#but anyway the things coming are to die for and y’all go ahead and buckle up

[beegriffs]

These two goofs 😍

[princesssarcastia]

Thoughts on Star Trek AOS? (And do you think Kirk was on Tarsus?)

i have SO MANY THOUGHTS about star trek aos, so buckle up.  brace yourself.

star trek aos is a terrible disaster and i love it SO MUCH.  for me, star trek 2009 is still in that class of unreasonably pleasing movies like the mummy or stardust or jumanji: welcome to the jungle.  what they are isn’t exactly top notch but you love them for being exactly what they are.

star trek aos is a star-studded fucking phenomenal cast of some of the best actors working today, which makes up for the very inconsistent writing and unfortunate low-level current of sexism.

literally where would i be today if chris pine could not make faces Like That. i honestly couldn’t tell you.

overall, I have quite a few bones to pick with JJ Abrams for setting up a star trek universe that is less Wacky Space Utopia adventures with liberal political commentary ranging from unsubtle to im-hitting-you-over-the-head-with-my-opinions-like-they’re-a-brick—

to this kind of overtly militarized action-hero adventure porn where one white man saves the universe from Scary People Who Don’t Look Like Us And Are Crazy.  I also don’t appreciate what they did to Jim Kirk, turning him into this womanizing self-centered bastard who has to be in charge.  I REALLY don’t appreciate the casual misogyny, what with the last of rank stripes for women and the gratuitous sex-ed up scenes and the way that Amanda Grayson gets fridged for man-pain and and and— you get the picture.

Or at least, that’s what they tried to do to jim kirk.  and god fucking bless chris pine for being able to make facial expressions, because i firmly believe if pretty much almost anyone else had played Jim Kirk as written by JJ Abrams, that’s exactly what he would have been.

But because of chris pine’s acting, instead, most of the AOS fandom and I realized/decided that this “womanizing” version of jim kirk actually really really hates himself so much, most likely for trauma reasons. 

we took that shit and ran with it and never really stopped.

zachary quinto is also like god tier casting.  unfortunately the writers for the first two movies mostly gave him Anger as a primary motivator, which like, is not exactly how I would interpret Spock at all, but quinto played this Angry Spock so so well.

ZOE SALDANA PLAYS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, NYOTA UHURA, PERFECTLY AND THAT’S ALL I’LL HEAR ON THE MATTER.

john cho should be cast in everything ever he’s amazing and I love seeing him.  this man has the range. hikaru sulu is the backbone of this fucking ship.  this man wins the big damn hero award every single movie. 

i still miss living in the same world as anton yelchin. i really, really do.

I also have found family feelings all over these movies, where these baby versions of iconic characters from the sixties are brought together too early to witness too much fucking trauma.  harry potter references aren’t exactly in vogue right now, but there’s this one piece from a—well, actually, its a harry potter reference in an mcu fic i read years ago, now that i think about it, but anyway:

it was something like, there are some things you can’t go through with a person—like that mountain troll in harry potter—without becoming friends for life.  there are some crucibles that will bind you together forever.  and awful as it is, I think Nero and the Vulcan genocide were the AOS crew’s mountain troll.  there’s no going back or separating, after that.

also I feel like there’s a ton of competence porn in this trilogy that i deeply, deeply enjoy.

star trek: 2009 and into darkness are both grimdark male power fantasy bullshit that only accidentally hits all the right buttons for me.  I love them dearly but i know EXACTLY what they are, thank you.

star trek: beyond is a delightful movie with no real plot where our favorite crew are finally Adults With A Modicum Of Common Sense And Stability, instead of Disaster Children Angsting All Over The Place, and they get to save the universe with the power of excellent rock music and friendship. how cool is that?!?  i wanna give simon pegg a high five for making this movie.

on a more meta note, what I find kind of satisfying about these movies is that—for all his many faults that i’m always happy to expound upon—JJ Abrams actually went for it.  He Did That.  He just made his own brand new timeline, killed jim kirk’s dad, then gave him an abusive uncle/step-dad, then literally destroyed one of the founding planets of the Federation, then he, in an iconic fashion, switched Jim and Spock’s places in the infamous “wrath of khan” death scene, so instead Spock gets to watch Jim die. 

and you know what? I can forgive a lot of bullshit for that kind of poetic angsty fanfic plot detail. 

every time uhura says, “an alternate reality,” in star trek 2009 just gives me chills.  every time she says it, you feel the weight of sixty years of history and legacy sitting on these people’s shoulders, the weight of arguably one of the most popular TV shows of all time.

imagine, living in a new world you’re aware isn’t the one that was supposed to be.  imagine that!

oh! and on the question of tarsus:

what I think is probably true irl: JJ Abrams has never thought that far ahead in his life.  correct me if i’m wrong, but hadn’t he.....not even watched star trek.........when he made these movies............like lol i’d bet you this man didn’t even really know Tarsus was a thing.  And even if he did, I don’t think he thought it was part of the new canon he was creating.  AOS is much more self-contained than the serialized universe the original star trek was, so I don’t think that AOS was intended to encompass all those things, like tarsus, that we as a fandom like to obsess over.

what I personally enjoy: i love me some AOS fic that explores the ridiculous amounts of trauma that comes from living through a genocide.  I think that, given we all decided AOS Jim Kirk hates himself, and engages in a shit ton of self-sabotaging and destructive behavior to cope, it’s a reasonable jump to think that at least some of that comes from some survivor’s guilt bullshit from Tarsus.  And honestly, hit me up if you want recs for this, because boy do I have them.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: no one does angst quite like AOS!Jim Kirk.

what I believe wholeheartedly: this is like Schrödinger's Plot Point, okay, it both exists and doesn’t exist simultaneously.  it’s easy to read tarsus into some of jim’s behavior, and it’s easy to read none of it in, and both of those choices are valid.  go with your gut, go with what makes you happy, go with what you think makes sense.  This is where fandom lives, in these little details that fall through the cracks.

anyway WOW did I talk a lot.  those are at least some of my star trek thoughts.  i do have others, but i’ve expounded on them before on this blog, and y’all don’t need me to repeat myself

ask me my thoughts on ______

[swiss-army-fangirl]

have y’all ever watched ‘unraveled’ by brian david gilbert on youtube? that was how i felt writing this. and i don’t even have a master’s degree in creative writing, i’m an engineering major with nothing else to do.

anyways, i present: ‘vessels’, unraveled 

the order. the Beginning. We’re set up with a futuristic, cinematic vibe right away. Buckle up idiots.

satellite. The introduction of our hero and their beloved, blessed with a connection that transcends distance, obstacles, etc. Also the introduction of the interdependence between the hero and their partner. The hero is dependent on the partner for guidance, but at the same time, the partner is referred to as the hero’s satellite, with the hero’s gravity (down-to-earthness?) keeping them tethered. The first mention of a darkness within the hero, but this darkness is clearly kept in check by his connection with his partner. This is a love song, the only balanced love song on the album, honestly.

frequency. The aforementioned connection in Satellite has been corrupted. There’s a disconnect between the two of them, and initially the hero believes he’s imagining it, but over the course of the song, he realizes it’s real, his partner has been severed their connection, and he feels raw, angry, scared, and most of all: betrayed. He’s never been alone before. He wasn’t meant to be alone. He doesn’t want to be alone.

DIE FOR YOU. This song is the death of me, personally. Fuck. Anyways, this is our hero coming to terms with his partner’s disappearance, in his own way. He acknowledges that they’re gone from his side now, but that he will not stop until they can be reunited again. In a ‘story’ scenario, I’d imagine this as the hero seeing that their partner has Turned, but the hero believes redemption is possible for them, or rather, that losing them is not an option. The hero will be there, waiting for their partner with open arms, no matter what happens between them, even if it means the death of them and what they stand for. Because death is preferable to separation.

Ricochet. A reflection of how the two of them ended up here, the first time we realize that maybe, their separation was fate. There were indications that the partner was bold, sometimes too bold for our hero to follow, but it never occurred that this would be their undoing. And that realization hurts, hurts him to his core. His beloved is beyond his reach, the gap between them self-imposed, but indomitable. We get the sense that this is a blow he will not be able to recover from. STORY MOMENT: the hero realizes that redemption is not possible for their partner, and it is completely, and utterly devastating. The person that was once there is gone, closed off, replaced by something that feels nothing for him.

starlight. Some insight into the bond between our hero and his partner. I’m choosing to interpret this song as from the point of view of them both: a plead from the hero, and maybe a moment of lucidity from the partner wishing he would just let them go, that they can be reunited, but they have to be separated now. The chorus and bridge are imbued with this sense of longing and dogged determination we saw in DIE FOR YOU, but the first verse is so reminiscent of someone consoling another as they slip away (‘the void is calling’/’it’s okay, I promise’). You know those moments in like every fanfiction where someone is possessed and then they break the possession for just a moment to say ‘I love you’ or something? This is that but a song.

into the unknown. HOOO BOY: this is the beginning of the end for our boy. This song is notably more aggressive that any of the above. This is our hero taking matters into his own hands, embracing his loneliness, his anger, all of those negative emotions he’s initially been pushing aside, and things are starting to get dicey. He’s walking the edge of a razor. Whatever it takes, he remembers. Whatever it takes.

gravity of you. Remember that razor’s edge from earlier? We’re about to go over. The loss has turned into an obsession, their love gotten twisted and darkened into something that is fundamentally changing them. The connection we thought was lost in Satellite is back, and this time, it’s Worse. There is a lot of imagery of a craft being pulled into a black hole; a toss-up between being reunited with his partner but to lose himself, or to live a life without them and in effect, lose himself anyways.

back to the earth. the alternate title for this song is ‘consequences’ because holy shit. We’ve gone over the edge, all logic is out the fucking window, we are committed and honestly, this would be the moment of wondering if the wrong decision has been made, because it feels wrong, so painfully wrong, but the question of ‘is this death or rebirth?’ makes one wonder if maybe, there could be a positive ending to this, that this pain might be worth it in the end.

last to fall. More exploration of falling, of going rogue, being the right choice. While Gravity of You had us worried (rightfully so), it’s clear that our hero’s intentions are pure at heart: he won’t abandon his partner, he won’t ignore that their connection is still strong (even if it’s distorted or corrupted), that he’ll put himself through hell for the chance that they’ll be by his side again.

bringing it down. In a story, this would be the moment our hero and their other half are reunited, but God at what cost. It’s finally sinking in that their partner is not the same, they’re something worse. And the worst part? He still cannot bear the thought of leaving them, even though the relationship that was once mutual is starting to become parasitic. The world is falling apart around them. We are nearing a life or death situation, saving yourself, or becoming unrecognizable alongside someone who was once the world to you.

unbecoming. Consequences 2.0. The decision above has been made unknowingly: the hero is being undone by all that he’s put at risk, and when he hopes, desperately, that his partner will be there when he needs them the most, they shun him. They laugh, ask how he could have been so trusting, so stupid? And now, our hero has no choices left. His partner’s knowing betrayal is the final nail in the coffin.

monster. Manipulation is the name of the game. Now that the trust, the love, is gone, all that’s left is a slew of negative emotions that are perfect for becoming an unrecognizable husk of who you once were. I talked about this song earlier, but the first verse being a railing against the partner for abandoning them as a catalyst for their corruption versus the second verse being a series of ‘I’ statements in which our hero realizes that this darkness was always within him, but never acknowledged? I’m just a slut for heroes becoming villains. The opposite of a redemption arc. The hero and his partner are truly together again, in horrible, distrustful love.

telepathic. Dustin fucking knocked it out of the park with this track and I wish we talked about it more. There are several moments of realizing that this love was cursed, but in this moment of clarity, our ‘hero’ realizes how his dependence truly was his undoing. Even before their Fall, his partner was always two steps ahead of him. There’s also a fun role reversal here: moons are referred to as natural satellites. In Satellite, our hero refers to his partner as his satellite, but now, he refers to them as the Sun, and to himself as a moon. There’s been a swap in power, I would even argue a subjugation, after this unraveling. I don’t know what conclusion to draw from that I just think it’s crazy.

everglow. This is still a song of admiration, even monsters have their moments of reprieve. Our hero is still so, so in love. It leads one to wonder if the love is reciprocated, because this song makes it feel one-sided, like we’re still the territory of ‘obsession’. Even after all that has happened, he’s willing to give everything he has to them, even if ‘everything’ is actually nothing at all. I also think it is fucking wild how this song goes from this really heavy vibe, to a final orchestral piece that makes one imagine end credits rolling. Wow.

[randomfandomfamily]

Manic episode just hit and I needed to type all this out.

Anyway, Karmi’s relationship with Hiro infuriates me and Megan’s relationship with Hiro fills me with indecsribable joy.

Analysis ahead, might be kinda ranty, but here we go. And remember, this is just my opinion, y’all ship whoever you want.

Prepare yourselves, folks. If you’ve clicked the Keep Reading button, then you are in for a ride. Buckle up kiddos, because I am dissecting the ever-loving shit out of Karmi and Megan’s relationship with Hiro. There’s a TL;DR at the bottom if you don’t want to go through it all.

Karmi and her petty jealousy have been a source of torment for Hiro since the beginning of the series. And we could go back and forth about how they were both mean to each other, but you know what? When they first met, Hiro tried repeatedly to make things work with her, and she was still a total jerk, being dismissive, making assumptions, and openly insulting him for no reason at all.

Then Hiro covered for her about the project, even though he could have--and should have--told Granville what she had done. I thought for sure that would be a turning point for Karmi, but noooooo. Hiro was nice to her, even though she had been awful to him, and she still super bitchy. Nothing changed.

So yeah, Hiro lashes out at her sometimes. He’s an irritated fourteen year old dealing with a seventeen year old asshole (or sixteen? I’ve seen sixteen floating around, but I’m going with seventeen because that makes more sense timeline-wise) that no one seems to realize is a total asshole. I’d be mad too!

And y’all better not hit me with that, “aw, she just a misunderstood bapy with no social skills, she can’t help it” because she is not misunderstood or some sad uwu bean. Hiro acknowledged that they have a lot in common, and tried to be her friend, and she continuously pushed him away. Karmi had a shot at friendship, a real shot, and she decided ‘nah, i’m just gonna keep being a bitch’, so she gets no sympathy from me.

Hiro even comforted her when she was kicked out of Trengrove’s lecture (despite the fact that she had teased him about not being able to attend) and still, after all that, she’s nice only momentarily. And continues her rivalry with him.

Also, for those saying she was better in Season 2: Where? She was only civil towards Hiro halfway through Season 2 when she needed his help with her serum, and she was still bitchy about it. Like, what the hell Karmi? You came to him.

We’ve seen him start to argue with her, stop, compose himself, and continue in a calmer voice. He’s done it a couple of times. He’s willing to acknowledge that some fights aren’t worth the time and energy, and step back from them. Which is a level of maturity we have yet to see from Karmi, who a few years older than he is.

I’ll give her the ‘broke mind control to save Hiro thing’, but honestly? Not wanting a person to get hurt (or die), or not wanting to kill said person, is kinda the bare minimum of caring for another human being. Other than that, we have no real evidence that she ever really cared about him at all.

Had Karmi made an actual effort into not being so bitchy, I could have seen her and Hiro as friends. The could have been really good friends, actually. But she was just so insufferable all of the time. She could have great development, but she did not. All around, she’s a pretty two-dimensional character fueled by jealousy and competitiveness.

And then we have Megan who, from the get-go, is already a well developed character and, amazingly, isn’t bitchy for no reason!

When Megan teased Hiro about bragging, he kinda recoiled, stammering over his words. Karmi had accused him of thinking he was better than everyone else (”You think you’re some special white blood cell”), and now he’s afraid Megan might start thinking the same thing. So he apologizes because maybe it did come off as though he was bragging, even if he didn’t mean it that way.

Megan obviously doesn’t know  Karmi did to him, it’s possible she doesn’t even knowing anything about Karmi, but she can tell he was worried about it so she reassured him that she was just messing with him. She’s actually very patient with him in regards to his lack of social interaction. 

During their first meeting, Hiro--embarassed and running his hand through his hair--said that it was probably weird that he had his own robot friend (yet another thing Karmi had called him strange for) and sounded genuinely surprised when Megan said she thought it was cool.

Things Karmi said and did are still affecting Hiro, even into Season 2. That, combined with Hiro’s already limited social skills, means he has a hard time making friends. Megan is very patient with him in that regard. She’s willing to work through the awkwardness and the overbearing aunt, because Hiro is a person she genuinely likes and wants to hang out with.

And Hiro isn’t pushing her away either, like Karmi did to him (he sometimes had to deal with hero life, but he never really let that interfere with their relationship). He’s actively trying to be better at the whole ‘social interaction’ thing. Meaning their friendship--and possibly more than that--is based on putting in actual effort.

But after Megan found out that Hiro had been keeping his identity a secret from her, she was upset. Of course she was upset. That was her case! Her mission! And Hiro knew the whole time! You can’t expect her to just brush it off. I certainly would’ve needed an adjustment period.

Then she saw what Big Hero did for the city. How much they were risking. Hiro threw himself into an unstable portal over and over again trying to catch Sirque, even though that place is a literal nightmare for him. He could have been trapped in there, or seriously hurt, or maybe worse, but he still did it.

And after seeing the team in action, Megan realized that Hiro was right. The police didn’t have the tech or the knowledge to deal with this kind of stuff.

Hiro said that whatever Megan did with the information was her choice, and she chose to not only keep their secret, but write a whole article on why their identities needed to be kept secret. Her father is obviously not going to be happy about that, but she did it anyway. Because it was right. And also because Hiro is her friend.

TL;DR

---Karmi put no effort into being a nicer person and was only ever kind to Hiro when she needed his help or when they were in mortal danger. (having a two second heartfelt moment after being kicked out of a lecture does not count as being nice. that’s just not being bitchy for once.)

---Megan was kind right from the start, has developed a good relationship with Hiro, hit a rough patch, worked through it, realized Hiro was trying to do the right thing, and are still friends. (how their relationship will grow from here remains to be seen.)

---All in all, Megan and Hiro’s relationship has developed more in just a few episodes than Hiro and Karmi’s did in a season and a half.

Obviously, I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on this. In fact, I’m absolutely positive that there are going to be people who very much disagree with me on many levels. This is a very popular ship in the fandom, for some reason, and people are going to defend it. Because that’s what fandoms do.

And like, I’m not telling people to not ship Hiro and Karmi. I may not understand why you would ship them, but y’all can do whatever you want. Tone can be hard to interpret through a screen, but this isn’t meant to be an angry or aggressive post. I’m just making observations and expressing an opinion.

Needless to say, this isn’t gonna stop people from shipping them, and I don’t expect it to. I just wanted to throw this out there in case there were other people who agreed with me. I’ve been on the quiet side of fandoms before, the side where someone has an opinion about something, but never sees anyone agreeing with them on it, so they’re afraid to make their own post, and then it just never gets out there.

Welp. This is the post. The unpopular opinion, complete with a rant. Me am big kid and I’m making the post. Enjoy maybe, but probably not. Peace out, scouts!

[questforpants]

𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒.

DUNGEONS AND DADDIES / EP 1 : A MAN AND A HANDSHAKE

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠. lines taken from an actual play d&d podcast, you can check out here 

I’m sorry, I laugh every time I hear it.

Uh, you might find a good use for those condoms on the course of this adventure.

If not in one way, then another.

You’re like our dad, the dad of dads.

I’m the dad of dads. I’m daddy daddy.

Yo, man, play it cool, dawg.

Ah, hey, yeah, what’s up man? How’s it goin’? Are you, uh, are you my ride?

Uh, yeah, uh, can you come here? Can we talk for a second? We’ll be right with you, young man! Can you get over here?

Rock and roll man.

Okay, uhhhh, yeah, no smoking in your car, I dig that. Alright man, your car, your rules.

On the scale from, like, 1 to 20, what kind of dankness are we looking at here, weed wise?

Uhhh, hey man, where’d you, uh, where’d you get that?

I’m very hungry and I kinda wanna fuck!

Uh, yeah man, I dig it. Well, uh, just tellin’ ya, this poindexter drivin’ the car over here doesn’t want you, uh—

He sounds like a fuckin’ narc.

You know what? I’m just gonna take that— why don’t we just put it in the mailbox for, uh, it’ll be our little secret.

We don’t want our mailman finding that, haha!

I feel like I’m fuckin’ bonding with my kid already!

Is this what fuckin’ being a parent is like? Because fuckin’ sign me up, this sounds great!

Hey, I hope you know, I ain’t no narc. I party occasionally too, it’s just, you know, in front of the kids…maybe someday we could, you know...anyways! That’s not important, I just don’t want you to think I’m-

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Power! Power! Power!”

I will make you a naked tree! A naked tree that I will then punch!

How would you like if someone ripped off your skin without consent?

I’m gonna need you guys to be real buddies and listen to Dad now, alright?

Challenge accepted, fatherrrrrrr!

Hey there, man, it’s just about being polite, you can tell a lot about a man from a handshake!

It was born from my brain!

I’m a little bit, uh, hazed out from the strength of the previous, aforementioned blunt.

We’re gonna be very respectful and we’re gonna be very positive, and then we’re gonna go out and we’re gonna have a wonderful time today. Can you say that, can you say we’re gonna go out and have a wonderful time today?

Yeah? What was the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

I burned down my first school!

[strained laughter] He didn’t burn down the /entire/ school, the fire damage was limited to one or two classrooms.

Okay, alright, who wants Grape-Nuts? I’ve got a baggy of grape nuts with me.

Well, I’m gonna be snacking on my Grape-Nuts and if anyone wants some, just let me know if you want some of these nuts and we’ll chow down.

Relationships are built on trust, that’s what you tell me. You should trust that we’re going to buckle up!

You know, I’m tryna’ let them make their own decisions, it’s called free-range parenting.

Well I guess somebody’s not getting their instant oatmeal.

Daddy? I mean, [name]? Is that you?

Listen...pal...I know that I haven’t been there for you. Because I wasn’t married to your wife, I mean to your mom, before your dad died. I’ve written several letters trying to emote on paper what I can’t always do in person and you know, I’m working on that.

[name?] [name], I was informed to tell you not to get in vans with strangers.

Don’t give a shit! 

That’s my little joke, I’m a teetotaler myself but I like to say “neat,” you know and it makes me feel neat.

No, it’s okay, safety is not a priority—

Alright, I’m puttin’ on 60s and 70s greatest hits as we go.

Don't worry, I know how much gas my van has, don't worry about it.

Pretty good place to drop. You just don’t know how to shoot people, but that’s fine.

  Okay now hold still and let me put these bandaids on. Okay, hold still!

Aw, I think I’m gonna throw up...the iodine

I can’t help but— do you remember that scene in Jurassic Park where Ellie Satler, the very attractive Laura Dern, is looking at the leaves and she notices that the leaves are different and that’s kinda the first clue that something strange is going on! 

I thought ‘cause you were dabbing, you were Fornite dabbing.

Oh, modifications, alright. Black market modifications.

Guys, it’s pretty weird out here.

See, I’m not quite sure if this is an LSD flashback or event, so I’m just gonna be a little vague here.

Do you just yell your own name when you’re excited?

That’s what I’m saying. I don’t trust these people.

Guys, which dad do you think has the biggest dingdong?

Woah there gentlemen, watch where you’re shooting that thing!

You’ve gotta be kiddin— [dying noise]

[name], I'm in the middle of battle. I'm wondering what I should do?

Uh, probably die. That sounds like something you would do.

Ooh! Hey diddle diddle!

[deep and angry] Sorry for the language.

I’ve never related more.

Yep! How does that feel?

Not possible, my man. Not a real number, not possible.

God damn it, I knew we shouldn’t have come back for the adults! I knew it!

[muttering] They’re twist-offs, they’re twist-offs…

[slurred] Give me one good reason not to gut ya like a pig right here….

[sighs] Guys, this is tough but I feel like we’re a team. I think we can do this if we all stick together.

“Just pretend you don’t see me feeling things.” 

[low] You’re ridin’ in back with me, kemosabe.

[quiet and scared] Ooh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no…

[extreme stammering] Uh, let’s talk about something else! I don’t know— it’s been a long day, uh, let’s talk about something else.

I feel like that’s pretty much the only thing I wanna talk about. You had vines shot out of you.

Do you still have the condoms?

You know, I think maybe something’s happening to me and I’m still trying to get my bearings on it, so I would really enjoy it if you guys respected my privacy and let me work through what’s going on on my own.

So I’m gonna go ahead and put 10 condoms on my fingers for the time being, just to make sure that nothing bad happens.

I don’t wanna make any more messes in here, so you can consider me condomed up.

Ha! It’s been awhile since I’ve had a laugh, I appreciate a good joke…

[yelling] I’m wearing the condoms!

Sorry, sorry I’m just a little sensitive about the changes that are happening to my body, so--

This is some Lord of the Rings shit right here, y’all.

He, generally, is known as one of the best cultivators of non-voluntary work in this part of the continent.

You’re using a lot of elitist language.

That’s an extremely offensive way to put what my master does…

Well, yeah, agree to disagree, but I feel like they’re probably more useful in the workforce.

Listen up, you big alpha jock piece of shit bozo!

I think I dig where you’re goin’, man, I think I got this.

Okay, I feel like you’re being pretty aggro on me right now, I knew I flew off the handle at you there but—

You’re right, I’m sorry man. It’s been a tough day for both of us.

I just don’t feel like this is a music kinda guy, I don’t feel like this guy pumps a lot of tuneskis.

No, no! He can’t take it back, he can’t take it back! I feel something!

I silence his dumb ass with a kiss!

Something tingles deep down inside of me and I feel love for the first time in a long time, when he puts his mouth on mine.

Snakes are natural predators, we had to put down our purebred Dachshund because he got bit by a snake. This is a game replicating that exact same experience… uh, it will make you so strong and powerful, it’ll make me cry… about my Dachshund.

Thank you, my Number One.

You may keep this receipt of the pact that we have made.

It’s constantly kinda screaming in horror. [very quiet and gentle] Aaah.

Woah, sorry, I slipped there. Been drinking a little bit—

Holy shit, that’s the best you got? This is so bad!

[whispered] What the fuck are you doing?

[yelling] Are you fucking kidding me!?

Hey, do we think that [name]’s handshake or his kiss is more trustworthy?

Oh, thanks everybody, sorry I introduced the kissing thing as something we have to maintain now as part of our cover. 

[theajaheira]

2018 fic writing roundup

tagged by @catty-words​ !! thank u darling

i have this lingering suspicion that the 92k mess that is imperfections has a tendency of bumping up my word count, but also i’ve been writing particularly A Lot this year. so. yikes. this’ll be a mess

Total 2018 Word Count: 465,233 (so uh. yikes squared?) Total 2018 Hits: 16,798 Other 2018 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 1,592; Comment threads: 457; Bookmarks: 186; Subscriptions: 121.

Total 2017 Word Count: 171,640   Total 2017 Hits: 9,156 Other 2017 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 841; Comment threads: 172; Bookmarks: 126; Subscriptions: 40.

Links and Titles to 2018 Works (buckle up kids)

ten questions for new year’s eve (6,669 words) lonely s4 giles meets jenny on new year’s eve. basically fluff laced with some light angst, which i think set the tone for most of my writing this year

forever (4,738 words) some assorted femslash ficlets from tumblr that i immediately forgot about after february. it of course got buried under a deluge of jenny fic but there’s still some cute stuff there! i had a lot of fun in particular writing about bb willow and the beginnings of her attraction to girls

she’s your destiny (9,560 words) AHHHHHH I FORGOT I WROTE THIS. blessings of writing This Much. soulmate au with buffy/willow and giles/jenny where like. none of them are soulmates but they fall crazy in love anyway.

the happy-ending bouquet (3,851 words) set in 2018. giles and jenny have been married for something like 15 years and are still very happy and in love. basically just an endless deluge of fluff

personas (2,729 words) hhhhh i hesitate to count this as a 2018 fic, because i technically posted it in summer 2017 and then deleted it for reasons unknown (even to me). but there aren’t enough fics that explore jenny’s fractured sense of identity and her broken heart and i love my girl so much. so. wrote that.

something real (2,173 words) my valentine’s day fic!! a friend and i share the headcanon that jenny would have finally shoved her way back into giles’s heart if not for the love spell throwing her off, so. wrote a fic where that happened, albeit somewhat angstily.

direct, but not unwelcome (4,478 words) this fic always makes me cringe, a little; the office verse was written largely for faith and tara, and writing giles and jenny in it was a decision i don’t entirely like (mostly bc there really is no narrative place for either of them). but it has a few good lines ig?

putting a ring on it (2,370 words) giles and jenny proposal fic!! a little wobbly in places imo but still so fun to write. those two deserve all the fluff

the second choice soulmates (6,942 words) the inevitable faith/tara sequel to the soulmate au!! i had it planned from the second i started writing the first fic in that series, and i had a lot of fun with it. in which faith and tara have to deal with their soulmates being in love with each other, and end up falling in love themselves.

nightmares and the aftermath (1,205 words) the first fic i wrote in the ripper au! ripper has a nightmare; jenny talks him through it.

the inherent complexity of falling in love (3,519 words) more soulmate au nonsense!! this time with solely giles and jenny!! 

let’s stay together (857 words) i say that this is “a series of vignettes in which ben, ann, and leslie are dating” but really it’s just one. i’ve kept it in bc i really wanna write more than one. ben/leslie/ann is such a blessed ship and there are no fics for it! which is ridiculous! because they really should all be dating!! leslie has two hands y’all

moments of connection in an uncertain world (3,351 words) the olivia/jenny fic that set that amazing ship on its course. set in asoue; jenny’s identity in the narrative is ambiguous bc jenny’s identity in every narrative is ambiguous. mystery bicon

amends (remixed) (2,988 words) i’m like 99 percent sure i spite-wrote this fic after watching amends bc that really seems like something i would do. in which ghost jenny makes sure buffy, angel, and giles all know that she doesn’t blame them for a single thing.

it’s a family affair (11 chapters) jenny, married to giles and mom to two daughters, loses her memory. i meant for this to be an exploration of jenny and giles’s relationship + jenny as a character, but with hindsight i feel like i kinda rushed it. maybe someday i’ll come back and expand this a little?

maybe i’m in love (24 chapters) CRIES. this fic was posted all in one day and got buried under the deluge of fic i wrote this year and i am still so sad that it remains forgotten. even by me. like i forgot it existed till now. but it is the treasure of my heart and i am still not sure what i can possibly do for calendiles day 2019 that will even come close to “slow burn giles/jenny series rewrite in script format.”

dragonslayers (8,048 words) i go back and forth between whether adding a sequel to a sappy-happy-ending fic was actually needed, but i had a lot of fun writing jenny and anya and tara being friends and adopting a dog. those girls deserve so much better.

tech support (1,315 words) jenny works at angel investigations, and giles meets her when he and buffy drive up to la to get a book. unabashed fluff.

family ties (2,294 words) giles introduces jenny to his dad and the aunts. i had giles call himself “rupert” for the entire fic and forgot to explain why i made the choice to do so (and there was a damn good reason!!!) so every time i see this fic....Regret™

i like you (992 words) the product of me realizing “wait, i never wrote a fic about my Very Specific Headcanon that giles and jenny had sex after school hard!!!” and then going ahead and writing that fic. not explicit; lots of giles and jenny being dumb and in love

take me now! (3,460 words) the sister fic to my other jenny/olivia fic! in this one, jenny’s a watcher and olivia’s the sweet librarian who has her all blushy.

the grieving process (9,771 words) this fic! was! such a trip to write! i wanted to write something where giles’s s6 issues were confronted. originally i wrote a jenny’s-alive fic where he goes to her place in la after leaving buffy in tabula rasa, but the mood of that fic was miserable and hostile, so i changed things ever so slightly. and then it became “giles goes to jenny after buffy dies,” and that transitioned into “giles actually finally gets to have an outlet for his emotions,” and then it became a very soft fic that i love very much.

unsolved mysteries (1,704 words) a modern jackaby au! where jenny cavanaugh has trauma-related anxiety and eats pretzels w jackaby in a hall closet! surprisingly soft.

the cleanup crew (2,968 words) post-ted; buffy calls jenny and giles in to help her with ted’s robot body. because that ep was a hot mess and too many things were tied up too fast.

princess charming (2,754 words) written thanks to a throwaway line from the grieving process! about jenny saving fred in pylea! @theforestlesbian​ mentioned in a review that this fic came off as “the adventures of jenny” and that was the best compliment ever.

untraditional, unconditional (4,223 words) ripper au! ripper and jenny get married! i don’t think i will ever write a better calendiles wedding than this one.

gettin’ bi (1,215 words) jenny and giles come out to each other. that’s really it.

intimacy (1,058 words) some root/shaw fluff. g o sh at some point i really should finish poi huh

the battle’s done (and we kind of won) (5,026 words) post-chosen; jenny inexplicably comes back from the dead, and giles works thru the messy aftermath of s7.

chaos, vengeance, love (1,412 words) giles’s exes talk over his grave. (and yes, i do mean jenny and ethan.)

buffy summers, muggle-born (6,075 words) buffy goes to hogwarts! this was meant to set the scene for a loosely connected string of fics, but i could never decide whether i wanted them to be chaptered fics or oneshots. i do have like 3 large chapters saved to my computer, tho :/

a eulogy (920 words) jenny calendar, as told by how she’s remembered.

survivors’ guilt (4,690 words) in which giles dies instead of jenny, and jenny and buffy deal with it poorly. my only problem w this fic is that i really wish i’d explored the messy aftermath of what might have happened if jenny had brought giles back. 2019 project y/y?

regarding honor and honesty in the workplace (43 chapters) CRIES IN JENNY/LILAH. given that i did not shut up about this fucking fic for a good 3 months, i don’t think it needs a summary.

maybe we could have a thing (3,184 words) giles and jenny’s first date!! canon told us they went out beforehand and it really did need to be ficced.

the most important words (2,753 words) passion fix-it! how many of these have i written dfshlsdhdf. anyway, by some lucky stroke, jenny doesn’t die, but she’s understandably kind of a mess. giles tries to help.

that brown-eyed technopagan (2,821 words) ripper au! willow has a HUGE crush on jenny calendar, who in this ‘verse is in her senior year at sunnydale high. lots of high school shenanigans.

seven new and very bad songs about jenny (8,597 words) another ripper au fic, this one about what it takes for ripper to finally give in and kiss the girl.

love of mine (282 words) one of the two fics i have written that involves giles grieving jenny. angst abounds.

the adjustment period (4024 words) i wanted to write about how weak vamp jenny is for her gf, so i returned to the grand romantic gestures ‘verse and explored that. femslash calendiles!!

love, scotch, and late-night parties (2,539 words) the aftermath of eyghon in the ripper au. jenny wants to be smothered in attention from ripper; ripper wants to give jenny the space he thinks she needs. basically the exact opposite of canon with the exact same inability to communicate.

father and son (3,761 words) in which ripper examines his relationship to his dad, and worries about treating his new son the same way. (spoiler alert: he obviously does not.)

imperfections (46 chapters) TECHNICALLY i added a few new chapters in 2018. i stg i’ll at least get closer to finishing it this year.

happily ever after (2,005 words) set after the dire king! jenny and jackaby being dumb and in love and experimenting with “the mechanics of ghost-human relations.”

cardboard robot (2,097 words) ripper au: halloween edition! ripper gets a pumpkin stuck on his head and sings about jenny, who Definitely Doesn’t Like Him What Are You Talking About Shut Up.

tea, with honey (3,295 words) a modern jackaby au, where jenny’s trauma really is trauma with no ghost metaphor. jackaby, darling of my heart, is still just as sympathetic.

very really married (6 chapters) THIS I WILL FINISH IN 2019. FOR REALS. i have too many unpublished chapters on my laptop to NOT finish it. set in s1; giles and jenny get drunk married in las vegas pre-canon. which, of course, adds a whole new level of complexity to both of giles’s new jobs.

coping (2,611 words) i really wanted to write about jenny and eyghon, bc there are like 0 fics that address the absolute mess that canon throws at that woman. so i did. very angsty with no clear happy ending, bc that’s what happens when you write canon compliant fic about jenny calendar.

yours (2,747 words) my first foray into writing phryne and jack! and, if the 4k-and-counting wip is anything to go by, definitely not my last. 2018 brought me a lot of things, but watching mfmm all the way through was definitely one of the best.

family ties (2,640 words) catch me crying about river and the ponds for the rest of my life, probably. centered around river’s graduation from luna university and her relationship with her parents.

decently clothed (1,516 words) lots of dumb calendiles fluff!! based on a paragraph from a btvs novel; jenny and giles go clothes shopping. it’s exactly as cute as it sounds.

making things right (1,060 words) passion fix-it that came to me when i thought “what if jenny survived, but didn’t even care that she’d almost died, bc what really mattered was that she’d fixed things with giles and buffy?? lmao how badly would that fuck giles up, knowing that she placed earning his trust over her own life???” and then i wrote it bc i love pain

bless her soul (6,294 words) s3. jenny comes back wrong. lots of explorations of the guilt that buffy, giles, and angel harbored for jenny’s death, with none of the pain of using jenny solely as a mouthpiece for evil. so like. amends done right.

dear friend (1 chapter, so far) a you’ve got mail calendiles au that i really do intend to work on some more in 2019.

haunted (15,622 words) WHAT a note to end 2018 on. a (mostly) non-supernatural au in which jenny, after an intense & awful trauma, leaves sunnydale and buys a ridiculously inexpensive mansion in england. why was it so cheap? because giles, the ghost who lives there, has been scaring off buyers. naturally, jenny is not easily rattled.

Favorite Fic: it’s hard to choose bc i wrote so many but for now i’ll pick bless her soul. writing the-first-as-jenny and playing up scooby guilt while still getting to bring jenny back for a happy ending??? that was just so much fun.

Hardest Fic: very really married. absolutely. i was in a v weird place while writing that fic, so that certainly didn’t help, but that fic has been giving me Trouble since i started writing it.

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2019? always!!

What was the best thing about 2018? friendsssss!!! i’m entering 2019 with a lot of solid friendships, which really wasn’t the case in 2018. 

What was the worst thing about 2018? tbh the answer will always and forever be “my mom” until i am out of this house

Any last thoughts for 2018? how the FUCK did i WRITE more than half of the fics i have posted on ao3 in THIS YEAR ALONE. 55 FICS. i’m REELING.

Goals for 2019

finish the cheesy au g/j multichapters i started

maybe start work on a detective au sequel? i miss that ‘verse

more ripper au fic!!!!!

more jenny/olivia!!!

more jenny centric fic in general like It’s What She Deserves

SOMETHING about jenny and angel. i talk big talk about how much that dynamic fascinates me but i only ever touch on it in fic. it’s never the central focus.

finish the phryne/jack fic i’m working on, and maybe...tentatively...write more?

[badchoosey]

Endless Summer, Book One. Chapter 1: This Must Be Heaven

???: Stay down! It’s coming this way!

??? 2: Tim! Give me your hand!

??? 3: You don’t understand, do you? Of course not. But you will… in time.

The plane shudders, jolting you awake. You blink away the strange dream as your eyes adjust to the bright sunlight outside…

Tim: Wow…

Your best friend Diego gives you a goofy smirk from the seat beside you.

Diego: Morning, sleepyhead.

Tim: I’m not still dreaming, right?

Diego: Doesn’t feel real, does it? But we’re finally on our way!

The chatter of the ten contest winners from your school fills the small plane…

Quinn: One magical week in paradise, here we come!

Craig: All expenses paid, what whaaaat!

Raj: Good thing too. I’m so deep in student debt I couldn’t even afford instant ramen right now.

Diego: Hey… you okay, Tim? Bad dream?

Tim: Just a really weird one. I dreamt about… about him!

You instantly recognise the guy walking down the aisle toward you.

Diego: You had a dream about Sean Gayle? Well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to him!

Diego pushes you out into the aisle, right as he passes by! You bump into each other.

Sean: Whoa, hello there!

Diego: My friend Tim here wants to say something.

Time: Outta my way! Think you can take up all that room with those big muscles? Think again, bud!

Sean: How, uh, rude of me...

Sean excuses himself as he slips by you.

Diego: Oh man, got that whole thing on video. You’ve gotta see your face… Huh, weird. Is it really 5:15? We should’ve landed an hour ago and it didn’t feel like you’d been snoring that long.

Tim: Hilarious. I’ll go ask the pilot if something’s up.

As you make your way forward, you pass by the other students talking loudly over each other…

Aleister: Excuse me, will you all please cease your babbling?! The tour guide is trying to speak!

Lila: Thank you Aleister! As you tour guide for the week, I just want to say that we should all try to… you know, be friends! It is an island after all, so… you’re kinda stuck with each other! Hee hee!

Zahra: Is it too late to jump out of the plane?

The pilot has his combat boots kicked up on the dashboard.

Tim: Excuse me. It’s Jake right? Weren’t we supposed to have landed by now…? Wait, are you asleep?!

Jake: Hrn?

He opens his eyes and looks back at you. Instantly you recognise his face too… from that same bizarre dream…

Jake: Listen, Boy Scout, don’tcha know it’s rude to wake someone who’s taking a nap?

Tim: ‘Boy Scout’?

Jake: What can I say? I give nicknames to people who annoy me.

Tim: In that case, I’m calling you Jared Leto.

Jake: ‘Jared Leto’? Whoa, hang on, I do not look like Jared Leto! I had this haircut before Jared Leto did, okay?

Tim: No judgement here. We all get our style from somewhere.

Jake: Alright, comedian, when I come back in a week to pick y’all up, you, my friend, are riding in the cargo bay.

Time: Okay, okay. What if I just called you Joker?

Jake: Fine. But I’m picturing the Heath Ledger one instead. Anyway, relax. We ain’t landing ‘til… The hell? That time ain’t right… And that ain’t right either.

He whacks the instrument panel on his dash a few times.

Tim: You sure you know what you’re doing?

Jake: If you knew half the things I’ve survived, you’d bet on me to get you through anyth--

Out of nowhere, turbulence hammers the plane! You’re thrown into the wall of the cockpit!

Tim: Aah!

Jake: Aw, just great! This stormfront’s coming in quick.

He leans in and grabs the yoke.

Jake: Get your ass in a seat, hear? And tell everybody to buckle up.

Tim: But--

Jake: Now, Boy Scout!

Dark clouds close in around the plane, gusts rocking it side to side. Everyone starts shouting…

Raj: Ohhhh, I am really regretting that airport Chipotle!

Craig: Don’t puke, bro! If you puke, I’m gonna puke!

Michelle: Where the hell did this storm come from?! It was a clear day!

Jake: It happens, okay? This is totally normal!

Zahra: Yeah. Sure. THAT looks normal.

Outside, balls of orange electricity coalesce out of the dark sky and explode in a crackle of sparks!

Grace: It looks like ball lightning… but I’ve never seen anything quite like this!

Aleister: This is all wrong! I can’t die here, surrounded by these morons!

Sean: Everyone, just breathe! We’re gonna get through this!

Quinn: Oh god, Oh god…

A blistering crack of thunder deafens you as lightning strikes the plane! Sparks fly in the cockpit!

Jake: Welp, engines just lost power! Bringin’ her down manually! Everybody, hang on!

The shouting grows louder as your classmates start to panic… all except one. A girl with a tight ponytail and a long scar across her eye sits alone in the back row of the plane, silent and unfazed.

Lila: Tim! Safety first! Please find a seat!

You look for an empty space around you… You tumble into the seat beside Quinn as the plane lurches violently! Quinn’s face is drawn tight, refusing to look.

Quinn: Hff… hff…

Tim: Just breathe. It’ll pass.

Quinn: This can’t happen… not yet… it’s too soon.

Quinn grips the armrests tightly. Her chest rises and falls shallowly, as if she’s having trouble breathing. You rest your hand gently on top of hers.

Tim: I’m here. You’re not alone. We’ll be okay.

Quinn: I…

She relaxes and lets out a deep sigh. When she opens her eyes, they meet yours.

Quinn: Thank you…

She offers you her hand. You take it. She smiles sweetly, and it somehow makes all the shouting and alarms fade to the background.

Quinn: I’m Quinn.

Tim: Tim.

Jake: Just a little farther! I think we’re almost out!

Just as the lightning reaches fever pitch, the plane bursts out of the storm clouds into clear sky!

Raj: Woooooooohoooooo! We’re alive!

Quinn: Tim, look! There it is…

Jake: Get a good look now, ‘cause we’re coming in fast! Welcome to La Huerta.

The plane sinks toward the gorgeous, sprawling island. At its center, a volcano rises above the rainforest, breathing a white column of smoke.

Jake: La Huerta Tower, this is tail number XC-DMK, requesting emergency priority to land!

Radio: …

Jake: Carlos! Pick up, you lazy bastard. It’s Jake!

Radio: …

Jake: Ignoring me won’t make me forget the hundred bucks you owe me. Like it or not, we’re coming in!

The plane lands on a dirt airstrip at the edge of the island, pulling into a hangar. You step down the stairs into the warm tropical sunshine.

Tim: Rough landing, Joker. Hope you don’t work for tips.

Jake: You kidding? I’m a damn hero for even getting you on the ground! Carlos, I need a tune-up! … Carlos!

As Jake marches off, the rest of your group pulls their luggage from the plane’s cargo bay…

Quinn: This island’s supposed to be one of the most beautiful places on earth. The beaches, the waterfalls…

Grace: It’s also home to a plethora of rare flora and fauna!

Craig: Only ten spots on the trip, and they had to give one to this dork…

You reach for your suitcase handle just as Sean does.

Sean: Oh, sorry!

Tim: If you wanna carry my bag, go right ahead.

Michelle: Oh my god. Could you be any more desperate?

A pretty girl in heavy makeup drapes her arms around Sean.

Michelle: People like you always hover around the spotlight like moths.

Tim: Spotlight?

Michelle: Yeah, right. As if you don’t know who Sean is.

Craig: Seriously? Our superstar quarterback? … The Heisman frontrunner?

Sean: Guys, it’s cool. Chill out--

Michelle: Look, Sean doesn’t need any famehounds hanging around, got it?

Tim: Exactly. So what are you doing here?

Michelle: Ex-cuse me?!

Tim: You heard me. You’re just stalling to think up a comeback. Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

Michelle: You--

Sean: Michelle, can you chill? And I don’t mean Netflix and chill. I mean actual chill. Please.

As Michelle starts arguing with Sean, you back away. Your foot clinks on something.

Tim: Huh? What’s this?

Diego: Is that… a tranquilizer dart? The vial’s nearly empty. It must’ve hit its target.

Tim: Yeah, and this is a pretty big dose. Whatever animal they took down must’ve been huge.

Diego: You mean, if they took it down.

You look up and see someone watching you from nearby, listening to your conversation.

Tim: Hey, Diego… who is that?

Diego: Dunno. Got eyes for the mysterious hottie, huh?

Tim: There’s something… off about her.

Diego: What gives you that idea?

Tim: She’s too quiet.

Diego: Quiet? So what? I’m quiet. Well, when I’m not around you.

Tim: I guess you’re right. I don’t know why I’m being suspicious.

Diego: Huh… well, there is one thing.

Tim: What?

Diego: We were told that ten students from our college had won this trip, right? Obviously we’re not counting the pilot or the guide, but… Count us off. She makes eleven.

You look in the girl’s direction once more, and this time she’s staring directly back at you. Your eyes lock. You try to look away, but for some reason you can’t, as if she’s pulling you in with her gaze.

Jake: Hey, Lila! Where the hell are your people?

Jake storms back, and at last the silent girl looks away. The strange hold over you dissipates. You shake it off.

Jake: There’s nobody here!

You all look around. You and your group are still the only people at the airstrip.

Lila: They should be here in a shuttle to take us up to the main resort, but… I’m sure it’s just a slight delay! No need to fret! They’ll be here any minute.

Jake: The hell with that. I’m going up to that control tower to get some answers.

Tim: What do you think is going on here?

Jake: No idea… Call it a gut feeling, but whatever it is, it ain’t good. So, Boy Scout? You comin’ or not?

Michelle: I could go with you--

Jake: Wasn’t talkin’ to you, Maybelline.

Lila: Um, okay! I guess, the rest of you, please follow me? We’ll take the short walk up the hill to the resort. Sounds fun, right? Yay! Um, Quinn? Where are you going?

Quinn is skipping past Lila, unbuttoning her blouse.

Quinn: Some of us want to explore the beach a little first! We’ll meet you guys at the hotel! Oof, this button’s stuck. Tim, could you help me?

Tim: Oh! Sure…

Quinn draws close to you, and you help her undo the last button. She slips out of her top.

Quinn: Ahh, that’s better! You’re coming to the beach with us, right?

Tim: I’m tired. I’ll just head up to the hotel now.

Your group gradually winds your way up the paved road, rolling your suitcases. You’re beginning to fatigue when you come around the bend and see it…

Lila: May I be the first to welcome you all to The Celestial!

Grace: We get to stay here?!

Zahra: Huh. Maybe this trip won’t suck.

Sean: Well? What are we waiting for? Let’s check out our rooms.

Your group excitedly heads toward the lobby, passing under a long, ornamented overhang, while Lila launches into her rehearsed speech.

Lila: ‘The Celestial Hotel and Resort, the jewel of the Caribbean, boasts 25 stories and 1,200 suites of the finest tropical accommodations you can imagine. Built on the island of La Huerta, which means ‘The Garden’, the Celestial ranked in Travel and Leisure’s top ten global hotels last year.’

The automatic doors slide open welcomingly, and you enter the crisp air conditioning of the lobby… Every last one of you freezes where they stand.

Tim: Um…

Lila: I… I don’t understand.

The silence is deafening. The front desk stands deserted. Suitcases and luggage carts lie unattended. On a table, a half-finished wine glass gathers dust.

Zahra: If this place is supposed to be so great… Then where the hell is everyone?

[fiftyeightminutes]

I love to read how kalagang relationship would if they're not sensates can you write this prompt Someone gave me a fake phone number and it’s actually yours and if you can't its okay and I really enjoyed reading your drabbles thankyou

I also got another request from another anon for the same prompt:

“Omfg I saw ur reblog about thrilling au’s and I was wondering if you could do the “someone gave you a fake number and its mine” with kalagang pls and thank you”

First of all, thanks both of you for being so nice. :)  I’m glad you guys like my writing so much.  Also, holy shit this really isn’t a drabble anymore.  This became like 2500+ words.  I really don’t think I know how to do short AU fics lol.  Kala is working inBerlin in this AU because that made things easier for my brain.  Please accept any geographical errors, theonly part of Germany I’ve ever visited was Munich.  (Also holy shit y’all, people are making baddecisions in this fic.  I do not advisedoing what people do in this fic.  Like Imade it fluffy, but IRL this is not a good idea lol.)

—

When Kala wakes up on Saturday morning, she finds a textfrom an unknown number on her phone.

Do you want to come tomy place? (Received 3:02 AM)

She’s confused.  Noone she knows would have messaged her at that hour.  Kala wakes up early to visit the local templeevery morning, and she doesn’t keep that fact a secret.  Plus, her family is a million miles away.

Who is this?(Delivered 8:39 AM)

Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t receive a response rightaway.  If they were asking someone over at three in the morning, they’reprobably in bed now, she reasons. Kala puts it out of her mind, choosing instead to get out of bed and concentrateon preparing for her day.

—

Kala has all but forgotten about the stray text message bythe time she’s finished praying that morning. When she gets home and begins to cook herself some breakfast, her phonebuzzes.  She absentmindedly takes it outof her pocket, unlocking the screen to find that she finally has a responsefrom the unknown number.

Wolfgang.  We met at the club last night.  (Received 10:46 AM)

She raises her eyebrow. She’s only been living in Berlin for two weeks or so, but she didn’tthink anyone was actually named Wolfgang anymore.  Kala wonders if this person has given her afake name for some reason.  She dismissesthe thought pretty quickly, though.  Towhat end would they do that?

I think you have thewrong number. (Delivered 10:49 AM)

And with that message, Kala figures her conversation withthis stranger is done.  She puts herphone down on the counter and turns her attention back to her food.  Several minutes pass as Kala finishes cookingand serves herself a plate.  She grabsher phone to listen to music while she’s eating, only to find that she hasanother text.

I just checked.  This is the number that was written on thenapkin.  If you don’t want to come over,I’m not offended.  (Received 10:55 AM)

She chuckles as she realizes what must have happened.  Poor guy.

I’m not sure who youthink I am, but I didn’t go to any club last night.  Someone gave you a bad number.  (Delivered 11:07 AM)

Kala eats her food and cleans up after herself, her phonebuzzing as she’s putting everything into the dishwasher.

Sorry.  My mistake. Won’t bother you again. (Received11:21 AM)

And from there, Kala intends to forget about the exchangeentirely.

—

A little over a week later, Kala ends up getting stranded ather job.  She had been working late, justwanting to test a few more things before going home for the day.  But before she knew it, thirty minutes turnedinto an hour turned into three, and now it’s dark out.  Normally she walks home, but normally shealso leaves work at 5 PM.  She is a lotless comfortable with the idea of walking home in a strange city at night.  Kala checks her bank statement on her phoneand winces.  She hasn’t received herfirst paycheck from her new job yet, and without that Kala isn’t sure she canafford both cab fare and groceries for the week.  She hasn’t even been in town long enough toreally make friends, either, so she doesn’t know anyone she can ask for a lift.

Kala scrolls through her text messages just for something todo with her hands while she’s thinking over her options when she happens uponthe unknown number from the previous week. The area code tells her the number is from Berlin.  She doesn’t want to contact this person – she’snever met them, doesn’t know anything about them except that they wereaccidentally given her number.  But shefigures it can’t hurt to ask a local for advice.

Do you know a cheapway to get from Rhinstrasse to Haupstrasse? (Delivered 8:11 PM)

When she doesn’t get an answer right away, Kala startsscolding herself.  What am I doing?  You don’t knowthis Wolfgang person and now you’ve told him where you are and where you wantto go?  But Kala considers her otheroptions and sighs.  She can’t come upwith a better idea.  A few minutes later,her phone vibrates in her hands, and she tentatively opens the message.

How cheap are wetalking? (Received 8:17 PM)

Kala thinks about her bank account.

As close to free aspossible? (Delivered 8:19 PM)

She wonders why this person on the other end is answering atall.  But since they’re kind of her onlylifeline right now, she figures beggars can’t be choosers.

There’s nothing reallylike that.  Why do you ask? (Received8:22 PM)

Kala’s wondering that herself.  She’s not sure what exactly sheexpected.  All she knows is she’s gettingkind of desperate.  There’s no food inthe building where she works, but if she leaves to get some, the timed locks onthe doors will stay shut behind her.  Soit’s stay here and go hungry for the night, risk walking home alone, or messagethis person.  None of the choices aregood.

I’m new to Berlin andstuck at work.  Was just hoping theremight be an inexpensive way home.  Thankyou anyway.  (Delivered 8:24 PM)

The next message comes almost immediately.

How stuck areyou?  Is it an emergency? (Received 8:25PM)

She half laughs at that, as if she would be contacting somestranger if she had any other choice.

I mean, I’m not goingto die if I stay the night, if that’s what you mean.  But there is no food.  (Delivered 8:26 PM)

Again, she receives a reply almost instantly.

I’m near Rhinstrasseif you need a ride. (Received 8:27 PM)

Kala considers this. Is she really going to accept a ride from a stranger?  Her stomach growls as if to answer herthoughts.  She hasn’t eaten since aroundnoon and is actually starting to feel a bit light-headed, but she doesn’t wantthat to distract her from the danger she may be putting herself in.  She weighs it against the potential risk ofwalking home in the dark, and finds that both kind of terrify her.  Part of her feels like she should just try tostick the night out in the office without food, but she also wonders what theywould even look like to her boss tomorrow. (She imagines herself, and she knows it won’t look good.  Nothing nearby that sells food opens up untilaround the same time as she is supposed to get to work, which will mean she won’tget a chance to eat until lunch.  Wearingthe same clothes as the day before and possibly sick, she wonders what thatwould even look like to her supervisor. She literally can’t afford to lose this job.)  In the end, she’s not sure if it’s logic orhunger she’s following, but she decides to text this Wolfgang person back.

Sure.  I’ll meet you at the corner of Rhinstrasseand Allee der Kosmonauten. (Delivered 8:30 PM)

—

She’s only been waiting for a few minutes when a black carparks nearby.  After a moment, shereceives a text.

I’m here.  I just realized I don’t know who I am lookingfor. (Received 8:48 PM)

Kala looks down at her clothes, grateful she’s always had acolorful sense of fashion.

I’m the woman inyellow pants. (Delivered 8:49 PM)

And sure enough, after that message is sent the black carpulls up to her.  When it gets to thecurb, the man inside the car rolls down his window.  “Hello?” he asks.

“Wolfgang?” Kala replies with her own question.

The man nods and she hears the doors of his car unlock.  Tentatively, she pulls the passenger dooropen and gets in.  She clutches her phonetightly, the thought that at least she can still call the police if necessarythe only comfort in her mind.  After shebuckles herself in and they start pulling away, he asks, “Do I get to know yourname?”

She looks down in embarrassment, not even realizing she’dnever given it to him.  “Kala,” she sayssoftly.

Wolfgang doesn’t reply, instead focusing back on theroad.  She looks back up, finally takinga moment to actually observe the stranger she is trusting.  His features are sharp, intense blue eyesframed by high cheekbones and a square jaw. He’s dressed in black from head to toe. She notes with amusement that he’s even sporting a leather jacket to completethe ensemble.  Part of her wonders if she’sjust gotten into a car with a German mobster.

To his credit, though, he is taking the fastest route to theaddress Kala gave him.  (If he’s planning on trying something, shethinks, at least it’s not a kidnapping.)  Never good with silence, Kala feels the needto say speak.  “Thank you for doingthis.  I know you don’t know me and thisis probably a huge inconvenience, but I really didn’t have anyone else to ask.”

Wolfgang shakes his head, giving her a small smile beforelooking back to the cars ahead of him.  “Don’tworry about it.”

Kala shakes her head. Now that she’s out of the immediate panic, she’s frustrated with herselffor even getting stuck in this situation in the first place.  “It’s my own fault.  I just got so caught up at work that I losttrack of time.”

“What do you do?” he asks.

“I work for a pharmaceutical company,” she answers beforeshe thinks about it.  (She wonders whyshe’s telling him any of this, actually. Why is this man she’s never met so easy to talk to?)

“So you make drugs,” he says with a chuckle.

Kala scoffs.  “Idevelop new medicines.”

“The only difference between the two is how you use them,”he replies.

She pauses.  “That’sone way to look at it.”

Before Kala knows it, they’re pulling up to her street.  Wolfgang pulls over at her address and stopsthe car.  The doors are still unlocked,and she realizes he really isn’t going to try anything.  He’s letting her leave.  This stranger really just showed up out ofnowhere to drive her home, with no ulterior motive at all.  She’s kind of amazed at her luck.

“Do you want gas money?” she asks.

He shakes his head.  “Isaid don’t worry about it.”

Kala nods, but she still feels like she should thank himsome way.  “Have you eaten?” she asks.

Wolfgang shakes his head again.

“Just a minute.  Waithere,” she says.  Kala gets out of hiscar and hurries up to her apartment.  She’snot sure if he’ll still be there when she gets back, but she wants to at leastgive him something.  When she gets intoher home, Kala scurries over to her kitchen and grabs some tupperware out of acabinet.  She then grabs some of theleftovers that she had been planning to eat that night out of the fridge andscoops a hearty amount into the new container. It’s not fresh, but she figures it’s better than nothing.

She’s almost surprised to find Wolfgang still waiting whenshe comes back outside.  But there he is,checking his phone while his car idles at the curb.  She knocks on the passenger window to get hisattention, and he rolls it down.

“Here,” Kala says with a smile and hands him the food.

“What’s this?” he asks.

“Nothing special. Just some leftover lamb curry. But I figured it was the least I could do.”

Wolfgang inspects the food for a moment, then puts it on hispassenger seat and smiles up at her.  “Thankyou.”

Kala shakes her head. “You’re the one who came to save me.”

He chuckles.  “I wasin the neighborhood.  It’s nothing.”

She shrugs.  “Well,the food’s there now.  So you might aswell enjoy it.”

Wolfgang’s grin widens. “Alright, alright.”

“Thank you again, Wolfgang,” Kala says.

“Any time,” he replies with a nod.  With that, he finally rolls back up thewindow and pulls away.  For some reasonthat Kala can’t quite place, she feels a bit disappointed.

—

That Friday, Kala is feeling restless.  Other than her adventure at the beginning ofthe week, she hasn’t had a chance to do anything but go to temple, work, eat,and sleep.  Once she gets out of work,she wants to do something different for a change.  But she still doesn’t know her way aroundBerlin or have anyone to show her, so she’s not sure what to do.

An idea comes to her. Kala’s not sure if it’s a good one, but she just got her first paychecktoday so she really wants to go out somewhere to treat herself.  So even though she has no reason to expectthis to be a necessarily great plan, she texts the only local person outside ofher coworkers that she has in her phone.

Hey.  Are you busy tonight? (Delivered 9:01 PM)

She doesn’t get a response at first, and she scolds herselffor having sent the message at all.  Just because he helped you in an emergencydoesn’t mean he wants to be friends, Kala thinks.  You don’teven know him.

Kala has all but resigned herself to another night in whenshe feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. (She doesn’t admit to herself how eager she is when she retrieves it tocheck the message.)

No.  What’s up? (Received 9:26 PM)

She thinks about how to word what she wants to saynext.  (Kala feels a bit like a teenageragain, analyzing text messages so acutely.) In the end, she scrolls back up to their first conversation and decidesto take a cue from there.

Do you know any clubsnear Hauptstrasse?  Finally got paid and wantedto see what Berlin has to offer. (Delivered 9:28 PM)

Wolfgang’s next answer comes much more quickly.

I can think of acouple.  Do you need another ride?(Received 9:29 PM)

No.  I was thinking more of a tour guide this time.(Delivered 9:30 PM)

If that’s okay, Imean.  Don’t feel obligated.  (Delivered 9:31 PM)

Kala kind of wants to smack herself.  (She wonders why she’s so bad at this, whentalking to him in the car had felt so easy.) Then her phone goes off again.

I think we could worksomething out.  Meet you in 30? (Received9:33 PM)

She pretends her stomach isn’t full of butterflies, but whenshe goes to her bathroom to start putting on makeup, Kala finds she can’t stopsmiling.