#but also v fucking funny to think of how ryan is always like 'i want an heir . someone to continue my legacy '

[ofplanetsloved]

mandatory lil 3.8 thoughts

whewwwww. we made it.

i went into the episode thinking. someone. someone is gonna die. one of the big ones. and about. two minutes before he did. i went, “i don’t think black noir is making it” and. fuck. is it good storytelling? i think maybe. Maybe. was i sad? absolutely i cried. bc while he was team homelander, he wanted revenge against the racist fuck who broke his face. and i wanted him to get that. the fight would have gone entirely differently if he had been there (and that’s definitely something i’m interesting in writing/plotting).

i was not expecting maeve to live. but ashley deleting the file was... really nice, actually. i did not expect any empathy from her, who left her assistant to die. to see empathy from her was shocking in a way that i’m really compelled.

as of right now, i don’t give a fuck about victoria neumann. i think it’s funny that jim beaver is playing robert singer again. and sure, i guess this sets up next season, but i care more about ryan.

ryan. hoooo. at first i thought him being there was really fucking dumb. and him being the reason that homelander walks away was kind of... anticlimactic? but this is only season three so . i didn’t think that butcher or homelander would die. i mean, fuck, they didn’t even kill soldier boy.

however. ryan at the end. that shit was compelling. that little smile. seeing how power can corrupt at such a young age.

the todd arc was really well done— like, it wasn’t subtle. he was clearly becoming a neonazi. they didn’t try to hide that. but that moment with his cheer... whoa.

maeve and hughie’s friendship is so much to me.

kimiko my fucking wife. listen to your 80s music and kick ass for comrade frenchie.

a-train and deep... i’m curious to see what’s next for them. cassandra clearly has her moment in the spotlight, but also... her name’s cassandra. i don’t imagine people are going to believe her, you know? or maybe i’m just a mythic bitch. and a-train... i’ve always liked a-train as a character. he does do what he thinks is the right thing. it just. it just doesn’t work.

okay. so. starlight is my wife. she’s perfect. she’s everything to me. we know this. i’m so happy she got her ‘i FUCKING told you so’ and her moment with maeve at the end made me cry but. to me, she’s the protagonist. her and hughie. the very first episode sets them up at the protagonists, to me, with butcher as thee antihero and homelander as the antagonist (and a-train and deep as secondary antagonists, one against hughie and one against starlight). and it felt full circle when she got to hit soldier boy. i wish it was more effective, but i was so stunned. she could FLY!!!

and, the hughie arc’s full circle moment!!! he could have taken the V and run in and tried to protect her, and save her, and he would have died and she would have been PISSED.

instead, he’s able to help her by being human. by being safe. by working with fucking electronics (AND HE WORKED AT THE ELECTRONICS STORE!!! IM INSANE!!) . he doesn’t save her. he helps her save herself.

i don’t think this is the end of soldier boy. they can easily bring him back if they want. here’s how gay sex jackles can still win.

oh. i will say. the maeve and sb falling moment looked like a shitty marvel moment.

who will be the new members of the seven. btw. cause they got three bitches to replace!!!

if there’s one thing kripke loves doing, its giving his characters daddy issues, baby brothers to protect, an insane need for revenge, and a year to live.

TLDR: I enjoyed the episode, i really think all these characters are so fleshed out, but i wish they didn’t simply set up black noir’s character with the intention of killing him. they only started exploring and revealing his character to us this season so we’d feel something at his death (like how we didn’t feel that much for translucent bc we didn’t know him, if that makes sense?). which is kind of bullshit. but i love starlight so fucking much i could cry.

[wrestlezon]

aew rampage 9/30/22 liveblog containment zone

dawdled too long picking out grocery store sushi so im like a full 20 minutes late. livebloggin for reals this time tho i got iced tea and everything im amped

acclaimed vs butcher and the blade vs private party

nooo so mean to butcher and the blade dont diss them and their band ;o; us watching caster hold his leg up for the tag team move: lmao?? very excited to see the acclaimed have a new special move: dick and ball destruction its supposed to be a scissor thing but still lmao its nice seeing private party and the butcher/blade wrestle again their little back and forth was pretty cool

backstage with the firm

the gunn club are being sassy backstage. mean to ftr etc etc oh theyre gunnin for the acclaimed huh! we want mjf to interact with max caster soooo bad but

backstage with jade

oh shes so mad. jade on fire oh no its vickie...... oh!!! nyla vs jade!!

lee moriarty vs fuego del sol

dark moriarty is here lmao fuego also has a dark mask. dark fuego its been a while since ive seen fuego. im a fan of the luchas. i also like fuego because he is a silly jobber guy

backstage with hangman and dark order

uno and 10's new masks... i dunno if i like them LMAO maybe i just need to get used to them. they are spookier than their usual ones thats for sure oh no andrade is here causing trouble again. a 10 vs andrade match, mask vs leave-aew-forever? i guess we're gonna see 10's hot face on tv now seriously. he is pretty cute if youve seen him on the wrestlevlogs the firm being catty gossips!! causing trouble! i love ethan page and im glad hes causing trouble with stokely now instead of... dan lambert seriously. what a huge upgrade.

help this ep is moving too fast i cant liveblog it well enough. the iced tea isnt enough. though its probably because im skipping the commercial breaks. thats valuable typing time im missing out on

willow nightingale vs jamie hayter

oh HECK yes now this is the match i was waiting for willow :)c whoaaa jamie hayter's outfit looks soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good omgggg GIRL YESSS FIGHTTT VIOLENCE why are they not giving willow nightingale all the contract money >:( i hope it is just because wlilow doesnt want a contract and not the other way around. you never know whats goin on behind da scenes AOUGHGHHH NO!!! NOT THE RAMPAGE COMMERCIAL JUMPSCARE DURING THE JAMIE/WILLOW MATCH!!! anyway im enjoying this match. i think theyre gonna make hayter win to push her which sucks because i really like willow ;o; dont make willow job all the time!!!! noooo willow lost... it makes sense.........

warjoe video promo

warjoe is a pretty cute tag team name tbh! also man how cool must it be for wardlow to be tagging with the legend samoa joe.......

in ring promo with ryan nemeth

"not from Philadelphia" LMAO his titlecard tagline hook is here to save us from ryan nemeth heel actions murdered oh! the trust busters are here... are they trying to recruit hook... no way

swerve video promo

its kind of funny/weird how everyone is like "swerve is really really mad about that whole acclaimed thing guys" meanwhile not a primary source in sight, not a word or even a v/o from swerve like true he IS too busy doing cool guy stuff and its not like theyre gonna send a video/audio team off da clock but still

moxley/hangman video promo

:)c yay!! cut a promo against each other LMFAO THE END... "hangman youre in moxley's hometown btw" "aw fuck"

prematch promo with the dark order vs andrade

john silver: "yall are kinda obsessed with 10 lately and its p. creepy btw." that means a lot coming from john silver of the dark order. theyre experts on being creepy perverts alex reynolds and john silver rule. i love the dark order

(upcoming match announcements)

yay!! mjf vs yuta! ohhh!! toni athena willow vs britt baker serena ohhh!! pac vs trent!!!!!!!! TRENT PROMO!!! "and when you hurt one of our friends, we gonna hurt you. we do it legally though. because we're nice boys" the best friends should always be doing promos. rip to the aew editing team but its true and should be happening

john silver vs rush

big fan of john silver the meat man. i hope he wins against rush having him lose and then 10 lose back to back would make me Quite Cross >:( (i mean... theres no way they kick andrade out of aew...) little doc sampson makin sure everything is up to order as rush beats up john silver in front of him tussling around the timekeeper's table nooo!! trashcan move!!! hey if youre gonna do a "the refs need to be more STRICT about THINGS" bit just to get eddie kingston a results-reversal at least be consistent!!! though im pretty sure remsburg is the most lenient of the refs... noooo! john silver lost!!!! im getting preemptively mad!!

i literally did not recognize evil uno in a hoodie. the new mask and him not having his trademark outfit on threw me so off. "who is this yet unknown member of the dark order" i thought hangman!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hes defending his friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH I JUST REALIZED WHY EVIL UNO AND 10's NEW MASKS THROW ME OFF evil uno's has a half-color split (like 10 used to have) and 10's now does not i do like 10s mask style (i think the slade look is better than what he had before) buttttttt this throws me off maybe thats why i dont like their new masks... hmm

[topperthornton]

the way i loved you

a/n: whaaaaat? lily is writing again? you better believe it! i kinda want to do a taylor swift/obx song series?? so if you guys have any requests for a song and a character, pls hmu! this is also v unedited so please do not @ me for how bad this is. also that gif? his arms? ohohohoh i sure am thinking unholy thoughts tonight, ladies and germs.

word count: 1.8k

warning: HELLA angst, fluffly flashbacks

On paper, Dalton is perfect for you.

He’s incredibly sweet, he’s sensible, he gets along with your family, all your friends love him. When you first met, you had only been single for a couple of weeks and at first you weren’t interested at all but Sarah kept reminding you that you couldn’t keep wallowing about your breakup forever so you finally agreed to go out with him.

The date went really well, actually. You two got along great, you listened to the same music and had the same favorite ice cream flavor, along with the same favorite soda. You had a lot in common, it was scary. Really, he was a complete gentleman and you couldn’t ask for anything better.

So yeah, on paper, Dalton is perfect for you. But this is the real world.

When he kisses you, you don’t even feel a spark. You used to feel fireworks and would feel like you would get hit by a train when JJ kissed you.

JJ Maybank.

That son of a bitch ruined you.

You two were so happy together. It was all new, still the honeymoon phase some would say. Sure, you had your fights, but for every fight there would be that time he would make up for it. Like that time you got caught in the rain.

Running back from the beach, you grabbed everything you had packed for the picnic. You felt like crying, you had planned the perfect date between you and JJ. A sweet picnic on the beach where you could go surfing and watch the sunset. But of course, nature had other plans for you.

“Why the long face, baby?” JJ asked as you finally slid into the van next to him.

“Why do you think?” you snap. He holds his hands up in defense and you sigh. “I was just... I was so excited for this date. I spent days planning it and now it’s ruined because of the stupid fucking rain.”

“Who says it’s ruined?” he asks. You give him a look.

“Well you can’t exactly eat outside while it’s raining, I’m pretty sure our food would get too soggy,” you tease him, finally causing a slight smile to erupt on your face.

“Not what I meant!” JJ yells at you as he swings open the van door and runs out into the pouring rain.

“JJ! What the hell are you doing?!” you yell after him, still sitting inside the dry car. He runs back up to you and grabs your hands.

“Come on, if Rachel and Ryan can do it, so can we. Let’s make this a memory we won’t ever forget,” his eyes seem to sparkle and you smile again, taking his hand and running out into the rain. You both laugh as you splash in the puddles, he also spins you around like a proper dancer.

“Okay you’re right, this isn’t so bad,” you say to him, barely able to see him through the rain.

“Come here, baby,” JJ grabs your hand and pulls you close to his chest, immediately kissing you once you get close enough. You smile into the kiss and place your hands on the sides of his neck.

“You’re such a softie,” you tease him after he pulls away.

“Don’t tell anyone I did that,” he shrugs, still holding you close. “Besides, I only wanted you out in the rain since you are wearing a white shirt.”

“JJ!”

“Y/N?” a voice asks, breaking you from your daydream of a memory.

“Huh?” you ask, returning back to reality. You meet Dalton’s gaze, his eyes filled with worry as his thumb rubs the back of your hand.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he asks you.

“I’m not sure I have any of those,” you reply as you look back into the distance.

“A penny or thoughts?” Dalton asks.

“Both,” you reply, causing him to laugh. He always laughed at your jokes, every single one. Even the ones that weren’t funny or only funny to you, he always managed to laugh so loud.

Really, he was so perfect, but your heart just wasn’t with him.

------

“How are things with Dalton?” Kiara asks as you both roll out your sleeping bags onto the floor. You sigh, not wanting to talk about this. The mere mention of his name making you want to curl up.

“He’s nice,” you say dryly, avoiding eye contact. Even without looking at her, you can tell she’s looking at you unimpressed.

“What’s wrong?” she asks. You shrug, climbing into your sleeping bag and pulling the covers up to your chin.

“What makes you think something is wrong?”

“‘He’s nice’ is something you say about a new teacher, not your boyfriend who’s totally in love with you,” Kiara explains as she lays down and props herself up onto her elbow. “What’s gotten into you? When you were with JJ you were bouncing off the walls talking about him.”

And there it was.

Your breath suddenly leaves your chest and feels like the wind is knocked out of you. You don’t wanna talk about him, you swear you don’t wanna talk about him. Even thinking about him is making your eyes misty.

“I’m just tired, okay?” you ask, looking at your phone and checking the time. Two am, later then you thought. “Can we just turn off the lights and go to sleep?”

You turn around so you’re not facing Kiara anymore but you hear her sigh from behind you. You shut your eyes tight to prevent any tears escaping.

Curse you, JJ Maybank.

-------

It had been a couple weeks since you had started dating Dalton when he had accidentally run in to your parents. He was walking you to your front door, giving you a kiss on the cheek goodnight when the front door swung open and your dad was standing there.

Dalton, of course, was perfect in this situation, whereas you were not happy. You did not want your parents to meet him just yet, no matter how much they loved him. You weren’t even sure you wanted him to meet your parents at all.

He ended up being great, though. He talked business with your father and made your mother laugh with his useless jokes. Meanwhile, you sat on the couch with your elbow propped up on the arm with your head in your hand as you began to think back to when they had met JJ.

“They’re not gonna like me,” JJ had stated as a fact as you guys walked towards your house, one hand clutching the flowers he had picked so tightly you were sure they were going to die before you even made it to the front door.

“J,” you sped up a little so you could stand in front of him and grab his face in your hands, forcing his blue eyes to look into yours. “They already love you.”

“They don’t even know me,” he sighed, looking down at the ground.

“Doesn’t matter. I talk about you enough for them to know that you make me happy and that’s enough,” you tried to smile at him to ease his nerves. That sentence made him smirk.

“Oh so you talk about me?” he laughed a little. You nodded your head, returning to his side as you grabbed his free hand and swung it between the two of you.

“Oh yeah, all the time,” you shrugged your shoulders.

“Wow, I talk about you too. Maybe we should date or something?” he joked. That made you laugh before shoving his shoulder with your own in a joking matter.

----------

While you and Dalton had been together for a few months now, it wasn’t getting any more serious. It just wasn’t love, as cliche as it sounds.

Dalton began to pick up on this, too, when he had noticed you saying you were too busy to hang out or zoning out in the middle of your dates more and more. It wasn’t hard to pick up on, all the pogues noticed how you didn’t want to talk about him or would change the subject when he was asked.

That is, all but one.

JJ had never asked about your relationship, not since he heard you were seeing someone else. In fact, JJ had never even asked about you since it was two in the morning while you yelled at each other, resulting in your breakup.

Fact is, JJ didn’t ask about you because he simply did not want to know.

He didn’t want to know how Dalton made you laugh, he didn’t want to know about all the dates he took you on, he didn’t want to know about how all your friends adored him, he didn’t want to know how someone else made you happy.

It was his own fault for the breakup, really. Things were getting more and more serious, you had even admitted you loved him, when he got scared and ended things without thinking. Ever since then, he had been beating himself up about hurting you and letting you go.

It was stupid, really. But JJ really thought he was incapable of being loved, as his own parents didn’t even love him. So when those three words left your lips, he thought all he was going to do was hold you back in life. You had wings, you were going to soar to great places while he was rooted to the sandy shores of the Outer Banks. And that killed him.

-------

“I think we should break up,” you almost didn’t hear it, as you were having another one of your zone outs. But when you looked over at Dalton, you could tell he had said it and he was being completely serious.

“Why?” was all you could manage to get out.

“I can just tell you’re not into it. And that’s okay. I’d rather have you happy without me then not at all,” Dalton shrugged a bit. Your heart began to sank, feeling terrible for hurting this sweet man who did nothing but adore you while you abandoned him.

“I’m sorry,” you let out, almost in a whisper. Dalton shrugged again, leaning in and kissing your cheek. Your eyes began to well up as his skin made contact with yours.

But that’s when your phone rang.

Both you and Dalton looked down at the phone in your hands, seeing JJ’s contact picture appear. And although his contact name was “Do NOT Answer” the picture was one of your favorites that you had taken of him while at the beach date that was ruined by the rain.

“Do me a favor?” Dalton asked. You looked up at him with cloudy vision. “Pick that up, please.”

You pursed your lips together and nodded your head. He smiled at you one last time before walking away from you. You took in a deep breath before clicking answer and lifting your phone to your ear.

“Hey, JJ.”

-----------

A/N: so i kinda hate this ending? but this has been sitting in my drafts for MONTHS and i decided i wanted to get this out here before season two aired. so here you go. pls let me know what you guys thing!

taglist: @taylathornton @rafecameron​

[nugnthopkns]

dance me to the end of love (v)

word count: 4.6k

warnings: fem!oc, cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of poor parenting and damaged familial relationships

series masterpost: here

a/n: and just like that we're halfway through!!! it's crazy to think about it. however, lots happens in this chapter so buckle up peeps

Soon Magdalene’s feelings are going to get the better of her.

She knows she’s heading down a dangerous path but she can’t help it. Ryan is like a drug she can’t get enough of even though she knows it will hurt her in the long run. Living with him has opened her up to the laid back, intelligent, incredibly funny man he is and Magdalene doesn’t know how she’s ever going to function in her own space ever again. They complement each other like two peas in a pod, and everyone else is starting to catch on to the shift in their relationship.

“When are you going to fess up to Ryan about your feelings?” Bette asks as the two of them sit on the lawn across from the university library. It’s mid October, but the weather is still warm enough that Magdalene eats her lunch outside. Her best friend decided to join her today, no doubt knowing that she’s feeling a little lonely. The Avalanche are in the middle of their season opening road trip and have been gone for nearly five days. Ryan’s condo feels empty without him in it, and Magdalene misses him an unfathomable amount.

“Never, if I can help it,” she replies casually, taking a bite of the turkey wrap that Bette brought her from Barn Owl.

The blonde scoffs. “Fuck off. You have to. What are you going to do when he gets back from Florida and you tackle him as soon as he steps through the door.”

“Caligula will get there first,” Magdalene shrugs. “Those two are thick as thieves.”

Truthfully, Magdalene wasn’t sure what she was going to do. This is the longest they’ve been separated since she moved in and it’s proving to be a harder adjustment than she thought. Magdalene feels a little silly missing him so much – she went nearly twenty-six years without knowing Ryan but now he’s imprinted on her soul for the rest of eternity. Living without him seems impossible.

Bette drops the conversation then, almost as if she knows Magdalene is in her own world thinking about what to do. She mentions the upcoming home opener and her plans to attend with a couple of the other wives and girlfriends. “We’re going out beforehand and you should join us! I really think you’d like most of them.”

The bell in the clock tower rings, signalling the start of another hour, and Magdalene promises she’ll consider the offer as they pack up the picnic and say goodbye. It’s a short walk back to the building she works in, seeing as they were only across the street, but it takes a while for the elevator to come around. Magdalene could have taken the stairs down to the basement but they scare her a lot more than she’d like to admit. Hopefully June won’t mind her being a few minutes late.

Her boss doesn’t look too pleased when Magdalene strolls through the door almost seven minutes later then she should have, but as soon as she tosses the cookie Bette brought her in June’s direction all is forgiven. They work in near silence all afternoon, background noise provided by the small stereo in the corner and their respective grunts of frustration when an image doesn’t digitize properly. The university has finally decided to undertake the massive project of making all their school records available to the public online, and Magdalene and June are in charge of getting all the files ready before sending them to IT for installation into the website. It’s a huge task and is going to take them the better part of a month and a half to finish. Magdalene spends the rest of her work day finishing up a box of graduation records from the 1870s and leaves smelling of very old paper.

On the drive home she considers the invitation Bette extended to her. Magdalene knows she’ll be attending the game, having promised Ryan before he left that she’d be there, but she doesn’t know how to feel about going out for dinner and drink beforehand – especially with people so involved with the team. She isn’t like them, in nearly every sense of the phrase, and doesn’t want people to get the wrong idea. It wouldn’t be fair to Ryan for people to assume they’re together in case he ever does want to bring someone around, but Magdalene can’t help thinking that the speculation wouldn’t hurt. Perhaps it would be the clue that shows him how she feels.

The invite stays in the back of her brain while she heats up leftovers and eats quickly, knowing that Ryan will call soon. He’s like clockwork with his precise game day routine, and he always calls shortly after four o’clock when out east. Magdalene’s phone buzzes from the spot beside her on the couch and she quickly scoops it up and accepts the call.

“Hey,” she says, a little breathless because she’s so excited to talk to him.

“Hey yourself. How was work?” Magdalene can tell Ryan’s got a smile on his face even though she can’t see him. She indulges the question, telling him all about the stuff she digitized and what’s next. Though she always tries to get out of talking about work, fearing it will bore the daylights out of him, Ryan insists on hearing every detail Magdalene wants to share. He finds it all fascinating and tells her so every chance he gets. During her monologue Caligula wanders over and becomes extremely invested after he hears Ryan laugh at something Magdalene said. The small white cat jumps onto Magdalene’s lap and tries to paw the phone away from her ear.

“Hold on, I’m putting you on speaker. Little boots would like to talk.”

At the sound of Ryan’s greeting, Caligula starts meowing up a storm. It’s as though he’s actually holding a conversation with the man, waiting for Ryan to say something before he continues to make noise. Magdalene laughs through what could barely classify as a conversation until the cat gives her space to talk again.

“So,” she says, drawing out the word in an attempt to make Ryan laugh. “Bette asked me to join her and some of the other girls for drinks before Friday’s game.”

Ryan’s responding before Magdalene has finished uttering the last words. “That’s great! I think you should go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he says sheepishly, “It would be nice for you to know someone other than Bette.”

Magdalene is surprised at the response, but tries her hardest to keep her tone light and teasing. “Why, you plan on keeping me around Mr. Graves?” She can tell Ryan is struggling to come up with an answer because there’s a fair amount of sputtering on the other end of the line.

“I’d be stupid to let you go.”

All the breath in Magdalene’s lungs escapes her. She didn’t expect him to say something like that, and it sends her mind reeling. What does he mean? Unable to process the comment, Magdalene makes up an excuse and hangs up as quickly as possible. She spends the rest of the night wondering if Ryan was trying to make a move and deciding how she should handle his homecoming in a few days.

☼☼☼☼

When Ryan gets home Thursday morning Magdalene is at work. Caligula is happy to see him, practically pouncing on him and purring so loud Ryan’s sure the neighbours heard the cat. For an animal so small, Caligula can make a lot of noise if he wants.

“Hi boy,” Ryan coos, adjusting his grip on the cat so he doesn’t get dropped while the two of them move around the house. “Did your mom talk about me while I was gone? Been thinking about her a lot lately.”

The cat doesn’t respond, of course, but Ryan finds comfort in vocalizing his emotions. Multiple times on the road trip Tyson made fun of him for the silent pining he’s found himself participating in since Magdalene moved in, and hinted that she might have said something to Bette. Neither of them are great at keeping secrets, but Ryan also knows they want him and Magdalene to get together and aren’t above manipulation to achieve their goals. He doesn’t know how Magdalene actually feels, but Ryan isn’t willing to risk losing their friendship. Just a couple of months ago she sat on the deck of the lake house and told him she wasn’t looking for a relationship – he has to assume that’s still her position because if he doesn’t Ryan isn’t quite sure what he’ll unleash. Though the two of them are close, closer than most friends, Magdalene stills keeps a lot of things to herself and Ryan doesn’t want to pry. When, and if, she’s ready he knows she’ll come to him.

Exhausted from the countless hours of travel he’s endured over the past few days and the pains that come along with being a professional athlete, Ryan falls back onto the couch cushions. He hurts in places he didn’t know existed and wants to do nothing but sleep. Caligula settles into his stomach, purring contently, and though he knows he should unpack his gear, Ryan can’t find the energy to move himself or the cat. Everything will still be there when he wakes up, and hopefully Magdalene will be on her way home. She texted Ryan earlier in the morning, no doubt just before she headed out the door, to say that she was taking some holidays to have a long weekend and would be home around noon. Sleep comes easy with Caligula nestled against his body, and Ryan dreams of Magdalene as he frequently does.

☼☼☼☼

Despite Bette telling her countless times she shouldn’t be, Magdalene is nervous. The significant others of the Colorado Avalanche are a tight knit group and are very particular with who they let in. Magdalene is a nothing, has no true connections to the team besides being Tyson’s girlfriend’s best friend, and she’s worried she won’t make the cut. If it wasn’t for Bette picking her up in the morning Magdalene would have found a way to get out of drinks, but the blonde made sure she couldn’t make a run for it.

Sitting in the elevated booth, she not-so-casually sips her glass of wine while Bette tries to calm her down. “They’re going to hate me,” she groans, lowering her head to rest it on the table.

“Shut the fuck up,” Bette counters. “You literally know most of them, and Livy will be here if you get too uncomfortable, but most of them were at EJ’s back in May.”

Magdalene can’t argue with the truth, so she rolls her eyes and finishes her drink. By the time she flags down the waiter for a refill the other girls have arrived. They take turns hugging Bette and shuffling into their seats. Magdalene feels awkward with no one acknowledging her, but she does her best to buck up and deal with it. It means a lot to Bette, and Ryan, that she’s here trying to make friends so she’ll at least make an effort.

A blonde who looks a little older than the rest addresses her first. “I’m not sure if you remember me, but I’m Mel. I think we met last season at a game.”

It takes Magdalene a second to recall the face, but then she recognizes Mel as the person who alerted her to the fight Ryan got into to defend Tyson. “Oh yeah,” she chuckles, though it’s still got a nervous quality, “You’re the one who was yelling about Ryan’s fight.”

Everyone looks at her like Magdalene had confessed to seeing a ghost. “What’s the matter?”

“No one ever calls him that,” a petite girl with tight curls explains. “We all just call him Gravy.”

“Oh.”

Magdalene isn’t sure what the comment is supposed to mean, or if it even meant anything at all, but she does her best to push it aside because Livy is trying to catch up with her. The rest of the outing goes well – Magdalene keeps quiet until someone gives an inaccurate analogy about Rome and she has to correct them. It may make her seem stuck up, but she really hates when people spread misinformation. Everyone laughs, and after that it’s hard for Magdalene to stay silent. She talks about work and college, but when someone asks about home she shuts down. Bette notices the shift in her behaviour before Magdalene’s face has even dropped, and shifts the conversation in another direction. Soon it’s a respectable time to head to the arena and they all pay their tabs, Magdalene going first and then ducking out of the bar that became crowded while they were sitting down.

The fresh air feels good against her skin, and she takes the time alone to regulate her thoughts. There’s still several hours until she can return home and cry in the shower over the mention of her family so it’s important to present a calm facade. Bette comes out slightly ahead of the other girls and checks in with her friend, but Magdalene assures her she’s okay. It was a bit of a spook, but the other girls have no idea about how fucked up her familial situation is so Magdalene can’t hold it against them. The arena is a few blocks over, so the group walks towards it at a brisk pace. Magdalene’s mind is still churning from the bar when they step inside, so she peels off from the rest of the group. Warm ups are about to start and she knows that seeing Ryan will help to calm her down, at least until they can go home and she can sequester herself away from the rest of the world.

She finds a space against the glass and strains her eyes for her new favourite number. Ryan hasn’t made it out on the ice yet, but Tyson gives her a big wave when he skates past. It takes a few seconds, though it feels like years, but Ryan eventually steps out, all long limbs and hair and dazzling smile as his teammates give him big hi-fives. Magdalene doesn’t want to intrude but she needs to spend a few moments with him to feel completely present. When he skates by she waves shyly, and Ryan doubles back once he realizes who it is.

“There’s my favourite girl!” he shouts over the crowd, making sure Magdalene can hear.

The phrase brings a smile to her face, which in turn makes Ryan light up more. “Hi Ry,” she yells back. “I just wanted to come and say hi.”

Ryan’s heart warms at her words, but he knows that’s not the only reason. He’s lived with her long enough to know that something is bothering her but he isn’t going to push. There isn’t much time to have a conversation, so Ryan takes the time to make plans for after the game. “You riding home with me?”

Magdalene nods. “Yeah. Bette picked me up this morning so I didn’t drive.”

The loud sound of sticks clapping against the ice startles them both, and it’s Ryan’s teammate’s way of getting him to refocus. Magdalene says goodbye and before Ryan heads back to the bench he flips a puck over the glass for her. She smiles brightly, and watches him skate away. On her way up the stairs she hands it to a little girl wearing a much too big Graves jersey. It makes her night, and Magdalene returns to the private box she’s watching the game from feeling much lighter than when she entered the arena.

☼☼☼☼

Later, much later, after all of Ryan’s post game media and sitting through the traffic of downtown, Magdalene opens up about what was bothering her at the arena. The two of them are curled up in Ryan’s bed buried under a mass of blankets with several pillows strewn about. It’s become a frequent place for them to spend time, and every time they lay down Magdalene rests her head on Ryan’s chest and he keeps her in place with his arms wrapped tightly around her. Magdalene’s clutching his hoodie tighter than usual, her voice small as she speaks into the darkness of the room.

“I didn’t just want to say hi earlier.”

Ryan isn’t surprised by her confession, but wants to know what caused the surprise visit. “No? What was it?”

Magdalene lift head and shifts to face him, propping herself up with an open palm. “It’s kind of stupid,” she mumbles, feeling dumb for even bringing it up. Ryan doesn’t want to know the sob story that is her past life. “But it’s mostly okay now.”

“You don’t have to tell me, and I don’t want to push, but I think getting it off your chest will help,” he whispers, feeling like talking in a normal voice could startle the girl in front of him.

He’s right – Magdalene knows it. Telling someone the truth, as much of the truth as she can share, other than Bette would do her some good. Her therapist once said Magdalene needed to work on letting people in, and she figures there’s no one better than Ryan. “One of the girls asked me about home when we were getting drinks, and it’s just a really sore subject for me. I shut down and just needed to see you to ground myself.” Ryan goes to talk, but Magdalene continues. “No one really knows, but I left for Denver as soon as I graduated high school. My parents weren’t the greatest, and I suffered a lot emotionally at home. When I told them I was leaving, they told me never to come back and we haven’t spoken since. So yeah, that’s pretty much it. And I just needed to see you to remind myself that I’m okay without my family. You’re part of my family now, the one that really matters.”

Ryan is speechless. “Oh bug,” he sighs, heart hurting for all the pain Magdalene has experienced in her life. “I’m so sorry.” He wants to scream for her, maybe even break something, but all his anger dissipates when he looks down and sees her crying. Silently, Ryan wipes away the tears with the pad of his thumb and holds Magdalene until she stops trembling. They lay in silence for a while, sitting with the weight of the confession she just made. At some point Caligula shuffles in and finds a spot at Ryan’s side that isn’t occupied by Magdalene. The three of them feel like a little family, and it’s too good for Magdalene not to do something about.

“Can I kiss you?”

She’s never been so confident while asking a question. Magdalene knows he wants to kiss Ryan, has known for a while, and after baring her soul to him it seems like an appropriate time to take the plunge. They’ve never truly been just friends and everyone around them, including themselves, knows it.

“Mags,” Ryan says in a gentle yet stern voice, “I’m not gonna kiss you. You’ve just been very vulnerable with me, which I appreciate, and though I really really want to fucking kiss you I’m going to take advantage of you like that.”

If it were possible, Magdalene’s heart would expand so much it would be close to bursting. “I promise this is what I want and that I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. So please shut the fuck up and let me kiss you.”

She leans forward to connect their lips, and it feels like a fire has been ignited in her veins. Ryan is soft and gentle with the right amount of grit to make Magdalene weak in the knees. They move in tandem, giving and taking where necessary, and by the time they pull apart for air Magdalene thinks she’ll never be able to kiss anyone other than Ryan. When he looks at her, eyes kind and glimmering with light, Magdalene is certain kissing other people is off the table.

Neither of them make an effort to talk about what just happened or what it means. Instead, Magdalene kisses him again, and again, and keeps going until she’s completely out of breath. There’s no protest from Ryan, and he looks as blissful as Magdalene feels. She rests her head on his chest again and he cards his fingers through her hair as they sit in the comfortable silence that surrounds them.

☼☼☼☼

Magdalene keeps kissing Ryan, and he keeps kissing her. It’s always in the safety of his apartment, oftentimes with Caligula in the way, but wholesome and loving and warm. They haven’t defined their relationship, and truthfully Magdalene is glad. She likes being friends with Ryan and doesn’t know how the added pressures of dating would affect them – though she might like kissing him more than just being friends.

It becomes routine for either of them to reach for a kiss before heading to the door. Magdalene gets one every time she leaves for work, and if she’s there before Ryan has to leave for games he’s pulled into her lips by his tie. It’s fun and it’s new and Magdalene never wants it to end. She keeps the secret for a couple weeks, but eventually it becomes too much to hold in and she tells Bette one Saturday when they meet for brunch at Barn Owl because the boys are away.

“I kissed Ryan.” It’s out of her mouth like a bullet, cutting through the air and ringing out. Bette is shocked, jaw dropping, only to open further when Magdalene corrects herself. “Been kissing Ryan, actually.”

“You’re fucking joking,” Bette laughs, still not one hundred percent sure Magdalene is being serious. When the brunette nods her head, she squeals in what can only be presumed as delight. “Shut up! Tell me everything!”

Magdalene indulges her friend, and spills every detail she’s willing to share. Part of her wants to keep a bit of her life with Ryan a secret so she does, but Bette is more than willing to work with the information given. She listens carefully while Magdalene talks and waits until there’s nothing more to say before diving into a long list of reasons why kissing Ryan is the best thing that’s ever happened to her friend. Magdalene isn’t sure that it’s great because Bette will always have someone to go to games with, but she is in agreement that it is one of the best choices she’s ever made. They spend the rest of the morning giggling like school girls over potential love and Magdalene heads back to Ryan’s place feeling light and airy.

☼☼☼☼

The first thing Ryan does when he comes home is kisses Magdalene. She’s sitting on the couch with Caligula on her lap reading a book, and he doesn’t even bother to drop his bags on the floor before leaning over the worn leather and connecting their lips. It feels heavenly after the days-long absence and Magdalene chases his lips when Ryan pulls away.

“I missed you.”

They’re three words that shouldn’t mean much, but coming from him they send Magdalene spiralling. He missed her? The girl who spends her days geeking out over old documents and talks to her cat? Regardless of how true the statement is she appreciates it, because Magdalene missed Ryan more than she could ever explain.

“How was the flight home?” she asks, twirling a lock of his hair around her index finger and pulling him down for another kiss. Ryan happily obliges, and kisses her until Caligula begins to meow for attention. The cat practically launches himself into Ryan’s arms as he rounds the corner to sit down next to Magdalene, and purrs loudly at being reunited with the tall man.

Ryan laughs at the animal’s antics before wrapping his spare arm around Magdalene and pulling her close. “It was fine. We hit a bit of turbulence that made it hard to sleep but I managed,” he replies, and reaches for the television remote. Magdalene hums in response, resting her head on Ryan’s shoulder and returning her attention to the book in her hands. It’s silent except for the low buzz of the television as Ryan reviews tape, but neither of them mind. Co-existing is enough for both of them, and it’s peaceful and easy. The occasional conversation occurs but they mostly do their own thing, enjoying the feeling of being together again. More than a few kisses are shared, and Magdalene eventually pries herself away from Ryan long enough to make dinner.

They stayed glued to each other until Magdalene falls asleep. Ryan doesn’t even notice when it happens, but eventually he tries to leave the couch to get a glass of water and finds dead weight on top of him in the shape of the girl he just might love. Magdalene’s snoring softly, and he’s positive there is nothing more adorable in the entire world. A glance at the clock on the wall alerts Ryan to the fact that he should go to bed too, and he begins to brainstorm how to get Magdalene into bed without waking her. She’s been exhausted lately, working extended hours, and he knows she needs all the rest she can get.

It takes a few moments to coordinate, but Ryan gets himself upright without Magdalene realizing she’s no longer using him as a pillow. Gently he scoops her into his arms and pads down the hallway, careful not to hit her ankles on the walls or door frames. Once inside her room, Ryan tucks Magdalene into bed and makes sure her phone is on the nightstand just where she likes it. She looks so content in sleep that he can’t help but lean down and press a shirt kiss to her forehead.

“Night Mags,” he whispers into the dark, wondering if she’ll wake and hear all the adoration his voice holds.

Magdalene stirs at the noise, and opens her eyes to see Ryan’s retreating figure. “Night Ry.”

It’s late, approaching two in the morning, when Magdalene’s phone starts ringing off the hook. Though Ryan has told her multiple times that she doesn’t need to turn her sound on before she goes to bed, she can never find it in her to heed his words. What if there’s an emergency somewhere and some hospital has to get a hold of her? Magdalene would never be able to forgive herself if she was too late because she slept through the incoming calls.

Despite her underlying fears of missing something important, Magdalene considers letting it go to voicemail. She’s exhausted, between the high maintenance projects at work and trying her hardest to go to every Avalanche home game she can, and if it’s urgent she’s sure the person will call again if they need her. It rings three more times before Magdalene decides to pick it up – if only to stop the incessant noise.

Not bothering to even see who’s calling at such an ungodly hour, Magdalene speaks in a sleep-laden voice that betrays what she was doing not even a minute prior. “Hello?”

Bette answers her, offering a quick but sincere apology for the time but explaining that it couldn’t wait. Magdalene groans in contempt, thinking that it most certainly could have waited a few more hours. She doesn’t voice her opinion however, instead waiting for her friend to spill whatever news was making her bounce up and down on the other side of the line.

She’s about to hang up when Bette utters a sentence Magdalene’s been waiting for but never thought she’d hear at one fifty-seven am. “I’m getting married!”

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @scrunchmakar @marcoscandellas @toplinetommy @samsteel @lovethepreds @cutiesara23 @hockeyallthetime @stlouisbluesbrat21 @denis-scorianov @danglesnipecelly @c-tangerine @stormingroses @spine-buster @rapidfever @bb-nhlqueen7 (add yourself to the taglist!)

[kachinnate]

,,,,okay i know i just said i wasn’t going to talk about the deh movie but actually yeah imma talk about it for just a sec bc y’all actually make me legitimately distressed sajkfndsmjkgds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQ_A0H1otc i dont have the braincells to do a shot by shot analysis right now but here’s what we’re lookin at

under a readmore because ghhhhhhh

firstly, let me lead with this: yes, from what we know, there’s a lot of things wrong with this movie. 

the worst, in my humble opinion, being the bts treatment of the (very few) actors of color, and the lack altogether of any production team members of color. that’s something that should be acknowledged, talked about, and fucking dug into especially at the current fucking period of time we’re living in. it’s unsurprising, but disgusting nonetheless, and it set this movie up for failure from the very beginning. i’m a white person so by no means so i feel inclined or like i have any authority in saying what one should feel wrt all of that, however i will say if there’s to be a boycott in not watching this movie, that should 100% be the reason why. it’s fully poc’s choice whether or not to forgive the production team or give this movie a chance for the irredeemable shit it did in regards to handling the movie’s production. the movie imo definitely doesn’t deserve their forgiveness, but again, that is not for me to say. 

there’s some little things too that i can’t fully think of off the top of my head - like, the whole making larry connor’s stepdad thing fucking irks me, for example, but, like...... listen.

if you know me like at all, you know my favorite word is nuance.

so, i’m going to say it outright: the way you people are approaching this three minute trailer shows literally.... none?? no nuance ??? is it no-nuance november over here or ???? like i’m begging you i’m BEGGING YOU to put aside your pre-determined prejudices against this movie and like stop pretending to be a renowned film critic for ten seconds because it’s really not as outright fucking abysmal as you are saying!! and also it’s possible to have opinions that aren’t completely fucking polarized to one side because guess what, the deh movie? a piece of media! what is the shit y’all are constantly preaching about having the ability to consume media critically ? because you’re trying to cancel a fucking trailer based on the contents of the trailer alone !!!!! hello !!!!!!!!

media is bound to be problematic. if y’all were as quick to judge any movie as you did this one, guess what you wouldn’t be watching any movies like ever <3 

anyway lets get into the parts that are probably going to get me cancelled lmao 

ben platt - listen. LISTEN. listen i know he’s too old to be reprising evan we ALL know he’s too old to be reprising evan i’ve heard this same argument since the announcement was made we get it we all know. haha he’s a grandpa yes bestie ur so right ur so funny wow. i do agree that we should’ve maybe had a not-ben-platt evan moment but here’s some things to keep in mind: the arguments of “oooh ABF is right there !!!!!!” 1. who’s to say he was available? 2. the environment of a movie is so, SO much different than that of a musical -- as much as you wanna pretend you know everything from just a trailer, there’s no way of knowing what scenes were added that might’ve made the movie like.. idk possibly more intense story-wise not even COUNTING the fact that just inherently a movie set is different than a musical one? like yes ben platt might be just being used as a device but that’s probably not the sole and only reason. Also, if i see One (1) more comment about his FUCKING HAIR 😃 first of all it’s not that deep like... if you’re so distracted by an actor having their hair different that’s on you, but going as far as to call it bad or distracting or being like Vehemently a way about it? y’all i know it’s most likely not your intention but that is literally just ben platt’s natural fuckin ETHNICALLY JEWISH hair sajknfgkjds!!!! i’m not the first to make this point, but like dsjnfkjdsg!??! y’all are being so mean about it and for WHAT? again, maybe not intentional, but it reads as like high key Very antisemetic and you should.... maybe not 😳 be that way

connor. the thing about a trailer is that they don’t show you all the scenes because they want you to come see the movie. right? can we agree on that? all the connor scenes in the trailer had SEVERAL hard cuts, omitting a lot of the scene -- like the computer lab scene! we see the beginning of it, there’s a VERY obvious hard cut, and then he’s running out! in my opinion my first watch through of this trailer i had a very like “:// hmm all these actors feel a lil like dry”, but man oh man the comments ive seen about connor. holy shit guys. this boy gets 7 minutes of stage time in the actual musical, and the whole thing is we DON’T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM. not to burst your bubble, and i by no means hate connor, i love me some good connor lives fics and stuff, but everything we write with connor being alive? that is !! speculation on our part !!!! those are headcanons and us using the little context we have!! connor doesn’t have any significant development IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL that is being adapted into a movie !!! you 1. can’t fully judge a character with already limited screentime in a 3 minute trailer, 2. can’t really call what connor has canonically in the musical as in depth character development !! what is his arc then !!!! he pushes evan, goes to the computer lab, has an outcast loner kid moment, gets upset, takes the letter, DIES. sorry stans, that’s just how it is !! and, AND, everything in between, all the idiosyncracies, that depends on the actor playing connor! speaking of, you know who the actor is playing connor in the movie? that’s right, colton ryan! so, i don’t know, maybe... have some trust in the process, in an actor who ALREADY has played connor on broadway???? and also trust that you will get more connor content then u are seeing from a 3 minute trailer!! dhgnijsdg and some of the comments on like his appearance specifically? like are you really made that he doesn’t have long hair?? they kept his nails and his rings but nahhh the hair was apparently a MUST HAVE (even though like.. not all connor actors on broadway always had/have long hair but w/e).. REGARDLESS. tldr on THAT , the movie would have to do a pretty shitty job if they want to take something from someone who doesn’t have much to begin with and i think y’all are being extremely harsh on this point 

jared. honestly i’m a bit worried too about the like... name change, because it does have the potential to be taking out some representation, but... they did change the name to fit the actor’s ethnicity? it’s a really [hmm] topic because, again, from a trailer and from what we have been told we don’t KNOW a lot of the context, but i think it’s important to remember that uh.. jewish people aren’t just? always white ?? there’s a possibility they changed the last name to fit with the [ethnicity] while keeping him jewish?? ofc there’s the possibility that they Didn’t and ... again hm that’s its own thing altogether but just reiterates the point that you can’t knock a whole movie just based on the trailer. you can’t talk about things you know nothing about. 

alana. same thing as before, you can’t.... completely bash a character based on a 3 minute trailer. there was discussion about how she seemed ‘shy’ when talking to evan, which like.. maybe she is but also that scene was them talking in a library like if u actually take notice of what’s happening in the scene jdskngsd though i do share the general consensus with many others that she won’t get a lot of screen-time but that’s neither here nor there 😔 moving on

scenes and the setting. one of the things i was most like.. tentative about in regards to a switch from a musical to a movie was how they were like... going to do certain scenes? naturally, a lot has to be different when we’re going from a minimal stage set to an entire movie with like.. settings. there are going to be new scenes because a movie lends to have like, physical places that aren’t just [evan’s bedroom] and [murphy kitchen] and [implied school]. so new scenes, new conversations, slightly different pacing.. this is all to be expected right like are y’all geneuinely surprised here or ........

there’s a lot we aren’t seeing yet because this is a TRAILER. again i already mentioned this re: connor but like... again, y’all are making some Claims that just... fucking outlandish. there are so many moments in the trailer that are very obvious Hard Cuts. you don’t have all the information yet. you are angry at a tiny fragment of something that is confusing you because you don’t have all the context. is there a chance that some of this shit is just genuinely Bad? yeah but you really cannot 100000% say it with your chest and gauge it without seeing the movie and understanding what that scene is in context. lowkey uhhh saw some jokes about the zoe scene in the car and :’))) ? jesus? christ????

concluding thoughts because my brain hurts but like. you don’t have to like the movie. you don’t have to WATCH the movie. like all media if you choose to consume the movie you should do so with some CRITICAL THOUGHT. but, just like the novel (and i do not want to have any discussions about that i don’t care if you think it’s good Or bad that’s not what this is about) you guys are going in this WANTING to believe it’s bad and completely polarizing your thoughts on what this is going to be. yeah, maybe there shouldn’t be a movie. i genuinely think we could’ve gone without. but it’s just a piece of media, it’s not a progression like all your (musical is good, novel is bad, MOVIE IS WORSE OH NO) posts are suggesting. they are all just. different pieces of media stemming from a source. at the end of the day it’s just a fucking movie. if you already hate it so much, guess what? you don’t have to watch it! you don’t have to put so much needless fucking hate into a 3 MINUTE TRAILER. you can stop being performative and dissing it for its poor treatment of POC while then going on to make fun of ben platt’s hair and just targeting a different group like! please !!!

i’m not trying to be a fuckin’ advocate for this movie because there’s so much opportunity for it to suck, i do Not have high hopes for it, and i’m not even really sure i want to watch it (i bought the novel when it came out and have yet to read it, and i’m sure the movie will like.. elicit very similar vibes from me lsdngjkdsg like im just not uhhh feeling it) but y’know what? watching the trailer did not bring forth the fucking onslaught of hatred in me that apparently has fuckin posessed all of y’all and like djnsgjksdg plagued my dashboard for this whole evening. don’t come into my inbox trying to like.. argue with me about this (preemptively im turning off anon because i like i Can’t lmao) this is just like... a rant i needed to get out of me real quick. 

SO. tldr for now: have critical thought about shit you consume, there��s no ethical consumption under [the film industry], you can’t judge a movie entirely on its trailer, and y’all need to calm the fuck down 

[vagrantblvrd]

so i started watching The Old Guard because of your posts and mashes so well with the Immortal!FAHC so i was wondering, what are your thoughts on that, like who is the oldest, which era is each member of the crew from, how did they die the first time, and so on :3

Yesssss. >:D

But, no I hope you liked it, friend!

The first time I watched I was thinking that too!

As to Immortal!FAHC I have many thoughts on it from before watching this movie.

I’m also no good at history, and get my eras mixed up? (Like oh my God I had that intense focus thing going on as a kid for a while for WWII warplanes after watching Memphis Belle with my dad, but aside from that, yeah???)

(All of this is to say please excuse inaccuracies as most of what I know is from media and Wikipedia. Also, some of these are more well thought out than others, so pls to keep that in mind.)

Presented in no particular order:

My favorite take on it though has Gavin as the oldest, right? (Pretends he isn’t, but the others find out over time because he stops trying to hide it when he realizes it’s not an issue with them the way it’s been with other immortals he’s run across for whatever reason.)

Born during the Bronze Age and the person he was back then was just awful, horrible little asshole without redeeming qualities to speak of whatsoever.

Came from a wealthy/important family which is something that’s people can still tell to this day even if he’s not a bastard about it anymore.

He died alone and unloved (no reason to love the person he was back then, something he freely admits to anyone asking who wants the real answer) to thieves/bandits or some wasting illness, idk.

From there he learns how not to be a complete piece of shit and honestly, it takes him a long goddamned time.

Lifetimes, really. (Not his, of course, but as time goes and all that.)

Watching and learning from the people around him from the poor farmers and so on who take pity on this dirty traveler on the verge of starving to death to emperors and kings and queens and other puffed up royalty and such.

Favored Italy and England enough that he’s woven both into the Golden Boy’s persona with the accent and references to this grandfather of his that he makes to people who don’t know he’s an immortal.

(Definitely has ties to the mafia, if not served as the head of the Italian mafia for a time, making a comeback as a long-lost/bastard descendant recently discovered with a remarkable likeness to a former mafia head who’s since moved to Los Santos, because of course he did.)

To be fair, he’s still learning with the Fakes, found family and all, and he’s the happiest he can remember being? (Because sappy feels and the whatnot.)

Jack I picture as a viking, because the beard and uh, not much else reason for that line of thinking.

Just this great warrior/peacemaker among his people who dies in battle. (Possibly betrayed because jealous fellow viking at how well-liked and respected Jack is and so on.)

He’s “mellowed” over time, likes to play friendly and affable and so on, will let himself be insulted if it serves the crew’s interests and such? But oh, wow, watch out when he’s angry? (Especially if it’s due to someone hurting someone he cares about.)

Ryan I see as medieval times with the whole kings and queens and knights. (Possibly due to the influence of Kings AU???)

Noble born and served as a knight before being killed in battle or spot of ~intrigue by a political rival/enemy.

Totally got his revenge before realizing the kind of trouble he’d be in if he tried to reclaim his life - unnatural and all - and ended up living a nomadic lifestyle after that. (A vagabond, if you will, because that never not stops being funny to me.)

He gets tangled up with thieves and the like for a while, did some murder for hire that’s been his main career path ever since.

(And okay, if one of the thieves he worked with for a while was this skinny bastard with a big nose and the most ridiculous questions that’s possibly a thing that happened, because reasons. And Freewood.)

Michael I see coming in around the Revolutionary War?

Family moved to the colonies when he was a kid and so on. Signing on to fight against the British and dying in a battle against them, still remembers what it felt like bleeding out in the mud. Has nightmares about it sometimes.

There used to be this whole Thing about it when he met Gavin whenever he leans hard on the British bit that gets even more involved after Jeremy joins the crew.

(Also, also. If Michael and Jeremy collude together against that British asshole, well. That’s a thing that happens. Along with smooches, because none of your goddamned business about that, okay?)

Jeremy comes in during the whole cowboy era, because of the Rimmy Tim getup and I think it’s hilarious as hell.

Originally from Boston (hence the dumb running joke with Gavin and Michael)and moved to the ~wild west as a kid because Adventure and then shenanigans?

Died in a train heist gone horribly wrong and just. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but since he mentioned once it has something to do with his fear of heights, just.

Yikes, you know?

Also, also, the whole bit about cars becoming a thing just before he died (I’m trying not to make a joke about it being of dysentery on a certain trail, but it’s so hard), which is part of why he’s got a Thing about cars now.

(Vroom-vroom fast and that armada of his.)

Trevor, okay, Trevor.

Based pretty much on what his GTA V character used to wear and Trevor himself makes me think of Prohibition-era gangster along with Alfredo?

He and Alfredo started out as street kids in Chicago and the fastest/easiest way to make money for kids like them involved the mob and it was just.

A thing that happened? The two of them coming up in the ranks and BFFs (possibly something more, who can say???) before getting gunned down by rivals one day.

Would have woken up together if the morgue hadn’t fucked up so they went a few years thinking the other had died before accidentally running into one another again, because reasons.

They’ve been together ever since, a pain in Geoff’s ass before he managed to get them to sign on with the crew.

(Trevor kept the fashion sense he had from back then, because of course he did. Doesn’t always dress like he used to, but sometimes he gets the urge and Alfredo laughs at him for it, but he never says a word against it because Trevor looks good like that, you know?)

Speaking of Geoff?

Born around the time Trevor and Fredo were running from Elliott Ness and his Untouchables.

Lied about his age to join the Army and served overseas in the European theater in WWII. Infantry, saw his share of battles that took the shine out of things (what there was to the stupid he kid he was) really damn fast.

Actually survived through the end of the war and made his way back to the US, did some odd jobs here and there for a while as he tried to figure things out.

Listened to the wrong friend (or right one?) and ended up working for some criminal-types, got dragged into the life before he knew it.

Managed to stay alive, learning the ins and outs of being a criminal and all that up until his luck ran out and he ran afoul of some corrupt cops.

Woke up in a ditch somewhere coughing up bullets and freaked out as hell - anyone would be - and then, uh.

Kind of kept going?

Figured shit out as he went, and ran into Jack sometime in the fifties, sixties? Whenever and it was them for the longest damn time before Geoff got the idea to set up in Los Santos for a bit, see how that worked out for them.

(Regret. So much regret because look at all the assholes fucking up his life after that, you know? Really, Jack, stop laughing at him because you’re part of the problem, jackass.)

Lindsay I see as being either relatively young - died in the 80s, 90s? - or as old as if not older than Gavin, depending on the day? (My day??? Idk, I love both a hell of a lot.)

Died in a bank robbery when the asshole responsible for setting the charges to get into the vault miscalculated how much explosives were needed and it was just.

Messy.

Super, super messy.

Fiona is absolutely the youngest, someone Gavin ran into in Europe when he pulled the thing about being his own descendant.

Met her in Paris on his way to the US when she got so goddamned angry at him for accusing her of picking his pocket (a thing she totally did, btw), but she cased such a scene she managed to escape before the cops or Gavin could do anything about it.

She dies in Liberty City working for some assholes who never deserved her, and Gavin happens to be there when she makes the mistake of picking pockets to get enough money to get the hell out of the city before anyone realizes she’s not as dead as she could be?

Terrible disguise of baseball hat, big sunglasses and a scarf over her face, but her response at being caught out as a thief is too similar for Gavin not to realize it’s her.

And then, you know.

He mentions this crew out in Los Santos that would be interested in someone like her? Not as a pickpocket because she’s clearly awful at it - “Hey!” - but they’ve chatted a bit and she mentioned something about sniping - or maybe just perked up when he brought it up.

(Visiting a sniper he used to work with and so on.)

Anyway, why not look them up if she’s ever in Los Santos?

And then she does, of course, and then shenanigans???

Also, also, some of them definitely crossed paths over the years. Ran into one another and are all, “Oh, this asshole again,” maybe work together for a while before going their own ways

They all have this story about meeting Gavin for the first time that no one, no one puts together for the longest damn time.

Like.

How the hell could Jack have met Gavin back when he was being a viking when Gavin claims he died in the 60s?

(Claimed to know the Beatles personally, because of course he did.)

Ryan and that thief he met that one time, got all these FEELS for him that had them being partners in crime for a long, long time before circumstanced forced them apart.

...And then met him again a century or so later and on opposite sides before Gavin did a heroic “sacrifice” to save him at the expense of his current cover. Like, they totally picked up where they left off afterward, because not that stupid? But they got maybe fifteen, twenty years after that together before they were forced apart by circumstances again.

Pattern repeats for a long goddamned time before they happen to meet up again around the time Geoff and Jack get to Los Santos and so far their luck seems to be holding steady. (I just. Man, I love the idea of them being the kind of assholes who are stupid in love with one another but the universe at large is like, lol and tosses a wrench into the works every once in a while for the hell of it and them eventually finding one another again. Because DELICIOUS ANGST.)

Or Michael when he was marching to the next battle and some asshole asking him the stupidest question imaginable next to him? (British accent, sure, but he wasn’t the only one on their side with one, so yes.)

Jeremy and that one Pinkerton agent that one time???

Lindsay and that asshole working for a rival gang who didn’t kill her even though he could have? (When she asks sometime after joining the Fakes he’s just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  even though he didn’t like the asshole he was working for at the time and actually engineered the bastard’s death, but yeah, sure, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

Fiona, well.

Everyone knows that story because she’s like “YOU MOTHERFUCKER,” when she sees him at the penthouse the first time he strolls through the door after she joins the crew.

And just.

Yes.

They put the pieces together at some point and are like son of a bitch because they figured Gavin’s story about being a beatnik or whatever he said he was when he died was the truth?

And Gavin’s like, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  because technically it wasn’t a lie.

He was a beatnik when he died in the 60s, it’s just that that wasn’t the first time he died.

Eventually he tells them about it in bits and pieces, because they don’t push, demand an explanation. (God knows they’ve all got their secrets and reasons for them and such.)

He tells them because he trusts them and they prove he’s right to by not betraying his trust in them and I’m just, like. Full of FEELS right now, so yes.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALSO.

Bonus?

But I seriously love the idea of Meg being the inspiration behind the Morrigan.

Just.

Yes.

And if she happens to meet Ryan and Gavin while those two idiots are thieving their way across Europe sometime? That’s definitely a thing that happened.

Also, also, you know she checks up on them in Los Santos from time to time, because old friends (possibly more?) and gets along with Lindsay and Fiona like a house on fire.

Sometimes literally, the three of them >:DDDDDDDD while Geoff’s back at the penthouse shut up in his room because no, no, do not tell him how much of his city’s on fire, Trevor, no.

Idk whether I like former Roman soldier Dan or medieval knight Dan, but whichever one it is he and Gavin go way, way back and they delight in shenanigating about almost as much as Meg and her terrors do in that Geoff is very much :(((((((((((((((((((((((((( when they get together because some part of the city is guaranteed to be on fire at any given point.

[harrystylinslut]

my live in time review of Emerald Fennell’s ‘Promising Young Woman’ (2020)

Promising Young Woman

Dir Emerald Fennell

So hello friends welcome to my reviews. I type my pure, unfiltered (mostly) thoughts about movies. I call it ‘chey watches films’ and I promise it’s going to stop being so serious. 

My first film I decided to do this on is Promising Young Woman since it was a hit at this past Sunday’s Oscars. Which was amazing - btw. So, of course. Spoilers ahead. These were my thoughts as they happened knowing nothing about the story because I don’t watch trailers on purpose. 

“Boys by charli xcx are you fucking kidding me”

“20 seconds in and i already need fucking help this is so funny”

“This club scene im screaming” ~internally~

“This looks like a blast honestly god I miss clubs”

“Her bangs are so cute” - me abt cassie

“This lighting is so fucking sexy”

“Oh my god YES drunk car rides are the fucking worst”

“Wait is she just acting lol”

“Omg he’s gonna roofie her”

“The way she’s not kissing back has me crying” - was actually cry laughing a lil bit 

TW: bedroom scene ewie

“WAIT QUEEN I LOVE HER”

“Omg she’s so hot”

“It’s raining men omg lmao”

“I’m crying at this movie I hate them” - term of endearment

“I want to marry Bo’s character” - sorta 

“Not him being a foot taller than her”

“Laverne Cox is adorable and needs to wear a gold septum always”

“Luv cassie so much and the Make Me Coffee Shop” - very interesting name for a coffee shop

“That waist yes gawd” - showing her braid

“YAY IT’S BO - oh my god I love that shirt”

“Oh my god they even know each other that’s so cute”

“Interesting choice of name for Bo’s character”

“That flirting style…. I love it. Sorta enemies to loving yep” so endearing 

“NOT HIM DRINKING THE COFFEE WITH SPIT IN IT LMAOOOOO FUCK”

“She’s a fucking clown I love her”

“I love this actor” - about the coke scene

“Oh my god jesus fuck he is so cringe”

“Not shoving drugs in her mouth jesus”

“LMAO HIS NAME IS NEIL THIS IS SOOO STUPID NOT THE KISS….NEIL IS AWFUL”

“She’s so intimidating I love it”

“Oh my god this is ME”

“Cassie is so hot”

“Stealin hearts n never saying sorry”

“Ohhh this thunder is very cool”

“The guitar fuck no”

“Not her forgetting her 30th birthday omg”

“Jesus her Mom is annoying”

“Ryan is so hot omg”

“Whew he looks so good”

“Im laughing so hard Bo Burnham is such a talented actor”

“I love this actress ((Carey)) so much”

“Would have been a great doctor she just didnt want it bad enough ,, very relatable”

“Not him saying she looks like his daughter omg but like she can wear some badass heels and not be taller than him thats kinda hot though”

“Oh my god not sex on the counter JESUS SHE IS BOLD”

“She called him lover boy lmao”

“I hate it I hate it I hate that people dont understand people can be triggered by school I hate that kids even have to go through that”

“Omg the social media stalking that’s so funny”

“Ew yeah… I hate seeing awful people happy”

I

“This seems shady”

“Omg yes bitches get drunk”

“Lmao thats right feel BAD”

“Not her saying they want a good girl shut up stop being pretentious”

“People dont just forget that those things happen and it’s so shitty she’s just passing it off OMG GGGGG I HATE it”

II

“Yep she social media stalks everyone and it sucks seeing so many awful people being happy and not being served proper justice”

“Knew it knew what Alexander had done - they allude to it very well”

“Yep drunk at a party”

“The dean didnt take it seriously at all and passed it off as just some little mistake because she was drunk. People dont just shut up. Yes fuck his life up he deserves jail time - that’s so shitty oh my god”

“There can be a different fucking system we can protect people”

“This is a female Deadpool I fucks with it”

“Oh my god Cassie is CRAZY also is the receptionist in on it LMAO”

“Why do they not have a case file? Did they not file a report with the police? What the entire loving fuck why does no one remember anything about this?”

“This is beautifully filmed”

“Awe Ryan is being v sweet”

“Oh my god shes playing her game again WHHHY”

“Ryan is so protective omg that’s lowkey hot though”

“She’s so hot”

“I love this scene”

III

“Omg not his day of reckoning jesus”

“People have been trying to get him arrested for years jesus”

“Oh my god cops are so fucking corrupt this is so gross”

“I love how genuine he is I cant imagine cops that have had to go through that”

“Lmao I can relate to Nina so much I did so much shit to stand up for people I’m a professional hype man tbqh”

“Jesus I wouldnt just fucking move on either”

“Awe omg Ryan is there for her I love him”

“Oh my god they are so adorable my heart breaks for her so much”

“I wanna dance with Bo wtf”

“THE KISS AHHHH WTF”

“Come and fuck my life up PLEASE”

“Oh my god why am I crying lol”

“This family is wild lmao”

“He’s so freaking sweet”

“Love how Cassie isnt actually crazy people just truly are awful”

“Oh my god them flirting they are so freaking adorable I cant do this”

“THERE IS EVIDENCE WHY IS EVERYONE BEING THIS WAY”

“It sucks so fucking much”

“God everyone was so drunk though you cant watch though you need to help”

“I truly think people dont realize how serious it is Im glad this movie will help that”

IIII

“Um loving this orchestra version of Toxic”

“NOT MAX GREENFIELD LMAO”

“Her posing as a stripper so true”

“Hell no yes go girl bully these men”

It got very serious and uncomfortable so I skipped to the part where Max Greenfield’s character enters the room. 

“This reminds me of the Bo Dukes story”

“That’s really how it was - it’s so funny to watch these investigations how awful they are”

“You can just tell he’s lying just tell the truth plEATHE”

“God he loved her so much this hurts”

IIIII

“Max running away oh my god bitch where u going”

“I hope Ryan isnt turned in I dont think she would do that”

“YES ARREST HIS ASS”

“The necklaces Im cryin”

WHEW 100/10 I really loved that movie a lot !!!

ANYWAYS. I will write a more comprehensive review for the blog I wanna start or my podcast - but here it is!

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

The Journals Of Derek Grady Part 1

This is a story set within my Bioshock Rebirth AU. A reimaging/reboot of the Bioshock franchise. https://geekgemsspookyblog.tumblr.com/post/626141727587270656/bioshock-rebirth-timeline-this-is-a-timeline-of-an Just as a heads up if anyone is wondering about the context. I’ve had some stories in my drafts for a long time now and I’m finally publicly sharing them.

I made a post talking about this. There is this character named Derek that was in one of my pilot stories for this AU. But I felt strangely ashamed of how I wrote him. But I’d feel it’s best to use him in better context. In something very intriguing. Mainly the point of view of the Rapture Civil War from someone who fought in it. 

There is this silly theme of certain characters being named Derek in some AU’s of mine. Usual they are men that seem well intentioned, but their mind isn’t always in the best place. I’m just gonna make this because this is something I wanna make.

This was first started/made on December 23rd 2020. I’m not gonna have this beta read. It’s time I just upload this shit. I got the two tags done with. But I would like to mention I was heavily or so inspired by the Star Wars Battlefront 2 Classic story. Especially with the first journal from this character being inspired by the, “Knightfall” level. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lgG2ENW5Ac Spoilers ahead.

12/31/2001. The attack on the Kashmir restuarant.

I was a young kid when I first arrived in Rapture. I was naïve like many others. Many of used to believe in Andrew Ryan’s so called, “Great Chain”, until things started to fall apart. Especially after the death of scumbag Frank Fontaine. I find it funny he tried to put on a nice guy act whenever he met someone new or when he was in public, but I’ve heard the stories. The stories of the type of man he was.

But after Ryan nationalized Fontaine Futuristics in January 1999, a lot of people weren’t happy. It was surprising how long it took something to happen. So much dividing of social classes, so much shit that had happened during those years. What was gonna happen tonight would change everything forever...

I’ve been on Atlas’s crew of bandits since July. I felt joining Atlas was the best decision I made in my entire life. Because I felt I fighting for the right thing, a good cause. But what Atlas had planned sounded to me almost like terrorism. 

Yet when I thought about it, I really thought hard to myself. After everything we’ve suffered, how Ryan started to push everyone away, how he tried keep himself in power. Even though Rapture was supposed to be the perfect paradise...Andrew Ryan, Brigid Tenenbaum, Augustus Sinclair, Sander Cohen, Yi Suchong, Sofia Lamb, and so many others...how they treated us.

First it was just riots, but now it was time for Ryan and everyone who supported him knew what we were. What we stood for. They were gonna find out we weren’t some bandits who kidnapped some rich assholes to get payback or robin hood archetypes helping poor folks. 

There was no more talk for peace. Because Ryan never gave a damn...he never did.

1/31/2002. The Civil War starting. Apollo Square. Atlas and crew.

It’s been a month since we launched an attack on Kashmir. Things started to really change because the war for this city finally had truly begun. I have never been in war, but with the skills I’ve learned from Atlas and Daisy. I’d felt I was ready, because I needed to be. Not many of us were actual soldiers. But that didn’t matter to us. We knew what had to be done.

But we didn’t knew that Ryan would try to make Apollo Square a prison camp. Yet that didn’t matter, when those so called security officers first started to set people ablaze when they tried escaping. We shot any who would tried to do such things again. When they were hanging people, we fought back because we got tired of their bullshit. We didn’t fuck around. I felt proud when I shot one of those damn officers in the head. 

Apollo Square was practically our paradise. Sure Ryan’s army kept trying to get in, yet we always defended it. Yet even without Ryan, we still had others to worry about.

I feel pretty damn grateful a lot of our weapons were smuggled from the surface. We kept some of the weapons Ryan’s men had as well. 

But I think what I felt more grateful was our leaders. Daisy Fitzroy was practically Atlas’s 2nd in command. She was a tough woman, she didn’t take shit. Considering she worked for that weird kinky lady known as Ava Tate, I can’t blame her becoming that. She’s one of the bravest and smartest women I’ve fought with. I’m surprised she didn’t form our rebellion first.

Bill was lucky enough to be convinced by Atlas to join us after he resigned from the council. But Bill was like us. Even though he believed in Rapture, he was just an old man who wanted the best for people. I found that admirable of him. I also think he’s grateful we hid his ass after he left Ryan. Considering how Ryan gets upset with whoever betrays him, he’d rather want them dead...yet that might of been different considering he was best friends with Ryan himself. 

Diane was new, she was a hostage once with Julie Langford. But when Ryan never paid her ransom and practically didn’t care for her. But I do think she noticed those Jasmine Jolene posters throughout the city, making Ryan’s betrayal seemingly more worse. She originally came to Apollo Square to yell at us of how we possibly ruined her life. But when she saw the shit we were going through, she soon understood even more of the situation. Especially when we heard it wasn’t made better when hearing Ryan’s thoughts on people like us.

She joined us rather quickly, she was like Bill in a way. Diane was honestly a kind woman, it always felt nice to have more supporters. I do find it surprising from what I’ve seen that her and Daisy seemed to have developed a thing. Yet I found it surprisingly adorable...mainly because it was so strange to see Daisy seem soft to another person. But I think it gave the ladies more of a reason to keep fighting on.

But Atlas...he was something else. There was a reason people followed him. I followed him for plenty of good reasons. He seemed like a action hero you see out of those films from Hollywood. But I have never met a man so kind, yet so humble. He was the best of us...or that’s what I thought. You can have a good laugh with him too while having a drink. The man had a family, but he didn’t spoke of them much to keep them safe. I also remember hearing he was a captain in the Irish army. Which gave us an advantage in some ways over Ryan’s men.

He was the perfect anti-thesis to Andrew Ryan. Atlas was someone many genuinely respected and loved. Men wanted to be him, women loved him. To me and others. He wasn’t just a friend. Atlas was sometimes like a brother, or even a father.

Sure he wasn’t perfect and did some questionable things. But we knew it was for the best. Atlas is our best shot at winning this war. And I’m proud to fighting side by side with him, no matter what. 

2/1/2002. Johnny Topside.

I never met the man, but Atlas knew him only for a year. The way he talked about Johnny. I’ve heard stories of him, well that’s because Atlas didn’t want his memory to die. Atlas said Johnny Topside was a diver who had discovered Rapture years ago and for sometime was forced to live in Rapture until he finally had enough. 

Johnny Topside was the start of our rebellion. He was the one that planted the seeds. Johnny was the first to stand up to Ryan, but it resulted in tragedy. No one knows fully what happened to him. But Atlas said Ryan had tried to erase Johnny’s memory from history, and that it was very likely he may of been turned into...a Big Daddy...the idea of that horrifies me.

When Atlas spoke of him, he spoke of him so highly. Saying that Johnny was like a younger brother to him. You could of even seen at times Atlas nearly choked up when talking about him. I can’t blame him, losing someone that was like a brother to him. I’ve would of been nearly tearing up.

The story of Johnny Topside was something that kept us going, it inspired us. Hell, it even inspired me. Atlas didn’t want his memory to die, because what he was doing wasn’t just for everyone. But it was also justice for Johnny...justice for everyone that had enough of Ryan.

My only disappointment is that I never got to meet Johnny...because when Atlas says he’d would rather had him lead us...that says a helluva lot about Topside.

2/3/2002. Booker Dewitt and Ryan’s personal guard.

I’ve heard the stories of Dewitt...he merely sounded like a ghost. But he wasn’t. This was the man that shot down Fontaine, and most likely helped captured Johnny Topside.

Captain Dewitt was known to the citizens as, “The Grim Reaper Of Rapture” and he damn well earned it. But he was also Ryan’s new best friend after Bill left. Dewitt kept Ryan’s enemies in check. Whether by killing them when no one was looking, or capturing them. 

Security was fine, but Ryan’s personal guard and when Dewitt was leading them...that was scary. I think what scared us rebels was whenever he showed up. He always wore that mask...which gave him more of a reason to call him a grim reaper...because he damn sure was.

Ryan’s personal guard weren’t just police officers enforcing Ryan’s rule, they were literal soldiers. They were formed when Johnny Topside had discovered Rapture. The guard was basically a better version of security.

They were made up of men who either genuinely believed in the, “Great Chain” or just were looking to be paid by Ryan. Some of them were ex soldiers, mercenaries, and they were all just horrible people. 

The guard weren’t pushovers, they had years of experience or training by Dewitt. They were merciless, brutal, and effective. The fact Ryan had now decided to use them even more now showcased he truly wasn’t fucking around anymore. He wanted to win this war. But we weren’t gonna let that happen.

I think we were just thankful they didn’t really use Plasmids...if they did...then I felt this war may be over already. But it also gives us a easier chance to kill them all.

2/15/2002. Splicers.

Over the years since ADAM was discovered. Splicers became thing. Poor folks who used too spliced too much...they were once people...but they were sadly monsters now. I think what surprised us is how some of them were on our side...but not many. Unless they controlled themselves.

The Splicers of many types were a pain in the ass for Ryan and Atlas. Killing the rebels or Ryan’s personal guard. They had no allegiance...all they wanted was ADAM...they were basically drug addicts. I remember seeing one time a woman shanking a man for his ADAM, we had to put her down.

I didn’t really use Plasmids much, or some of the others like Atlas, Daisy, Diane, and Bill. It seemed good for Atlas that some of the rebels didn’t try to splice up. Which meant we can deal with less people turning into those...things.

There was one time I had to put down one of them. The man was just 21, but he had spliced up so much that he had gone insane. He tried attacking Daisy and Diane, but me and Daisy took him down shot him in the chest. But he was still breathing.

...I shot him in the head...I hesitated at first for about five seconds...he was younger than me. I wanted to make his death as quick and painless...it gave me a haunting reminder of why we were still fighting. All this pain and suffering...it started with the discover of that damn thing called ADAM...

I’m surprised I haven’t spoken about Tenenbaum yet...I feel like she was 2nd in place for me to kill after Ryan.

3/15/2002. Big Daddies, Little Sisters, and Brigid Tenenbaum.

I think the other thing that haunts me a lot and so many others is these two...I’ve seen them countless times and I have fought them when I joined Atlas.

Big Daddies are practically these...monsters that used to be people...slaves to protect what were once literal children...

These monsters looked like literal giant diving suits at times...some had drills, some had guns. They were tough sons of bitches. These things could kill a man easily, or even a group of a men if you weren’t careful. 

But it’s the Little Sisters that horrify me and other rebels...not because they are dangerous or that they are killers. It’s the fact of what they are. They were children...or possibly still are...forced to collect ADAM because they were implanted with some...damn sea slug Tenenbaum discovered...

There is no known cure for them. I think many of us want a cure. But the only way to help these girls is something horrific...harvesting them. Atlas said it was to put them out of their misery. They had ADAM in them.

From what I’ve seen, some rebels harvested them, some didn’t. Daisy didn’t do it. Neither did Diane or Bill. I remember seeing Atlas making the most sickened face after harvesting one, he didn’t enjoy it at all.

I think it may of bothered Atlas some didn’t harvest them...but it’s understandable why some wouldn’t. Because I remember seeing one 37 year old man, after he had harvested just one Little Sister. The man about 5 minutes later literally put a pistol under his jaw and killed himself.

We all understood why he even did that. Because after you witness a child being horrified by you about to harvest them...it’s a sight you’re never going to forget.

I can still hear those girls screaming. Daisy and Diane do too...it’s in our nightmares. For some reason...the harvesting of a Little Sister scars me than seeing a Splicer or whatever else...I don’t know why...I think it’s because all that innocence was lost...or actually taken. Because there was no other way to help them.

It was all because of one woman, Brigid Tenenbaum. I heard she worked with Frank Fontaine to help make those girls into what they are. I’ve heard she’s had a hard life, but that doesn’t excuse what I find one of the most horrific crimes I’ve ever seen. She’s been in hiding for 4 years after being exposed for what she did.

If we ever find Tenenbaum...I want to put my foot on her throat...whatever what we want to do to her. To be honest, I think I want to kill her more than Ryan...because I don’t know how you can be forgiven for doing that to a child.

God forgives, and whenever I have to put down a fellow rebel because they spliced up too much, I make it quick and painless as possible...but Tenenbaum...quick and painless is not gonna mean anything if we ever find her. 

6/3/2002. SOS and Archie Wynand.

After six months of war with Ryan’s personal guard and the Splicers. Whether some were controlled or not...things were going south for us. We fought hard, we planned as best as we could. But nothing was working, because Ryan was nearly winning.

There was panic among us, we were fearing that all of this could be for nothing. But Atlas revealed something, which he said was a risk in case. He somehow gave an SOS message to the surface to whoever would get it. Because he knew we weren’t gonna win this on our own anymore. We needed help, we needed the surface to discover Rapture. But also, we needed someone to help us take down Ryan. It was on Sunday Atlas gave out the message for help. We prayed someone would answer it. Luckily for us, someone did answer it.

Despite his aircraft was shot down by Ryan, and being the only survivor of his squad. Someone had arrived. That someone was a young man named Sergeant Archie Wynand. An Army Ranger sent by the US Government to discover where the SOS came from. 

To be honest, I was worried by the fact only one man had survived. I’d feared we still didn’t stand a chance. But after I saw that man enter combat and killed so many Splicers, I have never seen a man fought hard like that. He was still young like me, but he was like a commando in his way. It was as if someone like Atlas again had come to save us. 

Me and him never really talked, but from what I’ve seen. That man is the bravest soul I’ve ever seen. He’s loyal to a fault and unbreakable, it was like seeing a warrior unlike any other. I will admit, I felt a bit jealous when Atlas has giving him a lot more attention than me. 

But Archie was important. Atlas sent him commands and he followed through. But I think what confused me the most was something Atlas had revealed earlier. Which resulted in ordering Archie to go to a certain building, a tower in the middle of Rapture. 

6/4/2002. Elizabeth.

A day before Archie had arrived. There was this strange new information Atlas had discovered. That there was some girl in this tower in Rapture. Her name was Elizabeth. Atlas had discovered it when raiding a building near that tower. 

We were so confused on why Ryan had a girl in this tower. In fact? Why was she there? Who was she really? Even Atlas was confused, but she seemed important.

But I feel our questions were answered when Archie saved her. I didn’t get to talk to her personally, but I have seen her in action with my own eyes. Along with some footage. 

Somehow, this young girl had some powers of an unknown source. She was able to summon old sentries, and other things. It felt unnatural. Sure the Plasmids and other discoveries in Rapture were very special...but what this girl could do...it made us question even more who the hell she was and why Ryan had her locked away.

Gonna admit though, she was honestly adorable.

6/5/2002. Elizabeth’s purpose, and what the Hell is Archie? What the Hell is going on?

I think it horrified me and the rebels of what Elizabeth was supposed to be. Why she was kept secret from Rapture. What Atlas had discovered more is that she was secretly a weapon Ryan would use in case against someone like us. A sleeper agent that would of slipped through our ranks or anyone else...almost like a female fatale Ryan wanted to make personally...it confused me because from what I’ve seen, she’s nothing like that.

But I think we surprised us more is that she had been in Rapture since 1983. For about 19 years, Ryan had her in there, with hardly anyone knowing. I think it sickened me a bit more hearing Ryan was gonna use a young woman as a secret weapon in case someone like Atlas came along. It was almost like what happened with the Little Sisters.

Yet the other thing that’s been on my mind is Archie. I’ve talked about how much of a warrior he was. Ever since he rescued Elizabeth, she’s been by his side ever since. I haven’t seen such a effective team. It was like they were perfect for each other.

But again, it’s Archie that has me thinking. Sure he’s a soldier...but compared to any of us...and even compared to Ryan’s personal guard. I have never seen a man be so efficient in what he does. This was a young man, yet he fought like he was like some sort of super soldier. Hell, I don’t even think Atlas and Daisy are that efficient. He’s fast and strong.

He was also using so many Plasmids without mutating. I couldn’t get it? He wasn’t becoming spliced up. I couldn’t believe it? I had lost count of how many times he injected a Eve Hypo into his wrists.

I think the scary part is how many Big Daddies he’s killed...how can one man kill so many. I didn’t understand it? But from what I’ve seen from footage is...him curing the Little Sisters...I couldn’t believe it.

Where were he and Elizabeth staying at? I heard Atlas yesterday say they were at Tenenbaum’s...I couldn’t understand...I’m confused...

6/5/2002 A bigger Big Daddy.

I didn’t understand nor could I comprehend what I had witnessed. Ever since Archie arrived...things were changing. What made me think this way was when I saw...something I didn’t think was possible.

Out of all the Big Daddies we’ve killed. I had never seen one so big. He was about 12 feet tell...he looked older than any of the Big Daddies. He looked similar to the Alpha series Big Daddies...I couldn’t understand. I was lucky to have lived, but I witness it killed so many rebels, Splicers, and Ryan’s army. This Big Daddy was vicious. It seemed like he was on a mission. As if he was tracking down Elizabeth.

I’m just in disbelief...I don’t understand.

I was a witness also to see Elizabeth teleport it somewhere...I think it’s dead...I’m not sure.

6/6/2002. The war soon coming to an end.

To be honest, I was fearing we may never win. But somehow we made it. Captain Dewitt was beaten yesterday, and now Ryan is soon to be dealt with. 

I’ve learned from Atlas that Tenenbaum had created a cure for the Little Sisters...I couldn’t believe it when I heard it. I asked him again if he was telling the truth, and he was. That’s why Archie and Elizabeth were staying with Tenenbaum somewhere. 

It still sounded so crazy. But the next piece of news is that these three would be coming to Atlas’s headquarters, our base of operations. I couldn’t believe I was seeing Tenenbaum...I had...weird feelings.

The plans were while Archie and others went to Ryan’s office to finally take him down. There was hardly anyone left to defend him. While Elizabeth and Dr. Tenenbaum stayed at Atlas’s headquarters. It...an experience meeting this young girl...even after everything she’d been through, but so kind. 

But I wasn’t gonna be staying for long either like Archie. Atlas sent me and some men to take over Fort Folic considering Archie and Elizabeth’s recent visit there. As if the freak that was Sander Cohen had finally left somewhere. It was no longer locked up.

I felt genuine hope for the first time. As if this whole nightmare will finally end. But I will admit, I wanted to kill Ryan as much as anybody else. I had my orders, and I listened. Besides, taking back Fort Folic was a huge win

I do recall Ryan playing golf at times. Hopefully when Archie gets to his office, he’ll beat the Walt Disney lookalike of a fuckhead with his own golf club. It’s what Ryan deserved...it’s what many of us wanted.

6/7/2002. Atlas...and the end...

...I don’t even know what to say...the war is over...it’s actually over...

But it didn’t end with Ryan dying or getting captured...

Atlas...our leader...my hero...my best friend...the anti-thesis to Ryan...was Frank Fontaine.

He’s dead...he was brutally hung...by Archie...his corpse is hanging for everyone to see...he...looks like half of a monster.

Everything we’ve done...everything we stood for...I feel betrayed, but I feel relived. I think others are feeling a similar way...I need no I want answers...

6/8/2002. The birth of the Vox Populi. Tenenbaum discovering these journals.

I think what happened on Thursday and Friday...changed so many of us...even myself...I thank Daisy and Diane for explaining it to me.

There was a huge meeting with the remaining rebels. Archie, Elizabeth, and Dr. Tenenbaum joined in as well. So many discussions were had. Rapture was finally ours...

While Splicers were still a thing, and some rich assholes were still around. Considering half of the city was still going, but we came together to formulate a plan. 

There won’t be another Andrew Ryan, or even another Frank Fontaine. The end of the Rapture Civil War was only the beginning of something much better. 

We weren’t just called rebels anymore, we were officially given a name now. The Vox Populi. It was Daisy’s idea for the name. We were basically the reformed version of Atlas’s rebellion. But now, we had genuine people who actually gave a damn. Who wouldn’t use us as puppets. That we will strive for a better tomorrow. 

For peace, a better community. So we can help out every Little Sister we can find out there, and help whoever else is in Rapture. We’re gonna make this shithole of a city a better living place. No more tyrants, no more conmen, no more rulers, just people wanting to make this place a better place for everyone.

Justice, peace, and all that...I think many of us are still getting over what happened with Atlas...I’m still getting used to it...I’m just grateful it’s over.

But before this the huge meeting, Dr. Tenenbaum discovered my journals...she read what I wrote about her...our struggles. I apologized to her, but she said it’s okay. She said she doesn’t blame me for being angry. I think what surprised me more was the one person that her the most was herself...

For some odd reason, I forgave her...she just stared at me with surprise. She gave me a small smile...and then I said I think I could forgive her after everything she’s tried doing to fix her mistakes. Because I told her trying to fix your mistakes is better than doing nothing.

[fromthewifecage]

Ok love let’s get personal 😏 tell me what made you fall for Johnny! His gorgeous body? Charming personality? Award winning (ha!) smile? I want all the wonderful (smutty 😏) details you’ve got!

What started it? 2 words. Linden Ashby.

And I mean it. I saw Mortal Kombat at the cinema (and LOVED it) and of course I couldn’t help but immediately fall in love with this Johnny. I’d played MK before then, even had the very first version on the Master System (so old it didn’t even have enough memory to cope with all the fighters so they cut KANO from it *cries*). He was the perfect mixture of hot and hilarious and he (along with Cary and Christophe Lambert) made the film for me. I honestly adore the film and will happily watch it now. We ignore the 2nd film (yeah, replace Linden Ashby with a random and then kill Johnny after 5 seconds?! That’s going to get me on side, wankers.)

After the film I went back to playing the games and Raiden (“the man with the hat” as my Mum calls him) was always my main (mixed in with some Noob and Smoke). After MK Trilogy I missed out on MK until 9 was released, and yeah, Johnny was alright, he’s funny as hell, but after his chapter he becomes a punching bag :( and I was happy blowing kisses at Raiden.

Then we get to MKX and we meet MY Johnny. Andrew Bowen’s voice is hot as hell and he is SUCH a good voice actor, without him I wouldn’t love Johnny nearly as much. Honestly, his voice does very naughty things to me, very good naughty things (in my knickers). Johnny makes MKX, he starts the thing off and if I play it or watch it through on Youtube when I get a hankering, then I always want more of him. I am a greedy slut.

I think the kharacter design is hot. I wasn’t sure of his Special Forces look to start, and when I play MKX I use either his Ninja Mime skin or his topless kostue (again, slut) and wish they’d gone for something more, well, more Johnny. Yes he’d wear the kombat trousers and vest on missions, but the guy takes care of himself and would have adopted “Treat yo self’ as one of his main mottos, so he’d wear more klassic stuff (if you zoom in on his tux shirt he has his own little JC logos on it , amazing detailing, so he has a clothing line and he’s wear that, all sexy designer looks) when not working. I absolutely ADORE the tux look in MK11, he looks incredible in it. (And oh yessss they’ve rolled up the sleeves to show off his forearms. Anyone looks good doing that, any gender, and age, any size, anyone, instantly boosts your hotness.)

The storyline of MKX where he gets together with Sonya is totally believable. If you watch Maximilian Dood play the Johnny vs Shinnok chapter on Youtube when Johnny says “She called me Johnny” Max will say something like “Oh don’t go get charming on me Johnny, you’re making me like you.” And that is exactly what Johnny’s doing, he’s charming the knickers off Sonya and everyone playing the game. Instant love. You totally see why Sonya falls for him, cos you’d be mad not to.Then you meet Older!Johnny and he’s still utterly hilarious, but now he’s more charming, less of a douche, has the sexy salt and pepper hair, still shows off the tattoo, and I wanted him even more. His obvious adoration for Cassie makes my knickers evaporate. I don’t have/want kids, but if I did a Sonya and ended up pregnant with his kiddo, you know that he'd just be the absolute best Dad.

How they treat his split from Sonya is pretty realistic. The comics show that Sonya kept with her career, and Johnny was a stay at home Dad (obviously still doing his films), and that Sonya wouldn’t take time away from her job caused the family to break up. Again, as a non kid person myself I can totally see Sonya’s side. But I can also see Johnny’s and Cassie’s (and isn’t this just forgotten in MK11?! BULLSHIT.)

Johnny interacting with Kenshi is fantastic (yeah, I totally ship it), and with Kuai (yeah, I totally ship it) and with Raiden (yeah, I totally ship it). (The “I’m guessing it’s not your first time in cuffs. What’s your safe word?” to Quan Chi with Kenshi sniggering is HILARIOUS. As is “Oh sorry ma’am, didn’t see you there” to Shinnok.

I LOVE HIM.)

Now onto MK11. Yeah, he’s GORGEOUS. His face model Colin Ryan is hot as hell (thank you NRS) and thank the Elder Gods they kept Andrew Bowen as his v/a. I’d have gone on a one woman riot if they’d changed him.

Thankfully he is mostly hilarious, and we get to feel his sadness when Sonya dies and he comforts Cassie. The bond between him and his loved ones is beautiful. His fatalities are my favourites (OMG that leer he does at the end of his ventriloquist act is knicker-ruiningly hot. GOD DAMN!)

Young Johnny is an absolute dick until he does that face at Sonya bandaging him up at the end, and we see Older!Johnny start to emerge. He’s a good boy really, his Dad just fucked him up and made him think he had to be a prick.

His clothes. So they kept with the SF styling for Older!Johnny, and it’s still not great. He looks great in it, but he’d look great in a bin bag. I am SO glad they brought out the tux, (I have already squealed on about that, but fuck me it’s amaaaaaaazing) and I LOVE the Ninja Mime kostume. The younger outfits are great too with topless being the icing on the cake. The vests are great, the colours are great, the sunglasses are great.

The non sleezeball intros are hilarious, as are his taunts (the Mime one is especially brilliant, as is the fuck you one!) I love him playing with the toy Johnny, the splits, the autograph (I imagine he’s writing that on my tits).

The bad MK11 stuff: Yeah, MK11 isn’t the best. I honestly can’t buy him and Sonya back together after how their marriage ended. He may have forgiven her, but that would never stop him feeling like she hurt Cassie, and Cassie is his everything, and you just wouldn’t get past that. Sure you could keep the peace, be civil, but feeling his child was abandoned by the other parent is not something that would ever be pushed aside. I think NRS made a huge error in getting them back together, it was obviously to heighten the emotion of Sonya’s death, and that’s pretty pathetic writing on NRS’s part.

Johnny’s intros have him behaving pretty appallingly towards the majority of the female kombatants. There was no need for him to be so sleazy. Sure Younger!Johnny is a sleazy prick, but he’s a ridiculously famous movie star, he can get anyone he wants, why have him sound like a slimeball desperate for pussy? It’s done so badly, ugh. And the non distinction between Older and Younger!Johnny is sheer laziness by NRS. Not hard to make different intros for different variations. Same goes for how they fucked up the revenant skins, kharacters will state they aren’t revenants when they have a revenant skin. Fucking terrible by NRS.

Also I am greedy and wanted more of him in the story, buuuuuut that is appallingly greedy, especially when Kabal, Erron and Bi-Han got 5 fucking seconds of FUCKING BULLSHIT.

And also, what the fuck is up with Johnny’s ending with rehab? Where did that come from? Sure he’s a film star but he never seemed drunk or high or owt so WTF? Sadly I would bet money that they put that in to try to lesson the ‘Sonya fucked up the family’ and shift the blame to Johnny. Go fuck yourselves NRS, go on, go fuck yourselves.

So what is it that makes me love Johnny? The humour and Older!Johnny’s personality, hands down. Make me laugh and I am a very happy woman. Add in muscles and a smile that could kill me?

I LOVE HIM.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

(Ok and I had this ridiculous daydream once about Older!Johnny getting a part in a Tarantino film, and it totally revitalising his career (just like John Travolta) and making everyone sit up and go “Whoa, I didn’t know he could actually act”. Ridiculous I know.)

[nopantssaturday]

One Little Spark- Chapter 2

Chapter 1

A/N; Another day, another chapter!

Thanks again to @4ddictwithapencil for being my amazing editor!

Today, Fexa figures out a little bit of news! And she confides in the one man that can help her.

Pairing: Xigbar x Reader, Xigbar x OC

Word count: 3108 words

Warning: Pregnancy, swearing

Since that day, things have been a little different between Fexa and Xigbar. Not bad, per se, but different.

Fexa found that after their little bedwarmings, the sharpshooter liked to linger longer in her room. He would stay, often staring up the ceiling or other times the two of them would talk about some kind of deep thought. He would sometimes even play with her hair as she laid next to him, or even put an arm around her  and hold her close. These nights grew in frequency in the next few weeks.

The gentle caresses and the late night talks started to become Fexa’s favorite part of the evenings they shared. They would talk about their lives before the organization, and sometimes even share stories of their youth. The two would laugh into the night, joking about anything and everything.

The sex was different too. What used to be rough and almost assuredly to make Fexa sore every morning after, now became somewhat like a game. There was laughter and banter where silence usually stood. Sex was fun. How that particularly was, she was unsure.

It was as something changed them after that day. Something brought them closer together and neither were able to say. Sometimes the cool-guy even decided to sleep in her bed. Though he was never there by the time she awoke, there always was a note with some kind of reason; ‘You were snoring too loud, I had to use the bathroom, Late night training’. Fexa started to believe that these were just excuses, she was just confused as to why he even decided to leave notes at all.

But this kind of behavior made Fexa feel a strange uncertainty. Before, the two were just friends with benefits, and it was clear to see that. He was there for the sex and that was it. Easy. Simple. Clean. But now, there was something more between them than just the sex. But that something was a mystery. What do you even call that?

Whatever. This predicament was way too stressful. Every time Fexa thought too hard about what this ‘something’ was, she could feel her stomach doing backflips. It had gotten so bad that she actually vomited. This was too much. She needed to find out what this was, but couldn’t gain the gumption to do it because she were afraid of what it was.

The next few weeks were not much better. It was obvious that she was coming down with some kind of sickness on top of everything else. Feeling feverish, exhausted on missions and now, she felt like she couldn’t even keep food down. The scent of burnt coffee that permanently hung in the Cafeteria that Never Was was now enough to make Fexa want to lose her lunch. She would also suffer from dizzy spells often, once getting so woozy that she fell against a wall. Luckily everyone’s favorite Silent Hero, Lexeaus, was nearby to help her back to her room.

At least it was her day off. That was the one piece of solace she had on this crappy, crap day.

Fexa donned her usual coat and swiftly headed off to one of her favorite worlds; Radiant Garden, her old home. It was nice to visit the place she once cherished, even though the people she loved weren’t there any longer. There was an inkling sense of nostalgia and belonging as she looked  at the old shops and restaurants she once knew in another life. Of course it would feel like that, if she had a heart.

As Fexa walked down the street, she started to watch the people living their daily lives with such a peaceful joy. She sometimes wished that her life could be that simple again. Being a part of a dark scheme was just a major pain a lot of the time.

Suddenly as she was walking, Fexa started to feel another dizzy spell take her again. She moved over to a nearby bench near the fountain and sat down, unwrapping a sea salt ice cream that she bought at a nearby moogle shop from it’s wrapper. She always loved these, but it became apparent after one bite in when her stomach lurched that her body wasn’t going to allow her to enjoy the ice cream. Fexa let out an exasperated sigh as she threw the ice cream into the garbage can next to her bench.

Stupid stomach bug. Won’t let me enjoy anything Fexa thought angrily to herself. Leaning back on the bench, Fexa started to relax and look at her surroundings, hoping that the fresh air would settle her stomach. She took note of the people passing by; a man with his dog, some young children, one of those shopkeeper moogles.

Nothing really caught her interest, until a gaggle of young women gathered at the center of town by the fountain. Two of them carried pastel wrapped gifts and another carried balloons. They must have been celebrating something. They all laughed and smiled as they decorated the area around the fountain.

Not a second later, Another young woman walked towards the fountain looking around for something or someone. This woman however, was much… bigger. No No, not like she was fat or anything. No, she was just really, really pregnant. Like it was  a little surprising that she could walk. Oh. That’s what they’re celebrating, Fexa thought to herself.

As the woman approached the fountain, the others jumped up and all yelled out “Surprise!”. This must be the baby shower. Sometimes it was hard to remember that these kinds of things still happened. Parties. Celebrations. Being a nobody, it’s rare than anyone even celebrates their birthday anymore, let alone much else. Okay, the only nobody that Fexa knew that still celebrated their birthday was Demyx, and he was just a big child.He didn’t even know how old he was turning anymore, but that didn’t stop him. It also didn’t stop Xigbar from slamming the young musicians face into a cake at his last birthday. The goofy kid just laughed and smiled with his face covered in white frosting. It may have been the only time Fexa had ever heard everyone laughing in one place.

Fexa grinned to herself in memory and watched on as the young women laughed, smiled and opened gifts. She soon found herself sneaking closer to them, sitting on a nearby bench close enough to be in earshot. It was nice to enjoy their happiness and joy even though she couldn’t do it herself. Did it make her a creep? Kinda. But screw it, she was going to treat herself.  Her treat was originally going to be that ice cream, but now that went to shit, this was how she was gonna do it.

“So how did you know, Karen? Like, when did you really know?” One of the women asked.

“Well, actually..” The pregnant woman apparently named Karen laughed. “I had no idea at first! I thought I was just sick! Isn’t that funny?! I was like, feverish and exhausted for, like, a week. And then when I started throwing up all the time, Ryan was just like, ‘Are you sure you’re not pregnant?’ and I was, like, ‘whaaaaat’. And Then, like, I was! Isn’t that crazy??” All of the girls giggled at the story. Their laughter was actually kind of grating.

But Fexa . Fexa was totally not laughing. Not at all.

Have you ever just not put together the facts before until it was much much too late?

_______

Fexa ended her day trip in Radiant Garden early, returning back to the castle, but not before stopping by the hut of that moogle that she saw earlier. Fexa picked up a few things; another ice cream,some gum, but most importantly, a Lucky Emblem Brand Pregnancy Test.

This was so stupid. Nobodies can’t get pregnant… right? That’s what she assumed anyway. Honestly that’s probably what everyone assumed. There wasn’t any “Sex Ed For Nobodies” VHS tape that existed. Though, if it did, it should totally be called ‘Nobody Fucks’.  That would be an amazing title. Fexa snickered to herself at the thought of such a tape, but her laughter subsides as she remembered the seriousness at hand.

You’re probably just being paranoid. She thought. There was no way that this was true. Watching those girls at the park just made you think this was a possibilitiy. Nobodies can’t  get pregnant. This all seemed like some crazy nightmare. It can’t be true. At all.

But Fexa had a little stick covered in pee to tell her what was true and what was not.

And, wow, would you look at that. Three minutes later, the three circles forming a “lucky emblem”  in a classic pastel blue hue on the indicator of the stick. Pregnant. Fucking Great.

Welp. That was it then. Fexa, Number XV in Organization XIII, was pregnant and as soon as she wasn’t able to go on missions, she would be turned into a dusk. She has officially outlived her usefulness. Thanks to her, foolishness, she was now destined to a fate of doing stupid mundane chores around the castle for the rest of eternity. Can’t wait.

Leaning against the wall, she slowly slid her body down until her bottom it hit the floor. The gross, stupid, little pee stick sat in her hands, it’s dark truth blaring right in her face. She could always run away to escape the organization, but she knew that she would most certainly be found eventually. The boss didn’t like loose ends. That much Fexa knew.

It must have been a fluke. A fake. A false positive. There was no other way. But there wasn’t any other means to figure out the truth before the obvious signs. Well, actually there was one other way to find out sooner, but that was something Fexa really didn’t want to do.

---

After a couple hours of deliberation, Fexa decided that this ‘other way’ was a better idea than finding out the truth when it was too late.

It was a little late in the day, but the lights in the castle’s laboratory were still on, meaning that the organization’s resident genius was still hard at work. He normally didn’t like being disturbed, but maybe Fexa could catch him in a good mood. She slowly opened the door, peeking in. Inside stood Vexen looking down at what appeared like a microbe culture under a microscope.

“He-Hey Vexen. What’re you up to today?” Fexa asked as she entered the lab. Vexen looked up from his microscope and actually didn’t look as pissed off as he normally did .

“Oh, Hello Number XV. I was actually looking over some of the samples you procured for me last week. These fungal samples have been very helpful to me in the pursuit of knowledge on the regrowth of cells in an organism.”

Fexa often worked in the lab as Vexen’s assistant when there wasn’t as much work to do in the way of missions. It had luckily worked to her advantage here that because of the work that she did in the lab had a fairly low margin of error, Vexen went as far as to view her as a semi-competent person. That was an honor that few ever could dream to achieve, especially in this organization.

“Oh, well I’m glad I could help.” She tried  to be as courteous as possible, knowing how much she was about to ask of this man. Her hands slide down the front of  her coat, feeling the shape of the stupid pee stick through the fabric of the pocket. “I…uh ..  I actually came to ask you a question that I was hoping you’d know the answer to.”

For the first time, the scientist looked up to meet Fexa’s gaze and gave her a curious , yet deadpan expression, urging her to continue. You know, the classic Vexen look of ‘get on with it so I can do my work in peace’.

“So.. Uh… Do… uhh…. Do nobodies reproduce?” She asked nervously. Normally she was never this timid but this was a bit of a crucial moment. Vexen held his gaze another moment before giving an exasperated sigh and putting a hand to his temple.

“Oh, Number XV, Don’t bother me with such ridiculous questions. You and I both obviously know that when a person loses their heart to a heartless, the shell of the body that’s left becomes a nobody.. That’s how you got here, and that’s how I got here.” Vexen states, with a kind of annoyed tone as he starts to turn to his microscope.

“No-- No. I know That.” she replied, mildly embarrassed at the misconception.  He turned back to face the small woman, again. “Then why did you come all the way down to my lab to ask me a question that you already knew.”“Well, I meant.. Can a Nobody.. You know.. Get…. pregnant?”As the last word left her lips, Vexen looked up at woman and scrunched his face as if she said the most absurd thing in the world.

”Pregnant? Well…” he paused briefly to turn his attention to one of the books in the glass cabinet behind him. That cabinet was one of the few places that Fexa wasn’t allowed access to. Probably data sheets or something. “There are no recorded confirmed cases of nobodies ever reproducing by the way of.. Ahem… traditional methods...” He coughs, mildly uncomfortable at the thought of his lab assistant fucking anyone. He suddenly looked very tired “But why… do you ask?”

Fexa reached into her pocket, taking a deep breath before pulling the pregnancy test out and holding it up to him, the blue lucky emblem facing up. “Because it seems like I might be your first case.”

Vexen looked down at the strange thing in the woman’s hand. It looked like some crappy piece of plastic. Not at all like a proper instrument of science. Without moving his head, the scientist’s eyes glanced up to his assistant’s face.

“What is this thing and why are you showing it to me?”

Fexa looked back at him, deadpan. “Really?  It’s a pregnancy test, Vexen. I bought it in Radiant Garden. It’s blue which usually means pregnant. I have no one else that could possibly have any idea what to do with this kind of information. Can you help me or can’t you?”

Stroking his ego seemed to have helped his mood a little bit. It always did. Praise him for his brilliant mind, he was putty in your hands. He looks down at the piece of plastic again, and then back at her . The plastic, and then her again, the gears in his head clearly turning. After another moment of torturous silence, Vexen spoke.

“Alright, come with me.” He motions to the back of the lab, before walking back to a corner of the lab and motioning Fexa to sit on a metal medical observation table.

“I’ve always wondered this, but why do you have a medical table in the lab? You’re not a doctor.”

“Don’t ask me questions about my life XV,” he held  up the plastic stick in his hand, matter of factly. “and I won’t question yours, within reason.”

_______

“Well, I have tested your blood, your saliva, your urine and any other bodily fluid I could think of. I scanned the proteins and hormones in your body and compared them to any other human being with full heart. And from my deductions, it’s fairly obvious to say that, yes, you are the first recorded nobody to ever conceive. Congratulations, This is a great day for science.”

He’s a little too happy about this. Honestly, He sounded  like he was congratulating himself more than he was Fexa. But that didn’t matter now.. He looked up to her with a smile on his face that she rarely ever saw and a glint in his eye that meant that he was onto something.

“XV, with your permission, I would like to continue studying you, and this,” He gestured to her midsection. “to see where this gestation process ends up. I’d also like to monitor the fetus and see what we can learn from it. With your help, we can make amazing strides in discovery for Nobodies and for the Organization!”

Yeah. Way too excited. But he had an offer on the table. With it, Fexa gained a free doctor and someone to help her. Seemed like a good shot.

“Alright, Vexen, I am willing to accept your offer. But I have some conditions. The first being that NO ONE else finds out about this. No. One. This must remain a secret between us until I deem it right to reveal. This is my secret.”, Her mind then flashed to the thought of Lord Xemnas turning her into a dusk. “My second condition is that you tell the superiors that you need me in the lab every day. Do whatever you can that will keep me in this lab as much as possible. I can’t have anyone finding out the truth or finding out that my ability on missions will be affected.”The scientist pondered her counter offer for a moment. Not too long afterwards, he responded

“Hmmm.. Very well, XV, you have yourself a deal. You are officially my full time lab assistant. I will use whatever leverage I still have in this wretched place to aid you in this grand caper.” He looked at Fexa and gave her a soft smile. A genuine one. That was... new. She was a little perturbed, but the icy smile was mildly comforting. At least she  now had a confidante. She just never expected for that confidante to be Vexen, the Ice Queen.

So... What Now?

A/n: Thank you so much for reading chapter 2! I know Xigbar wasn’t in this chapter at all, but don’t worry, he’ll be plenty back in Chapter 3! 

[hotdadlicense]

ahh for my dearest zhenya @fapfapfashion lover! heres that bfu post i said id make for you like monnnnnths ago i PROMISE i never forgot! just :(:( life. but anyway this was FUN i love youuuu! disclaimer: im not rly in the fandom this is all stuff i see through like just some friends reblogging stuff every now and again and whenever i go to the tag to find stuff sometimes but ANWAY I HOPE its semi coherent <3<3<3 love YOU.

OKAY I FEEL LIKE i said YEH ILL MAKE YOU A MASTERPOST FUCK YEAH but now im like hmmm making a buzzfeed unsolved masterpost is.......not that much cos its like? all there on their youtube channels like its not like music or stuff where theres yknow albums! singles! unreleased songs! special live performances! music videos! documentaries! band info! like its all over on buzzfeed multiplayer youtube and buzzfeed unsolved network youtube but whatever i can ramble about dumb shit and link some stuff so ayeee.

heres the links to the actual videos:

SUPERNATURAL

+ season one // two // three // four // five

+ supernatural: postmortem

TRUE CRIME

season one // two // three // four

+ true crime: postmortem

all eps in order (including postmortem)

personal favs

a vid that bab @chantillystars linked me and i watch it every time im feelin not fresh so i can smile

someone elses better done video round up master post! op ur incredible

now under the cut cos i realy did ramble :(

okay so THE HOSTS!

RYAN BERGARA (insta//twitter)

the fucking creator and inventer of bfu its his baby and im so proud of him and how far its come <3

when the season finale of the latest supernatural premiered it trended at number 1 over the fucking new lion king trailer and he got emo on twitter and insta about it and i cried a lil bit

fucking loves sports basketball or whatever themeparks popcorn and paddington bear

not scared enough of ghosts to not sleep in a haunted house but is scared enough that he absolutely will scream the whole entire time that he is in said haunted house

first ghost encounter was on the queen mary when he was a teenager. the ghost knocked his toothpaste of the shelf and he freaked. and now he has shat his pants at every bump in the night since. icon!

works his ass for to produce mass amounts of content for us like its fucking insane? all up there are like 9 seasons of bfu plus post-mortems and its only been going since 2014?? plus everything else hes got happening??

rly sweet and funny but like in a frat boi kinda way but like. a frat boi you could trust?

SHANE MADEJ (insta//twitter)

wasnt actually the original cohost!

(BRENT was the orignal host but had to beg out a couple episodes in cos he was juggling too many commitments so which fair!)

ryan and shane were desk partners and longtime buzzfeed pals that ? if i remember correctly? interned together back when they first started?

ryan turned to shane one day and was like ‘yo, wanna cohost this show with me?’ and shane was like 'sure.’ and honestly trying to picture it now without shane?? okay ryan and shane just bounce off each other so well theyre like a dream team. god bless them being desk buddies and work pals.

shanes a freak

does not believe in ghosts spirits orbs and all things that go bump in the night like he seems to genuinely want to but like. science and his big ass brain wont let him.

very smart! can rly work a patterned floral shirt! or plaid! kinda gives a dad vibe in glasses but then he talks and its like okay please never supervise a child!

v into history! so much so that he has his own lil show on buzzfeed aka:

RUINING HISTORY

stars him along with ryan and sara (his beautiful and smart and talented gf who also works at buzzfeed <3) with some other ever changing cohosts

hes also responsible for The Hot Dog Saga aka THE HOTDAGA and i know there are people that adore it but! in their own words! id rather walk into the sea.

ryan, too, hates the hotdaga and i feel like this was? about the hotdaga after shane sung something fuck if i remmebr

RYAN + SHANE

these gifs are from the ?second ep? i saw of them honestly it rly sums up the ryan/shane dynamic i guess

but like. the way ryan looks and laughs whenever shane says something mildly funny? hearteyes mutherfucker

above when i said shanes a freak? yeah.

ryan letting shane live as long as he has? true friendship

whenever theyre at the lil desk in their lil basement talking cases shane just talks shit and ryan just lets him and i fucking love them

the LAST FRAME

oh one time they lucked out with a hotel that had a jacuzzi tub <3

yknow what? this was actually kinda sweet. like yeh bitch

shane madej: nations greatest tragedy.

i can hear this in my head just looking at these gifs and it makes me laugh everytime and thats BAD cos a child fucking died

shanes a freak pt.2

OH SHIT one time in postmortem they joked that brent was coming back and shane was leaving and fuck? they had to actually address that it was a joke fUCK

its not all shittalking and screaming there really is some fond and happy shit too

bfu most recognisable and iconic line.

shanes hottest pick up lines when hes on site

the comments on the video for this ep about this part are fucking hilarious please read when you watch that ep

okay its common knowledge that shanes a demon which ill tlak about in a sec but THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE? ryans the fucking demon. like the way hes just standing there, hands clasped behind his back, giving shane (whos acting like a CHILD) that Look? demon bout to kill the dumbass chillin at a haunted house on halloween. come to collet a soul or 10. magical!

OKAY SO SHANE TALKS SOME BIG GAME IN THE EPS but HIS love for ryan will always melt my heart like HE LOVES and cares about ryan so much and supports buzzfeed unsolved so much and whenever things get dumb on social media shanes ready to call it out and make a post or just like. praise ryan (like he rightfully deserves) and yeah im emo about it anyway hes shane being cute part one and heres shane REALLY FUCKING going all out (!!!!!!!!!!.meme)i LOVE him also being cute part two

‘id walk into the sea.’

shanes a freak pt.3

ryan: “Are ghosts real?” shane: *this dumb face*

NERDS

i laughed for like 10 minutes the first time i watched this part thankyou shane

THEM LAUGHING TILL THEY CRIED ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DIED PLAYING THE PIANO

a real insight to shanes mind

ryan really puts up with this

shane got a bowlcut once just for funsies like okay youre no joba but good job i guess

TROPES/ICONIC MEMES/WAHTEVER:

shanes a demon

+ free real estate.meme

+ the office.meme

+ he aint right

+ JALDSHFK FUCK

+ ryan acknowledging that shane is a demon thankyou

+ like the good thing about having a guest fill in on the few times shanes been away has been ryan always being like okay so the demons not here so lets just acknowledge That

goatsman bridge

+ the video that started all this aka the one you reblogged hehhehe

+ what a fucking JOKE

+ an absolute JOKE

+ bridge owner fuck OFF

+ ksdjhfgjhsdkj.meme

sallie house

+ shane was insufferable this episode i fell in love for real how did ryan LIVE

+ like imagine trying to feel your heart beating while fucking shanes over there doing That

+ rock n roll buckaroo

+ swell has become apart of my daily vocal i hate

bobby mack

+ ‘hey there demons. its me, ya boi.’

+ ‘and frankly i dont believe in you, so i feel like im writing a letter to santa claus right now.’

+ tweet.meme

+ overall a great ep

+ can shane calm the fuck down okay i need ryan to make it out of this SAFELY and ALIVE

father thomas

+ ryans FACE also shane being that annoying sibling to ur parents

+ father thomas really went into this thinking he could help these boys to be fair shane was taking notes. ryan was just? dying inside

+ freak

+ imagine being like a 70 yr old priest hearing some dudes walking into ur congregation and overhearing ‘jesus said chill.’

bigfoot

+ ryan does not rly believe in bigfoot but shane does so like you win some you lose some

+ in the least shippy way possible this epsiode is ultimate soft gays going on a hike

+ like its just such a sweet domestic ep

+ <3

+ just happy babbey

[o-taryn-o]

Watching The Last Jedi Thoughts and Reactions

I’ve been obsessed with reading Reylo fan fiction since the opening night I saw TLJ. Ive seen this movie a lot but thought it would be fun to watch it again and react. I guess I had a lot to comment on Rose and Finn and also DJ. Enjoy~

Wow these opening credits are super vague…

I really love this opening scene it’s 100% my favorite Star Wars opening.

Carrie Fishers daughter is super cool. Hux looks v tired and/or on drugs.

Sansa’s insane aunt from Game of Thrones. Love BB-8, I ship Poe and Hux more then Hux and Kylo tho. “punch it!” I love that they have enough time to say cute one liners when piloting a ship. THIS SCENE IS EDITED SO FUCKING WELL THOOOO. Its literally FLAWLESSLY edited. 2nd “punch it!” When the bombers show up my heart starts beating faster, my favorite action sequence ever. Not even thinking about how theres no gravity in space. I love Paige so much! Have I ever seen a asian woman save the day in a movie ever? Why are her hands so beautiful? I LOVE THE COSTUMES OF THIS MOVIE. I wonder where Kylo is? Finn bb!! I wonder why he’s in a storage room? This movie is SO SEXUAL. Love me some beautiful island porn. LOVE that Luke throws the saber, love subverting expectations. “Master Skywalker?” is so cute I have such a crush on Rey. Wow the huts are so cute. Daisy is literally so beautiful, want to be and also kiss her.  Progs, so cute. Rey literally doesn’t waste anything love it she takes the books later also. “Where’s Han?” and then cuts to Kylo love it. The fuck is a “cur”? ADAM DRIVER fuck. This room is so red, its so pretty. This movie is visually STUNNING. Ben’s hair is fucking glorious, also look at those LIPS! I just want him to be with Rey and happy. Ben is fucking loosing his mind Ryan made him look so broken I love it. “Prepare my ship!” is so sexy. Rey’s accent is so perfect. Literally what Luke said he doesn’t want to do he does by the end of the movie. Love poncho Rey! This island is so fucking cool I need more high quality pictures going around. The green milk is so funny. I love that Rey looks away from the creature in embarrassment but then not Ben’s naked chest. I need to take so many screenshots of this movie, theres so many moments people forget! Rey in the tree, so beautiful, I can’t wait to find out id those books give us any information next film. I hope the next film starts with the vision Rey and Ben saw next film. I want to see Reys dreams. I miss Carrie. 

Poe is so annoying, Leia is so right. What a great line, “get your head out of your cockpit”. How does Finn know what the binary beacon is? THIS is when shit goes down. I really like that everything in this movie goes wrong. “Follow my lead” so sexy. Ben is literally crying feeling his mothers presence. And yet people thing this isn’t a redemption story. *shakes my head* Even The First Orders uniforms are so crispty its beautiful. I really like that Leia saved herself. Finn looks so good in that jacket I’m so excited for his blue pants look. Chewy and Porgs is all I ever needed. The lights in the cockpit of the falcon are really beautiful. The shots in this movie are GORGEOUS. I feel like R2 has a really dirty mouth. I can’t wait for Ben and Rey to escape with the falcon from somewhere and then takeout. IM SO READY.  Luke is kinda creepy? Never liked Luke, Leia should have been the protagonist of the original trilogy. HOLDO is a BABE! Love her look and tone and everything she saids is bomb. I love that she talks about everyone else in the galaxy and the importance of keeping everyone hopeful. Why is there so much sexual tension between Poe and EVERYONE? I do feel like Poe is bi tho. Holdo is RIGHT, Poe is annoying and a dick. Sorry I don’t make the rules. He’s hot but wrong. Finn and Rose are so GOOD, it makes me so happy this whole scene. I’m sorry bb Rose I wish I could give her a hug. “Doing talking…” haha I love Kelly so much. Rose is v smart and I love that she stuns him and then drags him. DRAG HIM GIRL. All the men in this movie are making mistakes and the women are being smart this is true to life. Rose and Finn are honestly so perfect together. Its so annoying that Finn and Poe keep interrupting Rose, also true to life.  Maz in the next movie is gonna be into Reylo. Also “union dispute?” what the hell is Maz talking about? How and why does Poe know Maz? I love sleepy Rey, Ben isn’t even mad when he sees her. He looks her up and down so many times throughout this movie. He’s so in love before she is, its cute. Reys outfit is perfection. What Rey said actually wasn’t completely wrong. “s tension, a balance” REYLO! I love that they go into what the force is in this movie. Porgs on the ship is so cute, so is Rey in rain. Ben with his questions, I like that Ben is actually listening to her to see how she feels about him. HE LOOKED AT HER LIPS! WET GLOVES. Finn is so distracted. Pretty cool looks in the casino, those glasses are sweet. Finn/John is so hot. Love watching Rey with her staff. I need one of those belts. An ICON. Could listen to Rey’s theme all day. I feel so bad for the locals, Reys a little bit of a dick. Right when she decides to follow Luke I need that gif! This conversation is great but all I can focus on is the fact that Luke saids “huberous” twice always makes me anxious. I love space operas. Men failing, *a theme*. “I need someone to show me my place in all this” its Ben baby! DJ is cool, why does nobody talk about him. He’s such a interesting character. BB-8 is a badass. Fathiers are so beautiful. It was unnessicary for them to crash through the window and run inside, this whole case is too long. I can’t believe that they have already filmed most of the next movie. I like that Leia and Luke are talking. Now Reys asking the questions, she’s trying to understand him, she wants to understand him. I haven’t noticed till now how inconsistent their voices are over the force. Sleeping baby Ben is my favorite, with his calligraphy set? Precious. Did he show her his past? Or does she just believe him? I want to see the other cut scenes from Reys storyline. Its really cool to see Rey mirroring herself. This is a really cool scene. I’m so happy Ben has long hair in Episode 9. Bens already crying just from her telling him about how lonely she is!! They are eye fucking rn, I know what that look is. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SEEING!!! Luke fucking ruins everything. Ben must be freaking out rn. Yeah get him Rey! I love this fight in the rain. Rey is right. The thing is like how do you know someones completely evil? Who makes that judgement call? This scene is cool, love the look of Yoda. Its a lot of pressure on Rey to continue the Jedi order if she’s the one who knows all the stuff in the books, Im glad she grabbed them. “The greatest teacher failure is”, “we are what they grow beyond” GREAT QUOTES. Rose is a badass. DJ is kinda right tho. “Let me learn you something big” so funny. No one can tell me Rey didn’t wash up and get pretty for meeting Ben. Ben made sure he was the first face she saw, he looks hot. Sweet hacking skills. The iron is really fun editing, they all look really good in the uniforms. The first shot of the elevator scene is so sexual, Ben holding her lightsaber in front of him with her hands in handcuffs. Oofff.  Ryan made this scene as sexy as he could. Its so intimate. They want each other so bad. Rey whispers and leans in. Ben is so soft. His trying to hard to focus on his goal of killing Snoke and saving Rey. Rose is so salty “of course you do”. I feel like everyone puts up with Poe because he’s hot,  because he’s a dick. Another failed plan. Yeah Leia get him! I love that she just shoots. Her daughter surrendering is really funny. Leia and Holdo are so cute I hope they made out one night really drunk when they were younger that was ,y first thought when they held hands. I absolutely love Holdo’s hair. Reys outfit in the throne room is so cool. She’s so strong, Ben is trying so hard to keep it together in the back. Theres no way Snoke bridged their minds. Ben got so scared when he said that. “No” she’s so strong. Ben looks so sad. Oscar Issacs ass is fine! John is really good in this scene and Rose’s scream is terrifying. Murder in Bens eyes. Its really scary that Snoke has so much control over Rey. Rey with Bens saber is all I ever needed. Bens gloved fingers are v sexy. Also THAT FLICK! When they look at each other they know, there in love. THIS FIGHT IS EVERYTHING! When DJ saids “maybe” I felt that. They are so powerful together. I love watching them fight together, can’t wait for the 9! Ben fighting off 3 guards is so hot. Rey dropping her saber and backhanding ir is really hot. Wow this moment is so intense its so quiet. Im so mad Ben didn’t stop the fleet though. The way he saids Rey, why are both of their voices so hot. I need Rey to tell him off in the next movie the way he’s telling off her parents. “Please” murders me. Rey is so smart, she knows he isn’t good yet. This is Rey’s moment of “I know what I have to do” Its crazy that Rose and Finn almost died by being beheaded! The silent part is so beautiful. Why was Phasma so far away? BB-8 in that thing is pretty weird though. Finn is so powerful. He’s super reckless in this film. Rose is so good I want to be her and slide hug her. “Rebel scum” is such a good line. Snokes lower body falling off the throne is super graphic. Ben is so mad Rey left. I can’t wait to see more of soft Ben, I don’t like him choking Hux even though its Hux. Rose and Finn are very lucky they made it below that door. I think everyone always thinks of Rose and Finn as cute and funny, but they are honestly serious and smart. So many people died in this movie. I don’t understand how they aren’t wearing goggles if its salt, they would be crying right now. This run takes a lot more time then it is distance wise. Its so pretty though, so I don’t care. Rey and Chewy saving the day is my favorite thing. “Wooh I like this!” so cute. I love watching Rey shoot. The crystal creatures are so pretty. Finn no! Yes Rose! “I saved you… dummy. Thats how were gonna win, not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” Rose is right everyone! Listen up! Why does Ben say “no prisoners”, maybe he is bad? I love Reylo I don’t understand I believe in Ben. Is he lying to himself? Could he actually kill his mother? Luke and Leia are so sweet. Also their conversation about Ben makes everything more confusing, so he’s not gone? Aw Luke kissing Leia’s forehead is really sweet. Lukes wink is funny. This music is so good. Finn taking care of Rose is my favorite thing. The editing is so beautiful. Rey in snow >>>> Also “Lifting rocks” how does she know thats what normal Jedi start training with? Ben is such a baby in this scene, he’s so upset. I love that Rey and Finn normalize intimate friendship. Ben is the truest definition of a ‘Dark Prince’ if Ive ever seen one. I’m really glad Luke died here, its time, the sunset it really nice. 

Bens eyes say it all here. Chewy and Leia so sweet. Reys smile is so AWW. Finn putting a blanket on Rose is the best. Rey knows she’s thinking about Ben. “We have everything we need” I bet Leia had a big part in 9 I’m so sad Carrie is gone :(

This last scene with the kids is really the perfect ending, HOPE.

[farklelucas]

yo yo yo. so i loved the buzzfeed high ships headcanons and saw in the tags that you wanted to talk abt jen so please. go ahead. tell me everything about her. and jelsey?? an amazing ship i neeeeed to know more. sincerely, the ladylike anon. (also sorry if i’m annoying you but i love this series so freaking much!!)

ladylike anon can we please be best friends(you are literally never annoying i love this series toooooo)

jen is so fucking. Complicated. like she is at once one of the most talented and and most messy people on the team. like she always gets thrown and she’s really good at it and she’s really strong and makes a great bottom of the pyramid but sometimes. she just falls over. like there’s nothing even to trip over she just falls bc she’s a clumsy mess. god.

when you look at her, this obviously awkward tomboy lesbian, ur first thought is not cheerleader. and tbh she wasn’t even gonna be one at first. like she didn’t even know try outs were that day. she literally wandered into the gym in her fucking muscle top, confused, like ‘oh sorry i was going to play soccer in here’ but freddie immediately noticed her slight stature and strength and was like ‘hm…… maybe………… we should look into this’

she wears flannels or something flannel-patterned literally every day. like if it’s not an actual flannel it’s flannel vans or a snapback or a bracelet or leggings. you can’t stop it. the other cheerleaders are confused by how much flannel she actually owns. 

they dare her to construct a full flannel outfit. she pulls through.

sometimes she just fucking. climbs. they’re having a cheerleader sleepover and chanti is like ‘alright time for manicures! devin can you put the alcohol down. no, kristin, calm - fred - wait where the fuck -’ and jen is actually on top of the fridge, nerf gun in one hand and a bag of hot cheetos in the other, gun poised at devin’s drink

she is not just mischievous though obviously she’s also just such…. a good friend. like she genuinely loves with all her heart and she’s so sweet and kind. she goes with freddie when she wants to get her first tattoo and holds her hand the whole time. when someone in a poly relationship wants to bring multiple dates to prom and the headmaster won’t allow it she helps campaign for them. she consoles chanti when she and ash get into a fight. she takes kelsey on a date night to a cat shelter even though she’s allergic. (this really happened btw god i love jen.)

besides the ladylike gang, she and steven are Best Fucking Friends. they have sleepovers and skateboard and make fun of each other’s hair (even though jen actually loves steven’s hair, she thinks the blonde/silver is really cool) and they even go to church together sometimes (she’s not religious but she loves him so it’s cool). she’s also friends with niki, an underclassman, and they go to the gsa meetings and talk about how great their girlfriends are and go get spicy food. sometimes she, niki, and steven will all play video games together although niki and steven aren’t close.

okay i can go on about just jen all day but im gonna move on to jelsey lol

like i said jen takes kelsey to a cat shelter and kelsey Cries. and that’s when she knows she is In Love. she doesn’t say it but she knows.

kelsey likes to drink. a lot. and she’s v good at it. jen doesn’t drink as often but she’ll go with kelsey to parties and make sure she’s safe and occasionally listens to her drunken ramblings with raised eyebrows and takes snapchat pics and videos

they watch sad movies a lot. that’s their favorite activity. they both cry a lot. but on date night, for like a month straight, they just watch sad movies every time. me and earl and the dying girl, up, marley and me. (jen weeps at the last one.)

they take a lot of pictures for instagram. so many. it’s really ridiculous. and they often make other people take them. (you have no idea how many times zach has laid flat on the ground or ryan has climbed on top of something to take pictures of the two of them.) they’re VERY tumblr aesthetic wlw couple.

sexting is. so fucking funny. bc kelsey loves sexting but jen is not The Best at it and sometimes kelsey will start just bc she know jen will flounder which. jen is so cute when she flounders. god.

OKAY IM SORRY BUT IM BRINGING BACK THE PROM HEADCANON BC IT’S MY FAVORITE. okay so they are literally that couple that’s that one tumblr post - my femme wife, after spending three hours getting ready: okay babe ready to go. my butch ass, putting on a tank top: okay babe you look amazing let’s go. so like for prom, kelsey starts getting ready at 3:30 pm (the prom begins at 8 pm) and jen is done in 30 minutes by like 5, in a suit and a bowtie that matches kelsey’s dress, so she comes over and helps kelsey get ready. everyone is like “no you can’t see each other!!!!!1!!!1!” and they’re like “chillax we’re not getting married” and kelsey lets jen do her eyeliner bc jen is a pro.

this got out of hand but ANYWAY y’all can check out my buzzfeed series for more jen, ladylike, and jelsey

[disappearingground]

Canada.com Q&A: Jenny Lewis

Canada.com August 4, 2014

Q&A: Jenny Lewis talks breaking up Rilo Kiley, Twitter messaging Ryan Adams and how Ben Gibbard saved her career

By Jon Dekel

When L.A. group Rilo Kiley disbanded in 2011 it left lead singer Jenny Lewis without a musical safety net for the first time in over a decade. Three years later, Lewis is releasing The Voyager, her third solo album. Produced by fellow critical darlings Ryan Adams, Beck and Lewis’ longtime partner Johnathan Rice, Voyager was six years and one bout of extreme insomnia in the making. Jonathan Dekel spoke with Lewis about the band’s breakup, dealing with sexism in the music industry and how a call from good friend Ben Gibbard may have saved her life.

Q: It’s been six years since your last solo album, Acid Tongue. What have you been up to? A: I toured with the Postal Service last year and composed two scores for independent films (Anne Hathaway film Song One and Elizabeth Olsen’s Very Good Girls). But I had to take a creative breather as well. I’d been making a record every year or two and touring the world and I think it just sort of caught up with me. I’d been non-stop since the 80s. I started working when I was three years old.

Q: After so many years working and touring, was it hard to adjust to staying at home? A: When I’m not working is when I tend to freak out a bit. It’s hard for me to just stay home. But I also didn’t know what I wanted to say with this record; how I wanted it to sound. The freedom of not having a rock band, as well, allowed me to do whatever I wanted on this record.

Q: Meaning you didn’t feel the same freedom on your previous solo albums? A: I never intended to do solo records. I was asked to do it by my friend, Conor Oberst, who was starting a label. I never envisioned myself as a solo artist, I was always part of a band. But with my band finally breaking up, it allowed me the freedom.

Q: I’ve had some trouble finding a definitive statement that Rilo Kiley broke up. Last year you told Buzzfeed that the band never actually broke up. So, on the record, is Rilo Kiley over? A: Yes.

Q: Officially? A: Yes. Maybe not forever but we’re not playing music together right now. You wouldn’t want to be in a rock band, trust me. Shit’s bananas.

Q: What do you mean? A: Relationships are hard enough anyway, but there’s financial responsibilities and there’s proximities — you’re living on top of one another. And to have your ex in the band complicates things. But it’s great fun and when it works it works.

Q: You said the breakup granted you freedom. What were you able to do on Voyager that you hadn’t done previously? A: I felt like I could reach out to producers to help me get there so I reached out to Ryan Adams and Beck. Which I don’t think I would have done had I still been in the band.

Q: Why? A: Because I feel like I would have felt guilty.

Q: Like you were cheating on them? A: Yes! Which I felt anyway with my own music. I think I would have thought, ‘Why wouldn’t I ask them to produce Rilo Kiley? Why would I keep that to myself?’ But really, working one-on-one with someone, especially an artist that you really respect, is a very intimate experience. I don’t know if I could have rolled in with my band and gotten the same results.

Q: Why did you choose to work with Beck and Ryan Adams? Did you have previous relationships with them? A: No, not really. It was kind of random. I knew Ryan was opening an all analogue tape studio in L.A. and that appealed to me. Also, the stakes were very low and I tend to operate better [in that environment]. So I went to record a song or two and that became the whole record.

Q: What happened with Ryan Adams that convinced you to record the whole album there? A: He convinced me and then he kidnapped my record. And it’s Ryan Adams, he’s a very energetic, unique person and when he’s excited about something it’s totally contagious. He didn’t want to hear what I’d been working on. He didn’t want to hear the songs before we were about to record them. He didn’t care. He just gave me two weeks of his time and we cut the whole thing. Afterwards I reflected on what I’d been working on for a couple of years and there were still a couple songs that had merit like the Beck song and the songs I produced with the other Johnathan.

Q: I heard you DM’d Ryan on Twitter. Is that true? A: I did. I just wrote, “Hey man, can I come in and record a tune?” I don’t know how else you get in touch with that guy.

Q: You went on tour with Postal Service last year. How was that experience? A: Pretty magical. It’s the ideal scenario where you go away for ten years and you come back and sell out two Barclay Centres.

Q: The tour came after a decade of silence and only one album. How did the reunion happen? A: I got a call from (Postal Service and Death Cab for Cutie singer) Ben (Gibbard) and he gave me a year. And I happened to be struggling at that moment with terrible insomnia. I just couldn’t sleep; something was going on physiologically and emotionally and so I thought “I gotta get my shit together because in one year I’ve got to play with my old band.” And it took me about that amount of time to just get back to sleep.

Q: You refer to your insomnia on the album. What do you think set it off? A: Many different reasons. We all experience health issues and when you grow up on the road like I did you don’t take a lot of time to take care of yourself and I neglected a lot of things which just caught up with me.

Q: And Ben’s call helped you refocus? A: I love Ben but he is a perfect performer and really demands perfection so I knew I had to play the parts right.

Q: You’ve worked with him on several different projects and he was also famously going through his own issues (with alcoholism and divorce). Did he coach you back to health? A: He always does. I talk to him all the time and we’ve been through some shit together. And I’m always there for him and vice-versa. And (Postal Service’s) Jimmy (Tamborello) too. They knew what was going on with me so they were very gentle and kind. It sounds so fucking cheesy but sometimes you just need people to believe you can do it for you to do it.

Q: On your first single, “Just One of the Guys” you smirkingly tackle a subject not often discussed in popular music. Have you been surprised at the response the song has received? A: It’s interesting you bring that up. I did an interview with the Globe and Mail and the interviewer told me I needed a hug. I was like, first of all why are you reading into the lyrics of that song? It’s intended to be funny, in some ways, so obviously you didn’t get the humour in it. And that’s my choice as a woman, that’s the whole point of that song: if I don’t want to have kids I don’t want to have kids and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not saying that I won’t someday but I’m talking about an issue that isn’t often talked about in music. So I think there’s that and I think there’s still the comparison between female artists to each other like, “she’s good among this (group of female songwriters).” But really I just want to be a songwriter. And I’ve had to work really hard and I’ve had to fight for my rights as a female front-person of a band.

Q: What do you mean? A: I think I discovered my voice within my band and when I started asserting myself more, musically… the melody and the lyrics were always my job but when I started understanding music a bit more it created tension and I had to work through that. I certainly still have so much to learn and I learn with all my collaborators but I have an understanding of how to record and what gear to use. It’s different if you’re working with someone like Ryan because you have to submit because you want something but at the end of the day I knew it was my call because it was my record.

But I do think we’re in a really great place where there are some mighty women topping the charts. Did you see what Nirvana did at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? That was the only way to do that, in my opinion. And it was a cool feminist way to accept that honour.

Q: So in your opinion, society is moving in the right direction when it comes to feminism? A: I think we’re squeaking towards something. But then again consider the Hobby Lobby ruling that the U.S. Supreme Court just passed. That’s absolutely insane. It’s insane. And the fact that we’re having that discussion on that level is absolutely insane. But every couple of years there’s always some attempt to roll back Roe V. Wade.

For me personally, I just try to prove myself in my work. I’m just trying to get better at what I do and hopefully that will impact women in music and hopefully the girls in the crowd will see me up there as a bandleader and think, ‘Wow, maybe I can do that one day.’

Q: You’re playing “Just One of the Guys” for our session. What does that song mean to you? A: It’s supposed to be humorous in a way. I mean it’s a serious song with a serious subject matter but there’s something about it that’s playful and that’s the only reason that I can play it every night without needing a hug.

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 8: I think I'll call her Vengeance. - Adam

So tonight went well. We didn't have to go to tribal council and Nahte voted out the person I, literally, did not want to meet up with if we swapped again or merged. I don't know Cole, so maybe he's a decent guy, but I've seen and heard some things that were uglie that I just didn't want to deal with. But anyways. This fucking challenge. Honestly, it's like demon music. It's like Satan himself threw up into my ears. UGH.

I know what you're thinking. Adam crushed another redemption challenge? That means it's time for whiny McBitchersons 3 right? Wrong, this episode has been cut short to make room for this heartfelt speech about my love for Andreas: Andreas, Love is like a flower, It only blooms when you're both on redemption and you keep winning together and staying alive and being the only person I talk to right now. And I know I never tell you truthfully how well I'm doing in the challenge but that's only because it's a stupid thing to ask and I'm of course going to lie because although I want you to stay alive too I still want you to only be second best because if for some reason one of the other bitches ever did better than us I still want to stay alive. I had a dream, that one day we would both emerge from the island together, and return to the game we were so wrongfully terminated from. But sometimes you have to wake up from the dream, and realize it's only me or you. And I'm glad it's either one of us, because none of these other weak ass hoes who came to redemption ever deserved it. Like check out these lame fucking scores they all gave. It's like they hardly even tried. The ones that actually tried that is! How many people just straight up quit when they get to redemption? I seen two so far and that shit is funny, it's like you ain't even want it at all! Must be scared or just feelin shitty about being voted out. But bitch we all feel shitty after being voted out! You gotta harness that fury and channel it into your redemption challenges. I'm getting a little off track here, but the point was Andreas is my dude, and while I won't really swear to avenge you because I'm pretty sure the people who voted you out are the friends that I was voted out for having, so it's like if I ever get back I probably won't have much of a choice of who to work with, BUT if given the opportunity I will do right by you, because your chill and friendly and it seems like they did you wrong. So, if I win cool, if you win whatever, that sucks for me but better than someone like Cole winning redemption after just being voted out, cuz this challenge really is anyone's game. So good luck dude. I'm rootin for us

I hate this challenge. There is no way I'm going to be able to discern anything. I know that whoever wins that most useful will probably go the isle. So like I can't wait to get voted out.

This challenge sucks! It is so hard to hear all the different songs. Right now my tribe is very quiet. I hope we have a swap soon so I can have a more active tribe, I haven't talked to anyone one on one in DAYS. Except Drew, he's the only one who seems to make any kind of effort. I'm pretty sure that Regan and Charlotte are aligned but are not saying anything. Why else would they keep trying to be the ones to go to Jordan Island? It is suspicious all right! Lets hope we win immunity so I can do no work for another day :-)

At this point I'm not sure if I'll win. I have a feeling my time is running out. I'm gonna have to do some wicked talking to Adam and see if I can convince him to fall on the sword for me lmao. Doubt it'll happen but you never know. If I can't, then Im gonna give him my idol in the hopes that he can actually do something with it. I'm kind of scared. Redemption Island has always been so good to me... plz dont fuck me over

I feel like I confess too much and I'm going to cringe when I read them back once the season is over. We're about 21 minutes away from the challenge deadline and I just don't know what's going to happen. I think we relied way too heavily on Shazam, but the other tribes are probably going to do the same thing. It's basically going to come down to luck on this one, I think... and who has the more wrong answers to deduct points. Also if Situations isn't that emo song at the beginning, I'm quitting the game right here, right now. No joke. 

GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE I FORGOT KAREN WAS EVEN ON THIS TRIBE SINCE SHE CONTRIBUTED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?? WHAT A FUCKING MOOD.

Okay so update. Adam told me that he has 12 songs and I have 17 and we are waiting for results and IM GOING TO PUKE IM SO NERVOUS FUCK

(this is meant for last round oops, put it in there if u can) im so fucking pissed off bc of this damn tribe, i am so done w them like really? THREE people threw, apparently bc i wasnt able to submit like thats a shitty excuse just say u want me out or that u want ur ass to be immune and get idols i cant wait for the one round that despite them throwing, me david and ryan get good enough scores to win and one of us ends up immune i hope cole’s ass gets kicked on redemption and emma can choke too AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA When! Will! This! Neverending! Marathon! Of! Tribal! Councils! End!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LczLqQWCihg&feature=youtu.be https://youtu.be/qmpGefnZ0RQ TO TOP THIS ALL OFF I WANT TO KEEP EMMA AND LILY DOESNT AND ITS DOWN TO THE FOUR OF US AND IDK WHAT IM GOING TO DO EMMA WHY ARE U SO FUCKING USELESS WWHYHGUIJYHFILUWYSHDFILCKEWHSFLCAWEVC9OIWAREUHRWLSD,U]

I think I'll call her Vengeance. Winning this redemption was bitter sweet. Cuz Andreas was the sweet but I'm still bitter. A lot of good came out of this though, I'll make sure of it. Cuz God has a plan and I intend to implement it. You know I was just being friendly at the beginning for fun. You know we're stuck on this island for the same reason, and it's nice to have someone to discuss the game with. But we just kept winning together! Did you know he's the king of redemption? I had no idea. Apparently the dude won like a ton on 3 different seasons. But what's a king to a God ;) It's sad when you really do the math. Because before it was over he told me he got 17, and I only had 12 so I told him you deserve it. I still had hope, because I had faith in my answers so maybe he had made some mistakes, and if he got 3 wrong I won. Turns out he got 4, so if he had just not even guessed those, he would've still had 13 and won. But oh well. We were talking before about it, because he said he wanted to give it to me if he's leaving cuz otherwise it's null. Chrissa gave it to him, cuz she knew she wouldn't win but girl didn't even try. 2000 points? Pathetic. I mean we totally blew it out of the water but still. Anyway we asked to do results earlier at like 9:30 and Jordan took a bit to process the scores and he told us it was 12-9. And well, I think you know whose was whose. It was kinda funny, cuz he yelled MY IDOL!!! and I was like Quick throw it to me!!! It would have been cute if he did an *action* but I guess he's not about that. But anyway I lied before cuz as we said goodbye I asked him if there was anyone he wanted me to murder for him. It felt like the right thing to do. He told me again that Ari really did him dirty. I was hoping he'd say her cuz if he had said like Ryan or Jess her allies I would've had to straight up lie, but Ari I can work with. Idk if they'll not vote me out or not but I don't really have allies going back in anyway. I'm just gonna wing it. So now I've done whatever the blunt equivalent of pouring one out for him is, and I had Jordan find me a picture of my idol to gaze upon, and it's this cute little crab necklace. And I'm just thinking, I think I'll call her Vengeance. 

Alright, so. Tribal's happening soon, and while I am hoping it all works out, a part of me is kinda worried. I know David Robb isn't gonna be going, that's for sure... But I WAS a target, and have been for a little while. Sure, Cole is gone, but Emma might still turn the others against me. I think it's the most logical move, though, because as I said to David earlier... [11:12:07 AM] Lily Owen: So, tbh, here’s my hot take on this [11:12:12 AM] Lily Owen: Emma didn’t contribute [11:12:18 AM] Lily Owen: She threw last round [11:12:22 AM] Lily Owen: Do I need to say it

[blainematters]

For your reading pleasure, a selection of awful fucking quotes from CC’s latest *~masterpiece~*. That’s right, I read all 407 pages so you don’t have to! Unless you too are a complete masochist, in which case go nuts.

This is image heavy, fair warning. Some names have been slightly altered to protect the crazies who would read this and cry.

Audiences found the show’s campiness to be rather charming, its unique underdog spirit resonated with them, and a global phenomenon was born. Nice description of Glee there. Very original. Good work.

Pitying looks were cast upon the unfortunate souls without seats, as if they were third-class passengers on the Titanic. The death of 1500 people in the worst maritime disaster in history is not a funny or clever simile.

Luckily for him, these days Cash had a little help to take the edge off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three large pills and two marijuana gummy bears. This is how the main character treats his anxiety. He takes this combo with whiskey. This apparently makes him ‘completely numb’. 

He thought it was funny how there was hydrocodone, weed, and alcohol flowing through his veins at a work event but he wasn’t the biggest douchebag onstage. Except he really, really is. Funnily enough people on drugs aren’t the best judge of character.

If he responded with something they didn’t like, his social media would be bombarded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of decapitated animals, human feces, and militants destroying priceless artifacts.

“Olá, fucktards,” Davi said—his use of American slang was a work in progress. What. This character is brazilian, and he swears constantly. Those are his only character traits.

“That’s incredible, Huda,” Mo said. “If only diplomacy worked as efficiently as a fandom, there would never be war again.” I’m fucking dying.

“Young lady,” the psychologist said. “I have studied the human mind for more than four decades. I understand the appeal of joining the transgender community, but I promise you, the transgender movement is nothing short of a trend for nonconformists. In fact, it is still considered a mental illness by the World Health Organization.” Sorry, what appeal? What even is this nonsense? Why does it go on for five pages? Why the need to unnecessarily torture the trans character with this when it makes no difference to his storyline? Why?

Mo had suffered from OID (overactive imagination disorder) since childhood. The condition wasn’t officially recognized by the United States Department of Health (because Mo had made it up) but the disorder was just as taxing and consuming as any. From the entire community of people with mental illness: Fuck you CC. Fuck you for this awful, awful thing. Kindly go fuck yourself for pretending you have any understanding of what a mental illness is like to live with. Ugh.

A very good-looking man in his early twenties. He wore thick sunglasses, a black leather jacket, dark jeans, and designer boots. Yes, this is how ‘Cash’ is described. He’s also been previously described as a total mess who hasn’t showered in days, so I’m not totally convinced it’s accurate.

“I’m T0pher C0llins. It is such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter.” T0pher C0llins? Are you fucking shitting me?

“I walked into my bedroom and saw Peaches had taken a huge dump in the middle of my bed, so I had to clean it up and put my comforter in the washer.” This is said by the only girl in the group, in front of ‘Cash’, who she idolises. Because girls are just stupid fucking blabbermouths right?

“-it’s getting asked advice on how to break into the industry from the guy taking a dump in the stall next to you” Oh look, another thing that has never, ever happened.

“You gotta say that shit so no one labels you as a future has-been—that’ll kill a career. Even if it’s obvious you’ll never do anything but the show you’re on, you can’t admit it.” The first honest and realistic thing in this book, and it only took till chapter seven!

“Every time I get any recognition he writes me into a coma or puts me through something horrendous as punishment. After I was on the cover of TV Guide, he put a dangerous stunt into a script and it broke my ankle. After I won a People’s Choice Award, he put my character in a coma for twelve episodes. The list goes on.” I wonder how Ryan Murphy will react when he hears about this character who is so clearly him?

“Nothing is stranger than fanfiction,” Cash said, like a sailor recalling his encounter with a horrible sea creature. THIS ENTIRE BOOK IS REAL LIFE FANFICTION YOU HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE.

“He’s a little jaded, I’ll give you that—but after all the joy he’s given us over the years, the least we can do is let him be a human being. ” Yes, let the straight white cis male tell you all how to think, feel, and act. Your hero isn’t a douche, he’s misunderstood. Let him treat you like shit because who else gets that experience?

The world’s biggest rubber-band ball bounced into the horizon like a deer recently freed from captivity. Chapter nine: ‘Cash’ destroys a national landmark for shits and giggles.

The actor excitedly passed out tickets to Topher, Joey, Sam, and the Sacagawea statue—mistaking it for Mo. He’s also a racist. Are we surprised?

Why is he dancing like an epileptic on roller skates? Aaaaand a joke about epilepsy. I’m sure Hannah loves it.

“What did you do? How did you get over it?” Joey said. “One day I woke up and decided I had had enough.” ‘Cash’ cures his crippling agoraphobia by just going outside. Again, fuck you CC. That is not how mental illness works. Do two seconds of research for fucks sake.

“The night we were all watching the season six finale of Wiz Kids at Joey’s house, I was actually supposed to be watching Billy while my mom was at a Bunco party. I gave him some cold medicine so he would sleep and ran home to check on him every commercial break.” Drug your disabled siblings, your friends will think you’re cool and laugh about instead of telling you  that you’re an awful fucking person. Which you are.

“Then one day, as I was posting a GIF of a decapitated giraffe on her profile, I learned WizKidLiz01 was a little girl with Down syndrome.” Also on the list of things that make you an awful fucking person… plagiarism or no, don’t do this shit.

“So what’s your real name?” Topher asked. “Now, that you’re not going to believe,” Cash said. “It’s Tom Hanks.”

“They were the most eccentric group of stoners Cash had ever seen and he couldn’t take his eyes off them, like they were the subjects of a fascinating nature documentary.” One character is literally screaming her head off with paranoia and scratching invisible bugs in her skin, but hey, watching teenagers on a drug trip is so interesting!

“I think you’re giving him too much credit,” Cash said. “He’ll be long gone by then.” Oh yeah, ‘Cash’ is extremely preoccupied with death. He frequently says shit like this alluding to it. No-one notices.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell the fangirls about the treatment we’ve received today and unleash them upon your establishment like a plague of locusts! They’ll harass you, humiliate you, and chase your wrinkled, old, racist ass into hiding for the rest of your miserable existence! Do I make myself clear?” Um… what? Why would you even?

“Of course the brakes worked, I was just fucking with you,” Cash said. ‘Cash’ continues to be the absolute worst by making someone think she’s going to die. Of course, she somehow she also doesn’t know that James Dean died in a car accident. Sigh.

“But I think we’d know it if he was mentally unbalanced or an addict of some kind.” YOU ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT. YOU LITERALLY JUST DESCRIBED ‘CASH’.

“You lose the right to humanity when you become famous. It’s just the way it is, but I’m not going to whine about it.” Except in this entire book.

“I’m transgender!” Sam declared. “I know what it’s like to have everyone treat you like something you’re not because people have been doing it to me my whole life. I’ve never met someone who could relate—but it’s like everything you just said! We’re both trapped! We’re both prisoners of unfair expectations!” These! things! are! not! comparable! Mostly because ‘Cash’ could leave that life any time, Sam won’t ever stop having to deal with being trans. Shut the fuck up CC. Sam then spends waaaay too much time explaining gender and sexual identity to ‘Cash’ because he’s a complete moron.

Darla spoke with the energy and enthusiasm of a camp counselor on crystal meth. How is this joke in any way appropriate when the main character is clearly a raging drug addict? He’s literally constantly tweaking.

The others stared at Cash in disbelief. It was like a demon living inside of him had taken the reins. Watch as these people we’re supposed to believe all got into prestigious colleges like Colombia and MIT completely fail to recognise the signs of an addict going through withdrawal.

They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. ‘Cash’ is so self-obsessed and full of self-pity he decides to out two people in the group and tell another she’s wasting her life just to make them all feel as awful as he does. What a delightful person huh?

“Joey, I have always wanted a gay best friend. I’m not mad because you hid your orientation from me; I’m just upset because of all the Will & Grace opportunities we’ve missed out on.” ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

He was staring at Topher with a weak smile and his eyes were opened just barely enough to see. He clearly knew who Topher was, but Topher couldn’t place him.

“I have glioblastoma,” Cash said. “That’s a fancy stage name for brain cancer.”

I was fine and could easily hide this until a few days ago, but now I’m so weak and frail you don’t even recognise me. Usually Glioblastoma on the brain stem causes symptoms like seizures, confusion, paralysis, vomiting, dizziness, and loss of basic functions, but I’m a special snowflake and get to stay able-bodied and cognisant until the end!

“In April I started getting these really bad migraines,” Cash explained. “A doctor came to the set and recommended I get a scan. We were behind in production so the producers wouldn’t give me time off to get it done.” It’s all Hollywood’s fault he’s dying! Not his for not getting any fucking treatment. And actors can and do take days off for health reasons, that shit is totally allowed.

“Holy shit,” Topher said. “These are all mine.… You’ve saved every letter I ever wrote to you.…” That’s not totally fucking creepy at all, ‘Cash’.

“He’s not a bad person—he’s got brain cancer! That’s why he’s been behaving the way he has!” That makes everything okay! Except not really. Cancer doesn’t give you a free pass to be an asshole. You aren’t making the most of what life you have left, you’re just being a shithead.

“The actor had had so little control over his life, but his death was exactly how he wanted it to be.” Yes, he dies five days later. No-one wondered about his odd behaviour or suspected he might be sick until they visited him in a hospice. These people must be so stupid they can barely function for this to make sense. He’s been dying for months and nobody at all noticed? Bullshit.

“Oh gosh, I’m so nervous to hear how it went! I practically feel like I came out as transgender, too!” NO MORE.

“Not to be a downer, but did anyone watch the footage from Cash’s funeral today?” Mo asked. “Why did they wait a whole month to have it?” Topher asked. “Because it was sponsored by Canon and their new camera comes out this week,” Mo said.

I don’t think companies generally sponsor funerals? Let’s just hope it wasn’t an open casket, that shit would be nasty after a month.

“Fuck off, I’m banging Marilyn Monroe.” No, god no. Please no. Just end this thing now please.

The aspiring writer felt like she and her friends were living a ridiculous happy ending straight from the final page of one of her outlandish stories. Uh…

And a bonus from the author’s note:

However, for the purpose of good storytelling, the characters’ opinions and choices are sometimes flawed. Please do not view their actions as generalizations or examples to follow, but as the mistakes and triumphs of individuals. All of my characters were awful and/or treated like shit by everyone else, but that’s for the sake of the story. It’s not my fault if you act this way and everyone hates you! (And still love me please god I’m so alone...)