#but also because i fuckin love the cd insides <3

[theradiojunkie]

I can't do vinyl bc it's so very serious to me like, cds make me feel like a silly kid haveing a fun time with the little cute booklet they come with and they feel a bit more care free of a venture, i can listen with intent or just let it be in the background, plus i find them easier at resale shops, but vinyls are so expensive and serious, I feel like I've gotta really sit down and listen to them like seriously yknow? Professionally. Really proper.

[nayruwu]

the gureshin type of queerbaiting is just kinda clickbait. it's moments that seem so much like romantic indicators to someone that looks for them, but technically they can be seen as something else.

1. like this, for example.

anyone that knows the story and characters will think that there is literally no way she could mean herself with the "love" part. because we know guren pretty much despises her, and since she is his demon she knows, too. but someone who's not as interested in these certain characters will just shrug it off as that (and that's what it's probably designed for - if you like it you'll squeal about it but if you don't it's just not there for you).

this "it is definitely implying something but if you want to you can backpedal and interpret it as something else" happens a LOT, and it usually goes against the ons universe too if you interpret it the no-homo way.

2. next, the classic

we know demons sit inside of their hosts' mind and heart and know basically everything they feel and want. byakkomaru should know this.

if you're a casual reader, you'll see him making an assumption and said assumption getting denied (even though i'm pretty sure he didn't deny it in the original version), and that's the end of it. no implications.

but if you're like me and hyperfixated on this shitty half-romance, you'll see him trying to get something out of shinya, because 1. your brain (or heart idk i'm not a scientist) yearns for content and 2. it aligns with the universe more (e. g. shinya literally saying "you're my demon, you know that!" in this same chapter)

again, lure the fans out with bait but keep it safe in case some people don't like gays in their shounen. there's no way this isn't intentional.

3. is the drama cd with the moon. i must say, here neither the no-homo nor the homo version make a lot of sense.

because technically, as an author you know the phrase and its meaning, so it is definitely intentional as well. the situation also underlines this (the way it's written makes it seem like a reassuring type of confession, since it's right after kureto stressing guren out and the other squad members also pipe in with "we're here for you" after shinya drops the bomb). but if byakkomaru only touches upon these feelings eight years later, it's unlikely he was supposed to already have them at that time (although i do think he might not have had byakkomaru when the pool scene happened, and he just repressed everything so much it wasn't an obvious weak spot to his demon. im which case here, again, the full homo explanation makes more sense).

4. mahiru saying love will end the world in one of the catastrophe novels. because a fruity sixteen year old that needs therapy will go "omg gureshin!!" but since i don't know which world for 'love' was used in japanese it can probably just go towards the love guren holds towards his friends.

(or HER love towards guren which apparently made her make him end the world but that's just fuckin weird)

5. THE GODDAMN RELENTLESS FLIRTING.

sure, people make jokes, but just because you and your homies apparently make jokes about being married and fucking or get mistaken for a couple all the time doesn't mean it's typical. it's there for baiting and it's infuriating.

(if you don't believe me here take one of rowan's posts he made when he was still on this side of the force (sometimes it feels like i can still hear his voice))

6. completely forgot about this one!

not much different from the others.

she means guren is after her/her love (makes no sense given the circumstances)

she means guren's general affection for his family (makes the most sense)

well, shinya (makes sense if you want to rile up your fans)

as for herself, it seems obvious she means her 'love' for guren, although the 'love' she holds for shinoa could count as well.

➤

basically "kagami gives us hundreds of homoromantic implications but covers them up with half-assed no-homo cockblocking so he doesn't have to make a gay couple canon because god forbid". although i don't see much of this with mikayuu - they act just as gay, just in a way more innocent and classical anime-style way, with the constant blushing etcetera. don't know how he's gonna get mikayuu stans away from that "i love you" though.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Do-S Kyuuketsu VERSUS II Vol.1 Ayato VS Laito [Track 1+2]

Original title: 月蝕のよる～total Eclipse～ & 蝕を背負って

Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS II Vol. 1 Ayato VS Laito [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here & here

Seiyuu: Midorikawa Hikaru & Hirakawa Daisuke

Translator’s note: I’m only two tracks into this CD but I’m already loving the tension between Ayato and Laito. I like how this CD seems to touch upon their personal childhood traumas with Cordelia and how they harbor a completely different feeling towards her. This played somewhat of a part in their respective More, Blood routes as well, so I’m really glad to find out more about it! That being said, they do use a lot of vague expressions when roasing each other, so I hope I got all of the hidden implications right.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 ll Track 6

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 1: ~Total Eclipse~ of the Moon

Ayato: ...The moon is chipped. Tsk...!! No wonder I feel this restless inside...

You approach him.

Ayato: The lunar eclipse, huh...?

*Rustle*

Ayato: ...Ah? Chichinashi. Now this is new.

He turns around.

Ayato: What brings you here at this hour? Were you lured in by that moon as well? Hahaha...

You explain.

Ayato: Well yeah, makes sense. By this point, you’re basically one of us.

Ayato offers you a hand.

Ayato: Come here...I’m sure you know by now that resistin’ is absolutely futile?

*Rustle*

Ayato: Besides, I’m not in the mood for that right now...Come here!

You continue to protest, afraid he’ll suck your blood.

Ayato: Geez...Fuck...You really are a pain in the ass.

*Rustle*

Ayato: I’m not horny 24/7, you know? And here I thought I’d actually show you somethin’ nice. 

You frown.

Ayato: What’s with that expression? Are you disappointed or somethin’? Haha...!

Ayato suddenly lifts you into his arms.

*Rustle rustle*

Ayato: Heavy-hoh...! You don’t see this kind of nice view every day, so let’s take the opportunity to watch it from up close.

He launches himself into the air, eventually landing on the roof.

*WOOSH*

*Thud*

Ayato: ...There we go. We’ve reached our destination.

*Rustle*

Ayato: Chichinashi, follow me. Let’s go that way.

You seem scared.

Ayato: ...Ah? Are you shakin’ on your legs? What? You’re scared of bein’ up on the roof? Geez, what a drag...Come on, hold onto me.

You seem hesitant.

Ayato: What? I won’t try and pull anythin’ funny, promised. ...Honestly, I’m out here showin’ my good heart and that’s the reaction I get in return?

*Rustle*

Ayato: More importantly, look up at the moon! It’s chipped! Hahaha! Surprised?

You mention the lunar eclipse.

Ayato: I figured I’d show you since it’s a rare occurrence, but you know about it? Che...! Yeah, it’s a lunar eclipse. I don’t know ‘bout the details, but you barely get to witness one, right?

You thank him for trying to please you.

Ayato: Aah!? I wasn’t tryin’ to make you happy or anythin’! Don’t be so full of yourself! ...It’s just that the lunar eclipse makes us Vampires go crazy. How do I put it - it makes our feelings and actions unstable - to the point of madness. I guess you could say it shakes us up? I don’t quite know how to describe this feeling...

You seem somewhat worried.

Ayato: Well, that might be why I’m a lil’ kind to you, or why I brought you up here to the roof. 

You ask if he needs to rest for a bit.

Ayato: Ah? I don’t feel sick or anything. I just feel oddly restless inside...It’s a weird kind of feeling. 

*Rustle*

Ayato: So, how do you feel? Well, you’re not a Vampire...But, is that truly the case? Don’t you ask yourself that question at times as well? That perhaps, you’ve longーー

He leans in close.

*Rustle rustle*

Ayato: ーー Become a Vampire.

Your eyes widen in horror.

Ayato: ...Hahaha! Nice reaction! I mean, it makes sense when you think about it. You’ve been teased by these fangs countless of times, being toyed around with, becoming mine...It wouldn’t be strange if you had awakened by this point.

You tell him to stop messing with you.

Ayato: I’m not tryin’ to scare you. It’s the truth, isn’t it?

Ayato pins you down.

*Rustle*

*Thud*

Ayato: Honestly, even if you were to be a Vampire by this point, there’s nothin’ to be scared of, right? 

You shake your head.

Ayato: Vampire or human, it’s pretty much the same thing. As you can tell, our appearance is barely any different. 

*Rustle*

Ayato: The difference is that we suck blood. Also...Well, we just have a few powers here and there, you see?

You insist you’re not a Vampire either way.

Ayato: Yet it still scares you?

He moves closer to your face.

*Rustle*

Ayato: Say, Chichinashi...? ...Even if you were to become a Vampire, I’d still...

Track 2: Bearing the Burden of the Eclipse

Laito: Nfufufu~ Fufufufu...~!

Ayato: ...!!

Laito: Oh geez~ A love scene up on the rooftop? You’re more of a romantic than I thought, Ayato-kun~

Ayato: Laito...!!

Laito: Exactly, the one and only~ ...My bad for interrupting? 

Ayato: Che...Why the fuck are you here!?

Laito: There’s no deep reasoning behind it. Well, like you mentioned earlier, the lunar eclipse might have lured me out here. Fufu~ It messes with our heads a little, you see? So it wouldn’t be that strange for me to be lost in my own thoughts up here on the roof, no? Nfu~ I’m glad it gave me a chance at seeing that romantic side of yours which you usually keep hidden. Fufu...Look, it’s even making the moon flush a bright red. Fufufufu~

Ayato: You bastard...Are you makin’ fun of me!?

Laito: Hmー Not quite...If I had to put it into words, I guess you could say...I’m jealous?

Ayato: Haah...!?

Laito: Because Bitch-chan’s cheeks have become this flushed as she watches you with eyes full of passion...I guess~

You become even more flustered.

Laito: ...Say, Bitch-chan? I’m pretty sure this uncertain feeling inside of me is what you’d call jealousy. What do you think?

You tell him to stop teasing.

Laito: Fufu~ ...I’m not teasing you or anything? You are such a cruel girl. I wonder why you’re doubting my feelings? ...Being honest would make you much cuter, you know? Or at least pretend to be fooled by me. ...Oh, whoopsie~ I blew my own cover. Nfu~ ...However, I really do feel restless inside. I wasn’t lying when I said this might be jealousy either.

Laito leans in, whispering in your ear.

Laito: ...The thought of Ayato-kun stealing you away from me pisses me off. Furthermore, I’d love to just turn you into a mess right here, right now.

Ayato: Oi! You’re fuckin’ annoyin’! Showin’ up out of nowhere...

*Rustle*

Ayato: Just scram already!

Laito: Eeeh~? What if I say ‘no’?

Ayato: Then I’ll push you off this roof!

Laito: Big talk for someone who can’t even do that. ...That technique has already been claimed by me after all. 

Ayato: Che...You’re talkin’ ‘bout that shitty Old Hag? Honestly...Will you ever be able to forget her? 

Laito: Ugh...!

Ayato: Hahaha! What? Did I hit bull’s eye?

Laito: You decide to bring that back up at this exact timing, huh? Ayato-kun.

Ayato: Haah? You’re the one who staーー

Laito suddenly attacks Ayato.

*Rustle*

Laito: ...Fuck off! 

Ayato: ...! ...Kuh...

Laito: Do you think you’re in any position...To mock me like that?

Ayato: ...Aah!?

Ayato fights back.

*Rustle rustle*

*Thud*

Ayato: Whatcha mean...!?

You try to get in between them.

Laito: Oh...

Ayato: You’re in the way, Chichinashi! Stay out of this!

Laito: Fufufu~ You’re such a gentleman, Ayato-kun~ You’re scared she’ll get hurt from getting involved in our brotherly quarrel, aren’t you?

Ayato: Kuh...That’s not it! I just simply thought she was in the way, that’s all!

Laito: Hm...In that caseーー

*THUD*

Ayato: ...!!

Laito creeps up on you.

Laito: ...You wouldn’t mind if I were to hurt her, do you? Like this...

He bites you.

Laito: Mmh...

*Gulp gulp gulp*

Ayato: ...Ugh. You bastard...!!

Ayato grabs him by the collar.

*Rustle*

Ayato: Cut the crap!!

*THUD*

Laito: ...Ah!

Ayato: Keep your dirty hands off what belongs to me.

Laito: Look at you go...However, my blood is boiling right now as well...Ugh!

*THUD*

Laito: ...Owow. Geez, it’s been a while since I went all out like that. My hat’s crooked. Better fix it~ ...There we go.

*Rustle*

Ayato: ...That hurt. Whatcha gettin’ all worked up by yourself, huh?

Laito: Hmm~? I guess we can blame the lunar eclipse for that? Seems like I just couldn’t let your words from earlier slide. It’s rather upsetting how you keep on insisting that I still haven’t parted with that dead woman.

You grab hold of Laito’s arm.

Ayato: ...Ah!

Laito: Hm? What’s wrong, Bitch-chan? Are you telling us to stop fighting? ...But you know, I believe there’s times where you have to keep on going until the score is settled. 

Ayato: Hehe...I agree with that.

Laito: Nfu...~ What a coincidence.

Ayato: We can just decide who is the strongest by pure force and whoever wins get to keep that woman for themselves!

Laito: Makes you wonder which one of us is unable to move on...Fufu~

Ayato: ...Haah? What did you say just now?

Laito: Nfu~ I was just talking to myself. ...Well then, the moon has been chipped nicely. Shall we get started?

Ayato: Yeah! Bring it on!

You stand in between them, begging the two to stop.

Laito: Oh dear, oh dear~ How heroic of you, Bitch-chan! However, only fools get in the way of a fight between two men, you know?

Ayato: Exactly. Step back, Chichinashi.

Laito: Who knows what we’ll do because of this moon after all.

You shake your head.

Ayato: Aahn? What was that, Chichinashi? We’re not fightin’ ‘cause the moon is messin’ with our heads. 

Laito: Exactly, Bitch-chan. The lunar eclipse simply provides a perfect opportunity.  We’ve been unable to bridge the gap between us since forever. Up till now, we’ve simply chosen to constantly turn a blind eye to it, running away. Right, Ayato-kun?

Ayato: Kuh...!

Laito: I just figured it might be time for us brothers to stop running and face each other head on. Nfu~

Ayato: Che...You’re too damn persistent. Go stand over there!

*Rustle*

You lose your balance and slide down the roof.

Laito: ...Woah!

Ayato: ...Chichinashi!? What are you doin’...!? 

Laito: What do you mean? You’re the one who pushed her away too harshy, so she slipped and nearly tumbled down the roof!

Ayato: Che...Fuck off! 

*Rustle*

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi! Don’t you dare let go! I’ll save you!

Ayato reaches out for you.

*Rustle*

Ayato: Come on, grab my hand!

Laito: Now who is the one responsible for this in the first place, huh? ...Are you okay, Bitch-chan? Instead of going for that brute over here...

Laito holds out his hand as well.

*Rustle*

Laito: You should take my hand instead.

Ayato: Shut up! Come on, Chichinashi! This way!

Laito: I’m stronger than you’d expect, so you can rest assured and entrust your body to me, Bitch-chan~

Ayato: Hurry up...!!

The wind picks up.

Ayato: ...This is bad!

You lose your grip and nearly fall to your death.

Ayato: Che...It’s ‘cause you kept on takin’ yer damn sweet time!

*Rustle rustle*

*Thud*

Ayato jumps down, catching you just in time.

Ayato: ...That was close. Don’t scare me like that!

Laito: Ayato-kuuun~ Is Bitch-chan alright~? 

He puts you down.

*Rustle*

Ayato: Che...Oi, Chichinashi. Come with me.

Ayato grabs hold of your hand.

Ayato: I’m sick and tired of havin’ to deal with that guy.

He runs away with you.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[everything-laito]

What do you think is laitos true personality underneath that perverted facade?

Hello anon! Thank ya kindly for giving me stuff to analyze!! 

After analyzing this man and paying utmost attention to him for years now, I do believe I have an idea. I mean, we’ve most likely witnessed his true personality. Full rant under the cut!

More Blood was really the definer of the deeper layers of Laito’s personality. Yes, HDB had a lot of character development for Laito, but we really didn’t know from any game context about the fact that it was a facade; it was more just a feeling like “hmm this guy’s a bit different” and Yui’s own comment about how she finds Laito suspicious right after the prologue. 

Daisuke Hirakawa, Laito’s voice actor, did an interview about HDB a while back. I have yet to re-find this interview; I read it maybe 3 years ago. But, he was saying how even Laito’s official bio in HDB had double meanings and lies to it. I have yet to find those specifically, but I would love to in the future. (If anyone knows of that interview, please send it to me or tag me!)

Like I said in my HDB Laito vs More Blood Laito analysis, I was saying how More Blood opened doors in Laito’s character. Laito hasn’t felt his own character so attacked that he couldn’t even keep up the ~playful pervert~ personality. Also in More Blood, Laito got mad at Shuu when Shuu called him a wannabe pervert. And we all know Shuu can be pretty perverted as well, but pretty legitimately. Laito definitely forces it because he wants you to believe he truly is. It’s part of his “character” he builds in order to manipulate his victims. 

I also believe Laito has gone through the certain sexual trauma aftermath called “hypersexuality,” which is the reason for his perverted facade. I won’t get too much into this because I’d love to talk about it in another post, considering it’s a heavier topic. I don’t wanna get too derailed from this, haha.

Basically, in More Blood, he was incredibly disheveled and pained. He wasn’t able to keep composure, although we desperately see him try to do that on multiple occasions in the game. I don’t think his pained and manic personality is his true one, but I do believe that his personality would be more depressive, as well as soft-mannered. Remember, Laito likes to run away from his problems and keep his true feelings locked inside. 

This is why Para-Selene was such a huge milestone of development for him. I analyzed this a while back, and I do think you should listen to the Para-Selene CD too for this exposure. Him in that last track was just him admitting how much he was suffering and how much he wanted to be accepted. He said he wanted to be forgiven and accepted in his QED song too. He’s suffering, he needs help! Which is why whenever he breaks down in any CD or game my heart fuckin DIES! Like god, implied by Ecstasy 09 in More Blood, he hasn’t cried in years. 

Reiji: Oh… …Are you crying? Laito: Eh, this… …is what you call tears? Reiji: The water that flows from the eyes are tears. Laito: Why am I crying for? Reiji: … … Are you happy or sad, it can be either. Laito: I’m… … Reiji: Well, please leave quickly and carry the corpse out with you. Laito: It’s cold… …I’m shedding so many tears, why are they coming out so fast… …

As much as I didn’t like his More Blood route compared to his HDB route, I love his Ecstasy chapter so much. 

So I’ve narrowed it down and observed that his true personality is more depressive (as of now; with him not being helped) and I know I said he’s more soft mannered. He felt really genuine and more personable in his Para-Selene CD. I know there’s other instances where he’s like that too, I currently can’t think of any. But I believe under all those layers, he’s just a sad boi looking for some genuine, emotional connections and healing. I believe most of the diaboys are like that to an extent, especially the Sakamakis, considering they’ve been living in this house with each other and pretty much don’t get along. Although, I do believe Laito genuinely wants to get along with his brothers and I think he genuinely likes them. However, this is for another analysis haha! 

Although, I do not believe that he’s perverted only when he has his facade. I mean, he gets turned on by this stuff right? He just exuberantly accentuates that whole aspect, which is the Laito we see usually. So in his Para-Selene CD, he mentioned how he wanted to make out with the listener on the couch; which isn’t a perverted comment but it’s definitely sexually and romantically charged. So I do believe there is a hint of truth within his perverted facade. 

Although, for some things, he had to convince himself that he liked certain actions, like the things Cordelia did to him. And when she had sex in front of him with Richter. Etc, etc. So I do think some of the sexual activities he does in the games are either:

Used for manipulation to maintain and receive control over his victims

Prove himself to his brothers that he’s a pervert and fuckin weird

Convince himself that he’s a shallow pervert 

And as a tangent outcome and motivation, he genuinely enjoys it

When people develop hard facades as a coping mechanism such as Laito, they genuinely believe that they are the character or variant of themselves they created. And although that is technically true, their facade doesn’t completely align with what they truly feel. But Laito doesn’t want to truly feel his actual emotions, so he puts up that wall. He hates vulnerability, so that is why I believe his true personality is more soft and dismal, with a hint of playfulness (and horniness; when he’s not actually depressed haha). 

Hopefully I was able to fully answer this, anon! I was sick this week so I wasn’t able to do these analyses how I usually do, so hopefully your curiosity has been satiated!

If anyone would like to add as usual, please feel free to do so, I might myself if more things pop in my head.

Hope you all are staying safe! See ya next week with an analysis!

-Corn

[lovethatlaiduslow]

eight songs/eight people

answer 8 prompts with 8 songs, then tag 8 people!

tagged by @ta1k-less ty babe!

1. a song you can’t stop listening to

OH MAN laughing with a mouth of blood. this album had a chokehold on me in high school and it’s taking me back. i just. the line ‘all my old friends aren’t so friendly all my old haunts are now haunting me??’ felt. ms clark u r insane for that. also colors by grouplove bc it fucks and it's a summer song

2. a song you associate with a favorite character or ship

something to believe is a riza song. that’s all i have to say about it ❤️

3. a song that could be about you

happy by mitski. a flighty lover as a metaphor for happiness? the repetitive, obsessive beat throughout the song to symbolize happiness taking a train and leaving her behind? she really peeked into my head for that one. also king of carrot flowers pts 2 & 3 by nmh. ‘up and over we go through the wave and undertow i will float until i learn how to swim inside my mother in a garbage bin.’ 😐 jeff mangum, kindly stfu

4. a song you think is overrated

i don’t want to be negative because music taste is subjective. but taylor swift isn’t my favorite.

5. a good song that reminds you of a specific memory

i heard chasing pirates by norah jones recently and it made me burst into tears. it was the first song on a mix cd my older sister used to play a lot. it reminds me of being a kid and drawing w ms paint on her desktop while she did her homework and feeling safe u know?

6. last song you listened to

holy fucking shit: 40,000 by have a nice life

7. a song that makes you laugh

crabwalk by party in the hills. THIS SONG. i have the entire thing memorized it’s so damn quotable. i walked around for a whole month last year singing ‘grab your fuckin legs put em on the ground take your fuckin butt put it in the air i named my crab abby daddy you’re my crabwalk baby bitch' i love how the artist can barely keep himself from laughing the entire time he’s singing. and the fact that this is his only song. legend.

8. a song you want mutuals to listen to

new song by alice phoebe lou. listen. rn. there’s a gun to ur head.

tagging @froglatte @evergardenwall @fionaapplefan999 @rizadyke @neilpvrry @civilianplus @pissywillow if any of you are interested! <3

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

[sierrabinondo]

woodland creatures - day 4 (orlando pt. 2)

was i excited to be on tour? yes. was i also super nervous about going on tour before leaving? also yes.

was i excited to go to disney springs? Y E S. was it the one thing i knew i could look forward to even if i sucked at every fucking show??? 

B I G  Y E S. 

my poor bandmates. i said the night before, “hey, i just realized, we never actually really discussed going to disney springs.” and they were like, “yeah.”

but! we went anyway!!! bless their hearts!!!

the morning after staying up and partying was rough. i had the NASTIEST hangover. my headache was so severe that i couldn’t even fall back asleep following 5 hours of rest. i popped some advil and tried to get a couple more hours in but it was impossible, so i just got up and showered. the guys brought back panera for lunch, and then once everyone was ready we were off to disney springs. i could tell everyone was worried it was gonna be lame, i felt it in the air lmao. i was also worried i was leading them to a miserable afternoon in the hot florida weather. but i figured if they hated it we could always leave.

we pull up to disney springs and there is some semblance of what i remembered from the last time i was there but also a lot that i DID NOT recognize. the parking garages were definitely new. they had sensors over each parking spot that could indicate whether or not a car was in the spot, and it would update an LED screen outside the entrance with how many spots were available on each floor. i thought that was really cool. there were gardens on the sides of the garages too. we then go up some stairs and down an escalator to get in, and hooooly shit i was blown away. there was a brand new area that had a fountain and all of the shops looked reminiscent of spanish architecture. it was so beautiful. 

we got group pictures in front of the fountain, and then i decided to get a happy birthday pin from guest relations lmfao. i wanted to see if i could get any free shit by just waltzing around with a birthday pin on. i was unsuccessful but i had never been in or near disney on my birthday anyways so i just rolled with it. we started to the right and went to world of disney, marketplace co-op, the lego store and the pin trading shop. 

i was completely overwhelmed by how big all of the stores were. there was so much cool shit. i really thought i would have an easy time abstaining from spending money, since my sister was literally just there and got me the one thing i wanted, but i did NOT. at world of disney i bought ANOTHER pair of minnie ears, the rose gold sparkly ones lmfao. not usually my style, but there weren’t any others i was crazy about. joe got a shirt and ryan bought some stuff for his girlfriend christina. i wanted clothes but i decided to wait to see if there might be better merchandise elsewhere.

we moved on to marketplace co-op and i immediately found a disney world long sleeve shirt i loved so i grabbed that. i alsoooo balled out and got a print of the most beautiful mulan painting i have ever seen. it was a depiction of one of my favorite parts in the movie, when she is singing reflection and chops off her fuckin hair, but in the garden instead of the shrine. that movie means very very much to me as an asian american!!! besides that i got emperor’s new groove patches later on in the afternoon and that was all i spent my money on. $138 later. yeesh.

my friends eton and jeri who came to the show the night before wanted to meet up for food and drinks, so i walked over to frontera cucina. i thought maybe my bandmates might join us but they weren’t hungry and it was more of a sit down place, so we parted ways for an hour. i hadn’t seen eton and jeri since they moved down to orlando in january, holy shit. it was so good to hang out with them. we caught up and enjoyed some really good lunch. i ordered a gin and tonic that had a whole ass cucumber peel wrapped around the glass and pork belly tacos. i bugged out bad because eton wouldn’t let me pay nor could i get his venmo from jeremiah to cover my portion. it was so sweet of them to treat me. i met them through jeremiah, i always tell him how much i love his friends and how they’ve become my friends the more we all hang out together. it sucks our time was so damn brief but i’m just glad i got to see them.

after late lunch i met back up with everyone and we walked around a little longer, but i mistakenly let us stay a little later and lost track of time. it was just about time to start heading over to hail the sun. i felt really bad because people mentioned wanting to go swimming or take a nap and i effectively robbed everyone of any allotted leisure activity time by wanting to gallavant around more. i was definitely just as wiped as everyone, but i hadn’t been back to disney in forever. we hurried back to the van and drove back to kissimmee. 

pulses. had been grilling and chillin at the airbnb all day, so they were ready for the gig when we got back. we got back just in time to leave when they did, like 15 minutes before. we both hopped in our respective vehicles and we were off. they always dropped snails in the tour chat and called us with snails ahead because we were slow with the van lmfao but it’s not MY FAULT the shit is SO HUGE damnit. i drove the van to the gig with josef, jaime and kris while ryan and santino stayed home. 

it’s interesting to go to a show in another state, it does feel pretty weird to go somewhere unfamiliar, but it really does feel the same as attending a show at home. people really are pretty much the same everywhere else, just different geographical locations and climates. the gig was really good but the venue was SO SMALL. too small. i like the soundbar but i might like it better if you didn’t have to wade your way through a crowd of swamp ass to get to the bathrooms alllll the way on the other side of the venue opposite of the entrance. plus, it got so packed that it was really difficult to be near the stage, let alone inside the building. for most of the show the 10 of us camped out in a really great spot near the bathrooms that wasn’t getting too much traffic and had its own bar so we stayed there.

we were at the show where sergio broke his headstock. i don’t think i’ve ever seen a show where sergio stands still the entire time, in the dozens of times i’ve seen him play. he was so close to that monitor/the ceiling but i didn’t suspect his guitar was going to break. i completely missed it because i was looking down at my phone (womp) but i heard everyone audibly gasp. that sucks dude. i think that was the only bummer the whole show though besides the heat and some sloppy drunks. pulses. are friends with zach garren so he was hanging out near us here and there throughout the night. daisy came to the gig so she came and found us, we hung out for a good portion of the show, too! it was a really good chance to talk more too after the gig the night before. she told us a lot about what the florida scene is like. we told her it’s infinitely better than the tri-state area LMAO. at least like, people show up to shows and STAY on a monday night which is insane. and then joseph arrington is a friend of ours so he said hi a couple times during the gig, afterwards him and i talked more when it was quieter. 

it is one of the greatest honors in my entire life that joseph arrington sees me as a homie. writing this under the presumption he’s never gonna see this lmao, but i have to pinch myself sometimes. we’ve been friends since we played the last ALLB tour september 2017. i introduced myself and mentioned that we had opened for sianvar’s 2016 tour at webster hall and he actually remembered us. ryan also introduced himself as one of his patreon donors and they talked for like 45 minutes. that show he asked for a CD (and it was years in waiting our older album too yikes lol there’s bangers on there but it doesn’t sound like us anymore) and he messaged me later that night like, “we’re listening in the van right now, you’re a great singer”. we’ve hung out at gigs a couple more times, whether we played together or either ryan or i went to go see him play. the fact he considers us peers is one of the most validating things i have. i’ve learned a lot of helpful insight from him. i have tremendous respect for him and couldn’t be more grateful that he actually likes us as musicians and as people. 

all of the bands of course were awesome, i couldn’t stand the heat enough to be inside for every single hail the sun song but i caught most of their set. it’s pretty insane to see them blow up like they have. they deserve it. and i think donovan is one of the best vocalists i’ve ever heard. that whole camp of blue swan musicians are just so talented. 

josef, jaime and kris graciously waited outside for me to finish talking to joe arrington, and during that time josef actually caught will swan outside. he said he had the chance to tell will swan deathstar is the reason he plays music and it made him very happy to do so. it had happened like a little bit before i came back outside. we then got lost trying to find the van and hilariously passed the actual entrance to the parking garage like 3 times. it was literally across the street and i led them around the block twice. 

we went back to the airbnb for one more swim and we almost had another super late night legit just talking to pulses. kris sat outside editing photos while some of the guys swam, some of us just sat with our feet in the pool. when we got back ryan and santino had been sleeping and i think i maybe saw santino get up once to go to the bathroom. i did really want to go to sleep but ughhhhh i also thought to myself, i can sleep when i get home from tour. i get really bad FOMO every day of my life. so we stayed up and we talked about all things dance gavin dance, blue swan, our local scene, and bein in a band. it’s insane how alike we all are in our way of thinking. i also find it hard to open up to other bands though because it seems like no one else sees playing music and trying to grow a band the way we do. i just wanted to eat up any time i could bonding with pulses., taylor and tyler. thankfully we weren’t up until 4 am again but legit any time up spending time with all of my friends was worth it.

[mylittleredgirl]

What are your favourite science fiction shows? (Besides Star Trek because I've already watched those!)

Okay I’ve thought about it and:

Space shows:

Babylon 5: WATCH THIS BEAUTIFUL POETIC SHIT i love it and sometimes it’s a bit terrible but if you just let go into it and decide that people do talk exactly like this in the future it’s so fucking good. Like upsettingly good. Somewhere along the way clunky dialogue gives way to in-universe shakespearean perfection that gives you the feeling that you’ve discovered a religion but you’re not 100% sure what it entails. At the end of season 4 pause and consider if you’d like to enjoy the feeling of completion and “yeah team good guys!!” you’re experiencing for a while before going on, because Season 5 reshuffles the cast of characters and muddies the waters in a way that never quite gets paid off. I never really got into Crusade but there was less of it to get into and because frankly I was still young and innocent in the ways of television and spent a few years heartbroken that I watched all the goddamn way to the end of Babylon 5 without the Talia Winters resolution i was waiting for. In the final accounting, I will always choose Deep Space Nine over Babylon 5 when asked to choose a favorite space-station-based epic war arc with religious symbolism, because B5 is right on the edge of how dystopic a future universe can be before I start to feel uncomfortable. most people call that edge “realistic”. 

Stargate SG-1: UGHHH Stargate SG-1 is a fuckin GIFT because it’s a little “what if a sarcastic highly capable military dude from the late 1990s travels to outer space with his brilliant weirdo friends to do battle with villains that would have fit in really well in classic Star Trek” AND “what if almost every planet was kind of a stereotype of earth at a specific time and place like classic Star Trek” AND that delicious 1990s staple of regularly subtexted white people het and slash and femslash combinations where nobody ever just fucking FUCKS. Seasons 3 and 4 contain some of the best episodes for het unresolved sexual tension seen outside of The X-Files. Everyone should watch it but be prepared that if you go online and start talking about SG-1 or Stargate: Atlantis a generation of your fandom foremothers are gonna show up on your posts wailing about the Before Times like we lived through some kind of fandom ‘nam and can never trust again. 9/10 everyone should watch this even though “Stargate SG-1” is not a very good title for a TV show.

and Stargate: Atlantis: if Star Trek is my religion i worship on Sunday morning then Stargate: Atlantis is the one I dress in leather and take to bed on Saturday night because I have never I mean ever shipped anything as long or as hard as I have shipped motherfucking John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir in this goddamn show. out of every crumb the TV show gave us the fanfic writers cooked up a goddamn feast. not only have I never watched more than a handful of episodes in seasons 4 and 5 but I basically stopped watching new television entirely for almost a decade so, uh, proceed with caution after the midpoint of season 3 and I have like 285 favorite fanfics to show you.

Futurama …….. tbh i’ve never watched past the original seasons because i’d come to a place of internal closure and i fear change and it was inside the Stargate Atlantis hangover period discussed above, but that’s more psychology than anyone wanted to get into on this post. basically my ideal expression of humor can be found in “the farnsworth parabox” and whatever the episode is called with the neutral planet because that is some a+ loving sci fi trope mockery and i love every line of it.

That specific brand of earthbound sci-fi show where there are almost certainly aliens involved but our heroes never get to seek out new life and new civilizations: 

The X-Files: what can i say about the x-files??? this is INDUSTRY STANDARD fucking shipping territory fucking NO ONE does unresolved sexual tension better and honestly the day i will know i have met The One it is because they will present me with a non-fat dairy-free toffuti cutie rice dreamsicle and say “i have done my research and understand your romantic needs and expectations.” this shit is so formative that i literally watched the episode “jose chung from outer space” so many times that i wrote it out and then memorized it as the most perfect work of fiction i had ever encountered.the television without pity recaps of seasons 8 and 9 (which tbh i unironically love and consider an internal spinoff come fight me) literally kept me alive in a very dark period of time. “very dark” is also how to describe 98% of the scenes in this series so while on the one hand there’s some horror-style gore there’s only like a 50/50 chance you’ll be able to see any of it. i reblogged all the shippy gifsets about the seasons 10 and 11 reboot and did not watch any of it and honestly i feel pretty ok about my life and my choices. if you are willing to read fic written in the first person and don’t mind that 1990s-esque think-of-the-children notion that scully’s a virgin you will literally never run out of fanfic. 

Twin Peaks: this is my newest fandom love and I am loving the entire nonsensical ~aesthetic~ of it all so much that I can barely breathe. i don’t know what the fuck is going on. no one knows what the fuck is going on. i want to cross-stitch every frame on a pillow. twin peaks avoids being grimdark because it’s so stylized. the characters are all these perfectly odd creations and a handful of them are genuinely good people trying their best, but like it opens with the murder of an abused teenager and no one gets an unambiguously happy ending. watch this if you want to go along for a ride that will soak into your cells like pacific northwest mist dampening a flannel shirt and will leave you just a little bit stranger than you were before. in the back half of season two you’re safe to go make a sandwich whenever james, nadine, or dick tremayne show up on-screen.

Earthbound sci-fi shows that don’t involve aliens at all:

Jake 2.0: i’m literally never over the one season of this turn of the millennium sci fi geek fever dream where experimental government nanites give an IT helpdesk tech with a heart of gold the ability to control technology with his brain and the NSA kind of goes “… i guess?” and lets him live out the secret agent fantasy he is really not prepared for. you probably can’t find it anywhere. it’s a light-hearted found-family gem with more characters of color in positions of power than its network contemporaries, and the late-breaking discovery of four never-aired episodes include my favorite TV episode that was actually a fanfic (tied with the X-Files episode “Arcadia”). the most benevolent single act i have ever experienced in fandom was when someone burned the Lost Episodes to a cd-rom and sent them to me and now i can’t even remember who it was. i’m not saying that jake foley deserves a tumblr renaissance but 📢JAKE FOLEY DESERVES A TUMBLR RENAISSANCE. 

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers BLOODY BOUQUET Vol.8 Mukami Yuma [Track 2]

Original title: 漆黒の花片

Source: Diabolik Lovers Bloody Bouquet Vol. 8 Mukami Yuma [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Tatsuhisa Suzuki

Translator’s note: I really enjoy the different approach in this CD. In pretty much all the other Bloody Bouquet CDs, the guy is there when the MC accepts the bouquet and pricks her finger. :p It’s funny how she almost gets away with hiding it in this one, if it wasn’t for the random dizzy spell telling Yuma what’s up. It definitely is cute how he’s so desperate to save her though. It’s gonna hurt my heart to see (or hear, more accurately) him suffer next track. T _ T Our farmer Vampire deserves better than that. 

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

Track 2: Jet Black Petals

You open the door and find the bouquet of flowers.

*Rustle rustle*

You prick yourself when picking them up.

*Rustle*

“ーー Oi, Sow! Where the fuck are ya...!?”

You quickly throw the flowers away and close the door again.

*Thud*

“...Sow!!”

You walk up to Yuma.

“...Ah! Che...There ya are, huh? Geez...Ya sure had some nerve leavin’ right after I was satisfied. ...You bitch! Whatcha doin’ here at the entrance?”

You nearly collapse but he catches you just in time.

*THUD*

“...!! Oi!! Why did you collapse...? Anemia? Honestly, you’re such a weaklin’...”

*Rustle rustle*

“Guess it can’t be helped. Just hold onto me for now. ...There.”

*Rustle*

“...Ah, the fuck’s this? Black petals? ...Are these from roses? How did those get here?”

You explain.

“Hm? ...Ahー The delivery from earlier were flowers? So, where are the black roses in question? I don’t see them anywhere.”

You admit to throwing them away.

“Haah!? Ya threw them away? Why would ya waste them like that? ...Black roses are kinda rare, ya know? Also, tossin’ a gift straight into the trash doesn’t sound like somethin’ ya’d do.”

You nearly lose your balance again.

*Rustle*

“...Oi!! What’s wrong!? ...Fuck! Guess I’ll just carry ya to the bed for now...Heave-ho.”

*Rustle*

“...Say, did I really suck that much of yer blood? Is that why you’re feelin’ like this now? ...My bad. I won’t go overboard again, so if ya could properly push me away next time...”

You shake your head.

“...Ah? Then what’s causin’ this? That’s ‘bout the only thing I can think oーー”

You apologize.

“...Haah? ...What do you mean with ‘I’m sorry’...?”

*Rustle*

“...!! Oi! ...She lost consciousness? ...Fuck!”

Yuma carries you away to the bedroom.

*TIMESKIP*

*Tick-tock・Tick-tock Tick-tock*

“...Haah. Is this really gonna end well for her? Several days have passed, but rather than gettin’ better, I feel like her condition is only worsenin’...”

*Rustle*

“The symptoms seem kinda off for it to be anemia...? And the way she’s sufferin’ just seems abnormal? ...She refuses to tell me anythin’ as well. We should probably go to the hospitaーー”

Yuma gets sudden dizzy spells.

“...Ugh...! ...It hurts...! The fuck’s goin’ on...!? There’s a voice...echoin’ through my head...Kuh...!”

( Alongside a loud ringing inside my ears, I could feel my brain get shaken up. The voice echoing through my mind suddenly spoke the following words: “The throns of the black roses have put a permanent curse on her. Her blood will gradually begin to rot, becoming a poison which torments the immortal. This process can no longer be stopped. There is only one way to survive, to continue having the person she loves feast upon her blood. If not, the curse will surely become the end of her.” 

Che...Smells fishy. Under normal circumstances, I would have simply disregarded it as some shitty joke. It just sounds so unbelievable. However...those black roses which were delivered to us a few days ago, as well as her weakened state, I just couldn’t play it off as a lie. She might die at this rate...When I considered that, I was suddenly overcome by an intense feeling of fear. At the same time, anger welled up inside of me at once, upset at her for not telling me anything. Unable to keep standing around another second, I bolted towards the bedroom. )

Yuma bursts into the room.

*Thud*

“ーー The fuck’s this ‘bout, oi!?”

He rushes over to the bed.

*Rustle rustle*

“...Don’t be burdenin’ it all by yourself! Why didn’t you tell me anythin’...!?”

You flinch.

“That reaction...So you knew what those black roses did to ya, huh!?”

You explain to Yuma that it was written on a card that came with the bouquet.

“A card...?”

You tell him about the curse.

“A cursed message? ...Then why did ya keep quiet ‘bout somethin’ so important!? You hid the fact you were pricked by the thorn this whole time as weーー!”

You try and defend your decision. 

“Shut up! I don’t wanna hear yer lousy excuses!! Ya didn’t wanna bother me!? So what if ya die ‘cause of it, huh!? Havin’ ya die on me would affect me much more! ...Who do you think I am!?”

*THUD*

“...Can you not put faith in me? ...If it was Ruki, then maybe...Fuck!”

You apologize again.

“...Don’t apologize. Don’t be sayin’ sorry! That won’t lift the curse, will it!? ...We can still make it on time, right?”

*Rustle*

“Don’t move. I don’t plan on doin’ anythin’ horrible to you, really...You should know as well, right? Wasn’t it written on that card? Now that you’ve been affected by the poison, there’s only one way for ya to survive. Only through me suckin’ yer blood. ...Say, ya can no longer live on without my fangs, right? ...Perfect. Guess I just gotta do it then. I’ll break this curse somehow.”

You try and push him away.

*Rustle*

“Ugh...Ya don’t want my fangs? ...Don’t be fuckin’ ‘round! You’re mine, remember...!?”

*RIIIIIIP*

“Behave and lemme suck ya!”

Yuma bites you.

“Nn...Mmph...!?”

*Ba-dump*

“...Nnh...!? Kuh...! ...Haah! I-Is this...the poison...? Cough, cough...! ...They’re not playin’ ‘round, huh...? Haha...”

*Gulp*

“...Ugh...Haah, haah...Bring it on...I’ll blast that curse right outta ya.”

*Sluuuuurp*

“Haah, haah...! This stuff’s child’s play once ya get used to it. Ugh...”

*Sluuuuurp*

“Cough, cough...!”

*Rustle*

“...Shut up! Don’t get in my way!”

*Sluuuuurp*

“You’re actually acceptin’ my fangs, aren’t ya?”

*Gulp gulp*

“...Ugh...Fuck...Haah, haah...”

*Rustle*

“Don’t be runnin’...! Stop makin’ this even harder on me. ...Altho, I guess you’re already feelin’ a lil’ better if ya can fight back like that.”

You frown.

“...Ah? Should I not be worried? Am I breakin’ character? We proved it just now, no? Ya can survive if I suck yer blood. Haah...In that case...I’m obviously gonna save ya. Besides, we’re talkin’ ‘bout none other than your blood. I end up yearnin’ for it, even when I know it’s poison to me. I need it.” 

*Rustle*

“Come on, gimme yer hand.”

Yuma grabs hold of your wrist.

“Show me...Where did the thorn prick ya?”

*Rustle*

“Come on, which finger is it? If ya won’t tell me, I’ll just have to test them all out.”

You answer.

“...Such slender fingers. Mmh...”

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

“...Cough, cough...! ...Ah, did I hurt ya? But my bad, I can’t control my strength right now.”

*Sluuuuurp*

“Hang in there just a lil’ longer...Yer life’s on the line...Cough, cough...!”

You beg him to stop.

“...Shut up. I already said I wouldn’t stop, remember? Haah, haah, haah...Fuck. I can’t suck very well any more...Ugh...”

You get up from the bed.

*Creaaaak*

“...!! Oi, whatcha doin’...!?”

You suddenly dash away.

“Ah...!? O-Oi...!! Hold it right there...!!”

You leave the room.

“...Kuh!!”

*Rustle rustle*

“Fuck...My body won’t listen to me...But if I don’t catch her, she will...! Ugh...”

Yuma starts limping after you.

( ...She would surely leave me. I banished those words to the very back of my mind. Because I was scared that the moment I voice them out loud, they would become reality. Fearーー Such emotions should have long left me when I turned into a Vampire. I don’t want to lose something or someone again. With that desire, I chased after her. )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Do-S Kyuuketsu VERSUS Ⅲ Vol.3 Subaru VS Kou [Track 6]

Original title: 本音の在り処

Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS III Vol. 3 Subaru VS Kou [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here (34:53 ~ 45:00)

Seiyuu: Takashi Kondou & Kimura Ryouhei

Translator’s note: As much as I love Subaru and the Subaru VS Kou rivalry, this CD was a little lackluster in the plot department. A lot of it felt repetitive from Subaru’s MB storyline and there isn’t really a decisive ending either. (Although all VERSUS CDs have a very vague/open end so I can’t fault them for that too much) I do wish the conflict was a little more intense, like it was in the Laito VS Shin CD, but I guess these two characters are on ‘better terms’ to start with, so it plays out differently. 

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 ll Track 6

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 6: True Feelings’ Whereabouts

Subaru enters the room.

Subaru: Get away from her.

*Rustle*

Kou: ...Oh? Oh, Subaru, it’s you? ...I figured you had long run away. Why are you here?

Subaru: Why the fuck would I run? There’s somethin’ I’ve gotta tell you after all.

Kou: Heh. Hmm~ The look in your eyes has changed. So, what’s this ‘thing’ you have to tell me?

Subaru: The happening on the rooftop got me thinking ...About these powers...and also, about that woman over there.

Kou: Mmh. And? Have you found your answer?

Subaru: Yeah. ...I might have indeed been weak in your sense of the word. I can’t claim that I have full control over these powers I inherited from the Old Man yet either. However...I realized that woman means more to me, than to give her up over that reason.

Kou: ...!

You feel moved by his words.

Subaru: I...need her. To make her mine, whether it’s this vexin’ powers from that shitty dad of mine or whatever, I’ll accept it all. I don’t intend to hand her over to her. That’s my answer.

Kou: Haha...Ahahaha!

Subaru: ...!? W-What!? Why are you suddenly laughing?

Kou: Hahaha...I see. So that’s your answer, Subaru-kun? Fufufu~ We finally got to hear his true feelings. Right, M-neko-chan?

You tilt your head to the side.

Kou: I told you earlier, remember? It was that side of him which upset me.

Subaru: ...? What do you mean...?

Kou: Even though we all knew you wanted M-neko-chan more than anything, you just wouldn’t admit that out loud, you see? Just watching it made me want to rip out my hair...So that’s why I wanted to know how you truly felt inside. I mean, that’s what friends do, right~?

Subaru: Haah...!? Oi, cut the crap! Who are you callin’ your friend!? Don’t just decide that by yourself!

Kou: Eeeeh~? You dislike that word so much? In that case...Guess I’ll call you my rival instead. You can’t call it a competition if we’re not standing on equal footing after all.

Subaru: ...!? R-Rivals, you say?

Kou: I’ve been waiting for you to come down to my level this whole time, you know? For you to stand in the same ring as me, instead of always looking down on me from above.

Subaru: Heh. Don’t get the wrong idea now. I...only came here to steal her back.

Kou: Fufu~ That works too. ...However, I don’t intend to give her up either, so that would naturally make us rivals, right?

Kou: M-neko-chan is...

Kou pulls you close.

*Rustle*

Kou: ...Mine~ 

He bites you.

*Sluuuurp*

Kou: Mm...Haah...Come on, M-neko-chan, don’t look down...You have to give Subaru-kun a good view of how I’m sucking your blood.

Subaru: Che...Fuckin’ annoyin’...If that’s what you want, I’ll take you on!

*Rustle*

Subaru: Oi, look my way. Don’t be givin’ Kou all the attention!

Subaru bites you as well.

Subaru: Mmh...Nn...

*Gulp gulp gulp*

Subaru: Hah...! Haah, haah...Mmh...

*Gulp gulp gulp*

Kou: I can’t lose either~ ...Mmn...Nn...

*Sluuuurp*

*Gulp gulp gulp*

Kou: ...Oh? I feel like her blood has become sweeter than before? ...Are you perhaps getting excited because Subaru-kun is sucking you? That makes me jealous, you know? ...Mmh...Nn...

*Sluuuurp*

Kou: Ah...Mmh...Focus on my fangs only. If not...I might just rip this spot to shreds...Hahn...Mmh...

*Sluuuurp*

Kou: Nn...Fufu~ What a lovely sound you made just now~ Seems like my fangs do a better job at pleasing her after all. 

*Gulp gulp*

Subaru: ...Hell no. She’s obviously reactin’ to my fangs. Mmh...

*Gulp gulp gulp*

Subaru: Haah...Come on. Tell him. That mine feel better. 

*Smooch*

*Rustle*

Subaru: ...Woah! What’s wrong? Lost the strength in your legs?

Kou: Ah! Perfect timing~ Subaru-kun, can you keep on supporting her like that? 

Subaru: Ah? Why should Iーー

Kou leans in close.

*Rustle*

Kou: I’m sorry for treating you so hard-handedly earlier. I’m sure your back must have hurt? Consider this a sign of my remorse~ Mm...

*Smooch*

Subaru: Che...Didn’t I just tell you to stop payin’ attention to anyone but me...!?

Subaru starts kissing you as well.

Subaru: Mmh...Nn...

*Smooch*

Subaru: You only ever need to look at me...

Kou: Fufu~ You get jealous so easily, Subaru-kun. Well...I suppose I’m the same when it comes to her. ...Mm...

*Smooch*

Kou: I don’t plan on handing you over to anyone after all. Of course, not to a friend or a rival either. I won’t show mercy. So until you choose me, I won’t give no matter what.

Subaru: Heh...Say whatever you want. Oi, listen up. I’ll only say this shit once, so you better pay attention. I want you. I won’t hand you over to Kou, or anyone else. So...choose me. Hahn...Mm...

*Gulp gulp*

Kou: Ah-aah...I guess it came down to this in the end after all...

*Gulp gulp*

Kou: Which means, I guess we really have no other choice but to let you decide. 

Subaru: Heh. Her answer is already clear, isn’t it? ...Oi, we won’t let you go until you give us a proper reply. So...

Subaru & Kou (simultaneously): Brace yourself, okay?

They both bite you.

Kou: Haahn...Nn...

*Sluuuuurp*

Subaru: Mmh...Nn...

*Gulp gulp gulp*

*TIMESKIP*

*Rustle*

Kou: Say, M-neko-chan? ...M-neko-chan! Haah...Seems like she lost consciousness. We might have pushed it a little too far.

Subaru: Oi...Are you ‘kay? Geez...She really is hopeless.

Kou: Guess we can stay like this a little longer until she wakes up. Well, you can head back first if you wish~ I’ll look after M-neko-chan~

Subaru: Fuck off! You really think I’d head back without her!? I’ll wait until she wakes up as well...

Kou: Fufufu~ I see. ...Say, Subaru-kun?

Subaru: What?

Kou: Did you enjoy today’s party?

Subaru: Haah!? Why do I have to answer that stupid question!?

Kou: Oh come on, tell me! ...So, what’s your answer? Did you enjoy it?

Subaru: ...Well...I guess so.

ーー THE END ーー