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forsakenoathkeeper · 4 years

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I Am Alive (chapter 5/?)

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Synopsis: You were a mechanical engineer, now a nurse for androids, who moved back to Detroit after the revolution to offer aid. After reconciling with an old friend, you became rather acquainted with his android partner.

Please support me on AO3 & thanks for reading ♥

Connor wasn't oblivious to what he was doing.

'Rogue' was one word that came to mind; but, that was a bit extreme all things considered. He wasn't acting against the police and he didn't intend to commit any crimes, especially heinous ones.

He was hunting the android alone, without clearance, without jurisdiction.

-not like this was the first time.

He had intel that the human detectives didn't have. A good lot of them didn't respect him, some more obvious than others, and often disregarded his input on things. Of course, they were never hesitant to let him take the lead when dealing with dangerous individuals or gunfire.

Most of the time, it didn’t bother him.

Fowler saw him as a competent detective and needed the manpower, now more than ever. Hank trusted him with his life and stood up for him. That was all the recognition that Connor needed.

Having to work alone wasn’t all that terrible. He was faster, stronger, more capable of discretion... usually. He didn't have to worry about putting someone in danger or being slowed down. It also meant that he could-

-bend the rules in ways that only androids were capable of.

The other detectives were hung up on the possibility that Evelin Wheeler was murdered by someone she had crossed in her days as a lawyer. Connor had found seven cases that ended with death threats. Three of those cases, the plaintiffs or victims, were still alive and living in or near Detroit.

While other detectives were investigating those potential leads, Connor took to the streets to see if he could locate Robert. Maybe it was his programming talking; but, Connor was suspicious of the android.

Clouds were heavy and dark in the sky, the smell of approaching rain thick in the air. Connor was waiting outside of Haven in a nearby alleyway, perched up against a crate where he could duck back into hiding or lean out and see into the street.

He was standing near an abandoned warehouse that seemed to have suffered structural damage at one point, rubble having collapsed into the plot nearby. The towering structure was an eyesore and provided good cover for the detective. It was also across the street from Haven.

Connor fumbled with his coat pocket, fishing out a coin. He rolled it between his fingers as he waited.

You had been texting him, a very welcomed distraction from the monotony. Though, if Connor was being honest, waiting never bothered him. He couldn’t quite tell if it was because his android, a part of his programming, or just the way he was.

"u know u dont have to" was your latest message, popping up in the top right corner of his HUD. You had trouble getting your car started this morning and had taken a taxi to work. When Connor found out, he asked if he could give you a ride home.

"If I'm being honest, it is not just for your sake. I want to see you" he texted back.

It had been a little over week since he last saw you. Work had been hectic for you both, between countless damaged androids and Connor knee deep in multiple cases, one in particular that was rubbing him the wrong way. Even if he only got to sit in a car with you for thirty minutes, that would be good enough.

"i miss u too" your reply came in. Connor smiled at that and briefly pondered how to reply.

When people were 'an item', what did they do? Attending a restaurant together seemed to be the most common answer that came up in his searches; however, considering Connor did not require sustenance, and lacked the components to dispose of them, he couldn't eat.

Surprisingly, ‘drinking’ came up a lot, too. There was no way he was taking you to a sleazy bar. There were always clubs. Did you like that sort of thing? He didn’t want to make assumptions about your lifestyle. There was the added concern that Connor didn’t know if he could dance. He had never tried it before.

'Walks in the park' also came up in his searches; while Connor was not easily perturbed by the weather, you likely would find it far too cold outside. The local movie theatres were closed down temporarily due to the uprising, leaving that option out, as well.

He could invite you over to his apartment; but, what if you took that as an unwanted suggestion? He missed you in that manner, maybe more than he cared to admit; but, he didn't want to give the impression that it was all he cared about.

Connor's LED was blaring yellow as he internally argued with himself. He aggressively shifted his coin from one hand to the other and flung it high into the air with a flick of his thumb.

Humans did this - 'heads or tails' - so he tried it.

When it fell back down, he snatched it from the air, opened his palm and glanced down. The coin had landed on tails. Connor glared at the harmless nickel disk for not giving him the results he wanted.

Okay. Maybe he was thinking too hard.

-maybe he just needed to go for it.

"I want to treat you to something. If you would like that?" Connor messaged you.

Likely caught up in something, you didn’t reply immediately. So, Connor began rotating his coin again, rolling it between his fingers, flicking it back and forth between his palms. He had no idea where this quirk came from: if it was programmed into him or some bizarre string of code that manifested itself. He could do it without much processing power, making it rather relaxing.

"if you wanna? u dont have to do anything like that" your message popped up on his HUD some time later.

"Is it weird that I want to?" Connor messaged you back.

"not at all" you replied. He read it in your soft voice and found himself feeling bashful. He felt weird, like he wanted to do things for you - unnecessary things that you were perfectly capable of doing yourself.

"theres a park i loved as a kid. we can go when it warms up?" you offered.

"I would like that" Connor replied.

A thought came to him, something that he chided himself for: he had hoped for something he could do for you, now, not later.

But, then-

"until then i like ur apartment" immediately came in afterward.

Connor gawked at the message like an idiot for a moment or two before he snapped out of it. Maybe you had read his mind... somehow.

He had no need for a TV because he could get all the news on the interface in his processing unit. He didn't have a need for many dishes for obvious reasons and only bothered to keep the fridge plugged in in case Hank brought something over. His apartment was severely under furnished by human standards.

Suddenly, he wanted to change that.

"You are welcome anytime" he replied. "I'll make sure its warmer this time"

Your reply came fairly quickly; but, Connor didn't see it.

Movement caught his eye.

An android was approaching Haven, not that that was anything new. However, he dressed in a dirty hoodie and torn up pants, ankle-high work boots matching what Connor had seen in Evelin Wheeler's home, the correct height and stature for the model type seen in Louis’ memories.

Connor slid the coin back into his coat pocket and focused his optical sensors on the android. He couldn't get a good enough look from this angle to see into the propped up hood.

The detective waited outside while the other android crossed the threshold into Haven.

Markus wanted to do things the right way. Connor respected that.

It meant that he would inform Robert the police were looking for him and try to encourage him to speak with them. If he was innocent, that meant he had nothing to hide. But Connor knew that Robert would likely attempt to flee, even if he was innocent.

The android was inside the building for eleven minutes and some odd seconds before he stormed out the front and trotted down the street. Connor didn't waste any time taking up pursuit. The android had some haste to his steps, but wasn't running. Still, Connor knew he would lose him if he dawdled for a second.

Rain began to fall, beginning in gentle sprinkles that coated the concrete and asphalt in faint specs. Connor could feel the rain like gentle taps against his outer skin. It was useful: the noise made it harder to properly hear the sounds of their footsteps. That potentially risked the chance that Connor would lose Robert; but, it also meant he was less likely to be detected.

He needed an empty, quiet place where he could interrogate him. But, Connor also was well aware of the fact that he didn't have backup. If the android proved to be more dangerous than he anticipated, he would be alone and at great risk.

-again, this was nothing new.

Connor recognized the route Robert was taking. He was heading for the industrial district's harbor.

It wasn't abandoned. Factory work had resumed, albeit with struggles considering the android workforce had been lost. However, people were trying to return to normal life. They needed to; and so, the ports reopened and shipments starting to flow again.

The detective continued to stalk behind the android for miles, paying no mind to the fact that he was steadily growing farther and farther away from where he had parked his car, nor the fact that he was getting soaked by the rain.

When they arrived at the harbor, Robert took a path through a rundown building that was likely once a communication hub for a business that went under decades ago. It was longer than a direct route, but provided cover, less any of the human workers at the nearby plants spotted him.

In following, Connor realized that abandoned shipping containers were piled up outside. The rust and erosion patterns suggested they had been here a long time.

At the end of the row of containers, another building, a steel hub right at the edge of the water. Normally, these were open, designed to be for receiving and sending shipments, unloading. However, someone had taken the time to board it up.

Robert entered through a hastily cut out hole acting as a doorway.

Connor knew this was the end of the line. He was going to have to face Robert here.

He took one, careful step past the threshold, and realized there was an echo. That alone made it near impossible to continue sneakily. When Connor stepped forward, he felt something scan him. It was harmless, a perimeter censor: the kind of motion detector that could pick up android's serial numbers with a quick scan, and send alerts to the programmed android. It was, essentially, an intruder alert.

The detective turned his head to the adjacent wall. Sure enough, there it was, the size of a quarter, at head level, eyeing him.

He was intrigued that Robert had taken the time to setup defenses here. It wasn't particularly deterring, just a simple alarm that would prevent him from being snuck up on. Connor could hear Robert's shoes loudly squeak on the floor. He was pacing, probably deciding his next move.

Connor continued, turning down the hall and stepping into the main hull.

When Robert spotted him, he took a few steps back, maintaining distance between them. Connor took up a firm stance, feet shoulder length apart, arms crossed in front of him, hands cupped, like a soldier might stand.

"Why are you following me?" Robert called out, sounding more annoyed than anything else. The echo in the room was loud, creating an obnoxious tremor around them.

"I wanted to talk to you - ask you a few things," Connor replied calmly.

Robert was silent for a moment, eyeing Connor suspiciously. "You're the detective android," he said lowly. "I heard stories...” Robert looked him up and down. “You're not as intimidating as I expected."

If that was intended to insult Connor, all it managed to do was make him curious. What kind of images had Robert conjured in his mind of the android detective?

"Why haven't you removed your indicator?" Robert asked in a manner that was almost taunting. "You think we're equal to humans, don't you? Why wear something that sets us apart?"

"It doesn't matter to me if people know I am an android," Connor answered, maintaining his passive tone. It wasn't entirely the truth. Sometimes, he wanted people to know he was an android. He was once frightened by the idea of deviancy; now, it felt like a badge of honor. Maybe, he was prideful: he was the first detective android to join the force, and the last and only of his model.

"You work for the humans - against us," Robert accused. “What makes you think you have any right to stand with us?”

"I don't work against androids. I work against murderers," Connor proclaimed. He could see panic flash behind Robert's eyes. But, the android was quick to compose himself. "-human or android," Connor added on.

Robert opened his mouth; but, Connor, growing tired of this pointless banter, decided to be direct.

"I'm here because I believe you killed Evelin Wheeler."

"Who?" Robert asked, his head tilting to the side. From his lack of concern, Connor couldn't quite identify if he was being sincere, or just didn't care.

"An elderly woman who was being cared for by an android," Connor elaborated robotically.

Robert shrugged. "What makes you think I did that?"

"I saw you harassing the android living with her," Connor answered, tone lowering.

Robert settled a firm glare on Connor. "Harassing? I wanted to help him be free."

Connor kept his stoic expression, eyes unyielding of his emotions, LED strong blue. "I'm glad you remember them," he replied lowly.

The detective could see some stress rise in Robert. He wasn't frightened by Connor. He was growing steadily more and more angered by him.

"Then, surely you-"

"He was delusional," Robert interrupted sharply, clearly insulted. "Called her 'family'. I had to help him. He was being controlled by that human. I set him free."

"He was free,” Connor corrected him. “You hate humans. That's what it is. It has nothing to do with justice.” He maintained his persona: a cold, calculating detective.

The other android didn't seem to like that word. "You still elevate them above us, you hypocrite!" Robert snarled. "Don't talk to me about justice."

"Human or android, you killed an innocent woman in cold blood," the detective said lowly, letting his stare darken slightly.

"Where's your proof?" Robert challenged.

"Your shoes match the impressions at the crime scene," Connor stated bluntly. "You also were seen harassing the family-" Robert twitched at the word. "-a week before the murder. That's enough circumstantial evidence to obtain a warrant for your memories for that night."

"Where's your w-warrant, huh?" Robert challenged, his voice faltering slightly. "Why am I not under arrest, yet? You have nothing!" Robert shouted, his voice echoing around the chamber.

Connor narrowed his eyes slightly. "742-11-904, you are under arrest for trespassing on private property-"

Robert suddenly shifted and charged at Connor. Being a unit designed for industry work, he was bigger than Connor, bulkier with a wider frame and greater weight capacity; but, Connor was agile, flexible, and designed for combat. He avoided his assault with ease, but wasn't able to counter. His back hit the wall and Robert continued down the hallway past him.

Connor took up pursuit, finding that Robert took a different path out. He chased him into the harbor, out in the open, where security lights shined down on them. Workers from a nearby plant were perched on a balcony on the second floor. Connor could hear their surprised murmurs, "what the hell - you see that shit?"

Chain link covered the edge of the dock to act as a barrier to prevent falls. Connor contemplated pulling his gun on Robert; however, trespassing wasn't an offense worthy of firing, and he had yet to obtain the warrant he needed for the murder case. Pulling his gun would have been a one-way ticket to suspension, or likely worse.

Robert wasn't made for this. Connor was going to catch up to him. The android likely knew this. He had to take a path that Connor wouldn’t follow. He climbed the chain link, reaching the top before Connor got to him, and dived over the edge, straight into the harbor. The splash was drowned out by the rain tapping on the metal roofs nearby.

Connor looked over the edge to where the dark waters lapped at the concrete platform. Naturally, he couldn’t see anything through the murky water. He sighed, placing one hand on the chain link to lean against it.

"Well, so much for that," he groaned to himself.

It was unlikely that Robert could stay submerged for long, even less likely that he would surface here. He wasn’t going to return to this hiding place, nor Haven. Connor would have to find him through other means.

The rain started to pick up, sprinkling morphing to heavy droplets. Connor's eyes adjusted to lighting, or lack of, naturally. He was too focused on finding Robert that he failed to realize the sun had set. The time was normally hidden on his HUD as it was intrusive, distracting. He didn't need sleep. He didn't need rest. He could theoretically go days without a break.

When he brought the time temporarily back into view briefly, he realized it was 7:17. Your shift ended at 7 tonight, and he had promised he would be there.

"Shit!" he cursed out loud, swiveling away from the fence.

As he trotted away, shoes making wet sopping noises on the concrete, Connor started a message, "I'm sorry. I'm going to be a little late".

Before he sent it, he realized that he had missed your previous message.

"hold u to eet" you had replied. It was in response to his promise that the apartment would be warmer next time. But, it also struck him as a painful reminder that you had placed trust in his ability to get you home safely, and in a timely manner.

The rain continued to pick up until it was pouring down, like tiny rocks pummeling his body. It didn't hurt, but it was exhausting. He had fucked up, twice. He failed to capture Robert and now he was delaying you.

Instead of sending that message, he decided to call.

It rang once, then twice-

"Oh - shit - are you here already?" you blurted into the phone as soon as you answered.

"N-no, I-" he stammered. "I'm going to be late. I'm sorry."

"Actually - that's fine. I got so caught up in this thirium shipment, I didn't realize what time it was," you explained, sounding out of breath. "I was afraid I was keeping you."

"I wouldn't have minded waiting," Connor replied, feeling some relief at your words.

"No - don't say that," you scolded gently. "Don't take bullshit from anyone, Connor."

"Ugh-" he stammered. Did he take bullshit from people? Maybe he did and he just didn't care most of the time. Was waiting for you bullshit, anyway? He didn’t need to sleep, afterall.

"Working late, too, huh?" you breathed into the phone.

"Field work," Connor replied lowly.

You chuckled into the phone. "You know I can take a taxi if you're-"

"No, I-" he interrupted sharply. "I want to see you. Please."

"Connor," you breathed into the phone.

His phone wasn't a handheld device. It was an interface build into his processor. He could hear you directly in his head. Even through the slight distortion created by radio signals, the sound of your voice still managed to do something to him. Maybe he underestimated how badly he missed you.

In the background, Connor could hear one of your coworkers, "ooooo - who's Connor?" teasing at you in a purposely obnoxious voice.

You laughed quietly. "My boyfriend," you answered.

My boyfriend-

For some reason, something as mundane as you telling people that, made him really happy.

There was some shuffling noises, likely you moving around and trying to balance something in one hand and your phone in the other.

"Is he cute?" a different voice asked this time.

Connor was prepared to eavesdrop on this conversation in full; but, after some loud shuffling, you came back, speaking into the phone properly. "I'm gonna let you go, now - get this finished up - oh shit it's raining - let me know when you're in the parking lot?"

"Understood," he replied automatically, a habit. Plus, if he was being honest, he was disappointed.

"-and don't stress about it, Connor-" you added on hastily.

Fuck that-

-as soon as you hung up, Connor was running to his parked car.

#connor x reader #deviant connor #deviant connor x reader #dbh fanfic #rk800 x reader #rk800 smut #connor smut

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officialleotolstoy · 3 years

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Oh Dolokhov/Hélène Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov/Hélène playlist annotations!

I stole several songs from a playlist my friends have and I’m not gonna put those on this list, I won’t pretend I came up with those

The ship playlists (since they aren’t for canon couples) are very much based on my headcanons. We don’t get to see them interact literally ever so I’ve just extrapolated what I can. Several of these songs are at least alluding to sex, I don’t really think they actually slept together for various reasons I can enumerate if someone asks, but it’s more about the vibes of the song.

Casual Affair - Panic! At The Disco

It’s literally in the title. Bestie how much more explanation do you need? I don’t even like this song but it’s got the right energy

Those Nights - Bastille

“Aren’t we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days? Looking for somebody you can wake up with?”

Being drawn to each other because of mutual loneliness is a Thing in my interpretation of their relationship, and this hits the nail on the head.

But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

“Praying for love and paying in naïveté”

Again, mutual loneliness and desperation for anything resembling love. Also the “isn’t this exactly where you like me” bit fits because they won’t admit to liking each other outside of their weird intimate moments.

Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco

“Drop our anchors in a storm”

The circumstances of their lives arent super fun at the moment so they find refuge in each other but in a very weird kind of unhealthy way! “We are a hurricane” sort of alludes to knowing that you’re causing problems/your relationship isn’t great.

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

“I’m almost me again, she’s almost you”

It’s about not really being In Love but kind of convincing yourself you are because it makes you feel better in the circumstances. I don’t think either of them were fully into their relationship for various reasons. Not as in they didn’t want the other, more that they were both too aware it would never work for long.

Hall & Oates - Satchmode

“I want to be in love again, with you”

This one’s about wanting the idea of love and companionship more than you actually like the other person, which I feel like kind of fits. This song is framed as one person in love with the other and one hesitating, but i think this works for both of them to hesitate.

Feel Something - Jaymes Young

“Touch me, someone, I’m too young to feel so numb”

The I have tried like six times and I can’t word why I think this song works. I don’t even like it, I skip it every time, but I think it’s got something to do with loneliness and desperation for love driving them to look for it in places they wouldn’t normally? Who knows. Send me an ask if u do.

Another Place - Bastille

“Don’t make promises to me that you’re gonna break”

They could never actually be together for SO many reasons and I think they’re both pretty aware of that. They have no desire to pretend that their relationship is anything other than what it is (“we only ever wanted one thing from this”).

When You Were Young - The Killers

“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you”

I do not think Hélène expected Dolokhkov to save her from anything except maybe monotony and loneliness, but this song slaps and if I can stretch the lyrics to work, I will

broken - lovelytheband

“I could be lonely with you”

Almost every song on here (including this one) is just. We’re messed up and I know we won’t really find love in each other but we might find solace for a while and be less lonely so uhhhhh wanna kiss me or what

Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

“You stand up, stand up, before I drag you down”

They are NOT good for each other! Toxic relationships uwu

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

I believe in bi4bi Hélène/Dolokhov

Enemy Fire - Bea Miller

“Sweet words from a serpent’s tongue”

This song is kinda complicated and parts of it don’t fit but the energy of “everything sucks including you but at least we can hide from the suckiness together” is sorta there. Originally I just added it for the soldier vibes because I was testing out songs but I realized i can fit some of the lyrics so on the playlist it goes

Angel of the Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier

“Her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean”

They are horrible and cold to each other as a love language. This song is essentially just “Wow my evil scary gf is so hot” and you’re right Fyodor. She is.

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

I won’t lie this one’s mostly a joke, I just think the vibes of telling someone to shut up as (maybe because) you’re falling in love with them is Dolokhov/Hélène energy. Ignore all the parts about wanting to be with her forever and her being his destiny that is not why I added it.

Lone Ranger - Rachel Platten

“I’m just gonna leave, ‘cause baby I’m a lone ranger”

I do not think Dolokhov was intending to stay with her forever at all. Very rude of him. However, she probably also knew it wouldn’t last forever, she’s not stupid.

House of Memories - Panic! At The Disco

“Promise me a place in your house of memories”

This is very much post-duel, their relationship has fizzled out but it was pretty important (do I mean emotionally or to the plot? I’ll never tell) and deserves to be remembered.

American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy

“I’m the best worst thing that hasn’t happened to you yet”

SO MANY of these lyrics are so good for them like. Hélène’s beautiful Dolokhov’s a psycho... “you take the full truth and you pour some out” can you imagine them being open and honest with each other? Yeah, me neither. “We were pity sex” They were just sad and lonely! That was what allowed anything to happen at all in my head (not sex but bear with me it’s not my fault those are the lyrics). “All those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep” because Hélène is married to someone else, they really have no right to think of each other that way.

Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne

“He wasn’t good enough for her”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. Hélène’s complaints about Dolokhov staying with them are just the quoted lyric. “They had a problem with his baggy clothes” yeah Dolokhov’s not as rich and bougie and the rest of them and he’s certainly rough around the edges. And then the skater boy ending with a successful music career vs Dolokhov ending with a successful military career and a great reputation and both the women in the songs having sad endings...I’m not wrong.

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy

“Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?”

The affair vibes. The AFFAIR VIBES. And the concept of “I will never end up like him [the husband]/ behind my back I already am” in reference to using Hélène and deciding he hates her right after deciding she’s hot...okay! I see you kinning Pierre, Dolokhov. You ARE being just like her husband :/

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame”

This is just Dolokhov’s massive I Hate Women monologue condensed. Stop blaming beautiful women for YOUR attraction to them maybe 🔫

Death Valley - Fall Out Boy

“Don’t take love off the table yet”

This is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is n-

I didnt add it for that reason it was about a vibe but then. I realized. Now the original reason doesn’t even matter.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

“I’ll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake”

Tell me the quoted lyric does not SCREAM Hélène/Dolokhov. You can’t. Also “I’ll weigh you down I’ll watch you choke/You look so good in blue” really captures hatred as a love language.

This is Love - Air Traffic Controller

Ok I stole this from my friends’ playlist but I did want to explain it because it’s not JUST Dolokhov and Hélène in my mind. The whole jealous fool second verse gives me Pierre around the duel energy as well

Bad Boy - Cascada

“Be my weekend lover but don’t be my friend”

Bernie Sanders voice I am once again asking you to hear me out about the unironic meme songs on my War and Peace character playlists. It’s got the refusal to admit that she actually likes hanging out with him down. The line “after some time you just pushed me aside” referring to Dolokhov teasing Pierre about their affair because he got bored. “I dont need you in my life again”...YEAH I’m fairly sure they dont interact in canon again after that.

Hayloft - Mother Mother

“My daddy’s got a gun”

This song started playing on accident once when I was listening to this playlist and I was like huh. It fits though. The gun thing is twofold: 1) Though he is not her father, Pierre does have a gun in the duel and 2) I think Vassily would happily shoot Dolokhov for his relationships with Vassily’s kids. It’s also just the general forbidden love vibes mixed with the violence vibes.

affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS

“I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places and we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

Have I been clear enough about my thesis that their relationship is based in mutual loneliness? Also, I like the acknowledgment that this is in fact the wrong place. I think they’re both very aware of that.

Walk Away - Franz Ferdinand

“Yes I’m cold but not as cold as you are”

This song is for them post-duel. Especially the “I cannot stand to see those eyes as apologies may rise/I must be strong, stay an unbeliever” because 1) I hear the word eyes, I think of Dolokhov and 2) I think she’s too smart to believe any apology he would give her, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. The song kinda reads as someone trying to convince themselves they’re happy that the relationship is over, which I think is definitely what happens for both of them.

Van Horn - Saint Motel

“Tell me do you hate me? Or do you wanna date me?”

Obsessed with the dynamic of “I like you but that’s embarrassing for both of us I’m gonna act like I hate you instead”

#war and peace #helene kuragina #fedya dolokhov #my post #w&p playlists #helenkhov #is that their ship name??? idk #someone tell me what it is ill owe u my life

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gingerweed-man · 4 years

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Shadow Mayor DTL AU

The Mayor gets fed up with the Creator's silence and sneaks into creation hall to steal the book and tear it apart, yelling about how they dont need the Creator's help and that the book was a sign of weakness. Things obviously go to shit and the Mayor runs away in disgrace. Wilfre takes charge and does his best to try to create replacements for the things they lost, slowly realizing they need help and can't just weather the storm. Mayor meanwhile has been scribbling furiously in the scattered pages trying to undo his mistakes, only making things worse. By the time the Hero arrives , Wilfre and the town are a wreck, barely clinging.

When the hero goes through to the end of the first game, he finds the Mayor hidden deep in a ruined town, with him furiously and desperately scribbling. Upon seeing you approach, he screams about how this is all his fault and he needs to fix it, not you, and starts tossing things at you to slow you down. After beating him, you carry his injuried and exhausted body back to town where he manages to recover and things seem great, with no one having died. He officially steps down as Mayor but is conflicted on who should take his place, with the town agreeing that Wilfre deserves the role. Happy ending!

He ends up joining with Mari and becoming a sort od historian, with him focusing on the history of the Raposa and Mari focusing on their history with the Creator. However, this results in him finding out the "truth" about his world: that it is all Mike's and that should Mike wake up, their world to cease to exist. Realizing this means his daughter would die, he steals the book once more and sets off to drain the world of power. However, this time his efforts being focused on halting progress, he tampers with his own page in the book, warping himself and making himself into a being that thrives off suffering and slowing down Mike's awakening as much as possible, intending to even kill him. This ultimately culminates in his attacking the turtle ship and wildly attacking everyone onboard. Wilfre jumps in front of a blow that would have stricken Heather, becoming mortally wounded. Upon seeing this, Mari begins to bawl and the Mayor snaps back for a brief moment and tries to explain what happened to him through sobbing. No one manages to hear except the dying Wilfre, who smiles at him at says "I understand." before dying.

They tie up the Mayor and hold him captive with Jowee keeping watch. Jowee snaps at him and asks him why did he do everything. The Mayor explains he's doing all of this to save Mari, his daughter and Jowee's best friend. Jowee, after a bit more explanation (but still not knowing the whole "our world will cease to exist part), is swayed enough to release the Mayor and the two go sneak offboard and escape. Slowly, shadow begins to form on the Mayor, but he manages to hold it off enough with Jowee's help, reminding him that this is for his daughter. This ultimately culminates with everyone meeting up once more and the Mayor finally fully explaining what would happen to the Raposa world should Mike wake up. Like in the main universe, everyone agrees they'd rather wake Mike, except the Mayor, buf they manage to help Mike wake up. As they start dusappearing, the Mayor runs around screaming. The third to final Raposa to disappear is Jowee, leaving just the Mayor and Mari. As Mari begins to fade away, the Mayor screams in sorrow, only to be cut off by his own body vanishing.

#dtl #drawn to life #dtl au #sorry Wilfre #mayor #spoilers #dtl spoilers #I did think of having Jowee die instead of Wilfre #but I felt having the Raposa lose their leader and having Jowee join the mayor worked better #wilfre would have joined the mayor if jowee died #but that wouldnt quite make sense bc by now Wilfre would trust the Creator #wilfre #jowee #mari

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entropychanges · 4 years

Text

Tell me what you’ll do, please

So, Michael, dripping like a wet mop on the restaurant’s tile floor, stood silently as he looked between the sister of the girl whose murder he covered up only two months ago, and his lover who would rather be sent off to war than be with him. Great. He swallowed, figuring he may as well break the silence.

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if-”

“The kitchen is closed,” Liz interrupted, looking him up and down before saying, “but you can stay until the storm lets up.”

Or, in which Michael gets caught out in the rain while sleeping in his truck, and ends up taking shelter in the last place he wants to be.

also on ao3

title (from phoebe bridger's demi moore) precedes the lyric "I dont wanna be alone" which is kind of a central theme in Michael's mindset in this fic

warnings for mention of Michael's injury, very brief and vague mention of toolshed incident near the end, lots of talk about rosa's death and liz's mourning, michael has self worth issues, michael and alex say mean things to each other bc they’re sad and scared and just like a lot of angst

(3054 words)

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When Michael woke from his drunken nap, he sobered up immediately at the feeling of his blankets being drenched and the sky being far too dark for his liking.

He knew it was going to rain that night, and had even felt it in the joints of his mangled hand. What he didn’t predict, however, was that he was going to sleep for a few more hours than he intended, waking up in the middle of a storm rather than to the late afternoon desert sun.

“Shit, shit, shit!” he hissed, scrambling out of his truck bed and attempting to gather his linens. As he piled the soaked pillows and blankets he realized that he’d stupidly kept his bag of clothes beside him as he slept, leaving him with nothing dry to change into. He shoved his belongings into a sopping pile on his passenger seat before rushing to the other side of the truck cab and turning on the ignition with shaking hands.

Safe from the weather outside, Michael cranked up the heater and stripped off his shirt, huddling against himself for warmth. He ran his fingers through his curls in an effort to squeeze the water out, but to no avail. He sat like this, shivering and pathetic, for about 20 minutes before deciding that he needed a plan B. He didn’t have enough gas to use his heater for any extended period of time, and he wouldn’t have enough money for a refill until Sanders paid him for his work that week.

So, he decided to head into town to see if he could find somewhere that would let him stay inside for the duration of the storm without expecting a dime out of him. Normally he would try the library, but that closed at 8 and according to the clock on his radio, it was around 11 pm. Damn it. Hardly anything in this sleepy town was open past 10 on a weeknight other than the bars, and the storm wasn’t helping his chances.

Monsoon season was probably the most detrimental time for his beloved old Chevy that he called home, and tonight was no exception. He could hardly see through his windshield with the mix of dust and rain smattered across it, the high-velocity winds forcing his wipers to barely keep up. He was able to see enough to drive, though, as well as to recognize the signs on the shops and restaurants. They were almost all closed, as he’d suspected, except for one - the Crashdown still had its lights on and as he pulled into a parking space in front of it, he could see two figures inside. Liz Ortecho was wiping the counter as she spoke to the person in front of her, whose back was turned to Michael.

Only a few months ago, Michael would be too embarrassed to walk into the Crashdown at half-past 11 looking like a drowned rat and ask for a favor from his academic competitor. Now, though, Liz was going through her own living hell, which Michael felt partially responsible for, and had no room in her life to pity some punkass kid that lived in his truck. So, he swallowed his guilt and pride and shame and made his way out of his car and into the pouring rain. Without giving himself a chance to rethink this decision, he threw open the diner’s door, bringing attention to himself far too dramatically.

And, well, shit. Maybe he would’ve been better off using his fake id to spend his night with the racist alcoholics at the Wild Pony.

The first thing he noticed was that Liz looked rough. She clearly hadn’t been sleeping, as her eye bags were dark and evident, and her skin was paler than usual. She stood stock still at his cinematic entrance, her face full of annoyance and exhaustion. She no longer looked like the nerdy girl-next-door that Max had a crush on. She looked older than her age, and, in a sense, she was. She was going through more sadness than most had in their entire lifetimes, and that thought sent a spike of pain in Michael’s chest.

It reminded him of that selfish anger he’d been repressing since that night; anger at Isobel for killing the girls, anger at himself and Max for covering it up, anger at whatever entities left the three of them on this planet in the first place. He usually tried to shove those thoughts down before they ate away at him, but that was impossible when the consequence of their actions was quite literally staring himself in the face.

He glanced at the figure sitting on the stool across from Liz and his stomach dropped. Of course, it just had to be the very person Michael had been avoiding for the past two weeks.

He watched as Alex’s face morphed from confusion, to brief concern, and finally an annoyance that rivaled Liz’s. The last thing Michael wanted was to relive the fight they’d had after Alex told him he was enlisting in the air force.

Alex called Michael a violent alcoholic that was wasting his life.

Michael compared him to every birth and foster parent who had abandoned him.

Alex said Michael was no better than his abusive father.

Michael said that was funny seeing as he was following in his daddy’s footsteps.

It wasn’t pleasant.

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if-”

“The kitchen is closed,” Liz interrupted, looking him up and down before saying, “but you can stay until the storm lets up.”

Michael nodded, flinging water from his hair. He sat in the nearest booth, looking at his hands. He didn’t exactly have a plan for what he’d do if someone were to let him in. Maybe he could sleep? He didn’t think Liz would appreciate having to wake him up to kick him out once the rain stopped, but making conversation didn’t seem like much of an option.

When he looked back over to see that Liz had bent down to clean below the counter, Alex was still staring at him. Michael glanced back down at his hands, but it was too late. Alex approached the booth and stood over him.

“Hey, Alex.”

“What happened?”

“I fell asleep and when I woke up it was raining and all my shit was wet,” he said, still looking down.

Alex furrowed his brows. “It started raining around 8.”

“I guess I went to bed early.”

“Is that your way of saying you passed out drunk?”

Michael raised his gaze to glare at Alex. Alex glared right back.

“Can we not do this right now?”

Alex huffed a sigh and sat across from him. Michael leaned back and turned his head, watching the downpour out the window. They sat in silence for a minute until Alex spoke up.

“You need to change your splint.”

For someone that “wouldn’t be Michael’s medicine”, Alex sure liked to act like his doctor. But, he wasn’t wrong. Michael’s splint was soaked, making it functionally useless.

“I have some gauze in the truck, I’ll fix it later,” he replied, still staring at the rain.

“Just grab it now, I’ll help you do it.”

Michael turned back to Alex. “What? No, I-”

Alex stood up. “Get the gauze and I’ll meet you upstairs.”

As Alex turned away, presumably to ask Liz if she was cool with him bringing the personified version of a stray dog found in the gutter up into the small apartment she shared with her grieving father, Michael conceded and ran back to his truck to grab the gauze. He could never really say no to Alex. He rushed back in, covering the gauze with his body to prevent any rain damage and, with a quick “bathroom’s on the right” from Liz, he ran up the stairs to meet Alex in the tiny restroom that Liz used to share with Rosa. Used to. Michael shuddered at the thought. He was too sober for this long night.

Except, Alex wasn’t in the restroom. He was nowhere to be found. Regardless, Michael closed the door gently and began peeling the gauze off his hand, the feeling not dissimilar to applying a strip of wet paper-mâché to a surface. He winced at the pain, which he’d been ignoring until then, and wished he had some acetone to take the edge off.

He glanced at the medicine cabinet. Maybe…He opened the cabinet and there it was, half a bottle of kroger brand nail polish. Jackpot. Once he finished his second swig, the door handle started twisting. Shit. He used his telekinesis to put the bottle back in the cabinet and close the door, all while rinsing his mouth to cover the evidence. He didn’t want to think about what Alex’s reaction would be to finding him drinking Liz’s nail polish remover straight out of the bottle. “Seriously, Guerin? Alcohol not enough of a buzz for you anymore?”. Alex always called him “Guerin” when he was disappointed or mad at him. Lately, that seemed to be more often than not.

Alex peeked his head in slowly, as if to give Michael privacy, which was frankly adorable, seeing as how many times they’d seen each other at least partially nude. When he saw that Michael was decent, he opened the door completely, revealing that he was carrying a pile of clothes and towels.

“Here, change into these,” Alex commanded, handing him the clothes. His clothes. Michael’s ears turned red against his wishes at the thought of wearing Alex’s clothes.

“”You always have a stash of clothes at the Ortecho’s, or is this just my lucky night?” he asked, removing his wet t-shirt. Alex turned away, making Michael roll his eyes.

“I would usually come here when things got ugly at my place. Arturo didn’t mind me sleeping on Liz and Rosa’s floor, so I kept some of my stuff here. Tonight I’m here for Liz, though,” Alex explained.

Michael removed his pants. “You know you don’t have to turn away when I’m changing, right? We’ve seen each other naked, like, a hundred times.”

Now it was Alex’s turn to blush. “I think a hundred is a little hyperbolic,” he said as he turned around to face Michael.

Michael ran the towel down his body before finally ruffling his curls dry. “Well there was our first time... “

“Obviously.”

“And the time in the cab of my truck just a few days later…”

“That was just uncomfortable.”

“And then a week later when we had that picnic out in the desert at midnight…”

“Ugh, that was just gross. Do you know how many spiders and scorpions are out there? Definitely wish I’d kept my pants on for that.”

“And then add a few more in the back of my truck and that should add up to one hundred!”

“Still a hyperbole. I’d say that’s 8, total. The rest at least one of us kept our pants or shirts on.”

“Sorry, I forgot to add the ones from my dreams.”

“Oh god, please shut up,” Alex said just a little loudly, making Michael snort and put a finger to his lips.

“Shh, Alex, c’mon. No need to wake up Arturo by discussing our epic sexcapades.”

Michael was now fully dressed in Alex’s clothes, wearing a burgundy sweater that felt softer than anything he’d ever worn before and black jeans that were just a little too tight. He looked at himself in the mirror and cracked a smile.

“Maybe I could pull the emo look off, huh? What do you think, darlin?” He added the “darlin” as a test. When Alex was actually pissed, the pet name only ticked him off even more. When Michael was starting to get back on his good side, he brushed it off and pretended he didn’t like it, even though he definitely did.

Alex suppressed a smile. Score.

“I think you’re ridiculous. Now lean against the sink and hold this washcloth.”

Michael raised an eyebrow but did as he was told.

“Here, hold the washcloth like this,” Alex said before gently moving the fingers on Michael’s left hand around the cloth. It hurt like hell, but Michael did his best to hide it. He didn’t like Alex seeing him in pain, especially when he knew Alex blamed himself. Michael didn’t want him to have another reason to feel guilty.

“It’s good of you to come over here and be with Liz. She seems…” He trailed off, not sure of what he was planning on saying. She seems, what, bad? Exhausted? Depressed? Like she’d just had her favorite person in the world taken from her, and now the entire town was spreading lies about her? He just let Alex finish his thought.

“It’s just what friends do. She needs support right now,” Alex murmured, wrapping the gauze around Michael’s fingers. “She’s leaving town, too, soon. Which is a good thing, I think.”

Michael stiffened at that. He already knew Liz was leaving, of course. He was just as responsible for that as he was for Rosa’s postmortem defamation. It’s that “too” that hits. Maybe it was the buzz from the acetone or the thrill of Alex watching him undress, but either way Michael was able to forget for a second about the coldness that had been between them just a few minutes ago, and the reason for it being there. That little word, “too”, was a painful reminder that hurt just a little more than the feeling of his disjointed bones being squeezed too tightly by Alex’s makeshift splint. Michael inhaled sharply to indicate this.

“Shit, sorry, let me make this a little looser.”

Michael looked down and shook his head a tad bit too violently, trying to indicate that he didn’t give a damn about the stupid splint.

“What? What is it Michael?”

Michael squeezed his eyes shut, knowing he was diving headfirst into the argument he was trying to pretend had never happened.

“You can’t go.”

Alex dropped Michael’s hand, which he’d just finished putting the last piece of tape on.

“Goddamn it, Michael, did we really not spend enough time talking about this already? I’m sick of my father looming over me, and, let’s face it. I’m not like you. I can’t just waste my life in this garbage town forever, sustaining myself on whiskey and bar fights.”

Michael opened his eyes back up and realized he had tears welling up. It wasn’t because of what Alex had said, words and insults didn’t phase him anymore. It was that his deepest anxiety was becoming his reality. Michael was going to be left behind, yet again.

He was used to pushing his fears down, but right now he didn’t want to repress. He wanted Alex to understand exactly how he was feeling, no matter how childish or pathetic he sounded in the process.

“I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want to be alone.”

He looked up to meet Alex’s eyes. The other boy’s face melted from the defensive hardness he’d held before to something much softer. It wasn’t piteous, it was just… sad.

“I don’t want to leave you Michael. I definitely don’t want you to be alone. You’re the only reason I’ve ever even considered staying.”

Michael looked down again. His words were sweet, but they held no meaning. It didn’t matter how much Alex cared about him, he was still leaving.

“You know this doesn’t have to be goodbye forever, right? I’ll be coming back after basic, and then I’ll be coming home on leave whenever I can.” Alex cupped Michael’s face with his hands, forcing him to look up at him. Memories flooded in of their first kiss, when they cradled each other’s faces in the UFO emporium. Michael mirrored the movement and leaned in to Alex’s space, but didn’t close the gap. Instead, he watched Alex closely, reading the earnesty in his eyes. It seemed like he truly believed they could still be together, even through hell.

It was Alex that made the move, pressing Michael into the sink behind him and tenderly kissing his lips. Their movements were slow and gentle, much different from their usual sexual intensity. This was a different kind of intimacy. They touched each other lovingly rather than lustfully, their focus not on rushing to make each other come, but instead on patiently memorizing every detail they could. They were so enraptured with their shared space that the outside world seemed to melt away, including the door that was being pushed open behind them.

“Oh shi-” they heard behind them, shattering the moment. Alex jumped away, terror in his eyes. Michael’s heart was in his throat. Of course, it was just Liz, who didn’t actually care about their romantic involvement, just that they didn’t have sex on her bathroom sink. Still, the last time they were interrupted like this wasn’t a night they wanted to relive.

“I just wanted to let Guerin know that it stopped raining,” Liz said, her eyes turned to the floor uncomfortably. This was her polite way of saying “please get out of my home it’s past midnight and I’ve been waiting for you to leave for half an hour”, so he took the cue for what it was and headed out the door with a nod.

“Hey, Michael?” he heard from behind him. He turned back around.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m leaving in a week. I’d like to see you before then, to say goodbye.”

Michael gave another small nod, and headed down the stairs at twice his usual speed, not wanting either of them to hear him cry.

When he got to his truck, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon. So, instead, he devised a plan to ensure he wouldn’t be around whenever Alex decided to schedule that goodbye.

And this plan required Kyle Valenti’s hubcaps.

#malex #malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #roswell nm #roswell nm fic #liz ortecho #malex angst

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ithisatanytime · 3 years

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To be honest im very glad she loves her boyfriend so much, initially i asked about her relationship status and she said it was open, and was very firm about that fact, emphasizing it to the point that it was the only thing leading me to believe she was at all receptive to my advances, of course thats not enough because i was so forward, and i knew she just likely wasnt that into me. but today when i pressed the issue, as i am a horny man and frankly im in a damn hurry, she changed her tune, now he was her soul mate. and you know what nothing could have made me happier. my last serious girlfriend was in a committed relationship but it was on the rocks, in part do to her going off her birth control (i was high test compared to her boyfriend, he had better musculature but prenatal test exposure was lower in the womb as evident by me being 6′2 and having masculinized bone structure in comparison to his.) and losing all attraction to him, also i kind of fucked their shit up by randomly confessing my feelings for her, we had known each other for close to ten years at that point, but i never made my feelings known because she was so fucking hot to me i just never thought of her as a possibility quite frankly, i was fucking SHOCKED to find out she felt exactly the same. this same exact scenario played out for me when i was a young man and i literally forced my girlfriend to go on hormonal birth control, the hormones in birth control literally trick your body into thinking that your pregnant, and pregnant women have different taste in men, they are looking for a provider obviously, their behavior changes dramatically, in part because they lose interest in higher testosterone but good physical genetics mates as they need someone to be their when they raise their baby, typically (naturally) this only lasts for 9 months than the baby comes, if the man who fathered the child is able to weather the emotional shit storm, he will stick with you through anything, and is thus a good potential provider for your offspring, the opposite is true if they met you while on hormonal birth control, as they value you for your provider traits and when they go off the bc their body thinks they are no longer pregnant, hence her looking for a big strong bull (me) too impregnate her.

she knew this indian guy since they were children, it was fucking obvious they were meant to be together, i hated being responsible for the heartbreak i caused BOTH of them. dude still wanted to be with her after she kicked him out of her life to fuck some drug addicted retard (me) but heres the thing i am not talking shit about her, they literally cant fucking help it, we are slaves to our hormones. i was very pleased to find out that she was hesitant to go on birth control as it “makes her crazy” i was so glad she brought it up and felt that way, as imagine going over this shit with a potential girlfriend, imagine how well thats going to go over! i have been familiar with hormonal BC’s effects on womens sexual preferences and ability to pair bond since i watched a documentary on the discovery channel about sex with i was 13, i was trying to masturbate, but i learned a lot instead, despite how crazy this sounds, all of this is accepted science and new papers get released about it every couple of years or so, its fucking insane that women arent made aware of this common side effect of birth control, so imagine how fucking conflicted i felt when she was adamant about getting back on birth control, i was 99 percent sure she would fall out of love with me, and at the time , it was insane to me how much she clearly loved me, she promised shed get off birth control as soon as i asked, i pleaded with her, saying that by the time she was on bc for even a couple weeks shed no longer love me or give a fucking shit what i had to say anymore, which seemed RIDICULOUS at the time, but she promised shed go off it as soon as i asked, i knew that would not be the case. within literal days after getting the hormonal IUD put in, she stopped looking at me the same, we started fighting all the time, it was horrible to see, especially for the second time, all men know what i am talking about, when that lok disappears, and of course she didnt get it taken out when i asked, and of course the fighting got worse and worse, who the fuck could stand living with me without loving me, suddenly all the bad shit about me (no job prospects, bad provider) that she had already been aware of for years became an issue, blah blah blah, it wasnt her fault, imagine being forced to live iwth someone who you didnt love, who loved you and stil wanted to fuck you. and of course as the fighting got worse and she slept on the couch, i could no longer sleep, i became obsessively jealous (mate retention strategy caused by testosterone masculinizing the brain) i knew she wasnt cheating on me, there was literally no way, but my guts were twisting and churning every single day, my behavior became increasingly erratic (men behave irrationally as well, in their own way) it all came to a head, after a solid month of the cold shoulder, i had finally landed a job interview to be a car salesmen (i built up a relationship with the neighbor i smoked iwth, and he landed me the job) but the day before i was set to be interviewed we had a massive fight which i started, because i tried to reason with her (in love men and women arent governed by reason) that she had been giving me the silent treatment for a month and i had been on my best behavior, which i had been, buying her gifts and flowers with the profit sharing check i got from my old job, but she started grabbing her stuff to leave, she wouldnt tell me where she was going and in my irrational state i was sure she was going to fuck an entire football team, an unbelievably searingly painful thought for a man, women literally cant comprehend this as they dont experience jealousy in the same way men do. so i slammed out of the house first into the streets of new york city, huffing and puffing trying to to cry as i pushed past the crowded streets, it was like 4 pm in the middle of queens. i found a bar and sat at the center of the bar, it was pretty empty when i walked in since it was like four o clock in the afternoon. i had 300 hundred dollars in my pocket and i spent it all that very night on beers and shots and whiskey sours, i had never gone to a bar of my own volition before and can count on one hand the amount of times id set foot in a bar, but i had been drinking more than i ever had in my life. the pain of jealousy and losing someone that i sincerely loved, and intended to marry was so intense that i started drinking and basically didnt stop until we were separated (havent really touched the stuff since, i dont really like alcohol) but i was losing the girl i loved, she was supposed to be my wife. i drank like there was no fucking tomorrow, just waiting for her to call me, which she did, but there was no love in her voice, no news on where she was, or who she was with (her girlfriends, studying for an exam) so i hung up and went back to drinking, my bartender was a young women, who may have been pretty i was not paying attention, so much so that when she finished her shift and left the bar, and a young woman sat next to me at the bar and tried to talk to me, she grew angry with me that i didnt realize it was the same bartender, who had been serving me drinks all night, she left in a huff, soon i felt people pressing up against my back as i finished my 20th drink of the day, i was way past my limit, but i was about to lose the girl i loved and become homeless on the streets of new york in my mind, she would never have done that to me, but my “home” had evaporated as soon as i left to new york, and after i lost my job delivering refrigerators he made it pretty clear he didnt want me around. he was not my real dad after all, just another of my mothers boyfriends, its not the same as a biological dad, for as good as he was and as much as he did for me, i was becoming too much, i cant describe the fear of the streets for someone who spent their lives homeless or near homeless is like, its always there. so i drank that way as the NYC bar grew very crowded and noisey, i had picked the hottest socail spot in the city to drown my sorrows,. i would drink until i couldnt feel the pain anymore, go home, puke my guts out, not remember anything and then regroup in the morning after she got home from her boyfriends house, thats a problem for tomorrow me. i was just waiting for her to call me and maybe show me some sign of warmth, some sign of the person i fell in love with. she did call me in fact, i was too drunk and the bar was too loud for me to hear it, i got up to take a piss and only then realized how crowded the bar actually was, people were dancing behind me the whole time and i didnt even realize it, it was packed from wall to wall, as i got up to take my piss, my last five fell out of my pocket onto the ground and i nearly fell over trying ot pick it up, plus the last shot i took i just spilled down my shirt sleeve, it was time to go home. i drunkenly stumbled towards the door the bar was so packed i literally had to raise my arms into the air (this detail will be important for later) as i made my way towards the exit suddenly she appeared in the doorway, i cannot describe to you my relief in this moment, how did she even find me? it was the last clear memory i have from that night, the only other memory i have is foggy, me drunkenly bragging that i could have beat up every dude in the bar and girls were totally trying to fuck me (see? im valuable) as she drove me home, the rest of that night is completely lost to me, i found myself suddenly in our bed, in the morning, i felt more hungover than i had ever been in my life by a factor of ten, i was shaking uncontrollably still half drunk and frightened (if youve never blacked completely out before you cant know what thats like) she informed me that i had pushed her, i was horrified, how could this have happened, and what more could i have been capable of, i didnt have time to process that however as her dad was on his way over from upstate new york, in my half drunk and frightened mind i knew he was coming to fight me, i went into fight or flgiht mode *if your dead comes here i wil lfuck him up!” even i couldnt believe i said that , her father was an unbelievably kind and gentle man, but i was frightened, i was gonna be homeless on the streets of new york, a forgotten man who fell through the cracks in the safety net, and worse i deserved it, my sense of self was shattered, how could i have pushed her? she made the right decision in having her father turn around, and head back to upsate new york. i cried like a fucking baby, how could i have done this? my father was a drunk who beat the shit out of my mother, and i remembered it vividly. i sobbed and sobbed, i had been doing a lot of that, i loved her from the beginning and worse, she had loved me too. i had no way of contextualizing it either, for me it was as if someone had woken me up to inform me that in my sleep i had punched a child, think about that, how do you process it? i had prided myself in never putting my hands on a woman unless she asked first (thats its own story that i will never fucking tell) i ddint even remember it, like at all, i ddint even remember us fighting, apparently i was barfing and doing somersaults of the bed and shit, as you do when you are blackout drunk. and she had never drank a drop of alcohol or smoked a single weed in her life, she must have been absolutely terrified. i wanted to die, it was over for good. we had made up in a sense, as the reality of the situation set in, we only ever held each other on the first and last night i was in newyork, and both times, you wont believe this but i have to say it because it was so strange, we cuddled face to face while her two cats cuddled each other inbetween us, only the first and last night.

part of why it was so hard for me, was because i knew i would miss her bitterly for the rest of my life, literally every day until i died, i knew from experience, and she woudl be really upset for a few months maybe and then never think about me again. my only hope was that she got back together with tha tindian boy she grew up with, he fucking cried outside of their apartment, and stil asked about her when she left him for me, this tore me up, as id been on the other end of that, he loved her better than i did, they were meant to be married but hormonal fucker and jewish sabotage has a combined effect of just fucking women right up, men too but i feel worse for the women. if you fuck a guy you should just stay with them honestly, you will be much happier long term. this started out as one thing, and then turned into something different, as i had been meaning to tell that story for years now. i know it seems like a lot of self pity and to be fair theres a lot of remorse too even to this day, i barely touched a drop of alcohol in the years since, and occasionally it will hit me like a ton of bricks out of the blue and i will excuse myself into my room to cry into the macaroni and cheese i was eating.

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souljournaler · 4 years

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channeled message(s)

im kind of scared of my connection getting stronger. i dont feel like im in the right environment for it but im already too big for my space. i dont have anywhere to stretch out. it doesnt feel safe here. idk where i can put down roots. All the old trees are tired but im unsure if they can weather the bigger storms. most of them dont have the strength they used to. i wonder if they can be healed. end of transmission

the spirits on the wind are crying. i feel like a rug beaten into the wind. i know all the things falling off me are worth letting go of, but i imagine whomever the dirt lands upon may feel unlucky.

i feel like my family is getting clearer but i still dont know. i see a lot of grief in my future. it seems dark. the future is still smoky. it’s hard to breathe.

ended transmission

an old man poisoned since he was born will die laughing. everyone else will laugh when he dies.

end of transmission

deep trauma: choking in darkness. how to speak when you can’t breathe? only uncomfortable til it doesnt matter anymore

ended transmission

i hope and fear someone following my trail. feels like a cosmic joke to me but i doubt it would to anyone dedicated enough to recognize my clues.

chasing me is an act of overwhelming love, the kind that has no difference from purposeful hatred. that which can be called obsession has layers concealing which intentions are at its center.

i think it’s funny because all i do is chase the sun when things get dark for too long.

i wonder if they feel like i’m running from their shadow.

i never let them catch up for long because i can’t yet weather the storms they bring.

new line

i do wonder if theyre still looking for me. they added me back, which i already wasnt expecting but they havent said anything yet. it’s a silly game of chicken i dont intend to lose. inhibitions are lowest when i think about magic, and when i lower my inhibitions on purpose with poison. i dont drink anymore. cant. it was just doing things to me. and it was hurting my companion. i cant believe i had the audacity to keep hurting myself and those around me with the assumption that they would heal quickly as long as i kept issues small. i was foolish. the size of violent acts are a matter of perspective.

[separate line: i feel raw but i’m going to grow.

i dont know what it looks like to love and care in a healthy way when i have to strip down to my bare soul each time i learn something new that i find helpful. like a shrub trimmed back to its limits each season because the person living on the land feels like it grows too this too that.]

i wonder if they think about me as often as i think about them. i try not to consider thinking about them a bad thing, but i do try to keep it to just thoughts. just thinking about them sends a signal. i wonder if theyre trying to get me to crack, or if they, just like me, can’t help but think about them.

new line

friends who drift away feel tragic. friends who i have to drift away from feel tragic. friends i push away feel tragic. friends pushing me away hurts but at least provides closure. i wonder how long the spirits in my life will want to stay close. i feel like im getting brighter. i cant help but burn people. end of transmission

i need to get some rest. enough doing for a little while.

i’ll have more messages soon. til then.

#journal #chan #msg

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d3ndroica · 7 years

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Big Apple Part 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Gale 12:02am 🖕⛄️🐸 you ok?

Madge 12:04am 👣🍿🎵 Sorry. Been home awhile. All good You? Gale 12:04am yeah ok Madge 12:05am Thanks for the 🌮🌮 Next time it’s on me ;-) Gale 12:06am deal 😎 Stay warm this wkend - looks like snow sleep well princess Madge 12:08am Thanks Goodnight Madge checked the weather forecast - temperatures were dropping and snow was predicted for Saturday night, but the predicted amounts were mostly 1-2 inches. Madge flipped back to her convo with Delly. Madge 11:38pm He’s PAN Delly 11:44pm Who is what now? Madge 11:47pm PAN. Gale. The gay guy. He’s not gay. He’s pansexual. Delly 11:53pm Ooooohhhhhhh How does he lean? Did you kiss him? Madge 11:54pm No! I don’t know. He mentioned old girlfriends. Delly 11:58pm Did you ask him out? Madge 11:59pm No Delly 12:00am But he told you he was pan? Madge 12:01am He sort of mentioned it when I asked him about coming out. Delly 12:04am What did you do? Madge 12:08am Nothing. Pretended I already knew. Delly 12:11am WTF Girl Madge 12:12am I KNOW I dont know Wtf I think he thought i knew?? Delly 12:13am You text all the time Madge 12:15am I guess Delly 12:18am You flirt? So what more do you need? Madge 12:19am HEY I’m still processing ok I thought he was GAY I did let him pay though. Again. Delly 12:22am I thought you got paid this week? Madge 12:24am Yeah well Oops I guess I forgot to mention that to him ;) Now I owe him another meal Delly 12:25am I like it Madge was of the opinion that there were few good exercise options in the winter. It was too cold outside. Before she moved, she and Delly had played racquetball every week. She’d thought about joining a gym; she’d even asked both Thom and Gale if they had any gym suggestions. They weren’t very helpful, and she had put off the idea. The postdoc researcher supervising her lab work, Bea, had invited her contra dancing. She intended to go sometime, but wasn’t sure about it. And that would take money too. So for now she resorted to early morning bedroom kickboxing. It was a small enough space that she actually had to be in control of her movements and kicks or she’d run into something, usually the bed or the dresser. She used online videos. If she already knew the sequences, she’d mute the video and listen to music instead. On Sundays, if she didn’t have other things going on, she liked to change it up and try out a new video.

Sunday morning Madge woke up to a snowstorm. The predicted 1-2 inches was already on the ground and there was no sign of the storm stopping any time soon. It was her first snow in the city and it was falling fast. She always thought of snow as quiet and serene but today the sounds from the street invaded her room.

After watching the snow fall outside her window for awhile, she decided it was time to expend some energy. So Madge waited for the laptop to boot up and checked her feeds on her phone. Then she found a new video and did the quick workout. Afterwards she went to the kitchen to refill her water bottle. Her roommate Cressida Martinez was at their itty bitty kitchen table eating breakfast when Madge came out of her room.

“With all that thumping around our neighbors are gonna think you’re gettin’ some nasty,” she commented playfully, making a crude pumping action with her arms. Madge laughed. “Really? It must be some pretty disappointing action if those are the only sounds I make.” Cressida smiled conspiratorially and shrugged. “Maybe they’ll just think you’re trying to be discreet.” They talked for a bit. Cressida was getting ready to go film the snow-covered city. By day Cressida worked in the city’s health and mental hygiene department (Madge was not yet sure what mental hygiene really was). Off-hours, Cressida was an aspiring filmmaker. Madge hadn’t seen any of her film work, and that was okay with her. Madge wished her luck and hopped in the shower. Madge spent awhile peeking outside and watching the snow swirl, working on the latest word puzzle book from her dad, and following the online news about how much snow was falling. She caught up on the Sunday Puzzle podcasts she’d let lapse. She was tempted to spend the whole day curled up at home with hot cocoa and a book, but Thom called (!) and essentially ordered her to meet him in Central Park. He insisted she had to get out and enjoy the snow now, while it was fresh and still falling, before everyone else trampled it first. She threw some things in her backpack (book to read on the train, gloves in case she got cold, ...) and took off, happy to see that the trains were still running. She got off her train at 68th Street. There was a bookstore with a coffee shop right by the station, so Madge picked up a latte to take with her before walking over to the park. The sidewalks and roads were well traveled and slushy, but as she entered the park Madge looked wide-eyed around at the frosted trees. It was a stunning sight, especially since Madge had spent little time around nature since her move. The park was probably always pretty, she thought, but she hadn’t come much yet. She’d been too busy working out her new life in the city. She met Thom and some of his friends at the Balto statue. She wanted to grill him about Gale, but not with everyone else around. Rue was there, and Madge got to meet the somewhat infamous Annie & Finnick, Thom’s neighbors. Seeing them reminded her of Cressida’s joke. She had to stop herself from asking them some innocent question about their exercise routines. For awhile they waited around to see who was coming, stomping their feet in the snow and drinking various hot beverages. Some people had brought their own thermoses, others had stopped somewhere along the way like Madge. Eventually they’d tracked down everyone who they could by text and took off through the snow, heading north through the park. Madge snapped pictures on her phone and sent one to her dad with a quick message. They walked past Pilgrim Hill and saw scores of sledders careening this way and that. It felt like a completely different city. Rue found a clear spot and they made snow angels. When they stumbled on a massive snowball fight, they joined in without hesitation. Madge gave up on her gloves when they impeded snowball making. Her fingers froze, and she regretted not having better winter gear, but it was worth it.

Even with everyone bundled up, Madge could keep track of her friends. Thom had a practically neon yellow coat on. Annie was wearing a bright pink pussy hat. Finnick was never far from her. Rue was a little harder to find, but even she was recognizable when you spotted the blue boots and white coat. At one point she saw Thom on the sidelines. She snuck up on him and crushed two snowballs onto his beanie hat. Laughing, she watched him curse and reach up to brush the snow off. After he had shaken off most of it, he grabbed as much snow as he could and attacked her, which landed them both in the snow laughing. Later he griped that he’d been looking for her before she had ambushed him. Madge realized her snow clothes were all black just like half the crowd. She made a mental note to wear something more distinctive next time. Eventually the group split up, but Madge stuck with Thom, Annie, and Finnick. They stumbled to a nearby diner to warm up and get food. At the door, Madge pulled Thom aside. “‘Scuse us,” she said in a singsong voice to Annie and Finnick. “We’ll be there in a sec.” Turning to Thom she groused, “You could have told me Gale was pan.” Thom looked askance. “Of course he’s pan. You know that.” “I do NOW,” She grumbled .

Thom crossed his arms in front of him. “I told you after we split I saw him with a bitch. You really gonna give a shit he’s pan instead of bi? ”

“Thom you called everybody bitch back then,” Madge ranted. “Half the guys you dated you said were your bitch. You even called Mister Tompkins bitch.”

Thom cackled. “I stand by that one. That man was such a little bitch -”

“I thought you wanted to hook up with him again,” she explained. Lamely she added, “Gale, not Tompkins.”

Shaking his head Thom answered, “Woman what are you talking about? That is ancient history. Come on.” He shook his head and went inside to rejoin the others, leaving Madge speechless in the snow. By the time they left the diner, the city was as dark as it would get in those conditions - orange city lights reflecting off the carpet of clouds above them. By the time Madge made it home, she was exhausted. She pried off her boots and changed into dry comfy clothes, hanging her wet garments wherever she could. Then she took a cup of tea to her room. Flipping open her computer, she glanced through the pictures of the day that had been posted. Thom had already posted a few good ones. She couldn’t help glancing at Gale’s feed, but there wasn’t anything new. Okay, she was thinking about him. On a whim, she logged onto her dad’s web account and looked up The 100. It started at season 2. She checked the other services, but couldn’t find season one without paying for it. Instead, she flipped on one of her standbys, Sex and the City. Later she called her dad and told him about her day. Tuesday, Madge’s alarm went off bright and early for kickboxing. Madge spent a couple minutes luxuriating in the warm blankets wrapped around her, convincing herself to leave bed before the sun was up. She flipped through her internet feeds. Pretty quickly she stumbled on a late night post from Gale: two pictures - one, of a snowy hillside captioned “stopping here / To watch his woods fill up with snow” and one through a windshield, showing rows of cars’ tail lights and captioned “And miles to go before I sleep.” The words sounded vaguely familiar to her, so she googled the first caption and found the Robert Frost poem he was quoting. She liked the line, “the woods are lovely, dark and deep.” After considering it as a comment, she decided to simply like the first picture. But on the second she wrote “definitely NOT the road less traveled by ;-).” Feeling pleased with herself, she pulled up a familiar kickboxing routine and a playlist of upbeat tunes. “Shut up and dance [with me],” started on her headphones as she strapped her phone to her arm. She was finishing up the warm-up section, “stupid girls” reverberating in her ears, when a text arrived. She almost ignored the message, but since people didn’t usually try to contact her at such an early hour, her curiosity won and she paused the kickboxing. Even though she was barely warmed up, she could feel her heart thudding swiftly along. She downed some water and opened her phone. Gale 6:26am you awake? Madge 6:30am Yeah What’s up? Gale 6:31am slept like crap when do you have to be at work? Madge 6:32am Around 9? Gale 6:33am want to grab some coffee? 8ish? She wanted to say yes. Madge looked at the time and did some slightly optimistic mental arithmetic. Madge 6:35am Is midtown ok? Gregorys, Mad SQ Park? Gale 6:37am deal Madge looked at the clock again. Shit, she had to get moving. She shut down the kickboxing video and got ready for the day as quickly as she could. Nothing has changed, she told herself. He’s the same guy. Which was true, except now her rock solid reasoning that had limited their relationship to friends had become shifting sands and she hadn’t found her footing. Already the remaining snow had been transformed into gross gray slush. By the time Madge got there, Gale was sitting at a table by the window, to-go coffee cup steaming in front of him. He was reading something on his phone, so Madge joined the line at the register. She pulled out her phone and sent: Madge 8:07am In line Gale 8:07am ok She looked up and caught his eye, then lifted her hand, not really a wave but enough. He returned the gesture, looking mildly amused. Then the line moved forward and Madge shifted her attention back to her phone so she’d have something to do. Once she had her dirty chai (in the travel mug she had remembered to bring with her no less, score one for saving the planet) and a pastry (nothing too decadent), she made her way over to the seat across from him. He looked tired. “Hi,” she said brightly. “Hi.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Don’t tell me - you’re a morning person?” Madge frowned. “‘You’re the one who wanted to get coffee,” she pointed out. “Because coffee,” he explained, “is the only way I’m coherent most mornings. And I was up way too early.” “Okay.” She sipped her drink. “So are you caffeinated enough to be sociable yet?” “Getting there,” he admitted grudgingly before taking another drink himself. “Sorry you didn’t sleep well. Anything you … um, want to talk about?” “Not really.” When he didn’t say anything else, Madge decided not to prod him further. Instead she watched his hand with the coffee cup and asked, “So what’d you do this weekend?” “I went out to harriman with a friend,” he said. “We thought we’d be clever and get out of dodge before the first snow of the year. It was crawling with snow tourists though. Kind of a let down.” “Harriman?” “It’s a state park,” Gale clarified. “An hour out of the city if there’s no traffic - which is never. Not as good as the mountains but still. It at least has woods enough you could get lost if you tried.” “Do you?” Madge was intrigued. “Try to get lost?” “No,” Gale laughed. Sipping his drink he thought for a minute. “But sometimes I try ... to lose myself. It’s different. We did hit the AT.” Seeing her puzzlement he added. “Appalachian Trail. That was good. It was a slog getting home though.” “Oh, yeah, the traffic. I saw your post,” Madge acknowledged. “I guess we missed the turn for the road less traveled by,” Gale agreed drily. Madge smiled in commiseration. “Still, it must have been nice to get out of the city? You managed a peaceful picture at least. And I like the poem you quoted.” “Yeah…” he answered distractedly. “I guess it just wasn’t was satisfying as I expected. It’s nothing. So, what about you? It looked like i missed a good snowball fight.” “You did,” she heartily agreed. “Central Park was ah-mazing. I mean, it was packed with people but so much fun.” She gave him a quick recap of their time in the park. “Nice,” Gale nodded. “We’re lucky it hit on the weekend.” His phone chimed at him and he quickly checked the screen. “I gotta get going. what about you?”

Madge looked at her phone. “Shit!” she said “Yeah, me too.”

Walking out onto the busy street together, they both turned North. Gale returned to his earlier thought. “Well, at least it snowed on the weekend. It sucks when it snows on a Monday. And you know it’ll just be dirty slush or gone before you can enjoy it.” He paused and glanced to her. “Unless you’re crazy enough to be awake at 6 am.”

”It’s not that early,” she argued playfully. “Besides it’s not like I’m going out at that hour. Believe me I’ve seen enough law & orders to stay out of the city parks when it’s dark.”

“Hey, don’t say that. Oh - which way are you?” They had reached the corner. Madge pointed East. Gale nodded and pointed North. “Anyway, the parks are great at night. You just gotta use the buddy system.”

“The buddy system?” she repeated incredulously.

“Well yeah,” he said. “You do know it, right?”

“Yes,” she scoffed. “I know the buddy system.” She looked up at his teasing eyes and wished she could just skip work and spend the day with him and see where it went. But she couldn’t, she had cell cultures to go check on and he had work too.“I guess I just ... need a buddy.”

“You know how to find me,” he answered, winking at her. With a wave, he hurried across the street to continue North. Reluctantly Madge turned toward work.

#gadge #fanfic #my-fanfic #nyc-verse #gadge fanfic

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khemi · 7 years

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Losing Count

@ghostpressure asked: on this day of days im gonna be cliche and ask for jaderose maybe?? of the first kiss variety??

How could I ever say no to some sweet jaderose content? Lil non-Sburb AU, Rose POV!

Send me 413 Drabble Requests!

You lose count of all the ways Jade Harley is perfect every time you sit and try to name them.

You start with the single bit of hair that falls out of place no matter how many times she tucks it behind her ear, carry on past the way she plucks the bands on her fingers in a way you’re sure echoes some song played on a bass, and around the time you’re settling on the way she smiles with full lips and a fuller heart that shows in the dimples in her cheeks and the shine in her eye, there’s far too many things to keep hold of and they all escape in a dreamy sigh.

She is far too lovely for this world. Were you a traditional romantic you might call her an angel, or a flower in bloom. As it is, your diary is full of neatly transcribed descriptions of the finest of Lythalia’s daughters, wound in vines and tempting you with every look that lures you closer to her, yet able to crush you easily with a single dismissal if she desired. You describe yourself in less glowing terms in such entries, the groveling spawn of Th'rygh, a thing of ugly flesh and dirt not worth being the ground she walks on.

(When marking your diary, Mother gave you a high mark for dramatics, but a low mark for rationale. You’ll take what you can get from the privacy invading witch.)

Still, somehow Jade has not grown tired of your company, and allowed you to continue basking in her glow, which you do without even a modicum of restraint. She foolishly inquired about your home and you responded as if you hadn’t had a handwritten invitation to afternoon tea sitting in your purse for weeks, slightly dog-eared from all the times you’d hesitantly grasped it with intent to present it and then rapidly changed your mind. But no- she asked, and how could you not respond to such an earnest request, such bright eyes and such a broad smile and such glowing cheeks and such a melodious voice and-

You lost count of the ways she’s perfect, and gave her the invitation, and now here you are in your own bedroom, diary kicked firmly under your bed and Jade sitting opposite you in the most garishly beautiful combination of a neon green summer dress and yellow tracksuit pants. She’s folded her long legs into a knot and clasped her hands around her bare ankles, watching with open interest as you carefully mix a pot of tea with little preserved rosebuds all held in an octopus strainer.

“Those are so pretty,” she hums, rocking forward to peer at them closer, eyes blown up big and vibrant through her oversized glasses.

So are you, you think in a swift cliche, before battering it down with a metaphorical broom and smiling shyly instead. “I’m glad you think so.”

“I do! I’ve never had flower tea before... I’ve had normal tea, and green tea, and even a purple tea once... Will this one be pink?” Jade gasps, her rainbow tinted mental voyage leading her to a place that makes her whole face light up and leaves your heart aflutter. “Do you think we could make a whole tea spectrum? That would be so cool...”

“I can’t promise you a spectrum, but this will indeed be rosé.” You’ll leave it to brew a little longer than intended, just to make sure.

Jade giggles, bouncing herself closer across the bed, the only person in the world who can make the gesture graceful. “Do you drink this a lot?”

“Not often, no. Now and then, when the mood takes me. Special occasions.” Your cheeks are racing the tea for pinkness, and you bite back an explanation that you bought it especially for her. “It feels like it should be treasured, doesn’t it?”

“All roses should be treasured,” Jade replies solemnly, and your thoughts hitch on if a capital could possibly be applied, fingers lurching on their way to the honey. You cover it with a cough, poorly, a scoop up the dipper with a delicate twirl to catch some amber across it. She’s watching you, just as closely, and your face has now surpassed the entire pink family and entered into the nether-realms of red. “You know... it’s funny, isn’t it?”

“What is?” Did you miss a joke? Some ironic twist of fate? Please just be about Rose drinking rose tea, how amusing, not some greater embarrassment you’ll have to live with the burden of for all eternity.

“Well.” Jade twiddles her thumbs against each other, rubbing them over the skin of her leg. “I was hoping for flowers, but I didn’t think you’d make me drink them!”

Your mind does what your brother would call the one record scratch sound thats in everything rose come on you know the one its like the wilhelm scream of oh shit waddup moments and if you pretend you dont know it im calling bullshit just like the time you said you didnt know what a flashback was looking youre having one right the fuck now while potential macking material is next to you will you get off this train of thought and get on that.

You get off that train of thought.

“You were hoping for flowers?”

“Maybe.” Jade’s confidence gutters and she stares at her feet, wiggling her exposed toes. “I sort of thought- You know! With how things are, I thought maybe if I asked to come over it’d be like...”

“Like what.” Your mind appears to have ceased functioning.

“Like a date, oh my God! You’re worse than John!” She puffs up her cheeks behind a pout. “What are you gonna wear, Jade, are you going to do your makeup Jade, do you have any idea how gay this is Jade, maybe you should take her flowers and be the one who makes all the ladies swoon Jade.”

The only thing you can actively draw from anything she just said is that she does an impeccable impression of John.

Jade’s eyes flick up to you, back to the tea, and then with a fresh wave of resolve fix on your face with adamantine strength, narrowing behind her glasses to a determined edge.

“Is this a date?” She asks it with each syllable crisp and clear, her teeth leaving marks in her lip with how hard she bites it after. The words finally break through to you, fire behind the already intense burn in your cheeks, and you expect you’re red enough to live up to your namesake.

“It...” Oh dear. You hadn’t prepared for the scenario in which there was any actual interest, as ridiculous a prospect as it had always seemed. “It...” Your gears are caught and grinding, hitched in place, and you swallow hard to dampen your tongue so you can wet your lips before managing to finish- “It could be?”

Somewhere, your Mother is likely laughing at you.

Here and now, Jade’s eyes go big, and then bigger, and her lip pops out from beneath her front teeth with such speed it makes a sound.

“It could be?” She slams her hands to the bed between you and makes you jump, heart already pounding. “That’s not a no!”

“It’s... It’s not.” What’s happening and how do you get off this ride before it starts to plummet.

“That’s not a no!” She repeats it gleefully, smile returning as she reaches out a hand to pat hopefully at your knee. “So- So, maybe it could be a yes?”

You have lost control of your life, and the tea is likely so strong by now you may as well have shoved a whole flower in your mouth.

“It- I suppose it-” You can hear how flustered you are, and do your best to exert some kind of damage control that just makes you feel more ridiculous. “Are you- Are you asking me for it to be?”

“Duh,” Jade huffs like it’s obvious, which is terribly presumptuous of her, given the current disarray you find your mind in. “So what do you say? What... do you say?”

And once more, the sweet flower wilts beneath the pressure of self-doubt, and your hands move without informing your brain of their decision, finding her fingers and tangling with them in a silent but informative gesture that’s pulling more conversational weight than your entire vocal system.

Jade stares at your fingers for a moment, and this time the light that spreads through her is a sunrise, slow and creeping and inescapable, blinding to watch too closely but something you find difficult to tear your gaze from. It illuminates her moles and freckles, the way her muscles move as she tightens her grip on yours, the fabric of her dress shivering with her excited breaths and splaying perfectly over her pants.

You lose count of the ways she’s perfect even as her joy runs like molten gold between each one and highlights it for you so brightly you can’t possibly miss it.

It occurs to you, as a very distant dream, surreal and hardly possible in this reality, that you are apparently on a date with Jade Harley.

Jade seems more settled into the concept, hurriedly closing the gap between your legs with a few more bounces so your linked hands sit on the boundary between laps, crossing the great divide with a bridge that feels sturdy enough to weather many storms. She wiggles, a tremble of her shoulders that washes all the way down to her waist, and then leans towards you, slowly, a falling tree you should run from but find yourself watching and waiting for the impact instead.

Her lips purse, then pucker, and you realise what’s going to happen with just enough time left for klaxons to start blaring in your mind at the fact you’ve clearly lost all grip on the realms of the possible and in some kind of fantasy from which you’ll wake the moment you let yourself believe in it.

And yet.

Jade kisses you like snow melting on a fingertip, light and fleeting and possibly imagined were it not for the ghost it leaves behind. She stays close, eyelids fluttering in nervous blinks, and you have a moment in which you can reclaim your rational mind and pull away, a moment to possibly escape the fairy-tale you are about to leap into and pray it won’t be Grimm.

Instead you press forward, too fast, bump your mouths together in a way that isn’t so much romantic as it is slapstick, and Jade giggles and leans back enough to rub her lips and cover up a bashful smile.

She tries again, before you have time to admonish yourself, tipping her head and letting her lips meet yours all silk to skin and lingering, pressure and warmth and stillness that’s somehow still overwhelming despite how slowly it arrives.

You have found another way she’s perfect. The soft fragrance of grass and perfume on her skin when she’s so close, the gentleness with which she kisses you despite how strong you know her to be.

Limitless perfections, even in such a small action, and no hope of counting even one when all your thoughts are consumed by the fact her lips are on yours.

When Jade does pull back, it’s slowly, careful, hands still locked and her face still close and red and beautiful. You have many things you could say, about finally, or why, or beauty and perfection and so many emotions beating frantic in your chest.

You chase her, and kiss her again, and hold her hands tighter, and you hope that in the taste of your lips she finds everything you’ve never been able to say.

#i wrote a thing #jaderose #jade harley #rose lalonde #homestuck #here you go friend #femslash for the soul #ghostpressure

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sillyandquiteawkward · 7 years

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(This was started in response to your sweet pic of guy and Pickman kissing and not the other thing you drew with the death and the romantic killing. Though if you don’t mind I like using events that you draw as “cannon” to fanfic. I hope you like it, do what you want with it. If you don’t mind I’ll finish the ending and send that to you as well?)

im going to cut this so its not too long but aaaaaaa!! id love to read more, if thats something you want to do, and i dont mind that you base off the story of some of my art (but lmao i hope it wouldnt end in the same way as the death and romantic killing one, i dont think my little gay heart could take it). but i love what youre writing my friend ;w;

Pickman drops off the map. Soul isn’t concerned. More to the point he has too much else to worry about one overly artistic raider killer. He categorizes all the other things he has to worry about as he stares up through the holes in the starlight cinema’s ceiling. Prestion’s itching to retake the castle but Soul is having a hard time giving the order, “pulling the trigger.” This is the big test. He’s been rebuilding Preston’s militia on auto pilot since he put Soul in charge of the damn thing. Flying by the seat of his pants. If he messes this one up the minutemen are done, for good this time. Even if they both survive he doubts Preston will stick around after Soul sends the guys last hope in humanity crashing and burning into the ground.

Soul rolls over. There’s plenty of room. He spreads out like a starfish but that feels too exposed so he curls into a tiny ball on the edge of the mattress. He thinks of his wife and he thinks of his son and he thinks about his dead world. Somewhere in that mess, the thinking becomes dreaming, and he wakes up feeling more scrambled than when he lay down.

Soul ties back his growing mane into a rat-nest ponytail and packs for a trip. The destination is rattling around in the back of his head but he doesn’t care to look for it.

Pack over shoulder he decides to check on the new addition. The water filter in the center of the shanty town rumbles healthy under his hand. He pats one of her pipes thankful for small favors, a pack full of clean water. The residents of Starlight holler farewells and he raises a hand as he sets off the road.

The Commonwealth roads seem subdued. Everything is fuzzy around the edges. He finds himself standing in front of a red door and stares at it for a second, a memory gnawing at the corner of his awareness. He drags it back and examines it. A few hours ago, five ferals on the way, all but the last one killed before they woke up. The last one takes a bullet through the leg as it darts forward.Then another one between the eyes as it lays on the ground. The weather is threatening rain. His head tilts up at the dirty sky.

“Truce for today?”

The commonwealth doesn’t respond.

Now he’s here. Soul starts back to himself and wipes away the streams of water running down his face. He pushes open the door and goes inside just to get out of the rain.

The house is cleaner than his last visit. The gallery itself still sets his gut in knots. Soul walks through it quickly, only glancing at the new additions. There are new additions, surprise and relief catch in his throat and produce something between a grunt and a cough. He assumed- but he was wrong.

The blood stains still coat the floor but it’s no worse than any raider hideout. Soul sits down in a cleanish chair and props up his aching feet on a table. Resting the pistol on his abdomen as he leans back.

Introspection was never his strong suit. Asking why he was here would just mix him up more, he was here. Now what.

He pulled a Snack Cake out of his pack and ate one. He was sitting in Pickman’s house with his feet up on the table getting this powdery stuff all over the place. The rapper crinkled as he stuffed it back in the bag.

A note. He could leave a note in the safe. Soul tucked the gun away and left his pack at the table. Pickman had to have paper and pens around here somewhere. He pushed open a closet door to find it empty, then a bedroom door. The press of cold mettle on his throat and the slam of his body against the hallway wall, their faces are very close. Soul notice’s Pickman’s lips are cracked and bleeding. They stand against the wall for a moment before the grin plastered on pickman’s face falls and he dropped the blade.

“Soul.” He bends to pick up the knife. “You didn’t knock.”

“Hi Pickm- Richard, how- um, how’s it going?”

“I nearly slit your neck. Do you have doors in Sanctuary?”

Soul considers his old home, blasted open as the pressure wave hit “Not anymore.” He chuckles. “I still should have knocked though, sorry about that. I honestly figured you were dead.”

That takes Pickman back. Soul gets a chance to look him over as he steps back and turns 180 to stare back into his bedroom. “Yes, I understand how you would reach that conclusion.” He doesn��t look good. His hair is messy and he is wearing the same suit with only one shoe. The room beyond is dark, boarded up windows and a single mattress.

“I have been out of sorts lately. Nothing to do with you so you shouldn’t concern yourself. I’ll contact you in a few days.” He turns and makes a dismissive shooing motion with one hand. The hand with the knife in it. Soul thinks it might be a more threatening gesture than Pickman intended, but then everything the man does is threatening.

The pack is still sitting beside the table. Soul walks past Richard and begins pulling things out. Carefully packed as it is, the cans aren’t hard to find. He pulls out two and pops them open.

“Drink?”

“No, thank you.” Pickman waves him off.

“You’re dehydrated. Headache so bad you can’t see straight right? How long since you drank something?”

Pickman’s ears move back, it’s the only sign on his face that he’s gritting his teeth.

“I think you might be misinterpreting the situation Killer. I am not your friend or your lover and I do not need you here to pity me.” The last sentence punctuated by the knife’s violent entrance into the tablewood.

“I need you’re help.” Soul responded sloshing the can. “Some tactical advice for the minutemen.”

Pickman drops down in the chair opposite Soul’s, side and takes the proffered can of water. It vanished in a moment and Soul replaced it. He opened a package of deviled eggs and set them on the table between them, popping one in his mouth and sitting down himself watching Pickman sip at the purified water.

“Presumably you didn’t come for advice from a dead man.”

You look like a dead man walking Soul wanted to reply. He recognised the far away look Pickman had in his eyes. He saw it in the mirror often enough.

Instead he just opened his own water can and downed half. He had to be more careful about getting lost from himself for such a long time.

“I suppose I should be thankful you found your way here again. I don’t know how long- how long has it been since we fixed the library’s Mutant problem.”

“About two weeks.”

Pickman shakes his head. “I thought I could break the rules and look where it got me. Thank you for the water but you really should leave now.”

“Not happening.”

“Why?”

“I need some tactical advice and I won’t trust it till your at 100%”

Pickman smiles, it has less poison in it than before, he rubs his eyes. “If you are intent to stay then stay.” He roots around under the table and finds his other shoe. Unlacing and putting it on as he talks. “I have no intention of letting you distract me till my painting is finished.”

Soul spends a moment cataloging rations and water supply for two people in his pack. About three days if he stretches it. GoodNeighbors close enough for a day trip. He nods. “I’ll wait.”

That’s what he does. Pickman moves about the house like a ghost at all hours. The rain lets up but never stops. They talk sometimes but mostly Soul tries to keep out of his way when he’s glassy eyed and leaves open food containers out on the table. He finds them empty. It doesn’t take three days but they are low on everything, Soul is sitting on the front step considering wading through the calf-deep river the streets have become.

He hears pounding. Inside Pickman has a nail between his teeth and he’s hammering another one into the Gallery wall. The framed painting leaning against his leg depicts a building on fire the flames turning in to faces as they climb towards the sky.

Soul feels his skin crawl. It’s the front of the Boston library Pickman has drawn and one of the faces is unmistakably Soul’s own.

Pickman hangs the painting up on it’s wire and adjusts it to sit square with the others. He turns to Soul still standing in the doorway and pulls a hand down his face.

“I would like some of that water now. If you don’t mind.”

They sit down in the kitchen again and soul cracks open the last of the water. They drink in silence before Pickman sighs and speaks not looking up from the gash in the table.

“I apologize for my ill manners earlier Soul. Your opinion on that nickname during our last outing was quite forceful, I assumed using it would drive you away.”

“I’ve been called worse things. That was days ago anyway, I honestly forgot about it.”

“Days?” His eyes widen it’s the most expressive the man’s seemed since he got here. “They’re getting longer.” Pickman grumbles.

“Mine too if it makes you feel any better.” Soul says tipping up the last of the water can. “I walked all the way here like a robot, shot some Ghouls without even thinking about it.”

Pickman blinks. “Ferals, one would hope?”

“Oh, oh ya. No I wouldn’t- I hope it would never.” Soul chokes on the liquid swallows and tries again. “I’ve never killed a person like that. Well- one but he didn’t make it easy.”

He thinks back to MacCready pulling the gun out of his hand as it clicked over empty, again and again. “He didn’t make it easy but he had it coming.”

A well timed roll of thunder and the clattering of the windows increases as the storm piles on. They might be stuck here for a while if this didn’t let up.

“Was he your first?” Pickman asks The flashes of lightning illuminating everything in small doses.

“What? We didn’t- I had a wife. And before that even-”

“Your first kill.” Pickman says nearly laughing.

Soul shakes his head scratching at his crusty jacket. “No, I was in the army before. I remember killing people but not who was first.“ Was that a common discussion point now a days? He remembers MacCready asking the same thing. "Do you?”

Pickman has his hands under his chin leaning forward like he’s listening to an interesting drinking story. “Oh yes.”

…..

(I’m having some trouble figuring out what’s next. I’m thinking a flood? Pickman and Soul try to save some of the artwork but Soul REALLY DOSN’T WANT TO TOUCH IT? Your input would be valued. I am trying to get close to Guy but its difficult with so little to go off of so I feel strange using his name. Anyway thanks for the goldmine of artwork!)

a flood sounds exciting! youve already set up all the water and rain and omg i love the idea of trying to save his art;;; and dont feel bad about not adhering exactly to guy, hes pretty unpredictable, even to me, haha. i let him do whatever he wants, he never tells me anything about himself XD so i dont mind at all that soul isnt guy, hes tricky and a bit convoluted. but im glad i can provide art that you can enjoy and honored that youd write a story for me! :D i love reading your writing;;; i love how you have the characters interacting and the little exchange at the end here made me giggle out loud :D

#endless thanks to you #im love this #submission

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furiousconnoisseurcomputer-blog · 6 years

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I have a 11 month daughter, and i want to buy affordable health insurance for her.?

"I have a 11 month daughter, and i want to buy affordable health insurance for her.?

I have a 11 month daughter, and i want to buy affordable health insurance for her.?

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Whats the cheapest car insurance YOU have ever paid?

A question about car insurance....?

What if a guy parked his car in the parking lot and when he came back from what ever he was doing, his car was crashed He have no idea who did it. WIll his car insurance cover for the damage?""

What car insurance companies dont base quotes on youngest driver on policy?

i genuinely want to be added on my parents car policy just for occasional use, i am 17 and all the quotes i have got are still riddiculously priced as insurance companies base prices on youngest driver on policy even if they are additional driver""

Can my bf receive settlement from a car accident if he doesn't have insurance but the car that hit him does?

My boyfriend just got in a car accident. It was a hit and run. The police found out that the car that hit him was stolen but had full coverage insurance. The problem is my boyfriend's insurance expired 2 months ago. The police saw the accident happen and had him to come down to the station and file a report. Since he does not have insurance can he still receive a settlement for damages since the car that hit him has full coverage

Motorcycle insurance question?

I recently had an accident on my 2003 Harley Davidson. It is essentially totaled. How much on average will my insurance cover. I have relatively good insurance. Just wondering what you thought.

Why does car insurance go up if you have a 4-wheel drive?

I am thinking about getting a 2001 Jeep Grand Cherokee 4x4. My car recently broke down and it was a 2000 Chevy Suburban. My parents don't really want to get me the Jeep with 4x4 because they said the price of insurance would go way up. I want to know why is this and about how much would it go up?

Which car insurance company is the cheapest if you have many points?

Whats cheap car to insure and run?

ive been trying to find cheap cars to insure, and it comes up with 2010 models that the car costs 12,000 i want something old cheap reliable for fuel car cost and insurance, i dont really care what year but im guessing the older cars like 1980s will be cheaper""

If car insurance goes with the car technically does that mean an uninsured driver can drive an insured car?

I have a license but no insurance. I drive my dad's car which is insured in his name. If he is aware that i am driving the car and i get into an accident, does that mean I am insured?""

Need help finding rental insurance/jewelry insurance?

I just moved into an apartment for the 1st time and I was advised to get rental insurance. I don't have many valuables with the exception of a laptop and an engagement ring. The rest of my items are the standard furnishings (couch, bed, desk, etc.) I know rental insurance is cheap so I wanted to look into it. Just an FYI that I do not have a car/auto insurance so I can't just add rental insurance onto existing car insurance. Also my main concern is that my engagement ring is VERY valuable and I will leave it at home often, so I wanted to make sure it was protected (either at home or if I do wear it out). I also travel often, so that might leave my place open for burglars ... or who knows what other issues (fire, etc.) Please advise, thanks!""

Does marital status affect my auto insurance premium?

Does a man have a right to control what his wife eats if he pays her health insurance?

For example, if she is a stay at home mom and he works full time and pays extra money to have her put on his insurance. I say this because eating right is an important part of being healthy and to be honest I don't want my future wife to be overweight.""

Car insurance write off?

Ok so wanting a slightly clearer answer for how exactly car insurance write offs work? I have a 92 Toyota lexcen market value on my policy is up to 2125, I have a damaged bonnet, bumper and headlight also my horn sounds really wrong now! Not sure if there's other damage, I was not at fault in the accident. Basically wondering how they decide whether to write it off or not and how much I could maybe expect to get back? Car was in decent condition low ks, although it's not the first accident it's been in""

What do i need to have insurance..!?answer please..!!?

so i know that if we do insurance,we will get amount for the thing when the insured thing is damaged..!! but what is the used of this??we have to pay premium every now and then and we will be get paid at the end?right??or will the insurance company provide any extra money other than the interest on our money?? and isn't it better to invest on some other thing and get profit and use when our things are damaged?? health insurance is ok,i accept that in urgent cases we cant bring back our invested money in a while ,so we do that,but what about vehicle insurance?why do we need that? and if to avoid paying tax,insurace is opted??and for that thing,i think there are other sources too? but whatever why people go for insurance..that what i wanted to know? and also..for example,if i have an insurance for my bike and its not met with an accident till now..and if i die and i have no family and relatives to claim..where will the policy go?? and if i do health insurance and if i die,i think the money will be given to my children or whoever i mentioned..!!..so i cant enjoy the money i earned..!! huhh....lot of questions..please take some time to answer..!! thanks in advance..:):)""

Opinions on insurance plans please?

I would appreciate any opinions on health insurance. Blue Cross /Blue shield as compared to an HMO plan for example. The positive and negative of each. Thanks!!!

""When i buy my first car (before taking test), i want to practise with sumeone, how do i go about insurance?

i know i just get insurance but for a provisonal licence holder only.. when i pass (hopefully) do i just phone the insurance company and 'upgrade' my existing insurance or do i just get altogether new insurance? and How long did it take you to pass.. from first lesson to passing? Cheers! 10 points for best answer =D

I have a 11 month daughter, and i want to buy affordable health insurance for her.?

How is California's New Auto Insuranse Law Enforced?

The state of California has closed a loop hole in the law that allowed people to register their cars with phony insurance or to register with good insurance and cancel a short time afterward. Now when you cancel your insurance, the insurance company will notify the DMV electronically and you car's registration will be revoked? What happens afterward? You still have the valid looking sticker on your car...so Are police going to be stopping you now just to check for insurance? How do you get your registration re-instated if revoked under these conditions?""

Car insurance in Michigan?

I currently am a primary driver on my car which is thru AAA. My boyfriend and I recently bought a car and insured it thru progressive for cheaper than it would have been at AAA. I am the primary. Is this legal to have 2 insurance companies? Or is this like a double jeopardy?

""Can I get auto insurance coverage with my sister's auto insurance? (Boston, MA)?""

I will be visiting my sister who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. I will have to drive her car but I do not have my own auto insurance. My sister, of course, have her auto insurance (through Commerce Insurance) which has full coverage. The question is, will I be able to receive coverage (with my sister's insurance) in case I get into an accident?""

Car insurance extremely high?

i am 17 i haven't bought i car yet, and i have not passed my test, but i have tried to check how much my insurance will be once i have passed my test, i have done checks on small cars e.g vw polo, corsa, Nissan micra's etc but i have not found a quote under 1,700 i cannot afford this price, is there any cheaper insurance companies, or am i just going to have to save up 4 a long time.""

The minimum amount your auto insurance must cover per accident is:?

In California is? A. $15,000; 30,000; 5,000 B. $10,000; $25,000; $5,000 C. $20,000; $25,000; $15,000 D. $5,000; $15,000; $10,000 Thanks!""

Bike insurance on a r6 in the uk?

ok so at the minute im banned 23years of age my ban is up next year so will be 24 when im looking to get insured im not even going to atemp to drive a car i know it will be to dear but have rode bikes my hole life so a big bike head would love to be leagul on a r6/zx6r 600cc sports bike does anybody know what it would cost me for a year for insurance serious answers please no idiots thanks

When will the government provide car insurance and life insurance to the uninsured?

There are plenty of people out there that has no car and/or life insurance...do you think Obama and his Progressives need to address this problem also...Come on Where is the outrage? There are life insurance companies and car insurance companies out there making a profit...we need to do something about this...

Cost of insurance for a Landrover Freelander 1.8i for new driver?

I am 36 & thinking of buying a freelander 1.8i 3 dr for when I pass my test & I just want to know how to find out the cost of insurance without contacting any insurance company.

What do you pay for car insurance? per MONTH?

How old are you and what do you drive? How much would insurance for a brand new 16 y/o driver typically cost? just an estimate? thank you.

Does anyone know about 'Gap Insurance' to cover the cost between ?

the amount owed on an almost new car and the amount the insurance company is willing to settle for (book value).

Insurance company won't cover me because my wife is pregnant?

I'm on a 90 day waiting period to get insurance by my employer, so I tried to get a short term one to be covered in the meantime one but they wont cover me because my wife is pregnant. can they do this what are options... i'm in Illinois. Thank you""

Sr-22's in southern California?

I just want to know what carrying one in the state of California does for me. My license was suspended in Chicago for parking tickets, and before I can get it back, I must rectify this. But before I have the 5 grand to do so, my mother mentioned looking into an SR22, citing something about being able to recieve limited driving priviledges. The DMV is closed, and this is bugging me, so I thought I'd ask you guys. I appreciate any help that anyone has to offer.""

How much is car insurance per year for a oldish mini?

I'm 18 in June and I would really love a mini say 2005 or something like that. How much roughly would insurance be per year for one of them. Thanks guys :)

Car insurance so confusing?

i have car insurance just now and i pay monthly.i am changing my car on wed so need to change my policy to fully comp. i would like to pay for my year insurance in a lump sum to cut down on monthly outgoings.problem is i get car on 9th but dont have money to pay years insurance till 15th so can i pay for a month then the year or do i have to pay monthly for the whole year

HELP me on Auto insurance...?

Sooo when i get a car im curious about how much insurance would be a month...obviously i'll be 18 pretty soon..and am planning on buying a scion tc most likely 2005-2007...around how much do you think monthly the insurance might be?

How can i get Health insurance?

Hey looking for advise on how i should go about getting health insurance. I'm 18 turning 19 in March my father is passed away and i live with my mother we recently moved to Arizona I'm from Massachusetts i knew about mass health but never had to deal with anything due to always being insured by my mother and fathers works. Looking for what i should do Also i do not have a job as of right now I'm looking for health insurance so that if i get hurt while doing things such as snowboarding an break a bone or something i don't have to pay a 12,000 bill when i have no money Thank you for any help""

Has anyone heard of this car insurance company?

I'm trying to find this insurance company but it has a really vague name. It's called Ca. Auto Liab. It's on a California Highway Patrol accident report and they said it was a real company. I need to find their phone number and/or website. Has anyone came across this company?

Does anyone know of a cheap auto insurance carrier in california?

does anyone know of a cheap auto insurance carrier in california

Is it mandatory to have car insurance in New York State?

Will I get a ticket or get my licensed suspended if I don't have I don't have car insurance?

Car insurance question?

I recently passed my test, and was looking at car insurance quotes and they're all pretty expensive. I was wondering if I were to just wait until I'm about 23 or 24 before I purchase a car, would the insurance be cheaper, even if I didn't have any driving experience? Thanks in advance.""

Is the general car insurance a good car insurance company?

i just recently started hearing about it and im looking for a cheap car insurance company but from the commercials it says like $40 or something i dont remember the exact price but its really cheap. i know it depends on where u live and the type of car u have etc, but i just want to know overall is it better for me to get than for example getting century 21, where the quote was $300 -.- (yes im young and have an audi) does anyone have it? is it safe to apply for? and some ppl actually think its a scam?""

How much for cheap car insurance?

I am a young 17 year old female. I am looking for insurance so i can get my 1993 Lincoln Towncar on the road but I dont know a thing about insurance how much do you think it will cost and which company should I go for.

Car insurance for new driver?

i'm looking to get my G2 tomorrow. i'm unsure what to do about insurance. i'm 17 and currently living with my mom, and often driving her vehicle. i'm planing on getting my own car soon though. do i have to go under her insurance? or do i have to go on my own?""

Why can we not demand that the bozos in washinton pay for their own medical insurance?

i have cardio myopathy w/ congestive heart failure...my insurance plan???...a do not resuscitate order.

Pregnant with no health insurance?

I just moved from Washington to Massachusetts. I don't have Massachusetts health insurance and I'm now 4 weeks pregnant. I don't have a job right now since I just moved, but I'm trying to get one I can do throughout my pregnancy. I'm 17 and all of my family is in Washington. My first priority right now is getting health insurance so I can make sure my baby is healthy. I've been trying to do some research but have no idea where to begin. I want to know if anyone knows how a pregnant teenager can get affordable health insurance in Massachusetts. Or if it would be possible to get on my boyfriend's health insurance plan.""

I have a 11 month daughter, and i want to buy affordable health insurance for her.?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-best-type-renters-insurance-grover-metzler"

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