#i think making myself eat + drink as much as i can has helped control the nausea too. just need a lot of fuel to process meds properly ig

[toastsnaffler]

I slept rly deeply last night even tho it took me a while to get to sleep but I think that was bc I had acid reflux and I'd been playing videogames too late not anything else.... still only got 6 hrs but doing pretty okay all things considered 😚

[dailyadventureprompts]

Monsters Reimagined: Yeenoghu, Demon Lord of Insatiable Hunger

It's been some years since I did my overhaul on the lore of the gnolls and how they embody the weird de/humanization that goes on with various monsters over d&d's history. Ever since I've had more than a few folks write in asking about how I would handle the default Gnoll God Yeenoghu, who exists in a similar state of "Kill everything that ever existed" to Orcus and a good portion of the game's other late game threats, thematically flat and not really useful for building stories around.

For a while I've avoided doing this post because I thought it might skew a little too close to my personal philosophy, and risk going from simply being influenced by my views to an outright soapbox. I personally hold that despite being part of our nature hunger is the source of the majority of human cruelty, and if society and cooperation are the tools we developed to best fight against the threat of famine, it is fear of that famine that allows the powerful to control society and secure their positions of privilege.

I've also dealt with disordered eating in a prior period of my life, alternating between neglecting my body's needs and punishing myself for needing in the first place. I'm well acquainted with hunger and the hollowing effect it can have, though I'd never claim to know it so well as someone who went hungry by anything other than choice and self hatred.

Learning to love food again saved saved my life. The joy of eating, of feeling whole and nourished, yes, but there was also the joy of making: of experimenting, improving, providing, being connected to a great tradition of cultivation which has guided our entire species.

If I was going to talk about an evil god of hunger, I was going to have to touch on all of that, and now that it's out in the open I can continue with a more thematic and narrative discussion on the beast of butchery below the cut.

What's wrong: Going by the default lore, there's not much that really separates Yeenoghu from any other chaotic evil mega-boss. He wants to kill everything in vicious ways, and encourages his followers to do the same. He's there so that the evil clerics can have someone to pray to because the objectively good gods are on the party's side and wouldn't help a bunch of cannibalistic slavers.

This is boring, we've done this song and dance before, and the only reason that there are so many demon lords/evil gods/archdevils like this is because the bioessentialism baked into the older editions of the game's lore was also a theological essentialism, and that every group had to have their own gods which perfectly embodied their ethos and there was no crossover whatsoever, themes be damned.

Normally I'd do a whole section about "what can be salvaged" from an old concept, but we're scraping the bottom of the barrel right from the inset. Likewise my trick of combining multiple bits of underwritten d&d mythology to make a sturdier concept isn't going to work as most of d&d's other gods of hunger or famine are similar levels of paper thin.

How do we fix it: I want Yeenoghu to be the opposite of the path I found myself on, a hunger so great and so painful that it percludes happiness, cooperation, or even rational thought. Hunger not as a sumptuous hedonistic gluttony but a hollowing emptiness that compels violence and desperation. More than just psychopathic slaughter and gore, it is becalmed sailors drinking seawater to quench their thirst, the urban poor mixing sawdust and plaster into their food because their wages are not enough to afford grain.

This is where we get the idea of Yeenoghu as an enemy of society, not because violence is antithical to society ( I think we've learned by now how structured violence can really be) but because society fundamentally breaks down when it can't take care of the people who provide its foundations. Contrast the Beast of Butchery with one of my other favourite villainous famine spirits: Caracalla the grim trader, who embodies scarcity as a form of profit and control in to Yeenoghu's scarcity as suffering.

Into this we can also add the idea of the hungry dead, ghouls yes but also vampires, anything cursed with an eternal existence and appetites it no longer has the ability to sate. A large number of cultures across the world share the idea that the dead cannot rest while they are starving, which is why we leave offerings of food by their graves or pour out a glass to the ones we lost along the way.

On that topic, there's also a scrap of lore involving Doresain god of ghouls, who has been depicted as an on and off servant of Yeenoghu. Since I'm already remaking the mythology, I'd have Doresain act as a sort of saint or herald for the demon lord, the wicked but still partially reasonable entity who can villain monolog before the feral and all consuming demon god shows up.

Summing it all up: Yeenoghu isn't a demon you wittingly worship, it's a demon that claims you, marks you as its mouthpiece and through you seeks to consume more of the world. It gives you just enough strength to keep on living, keep on suffering, keep on filling that hole in your belly and feed it in turn.

The greatest of these mouthpieces is Doresain, an elf of ancient times who's unearthly hungers elevated him to demigod status. Known as the knawbone king, he dwells within a dread domain of the shadowfell, and is sought out only for his ability to intercede with the maw-fiend's rampages.

Signs: Unnaturally persistent hunger pangs, excessive drool and gurgling stomach noises, the growth of extra teeth in the mouth, stomachs splitting open into mouths.

Symbols: An animal with three jaws, a three tailed flail or spiked whip. A crown of knawed bones (Doresain)

Titles: Beast of butchery, the maw fiend, the knawing god

Artist

[killerhybrid]

Make sure you all have your sunglasses, it'll help in case Sun gets excited.

Sun: I'll try my best to keep calm!

Thank you Sun, here is Sun in his actual form. Much like Moon, he's very wyvern-like in design. His wings are longer though with no split ends. He relies on Soaring/Gliding flight, this means he doesn't flap a lot to stay in the air. This does come with a set back, he can't take off immediately like Moon does. He and other stars alike have to get a running start to get the wind speed up enough to create lift. With a powerful jump at the end to get them in the air. To stay in the air, he relies on vents of hot air that are produced in particular spots on land or sea. Much like vultures and other gliding birds do. This means he can stay in the air far longer than Moon as well as use less energy to do so.

He doesn't have any barbs but his body is covered in flames that he controls for the most part. This is usually seen emotion wise. That's why it's best for Sun to stay calm during this example. He can increase the heat of his body to that of an actual star, and get brighter as well. His body will always feel warm and his skin will be like poprocks. Sizzling with occasional pops here and there. You may see a small flame pop out from his head, wings or tail occasionally. Those would be solar flares and those are common. These are very hot and will catch things on fire, he must stay away from any area that's flammable.

He has spikes that rear upwards for defense but he can also breathe fire. This is incredibly effective as it leaves a lasting radiation poisoning on the victim or area. In fact, being in a certain radius of an angry star for a long period of time will leave you exposed to radiation. You will die slowly and painfully, that is why it's best to leave as soon as you see signs of this emotion. This alone is what makes stars so deadly. They don't even have to move to kill something. Many would consider it a blessing for a star to eat you rather than let you live to suffer the effects of radiation.

Sun: b-but I always do my best to keep calm and happy! Unless someone really...REALLY deserves it. Then I won't hesitate to do what is necessary for the benefit of others or myself.

Yeah, it's best to be careful around stars as they are far worse than a nuclear bomb. Some are friendly however! The best way that I've seen to earn one's trust is with food. Stars need to eat constantly to keep their energy up that they always burn. So feed, feed and feed, even if it's burnt. They can't really taste much as everything they consume is quickly incinerated. Liquids are rapidly evaporated, this means they also can't get drunk. Never enter a drinking contest with a star, it won't go well for ya.

Sun:*chuckles* I remember drinking the hidden stash of one of the imperial lords with Moon. He couldn't fly!

Hehe, alrighty Sun. I think I covered everything, if anyone has any questions. Don't hesitate to ask! Sun and I are here to answer.

Sun:*nods* Please ask! I always enjoy a good conversation!

[olderthannetfic]

I just got a comment saying I should have tagged for dom/sub undertones and I'm a little confused. In canon, this guy always bosses his wife around re: doing shit that's healthy for her - napping, drinking water, remembering to eat more than once a day, getting more than 3 hours of sleep - and she lovingly calls him "Boss Man" as a nickname because of it. On some occasions where she's gone more than a day without eating he'll swipe her phone and order her to eat before she gets it back, something she always seems to find endearing. There's a lot of 'I didn't mean to worry you', 'you're worth worrying about, now here's your favorite homemade walnut bread' stuff, all there in canon, just lifted from canon and transplanted into my fic.

Is this dom/sub stuff? I'm aroace so I've never been in a relationship, but I assumed "take care of yourself" "I will but I will call you a silly nickname over it" was regular relationship stuff. Or is it that the frequency of it makes it dom/sub stuff, and I'm just not grasping that because my neurodivergency is making me not read the social cues correctly? I was only recently diagnosed but this has been a problem for a long time, the whole line between normal and abnormal behavior, so I thought I'd ask you. You're much more well-read than I am and know a lot more about shipping dynamics and how they're tagged. I feel like you're an expert whose opinion carries a lot of conclusions-informed-by-knowledge and so your take could help me figure this out.

People who are doms or subs or write them, if you have a guide on this stuff, that'd be cool, too. I want to educate myself more so I know if I should tag something. After all, I can't get my story to people who want to read it if it doesn't show up in the tags they're searching for. Readers aren't mindreaders. It's on me to make sure they can get ahold of the things they're looking for. I just need to work around my own ADHD-addled brain to do it.

--

I think this is the usual pattern of demanding silly tags that would only make sense in that reader's own bookmarks.

Yes, caretaking and food control of various kinds can be a part of BDSM. No, your description of canon does not make it sound like this has obvious undertones.

Readers are going to have different interpretations. It's possible that other readers would agree with this one. I have my doubts. I suspect they're projecting. But sure, maybe other people would think there was some of that vibe.

However, if you did not intend the fic to read this way, I would not add the tag. This is not what the fic is about.

--

As for what this kind of thing can look like when it is intended as a dom/sub activity, the movie Secretary has a bunch of examples. She calls him on the phone to tell him what her family's dinner looks like that night; he gives her instructions about which things she can eat how much of. The way she acts while making that phone call makes it clear it's an exciting game to her. Another time, he tells her she's not allowed to cut herself anymore: he will provide what she needs.

Even if the characters are being playful, just nagging someone to do basic self care doesn't really come across as this. It's more charged when it's an intentional power exchange thing.

It's more like... hmm... if you and a friend agreed to LARP as characters for a day. Even if you were acting fairly normal and doing things you'd often do anyway, there would be this added extra vibe to it that someone who knew you well could probably detect.

It's not so much about the specific behaviors: it's about the extra meaning those people ascribe to them. If it doesn't seem like the canon characters think of this caretaking any specific way and you, as the fic author, don't see it that way, then I don't think it will generally read as a dom/sub thing to most readers.

[presidentofthelipglossclub]

rescue bots incorrect quotes teehee

Optimus: Please explain what upsexy is!

Blades: Could you rephrase that in like, two words maybe?

Boulder, wiping tears from his eyes: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it's meant to be...

Heatwave: I'm literally just going to the store.

Chase: Jail is no fun. I'll tell you that much.

Bumblebee: Oh, you've been?

Chase: Once. In Monopoly.

Heatwave: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!

Heatwave, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

Quickshadow: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here's a throwback to when Blurr ate an entire tube of lipstick.

Blurr, whining: But why would it be cherry flavored if you can't eat it!?

Boulder: Anybody got any crayons so I can color in my Ph.D?

Optimus: Is there something you would like to say, Hightide?

Hightide: Oh there are SEVERAL things I would like to say.

Heatwave, texting Chase: Any plans for tonight?

Chase: No.

Heatwave: Loser.

Boulder: Help! I'm drowning!

Optimus: Calm down. We're only in six feet of water!

Boulder: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Blades, to Blurr: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.

Heatwave: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Optimus: You're too young to have enemies.

Heatwave: You don't even know.

*Out grocery shopping*

Chase: *Takes a free sample twice*

Chase: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

Salvage, texting: Hi, who's this? Blades changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Blurr: What's mine?

Salvage: Dwarf.

Blurr: HE'S SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Salvage: Oh hey Blurr.

Blurr: FUCK!

Blades: I eat cheerios because they're heart healthy!

Blades: And my heart has been severely damaged. So Bumblebee if you're out there--

Blurr: I was just diagnosed with deez.

Heatwave: Good, I hope it's lethal.

Optimus: Do you cook?

Chase: I made a cake once.

Heatwave: Yeah, it was good.

Chase: Really?

Heatwave: Don't make me lie twice, Chase.

Bumblebee: ...This is one of those moments where it doesn't really matter what I have to say, isn't it?

*The rescue bots all nod unanimously*

Blades: Boulder, you look deep in thought. What's wrong?

Boulder: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it's like to lick it? Even if you've never touched it before?

Blades: I'm never asking you anything ever again.

Quickshadow: Who would you swipe right for? Blurr or Salvage?

Hightide: I would delete the app.

Heatwave: We're about to do the taser challenge. You want in?

Chase: What's the taser challenge?

Blades: We tase each other, then drink.

Chase: How do you win?

Heatwave: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?

Optimus: We will discuss this later.

Hightide: Fine, I won't be listening.

Boulder: What, I can't be in a bad mood? It's like people think "Oh, Boulder is such a nice person, Boulder is so happy-go-lucky! Boulder can't be in a bad mood!" Well, you know what? Boulder CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Boulder IS be in a bad mood.

Heatwave: Thanks for not telling Optimus what happened.

Bumblebee, dumbfounded: I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to explain this.

Chase: Blades, you need to react when people cry.

Blades: I did. I rolled my eyes.

Quickshadow: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need.

Quickshadow: Not all this "how did you get into my house" business.

Blades, texting: Hey.

Chase: Hey?

Blades: I can't sleep. :/

Chase: I can. Goodnight.

Heatwave: Die.

Boulder: Please don't die!

Heatwave: DIE!

Boulder: PLEASE DON'T DIE!

Blades, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?

Chase, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Boulder wants Heatwave to accept it as their child.

Quickshadow: Can you keep a secret?

Hightide: Do you know anything about my life?

Quickshadow: No, I don't. Good point.

Boulder: Don't quote me on this, but I believe murder is illegal!

Chase, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll just drink my sorrows away.

Blades: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.

Heatwave: And I'd love to be sorry for that, but we all know I've done much, much worse.

i'll probably reblog this with more later. maybe those will include the humans as well (don't get your hopes up).

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji has helped me in so many ways. I will forever be grateful for the creation of this character. He quite literally means the world to me right now.

(TW: ED/Depression/Suicide attempt mention)

I've always struggled with food. Well, not always. But at the end of middle school (more or less. Give or take. Age 12/13) I became obsessed with what I ate. I still don't know exactly how it started, but I think it has always been a mix of my need to control my life when it's crumbling down and the necessity to look skinny (both things are my mother's fault, mostly. And also lots of things going on at the moment). So I started skipping meals constantly and throwing away food and throwing up. Not gonna get into details, but it ruined my life without anybody knowing until a huge depressive episode came and then I tried to off myself, yadda yadda yadda. Then I just stopped eating food and my meals every day were basically a monster and gum and maybe a piece of fruit. I couldn't even drink milk without crying. Then it got a bit better. Then a bit worse. It wasn't very consistent. And then I started doing exercise but that only made me even more obsessed with calorie intake and healthy food and I still can't drink milk or bread without at least feeling awful about it.

And then I watched One Piece.

I know it sounds extremely silly and dumb, but it has helped me in so many ways. I'm not gonna get into all the things it has done for me, because then I'd have to talk about Robin, Nami, Luffy, Pudding and Buggy which are, like, the characters that have helped me the most next to Sanji, and I would not finish this post.

But Sanji is just so, so important to me.

He speaks about food with such passion. His whole thing about not wasting food literally comes from an experience of starvation and because of the sacrifice his father made for him. He keeps saying he refuses to let people go hungry, no matter what. That we all deserve to eat. He relates food to love and cooking is his whole life. It kind of started as a joke when my brother said "nooo, now you can't waste food because Sanji would be sad" and I- That day I literally ate wayyy more than usual with that thought in mind. And I didn't feel bad afterward for once. And he's just- He just makes me feel so comfortable around food. Which is the normal amount of comfort somebody should have and sometimes it's not even that, but it helps. It helps so much.

Then his whole thing with Germa and the Vinsmokes. It killed me. My relationship with my mother is, uh, you can call it complicated but I fucking hate her so. Yeah. And Sanji's story about rejecting his blood relatives and finding better people who will love him hit so close to home. Him being different. Weak. More emotional. A good person. Sanji refusing to use the name Vinsmoke. It's my whole life. Sanji self-sabotaging himself all the time and constantly sacrificing himself, too? I just can't do it, man, he means the world to me. And then Wano happens and he turns out to have the same body as his siblings but he's still himself. He's still Sanji no matter how much in common he has with the Vinsmokes. And as somebody who's constantly dealing with people telling them that they look like their mom? I fucking love it. I know I look like her and I even act like her sometimes but that doesn't mean I am her. And it doesn't mean she deserves to be part of my family, because she isn't and I can't wait to get rid of her in my life.

It's not only food and family, though. Sanji has helped me accept myself in so many ways too. In the way I perceive others and in the way I act. He has helped me eat. He has helped me realize you don't have to consider your blood relatives family if you don't love them. He has helped me see that my kindness is a strength and not a weak spot.

Not to mention that his whole thing with gender and sexuality, how the fandom portrays him, and how I personally write him has been of so much help in understanding myself. I recently discovered I was a lesbian, and also being genderfluid I just- I just love Sanji so much I be projecting my gender issues and internalized stuff with comphet on him. And let me tell you, it helps.

This whole thing is just something short and sweet I wanted to say because media affects people. In the best of ways. One Piece in general has saved my life in many ways, but Sanji in particular is still helping me every day.

[deathbxnny]

Hello! Thank you so much for you doing my request but can I ask again? If i can , can you do honkai star rail x reader and reader is from genshin impact and a vision holder ( cyro, hydro or geo ) and they are from sumeru and there are part of the academy and part of Vahumana and vahumana Its specialty is Aetiology, or the study of cause and reason for something, and encompasses history and social sciences. And the character's are Dan heng, blade, welt, gepard and sampo is it ok? And take a break, eat well and drink lots of water before starting other stuff because your health is more important ok? And thank you again!!!

-----♡

A/N: Hello! Thank you for the request and kind words! I neglect myself often for others on accident, so hearing kind reminders is very helpful! I hope, I can do your idea justice!<33

Content: Fluff, established relationship, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread!))

-----♡

》Dan Heng

Is quite confused sometimes by your studies, yet asks as many questions as he can. Mainly so he can understand what you love so much about the topic and why you're passionate to study that of all things.

Definitely has many talks about you regarding any theories or studies you make, always open to learn something new along the way. He finds your opinions and ideas very intriguing and wants to hear everything you have to say.

Will also add any new information to the Data bank with you, just so he can revisit them later and study them too for you.

Your Geo vision impresses him greatly, always watching in silent awe as you move and control the earth and rocks at your will. It also puts him at ease to know that you can defend yourself and therefore won't get hurt, if he isn't with you.

-----♡

》Blade

Absolutely doesn't understand the point to your studies, mainly since his view of the world is quite simple. The world is just evil and dark, there is not much more to it in his eyes. And finding a reason for all of that just seems like a hassle and waste of time. So it's hard to get him off of that mind-set at first.

But you try to anyways, having long talks about your theories and thoughts, until he finally begins to try and understand your views. He's s little grumpy and reluctant about it, but still does his best for you. As long as your happy, he'll try his best to get it.

Your cryo vision is something that immideatly catches his attention though, especially during battle. He likes how strong it is and how you're able to just freeze your enemies and defeat them easily with no effort. He's definitely very proud of you for that... though he'd still want to protect you himself.

-----♡

》Welt Yang

The most interested person in your studies for sure. Wants to know all about it and perhaps even cares for the subject himself. He likes helping you out with his own knowledge and notes down anything new you tell him.

He'd definitely have very long conversations with you about all your study topics and likes to add his own opinions on the subjects. He could listen to you speak for hours on end too, finding the way you look so excited and passionate about your theories super cute.

He'd our hydro vision fascinating and nearly calming in a way. Especially when you move so elegantly and smoothly during battle. He likes to stand back and watch you do your thing often, stepping in only when needed. But he's proud, when you can protect yourself just fine too.

-----♡

》Gepard Landau

Is definitely intrigued by everything about your studies and wants to know more about it. He would also get you all the research that you need, just so that he can help you get further with your theories.

He will try using the knowledge he's gained from you in his work as a Captain too. He thinks it may help him think of his next moves easier, if he tries assessing past mistakes first.

Gepard would also be willing to have long conversations about various topics in your field too, just so he can watch how passionate you get. He likes to learn about new view points and opinions through your talks as well.

He is very interested in your hydro vision, as it compliments his ice abilities very well. You two would be an unbeatable duo on the battlefield, even if he'd never put you in a position, where you'd ever need to fight.

-----♡

》Sampo

Doesn't really ask much about the topics of your studies, unless it benefits him in his little endeavours or in his, well, "work". He also wouldn't have much to say on the topic, as he never thought about it much before.

With that said, he'd still be willing to listen to you talk about it all day, mainly just to spend time with you. If the topic is interesting enough, he might be willing to learn some things here and there. You never know, where it might come in handy after all.

He tries to form an opinion on some topics for you, but they won't be very elaborate or deep. But it's the thought that counts!

Your Geo vision on the other hand is very interesting to him. You'll have to stop him from using your abilities for anything not so legal though.

-----♡

A/N: Thank you again for the request!<33

[overwhelmed-overweight]

hey, i really appreciated the post you made on BED. describing ana habits w bed as pouring oil over a fire is so accurate. do you have any more relevant tips to lose weight? or to break the cycle? im really struggling.

I'm glad (and sad tbh) so many people felt seen by that post!

Honestly I could write a book on how to lose weight, both from a scientific nutritional and psychological standpoint, but the reality is that I haven't even succeed in my own efforts yet lol. Any "proven"(?) tips I could give would be ones that y'all have probably read and heard hundreds of times over.

But I have a feeling this post is gonna get long, so the rest will be under the cut!

In my opinion, the difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it is meeting yourself where you are.

For example, lately I'm dealing with intense stress (family issues, getting ready to sell our house and move to a big city, financial issues, job hunting, a late period...) and it makes it hard to identify emotional eating triggers or fight off addictive tendencies and impulses as a result. It's taking everything in my power and more to not bully the shit out of myself.

As easy as it is to be hard on yourself when facing BED, it only makes things worse. If stress is one of the biggest triggers for BED and you place extra stress on yourself for binging, it ends up being counterproductive as fuuuuck. I know yall know, but it's worth reminding. I know I'm going to binge lately, so instead of fighting it for now I'm just doing damage control.

In terms of tips, I've got a couple that help me personally

Keep a lot of fresh produce and other "safe foods" prepped. I'm a slut for strawberries, air fried tempeh, frozen grapes, rice & gochujang with seaweed, stuff like that.

WATER. This might be an odd one, but before eating anything I'll drink some ice cold water because if I can feel the water hitting my stomach and making it noticeably and entirely cold inside, it means I'm not that full and should/can eat a little. If it's just a little cold, it means I'm mostly full. Preloading with water also keeps me from eating quite as much as I otherwise would.

(TW: sex) If you're so inclined, do something sexual. A lot of the time when I try to figure out what I'm really craving when I'm about to binge, I notice an itch for bold physical stimulation (usually flavor + chewing) and the calming effects that flood my body when that need is met. Masturbation helps me a lot tbh, sometimes I'll make it a whole thing and put on makeup and lingerie. It's not foolproof but it has helped me avoid binges before (especially if you have an enthusiastic partner like mine lmao)

I might edit this post as I think of things. I just want to make sure I'm putting healthy information out there :')

[solosikoasgf]

random (nsfw) things about roman,

(that nobody asked for. i typically am very awkward about nsfw things but using it as apart of later character development for most ardently - also honestly, how a person enjoys giving pleasure/being pleasured can say a lot about who they are, so. take from that what you want. mostly bullet points, fairly short, but.)

very intentional. is okay with being spontaneous when the moment strikes, but roman is a planner. he's methodical. he likes watching and analyzing. and if he wants to give pleasure, he's starting foreplay from the second he wakes up - not overtly sensual, but little things. good morning texts, sending lunch when he can't be by, a facetime call. texts about how beautiful you are, how he appreciates you, how he loves you. it's about the buildup of having him on your mind all through the day, the anticipation of seeing him later.

it's dinner, it's candles. even when he's not trying to be a full fledged romancer, it's at minimum a calm environment. dinner already made or ordered, making sure you take a bath while he cleans up or makes the bed. having your favorite wine or drink that you like to help relax. eating on the couch with him laying out, you on top of him, watching shows or listening to music or just talking.

very physical. tight hugs. forehead kisses. holding you close. making sure you're completely relaxed.

has an affinity for using his words to heighten the mood - not that 'good girl'/'whose is it' shit, but being descriptive and painfully intentional about every detail that he wants to do - or what he sees when he closes his eyes. very much a praise k!nk.

"i can't stop thinking about it...how soft your skin is under mine. cool to the touch. how your breath catches when i put my hand under your thigh to put your legs up on my shoulders. running my fingertips up your leg, squeezing your thighs. how your hands pull on my hair tight when i'm using my tongue to pleasure you."

"i know you love it when i put all this weight on you....when i get you on your stomach and your ass is all i can see. when i lay on top of you and slide my dick in between your thighs and rock back and forth....moving myself up a little more til the tip is rubbing against your pussy. you're always dripping, waiting for me."

really more of a giver than a receiver which can be strange considering he's used to praise and adulations from all because of his status - but there's something fulfilling in seeing a lover bend to his will, in putting them in such a vulnerable position where he holds control - because if roman likes anything, it's to be in control.

likes missionary because he wants eye contact at all times - loving to watch his lover's eyes change while he gives them every part of himself. a light choke when her eyes close because he needs to see every part of her soul while dicking her down.

soft words of encouragement + affirmations. "you deserve this baby. it's all yours. every part of me belongs to you."

"i love it when you let me take care of you like this."

"let it go....just let it go. i got you."

"you're so pretty when i have you like this. say it. tell me you're pretty."

face buried in your neck while he murmurs, rough hands keeping your legs and hips spread.

delayed gratification. again leaning into that intentional part - he wants to see you squirm, whine, beg. he's a tease.

as much as it's an intimate moment for him, there are times where it's lighthearted. when he pulls back and just stares and smiles and cracks a joke. it's as much about physical intimacy as it is just enjoying his partner for who they are. there's a vulnerability in it.

[kalolasfantasyworld]

2, 9, 17, and 20 for Helena from the interview questions?

Hi Erika! 💕

Thank you for your ask ^^ These are some interesting ones and Helena is reminiscing some funny situations.

2. Who is your best friend?  Tell us about them.

I don’t really like the term best, because it says as if someone was better than the others. I think that they’re just different and I don’t want to choose. However if I have to in this case the closest to the dictionary best friend of mine would be Vanessa. Hah, what do you want me to say? She’s just amazing. So funny and always has my back. She’s that kind of a friend you can go out drinking with and come over crying, good or bad, which she has proven to me many times. She’s also that devil friend of our friend group. She got me a wayyy too inappropriate swimsuit and did I mention that time, when she convinced me to buy a bunny suit? I obviously thanked her for that later, but it was risky... I had no idea how Nozel would react.

(Yes this is a teaser for a short fade to black one shot I wrote for the bunny suit Helena drawing. I'll hopefully post it some time soon.)

9. Are you a spiritual person?  If yes, what do you practice?

I wouldn’t say that I’m greatly spiritual. Yes I believe in higher power and I attend all of the appropriate spiritual events. My marriage was done by Clover faith as well, but I think I believe in people more. I’m not practicing a lot out of my own volition.

17. What makes you laugh?

Many things. Is that an answer? I’ll just pick a few then. Let’s start with… drumroll… Nozel’s eye-rolls! I’m being serious. I tease and instead of laughing he makes this affectionate eye roll or furrows his brows, it’s just so adorable I can’t help but giggle. Now for something else that makes me laugh… annoying Gabriel. I’m his big hermana I have to keep him in check… just that he bites back. However all the laughs are worth it. Another thing, so when Heinry tries to mimic No— now I’m starting to think that I’m a bad wife considering how much I laugh at my husband. I should stop talking, I feel like I’m digging an even bigger hole for myself. To sum up I laugh a lot. I’m a joyful woman.

20. Describe your biggest pet peeve.

As you know I’m a princess, I was raised a princess and I was taught all the appropriate court etiquette and manners. I know that most of the people are not taught the rules of Royal dining, but I would love for them to at least eat with their mouths closed and try to use utensils. I just… can’t stand it. It even happened during an official dinner once. This one noble house representative came to gain our favour and he would talk, while chewing. I’m usually great at controlling myself in social situations, but at the desert Nozel had to walk out with me for a minute, before I would say something inappropriate. 

[pillsandumbrellas]

Could you extend on the fat/water for fuel thing you said while fasting please?? Also, some tips? Like you've done this for such a long time it's so impressive

I'm not 100% sure what you're referring to. I'm assuming you're asking about what your body requires to function while still fasting. I'll go into a lot of detail regarding this since I feel like it's important. First of all I'd like to preface this by stating that everyone is different. Some people have deficiencies or immune issues or blood pressure.. the list goes on issues. Before even considering a fast, know your body and it's requirements. I would hate for someone to read anything I write and take my word for it and do something that harms them. I couldn't live that, so please do your research. Regarding what your body needs; if you're already a very thin person, don't fast. You have to understand that when you're eating, your body is burning calories for fuel. When you're not eating, it switches to burning fat. This is ketosis. A lot of the goal of a ketogenic diet is to switch the body over to burning fat for fuel. This is the biggest reason for why people have a really goddamn hard time the first few days of fasting or even starting keto. What people refer to as "keto-flu." It's your body protesting against your switching over to burning fat, when burning calories is so much easier and it's instant energy. Burning fat is a lot more work. So, if you're already thin, your body won't have much fat to burn through. What your body will do instead if burn through muscle and organ tissue. You REALLY do not want that. Bear in mind that even if you have fat deposits, muscle loss is likely to occur anyway, as your body may burn through muscle it thinks you don't necessarily have use for. If you go past a 36h fast, autophagy also begins to occur where your body starts to heal itself. I personally love this and have healed my acne scars through this. I had really bad acne scars and now I have maybe a couple I can see if I look reaaally closely. Putting that aside. You need hydration A LOT of water, and you need fasting minerals (electrolytes). These are mainly sodium, magnesium, and potassium. Now I personally just make snake juice at home, because I like control over what I put inside myself. Water=2L | Potassium chloride =1 tsp | Sodium chloride = 1/2 tsp | Sodium Bicarbonate = 1 tsp Magnesium Sulphate = 1/2 tsp Now it's up to a person to know how long they can fast and how long they should fast, however if you're planning an extended fast. I cannot stress enough to get a general check-up, get professional help during your fast if you can, and monitor your blood pressure and blood sugar levels. Some things I experienced through my many fasts has been throwing up by the way. Usually around day 7-14. I was able to fix this with a mixture of a table spoon of apple cider vinegar and pickle juice. I couldn't drink snake juice anymore, because it was too concentrated it made me feel ill. However the pickle juice had enough minerals to keep me satiated without being overwhelming and the apple cider vinegar balanced me out. No these do not break the fast. This is medically proven to aid with fasting, I didn't just come up with this btw. Also you may find yourself bloated with water as you lose weight and your body decides that it wants to fill the fat you lost with water. Potassium supplements can help with this. Just be careful with your dosage. Little goes a long way. You will pee A LOT. This is normal. You'll pee a lot in the beginning of your fast, as you drop water weight, especially when you got to bed. It slows down towards the middle when your body starts packing on the water. Potassium makes you start the hose again though. Anyway I hope this helps some people, gives some insight. Be careful. Take care of your bodies. Don't be stupid. I can do stupid things, but I try to be a self-aware and well informed idiot. That way I don't have anyone but myself to blame, because I know better.

[bi-bard]

I Just May Like Some Explanations - Dick Grayson Imagine (HBO's Titans)

Title: I Just May Like Some Explanations

Pairing: Dick Grayson X Reader

Based On: Question...?

Word Count: 1,484 words

Warning(s): mention of abandonment/shitty dad/human experimentation

Summary: (Season 1) Dick shows up on (Y/n)'s doorstep with no warning. (Y/n) hopes that- even after so long- Dick can understand why (Y/n) doesn't welcome him back with open arms.

Author's Note: Fun fact, back in like the seventh grade, I was assigned to rewrite the end of The Giver for an English class. Meaning that my first (or one of my first) piece(s) of fanfiction was technically about one of Brenton Thwaites's characters. Extra funny because Taylor Swift was also in that movie.

MIDNIGHTS - TAYLOR SWIFT WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

-------------------------

Dick had a lot of nerve showing up at my door with no warning.

That was my first thought.

And then, my attention turned to the girl standing next to him. She had her arms crossed and was clearly uneasy. But whether that was me or just the new situation was up for debate.

"Hey," Dick greeted. "This is Rachel. I thought you could help her."

"Nice apology, Grayson," I replied.

Rachel looked at him, but he kept his eyes focused on me.

I stepped back and let them both in.

"Who are you," Rachel asked.

"You dragged a young kid to my door and didn't tell her who I was?" I looked at Dick again.

"I didn't exactly have time," he tried to explain.

"(Y/n)," I held out a hand to Rachel. She shook it. I watched a look of shock cross her face. "What'd you see?"

"What," she asked, pulling her hand away from mine.

"What did you see just then," I repeated.

"I... I don't know... a... like a surgery room with knives and needles and stuff..."

Dick tried to explain before I could, about to mutter something to her.

"My dad," I cut him off. "He was... into experiments."

I motioned to myself.

Think of a vampire. Not so much a "Twilight" vampire, but a decently scary one. Claws, sharp teeth, eyes that didn't look quite right. Things I had no power over and couldn't quite hide without feeling like everyone could see right through me.

"I'm sorry," she muttered.

"Don't be," I shrugged. "Not your fault. I've accepted it."

She just nodded.

"So... why are you convinced that I'd be so helpful," I looked back to Dick.

"I'm a freak," Rachel jumped in.

"Same," I replied. "What powers did you get stuck with? Besides the memory access."

She hesitated.

"Go sit down," I nodded toward my little dining table. "I'll get you something to eat and drink."

The pair of them sat down and waited as I went around my kitchen. I grabbed some water and a little bag of chips for Rachel. After giving that stuff to them, I plopped into the seat across from her.

"My dad had a fixation with vampires," I started. My goal was to make her more comfortable. To let her know that no one was going to judge her. "The more traditional stuff, for the most part. I got the speed, the strength, the physical... attributes. I just didn't get all the little weaknesses. He thought the wooden stake thing was ridiculous."

There was a pause.

"Oh, I also got the bloodlust. Forgot about that," I pointed out. "I got control over that though."

"How," Rachel asked.

"Self-control work," I shrugged. "Took me years. Had to start with my day-to-day life. Mere exposure to people would drive me crazy. I still can't work in something like an office space without getting a gnawing in my stomach."

She looked to Dick.

"You two are safe," I promised.

Dick just nodded.

"He would know," I smirked a bit. "He's been closer to me than anyone else has."

He just looked at me, but I heard Rachel chuckle. I just shrugged at him. It was true.

"Big emotions were next," I continued. "Anger and fear and adrenaline. I had to learn to calm myself and pull my punches."

She leaned forward on the table a bit. Must've been what most of her trouble was revolving around.

The rest of the day was spent with Rachel talking to me. It was slow at first, but she was opening up. She described moments in her life and what she knew. The last few days of her life had been Hell.

That night, I let her use my bed.

I pulled the door shut and saw Dick by the window. He was looking out at Gotham.

"You can take the couch if you want," I said. He looked at me for a moment. "Rachel's all set and I'll figure something out."

He just nodded, looking back out at the skyline.

"First time you've seen it in a while," I asked as I walked over to stand next to him.

"Since I moved," he replied.

I nodded. "Still with Dawn?"

"(Y/n)-"

"You really expect me not to ask," I looked at him. "You ran for the hills before I got any answers."

"I'm not," he said. "Haven't talked to her since I left."

"Oh, so you just ran from all of your problems?"

"Listen-"

"No, no, I have questions, Dick. Good questions. I deserve more than just excuses or avoidance."

He finally looked back at me.

I don't know what clicked or sunk in, but his face softened as soon as he did.

"What do you want to know," he asked.

"Why'd you leave?"

"Bruce," he answered simply. "I needed to go."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm an idiot," he shrugged. I scoffed. "I didn't want you to feel like you needed to follow me or something. Gotham was your home. You kept talking about finally feeling comfortable. I didn't want to steal that."

"You were a huge part of that, Dick," I muttered.

"I did call myself an idiot for a reason."

There was a pause before I could force the next question out, "Did you love me?"

"Yes."

It was the fastest answer. It didn't have any follow-up explanation or anything.

"Then, why did you sleep with Dawn?"

"Because I'm an idiot," he repeated. "I... I can't make an excuse for it. It was just me being stupid and selfish and... that's all there is to it."

I was surprised that I wasn't still angry. I expected to want to kick him out. Scream, hit... anything really.

But I wasn't.

I almost felt blank. Like my mind couldn't decide how I wanted to react to anything around me.

I looked down for a moment.

"I'm sorry," he added. "For everything. I'm... I'm so sorry."

"Did you... Did you think about me," I muttered. "After you left?"

He walked over to me. I moved to rest my back against the wall next to the door. He stood in front of me.

"All the time," he replied.

I glanced away, my jaw clenching as I thought about all the time that I missed.

"You... You were the first person to make me feel like I didn't need to be ashamed of what had happened to me," I said. "It... It felt like you were running from me. Like I had finally pushed you too far. I... I just-"

Dick pulled me into a hug as my voice trailed off. His hand ran up and down my spine. I slowly hugged him back, letting my eyes shut as I did.

He leaned back a few moments later. He stopped a few inches away from me. I let my eyes truly scan every part of his face. I was actually seeing how he had changed since he had left Gotham. It wasn't much. Just aging. It still made me feel like I had missed out on so much.

I was caught off-guard when Dick pressed his lips to mine. My back was pressed into the wall as he kissed me. Like he was trying to test the waters.

I knew it was a bad idea.

I shouldn't have entertained the kiss.

But I had missed this. I missed feeling something... normal.

So I let him kiss me. And I kissed him back. Slowly. It was all so gentle. Hesitant. We were both so clearly nervous about something. It had been so long since I had felt that little pull from in my chest. The longing. The wanting.

Dick stepped closer as he got more comfortable. My back got pressed a little harder into the wall. That seemed to snap me out of whatever trance I had fallen into.

I turned my head to the side, causing Dick's lips to find my cheek. He leaned his forehead against my head, not pushing me to kiss him again.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Sorry."

He leaned back fully.

"I... I just can't... I can't jump back into... this," I muttered. "I... I want to help with Rachel, but that's... that's all I can do."

"Okay," he nodded.

I stepped out of the space between him and the wall.

"You should get some rest. I'm... I'm gonna... I don't know. I'll figure something out."

"Please be careful," he called as I walked away.

"Always am," I replied. I paused for a moment before speaking again, "Welcome home, Dick."

He grinned at me. I grinned back before continuing to walk away.

I knew it was going to take time to adjust to being around him again.

But I would be lying if I said that seeing him again didn't give me just a little bit of hope.

That was enough for me... for now, at least.

-------------------------

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[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I'm relapsing. The worst is that I am actively making choices that are leading to self destruction. It's like I can see myself from the outside and do all these stupid things fully knowing it's not good, but I still let it happen.

I'm searching for th-nspø a lot, and I let myself get triggered by emaciated and dying body, consumed by jealousy. I think ultimately, I just want to exist less. I struggle a lot with self worth and self love, and feel like I don't deserve anything.

It's a problem that is getting heavy: I ask the permission for everything as if I was not capable or worthy of taking decisions or being my own person (asking if I can drink, look at something, go in my room, go to the toilets...). And I only feel relaxed or at least at peace when I self destruct (exhausting myself by exercising, restricting my food intake...)

I started taking bodychecks pictures again yesterday and making a bunch of rules I have to follow in my notes (such as walking several hours a day, drinking a lot of water when I'm hungry, exercise more....).

Relapsing feels like coming home, even tho the home isn't safe or peaceful, it's still home. It's is comforting and reassuring even if I'm ashamed to admit that I long for this control. I seem to not be able to find the strenght to even WANT or DECIDE to recover, despite ongoing health problems caused by my ed (acidic reflux, pains in articulation and muscles, loss of teeth, non functionning immunitary system, nauseas, dizziness...).

How do I find a reason or the strenght to recover ? I feel like it's not worth it and it's much easier to slip back into what I know and do best.

Anon, I know it's taken me a while to get to this ask, but I am glad you felt you were able to honestly share all of this. I believe you're not alone in feeling that way, especially when you say that relapsing feels like coming home, that the disordered behaviors are the only thing that help you feel right.

I think I get it. If you were suffering for a long time, even before you had an eating disorder, you're very used to suffering and being unwell. It's hard to work toward the feeling of actually having long-lasting wellness when you don't even remember what that wellness feels like.

I think right now, just try and keep taking things in baby steps, even if you do have backslides sometimes. Try and be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that by even thinking of trying to heal, you're doing something really hard and revolutionary for yourself.

It's hard to fight for wellness when you feel you don't deserve it. What can you do to fight for that feeling? What can you do to reinforce feelings of wellness and worth? Can you maybe take a little time to take a hot bath, make yourself a cup of tea, buy yourself a small treat?

Perhaps when you're craving to self-destruct the most, try to maintain neutrality rather than focusing on levels of wellness that feel unattainable. So if you can't feel good about your body, maybe refrain from looking up thinspo or doing those body-check pics. When the urge has passed - and it will pass, even if it comes back - remember to praise yourself genuinely for your efforts. If you do backslide, respond with kindness to yourself. Speaking to yourself like you're just a person who's having a hard time and deserves compassion might be foundational. Perhaps you could write down something kind that you would say to a dear friend who was in your situation, and then practice saying all that to yourself? You've got to reaffirm your worth to be able to treat yourself like you honestly deserve wellness - and you do, whether you're able to believe that right now or not.

[trickstarbrave]

concubine au part 8.... part 7 you can find here

uhhhh honestly this chapter is just filth. rly dirty smut ngl. im also still sick so i hope it's coherent but i had fun writing it. and nerevar at least has fun LOL

warning for like. pregnancy talk/kink i guess. but uhhhh thats been happening the last few chapters. not where i expected this to go as a story but okay

--

Voryn was gone for a while, both for the dinner which was as awkward as intended, and for the after dinner mingling and drinks as was custom when you were hosting guests. 

A few hours flew right by, Nerevar napping for most of it. When he awoke, there was food waiting for him that he quickly scarfed down. He had been eating regular meals for a few weeks now with no issues, but part of his mind always savored the food. Too many times Anaryl would punish him with no food for the day, taunting him while he was hungry the whole while. 

Still, the longer he was awake, the more anxious he got. Voryn was gone a while--had he not slept that long? Or had something gone wrong. It wasn’t long until his restless energy had him pacing and frustrated. He wished he was there right now, making sure everything was going to plan and listening in. He’d often attend dinner parties and such, listening carefully to all the gossip and formulating plans. Not doing that left him nervous, nearly shaking with pent up energy and worry.

When Voryn finally came in, Nerevar was more than relieved, even as Voryn immediately sat him down and began fussing over him.

“I told you to rest.” Voryn scolded him, his voice still gentle. 

“I did.” Nerevar replied. “I napped, then I ate…” He sighed. “But I just couldn’t relax after that. You were out there, and I didn’t know what was going on, I couldn’t plan…” 

“Shhh,” Voryn hushed him, “Everything went very well, Neht.” Voryn stroked his cheek, the affectionate and gentle touch helping relax Nerevar. “I can tell you all about it and we can think of a plan together, alright?” 

“I’d… Appreciate that.” Now he just felt stupid getting so worked up over nothing. He knew Voryn could take care of himself, he just didn’t like not knowing what was going on, especially in such a difficult situation they were in.

“Here,” Voryn sat beside him, wrapping an arm around Nerevar. “Just relax for a moment, alright?” Voryn stroked his back through the comfortable sleeping robes he was wearing. “I won’t leave you here if it makes you this anxious, alright?” 

“No, if you need to--”

“If I need to.” Voryn stressed. “I just had you stay here to rest, but I don’t want you to be nervous, alright?” Voryn then gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “In the future I’ll try not to mingle with them without you.”

“What happened then?” Nerevar asked, after the shaking in his hands subsided. Voryn said it went well--maybe there was something Nerevar could use. 

“Not much, but I think I sold our little act well.” Voryn explained. “Dres Galar thought he had something to use against me: the knowledge of the birth control you were taking.” Nerevar made a sour face. “He was hoping to use the fact the drug can cause infertility to either make my act slip, or persuade me to ship you back.”

“And what did you say?” 

Voryn glanced away sheepishly. “I… Leaned into the role.” He began. “I figured the best way to approach it would be to give a very… Uncomfortable response.” He then coughed awkwardly. “Make myself seem to be quite the monster absolutely sick with want.” 

“Come on, spit it out.” Nerevar prodded him, smiling slightly from how flustered he was getting. 

“I told him I already knew about the drug and its effects.” That much was the actual truth. “And that I had the healers lie to you and say you were infertile.” Nerevar raised an eyebrow. “I then continued saying I… Intended to use it against you. You wouldn’t know to use protection if you thought you couldn’t conceive, and after you were lulled into a false sense of security…” 

“Oh…” Nerevar’s cheeks were slightly flushed. Certainly, that would be a pretty unhinged thing to say that he didn’t think even Dres Galar saw coming. Still though, it would help further their act. 

If only he could stop thinking about how weirdly arousing it was. 

“Does that sort of talk bother you?” Voryn asked, no doubt concerned given the last time the subject of infertility was brought up Nerevar burst into tears for no reason. 

“Not really,” Nerevar shook his head. “I know this is for our act, and you did really well playing it off like that. It does sell the whole dynamic we’ve made.” He hummed softly. “I think I can even come up with a few ways to play with that little idea you’ve thrown around.” 

“Oh?” Voryn asked. “Already thinking of a new plan?”

Nerevar looked back at him with a sly grin.

“You’ll probably be working in your study again tomorrow right?” Voryn nodded, also grinning slightly back. “And you’ll want your concubine in there, at your side, to admire while you work until you take a break…”

“Go on.” Voryn replied, still rubbing circles on his back. 

“A spy will at least be listening in, no doubt…” Nerevar climbed up on Voryn’s lap now, straddling him as Voryn’s hand trailed lower down his spine. “Wouldn’t it be fitting for a cruel man such as yourself to be fantasizing about it, whispering to your poor concubine how badly you wished I could have your baby… Taking delight in how I had no idea you were going to knock me up eventually?” He was practically purring in Voryn’s ear now, before Voryn’s hand dipped down to Nerevar’s ass now, groping him and earning a low groan from Nerevar’s lips. 

“Naughty little thing…” Voryn whispered back. “That is an excellent idea, isn’t it?” 

--

Nerevar was seated on the lounge in Voryn’s office, eagerly waiting. He was almost giddy with excitement, watching Voryn look over various reports, make notes, write in code, and sign documents. Occasionally they’d make eyes at each other, from friendly smiles to flirty glances, while Nerevar tried to keep himself entertained. But by this point he was barely reading the words, his eyes simply glazing over at the pages of his book, instead fantasizing. He even chastised himself for fantasizing too enthusiastically on multiple occasions, before that too faded as he instead could only think about what was to come.

Then finally—finally—Voryn set all of his papers aside, motioning for Nerevar to come closer. With a feigned sigh of annoyance he got up, moving to climb up onto Voryn’s lap and straddle him once more.

“My my,” Voryn remarked with a smirk, “You’re certainly well behaved today~”

“Just get it over with…” Nerevar groaned, though his hips were already squirming as Voryn’s hand began to slide up his thigh.

“You should know me better by now, Neht.” Voryn kissed gently at his neck. “I love indulging in you far too much to simply get it over with.” Nerevar shuddered as Voryn’s lips trailed down his sensitive neck in hot, wet kisses. He was already excited and trying desperately to keep his reactions under control, but fuck did Voryn make that a difficult task.

Then, Voryn’s hand slid up further, completely missing his arousal and instead rubbing gently at his lower stomach. Nerevar could have whined just from that, instead suppressing it by biting his lip. A spy from House Dres couldn’t see them in the privacy of the office, but they could hear so acting it out mostly would help make the sounds convincing. 

“Mm… Gods,” Voryn nipped at his ear now, making Nerevar hiss sharply. “I wish you were pregnant with my child.” A full shiver ran down Nerevar’s spine hearing that. Voryn sounded so convincing, his voice trembling slightly.

“I can’t--” Nerevar hissed, still squirming, “Remember?”

“I’m so disappointed in you for using that damn drug…” Voryn gave an annoyed sigh. “You could have seriously hurt yourself.”

Nerevar was trying desperately to play along now, wishing more than anything that Voryn was touching him so much more than he already was. The gentle strokes on his skin weren’t enough--they were more teasing than anything.

“Ah…” Nerevar gasped softly as Voryn opened his robes to expose his chest, beginning to kiss down from his throat. “Would you prefer I’d have been forced to have that bastard’s child…?” He was trying his hardest to sound disgusted and annoyed, but that was so hard to manage when it felt so good.

“You know I would have loved any child you had.” Nerevar shivered again at that. “I’m certain any child you could have would be perfect.” His words were honey sweet, like someone talking to a lover, whispering sweet nothings and beautiful little promises. 

“Stop it--” Nerevar groaned louder, before Voryn’s tongue flicked against a nipple. 

“I’d have raised them as my own,” Voryn continued, “So long as I could have you…” One of his hands now slid up the back of Nerevar’s thigh, massaging the muscles. The words were honestly kind of touching, if he thought Voryn actually meant them. Certainly Voryn would ensure the kid had everything he needed, but he’d never go so far as to say Nerevar should have had a child he didn’t want. To keep the act up, Nerevar instead grit his teeth, pushing the warm, fuzzy feelings down. 

“I don’t want a fucking child!” He growled, putting as much venom as he could into his words. “Especially not from that House Dres bastard--!” He channeled all the rage he felt when Anaryl would hold him down, mocking him. However, at his outburst, Voryn’s sharp nails pricked his thighs, digging in just enough that it started to hurt. At the small pricks of pain on his inner thighs he was groaning loudly, somewhere between pain and pleasure. 

“Behave yourself…” Voryn scolded, before his hand instead moved up, slipping past Nerevar’s undergarments to his arousal. His lips then close around a nipple, swirling his tongue around it and the nice, gold studs Voryn had put on him. Nerevar was whimpering now as his lips pulled away, now gently nibbling on the sensitive bud, his fingers only teasingly stroking him. “Gods… You really do get off on me punishing you, don’t you?”

“I don’t--” Nerevar tried to argue, but was cut off with another nip to his chest, a pathetic sound falling out of his lips somewhere between a sharp cry and a choked whimper. 

“Mm… Once again your body is honest…” Voryn purred. “You’re so wet for me…” Two fingers slid inside him, making him gasp and pant with desire, trying to rock his hips back against the sensation. “You were just as wet the first night I took you too… Laid out on my bed in chains, whipped until you could barely struggle, taking every inch of me into this perfect body of yours…”

“Stop it…” Nerevar groaned again. The mental image wasn’t unwelcomed though, all things considered. Maybe it was because he was already incredibly turned on, but the idea of being tied or chained up just for Voryn was also arousing. 

“If I could,” Voryn began, his fingers moving faster, “I’d find a way to cure you. If you don’t want a child from that man, I’m certain you’d love one from me…” Nerevar gripped Voryn’s shoulders tighter as Voryn thrusted against the perfect spot, making his legs tremble. The noises spilling from his mouth were quickly turning to pleasure, as he felt his orgasm coming on. “Oh Neht…” Voryn's voice took on a new tone, this time desperate and sick with want. “You’d look so perfect, heavy with my child…” He moaned softly against Nerevar’s skin, before leaving another mark on his collarbone. “I’d finally have made your body all mine~” 

Fuck, Nerevar was close. So damn close--he just needed a bit more, just a bit more--

Voryn suddenly slipped his fingers out, just as Nerevar reached the edge, earning a loud, angry cry. Still, he had no time to protest as Voryn quickly shoved his back to the desk, pulling his legs open. 

Well, Nerevar hadn’t expected Voryn to actually fuck him on his desk. He thought it would be Voryn taking him on the lounge, or Nerevar riding him on the chair. However this was very welcomed, Nerevar more than eager to part his legs and lick his lips as Voryn quickly began tugging his own robes open and Nerevar’s underwear off. Still, Nerevar wanted to use the freedom he had knowing they weren’t being watched, and slid two fingers down to roll them around his dick as Voryn stripped down to nothing but his inner robes barely clinging to him. He made eye contact with Voryn as he did so, smirking the whole while, before Voryn pulled his hand away and pressed his cock inside. 

“I want every part of you, Neht.” Voryn moaned, giving a few gentle thrusts at first. “I want to have you in a way no one else ever will…” The possessive tone of his voice was only exciting Nerevar more as Nerevar looped a leg around Voryn, clinging to him. “I love your anger, your tears, and every little moan of pleasure that spills from your lips…” 

“Fuck~!” Nerevar groaned. It sounded like a hell of a love confession, one Nerevar desperately wanted to be true. 

“No one else can love you like I can,” Voryn groaned, laying out over his body and pressing messy kisses to his jaw. “No one else deserves you--you perfect, dangerous, intoxicating thing…” 

“Stop talking like that~” Nerevar moaned loudly, despite loving every second of it. “Stop talking like a lover while you--while you do this~” 

“Oh? But I am your lover, aren’t I?” Voryn pressed a quick, messy kiss to Nerevar’s lips. “Mmm~ If I could marry you, I would… I’d make you my husband, Neht~” Nerevar shuddered and whined at the idea. House Dagoth would never allow it; Nerevar was legally a slave in the eyes of the public, barely good enough to warm Voryn’s bed. But gods he’d love to be clothed in House Dagoth’s robes, golden marriage mask on his face, and wedded to Voryn. “I only ever want children from you too…” Voryn nipped and sucked along his neck, as Nerevar felt his orgasm coming on once again. “I’ll pray to the three every damn day in hopes of a miracle--I’d even name your child my heir~” 

He finally came, gasping and moaning under Voryn as Voryn continued to fuck him hard and fast, chasing his own completion. He continued to talk, moaning and whispering the sweetest things in Nerevar’s ears, but he was too far gone in his own pleasure to hear it. Every nerve in his body felt so wonderful, tingling and alight with pleasure. 

“That’s it…” Voryn whispered as he too found release, listening to Nerevar moan once again. “So good for me, taking everything…” He then rubbed back and forth against Nerevar’s cock, making him gasp and tremble. 

“S-stop…” He whined. “I can’t--”

“Yes you can,” Voryn cooed. “Cum for me, Neht.”

“I-I can’t~!” He was trembling, pleasure overwhelming him. 

“I want to make sure my seed takes.” Voryn purred in his ear, earning a long, sharp whine. It was an old wives tale that an orgasm made you more likely to conceive. It was like he was actually trying to knock Nerevar up right now, holding him down, whispering and praising him the whole while, all while Nerevar could feel Voryn’s cum inside him. 

“I can’t--get pregnant…” Nerevar groaned, his eyes rolling back slightly. 

“It’s just a little fantasy, Neht…” Voryn whispered. “Just give me this…” Fuck, it was just like the little lie Voryn told to the noblemen from House Dres. That he intended to lie to Nerevar, lulling him into a false sense of security… 

Nerevar covered his mouth with his hand as he came, muffling all the words spilling from his mouth. No doubt it would be incoherent babbling for the most part, but he didn’t want a spy hearing anything they shouldn’t. 

“Good boy…” Voryn whispered in his ear. “Such a good boy for me…” Voryn peppered more kisses on his cheeks as he came down from the high of his orgasm for a second time. “Now, let’s get you all cleaned up for dinner…”

[thirtyknives]

How to Burn the Goat

Friends. The Gävle Goat still stands.

I don't think the Swedes are going to pull it off this year. There's a bunch of shit working against them - not in the least the relocation from the Goat's traditional home in Castle Square to Rådhusesplanaden, a much more exposed location- so no dishonour is upon them. In the fight between recreational arsonists and the forces of law, sometimes the forces of law win. But it isn't about recreational arson, is it? It's the forces of Light beating back the long winter Darkness, the ritual immolation of 2022's psychic garbage, burned as a sacrifice for the Unconquered Sun. And I really, really don't need to tell you just how much psychic garbage there is to torch. So let's burn the motherfucker together.

The obvious and easy option to symbolically burn the Goat at a distance for tumblrinas is a "like to charge, share to cast" reblog chain. There's a few going round so I won't bother trying to link to them all. Slightly more involved is burning your own goat.

SAFETY FIRST MY DARLINGS

First off if you're in an area with a fire ban, don't fucking burn anything. Fire bans exist for a reason. Non fire options include:

Feed a picture of the Gävle Goat into a paper shredder, or just rip it up yourself.

Make Goat shaped foods (cookies, cake, even sammiches) and eat them.

Play my mate @thefallingdream's printable game The Goat Must Burn

Have a Goat themed cocktail, like an Old Goat or a Fainting Goat, or maybe goat milk lassi if you prefer to avoid alcohol.

Make effigies from Plasticine or modelling clay and flatten it

It's also a less widely celebrated tradition to toss the smaller Science Club Goat into the Gävle River. If you have a river to hand, you can always make a wee goatlet out of sticks, leaves and other natural materials and toss it right the fuck in. Remember, we're symbolic arsonists, not environmental vandals, so stick to shit that's in the river in the first place.

IF YOU DO OPT TO BURN, HERE IS A NON-EXHAUSTIVE LIST OF WAYS TO DO SO SAFELY.

Choose your burn location wisely. Safer places to burn include:

Fireplaces

Barbecues

Firepits

Braziers

Clear areas of concrete or tile (OUTDOORS)

Clear areas of beach, away from other people

Ash has a habit of floating, so don't burn close to buildings. Get yourself something to put out the fire if it gets away from you. For small goats, a bucket of water will probably do, but running water from a hose is better. If you want to have a fire extinguisher to hand, make sure you know how to use it.

I also suggest that if you're not someone who lights a lot of fires for whatever reason, find someone who does to help you keep shit under control. I've made a lot of campfires and bonfires in the last forty years, so I can confidently build and set fires, and keep them contained. Scouts and avid campers generally have an idea of what they're doing too, and I guess if you're in a climate where fireplaces are a thing you'll have more folks around who can cremate a goat safely.

We also won't be drinking until after the Goat is safely extinguished. Even though the average age of participants is mid thirties and we're all legally able to, even an intelligent person can make for a stupid drunk and we'd rather not risk accidents. This is double so for myself, as I will be the Designated Fire Maniac for this event.

Bad places to burn your Goat:

Bedrooms (especially on desks or beds)

Indoors in general

Leaf strewn woodlands

Barns

Roads

Around unsupervised small children or drunks

I know there's bound to be a few of you who want to burn a goat but who have unsupportive home environments where this kind of lightweight witchcraft is a punishable offense. I can't stress enough that even the Small Scale Abstract Option below can burn your damn house down if you try it secretly in your bedroom or whatever. Just opt for a non-fire option if that's you.

FRIENDS YOU WILL NOT CLEAR THE PSYCHIC GARBAGE OF THE YEAR IF YOU BURN DOWN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD IN THE PROCESS

Now that I've got that bit out of the way, let's burn shit!

Option One: Small Scale Abstract Option

Just write "goat" on a bit of paper or a leaf or other safe to burn material and burn it safely in a little metal bowl, brazier, or whatever. You can supe it up by using a scrap of paper with strong negative vibes associated with 2022, like a power bill, legal summons or passive-aggressive note from your roomie.

Then ya burn it. Scrunch the paper into a ball, light your match, stuff the flaming end inside the ball of paper. Boom. Done.

If you want to print out the OG Goat or draw it, that works too. All we want to do here is consign the Goat to the ashes. That's it.

Option Two: Burn the Goat in Effigy

If you have space, time and the right level of bloody minded determination, why not build yourself a goat and burn it? It doesn't have to be complicated or large. Paper crafted goats or origami are fantastic for this, if you have the skill.

This one is made from toilet paper rolls and ice block sticks.

This is the larger goat we burned in 2020. It was made of paper shopping bags, natural wool and corrugated cardboard packing boxes for support:

If you're crafting your own there's a couple of considerations to keep in mind.

First is flammability. Stick to natural, flammable materials like paper, card, sticks and wood. String like twines made from jute, cotton or hemp, or natural yarn will also burn cleanly. I avoid adhesives at all and just use string, but if you want a glue wheatpaste will get the job done and will make the Goat smell like toast as it goes up. Metal fixtures like staples, nails or wire are fine too, just be mindful that they'll remain in the ashes afterwards and may need to be disposed of responsibly

Avoid using plastic tapes or glues like PVA. They burn fast and hot, in ways that can be unpredictable, and release nasty gases as they do. I generally also only use materials that are already the right color, but if you want to paint it avoid acrylic paints for the same reason you skip plastic tapes and glue. Tea and coffee washes will get the job done without choking you out or risking the goat burning unpredictably.

Both the goats above have hollow interiors. For us, this means we can write down our sorrows and insert them into the goat's body to be burned along with it. But it also provides oxygen for the fire and helps the goat to burn. I don't usually burn in proper fireplaces, but opt for short fast immolation so I don't use sticks or timber supports. If yours is going into a fireplace or barbecue you can use heavier materials that take longer to burn.

I am also not going to do any talking whatsoever about accelerants you can add to get this fire going. That is Advanced Level Immolation, and I will not be held accountable for any you people blasting your eyebrows off with a poorly timed spritzing of petrol. Let your designated fire maniac deal with that shit or just don't risk it at all.

Your second consideration when building your Goat is size. Pick your safe place to burn it before you start building, and construct it to fit its pyre. Again, safe places to burn your goat include:

Fireplaces

Barbecues

Firepits

Braziers

Clear areas of concrete or tile (OUTDOORS)

Clear areas of beach, away from other people

Small goats are just as good as large ones if you don't have a lot of room. For our purposes, burning an origami goat in a metal pail is just as good as my bigger guys. This year I'm crocheting a goat from paper yarn based very loosely on this pattern, because I've personally had a bitch of a year and each stitch is really sealing in that suffering. But it doesn't have to be fancy. It just needs to be goaty.

Let's make this happen, everyone!

Pictured: My 2020 goat. I burn on New Year's Eve to give the Swedes time to get theirs done first. That wall behind the Goat is wet, and so is the grass. Not shown is the garden hose at the ready and the many sober adults supervising, including a Designated Fire Maniac (me).

The 2021 Goat. Co-incident? I think not.

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

🎵 Church

Turns out the thought that helps open doors is One More Door and not Jamrock Shuffle, so...

JAMROCK SHUFFLE >> COP OF THE APOCALYPSE

3. "I lost my memory, too, but I like it. It's like I get to create a whole new me, start again from scratch."

TIAGO - "That's not really the point, ese." He frowns. "You gotta give yourself over to service... Service of the Mother, that is..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Do you remember your name, sir?"

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - The lieutenant is not particularly interested in this information. He's just trying to assert some control over the conversation.

TIAGO - "Tiago is my name. But those syllables don't mean much to me these days. A name isn't just your identity, but also, so to speak..."

+5 XP

"...your place among your fellows, your place in the world. I ain't got no use for such a place anymore."

"My name's Harry." (Extend your hand for a greeting.)

"My name sets me apart from my fellows. How often do you meet a Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau?"

"My name's Harrier Du Bois, and my place in the world is lieutenant double-yefreitor."

"I don't do names either. Names are *out*. I don't care what mine is."

TIAGO - "That's just the thing, homes -- none of that *matters*..." He sounds melancholy saying this, his limbs a mere shadow below the ceiling.

"What are you doing here?"

TIAGO - "This is a special place. There's a perforation in the world up there. A way out, into nothingness." He nods toward the ceiling. "This church was built around it, for purposes of veneration."

"I circle it, nurtured by the silence bestowed by the Mother. One of these days, I'll be pure enough to go drink from it directly."

"This Mother of Silence -- you mean *her*?" (Point to the window.)

"What will happen once you drink from this 'perforation'?"

"I still don't understand what you're doing in the church."

"Right. I had other questions..."

TIAGO - "No, no, no, there's a *new* god in town. And she can't be painted or sculpted, because she has no limbs or even a face. She is the end."

"She is a cavity, in the dark, beyond sense. She saved me... but I couldn't describe her to you. No one can, homes, and no one ever will."

2. "What will happen once you drink from this 'perforation'?"

TIAGO - "I will be incinerated, but not destroyed -- finally at one with the state of the world before reality began."

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - That sounds a *bit* like substitution behaviour, no? You know a thing or two about that...

"You sure you didn't just switch one drug for another?"

+1 Narcomania

TIAGO - "It's not like that at all, man. It's just faith and joyful service."

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Too gleeful, those words -- he is lying. Not to you -- to his very own self.

"Faith is a kind of drug."

"I guess you have a point." (Proceed.)

"Let's agree to disagree." (Proceed.)

"I was being insensitive. Sorry. Let's move on." (Proceed.)

TIAGO - "I've heard that before, wey." He shakes his head. "And I know I can't convince you on the spot. But think -- when's the last time you woke up from *silent communion* with a hangover, regretting what you did last night?"

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - There are drugs darker than alcohol circling your system.

2. "I think love might have been my drug of choice. And I think I'm still hungover from it."

TIAGO - "She took you for a good spin, huh?" He looks at you gravely. "Don't worry, bro, that love is but a drop compared to the ocean of the Mother's love..."

"...the Mother will eat all of you, and never spit you out."

4. "Let's agree to disagree." (Proceed.)

TIAGO - "I know it'll take time. Don't sweat it."

4. "I still don't understand what you're doing in the church."

TIAGO - "I'm a saeraff, homes. I sing the Mother's glory."

"Can you sing for me? Sing for me something."

"It doesn't really make sense for you to sing if she's the Mother of *Silence*."

(Nod.) "Singing is good. I'm a bit of a singer myself."

TIAGO - "I ain't from no *marietti*, if that's what you're thinking. And the song I sing is silent as the Mother."

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - "Marietti" is a Mesque style of music and dance commonly seen at all manner of festivities -- especially weddings. It's delightfully quaint, owing to its peasant origins.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - He lost his cool there for a moment. Seems you hit some nerve.

5. "How did you even find this place -- this church?"

TIAGO - "Hard to say. I think I did some construction work here, back when I still had material worries. Up there, I realized what the true purpose of the church was..."

"Been spending a lot of time here ever since. The past is nothing to me now, wey. It didn't belong to me."

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - Hmh... does it mean he witnessed the police raid?

6. "Right. I had other questions…"

TIAGO - The sinewy figure lingers on the wooden beams, blending into the shadows.

"You've been here for a long time. Did you see the police raid that took place here?"

TIAGO - "Something like that," he responds, his voice suddenly flat.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Did you witness it?"

TIAGO - "Not really, or at least I don't remember much of it anymore. The Mother's Love has done its job... That's what's so great about the Mother -- it lets you forget about everything."

4. "Some ravers want to turn this place into a nightclub."

TIAGO - "The ones in the tent outside, right? I seen 'em. Guessing they're the ones who call me a crab? Probably scared of me..."

"Wait, do they have *reason* to be scared?"

"So, what do you think? About the nightclub, that is."

"I trust you won't get in the way of some enterprising youth? Their business looks promising."

"Turning a church into a nightclub -- I have to say it's a great idea. You should support it."

+1 Lawbringer

TIAGO - "Naw, man. They look pretty funny. And I don't harm no one anymore anyway."

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - Though he used to. A long time ago.

3. "I trust you won't get in the way of some enterprising youth? Their business looks promising."

+1 Ultraliberal

TIAGO - "Wouldn't bother me none to have 'em spin music in here. I'm usually way up there, imbibing."

"Might even be nice to have some company..."

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He said that in spite of himself. He's more attached to the human than he'd like to think.

5. "Do you know where the other spooker is?" (Point at the strange machines around you.)

TIAGO - "Other spooker? Oh, esa viejita muy estudiosa!" He laughs. "Dunno, homes."

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - Viejita is... grandma?

"Wait, so there *is* another person living in the church -- and it's a *viejita*?"

"Right, thanks. I'll see if I can find her some other way…"

TIAGO - "No, I just call her 'viejita' because of her clothes, she's actually quite young..." He scratches his head. "Or maybe not *that* young... Age is just one of the many masks we wear."

"And you don't know where she is?"

TIAGO - "That's what I said, homes."

"How can you not know that when you both live here?"

TIAGO - "Don't really follow her comings and goings. Just see her typing on her computer now and then. We've got different interests."

"So you've got nothing else to tell me? How she looks, what she does, who *is* she?"

TIAGO - "I'm afraid not, ese. You just have to wait until she comes back or..." He shrugs.

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] - Or search through her radiocomputer.

"Have you by any chance heard the *viejita* say the password to her radiocomputer?"

TIAGO - "Too many times, ese. You need it for something?"

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - *Sssurveys* are a good way to fish for personal information, especially in the name of public sssafety...

"I'm doing a survey of passwords and passcodes, identifying regional trends. In the interests of public safety, of course."

"Just tell me what's the password." (Step closer.)

"Yes, it's for a first-degree murder investigation in Martinaise."

"Honestly I just want to break into a radiocomputer, see what's on it."

TIAGO - "Don't sweat it, vato. The password is 'AFTER LIFE DEATH.'"

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - That is true. But what comes after death?

TIAGO - "What'd you think of that? Makes me almost pity *la nihilista pequeña* when I hear it."

8. "Okay then, thanks." [Leave.]

TIAGO - "I think we're done here, ese." The figure crawls off into the darkness above.

+5 XP

KIM KITSURAGI - "That was... an interesting conversation."

"However, I'm still not sure how it's relevant to our investigation."

A prayer book has been left open.

Frost has drawn flowers on the glass, obscuring the view.

A figure drawn in frost on the window, depicting a deer.

MESQUE BANGER'S SILK SCARF

+1 Pain Threshold: Bangers don't cry

This huge red scarf is still dusty from lying in the church. A subtle red-on-red embroidery embellishes it with cocky roosters and Mesque floral motives.

A cracked pane of glass, colourful.

It came from the stained glass pane window. Still has letters on it, too...

A spider has spun its web around this wood-carved pillar.

MESQUE BANGER'S RED BROGUES

+1 Empathy: In someone else's shoes

These dapper snakeskin shoes have an almost invisible white-on-white flower motive sewn on the tongue. The toe caps are still dusty from lying in the church.

Well...

STAINED GLASS WINDOW - The mother of humanism stands above you -- a precious and complex wax painting on a single pane of glass. A crack runs across the length of her body, her face oval and sad.

2. [Visual Calculus - Challenging 12] Reconstruct the cracked glass.

+1 Saw missing shard with letters

VISUAL CALCULUS [Challenging: Success] - A jigsaw of broken shards falls into place in front of you: a ghostly reconstruction of the stained glass window. Before it was shattered there was an older woman beneath the younger one -- and a text, a *leitmotiv* below them both.

What shattered this mosaic?

Who is this older woman?

The motto? What does it say?

Step back.

VISUAL CALCULUS - Unknown.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Something during the raid the lieutenant mentioned? Or just hooligans looking for something to break.

2. Who is this older woman?

VISUAL CALCULUS - The escutcheon on her throne says: Irene the Navigator. She is depicted as an older woman wearing thick rimmed eye-glasses, holding a golden *reichsapfel* in one hand and a scepter in the other. This is the queen Her Innocence Dei advised -- above, she herself is whole.

Small figures of wise men, common men, worshippers walk up the stairs to stand at her feet. Secret servicemen -- Therriers -- stand in a row guarding her. It must have taken years to produce this work in all its dizzying detail.

3. The motto? What does it say?

VISUAL CALCULUS - Below both women, in luminous blackletter: APRÈS LA VIE - MORT; APRÈS LA MORT - LA VIE DE NOUVEAU.

And then along the left side: APRÈS LE MONDE - LE GRIS; APRÈS LE GRIS - LE MONDE DE NOUVEAU.

+5 XP

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - AFTER LIFE -- DEATH; AFTER DEATH -- LIFE AGAIN. AFTER THE WORLD -- THE PALE; AFTER THE PALE -- THE WORLD AGAIN. This is the great leitmotiv of humanism, a summary of the effect of the discovery of this isola -- the Insulindian -- on human thinking. A tremendous sea change akin to finding life after death...

4. "Lieutenant, this used to say: 'After life, death -- after'..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "...death, life again," he nods. "After the world, the pale; after the pale -- the world again."

"This exaltation is common in Dolorian sacralism. In the early years it was even incorporated as the RCM's slogan. No more, however."

"Why?"

"What is the motto now?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "It was deemed *subservient* to use a strongly Moralintern-related motto. We're already suspected of bootlicking. The sentence was also seen as... too feminine. It was a macho thing."

"What is the RCM motto now?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "'Justice, Union, Prudence, and Force'."

"Cool."

"Not very feminine."

"I like the other one better."

"I like this. Puts the fear of god back in the f****ts."

+1 Communism

KIM KITSURAGI - "So do I."

5. Step back.

STAINED GLASS WINDOW - The mother of humanism towers above you -- a wax painting on a cracked pane of glass. Nothing has changed in her expression.

Now, let's break in to a computer.

MAINFRAME - Machine's keyboard is still illuminated, revealing virescent PLAY and PRINT buttons.

2. Press PLAY again.

MAINFRAME - The speaker comes to life, static seeps through the machine's planar magnetic driver. An old lady greets you, her voice sounds a hundred years old...

EAST-INSULINDIAN REPEATER STATION - "Good morning, Fortress Accident on Saint-Brune, this is the East-Insulindian Repeater Station 1. Please repeat, is this the personal log?"

"Let's try this again. I think I may have the right password for the personal log."

EAST-INSULINDIAN REPEATER STATION - "Good. Please repeat the password."

"After life death."

EAST-INSULINDIAN REPEATER STATION - "Good, I've unlocked the filament. After ending the call please press PRINT to access the filament."

+5 XP

"Fortress Accident, is there anything else I can do for you today?"

3. "Thanks, but I'm finished with this call." (Press OFF/SILENT.)

EAST-INSULINDIAN REPEATER STATION - "Good bye, Fortress Accident," she says as her voice disappears into a whirl of static.

MAINFRAME - The machine's keyboard is still illuminated, revealing virescent PLAY and PRINT buttons.

3. Press PRINT.

MAINFRAME - The printer prints out a long text document with dated paragraphs. It looks a bit like someone's journal.

4. Read the printout.

MAINFRAME - The first entry, made on the 4th February '51 by an unknown author, is short and concise:

"Arrived at the church. The door was boarded up, so I used a crowbar to get inside. Looks like the place has been deserted. Nothing out of the ordinary, but I'll ask around. Need to figure out how to get the electricity in."

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant leans closer, scouring the printout over your shoulder. Just as you finish reading he looks up, muttering under his breath:

"Fourth of February? That's over a month ago… Whoever set up those machines has been here for quite a while."

"Do you think this log might be connected to the case?"

Read the second entry.

Let go of the printout.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Our case? No, I don't think so. It must be some local..." his eyes wander to the various machines around him, "*eccentric*."

2. Read the second entry.

MAINFRAME - "6th FEB, '51: Had a little chat with the local fishermen. Said I shouldn't go near that place, that the church was *spooky* and ridden with *narcotics*. It's a little spooky, alright. Still haven't figured out the electricity."

HALF LIGHT [Easy: Success] - See? Even one of the spookers themselves says it's unnerving.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] - What was that about narcotics? This could prove to be interesting.

"Wait, *narcotics*?" (Look around the derelict building.)

Read the third entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - "I doubt that we can find any. It's just idle fishermen's gossip to scare away the kids." He looks at the stained glass window.

"Nothing *spooky* about this place either, it's just abandoned. And cold. And in an awful part of town..."

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Then why doth the lieutenant protest against spending time here? So often?

Read the third entry.

MAINFRAME - "7th FEB, '51: Finally got the electricity in! Next on the agenda: a new antenna. I'm thinking ESKER series? Something advanced."

"Why would she need an antenna?"

Read the fourth entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Why would anyone need *any* of this equipment here?" He steps on a wire running on the ground, inspecting it with his boot.

Read the fourth entry.

MAINFRAME - "8th FEB, '51: Bought the antenna, had some problems setting it up, called Simo for help. Heard the others are back to *making art* (drinking somewhere out of town). Sulisław started a rock band again, Lexie has been seen asking money from strangers..."

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - Artists, yet again!! Harassing citizens, stealing badges, 'occupying' public spaces with 'installations' like the one here...

MAINFRAME - "But at least the artists have their act together -- they're qualified labour, they can get work anywhere: graphic design, ads. The programmers are doing fine too, I mean, they're programmers. The writers, though... they're fucked."

"I just have to find out what caused that data loss and be done with it. Still don't understand how it managed to wipe out the backup when the backup *wasn't even connected to the front*. I know, I know... everyone thinks it's impossible; they say I must be lying. I'm here to set it right."

"A data loss?"

"Artists, programmers, *Lexie* -- who are all those people?"

Read the fifth entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Seems like something to do with radiocomputers -- unfortunately, I don't know enough about them to understand what the author is saying."

"Something about the backup data getting destroyed… and how everyone thought it was the author's fault." He adjusts his glasses. "Let's just keep reading."

2. "Artists, programmers, *Lexie* -- who are all those people?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Her friends, colleagues?" He shrugs. "She must be quite educated if she knew how to set up all this machinery."

3. Read the fifth entry.

MAINFRAME - "12th FEB, '51: Brought some food from the grocery store. Apparently there's a strike going on in the harbour. Definitely not happy to see the Martinaise people again. Everything's now set up in the church, going to start working tomorrow 8 AM."

KIM KITSURAGI - "The strike..." He strokes his chin. "We're nearing the date of the murder."

"Keep reading, I'm interested now -- I want to know what's that radio anomaly that sent this person here in the first place."

Read the sixth entry.

MAINFRAME - "25th FEB, '51: I've been sending data up to Lintel for a while now, trying to recreate the data loss, but nothing. Didn't even feel like logging in the disappointment. But I did discover a curious *audio-spatial* anomaly at the back of the church. I've named it *the swallow*. (It swallows sound.) Need to get some mics."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Is she talking about...?" The lieutenant looks to his right, toward the silence.

Read the seventh entry.

MAINFRAME - "28th FEB, '51: Yes, the first recordings confirm that the swallow is real and I'm not just losing my mind. It's a pillar of silence with a diameter of approximately three meters. Seems like the higher I go, the less I record. This might be a coincidence. Or it *could* be connected to the data loss that led me here."

KIM KITSURAGI - "The pillar of silence! She *is* talking about the silence... Is she suggesting it's more than just an architectural quirk?"

"But what could it be?" (Look at the water basins behind you.)

Read the eighth entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant doesn't answer. He follows your gaze, studying the basins. The water shines in them. No ripples.

2. Read the eighth entry.

MAINFRAME - "MARCH, '51: Some kind of young *discomen* have appeared next to the church. I've been trying to record the silence to find the epicentre, but now it turns out I've also been capturing the future of dance music, one neo-disco song over and over again..."

"Fortunately, the song is so monotonous I was able to devise an algorithm to factor it out. The other day one of the discomen came in. Before I could even say hello, she got scared and left. Good, I don't want anyone distracting me from my work."

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] - That discoman? Must be Acele.

"She must be describing Acele."

Read the ninth entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - "The girl on the ice? Sounds like her, yes."

Read the ninth entry.

MAINFRAME - "MARCH '51: A new 2m AUX cable, noodles, crackers, Ping-Ping energy drinks, water, TOOTHPASTE, gum, also some canned air..."

PERCEPTION [Easy: Success] - Your reading is interrupted by the sound of the church door opening.

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - A strange woman makes straight for the radiocomputer.

"Breaking into my radiocomputer, I see." She glares at you as she holds down the OFF button for several seconds. The machine reboots.

INTERFACING [Medium: Success] - Yes, you *are* breaking in. But not into *her* radiocomputer. You're a master circuit-bender.

KIM KITSURAGI - "I do apologize for the intrusion, madam. We're with the RCM, you see."