AU, it's really great and right up my alley. I just missed a few updates, went off Tumblr for a week, next thing I know you are on part 60, lol.

Hi!!!! Yes, I am. I'm going to do some quick editing and transfer it over once it's complete. I'm actually less than 10 parts from writing the end, so that will be very soon. So I would totally recommend waiting until that instead of navigating the tumblr system. Some people have a user subscription out for me on ao3 at theheartofthekoko because that will definitely be the next fic I post there. I'll also make a post on tumblr and add it to my pinned once it's over if you just wanna keep an eye out!

Also I so feel you for the Multiple Parts on tumblr thing. I struggle the same way. It's honestly impressive that anyone is still reading it through tumblr. Like, I'm in the 90's now. That is SO Much to keep track of. And once you're behind it's just Daunting.

I'm glad you like my work enough that you'd be willing to suffer through that much tumblr reading 😊

[39oa]

roboquinn!!!

thank you and tc for asking <3 but also girl this is literally just YOUR commentator au that i wrote down notes/snippets for and then gave up on as we kept talking because i was delusionally hoping you'd do it for us LMFAO. it's a very bare doc with only lapslock excerpts but i'm still attached to the concept and have many thoughts about how their dynamic would work... also funny because we came up with this like 8 months before quinn even got the c but in all our notes we were just like yeah obviously he'd retire as captain lol

anyway the thing with 4321 is that i would personally read a lot of different au permutations for them, especially anything involving umich/Midwestern College Hockey dynamics because there's a lot of au potential there. commentator au specifically was = what if robo never made it to the nhl? + what if quinn retired prematurely because of injury and both of them went into broadcasting?, and i think we'd decided on robo doing play-by-play because he has more natural personality and quinn taking on the ex-player analyst role alongside him. however what's most crucial to ME about non-player!robo is that i think of him as someone who is very secure in himself and almost neurotically dedicated to always doing the right thing/making the correct life decisions, so the only reason he doesn't make it professionally is that his family moves to michigan a lot later and he and his brothers miss out on crucial junior development opportunities, so he realizes that hockey is a pipe dream and decides to treat it as a hobby and gets a journalism degree or something. this also makes the nick sibling dynamic more interesting because in my head nick would still try to become a hockey player since he's way more stubborn and impulsive, but he'd max out as an echl/ahl lifer and it becomes less of like "look at how much my athlete brother has succeeded!!" but in a way still robo being more successful because he got a good degree and stayed realistic about his future and makes good money now.

i think 4321 is basically interesting because everything in the world for them boils down to Siblings and they're the oldest of their respective nhl sibling groups but still have very different upbringings. i love the idea of having history long before they meet as a broadcasting duo because robo also went to umich and watched some of his games, but quinn obviously not remembering him... i also think in this universe quinn retires early but not like egregiously so and therefore still has a historic career with the canucks, but then he still struggles to grapple with that because maybe at this age the devils are like a total wagon and he has to cover playoff games for jack and luke for example. AND IN HIS ENTIRE CAREER HE NEVER WINS A CUP!!! plus i think of quinn spending his entire career in vancouver and depending on petey way more than he'd thought he did and now being like unmoored from his second home while robo is very used to traveling and is extremely independent and self-sufficient, and then it's like You think you're the most adjusted member of your family because you're the oldest brother and spent decades living alone on a whole different coast but the reality is actually that you were still deeply accustomed to the insular niche of an nhl team bubble and are being forced to navigate what it means to be an adult for the very first time when everyone you ever cared about is still stuck in that environment. and you're in your 30s!

also the reason quinn gets hired is because robo used to broadcast with pavs (who eventually leaves the role because he's old and wants to spend time with his family), so by now he's totally used to working with hotshot american ex-players and is very blasé around Rich NHL Dudes, and again like with nick is basically the more adjusted one who kind of sees how like quinn is basically functionally alone and doesn't have any systems around him that aren't 100% about hockey and thus latches on to him a little bit. so the dynamic is like >we are coworkers but also do you even know how to book a hotel by yourself? and quinn thinking robo is a nerd at first but eventually deferring to his 100% faith in himself and ease with which he navigates social situations.

also robo would have longterm gf because it's the Right Thing To Do and he's never thought that there was another way to live... like he's adjusted to the point of being so mindlessly socially integrated that he never even considers the fact that maybe he isn't even into women, he just does it because it's what he's meant to do, whereas quinn has way more inner turmoil and could never really hold a relationship down and has a million crises about it and then stuff happens and they get together in a random hotel room in finland during world juniors blah blah more bad decisions and realizations the end. please write them for me 😭

[graphicabyss]

DOS2: A Tale of Frustration

So BG3 doesn't run on my old PC so I turned to DOS2 to fill the void and I finished it out of pure spite. I'm sorry to all the fans but... omg why is it so frustrating? So I'm putting some of the things that were driving me crazy to get it off my chest.

the skill icons on the panel keep disappearing when I try to click them like 30% of the time

the 98 damage types and every enemy has a resistance to each of these

the undead heal from poison damage for some fucking reason

the fucking clouds. poison clouds can be extinguished by fire? makes total sense. Electric clouds? You're fucked unless you know a specific spell.

in half the fights everything ends up on fire, often cursed or necrofire. good luck!

Don't you just love the fights where you start of fighting 3 enemies and end up fighting 12? Not my idea of subverting the expectations.

crafting makes no sense, there are 6834673 items to be crafted and half of them are only useful in early game

how are you supposed to learn the recipes? you get some from dozens of crafting books but it's still only like 30%. How am I supposed to know hammer to a potato makes fries?

I was googleing up quests, crafting, combat and everything else every 5 minutes because I'm tired of going into shit blind but honestly it wasn't enough.

you are free to go anywhere except the areas all have specific levels so you struggle through enemies that are 2 levels higher and then find areas that are 3 levels lower you missed

And what's up with Arx? You expect a chill city phase and end up slaughtered wherever you go. And good luck finding those source points!

Half the quests only work if you have a specific character, specific race or trait and you don't know which. Better prepare for a fight.

Persuasion checks make no sense and you only know the requirements once you fail. Have a fun fight!

Finishing a really tough fight, being really proud of yourself... Looting the dead enemies only to fight... Sir Lora. That little bitch has a deathwish and shall run through necrofire and deathfog like its full of nuts. I redid almost every late-game battle more than once. Goddammit.

I appreciate the immersion but could the NPCs stop pacing for 5 seconds? I need to talk to them! I was running after Hannag for 5 solid minutes and only managed to speak to her after I froze the water making her fall.

The inventory drove me crazy... It's not just gear and potions. You have a pyromancer and the enemies are immune to fire? You better get those scrolls. 97 ingredients half of which you're never gonna use. And I just love putting all my keys into my bag of keys manually.

The armour, man. The armour has physical/magic protection stats, skill points, ability points and sometimes spells. So you wanna swap those gloves? LOL now you can't use 3 spells and are also overburdened.

Faithful Item Set. Just that alone. The set has like 9 items and they're all dispersed all over the map, with the most important parts found on random NPCs! Like, there's no quest relating to it, there are no clues. Just... look in every crate and trade with every single character, bro. Good luck! I got all the items using a very detailed guide... except not. Turns out I got the boots first and sold them off at some point. Woo!

Right-clicking doesn't work half the time. Wanna identify shit or disarm a trap? Nope. Wanna look up that boss that you're about to fight? Don't be a pussy, just hit them and see if it works.

I am using a reasonable number of giftbag perks. I'd probably quit without them by now.

Spent about 260 hours on this game and about 100 of it was just inventory sorting.

The final battle... where do I even start? You get all the spells, all the scrolls, all the potions... only to get one-shot by the fucking Kraken. I expected something epic and received an utter clusterfuck. I only managed to win after about 6 tries and only by drinking invisibility potions, waiting for everyone to murder each other and then finishing Rex.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Sorry for your time.

[pegglefan69]

want to & probably should talk to my therapist about how i think the only way i can get my mind to accept that I've overcome a huge mental ordeal in my struggle to get on disability is by transposing it with a physical ordeal in the form of some kind of BDSM scene but. I do not know how to discuss this when:

1) I am coming from a place hyperaware of all the deranged fetishistic ideas people have about any transmasculine person even vaguely interested in any kind of bottoming or experimenting with masochism. That kind of dehumanization directly led to me being repeatedly sa'd so I have good reason for the level of aggression & wariness the topic triggers in me But good reason or not it makes it extremely painful to think about let alone discuss with my therapist Bcuz:

2) my therapist is a cis woman who interacts primarily with cis queer spaces & never in gay male sexual spaces where trans & cis men overlap so she has No Idea About & No Frame of Reference For the baggage I am bringing in here

3) talking about any kind of interest in masochism has to inevitably result in us discussing interest in sadism & domming, bcuz both are things I'm generally more interested in doing!! We've discussed BDSM loosely enough that I know that she knows dom ≠ top & sub ≠ bottom but I genuinely cannot gauge how she will react to any expression of like, a desire to do sadist shit. I see sooo many people all the time who are ostensibly 'kink friendly' get weird about sadism that I have been deliberately avoiding bringing up being a switch/sadomasochist/whatever. it is making our sessions about sex & dating circle the drain ! It's embarrassing!! I feel like I should just be able to vault over the discomfort & SAY THINGS even if that is an idiot's impulse.

4) If I want to talk about the kind of scenes that would be therapeutic for me right now I don't know if she'd Get It, considering when I said I wanted to try dating/fucking older men her first question was 'do you mean you want a sugar daddy' & then later '...so do you mean like, 30s?'. Like it really makes me think she's going to get the wrong idea or get weird. the amount of vulnerability it's going to take for me to even give her the chance to misunderstand me is. A lot. It makes me feel so crazy.

5) I don't know ANYBODY here in Maine so even if I could perfectly articulate my desires & their impetuses to a therapist (lol as if that should be my ultimate goal 🙄), & then find a man or men I could do these things with, by the time the trust necessary had developed it would be like. So far in the future idek if this need would ever get fulfilled. God this would be easier if I already knew a leatherman who could beat me up for a little bit if I asked nicely. Guess I just have to keep a fond hope alive for now...<- said with a bitter tone

[glitterdustcyclops]

while i'm thinking about pens, here's a lil "what's in my pencil case" post cuz it's been a minute since i've done one. can you tell my favorite color? lmao.

detail shots, writing sample & notes about everything under the cut

first we have our basic, "staple" pens and such, in order from the top left down and to the right:

+Zebra bLen FM2 Ballpoint Pen 0.5 mm - this particular version was a limited edition but JetPens sells other colors/models. to be honest i mostly got this because of the aesthetics of it, but the gimmick is that it's supposed to not "rattle" or shake as much as other pens, making it a smoother "stress-free" writing experience and i suppose that would be true if the ink didn't skip so ding dang much. i give it a 4.5/10

+Zebra Sarasa Push Clip Gel Pen 0.5 mm Black - ohhh now we're talkin. my first true stationery crush. i own these in every color they come in. you're never gonna go wrong with a zebra sarasa. as a lefty i'm wary of smudges and these puppies dry fast and don't skip. i would marry this pen if i could.

+Tombow Fudenosuke Brush Pen Hard Tip - my preferred choice for doing brush pen lettering. i like the fude touch sign pens from pentel too but their ink tends to be too juicy for me as a lefty & it's a smudge hazard, but tombows are perfect.

+ Sakura Pigma Micron 10 (0.6 mm) - this is actually a new thing, i was messing around with different headers a few weeks ago and after i was done i was too lazy to stick this back where it goes with its family, so i put it in my pencase. but you never know when you need a nice thick black marker to do headers and stuff in your bullet journal, you know?

+Sakura Gelly Roll White 10 & Glitter - these two are almost impossible to swatch but very useful for doing fun ~effects~ on ur headers. the white is about as opaque as i've found in a gel pen, and the glitter is transparent so it goes over pretty much everything and just adds a hint of bling.

+Zebra DelGuard Mechanical Pencil 0.5 mm Hello Kitty & eraser - no joke the best mechanical pencil i've ever tried, i will never use another. it's one of them fancy japanese over-engineered sorts of things, and it's got all sorts of mechanics in it to keep lead from breaking, and it WORKS. as someone who prefers a fine lead in my pencils, having your pencil constantly shatter is frustrating as hell but i have literally never had that problem with these. the eraser is, i think, from sun star, idk. i got it cuz it was cute but it's really nothing special.

+Midori Multi Ruler 30 cm - this thing is super helpful for getting straight lines when doing bullet journal headers. the hinge helps it fold up compact & also lets it work as a compass but i typically don't worry about that.

next up, our ~fun colors~ starting with our minty greens

+Pentel Energel Clena w/ Turquoise Blue refill 0.5 mm - this originally came with a black ink refill but i wanted it to match so i bought a turquoise one separately and i think it's super cute. in case it isn't obvious mint green/teal are my favorite colors and so i love carrying around multiple options to give my notes a lil pop of my fav shade.

+Pentel Fude Touch Sign Pen Emerald Green - another new addition to the pen case, i honestly just stuck it in here because i didn't have enough room in the green section of my brush pen/marker organizer lol. but you know, it's my go-to fav color, it's helpful to keep around. like i mentioned up above i sometimes struggle with the pentel brush pens cuz of how juicy the ink is, so i don't use them as often, but the color is really pretty and they write very nicely.

+Zebra Mildliner Highlighter Mid Blue-Green - of course i am a basic bitch who loves mildliners. i own literally every color & this one is only here because it's a duplicate, and so i just stuck it in the pencil case to match everything else. but you know, every situation can be improved with a mildliner i think. (also stationery confession- am i the only one who likes the brush pens better than the regular highlighters? cuz i do. they're fun!!)

+Sakura Gelly Roll Moonlight 1.0 mm Pastel Green - another pen i am only keeping in here because it doesn't fit with the rest of my gel pens (i may or may not have a problem) but again, it matches.

finally, we have the Zebra Sara Push Clip Gel Pens 0.5 mm in Vintage Colors. did you think i was kidding when i said this was my favorite pen & i own every color? i meant every. color.

i really like these vintage ones because they're more readable than some of the bright/pastel shades of the regular pens. very sophisticated. also that green black matches so beautifully with all my favorite minty green shades.

so there you have it, everything i keep in my everyday pen case. if you're wondering this is a Sun Star Delde pencil case, this colorway doesn't exist anymore but i love these slide kind of pencil cases that turn into standing pen cups. very convenient to keep out on your desk. and, of course, it matches everything else. :D

[dragontamerno3]

DS9 S3 E1 - The Search Part 1

I was admittedly underwhelmed by this episode. Don't get me wrong there were several awesome moments that I'll dive into in a minute but over all it wasn't that interesting to me.

The big battle stuff was part of why it was sorta blah, though I am intrigued to see what actually happened to the Defiant since we left it almost in pieces. It was just too early in the season for there to be real tension so it felt like big booms for the sake of big booms.

Odo is the other reason. He was insufferable in this episode. I've said time and time again that while I may like him more than I did at the start (he even kinda won me over after the "We're hologram people" episode) I'm still on the fence with him. In this episode, though, he took like 30 giant steps back. He was whiny and childish. He didn't give Sisko a chance to explain the situation he just decided he was going to resign. When approached by Kira with a job opportunity to get him to come along, he threw it in her face. He flat out ignored Sisko on multiple occasions. And then at the end of the episode he just dismissed everything Kira said and kidnapped her to run off on their own. That last bit I'm both thankful for cause he saved her but also pissed at cause she was right, they should have gone to the wormhole.

I have strong feelings for that man and all of them are seething disappointment and mild hatred at this moment. He was so insufferable, the ending fell so flat.

Sisko showing up with the Defiant was badass, though. It was the spark of hope the crew needed. And his "it's home now" talk with Jake was sweet. The fact that Jake knows his dad well enough to even point to the moments when things shifted was a nice touch.

I like that the Federation is doing more things with the Romulans, given how touchy the relationship was with them in TNG. I hope TRul sticks around for at least a little while. It was interesting to see her struggle with trusting the folks on board and relenting at times. On that same note, the make up design for Romulans is a little different here (or feels different to me at least) and she looked a bit like a Buffy vamp and I was kinda digging it. I also like that her costume isn't super heavy on the shoulder pads lol

My favorite part of the episode might be a bit of a shitty one, but I like that Sisko left Jadzia and Miles behind. I'm very much a no man left behind kind of person but of the Captains/Commanders I am most familiar with, he is the only one I can see given that order and it was a very interesting one.

5/10 - I blame Odo