#but i don't work those days so it's fine
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Ah, Picking Outfits for the Week Ahead of Time my beloved. How I've missed you.
#only day i'm missing is thursday#and sunday#but i don't work those days so it's fine#picked out all of my Christmas-time clothes for work!#also one day i have dino Christmas socks so i'm wearing dino earrings with them#not technically Christmas earrings BUT dark green#so practically the same thing#anyway
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Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
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Wow I wish the Deepspace Trials were as easy as these freaking Abyssal Chaos battles ☠️
#StillStuckOnTheSameOpenAndIceTrialsSinceLastMonth
#The one good thing about this abyssal chaos feature is 1. the free shit#and 2. the free feeling of accomplishment in this game again after steamrolling these battles#... But I'm still actually questioning what I'm accomplishing by doing so??#seriously how does this Abyssal chaos thing even work... are we really supposed to just playing the same thing over and over??#love and deepspace#ash battle cries#there's so much freaking happening in this game right now and I don't even care because I'm still STUCK ON THESE MOTHERFKING LEVELS 🫨🤬😡🤯#this is fine 🐶 ☕🔥#id feel more accepting of my own anger if I was even close to beating the 2nd parts of those levels.#but i just feel pathetic at this point lol. FU open trial 70... and Ice trial 80 can just eat a bunch of shit SERIOUSLY.#HOW ARE PEOPLE AT 100+?!!! 🤬#sorry for the rant ... if you're still here i hope you have a very nice day 😁
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No crafting update today because I spent all my spoons checking out a local(ish) wildlife reservation/hiking place, which was awesome!
I could not explore the whole place, and it is very much "only wheelchair friendly if the person pushing my wheelchair is capable of holding my entire weight against a steep slope and immediately pushing the chair up another only partially paved steep slope", but I walked the whole time*! I got to hear wolves howling through the forest and it is a whole hell of a lot eerier to hear on a foggy day in a winter forest than it was the only other time I've heard it, which was a very bright sunny day in an amphitheater at a zoo where one wolf howled alone on stage. There were crows cawing and wolves howling and it was absolutely magnificent and suddenly a whole lot of things from various fantasy novels I read as a kid hit very different. Like, I get why hearing the wolves howl in the night would be alarming now!
*we did bring my rollator/transport chair in the car, and the backup plan was that my dad or my brother would go get it and push me back to the car if I needed help
#the person behind the yarn#there were other animals and educational stuff but dang those howling wolves were something else#what can I say I grew up in a city with like zero wildlife that was bigger than lizards#well okay there were crows and seagulls and pigeons but I lived so far into a city there weren't even coyotes!#when I got a little older I did move somewhere with more wildlife (including but not limited to coyotes) but no wolves#my physical stamina is absolutely terrible at the moment because of the anemia and POTS#but the meds I am on are working pretty well!#I mean. they don't make me able bodied but they mean that my heart rate might be elevated but my blood pressure is okay#like my heart rate might be in the 130s but I'm not going to pass out! which is a huuuuge improvement!#it was also good to find out that the rest of my muscles are absolutely fine with an hourish long walk across uneven terrain#like. my heart was not so cool with it but the rest of my body was fine! and that's cool!#uphill slopes are still my nemesis and today was not a good heart day so I had to take very small steps#like half the length of my foot at a time#but it was a bad heart day and I COULD walk up slopes!!!
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little man on an adventure :]
#i have wifi for a bit yay#safe traveling so far !! very excited to hopefully get to sit down and break in the new sketchbook this evening :]#Chase and Sunny helped me put together some rly fun outfits so im going to try drawing those#i think partially why im so okay rn is that i barely slept last night so im just kind of floating thru the day in a haze LMAO#i forgot to bring my notebook though so i cant work on writing or worldbuilding unless i write in my sketchbook aheemheem ue ue ue#(i dont like typing stuff on phone fjdkdl my fine motor skills are Not super great irt phone typing)#anyways !!! i hope everyone has a good week 🫶 I'll probably be annoying with photo posting so lemme come up w a tag ummm...#lil guz adventures#<- here block this tag if u don't want to see these kinds of posts !#dandy.cmd
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#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss#like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really.#but my boss is so#it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk#hes just very strange#but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me#which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do#so then it's good to have something to do#but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but#he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description??????#(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that)#and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........#and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but#it makes me freak the f out#i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant#it brings out so so much anxiety in me#i get dizzy just thinking about it#and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi#and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all#instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway)#there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal#rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!!#and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant#i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call#alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY#I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO#gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye
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its a unique kind of pain when you get really into something with a small fanbase and not much recent fanart, and you find a really cool piece from a really good artist and you just love how they interpret and draw the characters and you're obsessed with it and you can't wait to see what else they have in store, but then you go to their blog and you realize that the drawing was just a one-off 'i watched this show (etc.) recently and thought it was kinda cool" and they're very unlikely to make anything else for it again
#in general being into superhero comics it's so. it's sketchy out there#and it's like i don't know WHERE to go. where do i look? where is it safe?#it's one of those things where the source material and the fanbase is so big that its super diluted and spread out all over the place#there are factions. i'm likely to stumble into enemy territory. i'm absolutely going to walk face first into untagged x reader smut.#i walk into a bar searching for water and all the usual patrons turn their heads staring daggers at me#so i wander down the dusty road sunburnt and dehydrated just looking for a place to lie my head down for the night#and i meet a man on the street corner selling some beautiful pieces or original art and i say#good day to you sir my what fine work you've got there!#and he takes me by the hand and he says#come with me. i know a place#and so he leads me down an alley back round behind the inn (no vacancies) and he takes me to a door#and there's a staircase that leads to a room down under the old inn and i step inside and there's a group of 10 or so people#engaging in a lively discussion around a table and they look at at me- this newcomer- and welcome me like an old friend#and its beautiful#...huh?
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2023 reads
The Girls Are Never Gone
a girl does a summer internship with the historical society cleaning up an old estate where a girl died 30 years ago, so she can investigate it for her ghost-hunting podcast
she’s a skeptic who privately thinks she’ll be able to find evidence of non-supernatural, but weird things start happening to her and the other two girls in the house
spooky lake & creepy dolls
bisexual diabetic MC with a service dog, f/f
#The Girls Are Never Gone#sarah glenn marsh#this is. fine.#it’s like. not creepy until maybe 70% imo#why is she releasing episodes of her podcast every few days….even when she hasn’t discovered anything particularly?#is it not much more realistic for people to finish doing these things and form it into a coherent narrative before releasing episodes#Like that wouldn't have worked for the plot but it stood out to me#If it was one of those things where her personality and influencer-vibes is the main draw that would be feasable#but I didn't really get that feel from the two podcast excerpts we got.#Taking out some of the random stuff slowing the first half and putting bits of the podcast in the actual narrative so we got the feel for w#might have made things more interesting. And put more tension between her paranormal podcasting persona and real life skepticism#don't love stuff that engages with true crime fans without actively critiquing it. Like this doesn't get super deep into that. idk#I did laugh when they see the older lady putting salt around the door and question it & shes like 'it uh works for the boys on supernatural#ajshgfhajgf#anyway it was ok i just think it could have been better!#sapphic books#bisexual books#aroaessidhe 2023 reads
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just accidentally spilled an entire water bottle on my bed :)
took my sheets off and put a towel over it. then looked up what to do just in case and. like everything said "use a fan" and "mold could happen so be careful" and now i am Terrified of getting mold since so much spilled and since i don't have any fans. i am so tired oh my god i just want to go to bed
#like genuinely terrified of it molding now#so that's great :)#i just wanna go to bed but i feel like i have to tend to my mattress#but i won't be able to work well tomorrow if i stay up super late tending to a mattress i can't even sleep on tonight#ugh sorry the thought of having to buy a new mattress bc of mold Terrifies me#i am a teacher universe like i save a lot but i do not make a lot of money :)#anyways sorry for rambling it's been one of those nights#i was actually having a pretty good day until then#i was getting settled in for the night... put my water bottle down on my bed while i went to piss#and then i was going to get in it and lie down after a long day of work#aND IT FELL AND SPILLED#like yeah that's on me for being stupid but i like keeping water in my room!!! that one hadn't spilled before so i thought i'd be fine for#the few minutes i'd be gone but nooooooo#okay i'm done now sorry#super tired and super paranoid#and my mom said to put my mattress pad over the shower like bestie i live in an apt you think i'm putting my WHITE mattress pad on the rod?#absolutely not i know that's pathetic of me but idc i DON'T do stains not at all nope nope nope#okay done now for real sorry#just freaked :)#corey talks:)
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i have been doing this thing where i have been accidentally eating nutritious meals, not drinking caffeine, not smoking, not drinking alcohol, and not eating any junk food and holy shit i feel amazing??? my mood has just increased so much and I'm NEVER tired and I've been having rare if no negative thoughts. has anyone heard of being healthy this is insane?
#to be fair i smoked like 4 times in the last two weeks#bc those were stressful days#but also considering everything else I've given up im fine with that#the fact that i#a guy who struggled with body image and anorexia and bulimia and binge eating and has an insane sweet tooth#bought a block of chocolate#over two weeks ago#and I still haven't eaten it#because I've been like. eating proper meals#is HUUUGE#i can't believe it!#my skin is glowing! a bunch of my coworkers complimented me earlier this week#i know what I'm like and I'm not going to completely cut out chocolate or anything#but the fact that i haven't even Wanted it is just insane to me#I've also been setting so many boundaries at work and in my personal life#not doing things that i don't want to do#this last month has just been amazing#ever since my naming ceremony ever since november i feel like I've literally physically (as well as figuratively re singing lessons)#cut out all of my shit that I've accidentally let grow#guy who recently discovered eating 3 nutritious meals a day: hey has anyone heard of this?#i do want to do more strength based exercise for my longevity just in case I'm fortunate enough to make it to old age#so I'll buy some weights later on but I've been doing yoga for now which has been cool#never thought I'd be this kinda person#I just kind of assumed I'd be living off monster energy zero and cigarettes for the rest of my life#I've also been enjoying logging all of my food that I eat into my phone app#because it breaks down how much of which vitamins and other nutrients you've eaten#and shows you where from#mine#anyway. this is the most sober and heslthy I've perhaps ever been in my life and holy shit this is transformative for me#feels weird to say it but I'm so glad i got sick that one week and went off food and coffee and cigarettes
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*holds up a finger* boy do i wish that was me tho ngl
#texts.#fun fact: the machine behind TSP is literally me going 'oh? you won't pick up my work? fine i'll do it myself'#and then i set out to learn coding and game development and 3d animation and video editing.#it's not so much pettiness but this deep-rooted need to prove that i do not need be beholden to the 'approval' of those in control#of the system.#like goddamn you i CAN and i WILL make something awesome.#this does NOT mean i'm doing EVERYTHING by myself ofc. i'm human and well aware of my own limitations.#i can't teach myself how to draw while splitting my attention in six different directions. i know damn well that is a skill that requires#YEARS of practice.#and the same can be said for stuff such as music composition and the like.#i recognize that in this process i won't necessarily master all of these skills i've set off to learn over the past 10 months#and any real piece of media that is not writing related to TSP will take months if not years to see the light of day#but i've got time. i've got time and an overwhelming desire to see this project come to life.#anyway. big sigh.#does make me feel inadequate whenever other professionals ask about this kind of thing because it's like. sorry. i have nothing to show.#i swear i'm a writer and i swear i got some big stuff lined up#i just have no one to vouch and the ETA is maybe a year or two out.#grumbles in the tags bcs i don't want to be loud about it sue me sldkfjh
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#this is such a niche gripe i guess idk its why it's in the tags#but i really get so annoyed by how a lot of this fandom acts like they know everything about her especially like where she goes#and what she does in her free time because they think they KNOW about everything but#all you know is what she chooses to show you like specifically paps like...... she calls them. all celebs do. 99.999999% of the time#these days it's how that industry works which i KNOW for a fact but like don't take my word for it if you don't believe me fine#but it's how it is and i can tell you that from professional experience but also like#the amount of friends and people i know who've seen her places all over the city for YEARS now#and there are no pap photos of her in those places nor did anyone know she went to that building/restaurant/bar/event#there are a feeeeeew places in the city which are celeb hotspots and the paps might skulk around there but that's cuz#they are known spots for that and waiters and staff tip them off for profit shares#like i know someone who saw her literally last night at a restaurant#there are no photos of her there and no paps outside#like if you think she doesn't leave the house or go somewhere without you knowing cuz you think she's papped everywhere...#thats just simply not true lol couldn't be FURTHER from true#she goes so many places and does so many things that you just don't know about. it's VERY easy to live a private life in the city#EVEN THIS WEEK she's gone more places than you've seen her getting papped at cuz i know people who've seen her!#i can't tell you the amount of famous people i've come across in these situations and the press and social media were none the wiser#people i've sat next to at a crowded brunch counter or people walking their dog or taking their kid for a bike ride like.... ALL THE TIME#famous people love new york cuz new yorkers don't bother them and they can live in relative obscurity#idk what i'm getting at i guess this weirdness like I AM GONNA SHUT DOWN ANYTHING THAT I DONT HAVE PROOF OF#is so deranged to me because...... you only have ~proof~ of like 10% of her life#so the other 90% of it didn't happen cuz.... you a blogger on the internet don't have photographic evidence of it????#IS THAT NOT THE MOST INSANE THING TO SAY????#idk really weird that people just think they know her and shut down any one who poses something that doesn't fit into their#frankensteined version of her that they made out of a bunch of paparazzi photos and flight trackers and deuxmoi posts taped together#as if THATS somehow MORE sane and a more realized person#idk if i'm making sense i'm annoyed whatever whatEVERRRRR
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I'm going to sound really old and irritating saying this, but all these new weird tech stuff is horrible and I want them all dead. My tubelight is out and I can't get a damn choke for it because they no longer mass-produce it apparently, and so I need a goddamn LED tubelight like just leave me alone good gods. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY OLD TUBE WHY IS THERE A NEW THING EVERY GODDAMN WEEK AND THEY LOOK LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A HORROR STORY AND DON'T LAST LONGER THAN A DAY I'M GOING TO KMS WTF
#and even the technicians refuse to install old stuff these days#these weirdos are EVERYWHERE#they want to put a bulb in my fridge and slimmify my fat-backed tv and#take away my thick tubelights and replace them with those eyesores#when all of my old stuff work perfectly fine#and they need a damned app for everything#and then they put ai in that app#and that app swells so you need a new phone every 3 days#PLEASE CAN THIS FAD DIE ALREADY#I DON'T WANT IT#TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME#you can't even slap something nowadays without it getting paralysed or dead#boo rants#personal
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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Saw certain tweets and here once again a reminder which a twt mutual luckily wrote shorter than I could (plus public so I can rb bc no way I do that myself on that site)
Also
And if you want smth I wrote myself which is longer and not just abt that here you go
#a wild lux appears#I think they're one mutual who is fine w being screenshotted ik some don't want that#I wrote that bsky thing while waiting for food. Reg the fellow person I talk abt don't bash ppl that already spoke up and stop for a bit#To rb more later. Or ppl that still go to work bc they can't afford not to bc the thing by these actions is community isn't there as net#Or like anyone that shows they care and didn't do anything harmful and just take recharge time or so#Educate willing(!) ppl nicely and don't bash them or send a internet mob to them etc#The ones posting they still go to/buy boycott stuff yeah they're awful but what does bashing them bring at the end of the day#Don't support those ppl yeah but them posting that shows how much they care for it. They prob just want cloud which you give them.#Pressure ppl in power in a way they can't ignore focus on that not no name individuals#If ppl you know talk in private and if they don't want to change literally just cut them out of your life if possible#Online just block. Don't argue w people that just want to stir smth up etc etc#Also I don't think it's too productive to be mad when a standard user anywhere doesn't share stuff. Like yeah give them info abt that but#some either just do smth offline (in that case maybe tell them in this case just sharing online is also helpful) or are mentally too done#and focus all energy to survive (which is intended by the ppl in power. make ppl so done they only have energy to survive themselves so they#don't have energy to speak up abt problems in the world). Bashing famous ppl is completely different bc backlash actually brings smth there.#More ppl could do more if strike organizations would include community care so more actually could not go to work/shopping#Also reg protests so they should know do you know how many don't watch news anymore (I don't watch tv since many years)#I'm sure some also just can't esp younger ppl if they're parents monitor their socials and are zionists#Ofc speak up. I'm just here to say there are explanations. If they read things and still don't care unfollow/block/mute/idc or if you know#Them talk and explain how if is important they speak up#This has been going on for a good while now idk how many still don't know I am mostly pointing that out for new or not as much shared things#Tho I'm sure many don't know bc the standard response is the gov knows what he does and they do propaganda#They think surely the gov takes care of that. If they shut down convos reg that then that is dangerous denialism and living in escapism n#All. Not if the ppl who follow this need a break w fiction or so. I am sure the ppl you try to reach w bashing already muted/blocked all#accs and words associated w that#Anyways I gotta shower now. Disclaimer my personal opinion be an asshole and it's block on sight yada yada.#I just woke up I'm hungry I need to shower but that is also when I decide to share my pieces so
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was supposed to get a package today (from ikea), it hasn't been delivered but the app still says it's coming today. yeah, right, it's almost 21:00, sure :)
#stop lying to me dhl 🙄#it's fine I wasn't able to do anything today anyway so it doesn't matter#but it is annoying that it still says it's coming today lol#waiting for packages makes me anxious/feel like I'm in Waiting Mode all day so it's just annoying#and now I've got to be very careful that I don't miss it when they do try to deliver it because the only Packstation here is app based :)#I don't know why but neither my phone nor my husband's phone work with those. we've tried several times with several different ones#so I'd have to find and charge my iPad and then take it there and. it's just a hassle that I would rather avoid#personal
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