#but also its been 2-3(?????) years since my last haircut and its LONG bc i didnt trim it at home either

[pawbeanies]

just rambling today but i am getting. a haircut tomorrow (very overdue) and im very a bit nervous because 1. what if i regret it after like i choose a style but it doesn't look good on me but more importantly 2. what if i get too comfy during the haircut and fall asleep

[heyitsyn]

,,,,OK Kurat

Soulmate!Bokuto

a/n: when bokuto refuses to fix his roots and let the gray dye grow out and it slightly irritates you

colorblind soulmate where you lose your colors and only gain them back when your other half starts to have feelings for you

requests are open!!

so, leggo?

ever since you turned 16, you’ve literally gone colorblind

like you were perfectly happy seeing the colors of the world

from daichi’s red sweater

to hinata’s orange hair

you were ROBBED of the colors of the world

when you woke up that morning, you knew you would get your soulmate sign soon and you were sure it would happen while you were in class as it would start the exact time you were born 16 years ago

so there you were, happily eating with nishi and tanaka at the roof

‘hey, y/n-chan, look at this manga i found!’

you look up at noya and you almost choked on your rice ball when you couldn’t see his blonde streak anymore

it was like the moment you blinked, it was gone

he must’ve noticed your surprised look because noya touched the front floof since you were staring right at it

tanaka had his mouth opened and patted your back when you coughed

‘ah, it happened now?’

then you just start bawling

‘i cANt sEE yOuR hAiR anYmoRE!! aNd hiNATa’s hAiR! aND tHE oRANgE uniFOrMS!’

they understand it was a touchy subject for you since you were expecting something cute like noya’s thought sharing sign or tanaka’s taste sharing sign

but NO!!!

‘it’s okay y/n-chan. you’ll meet them soon and you’ll get your colors back’

from then on, all you’ve done is research all you can about soulmate signs and how they worked

yours happens to be a rarer one and you groaned bc of course it would happen to YOU

it states that usually, the moment you lock eyes with your soulmate, you’d get your lost sense back

but you wouldnt know when it would exactly happen and be like your uncle who is nearly 40 and still cant smell anything

whats worse, there were even cases where you wouldnt get them back in one sight but gain them when they start to have romantic feelings for you

you really do hope you’d get the easier 

being a part-time manager, you often helped the vbc if you were free from your other clubs so you sometimes help kiyoko with the kids

entering the gym, you frowned when you saw hinata and the gray tone of his hair

everything was gray but colors that are light like yellow or bright orange, were lighter gray while darker ones were dark gray or black

seems like tanaka and noya told the team what happened because daichi went up to you and ruffled your hair before saying it’ll be okay

‘give it time! you will find them!’

yacchi, a manager-in-training, enthusiastically told you about her ideas for the poster and gave you her rough draft, explaining the little details

but you were out of it as you just roamed your eyes over the gray-colored paper

thus causing her to freak out

‘OH MY GOD! I”M SO SORRY Y/N-SAN! I FORGOT ABOUT IT!! I’M SO SORRY!’

(yacchi is just a little precious bun, please protec her :’))

but you ruffled her hair and put on a smile

‘don’t sweat it, yacchi’

after that whole thing about announcement of the tokyo training camp and the hinata/kageyama idiot squad

you guys were in the bus, getting ready for Tokyo

it’s also been weeks since you lost it so you were still new but you were starting to get used to it

ofc you still had mistakes like their different colored practice jerseys and who was in what team or wearing different colored socks

but you were slowly adapting

it was a few hours of a drive so everyone was static to get out of the cramp bus and use the bathroom and stretch their legs

you took your time and put the others trash into a plastic bag bc youre just a great manager like that

getting out of the bus, you heard a horrendous and terrifying laugh and saw the nekoma captain hunching over in laughter

‘my god. at least his face makes up for it’

you got a text from hinata and kageyama saying that they were going to take their exams now and you sent them a little encouraging blurb

the guy from nekoma with the mohawk gawked at the 3 managers and you remembered him having that blonde hair dye

when you and the rest entered their gym, all you saw were balls flying everywhere and lots of people

your eyes scanned for at least someone to make eye contact with you because this gym has a lot of people in it and there could be a possibility they were in here

like 0.000003% probably but still a chance

from the managers to the players, not one reactivated the colors

‘hm,,, i think my soulmate is in here’

noya’s little comment made you glare at him in envy and he grinned with a peace sign

you noticed that boy kenma with his haircut and there was someone sitting near him that made you turn to the others

‘okay, either i just have terrible memory but is that a new guy?’

suga wondered the same thing and you flinched at the kid’s harsh stare at you all

there was a light gray tone to his hair and eyes so you were curious what color they were

‘his legs look a little long. i think he’s taller than most of these guys’

asahi said which made you give him a look

‘listen, as long as we got tsukki-kun, we’re okay’

the first match was against some powerhouse called fukurodani and they had a few interesting players

by interesting, you meant looks wise

that one guy looked freaking pretty with his sharp eyes while the other guy, who you assumed to be the captain, had round eyes and spiked hair

you were pretty sure that he had different colored hair due to the mix of black and light tones

AND THE WAY IT WAS STYLED THO

its like he got electrocuted and his hair just stayed the same

you were too busy looking at the 2 teams that you completely missed karasuno’s defeat and just saw them doing flying receives

the others gathered to the side and the next game was against fukurodani and nekoma

from hearing the names being said, that pretty guy was akashi or aggghasshi and the owl looking dude was bokuto-san or bokutosang or something bokuto bc youre not exactly sure

and then he be flying

‘he REALLY flying!’ 

you exclaim and tbh what can you expect from being one of the top 5 aces in the country

then the ball straight flew towards your own player and you and yamagucci screamed for his name

everyone flinched when the ball hit his hand and you ran over to check

‘ouch’

you hear that loud voice of his on top of kei’s hiss and you growled

‘HEY HEY HEY’

he didnt even apologize and if it wasnt for tanaka and daichi holding you back, you were about to scream into the guys ear for damaging your player’s hand since he needed it to block properly

‘LET ME GO! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS INJUR-’

suga smiled and raised a hand apologetically your shouts caught the attention of others

the more games karasuno played, the more they lost

you went to fill up their water bottles and was mumbling to yourself, blaming that freak haired guy for tsukki’s pained blocks

‘didnt even apologize. how dare he hurt my boy’

bokuto was going for a drink when he heard your mumbles by the water fountain

he noticed you as the karasuno manager and poked you in the shoulder

‘ah! youre the manager!’

cue you looking to glare at him since you could recognize that voice anywhere

‘and you are?’

taken aback with your tone, he grinned

‘bokuto. bokuto koutarou’

‘ah’

then you went back to filling up the bottles

he fiddled with his towel before poking you again

‘um,,, i want to apologize for earlier. sorry about that spike’

you stopped and you nodded

‘i appreciate the apology, bokuto-san. but you should say it to him’

bo guessed that you were kinda their mother hen and you looked after the players of your team

‘are you,,, a third year?’

closing the lid of the last bottle, you placed it on the basket

‘second’

his eyes widened before shouting

‘im your senpai!’

you jumped at the sudden volume of his voice and awkwardly smiled

‘ah. okay, bokuto-san’

his eyes widened before patting your shoulder gently

‘drop the -san! i prefer being called senpai!’

does this guy have a senpai kink or something

but there was probably nothing wrong with calling him senpai right?

‘okay, bokuto-senpai’

you were lowkey kinda iffy since you dont really call anyone senpai, everyone was -san to you

bo laughed loudly and ruffled your hair

‘WAH!!!!!! MY LITTLE KOUHAI!!!’

‘bokuto-san!’

your head looked up and you saw the pretty guy walking towards you

he bowed in front of you in both greeting and apology

‘sorry about him. he gets a little excited sometimes. im akaashi keiji by the way’

you waved it off and smiled gently

‘nice to meet you, akaashi-san. and dont worry, i have two people like him in my team’

hinata and noya

‘come on. the next game is about to start’

he tugged bokuto’s arm and bo waved at you before walking away

‘see ya!’

but stopped

‘ah! i didnt get your name!��

‘y/n. l/n y/n’

‘see ya later y/n!’

when you came back, the boys were still doing flying and you glanced at your watch, knowing that your boys should be coming soon

you and yacchi were visibly listening to the other players talking about your team and kiyoko gave you both a look to settle down

‘hold it in, girls’

the sea of different tones of gray were currently making you dizzy with so many things happening at ones and you completely missed the door opening, revealing tanaka’s sister

noya’s excited shout made you turn and you waved excitedly

you’ve met her once when you went over to help tutor her poor brother and noya who practically lives at their house

everyone stopped what they were doing and saw the two boys huffing by the door

you heard kuroo’s comment but you were too excited to see them come back in one piece

‘ah, so those are the legendary first years’

hm, if only you knew why they were late

bo saw you with wide eyes and excitedly bouncing at the sidelines as karasuno started to play

‘what are you looking at bokuto-san?’

akaashi asked

bo thought you were interesting the moment he heard you angrily mumble about him and he thought your pouting face was cute

‘i wonder what her soulmate mark is’

akaashi knew about his soulmate sign since he received a very frantic phone call that sunday afternoon of bokuto not being able to see the color of his apple anymore

‘she probably doesnt have it yet’

akaashi’s answer made his brows furrow

‘she’s a second year so shes probably 16 already’

‘why would it matter to you anyways?’

yea, why did it matter?

‘just general curiosity. shes quite fiesty. i like her. i want to be friends’

akaashi sighs and pats his back

‘i support you, bokuto-san’

shoot this might as well be a bokuaka

he saw you run to the two first years and took their bags for them, ruffling their hair each

even though you’re only like a some months older than hinata, you still treat him like a babie

‘coach left some buns from earlier so you can eat that before you play. oh! i also got you your milk, kags!’

bo literally could feel your happiness radiating and he saw your eyes

too bad he couldn’t see the color of them

although the boys team was finally complete, they still lost quite a lot of sets

and they were trying so hard and you were just cheering on the sidelines w yacchi and kiyoko

you kept running back and forth from the drinking fountain since the boys kept drinking so much water

and bo just finds you there again

for the second time today

:0

‘oh? back again, y/n-chan?’

you could recognized that gruffy voice anywhere

you turned and gave him a tight smile

‘ah. hello bokuto-san’

he pouted and nudged you with a finger to your shoulder

‘senpai! call me senpai!’

you were pretty sure he was 18 yet he still threw a tantrum

what kinda-

‘okay okay. sorry, bokuto-senpai’

then like a switch his pouts became grins and you got dizzy with the sudden mood switch

‘youre such a diligent manager, y/n-chan. you should transfer to our school and be one of ours instead!’

then you remember meeting the 2 managers they had

‘ah, you already have 2 so i think you’re covered’

bo whined at that

‘but karasuno also has 2 without you!’

tbh you shouldve been uncomfortable in this situation bc here you have a grown man whining

but you found his pout endearing and his eyes were loony-looking

‘not to hurt your feelings, bokuto-senpai, but we just met and i don’t know you all that well’

‘then you know the solution to that, don’t you?’

you just stared at him

‘lets get to know each other! lets be friends! lets be close!’

you couldnt say anything else since you were kinda in a pickle here so you just nodded

‘um, okay’

‘bokuto-san!’

that voice made you perk up and you raised a hand

‘akaashi-san!’

bo saw your smile and he pouted, jealous that you didnt give that smile when you saw him

‘ah, l/n-san.’

you looked at bo and his eyes grew even bigger and you resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks with how they puffed out with his pout

woah wait huh

why did you just think of that

akaashi had to bring back bo to the gym for their match but bo refused to walk

‘no! not until y/n-chan wants to be my friend!’

what are you

5?

but you nodded, placing a hand around his bicep

you froze, trying to contain the shock of how S T R O N G they felt

ohmygad

‘l-lets get to know each other later, bokuto-sa-senpai’

you hurriedly corrected yourself and breathed a sigh of relief when he didnt notice

a big smile got to his face and he pointed at you

‘ill win this for you y/n-chan!’

you sweatdropped bc wow this manz is winning a game for you

no-for your friendship

he excitedly ran back down the hallway and disappeared with a faint ‘hey hey hey!’

you and akaashi shared a look and he apologized

‘im sorry if he made you uncomfortable’

‘nah nah, its okay’

‘and thanks for uplifting him. he was in a mood when he left bc we lost a set but now he’s energized thanks to you’

a,,, mood?

‘is he,,, i dont know,,,, bipolar?’

akaashi stood for a second before shrugging

‘i guess you could say that. the team tries to uplift him bc if hes in a mood he messes up’

a sound of recognition left your lips before you nodded

‘ah okay’

‘well, i guess im seeing you later then, l/n-san?’

‘oh, please. call me y/n. we’re the same age!’

but he gave you a mysterious smile

‘i dont think bokuto-san would like that’

so the remaining of the time there, bo was practically stuck to you as he followed you everywhere

babie calls it ‘friendship bonding’

when yall were leaving, he was pouting so hard and you gave in to your urges

;)

you pinched his cheeks

‘until next time, bo-senpai’

blew a fuse right then and there

bO-sENPai

yall remained in contact and you even went up to visit him and just hang out

you were lowkey catching feelings

like when he sent you that mirror picture of him and kuroo being sassy in a department store and your heart started beating really really fast

then your palms started sweating as you remembered the feeling of his warm hands on yours when he led you through the busy sidewalk of tokyo

‘siri, am i having a stroke?’

but you were like ‘nuh-uh, must remain pure for my soulmate’

however

if you have those feelings already and it’s towards your soulmate, that gave bo his sight of colors

just sitting there w his team eating yakisoba bun then he looked at akaashi and saw his friend’s blue eyes again

can you tell im a bokuaka simp

in another life flashbacks

n e ways

he was so happy and ecstatic and was about to call you but akaashi was like, ‘wait, i think she might be your soulmate’

the entire team was just like, ‘what’

and bo just sitting there, ‘omg what if’

akaashi, 

grandmaster plan creator

tells bokuto to hold off from telling you until the next time yall see each other which is in the training camp

for story’s sake, training camp finally rolls around

you cannot stop squirming in your seat bc ya finally get to see bo again after so long

kuroo greets yall at the front and hes familiar w you since you hung out w the tokyo squad

‘you have a surprise little chibi’

you were just like, ‘,,,,ok kurat’

meanwhi;e,,

bo was so antsy and he was just like, ‘yey! i get to see her again!’

ngl, bo thought you were really pretty and cute and he thinks he has a crush on you but not like head-over-heels like you were

literally cannot stand still and the team was tired of having to keep him from running so akaashi just let him go

‘but dont run her over, bokuto-san’

he sonic bolts over

nYOOM

he finally sees that tangerine hinata and was searching for your hair color and when he sees you laughing at kuroo’s face, his eyes widened

his heart beat started beating really really fast and everything in his brain and all the words he wanted to say died down

he never really saw your face with colors but he just stares in awe at your beautiful skin color, breathtaking eyes, silky hair, and those plump lips

sweat started to gather at his palms and his feet started moving on its own until he just scoops you in his arms, lifting you off the ground in the process

w you, there was a silence

‘your eyes,,,,, theyre beautiful’

bo just grins at the crack of your voice and tears just wells up in your eyes w a smile

‘bo!’ 

you shouted and you wrapped your legs around his waist while he burrows his head in your neck

‘you’re so beautiful. oh my god, you’re so beautiful’

omg what i would do for bo to say that to me

obvs, the others knew what was happening

dai and suga were already planning on the talk

kuroo just recording the whole thing

‘im falling in love with you. i want to fall in love with you over and over again until i die. i want to feel like this forever. can i?’

just forgets about everyone and being in your own bubble and your own world as bokuto just professes his love for you

‘stupid question, koutaro!’

you giggled and he finally allowed you to stand on your own two feet

‘let me love you for eternity’

cue waterworks from noya and tanaka and konoha

‘but baby, we need to touch up your roots, though.’

‘we got forever, soulmate’

sorry if this was trash

[unbridgeabledistances]

here is a part 2 of my valentine’s day one-shot from the other day!! part 3 of them actually celebrating is coming fri, but wanted to make it a lil countdown:) also big creds to @udontfuckangie for their post about ian getting mickey stargazer lilies for valentines bc it… truly made me feel so many things and i had to write this

--

Ian didn’t really remember ever celebrating Valentine’s Day for real— not like everyone else in middle school or high school, like when Lip was off buying flowers for girls or Mandy was trying to get the guy she liked to ask her out— but he definitely remembered celebrating it as a kid, when he’d have to scrounge up some shoebox from under his bed and bring it to his overcrowded classroom to cover with colorful construction paper and make shitty valentines to swap with his friends. Those were the days when Frank was around some, and so was Monica— he remembered one year, when he was maybe 5 or 6, when Monica was there and he had come home with a thin pink slip of paper from his teacher saying that he needed to bring in valentines for his class. Monica had whisked him down the street to the dollar store where they’d ransacked the rickety shelves of all the art supplies they could carry, and then they sat at the kitchen table for hours gluing glitter to cut-out hearts.

So maybe that’s why Ian’s heart had melted last Sunday, when Franny had mentioned that she needed to buy valentines for her class at school— Ian knew it was stupid, or whatever, but he knew how far a few solid childhood memories could go in this neighborhood, how those types of moments were the stuff you lived on for years afterwards when things got harder and darker. So while he’d been caught up in so much shit lately, for a couple of hours on that Sunday afternoon all Ian wanted was for Franny to soak up that feeling like a sponge—to make memories with her like the good ones that he’d had with Monica, the ones that stood out and burned in his chest like a hot branding iron when he remembered them.

And then a yawning, sleep-soft Mickey had stumbled into the kitchen, and the three of them were nestled beside each other at the table doing fucking arts and crafts; and for some reason it made Ian’s blood run hotter than usual, and got him thinking about how fuck it, he wanted to give Mickey a Valentine’s Day this year— not in the weird, heteronormative bullshit way, but in the way that he could just kind of… show Mickey how much he meant to him, how Mickey still made his heart feel like it was going to explode out of his ribcage even after the years they’d been together. This was the longest time that he and Mickey had ever been together consecutively, the longest time they’d slept side by side before something dark curled its fingers around them and pulled them apart, and he wanted to do something to acknowledge that— something to start their forever, as fucking cheesy as that sounded.

Of course, Mickey had no concept of Valentine’s Day or any of that shit, which made the whole thing all the more perfect— Ian wanted to catch him off guard, wanted to pull them both out of the funk that had been hovering over them for the months after the wedding, when everything turned brittle and stale once the bills started to pile up. They were better now—or at least they were trying to be— but it still meant something that half of their time being married had been spent navigating a fucking global pandemic and squabbling with each other and barely making ends meet.

So now it was the day before Valentine’s Day, and Ian was standing on a busy Chicago street corner in the bitter cold, watching the bundled passersby briskly walk by to scramble inside and stave off the chill. Ian hadn’t been to this neighborhood since his days working at the club, or maybe once or twice when he was hanging out with people from the youth center; the pristine glass storefronts with minimalist displays nearly blinded Ian’s eyes after the past ten months of being accustomed to the crumbling paint-chipped architecture of the South Side. But he was here on a mission; in front of him stood the high-end, boujee as fuck florist’s shop, one of the top-rated ones in the city according to the quick search he’d plugged into his phone.

Ian normally didn’t give a shit about stuff like this— to him, a flower was a flower, and a chair for a wedding was just a goddamn chair— but he knew Mickey, for some reason this sappy shit was a whole lot more important to him, no matter how hard Mickey tried to hide it. All the symbols and the fanfare meant something to Mickey—it meant that they’d made it, that they got to have a normal fucking life together, beyond both of their wildest dreams. So if Ian had to brave a stupid, gentrifying flower shop on a chilly Friday afternoon to make Mickey happy, then that was what he was going to do.

A soft bell tinkled as Ian entered the shop, immediately surrounded by the nearly-bare shelves of minimalist bouquets. The store was incredibly cramped and narrow, with overly-peppy music playing low, and was packed tight with wire-rimmed glasses wearing, re-usable bag toting hipsters standing in a line all the way to the counter. Shit. This line was going to take all day—and who the fuck knew if they even had what Ian was looking for? A looming pang of desperation started to churn in the pit of his stomach as he lurked by the doorway. Fuck it, he had to do this.

Before Ian really processed what he was doing he was quickly darting past the line, getting a series of dirty looks from everyone he shuffled by.

“S’cuse me, coming through, floral emergency.”

Finally, he reached the counter, sliding in beside some girl in her mid-twenties with a punk haircut. “Uh, sorry, can I just ask if they have what I’m looking for real quick?”

The girl rolled her eyes. “If you’re desperate enough to cut the fucking line, I’d say you’re worse off than I am. Men are fucking clueless.”

Ian nearly grimaced, but tried to twist his face into a soft, grateful smile. “Thank you.” He turned to the cashier at the counter, a dude with a man bun and a floral button-up shirt who looked pretty amused by this whole situation.

“It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, honey. Everyone here is in a floral emergency.” The cashier sighed, looking Ian up and down appraisingly. “What’re you looking for?”

“Uh. I think they’re called… stargazer lilies? The ones that bloom at a specific time, or something? We were supposed to have them at my wedding, but then the venue got burnt down by my husband’s homophobic father, so we kind of had to pull the whole wedding thing together on short notice— it’s kind of a long story, but I really, really need to get these flowers for Valentine’s Day.” Ian leaned in close over the counter, hoping he didn’t look too desperate. “It’s our first one together and it’s been a fucking shitty year and it would just— it would mean a lot.”

Ian finally exhaled, and hoped by some miracle that this cashier, or someone in the fucking universe, would take pity on him.

The cashier pulled his glasses down to the bridge of his nose, tapping away at the iPad on the counter before glancing up. “Hmm. I’m sorry honey, you’re fresh out of luck. Those lilies bloom in the summer mostly, and no one around here really has them. You could maybe check one of the little flower shops down the street, they do special orders and stuff this time of year—but I’ll be honest, I don’t know if you’re gonna get these flowers by tomorrow.”

Ian felt disappointment bubble up inside him. Of fucking course there were none of these obscure flowers in Chicago the day before Valentine’s Day— he’d had this grand idea of giving Mickey a perfect Valentine’s Day, of starting off on the right foot, and he still put this shit off until the last minute and couldn’t give Mickey what he deserved. Mickey would’ve never made this mistake.

Ian cleared his throat. “Shit. Well, uh, thanks anyways.”

He turned, heading for the door and getting ready to be assaulted by the bitter cold again. Okay, there were a couple flower marts down the street, he could try that— but he had a sinking feeling that the results would be the same, that he’d be left empty-handed tomorrow with nothing to give.

Okay. Focus. I’ve gotta plan a bunch of shit for Valentine’s Day by tomorrow.

What would Mickey do?

**

The flat drone of the dial tone made Mickey’s head buzz, the same dull vibration he’d heard dozens of times that week. Finally, he heard the click of someone answering.

“Hello, this is Sizzlers, how may I help you?”

“Hi, it’s, uh, it’s Mickey Milkovich. Again. I’m just checking in one more time to make sure we’re all good for tomorrow?”

There was a silence on the other end of the line, like the hostess was taking a moment to compose herself. “Yes, Mr. Milkovich. Since this is the… seventh time you’ve checked in in the past week, I believe, everything has definitely been arranged as you requested.”

Mickey cleared his throat. “Uh, good. Thanks. We’ll be there for our reservation at 8.”

He clicked his phone off and flung it down onto the bed. It had been nearly a week since he’d decided he was going to try to give Ian some kind of Valentine’s Day like the normal fucking couple Ian wanted to be, but he had to admit, this shit was hard work; he had to think of the perfect place he wanted them to go, had to call and make a reservation and arrange everything perfectly— and then there was the matter of deciding what to get Ian, because apparently married people also got each other fucking gifts on Valentine’s Day, which sounded like overkill to him. He’d been scrolling through Buzzfeed “Valentine’s Day Gift” lists for the better part of the afternoon, and even snuck some of Debbie’s chick magazines into the bathroom to sift through articles like “Ten Things to Get Your Man for Valentine’s Day” or “Best V-Day Gifts for Newlyweds.” Finally, after fucking days of plans stirring in the back of his mind, Mickey finally thought he had all of the pieces together; the reservation was made, the timing was set, and he’d even stopped by some fancy fucking chocolate shop on the other side of town on the way home from the Alibi earlier that afternoon.

Everything was planned—now there was just one thing left to do.

Mickey grabbed the crumpled piece of paper he’d set on the bedside table, the one he’d been staring at all week. Fuck it. He grabbed a discarded pen from the windowsill, from the collection of pencils that Ian kept next to his notebooks.

Mickey sighed as he put the pen to the paper. Now comes the hard part.

part 1 is here! and part 3 is here!

[eponymous-rose]

Tapping at my chamber door...

I got home last night after what most people would probably call a Pretty Long Day: high-pressure meetings all morning and afternoon, long walk, light rail for an hour, more walking, couple hours on a plane, sprinting across the terminal, couple more hours on a different plane, Lyft for an hour, finally stumble through the door to my apartment around 1:30 AM.

My body was doing that thing where it was so tired that it had despaired of my ever doing something so mundane as becoming unconscious and was just sort of vibrating: “Air travel hath murdered sleep, and therefore eponymous_rose shall sleep no more.” So I stayed up until about 2:30, just lying in bed and browsing The Internet and waiting for my body to chill with the dramatics.

Finally, I was all cozy and dozing... and there was a loud, sharp knock at my door. “Tap-tap-tap.”

I half-woke up, dazed and confused. Had I just heard--?

Another knock, this time the distinct “shave-and-a-haircut” rhythm.

I stared at my door with what could only be described as a sense of cosmic, unfathomable horror. It made absolutely no sense that somebody would be knocking at my door at 2:30 in the morning when I’d just been out of town for four days.

Like many people, I’ve been known to enjoy and/or cower in terror of the odd hypnagogic hallucination, that vivid sort of dream-state right before you fall asleep where you see and hear things that aren’t really happening. With the stress of travel added to a new BC prescription messing with hormones, hey, it seemed pretty likely it was just in my head.

Satisfied with that explanation, I made my way to the restroom, carefully skirting the door to my room, you know, just in case.

I flushed. I got up. Knock-knock-knock. More insistent this time.

“Huh,” I thought. “That’s definitely someone at my door.”

Now, I hadn’t turned any lights on, because I’ve lived in this place for a year and a half, because I keep the floors tidy enough that there’s nothing upon which to stub a toe, and also because a single flicker of electricity in that room would’ve shone so brightly it might’ve summoned aid to Gondor. 

And in that moment I made a choice. That choice was ultimate stealth.

The blinds on my bedroom windows happened to be closed, but I still slunk low and careful toward the bedroom door, cursing softly as my knees popped and cracked. Stealth. Sneaky, sneaky stealth. Fuck. Stealthy. Ow. Sneak sneak sneak. Should that be crunching? STEALTH.

Finally I made it to the bedroom door and listened for a moment, my head full of possibilities. The Lyft driver and I had had a bit of a flirt on the way over. Was this a dramatic return with a bouquet of flowers for a night of passion? The apartment below me is kept vacant 99% of the time (thanks, hyper-cheap Oklahoma rental prices), but occasionally, as tonight, the tenants would come into town for a game or a concert. Was someone lost and/or asking me to join the party? Was the sound of me browsing Twitter keeping them awake? Was sound traveling from someone knocking on the door downstairs? Were the thumping pipes in this oddly built complex getting creative?

Had that damn pigeon that kept perching on my outside lamp evolved knuckles and a sense of rhythm?

I remembered back to the one and only time I answered the door wrapped in a towel like a heroine from a 90s romantic comedy, which was when a downstairs neighbor at an old apartment realized that me running my shower was flooding his bathroom. Was I causing extensive property damage?

Phone in hand, ready to call an emergency number, I flung the bedroom door open... and was, of course, greeted by nothing. Okay. Fair enough. Time to check the front door.

I was even sneakier this time around, since the blinds in the living room and dining room were wide open. Perhaps forgetting how dire the situation felt, I started softly humming the Mission: Impossible theme as I crawled across the carpet. That’s a +10 to stealth right there.

Glanced through the peephole. Nothing. I whipped open the door so quickly I banged my arm, and when nobody jumped back in surprise, I looked for a note from the pigeon that explained its new evolutionary niche. Nothing. After a quick and absurdly thorough pass through the apartment to reassure myself that I was not being invaded by contortionists hiding at the top of the closet, I locked every door I could and went back to bed, resigned to the mystery.

And then, around 3 AM, just as I was finally starting to drift off, with crunchy knees and a bruised arm, my asshole brain said one word:

“GHOSTS.”

And that, dear readers, is how I didn’t get much sleep last night.

[wintersoldeer]

ok here's some totally incoherent thoughts about endgame that i just have to write down or i might explode spoilers: i loved it also actual spoilers spoilers very spoilery spoilers

1. Steve and the goddddamn mjölnir!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!! when thor, iron man and cap were like 'aw yeahhh we're gonna fight thanos' i was like what the heckie is steve even doing there, supersoldier or not he's just a human. then thor drops his hammer and i’m like oh my gods please literally crossing my fingers. then thor’s fight is not going so well and oh no he definitely needs someone to save him! i’m like ohhhhhmygooddss. and THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR YEARS HELL YEAHHHHH

2. steve & peggy dance. yes. just yes. fucking finally. i love it. it was perfect i cried

3. clint should’ve died. (finally haha) he was my fave since before the avengers and i was so sure he was going to die back then, but then he didn’t and look what’s became of him since.......... i had a violent flashback to watching age of ultron for the first time and for the first time just hoping that my fave character (that would be clint) would just die, bc they’re screwing his character over so badly........ and most definitely it. should.  not. have. been. natasha. who. died.  that was such a bullshit i mean WHAT THE FUCK????  i mean maybe clint and natasha were the only remaining avengers that actually loved each other (?¿¿????¿¿¿?¿ tho that’s just flimsy, i’m just trying to....idek) and that’s why it had to be them on that stupid fuckin death cliff, but why did natasha have to die?? just because clint had a family (still with no actual characterization, not that i even care, or maybe i would if the movies had given me any reason to...) to return to and she didn’t??that fucking sucks and what sucks even more is that not only was natasha the only character that died (i’m not even counting tony, bc that was very Different) but she’s the only original female avenger AND it’s the same stupd fucking rock that the only original female gotg gamora died in such a bullshit way just last movie??? goddddd i hated that so much like maybe if she hadn’t been the first one to die and all the original avengers would’ve died as was i kinda hoping (tho i love happy endings so i didn’t actually hope that it would happen..), maybe then i would be okay with her being dead. now i am very much not okay, and that means very much not okay in a angry way, not in a sad way

4. speaking of death: to me tony’s was perfect. i might not be the biggest fan of how he always got the most screentime and a bigger role than other characters, but i can’t deny that he definitely is the heart of the whole mcu and it had to be him who saves the day in the end and what else could it have been that a very tony-like self-sacrifice..... god i cried. i loved that he got a funeral (even tho natasha didn’t...) and i loved his funeral with all the people and fricking harley and then the kid saying how much she likes cheeseburgers and the frickin ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’ and sfghkklkghhhh

5. i gasped audibly when i noticed that natasha was wearing the arrow necklace

6. i kinda forgot that vision ever even existed..... in the end i first thought that wanda was talking about pietro and then i was like ok well maybe not maybe she’s talking about tony or something WHICH MAKES NO SENSE LOL i don’t even remember what she actually said, but as was pointed out to me, she was probably talking about vision. who was a thing that existed... whoops

7. ugh i hate brucenat, i really thought we were over that shit already. i also very much disliked that they actually decided to go with professor hulk, but idk w/e i don’t care that much. but natasha’s death sucked tho and the one thing i do not want to see is bruce’s pain or whatever when the movie didn’t even give me the time or reason to actually grieve for her goddd that whole thing was such a bullshit

8. i did not like that thor was treated as a joke most of his screentime........

9. that stevepeggy dance tho. love it. it’ll probably take me at least another seven years to get over it

10. i fricking adored the whole going back in time thing, especially the 2012. the callbacks and the humor really worked for me, the elevator scene straight from cap2 but reversed and hail hydra and steve fighting steve and loki’s expressions when things go wrong and goddhhh i loved it all aaaaaaa, that was the moment when i was like ok i need to see this movie again immediately.... also the fact that their time travel rules were that they were just creating new paths or w/e i guess, and not actually changing what happened to them specifically... good. so many aus

11. that final battle was so perfectly epic

12. tho shouldn’t valkyrie’s (who really just doesn’t have a real name, now does she..) horse have died after being shot haha

13. i loved that clint had the gauntlet for so long, like he’s definitely the Least Qualified Person to keep it safe, why would that be his job, it was amazing

14. i hated natasha’s death with burning passion, but i loved how she and clint fought each other over who gets to throw themselves off that cliff. tho i really hoped that their ‘yeahh we know what we have to do’ would’ve rather meant that they decided to just throw red skull down bc who even knows if it even actually needs love sacrifice or w/e, a soul is a soul is a soul

15. i loved the human jarvis whatever-his-first-name-was cameo and i really need to finally watch/rewatch agent carter

16. i really liked the tony howard scene even if i thought it felt a bit iffy, bc i feel like there’s so much more to unpack w/ those daddy issues.... but maybe that scene means that there is that one universe where howard was actually a good dad. i want to believe that. yeah. (maybe not but let me dream)

17. i like how they totally forgot that sharon carter ever even existed

18. damn that moment when black panther comes through that portal

19. damn that moment when gi ant-man is giant

20. damn that final battle was so epic

21. damn that steve with mjölnir

22. this movie was SO GOOD when it was good and so mehhh when it was bad, and i’m really glad that it was just good enough that i can forgive overlook all of its flaws. (tho i will not forgive what they did to natasha, even if i can mostly ignore it when thinking about how good most of the rest of the movie was) but idk if it would’ve been perfect, maybe i wouldn’t have survived like there’s this One Huge Thing (natasha) that really brings down the movie that otherwise would’ve been just Amazing

23. i don’t know if my heart has ever beaten as fast as when steve finally picks up the hammer. never while watching a movie, at least

24. i love that carol has her short haircut, bc it bothered me so much in cpn marvel that she should not have been able to see anything when her hair was just constantly on her face haha

25. i feel nothing but seething resentment towards clint’s stupid family and that stupid family man role he is stuck with

26. why was natasha’s hair so weird and ugly. why can’t it just be red??

27. clint’s hair was weird and ugly too and i think i have finally kinda given up on mcu!clint (tho he has those small Very Good moments and i cry for what could’ve been.....we could’ve have it aaaaaalllll.... i think i’m going to watch swat (2003) again and still pretend it’s the clint backstory movie i deserve haha, it’s been ages since i’ve seen it idk if it would still work for me, i’m gonna try)

28. i love nebula tho

29. i loved the trip down memory lane! frigga!!!! the way the continuation of the avengers capturing loki just felt so natural and like it probably happened just like that! nebula and rhodey judging quill’s singing and dancing haha yes! everything! just as i was hoping it would be!

30. doesn’t really have anything to do with this movie but: i still firmly believe that coulson never died. i still firmly believe that pietro never died. 

31. falcon cap helll yeah!!

32. i guess i’ll never get my strike team delta movie with clintasha best friends soulmates and with buckynat and the red room.........  goddd there really should’ve been a black widow movie after cap2. like that was The Perfect Spot for a black widow movie, it’s really a crime that there isn’t one, and even if they make a black widow movie now, it’ll definitely be too little too late.

33. like..... a for effort..... for that female heroes girl power.... ughhhh.... scene, i guess, but that. does. not. cut. it. when you have just killed natasha

34. things i really wished they would say in some perfect moments: “hail hydra” “avengers assemble!” “i am iron man”. things they did say in those moments: “hail hydra” “avengers assemble” “i am iron man”, gogssgddd that was perfect (ok i also really did wish steve would’ve said the “i could do this all day” in the fight but couldn’t say bc the movie had just made fun of that.. i’m kinda sad but haha it’s not that big of a deal, maybe if he hadnt said it in civil war which i dont like but well...)

35. haha people are already complaining about the steve going back thing and how it’s definitely not moving on and erasing character development or whatever and HA. i finally got my stevepeggy dance i don’t care about anything else i am so happy!!!!!

36. i am so glad i managed to avoid any spoilers bc i hear that there was some pretty massive ones going around??¿?¿?

37. also: ok from here on out i am not here for any of you negative nancys complaining (probably very reasonable complaints idec) about the movie, god i really wish it was 2012 again

38. in final thoughts: i absolutely loved it and i love that it turns out that i’m apparently still very much marvel trash........ if natasha hadn’t died, especially in such a bullshit way, i would’ve been able to overlook everything else that was kinda meh about the movie and just purely and blindly loved it. i still did love it, a lot, but now there’s that bitter aftertaste.....

ok now, maybe that’s enough rambling and repeating myself....... i’m going to need to see it again asap

//EDIT

39. I FORGOT TO MENTION IT BC I FORGOT ABOUT IT but goooooooooodddd i loved nebula and tony playing that game in the beginning and tony letting nebula win ääääää

[ifitwasntforthemusic]

get to know me tag

I was tagged by @bonbunkookie, thank you!

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

THE LAST… 1.Drink: drinking tea as we speak 2.Phone call: one of my party friends 3.Text message: “i miss you :(” 4.Song you listened to: Don’t Tease Me by Speed, the choreo is amazing 5.Time you cried: a few days ago when insomnia struck again :)

HAVE YOU EVER… 6.Dated someone twice: such a mistake 7.Been cheated on: i have my suspicions 8.Kissed someone and regretted it: god, yes 9.Lost someone special: yeah... 10.Been depressed: yes 11.Gotten drunk and thrown up: .... yes

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

Red, black and army green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15.Made new friends: yes :) 16.Fallen out of love: oh, eh, yeah 17.Laughed until you cried: ask @pansugah, way too many times, i even fell to the floor 18.Found out someone was talking about you: yes 19.Met someone who changed you: kinda? 20.Found out who your true friends are: didn’t need to 21.Kissed someone on your Facebook list: you could say so hehe

GENERAL… 22.How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them actually 23.Do you have any pets: not anymore :((( 24.Do you want to change your name: no, i like my name! 25.What did you do for your last birthday: went to class lmao 26.What time did you wake up: 9AM 27.What were you doing at midnight last night: texting @hime-04 and dying bc of her 28.Name something you cannot wait for: Seoulseoulseoul 29.When was the last time you saw your mother: right now :p 30.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: less depression more money 31.What are you listening to right now: some detective or other playing on tv 32.Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I know too many toms 33.Something that is getting on your nerves: holidays almost ending :))) 34.Most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube 35.Elementary:  finit a long time ago thank god 36. High School: done as well bless me 37.College/university: studying German Language & Culture and Linguistics at the moment 38.Hair color: light brown? dark blonde? no one knows 39.Long or short hair: right now super long, i’ve been debating getting a haircut for months 40.Do you have a crush on someone: celebrity crushes :) 41.What do you like about yourself: my passion 42.Piercings: ears 43.Blood type: ehh idek 44.Nickname: I have soooooo many nicknames, but my most common ones are Anajwo (Korean for hug me), Ananas (Dutch for pineapple), variations on Anna like Annie and my brother calls me Flubs. Oh, and let us never forget about the best nickname: Free Egg. 45.Relationship status: single 46.Zodiac sign: Scorpio 47.Pronouns: She/her 48.Favorite tv show: Eye Witness 49.Tattoos: none 50.Right or left hand: right

FIRST…

51.Surgery: I’ve never had one 52.Piercing: ears, I was... 10? 54.Sport: beach & indoor volleyball and I also love rollerskating 55.Vacation: somewhere in the south of the Netherlands 57.Eating: First eating? favourite food? what does it meannnn... my favourite food is Sara’s fried rice that shit is good 58.Drinking: coffeeee 59.I’m about to: die probs 60.Listening to: a weird detective on tv 61.Waiting for: a life that’s well put together 62.Want: success 63.Get married: ehh I don’t know about that yet 64.Career: aiming to be a linguist

WHICH IS BETTER… (im guessing in a partner??) 65.Hugs or kisses: kisses 66.Lips or eyes: Eyes... no lips... no, eyes 67.Shorter or taller: taller, though i do love short girls 68.Older or younger: older 70.Nice arms or nice stomach: arms 71.Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72.Hook up or relationship: either would do rn 73.Troublemaker or hesitant: little bit of a  troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER… 74.Kissed a stranger?: yeah 75.Drank hard liquor?: oh yes 76.Lost glasses contact/lenses?: GODDAMN YES ITS A NUISANCE 77.Turned someone down?: sadly, yeah 78.Sex on first date?: mmm no 79.Broken someone’s heart?: yes... 80.Had your heart broken?: a few too many times 81.Been arrested?: nah 82.Cried when someone died?: yes 83.Fallen for a friend?: uh, yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84.Yourself?: who? 85.Miracles?: since BTS exists... yes 86.Love at first sight?: not love, no 87.Santa Claus?: nope 88.Kiss on the first date?: yeah i do 89.Angels?: BTS :)))))))

OTHER… 90.Current best friend’s name: Sara 91.Eye color: green with hints of blue and brown 92.Favorite movie: The Boy, ask Sara :))))

I won’t tag 20 people, but I’ll tag @hime-04, @pansugah, @nochucomethruu and @waterfalse

[mouldyinlondon]

first post!

after fucking around with the editing of custom themes that was made ever so difficult by the tumblr theme, i think im finally done setting up my blog and its theme! i might try to mess around with the html a bit to insert a pic in the header or smth eventually or change the background, but ive been fighting with this website for like an hour and a half now and i am  t i r e d.

who are u!

i’m camille! im 19, an aries and a white queer cis girl (she/her). i have a boyfriend that i luv very dearly and i’m from québec! my university is in ontario and it’s bilingual, as am i (my first language is french, and yes, i do have the french canadian accent, if you’re wondering). i am double majoring art and art history and i love it a lot! i’d love to specialize myself in english medieval history, especially in the fields of christian iconography and hagiography.

so, what is this blog?

this blog will be used to document my student exchange in london and the trip to the uk i will make preceeding that exchange. i’ll also document a bit of the process of applying for the exchange, bc it is quite a long one indeed!!!! i’ve been working on it since last semester and it honestly took a lot more time than i expected, especially because i have to make a preliminary schedule and some uni websites are especially hard to navigate. i might also talk about the planning that’ll go into the trip my boyfriend and i want to have before my semester.

what am i gonna do?

-travel across the uk with my boyfriend

-then study during the fall semester of 2019 in london in history

what’s the plan?

basically, i have quite a bit of money put aside for the trip and the exchange. i will continue to work this summer (im already pretty much guaranteed to have one, but it’s a haunted walk tour guide job and, although my hourly salary is quite good, i have very few hours; ill have to find another job if the one i have at the moment is only seasonal). then, in early august, my boyfriend and i will leave canada together and travel all across the uk. i have already traveled with him to his homecity (manchester, uk) and it was absolutely lovely! we’ll spend around a month/a month and a half traveling together and i’m pretty sure it’ll go extremely well, as our last trip did. we traveled pretty early on in our relationship, so i feel like after around 2 years and a half of dating, this trip will be even better than the first!

after the trip, my boyfriend will go see his family in manchester and go back home to canada. i, on the other hand, will be staying in europe. the university i will attend for the semester is the queen mary university of london. the semester there starts on september 16th, so idk if there’ll be some introductory activities or when i can start living on campus. i might just travel on my own or go see some family friends in france if i have to wait around. all i know is that it’ll be quite lonely. then, i’ll go back to london and try my best to have a great semester.

obstacles

there are a few obstacles that i’ll have to face to first of all be accepted but also to live there. first, there is the language barrier, which i dont think should be too much of an issue but??? who knows???

my first language is french and the accent in english that im used to is like the most basic, neutral, slightly canadian accent. anyone who deviates from that, i might have a hard time understanding. also, handing in essays in english is a bit scary. ive done it before, as my university is bilingual and i attend french and english classes, but it still makes my work a bit longer to do and my english doesnt have the same quality as my french. it also makes the process longer since i have to write my motivation letter in the language of the university ill be attending (so english) and i have to PROVE that i can speak/understand/write english....i mean i get the incentive but also....anyway, i can just basically show ive had more than a B+ in a class in english and it counts as a proof. good thing 3/5 of my classes were only available in english i guess.

also, my university does exchange programs in a way that you have three choices of university and depending on your gpa and your motivation letter, they give you either your first, second or third choice. my three choices are:

-queen mary university of london

-royal holloway university of london

-reading university

of course, reading was a filler. i would have wanted to put manchester as a choice instead, but the choice wasnt available for my program. i have a pretty high gpa (so far i have 3 A+ and 1 A, waiting for my last grade) and im trying to writing the best motivation letter that i can. ill have to upkeep my gpa to be able to participate in the exchange so fingers crossed???

where are you now in the process?

not many things are left for me to do for the application, and that’s perfect because i have until the 22nd to send in my finished application form (and we are the 9th, and my term has started). there are other things to take care off AFTER the application (like some meetings and obviously doing my schedule and booking my dorm room) but im not there mentally now,,, its a bit discourageing when i know how much work ill have during the term lmao.

so NOW what i have left is:

-receiving my last grade from last semester so i can enter my gpa and a copy of my grades’ summary

-take a picture of myself in front of a white background (lowkey waiting to get a haircut for that)

-i had to prepare schedules for each school with like what classes id be attending. i have to get approved my first school choice by my “department counsellor”. that was very unclear so i basically sent a message to two people + my department so like démerdez-vous lmao. when i get the schedule approved, i’m pretty much gucci!

-also my bf and i have to figure out the whole trip, but we’ll prolly start planning in april, after finals and when we have most of the money we want/know what kind of income we’ll be making this summer

-finally, ill miss everyone, especially my boyfriend...itll feel a bit lonely so i rly wanna keep busy so i dnt get too mopey. i always told myself i wouldnt stop myself from going away even if i had a significant other and i wanna stay true to that but it doesn’t mean it wont hurt...i know we’ll last for very long tho so this is just a few months out of many many more and we can withstand it for sure!

so that was a rly big post!!! had fun writing this and im excited to see what’ll happen! i should know if i’m approved in around march, so i’ll probably not update this blog a lot until then... can’t wait to be able to update it with lotsa good news, hopefully!

-camille

[i-amusemyself]

All the stationary.

Ahhhh ty!!! I can’t tell if you wanna know that much bc you gaf or not though.....

Paranoia aside imma overshare either way!! *finger guns*

gel pen: when are you most comfortable?

I mean, I have anxiety so that just doesn’t happen much lmao! My first thought though was when I visit my favourite place, a little corner of a field with amazing views where I’m always on my own. I love it there.

ballpoint pen: tell me about the day you’ve just had

The day I’ve had was hell, so I’d rather relive yesterday.

Yesterday I woke up and binge watched supernatural; actually remembered to eat for once then was actually motivated enough to do revision. I got into hysterics over a tumblr post so quickly decided it was a day I should be avoiding hella emotional stuff....10 minutes later I was watching the last ever episode of prison break and sobbing uncontrollably at every word. In the afternoon I went out but not before losing my phone which was exactly where I left it. By that point though I was so late I had to speed walk at least 2 miles to the next village, where of course my friend arrived flanked by two pretty decent looking guys. I honestly looked like a tomato with water retention issues at that point so I’m sure that was a fabulous first impression. Then we got over to our revision session at the library early so went to the pub instead which was a dream; didn’t get any alcohol though because you can’t revise biology while hammered. Believe me. Then I stayed up late enough to get my ass whooped last night but it was so worth it because even though it turned into some sort of snapchat contest, I was laughing my ass off the whole time it was amazing. 

That enough of a day for you?fineliner: what’s your greatest achievement?

I used to train with the england basketball team, and I played for East Midlands. That was a pretty cool experience.highlighter: what are your best qualities?

Jfc, plural? Idk! I’m pretty motivated? And I always make an effort to tell the truth (if its good, otherwise I keep my mouth shut).

greylead: what is something you want to try for the first time?

Being attractive. Being loved. Need I go on? Oh and also giant zip-lining.felt-tip: describe your aesthetic

My bedroom looks like an ikea showroom lmfaooo so whatever that is. Weird architecture and cacti and random objects in neat little storage places.

But equally like, overgrown graveyards mixed with roses and anything black. Depends on my mood.crayon: your earliest childhood memory

Treading on a bee and having to have the sting removed from my foot lmao

scrapbook: something from your childhood that makes you smile

............um??

Okay there was this one time we found an old camera in the loft. I must’ve been 3 since my dad was still there. Anyway we all went out in the garden and it was such a normal little family thing, but it’s the only time I ever remember that happening. It’s got my parents waving and looking happy and me sticking my head out from inside a little wendy house grinning and it’s so cute. It’s the sort of thing I wish I’d had more of.

sketching pad: describe yourself from a stranger’s point of view

A lanky thing approaches. It has a stereotypical lesbian haircut, bad eyesight and appears to have given up on all things fashionable. It’s shy and awkward, so makes you feel extremely uncomfortable too. It appears to be reasonably friendly, but occasionally says things that don’t make a single bit of sense before desperately looking around the room looking for more small talk inspiration. You’re overall impression is it’s a pretty boring human being, probably totally harmless, but would be incredibly easy to replace.notebook: what’s your favourite quote?

I have a couple of little quotes I remind myself of on a daily basis, ranging from song lyrics; “darling you’ll be okay” and “the sun will rise and we will try again” to “pick your fights” and “you gotta give a bit of yourself to get something in return”. I kinda live my life by those.paper: what kind of book would you write?

I have absolutely no idea! I can’t see myself ever having the motivation to write a book.stapler: out of all the people you know, who do you think you are closest to?

My best friend @only-slightly-dangerous who literally knows me so well it’s scary! She can literally message me out of knowhere and know from 3000 miles away if I’m in pain.glue stick: what do you look for in a lasting relationship/friendship?

I can’t be dealing with people that lie or are fake or whatever. So definitely honesty. Also people just being themselves and not being afraid to be weird or whatever, because that’s when I relax a bit lmao! I guess a decent sense of humor too? And someone that doesn’t mind you asking questions or whatever. Idk. Sometimes you just click with people without being about to put it down to a specific characteristic.tape: tell me about your longest friendship

It wasn’t very long. 

I mean I had “friendships” through all of primary school but that doesn’t really feel like it counts. Secondary school? The first girl I made friends with and was really close to for 5 years is now like,,, someone I honestly can’t even stand to hear about soooruler: what line will you never cross?

I could never cheat. eraser: what do you consider to be your biggest mistake?

I’m not sure. Maybe not standing up for myself more at school and at home. There have been occasions where it would have been totally reasonable but I just shut up and let shit happen so I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up about that stuff.

Also, and I know I shouldn’t but, I still spend a lot of time thinking about a boy at our school who killed himself and I never knew him but I still wonder if I could have done anything.scissors: ever had a bad break-up?

Nothing hella nasty but I don’t really talk to any of my ex’s at all.calculator: list fifteen things that make you happy

Lmaooo I’ll do my best!! Okay so music; concerts; friends; seeing other people laughing; making people laugh; stand up comedy; hella good art; hearing people tell stories; sitting and listening in the middle of knowhere; thunderstorms; exploring; helping people; good food; the sound of rain on the roof; cuddling and tumblr.protractor: an unpopular opinion/angle you have on an issue

Pinapple is good on pizza.sticky note: something about yourself you’d like to change

I feel like I have no personality so like,,,I wish that could be better. I wish I was pretty. Or attractive or whatever. Oh and I wish I could sing those hella high notes because I feel sorry for the neighbours atm.stamp: a date that’s special for you and why

25th March because that’s the day my life changed just enough for me to carry on.bookmark: a book that means a lot to you and why

I always just say Numbers, but honestly it was the first ever book I cried at and I feel like it helped me understand the world a little more.folder: describe your family

How long do you have? I mean, it’s quite a small family but I’m not that close to any of them. Most of them are just pretty conservative living in little nuclear families. I didn’t used to get on too well with my dad but we’ve got a lot closer. I still don’t get on with my mum very well though bc she’s abusive. welp. whiteboard: tell me your plans for tomorrow

I’m gonna die a slow, painful death by revision and then recover when I go to my dad’s and walk Borris.blackboard: tell me about a memory that has affected who you are today

All those memories are locked away in a place I can’t get to and I think it’s best to keep it that way for now.

A low key one is probably when a friend once told me nobody cared about me or what I had to say and I’ve basically been mute in most social situations since XDpinboard: what are you focusing on in your life right now?

Exams. A level exams. Just one more month and I’m freeeee!!!tablet: tell me your plans for the future

Start a fresh life at uni and get this degree. Then who knows? I’ll probably go and get another degree and I’m pretty sure I’ll end up doing medicine.stencil: who are your role models?

I don’t have very many. Kaitlyn Alexander for sure, because they really helped me understand who I am and start to accept it. Also Luke Cutforth because I love his YouTube channel but also a lot of things he’s done related to mental health have been helpful and I relate a lot.envelope: tell me a secret

I’m going to my end of year prom in a shirt and tie and I haven’t told anyone yet and I’m scared shitless. I’m still gonna do it though!!

[icespyders]

Share ten facts about yourself, then send this to your ten favourite followers (❁´◡`❁)*✲ﾟ*

1. i cut my hair recently and i’m still trying to figure out how to like. make it look how i want it to…it’s a struggle. the hair stylist left my bangs too long so i have to pin them back sometimes

2. i love soundtracks! all that video game/movie/anime background music, hell yes. with haikyuu i’ve gotten good enough that i can sometimes identify songs while watching episodes and i’m trying to learn how to recognize the same melodies in different songs so i can analyze the ~deeper meaning~ of repeated motifs and stuff. (i finally listened to the s3 ost!!! fuck!!!! im so emo abt it) i also really like the portal 2 OST

3. i collect manga volumes (which is the same as “collecting” any other kind of books, but i’m just very determined to have every volume of a manga, moreso than with other books). i have most of death note & i get gsnk and haikyuu whenever they come out now that they’re being translated. i have a couple japanese haikyuu volumes too that i got before the english translation was announced. god i was waiting so long for that announcement i needed these books…they’re wonderful…but i’m already having the problem of “wait where the fuck am i gonna put all these books” bc my shelves are full ughhhh i need to put up an entirely new shelf for the 30 haikyuu volumes i will eventually have lmfao

(side note, i really like the haikyuu translation so far! on the whole it’s really good and i’m learning all this volleyball slang lmao. of course i have my quibbles but in the grand scheme of things it’s a great translation)

4. i’m pretty much always listening to music when i’m out and about in the city by myself. ppl tell me it’s not super safe and i should be more vigilant, but all the bustling city noises make me nervous so it’s better this way.

5. cheez-its are my go-to emergency snack food. i’ve survived entire school days on the power of cheez-its alone.

6. i keep lots of notes for everything i write. the memo app on my phone is full of snippets of poetry stanzas to develop later and editing notes for fics and i keep a ton of documents on my computer for outlining and putting down ideas. i keep longhand notes sometimes too. it helps me organize what i want to do, but it’s also fun to just bullshit ideas and scream at myself in notes.

7. i’m okay at sewing but very out of practice since i haven’t been thinking about cosplay for a while. but i can darn up my socks and stitch stuff together and that’s fairly useful. i can’t use a sewing machine, everything i do is by hand

8. i dyed my hair black for a year - it’s usually dark blonde. i’m really pale so it looked extremely dramatic lmao. eventually i got tired of the maintenance so i let it grow out, and i only cut off the last of the dye with my last haircut. for a while i was rocking the reverse-ombre look, ppl thought it was on purpose for a bit

9. i bite my nails. it’s a terrible habit, honestly, but i don’t like the feeling of having my nails too long so that’s mostly why i do it. putting on nail polish doesn’t help much bc then i just pick off the nail polish

10. i’m good at memorizing useless bullshit, like song lyrics and trivia about stuff i like and all the details of the things i write. i am less good at remembering important things and often get very paranoid i misremember really significant stuff, like, i worry i’m calling someone by the wrong name esp online where it’s easier to mix that up. i don’t think i’ve ever actually misremembered something like that but that doesn’t keep me from worrying.

[zxanthe]

tagged by @alliope and @raythebrutallyhonestguy

got tagged twice so treating u guys to like a billion questions i guess

1. What kind of music do you listen to?

pretty much everything except modern country and gangster rap

2. Do you prefer to keep your living space neat and tidy or do you like a certain amount of mess?

neat and tidy, because that way i can fuckin find everything. also it looks nice and makes me feel like i have a modicum of control over my life ahaha

3. What was the first ship you remember really shipping?

oh god. oh man. oh god. fuckin leafpool and crowfeather from warrior cats. god. i was in Deep man. it was awful

4. Do you have a certain show or book series that holds a lot of nostalgic value for you? If so, what was it?

sssIIIIIGGGGHHHH...warrior cats definitely because it was probably my first Real Fandom...also teen titans, and soul eater weirdly, because it was baby’s first ever animu

5. What is your favorite type of food?

spicy

6. Was there ever a fad or activity from your childhood that you could never understand or get into?

literally everything. little zxanthe wanted to keep up with the trends and stuff because Everyone Else Was Doing/Wearing Them, but it was entirely too much effort and frankly rather silly and so after like fifth grade i pretty much just quit caring

7. What’s your favorite time of day?

mmmMMMM...i like dawn, when nobody’s awake yet and it’s like the world is holding its breath and it’s like u are all by yourself

8. What’s your favorite type flower and why?

fuck dude i dunno...they’re all beautiful and amazing. but imma say SUCCULENTS even though THEYRE NOT FLOWERS bc they don’t die if u don’t water them for a few days

9. (Stealing this one from Sora) What’s your favorite cliché/trope in fiction?

i’m weak for childhood friends to lovers ;_;

10. Did/do you do any extracurricular activities when you were in school and what were they?

oh god ok so in middle school i did All The Sports and i was solidly mediocre. i think in 8th grade i managed to graduate from c team to b team. noteworthy accomplishments include finally managing to whack the stupid volleyball over the net, thus winning the game, and also outrunning literally everyone on the basketball team. my skinny ass was fast. made it really easy 2 run away from my problems. i also got like 3rd place at the district track meet for...geez i think it was the 400 m dash. i did the 400 m my eighth grade year and the 800 m my seventh grade year. i was good at high jump in 7th grade but not so much in 8th ahaha

uhh...in elementary i did drama club. i took piano lessons and guitar lessons. when i got to middle school i learned the clarinet and in 8th grade joined the high school band, since my school was small as hell. and then i basically grew into a giant band geek. i kicked ass at solo and ensemble competitions. god i miss band. i had so much fun. i also did one act play in high school. that was also hells of fun, and something i will miss very much. and uil academics. i always did great in the spelling competition but good lord it was so much studying; lowkey glad that’s over with.

11. What’s your favorite piece of work that you’ve ever created and what about it do you love so much?

s i g h...that is a really hard question. my fic synthesis comes to mind, because it’s my first and so far only completed longfic; however theres a lot abt it i’d change. probably one of my favorite pieces that comes to mind is this shitty little untitled oneshot buried on my hard drive featuring soul and maka. it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but i like the dialogue and atmosphere of it.

---

1. What’s your fave music genre?

that is a really hard question so i guess i’ll just say rock?? lotta good subgenres in that one

2. What’s your fave song?

i’ve had bodysnatchers playing on loop in my brain for the past week

3. What’s your fave movie/tv show/anime?

samurai champloo’s pretty good

4. What’s your fave tv show/anime/movie genre?

science fiction ftw

5. What’s your fave videogame genre?

ROBOTS

6. What’s your fave videogame?

inside was pretty great

7. What’s your fave kind of food?

SPICY

8. What’s your fave dish?

anything wrapped in a tortilla and fried

9. What’s the thing you do best?

procrastinate

10. What’s the thing you do worst?

be human

11. What’s going on?

tumblr is the literal worst and won’t let me put a pic of he-man here :/

bluh blorp here’s some qs 4 yall

1. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

2. Are you reliable?

3. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

4. Do you hold grudges?

5. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

6. Are you a good liar?

7. How long could you go without talking?

8. What has been you worst haircut/style?

9. What do you like on your toast?

10. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

tagging uhhh @toooceanblue​, @a-ffection​, @skadventuretime​ and whoever else wants to do this thing