#but Ming has my fucking soul

[becauseimanicequeen]

I watched the first episode of My Stand-In very late last night (or more like earlier this morning) and loved every bit of it (but had no brainpower to write something sensible about it, so here goes).

My thoughts so far:

I love that Up gets to play a dubious role (more so than his role in Step by Step). He’s such an ACTOR and I LOVE HIM.

Joe is a really sweet character. Perhaps a bit naive and a bit of an idiot. But who hasn’t been an idiot when crushing on someone? (Ming’s also an idiot when it comes to his crush, but in a different way…)

Joe’s home is really beautiful with the green everywhere and the yellow/orange/reddish tones in the background. Not to forget the "The Kiss" painting by Gustav Klimt! Not my personal favorite of Klimt’s works ("Goldfish" is my favorite), but I love a person who appreciates art! It made me love Joe even more.

Joe has my whole heart, but Ming has my fucking soul. (For an ice queen like me, my heart is frozen and half dead but my soul is not, so now you know where my true loyalties lie.) I need that bad father fucker to break Joe’s heart into a million little pieces (because we all know it’s happening anyway) and pay for it by crawling through hell, only to beg on his knees for forgiveness when he realizes Joe is actually back and then pay with his own blood when he tries his utmost to stitch Joe’s heart back together. (Or maybe something a little less dramatic? No, I want pain!)

It was an amazing start to this series. I can’t wait to see more of it. And more Ming. I'm a wee bit obsessed (I know, it's a me-problem, but I'm fine with it).

(Also, Ming's call at the beginning was him wanting to explain whatever went wrong between him and Joe, right? I'm sure that call will be revealed later on to be the "I wanted to tell you [whatever], but your phone died and then you fell off a cliff and I never got the chance to" or something. I'm sure Ming will suffer after that accident, and it will probably be well-deserved. I can't wait to see it.)

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Top 5 color?

Ooo interesting question, and I have such different answers to this:

It's funny cause lighting design is one of my favorite things and yet I never talk about it. For uses of lighting, I have two favorites for the year:

Moonlight Chicken

gif from @wanderlust-in-my-soul

The warmth of Jim and Li Ming's home, the cold of Heart and Wen's home, the way the light slowly dims throughout the entirety of Wen and Alan's break up? Moonlight Chicken has some of the best, most thoughtful, and incredibly interesting uses of lighting of the BLs I've seen from 2023. (Fun fact! Orange and blue lighting color combination is probably my favorite lighting combo because it's so gorgeous).

Playboyy

Playboyy is certainly a messy messy show, and I don't think it is using it's lighting intentionally like Aof was in Moonlight Chicken, but it is getting fucking creative and artistic with some of it's lighting and I love that shit. They've been going hard on the reds and the purples in this show and I support it.

_

For my absolute favorite color moment of the year, I have to give that to:

What Did You Eat Yesterday?

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Shiro getting him and Kenji matching aprons for Kenji's birthday. The colors may not match, there may not be a color exchange, but holy mother of god this scene absolutely destroyed me. Shiro has grown so much throughout the course of this show and it makes me so fucking emotional.

-

My singular favorite use of color in a show this year:

Last Twilight

gif by @tomystars

Once again Aof is taking the crown for such intentional uses of color. I don't care here if the pink has an actual meaning to the color, what I care about is what this shirt does to show Mhok's character, grant some autonomy to Day, and give you a sense of how Day's vision works. Which, I know the show has been doing pretty consistently throughout, but you can really see here why bright neon colors work really well for Day, and why Mhok 100% puts those bright neon yellow laces on Day's old shoes.

and finally...

Net's skin

gif by @ueasking

Net has such a gorgeous skin tone, and @neuroticbookworm and I weep every time some magazine, show, or other promo photo lightens his skin. Honestly I am personally not vibing with Middleman's Love but both Net and James look so good in it.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL 2023

[gentrychild]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35070019

For eight hundred years, Hua Cheng searched for Xie Lian. He must have burned a million sticks of incense in that time, just hoping even one would reach his god.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35412889

Xie Lian develops amnesia after Wu Ming dissipates. Wu Ming drifts after him, reforms, and takes care of him.

———

“You went through… some awful things,” Wu Ming says, obviously choosing his words carefully. “I think your mind is responding this way to protect you.”

Xie Lian nods. That sounds realistic, with what he knows. “I still wish I could remember,” he sighs. Does he have a family? Friends? Does he have duties he’s neglecting?

“If gege will let me,” Wu Ming says, “I’ll stay with him until he remembers.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35388859/

Deep in the heart of the city of ghosts, a chisel breaks stone. Alone in the candlelit studio, Hua Cheng bows over the remaining boot and chips away slivers of veined marble. The sculpture is nearly finished, has been for weeks. The details he cuts into the lower foot now are so fine as to be invisible if viewed from any further away than a single step.

Above it, ornate robes are swept back on a frozen wind and a sword halfway from its sheath cuts across the sculpture’s waist. With its weight perched on the front foot as if a breath away from leaping and the candelight rosy across its cheeks and brow, the sculpture looks as if it is only a heartbeat from life. Except—

Hua Cheng takes a step back, tilting his head to survey his creation from toe to brow.

A blank face stares down.

•••

Hua Cheng emerges from Mt. Tong’lu looking for someone he cannot name, cannot place, cannot picture. For centuries, he chases fragments of memory—until he stumbles upon a cultivator in white who might be the answer to the questions he has carried for eight hundred years.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824215

Every year, a ghost king roams the night in search of lost souls and leaves only destruction in his wake. Every year, Hua Cheng's temples are burning.

Or: a story in which Xie Lian is a Devastation, Hua Cheng is a Heaven Official, and nothing is what it seems.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28339443

Wearing a face that is not his own, dressed in a red tunic and simple boots, Hua Cheng comes face to face with the love of his life - and forever after - for the first time in two hundred years.

Or, the one where Xie Lian is also a ghost.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21228929

“You,” she snarled, like she would say ‘garbage’ or ‘trash’. “You, of course, will never marry. Who would marry a monster, ah?”

“As if I want to get married anyway,” he mumbled angrily.

***

A story in which a ghost is very, very gay and very, very in love - so much he follows along without a protest when the object of his eight hundreds years old affection decides to get married out of the blue in the middle of ghost hunting mission. After all, it’s not like Crimson Rain could ever refuse anything to His Highness the Crown Prince of Xian Le anyway.

Or: a fanfanfic of Naamah_Beherit’s ‘take my hand, take my whole unlife too’ from Hua Cheng POV.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25199491?view_adult=true

Have you ever read Book 4 and thought, "Wow, this is really fucking sad. Wouldn't it have been great if things had gone just a little differently?" Do you love Wu Ming and wish there had been more of him in the novel? Are you a fan of pining, slow-burn, and hurt/comfort tropes?

If so, then this might just be the fic for you~

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24323563

After a shocking experience with his god on Beizi Hill, San Lang must process the blossoming new layers of his feelings for Xie Lian. If he's truly lucky, then he might even be able to make himself useful to his treasured person.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18980143

The man standing over him has eyes like knives, sharp and cold and black.

“There are no masks allowed in the Ghost Fortress, Heavenly Official,” he says. His voice is polite, but it too contains knives.

Hua Cheng can appreciate that. A blade is a blade is a blade. Sheathed or pressed to one’s neck, it is still just as sharp. There is no use pretending it is anything otherwise.

The man in front of him is a blade held up to Hua Cheng’s heart, though perhaps he does not know it yet.

Here are the recommended fics, put it in an ask so it’s easier to deal with, please enjoy

🧀🐀🧀🐀🧀🐀

Thank you so much for all those recs of Hua Cheng POV, I am so grateful for it, I already read half of them! Seriously, thank you so much!!!

[respectthepetty]

Jeng speaking English should come with at least a 10 minute warning so I can collect myself.

goddammit!!!!

Y'all know that I mute and speed up my shows, so I didn't realize he was speaking English until the Thai subs kept coming up; then, I had to rewind and slow it down to hear it, so I could appreciate the cuteness. Jeng bringing out his multilingual side to confess AGAIN made him more adorable!

And because this isn't the first time the use of another language in a BL has caused me to stop in my tracks, let me give you something you didn't even ask for -

My Top Five Favorite Uses of Another Language in BLs!

offered in no particular order

My Only 12% - English

Cake was studying with his pals when he decided to call it a night. He went into his bedroom and apologized to his boyfriend Eiw for waking him up. Eiw told Cake he wasn't really sleeping well because Cake wasn't next to him, and that was all it took for Cake's heart-eyes to be activated. He kissed Eiw so tenderly only to then dedicate an ode to Eiw's entire body, mind, and soul all in English while kissing each part of Eiw's body as he praised it. What a king!

Never Let Me Go - Mandarin

I already thought that Palm liked Nueng's mean side a little too much before Wu and David wandered into Mam's bar, but this exchange solidified that Palm had a specific kink and Nueng was more than happy to offer Palm a helping hand a scolding insult. Nueng took great pleasure calling his boyfriend a fool in every language he knew including Mandarin, and I'm sure that is part of the reason Palm came around to Nueng extending his time abroad for schooling. The more education Nueng has, the more languages he can berate Palm in.

Unintentional Love Story - Spanish

The main couple were great, but I was showing up every week for Donghee and Hotae's friends-to-enemies-to-menaces plot because once they screamed at each other in the alley, the only reasonable next step was to sleep together, no? Maybe that's just me, but Hotae trying to prove to Donghee that he was serious about him by learning Spanish like one of the Hisstrange (Hispanic) men Donghee liked had me screaming, "SECOND SEASON WHEN?" which now I must patiently wait for to see how well Hotae's improves his language skills for his amor.

KinnPorsche - English

The VegasPete arc was a wild ride. They went from spying and torturing to crying and fucking in the span of two episodes, but what was the craziest moment of them all was when after sex and STILL CHAINED UP, Vegas turned to Pete and softly said, "Do you know how sexy you are?" Like . . . bitch, what?! Even crazier was Pete's apathetic response of "mmm" as if he had heard that line a thousand times after bringing countless men to their knees with his free therapy and snarky comebacks. Vegas served a lot of great English lines, but this one took the cake, and the tossed salad.

Moonlight Chicken - Modern Standard Thai Sign Language

Heart and Li Ming's story was already the sweetest thing since a nice mango sorbet on a hot day, but add in the fact that Wen, the bridge between Li Ming and his uncle Jim, was not only fully supportive of these two kids finding happiness within each other, but started to learn MSTSL so he could communicate with Heart was what pushed me over the edge. Heart's own parents couldn't be bothered to learn how to communicate with their son, but Li Ming's very-gay-uncle's boyfriend did. Wen knew he needed an ally to deal with these stubborn guys, and no better than the boyfriend of your-soon-to-be-nephew. Ghost Host, Ghost House gets an honorable mention for MSTSL as well.

Bonus

KinnPorsche - English

Ken and Big were two bad bitches and the Regina George and Maddy Perez of Kinn's bodyguard squad. Big had his reasons for disliking Porsche like being jealous that the man he loved was in love with this idiot, but Ken just hated Porsche for being an idiot who upset the guy he was in love with (Ken x Big is canon to me), so when Ken yelled, "Are you fucking dumb, bro?!" at Porsche with Perth's Australian accent, I was cackling. It made me instantly think Ken was the mole because only someone who was rocking with Vegas "but this wasn't the fucking plan" Theerapanyakul could drop bangers like this.

[ppeonppeonhan]

Songs That Remind Me of BL Characters & Couples

@zimmbzon kindly tagged me in their post, prompting me to share the first ten songs in my On Repeat playlist. Highly recommend checking theirs out, because mine is...rather basic. And becauuuuse it's basic, I'm gonna add another layer to this and tell you which BL character or couple perfectly matches the vibe of each song.

1 | "imperfect for you" by Ariana Grande: This one's off her new "please feel sad for me because even though I'm messy when it comes to love I still have feelings" album. I may have listened to this one "on repeat," because it's just cathartic to two-step to these lyrics: "I'm fucked up / anxious / too much / but I'll love you / like you need me to / imperfect for you." What's that? Self-awareness? Respect. I just know Ming from My Stand-In would have the audacity to sing this to body-swapped Joe.

2 | "Acid Dreams" by MAX and Felly: Could not tell you who either of these people are but this song is a snap-worthy bop that got me feeling myself every time it comes on -- probably because it opens with: "You look so good in a night gown girl / freckles on your face / lemme kiss each one." This was clearly meant for my generation, because there is not a single human under 30 in possession of a night gown. But Khem from Deep Night would 1,000% use this song to charm the pants off of someone.

3 | "Toco Toco To" by Dixson Waz: I'm Dominican. And even though I understand Spanish, I cannot for the life of me tell you what this man is saying, but I can assure you it is inappropriate. Rated NC-17 without a doubt. And for that reason, I'd pair this song with the entire cast of Playboyy -- just casually playing this in the background of one of their random, impromptu, midday sex parties.

4 | "Lie to Me" by Meghan Trainor: Obsessed. Not with her. With her music. She has so many non-butt-related songs that are worth a listen. I truly feel like she's underrated -- on par with Ed Sheeran -- and she doesn't get enough credit for it. In this track, she sings: "I don't want the truth / I want you." That sounds exactly like our lovesick boy Nick in Only Friends, thirsting after anti-monogamy Boston like he didn't know better.

5 | "Jealous" by Chris Brown, Lil Wayne, & Big Sean: While it is true that every single person on this track is problematic, including producer DJ Khaled, the swagger is immaculate. Every time it comes on, I, sincerely, close my eyes and just picture BTS's rap line to cleanse the beat. Not gonna miss out on a banger because men are the worst. Anywayyyy, the most jealous character I can think of is Way from Pit Babe, who tried to r-word his "bestie" because he chose a random nerd over him. He fits in well with these clowns.

6 | "Bounce Back" by Little Mix: The only British pop girl group I've ever intentionally streamed is Spice Girls, but the algorithm clearly thought it meant I'd like this group, and the track that hooked me was one that sampled the iconic Soul II Soul's "Back to Life." Instant replay. Someone I think lives and breathes the mantra "You can have me however you want me / however you need me" is the Sultan of Simp, Karan from Cherry Magic (Thailand). Achi could've asked for a kidney, and he would've delivered. But coming in a close second is obviously Rain from Love in the Air. Payu had to practically beat him off with a stick -- no pun intended.

7 | "Body" by Loud Luxury and Brando: It's the buildup to the chorus for me -- come to find out many listens later that it's about a guy who is begging a girl to sleep with him because he's been "waiting too long." 🙄 This one very obviously goes to Yuan from Unknown, who damn near disintegrated Qian's clothes the minute he saw even the glimmer of a green light. Talk about a slow build.

8 | "Into You" by Fabolous feat. Tamia: Back in 2003, rappers used to drop an R&B hit every now and then to remind women that they were romantics. The gaslight kings of the aughts. So in this track, this duo talks about an inexplicable-but-undeniable connection, which only makes me think of Vegas and Pete from KinnPorsche. Those two needed a PowerPoint presentation to explain to their friends and family how they went from hostage situation to star-crossed lovers. But we got nothing -- just good vibes and patricide.

9 | "i wonder..." by j-hope feat. Jung Kook: Do I miss them? Yes. Will I listen to any BTS track that's easy to Namjoon to? Yes. Now that we got that out of the way: This song is about enjoying the moment and not wasting the good times by dreading the future. And that just screams Be My Favorite to me. Kawi just kept trying to time-travel his way to a hetero fantasy, not realizing his queer happily ever after was standing right in front of him the whole time in the gorgeous form of the eternally patient Pisaeng.

10 | "MY HOUSE" by Beyoncé: Not to bring up BTS again, but 👀...j-hope would body any choreography set to this song. Without breaking a sweat. And mother would be proud. On this track, the Queen B speaks of once dreaming of the wealth, fame, and stability she has now, and making sure to only keep positive people around her, because love heals. Sailom from Dangerous Romance would certainly relate to having similar dreams and beliefs, and effortlessly exudes equally feisty bad bitch energy. I still can't get over how he disarmed his bully (and future love interest), Kanghan, by basically saying, "You clearly like me. Shut up." And saying it with tongue.

That was fun. 🤸🏿‍♂️

[ros-sauce]

ranking every "hatching chick" emoji 🐣

Apple: 6.5/10

A tad bald, and the rendering is (as per usual with Apple emojis) a little bit much. My friend says he looks like a Smash Bros trophy. He looks well-meaning, but a bit... hollow... Cute, but he makes me nervous. I like the little crack in his egg shell.

(More under the cut!)

Google Noto Color Emoji: 6/10

Not very chick-shaped, and I'm not loving the greyness of his egg. The position of his wings is cute, I love that he appears to be hoisting himself out of the egg, but the image as a whole is so flat, and doesn't really register in my mind as an animal. He looks like a bath toy.

Samsung: 7/10

Looks more like a parrot than a chick, but it's a very cute parrot, so it's okay. Props to this little guy for having a cracked egg, I'll never get tired of it! He's the most animal-looking chick to me so far.

Microsoft: 6.5/10

An upgraded version of the Google Noto chick, really. He has the same flatness, the same grey egg, but a more vacant expression, which is actually pleasant here. The other stared into my soul.

Whatsapp: 5/10

Did they throttle him before taking this picture? He's shaped like a bowling pin. I'm upset. I like the rendering on the egg.

Twitter: 8/10

This is everything Google Noto and Microsoft wishes their chicks were. The artists over at Twitter have so perfectly captured the brainlessness of a newborn animal. The lights are on with this animal, but no one's home. I think it was a nice choice to omit his wings, the simplicity is charming. Shaped like a friend. I like the little feathers sticking out of his head.

Facebook: 6/10

She's cute, but she makes me anxious... Her eyes are so soulless. this is not a chick, this is something else masquerading as a chick. Unlike all of the other chicks thus far, she doesn't appear at all to have put any effort into hatching. I think someone else cracked her egg for her.; released her unto the world like a demon. She kind of looks like bread baked to look like a chick. TL;DR: Cute, but she'll steal your soul.

Skype: 1/10

... Scary. I don't like him. Stop starin at me with them big ol' eyes. He looks like that one coked-out bird from Animal Crossing. What the fuck? What were they thinking???

Twitter Emoji Stickers: 6/10

If you told me he was from a Farmville clone I'd believe you. I have no more thoughts on this one.

Joypixels: 6/10

He has a kind face; but that is, without a doubt, a man in the body of a chick. Get him out.

Toss Face: 9/10

asjhkgfawidjcnvdfhjbmawiofrdnfiubvmasjkcfvbndfuibjmsdjkfvbnerfiudjbmsdjkcnvsdfjkbm sdhjcfnasdiobnsdjkfnaskmbndjfkn. Cake decoration.

Sony Playstation: 8/10

So tiny!! So cute!! I want to hold him gently in my hands! He's fluffy and round, just as a chick should be; I like the thickness of his wings quite a lot. Little man I love you

Openmoji: 6.5/10

I like him!! I love how he shyly peeks out, it's his first day on Earth, so of course he's a little nervous! He definitely registers as a chick to me, I can especially picture this one pecking at the ground for bugs or whatever chicks do.

emojidex: 7.5/10

Cutie pie!! Looks like something you'd see on a low-budget but extremely charming animated children's show. They register more to me as a baby than a chick (the egg's shape being reminiscent of Vullaby Pokemon's... egg diaper thing?? is certainly the reason for this), but they're still really cute to me. Friend shaped!

Messenger: 3/10

This thing just got flashbanged. His eyes aren't even pointed in the same direction. This man is disturbed, he has seen some serious shit, he needs therapy yesterday. Please help him.

LG: 4/10

She looks like if Ming Ming from the Wonder Pets died and came back wrong. There's an eerie emptiness in this one's noggin. The smallness of the egg really isn't working for this one either; how did she ever fit in there? Upsetting. This one makes my hair stand on end.

HTC: 7/10

Very silly looking. Shaped like a friend. I love how big his forehead is, it really hammers home that this guy is a little baby. I'd like to gently stroke his head, he deserves it.

Softbank: 10/10! 🎊

Look at him!! He's just been born and he already has so much zest for life! This guy has burst from his egg and he's so excited to be here! His little smile, his raised arms, such a dynamic pose... Incredible. Softbank Chick, I love you.

Docomo / au by KDDI: 6/10

I'm personally not partial to uncolored emojis, but he's really cute. I love that he faces to the side, like he's really not sure what to do next and is looking for someone to hopefully give him some instructions.

Mozilla: 6/10

Eehhhh... This chick is a lot like Google Noto and co. He's not bad, but he's just so... flat. He looks like construction paper organized to be chick-shaped. Cute, but not bursting with life like some of the better-rated chicks on this list.

Windows 10: 7.5/10

In the words of my friend who helped me make this, this little beast is emerging from white fire, not an egg, and I welcome him. This chick is powerful. I fear what he could do, and respect him greatly for it.

[antelopunny]

no one tagged me i simply enjoy talking about myself in the absence of actually writing

5 Songs

(opens spotify wrapped)

Slow Bloom - The Home Team

Dancing Demons - Space Weather

Gunners in the Rain - Mili

萬千花蕊慈母悲哀 - 珂拉琪

The Mad Stone - Everything Everything

Questions

1. Three ships you like:

about to self-report on my taste so hard rn

Idira Tlass / Jae Heydari (Warhammer 40k: Rogue Trader) - OKAY LOOK. I know people are here because I write that Yrliet fic but listen up. At first I thought of them as perfect besties, which is ALSO a great flavour, but then I began rotating Idira in my mind on full blast like a 900W microwave and I went CRAZY. Like, just, okay, let me try to summarize my thoughts... so Idira, she's brash, she's loud-mouthed, she's talented as FUCK and despite being an unsanctioned psyker has beaten all the millions of odds stacked against her, but pretty soon after meeting her, you can brush past her tough facade and realise she's just aching for someone she can Be Real with. You go deeper and you realise she was raised to be a weapon for warlords to use but then one day a knight in shining armour named Theodora von Valancius busted her out, swept her off her feet and spirited her away into the stars. She wants that back, in the end: someone she can lean on, hug her when shit is rough, stay with her until the inevitability of her gruelling end at the hands of the warp. AND THEN ENTER JAE HEYDARI, a supposed 'princess' of a faraway kingdom who seemingly wants a handsome (and very rich) prince to save her, but pretty quickly you can see past the act and know that Jae is a total freebird who knows that the only person she can count on is herself. But even so, she's fiercely loyal and would happily march into a cold death if that meant saving those she cared for (as many unfortunately found out because of Jae's Act 4 quest bugging). So it's Idira, the 'witch-diviner of fates' with seemingly unbreakable will, a valiant 'dark knight'-type figure holding back horrors unseen all while quietly yearning to be saved, + Jae, the 'runaway princess of Efreet' with unyielding charm and luxurious airs, a beautiful 'blooming rose waiting to be plucked'-type of girl that under the surface is chasing after her destiny all on her own two feet, because who the hell needs a Prince Charming when your name is Jae fucking Heydari? LISTEN. LISTEN OKAY THE ROLE REVERSAL. THE UNEXPECTED INTERTWINING OF THEIR FATES IN OPPOSITE SIDES OF A DANCE. GUYS DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYI

Trahearne / Pact Commander (Guild Wars 2) - Most people haven't played GW2 at all. But a lot of people have played FFXIV. So imagine a Haurchefant-type figure that, if you choose to start as a Sylvari, has been with you having your back the whole tile, sets up the whole We Gonna Save The World organization and trusts in you to be one of his top commanders, takes the lead but in truth is always looking upon you to be his sunlight and shining spear, you are the only one that sees through the brave face he has put up this whole time for the sake of fighting the good fight, you are the one he trusts with who he is, and then the first expansion of the game comes out and he FUCKIGNGEWOI HOGESWHIIO EGIJJiaewhioewh JHAHAhsahifEGHIWHW EIEWGi NOOoOoOO anyway you should play critically acclaimed MMO Guild Wars 2 it's got a free trial all the way up to the first expansion Heart of Thorns, is a 'buy once play forever' type of MMO so you don't have to pay a sub, and is constantly updating with new story PLEASE PLAY IT WITH ME PLEASE

Zheng Chenggong / Zhou Yu (Fate/Samurai Remnant) - Yes, that Ming loyalist guy who exorcised the Dutch from Taiwan + that Romance of the Three Kingdoms twink who dabbed on Cao Cao. I have no excuse for this one. They got that twin souls separated over 1300 years shit with a heavy heaping of 'time is a flat circle and nothing we ever do will matter in the end' on top of it. Zheng Chenggong is also, uh... it gets worse the more I talk about it so I'll just stop here. If you know you know.

2. First ship ever: ...probably N Harmonia / the Pokemon B/W player character. What was it? FerrisWheelShipping??????? I was like 12 years old okay you gotta leave me alone

3. Last song you heard: Persephone in the Garden - Aidoneus. I've had it on loop while writing. It, uh... it's a mood.

4. Favorite Childhood Book: My dad made me read The Little Prince when I was a kid and I regarded it with the blind childlike wonder an idiot 7 year old would, without understanding all the underlying whispers of tragedy. I reread it along with footnotes detailing the author's shit life and the backdrop of the Vichy Regime and I was like. What the fuck father why did you give this to me

5. Currently Reading: The Sea of Fertility tetralogy. Again. Yukio Mishima's ghost constantly possesses me and forces me to reread his 800 page long suicide note

6. Currently Watching: DUNGEON MESHI! OooOooH DUNGEON MESHI (narrator voice)

7. Currently Craving: Sleep. Good fucking night

simply do this if you wish, tag games are simply a tumblr dot com psy-op to make you anxious about bothering people

[killerandhealerqueen]

Rules: List 10 comfort shows and then tag 10 people

@writerwithoutsound I hope you don't mind me stealing this but it looks like fun!

1. Killer and Healer: I think this drama is forever going to be a comfort drama of mine and I doubt anything is going to top it. Like I genuinely doubt it. It has my entire heart and soul...it has my everything

2. S.C.I: My first cdrama that introduced me to the world of cdramas/dramas in general (I watched a few jdramas with my mom when I was younger but never really got into them) so it has a special place in my heart. It was my top drama until Killer and Healer came along. But it's still a show that I love and like to watch every now and then (Second season when; it's been years)

3. Doubles: I love this fucking jdrama okay? It's an older police procedural/crime jdrama but my fucking god is it a comfort drama. I love the cast and the cases and just everything about it. It just makes me happy

4. Dragon Ball: I love this god damn show, okay? I love every version, the original, Z, Z Kai, Super, GT, the fucking movies...it's my first anime and I love it.

5. CSI: Miami: The only CSI show I have watched all 10 seasons of. I literally can just see the beginning of an episode and know which episode is playing, that's how much I've watched this show. But I really like it and I like the characters because they're so bitchy and if you're bitchy, I'm probably gonna like you (though there are some characters I'm more fond of than others)

6. Law & Order: I like my police procedurals okay, sue me. It's a comfort show of mine but I have to say, I like seasons 3-5 the best because of the partnership between Mike Logan and Lennie Briscoe. I think they were the best partners. But I also just like Jerry Orbach so there's that

7. The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty: I think one of my first cdramas in COVID (covid is when I really got into watch dramas because of how much time I had on my hands when I wasn't doing school) and it was just so fun and interesting and tragic and I loved it

8. The Fiery Priest: My first kdrama that I watched during COVID and it had me screeching with laughter because of how funny it was. But there were also some really serious moments during it to and they mixed the serious with the funny really well. I can't wait for the second season

9. Forensic Files: I love this show. I fall asleep to it all the time; it's like my white noise. It's also one of the shows (besides CSI: Miami) that got me interested in forensics (I was interested in forensics before but watching this show just enhanced my interest in it)

10. NCIS: New Orleans: I like this NCIS show the best and again, like CSI: Miami, I've seen almost every episode (for the most part) but I like the seasons after the first two seasons, just because I didn't particularly care for Meredith Brody. Not my favorite character. But I like the show and I like Dwayne Pride

Tagging: @mishathewtf @missfangirll @tytangfei @dangermousie @ahhhnorealnamesallowed @hyperbolicgrinch @fourth-quartet @zzzhoonie @nineninepetals @hils79 and anyone else who wants to play

[thesummerstorms]

Rev’s Favorite MXTX Fics (1/2)

Heaven Official’s Blessing

’Til our compass stands still by edenwolfie

After getting lost in Ghost City, Xie Lian bargains away years of servitude to the Gambler’s Den to help a man in need. He dons the robes of a worker and hides his face and life behind an enchanted mask, protecting himself from the city's denizens. Xie Lian finds an unexpected home in Ghost City before he ever sees the lord of it, the infamous Hua Cheng. When he finally does, something about himself seems to catch the attention of the Ghost King, slowly striking up an unusual friendship. Xie Lian must figure out how to navigate his burgeoning feelings, how to keep his identity to himself, and how to get over a ghost so clearly in love with someone else.

the ghost king's bride by arahir

Ghosts won't stop giving Xie Lian flowers, Hua Cheng won't stop teasing, and Xie Lian is out here doing his best, man.

Aren't Alright by Boomchick

It’s been over a week since Xie Lian checked in which, for Mu Qing, is about the longest silence since the one that lasted 800 years. He should probably be glad for the quiet, but instead…

Instead he calls in Feng Xin’s help, and goes to see what’s wrong.

He should have expected this, honestly.

Feng Xin and Mu Qing arrive at the house on Mt. Taicang to find Xie Lian 8 years old both in body and mind. The main problem? Xie Lian isn’t the only one who’s 8 years old. What are two gods to do with a Hong Hong-er?

Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System:

I Wish You Were My Husband by Feynite

AU based on The Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir (familiarity with that story's not required).

Wherein Shen Yuan transmigrates into a harem intrigues romance novel (gay edition), Yue Qingyuan really fucks up, Liu Qingge is not suitable for his job, and no one even remotely sees Luo Binghe coming.

Metagaming by esama

[Self-Saving System Activated! You will be now returned to your original starting position.]

Shen Qingqiu dies and gets a second chance and decides to try a different approach.

Character Optimisation by esama

[Bonus mission, "Me, Myself and I" is now available. Would you like to activate the mission?]

Shen Qingqiu tries to sort himself out. Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge try to help.

pure white and snow-bright by AMereDream

The first time you are used by old hands but a new soul, it is out of pure curiosity. One hand on your scabbard, one hand on your hilt, and a soft gasp of delight at the sight of your beauty. You preen. You are a beautiful thing, and you know it.

The second time you are used by old hands but a new soul, you kill a man.

(Or, you are Xiu Ya. Perhaps that is not what you were in the past, but it is what you are now.)

Sit With Your Soul by Tossawary

The original Shen Qingqiu suffers a severe deviation that unsettles his daemon, transforming them into a childish and inconstant creature, too curious and without any memories of the life that has made him so bitter. His soul is now unrecognizable to him and everyone can see his humiliation.

Shen Yuan isn't exactly happy to have transmigrated into Proud Immortal Demon Way at all, much less as this doomed scum villain's daemon.

A His Dark Materials Fusion AU.

when at first i learned to speak (i used all my words to fight) by xfrinz

Xiao Jiu doesn't know where he is, but he doesn't need to know where he is to not trust it. The only person that Xiao Jiu trusts is Qi-ge.

//

AKA: Another Shen Qingqiu De-Aging Fic

You came to me through the green of a forest by namio

...I woke, and the low moon’s glimmer on a rafter Seemed to be your face, still floating in the air.

A gentle laugh, inky reeds upon a white fan. This is a figure he will never see again, Liu Qingge realizes.

The Many Trials and Tribulations of Ming Fan by The Feels Whale

Ming Fan just wants to get through ONE supervised night hunt without this happening.

Or: the one where Shen Qingqiu continues to be attractive to people who aren’t Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge. It's a problem.

---

“Da-shixiong.” Ning-shimei’s groan was barely audible to anyone who didn’t have a cultivator’s enhanced senses. To him and the rest of their assembled siblings, though, it rang out like a bell. The only one who didn’t notice was Shizun. He was up ahead and deep in conversation with the Lord who’d summoned them to investigate a series of local disappearances.

“I saw,” Ming Fan sighed. “Eyes front. Everyone knows their roles.”

Frankly, he’d been braced for this moment since he’d asked around about the family hosting them for the duration of this investigation. He’d discovered that they had two marriage-aged daughters in the household, neither of whom were engaged.

Help! My Boss is a Bitch. by x_los

Shen Yuan was born to be Reviewer 2. Decades after his marriage, Empress Shen Qingqiu is living his best life at the entire demonic civil service's expense.

Grasping a Kite with Broken String by yamabuki_kana (cygnisor)

Despite how hard Shen Qingqiu tries to hide it, everyone knows how he mourns for Luo Binghe's loss in the Immortal Alliance Conference.

Liu Qingge tries to help him.

Tongfang by The Feels Whale

Shen Yuan is reincarnated as a cannon fodder character and eventual murder victim in one of the whodunnit arcs in Proud Immortal Demon Way. Things escalate quickly.

Or: that one where young Luo Binghe’s career goal is ‘Bride’.

[condemnedtranscendent]

Could you please tell me about your of bloodline (the daughters of eve)? 👉👈 they sound so interesting!!

:O thank you for asking!

tw: for murder, toxic relationships, mental illness and vampire nonsense

i don't remember where exactly i got the name daughters of eve from, but it was from i believe a non-canonical biblical source?? they're not *literally* daughters of the biblical eve, but as eve = sin in some interpretations, it makes sense w the vampires of vtm lore. but they are all full blood sisters from the same parents.

there's seven sisters total, one put into each clan (just the primary ones in bloodlines). they were all turned on the exact same night at the exact same time (7pm). the event was not planned by any one or group, and none of the sisters were in the same location. some people think their coming is a sign of gehenna and that they all share the same soul, but whether you believe that is up to you. all of them are very different personality wise, and all have various levels of relevancy/power/influence.

meta wise, they represent each of my bloodlines playthroughs, so right now i only have two written out evas and entigone.

evas is the gangrel also known as the ugly german bitch because shes not afraid to look like "trash" (being fat, as i know personally, was NOT in, in 2005, but she dresses as she wants anyways and uses the term ugly to show she doesn't care what others think, i for one think shes hot) she will beat you over the head for talking shit. but shes also in general mean. so that's the bitch part. she has no problem or grief killing people. shes gangrel but down with the brujah. doesn't mind doing tasks/quests just because it gives her something to do and someone to beat up, but she doesn't like to be pushed around like a pawn. shes her own person and fights for her own cause, no one else is on her side, and anyone close to her she sees as temporary (whether they will betray or end up dead). evas probably the most sane out of all of them, and is the eldest sister of seven. also shes bi if you're interested. her ending was the brujah one.

entigone is batshit obviously being malkavain, but moreso than the typical malk. she had ocd before turning, and becoming malkavian turned that shit 100x worse. its very hard for her to sort out whats true and whats not. she is incredibly off putting to be around. she will attack randomly if she feels threatened (even if the person said nothing to her) and because of this she has the most masquerade violations out of any daughter of eve. also loses control when feeding and sometimes drains them without meaning too. big lesbian and trusts women too much, but never trusts any men. her hair is naturally curly, and meant to have greasy roots and matted ends (i use gerard way, amy winehouse, and britney spears for hair reference). she cant take care of herself physically. unphased by violence (the lollipop piece was meant to have a layer covered in blood from one of evas' kills, hence the surprised but not horrified expression) but is terrified of losing anyone she loves (heather is NOT leaving that fucking apartment shes probably locked in a goddamn cupboard if were being honest.) and lives in constant delusions, not being able to tell whats true from the malkavian voices and her ocd, and the x% of the time the voices are right. i haven't finished her playthrough but she was "fooled"* by ming xiao and that's her ending.

her name comes from the ancient greek figure antigone, who was present in oedipus rex. i haven't really figured out if she'll have any true connection to her namesake, their stories don't really cross very much other than i can read antigone's with the Eye Of OCD (only fellow crazies will get me here lol)

*"fooled" bcuz i really disliked they made the kuei jin evil and sneaky, it just felt kinda racist (and i love xiao) butttt i also like the idea of entigone following her ocd compulsions leading to her death like tragedy and comedy, (also since i suffer with ocd irl, and doing compulsions often leads to opposite results its sort of a cautionary tale, again like a greek tragedy)

i really wish i had more to this written out i'm sorry 😭 ill start posting stuff under the tag #daughters of eve when i come up with it from now on if you'd like to follow the story :}

[wen-kexing-apologist]

WKA, in your infinite wisdom, please tell us who has done the very best hand work in bl this year

Ok first of all, I asked for nice questions, SHAN. NOT evil, personal attack, make me choose questions.

There have been many many many great hands in BL this year, and my categorization for them depends on what exactly we are looking for within them.

I wrote the most essays about hands for La Pluie, who I do think did hands extremely well when it comes to demonstrating character's. Patts changes in pressure and sensation versus Tai's fingers being stiff in their first make out session, and then Tai changing it up a bit in their sex scene now that he's had some practice. Patts' thumb wiping cum from Tai's lips, etc. and that wasn't a show that I would say had heavy focus on hands, just good work that I noticed mostly going on in the background.

gif from @wanderlust-in-my-soul

In terms of some of the best subtle ones, I would say Sing My Crush, which had some excellent hand work, and precisely a million screen captures, but were ones I didn't really notice while I was watching it.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

In terms of shows that have had a hand focus, the fucking oil scene from I Feel You Linger in the Air was a perfect demonstration of hand work. There are so many shots of hands in this show and every last one of them is absolutely stunning. Removing Yai's tie, massaging Jom's eyebrows, the way the lesbians hold hands, it's all incredible.

gif from @pharawee (using the only hand moment in the oil scene that will most likely not get this post flagged mature lmfao)

And then I will give a shout out to Moonlight Chicken, both for the absolutely beautifully shot scene of Heart and Li Ming's hands climbing up each other, thumb to pointer finger. But also because sign language is a language of hand movement, and sign language is such a vital part of the story.

gif by @firstkhao

Another currently airing one that I think uses hands well is Only Friends, which similar to La Pluie doesn't feel like it is actively trying to do a ton of hand close ups, but whose use of hands is brilliant for how it demonstrates character. For example, how often Boston points directly at people because he's fucking rude, but Mew can't point directly at Top when he's fighting with him.

gif by @btwinlines [i know objectively this is not as strong of a hands gif as the others in this set, but I legitimately cannot find any other gifsets that shows Mew fighting with Top, and this gif does show that Mew points down and to the side of Top, which I love for Mew still not being able to be fully rude.]

Finally, special shout out to Man Trisanu in Step by Step for possibly my favorite hand moment of 2023, which happens in Ep 7, Pat is crying and Jeng starts to reach out to comfort him, realizes that touching Pat is not appropraite, and pulls his hand back.

gif by @pharawee

OH GOD AND OUR DINING TABLE HAD ONE OF MY OTHER FAVORITE SMALL HAND MOVEMENT MOMENTS, WHEN YUTAKA FOR A MILLISECOND REACHES HIS HAND BACK OUT TOWARDS MINORU'S IN EP 8.

gif by @forcebook

And if you wanna know what hands I thought were the hottest this year from a show I'm not even watching.

Love in Translation

gif by @aejeonghae

Like, excuse me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[bittermoonswrites]

Can I ask, your favorite media, like from books, anime/manga, movies, tv series, etc (if you feel like listing multiple) of all time?

I’m going to reframe this media that changed how I saw something important at some point in my life, since if you ask me for favorite anything, you’ll just get what I’ve been recently been watching/reading.

Vagabond (Sans toit ni loi, dir. Agnés Varda 1985): I watched this movie when I was 18, and it left a deep impression on me about what it means to be a woman in our world. This is a fictional film made in a mockumentary style that starts with the main character’s death and works backwards.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: I don’t even know if it’s good or not at this point. I’ve just been a huge fan for over 10 years, which means I’m stuck with it for the rest of my life. 

The Nonary Games (9 Hours 9 Doors 9 Lives, Virtue’s Last Reward, Zero Time Dilemma): Math-based sci-fi horror visual novels for the soul :) Never has math been so terrifying yet so fun! They’re kind of deeply fucked up on an existential level, but I enjoyed these games a lot.

K-Ming Chang: K-Ming Chang has been a major inspiration for me as a writer the past few years. The way she writes about folklore, queerness, diaspora, intergenerational trauma, and mothers and daughters has been deeply eye-opening and awe-inspiring. I'm a huge fan. I’ve read pretty much everything’s she’s published and look forward to whatever she writes next. There was an interview a few years ago that called her the 'future of literature,' and I don't think that's an exaggeration given that she's still in her mid-20s. I personally think of her as more of a writer's writer because she hones in on what each sentence and image can do and sharpens each one until they gleam, and writers tend to appreciate that more than readers don't write.

Patrick Radden Keefe: Patrick Radden Keefe is a investigative journalist for The New Yorker, and I am a big fan of everything he has written, between his books, articles, and the one podcast he did called Winds of Change back in 2020. This man literally has been followed around by PIs and has had his home broken into by the Russian Mob while digging into things. Keefe has a deep understanding of human nature and commitment to following through that I admire a lot. I was invited to be in Our Infinity (the satosugu wedding zine, here’s my plug for that since preorders are up and the merch is really cool lol). The fluffly fic I wrote for it involved Geto’s day job being basically Patrick Radden Keefe. It’ll be posted on AO3 once I’m allowed to, which is whenever after zine orders have been fulfilled (my guess is this fall). I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought about writing another entry of that AU where Geto is going around investigating Sketchy Things with help from his himbo assistant and math professor husband Gojo. Maybe someday!

[munvrse]

I love li ming. I fucking love li ming. I LOVE li ming.

It's not because of i relate to him, in reality, i don't even know whether i do relate or not, but there's just something about him that i love with all my heart. no, it's not about me loving him but more like about he's in my heart (?) if that makes sense. he's always the dearest to me and i hold him very close to my heart. he's such a human. he's beautiful. perfectly imperfect. everything about him is so carefully made and written. he's so real. so raw.

li ming is the person with the kindest and purest soul. you'll never see him be mean to a person (unless they deserve it). he's a people's person. an angel. he would never want to harm anyone. he'd always try his best to understand each and every person. he might sometimes think he's a burden in which resulting him keeping everything to himself. he's very considerate of everyone but himself. selfless.

he'd want every best things for the people he loves, for the people around him. but at the same time, he's just this big mess and lump of raw emotions. he has the kindest soul and yet most of the time he fails to showcase just how endearing he really is. even to the people he cares about, he often puts on this mask where he's just this hugee anger bunch. idk. it's just hard to write about him but at the same time i understand him with my whole existence.

he's just so everything. a person I'd never let go. someone who deserves so much love. someone who deserves to love. he has so much feelings inside him. my li ming :( i love you :(

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf live read, part 5

in which the author moves her live-tweet of Heaven Official's Blessing, Tian Guan Ci Fu, all-around perfect novel and joy to everyone who reads it, from twitter (beta, qi rong, ruined by cryptobros and billionaires) to tumblr (alpha, hua cheng, shitposting for 10+ years and chaotic neutral). please buy officially licensed Heaven Official's Blessing translations from Seven Seas, enjoy the beautiful official donghua while we can get any smidge of gay representation out of mainland China, and enjoy!

initially live-tweeted 3/29/2020:

oh my god there’s a pregnancy episode. You know I’ve never counseled any of my patients on the grudge that could be left by an aborted fetus

Xie Lian faking pregnancy Im here for this

Oh!!!!! This is great!!!!!

Xie Lian has a ghost baby who’s waiting for him to transition & get pregnant CLEARLY THE ONLY EXPLANATION

I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING

I cannot wait to see the art for this??? It’s gonna be Exquisite

UNEXPECTED!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH SCREAMING SO LOUD I STARTLED THE CAT

Wasnt chapter 95 of mdzs ALSO A KISS CHAPTER

*incoherent noises* jgk fed gjbcgjkjfdhioollllojhghsadfsdff

(archivist note: my favorite fan cosplay photo art of this moment)

Oh my god xie lian REACTS SO POORLY WHAT A DUMBASS

The ghosts offering to help Hua Cheng rape someone is NOT funny but it made me laugh out loud

well now this is just

I’m gonna start counseling my pts on the spiritual strength of their fetuses. The strongest is clearly that lady who got shot in the uterus at 14 wks and made it to 28 weeks

Obstetric cultivation is my jam y’all

THEY'RE JUST HANGING OUT TOGETHER! BORROWING CLOTHES FROM EACH OTHER!! SOFT BOYFRIENDS!!!

Hua Cheng: i can cook for you

Xie Lian: no, let’s go out to eat

Hua Cheng: ......... you asked for this

oh to be Hua Cheng, smiling, watching your boyfriend eat

Xie “I JUST TELL THEM I’M IMPOTENT TO GET WOMEN TO LEAVE ME ALONE IM REALLY JUST GAY” Lian

Hua Cheng here like (smirking emoji x3)

Oh my god boyfriend calligraphy lessons SOFT...!!! SOFT!!!

I vehemently disagree with this “this father has to be included in the ghost fetus rights” case but that’s my own business

everyone: why the FUCK do you have this sword oh my god

The last time we saw e’ming it was shaking in sadness that it had hurt Xie Lian and I’ve cried in my heart every second from then until now

MY TWO FAVORITE WEAPONS ARE FIGHTING????? NO THEYRE BEST FRIENDS!! RUOYE & EMING OTP

YES PET THE SWORD ITS A GOOD SWORD GOOD SWORD

every time they hang out im just like......yes....pure oxygen, clean water, pollution disappearing from this earth....

Yes e’ming ruoye weapon pet otp

Oh my god this Which Weapon Pet Will Help More With Cooking is Exactly what my soul needs in these trying times.... I’m so blessed.....

Xie Lian - Wei Wuxian - being terrible at cooking

this is COMEDY GOLD

Hua Cheng: *doing dishes*

Shi Qingxuan: WHAT THE FUCK

Qi Rong: IM A FIERCE GHOST TOOOOOOOOO

Xie Lian: *hiding*

This is the best dinner party

This is the best fucking dinner party scene in any book I have ever read

Honestly the book could end right here. This scene is the Blessing in the title Heaven Official's Blessing

Shi Qingxuan is gonna go back & tell everyone they ate dinner with Hua Cheng and No One is gonna believe it

Poor Shi Qingxuan Lolololol

Awwwww theyre finally exchanging phone numbers!!!! also lol @ xie lian’s little joke here

can’t wait for the scene where they start flirting via communications array & shi qingxuan is staring back and forth at them & shouting at ming yi WHAT THE FUCK WE’RE RIGHT HERE WHAT ARE THEY DOING GET A GODDAMN ROOM

ugh I’m so happy to stop on this note & look forward to reading tomorrow & not having to pick up in the middle of Tragedy Book 2 (& apoarently also Tragedy Book 4). In conclusion Hualian is the Real Official Blessing We Made Along The Way

OMG I SAID THIS SCENE WOULD HAPPEN also i cant wait to find out hua cheng’s password (narrator voice: she would be disappointed)

Shi Qingxuan: i made them strip but oh god he just admitted he likes xie lian NOW its weird

Hahaha just wait till this is a sex thing (smirk emoji)

I also get bored and play dress up in the middle of hostage recovery

to be continued in part 6!

[bdbdhdjdhdh]

My Hero PSLE: S2E9 "Rewriting history"

"Well, it's clear, whoever wrote the Cain and Abel story clearly didn't use the Adam and Eve story as reference,"

-Random guy on the internet

"WE ARE REWRITING HISTORY HERE!" So Kain was really going mad sia. Omg like Mr Lee last time.

So anyway, Xiao Ming quickly put on the armor that Grandmaster has snuck with them and turned into battle-ready mode.

So he fought hard and dodged many attacks and also landed many attacks that should have been fatal but he's dealing with a god here so meh.

Fighting Kain, while Grandmastef, Juqla, Zhi Hua and the rest fight off Ma Xiao Tiao and Rainslasher.

The godly god of all gigachads, Ma Xiao Tiao.

Oh damn he looks really hot when he rips of his shirt and enters battle mode

So anyway they fought long and hard and eventually overpowered Ma Xiao Tiao and Rainslasher.

But Kain really too strong liao.

Even with Grandmaster and the rest helping Xiao Ming out to fight him right, still cannot win him sia.

So Juqla decided to do something idk if is crazy or just stupid or actually fucking works but he said this: "Ok Xiao Ming, I'm gonna be transferring you my power and strength and energy and stuff so you can fight him ok!"

And so he did. He connected Xiao Ming's soul to a device, and then channeled all of his strength into the device to enpower Xiao Ming.

Now with this newfound power Xiao Ming managed to defeat Kain.

And then Kain is like dying already. But in his last dying breath he just has to drop another lore bomb again:

"Ok so I know I'm dying and this is like the last time I'll ever be able to tell anyone this but I need to let ya'll know that we are not alone in this universe, we are part of a trilogy called the Tri-cohort state, the other two worlds were also formed from the residue of the dead god, and thus must also have their own ways to deal with it, maybe if you go travel to them you'll be able to find a cure for your pain, Juqla,"

"Oh, ok, whatever," He just said.

"HUUHHHH??? MORE TRAVELLING TO OTHER WORLDS LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO FIND AND KILLLLLL?" Xiao Kang said.

And then with that Kain died. But when he died something rose from his corpse, like a large teardrop-shaped blood drop, and then Xiao Ming had to be the idiot here and touch it.

Oh but luckily it didn't kill him. Instead it brought him back a lot of memories he forgot about- why Izanagi "abandoned" Juqla and Kain, didn't help them with their endless pain and suffering and just them left then on their own, what kind of struggles Izanagi had himself, how he eventually got reincarnated as a Dreamwalker Turbidus and stuff.

Oh and most importantly- how Xiao Ming is actually the reincarnted or like sort of weakened form of Izanagi.

[lornahansonforbes]

Staring at the white ceiling, I see the changing of the traffic lights. Monotonous, green to yellow to red flicker through the broken cheap plastic blinds with the rare yet occasional siren of either the fire truck or police car. One dog snuggled up tight by my hip and the other on the pillow just above my head. I’m paralyzed and I’m that person who tosses and turns in bed, and then wakes up with the sheets and blankets on the floor and I wonder why I’m shivering in the morning. Oh yeah, I’m in just my dirty knickers.

Next.

The crisp autumn air is here and as usual the sun is glaring in an extremely rare moment in wherever it is as well as the crashing waves and salty air only a few steps away from us. The hug is intense, almost bone crushing like a mortar and pestle. We feel our muscles expand and contract. I feel his heartbeat. I feel each breath. My nose is filled with his musk. My ear is planted firmly on his chest and the soft worn cotton shirt is gently caressing my cheek and jaw. It’s a magical moment for me. I slowly deliberately let go of him. Barely one full step backwards, he looks into my green eyes as I peer up into his deep mahogany brown eyes. Are they actually portals into the soul? I stand barely a tick above five feet five inches and he’s just over six feet tall. I felt like Simone Biles at four eight peering up at Yao Ming. He looked at me. I returned the look. I took another step back and I then turned and walked away from the embrace. I kept walking away from him. I just left him there alone. As I was leaving, I stopped and looked back at him, by now the tears are coming down like Iguazu Falls and I was hearing the traffic go by and if he uttered the slightest noise, I’d not hear it. It was the smell of the ocean, that certain smell that can only be found when the breeze is coming across the expanse of sand. That’s what snapped me out of it. I fumbled in my pocket for my phone and I ordered a share ride. The car pulled up to the curb, I jumped in and had the ugly cry. As far as I know, he was just still standing there and pondering, what the fuck just happened?

A great big black shiny Bovver Boot came crashing onto this picture. This clodhopper crushed the picture like a cockroach. Squashed. Then a humongous pair of hands came out of nowhere, they picked up the picture and crumbled it into oblivion and then tossed it in the nearest bin. Now it never existed and never happened. Erased from history. Bleached.

Today, I was sitting and watching them get married. They’d been together for years before they considered getting married. I’ve always wanted to know what that feeling is. How could you be in love with someone? What’s it like to have and to hold? How does one actually come to that decision? I can’t imagine what love is and the fucking audacity, the temerity of the situation. God! How does that work? You fool!!

“How long has it been that you’ve been pining over him?”

“Far too long,” I said.

“Has there been anyone else for which you’ve felt like this before?”

“I think it was, possibly two.”

“Do go on, please.”

Apollo was the first. I’m sure that he cared for me deeply but his girlfriend didn’t know that he had sex with me. Our dirty little affair lasted about eighteen months but I remember that he was Ecuadorian and he had the most amazing caramel colored skin. Thick black hair and brown eyes that appeared nearly black but in the right light, you saw that they were a very dark brown. Super soft skin. Full lips. I can remember most of the details which I will spare you, but he was just delicious and his kisses…nothing like it since. Though before him was Allen. A nice Jewish boy. Blonde hair and blue eyes and thick l full lips, and a body. Body. He was my first. I had no experience with being with another guy. Two things, lots of exposition on the circumstances however I’ll skip that and tell you that I remember being in the afterglow with my head on his chest listening to him breathe. You have no idea how sensual that is but if you have, you know. The spell was broken when he rolled onto his side and turned away from me.

Later on there was Anthony, who I still call my first boyfriend because he was kind to me as well as he cruel and inhumane to me. Then there’s the other Tony. I thought we loved each other and we did but it changed in an instant. While in the throes of tangled sheets etc, like in some porno, he slapped me on the ass. After that our relationship dwindled and we eventually broke up and I left him. The sad thing is that he blamed me for a great deal of things like him having to get a pacemaker because I literally gave him atrial fibrillation. The list long.

As a gay man, the butcher’s bill is relatively short and I had kept count at one time, in that realm I’ve been with about fifty guys. That covers from the mid to late 70s to just about the mid 2000’s and I don’t pop my cork for every guy nor do I open up the store and give the goods away.

“How does that make you feel?”

“Inadequate. Even the one time I went to the gay bathhouse and I even failed miserably in that arena.”

I apparently want way too much yet the actual sex is has been always secondary. I want the relationship first and foremost. I also want to nuzzle, snuggle and spoon. I want to be held. If I feel that you are the one, we will actually kiss and have a tongue lashing but you don’t get that until I feel like you’re worthy. Yes we can kiss all over, but I don’t feel you deserved to be kissed like that.

I’ve been indoctrinated by all the unimaginable things on TV, in movies and in literature. These things have been concocted by the stroke of a pen. Light years from reality. I clearly remember an episode from TV, small log cabin, roaring fire, bear skin rug, an amazing atmosphere with a selection of sweet and savory flavors sitting next to the bottle of champagne and two glasses. Love was in the air. When I blinked my eyes, I went to think about how many people were standing behind the camera just watching. I knew then and there, nope. Not me. Never in my wildest dreams.

The Baccarat Crystal I have is everything as is the delicate Waterford that I own. Both are ensconced in bubble wrap and safely stored away from the glaring light of day. The extremely rare Roger Horchow Bacchus stemmed glasses are also packed up and away from prying eyes. This inanimate objects are similar to Harry Winston or Van Cleef & Arpel, gems of great beauty and are right there yet I choose to let them stay out of reach. I’ll deny myself the pleasure just as I have denied myself many things like pills and liquor and certain foods. In essence, it’ll be a broken pain of the glass when I do take out time to hold them. So many shards of love to clean up but the wrong move and it’s going to cut you. The devastation, the rubble in the aftermath and no love for either of us. We can easily compare and relate to different situations where for a nanosecond, we thought, I could do this. Oomph. That’s a punch in the face you can’t take back. One little thing and it’s over, it’s a moment to be completely erased and as if it wasn’t even there. Snuffed out like a candle. I’m sorry about everything, David. I apologize for existing.

I will never ever write about you again. I just won’t do it. I’m not being dramatic. I’m being realistic. I hurt you and you hate me and I’m sure that I’ll never cross your mind. I’m sure that if something does happen, I’ll let you know in order for you to rejoice and I’m also confident that Danny wouldn’t dare.

If I can pick one lyric from a song, it would be “The Man That Got Away,” usually associated with Judy Garland, and those words are, “Good riddance, goodbye.”

…post script…I’ll let you write that tome.