#but I'm so scared 😔 and I'm stressed about the process of getting there too

[daz4i]

how is it. that for a whole week. the house smelled fine, and other than some dust and cat hair it was really clean too, and everything was organized and easy to find with no towers of dishes in the sink about to topple over. even tho i didn't clean that much or do anything out of the ordinary to keep the house this way. but now my parents have been home for like 3 days and already every room except for mine is inhospitable from how bad they all smell, and there's mess all over, and the table is constantly sticky, and the sink is somehow full yet barely has any dishes in it bc the way they're organized is so ineffective, and i hate it here i wanna leave so bad

[insertsomthinawesome]

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense but how do you… art? Like from looking at your art, there’s just so many different fandoms and it’s all fantastic!! How do you not stick to one or feel like you *have* to stick to one? Sorry

Aw Friend! No need to apologize! :D You asked your question plenty politely! That's a really interesting question actually, and I'm fascinated to be asked it! Because I actually do know the kinda thing you're talking about! or at least I have experiences that feel like they line up with what you're asking. A lot of its... growing up? I guess? And not in the sense of like. becoming an adult. but the non-stop process of growing and learning more about life. When I was younger, an actual child, I just Did it. I drew whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn't question hoping to a new interest or drawing different fandoms. I just did it. But the older you get the more complicated a lot of things get right? 😔 That was true for me.

I actually spent several years terrified, of moving on. Of leaving old fandoms behind. There was one fandom I actually forced myself not to leave for like... 2 years? Because I was afraid of all the projects I wouldn't complete, all the stories I wouldn't tell, all the art i wouldn't make. But honestly that was a horrible decision? It burnt me out of the specific fandom SO BADLY. Its only been around this last year that I've been able to enjoy things around it again without an overhanging shadow of stress.

I was still scared to fandom hop after that incident tho. Despite having gotten burned by caving to my own fears. It wasn't until I got into Trigun that I actually started to get less scared. A friend I met in that fandom, someone who was older than me, told me that... things have a way of coming back around. If you know the song "Everything Stays" From Adventure time? She said it was like that song. You will inevitably get older. But these things won't be gone. And you can always come back to them :) That clicked in my brain... and it took a bit longer, a bit more time of accepting that fact for me to find peace... but honestly? I kinda have now. At least for this moment in time. I wouldn't be surprised if the fear comes back around again, fear is funny and insidious like that. But I have the tools to beat it now :) The other two things I would mention are these: For starters: this might be obvious? But I'm a hobbyist artist. I don't make money off of my art, I don't sell it, I don't need numbers or clout in order to pay my bills. I'm completely free to do my own thing! Ain't nothing wrong with making a living off of your artwork and if that's the path that you want to walk GO FOR IT. But that path does have its own challenges. Because I don't walk that path, I am free to make whatever I want, without worrying about how it might reflect on my finances. The other thing is...

PERFECTIONISM...

THIS, NASTY LITTLE VILE COCKROACH, WILL RUIN YOUR ART LIFE SO BADLY ITS INSANE. It will ruin your NORMAL life super fast too 😔 it is an insidious little shoulder devil telling you, that you will be happier if you just do it the "perfect" way. IT IS SO SO SO SO SO SO WRONG. That is the key to the door of endless procrastination and broken dreams. SFLJSLF to get less metaphorical about it though: If you're always waiting for the perfect moment to make art for a fandom, to leave a fandom, to join a fandom (in this case i just mean "Get into the thing that interests you" when I say "Fandom") or create literally anything, you will be waiting forever. I know because i have been :') And its made it very hard to draw both in my past, and right now this very day.

Truthfully i'm still working on that one??? I've had some epiphanies recently that have helped a lot with my perfectionism... but I haven't tried drawing since having them? (drowning in the new Honkai Star Rail Patch WHEEZE) So uh. Not sure If I'm over that hill yet xD But yeah, if that's one piece of advice i could give you to take seriously, its don't chase perfection, in ANYTHING. Especially art. It will never be enough for you. And if you're doing it for other people, it will never be enough for them. Art is wonderful and messy, and human. And that is okay.

Its taken me a lot of soul diving and thinking and a lot of help from outside influence and kind people for me to figure this stuff out too. So don't feel bad to ask for help kay? We all need help. A lot xD I'm still not like, the king this stuff either. There are a lot of smaller, more niche, fandoms, I want to draw for, but still haven't, because of my own anxiety and embarrassment. There are fandoms I haven't drawn for because I don't feel like i have the adequate amount of information to be, ""allowed"" too (which is totally a fake standard btw, there is no barrier to entry for when you're "allowed" to draw something). I'm working on these problems every day.

Oh actually one last note: People can influence how hard it is for you to draw for a bunch of fandoms too. If you know you'll get made fun of for drawing something, its hard to draw. If you know you'll get praised for drawing something, sometimes that makes it easier to draw. Both of those things can mess you up BAD. Constantly drawing for other people (when its not a deliberate gift) can make you feel really upset and angry, and dissonant with your artwork.

But it can be equally as hard to realize nobody will share your enthusiasm if you don't draw what they like. That's not a judgement against anybody's friendships, we all got our own interests, and nobody can be 100% Invested in everything their friends enjoy. But It can make it a bit more emotionally challenging sometimes. And it can be hard to like?? Emotionally deal with that? in a way it makes art that you know will perform well, either with your friend group or online, like... "Candy". Its tastes good, but it doesn't give you long term energy (ie there's nothing wrong with it, but its not sustainable as your only form of sustenance) Meanwhile making art that is purely self indulgent is like eating a full and healthy meal. It gives you that long term energy of personal satisfaction, and your enjoyment and happiness also doesn't inherently hinge on whether or not other people appreciate it like you do. Obviously there's no issue if what you genuinely want to draw would also do well online/with your friends!

ANYWAYS, yeah, I'm still maturing and learning and growing with a lot of my opinions and perspectives and emotions on this stuff? Its definitely easier said than done, and while from the outside it looks effortless... I understand why you'd be struggling anon. I hope you can figure it out for yourself too! Best of luck :D also i could go on and on and on about this topic for years because alsjdfaksjdflJSDJGSD ooohhhhhhh boy I have learned and witnessed and thought many a thunk.

[sumikatt]

Love the comic. I'm sorry people on this site are just really shitty to artists who are anything other than aggressively opposed to AI image generation. And they really really don't like actual leftist takes on IP law and 'theft' and will get nasty about it. *solidarity fistbumps* I went down a similar road a couple weeks ago and the response was very stressful, so I'm just sending this so that you'll have something nice in your inbox (though i'm sure you've got other nice stuff too - when this happened to me there were a lot of positive responses that people were to scared to post publicly). You've got an approach in your comic that is nuanced, thoughtful, considerate, and it is presented beautifully. That comic really is an incredible piece of art and I'm glad you shared it.

thank you for the kind message! it's shocking how many people are "yay piracy! fuck copyright!" and then be so reactionary and nasty towards me simply explaining how AI image gen works and comparing it to my own artistic process--because nothing is original, and its ridiculous that someone can "own" a style or idea.

the copyright propaganda has worked very well, i fear 😔

[7ndipity]

Hiiii! Happy new year love! 💞 I hope your shipping game isn't over. So let me introduce myself. 🫶🏻

Sun - taurus

Moon - Pisces

Rising - Sagittarius

I tend to be very introverted, however if I meet someone who's also very introverted, I kind of take the lead and become very extroverted, especially in situations where someone has to take action about a certain thing.

I like to think I'm open-minded, trying to understand everyone's perspective no matter what. I only respect and appreciate people who respect me too!

I overthink a lot and I get pretty self-conscious about myself. Im also very stubborn. I wouldn't say I'm very ambitious considering that I get demoralized easily and I need someone to support me especially emotionally. As much as I try to keep calm, I lose my temper very easily, but I'll quickly get over it if I get a few minutes to spend alone and really process the situation. I get overwhelmed a lot and I'm in constant stress. I have severe trust and abandonment issues.

English is not my first language and I'm a polyglot. I speak my mother language (I don't want to say what language it is), English, French, German, mandarin, Italian, basic Latin (I had to learn it in school 😔) and I'm currently learning Korean. My major at uni is history and I'm living in the balkans. (Maybe the last part wasn't necessary 💀)

I love history and foreign languages and cultures, I also love writing, drawing, fashion and reading!

Since I was 14, I do many fashion sketches.

My love languages (that I like to give to my s/o) is drawing them, physical affection and words of affirmation.

I also would love to receive praise and physical affection but if my s/o isn't okay with that then it's alright. I can live without it as I've been doing until now.

I like to read non-fiction, history, thriller and fiction literature and you can ask me anything about history and I will tell everything you like I'm some voice narrator on a documentary 😭

I watch mostly just documentaries and thriller dramas.

So as I've said at first, I'm introverted, but if I'm comfortable I quickly am very loud and social, however my social battery dies fast so I will at some point become suddenly silent. I also have adhd and anxiety. I used to suffer from depression since I was a little kid. I've got plenty trauma 😊 and I'm very scared of the dark and insects, like spiders for example.

I don't like dancing and singing, mainly because I'm bad at those 💀 and I also don't like painting.

Usually I'm the therapist friend and I never share anything about my personal life to my friends, I keep my problems to myself.

I love cats and skincare and I listen to music constantly ever since I was a baby.

I'm not very fond of petnames that couples use. However if someone calls me "love" or "darling" I will simply die

I can get quite possessive and jealous, but I don't usually show that to my partner or do anything about it at all. Mostly because I know it's a toxic trait so I keep it to myself as I don't want to potentially hurt or make my s/o feel bad.

I'm very loyal and loving. When people yell, don't let me speak or interrupt me while I'm speaking I get either very pissed or i simply just cry 🫠 I can get very triggered when someone yells at me

When I'm hurt, affected or upset about something that someone did to me, I will isolate myself and not tell them what's wrong until it's too late.

I dont like people telling me what to do.

I'm sorry if this was very chaotic written and not organized at all, I just wrote whatever came to my mind about myself (watch me forget to mention some important details about myself 🤦🏻‍♀️) but yeah, basically this is me. 🫶🏻

I would ship you with Yoongi and Hobi!

You and Yoongi have super similar personalities imo, so I feel like you would understand each other really well! Like even the way you described sounding like a docu narrator reminded me of how Army joke that Yoongi’s a walking encyclopedia on so many topics!😭(also Pisces are really great matches for earth signs like Taurus)

Yoongi and Hobi both have very supportive, reassuring energies, and tend to be the therapist friends as well, so I think they would be good at helping you open up and making you feel safe. I also feel like they would lowkey be a bit protective over you.🥺

I also kinda feel that you and Hobi would be a pretty good match! You have several similarities, and he also has this ability of bringing out the best in people and making them feel really comfortable, so I feel like he would be your ultimate hype man!😊

Hope this was okay💜

[shinraapologist]

light novel reread, vol. 2 ch. 6: sword and stress

i LOVE THIS CHAPTER. i love this chapter. i have so much to say but i have no clue how much of it is intelligent whatsoever.

it has what could be one of my favorite yasuda illustrations of all time as the chapter cover. i LOVE him. look at him. i can't believe he isnt more popular. do you guys know about him. has he been posted on tumblr yet. ill post him again as his own post because i love him so fucking much.

this is the first instance of shizuo's point of view. i. cannot stress enough how much i love him.

shizaya people, i get it. this is blatantly homoerotic. my toxic trait is loving when media is unintentionally queercoded. like youre wrote them that way dont get mad at me

i love haruna, honestly. she's kind of a stereotypical yandere side character, but she's also the perfect foil to nasujima.

this chapter does so much for both anri and shizuo. this is my favorite chapter in the 2nd novel, i think.

nasujima is such a scumbag and the fact that he 100% gets what he deserves is just so satisfying. insert mikados rant where hes like "i LIKE happy endings! i LIKE cliches!".

this is a turning point for anri. i like anri a lot, but i feel like i'm going to end up really loving her as she gets some actual development in the novels.

this is the moment that anri accepts herself as a wielder of saika, i think. i really wish i could see this reveal for the first time again.

first of all. sad little wet puppy of a man. i love him so so so fucking dearly. ive said it before but i love shizuo on like. a level amount as i do shinra. i LOVE shizuo. shinras just my blorbo because i have a long standing obsession with very normal looking and pathetic men. another toxic trait im afraid 😔 second of all, im really dissapointed that narita chose to say there was "no one in his vicinity" and make a random homophobic aside about izaya (and not even that they hate each other. that izaya is a man), rather than acknowledge that shizuo already receives love and has people in his life who have already been shown to care about him but currently isnt able to accept it. in the first two novels, it's already been established that he's incredibly close to tom, who's stuck with shizuo since middle school, that him and simon think well of each other despite simon's strong pacifist personality, that he's been friends with shinra since he was like five years old, and that he and celty are each other's best friends, not to mention that his family is supportive and loves him unconditionally, especially kasuka. it's just lazy/bad writing to say shizuo is unlovable and then follow that with a passage about him believing "he wasn't allowed to have love for anyone".

narita: this man is a freak. hes a monster hes unlovable. narita, writing celty immediately after: this freak is SO cool. i fucking love this guy

as president of the shizuo and celty are best friend fanclub, this screenshot is something that can be so precious to me, personally, (its saved on my laptop as badass dude)

narita: everyone is scared of shizuo. theyre too scared to love him narita, writing shizuo: thats stupid! im the one whos scared!

it could be my processing issues, but i feel like this is so much clearer in the novels than the anime.

no further comment.

the way that shizuo speaks to his anger as if its a seperate entity from him is very interesting to me. baby boy please go to therapy <3

she's so real for this. i love her.

this is the last chapter of volume 2. all thats left is the epilogue/next prolouge

[theflyingfeeling]

I was so excited about UMK this year but now that all the songs are out I'm so disappointed and I need to process this somehow, so...below the cut is my (cynic) review of the songs this year, I wrote this for me but you may look ✨

Keira: No Business on the Dancefloor

I hadn't heard of her before, so I had no idea what to expect. She sings well, but there's nothing too special in the song. Songs similar to this advance to the ESC final every year, but I don't think this one's interesting enough to do that. (Also, I'm scared to even ask but can someone explain the line "swing it like Harry Potter" to me? I haven't read the books nor seen the movies, what did he ever swing? His broom? His peepee? lol)

Benjamin: Hoida mut

I don't know, man... There are songs that imply sexual content without being explicitly sexual that do it better than this one. The lyrics sound immature, in parts (maybe less so in the English translation), and I'm not a fan of how some of the words are stressed/emphasized. Not a huge fan of Benjamin's singing voice either, and he is definitely the weakest singer in the whole bunch.

Robin Packalen: Girls Like You

Robin was the very reason why I was so excited about UMK this year and, consequently, the reason why I'm so disappointed in this year's competition overall. I had such grand expectations for him, perhaps unreasonably so; I just really wanted him to have a great song and be sent to ESC and do well there 😔 However, having listened to the song on Spotify (i.e. without the mv), I have to say that the song isn't terrible. It's actually quite catchy and uptempo, and in my opinion the vibe in the music video doesn't quite match the vibe of the song. So IF they manage to compile a live show that brings out the good qualities of the song (because there are some!) and IF/when Robin's voice brings the song into life in the live version (because it certainly doesn't do so in the studio version), I think we MIGHT be able to ignore the weaknesses of the song (such as the tacky lyrics; then again, there have been and will be songs with even worse lyrics in the ESC every year, this one wouldn't even be the worst eh?)

Lxandra: Something to Lose

Not memorable at all (I couldn't even recall the name of this song without checking it). Really not my kind of music, not a fan of that kind of singing technique at all. If you're gonna do a ballad in the ESC, it needs to be bigger and stronger than this one.

Käärijä: Cha Cha Cha

Without having seen the live show for this, I must admit I'm also one of those people who are ready to send this to Liverpool. That is not to say I love the song, although it is the only one that evokes any kind of (positive) feelings in me. I don't know, maybe I feel pretentious jamming along to this song because I don't go to bars safe for Samy Elbanna acoustic gigs and BC tumblr meetings and I've never been drunk in my life? 😂 Still, it was the first song that I nodded my head along to and that brought a smile to my face (for some reason the line "toinen silmä jo karsastaa" / "one eye keeps turning crossed too far" always cracks me up). I'm just a little annoyed because people (mostly at the Finnish eurovision discussion board I've been reading) keep praising this song to the extent that I think it's a little over the top, saying stuff like "this is the best UMK song ever!!" and "this is the new Lordi!!" but like...it's not?! Or is it me who's in the wrong here? 😟 I don't know, maybe I should just lower my expectations and accept that I'm not gonna get another "Dark Side" out of UMK any time soon...

KUUMAA: Ylivoimainen

Another song that is praised a lot and I'm not quite sure why. Again, it's not a bad song, but something in it just feels...off. I think it's partly because I'm not a huge fan of Johannes' vocals/singing voice, but also because of the lyrics. I understand it's about the ecstasy one feels when falling in love, (and I want you to know that I'm saying the following even though I know y'all think I'm crazy) but instead of romantic, the lyrics seem sort of...obsessive? Every single line in the song is so desperate to the point that it makes me feel a little anxious. Yes, I also understand that song lyrics and poetry tend to exaggerate things and that none of this is to be taken literally, but even so, it doesn't evoke the feelings in me that it's probably intented to. If someone told me that "there's nothing left for me but you" I wouldn't feel enamored, I'd feel...sad? Because what if a day comes that we break up and you don't have me anymore, then what? You'll jump down the balcony? I don't want to be the only thing that's left for you, come on, there's gotta be something else in your life too, I can't handle this pressure! And with the sort of melancholic, yet upbeat melody of the song it feels kinda distressing and I almost feel like I can't breath when I listen to it. Then again, I've never been in love myself, so what the fuck do I know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Portion Boys: Samaa taivasta katsotaan

Well 😂😂😂😂😂 In Finland we have this thing called junttidisco, and this is it. I have good reason to believe their other songs are like this too (I've only ever heard two of them), so what the hell were you expecting? 🤣 This is the only song that made me really laugh out loud (with Käärijä it was more like a sensible chuckle), but not necessarily in a good way. The lyrics in the verses are so cringe, although I did love the bit in the chorus about Kimi Räikkönen 😂 The worst part is that I'm not sure whether this is intented as a parody or if they're actually serious about this. I want to believe it's done tongue in cheek, in which case I appreciate them not taking themselves too seriously.

~

To conclude, I don't really give a fuck who will advance to Liverpool, but I guess if we absolutely must send one, then let it be Käärijä, assuming his live show will be fit for ESC. And despite having a horribly boring, mainstream, flavourless song, I still want to put Robin as my 2nd favourite, because I want to believe the live version of the song will be much better than the studio version 🙏

[delcakoo]

ems.. so I did something embarrassing today and I can't stop thinking abt it. earlier our adviser was speaking and he cracked his voice and I accidentally like, laughed it was a laugh more like a snort and it was so quiet everyone heard it including him, IDK WHY I KEEP EMBARRASSING MYSELF ISTG. I KEEP DOING THINGS THAT'LL STICK WITH ME UNTIL I DIE. but besides that I'm okay, I JUST CANT BELIEVE I COULDN'T HOLD THAT IN, AND BESIDE ME WAS A MALE. HES SOOO ANNOYING. IDK HE PROLLY MADE FUN OF ME IN HIS HEAD CAUSE I LAUGHED. I FUCKINsbfausbfo. sometimes I wish I just disappear. ISTG I HATE ATTENTION THIS IS WHY I HATE ATTENTION. ALSO WHY I DON'T LIKE SPOTLIGHT CAUSE IM AFRAID, OF JUDGEMENT. I'm scared of letting A LOT of people know me cause then they'll know everything and if I embarrass myself or do something wrong they will know they'll see. I WAS RETHINKING THIS WHETHER I SHOULD TELL U OR NOT BUT ISTG I CANT STOP THINKING ABT IT. Idk maybe the ppl in my class prolly forgot abt it but the problem is I can't cause I'm the one who embarrassed myself, I hate embarrassing myself cause it'll stick with me. I'll prolly think about it randomly when going to bed and mentally slap myself. I FEEL BAD FOR DOING THAT TO MY ADVISER. ITS NOT HIS PROBLEM. REALLY, ITS ME IDFK ANYMORE.

I don't know how I'll calm myself, I mean I am calm rn I just can't process anything right now. I'll read your content, watch movies/k-drama, prolly take a nap to distract myself from today😔updating you is actually making me feel better. everyday when I have time to update you and I do, I feel stress relieved. oh and the k-drama I'm currently watching is cheer up, its quite interesting. I saw it on tiktok and wanted to watch it because of the drama😭

anyway, besides that congratulations on 1k!! (forgot to congratulate you earlier) f2f is over for me (for now) how's school? I hope you're okay! 💙

-m💙

LMFKJSNCKJNS MOONIE PLEASE, I TOTALLY GET HOW YOU FEEL BUT I RPOMSIE YOU ONE DAY YOU WILL LITERALLY FORGET THIS EVER HAPPENED PLEASE DONT WORRY TOO MUCH. IM TELLING U RN EVERYONE COMPLETELY FORGOT YOU DID THAT LIKE FIVE MONUTES AFTER IT HAPPENED OKAY??? NAHHSHHUSNAH ITS HONESTLY A BIT FUNNY CMON YOI HAVE TO ADMIT. BUT ALSO YES I GET WHAT YOU MEAN, BUT FR THIS IS A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE 😭 EVERYONE HAS EMBARRASSING MOMENTS THAT RANDOMLY COME BACK T US LATER, ITS OKAY LOVE HSKUSNSN

AWW, im glad updating me calms you down shdjdh yes go watch a new show or smthn!! UGH NGL I HAVENT WATCHED ANY KOREAN SHOWS BESIDES UHH ALL OF US ARE DEAD, SQUID GAME AND SWEET HOME :( I ALSO WATCHED A FEW EPISODES OF SKYCASTLE BUT IT WAS LOWKEY ASS 💀💀💀

AAHH THANK YOU DEAR I APPRECIATE IT!! mmm, schools okay ig 😭 i’m just very bad at studying 😭 i keep procrastinating i’m like “i’ll do my hw later” THEN IT JUST KEEPS GETTING LATER UNTIL I GO TO SLEEP AND THEN I END UP NOT DOING IT 💀💀💀 but uhhh IM SURVIVING (besides gym and math 💀) !!! ✊✊ ON A BRIGHTER NOTE I FINISHED SOME BRAINSTORMING AND BEGAN WRITING MY NEXT LONGFIC WHICH IS GONNA BE FOR JUNGWON !! i’m vv excited, i dunno if it’s gonna surpass behind the net’s word count tho 😔😔😔