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cutiequokka · 3 years

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Sexy Stray Kids Headcanons

Genre: Smut

Warnings: I mean it's a kink list, so there's a shit ton of stuff in here. Instead of typing them all out, I'll put the main idea of each bullet point at the front of the paragraph so if you wanna skip it, you can!

Summary: This is honestly just an excuse to project my own kinks onto the Stray Kids members, matching them up with what I think they'd like and be into. This is all purely a headcanon, and I am not seriously assuming the sexual activities of any of the members.

A/N: None of this is actually canon in the way of my fanfics, so please don't take it as like "the rule book" of what I write Stray Kids as.

Bang Chan:

Total sub. This man gives his everything to everyone and deserves to be completely taken care of in bed. He'd be such a good boy too, never acting out or breaking rules because he hates disappointing people.

Praise kink. Holy shit just compliment him once during sex and he'll turn into a blushing, shy mess. "Thank you ma'am/sir, just for you." His ears are sensitive too, so if his partner rubs them while commenting on their adorable redness, he simply turns into a trembling puddle.

Shibari. Please tie him up, he adores being made pretty and decorated with delicate knots. Sometimes he sees a new style online and tries to show his partner, but ends up stuttering and getting hard just from trying to explain what he wants to be done to his body.

Lee Minho:

Dom alllllll the way. If anyone tries to make him subby he basically laughs in their face.

Likes bottoming just as much as topping. Dom doesn't always equal top, and Minho loves to switch it up. Whether it's someone with female anatomy being forced to peg him instead of getting their own pleasure or someone with male anatomy fucking into him while he teases them for being desperate, this man adores being filled and is unashamed about it.

Sir/master kink. You CANNOT tell me this man doesn't get off on a good power trip, he's addicted to how pitiful and ego-stroking these titles sound coming from his partner's mouth.

Seo Changbin:

Switch with dom lean. I mean, have you seen this man's smirk?? Like hello???? He loves watching his partner squirm and beg for him, but can also be the one begging as an adorable needy baby when he feels like it.

Omorashi. Alright, this one is a bit self-indulgent admittedly but hear me out! The idea of someone so muscular and well built not having control over the simplest thing like his own bladder is so delicious to imagine. I can see him at practice, borderline desperate as he goes over the choreo, yet he doesn't go to the bathroom because the fullness just feels so good. So he just bites his lip and pushes through it before finally excusing himself when he feels the droplets start to stain his underwear. (Bonus points if his partner beats him to the door and makes him beg to be allowed to go.)

Mutual masturbation. I just get this feeling that Changbin is a heavenly sight when he jerks off, and he knows it, so he uses it to tease his partner during sexual activities. "Touch yourself babe, I wanna see you being so pretty for me."

Hwang Hyunjin:

Switch with sub lean. Hyunjin seems like the kind of guy to start off dominating his partner, then turn into puddy the second they even remotely fight back. "Aww, poor Jinnie couldn't stay in charge for long, hm? Don't worry darling, I'll take care of you."

Impact play. In my mind's eye, I see Hyunjin as a major brat, but not just because of the power dynamic it creates but also the punishments that come with it. He loves being bent over someone's knee and spanked until his eyes are pricked with tears and he's gasping from the mix of pleasure and pain.

Hair pulling. Alright, this one is a bit cliche, I'll admit, but I like to imagine he doesn't do it for the action itself, but rather the satisfaction of his partner frantically gripping at his roots and they receive pleasure. Like if he's eating them out/sucking them off and they grab his head and yank him further down, causing him to moan at the feeling and pride of making them feel so good.

Han Jisung:

Adorable little subby boy. His jeekies are just too precious to be put to waste, so he uses them to look extra cute as he pouts and begs for attention when he's horny.

Make-outs. Jisung is always trying to get kisses from his members, and I like to imagine that if he ever actually got one, he'd just cease to function and laugh awkwardly to hide how much he enjoyed it. He loves when his partner will pin him down and just ravage his lips, leaving him breathless, panting, and painfully hard. I can clearly envision him every once just pouting and begging for kisses, only for his partner to roll their eyes and tell him no. "I know it'll only make you horny, Hannie, and we don't have time for that right now."

Public sex. This man seems like the type that would be needy 24/7, always looking for an opportunity to get off and get his partner off. If this means getting a hurried blow job in a club bathroom, then by all means he's down. He loves the thrill of possibly being caught mixed with the knowledge that his partner is so willing to help him, and the combination makes him cum embarrassingly fast every time.

Lee Felix:

The switchiest switch to ever switch. His duality is insane, and he can go from an adorable, sensitive baby to a grinning, cocky fucker in all of 2 seconds.

Dacryphilia. This one is also pretty self-indulgent, I'll admit. Not to sound creepy, but Felix just looks so pretty when he cries, especially when he wipes the tears and some makeup comes off with it, exposing his freckles. Imagining that but with his pleasure receiving face?? Holy shit I will die on this hill. I feel like he'd love the vulnerability of it, and it shows just how intensely the person is feeling. He'd love to express how good he feels by choking out sobs as he fucks/gets fucked by his partner, the saltiness mixing with the drool leaking from the corners of his mouth.

Edging. Felix may be a softy in real life, but in bed, I have a feeling he's not nearly as nice and forgiving. Just watching his partner tremble and beg to cum does wonders for his dick, and it ties back to the dacryphilia when tears start flowing down their cheeks. He'd kiss them off and smirk, satisfied. "Alright darling, you can cum now, but I don't want to hear any word besides my name come out of that pretty little mouth."

Kim Seungmin:

Doms 98% of the time, but when he subs, he subs HARD. I'm talking non-verbal, completely submerged in subspace, whimpering and making grabby hands to signal he wants something. When that's not happening though, he's a strict, ruthless dom who isn't afraid to push his partner to their limits (with their consent of course!!)

Thigh-riding. I'm not sure why, but something about this man's aura gives me annoyed, couldn't-care-less dom vibes. I'm imagining his partner in his lap, desperately humping his leg and begging to get more stimulation, but Seungmin simply sips his coffee and continues doing work on his laptop. Bonus points if it's a form of punishment. "You've been a brat, baby, you don't deserve any more of my attention. Just keep rubbing against my leg like the needy bitch you are."

Pet play. Oh, how this man would love putting a collar and leash on his partner and making them crawl around in it. Sure the humiliation they get is a nice touch, but the way they just look so submissive and vulnerable on all fours like that. "Aww, look who's the puppy now?"

Yang Jeongin:

Dom. Yes, he's a dom, and no, I do not take criticism because I am simply just spitting pure facts my guy. The new confidence he's gained recently can't be put to waste, so what better way to utilize it than in the bedroom?

Corruption kink. After being babied most of his life and finally breaking out of that mold, Jeongin desperately wants to convert someone to the sinful side along with him. The idea of the seemingly cute, innocent maknae polluting his partner's mind behind closed doors may seem obscene, but that only serves to harden Jeongin's dick further as his rebellious nature sets in.

Marking. I mean come on, this man literally bit Hyunjin's neck during a SKZ-Talker episode, do I really need to explain? He loves showing affection but doesn't always know how to express it, so I imagine marking his partner up is a perfect way for him to demonstrate his love without the need for words. He'd spend forever sucking hickeys into their skin, not stopping until he feels completely satisfied with the red and purple dots littering their chest, neck, and thighs.

#kpop smut #skz smut #stray kids smut #bang chan smut #lee know smut #lee minho smut #seo changbin smut #hyunjin smut #han jisung smut #lee felix smut #seungmin smut #jeongin smut

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i4kyu · 3 years

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i LoVE U. 🪜。☆ : dancing W/ them !

₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ enhypen 엔하이픈 ot7. ( queued. )

warnings : none ! :]

note : user @i4kyu wrote … Fluff :0 ???¿¿!!! ¡ Must be a clone

양정원 yjw : 🖇。𓂃 ☆.

u always talk abt how he's such a good dancer and how u love watching him dance , so he's all like "OKAY COME DANCE W ME BB !!!!! :D "

u internally panic bc u don't think u can dance but he looks so happy nd smiley that u have to say yes :(((

" wait jungwon i CAN'T DANCE ?? D:"

" that's ok bb i'll teach u one of our choreos ! ^___^ "

he would suggest given taken but then ur like " lol who do you think i am ??¿¿ " so he teaches u 10 months instead !

" OMG PERFECT MY BB IS SO GOOD AT DANCING "

" YOU'RE EVEN BETTER THAN NI-KI OMG "

u can tell he's exaggerating for ur sake but u just think it's cute so you don't mention anything </3

eventually ,, u learn the choreo nd u dance together !

u followed jake's pt and he did his own ( ◠‿◠ ) !!!!

u tripped up here nd there nd u could hear him giggle whenever u did and ur heart went all @&!&@$$!?'

the music would end and he would rush towards u

cute kisses all around the dance practice room

☆. 이희승 𓂃 lhs : 💨 :]

ur a dancer !

not a professional , but u've been dancing on ur own for years and years and u know a bunch of different kpop dances and etc !!

so , when enhypen debuted , the first thing u did was learn all the different choreographies !!

well ,, u learnt all the i land choreos first :D <3

SO , the first thing heeseung did the day he got time off was ask u to dance w him to given taken ( T_T )

" Y/N DANCE WITH ME RIGHT N O W !!!!! :( "

u were like what the fuck bc be caught u off guard but u were also expecting it so u were like sure !!!

" wait u know the choreo right "

" bruh "

" ok cool also i'm skipping to the chorus "

MUSIC INTENSIFIES !! :D

u could REALLY keep ur own when u danced with him even though he was such a good dancer

arguably , u were even a better dancer that him ???

not like u would ever admit that u thought that

" why r u better than me :< "

" HEESEUNG BB I'M NOT URSO GOOD :( "

u end up straying away from given taken and just

start dancing to a bunch of other kpop songs while

screaming and clapping and hyping each other up

박종성 ☆. pjs : 𓂅 📨。

swaggiest dancer in the world park jay would ask you to dance to given taken with him

SUCH A SUPPORTIVE HYPE MAN when u dance

" WOOOOHHH THATS MY BABY !!!!!!!!!!!! "

even if u were doing the absolute least , he would be doing the absolute MOST because he is park jay <3

u didn't think u were the best dancer ever , but u also didnt think u were the worst dancer ???????

SO WHEN HE HYPED U UP , u got all shy and &$!@&)? because he's so supportive and cute :((((

" so ..... dance to let me in with me ????? "

" ajsbsnksjs "

" OKAY BABY LETS GO !!! :D "

u didn't know the choreography fully yet but he helped u master all of the tiny details !!

" YES PERFECT OH MY GOD BEST DANCER INTHE WORLD Y/N L/N WHAT A MAIN DANCER "

u would sometimes becomes really self aware while dancing and suddenly stop and be like what the fuck and end up just staring at jay while he dances

HE SEES U STARING AT HIM AND KIND OF SLIPS UP ON THE CHOREO and u end up laughing D:

u guys end up on the floor laughing and sweaty :(((

심재윤 sjy ☆。𓂃 𓂂 ^3^ 🫂 :

w jake , u were actually the one that suggested it !!

" JAKE SIM SIM JAEYUN ICON OF GROWTH !!!!!!! "

he was sitting right next to you on the practice room floor

" oh my god chill what do you want , love ?? "

" dance to 10 months with me ???????????????? :D "

he's silent for a second but then just laughs at you and then gets up and holds a hand out for u

" ok i'm down let's go bb ! ^___^ "

u guys rush to in front of the mirror and u turn on the music for 10 months and skip to the chorus

" why the chorus ? "

" ehh it's cute and easier and i like it "

u guys do dance , but it's more of just like ... jumping around while occasionally doing a move ??????

ITS JUST RLY GIGGLY AND JUST u guys hanging out

jake is smiling his beautiful smile the entire time and you wanna just :(((((((((((((((((( hug nd kiss him

" we should sing together sometime "

" anything for u , y/n "

you sob

박성훈 ☆。psh づ % 🏐.

park sunghoon main dancer material

" y/n i'm bored what do you wanna do today "

u two were just chilling in the practice room with ur head in his lap while staring at urselves in the mirror

" uh you wanna dance to flicker w me ???? "

he looks at u w a raised eyebrow but agrees yes

" i didn't even know u knew this choreography "

" oh i learnt it to support my amazingly gorgeous and beautiful and handsome boyfriend "

he shoves u off and him and goes to start the music

he doesn't really dance with u he just watches u dance with the most in love face ever

full 🤍____🤍 type mode if u get me ykwis

he's like " omfg my bb is so talented :(((( "

he also joins in on his specific parts during flicker

but it's all just for fun and shits n giggles :D

u two also end up on the floor just smiling at each other and in love and <333333 hugs all around

김선우 ksn : 🛌 ☆.〜（ゝ。∂）

SMILEY BABIE !!! D:

it would be just a random day , nd he would suddenly be like " OMG Y/N !!!!!!!! "

" yes sunoo "

" DANCE TO CHAMBER 5 WITH ME !!! "

u had expressed ur love for the choreography for chamber 5 to him in the past

so u weren't surprised when he suggested it

u had also alr learned the choreography for the song during i land era , so like WHY NOT :DDDDD

u dance to sunoo's parts in the song while he also tries to dance but ends up like ,,,,,

yk the thing where u see smth so cute that ur knees just give in and u fall to the ground ?? YEAH !!!

thats sunoo when he sees u dancing to ch. 5 ^__^ !

" HELP MY BB'S SO CUTE :(((((((( "

" HOW IS MY BB SO CUTE "

" lol why are you cuter than me that's not fair "

ends up getting all pouty because he thinks ur cuter than him </3 so u reassure that he's the cutest

ever . kim sunoo cutest to ever exist <3

리키 / 니키 : ₊˚ʚ nsr ☆。⬆️.

BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP !!!

trained and seasoned dancer since diapers :D

so , when the solo i&credible practices were released , the first thing u did was watch ni-ki's and learn the dance !!!!!!!

months later , u nd ni-ki were just chilling when he was like ... " hey do u know the i&credible choreo ? "

u didn't think anything of it , but u were like yea !

and so he immediately got up and asked u to dance to the chorus of i&credible with him

WHICH U DID !!!! MAIN DANCER COUPLE !!!!

i think YES YES YES !!!!!!!

ni-ki really loves to yell about how he thinks you're the only dancer he knows that can match his energy nd etc

u disagree , but < nishimura riki is always correct 3

u guys have really similar dancing styles nd

look HELLA mf good when u dance together

he asks for u to recreate that hand motion thing that he did at the end of the second version of i&credible

so u do it

and he dies bc ur just so &!,$%#

he thinks your dancing is absolutely magical

" i hate how you're better than me "

" yeah ni-ki not all of us can be as good as me "

u end up dancing to a bunch of other kpop songs just

for the fun of it until you're all sweaty and tired

NOT TO MENTION !!!!!!

every month or so , u guys have a competition to see who can learn the choreo to a new kpop comeback the fastest nd the best , and it's always so close

so yeah ni-ki + y/n main dancer couple !!!

#enhypen #fluff #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagine #enhypen oneshot #engene

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serendipitywrites · 4 years

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If only I could undo

angst. mark lee x reader/hwang hyunjin x reader this was an angsty request. 👉👈 (I hope you like it! ♥) words; 2,102

Mark isn’t exactly sure when everything started to fall apart, he just knows that in the aftermath of everything, all he had left was to blame himself.

It happened slowly, to the point that he didn’t even realize how bad things have gotten.

It started off as small things, like not picking up your calls right away or him falling asleep without calling and wishing you goodnight. Things that he didn’t really notice, but of course, you did.

He remembers calling to tell you he will finally debut. He’s never felt more proud of himself than the moment you replied ‘of course you are. I’ve always believed in you.’ it felt almost as good as hearing you tell him that you loved him for the first time.

2015

‘Mark?’ you both were sitting outside, watching the sun slowly set together. His head was in y/n’s lap, his safe place. It being summer, the air was also finally starting to cool and you both greatly welcomed it. ‘Yeah, babe?’ he stares up, his fluffy black hair bouncing slightly. ‘I’ll miss you so much when you go back to Korea..’ he hears timidly. he sees you try and turn your head, not wanting him to see you upset. ‘Yeah?’ Mark sits up and pulls your head into his chest. ‘Cause I have no idea how I’m going to go through being away from you. The thought of coming back here to you is what makes it all worth it’ he kisses the crown of your head softly. He can tell that you are crying in his arms, little shakes trembling through your body. He just holds you tighter. ‘I feel so selfish, Mark.. I just love you so much.’ you sniffle ‘and fuck, I’m so proud of you. So proud.’ he wants nothing more to tell you that he’ll be home in no time, but he knows he can’t promise you that. It would be a lie. ‘I love you too, angel. It might be a while, but I promise to get you a ticket there as soon as I’m allowed. Plus, we have skype and everything.’ you look up at him, your eyes teary. ‘We’ll get through this, y/n.’ he notices that you look calmer now. ‘Promise?’ he sees uncertainty in your eyes. ‘I promise’ you both stare longingly at each other, meeting in a soft kiss, a kiss, and also a promise.

How did you guys go from that… to this? Again, Mark feels his chest ache with guilt and regret.

2017

You’d been calling him during practice the entire day and he kept telling himself he would just talk to you later. His later became two days later when you sent him messages in worry, needing to know he was safe and okay. After practicing their new choreo and endlessly training, he just felt himself snap, he just desperately wished it wasn’t at you. He grabs his phone in irritation ‘Mark, are things ok-’ he cuts you off ‘fuck, y/n! Seriously? I told you I’d call when I could.’ he blurts without too much care, even the other members stare at him in shock. He hears you breathing on the other end unevenly ‘I uhm.. Just.. wanted to make sure you were okay, it’s been a couple of days, Mark..’ he sighs in response ‘well, I’m fine. Just working 24/7 and attempting to sleep when I’m not’ the other line goes quiet for a moment ‘please take care of yourself, Mark. I’m worried about you’ suddenly Mark starts to feel bad for his absolutely unwarranted outburst ‘look, y/n, I’m sorry, I really am. It’s just been so intense lately. I promise I’ll make it up to you, though. Skype date tomorrow?’ he says softly and carefully ‘..can I pick the movie? Since you were a jerk’ he chuckles ‘of course, angel. Get some rest. Don’t forget our date.’ he hangs up.

Mark forgets all about the date

2018

It was the first time you both have seen each other since Mark moved, and he god, he had missed you. He was doing everything he could to make this trip special for you, even if he had to do it discreetly. He’d taken you to cafes in small parts of town and walks along the river albeit at three am when no one else was around. On the second day, Mark took you to meet his members, officially and not over skype/phone and it felt like having his family together, with you there in his new home, meeting his new friends. It was the fourth day of the trip when things started going sour. The group had to attend an event at a club. The members got dressed in expensive outfits and all styled their hair. Mark had to regretfully tell you that you weren’t able to go, with it being a ‘celebrity’ event. He could see the hurt on your face even if you were smiling. Moments like these, he hated being ‘famous’. He promised to come by your hotel after and order in some food and spend time together. Parting ways, Mark kissed you sweetly but rushed. ‘It shouldn’t be too long.’ Mark didn’t know that the same night he would be photographed dancing with another idol. It was for publicity but it honestly didn’t matter at this point.

He never made it to the hotel that night.

2019

The group has been getting so much recognition and attention and it finally felt like his dreams were starting to pay off. They’d been performing at award shows and actually getting nominated for those same shows. He hasn’t seen you since you visited last year and he won’t lie and say that it’s been easy. It feels like your entire relationship at this point is missed calls and unread messages along with promises that were rarely kept. No matter how long you both went without talking, though, you’d still find your way back to each other. The love was still there, the issue was that longing and hurt were there also. The group is going overseas to tour and he knows he will be even busier now. He knows you have college classes now as well, making time even more sparse.

Mark checks his phone for a bit before they board the plane.

y/n <3

You can do this, baby. Stay safe and make sure to eat!

He smiles. He truly feels undeserving of you.

He replies

Thank you, angel. I will, I promise. We’ll be together again soon, I have a feeling.

That same summer, Mark had a dating scandal with a makeup artist of theirs. It was just a simple kiss between two people who had no intentions other than to distract the other, but of course, there was photo proof of his mistake. before this, he truly felt untouchable. He promised endlessly that it meant nothing and it would never happen again.

Again, he was wrong.

now

All of Marks biggest regrets all lead to the same thing, wishing he fought for you. Wishing that he never let you go or let the fame get into his head. It’s been five months without you and two months since he found out you were dating again.

flashback

It turns out, that in the two short visits that you were there, you had met a friend. This friend just happened to be another idol, but of course, you didn’t know that. You were new to all of this.

The night after you saw photos of Mark and another idol dancing on each other, you sat by the Han river and listened to music, trying to distract your thoughts.

Apparently Hyunjin was there that night as well. You had confided in the stranger that night, and he did as well. It felt like two lost people finding comfort in knowing they weren’t completely alone. Hyunjin didn’t even disclose to you that he was an idol until you had to fly back home. Once he told you, you should have seen him differently, but you didn’t. You couldn’t. He never made you feel different or like you were on a different level. He always made time to talk and your feelings and emotions were never pushed to the side. You had tried telling Mark about your new friend, but he would just cut you off or end up having to end the call early. It really hurt. Mark only noticed when one day when you spoke about how cool you thought the latest stray kids comeback was. Instead of encouraging this friendship, Mark got irrationally jealous and accused you of chasing fame. Accusations flew out of his mouth before he even had time to think about what he was doing.

He knows he was wrong, but the anger and misplaced betrayal clouded his rationality.

About a month after this fight and that month being spent mostly alone or just fighting, you’d told him you had enough and as much as you loved him, you were so tired of being the only fighting for them. Again, instead of listening, he said he didn’t need you, that you just held him back. That same night, he lost you.

Now

Mark never thought he’d be in a position where he’d have to get over you, but here he is. Like the coward he was, he didn’t even reach out to you after you two broke up. It wasn’t until he saw a photo of you and your ‘friend’ Hyunjin holding hands, that he realized how badly he fucked up. Apparently even Hyunjins company supported you two being together. He’d see Hyunjin spend all of his free time with you and it looked like the members adored you (in photos, at least) their sweet noona.

Mark has been seeing photos of you both around Seoul and each photo tore his heart out, even if he didn’t even deserve to that this way.

Mark spends the last month trying to force himself to avoid social media. Seeing you two together just hurt too much.

The past several months have been filled with nothing but regret, and he’d been wallowing in self-guilt for too long. He decides to get a snack and head to the park, try and clear his thoughts. They were about to have a comeback, after all.

Making it to the park, Mark feels like he can finally breathe. The members weren’t constantly asking if he was okay or giving him worried glances. The silence is so welcoming, the sun is slowly starting to set as well, the sky a pink and grey color. Mark closes his eyes for a moment

‘Kkami, catch!’ Mark stiffens. He knows that voice. He loves that voice. He hears your giggle along with a small dog barking. He has to make sure. Mark turns around and see’s you slightly far away with a dog leash, smiling so brightly. You look… different. You grew your hair out, your cheeks finally have some pinch to them again. y/n is absolutely glowing. He can’t find it in himself to look away and somehow you don’t notice his presence, which hurts.

‘I’m back!’ he hears another voice.

Oh.

He can’t turn away, he needs to see this, he needs to try and let go, you deserve at least that.

Soon your new boyfriend makes it up to you with a scarf which you accept shyly. In response, Hyunjin gently grabs your hip and cups your cheek. Marks heart feels non existent right now. Shattered.

The next moment, you both meet each others lips gently and he can tell you are smiling into the kiss.

A few tears make their way down Marks red cheeks. He gets up from his bench, sparing one last look towards you. In some act of fate, you meet his eyes. You look shocked, confused. It’s the look that tells him everything he needs to know. that glimmer of hope he had has faded. He knows he will regret this for many years to come, never forgetting you.

I guess we’re really over, huh? He walks solemnly back to his dorm.

#mark lee angst #nct angst #nct 127 angst #nct #nct u angst #kpop angst #nct dream angst #mark lee x reader #nct x reader #hwang hyunjin #mark lee #kpop #kpop fanfic #stray kids #nct blurb #fanfiction #serendipitywrites

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isoisolated · 4 years

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I have ADHD and it's not fun

29/12 edit: coming back to this post, I just wanted to add that at the time of writing, my adhd was unmedicated. Thought this might be good thing to note.

My friend Ondrej kept sending me articles and texts posts written by other adhd people (mostly adult males) that it finally pushed me to write my own, because even though I could relate to some minor and major parts, something always felt a bit of and also because ADHD is a condition that's been heavily ignored by medical professionals not only in adults, but especially in adult women, which is a group I sort of represent myself.

I could talk about this for ages, my therapist frequently tells me that I have this gift of intense self-analysis and immense passion to get it all sorted out once for all. I guess it's another way of saying I'm so hyperaware of my own existence and my brain simply latches onto it and constantly tries to solve its own problems.

If you do not care about my own personal history, just skip to second headline.

I was clueless for the first 20 years of my existence

Now, ADHD isn't the only thing that's been making me feel almost alien, I dare to say that my puberty years were mostly about developing and internalising bit of trauma and processes that do no good in later life.

I love music. And I mean I truly endlessly unconditionally love music. Being a daughter of music composer, I was 6 when I first asked my dad to show me where to press record in Logic Pro and told him to leave me alone while I recorded my first song. It was called Autumn is here and it sounded like something made by 6 years old.

I remember we were attending castings for TV shows or commercials and later I was told that it was me who initiated such trips and that I always wanted to be a part of such things. I don't remember initiating such things but I remember for sure that I was very shy and uncomfortable when I was supposed to show off.

I remember I was supposed to take piano lessons. And I was so baffled that I had to follow the book and play what's in the book, instead of playing thing I wanted. I think I told my parents after few lessons that I do not like it and was dropped outta it. This became a pattern, if I recall correctly.

But that's nothing out of ordinary, kids are harder to get focused and entertained. I remember two moments from elementary school where I was told by my classmates that I'm acting like I have ADHD and it got me real mad every time, because in my head ADHD looked like not paying attention in class, being body hyper and overall just annoying.

I could find a proof that I made myself first to-do list when I was 14. Since 14 I felt like I need more self control and self regulation, that I need to fit myself more into ambitions I had and have and in order to do that, I started making to-do lists with ambiguous tasks such as “work more on music” and “work-out”. It was also in during my great isolation era, I had no real life friends but one that I was seeing occasionally, I wasn't going out, I came from school on Friday afternoon and left my room on Monday morning. I was making friends online since I was 11 and lived mostly online.

At that time I also started figuring out what was wrong with me. Since ever I always felt a bit “off” compared to my peers, I always felt weird (and was told that thousand of times in my life), I always felt like I was thinking about things a bit differently and my humour was different and my hobbies were seen obscure by my classmates (even though they weren't obscure at all). I felt alone for most of my growing up and feelings of complete loneliness and detachment haunt me to this day, making me spiral.

I thought I might suffer from bipolar disorder, because I had high energy episodes and my emotions were so intense. I was crying almost everyday for both external and internal reasons, my head sometimes felt like too much and I found temporary peace in self-help books and esotericism.

I was around 17-18 when I realised all of this is bullshit and that no book can make me do things that I wanna do. I'd spent hours, days and months thinking about doing things, being crippled by this weird force that hold my body down, unable to do anything, no matter how much I wanted it. I'd beat myself up for it, thinking I was just so damn lazy and stupid and pretentious. I wanna be a popstar, a successful musician, I have to do all these things and if not, I'm gonna fail so much and my life will lose its meaning.

When I was 17, I released my first EP and for some reason, it found some attention and success, if we might call it that. Suddenly I felt on the right path, I was seen as a musician and also very young one. Even though I still was sad almost every day or had intense sadness episodes that could last for a week, it felt right and I couldn't wait to finish high school and become a full time musician.

I'd produce music in unplanned episodes of total focus, where I would sit and do things for hours straight, without eating. My most favorite songs were made during 6-8 hour sessions and it felt amazing. I couldn't bring myself to produce music if I hadn't the right vibe or idea for it.

It was around that time this woman texted me, saying she wants to be my manager and that she really likes my music. It felt so unreal but here I am, with my own professional manager, on my way to be the most amazing music person.

I'd crush on people (and mostly boys and men) constantly, it was also very episodic, could last for days to month where I'd had nothing on my mind but them, drowned in daydreaming and just imagining things and also letting them know all of that. It was magical but it was fleeting. It still is. But it is the greatest inspiration, where I feel so much emotions it makes me see things and then I can transform them into music.

But there was still something wrong with me, I was very emotional, still struggling with making my routines work, I'd come up with new plans and schedules every week just to fail them the day after. It was exhausting and I saw nothing alike in my world too, I was alone and my experience was just not enough will power.

I could get mad so easily, I'd clench my fists and was so close to punching someone and when I hated someone I hated them with immense passion and spent hours just imagining myself confronting them. I was so mad all the time on background too and even slightest thing would put me in classic rage mode.

I have problems remembering dates and names, I'm bad at remembering people's faces, I'm bad at learning things by myself even though I have interest in them. I'm bad at making routine for myself and actually following it.

I finished high school and planned to go study abroad but it turned out it isn't what I want so I came back and started looking for a job. Around that time I met my now best friend and thanks to him I actually started thinking even harder what might be wrong with me, so I looked up ADHD. And didn't believe that at all. I wasn't like this, was I?

Then, the summer came and I met my friend (and also a fan) while being out for a beer. We chatted, had a great time and then told me I kinda am like a person with ADD. I was confused because I didn't recall what that does mean, later I remembered it's another (and outdated) term for ADHD, but it's the “quiet type”, where the hype happens mostly inside and doesn't manifest outside that much. So I started researching once again, because I trusted him and it was that one push I needed.

It's been year since that moment and it took me months to accept that I might suffer from ADHD and to this day I still have feelings of impostor syndrome, making it all harder for myself just like that, to be more interesting for myself. I still yet have to accept this.

I was transitioning into adulthood and yet had actual emotional breakdowns, I was crying and my heart was aching and I couldn't bring myself to do things I want, to learn more about music production, to learn how to sing better, to learn my favorite k-pop choreos, to work-out, to embody my own vision of who I want to be. With music, I am my own boss and it's the worst.

Covid-19 hit our country and here came the first lockdown. It pushed me over the edge and I felt like I was losing all of my friends, I felt those feelings of loneliness and weirdness again, I felt like nobody knows what's wrong because I don't have it as bad as others, I was hurting so much my body was shaking and twisting. I decided to try medication, even though I told my psychiatrist I don't want to, I just felt like I cannot be like this anymore, it's too much pain and no matter how much I try, I can't make it better, I can't make it work.

I started taking Strattera and after month or two, I saw it working. A bit, I could focus better and bring myself to do things more and more frequently, and if I had these weird emotional meltdowns, they weren't as intense as before. This serves me as ultimate proof that I am not making this up, because if I were, the medication wouldn't work and make me feel better, right?

So, what am I doing now?

I'm still a huge mess and I cannot see myself in a better light. Even though I have job that I perform at at stable rate, even though I have just a little problem cooking for myself, even though I have no troubles falling asleep, even though I can enjoy things greatly when those high energy waves hit me.

I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of myself not being able to do anything again. I ignore my manager because I already know I have nothing else to say than “I cannot bring myself to do things and you know that, I'm sorry for being a constant failure.” When people compliment me, I thank them but deep inside I don't accept it.

I have unreleased and WIP songs I can see never being released, ever. When I listen to music from my favorite artists, I can also feel the pain from the fact that I'm not like them and that I probably won't ever be, because my brain sabotages me every damn time.

From the very moment I wake up to the very moment I fall asleep, there's music playing in my head. I don't choose what's playing, sometimes it's song I don't even like and yet it's stuck on loop. I talk with my therapist in my head, I'm having weird flashbacks in my head to my memories, I'm having “you should do X right now” and “why aren't you doing Y” stuck on loop too. This all is happening at once, every moment I'm awake, even when I'm talking with people. It's exhausting.

I'm bored most of the time, I have interesting books in my bookshelf and still cannot read them because I have to reread paragraphs in order to actually understand them. And even then, I find my mind wandering again. I have problems with long texts and long tutorials.

I get frustrated easily, my head is overflowing with ideas I can't act on. I'm living in weird worlds I made up for myself, and then reality hits me.

I had my first depressive episode few months ago. I felt like nothing matters, that I don't matter, I felt nothing and emptiness, I crawled up in bed and was mindlessly watching youtube videos. I didn't want to eat or drink, I wanted to not exist at all. That episode passed but it was my first encounter with actual depressive state and I know I can slip into it more easily now, it simply developed along the way, after 21 years without acknowledging that I have problems and I struggle.

People don't understand the struggle, when talking to them about my problems, it's like talking to an automated assistant, coming up with phrases like “Did you try yoga?” “everyone struggles sometime” “you cannot accomplish everything”. They say they wanna listen and help until they don't.

I have a mental graveyard for ideas I won't ever finish, no matter how good they are, because my brain won't let me. Proper medication would help, therapy also helps but I can't talk myself out of actual executive dysfunction.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, our brains are literally underdeveloped in some areas and wired differently. Our emotions lack regulation normal people have and our motivation is fragile. This can't be changed with yoga, this cannot be solved by trying more. Not to even mention, capitalist society is especially damaging to neurodivergent people (and not only them, of course).

While on this journey, I am still meeting more and more people having same struggles like me, finding people who understand you is the best thing to battle impostor syndrome. Sometimes I can't help them and sometimes they can't help me, but it's okay, because we know we understand each other and if I wanna complain and vent, we can do so without having to explain this condition over and over.

And I hope that someone finds this relatable too, because as a woman I know my group isn't represented enough. We are not children, nor adult males, we need more attention and more support, from both healthcare system and each other.

While doing this, I hope to get myself proper medication and continue doing what I love the most - music. I don't love anything else more than that. I hope to get rid of “all or nothing” mindset, I hope to be more consistent, I hope my music will reach its listeners and fans. I still have enough time, I think, even though my sense of time is neurologically altered.

#adhd #actually adhd

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wongiemei · 5 years

Text

iKON Relationship with New Girl Member

Jinhwan:

Basically, her dad

Takes care of her the most dealing with her problems

He’s the oldest and he is used to dealing with the boys’ shit so he can handle hers too

But sometimes, it can be overwhelming

The girl member would listen to him like he would for her

Whenever she gets in trouble, he would always defend her (which annoys Bin a lot)

When she’s in that *cough* time *cough*, she would be the most comfortable with him

Jinhwan wouldn’t hesitate but go to the store 2 streets down and buy her chocolate, medicine, heating packs, chips, and tampons/pads

out of all the boys, she would trust him the most

if she needs something, she would go to him first

jinhwan loves to brag about that to the boys

he also loves the fact that someone is finally shorter than him

the boys still call him short but the girl defends him saying he’s taller than her

if anything, they should call her short

the first time it happened, jinhwan almost cried bc finally someone stood up for him

whenever he’s upset or hurt by what the others said, he hides it but she can usually tell

the only one he speaks his problems to

she experiments with makeup on him since he’s the only one who lets her

ngl, she’s actually pretty good

‘i didn’t spend 2 all-nighters watching jeffree star and james charles for nothing’

but as long as he sees that bright smile, he’s happy

i think he would be the im-never-letting-you-go type with her because he sees her as the girl he saw for the very first time

shy and innocent

and he will be damned if someone corrupts her

Yunhyeong:

if Jinhwan is her dad, he’s her mom

makes sure she does laundry, gets up early, goes to bed on time, showers before the boys

will feed and cook for the girl even when he’s tired

thinks shes the cutest little thing

but he knows that if he finds chanwoo and her are talking amongst themselves, shes gone

gets pranked on the most

the boys would use the girl to take advantage of his kindness to her for a prank

then the girl would be guilty later on and secretly tell song what theyre planning

believe it or not, yunghyeong is pretty scary when he’s mad

so she rats the others out bc she knows he wont punish her and she could watch the boys suffer

its like killing 2 birds with one stone

but really, she appreciates him

without him, she would be stuck eating delivery and ramen every night

since she rooms with him, chanwoo, and hanbin, hes always cooking something

ikonics see her a lot in his vlives and YT channel

when he went to the jungle, she was very worried

‘hyung, you’re going to get sick there! who’s going to feed me when you’re gone? you know Bin can’t cook for shit!’

‘yah! do you only see me as your chef?!’

‘what do you mean i can’t cook?!’

he looks out for her a lot

during ikontv, she was the only one excited for the mungap trip

out of all the boys, she appreciates him the most

okay, maybe she appreciates him and jinhwan the most

but, he was the one who made her feel welcome and tried the most to help her fit in and make sure she was comfortable

will never forget when he left her a tray of food at her door when she refused to leave her new room

there was a post-it note with encouraging words and she still has it to this day

just a wholesome mother-daughter relationship that will never be broken

Bobby:

oh, my baby

as i mentioned in the earlier post, he wasn’t very upset but he wasnt happy

but he wasnt upset enough to make her feel uncomfortable

bc jiwon is such a baby and so nice that he subtly helps her

over time, they build a cute relationship where he is like her older brother

steals her food all the time

‘no! song-hyung cooked that for me! Only for me!’

‘yah! it’s rude not to share with your elders!’

‘*mumbling* wdym elder. you’re practically a 5 year old��

jiwon has no mean bone in his body and you were practically an angel to him

well, when you’re not fooling around or goofing off

although he thought you wouldnt survive in iKON, he tries to help you as much as he can

even though bin is literally a big butt and gives you a hard time, jiwon helps you

like the time bin screamed at you because you couldnt get the dance right and you, being a strong woman who wouldnt let people push you around, screamed at him too

it resulted to you having a screaming match and the elders having to push you back because you were so close to punching him in the face and the youngers holding bin because he wouldnt hesitate to come at you

more on that in a sec

Donghyuck:

oof my baby sunshine

previously stated, he was the only one excited for your arrival

so obvs, yall are very tight

you, bob, and dong do vlives together a lot and ikonics look forward to it all the time

always cheers you up

remember that prank for ikon tv where dong literally started comforting the girl?

well, he does that to you

he knows when you start to get upset and he rubs your back

sometimes, just a hug from him makes it all better

did i mention that he gives out the warmest hugs?

ace dancers

both of you love to do covers as bonding time

whenever you can’t sleep, you just go to the other dorm and go under the covers while he sings to you

he sees you as his little sister and reminds him of his own little sister back home

btw, he loves to give you gifts

but so do you

when yall were filming ikon tv, he always picked up something that reminded him of you

like when he went shopping with bobby for their studio, he got you a little cute figurine that you still have to this day

or when you went to lotte mall for your day off and bought him a little necklace

fans get excited bc they always see matching yall have

the two of you wear the most fan gifts

like when someone gave hanbin a shirt, you snatch it and wear it

like how dong takes bobby’s clothing

yall are so cute together and fans wish they had a brother or a sister like yall

Junhoe:

this hoe

jk, but he really looks hot in this one

yes, he hated you in the beginning but once he found out similarities between you, he started tolerating you

also to him, i think he oesnt like the fact that him and the others worked so hard to get where they are and he doesnt really know what you went through to get there

junhoe has the personality that may seem very cold at first but he easily opens up to others and that causes them to open up to him

he knows the struggles you went through to be in ikon

you’re older than him by a few months and you treat him like your child

‘junhoe-ah! dont forget to take your makeup off!’

‘yah! clean your room! its like a pigsty!’

he gets annoyed with it but he knows you just look out for him

he calls you ‘noona’ with that cute ass smile if he wants something

how can you say no to that

yalls laughs are so loud and yall are just loud in general

one time, yall had a competition on who could sing louder and the guys almost banned you from the apartment complex

the neighbors weren’t happy

he always asks you for fashion advice even though you don’t have a good fashion taste

you have the habit of spoiling him of clothes and shoes

‘noona, you don’t need to do this. take them back’

‘wtf they’re from busan. i’m not about to take a train ride there to return those. keep them.’

his mom absolutely adores you

always tells you to look after him and junhoe blushing like a maniac

‘mom, i’m bigger than her. i think she’d need more protecting than me’

he turns red whenever you pinch his cheeks together

ngl, he had a crush on you but it faded away when he saw another member having a crush on you too

hes scared of him so hed rather back off

but you love him a lot and comfort him bc hes a little baby that really needs to be looked after

Chanwoo:

fuck, so cute

at first, chanwoo ignored you and made sure you were uncomfortable

even going as far as to disrespecting you

like being rude and being un-chanwoo

lets just say yunhyeong beat it out of him

as the youngest member, you baby him the most

‘oh, my little baby!’

initially, he was uncomfortable with it

but now, he lives for it

pouts when you give another member too much attention

teases you about your short height all the time

helps you grocery shop mainly for him to carry the bags

‘dont worry, noona. im strong’

you find out that chanwoo actually joined the group last and had a hard time fitting in

you used this to your advantage to get closer to him with your similar situations

‘you know, being in an unfamiliar environment is hard. but having someone who understands your feelings makes it easier’

and he just looks up to you with those big brown eyes and you just melt

gamer buddies

love to go to pc cafes even though yall have your own respective computers at home

only goes for the food

always calls him when you’re stuck in one level

*cute Hanbin’s voice*

‘CHANWOO-YAH!!!! JUNG CHANWOO!!!’

even though he might act like a bitch sometimes, hes actually so soft and cute

hes your little baby and will always be your little baby even though yall are like 80

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

Text

WhatsApp? Part 6. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You’ve never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone’s eye, to be loved. One day, that’s about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you

A/N: Sending a nod to Starlord’s direction with this one. ;) Also I am so sorry about the voice attributes rant, I studied special pedagogics and in here, voice, its attributes and the speech itself is a huge part of ENT studies centering around ears, throat, and neck...

A/N: THANK YOU FOR 200 FOLLOWERS. OMG.

A/N: I am sorry, @missdictatorme for no phone s*x. Ily by the way.

A song which I want to highlight for this chapter: Fallingforyou by the 1975.

Warnings: none really?

Tagging: @missdictatorme @songforhema

Read more here, babe ;): Part One Part Two Part three Part four Part five

If you like things in one place, you might like the series master list: H E R E

The time had tendencies to stop when Steve so far, far away from you.

You hadn't got a single clue where could be or what's he doing but you hoped he's safe and well. Sometimes you looked out of the window for ten minutes straight just thinking about where he could be. You checked your phone every morning and evening - nothing. He wasn't really messing around when he told you it can take a whole month before he comes back to you.

Deena, who was a self-proclaimed dancing teacher volunteered to lead the choreo. And she wasn't really bad at it.

At least you had your head all Steve-cleared off do could actually focus on your choreography for the big evening itself. It was somehow borderline racy but still PG-13 friendly as you thought it will be. May made sure it will be. You were dancing in sync, and you were grouped to trios for this one. You were basically repeating actions of the trio which went before you, it was simple yet good, or so you thought. You felt good about it at least.

You were in the last trio along with Deena and Marzia, another girl from your office so it would be double insured that you can't actually fuck up.

The girls made sure you acted all bossy - at some point, you started to use chairs to make it even more clear. That you were the ones being on the top during your dance. Before you could even dance in slight sync, it took you two weeks of every of your working day afternoon. Every one of you worked on it hard and it was paying off. Even you, probably the least talented person, or so you felt, could incredibly sway your hips. You didn't think that you can actually look that deductive yet you did.

Val told you that you were a killer - you took her only partially seriously because she was always friendly flirting with you.

Sometimes Peter came along. He was the sound tech guy every time. And then made fun of you when you accidentally fucked up. You loved that clueless boy so much.

"Okay. What do you think?" - You asked Peter, drinking from a water bottle. It was week three of you almost destroying your legs on those a bit too much tall high heels. You didn't want to wear them - your feet were swollen and hurt after every afternoon, but Deena shushed you off. It should look sexier than you dancing in Canada shoes and that Deena considered a pure fact.

"That you will kill yourself during that turn around with the chair in your hands." - He answered honestly with a childish smile, winging his feet in old Converse shoes from side to side. - “But there is a chance you will kill somebody else, so it's 50-50.”

"How gentle of you, Parker. You must be a real hit with the ladies, am I right?" - You nudged his shoulder, taking those devilish shoes off your feet, massaging them. He grinned at you.

"I can say obscene things like actually liking it out loud here, Y/N. And you know that!" - Peter laughed out loud, showing the gentle wrinkles around his hazelnut eyes. - "And since I ripped your tee off? May would have killed me if she actually heard me saying something nice about you!"

You had to laugh at his remark. You both were poking fun out that event since the next day Pete actually came to visit you, only May didn't find it as amusing as you two. Poor boy never got his free Oreo milkshake. And to be fair - Val actually started the beef with some pretty explicit jokes. And because you two were who you two were, it didn't take so long before you put that beef on fully.

"So continue calling me dumb. That will do. That's basically every girl's dream." - You nudged his head and left to a small cab to change your clothes. Your eyes just checked your phone as they were used to do all along those three weeks.

And your heart performed a fucking parkour jump at the sight of the green diode beeping at your eyes. The breath was caught in your throat when you gulped. Your hands shook by their will when you took the phone in your hands. It was a text from him. Steve was actually back.

As you opened the conversation, his promise popped directly in your head. A call. He promised you a fucking call. Steve willingly offered you to hear his voice. Three weeks ago. And now he was back. You were on cloud fucking nine. That was an offer you couldn't pass on.

Steve: I was so looking forward to texting you from the moment we took off. I'm back and well, Y/N.

Dear lord, you thought to himself, your eyes were firmly closed and you could feel a smile creeping on your lips. Thank you for keeping that man safe and well. Thank you for letting him come back.

Y/N: I missed you so much and I have so much thing to tell you! How was your little work trip?

You couldn't care less about being eager or too obvious with being excited about him being back. It was just natural for you to be excited. You had to tell Peter, so you changed your clothes the quickest way. You ran away from the cab looking like a mess with your bag over your shoulder with your smile looking better than a five-star hotel.

"Pete, Pete, Pete!" - You quirked in a high pitch. Peter wasn't sure if you hadn't got mad, looking at you with his puppy eyes in a horrified manner.

"Tell me that you have won a million dollars and I don't have to go to school anymore. I beg you." - Peter mumbled with a side smile. You shoved your phone right into his eyes and smiled widely. - "You're shitting me!" - He fangirled as hard as you had and performed your typical victory dance.

"Peter! Have you just cussed? We've talked about that!" - May shouted into your direction and you both freeze. Then you giggled.

"That means..." - Peter wiggled his eyebrows. Of course, you've told him about that call promise. He knew everything that happened with Steve. Not because he wanted to know, but because you rambled about Steve as much as he has rambled about Liz Toomes.

"You bet your favorite Lego puzzle!" - You hummed a tune and Peter laughed again.

"It isn't called a puzzle, to be honest..." - Peter trailed off the topic again, but you were leaving at that point, so you didn't take him too seriously.

"I don't caa-are." - You sang playfully and left the studio you rented for your choreography training, hoping you would get home as soon as possible.

---

The European job didn't go as bad as they were warned about but it didn't go exactly as smooth as Steve hope it will. He really got his hopes set high to be earlier at home. Sometimes he wanted to just take his phone off his bag, turn it on and text you that he and his friends are ok. But Natasha almost knifed him with her eyes every time that thought crossed his mind.

In the end, they were tired, really dirty, sleepy like 24/7. Even Sam, who usually tried to talk a big hole into others heads, layed in total silence. Now he was most likely dead on the back seats, covering his face with his forearm.

Of course, you were the first thing on his mind when he got to his phone - after having a long-ass sleep, a great warm shower and a bunch of unhealthy food ordered from a near China restaurant.

You texted back almost immediately, which made him smile and relax on the bed. He had a feeling that maybe you would be pretty pissed about his sudden, unexcusable need to disappear to a different continent because of a work a don't make me remind him that you still didn't even know what in the hell he's doing. But the better he got to know you, the more difficult and surreal saying his true identity to you was.

Almost unthinkable even.

Y/N: So that promise, can I still count on it?

You asked after he told you a little about his three weeks in Europe. He didn't lie but he definitely didn't tell you anything that could give you an actual image of what happened there - a lot of counterespionage from Nat, a lot of fighting and a lot of bad guy's blood spilling. He was giving you a gentle, sweet, careful silver linings to keep you safe. Those were his intentions - protecting you at all costs before knowing the truth.

Steve: Of course. I am a man of my word. Today at seven p.m.?

It was already five p.m. so two hours were remaining but he was sure it will be a terror for him. Maybe you'll just refuse to move this far behind the formal line today? He knew he's shitting himself at the moment.

Y/N: Okay. I'll be waiting, handsome.

---

Your hands literally shook as you panicked.

You needed to calm down asap. It wasn't an eye-to-eye meeting with him nor it was an actual FaceTime. It was just a fucking call which got you so off-rail. This got you even more intensely than when you were waiting for a call from some office lady whether you got that job or you did not.

It was Steve for god's sake. Not just someone. Steve. You felt like Lykke Li in one of those videos Peter showed you. She was extremely obsessing about a man, having his pictures all over her apartment, just wished he would take notice of her.

You would do the same at that point if you actually got some of his photos. You were just one hundred percent sure.

That one call was everything you could actually think about - you showered beforehand even tho he couldn't smell you through the phone just to feel pretty. You also did have a proper dinner so your liver would not do anything unplanned. You even tried some dumb yoga bullshit Marzia and Suzie thought you to calm yourself down.

You felt so, so, so stupid for overreacting that strongly but then you reminded yourself that it is mysterious, funny and gentle Steve. And you panicked again, trying to imagine his voice. Would it be high-pitched or too deep? Would it be raspy or smooth? There were too many options - too many tembers, too many speed rates, and too many articulation options.

Maybe he stutters? Which would be kinda cool you hoped. Or maybe he has a problem with saying out loud some letters? Wow, you were overwhelmed for a slight bit at that moment. But no matter ho Steves speech will be, you told to yourself, you will not give up on him because of that.

And let me say that you almost jumped off your bed when the phone rang in your hand with his name in the fucking middle of that, suddenly too small, screen. This was it. This was the moment.

You tried to breathe until the lowerest part of your lungs wasn't filled with air and then you quickly answered. That feeling of nervousness was all over your body, you felt partially numb and all you could say was that you marched around your room with your cheeks burning on fire.

“H-Hey, hey.” - You mumbled out, which was a big win-win for you. You didn't stutter that much, just maybe breathing a bit too heavily. All you could hear was a chuckle from the other side of the phone.

It almost sent you right to fainting. That was a sound of gods - you would bet your whole lego set on that. Holy goddamn shit. You jumped at the bed, feeling really quirky and cheese. You just fangirled over his chuckle. Great. You were going crazy. That was a fact. If Pete saw you acting around this clingy and cheesy, he would be laughing so hard.

“Hey.” - He answered with a chuckle under his breath, he sounded so calm and smooth, to begin with. (It wasn't the truth at all. But he was trying his actual best to appear cool in front of you.) - "Is everything alright out there? Am I interrupting you from something? I didn't mean to..." - And there he was. His usual nervousness got a hold on him eventually. That wasn't as smooth as he anticipated, but exactly make you like him more.

He was just as nervous as you were. You weren't acting like a total idiot after all.

"No. Of course, you're not... Interrupting anything. Don't be silly." - You laughed with a high, nervous tone, sounding like a boy in puberty. Well, damn. This was going so off rails so fast.

You analyzed his voice precisely. It wasn't super deep nor rough for that matter. He had actually really smooth voice which was just really nice to listen to. And he had to think you're an idiot.

"I can't believe I've done it." - Steve said all of a sudden stopping you in the middle of marching up to your bed again. One of your feet was on the mattress and the second one was still on the ground. You looked like a stretching ballerina.

"It feels so surreal, am I right?" - You chuckled, finally taking a hold of your own voice. You finally sounded like a grown woman.

"Exactly. It's... Wow. I don't know what it didn't cross my mind earlier. You could told me a lot of your stories so quicker and it would be much more fun."

"So you don't find reading my miserable life stories interesting. Okay, noted." - You teased him slightly. Steve laughed, saying a loud 'nooo!'. God, this man was just something.

"I didn't mean that at all!" - That was the first time you heard him actually giggled. He was doing it all the time because of your texts. But this was for the first time in real life you've heard it. The sight of you was messy - your eyes shone, your cheeks were rosy and your hair was not in the slightest order at all because your subconsciousness made you play with it. But you looked so happy and your smile way so relaxed.

"Why are you yelling so loud here, man?" - A completely different voice cut through the conversation. It was a bit higher than Steve's and it was way smooth with a seriously strong accent. - "Is that, oh damn." - The man laughed while you smiled at the ways Steve demanded the man leaving his room.

"I'm Sam! Nice to meet you, Steve's girl!" - He yelled before the door shut. Steve grunted out loud. That was so sweet.

"So you're telling them about me, I suppose? Was that Sam or James?" - You giggled, making Steve grunt again. Sam knew which moments to choose.

"That was Sam. I told them about you, however, the girlfriend thing is something Sam had made up." - Steve choked in defeated voice.

"Don't worry. It's fine. It made me laugh." - You calmed Steve down about Sam's behaviour. It was pretty funny and sweet for you. Sam to Steve was definitely like Pete to you. Best cheering up fangirling friend you could ask for.

"That was nice." - Steve commented at your laugh so smoothly without a single doubt in his voice.

"Thank you." - A dazzled sight came out of your lips.

---

You two talked for what seemed like forever. It was a conversation about nothing - just a constant back and forward with a lot of nervousness, thank yous and sweet voices.

Steve was dazzled by your voice. He could listen to it before sleeping, with his eyes closed. Let me, as the narrator, tell you - you were such sweet dorks. Both nervous, out of your minds basically. This one phone call actually meant something to both of you. It was your first form of actual contact, just hearing the other side and being so breathless and speechless because both of you actually existed.

The texting was fine, sure. But it didn't feel like this. It wasn't as real as this.

Nothing could tell him how you laughed when his dorky ass made you chuckle somehow. The way you spoke was so calm, relaxing him to death. Or texting couldn't reveal your voice raising up when you got excited about remembering something.

When Sam peeked into Steve's room, he stood there in silence for a moment or two. Steve was standing up in from of a window, looking down on the street, telling that Y/N something in a quiet, humming tone.

"I don't want to interrupt you." - Sam spoke quietly, freaking Steve he hell out. The tall blonde turned to Sam, covering the phone with his hand. - "But we're about to watch Footloose."

"I'll be there in a minute." - Steve nodded sadly. He didn't want this to end even if it was as dorky and cheesy as it was. But a movie night with his fellas after Europe was a thing Steve was looking forward to.

"I need to go, Y/N." - Steve started slowly and he would swear that his heart hurt at those words. - "We're about to watch something called Footloose?"

"Oh, my dear lord. You've never ever seen Footloose? Are you serious?" - You asked in an unbelieving voice. - "THE Footloose with Kevin Bacon? Steve, you really make me feel like you're not from today's world. Deena told me she hoped that her prom would look like the ending scene, but you know, Kevin Bacon never came." - You giggled.

His stomach shrank at that remark. He's not from today's world. He's the man out of time. And you have no idea, you just joked.

"I think it's exactly the one with Kevin Bacon, yeah." - Steve circled his hand around his waist, sounding nervously all of the sudden. What was he thinking about? Of course that his true identity would hunt him eventually down, even in his little personal bubble he created with you.

"Yeah..." - You sighed and shut up for a second. - "Let's call it a night today, what do you say?"

"You're right, I should go or Sam and James would start without me." - Steve tried to sound as relaxed as he could. You couldn't recognize he hides something - you've heard him for the first time. You haven't got any idea that something's off.

"Would you call me tomorrow? It's your turn." - He teased you, but you grunted a little, giving the answer away.

"I can't tomorrow, I'm at work, then we have a choreography training and we have a ladies night... I won't be at home at all. I'm sorry." - You said sadly.

"Don't be sad about that, Y/N. I'm not little. Just tell me when and I'll take some time for you, alright?" - Steve asked to make you feel better.

He slowly realized that this will be like a drug to him. Once he tasted it, he would need more and more of it to even survive. There was no turning back now. Phone calls were something new, exciting, something he wanted to do until the dawn comes. Just to feel that he haves you closer than normally.

"Hope that will be soon. Now, I'll go to sleep and you'll go and enjoy Kevin Bacon's amazing rebel-ish and dancing method acting, ok? And enjoy Footloose, like that song. It's amazing. Bye, handsome." - You said with a happy voice.

"Goodnight, Y/N. I'll text you in the morning." - Steve sighed with a soft smile on his lips, ending the call. Yeah, maybe it would be really difficult to tell you who he is and maybe you'll freak out at hell - but at that moment? He felt like a pretty attractive school girl realizing that she is falling for a nerd from her Chemistry class.

Beautifully numb and so glad he couldn't even express it.

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #captain america #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #bucky burnes #the winter soldier #natasha romanoff #black widow #sam wilson #the falcon #fallingforyou #the1975

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hangeladavis · 5 years

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A Gift For You On My 30th Birthday

IT’S MY 30TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

This is an accurate portrayal of how I felt this morning when I woke up! 30!!!! WOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!! I have lots of feels so I made a playlist. Naturally. So here are 30 songs (+1 for good luck) that I love and a little bit about them.

Knockin on Heaven’s Door by Bob Dylan - My mom says that this is the first song that came on the radio when we left the hospital. Imagining that it’s the first song I heard is nice.

I Love Your Smile by Shanice - When I was a baby child, this was my song! Every night when my dad got home from work and walked into our apartment in Queens I would run to him and ask him to play my song and I would sing it. HARD! Mind you I was like 2 or 3 but it didn’t matter.

Fly Like An Eagle by Seal - Can we talk about the Space Jam soundtrack!? It was vibe to my 6 or 7 year old self and it still goes! I feel like this album was the first time I really heard music. And felt it.

I Wanna Be Down by Brandy - Ok so my dad got those Columbia House cds for 1c or whatever and the first one he gave me was Brandy’s self titled album. You couldn’t tell me nothing!!! Hairbrush karaoke on a million!

Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny’s Child - When “Writings on the Wall” came out, I really tried to convince my friends to do a backyard performance with choreography and everything. They said no but it was then at 9 that I knew I wanted to be an artist, a director specifically.

We Can’t Be Friends by Deborah Cox - Another in the Columbia House cd collection, I played this album out and knew every word. I played it last summer after not listening to it for at least 15 years and still knew every word and every riff.

My All by Mariah Carey - “I’d give my all/ To have/ Just one more night with you” I had no real context for what I was singing but I used to sing this song so hard! I miss classic Mariah.

Kick Your Game by TLC - That Crazy, Sexy, Cool album was so classic and it was hard to pick one song but this was my jam!

I’ll Be There by The Jackson 5 - Now that I am older I question if I really want someone to be there with that much fervor after a breakup but when baby MJ sings “just look over your shoulders honey, oooh!” I feel it in my soul!

Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson - This song sends me. From the very beginning, to the beat drop. And when she grabs the phone from him and tells his baby “He’s not coming back/because he’s sleeping with me!” thats a moment. No one wants to be on the receiving end of that call but Diana gets what she wants.

That’s The Way Love Goes - JANET! Queen of the Whisper Sing! Duchess of Tight Choreo! I was way too young to be singing this song but I blame my dad. It’s a sexy jam and I don’t regret it.

Are You That Somebody by Aaliyah - When I was 10, some friends and I danced to this song at our elementary school. My mom choreographed it, we got matching outfits and we performed it. Another group of girls (who were admittedly more popular) danced to “Maria, Maria” and they wore matching cowboy hats. Naturally, there was a showdown on the playground over who was better. Naturally.

Just a Friend 2002 by Mario - Westbury Middle School! It was the best of times and the worst of times. Mainly the worst of times cuz middle school is hellish and there is nothing you could do to make me want to relive those years. But one of the sweet moments was getting a mixed cd from this boy that had a crush on me and this was the first song. Swoon It worked. We dated for a while. It was cute.

My Life, My Love, My All by Kirk Franklin - This is the first song I ever choreographed and it changed my life. I was 10 years old. I showed my mother the choreo and she said teach me. It was in that moment that she validated my artistry. That’s why can’t nobody tell me nothing. I have been doing this for 20 years!

Healing by Richard Smallwood - My mother choreographed this piece for the church dance ministry, Choresis, at Memorial Presbyterian Church in Roosevelt, NY. It was one of their most popular pieces and it gave my mother the outlet she needed to dive headfirst into her artistry. I learned how to lead, facilitate and hold healing arts-centered space from my mother and the women she danced with. Their labor made me possible.

Air Force Ones by Nelly - Back to Westbury Middle School, this song is to honor the Air Force 1s wearing preteen I was. Ooh girl…

Ready For Love by India.Arie - When this song came out I thought I knew what it meant and sang it as such. Girl. Girl Girl Girl Girl Girl Girl… 15+ years later and the only thing I know is that I don’t know very much at all. Also this song is very hetero and I am indeed very queer. lol

I’ll Write A Song For You by Earth, Wind & Fire - Family road trips were not complete without this song. We still sing this song like it’s our job. I knew we were getting older when my brother Jordan couldn't hit the high notes.

As by Stevie Wonder - This song. Whew. When I was 10, my mother and I were asked to dance to this song at the funeral of a baby that died. We did and afterwards I was tore up. I kept thinking about my baby brother, Aaron, who has just been born and how I would feel if he died. I didn’t listen to this song for years. Until I really listened to the words and thought about a love that transcends space and time. This song inspired me to write a musical based on Stevie Wonder’s music. And it is my favorite song by my favorite singer.

Breathe from In The Heights Musical - Fast forward, my senior year of college my parents gave me tickets for In The Heights for Christmas. My best friend Lana and I sat in the second to last row in this Broadway house and when this song started I wept. I mean completely lost it. Because she was singing my story. I was flunking out of college my senior year and hadn’t told my parents. I had been a top student in high school and graduated #5 in my class. But I didn’t have words to name my anxiety, depression and fear that I had no idea what to do with my life after school. “And what will my parent say?/Can I go in there and say/"I know that I'm letting you down” This song still makes me cry.

I’m Here from The Color Purple Musical - I’ll let the song speak for itself. “I believe I have inside of me /Everything that I need to live a bountiful life/And all the love alive in me/I'll stand as tall as the tallest tree/And I'm thankful for every day that I'm given/Both the easy and hard ones I'm livin'/But most of all, I'm thankful for/Lovin' who I really am

Back That Azz Up - Ha! This is my favorite transition. This song is for my undergrad club days at A&T and the Blu&White fam.

Boogie Oogie Oogie by A Taste of Honey - But I don’t actually club for real because I am a grandma that missed my era. I could dance to disco all night actually.

Seasons of Love from RENT Musical - What can I say? I’m a theatre kid. This is for A&T’s theatre department that taught me so much and made me so much of who and how I am as an artist. And Rest in Peace to the mother of our theatre department, Frankie Day.

Screens by Zoocrü featuring Al Strong - In 2016, I met a woman named Margaret A. Brunson who changed my life. (She has that effect on everyone) The first time we hung out she took me to an Kickstarter kickoff party for a band named Zoocrü. I had never heard of them before but as soon as they started playing I was like Who are these boys? I offered my administrative assistance for their campaign and it turned into more than I ever imagined. That offer is what pushed me into consulting and it’s been a joy to work with artists and creatives. I am grateful that our paths crossed.

Sunday Candy by Donnie Trumpet - My grandmother, my Nanny, Evelyne Marie Laisure Marshall passed away on September 29, 2017. Her living made me possible and her passing changed my life. I talk about grandmas so much because I dont know who I would be without her love. I miss her so much but I find her everywhere; in my red fingernail polish, in my card shuffling, in my baking, in my political analysis, in my care. And yes, in the candy dish in my living room.

F.U.B.U. by Solange - Last year I created a show called “Buy My Soul And Call It Art”. I had no idea what I was doing but my Nanny had passed and my cousin Michael had passed and the Universe was telling me to “do it scared”. This song was featured in the piece because I never wanted anyone to forget who this is for, who this is centering. “All my niggas in the whole wide world…”

I Want You by Erykah Badu - The second show in the trilogy is “Buy My Body And Call It A Ticket” and that show almost killed me. I had to go somewhere deep inside myself and that place is dark and scary and I wasn’t sure that I was gonna make it out. But I did. And what brought me back was this. “I want you.” I want my body. I want my life. I want my love. I want myself.

I Need You To Survive by Hezekiah Walker - Show number 3 (which will be rebooted) is “Buy My Art And Call It Holy”. Though I don’t consider myself a Christian, I cannot separate myself from my Christian upbringing and this is one of my favorite songs. When I sing it I am singing it out to my people. I am singing to you. “I need you/ You need me/We’re all apart of one body”

Never Would Have Made It by Marvin Sapp - Yall there have been times when I wasnt sure if I was gonna make it to 30. Seriously. Depression and anxiety is real. Sometimes it zaps the desire to be right out of me. But I am here. And I am so grateful. Here’s to another day, another week, month, year, decade!

Crazy, Classic, Life by Janelle Monae - Did ya’ll think there wouldnt be some Janelle Monae on here!?! This is my theme song! Let’s ride this thing til the wheels fall off!

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zukadiary · 6 years

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Company/BADDY ~ Moon Troupe 2018

Welp I'm in Japan again, for a bizarre trip considering none of my so-called faves are doing anything I'd normally clamor to see live... There are multiple reasons for that, but a big one is I let the idea of this show seduce me completely. I pegged it my most highly anticipated Grand Theater of the year pretty much as soon as the blurbs came out, anticipated it even more after I read and loved the novel, and pretty much lost my mind as soon as the first BADDY tweets surfaced back in February. So I braved Golden Week crowds in Hibiya to squeeze two viewings out of the last week of the run, and I'm quite pleased with my choices.

COMPANY

I summarized Company and its characters a bit before so I won't do it again; they stuck to the premise well enough.

I'd call Company cute and very pleasant; I thought everyone did a wonderful job and any qualms I have are with Ishida-sensei. My love of the book definitely enhanced my appreciation of the show because I went in already attached to the characters, but it also set me up for disappointment in a few places where Ishida fell flat. It's a bit of a long book though, and overall I think he cut exactly what needed to be cut to fit it into one act.

What I LOVE about the play as a whole is the modernness of it; Takarazuka almost never does shows set in present-day Japan, and its shows set in present-day elsewhere often come awkwardly tinged with an uncool dad vibe (LET'S TAKE A SELFIE FOR FACENOTE a la Vampire Succession, for example). Company felt totally natural and it was really refreshing. That said, something bugged me about the line delivery in pretty much the entire show; it was kind of stiff and hammy. I'm inclined to believe it was the direction, but I do wonder if it was just Patented Takarazuka Acting™ and it happened to stand in greater contrast against a modern play (and I also wonder if that's why they shy away from such stories).

Tamakichi was so beautiful it hurt to look at her. Her character Aoyagi's backstory was changed by absolute necessity; the book opens with his wife leaving him, but in the opening song of the show he tells us she's died from cancer two years back. Book Aoyagi is a nobody at work and pretty much a total loser in general at the beginning, and goes on a real journey of self love and improvement. I am a little sad we didn't get this angle because I think Tamakichi could have done an absolutely heartbreaking job portraying that particular transformation, but I also completely understand that including all that simply wasn't possible. Instead we have Cool Good-Looking Senpai Aoyagi, reliable leader from start to finish, whose journey is injecting some joy back into his life and beginning to heal from his wife's death. Tamakichi is so good at the wholesome everyday hero I don't think I'll ever get tired of it. My biggest takeaway from her performance, other than that she slays in a basic clean-cut suit, is that she has blossomed and is such a top star. NO SHADE to Tamakichi up till now; she's done nothing but impress me since assuming office. But while what stood out to me in Grand Hotel and All for One was the balance of the troupe and how perfectly they allowed their other wonderful players support her, SHE stood out to me in Company all on her own; her presence and confidence were incredible. They kept Chapi the exact right amount of time.

This could be Chapi's most typical top musumeyaku role since Tamakichi took over, but it's still unique in that she's the pursuer in their romance and I love that. Minami, while less confident in her ballet/work life than Stage Aoyagi seems to be in his work life, is slightly more confident in their personal interactions—always trying to joke, lighten the mood for him, drop hints—and it's a lovely dynamic. Her portrayal was probably the most faithful to the book. Chapi is bright and cheery and the smoothest actress, and every bit of real ballet we get to see her do is a blessing.

I had the greatest attachment to Haruka (MiyaRuri) and Yui (Umi-chan) going in. My absolute favorite aspect of the book was the slow burn surrounding everything Haruka: his relationship with Yui especially, but also with Aoyagi and the others. Of course I totally understand there is no room for slow burn in one act. Aside from that, Miya was exactly the Haruka I imagined and that was a joy to watch (her costume and countenance in the Dark Gay Swan Lake scene in particular is a VISION). Yui is another refreshing atypical musumeyaku character and Umi did a great job. It's a pretty good show for musumeyaku roles in general; Sara (Wakaba) and Noa (Touka Yurino) are also pretty big parts. I loved Kumichou in particular, she had some amazing one-liners.

My biggest disappointment was in Ishida's handling of Nayuta (Reiko). Reiko did just fine, but I felt that Ishida sucked all the life out of the character. Book Nayuta is a hot-headed asshole who underneath all the strutting and crude commentary cares a lot about his performing. A lot of that comes from him being a trainee idol and trying to prove that he has a place among his equally hot-headed senpai whereas Stage Nayuta is the star of the group, but it's NOT AT ALL HARD TO IMAGINE that a star idol might be kind of a hot-headed asshole. Stage Nayuta was just kind of pretty and there, and as a result the drama surrounding him joining Dark Gay Swan Lake in the Prince role felt flat to me. This is one change I really think could have been made in the given timeframe. (Trivia bit: in the understandably zuka-fied Final Drama where Nayuta injures Sara on stage with a lift gone wrong, Nayuta locks himself in the bathroom at intermission and won't stop crying from guilt. In the book, he feels his finger slip between her ribs during the lift, and dwelling on the sensation makes him so ill he can't stop throwing up).

Toshi is a VERY cool idol group leader; Ari is, as I predicted, herself; and Ruu, Shimon, and Mayupon are a pretty funny group (boss and salarymen), with Mayupon in particular also absolutely WEARING the normal suit look. Everyone else was pretty light on the stage time.

BADDY

BADDY is a triumph. If you still have the opportunity to watch it sans spoilers, I recommend it, I'm jealous, and I would love to know what that's like. However I can also say that I read almost everything about it before seeing it and I felt no less impact from its brilliance.

It's completely ridiculous, but the balance it strikes in its ridiculousness is absolutely sublime. Simplicity combined with absurdist randomness; both using and upending traditional Takarazuka elements JUST enough; it strikes the perfect note.

There's so much to unpack.

For one thing, it's SO META. We open in Takarazuka City on the Peaceful Planet that has seen no disturbance in 103 years, and down comes the Baddies' spaceship with a thunk. Following the thunk, Tamakichi declares "Looks like you've been waiting quite a while for this," RIGHT BEFORE going into the standard opening announcement—"written and directed by Ueda Kumiko," etc—and I am sure that's her sticking in her own jab about Takarazuka waiting 103 years before letting one of their female directors do a revue. Really, I wouldn't be surprised if the ENTIRE THING was a reference to this; I mean we're in TAKARAZUKA CITY where COOL BADDIES infiltrate a BORING LAME SOCIETY THAT HASN'T CHANGED IN 103 YEARS and then they BLOW EVERYTHING UP and EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN. That's bold, UeKumi.

There are smaller amusing references too... Reiko commenting that Amashi Juri's character looks new (she just switched to musumeyaku), Tamakichi kidnapping Reiko and giving her to Miya saying "here you're in charge of improving this person's general everything" which I'm pretty sure is Miya and Reiko's IRL relationship.

(Amashi Juri is so cute I can't stand it, help).

Another thing, it flows so beautifully for a revue with a plot (not a theme, a plot... the only other example of which I can recall at the moment is Nova Bossa Nova, which does not flow like this). Despite the scenes connecting perfectly into one cohesive story, they are still individual scenes that feel like standard revue scenes, with variety and costume changes and great music and really fun choreography.

Chapi is given the queenly treatment she deserves; she's as much the star of the revue as anyone else. The rockette with her in the center might be my personal highlight, and it's the perfect example of what I mean by both using and upending Takarazuka traditions. We've got typical rockette-style costumes, synchronized kicking, the works—but we've traded the high-pitched KYAA for YELLING ABOUT HOW ANGRY THEY ARE in unison with some really badass choreo. It's the perfect balance of respect and rebellion; it works because the rockette is such a standard part of our fan lexicon, and the small differences make us open our eyes wide. Crushed velvet kuroenbi. Ray Bans during the parade...

The duet dance also—passionate and angry and LITERALLY fiery, as Tama and Chapi dance and eventually descend through the floor with one long hard kiss surrounded the entire time by swirling flames. I mention that in case the flame effect (like the starlight during Maa's Chopin in HOT EYES) does not show up on the DVD, which would be tragic.

As beautifully and wholesomely as Tamakichi carried herself in Company she pulled out all the stops and slayed in BADDY. Dynamic (and dangerous) radiantly glowing top star. Miya is downright erotic.

Mayupon is just an alien, in the background, through costume changes, the entire time.

There was a fun amount of gender fluidity presented in sort of a nonchalant? way?? Like not the gratuitous otokoyaku-in-drag situation we usually get; paired with the free-flowing top 4 love quadrangle, it felt, dare I say, progressive.

I had an extra fun experience at my first viewing... TSUKI MATSURI! Tsukigumi has a tradition where one day per run (though I imagine not every single run) they all wear afro wigs in one scene and adlib it to hell and back. Since it was my first time and this did not seem at all out of place against the backdrop of BADDY I didn't even realize until after, but what lucky timing.

I can't wait for UeKumi's next show, and I went into QR and came out only with Tsukigumi bromides, I don’t know myself.

#takarazuka #reviews #company #baddy #might as well just tell people i live here

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kkamist · 6 years

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tags (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

ok so ive been tagged in different tags by different people ,,, nd have procrastinated on actually doing them ,, so i decided to compile all of them in one post !!

warning: this will be a v long post ,, read only if u wanna ,, know more abt me i guess (why would u lmAO)

fact tag?? i guess

rules: tag 9 people you want to get to know better and answer the questions

was tagged by maria !! @s0ftminho ♡ඩ⌔ඩ♡

Relationship status: single

Favourite colour: yellow,, peach,, nd black

Top 3 ships: oof idk?? oo nomin probably !!

Lipstick or chapstick: i dont use them :”)

Last song: im listening to gfriend - rough rn!

Last movie: spiderman homecoming hAHHAHA ( i was doing a mini marvel marathon bc my dad had the movies and didnt ! tell ! me ! but i uh stopped there lmao )

Top 3 shows: i dont watch shows often,, but i do rly like knowing brothers, night goblin :”) nd its dangerous outside the blanket! oooo theres also cafe amor that is p cute too !!

Currently reading: ok if manga counts, kimi no todoke nd bnha ,, if not ,, waking gods by sylvain neuvel (but i paused like ,, last yr prob hAHHA)

kpop + music tag!

ok so i was tagged by @01yoonjin to do ,, both of these tags if im not wrong,, and @maetaamong tagged me for the music shuffle tag and @hyuunjins tagged me for the kpop tag thingy aha

music shuffle tag

rules: put all of your phone’s music library – no playlists! – on shuffle. list the first ten songs that play. bold the song(s) that lift your mood and italicise the song(s) that makes you the most emotional. then tag ten people!

mad city - nct 127

campfire - svt

us now - vixx

hold me tight - bts

talk me down - troye sivan

paradise - nct 127

too good - troye sivan

grr 총량의 법칙 - skz

another world - nct 127

blue - troye sivan ft alex hope

kpop tag

rules: answer the questions!

1) 5 favorite groups?

skz

nct

nuest

sf9

2) Top 5 on your bias list? (no particular order)

hyunjin

(lee) chan

(lee) mark

chanhee

jr (jonghyun)

3) Ult Bias group and why you love them?

oof ok i,,, dont know? im not the type to actually Stay ulting a group?? like ill stan then ,,, then,, get into another grp,,, yeah,,,, im not v loyal aa my friends always ask what grps i stan and im liek ,,,,, idk,,,, i stan a Lot,,, (that was a real convo between a new friend i made weeks ago) but i guess,, atm its skz? their music is,, my taste? like the meaning of it nd all,, and uh theyre also v v fun to b with,, there isnt a moment when i dont smile whenever i see one of their vids or during their vlives :”) tbh what i like the most in groups i stan is their humor lmao,,, like if theyre v funny, i automatically love them even more :”))

4) Ult Bias and why you love them?

again,,, idk man,, i dont think i even Ult hAHHA ok but i ,, rlly like bae jinyoung nd chani hHAHHA ok but also ,,,, hyunjin. that boy,,,,, id do anything for him tbh ,, also bjy wasnt even mentioned in 2 but,,, i rlly love him ,, like idk,, i dont stan w1 as much now but ,, whenever i see him im like :-))))) (same goes for chani aa) fiuwe idk y i like them sm tho aa

5) Favorite Kpop Meme

iiiiii dont have any guawdeij

6) Favorite pic of your ult? (I dare you to only pick one)

ok what,,, i dont even know my ult hAHAH

7) 5 Favorite Kpop MVs

dont stop - twice (this is in jap tho,, does it count?)

nuest - daybreak

blooming days - exo cbx

you&me - kisum

go - nct dream

8) 10 Favorite Kpop songs?

vivid - loona/heejin

heart attack - loona/chuu

singing in the rain - loona/jinsoul

scentist - vixx

boss - nct u

rollercoaster - chungha

shine - pentagon

blooming days - exo cbx

trigger - vixx

my valentine - vixx

nd a lot more auief

9) Favorite Kpop crack video?

oof i dont watch crack often-

10) Favorite content creator within the fandom?

all of them!! :”)

11) What fandoms would you say you’re an active member of?

aa atm the sk fandom !! i was q active in the svt fandom in my main blog but i dont make content anymore :-( i do want to b active in other grps (like nct nd sf9 nd mayb nuest) but i dont have enough Commitment to run other blogs at the same time :”)))

12) Take your top 3 biases- fmk

these arent my top 3 but-

F(riendly convo with) - murk leeeee

M - oof tbh id marry seungcheol or mingYU OmG :-)))))))) hes not my bias but ,, hes such husband material tbh ,,,,,,,,

K - lee chan bc he,, keeps Killing me w those looks even when im tryna stan another grp ughrei

13) If you could be best friends with any idol, who would you choose?

chani? or chenle!! for chani ,, we’re q similar nd we both like chicken !!!!!!!!!!!! so yes. for chenle ,, we’re also kinda similar but we def have the same humor ,,, which is always great :^)))))

14) If you could date any idol, who?

hm,,, tbh these days ive been feeling Soft for mark (lee) nd !! also bjy ,,,, ahHa im sorry hyunjin yshvriIHFED

15) What’s one Kpop album you think everyone should have listened to?

vixx - eau de vixx bc nO ONE i know talks abt it :-((((

16) Are you a soft or a hard stan?

swoft??? or medium idK HAHAH

17) An idol that makes you go into soft mode?

100% hyunjin,,, Also bjy.

18) An idol that makes you want to smash the empire state building with one single punch?

o man is also hyunjin aLSO mark lee :-))))))))))

19) Favorite vocalist?

oof hm,, defo seungkwan ,,, seokmin,,, basically svt’s vocal team :-))) oOF reading this again ,, yo haechan???? God tier vocals,,, pls stan nct :-)))

20) Favorite Rapper?

oo ok so i watched high school rapper nd i really like osshun? nd oH bang jaemin :”) aa i need to watch s2 soon jgafiue

in terms of idols, defo 3racha,,, theyre So Good uiahrfiu

21) Favorite dancer?

aAA in terms of girls: cHUNGHA!! for boys its ,, basically all of svt performance team nd,, ten and taeyong- (i like a lot of dancers its hard to choose ifajoiwe)

22) Things you have in common with your ult?

ok i,, dk my ult but ill just do it w the idols i put in in that q - for hyunjin i feel like we ,, both struggle w cooking lmAo nd have troubles waking up early :”) ,, actually now that i think abt it,, were both v quiet nd shy but when u get to know us? were v Loud nd savage (same w bjy nd chani) also again ,, chani likes chicken, i do too so :-)))))))

23) The mot beautiful trait any idol can have?

hm,, confidence? it takes a lot for someone to just go on stage and sing/dance etc,, like i would Never b able to do that- (proven today: had a skit and had a shaky voice the whole time , also laughed alot oops)

24) Songs that will always make you jam along?

vIVID by heejin nd singing in the rain by jinsoul nD ALL THE OTHER LOONA SONGS-

also rock by skz !!!!! nd nd omg rollercoaster by chungha nd,,, scentist by vixx nd many others hAHAH

25) Your worst wrecker?

in skz its ,,,,,,,, ***** :-)) also nomin have been wrecking me these days ,, rip

26) Any kpop concerts you’ve been to?

0 bc my parents wont let me :-(

27) Favorite choreo?

there r too many-

28) Favorite live performance?

also too many- but i do like concert performances where the fans sing along too- like those Hit me in the feels everytime (eg: smile flower - svt!!!) iahfnie (does this even count lmao)

29) Favorite debut mv?

adore u- svt !! (3rd anniv coming up ihHIWU)

30) Recommend a rookie group

skz obv, loona, unb ,, (g)i-dle !!

31) A kpop song you could listen to every day for the rest of your life?

there is a Lot but prob vivid - heejin hAHAH I RLLY LIKE THAT SONG AUWIFHIAU

20 question tag!

rules: answer 20 questions and then tag twenty people you want to get to know better

i was tagged by em !! @realstraykids (´∀｀)♡

name: hazirah (oo name reveal :^))

nickname(s): haz

zodiac sign: scorpio

height: i am smoller than em ,, barely 5 feet :-)))))))))

languages spoken: ok ,, eng, malay, arabic, uuuh tiiiiiny bit of chinese and im now (kind of) self learning korean :^)

nationality: singaporean

favourite season: ok we dont have fall in sg,, but fall !!

favourite flowers: baby’s breath!

favourite scents: the scent of fried chicken :-)) or fresh laundry ,,, also petrol smell :-)

favourite color: i answered above but yellow, peach nd black

favourite animal: shiba inus !!

favourite fictional characters: mmmm kacchan nd aizawa nD TODOROKI IFIAEUR HOW COULD I FORGET HIM O Mg frm bnha !! also baz nd simon frm the book carry on, simon by raindow rowell (one of my fav books tbh) ,,,, also tanaka frm tanaka kun is always listless bc hes goals tbh. ALSO oMg USUI TAKUMI FRM KAICHOU WA MAID SAMA OH MY GODUIHF

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: ok in cold countries i Always get hot chocolate,, here in sg i always get green tea,, or ice lemon tea sometimes :-)))

average sleeping hours: 5-6

dog or cat person: both but more towards cats tbh

number of blankets you sleep with: 1

dream trip: the world !! or like japan/england ,,

blog established: feb 1 2018

followers: a number :-)

random fact: mmmmmmmm i broke my fast w two of my friends last night nd caught up w each other nd im v happy :-)))))

nd thats the end !! (not really,, theres like 2 slefie tags but i have 0 pics oops) but if you read through all this,, congratulations,, you probably know me more than my classmates :-))))

#tagged #about haz :o #i actually wrote some of these beforehand #so idk how accurate this is hHAHA #also for the bias thing #im bad at explaining/elaborating so descriptions r short nd stuff #i apologise ayugfbuwe

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itsana406 · 6 years

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get to know me?

tagged by: @ccarats

nickname: ana

gender: female

zodiac: aries

height: 5′2-5′3 (157-160cm)

age: 20 [[ oh god i’m 20 ]]

time: 1235PM

favorite bands/ solo artists: Seventeen, DAY6, The Rose, 30 Seconds to Mars, Maroon 5, Fall Out Boy, NCT, Oh My Girl, CLC, Fiestar (rip), After School, Baek Yerin, Parokya ni Edgar, Kamikazee, Gloc 9, Childish Gambino, J.Cole, Yeng Constantino (even though i haven’t been updated with her in YEARS), i have so much... just as long as i like the music das it

song stuck in your mind: Baby - The Rose

last movie i saw: YIKES WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE I SAW uHHH White Chicks? It was being shown in my uni one time so like

last thing i googled: how to get from Narita Airport to Keio Hotel (Japan mothafuckas)

other blogs: used to have an rp blog that i put on indefinite hiatus...now i don’t remember the password

do i get asks: sometimes! i end up being on the chat more tho

why i chose my username: FUNNY STORY: this was initially khxxnx (khione) for most of my followers out there. If it wasn’t obvious i love mythology, so i mixed two things together: mythology + the tumblr trend where you replace vowels with an x or v or whatever really. Thing is, someone i’m not in good terms in my block knows of my instagram with the same id and said it looks like a porn site then proceeds to call me porn site on campus whenever we see each other. reported him and changed my ID to lxlxxn which is still the same concept only she’s the Philippine Goddess of Fire and Volcanos uwu

following: mythology blogs, art blogs, kpop blogs, fashion blogs, aesthetic/photography blogs, language blogs WAHU

average amount of sleep: during school 3-5 hours usually, lucky if i get 6, no school = 8-10 hours HA

lucky number: 4/6 or anything even/divisible by 2 mostly bec it’s my birthday and a lot of good things tend to happen when it’s an even number to me.

what am i wearing: justin bieber shirt (i had a phase) and some shorts

dream job: as long as i get to work somewhere in the creative department (hello, communications + art management student here) then i’m pretty much set. hopefully it’s also a job where i can move around a lot.

dream trip: either Europe or Korea on my own. I want to see certain artworks I’ve been dreaming to see irl in Europe + I do plan to work in Korea so yahu

favorite food: cheese ramen, or anything spicy really

play any instruments: currently learning guitar!!!

favorite song: .... if i know the choreo then it was my favorite at one point in my life. [ Hint: I love Junsun’s, Sori’s and Hyojin’s works ]

play(ed) any sports: uh 2 years ballet, 1 year table tennis, 2 years swimming, 5 years tennis, 7 years dancing??? (though self taught + covers only so i’m really not that good)

hair color: black

eye color: dark brown-black

most iconic song: MIROTIC OR RISING SUN BY TVXQ FIGHT ME

language you speak/ are learning: English, Filipino, Chinese [ My high school was horrible at teaching it though.. ], basic Japanese, survival/conversational Korean WAHU

random fact: I lowkey take pride whenever someone says “OH MY GOD YOU’RE FROM [ this High School ] ?!” cause i know how horrible the people in my school were and for them to think i didn’t come from that school is a Big compliment.

describe yourself as aesthetics/things: worn out sneakers, paint stained hands, bruised knees, coffee cups, water bottles, hypebeast clothes (... i am a lowkey hypebeast), rings and chokers

i tag: @gahyeonn @moon-teaa @yutong-gihan

#no one cares ana #WOWOWO THIS IS LONG

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snupersstar · 6 years

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KPOP BIGGER TAG!

I was tagged by the wonderful moosefan777, thanks boo!

This is really long, so if you’re gonna read it, fasten your seat belts, you’re in for a ride

1.) 5 favorite groups?

SNUPER, B1A4, B.A.P, NU’EST, VIXX, and KNK (I couldn’t pick just five!!!! 😱)

2.) Top 5 on your bias list?

Well if you can’t tell by following my blog, I bias Taewoong!!! And B.A.P’s Youngjae, B1A4’s Jinyoung, NU’EST’s Minhyun, and VIXX’s N (and from KNK it’s Seungjun)

3.) Ult Bias group and why you love them?

Uggghh! This is so hard! What’s there not to love about SNUPER? What don’t they have? You want amazing songs that never disappoint? They’ve got you covered. You’re more into stunning choreography? Don’t worry, their dancing is next level. You want members who are super sweet, but also so unbelievably cheesy, greasy, and are just plain dorks? SNUPER is just the group for you.

4.) Ult Bias and why you love them?

Well, if you saw the video post I made for Taewoong’s birthday, you probably already know one of the main things I love about Taewoong is his smile. I also just love his dorky personality. He is always just so fun to watch. He always seems to be having a blast with his life and that in turn just brings so much happiness to mine!

5.) Favorite Kpop Meme

Just a few of my faves

6.) Favorite pic of your ult? (I dare you to only pick one)

But, no, I really like this one:

7.) 5 Favorite Kpop MVs

KNK’s “Rain”, CNBLUE’s “You’re So Fine”, Seventeen (Performance Unit) “Lilili Yabbay”, SNUPER “It’s Raining”, and INFINITE “The Chaser”

8.) 10 Favorite Kpop songs?

KNK’s “Rain” (I literally listened to this song 20x in one day), SNUPER’s “내 여자의 여우짓”, NU’EST’s “여보세요”, B1A4’s “Lonely”, VIXX’s “Desperate”, DAY6’s “I Smile”, B.A.P’s “Coffee Shop”, CNBLUE Minhyuk’s “Star”, Super Junior Ryeowook’s “The Little Prince”, and BOYFRIEND’s “Janus”

9.) Favorite Kpop crack video?

Honestly, I don’t really have a favourite KPop crack video... I just search whatever variety of crack I’m in the mood for, and then just watch the first results

10.) Favorite content creator within the fandom?

suhyunggeun - I’ve always really enjoyed your stuff. And more recently sufferhyuns. Thank you both for blessing my dash (and here I am picking two Suhyun stans while insisting that I’m not one... I swear, Taewoong owns my life)

(And for groups other than SNUPER, I really like gomnu’s suff!)

11.) What fandoms would you say you’re an active member of?

An active member… Probably only SWING, thought I’d like to be a better TINKERBELL (KNK) too. I’m really mostly a casual fan of all groups I stan besides SNUPER

On my multifandom blog, on top of SWING, I really only interact with B.A.B.Y (B.A.P), Starlight (VIXX), Bana (B1A4), Carat (Seventeen), and Universe (Pentagon), though I wouldn’t really say I’m an “active” member

12.) Take your top 3 biases- fmk

Honestly, this question makes me uncomfortable because I respect my biases as people…

13.) If you could be best friends with any idol, who would you choose?

Well as I said, I would love to be friends with Sangho. But I’d love to take a road trip with some of the members of Seventeen (Seungkwan, D.K, and Vernon). Also Heejun from KNK - I want to validate the hell out him!

14.) If you could date any idol, who?

This was so hard to answer because I just never really look at idols like that, but I think I would have to say Seventeen’s S.Coups, I think he would treat me right

15.) What’s one Kpop album you think everyone should have listened to?

I can’t pick just one, so here’s five: I love, love, LOVE B1A4’s “Good Timing” album. B.A.P’s “Noir” is also super quality. As well as 15&’s “Sugar” and SNUPER’s “유성” album (that 80’s remix of “Platonic Love”…) - I was gonna put “I Wanna?” but “유성” has all the same songs, plus more!!!

16.) Are you a soft or a hard stan?

Soft all the way! I literally don’t know what to do with myself if my bias is anything other than soft

17.) An idol that makes you go into soft mode?

Basically all of SNUPER (Taewoong, Sebin, Sangho, Sangil), KNK’s Seungjun when he’s being his dorky self, Seventeen’s S.Coups, and NU’EST, just all of NU’EST

18.) An idol that makes you want to smash the empire state building with one single punch?

Seventeen JOSHUA!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I love him, but this is actually me:

(GIF credit to cheolshu, I just couldn’t find these GIF in tumblr’s built in GIF search that automatically links it to the post... But that last thing I want to do is steal someone else’s creation)

19.) Favorite vocalist?

Kihyun (Monsta X), Sandeul (B1A4), Sangil (SNUPER), Taeil (Block B), Minhyun (NU’EST), Sunmi, Ryeowook (Super Junior), Max (TVXQ), Raina (After School/Orange Caramel). Is that too many...?

20.) Favorite Rapper?

Taewoong, Jooheon (Monsta X), Zelo (B.A.P), Junhyung (HIGHLIGHT), Minwoo (BOYFRIEND) - even though Kwangmin is my BOYFRIEND bias..., Amber (f(x)) -Amber’s vocals are also amazing!

21.) Favorite dancer?

Jun (Seventeen), Lay (EXO), N (VIXX), Hansol (TOPPDOGG)

22.) Things you have in common with your ult?

Oh my goodness, Taewoong is like the ideal human being, what could I possibly have in common with him?!?! I can think of a lot of things that I admire about Taewoong and wish we had in common, but not many traits that we actually share...

23.) The most beautiful trait any idol can have?

As cliche as it sounds, I’m a sucker for a beautiful smile (the dorkier the better). I also fall for idols based on their personalities (again, the dorkier the better)

24.) Songs that will always make you jam along?

KNK’s “U”, Pentagon’s “Can You Feel It”, SNUPER’s “It’s Raining”, Seventeen “Clap”, and many, many more (basically all of B.A.P’s discography, but I decided to only put one per group in all my answers, and they were just too hard to narrow down…)

25.) Your worst wrecker?

I wish Pentagon’s Kino knew how to stay in his own lane… And I just adore KNK’s Inseong, even if he insist on bias wrecking me at every turn

26.) Any kpop concerts you’ve been to?

I’ve been to a B1A4 concert, I’ve seen B.A.P twice, and my friend and I went to KCON last year (if that counts… KNK was there!!!)

[Bonus: I have tickets for KCON again this year, as well as tickets for a Monsta X concert]

27.) Favorite choreo?

Well SNUPER’s “It’s Raining” choreography owns my soul. But I also love KNK’s “Knock” dance, Seventeen’s (Performance Unit) “Lilili Yabbay” choreography, and both VIXX’s “Shangri-La” and TOPPDOGG’s “Arario” (fuck me up with the fan dances)

28.) Favorite live performance?

I really love any special stages: Seventeen & NU’EST W’s “Heaven”, this beautiful stage (in which Eunwoo looks entirely too soft), this rude stage (this is one of the reasons I really wanted to learn more about Halo), Seventeen’s girl group medley

29.) Favorite debut mv?

NU’EST’s “Face”, KNK’s “Knock” and DAY6 “Congratulations”

30.) Recommend a rookie group!

Can I recommend SNUPER on a SNUPER blog? If not, then def KNK (I’ve answered then for like 90% of the answers, hahahaha)

31.) A kpop song you could listen to every day for the rest of your life?

Well, if you couldn’t tell by this point, KNK’s “Rain” and SNUPER’s “It’s Raining”. But also, CNBLUE Minhyuk’s “Star”

32.) Tag some cute mutuals you’d like to get to know better (and to do this challenge)!

I’ll tag sufferhyuns, though you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to (it took a really long time...)

#I was tagged #This is super long #But it was fun to answer

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bangtangang-bts-army · 5 years

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My Favorite BTS Songs (not in order)

Mic Drop (Steve Aoki Remix) Extended Version

It’s a SLAP beat.

J-Hope’s beginning part is my favorite thing in the world.

I can sing this whole thing, Korean and English.

BRO this song turned Soldier Field Stadium into a P A R T Y.

Confident BTS? Slaying? YES.

That base hits harder than a truck, boi.

B O D Y R O L L S

Yoongi calling me tasteless ratatouille is what I live for.

Dionysus

THIS SONG MAKES ME LOSE POUNDS.

OMG the energy.

BTS singing about getting LOADED is YES.

JiN’S hiGH nOTe DELIVERS.

Jin and J-Hope doing that hand smack thing while J-Hope raps makes me wanna sCReaM.

Yoongi’s verse is the father of my children.

aRE ThEY WeARinG CApeS?!

Namjoon as a Greek god is the PERFECT aesthetic!!!

THE TABLE DANCE.

They opened with this song at the concert I went to and to say I SCREAMED is an understatement.

JIMIN HIPS *falls out of my chair*

Trivia: Just Dance

OMG Jung Hoseok put that tongue back in your mouth.

HOBI DANCING

That base SLAPS.

S L A P

The concert version makes the beat in the background more prominent and oH mY gOd.

IS HOBI WEARING A SUIT ???

Seeing J-Hope freestyle dance adds ten years to your life.

J-Hope in a suit calmly whispering “Just dance,” right before B R E A K I N G it D O W N is the cure to all diseases.

OoF what a fine M A N.

Outro: Tear

This song turned the stadium into a C L U B.

THIS SONG turned even the most shy of ARMYs into H O E S.

THE ARMY BOMB ON THE STROBE SETTING GOES WITH THIS SONG OOOF.

This song makes me feel like I’m a sexy movie villain with MEGA POWERS. (omg the rapline as sexy movie villains with sexy powers oansgqhiabalwiwbso)

People who suffer from not having asses find their twerk to this song.

Outro: Wings

THE BASE HITS LIKE A TRUCK MY GUY.

Namjoon’s “You can call me stupid, I’ll just smile.” WHO WOULD CALL NAMJOON STUPID THO.

The harmonizing is top NOTCH.

PARTY MUSIC 101.

Intro: Boy Meets Evil

THE BASE HITS

J-Hope is the KING of dancing. This dance makes me want to *censored*.

Namjoon’s beginning narration???

The story is so deep!!!

It just sounds... P E R F E C T.

hAVe yOu hEArD tHe iNsTrUMeNtaL ???

DID HE JUST DO A FLIP ???

WHAT IS THAT MOVE HE DID WITH HIS ARMS ???

When Jimin and he did a smash up of Lie and Boy Meets Evil I thought I was going to D I E.

Blood Sweat and Tears

JIMIN.

Yes, Yoongi, I will kiss you on the lips, but only cuz you asked.

Is NAMJOON VAPING SIR PUT THAT DOWN.

The dance is so... S E X U A L.

The music SLAPS my butt.

IS YOONGI TYING A BLINDFOLD ONTO JIMIN ??? (Yoonmin culture)

J-Hope with opera glasses is my aesthetic.

JIN KISSES A STATUE wHat.

Why am I jealous of a statue?

TAEHYUNG AND HIS BARE BACK.

JUNGKOOK SMIRK.

This music video is S M U T.

Fire

My first BTS song.

THE ENDING DANCE.

HOW DO THEY MOVE THEIR FEET LIKE THAT ???

Confident Jimin? Put that on my plate.

The whole Jimin-playing-with-a-lighter line “and go crazy OW!!” Right before crazy foot dance.

Yoongi’s smirk and “bultaoreune”.

WE ALL DIED.

Is Taehyung rubbing a clothing iron on Jin’s tummy?

“Set everything on fire BOWOWOW!”

Epiphany

Such a deep and meaningful song.

Jin playing the piano and looking like a damn ANGEL.

Jin’s vocals are H E A V E N L Y.

This song helped sooo many ARMYs find their way.

“I’m the one I should love in this world... precious me...” Awwww.

Jin wrote this beauty all by his cute, talented self.

I honestly LOVE this man.

Such beautiful lyrics and such beautiful tune.

Jin shutting up the people that sleep on him by killing them with soft boi talent is my AESTHETIC. I’m so proud of him.

The whole arena was singing “I’m the one I should love.” I was literally sobbing, so thankful that I have this fandom.

DNA

JUNGKOOK WHISTLING.

The dance is so HARD.

Awww happy small boi Yoongi.

This music video is so colorful!!! COLORS!!!

The math and sciency stuff in Jungkook’s eye.

Taehyung with floppy hair is YAY.

Namjoon’s cute fluffy sweater is YAY. We stan a warm boi.

All of the vocalists singing “forever” one by one and then Jimin just-

Spring Day

“I miss you. Saying that makes me miss you more.”

The music video makes me S O B.

I’m not okay please help.

So sad!!!

Deep and meaningful.

Probably one of the most famous BTS songs of all time.

Jin’s made up choreo is sass boi culture.

Go Go

The song to listen to when you’re running errands.

Taehyung as Snow White and hating his life is honestly me.

The head wobble dance is YES.

aRE thEy BrEakiNg tHeiR lEgS???

“Yoloyoloyoloyo”

Dancing ??? Y E S

Honestly a bop.

F L O S S

Home

.....

CRAZY FOR MYSELF

Namjoon’s “I just wanna go home.” ME TOO, babe. SAME.

www.bop.com/slap

Jimin singing “mi casa” makes me feel rich.

“You know I want that hoooome.” YES BABE.

J-Hope’s verse makes me turn full H O E.

This beat is so catchy.

I listen to this while shopping at Target.

This song was made to be slap.

Intro: Persona

ROCK ???

“PER SON A, who the hell am I?” YES NAMJOON YES.

Namjoon’s fast bumbling rapping gets me C U R E D.

President Namjoon feeds the poor and heals the sick and injured.

“But Namjoon” SHUT DOWN.

BUT NAMJOON NOTHIN FOOL.

aRE tHoSE cGi aNdROiDs?!

GIANT NAMJOON AHHHH ???!!!

The set reminds me of- OH.

Lie

Beautiful strings orchestra in the background.

Jimin is so freaking talented.

THE BLINDFOLD FROM BST IS BACK.

Does Jimin have a blindfold kink ???

Or was Yoongi just like “Okay, I’ll help you produce this but you gotta wear the blindfold again.”

That’s probably what happened.

www.thatbassbop.com/slap

Seriously that bass BOP.

Mikrokosmos

My friendship with my bestie has this as an anthem.

The last song that played at the concert. S A D.

This song is basically ARMY x BTS 4EVER.

Beautiful song thooo.

BTS waving their arms back and forth with ARMYs.

The whole crowd turing into a galaxy is YES.

It’s such a pretty tune! *crying*

Look Here

Not one of their more popular ones, but honestly one of my favs.

It’s so playful!

It reminds me of summertime.

Especially those RUN episodes where BTS was just jumping and playing in various pools.

Cue Yoongi sipping wine and judging the others.

Speaking of our soft boi...

Yoongi’s verse is F U N.

Namjoon’s “Whas wrong withchu?” IDK NAMJOON.

Pied Piper

ARE THEY SEDUCING US ???

All of the lyrics. Just all of them.

J-Hope breathily saying “I’m your guilty pleasure. You can’t escape, never.” OMFG OMFG wHat

Namjoon saying “This song is your reward. Good girl.” VSUnvIbGgggvsjGHEB

The vocalists saying “Follow the pipes” and “It’s dangerous but see, I’m so sweet.” *INTENSE HYPERVENTILATING*

Yoongi’s “So I’m dangerous, huh?”

Basically, this song is S M U T and S E X.

WHAT IF BTS ARE SIRENS AND THEIR SINGING THIS TO KILL US ??? I’m convinced.

Omg Siren BTS singing Pied Piper please drag me into the ocean and C H O K E me. I’m READY TO GO.

Heartbeat

So soft and sadish.

Sadish? Sad...ish?

Taehyung’s deep voice is MUCH APPRECIATED.

“My heart’s on fire for your love,” with J-Hope harmonizing with Jungkook and Jimin.

We stan a vocal boi that raps AND dances.

So What

Jungkook and Jimin are GOOFs.

Namjoon’s whole verse just HITS.

SUMMERTIME SONG.

THE WHOLE STADIUM WAS BOPPIN.

The base SLAPS me right in the face.

And I say, “Thank you may I have another?”

“SO WHAT?!”

The Truth Untold

OMG I SOBBED WHEN I FIRST HEARD THIS SONG.

S O B B E D.

It’s such a tragic song!!!

WAAHHHH

Okay I’m fine.

“But I still want you.” DON’T TOUCH ME I’M SOFT.

The powerful instrumental is BEAUTIFUL.

Steve Aoki, the KING.

134340

Yoongi’s whole verse is just YES.

“Ah, ah, ah. Hello.” “How have you been?” “I’ve been well, heh.” OMSVAIFHNWKSKFB

Yoongi’ voice is so smooth holy moly I’m not okay.

That weird vocal beginning but YES.

Daydream

J-Hope KING!!!

The music video is one awesome acid trip.

HE POKES A FISH.

Just the beginning is YES.

“My character’s like half and half, who knows?”

“Yeah, I know, I know, I know.”

So many classic literature references!

We all think Namjoon’s the only one who reads when J-Hope is an intelligent bookworm too!

“Like the hole that Alice fell in, like the road to Hogwarts.”

“So what I get drunk, till I go crazy. So what I go out, don’t think about work.”

BOOM! J-Hope in a red suit holding a microphone. YESSSS

The bass lowkey BOP.

“Wake up.”

Chicken Noodle Soup

BOP x 50,000

wHat is his hAiR ???

BECKY G

Korean, English, AND Spanish?! OMG my lineage!

Literally my dad is Korean, my mom is Mexican, and they had me and my sister in America so....

“Chicken noodle soup. Chicken noodle soup. Chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side.”

They brought a playground classic TO LIFE.

J-Hope singing about dancing is 100% good boi.

“Becky G on the side” cuz he knows that his first hoe is ARMY.

“Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do?” I’m gonna listen to this on loop is what I’m gonna do.

Honestly an under-appreciated masterpiece.

The DANCE.

“Let me see you-“

#bts #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #music #kpop #bts rm #jin #bts suga #jhope #bts v #bighit

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praydastles · 7 years

Text

Title: Problems Fandom: BAP Member: Jongup Genre/Warning: Angst, fluffy soft Jongup ?, smut, probably swearing Summary/Request: OH MY LORD YES PLEASE GIVE ME SOME JONGUP ❤❤❤❤❤ Smut, fluff, angst I dont mind | Prompt: Jongup is in love with OC, but instead of confessing, avoids her, leading to a argument where he yell’s his true feelings. (Inspired by this x) A/N: Jongup arriving in style dressed like this x x x x yes, I’m weak for him in this suit, is it not obvious?! Word Count: 4405

Jongup is a quiet man in a very loud world. Sure, he enjoy’s socialising with others, drinking and the like. But, he often finds himself in need of some quiet, a time for both his brain and his body to melt into the silence.

Well that was just wishful thinking. There would be no such thing, especially after meeting you. At first you were background noise, your laugh fading away with breeze, but at some point that changed, you became the forefront of his view and your laugh instead sunk into his skin till it took a hold of him.

His world was never quiet anymore. Blood rushing in his ears at the mere thought of you. At first maybe it was lust, Jongup thought when his moans disturbed the quiet, your name leaving his mouth as he touched himself. Then maybe a little crush when his heart skipped a beat or two whenever you spoke. The something more than a crush when he found you were consuming his thoughts, his very being.

Then he realised what it was. “Ah…” he thought to himself one day. “That…” From then your friendship began to unravel. Firstly, he avoided group outings with you, but when you would specifically ask him, he always had an excuse. “I’m working on this new choreo…” or the typical, “I already have plans…sorry.”

Then it was slowly decreasing the amount of texting you both did. Usual texts filled with fun and not so fun stories became simple ‘yes, no’ answers that really pissed you off.

Jongup was surprised that it had nearly been a month since he saw you. He already noticed the changes. The fewer texts asking him about his day, the invites out, everything… His world was slowly becoming quieter again, but now, instead of noise, he was filled with a constant ache.

“Hello?” The man on the other end seemed really happy that Jongup had answered. Jongup was happy to hear from him and caught up with him. “But hey Jong… you know who’s birthday is coming up right?” Of course he knew. Every detail of yourself, you spoke had been locked away in his head; precious information.

“We’re all having a get together and we are all putting money together for her to go on that trip.” Jongup knows your dreams, your goals. “You have to come, you have no excuse.” He didn’t. Pulling out on a friends birthday was too hard without being obvious. “Yeah, just let me know details”

The theme was dress to impress. Jongup had got his hair done; something to signify the end of whatever feelings he had for you, and turned up in a smart suit, hair slicked back.

When he entered, he greeted his friends who gave him compliments and shocked “blue?” “Wow.” “You actually pull it off.” Everyone was dressed similar, the ladies wearing lovely gowns of their own. But, he was yet to see you. And that made him nervous. His heart was already thumping at the thought, but he was a little relieved that the ache had lessened.

He let his friends carry him away to get drinks, asking where the birthday girl was. “Oh, she went upstairs with some guy.” His friend wiggled his eyebrows and Jongup was hearing a thundering in his head. His eyes shot to upstairs, the ache increasing. He had never thought of any other guy being with you - not that you didn’t have the right, simply because Jongup was a fool.

It was about fifteen minutes later when you came down and despite the cracks slowly forming in his heart, he couldn’t help the sharp intake of breathe when he saw you. The gold detail of your dress against your beautiful dark skin made you look ethereal, the dress hugging your curves and flowing out into a satin gold skirt. You were absolutely flawless. Jongup downed his drink.

When you made eye contact with him, you grinned wide in surprise and pleasure and ran to your friend with your arms wide open. “Uppie!” His own arms embraced you, “Happy birthday.” “Thank you!” You grinned, pulling back to finally look him over. Blue hair, shaved sides that accented his cheekbones, that white button up accessorised with a black scarf under his striped navy blue suit that fitted his toned body so well. You internally sighed. Moon Jongup was a God; it was freakin’ unfair how Godly he was.

“You look beautiful.” Jongup told you, meaning it. He wanted to tell you a whole load of sweet words. Wanted to recite cheesy poetry, compare you to the sun he believed you to be, but held back. “And you look handsome. Loving the hair.” You brought a hand up to run through the blue strands, not noticing the brief closing of Jongup’s eyes, or the little shudder at your touch. “Thanks.” He whispered shyly. You pull your hand away thinking he was uncomfortable, when really he could stay there all day with just you running your fingers through his hair.

“Babe.” You turn to a male, one Jongup was not familiar with. Your warmth gone as you leave with an apologetic smile and the crack seems audible in Jongup’s ears as he watches you get pulled away to dance. He turns. Better make use of this open bar.

Jongup doesn’t know how many he’s had, but it frustratingly still hasn’t drowned you out. His blazer is gone, lost somewhere in this huge ass room. His top buttons are undone. His eyes are closed and he’s doing the one thing he knows how.

“I always admire the way you dance.” His eyes shoot open at your voice, your lips just a little too close to his ear. Jongup nods, he can’t speak to you right now. “So how have you been? We didn’t get a chance to catch up before…” Another nod. You frown. Wondering if Jongup’s drank so much, he’s become incapable of speaking.

You go to ask another question when Jongup shoots a hand out to a passerby. One of your friends date you assume. “Wanna dance?” Jongup asks with a smirk. Your frown deepens. He does realise you were trying to talk to him… right?

But you’re just part of the background now, you realise when you watch Jongup grind behind the woman. Jongup can feel your eyes and he wishes it were you he was dancing with…

Arms wrap around you and you know who it is. He kisses your neck as you begin to sway to the seductive beat. Your eyes watch the way Jongup moves. Its true, you admired the way he danced; his form, how controlled he was, how he could be sharp or fluid, he could do anything, he was just so versatile. You followed the way his hips rolled, his thick thighs bulging in his suit pants. Your body moved as if he were behind you. He got lower with the girl, a hand on her stomach and another drifting fingers in a feather light touch up her arm to lead her around his neck. The look he gave her. So seductive.

Then those eyes locked with yours. Your breath caught in your throat, the two of you trapped in each others gaze, bodies moving. “Wanna go upstairs babe?” You blink when you feel the kiss on your neck. Jongup looks away and you feel a strange sensation settle within you. Something like disappointment?

Jongup turns the woman around to roll his body into her from the front and she loves it. So when Jongup captures her lips with his there’s no resistance. “Actually… I need a drink.” The strange feeling in you has intensified and you don’t like it one bit. Jongup on the other hand feels sick. These are the wrong lips, the wrong body, the wrong woman. The alarm bells in his head are giving him a headache and Jongup pulls away holding his head.

“Sorry…” he mutters, rushing away to head upstairs. The place is thankfully too crowded for the woman to reach him and so Jongup heads upstairs in a miserable drunken haze.

He melts into the bed he crashes on, feeling like the bed was being rocked by waves, restlessly turning for a position that didn’t make him feel like throwing up. He’s not sure how long it took, but eventually the alcohol lulls him into a deep sleep.

He’s annoyingly disturbed by hiccuping and stumbling of heeled feet a few hours later. There’s a waft of air next to him as a body drop’s onto the bed. “I was here first. Get out.” He grumbled annoyed, eyes still closed.

“Well, this is my bed so I suggest you get out.” Jongup freezes. Mind and body now completely awake. He’d recognise your voice anywhere. Your body shifts closer to him until your half draped, an arm around him and leg bent on him. He goes to move, a warm hand touching your waist to realise your skin is bare. His eyes widen, taking in your underwear clad form, skin subtly lit by the moonlight. He swallowed hard. “Uppie, since it’s you, you can stay.” You mutter tiredly and he thinks its the cutest thing in the world, the way your voice softens and croaks.

He nearly stays, such a lovely request, but he shouldn’t. It’s him who will be pained by it, not you. He goes to sit up, not expecting the iron grip to tighten and hold him in place.

“I said stay.” “...I should go.” You shoot up onto your knees. Face up in Jongup’s as you growl. “What is your problem?” He frowns. “I don’t…” “oh give over Jongup. For weeks you’ve been avoiding me and if it didn’t happen to be my birthday, I’m sure I wouldn’t have seen you again.”

“I told you,” he goes to sit up, cautiously watching you, “I’ve been busy.”

“Bullshit! You go out on your lads night, you can meet other people, but you can’t find time to meet me? Am I not your friend?” Jongup doesn’t even have the chance to interject as you continue. “I fucking went to the dance studio. I fucking cooked! Me, cooked for YOU. Worried about how much you were working your damn self.” You stab a sharp finger in his chest, “I tried so many times and I was so damn excited for you to try it and then you weren’t there. No one had seen you. Then I went to yours. I know you were home I saw the light on. I was going to knock but thought… maybe he really just didn’t want company today. But turns out it was just my company you didn’t want.” You finish quietly, feeling yourself choke up.

Jongup was at a loss. What could he say without revealing everything? He was beginning to internally panic and he felt your words stab at him, your sorrowful voice feeling like fingers choking his heart. He heard you sniffle and realised you were crying. His hands immediately reach for you, hands cupping your face for his thumbs to stroke away tears.

“Why are you being like this huh? What’s your problem?”

He pulled his hands away and looked down. “I haven’t got one.” You hit his arm.

“BULLSHIT MOON JONGUP!”

He can’t say the words, so the only thing he can do is fight you. “ITS NOT BULLSHIT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT ME TO SAY!” He know’s what he should say. They’re on the tip of his tongue, words that have built the foundations of his heart ready to burst.

“I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHY YOU’VE BEEN AVOIDING ME? EVEN FUCKING DOWNSTAIRS YOU DRY FUCK A GIRL IN FRONT OF ME WHEN I’M TRYING TO FU-”

“WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHEN YOU FIRST CAME TO TALK TO ME YOU LEFT ME FOR THAT FUCKING GUY. ON THE DANCE FLOOR IT DIDN’T TAKE YOU LONG TO END UP WITH HIM AGAIN DID IT? SO WHY DOES IT FUCKING MATTER WHO I DANCED WITH?”

“I NEVER SAID WHO DICKHEAD. I SAID YOU FUCKING LEFT ME WHEN I WAS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO TALK TO YOU.”

“EVER THINK I’D RATHER GET MY DICK WET THAN HAVE A BORING CONVERSATION”

You sharply inhaled, a twinge of hurt striking your heart. “YET HERE YOU ARE ALONE! I REALLY CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH OF ARSE YOU ARE. IS THAT WHY SHE DIDN’T COME UP HERE WITH YOU? SHE FIGURE THAT OUT.” You got in his face, provoking him by pushing his shoulder. “DID SHE GET BORED? FIND SOMETHING MORE ENTERTAINING? LIKE YOU DID WITH ME HUH? I’M JUST SOMEONE TO KEEP YOU FROM BOREDOM IS THAT IT?” - “THAT’S NOT FUCKING IT.” - “OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS NOTHING RIGHT? SINCE YOU’D RATH-” “YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG.” “-ER GET YOUR DICK WET. I WAS JUST SOMEONE TO PA-” “FUCKING LISTEN I SAID NO.” “-SS THE TIME BY RIGHT? YOU DIDN’T LIKE ME WHEN WE MET EITHER DID YOU? I’M A NUISANCE TO YOU, THA-” “STOP!” The noise was becoming too much. His heart was pounding furiously, each of your words violently lashing him. He couldn’t focus on breathing, not with the way his chest tightened or the way your scent clouded over him. His eyes couldn’t stray from you face, passionate with rage, dark eye’s painting your emotions. “T’S IT RIGHT? I’M LIKE A BUG. THAT’S ALL I EVER AM TO PEOPLE.” He was panting harshly, air struggling to reach his lungs. “IT’S BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!”

Silence. Jongup tenses, realising what he's said and you, you're staring blankly at him, panting just as heavy as him. It’s like that for a long while, his words weighing in the air. Jongup moves to leave, but feel's a weak hand clutch his arm. "Let go." He whispers tired, dejected. "Did you mean that? Do you actually lo-" "It doesn't matter," he interrupts, pushing your hand digging into him away and standing. You rushed on your knees to the edge of the bed.

"It fucking matter's Moon Jongup." Your eyes are teary, a lone one sliding down your cheek dramatically when you force Jongup to turn to you. "It matters." You whisper brokenly before pulling him by the collar to your lips.

Jongup is shocked. For all his fantasies about you, none could compare to the sensation of your lips pressed to his, a desperate and urgent touch, lips pulling his own into your mouth messily, lips tasting and seeking different angles for more. "Jongup." You whimper and something snaps inside of Jongup, a loud lash in his head that brings his hand to the back of your hand, pushing you impossibly closer, his other hand holding your back.

His tongue comes out for the first time and he gasps; had he ever felt this fulfilled before? How could a pair of lips make him feel as if he had found a stream in the desert, quenching a painful thirst. You both groan, tongues meeting messily to slide against the other, prodding and searching each other's mouths.

Jongup's chest burned, the adrenaline making him forget to breathe, but that was also partly your fault. His lips leave yours noisily and Jongup rests his head to yours, panting and eyes shut tight, afraid this was all a dream. "Please." He whispered and your heart broke at the heavy emotion in his voice. "Don't play with me like this."

"I'm not." And then your pulling Jongup back onto the bed until your both falling backward, Jongup being pulled even further when your legs wrap around him. His hands land either side of you, arms bulging as he kept himself up. "What about the other guy?" You roll your eyes. "Please, he means as much to me as that bitch you danced with did." He blinked in surprise, eyes looking for the truth in your words. Then he smirks, "bitch? Were you jealous?" You scowl at him, a hand coming behind his neck, pulling him close till your breath mingled and each exhale caused your lips to touch. "And you weren't?" You murmured, brow raised. "I'm always jealous that someone could steal you away." He confesses, brushing his lips over yours.

"I'm here for you to have. Right" kiss, "now." Kiss. Jongup stares intently at you. Listens to the words leaving your lips, seeking out the confirmation he needs. Your eye’s don’t leave his and your limbs twine around him like vines. You’re here and it’s not a dream. Skin barely covered and permission for him to have a taste of you. He leans down, slowly sucking your bottom lip to his mouth.The noises intermingle with each of your movements, Jongup slowly caressing you with his mouth. He’s waited so long for this.

“Are you certain?” He has to ask. He has to know that you crave for him as much as he does you. “Please Jongup, when I said yes I meant it.” There’s a little more urgency in your voice now and Jongup can feel it too, if the way your hands stroke his clothed back, trying to bring him impossibly closer, or if the way your hips subtly roll is anything to go by.

Your neck is stretched back into the bed when soft lips burn hot kisses, taking their time to taste and mark. His fingers follow his path, lips moving down to your collarbones. Whimpers, that Jongup is certain he will never forget, leave your mouth, feeling Jongup’s mouth sensitise you. His fingers drift over collarbones, waiting as lips meet your chest. Jongup’s hand goes beneath you, pushing your chest up toward him as his lips suckle at your skin, wet trails left by his greedy lips kissing down your cleavage. He removes your bra, slowly pulling it off of you. He needs to take his time; each moment committed to his mind.

Cool air touches your exposed breasts, warmed by Jongup’s mouth. He rolls your nipple in his mouth, his hot tongue suckling and pulling just slightly. You whine, feeling your nerves on edge. His other hand holds your free breast, squeezing lightly, playing with your numb while his mouth sucks your breast. He places light kisses over to your other breast, having his fill of that one too, loving your hands running through his hair, loving the way you fidget and tense.

He releases your nipple with a pop. Giving one last peck, before he’s kissing down your stomach, hand trailing down your back to push your lower half toward him now. His kisses are delicate down your stomach, yet they have you squirming, because you know where those Godly lips are heading.

When he reaches the band of your panties, he sits up, you settled on his thighs, back still on the bed. His large hands come up to squeeze your breasts, the run down your stomach, slowly, before there’s a hand running along each of your thighs to your calf’s wrapped around him. He gently urges your legs to loosen and release, bringing each leg up onto his shoulders. He smiles down reassuringly at you. “You’re beautiful.” He tells you as he kisses each of your inner ankles. Teeth nip and bite skin, tongue soothing his stings as he kisses his way down your leg, inner thigh bruised by his lips. Your panting, lips caught between your teeth when he slowly brings his face to your clothed core.

The deep inhale Jongup does has you shuddering, legs shaking around him. “God, I could never have imagined you would smell this good.” He whispered, as if he was talking to himself, but his words reach you, caressing your insides till your hole is dribbling, wanting to give him more. He slips your underwear off, strong hands raising the bottom settled on his thighs. He brings your underwear to his nose, looking at you as he sniff’s again. “I’m fucking addicted already.” He says hoarsely and you moan, eyes slowly bleeding out into a muggy brown, like a disturbed river.

When he leans down, your hips buck, feeling his warm breath waft over your sensitive clit. His large hands brace your thighs to his chest, squeezing up and down softly. His nose nudges your clit, before his awaiting tongue pokes out to lick. Jongup squeezes your thigh’s harder without realising it, the little taste feeding something carnal in him as he snaps, mouth diving with a huff. You cry out, his soft and slow movement’s gone when you feel his tongue lap at your folds, licking at your slit till it can stab at your clit. Jongup slurps you up, eating all you have to offer. “How can you taste so good?” He wonders, voice just as desperate as your moans. Your fingers tighten in his hair and you pull, your moans morphing to begs when his tongue inches it’s way into your sobbing hole. “Please, please, please.”

“Baby, cum on my mouth. Can you do that for me?” He asks, lips trying to slurp up your wetness. Your eyes squeeze shut, toes curling as your head shakes desperately, “yes I can Jongup, just please.” Jongup’s hands lower to your hips and pull to shove your pussy closer to his mouth, tongue sliding in and out of clenching walls, nose nudging on a swollen clit that send’s you spasming. Heat swarms you, muscles tensing and moans forcing your mouth open, eyes rolling to the back of your head when Jongup is using his hands to slide you up and down his lips till your cum is copiously spilling onto his lips. He’s moaning, feeling his dick painfully harden as your essence stains his tongue. You’re still shaking when he gives kitten licks to your sensitive hole and clit.

“Ah, that was amazing baby.” He sounds like a man who just had a satisfying meal and to Jongup it was. His lips and chin shine, a reminded of you. He quickly leans down to claim your lips, tongue flicking at yours. “See how good you taste?” He groans.

Jongup sits up. Removing the black scarf, he hastily begins to unbutton his shirt. You reach up, helping him and running hands over chiselled abs that tense at your touch. His shirt is off and then he’s unbuckling his suit pants. When he pulls his dick out, his head falls back. A low groan leaving his lips as he realises just how sensitive he is.

Your hands reach out, gripping his tip and running your thumb along the slit, watching as Jongup hisses. You love how thick he feels in your hand as you quickly stroke him. Jongup’s hand shoots out, pinning your hand to the bed as he heavily pants above you. “I need you now baby.” “So take me.”

The way Jongup’s hand’s felt when he positioned your body had your heart beating with anticipation. They were desperate and just slightly rough; his impatience showing as he lined his cock up to your hole. He tapped himself against your, your hips jerking at the little sensations, before he finally began to push. “Oh GOD!” You cried, your folds wet with your substance, spreading as your hole opened up more and more for him. He slid in slowly, which was quiet the effort when your walls were so desperate to pull him in.

“hmm please,” You whine, back arching when he’s filled you. He stills, mind and body savouring the unique warmth of you wrapping around him. He can’t control his breathing, feeling so euphoric he wonders if he will ever feel the same way again. “Please.” You say again when he doesn’t move. He lean’s down to give you an open mouthed kiss, slow movements to match the slow pull back of his cock. He settles the pace like this. Wanting to be inside you of you just a little longer, wanting the moment to never cease.

Your legs tighten around him, moaning as he builds up a fire within you, the pit of your stomach tightening, readying itself to burst, but it’s not enough and so you beg again. “Jongup, please please just take me there. Make me cum again baby, please.” The pleas have Jongup’s stomach tightening, his cock twitch inside you as he kisses your neck, feeling your trumping pulse beneath his tongue.

He pulls back just a bit, hips slowly pushing in and then rocking your body with fierce thrust that has you clawing at his back. He continues his rhythm of allowing you to feel him slowly slide back, then slowly slide in only to suddenly thrust again. “Oh yes.” You hiss. He quickens. Hips knocking against yours, wetness squelching when his cock speeds up. He’s moaning into your skin, lost in the feel of you, back tensing under your finger nails no doubt leaving marks.

“Get on top of me.” He harshly breathes out, pulling out and lying down. He helps steady you, pulling your leg over him and shuffling you up until your hovering over his cock. Placing his cock at your hole, you sink. Nails scratching at his hip bone, his stomach his chest, wherever as he has you gasping. Your rock at your speed this time, circling your hips as quick as you could, hoping to strum against your nerves. Jongup grabbed at your hips, your bouncing breasts, moaning heavily beneath you. You were so beautiful. Reddened cheeks and messy hair. Sensitive body and broken voice. His hips jerked up, a scream coming from your mouth. “do that again,” You beg lowering yourself to his lips. “Please.” Jongup spread his legs slightly, knees bent and then his hips were knocking into you, cock thrusting till your body rippled from the power, moans trapped as your eyes, maddened, locked with his. He raised a hand, thumb stroking your cheek before he lowered your lips, moaning into your mouth when the last of his powerful thrusts had your hips rocking uncontrollably,cries spilling into his mouth as your body shook; his cum warming you.

A hand on your back rubbed in soothing circles, till you settled, quaking ever so slightly on Jongup’s softening cock. You were both breathing heavily; a silence following as Jongup strokes your back and patted your hair.

"What does this even mean?"

"It means... I wanna be with you. I wanna see where this goes." And that was enough for Jongup.

#THIS IS THE LONGEST ONE SHOT IVE EVER DONE FML #Lol i tried to do make love sex dunno how i did lmao #jongup #jongup fic #jongup smut #jongup fluff #jongup angst #jongup scenario #jongup scenarios #bap smut #bap fluff #bap angst #bap fic #bap scenarios #bap scenario #bap #sangdoldolfics #unedited

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unrealitea · 7 years

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I wasn't able to follow the writing schedule I made for myself because I went to Japan. And that actually isn't a good excuse, because I'd known about the trip for at least six months now. I, however, did not take into consideration how much preparation and coordination I'd need to do beforehand, since my (deeply beloved) travel buddies are EVEN. MORE. FICKLE. THAN I.

I do plan on updating soon and finishing my self-challenge once and for all, but before that, I wanted to jot the details of one part of my trip, because I don't think we'll get video of it, sadly. So, the thing is, I'd never seen Arashi or Sexy Zone live before - I've only seen V6, and only once. My mind was blown, of course, but my thinking going into it had been that it would be one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences. (I somehow skipped over HSJ when I developed affection for all these volleyball support groups. Sucks because I’m closer to their age range than the other groups, lol.)

My trip this time around was sorely lacking V6 - I spotted Okada a bunch of times on the subway/TV, but Inocchi is my fave and I never saw him once :| But! I am infinitely consoled by the fact that I got to catch Waku Waku Gakkou in Tokyo Dome <3 Caution: disjointed bullet points ahead.

7/9/17, 17:00

* Kento overexerting on the race and hurting his Sexy Zone, not to mention destroying the track quite a bit in the process. After his dramatic finish, Fuma wouldn't stop pointing out how ridiculous his shinme is because that’s what you do when you’re Fuma * Nino consistently picking on Aiba at every turn - like, their friendship is my favorite, but even I thought 'dial it down a notch' (except that's a lie because I would never think that) But for real, NinoAi is audibly popular with the Japanese fans. Every time they had any interaction, the place went wild

* Sho's lovestruck pose when Aiba did some fanservice-y cutesy action, while in the middle of demonstrating the cycle of digestion and subsequent expelling * Kento getting beaten up by Yoshida Saori (!!!) after getting turned into poop... Wish fulfillment from Arashi?? JK Nino seems to genuinely like Kento. He laughs OTT hard every single time Kento busted out some permutation of "sexy" + anything, thanked him sincerely at the end of their bit, and even patted his chair whenever he passed by him. They were my favorite pair - it isn't often I see Nino's big bro side / Kento's little bro side. Bonus: they were in charge of my personal favorite topic (poop is important and totally natural, guys!) * Using a jazzy version of Leann Rimes' How Do I Live as they do a striptease-type dance for Yoshida Saori (!!!) Just. Marius doing a striptease-y dance. For that matter, Ohno and Nino doing it. If it weren’t so hilarious I’d be scarred for life

* Matsumiya’s biological make-up being so similar that Matsumiya > actual brothers. And Yama-pair also syncing up to some extent. But this all means that those two ships are basically incestuous. So Aiba's happy to conclude that he's compatible with everyone "if he were a girl" * Double Sho[ri]! Opportunist Sho using his (and Shori's) initials to promote 24H with [K]oyama [K]eiichiro and [K]amenashi [K]azuya * How weird is it to see Shori next to Sho and remember that Shori isn't actually tiny (lengthwise) anymore? SZ were pretty much all taller than their Arashi counterparts, except for Jun and Sou which you just know had to be a deliberate move on Matsujun’s part (”Sou’s the one who gets nervous the most” pffft)

* The two reds only seem to have chemistry with the greens of their respective groups, haha. I’m exaggerating, obvs. It's not as if they weren't interacting or anything, but Sho mostly used Shori as a glorified barbie doll in their section. I think Shori had the bittiest part in the whole thing. It did make me laugh that Shori's Adams apple is more visible than Ohno's, lol * The Aiba-Fuma pair made more sense that I initially thought. Technically they were paired to be their respective groups' Sporty Spice, but they're also both popular (in a friend context) because they can get along with pretty much anyone. Plus, they aren’t as on-the-nose similar as an Aiba-Sou pair would have been. I liked that they seemed very natural together, and they shared responsibilities / divided their segment nicely * I loved that one sport where they show people in North America competitively picking things up while sitting/kneeling on a chair or that one with English folks hitting each other's padded knees while hugging. But I wish I took notes here, because they showed how these kids were able to run faster by doing a few specific exercises for a couple of weeks * Fuma's hilarious inability to skip - dude looked like he was hurting himself. Sho called him out on his “regular” skipping, which is suspect because I doubt Sho would've done any better. Can't we have the Keio men do a skip-off next time? * Sou was surprisingly good at princess-carrying Shori through the track. Sorry I doubted you, Sou. Haha I can’t help it, he's so little and he failed a bit of a lot in the sporty SekuChan episodes, so his prowess in that wife game surprised me as much as it surprised Arashi. Aiba also rocked carrying Nino like an upside-down full-body knapsack (or like tuna, iirc?) - left Fuma in the dust in the beginning, in fact - but then failed at handing him off to Sho oop it was Ohno. Ohno was the cutest little thing heigh-hoing forward to the best of his ability. Although Parental!FumaKen encouraging Mari (in sync, of course) all the way to the finish line might have been just as cute, maaaaaybe * No, but Sou was the absolute cutest when he was encouraging Sho on that elevating platform. He actually looked like he was praying to him :)) In return for his lovely kouhai support, he got bullied in the end and dragged into the foam pit with Sho. He got Sho's fans' sympathy, at least. Kento got some sympathy earlier, too - the girls behind me were all ~poor guy~ when he was dressed as literal shit, though he was clearly hamming it up and enjoying every second, lol * Speaking of FumaKen. Fuma cozying up to Kento during the few times they stood next to each other / when no one was looking (ex. when they got out of their seats to watch Sho try not to shit his pants while playing a recorder - totally romantic moment btw). Shippers gonna ship, sorry not sorry * The girls behind me calling MJ a devil when he was torturing Sho on that platform. Honestly, the fans were far more sadistic :D * The Waku Waku routine for managing your nerves, as demonstrated by Sou: jump jump (substitute with shoulder nudge X2 if the situation calls for it), breathe deeply, look straight ahead, and Arashi! Arashi! for dream (you can do this with either the open palm or pointer finger for discretion... Sho improvised it once with the Sexy Zone pointing choreo - how's that for group shuffling?)

* Marius never letting Arashi forget how old they are. The fans around me laughed at Ohno looking like Mari's grandpa, which of course they found to be adorable. Visually, Ohno-Marius has to be my favorite pair hands down, lmao * Of course Marius can cry on cue watching Titanic. Of course. * At the end of it, Fuma had some wise words to share about Arashi-niisan pushing them up from behind vs. pulling them up from the top, and earning that applause - that's our (other) Keio boy * They sang Furusato (qt) and we got to wave to them! Well, only half of them in my case, since the other cart didn't make it to my section... lol but I got to see Aiba, Sho, MJ, Kento, and Marius up close, at least <3

And now that I’ve properly reminisced... what do we have to do for a DVD release???

#coherency sacrificed for the sake of chronicling a memory #the last time I did this I'd just seen V6 live!#waku waku gakkou #more arashi + sexy zone collab please #actually give me any subset of v6 + arashi + sexy zone and I'm all set

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