#but i dont have ppl irl to talk abt this with and if i dont let it out ill die. where my online dysphoric girlies at <3

[bunnihearted]

being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me

[zana-art]

a scene from The Courage of Stars by @hella1975

idk why its so dark but u may need to turn brightness up to see it

[ID: a semi-realistic digital portrait of yue and suki from atla. they’re facing each other, faces close, looking each other in the eyes. suki is wearing her kyoshi warrior outfit and yue a parka. behind them, the stars and the full moon shine through a circular window. /end ID] (ID by @maileesque <3)

[sweetandsourcookies]

lying here in bed and thinking abt how alienated out i feel in the cookie run fandom. and then theres a polish sitcom playing in the background from a different room.

[mistyscenter]

I have been a hater lately so I'm changing that up.

I have my grievances with Baxter dlc, I admit, but I don't hate it I think it's wasted potential which is unfortunate because Baxter is an extremely interesting character.

He's out of place in the our life universe because of how messy he is, the OL universe is very idealistic so Baxter is the more down to earth character that we have in a realistic sense.

I genuinely feel like in order to appreciate Baxter as a character you have to appreciate the absolute mess that he is, not only as a character but as a dlc as well, because again my issues with his dlc is that is a hot mess and it doesn't even know what it wants to do, especially with the lack of choice on the players part. Something that is especially clear in his step 4 and I do genuinely think his step 4 is the whole reason why this dlc left me unsatisfied, because step 3 was such an amazing build up.

We get to know him and how he is as a person, how he constantly feels like he has to put this charming mask and being embarrassed of his more human side, that's one of the reasons why drinks is one of my favorite moments, and we also get to see that due of this façade he feels the need to keep his relationships at an arm distance, hence why he cut out everyone from golden grove, and also why I adore planning. So when the break up happens is both heartbreaking but somehow foreshadowed, and that is so interesting to see on a writing stand point because we knew that he would cut us off, now we just know why.

And then....step 4 comes in ...and...

It is just, it's really messy, especially because Baxter in the wedding dlc was willing to start over so... seeing him ignore mc and projecting what he thinks mc thinks of him was, so disappointing.

This whole dlc is just so disappointing to me because the hype was there!! We had an extremely interesting character that cuts you off, that you can break up with, you can have legit drama in this except....no you don't. Because mc has little to no agency In his dlc, because Kab didn't finish writing this and had someone else finishing it for her, because he feels off as an our life character since he was originally an xoxo droplet character, and also because conflict in our life is always kinda awkward .

I think another reason why step 4 didn't work, is because it's clearly meant to be played as a romantic route when the game advertises itself as being able to do both, but you can't in his dlc and worse of all you guys can't leave each other as just acquaintances. I get that Is the game mechanic but I also think Baxter should have been the exception because he's not ready to be in a romantic relationship.

I played my first run on a romantic relationship and it felt odd, it felt fast, with cove and derek is easier because you've known them for years, you've known Baxter for 3 months after he breaks your heart and he hasn't changed a bit on how his ways.

And again is just really really disappointing because Baxter is such an interesting character to analyze because he's an absolute loser who thinks he's punk but he's not, and who clearly has issues but doesn't know how to handle them AND THEN YOU SEE THE FANDOM NOT SEEING THE ABSOLUTE MESS THAT HE IS AS A CHARACTER AND JUST MAKES HIM THIS DOM DADDY PERSONALITY, and it's so disheartening because I remember when the dlc first dropped everyone was making fun of him, then something changed and suddenly everyone praises his mediocre ass, not for being mediocre but because everyone thinks he's hot and is just 😟

I hate it because writing his dynamic with Pandora and Taliyah (my mcs hi) is so so interesting and makes me explore more things about their personalities, so I just hate that the canon is the way that it is when I know Kab can write good shit and this...felt kinda mid

[piplupod]

feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

[hauntingofhouses]

i think fandoms can be soooo ridiculous a lot of the time (see: all the nonsensical fan wars, discourse, etc) but i cannot understate how much i actually love fandoms.

like yeah it may be super nerdy and even cringe and outsiders look at it like "why tf do you care about these fictional characters so much?"

but 1) my field is literally..... literary studies..... in which all i do is study fiction and analyse it like an insane person, and 2) even if that WASN'T my field, thinking about the stories we consume is important even for any person to do, because thinking about stories exercises our brain to think critically!! why do you think our ancestors used stories as a medium to share knowledge, to propagate moral values and lessons? stories—telling them, thinking about what they're saying, and caring about the characters within them—are all inherent to the human experience!!!

so that brings me to fandom. because we are literally just making these little communities with each other based on our shared love for a particular story, and for a particular character or theme within them that resonated with us, or whatever. we're all here because we loved a thing so much that we built connections from it!!!

like yeah my irl friends laugh at me when i tell them i write fanfic, cuz ha ha what a nerd what a loser etc, but dude. i made genuine real friendships from fandom alone. from just obsessing over two characters we thought were cute together, we've gone to sending each other gifts and postcards and having voice calls and confiding in each other and sharing parts of us and our personal lives and our cultures (cuz we're all from different countries) with each other! like now i don't even share a fandom with most of my old fandom friends anymore but we still stick by each other and that's amazing???

also like, i cannot emphasise enough how amazing and encouraging it is to share your craft (art/writing/etc) with others in fandom. because for example if i make my own personal art or write my own original work, i'd have no one to share it to, no one interested to see it, and thus no one will be there to provide feedback or encouragement.

but if i post a piece of fan art or fanfic, people actually do see the work i post and care about the craft and the content it's depicting and even share their thoughts on it and that ??? is so motivating and lovely ??? because even though i make art for myself, art is still meant to be shared and seen at the end of the day—even if only with one person. so to be given the means of sharing our art in such a way, to have such a community that fosters so much creativity, it's amazing. i don't really get that anywhere else.

and especially to have this in like, a casual setting, you know, where you can just be yourself and do things according to your own time and energy without the pretenses of professionalism and a perfectly curated resume or portfolio, and all the confines of a rigid work schedule, which would all make the process of creation less fun and less genuine, and instead just more taxing and chore-like.

because fandom is essentially meant to be about doing what's fun for you! it's about sharing your creations and enjoying what others share with you. you make friends and you go ham with it.

and also it's why it's more frustrating when people take things too seriously and legitimately get upset over assumptions of other people's beliefs and hold the most minor grievances that could only be felt if you're like, chronically online.

but on that note, there are definitely still honest-to-god bad people in fandom spaces too (see: racists, TERFS, homophobes, groomers, harassers, etc). but that's the case with all communities, because bad people are always going to exist, and thus statistically speaking, the bigger a group or community is, higher chances are there's gonna be some awful people in there. but honestly that is its own can of worms and also that's not what this post is about, but i felt it necessary to address because i don't want to paint fandom as like, the best thing ever in the world, because fandom spaces are incredibly flawed, as everything is.

but i've always been one to appreciate things despite its flaws. and though this may be very personal to me, when i love things so much, i am still willing to stick around and try to change the culture around it in the ways that i can (like promoting internet safety measures, creating safe spaces for thoughtful and polite discussion, raising awareness on harmful stereotypes and fandom depictions or opinions, etc).

so regardless of the bullshit that online fandom spaces tend to perpetuate, i do very much still love the way that fandom allows me to connect with folks over something as silly as our little blorbos, and from there end up making life-long friends, or at the very least new acquaintances. insert reinforcement of my thesis statement about stories fostering human connection here. the end. send post.

[basedandlovepilled]

just because u have a hard time doing things sometimes doesn't make u autistic or mentally ill btw.

[sengenism]

just realised how i usually dislike or feel indifferent about shounen mcs but senku and gon hxh are the only ones who actually manage to enter my top fave characters of their respective fandoms... they're so well written

[soccerpunching]

I think it's pretty cool of the other raimon students to forgive Kidou for bullying their soccer club the first time around under Teikoku's threat of destroying the schools of teams that lost to them, but having a fanclub after just ONE match?? that he was late to????

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[bunnihearted]

.

[1eos]

What’s your take on Taek always posing with Starbucks lately? I’ve been so conflicted. Many people have tried to educate him but he hasn’t stopped

hmhmmmm. what im abt to say isnt exclusive to him this is just my general stance when it comes to ppl w privilege being out of touch but its one of those things where im not gonna defend it. obviously. if anyone criticizes him (or anyone else i like) im not gonna fight them or try to make excuses but im also not gonna fall into the trap of centering all talks of palestine around a celebrity!

i purposefully havent been talking abt who has and hasnt been boycotting starbucks since november bc i saw someone point out that if you searched palestine on twitter the results were literally clogged with shit abt idols and that's not productive esp bc a lot of ppl have not spoken a word abt palestine until a famous person was caught w starbucks and suddenly theyre mobilizing to get them to stop posting their drinks but will never mobilize IN GENERAL

and this isnt just about kpop i remember being skeeved out by the beyhive for palestine stuff bc theyre STILL focusing *beyonce* when she's a millionaire! she's not starving! and she said nothing when break my soul became a fucking war song for isnt real which is way worse than starbucks i can admit that. and i remember during the big wave of black lives matter how frustrated i was that everyone just wanted to make it all about what this celebrity donated or how this celebrity was forced to post abt blm and to make ethnic cleansing abt idols is just a million times more fucked up.

i say all this to say that in general. me, personally, im always gonna try to put more effort in actually centering palestinian issues. i do feel guilty bc as much as i would love to be immune to the celebrity machine im not 😭 and i have the privilege of escapism when millions don't. like i slipped up and thoroughly enjoyed ushers half time show without even thinking and woke up the next morning and saw all the zionist shit he had posted months earlier. BUT instead of letting that guilt propel me to try to push a celeb to boycott to make myself feel better im gonna use my energy and privilege to send money every paycheck, boycott myself and spread awareness and talk to the ppl i *can* influence :')

and i hope this doesnt sound like one big cope 😭😭😭😭 ive been disappointed in a lot of ppl including really close friends who hate isnt real and are sympathetic to palestine but aren't consciously boycotting and resolving myself to do more and focusing on the ppl who *are* doing what needs to be done has been better than worrying abt how *i* feel when in the end of the day im (relatively) safe

[ubike-official]

date back on for sunday now. His friend is okay. thank god. And uhhh, yea now we're finally be fr about the "hey we met on a dating, lets be so fr about what our experience has been" uncharted territory besties. we're not at "so what are you looking for?" but i already essentially told him my approach is to just really try getting to know ppl i find interesting and letting a spark develop from there w/o pressure. kinda like in school where you consistently see people in casual settings. and he thought it was a good plan so uh. here we are.

[moodr1ng]

im well aware that its profoundly cringe to admit to this publicly, alright, but sometimes i just stop to think and realize.. literally my entire life would be radically different if i hadnt been into homestuck when i was 14. like, i would not have had some of the fundamentally important relationships that shaped the way my teen years and young adulthood went. and due to this i would not be living in this home. i would not have the same friends today. i would have been in very different social circles and mightve evolved very differently as a person. i literally might not be alive - i have had my life quite literally saved by friends who i met or bonded with through being into this shitty comic, and by literally i mean was physically prevented from dying last minute. like thats crazy?? and all over homestuck????

[piplupod]

maybe there is smth very wrong w me actually fjdkdl because i always see ppl talking about how regularly interacting w ppl irl (aka touching grass) makes them not so stressed about online stuff, but im interacting w ppl irl 3-4 days of the week and I'm still really fucking stressed about online stuff. while also now being really stressed about irl stuff too. so. thats cool i guess. congrats to me for being unfixable!

[toastsnaffler]

I slept rly deeply last night even tho it took me a while to get to sleep but I think that was bc I had acid reflux and I'd been playing videogames too late not anything else.... still only got 6 hrs but doing pretty okay all things considered 😚