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vasito-de-leche · 11 months

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;R1999 PAVIA - Love Languages (giving)

Headcanons and analysis on Pavia's love languages and the way he likes to show affection.

yeah ok ive been playing reverse 1999 what about it <3

it might be a little too early to write anything for it, given the lack of in-depth content, the awful translation and all, but who cares lol

Pavia as a whole - his speech pattern, the way he presents himself, his appearance, line of work, relationships, etc - can easily be described as brash and straightforward. That direct sincerity and lack of restraint is part of what makes him dangerous. One can always count on Pavia to do and say whatever he wants, whenever he feels like it, regardless of time and situation.

When it comes to showing affection, no one thinks Pavia is capable (let alone willing) of forming lasting or meaningful friendships with anyone other than his pack of wolves. They all expect the same direct and selfish behaviour from Pavia in romantic endeavors, and he delivers wonderfully.

If someone manages to catch his eye, then he'll pursue them and make his intentions very clear - romance is optional and reserved for more "difficult" targets, but he's not the type to put in the effort. All of this inevitably leads to heartbreak and a long line of partners, each and every one fully convinced on being "the one" that would steer Pavia back onto the right track, into a more honest life.

Of course, this just applies to all those fleeting flings and whims, the superficial relationships everyone around him takes at face value to justify their hatred and disapproval of him.

Unless you're part of the pack, it's near impossible to know how Pavia acts around those he truly cares for because of his solitary lifestyle, to the point where those people might not even realize that Pavia cares about them and is actively trying to be nice. His love languages are unorthodox - as well as hidden under a few layers of nonchalance and casualness, I'd even argue that Pavia himself struggles to wrap his head around the concept of caring for someone other than himself - but with enough patience and attention to detail, they'll get easier to spot! Once you understand Pavia and his MO, it all just clicks into place.

Giving: Quality Time, Gifts

[Quality Time]

In this case, the term is used very loosely, as it doesn't exactly match the usual definition - there's no uninterrupted outings nor intimate one-on-one conversations, just an intense presence orbiting around as you go about your day.

This is what Pavia considers "quality time": inserting himself into the lives of those he cares about, entirely unannounced, to follow them until he's had enough or drag them around to do whatever he feels like doing if their routine is much too boring for his taste. The confidence he displays when disrupting people's lives paints him as a jerk with little to no care for their business - after all, how can it be quality time if you can't go buy groceries in peace because Pavia keeps trying to sneak weird shit into your cart and expecting you to pay? It's all pretty on brand for him, to use his presence as an obstacle and annoyance, the same way others have used it in the past as punishment.

But this is Pavia we're talking about. He prefers solitude, he doesn't care for company and he's turned loneliness into both a weapon and a shield.

It's always been very clear to him that no one wants to stick around, so for Pavia to offer his company in this manner is not unlike a stray dog testing the waters, seeing if it's safe enough to come out of hiding. He's gauging your reaction to his antics, his existence as a whole, under the pretense of bothering you because "he feels like it". It's kind of a privilege (and a miracle) to have Pavia seek you out without a bounty for your head! Consider yourself lucky.

But to address the two most common outcomes of this love language - if Pavia takes the lead and drags you around, it means you'll be involved in the most random fucking shenanigans.

Sometimes, he just lets you hang out with him, and you know you're dear to him if he allows the pack to play and relax around you. Sometimes, you're witness to his mercenary work and other shady jobs, willingly or not (he'll call you a coward if you don't want to bury a body with him). Sometimes, he takes you shopping only to dare you to get a five finger discount with him because he sure as hell isn't paying for all this shit. Sometimes, you see him argue for fun with people he doesn't even know. Sometimes, he shows you the hidden gems of his city and then leaves to see how you find your way back.

On one hand, it's a test - to see how you'll do should he choose to stick around for longer than what's acceptable for someone like him. On the other, he wants you to be part of his world, not only small glimpses of it - it's all or nothing. So it's only fair that he shows you the type of shit that you'll be getting into if you allow him to stay. Or rather, to welcome him when he comes and goes as he pleases.

On those scarce days when he prefers to follow you around, he's mostly driven by curiosity. Pavia rejects every conventional notion of leading a "normal" life, to be part of all those blubbering idiots and their made up rules, but he's still curious about how it all works. Do you really just wake up early to get prepared and then go to a job you don't even like? For like, a third of the day? Then you go home? And then you pass out for eight or more hours? Why the fuck would you even do that? Quit your job, what's the point. Live a life of reckless abandon.

He pokes fun at everything that he doesn't like, teases and bullies nonstop (one would have to be delusional to think Pavia's attitude softens around his loved ones, in fact, it gets worse), gets in the way and makes everything harder for you - but then you realize...

No one else has given you any sort of trouble, if else they've been nicer. There's been a sale everywhere you've gone to buy whatever you need, maybe you've been given a surprising discount. If you bump into someone, they apologize profusely. If you make any sort of mistake, it's forgiven immediately. There's always a seat for you no matter where you go, and the world seems to bend at your will for a split second.

You can thank him for that, by the way. Others would kill to have such scary dog privileges. And if things don't go the way he expects them to, that's fine too! He's ready to throw hands at the drop of a hat!

[Gifts]

This one is pretty easy and straightforward! Pavia likes to give things to his loved ones, as long as he doesn't have to pay much for them and as long as they don't ask anything from his personal collection or belongings (he's very territorial). Easy! Oh, and if you ask him directly for something, chances are he'll end up not getting you absolutely fucking nothing - but he'll praise you for trying anyway!

He's a hoarder, so he assumes that others also want lots of interesting and pretty trinkets to spruce up the house. His collection is more of a statement, and one could argue that him wanting to hoard is a direct consequence of the way he was brought up.

Somewhat unrelated, but I do like the specific headcanon about how Pavia is very easy to scam based on various lines in-game, like his glasses being a cheap copy of an actual italian brand and how most of his accessories are described as just garbage with no real value. Either that or he simply doesn't care enough about really owning any expensive brands, but likes to brag anyway.

No matter the reasoning behind it, giving gifts is an important part of Pavia's love languages.

However, he never aims to get you something that you've been eyeing for a while or something that could be useful - it's usually things that remind him of you, for better and for worse. Or really, anything he gets his hands on.

Pavia might show up one day with the ugliest little creature on a keychain, saying that it looks like you. And then, some other day he might show up with some matching earrings he made from scrap metal. If he's feeling particularly nice, he treats you to gelato, his favorite, or he'll have a bunch of fancy clothes or jewelry. Some of the gifts are questionable, and their origins even more so knowing the way Pavia operates and all, but it's up to you to ask him where he keeps getting all these things. It's pretty easy to tell, especially when the clothes are definitely not your size and the jewelry is all pure gold, with small blood stains. You'll have to forgive him, the guy is messy!

If you ever choose to throw away his gifts, Pavia won't hold it against you - it's your shit now, he couldn't care less what you do with it. Sometimes, you think he's simply using you as extra storage or as his personal trash bin.

You'll only see him visibly angry if you lose or throw away something that he specifically made for you. Those are the only gifts that really mean something to him, that should mean something to you! Pavia expects you to wear those little earrings, bracelets or whatever he ends up making - none of his wolves wear collars, so this is the closest thing you'll have to being officially accepted into the pack.

#reverse 1999 #reverse: 1999 #r1999 #reverse 1999 x reader #r1999 headcanons #reverse 1999 pavia #headcanons #trying to figure out how i wanna write my faves from the game #can you tell pavia is 100% my type of character #i do love to think about. the dissonance between pavia when he interacts with the wolves #vs pavia when he. interacts with anyone or anything else #characters who are human but only physically bc theyve had their humanity striped away from them >>>>>>>>>>

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anistarrose · 6 months

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Lup's terms of endearment

[Plain text: "Lup's terms of endearment". End plain text.]

Lup is a character that it takes a lot of practice for me to write, but there's a particular calling card for Lup that jumps out both from her canon dialogue and from fanon, right? We all know it: Lup absolutely loves to call people "babe".

But... when I'm writing her, I also end up wondering if I'm overusing any given signature vocative, or other element of her speech. After all, fanfic writers, myself very much included, are always looking for quick effective ways to make characters sound like themselves — and in a case of a character like Lup, peppering in a "babe" often seems to work like a charm in terms of making her more Lup-like, especially if you're writing Blupjeans.

The thing about this vocative-centric, vocabulary-centric approach to character voice is that it can, at least theoretically, lead to us overdoing it, and overshooting how the amount that Lup would use "babe" in canon. Which isn't a big deal, it's just fic — but I'm very hyperfixated and I love Lup very much, so I wanted to break down a some of when, where, and why she uses "babe" and other terms of endearment, as well as other little nuances I noticed.

Continuing under the cut, but the tl;dr is: Lup absolutely calls people "babe" a lot, but it's not exclusively romantic, it can be either sincere or teasing in tone, and she tends to do so more as time goes on, not so much at the start of the century.

(Partially inspired by and overlapping with the contents of this post (link) by @keplercryptids!)

"Babe"

[Plaintext: "Babe". End plaintext.]

Lup (to Barry): Don’t blow yourself up, babe, I’m sure your beautiful body’s gonna get killed by the Hunger soon enough.

-Ep. 67: Story and Song Part 1.

Lup (to Barry): Babe, I love you more than life and undeath itself, but let’s get somewhere safe first, so we can really savor this tender reunion.

-Ep. 67: Story and Song Part 1.

Lup: Taako, Barry and I got this. You gotta keep trying babe, I know you can do this.

-Ep. 68: Story and Song Part 2.

Lup (to Barry): Hear that, babe? We're legends.

-Ep. 68: Story and Song Part 2.

Lup (to Barry): I’m about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe.

-Ep. 69: Story and Song Part 3.

Lup (to Barry, during heist planning): We’re good, babe.

-Live in Nashville!

The first thing that jumps out at me is how back-loaded, for lack of a better term, the use of "babe" is among all Lup's appearances. It's part of one of her most iconic lines from Story and Song, but she doesn't drop a single "babe" throughout the whole The Stolen Century! Go up and read those lines again — pre-Story and Song, there's not a single one!

I have a few conjectures here that might explain this. First, on a Doyalist level, one could attribute this to small sample size (Lup just doesn't have that much dialogue relative to her thematic presence), and/or to Griffin himself still feeling out her character in the first few episodes that she appeared in.

But on a Watsonian level: I'm purely speculating, but I wonder if it was a nickname she that first started using (or at least, using with regularity) for Barry at some point well into the establishment of their relationship, and from there, it bled out into platonic contexts too. Speaking of which, the fact that she predominantly uses it for Barry doesn't stop her from using it for Taako — in fact, though it only comes up once, it's in a very sincere moment of encouragement (as Taako struggles to transmute all of Phandalin into sapphire).

On that note, if there's anything I'll personally admit to wanting to see more of in fic, it's more of Lup using "babe" in platonic/familial contexts! It's hard to extrapolate from canon if this is a "just Taako" thing, an "any close platonic bond" thing, or an "anyone whatsoever" thing, but I just think it's so cute! (And I'd personally vibe check it as realistic for her to say to other IPRE crewmates, for example — but I'm possibly biased, as a Lup and Magnus friendship writer/enjoyer.)

Lastly on the topic of "babe," it comes up in a variety of contexts, but as alluded to above, it can be sincere or teasing — of which the teasing can, but doesn't necessarily, overlap with flirting.

Specifically, Lup uses "babe" twice while gently, lightheartedly questioning Barry's decisions or priorities, like his intent to blow himself up. It also comes up in teasing or flirtatious moments within emotionally charged moments, like the reunion, or when she gets her body back. It's just not exclusively used for deflating tension — see her sheer confidence in the "we're legends" line and how she revels in it, for example.

All in all, "babe" is clearly one of Lup's go-to all-purpose words, and I like that it shows her voice evolving over time, whether or not that was intentional by Griffin. "Babe" is by far the most worth analyzing of Lup's terms of endearment, but we'll also talk about:

"Dear"

[Plain text: "Dear". End plain text.]

Lup: We need to make sure our friends in the ethereal plane aren’t listening. Taako, could you do the honors and shoo them away? Taako: Go away! Lup: Dear, you need to Blink.

-Ep. 66, The Stolen Century Part 7.

Lup: Lucretia, dear, I’ve already forgotten about the whole thing. Oh, uh! [Smiling] Sorry, bad choice of words.

-Ep. 68, Story and Song Part 2.

With the obligatory caveat that we have an even smaller sample size here, it jumps out at me that Lup only ever uses "dear" in teasing contexts, reacting to mistakes both big and small. But it's also a word she uses to emphasize love and forgiveness — especially communicating that she won't breeze past a mistake like it didn't happen, but also isn't going to maintain hostility over it, which we see with Lucretia.

(You can even make an argument that Lup teasing Taako with a "dear" is at least a little tension-defusing too, because that scene happens in the leadup to Lup and Barry presenting the Relic plan. But it's less clear there if she's using it consciously with that purpose.)

Miscellaneous: "Honey," "Bud," "(My) Man"

[Plain text: "Miscellaneous". End plain text.]

Barry: I mean um… the Conservatories, I guess, for obvious reasons. Lup: Oh, oh sure, honey, that was a… that was a good one but, man, the food in Tesseralia though, like. It's hard to beat that.

-Ep. 66: The Stolen Century Part 6

Lup (to Magnus): What are you- why? [Laughs] We need to get- we need to- we gotta bounce. Look up. Look up, bud. It’s, it’s the Big H. It’s time to roll.

-Ep. 64: The Stolen Century Part 5.

Taako: Am I…? I’m not going to lose you again. Lup: Never. Never again, bud.

-Ep. 68, Story and Song Part 2.

Lup: So, uh, Davenport, bud, kinda curious why you’d, uh, decided to come back out here after you wrote us about all the ghost-based dangers you encountered, my man, didn’t you consider that we’d be coming to collect for, you know, the goddess of death?

-Live in San Francisco!

Now, a few more odds and ends for the sake of completeness! The first thing I noticed is that she calls Barry "honey" while teasing him a little bit, as they compare their favorite cycles (though I don't think she's necessarily lying, either) — overall very similar to how she uses "babe" in playful contexts sometimes, or how she uses "dear" with Taako or Lucretia.

"Bud" is for Taako, Magnus, and Davenport! Like "babe," it seems to be a very multi-purpose vocative — ranging from questioning her friends' judgment, all the way to deeply sincere moments. (Taako seems to bring out the sincerity more than anyone, unsurprisingly.)

Lastly, "Man" is used both as a general filler word/emphasizing word without necessarily filling in for a name or subject, or alternatively, transforms into "my man" exactly once when talking to Davenport. That one's interesting to me because "my man" is something associated a lot more with Taako — and specifically, used by Taako with people he likes and trusts (link), though it may or may not actually be a serious context.

Merle (giving Taako some shitty kelp shoes): There’s a lot of give in kelp and if they’re too small, get ‘em wet and they’ll get bigger and these— These are for you. Taako (pretending he won't immediately cast Levitate on them): Oh, well, thank you, my man. These are just beautiful!

-Ep. 62: The Stolen Century Part 3.

Taako: Barry, I— You got all the time in the world, my man.

-Ep. 62: The Stolen Century Part 3.

To compare and contrast, Lup's only known "my man" is deployed against Davenport when she's kind of questioning his judgment, but he's obviously a person she likes. If you'll let me speculate, I wouldn't be shocked if Lup overheard Taako hit Davenport with plenty of "my man"-s over the course of the Stolen Century — just a guess, but it's something I'd really like to believe in, because the twins influencing each other's speaking styles is just so cute.

And that's all! This was an exercise I undertook to get better at writing Lup, but I always really intended to post it too, so I hope it was interesting and insightful — I knew it definitely left me with a new appreciation for how Lup's way of speaking evolves over time, in particular!

#taz #taz balance #taz balance spoilers #lup taaco #blupjeans #taz meta

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vettelinyourarea · 1 year

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fine today - mick schumacher

genre: fluff

word count: 891

inspired by fine today by ardhito pramono

warning: english is not my first language, one swear word i think, a bit of angst?

my next post will be a request and i’m very excited about it! also, i love writing this fict so much, the song is one of my comfort song and i lovee mick so much, so i hope you guys enjoy this one as much as i am!

feel free to give me any feedbacks and requests are open 🫶

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We will find a way

To be honest make no mistake

Sometimes I pray

Tell me how to make you stay

Mick doesn’t have a lot of experience in terms of romance. And no one can blame him for it. Growing up as a Schumacher means there are a lot of expectations of him coming from people all around. He has little to no time for himself, let alone for a romantic relationship.

That’s why, when he started dating you, there are a lot of trials and errors at first. But one thing that makes Mick stand out for you from any other guy is the fact that he is always honest no matter the circumstances. He told you that he wants to be the perfect boyfriend but he doesn’t know how, he told you that he is not good with his words, and how difficult it was for him to truly expressed himself.

But somehow, with the little experience he had, he still managed to make you feel loved by him. “How can I make you stay with me forever?” he asked one day. You remember it was the first time you traveled with him, going to Austria for a dinner with Toto, Mick’s new boss.

“Just be the Mick I know today.”

We’ll be fine today

Have a drink for the all perfect time to say

You are my happiness

It’s been seven months since you started dating. He has not said the L word yet, and neither have you. Both of you want to take things slow. It was in Monaco when Mick said something so close to the L word, but not exactly.

“You are my happiness,” he said when you two were cuddling in your shared hotel room. You knew he said it sincerely, you knew it was Mick’s way of saying ‘I love you’.

“You are also my happiness Mick.”

There were times when it rains

Just the thing kept me sane

It’s too much for a little time of fame

Things are not always easy and smooth sailing for the two of you. Mick knew that people would always talk about him not having a seat for the 2023 Formula 1 season. A failure, that’s how he felt like. He doesn’t want to disappoint his family, especially his father, his hero, the man he always looks up to.

Mick is lucky enough to be a reserve driver for the Mercedes team, but still, it’s not enough for other people’s expectations. Mick is expected to be the best driver out there, just like his Father. Everything in his life feels like a mess, everything, except you.

You, who always comfort him with your smile, your hugs, your kisses, your words. You are the only thing that kept Mick sane.

But you saved the day

Yes you saved the day

When everything went to shit, you are the only one who said that things are going to be okay with Mick. When everything and everyone comes and goes, you are the only constant thing in Mick’s life.

You were there when Haas dropped Mick from the team, you were there when Mick thought his career in Formula 1 is over, and you were also there when Mick got the offer from Mercedes. You are there with Mick, through thick and thin.

You are always there to save his day. To save him.

Where to find you again

There’s no one seems to care

It’s too much for the average man to stay

But you saved the day

Yes you saved the day

There are a lot of times when Mick thinks that you are too good for him, that you are too good to be true. And this is one of them, you were cooking his favorite meal for lunch, wanting to cheer him up. “You know you are too good for me right?” he said with a weak smile.

Of course, you have to disagree. Mick is everything to you, he is always there in every step of your life, just like you do for him. He always makes you feel safe, he always brings you comfort.

“Why would you say that?” you replied with a frown on your face. You love him so much and you knew he loves you just as much. But still, you are worried about him, this is not the first time he bring up the conversation. Although you knew this is not Mick trying to break up with you.

“It’s just, I’m just an average guy with a lot of flaws and insecurities. There are a lot of expectations that I have failed to achieve, and I think you deserve so much more from me, so much more than me–”

“I love you.”

And that was the first of many ‘I love you’ shared between the two of you.

And you always going to be the one for me

Mick knew that you are going to be the one for him. Even after years of dating, and countless disagreements, he can still see the love you have for him. So, here he is, in your shared bedroom, trying to find a place to hide the ring he had gotten for you earlier that day.

Hoping that soon, you will be next to him, as the love of his life.

#f1 #mick schumacher #formula 1 #mick schumacher fluff #mick schumacher x reader #mick schumacher imagine #mick schumacher drabble #mick schumacher imagines #f1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #formula 1 fluff #f1 fluff #formula 1 imagines #f1 imagines #formula 1 x reader #vettelinyourarea

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detectiveneve · 1 year

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hello! i can't remember if you answered this in your wonderful astarion romance meta [THAT I CANNOT FIND AGAIN FOR SOME REASON...], but when he propositions us for a second time -- with the series of pick-up lines that we can cheekily call him out on -- do you think he's still in the 'i'm just trying to keep you on my side' stage, or is there maybe some interest in us beyond that?

Hello!! Ahh thank you, you might mean this one? I have another one where I broke down a separate scene so if it’s that one, I can dig for it! But!!!!

I’m currently phone-bound so I can’t grab my usual quotes screencaps BUT I DO have thoughts on that scene, so let me ramble—

for the scene you’re referencing in particular, I really do think there’s a degree of projection from the player (ie what you think this scene means for astarion and your tav is up to you) and personal interpretation for the pacing in here—so if someone else sees it differently or sees it paced differently for their tav, I can definitely get that. however, for me, this scene sort of represents this very interesting shift in the relationship, but not because astarion is developing interest, but because of how he’s acting around tav now that he knows he has tav’s interest secured.

in short: I do think this scene happens still mostly in “I’m manipulating you to keep myself safe,” territory BUT. What’s interesting is that astarion isn’t making any attempts to disguise that anymore. prior to this scene, his two potential propositions (both the one he initiates pre-goblin camp and the one that happens during the goblin party), while not necessarily “natural,” and most certainly not rooted in the first bloomings of a crush, or whatever, there’s a conscious effort to disguise his routine and, in essence, genuine seduction through appealing to Tav, trying to incite desire, etc. — he’s lying and when you know he’s lying it’s obvious, but there’s wiggle room for Tav to genuinely think, hey, this guy is interested in me. but the scene you’re referencing—“here’s my little treat with their cheeks all flushed…” “three little words. everyone’s favorite. I love you. (that would be a lie.) but a very sweet lie,” or whatever he says at the end there—descends very quickly into teasing (almost taunting) that is VERY heavy handed and very gleeful in how he almost …. dangles the falsehood of it in front of you.

there’s multiple ways you can interpret that. is he getting more egregious in his flirting because he feels like he doesn’t have to try as hard, but still TRIES? is he revealing the truth behind the facade because he’s starting, on some level, to feel comfortable enough to reveal THAT if nothing else? I’m less convinced by the second, more convinced by the first, but myyyy personal interpretation of that scene is one that kind of….. is within the romance but removed from it in terms of. I don’t think it’s about tav here, really. I think it’s about astarion.

to elaborate, I think that there’s a kind of thrill in this moment — astarion has been an object for sex and desire for 200 years, and he’s still doing that, still playing that role, but now he’s doing it without the overarching crushing influence of cazador behind him; his safety within the group is relatively secured now; there is less..... external (or perceived external) pressure to keep up the act, but he still does it. which I think results in him almost……. outright telling you that it’s false? like a kind of release, to say that the I love you is a lie, and you know that, and I know that, and I don’t have to FULLY pretend so, in his own way, he doesn't--he tugs and pulls at emotion, and kind of .... invites Tav into the lie, in a sense (thank god there's no option to say "I love you too," here, I worry that fans would take it and mean it sincerely. like. AUCK). maybe there's almost a vindictive thrill to getting to basically display his exaggeration. or maybe he's pushing at the boundaries of what tav & he have here, seeing how far he's sunk in. playing the role still, but at the end, you know it's at least partially an act. either way, poking and prodding like that, to me, isn't motivated by blooming squishy feelings. rather, it's something less sweet, less romance-y to boot, but more interesting for the character as a whole. or maybe that's just my own bias--I tend to find the Soft Squishy Romance to be the least interesting aspect OF the romantic dynamic. also, to be clear, I'm not trying to soften it up with elaboration here. taking away the context of astarion's history and past, what he's doing here is really just mean. it's a kind of cruel thing to so starkly display that you dont really give a fuck about the feelings of the person in front of you--enough to throw flirting and emotional barbs of "I love you," at them just for the laugh of it. it's a bitch move, but it's an interesting one, and I rarely see the conjunction of His Meanness discussed with how it manifests due to his history-- it makes complete sense and it's FASCINATING.

there is ONE thing I'll say, and that in the dialogue branch where you say, "Are you having fun?" or something along those lines, he says, "I am! It's hard not to, with you." and that, I do believe to be sincere, in its own way. I do think Astarion is having fun with Tav out on the road, being with them, being with the group, enjoying the show so to speak, and exploring his newfound freedom--all of which is wrapped up in proximity to Tav. there's arguments to be made that there's pacing issues here, but I actually interpreted the fact that we don't really have another romance-specific scene before the "you're wonderful"/drow confession to be intentional. to me, the trust bond with astarion isn't developed in moments where he's putting up the act or where you're expressing interest or attraction to him (he already knows, he's already removed from that, there's no trust to grow in these moments because sex/attraction is the last thing associated with trust to him), but rather, trust is reinforced over time on the road, through shows of support out and about during crucial, but NON-ROMANTIC moments (such as killing yurgir for him--a nonromantic act, but one that solidifies that he can trust you.)

all in all, after such longwindedness... I guess my answer is that. while I dont think he LOVES tav at all, and maybe he isn't even romantically there yet with them, I do think he likes Tav by this point, and enjoys their company and their presence. what that means to YOU is up to you! as I said, I think it's a scene where the pacing and emotional weight is partially up for interpretation. you can just as easily imagine that he's got unaddressed growing feelings there as you can not--especially since if you turn him down here, what he'll say is "I've gotten on my back more times than I can count [...] most of them I don't even remember. but you, I'll remember." <- possibly implying that there was the start of a potential something here, ultimately ended, which he isn't really sad about because it removes the overall pressure of putting up a show, but at the same time implies a fondness for tav the person; again, not necessarily romantically oriented, but positive emotion regardless.

#bg3 meta #sorry I dont have screencap quotes on hand for this! I just got home from work #BUT YEAH. this is one of my favorite scenes because of what you can kind of infer from /astarion's character/ for this #it is. probably my least favorite scene in terms of viewing it in any sort of Actual romantic lens #I know there was a lot of gushing over the My Little Treat line but even when I played it without knowing the ending or where #the romance was going. I was like. oh lawd. you are EGREGIOUSLY LYING.#in reality the romance route to me is sooooooo fascinating but I rarely get Big Mushy Feelings about it...... not till late act 3 anyways #everything prior to that I sort of detach from a romance lens at all and it's Just for the buildup to something real. ANYWAYS.#sorry that's not at all relevant to your question! um.#guy who is so normal about character you have to peel like an onion to analyze their 15 different lies and masks on #thank you for the opportunity to RAMBLE INCESSANTLY once again #answered

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aysekira · 1 year

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Hi, I have been going through your lyf tags and you are one of the few whose thoughts matches mine on the love traingle. I think despite complaining about overused cold-overbearing ML trope, many people are still too attached to that and can't accept somone like Jing as the endgame. I have never been a big fan of MLs that makes grand gesture w/o FL's knowledge but acts aloof/cold, either because he can't deal with his feelings or think he knows better or for the greater good. It's not fair to the FL and I believe that just because you made sacrifices for the FL you are not owned her love. Xiao Yao has been clear about her wants from day 1, if XL was honest about his feelings they could have had a shot. But even if he switched sides I can't imagine them living a mundane life together. That's why I think Jing being the end game makes so much sense, they both want someone to earnestly love them. (1/2)

Hi anon. First of all, let me just say i hope you enjoy the posts under the tag. Secondly, while i see that this is a two-parter ask— pardon me, but i think um you kinda forgot to turn on the anonymous feature on the second one so just to be safe as to not disclosing the username let me just go at it with this one& paste some quotes from the other part that i think is relevant.

I agree with what your point about xy’s decision in choosing jing/17 is not in any shape or form a way of settling with reasons stated per your points&basically what i stated on other posts. Also, i too am quite puzzled as to how&why it is being viewed as such, vehemently at that, by some people to the point that i just see them as basically having xy’s non achievable standards heck even higher than that, in evaluating jing/17 as an ML option, heck him as a character! (eg. Non retaliation is seen as weakness, etc)— wouldn’t elaborate on how i feel or my views about it because i reckon one page wouldn’t suffice. Let me just say it goes between perplexed to annoyance depending on one’s mood that day.

In your second part you mention: “I dont think choosing a caring, gentle man who loves you sincerely and who you find very desirable is a bad move in fictional or real world. Their relationship was very uneven but when they get together later they both have grown as person and it is much more balanced.” This part i agree with fully and are some of the reason as to why i wholeheartedly supports 17 as the end game.

If nothing else, we’re talking about end game as long term relationship here, in deities timeline at that: where 15 years’ basically the equivalent of our 1.5years to these characters. out of the MLs options, jing’s the only one that consistently shown the trait that xy keeps on hammering as being the things she seeks: availability— that is steadfast enough he makes her believe that no matter what reason that may/will come he will never ever not be available for/abandoned her. From waiting on her bird rides to this point in the drama: he basically&consistently rehashing that scene on the bridge where it’s never him that walks away first. And if that’s not checking the biggest point in xy’s want&need list for long term relationship/end game. Then idk what is.

#lost you forever #长相思 #random bits

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karkyss · 1 year

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OMG, I just looked at a couple of gifs... And it dawned on me!!! In psychology, there is a concept - "psychological defenses" - that is, these are not conscious defenses that our psyche uses to survive any traumatic situations... I just love the topic of defense mechanisms, because thanks to them you can really understand what kind of injuries were in your childhood and how it affects your behavior now. I love this topic because I just had an incredible sight when I went through all the defense mechanisms and analyzed in relation to me.

So I see Derek's behavior as a defense mechanism - reaction formation. Derek uses it a lot with Stiles, especially in seasons 1-3 (although not only with him, but I'm going to focus on those two). What is the purpose of this defense mechanism? This mechanism is literally the epitome of the genre: "love/hate". With this type of defense mechanism, a person replaces some of his emotions with others, OPPOSITE to the original ones. That is, if a person loves, then he begins to show aggressive behavior or hatred (this is demonstrated in order to hide inner interest). This is the very situation when a person does unpleasant, annoying things in order to attract attention to himself, thereby showing his interest and love, through aggression and annoying behavior, etc. because of the fear of rejection (this may reflect falling in love and interest. BUT NOT ALWAYS!!! If someone harms you, this does not mean that he is just in love with you, sometimes harm is a reflection of cruelty and only cruelty).

So, come to think of it, Derek really doesn't want Stiles to touch him? After all, he was literally the first to violate Stiles' personal space by infiltrating him in aggressive ways. Derek clearly has problems expressing emotions (yes, non-verbal monologues and a special "eyebrow language" do not count! The bottom line is that Derek does not talk about his emotional state with others at all, the question of his emotional state is often hidden from others). If you take into account the problems with expressing their feelings, trying to survive everything alone (on their own), frequent (relatively) changing partners and generally changing their place of residence, repeating an unsuccessful relationship script, death of loved ones (obviously, Derek is a traumatized kitten. Although in "Teen Wolf" - everyone is traumatized to one degree or another), and therefore Derkk probably developed an avoidant type of attachment, as a result of which he is afraid, very afraid of falling in love, since the fear of betrayal and rejection, rejection of his personality by those he loves, is basis of his personality. Because he blames himself a lot and considers himself insufficiently capable of protecting others, having a high desire to do so, I think he feels "not good enough, talented and capable enough." And he is probably afraid of making mistakes, but at the same time he often jumps to conclusions and strives to quickly fix the problem (and this is ironic).

I think the more Derek felt affection, gratitude, admiration and a desire to protect, to keep safe (not to forget the wine). In terms of being in love, the warmer and safer he felt with Stiles, the scarier it was to get close to him. Because Stiles becomes unbearably significant, so significant that one no, one rejection, a reaction of disgust, and it reflects the unbearable pain inside Derek, it breaks him. Therefore, with big, sincere and deep feelings comes a great fear of being in these relationships, feelings, you want to run away, sometimes even literally on a physical level, from the object of love, which Derek did (leaving). So it seems to me that Derek may well have suffered from "unrequited love" for Stiles, but it is unrequited not because he was rejected, but because he was so afraid of rejection that he never admitted his feelings. And I would like more stories where exactly Derek is internally not confident in himself, his strengths and is afraid of being rejected, but outwardly he shows detachment and coldness, because this looks like his usual behavior (at least for me).

Stiles, by the way, during seasons 1-3 was more confident than Derek and remains (relatively) more balanced compared to Derek, despite all the events, he remains true to himself and is still quite confident in his abilities. That's why I like Stiles Stilinski. And Stiles knows that he has the right to make a mistake, he allows himself to be wrong - and this is a healthy moment of acceptance of himself and his own possibilities. I don't really like it when Stiles is portrayed as an insecure teenager, because he's not, he's actually quite confident in himself.

Derek hates Stiles' Jeep? Oh no, definitely not. He hates that Eli steals that Jeep. Because it doesn't let Derek forget his feelings, but he definitely doesn't hate Stiles' Jeep.

P.S. There are a lot of defense mechanisms, and it takes a lot of time to analyze them all in detail for a character, which I don’t have. But you can read articles about defense mechanisms on your own - it's very interesting and it seems to me that they don't talk much about this in psychology, this is basic knowledge, but in the media space it's not so common, and if you have a sufficiently developed reflection skill, it can become interesting experience for you. And yes, of course, I chose a defense mechanism that was in favor of Sterek and could confirm the love format of their relationship. In fact, of course, there was a moment of distrust on Derek's part and his fear of betrayal by others, so he chose an aggressive model of behavior towards a person (but he still violated Stiles' personal space, so the possibility of unconscious attraction cannot be denied). I do not pretend to be reliable, I just like to analyze and come up with theories.

#teen wolf #sterek #derek hale #mieczyslaw stilinski #stiles stilinski

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diluc33rpm · 2 years

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Do you believe in true love? (2/2)

yeah for example the love between me and this fucking AC rn (it’s raining but it’s 32 degrees i want to fight an eagle with my bare hands)

#i mean i don’t know about the phrase “true love” specifically #that feels like a more fairytale ish way of putting it if that makes sense #but a sincere relationship in terms of one where you feel safe enough to be honest with x person as well as yourself +#where you don’t *require* love from them so much as you’re able to hold that space for someone where you can freely give and receive it #yeah i definitely believe that’s possible #not even just in like a romantic way but in general #if you asked this at literally any other time i could probably write a dissertation here but i’m still mad because it’s hot so 💀💀#not very philosophical today lord forgive me

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feverwritingandtextposts · 3 years

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Garou, Badd, and Saitama boyfriend headcanon dump

This is a general headcanon dump for what I think they'd be like in a relationship LOL

Garou

- I think he’d definitely be awkward af at the start, but a surprisingly sincere person all things considered.

- He places great emphasis on his internalised sense of justice and morals so he’d be the type to take dating you really seriously

- Definitely ends up treating you like porcelain! He doesn’t wanna accidentally hurt you, and he’s not really sure how tough you are, so he doesn’t wanna get too rough

- The type to really want to take the next step in the relationship but doesn’t want to vocalise it or act on it because he doesn’t wanna seem like a creep. He’d be super relieved if you took the first step yourself though and will be very responsive to you!

- Definitely loves getting your opinion on anything and everything. He thinks you’re great and values your opinion! Will call you to talk to you for hours no matter what time it is. Not very good at emotional advice though and is defo the sort of person that gives you a solution rather than try to comfort you.

- AWFUL at flirting. But he thinks he’s amazing at it. Expect a lot of weird one liners from him. Cut him some slack though, he probably got all his tips from either TV shows or Bang lmao.

- All his compliments are totally genuine though! And he doesn’t even do it to flirt, but more of just a matter of fact observation he makes. If it makes you blush though, he’d get excited.

- He’s the sort who if you fall asleep on his shoulder or something, trust that he’d be too worried about waking you up to move even a muscle. He’ll act like its whatever once you actually wake up though lol.

- The type of guy who just straight up refuses to do things he doesn’t like. He’d never judge you for doing or liking things he doesn’t, but he’s just too content to say that you can do what you like, and I’ll do what I like. Stubborn to a fault because of it. Will at the very least try it once if you keep insisting though, although he might get cranky through it.

- DEFINITELY the sort of guy who gets prickly with other dudes who check you out though. You’ll never catch him in the act but he’d be sending death glares to any guy who spends too long checking you out.

- I’d see him as devoted in a way that if you ask him out, or send him to do something for you. No matter what happens, he’s doing it. It doesn’t matter if he got attacked on the way or if a meteor falls in his path, he’s going on that date or getting you those donuts you asked for damnit!!!!!

Badd

- Supportive af!!

- He gets really into things you’re into, sometimes getting even more obsessed than you. He just likes that you like it and wants to experience that joy together!!!

- Fun to go shopping with! He’s got style and he thinks you look great in everything, so you two can spend hours in the store trying on new clothes and things!

- The type of boyfriend who loses games to you on purpose so that you feel good about yourself but denies it if you ask. He just loves looking at your excited triumphant face!!

- Claw machine PRO. This man can and will catch anything for you, just say the word. Arcades know and fear him.

- A big cuddler! Loves having his arms around you, and isn't afraid of any amount of PDA. He’ll hug you anywhere, don’t test him!

- Great at remembering special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries. He might not always make it on time with his schedule, but he’ll be damned if you didn’t know he remembered and is trying to be with you!!!

- I think he’ll get over the initial shyness of a new relationship relatively quickly. He’s an adaptable person, and he already has come to terms with the fact that he’s in love with you! If you're trying to get him to blush, you gotta work for it, this man takes everything in stride

- Can be a bit overbearing in a good way! He canonically is known to be a bit intense what with the giant bouquet he bought Zenko and all. And that side of him gets even worse with you. Expect overblown displays of affection like wagons of roses sent to your house or office!

- Forget walking home alone too! If its late he’s coming along, no matter where you are. Its not that he doesn't trust you to take care of yourself, its that he doesn't trust anyone else. There's monsters and thugs everywhere! He’d just rather you be safe. If he really can't make it though, expect to get your phone blown up until you can really reassure him that you're safe.

Saitama

- A trusting man! He loves you and knows you well enough to understand and treat you with respect.

- He wont get jealous. Like why would he! He trusts that you love him!

- He's not the type to treat you any differently from when you were friends. Will probably show his love in low key ways, like sitting closer, cooking together.

- I see him more as the homely type, so he'd rather have dates at home or at quiet diners or small restaurants rather than anything fancy.

- Blushes a LOT. He cant help it!! He's not used to shows of affection, so things like compliments or surprise kisses really gets him all shy.

- What can he say! He loves your attention, as much as he doesn't want to admit it out loud! Low key but not so low key tries to impress you on the daily. Be it from opening jars for you to carrying your bags to beating any monsters for you. Thrives on your compliments because of it.

- A good cook!! Knows a lot of recipes and is always on to cook for you!

- Absolutely 0 fashion sense but LOVES it when you dress him up. He has no clue but he thinks anything you pick out for him must look amazing on him.

- This boy is definitely a judger. He’s raising eyebrows if you’re the type to be a bit spendthrift. Why would you buy anything other than the suspicious brandless canned food?! Its a whopping 50 cents cheaper than that prego can you’re holding. Shopping anywhere other than the sales rack? Damn Saitama thinks you’re bougie af.

#opm x reader #garou x reader #metal bat x reader #badd x reader #saitama x reader #garou #saitama #badd #metal bat #opm #this turned out... kinda longer than i thought it would be.. lmao

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feanorianethicsdepartment · 3 years

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Alright, I read your recent post and need to know - what is your interpretation of Maglor’s relationship with the twins?

askjdhslkjag my biggest self-inflicted problem in this fandom is that my take on maglor, elrond, and elros' relationship is so intensely detailed and specific i am forever tormented by none of the fic i read ever quite getting it right (from my perspective; i’ve read plenty of fic that presents a good interpretation on their own terms, it’s just never mine.) it’s simultaneously way darker than the fluffy kidnap dads stuff and nowhere near as black-and-white awful as the anti-fëanorian crowd likes to paint it, it’s messy and complicated and surrounded by darkness, and yet there’s also a sincere connection within it which mostly serves to make all those complications worse. angry teenage elrond is angry for a great many reasons, and the circumstances around him being raised by kinslayers account for at least half of them. there’s lots of complexity here, and i don’t see it in fic nearly as often as i’d like

(warning: the post... feathers? i already have an internet friend called faeiri this could be awkward - anyway, the post she’s talking about includes the line ‘everyone is wrong about kidnap dads except me.’ this post follows on from that in being as much a commentary about why various popular interpretations of both how the kidnapdoption went and the way people subsequently characterise the twins just don’t work for me as it is a setting out of my own ideas. i’m not really interested in getting into discourse here, i’m just trying to get my thoughts down. i’ve read fic with these interpretations before that i’ve liked, even, don’t take this as a Condemnation, aight? also this turned out long as hell, so i’m putting it under a cut)

i can never buy entirely fluffy depictions of kidnap dads

which isn’t to say i don’t read them! sometimes all i want is something sweet, for these kids to get to be happy for once. it’s not like i think their time with the fëanorians was completely devoid of laughter

it’s just. the pet names, the special days out, the home-cooked meals, it can get so treacly it stops feeling like the characters they are in the situation they’re in and turns into Generic Found Family #272

it soaks out all the complexity - which is the thing i am here for - and acts like oh, these kids were never in any danger, they were perfectly happy being abducted by the people who murdered everyone they knew, there’s nothing possibly questionable about this relationship at all

and... yeah. that’s not the characters i know. that’s not the context i know they belong to

i just can’t forget the circumstances that led them to meet

rivers of blood, the air filled with screams, a town ablaze, a woman choosing to die. every interaction the three of them have is going to proceed from that nightmare

(sidenote: i tend to hold it was maglor that raised the twins, with maedhros looming ominously in the background not really getting involved. it’s mostly personal preference, i’ve been in and out of the fandom since before this kidnap dads thing blew up and when i joined that was a perfectly standard reading)

(also the cave thing was a dumb idea, old man, if only because it implies beleriand had streams safe enough for children to play in at that point. the way it separates the twins from the third kinslaying is also something i don’t particularly vibe with)

probably my least favourite angle i’ve seen on the situation (edged out only by ‘maglor was actively abusive towards the twins’ which no no no no no no no no NO) is the idea that maglor (and/or maedhros, append as necessary) took the twins specifically to raise them

like, i get where it’s coming from, but it makes maglor come off as really creepy

(i have read fics where it is indeed played off as really creepy, but that’s not a maglor i have any interest in reading about)

(’mags 100% bad’ is just as facile a take to me as ‘mags 100% good’)

even if you’re saying maglor took them in because they had no one left to take care of them - i highly doubt they were the only children the fëanorians orphaned at sirion. idk, it always makes maglor seem much less sympathetic than i think it’s meant to

i prefer to think of it as more... organic? something that evolved, not something that was preordained. them growing closer gradually, the twins finding an adult who might maybe be on their side, maglor becoming invested in them almost by accident

and then the twins are so comfortable with the second scariest monster in amon ereb they frequently sass him off and maglor’s gotten so used to not hurting them he’s not even thinking about it any more. no one’s quite sure how it happened, but they’ve made a Connection

‘wait aren’t they a murderous warlord of questionable mental stability and a pair of terrified small children who’ve lost everyone they ever knew? isn’t that kinda fucked up?’ yup! that’s the point! complexity!

another idea i don’t like is the idea that maglor was an objectively better parent to the twins than eärendil or elwing

other people have talked about this already, i won’t rehash the whole thing. i will say that while i don’t think elwing was a perfect parent - someone so young, in such a horrible situation, i wouldn’t blame her for screwing up - i do think she (and eärendil) did the best by them they possibly could

this is one of the few things they have in common with maglor

something i come across now and again is the idea that sure, elwing and eärendil weren’t abusive or horrible or anything, but they were a couple of basically-teenagers with so many other responsibilities, there was only so much they could do. maglor, on the other hand, is an experienced adult who could take much better care of the twins

and...

first off, it’s not like mags doesn’t have a job. he’s a warlord, he has a fortress to help run, military shit to handle, lots of other stuff that needs to get done to stop everyone from starving or getting eaten by orcs. i feel like sirion had enough of a government there was plenty of opportunity for elwing to take days off and play with her kids, but in the fëanorian camp nobody really has the time to chase after a couple of toddlers, least of all one of the last points on the command network. they just don’t have the people any more

(seriously, the twins getting a formal education with tutors and classes and shit is a weirdly specific pet peeve of mine. this is a band of renegades, not a royal household; if there’s anyone left with those kinds of skills they almost certainly have more important things to do)

more than that, though - well, a quick glance through my late stage fëanorians tag should tell you a lot about what i think maglor’s mental state is like at this point. he is so accustomed to violence death means nothing to him, he’s lost most of his capacity for genuinely positive emotion to an endless century of defeat and despair, he hates everything in the universe, especially himself, he’s only able to keep functioning through a truly astounding amount of denial, and he covers it all up with a layer of snark and feigned apathy, which he defends aggressively because he’s subconsciously realised that if it breaks he’ll have absolutely nothing left

(maedhros, for the record, is... i’d say more stable, but at a lower point. maglor may interact with the world mostly through cold stares and mocking laughter, but at least his mind is firmly rooted in the present)

(on the other hand, at least maedhros lets himself be aware of what they are and where their road will lead)

which... this doesn’t mean maglor doesn’t try to be kind to the twins, or rein in his worst impulses around them

there’s just so little of him left but the weapon

he stalks through the halls like a portent of death and gets into hours-long screaming matches with maedhros and has definitely killed people in front of the twins

not even as, like, a deliberate attempt to scare them, but because when you solve most of your problems by stabbing them it’s pretty much a given that people who spend a lot of time around you are going to see you do it at least once

and sometimes, he curls up in an empty hallway, and weeps

... suffice it to say i don’t think elwing’s the more preoccupied, or the less mentally ill, parent here

just. in general, the fëanorians aren’t cackling boogeymen, but they’re not particularly nice either

no one has the energy left for that. not these isolated and weary soldiers at the end of a long losing war and the beginning of the end of the world. they don’t really bother to guard the kids against them escaping. where else are they going to go?

the sheer despair that must have been in the fëanorian camp after sirion, the knowledge that the cause cannot be fulfilled, that they are utterly forsaken, that they’re really just waiting to die -

it can’t have been a happy place to grow up in, under the shadow of loss and grief and deeds unrepentable, and the slow march of inevitable defeat

they would have had a better childhood if they stayed in sirion, raised by people who knew how to hope

but that isn’t the childhood they had. and despite everything i’ve said, i don’t think that childhood was an entirely awful one

yeah, see, this is where the other side of my self-inflicted fandom catch-22 comes in. just as much of the pro-kidnap dads stuff comes off as overly saccharine and simplified to me, i find much of the anti-kidnap dads stuff equally simplistic in the opposite direction

the idea that maglor and the fëanorians never meant anything to elros and elrond, that they had no effect on the people they became at all, that it was just a horrible thing that happened when they were children, easily thrown in the rear-view mirror...

that’s even more impossible to me than the idea that life with the fëanorians was 100% fluffy and nice

like, i’ve seen the take that elros and elrond hated the fëanorians from start to finish. they were perfect little sindarin princes, loyal to their people and the memory of doriath, spurning every scrap of kindness offered to them and knowing just what to say to twist the knife into the kinslayers’ wounds

... dude. they were six. hell, given their peredhelness, mentally they could easily have been younger

what six year old has a firm grasp of their ethnic identity? what six year old is fully aware of their place in history? what six year old would understand the politics that led to their situation?

don’t get me wrong, i can see hatred in there. but something else that doesn’t get acknowledged alongside it often enough is the fear

some of the stuff i’ve read feels like it gives the kids too much power in the situation. they’re perfectly happy to talk back to and belittle the people who burned down their hometown and killed everyone they ever knew, like miniature adults who don’t feel threatened at all

and, like, six. i can see them going for insults as a defensive measure, but it is defensive. it’s covering up fear, not coming from secure disdain

(and a lot of those insults sound, again, like things an adult who’s already familiar with the fëanorians would say, not a scared child who’s lost almost everything. why would a six year old raised by sindar and gondolindrim know what the noldolantë is, let alone what it means to maglor?)

(... i’m just ranting about this one fic that’s been ruffling my feathers for five years straight now, aren’t i)

i mean, i write elrond as the world’s angriest teenager, who snipes at maglor pretty much constantly, but the thing about angry teenage elrond is that he’s angry teenage elrond

he’s spent long enough with the fëanorians he has a pretty secure position within the camp, and he knows that maglor won’t hurt him from a decade and change of maglor not, in fact, hurting him

but as a small and terrified child abducted by the monsters his mother had nightmares about? he fluctuated wildly between ‘randomly guessing at things to say that wouldn’t get him killed’ ‘screaming at maglor to go away in words rarely more complicated than that’ 'desperately trying not to do or say anything in the hopes of not being noticed’ and ‘hiding’

(and i don’t think the twins were never in any danger from the fëanorians, either. quite besides the point that before they started orbiting maglor nobody was really sure what to do with them... well, they wouldn’t be the first children of thingol’s line the minions took revenge on)

(fortunately for them, maglor did, in fact, take them under his wing. by this point even their own followers are shit scared of the last two sons of fëanor, nobody’s going to mess with their stuff and risk getting mauled. tactically, it was a pretty good decision for a couple of toddlers)

more to the point, i feel like a child that young, in a situation that horrible, wouldn’t reject any kindness they were offered, any soothing touch in a universe of terror

in a world full of big scary monsters, the best way to survive is to get the biggest scariest monster possible to protect you. that’s how elros rationalises it when they’re, like, eight, mentally, but at the time they were just latching on to the only person around them who seemed to care about them

that’s how it started, on their end. two very young very scared children lost in a neverending nightmare clinging tightly to the lone outstretched pair of hands

as for maglor...

i’ve called mags evil before, but i see that as more of a... technical term? he is evil because he did the murder, he remains evil because he won’t stop doing the murder. hot take: murder bad

but that doesn’t make him, like, a moustache-twirling saturday morning cartoon villain. he is deeply unhappy with the position he’s in and the person he’s become, and he’s always trying not to take that final step over the edge

it’s not that i can’t see a maglor who is abusive or manipulative or who sees the twins more as objects than people. it’s just that that characterisation is one i am profoundly uninterested in. i do occasionally read fic with it, but it never enters my own headcanons

horrible people can do good things!! kinslayers can do good things!! the fallen are capable of humanity!! people can do both good and evil things at the same time, because people are complicated!! maglor is not psychologically incapable of actually taking pity on these kids!!!!

it’s... again, complexity. the fëanorians straddle the line between black and white, which is a lot less sharp in the legendarium than it’s sometimes characterised as. it’s what draws me to their characters so much, why i have so many stupid headcanons about them. pretending they fall firmly on either side of the line is my real fandom pet peeve

and, like, this moment? this sincere connection between a bloodstained warlord and two children who will grow up to be great and kind in equal measure? i may not entirely like the direction the fandom’s taken it recently, but that beat, that relationship, it still gets me

so no, i don’t think elrond and elros’ years with the fëanorians were an endless cavalcade of abuse and misery. i think there was love there, despite the darkness all around them

an old, tired monster, and the two tiny children it protects

maglor never hurts the twins, not ever, not once. his claws are sharp and his fangs are keen, if he so much as swatted them he’d rip them in half. instead he folds down the razor edges of his being, interacting with them ever so carefully. he has nightmares of suddenly tearing into their skin

seriously, the power differential between them is so great, maglor so much as raising his voice would break any trust they have in this horribly dangerous creature. fics where he does corporal punishment always get the side-eye from me

the mood of their relationship is... i find it hard to put into words. melancholy, maybe, like a sunny afternoon a few days before the end of the world. three people who’ve lost so much finding what respite they can in each other as the world slowly crumbles around them

there are times when it feels like the three of them exist in a world of their own, marked out by the edges of the firelight. maglor telling stories of the stars, elros giving relaxed irreverent commentary, elrond getting a few moments to just be, all their troubles kept at bay

they are the last two lights in a world sunk into darkness, the last two living beings he does not on some level hate. he will tear his own heart out before he sees them in pain

he teaches them to ride, he teaches them to read, he gives them everything he still has left. the twins should never have been in this situation, maglor probably isn’t entirely fit to take care of them, but it is what it is, and they take what love they can

(maglor depends on the twins emotionally a bit more than any adult should rely on any child. he’s still very much the caretaker in their relationship, but that relationship is the only one he has left that’s not stained by a century of rage and grief. he’s obsessed with them, maedhros tells him frequently. maglor’s standard response to this is to try to gouge maedhros’ eyes out)

(that particular darker side to their relationship, where maglor’s attachment to the twins turns into a desperate possessiveness - that’s not something i think i’ve ever seen in fic. which is a shame, it feels much closer to my own characterisation than the standard ways this relationship gets maleficised. darker, in a different way than usual. horribly compelling in its plausibility)

however you want to read it, i don’t think you can deny this is a relationship that defines elrond and elros’ childhood. they were raised in the woods by a pack of kinslayers, the text is quite clear on this

but i’ve seen a lot of talk about how elros and elrond are only sirion’s children. they are completely 100% sindarin, they love and forgive eärendil and elwing thoroughly and without question, they identify with doriath over - even gondolin, let alone tirion. the fëanorians - the people who raised them - had zero effect on the people they grew into and the selves they created

and that, more than anything else, i find utterly unbelievable

look, i get what this is a reaction to. a lot of the kidnap dads stuff paints the fëanorians as elrond and elros’ ‘real’ family, and i’ve already talked about what i think of the idea that maglor-and-possibly-also-maedhros were better parents than eärendil and elwing. i think it’s reductive and overly optimistic and just a little too neat

but to say instead that elrond and elros held no great love in their hearts for maglor, no lingering affinity with the fëanorians, no influence on their identity from the people they grew up around, none at all? that after it happened they just left it behind and resumed being the same people they were in sirion?

that strikes me as just as much an oversimplification. it sands down all the potential rough edges of their identity, all that inconvenient complexity that stops them from fitting into any well-defined box, and replaces it with a nice safe simple self-conception i find just as flat and boring as declaring them 100% fëanorian

we can quibble over who they call ‘father’ (i personally find that whole debate kinda petty) but denying that it was actually maglor who was the closest thing they knew to a parent for most of their childhoods, and that that would, in fact, affect the way they thought of themselves and their family, elides so many interesting possibilities out of existence

(i’m not even going to get into the most braindead take i have ever heard on the subject, namely that because their time with the fëanorians was such a small fraction of elrond’s total lifespan it was like being kidnapped for two weeks as a toddler and had no greater significance than that. do you not understand what childhood is????)

like, i tend to think of elrond as a child as being very loudly not-a-fëanorian. elros is more willing to go with the flow - hey, if the creepy kinslayer wants kids, elros is happy to play into that in order to not be murdered - but elrond is very firm that he’s not happy to be here and he doesn’t belong with them

(this is after they get over their initial terror, of course, when they’ve realised they won’t be fed to the orcs for the tiniest slight. even so, elrond only really gets shirty about it around people he’s comfortable with, whose reactions he can reasonably guess at. naturally, the first person he does it to is maglor)

elros calls maglor their father exactly once, when they’re... maybe early preteens? this is because elrond hears him do it and immediately loses his shit. they have a dad, elrond says, in tears, and a mum, and any day now their real parents are going to come to pick them up and take them home

... right?

it gets harder to believe as the years roll on, as their memories of sirion fade, as they find their own places within the host, as maglor watches over them as they grow. elrond still mentally sets himself apart from the fëanorians, but it’s more of an effort every year. life in the fëanorian camp is the only one he’s ever really known. he can barely remember his mother’s voice

then the war of wrath starts, and the fëanorian host drifts closer to the army of valinor, and the twins come into contact with non-fëanorians for the first time in forever, and it becomes clear just how obviously fëanorian elrond is. he always insisted he wasn’t like the kinslayers at all, but he dresses like them, talks like them, fights like them

the myth cycles the edain tell are almost completely unfamiliar to him, he barely remembers the shape of the songs of lost doriath. even these sarcastic commentary and subversive reinterpretations he made of maglor’s stories - those were still maglor’s stories! he’s been trying to guess at the person he was meant to be, but it’s growing nightmarishly blatant how little elrond ever knew about him

instead, the people he was born to are as alien to him as the orcs of morgoth. he is a fëanorian, through and through

... yeah, elrond (and/or elros) having an absolutely massive identity crisis upon being reintroduced to his quote-unquote ‘true kin’ is another angle i’d love to see in fic that i don’t think i’ve ever come across. all those potential grey areas around who they are and who they’re supposed to be sound utterly fascinating, and i think it’s the complexity i hate to see elided over the most

i really, really doubt they could effortlessly slot back into being eärendil and elwing’s children. not when they’ve been surrounded by, lived alongside, been raised by the people who were supposed to enemies for most of their lives

they just don’t fit into that box any more. they can’t

speaking of eärendil and elwing, while i do agree that they both (especially elwing) get a lot more flak than they deserve, i don’t agree that therefore elrond and elros were never the slightest bit mad at them and fully forgave them for everything with no reservations

because, well, they were left behind. elwing had no other choice, but they were still left behind; it led to the world being saved, but they were still left behind. all the best intentions in the universe don’t erase the weeks and months and years of waiting, of a hope that grew thinner and frailer until it finally quietly broke

that’s a real hurt, and a real grievance. even if the twins rationally understand that their parents were making the best out of their terrible situation, you can’t logic away emotions like that. it’s perfectly possible for them to know they have no reason to resent eärendil or elwing, and yet still harbour that bitterness and pain

(i did write a thing once where elrond loudly rejects eärendil as his father in favour of maglor, but something i didn’t add in that i probably should have is that elrond later regretted doing that)

(not like, several centuries later, when he’d grown old and wise. two hours later, when he’d calmed down. but he was still legitimately angry at eärendil, because the one thing angry teenage elrond was not lacking in was reasons to be mad at the adults around him, and before he could figure out if he had anything less furious to say the hosts of the valar left middle-earth behind)

(it’s another element to the tragedy of the whole thing. in that particular story, which is mostly aiming for maximum pain, the only thing elrond’s birth parents know about their son for thousands of years is that he hates them)

(and he doesn’t, not really. you can’t hate someone you’ve never known)

not that i think they couldn’t ever make up with their parents! fics where elrond and his birth parents work past all the things that lie between them and form a functional familial bond despite it all give me life. i just don’t like the idea that there’s nothing difficult for them to work past

i don’t like the idea that elrond and elros would naturally, effortlessly identify with the mother they last saw when they were six and the people they only vaguely remember. i can see them doing it as a political move, i can see them going for it as a deliberate personal choice, but i can’t seeing it being immediate and automatic and easy

no matter how great a pair of heroes eärendil and elwing are, that doesn’t change the fact that to elrond and elros, they’re at most a few scattered memories and a collection of far-off stories. and so long as the twins stay in middle-earth, they’re never going to draw any closer

compared to the dynamic, multifaceted, personal, and deep bonds they have with the fëanorians - who, and i know i keep saying this but i think it gets tossed aside way more casually than it should, are the people who actually raised them, their birth parents must feel like a distant idea

and that’s why i can never buy interpretations of elrond as 100% sindarin, a pure son of doriath, with no messy grey areas or awkward jagged edges to his identity. given everything we know about his life, it seems almost cartoonishly simplistic

honestly it seems like a narrative a bunch of old doriathrin nobles trying to manouevre elrond into being high king of the sindar or something would propagate. it's neat and nice and tidy, something that’d be much more convenient for everyone if elrond did feel that way

but i just don’t see how he can. this narrative is easy and simple in a way real people never are, it ignores all the forces pulling him apart. elrond being uncomplicatedly sindarin with the life he lives and the people he's close to - that doesn’t make any sense to me

which isn’t to say i think he’s 100% noldorin, from either a gondolindrim or a fëanorian perspective. (i find it a little more believable, given, again, who he grew up around and who he hangs out with, but it’s still a bit too reductive for my tastes.) it’s also not to say i couldn’t believe an elrond who made an active choice to emphasise his sindarin heritage

it’s not how i think of him, but it works. i don’t have a problem with other people interpreting the complexities of the twins’ identities differently

i just have a problem with people acting like it doesn’t exist

in general i think there’s a lot untapped potential that gets left behind when you declare the twins, separately or together, as All One Thing

they’re descended from half the noble houses of beleriand, and they have deep personal ties to most of the rest. they belong to all of the free peoples even the dwarves, somehow, probably and i feel like that was kind of the old man’s point? so many peoples meet in them, to say they wholly belong to any one species is probably an oversimplification

they sit at a crossroads of potential identities, and rather than narrowing down their worldviews to one single path, they take the hard road and choose all of them. that’s what you need to do, if you want to change the world

and, to bring this back to my ostensible topic, in my estimation at least this mélange of possible selves does include them as fëanorians! it’s not overpowering, but it’s certainly there, and the adults they grow into long after they’ve left the host still bear influence from their childhood

nothing super obvious, nothing that wouldn’t stand out if you didn’t know what to look for, but there’s something almost incandescent in how fiercely elros reaches out for his dreams

there’s something almost defiant in elrond’s drive to be as kind as summer

as for who they publically claim as their family... honestly, it depends. while it’s usually more tactically prudent for elros to connect himself to his various human ancestors, on occasion he does find a use for his free in with the elf mafia, and elrond, code switcher par excellence, is famously the son of whoever is most politically convenient at the moment, which is rarely, but not never, maglor

(in the privacy of their own minds, well, eärendil and elwing may have been the parents elros was supposed to have, but maglor was the parent he actually had, and elros doesn’t particularly care to mope over what might have been. elrond, for his part, figures that after all the shit maglor has put him through, the least that bastard owes him is a father)

but honestly? i think before any of their mountain of identities, before thinking of themselves as sindarin or gondolindel or hadorian or haladin or fëanorian or anything, elrond and elros identify as themselves

they are peredhil, they are númenóreans, they are whoever they make themselves to be. that’s how elrond finally resolved his identity, figured out who he was and found something past the pain and the rage

he wasn’t doriathrin, or gondolindrin, or falathrin, or fëanorian, or whatever else. he was elrond, no more and no less

and that person, elrond, could be whatever he chose to be

... elros came to a similar conclusion, with much less sturm und drang that he’s willing to admit. being able to go ‘hey, i can’t possibly be biased towards any one of your cultures, because i’m descended from all of you and i was raised by murderelves’ makes it a lot easier to unite people around your personal banner, turns out

the stories other people tried to force on them shattered into pieces, and the peredhel twins were free to shape themselves into anything they could dream of

and as the new world struggles alive, these lost children of an Age of death begin to bloom into their full glorious selves -

i just. i love the poetry of that. despite every single shadow that hangs over their past, despite all the clashing notes pulling them apart, they harmonise it all into a greater, kinder theme, determined to make their world a better place in whatever way they can

they fail, of course, but so do all things. the inevitable march of entropy doesn’t diminish the long millennia they (and their descendants) held onto the light

and their growing up in the fëanorian host definitely had a huge effect on the noble lords they became. you can see it in elros’ loud ambition to create a land of happiness and hope, elrond’s quiet resolve to heal all the hurts inflicted by this marred reality

it wasn’t a perfect time by any means, but neither was it a nightmare. it was what it was, a desperate existence at the edge of a knife where, nevertheless, they were loved

even after years upon decades upon centuries have passed, it’s hard for the wise king and the honourable sage to separate out and identify all the conflicting emotions swirling around their childhood. they never knew eärendil or elwing, true, but they also never really knew maglor

not as equals, not as adults, not as people who could truly understand him. he disappeared into the fog of history, leaving only childhood memories of razor-sharp, gentle hands

it’s messy and it’s complicated and getting any real closure would be like shoving their way through a thornbush with bare hands even if elrond could find the shithead, and yet at the core of it all, there is light. not the brightest of lights, maybe, but an enduring one

that contrast, above all, that note of warmth amidst the shadows, is what fascinates me so much about their relationship. three screwed up people in a screwed up world, finding a little peace with each other

and the fact that somehow, it does have a good ending - the children grow up magnificent and compassionate and just, they become exemplars of all their peoples, lodestars of the new world born out of the ashes of the old - that makes it seem to me like this relationship must have contained some fragment of happiness

but, fuck, all the darkness that surrounds that love, all the tangled-up emotions its existence necessitates, all the prefabricated self-identities it can never slot into - nothing about it is simple, nothing about it is easy, and i find that utterly enthralling. especially how, despite everything, that flickering light never goes out

well, i don’t think it does, anyway. my take on this relationship is both complicated enough no one else ever quite gets it right and well-defined enough every single ‘error’ in other people’s interpretations sticks out like a kinslayer in rivendell

it is an entirely self-inflicted problem, i will admit. other people are allowed to interpret those complexities differently from me, and it’s entirely my own fault i lack the :waves hands around nebulously: to write my own hypothetical fic on the subject at a pace faster than glacial

still, though. i do wish there was more fic out there that engaged with these complexities. a lot of the common fandom interpretations of this relationship just sweep it all away

#ask #my terrible headcanons #elros #elrond #maglor #elwing #earendil #feanorians #niphredilien #yellow feathered faerie #putting your old url in the tags for archival purposes #post nyanyannya askbox clearout #ironically it turned out almost as long as the songfic that clogged up my askbox in the first place #and it is DONE #fuck this took forever to write #stayed up late just to get it out the door so i don't have to think about it any more #this is a long ramble and i'm pretty sure the end is just me repeating myself ad nausem sorry #i'll admit to a certain pro-feanorian bias in my interpretation #but i also don't want elros and elrond to just. live in a neverending horrorshow for decades #the silm's cruel enough we don't need that #narratively i feel like elrond being All Of The Elves is a good mirror for elros being All Of The Humans #but it didn't really fit the angle i was going for #bleck #let's see how many followers i lose for this

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yoonpobs · 3 years

Text

bad boy good thing iv.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 2, 105

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a glimpse into the past

Jungkook’s been to a total of two graduations his entire life—one was his middle school’s graduation that seemed more like a farewell party and his older brother’s college one. Now, he can say that he’s attended three. But he’s never felt like this—never felt dread to say a temporary goodbye to a face he’s been so accustomed to seeing.

Maybe that’s why he’s in such a sour mood as his peers hugged their seniors' goodbyes, smiles on their face while they engaged in chatter about the future. Jungkook’s always been hard on parting and today is no different. Especially with the constant reminders at every corner of the hallways, streams of red and blue painting the ceilings with a big fat ‘happy graduation to the seniors!’ Mocking him on his journey to his classes.

He almost wants to slap some sense into himself. Because why was he terrified for the beginning of a new chapter that wasn’t his story to tell? Why was he dreading the moment that the seniors collected their diplomas and walked off the stage; and out of his life?

But he doesn’t do that; because the fear is as addictive as the excitement he feels when he thinks of you. A conflicting and tortuous juxtaposition of the beautiful day for a valedictorian and her younger friend.

“Jungkook!” A voice calls, and when he turns he sees Taehyung barrelling towards him with two people trailing closely behind.

When Taehyung plummets into Jungkook’s chest with an oof, but all Jungkook can focus on; despite the ache in his chest, is you.

You’re so pretty. But that’s nothing new for Jungkook. However, you were smiling, soft and sweet like the person who stayed up during her finals to tutor Jungkook on math concepts and the same girl who supported him through his football trials in junior year.

But you were grown, and the robe was the testimony of your age and maturity—the level of intelligence that you possess only grew with time and now you were walking towards him with a sense of quiet assuredness that he’s always admired you for.

Jungkook’s sure he’s gaping but he’s never been able to control himself around you.

“Can you stop gawking at her already?” Taehyung complains, twisting the skin between Jungkook’s armpit in retaliation.

Jungkook burns but scowls at the older boy who simply snickers in response.

“I’m so glad you’re graduating.” Jungkook snaps.

Taehyung snorts, “If I go she goes.”

Jungkook purses his lips as he readies himself for another retort, but you arrive and the first thing he notices is how gentle you smell. His favourite scent in principle, a whiff of laundry detergent accompanied with the light floral perfume he remembers his mother gifting you for your birthday.

“You’re gonna miss us, aren’t you?” Is the first thing Jimin says when he greets the younger boy with a ruffle to his head.

Jungkook glowers in embarrassment as he tries to fight him off, and despite his shorter stature in height—Jimin was in fact, quite strong.

Regardless of his flustered state, you smile at him warmly and perhaps Jungkook is biased when it comes to you because he’s sure you’ve always smiled the same, but every tilt of your lips evoke an array of different feelings in Jungkook’s chest.

“The two of you are like dumb and dumber so no—not really. God knows he’s finally granted my wish for emancipation.” Jungkook grumbles.

Taehyung feigns offence with a hand to his chest, leaning his head against Jungkook’s shoulders while he rolls his eyes.

Then he remembers you, the girl who just smiles as the world will always do her good.

“But I’ll miss Noona, though.” He says, and he hopes the shakiness of his voice isn’t obvious. “She’s the only one that doesn’t tease me.”

You grin up at Jungkook, giggling when Jimin and Taehyung gape at the younger boy’s audacity.

“Yah. You call her Noona and not us Hyung?!” Taehyung screeches were loud enough for the group of you to wince at his loudness.

“Don’t forget that you would have never have met her if it weren’t for us, you brat.” Jimin reminds, though not maliciously.

Jungkook does thank the stars for them introducing him to you. Because he doubts otherwise you’d ever interact with him. You were always in your own bubble, tucked away in a safe space filled with your own sense of solace and comfort. And Jungkook admired that.

He liked being alone, but he never wanted to be lonely. You were a breath of fresh air when you taught him the lines between loneliness and being physically alone; and how you learnt to never conflate the two. You were independent and bright, but warm and welcoming—and Jungkook remembers that these feelings weren’t just a floor away anymore.

“Ignore them, Kook.” You sigh. “Gonna miss you too.”

Jungkook feels himself melt because you say it so sweetly and sincerely.

Taehyung and Jimin ruin his love-blurred lenses by gagging at your blatant display of affection towards the younger boy.

“The two of you are so gross.” Jimin groans, earning a nod from his other half.

You roll your eyes when all Jungkook does is flush at the insinuation.

“Unlike the two of you, we make the better and more rational pair.” You chastise. “Don’t we, Kook?”

And the nickname he’s grown to love though he has a love-hate relationship with it slips off your tongue and he finds himself agreeing with you.

“These two idiots are a quarter of a brain-cell combined on a good day,” Jungkook mutters.

You burst out into laughter, rubbing a calming hand onto his shoulder and he feels the dread come in. Because this was no longer something he could reach out to when you went to college.

“Whatever.” Jimin scoffs.

Then the PA system sounds, and the principal calls for the graduates to gather at the hall. And it represents all of Jungkook’s worries in an announcement and he’s not ready to let you go yet.

“That’s our call.” You declare, eyes darting to the other seniors who pull apart from their juniors to rush to the hall.

Jungkook’s eyes widen one last time before Jimin and Taehyung both wrap their arms around Jungkook tightly, murmuring a much more sincere and grateful remark than their previous chides. And he feels slightly bad that he can’t respond because his brain is far more focused on your lone figure, who eyes him with sad yet gentle eyes.

“You’ll come to our role call, right?” Jimin asks.

Jungkook gulps because all he can focus on is your face.

“Y-yeah. Course’.” He mumbles. He feels the need to say something—do something before people crowd you after it’s over. Jungkook would never stand a chance.

He seems rooted in his feet, Jimin and Taehyung already trailing off with their arms around each other and words of their future in the air. You smile at Jungkook—and it’s the same—but his hands reach out before he can think twice.

Jungkook grabs your wrist before you can leave, gulping to himself when you stare at him with wide eyes.

“You okay?” You ask softly.

No, he’s not, because his heart is beating so fast and he doesn’t want this day to come to an end.

“I-I’m okay.” He chokes, “I just—don’t you have a parting gift for me?” Jungkook blurts before he can rationalise what the fuck did he even mean.

But Jungkook just stares at you like a deer caught in the headlights while you tilt your head at him endearingly. He hopes that his pulse doesn’t emanate from his grasp, but your wrist is small, and it feels just right in his palm.

Your lips are twitching as a grin threatens itself on your expression, and he sees the mischief in your eyes that come out every once in a while.

“Aren’t you supposed to be giving me a gift, Jeon?” You tease, and Jungkook is so soft.

He snorts, a little glad that you didn’t point out his sudden grip on your wrist.

“But you’re leaving me.” He pouts.

You roll your eyes and take a step closer to him until you’re directly in front of him. And he sees your features up close and God—did he say you were pretty?—well because you’re even prettier up close and he loses all sense of thought when you’re smiling up at him with bright eyes.

“I’m always a call away.” You say softly, gently tugging at his hand; and it’s crazy to think that you were the same older girl that was usually timid reaching out to him in a way that was shy but so you.

Even with the chattering of other students, Jungkook only hears your subdued voice.

“It’s not the same.” Jungkook sighs, and he’s slightly aware that he was whining. But you don’t seem to be bothered.

“You’re probably going to forget about me.” You scoff and it’s light, but he can see the slight furrow of your brows. “You’re Jeon Jungkook. You’ll do great.” You add softly.

Jungkook purses his lips and wants to tell you that it wasn’t possible. You took up space in his life, both in school (well, not anymore) and in his mind. You and your wonderful mind.

“Says the valedictorian.” Jungkook huffs.

You pout, “You know that isn’t long-term. What if I just peak in high school and … you know …” You sigh, shaking your head, “I’m not outgoing like Jimin or a social butterfly like Taehyung. Neither am I as friendly and likeable like you are, Jungkook. I’m just … boring.”

Jungkook freezes because while he knew you were on the shier side; the louder than life tendencies you had were small but abundant. You didn’t need to speak louder than anyone in a room to get your points across, you were soft and empathetic and led people in organisations to see the good in the work they did.

Your genuine nature drew people in, even though you’d flush under attention and praise—and if Jungkook could—he’d scream it out to the world. But you were in front of him, and he figured that was enough.

“Don’t say that.” Jungkook snaps and his tone causes you to flinch as you stare at him with wide eyes, “Don’t … put yourself down like that. You’re great, _____. You’re intelligent and kind. Just because you’re different doesn’t mean you’re boring. There are situations in this world that need people like you. There are people that find comfort in a quiet soul because you’re introspective and thoughtful. People like …”

Jungkook exhales when you stare at him so earnestly, and his ears turn red. “People like me. We need people like you in our lives.”

Your mouth falls open as you blatantly stare at Jungkook with wide eyes; he’s on the border of being absolutely mortified and running away so he wouldn’t be the subject of your obvious ogling.

But then a soft smile makes its way onto your face, and you’re tugging Jungkook by the hand and into a warm hug.

Despite him being younger than you, he’s always been taller and bigger than you were. And it was a sense of security he felt in your presence rather than your physical entity that would never be replaced with anything else.

“You really grew up, huh?” You say, a giggle in your chest.

Jungkook rolls his eyes but accepts the way you rest your head on his chest. He’s never had you this close before, and he hates that it’s on the day he needs to say goodbye.

“I’ve always been this way.” Jungkook answers. He also thinks: I’ve always been here. For you.

“Thank you, Jungkook.” You say softly, pulling away even though Jungkook wants to keep you close.

“Anytime.” He smiles widely at you, and a classmate of yours calls your name as you turn to give them a nod of acknowledgement before you’re turning back to Jungkook with a cheeky smile on your face.

“Here’s your gift.” You inform him.

“I was kidding—”

And before you can respond, you’re placing both hands on his shoulder and on your tippy-toes to deliver a kiss to his cheek.

Jungkook is stunned and he isn’t able to process it fast enough. But you’re already offering him an equally flustered smile with the tip of your ears turning red before you’re waving shyly and tittering off to the hall.

Jungkook blinks, and a hand reaches to touch his cheek.

He looks up, and groans—because how the hell was he going to survive high school now?

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the-cult-of-russo · 3 years

Text

Biggest regret (part 3)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

A/N: So many of you guys love this story and I love it. Thank you guys 😊

So this one really went off on a tangent and it's longer than I thought. But I didn't wanna rush this and I'm enjoying this story. So he doesn't meet his kid yet, that's in the next part that I'm writing right now. Then there will be another part that I've got in mind too.

Warnings: cursing, angst, sadness, fluff kinda, emotional Billy.

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Delilah cooed happily where she was perched in a little rocker seat. It was vibrant pinks and yellows with a bar along the top and little stuffed animal shapes dangling off it that she swatted with her chubby hands.

You were cleaning. Stress cleaning to be precise. Ever since you got that letter from Billy you'd felt out of sorts. You really hadn't expected it. You'd spent the better half of the start of your pregnancy thinking he'd come to his senses. That he'd turn up and say sorry or even call or text. But by the end of the pregnancy you realised you'd asked too much of him. That maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought.

It had been a bitter pill to swallow having him just walk out of your lives like that. Your pregnancy hadn't been easy by any means and that only made it harder. You had no family, no real friends. You'd been completely alone. Every time you ended up at hospital the nurses took pity on you. Seeing you so sick with no visitors or help. It had been hard.

Since Delilah could return home, one of your neighbours in your complex had taken to helping you. Louise was a woman in her 60s and before now you'd only ever seen her in passing with a murmured hello. But seeing you struggle as a single mother, she'd taken you under her wing and helped you immensely.

You had to work from home since you had the baby. The time off with unpaid maternity leave when she was born and was sick had set you back quite a bit and now you were struggling. You'd had to leave your job since there was no way you could do it from home and you didn't have child care or the money to do it. And honestly, after having Delilah, the overwhelming urge to keep her safe was shocking. You didn't really want to leave her with someone you didn't know. It had been hard for you to agree to it with Louise who would occasionally have her for an hour or two so you could catch a break. And she was literally only next door which eased your mind a little.

Now you were doing proofreading and transcription work from home and it didn't exactly pay great. You got by though and you made do with what you had. You just didn't expect things to go this way. You still remember when you found out you were pregnant and told Billy. It had been a huge shock to you and despite the nagging feeling that this was how it would end, you stupidly hoped it would be different.

You sat on the bed, the test in your hands as the two pink lines glared at you. You were pregnant. You had a baby in your belly. You felt like you couldn't breathe. You and Billy weren't even super serious. There were feelings involved but neither of you mentioned it. Opting instead to pretend they weren't there. You were scared if you told him you loved him that he'd run for the hills and he was scared of feeling anything at all.

You'd been 'together' for nearly two years. You weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, there were no labels slapped on you both. But everyone knew you were his and he was yours and it worked just fine. But now there was a baby. Now things got serious way quicker than you expected and you were terrified.

You weren't ready to be a mom. You'd never put much thought into having kids and you didn't know how to be a mother. You'd have a tiny human that depended on you to keep them safe and loved. How the fuck would you manage that? And then there was Billy. You'd have to tell him and you felt sick with worry about how he would react.

You knew about his childhood, you knew pretty much everything about each other. He'd never known love as a child and you hoped that would mean it would force him to want to be there and be a good dad. But you knew him well enough to have the worry that it would have the opposite effect and he'd freak out.

He'd been at work and you'd been at his place. You didn't live with him, you still had your own place. But you stayed there most nights or he would be at yours. You never spent a night away from each other.

You heard the front door open and close and you felt a wave of dread settle over you. Like an ice cold blanket snaking around your entire body as it squeezed. You had to tell him. You had to hope he would be okay with this. You knew you'd keep the baby regardless. Despite only knowing for literal minutes, you cared about this baby. This baby was a piece of you and a piece of Billy. There was no way you couldn't keep them.

"Hey, sweetheart! I'm home!" You heard him call from the living room. You swallowed thickly as you stood on shaky legs, stuffing the test in the pocket of your hoodie. You made your way to the living room as he shucked off his jacket. He looked handsome as always and he flashed you a warm smile when he saw you. But it fell when he took in your anxiety induced state.

"What's wrong?" He asked carefully, black eyes scanning over you like he was checking if you were hurt. Your throat tightened as you felt your eyes prickle and you willed the tears away.

"Uh… you should sit down. We need to talk," you murmured softly. He frowned, tilting his head as he regarded you.

"Sounds ominous," he replied dryly. He complied though and moved to sit on the sofa. You opted to stay standing near the coffee table.

Your whole body felt like it was shaking and you felt in your bones that this was the moment where everything would change. Either for better or worse, but change was coming and it hurt your heart. You needed to just tell him, get it over with. You inhaled a shaky breath as you looked at him. His face was etched in concern and he was patient with you, watching all the emotions pass over your face.

"I'm pregnant," you blurted, grabbing the test from your pocket and handing it to him. His eyes almost popped out of his head and he grabbed the test, staring at it. You couldn't get a good read on his face other than the surprise and you didn't like that. He was staring at it hard and you knew he was deep in thought. That cold dread came back and sunk its claws into you.

Suddenly, he tossed the test on the coffee table, springing out of his seat and moving around to the back of the couch like he wanted to get far away from you.

"No," he frowned. You blinked dumbly at him for a moment as your eyes burned.

"No?" You asked softly. His dark eyes pinned you in place then. For a brief moment you saw utter pain and complete panic, eyes glassy with unshed tears. But then all emotion left his face, left his eyes, and it felt like a punch to the gut. You'd seen that look on his face before but never directed at you.

"I'm not… I can't do this. I don't want a kid," he said coldly. The lump in your throat got bigger as you nodded. What else could you say? You could cry and scream and fight but what was the use? Part of you expected this although you hoped for something else. You couldn't force him to stick around. If he wanted out then you had no choice but to let him.

You felt tears slip down your face as you glared at the floor, lower lip quivering. You couldn't look at him. The pain you felt was unbearable. Pain for yourself for losing him, pain at how cold he was being, and pain for your baby for having a dad that didn't want them. Did Billy even realise he was continuing the cycle of his own upbringing?

You felt his eyes burning into you but you couldn't look. You had so many things you wanted to say but they all caught on the lump in your throat. Without a word, he grabbed his jacket and left, slamming his door behind him so loud you jumped. You sobbed then, moving to curl up on the sofa as you let it all out. He was gone. You'd have to do this all alone and you missed him already despite him leaving you like this.

You were unsure of how long you lay on his sofa sobbing your heart out until your phone chimed with a message. Stupidly you thought it was Billy saying sorry. It was Billy, but he definitely wasn't apologising.

'I'll be back in two hours. Pack all your shit and be gone before I get home. Don't contact me again.'

You felt a surge of anger and bitterness seep into you then. You thought he'd cared. Never had he told you how he felt about you but he acted like he cared. Introduced you to the Castle's, his family. But clearly you were wrong. His message was loud and clear. You didn't respond, there was no need. He wanted to never hear from you again and that was fine. You packed anything of yours and left within an hour, your heart heavy with pain, hurt and anger.

When you got his letter, at first you were angry. You wanted to be petty. Wanted to ignore it or send him one back telling him to go fuck himself. But you'd looked at your daughter then with her sweet smile and her dad's eyes and you couldn't. Because despite what he'd done, she deserved her dad.

You hadn't responded to the letter right away. Two weeks you kept reading it and coming to terms with all the emotions it brought you. You knew you still cared about him even after what he'd done. You couldn't help it. But his letter sounded so sincere and the self loathing in his words tugged at your heart. He'd fucked up big time, but he was trying to fix it. Billy was a proud man and you knew it took him a lot to reach out to you. You wanted Delilah to get to know her dad and wanted her to have a relationship with him.

You had a lot to work through and you and Billy would need some serious talks to be able to co-parent properly, but you'd do it for Delilah. There wasn't a thing in the world you wouldn't do for that girl.

So you'd replied and now you've been waiting for his call. You were full of nerves and you could taste the emotions lingering from the day he left in the back of your throat. You felt like you were in some kind of limbo.

After stress cleaning for a bit and looking after Delilah, you sat on the sofa with the TV on low as she snoozed in her little seat. You felt lucky she was such a chill baby. The pregnancy and birth had been harder to deal with and you thought having her would be difficult but it hadn't been that hard for you. Louise kept telling you that you had natural maternal instincts and that you'd picked it up easily.

You tried to pay attention to the screen when your phone buzzed from your pocket. Your heart skipped a beat as you got it out. It was a number you didn't recognise and your breath started coming in shorter because you knew just who it would be.

"Hello?" Your voice shook a little as you answered and you heard a soft sigh on the other end.

"Hey, Y/N, it's Billy," his voice was smooth like always but it sounded off. A little raw.

"You got my letter then," you murmured. You rolled your eyes at yourself for stating the obvious but you didn't know what else to say. Never had it been so stilted and awkward to talk to Billy.

"Yeah… and I know you asked me to really think about it, so I did. And I wanna be there. I'd like to… I'd like to meet her if I can," he sounded apprehensive and you wondered if he thought that you'd reject him even after telling him in the letter you wanted them to meet.

"Okay… I'd like to meet up with you first. We have a lot to talk about that needs dealing with before you meet her," you said firmly. This you wouldn't budge on. There was a lot of unresolved tension and feelings around you both and one quick meeting with him wouldn't fix that, but you wanted to clear some air before he came to meet Delilah so it wasn't completely tense. You also wanted to make sure he really was 100% with this or you wouldn't allow it to happen. You wouldn't let her get hurt.

"Yeah, I'll do… anything you need. Whatever you want," he answered quickly. You nodded even though he couldn't see it, happy that he wasn't fighting you on it. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to take this seriously which was good.

"Right… uh… I can… I can meet you today. The diner down the street from my place? About 6pm?" You asked softly. You heard him sniffle a bit down the phone and you started to wonder if he'd come up with an excuse about work. You knew he worked late a lot.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll be there," he said resolutely. This was a good start already.

"I'll see you then, bye Billy," you murmured.

"Bye, Y/N," he replied softly. You hung up and blew out a breath, your shaking hands gripping your phone. You hadn't heard his voice in over a year and it had your heart hammering away against your ribcage. You still loved him but the love was tainted with pain and betrayal. You'd have to stuff it down for the sake of your daughter.

You didn't bother to change out of your jeans, boots, tee and hoodie and after asking Louise if she could look after Delilah for a bit, you set off out. You'd told Louise everything. She already knew what happened with Billy and you'd even let her read his letter. While she wasn't happy he'd walked away in the first place, she was happy he was trying to step up now. You were glad she was supporting you with this.

You got to the diner five minutes early and fully expected to have to wait. But when you got inside, Billy was already sitting in a booth. He looked shit scared and his fingers drummed on the table restlessly. As you approached, his head snapped up. So many emotions crossed his face as he looked at you that you couldn't keep up with them. But when it settled on heartbreak you felt your own squeeze painfully in your chest.

He stood up as you got to the table and there was an awkward moment where you both looked at each other. He looked tired. He had dark rings around his eyes and his usually perfect hair was a little dishevelled. He had on casual clothes and his leather jacket. He took a step closer like he was going to hug you and you stepped back without thinking. His face fell a little and he nodded, the movement stiff but he seemed to understand you weren't ready for it.

He moved to sit down and you sat opposite him. It was so tense you could cut the air with a knife and you didn't even know where to start. The waitress came over then and gave you both a bright smile and you both ordered coffee. Once she was gone the tense atmosphere was back.

"I'm sorry," Billy muttered brokenly. Your eyes looked up at him then and he was staring at you with shiny eyes. Your throat constricted and you cleared it.

"Billy-" you started with a frown. He cut you off though.

"I know… I know I'm the biggest asshole out there. I don't deserve you sittin' here or givin' me a chance. But I want you to know that… I thought about you and the baby… Delilah… every damn day. And I-I hated myself for walkin' away. And I can't take back what did, but I can be better. I want to be better. And I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I left. But I'm serious when I say I wanna be here. You said I'm in or out and I want in. And I swear, I fuckin' swear that I'll prove to you I'm a better man," he said imploringly, leaning his forearms on the table as he watched you.

You blinked at him, collecting your emotions as the waitress came over with the coffees. She didn't linger, sensing the heaviness of whatever was happening in your booth.

"I'm glad you're here, Billy. And it's gonna take work for us to… to be okay around each other. But Delilah is the focus here and you deserve to have a relationship with her. You're her dad," you said softly. He sneered, not at you but himself, as he shook his head.

"No… no I'm not. I haven't been there. Sure she's mine, my DNA, my blood, but… I walked out. I left you, I left her and you both needed me. I'm not a dad, not yet. But I'll do whatever it takes to show you I'm worthy of bein' her dad," his voice shook yet was also firm and you knew in your heart he meant his words. It settled you a bit to know he really was serious about this.

"I'll be honest… part of me expected to come here and you wouldn't be ready. That you were talking shit for whatever reason. But I believe you. I wish it hadn't taken this long but I'm glad you're here now, Billy. It's been… so fucking hard doing this alone," your hands were around your cup and you stared at them as you spoke, your voice quiet among the light buzz in the diner.

You heard his breathing hitch and looked at him again. His fists were clenched and his head was lowered which made it hard to read his face. His whole body was tense and you were about to open your mouth to ask if he was okay when you noticed his shoulders shaking slightly. Oh.

He sucked in a breath as a broken sob left his lips and it ripped a hole right through your chest. Now matter what he'd done, seeing him this way was jarring. You'd seen many sides to Mr Billy Russo and you'd even seen him cry before. But he looked so worn down and broken and it hurt you even if it was his own fault.

His elbows resting on the table, he brought his hands up and rested his head on them as he openly sobbed. You never thought you'd see the day that Lieutenant Russo cried in a public space but he seemed beyond caring.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you stood and moved to his side. You slid into the booth next to him as your own eyes welled up and you reached out a shaky hand to stroke the back of his neck. He tensed at first like he hadn't even noticed you'd moved which was startling given how perceptive he was about everything around him. But then he relaxed and moved his face from his hands and turned to look at you. Tears were streaming down his face and he looked younger and vulnerable.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he didn't hesitate to bury his face in your neck as his own arms held you tightly. You stroked his hair softly, trying to soothe him a little. You couldn't help it. Maybe it was that maternal instinct that always hated when someone was upset around you or maybe it was just the fact that no matter what happened, you did still care.

"It's okay, Billy," you whispered through your own tears. He shook his head where it was still pressed against your now damp neck.

"No it's not. I fucked up. I shoulda been there," his voice was muffled and broken with his soft sobs that were slowly easing and you held him a little tighter.

"You did fuck up but you're here now and that's what matters," you murmured. You pulled away and he let you go reluctantly as he sniffled and looked down. You reached up and wiped his cheeks with your hoodie sleeves and then he looked at you.

"We can't change the past, Billy. Yeah, you messed up, and yeah it hurt me. But you already missed out on so much and that's a punishment in itself. Things aren't gonna be easy and it'll take time for us to heal, but you're here now and Delilah needs you. That's what matters," you uttered, hands falling from his face.

He sniffled again as he nodded, his obsidian gaze searching your face like he was looking for something.

"I don't… I don't have the words because thank you doesn't even come close. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you helpin' me out and I don't deserve Delilah. I didn't really think I'd hear from you and now here you are, fuckin' comforting me in a diner when it should be the other way around," he lamented with a frown.

"I don't like seeing you cry," you shrugged with a weak smile as your hands toyed with the sleeves of your hoodie. He gave you a small smile back as he nodded. A silence settled over you both then and it was slightly awkward. You knew he was probably embarrassed and also still beating himself up. Once upon a time you'd be glad to know how hard he was being on himself over this. But seeing him like this was painful.

There were still a lot of things to sort through with the pair of you but they weren't the priority. The first and most important thing was him establishing a relationship with his daughter. You figured in time things would get easier with him and he seemed dead set on being here now. And you could see the genuine remorse for walking away so you knew he was serious.

"I should go. But uh…" you murmured as you stood from the booth, Billy following suit.

"You can… you can meet her tomorrow if you'd like? I could… I don't know, make dinner for us all? You could come by my place and meet her before dinner?" You suggested, voice laced with uncertainty. His face lit up then even with his slightly damp cheeks and shiny eyes. His smile was bright even if it was hesitant.

"I'd really like that," he nodded as he gazed down at you.

"Okay… good. Uh… come by around 5?" It still felt awkward between you and you hated it. It used to be so easy between the two of you.

"I will… thank you, Y/N," he murmured sincerely. You nodded and gave him a little smile. He stepped forward and this time you didn't step back. The hug didn't last long but it took you back to a time when things were good with the pair of you. Where you felt safe in his strong arms surrounded by his calming scent. It sent a pang through your chest. You hugged him back before he moved away and you gave him another nod before you left.

By the time you were walking in your complex you had tears down your cheeks. It had been hard to see him after everything. Hard to see him such a mess too. You had that feeling, the same one you did the day you found out you were pregnant. That things were changing, this was a turning point. Only this time it was a good one.

It was hard to wrap your head around after all this time that he'd be there. Of course there would be a period of adjustment where he got to know his daughter, but eventually he'd be parenting just like you. It was a strange feeling to comprehend that you wouldn't be alone in this anymore.

Seeing him and speaking to him, it had eased some of the bitterness that you'd held for him. Not completely but quite a bit. You couldn't hold onto the anger and pain of the past, not when Delilah needed this. You'd never be able to go back and redo how things happened but you could close that chapter and start a new one. One where Billy was actually around and your daughter had a dad. Despite the nerves for the dinner the next day, you were also a little excited and hopeful.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine

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samstree · 3 years

Text

and baby makes four (or five)

(mpreg, pre-relationship geraskier, mutual pining, pregnant jaskier, vague mpreg setting, roach is also mom, baby horse, horse trivia, 1.5k, read on ao3)

Jaskier pets the newborn foal’s still-damp mane and grins to himself. The tiny horse—Little Roachie, he decides—is laying on the ground, surrounded by soft hay and dozing peacefully. He deserves it after the ordeal—well, Jaskier believes it counts as one. The foaling almost gave him heart palpitations, but Geralt says everything went just as planned and both Roach and the baby are safe and sound.

And they are, finally, when the entire day has passed and the moon is high in the sky.

The witcher himself is feeding the mare their last apple. If the doting was bad before, it has definitely gotten worse since she became a mom. It’s not like anyone could fault Geralt, Jaskier reckons. Although the sight of the almighty White Wolf indulging his horse is way too precious, not that Jaskier will ever say it to his face. As much as he loves to see Geralt embarrassed, it might be unwise to upset his friend and get left in the middle of this backwater town in his current conditions.

Jaskier cradles the bump that is his stomach and feels his baby peacefully asleep too. Despite the barn being floored with thick hay, the sitting position is growing uncomfortable with everything weighing down on his midriff, and it won’t be long until his back starts aching again.

The foal jerks in his sleep, and Jaskier completely forgets about himself.

“Shh, it’s all right. Just sleep, darling. You must really need it if you’re so tiny. Look at how tiny you are.” His hand travels down to its leg and then the hoof. The hoof wall feels soft, or at least, less hard than what one would imagine for an adult horse. A soft gasp escapes his lips as his fingers reach the bottom. “Oh, Geralt! Come and see!”

The witcher hums absently as Jaskier picks out the straws and dirt obscuring his view and cradles the newborn foal’s hoof in his palm. There’s a layer of padding covering the sole. It’s … kind of spongy, and moist to the touch.

“Fascinating,” Jaskier muses as he pokes and prods the soft tissue, amazed at the weird texture and irregular shapes. When he looks up, Geralt is crouched beside him, leaving Roach to chew on the last of her treat.

“Newborns have those,” he explains.

“Will it hurt him when I touch it?”

“I don’t think so.” Geralt’s gaze falls on the small baby, the corners of his eyes crinkle ever so slightly. “The cushions develop during the last term of pregnancy. It protects the mother from all the kicking, and later during the birth. They’ll wear off as soon as he learns to stand.”

“Wow,” Jaskier croons at the foal, “you are such a gentle baby, aren’t you? Know to protect your mum, huh?”

His arm tightens around his own expanding waistline. The bump has gotten so big in the last few weeks Jaskier still gets taken aback every time he walks in front of a mirror. Looking down on it, the worry that’s been churning in his stomach resurfaces, the dread rising inexplicably. Jaskier hates to admit it, but he’s so, so nervous about what comes after. Sure, he looks forward to meeting his child, but just the thought of pushing a person out of his body is enough to send a shudder down his spine.

Jaskier chews on his lips. The silence hangs in the barn.

It’s Geralt who breaks it first. He sits down next to Jaskier gradually and crosses his legs, making sure the sleeping foal is still in sight.

“All babies are as gentle, Jaskier.” Golden amber eyes meet Jaskier’s, and they are filled with warmth and unvoiced understanding. “You never needed to worry for Roach.”

“But anything could have happened. She’s never had a baby before and we didn’t even notice for so long. The whole thing just … came out of nowhere. If something had gone wrong—”

“Nothing did,” Geralt says, more firmly this time. “I wouldn’t have let anything happen to her. I was here to make sure of it.”

Looking at the sincerity on the witcher’s face, Jaskier knows neither of them is talking about Roach anymore, and he can’t resist the upturn of his lips. It is true that Geralt did everything he could for Roach, setting her up at this farm and making sure she’ll be cared for after. Even when the mare got anxious the past two days, Geralt has been nothing but patient with her.

“Besides,” Geralt adds, tilting his head, “She’s strong. She can get through anything for her baby.”

A lump suddenly forms in Jaskier’s throat. His eyes prickle but he won’t let the tears fall. Not again. Even pregnant, it would be too mortifying for him to cry for what must be the one-hundredth time this week, and he won’t let Geralt make fun—

A kick lands on his bladder and oh boy it hurts. Jaskier chokes out a breath and curls into himself. “It seems—ahh, this one is bad—it seems that my baby could use some tips from Little Roachie here.��

“You can’t compare human babies to horses, Jask,” Geralt chuckles but rests his hand over the top of the bump and starts rubbing little circles, soothing the tiny but anxious person within. As always, it does the trick and the kicking gradually calms down. Jaskier isn’t sure if he should be jealous of this apparent superpower of Geralt’s or just glad he’s here. “Also, Little Roachie? Really?”

The warmth of Geralt’s palm is nice, seeping through the thin tunic and into Jaskier’s taut skin underneath. It takes a second for him to respond, “Are you not naming him Roach?”

“Why would I name him Roach?”

“Because you name all your horses Roach?”

“But, Jask, he’s Roach’s baby. It’ll be confusing.”

Jaskier blinks, incredulous.

“That,” he pauses, “is confusing?”

“Yes,” Geralt answers like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“Six mares in a row having the same name was never a problem, but mother and son is where you draw the line.” Jaskier shakes his head. “Well, I’m glad there is a line somewhere.”

Jaskier lets out a string of giggles, bending backward and almost hitting the wall. When he finally ceases to find the witcher’s logic so amusing, Roach herself has sauntered near them. She’s probably heard her name and also wants in on all the fun.

The mare reaches down and headbutts Jaskier on his chest, almost touching his stomach. Geralt grows tense and ready to block her. It’d be sweet of him if the overprotectiveness isn’t so unnecessary.

“Oh, relax! Roach and I are the bestest of friends now.” Her muzzle touches Jaskier’s palm. “Motherhood has softened her. Look!”

“Hmm.”

He coos to Roach for a while until her attention returns to the once again unnamed foal. Jaskier finds himself completely knackered and ready to turn in. He yawns just in time.

“What a day, huh? Well, I don’t know about you but I could fall asleep in the next five minutes.”

“Oh.”

Geralt stands first to pull Jaskier up with steady hands, the movement so effortless it even makes Jaskier feel less bloated and sluggish.

“Will you—” Jaskier adjusts the hem of his tunic. “Will you stay with me? Like yesterday. It’s—I, um, I’ve been having trouble with all the kicking, as you know, and last night was the first time I got any rest in weeks.”

Geralt stares, his golden amber blown wide.

“You don’t have to, I mean,” Jaskier adds too quickly. “You help. Like just now, and you’ve been helping me for the past few months, even with everything going on with Roach. I don’t want to burden you further, but I just … I think the baby likes it a little better when you are there.”

And Jaskier likes it a lot better.

That part he can’t say though.

“Of course,” Geralt says, and a weight Jaskier didn’t know was carrying lifts off of his chest. “If it’s more comfortable for you.”

“Right. It is.”

“And, Jask … I know I might be overstepping. The baby is only yours after all.” Geralt swallows nervously, if witchers can get nervous talking to a simple bard. A simple bard who never expected to be pregnant and is terrified. “But if you need me, I can stay with you. Through everything, this … and after, as long as you need me.”

The lump returns. Jaskier meets Geralt’s gaze in earnest and all he can see is the devotion, the safety. Because that’s what Geralt is, his best friend and protector. The world may disagree, but Jaskier knows better from walking by his side for so many years, from never having been abandoned despite all the threats. He knows from the way Geralt leads him back inside with a hand on the small of his back and a smile in those amber eyes.

When the baby moves again, Jaskier can’t wait to drag Geralt’s hand over his stomach. Geralt looks awestruck, like he’s watching a miracle unfold before his eyes when it’s no more than a little person reacting to his touch.

“I think,” Jaskier says. “I think we’ll be just fine.”

“Of course. Both of you will.”

And for the first time, Jaskier might start believing it.

---

I leaned that thing about baby horsies in this youtube video. Please feel free to correct me if I got some facts wrong. I love horse trivia! <3

#geraskier #geraskier fic #mpreg #pregnant jaskier #mutual pining #pre-relationship #emotional hurt/comfort #insecure jaskier #supportive geralt #soft geralt #protective geralt #baby horse #foaling #roach is mom #horse trivia #the setting of mpreg is very vague

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jpopjdrama · 2 years

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Thoughts for Twenty-Five, Twenty One

Despite posting a while back that I may flood this blog with 25-21 contents due to it being my favorite for the time being, I haven't done that because (1) I didn't have enough "spare time" to browse through tumblr, (2) my tumblr app is having an error for 95% of the time when I tried to access the tag.

However, what led me to write this now is I had so much mixed emotions about the ending that it kept disturbing me and my sleep since I finished watching the last ep last night.

So, there might be SPOILERS (!) as I try to convey what I'm feeling right now.

Recommendation rating: 8/10 (I sincerely want to give it a 10, but I can't)

Will watch again?: Maybe, in the far future. But not right now.

Will be stashed?: I want to, but I can't even look at it now.

The truth is I'm very much confused about the ending of 25-21. Not about the plot, but how I really feel about it. For months now, it has been THE ONLY drama that made me so much interested, it made me watch it while airing. Also, it is the only drama that I've been invested in watching right now.

DRAMA TAG AND EARLY PREVIEWS. The drama tag and early previews really "mislead" me (for the lack of term). It was described for the earlier part as a rom-com and portrayed as being "light". Yes, there were conflicts and sometimes rather heavy topics, but they always turned out to be alright at the end of the episode or the next episode at most. It made me somehow felt safe that it won't lead to something miserable at the end. And that was what it made me clung onto the series: ALL WILL BE WELL.

WHY I FELT NOT OKAY. To be honest, the last few episodes where it started to go downhill, it already felt a little heavy for me. And that gradually increased as new episodes were released. But that didn't stop me from watching because (as I said earlier) I was clinging onto that hope that it won't betray me at the end.

Personally, I have been struggling about my personal growth and current situation that I'm in now. And the series didn't only gave me joy and nostalgia, but also inspiration. The depiction of support, healthy coping mechanisms, determination, patience and forgiveness within yourself - the things that I should learn and appreciate and embrace.

Frankly speaking, it's true. The ending was realistic - that people grow apart. Our time and youth - no matter how happy or sad it was - are fleeting, but they still shine no matter what. If that's the writer wants to convey. But it's not something that I need right now. The ending was like slapping me right across my face that I should still build my wall because no matter how supportive, positive, and determined I am and the people around me are, time can still take away everything from me. And that sad feeling was amplified by giving the other characters the "happy ending". That time was on their side, but unfortunately not on BaekDo's. The worst part? You can't do anything about it - cause that is life. They didn't even become friends after despite being best friends before having the romantic relationship. I agree to one comment that I saw that I would much preferred if they didn't add romance to it if this is how they want to approach it.

I felt so lost right now. I felt like a clown believing that there will be a plot twist like in Reply series. My expectations led me where I am now. And I feel like I can't trust any series for the meantime. Even in Hammurabi, where the court cases were (very) heavy, it gave me so much hope because the main leads portrayed a healthy relationship that pulled through no matter how toxic their environment was. I was planning to marathon 25-21 after all episodes were aired. But I guess, I can't anymore. At least not now that I'm not in a good place. You just don't know how much this bothered and affected me. The scene where they said their last farewell while crying and the last tunnel scene kept waking me up all night despite watching it for one time only. How ironic. Something that kept me looking forward to the next weekends just placed me back to square one.

I'm not trying to tell the writer here what should've been the ending. It's their story to tell anyway. This is just me watching a what-might-be-the-best-drama in the wrong season in my life.

^literally me upon realizing the last episode has already ended with no plot twist

#twenty five twenty one #kim tae ri #nam joo hyuk #2521 #na hee do #baek yi jin #back yi jin

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happyselves · 3 years

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Disaster qualification ( A Portimao story ) { Daniel Ricciardo x reader }

You were searching for your best friend Daniel in the paddock and garage of Mclaren, but he was nowhere to be found, you even asked a mechanic and some journalist. It wasn't his kind to leave like that and he wasn't answering his phone, but after that terrible qualification where he didn't pass through Q1, you weren't surprised. He needed a break, he was feeling pressure and anxious and you never saw him like that before, of course he knew that he needed time to adapt his driving style adn himself to his new car to make it one ,but he was starting to feel depressed as it wasn't going as fast as he thought. That's a thing you like in Daniel, he will always have that competitive side in him even after 10 years doing the job. His determination was always there, but he needed things to go as he planned otherwise he was starting to doubt himself and everything was starting to go downhill. You knew that he needed just a little push, a little sign that he was doing something good and he was evolving or going in the right way, it was a matter of time but he was so stubborn and impatient.

After more than an hour of searching for him you find his engineer who told you that he was quiet the whole debrief and just mumbled a quick " I'm going back to the hotel ". So that's where he was, back in the hotel, probably at the gym hitting the frustration away on some punching ball perhaps. His engineer asked you if you wanted to take the ride to go back to the hotel with them since he left you all alone in the paddock. You couldn't believe he let you there, even Michael. You needed to have a talk with him too after you find Daniel and scold him as well.

Arriving in the hotel lobby you ask at the front desk where the gym was and they show you the direction, but when you enter it, no trace of Daniel or MIchael, well there must be only one place he could be and you were heading to eat now. You knock on his bedroom door, once, twice and one last time before remembering that he actually gave you one spare key if you needed anything, you didn't really know why he did but right now you were glad he did as you opened the door. It was dark, all the countain were close and only an ambiance light was on, and then you find him, sitting on the floor, only wearing a long shirt and his boxers, the rest of his clothes messy on the floor. He didn't even look up when he heard someone coming in, perfectly knowing it was you, plus he was to focus on his big tub of ice cream that was already halfway through eaten. You silently sit next to him, your head laying on the edge of the bed, watching the ceiling. You didn't have to wait long for him to offer you his spoon for you to take some of his vanilla ice cream. Vanilla ... so cliche yet you knew that when he was feeling down it was always the one it would choose because it was a safe choice. You took the spoon and dug it in the melted ice cream before bringing it to your lips, where he finally looked at you.

" Are you here to scold me or to witness my misery ? " he asks you, almost lost in his mind as his eyes focus on your lips where some vanilla fell down the spoon, he licked his own lips as he was waiting for you to answer.

" I don't know, I was going to kick your ass for forgetting me at the track then ice cream came into the party so I guess you already know what I think of what you did, right ? " You were now going to sit straight in front of him.

" I fucked up ... " he was defeated, like he lost hope and belief in him and it never happened to him before, maybe once or twice in his career but not recently, not when everyone including him knows how great of a driver he is. It's like your heart broke at the sight of him like this.

" You know that didn't mean anything, you will be better tomorrow, I know you know it too." You tried to reassure him, putting your hands on his knees, searching for his gaze, but you felt it didn't really work this time.

" No, look at the reality, I still can't do anything in this car, I don't know why, that's not them it's me and I'm scared I won't be able to deliver what I promised them" Yes you definitely never saw him like that, the team wasn't really putting pressure on him, they knew he needed time and everyone one else, if there were someone to blame here, that would be the media here, you were sure of it, Daniel isn't someone to give up, even when it hurts, he take the punch and fight back silently if he needs to, showing everyone the flame he had in him the next day. The flame wasn't here right now, you were searching for it as he finally locked eyes with you, but it was nowhere to be found. How will you be able to bring it back ?

" Daniel ... look at me " you took the ice cream tub away from his hands to put it as far on the floor as possible. Your hands find his face directly after that, taking his cheeks in your palm to force him to face you.

" You are Daniel Ricciardo, you are not done at all and you will get up and do better tomorrow, this qualification didn't mean anything even your team isn't mad about it, Daniel don't start to listen to the media again, you know they are just trying to write on blank paper because they don't have better story to feed themselves with. You are better than this and you need to believe in yourself the same way I believe in you, otherwise you might just quit then and we both know you are not a quitter. " This long motivational sentence felt more like a declaration to your friend and by the way his eyes showed a bit of sparkle, you knew you had reached him there. His eyes were focused on yours and you felt they were piercing your soul making you suddenly feel very shy, your own cheeks blushing. You didn't let go of Daniel's face, blown away by how handsome he was in this moment, so vulnerable under your touch. The new emotion you were discovering of him was drawing new lines on his beautiful face, making him even more mesmerizing. Your fingers were caressing his skin like he was the most precious thing in the world. These tired lines make him slightly older than he was but you find it charming. His eyes shut at the touch and he let a long breath he has been holding for long leave his chest. Your index finds his eyelid, touching and examining every little detail of your best friend. You never did that before with him, with anyone else for that matter and it felt so intimate yet you couldn't stop and the most important thing was that you didn't want to anyway.

His hands find yours, placing them on top of it and taking them in as he opens back his eyes, his lips brushing your fingers to kiss them as what you find to be a thankful gesture.

" You always know what to say to me, no matter what you are always here for me even when I am trying to push you away far to not hurt you " His sincerity knocked you, was he thinking that he was hurting you ?

" You didn't hurt me Daniel, what hurt me is seeing you like this and not being able to do much to make you feel better, I want to do so much for you, that might sound selfish, but just to be able to see that beautiful smile of you, I would do anything " You were entering a dangerous category here and you didn't know if it was something a friend would say in normal term. The last phrase piqued his curiosity and you saw it had his eyes change radically.

" Anything ? " Your hands were still locked in his, he was caressing your skin with his thumb until the pressure felt more firm and he brought you closer to him, making you lose balance and almost fell on his chest. It was dangerous and you like it, you never thought of him this way but the possibility of something more with him just smash open a door in your brain. You didn't know if you should let everything go as it comes or stop it right now before it's too late. Your brain couldn't think at all, not like your pounding heart in your chest.

" anything ... yes " He didn't have the time to act before you close the gap between you two and catch his lips. It was just a peck but that was enough for him to freeze, not moving an inch before he realised what was happening.

That's where his lips react on their own and kiss you back, deepening the kiss, releasing all the passion he didn't know he had for you. The texture of your lips throwing him off the edge, the vanilla taste of the ice cream still on your lips. He let go of your hands to catch your thighs, making you uncross them to straddle him and being even more close to his body. Your hands find their perfect place on the back of his neck and head, playing with the dark curls of his hair. You feel like time has stopped and all the anxiety was leaving Daniel's body, you were like a medicine to him. Healing him from all his worries, nothing matters in this instant, not the race tomorrow or the qualification that he had today or even the consequences of it, just you ... only you. It took you all the courage in you to break the kiss and make him look at you, because he didn't know why you stopped it since it was feeling so good and so right.

" Daniel ... " The words were stuck in your throat, you didn't even remember what you wanted to say as his eyes laid on you, if you didn't know him better you would have said that he was very adorable, but no he was doing his puppy face with his swallowed lips from the kiss. .You know exactly what he was trying to do and it's not the change of dynamics in your relationship that will erase his behavior when he wants something. He wanted you to write on his face, he could even try to hide it and he didn't want to, that's why his hands were now finding their way sneakily under your shirt, like you wouldn't notice.

" You need to rest, we have all the time to continue << this >> another time, but it's late and you need to rest " You were poking his chest, making him giggle. If he was asking you if you wanted to continue this, you weren't sure that you would be capable of saying no, but he gladly asked something else.

" Then, stay with me, sleep in my bed tonight, just tonight ... I don't want to be alone " Puppy eyes ... again and your heart melts ... again. How were you able to resist him before ? Since your lips touch his it was impossible now, your brain wasn't thinking and your body couldn't be in total control around him.

" Okay I will stay ... if you promise me to behave '' He lifts his hands up in the air looking like an innocent baby, mimicking with his fingers an invisible zip on his lips.

You both got in bed, you borrowed one of his shirts and decided to only wear it with your panty. You fell asleep easily in each other's arms,but it's later in the night when you turn that you felt Daniel spooning behind you, grabbing one of your breasts with one hand, the other one grabbing you by the waist to get closer. His breath in your neck, sensing your scent before leaving some butterflies to kiss. He was definitely awake and was now lifting your shirt to feel your skin. You were in a state where you weren't awake but aware of what was happening. You tried your best to hide the smile that was forming on your face but it was impossible when your new lover was making it very clear he wanted you. Slightly opening your eyes, it was still dark outside which could only mean it was too early to wake up and that you should both sleep again, especially him since he had to race tomorrow and he couldn't lose sleep even if you both wanted to explore each other's bodies for the remainder of the night. You hummed a quick moan before turning to face him, you could barely see his figure in the dark but you could imagine how he was hungrily watching you. Touching his lips with your fingers you feel his teeth biting his down lips. He was definitely leaning toward your touch like he never had someone come in physical contact with him tenderly.

" Daniel ..." was the only thing your tired voice could say before the breath you were holding released itself. " You have the race tomorrow ", you poke his chest with your finger, trying to distance yourself from his warm embrace.

" I don't care, what matters to me now is you ", he caresses your cheeks from the palm of his head before letting it hang on the side of your neck. One movement toward him and your lips would meet again.

" You don't think about the race because you are tired, and that's exactly why I've made you promise to behave", you whispered that last part, thankful the dark was hiding your cheeks burning at the idea of him and you. After what felt like an eternity, but just a couple of seconds in real silence you heard him lick his lips and he moved away from you, putting a physical distance between your two bodies like an act of resistance from him.

" You're right ... ", it wasn't sadness or disappointment in his voice, more like his inner voice of reason making an apparition in his blurry thought,blind by lust until now.

" Trust me I want you just as much, I've just find you, we are finally on the same page, and I promise you that I am fighting just as much as you right now not to touch you and have you only for me ", you rambled and he shush you just as quick as your word coming out of your mouth.

A sigh came out of his mouth and you felt him sniffing his body on the back, his eyes looking at the nonexistent ceiling in the dark. He searches your hand to tranglying your fingers together and keeps the contact between you. You soon after did the same and you were now two idiots looking at nothing, your eyes not finding anything to focus on and they shut themselves to rest.

You fell asleep like this, side by side, holding hands, frustrated to not have given to the pulsion you both had.

The brightness of the room was what woke you, it was hard to open your eyes and when you did, the light and the tiredness of your eyes blinded your vision, a tear forming on the corner of one eye was soon to be wrapped away by a finger. His finger, he was awake, sitting on the side of the bed, already ready to leave for the paddock.

" Hello beautiful ", he said and his voice could be compared to that of an angel. " I've got to run for debrief but you can stay in a bit longer if you want, I ordered breakfast for you it shouldn't be long to arrive ", he was so careful, you hadn't really clarified the relation between the two of you, but was the word couple needed when he was already being so perfect ? You knew it wasn't an act for your new dynamics because he was already like that before. He kissed you on the cheek and stood up, you were already missing him and he wasn't even gone yet.

" mmh, give me an hour and I will join you ", your sleepy voice made him smile so bright that it was competing with the sun to know which one will warm your heart the most.

" See you there ", was the last thing he said before he disappeared in the hallway, closing the door behind him.

That day he end up p9 which was a huge work from him and the team after the knock out in q1 from yesterday. You felt proud of him even if he wasn't feeling the car like his own yet. You Saw him briefly after the race, when he offered you a hug and a small kiss on the lips, a kiss that felt like a thank you for always being there for him and putting his needs before yours. Thank you for being the best friend he needed, the ears who listen to his complain and the voice of reason in his head. The person that will make him feel better no matter how down he feel. You both didn't needed words to express how last night change everything in your relationship but not so much in your friendship. You were evolving together and it was only the beginning of something beautiful that didn't need an end. A book you start reading but never end because there is no end. The only end you knew so far was the promising end of the day. He took time to whisper in your ears before leaving for his post-race interview.

Yes it was definitely an end you were looking forward to indeed.

MASTERLIST

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erosofthepen · 4 years

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Letters From Amad part. 1

Hehe, I started writing this and was going to originally end it at 3,500 words, but then I realized that the plot was super boring and dry and changed some things... I’m at 6,000 words overall so far so I split it into two parts. I hope you enjoy it.

Words: 3713

Paring: Fili x reader

Warnings: none

Tags: (these are people who just said they’d be interested i guess): @grunid, @elvish-sky, @amelia307, @moony-artnstuff, @sassyscribbler, @fizzyxcustard

The battle was won, the mountain kept safe, and the gold preserved.

Not that anyone was too worried about the gold anymore. No, Thorin had recovered well from the sickness, given the Lake-men what had been promised, and had returned the white gems of starlight to King Thranduil. Yes indeed, everything had turned out fine in the end.

More than fine for you.

The second the orcs had fled the battlefield, Fili, that beautiful lion of a dwarf took your hand, pressed a kiss to each knuckle, and asked for you to marry him. The answer couldn’t have been anything but yes.

So there you were, five months after the Battle, eating dinner with the line of Durin and talking of the wedding ceremony to come. Thorin was especially particular and picky about all the odds and ends of the event, especially since it would be the first royal wedding in Erebor in centuries. So, as he rambled on about the colors of gems and fabrics, Fili held your hand in his. At the beginning of dinner, both you and he knew that Thorin would keep you for an hour at least, talking about preparations.

It’s not as if you didn’t enjoy talking and planning your future wedding, it’s just that the actual ceremony was an entire year and a half away. Dwarrow are notorious for their long engagement period. With the event so far off, you’d just rather devote your time to being with Fili, for once not worrying about wargs or orcs or goblins or evil. Fortunately, you were saved from the conversation by Balin.

“Letters from the Blue Mountains, Thorin!” he said cheerfully, entering the room with a jolly bounce. He placed the letters in front of the mountain king before stealing a biscuit and leaving. Thorin nodded thanks, and examined the seals, a broad grin splitting his face.

“From your Amad, Lads.” Kili, who had been playing with the food on his plate, snapped into attention with wide, excited eyes.

“From Amad?!”

“Aye, here’s yours,” Thorin handed an envelope with a dark blue seal to Kili, and the young prince tore it open rapidly, reading it hungrily. Thorin then handed a letter with a matching seal to Fili, and your husband-to-be released his grip on your hand, opening his letter with the same urgency his brother had.

It was just slightly awkward for you, with each dwarrow at the table reading their respective letters, but you occupied yourself with your stew, occasionally glancing up to watch Fili’s eyes as he read. His beautiful blue eyes displayed excitement, then delight, and towards the end, longing. You had always known Fili was a mama’s boy (Or amad’s boy, in this case), and you also knew that he missed her dearly.

“She’s supposed to be leaving to come here in May!” Kili exclaimed, finishing his letter before his brother and uncle.

“Aye, next month,” Fili agreed, a smile lighting up his features. “How long do you reckon it will take for her arrival?”

“Six months, I would guess,” Thorin replied, mentally re-accounting your own journey, “Seven maybe. She’ll be with a caravan, remember. It’ll take some time for a group that size to get ore’ the Misty Mountains.”

Kili sighed, his shoulders slumping. “That’s much too long to wait.” Fili nodded in agreement at his brother's words.

“It’ll have been twenty months since we’ve seen her. A year and two-thirds.”

“Don’t worry lads, you’ll see her soon enough,” Thorin said, looking over his letter once more. “But in the meantime, I suggest you write back.” Kili scooted out of his chair, rushing out of the room with his letter clutched tightly in hand. Fili got up to follow, but then doubled back, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“I’ll come to wish you good night,” He promised.

“I’ll expect you,” You replied. He grinned and headed out after his brother.

“So (Y/N),” Thorin began, with a tone that made you inwardly groan, “What type of cut do you think the gems on your marriage robes should have?” You suspected that you might not be back in your room in time for Fili to wish you good night.

Three months had passed since the letters had come from Lady Dís, and the mountain was busy with preparations for the arrival of a hundred and fifty or so dwarrow. It would be the first caravan of many to come.

With the attention of the kingdom now focused on the arrival of the caravan, it proved to be quite the relief to you and Fili. More of Thorin’s focus was on planning for the newcomers, and not combing over details of your wedding ceremony, which meant more time for you and Fili to enjoy yourselves. It also brought on some tasks in which Fili and Kili accomplished together.

The brothers had prepared a room for their mother in the royal wing, and had furnished and decorated it to perfection. All the furniture was made of dark walnut wood, and the rugs and drapings were dark blue in color, made from the finest fabrics that could be found. They had also set about commissioning dressmakers and robemakers to complete a new wardrobe for Dís, even though Fili knew that Dís would prefer to sew her own clothes. Still, the act showed the brother’s devotion to their Amad.

When Fili was occupied with preparing these sorts of things, or otherwise completing his royal duties, you would more often than not find yourself in the library. There were several libraries in Erebor, with the mountain being so huge, and only one of the libraries was cleaned and in use. This particular library was known as the Grand Library, and only twenty or so dwarrow were ever in it at once, so it was lovely and quiet. It was probably your favorite spot in the mountain, especially when it grew chill, as it held an incredibly large fireplace with an assortment of couches and cushions in front of it.

This was exactly where you could be found that day, and it was quite curious to see Fili rushing towards you, a smile on his face and a letter in his hand.

“Amad wrote back, and she sent a letter for you as well!” he said, sitting beside you and handing you an envelope with the dark blue seal of Dís.

“She sent one for me?”

“Aye.”

“Why? She doesn’t even know me,” you replied, staring at the slightly crinkled parchment. Fili cleared his throat,

“...I may or may not have written a lengthy description of you in my letter to her.” Well, his statement shouldn’t have surprised you. Of course Fili would have told his mother about the person he planned to marry. But for some reason, the fact that Dís knew about you made you nervous. Fili interrupted your thoughts. “Well, are you going to open it?”

You gave him a small smile before carefully breaking the seal and lifting the letter out of its envelope. As your eyes scanned the page, you noticed that while Dís’s hand was rough, it was still tidy. The letter read:

“(Y/N),

I am not exactly sure how I should feel about you. My son left me without any desire of ever forming a relationship, yet he wrote to me that he has found his One. He speaks incredibly highly of you, and his description was indeed full of love.

However, do not think I am convinced of your relationship. My sons are precious to me beyond any riches, and I will not tolerate or allow anyone whom I do not approve of to wed either of them. If you truly love Fili, you must prove your love to me. Otherwise, I suggest you abandon any thought of a future with him and leave Erebor immediately.

~Lady Dís, Thrainsdottir.”

If you had been nervous about Dís before, now you were a bit terrified. You realized that, if she was not satisfied with you, Dís could very easily break off your engagement and ensure that you never saw Fili again. The thought was enough to scare you even more than running straight into a battalion of orcs. The dwarf prince himself had been reading over your shoulder, and once you had finished reading, he took your hand in his and squeezed it tight.

“She’s… Well Amad’s just a bit overprotective. She’ll love you once you meet, I know it. Don’t worry yourself over it ghivashel.”

But you did worry over it. You worried over it throughout the rest of your time in the library, all throughout dinner, and when you eventually slipped into bed. After a few hours of uneasily trying to fall asleep, you came to terms that you could at least address your worries if you wrote back.

“Lady Dís,

I was surprised to receive your letter, as I hadn’t thought that Fili would have written of me. I understand that you don’t yet approve of me, and I think that, if our places were swapped, I probably wouldn’t approve of me either. But I do love Fili, with every single part of my being. He is my world now. It’s actually fairly remarkable to acknowledge that, since before the quest, I hadn’t even known of his existence. But I truly do love him, and would do anything to ensure his happiness and well-being.

I hope you can grow to like me, or tolerate me at least.

Sincerely,

(Y/N)”

In the months following that letter, the worry inside of you didn’t subside. Fili could tell that it was on your mind, and he tried his best to sooth your nervousness, but it didn’t help very much. Much of your time was spent in the comfort of the Grand Library, which seemed to become more in use by the common folk with every passing day. You were seriously considering trying to start cleaning out one of the smaller libraries, just so it would be a bit quieter. Apparently, the rules of a silent library did not apply to dwarrows.

One day, you were sitting in the least used corner of the Grand Library, reading a book about dwarrow folklore, when you were interrupted by an exasperated sigh.

“Good Mahal, I finally found you! Why the hell were you all the way over here? You do know there’s plenty of space near the entrance, right?”

“Yes, but it’s not nice and quiet there. In normal libraries, there’s rules set in place for silence.” You replied, rolling your eyes at the young prince Kili.

“Sounds boring.” He said, plopping down next to you. “Anyways, my Amad sent another letter for you.” He brought out an envelope and you took it and set it aside. “You’re not going to open it?” He asked.

“I am, just not right now.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“I think you should open it.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

You and Kili held some sort of bizarre staring contest, until you decided that Kili would at least be off your back if you opened it now. The letter read:

“(Y/N),

It brought me a small comfort to have read of your love for Fili, but it did not satisfy my doubts. Fili has told me much of your history and past, and you indeed seem like quite the character. However, I know my son would have put you on a pedestal to try and convince me of you, so I decided to rely on information about you from a much more honest source. That being my son Kili and my brother Thorin.

Thorin believes you to be an honest lass, with loyalty to match, and he told me he is very sure that you and Fili are the perfect match. My brother is not one to sugar-coat anything, and he is probably the most thickheaded dwarrow in the world when it comes to recognizing romantic love, so his assurances lessened my doubts. Kili on the other hand, told quite a different story.

Kili has told me that you are irritable, witty, incredibly thoughtful, and usually annoyed with him a vast majority of the time. He wrote about a few events during the journey that made me laugh quite a lot. I wholeheartedly support you and his decision to put a toad in Thorin's boot. That was brilliant. However, do not mistake this for approval of you, but know that my initial opinion on you has changed towards the better. My distrust of you has eased.

From,

Lady Dís”

When you finished reading, you turned to face Kili. A boyish grin had split his face.

“I can’t believe you told her about the toad incident.” You said.

“Oh, I told her about plenty more of our mischief as well. I already read her reply to me, she especially liked the one where we put a snakeskin in Fili’s sleeping role.” You couldn’t help but laugh as you remembered that night. That was probably the only time you had really seen Fili freak out. He had thrown the snakeskin as far away from him as possible, before taking his boot axes and chucking them at it. The snakeskin had been shredded, and you and Kili laughed for a good long while.

“I nearly forgot about that one, what fun that was!”

“Aye. I mentioned it to Fili today and he turned as red as a tomato, it was fucking hilarious!”

You and Kili spent the rest of the afternoon recounting your wrongdoings and pranks from the journey, only leaving when you grew hungry. After dinner, you wrote Dís back.

“Lady Dís,

I’m glad you approved of the Toad Incident, honestly one of my finer moments. Thorin had his head in his arse all day, and Kili and I were tired of it. He completely ignored Gandalf’s advice for the third time in a row. I mean, he’s a terrific leader and has the support of all who follow him, but… sometimes I think someone else should have been making the decisions, as most of his decisions ended up with us being in trouble. But that’s all in the past, I suppose. He’s leading Erebor to prosperity once more.

As for what Kili told you of me, I can’t say that he’s wrong. I do get annoyed with him much of the time. And very irritated at him. But he’s one of my closest friends, so I guess it balances out. He was reading your letter over my shoulder, and we ended up discussing all our tricks on the company afterwards. We both agree that we shall have to continue them now that we live in Erebor. We were thinking that putting cumin instead of cinnamon in a cinnamon bun would be a lovely surprise for someone.

I’m very glad that your opinion has changed on me. It’s a bit of a relief, though I know that you do not approve of me yet. I hope your journey is going well, and that you are alright.

Sincerely,

(Y/N)”

In the weeks that followed, you were much more relaxed. The day that the caravan would arrive seemed much less daunting now that Dís appeared less cold towards you. Preparations for the day were in full swing, and about a hundred new rooms and halls had been cleared out and cleaned, as well as the start of cleaning out another library. It was called the Silver Library, and when you first saw it, you were amazed. Even in its abandoned state, it was breathtaking. The marble walls were a lovely rich blue, a nice change from green, and the shelves and tables were inlaid with silver. It was a long walk towards the north side of the mountain, but ever so worth it. Your days were now focused on clearing out the dust, alongside with a handful of scholars and writers.

The work was long and hard, but at least it was a great deal smaller than the Grand Library. The writers told you that this would be the best library to find peace, as the books here were all about history. The Grand Library hosted books from metal-working to children’s tales, hence why every sort of dwarrow could be found there. The Silver Library was a place for dedicated learners who appreciated the quiet now and again. Perfect.

Four weeks after the work had begun, it was looking nearly finished. You had spent the entire afternoon scrubbing a row of shelves, and unfortunately getting dust all in your system. A bath and bed were most welcome when night came ‘round.

After washing up, you found another letter had been placed upon your pillow, along with a note. The note was from Fili.

‘I missed you today, amrâlimê. My Amad sent another letter for you. Rest well.

-Fili’

The letter read:

“(Y/N),

We can both agree that Thorin is not the best decision maker. But there’s only so much one can do when he’s the first-born. And now I know not to trust your cooking. Or, at least I will force my brother to try it first, just to make sure it is safe for eating. I almost pity him now, that he had to put up with trouble from Fili, Kili, and yourself during the journey. But then again, he’s had it coming for a while.

The road to Erebor is long and rough, but nothing that I cannot handle. I’ve done it before, as a child no less, and I can sure as hell do it again. Hopefully though, it shall be the last one I shall have to do. We are almost half-way around Mirkwood now, another month and a half and I will be able to see you in person. I look forward to meeting you.

-Dís.”

Before retiring to sleep, you picked up your quill to write to Dís for the third time.

“Lady Dís,

I am happy your journey is going well, and that you are nearly here. I am really excited to meet you. Fili hasn’t stopped talking about you for the past week. He says that you’ll be here in four weeks or so. The weather is getting much colder, and the Lake-men in Dale say that the winds aren’t promising. Keep safe and warm, and I wish you the best for the rest of your travels!

Sincerely,

-(Y/N)”

No more than two weeks later, you received her reply.

“(Y/N),

I should think this will be my last letter before meeting you in person. I have been able to see the mountain for the last few weeks and it makes my heart warm to know I am close. I am not worried about the cold, the elders agree that the snow will not fall hard for sometime.

We plan to arrive on November the Nineteenth.

From,

Dís”

Every dwarrow in the mountain was bustling with energy now that the caravan was only a week away. Fili and Kili were beyond excited, dragging you to the secret door to see if you could spot the caravan in the distance. It was just visible, a tiny spot by the forest that had many ant-sized dwarrow moving about.

For the next five days, Fili and Kili would find time to come up the platform with you in tow, seeing how much closer the caravan got. On the sixth day, the dwarrow had stopped roughly in between Laketown and Dale.

“I don’t like the look of those clouds,” Fili commented, his blue eyes turned grey to reflect the sky.

“Mean neither. But they’ll clear tham in time,” Kili replied, hands fidgeting with his talisman.

“Hopefully.”

The next morning, you woke to find a note on your dresser.

‘(Y/N),

Kili and I went to the caravan, our patience to see our Amad has worn thin. Don’t worry, we’ll be back by tonight.

All my love,

Fili.’

Well, you hoped they were having a good time. It wasn’t until you had made your way out of your chambers, bundled up warm, that you heard the news.

“Did ye hear? More than a meter deep!”

“Oh aye, fresh powder, as far as the eyes can see, and still falling!”

“One has to wonder how the caravan will fare. There’s wee ones traveling.”

“And old ones.”

With every word the dwarrow spoke, you felt your heart sink even further. Your pace picked up and soon you were running to the dining hall.

Thorin, Dwalin, and Balin were all discussing the caravan when you entered the hall.

“We’ll have to send out help to hurry them along,” the King said, “We’ll wait for a break in the snow and send out a group.”

“We should probably have ponies ready for the children and elders, they won’t be up for trekking through the snow.” Balin said.

Thorin nodded before noticing you hurrying towards them.

“Ah, (Y/N). Where are the Lads?”

“I was just coming to see you about that, Fili left a note this morning.”

Thorin raised an eyebrow.

“Well?”

“They went to the caravan.”

Thorin groaned and pinched his nose. Dwalin spoke up.

“The night watch said that two dwarrow in hoods went out last night. About three hours before the snow started up.”

“Mahal damn them!” Thorin cursed, “The two should know better!”

“I’m sure they’re fine Thorin,” Balin replied, “They can travel quickly.”

“Not quickly enough to make it halfway to Laketown during a blizzard!”

“We can send out a search party,” Dwalin said.

“No, we can’t risk any more dwarrow getting stuck out there. When the snow breaks we’ll go out and look for them. And send help to the caravan.”

You were ready to shout at them. If Fili and Kili were out in the blizzard, they could need help. Even if dwarrow’s blood ran hot, it didn’t run hot enough to keep warm in a blizzard for hours on end. Balin seemed to notice your anguish and smiled in your direction.

“Fili will be alright lass, we’ll find him as soon as the storm breaks.”

You blinked and shot a glare at Thorin before turning away and leaving.

“What did I do?” You heard him ask before exiting.

“Only Mahal knows.” Dwalin replied.

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