#but i dont think anyone short of a mechanic can rn

[shadsasaur]

i am having a day

when we were trying to find a fix for one of my Various Ailments it turned out my eye is slightly off and i could go for a glasses. so today mom decides to come along for my month-post-checkup checkup to have a look at glasses with me.

on the way back to my place she mentions her phone said something about airtags. she drops me off, then comes back inside to show me her phone and the tag thing. we go out and experiment with the popup and realize we can make an tag beep. it is coming from inside the jeep. we cannot find anything inside. we crawl on the ground under. the noise is absolutely coming form the jeep, somewhere around the right rear wheel, on the outside. we cannot fucking find anything.

mom has nothing of value and no drama. there would be no reason to track and rob her. we realize the app says the tag has been on her since 5:46am.. which was about when her partner left for 3 weeks on the oil rigs 🙃

we spend two fucking hours searching [lex coming home and getting his gear to really get in] and as best as we can figure, having oil rig money means you dont care about the cost of an airpod and just shoved it in the jeep's body so it could neither be found nor retrieved. he kept calling while we were looking and she didnt answer.

we dont know what to do. i was trying to convince her to let me answer and say "SORRY, MOMS UNDER THE JEEP RN. YEAH SOMEONE'S PUT A TRACKER ON HER CAR, WHICH IS A COMMON WAY ROBBERS FOLLOW YOU HOME AN HIT YOUR HOUSE, SO WE'RE TRYING TO FIND IT TO GIVE IT TO THE COPS SINCE IT TRACKS THE PHONE NUMBER OF WHO OWNS IT! BYEEEE :D " to make him shit his pants but she wouldnt let me 🙃

anyways shoutout to moms shitty bf who apparently can buy an airtag but not read "if this thing is on a person who doesnt own it for a bit, they get an alert that its there with the ability to track its location and see a map of how long it's travelled with them"

[mandizo]

the latest spoke video possessed me for a bit . i also had a rough day today resulting in me writing this unreadable ramble about him on my textbook . talking about ls is literally my coping mechanism......... you might die reading this you have been warned. all the "spoke" in this refer to c!spoke btw

i have s ome very brief and short and concisely worded opinions on the new spoke video ! i want this to be some kinda character study but im not mentally capable enough to do that rn. my favourite part of spoke is his like. personality in general especially how he thinks and how he works to achieve his goals if i dont get it out of my system RIGHT NOW i will explode .

is spoke evil? well in my humble opinion his actions do come from what he thinks are correct / the right thing to do. most notably "to bring peace to lifesteal" at the end of season three. i genuinely dont think this is a lie or a smokescreen to hide his evil intentions etc. but like how bringing peace to lifesteal literally meant to kill everyone permanently, it does seem that he takes quite the radical route to do stuff every time, which caused real harm and destruction. i dont think that gets discussed enough

wiping out the entire server for peace ? whatever ill let that slide. sure . exploiting and taking advantage of the last bit of sympathy and kindness in lifesteal players by staging a fake spawn trap as bait to trick apo members wanting to rescue terry into talking? uhhhhh whatever sure. ok yea. "you can kill him if you want . you can start killing them if you want (o^^o)" blatantly saying that with a smile? "in parrots eyes this is a friendship reunited [...] however this is only one step of my true master plan."??????okay you need to be put in a padded cell immediately. actually that might be to humane you should be put on a remote island as far as possible from land . but you also did nothing wrong innocent lil dude whos just a bit silly. i think you should be put in human society and be allowed to do whatever you want

in conclusion i despise you spoke from spokeishere and i love you . i want to hug you then scream in your ears at the top of my lungs when you least expect. your awful you're evil and you're innocent and you're awesome. you treat trust from others like its nothing. you exploit other people s kindness . you always do things for the greater good. and you're spokeishere (i think thats what his name is i dont watch him that much)

in conclusion of the conclusion. did he really have to all that do achieve his goals that apparently are actually very good and good for the sever? are his goals really that honourable anymore when achieving them comes with such a hefty price tag and death toll? what if in a future event his goals aren't the morally correct thing to do in the first place, then with a passion for working towards his ideals as strong as his, wouldn't mean that he is the ultimate bad person? is he a bad guy anyway ??????my answer to that will be a resounding: "uh idk"

spoke never did anything wrong btw. aldo does anyone else think spoke sounds like hes 7 years old sometimes. not his sentences his voice, he

(the gibberish ends there)

[cheeseandbretboy]

the painting i continued (from longer than a year ago) has too bright white highlights so i need to get rid of them AND quite possibly it would be nice to just give up and do whaeter and get on the train just ot look at all the stations i havent seen before nd cvt and listten to whip your kids on repeat again and again and have no money to afford to eat and find someone who is just so ?? and mean but not in that non self absorbed self absorbed way and stupid because everyone has too much to look forward to and too much to complain about and that makes everyone so yucky and hypocritical and ughghurejne me whenni have work tmr ALSO need to print out more movie photos AND anyone i meet gets so human and i get sick of them so easily but not myself so i will always be alone and thats a good thing unless im not listening to music then it is not so good bc i can hear my breathing an feel my skin also what even is life without music its just ------------------ no ty i do not want to be like amber or ritchie but oh i did thrift their shoes and also jasons but hes kind of an L WAIT that makes so much sense anyway that scene where they are walking in the store with the heavy combat boots that have been discontinued (why?) and a shotgun wow! imagine being tricked by a soda can what a loser anyway the sehleves ive built are really nice and after doing that with hands blistered and joints sore i realised i can fit everythign insdie it and oh god im gonna lose absolutely everything! and thn something even WoORSE hit me that none of this even means anytnign, what the flip, imagine this format will stop and we only live in the real world what then maybe just maybe musicals make sense and then i bash my head into my desk HOW COULD U FOR A SECOND THINK MUSICALS ARE OKAY blood is spurting just likein that scene in longlegs dilf, jokes no maybe nicholas cage hes too pasty this has gotten long uve recently discovered this rly underground and unpopular artist michael jackson yea nobodies really heard of him sigh WHY DO I HAVEA FRENCH BOOK OH GOD IM GOING TO HELL people should put everything ive ever ever made into a bible because that is all i am and i am so happy that is true so yea put this in as well and all my assigmnets and paintings and digital art from 2019 and old drawings and scribbles and south park doodles and short stories ad gore and all the deleted notes of measurrements (sigh why phone) and dont forget all the photos and the annotations i rubbed out later cuz they sounded dumb and too personal remember always to make ur writing as obscure as possible because people always look to make everything about them hey emotions are really stupid our brains are amazing at finding information so much of it but our conciousness is preoccupied with other stupid stuff like education and being horny so all we get is emotions that have been processed information so hey our thinking brain really is in the back seat and we cant change it yk im bnad! im bad! u knowit really really bad megamind... evan peters is eyeing me rn.. i did a really good job of diverting my mental problems its actually really good but i am hoping we can get back to them once they get fixed and maybe this dependence wiol go away too right maybe and wait a darn second are you telling me i wont find myself a tim burton anti hero what the flip unbelievable may i get a refund never sell your doc martens just break them in please the blisters and pus and blood will pass and they will be great i swear unless theyre the max platform types then u might have to keep getting pain but thats okay god dont tell me i need to work in the future although when i watched the movie for the 2nd time in cinemas there was 3 seconds where there was a doctor with a mask and wowww maybe i shld become one of those but i dontthink i have the right motivation maybe neurobiology maybe quantum mechanics mabe maybe even both like quantum mind god thats interesting but only after biology i need to get worried abt climate change and then realise OH MY GOD NOTHING MATTERS BUT OUR MINDS and thats

[calpalsworld]

Not "autistic anon," but also autistic, (being called maybe ableist made me want to put this out there before go to bed) i thought Zane was depicted that way purposefully by the writers. He has stereotypical traits like taking things literally, and has an actual humor switch. The writers have done things with Zane before like have him lose bodily autonomy (during that one Wu's teas short) and did something with his voice be it making him unable to be understood or talking too loud and the forced pirate voice by Jay. (what you're doing isn't too different from that, right?) I thought it was just a little iffy to distort his body and memory bc that could be interpreted as something not that I'm sure what exactly, it's some kind of disability. I dunno. I'm not good with putting this to words. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry I went to bed but now I’m awake 😭

Also I ended up totally spilling all my thoughts here rather than only specifically replying to you please forgive me context: my scary zane concept design, & my ninjago rewrite i refer to a lot 

Im a little confused but I think I get what you're saying? You're saying the Ninjago writers absolutely DON'T write Zane well (you listed examples of this) and you don't want me to fall into the same trap?

I had the opposite logic earlier. I thought: If Ninjago writers made Zane have stereotypical autisitic traits while also being a dehumanized robot, I may as well embrace it, say he is autistic blatantly, while also making him do funny/cool non-human robot things, so its clear as possible the two aspects of his character are literal and separate and not a metaphor for each other. But you're right! I do have a choice and I dont have to embrace things! :)

Like there were a couple ways I was gonna reject the original, for example, I never wanted Zane to have a funny switch, and I hated how other characters could fuck with Zane and he didn't even care 😬. I want to change that stuff. So youre right, if I am changing shit like that, it would be counterproductive for ME to GIVE him MORE traits along that theme. 😬😬😬 I should try to feel less obligated to portray Zane like he originally is. I still like the concept of "scary zane" (for reasons i explain below the cut) but I might tone it down a bit like with the claws and weird proportions and shit. I’d def make him look more skeletal and undead. That was my original intention, but i didnt execute it as good as I could have.... idk if anyone could tell thats what he was supposed to be like...my bad! But rn I dont wanna redesign him I wanna draw other stuff like normal alive Zane. Sorry LMAO 😳. Like I said in some earlier asks I think, I think Im gonna focus rn on how I should portray season 1 normal not dead Zane so thank you and feel free to share any other Zane thoughts ^_^ SOME OTHER THOUGHTS:

Also I Wanna Argue Some Stuff But I Understand its a Weak Argument Since All of This Context was Just In My Brain (so don't take this as an argument, just as me rambling): I don't want messed up things to happen to Zane and for it to just be ignored. I think if Zane is going to have fucked up things happen to him, as all characters must, its best for it to happen during a season where he actually addresses his feelings about being a robot (learning to accept that he will always be himself, regardless if hes "human" or the "original" or whatever. (thats how I always interpreted his emotions)). But I wouldn't have the other Ninja be very phased by Zane's looks because the whole point is they already love who he is (seasons 1-3 were about getting to know Zane) and now Zane himself just has to learn the physical, robot part of him is okay. Its about person-hood rather than humanity. Because the season focuses around Zane's soul, and because he lost his original body, I feel like I could mess around with his current, temporary body and have fun and make it scary. Because that body should be irrelevant. I understand it possibly being upsetting for an autistic character to be designed like this, but other people I talked to see it the opposite way. They find it comforting for him to look so different but still be himself and be so loved. SO IM ABSOLUTELY NOT saying its wrong to be bothered or to hate it or to feel any way. Just that I personally think it would be cool for Zane to be portrayed with a little spice lol, so thats why I like scary Zane for season 4.

Another Thing I Wannna Say But Is REALLY Hypocritical: (this isnt directed at anyone I just REALLY want to say this) I know I say "this is Zane but scary, he looks like fnaf" so he's obviously dehumanized, but I always felt like "scary" is more of an objective fact. Its an instinct. But what's "not human" is subjective. I think there is a problem with saying anything different from "average" human is dehumanized because that could extend to real people. Lol I know its bad for me to compare FNAF-ass Zane to real people, but I mean he could be real. People can have exposed teeth, and people can be shaped weird. And when someone first sees a person who looks like that they'll probably think "woah those features are scary" by instinct. And that surprise doesn't make someone ableist obviously. But bring that person’s humanity into question is NOT an instinct, and is fucked to shit. This is kinda a bad point for me to make since its about the fictional FNAF Zane I drew, and I am NOT implying ANYONE was thinking like this. [especially not the original asker anon who I am totally forgetting about at this point OOPS]. But I just thought it was an opinion of mine I couldn't go without mentioning when talking about dehumanization and disabilities.

^^^ I think you (anon) understand what I mean and might’ve said the exact same thing as me if you were writing a long ass response? I think this because you started to bring physical disabilities up and you said it was "a little iffy." ^_^ So we agree, but I don't see Zane's relation to real life disabilities as "a little iffy" I see it more like "complicated"? IF THAT DIFFERENCE EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE?????? I feel like a lot of things about Zane are really just complicated and need the right context, rather than the concepts necessarily being wrong -- NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! THATS THE WHOLE REASON I DO THIS STUPID REWRITE! XD thats why a lot of my rewrite SO FAR has been the same concepts and plot beats, but different dialogue n specifics and such. I like a lot of concepts in Ninjago but I dont think they were presented correctly.....! :( So I guess all we can do is wait and see if I make Zane offensive or not....???

Also something about the memory part - yeah i agree i was surprised no one thought that was weird to make jokes out of his memory issues..... BUT I am like 100% firm on making his memory take longer to come back because I think its stupid how quick Zane was able to recover from literally dying. Like its just dumb to me. Hate it. (also bc memory & soul mechanics is ummm kinda important in my rewrite.... for reasons). Another memory thing btw, I was going to make his original amnesia come from hitting his head in an attack against the Skulkin when they stole his dads corpse, rather than his dad fucking choosing to make him forget. (its a sweet & iconic scene, but Um, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?) He has to follow data recovery instructions he finds in his dads diary. I think in that context it makes moments of memory loss somewhat different for Zane's character? Instead of loss of autonomy associated with disability, its a literal violent loss of autonomy associated with being traumatized by physical force. Idk how to phrase it exactly but I think that makes some vibes different?

Sorry, I think I got really distracted, and I don't know if I responded well to your points. Because uhhhh I think I agree with your stance actually? If I understand correctly? Fuck Ninjago writers for making the robot lose autonomy (a stereotypical robot theme) while also making him seem clearly autistic (NOT A HAPPY THEME FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE) and not addressing it. And also auuugh Zane with a weird body is a difficult topic - kinda sussy pretty iffy.

Lol anyway idk if this made any sense and I REALLY rambled on you. but this was nice 👉👈 more Zane criticism pls love you and i love zane. i hope u dont feel mad at me because then it would be weird that im saying that lol. if you do feel mad at me tho you can send another ask (ILL TRY TO JUST LISTEN NOT RAMBLE NEXT TIME) but assuming ur chill rn, love you thnx

Take this page, don’t mind cole’s ass.

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S1 E13

quarantine diaries: may 26 2020

season 1 episode 13: “We Are Grounders: Part II”

I can’t believe im already at the season 1 finale

starting strong with raven and clarke cauterizing her wound. are they really going to paralyze raven? no wait please tell me that she becomes a cyborg.

ooo the tension between finn and bellamy. FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! hmmph. fine clarke be the killjoy and break up the fight between youre boyfriends.

i dont like mama clarke and daddy bellamy fighting and disagreeing. it is not productive for your group of kids especially with the grounders coming. i like that clarke balances out bellamy’s negativity tho. way to stay positive. i could never cuz im quite the cynic if y’all if haven’t figured that out yet 

was that fire and steam scene (3:50) necessary? im not a big outdoorsy person but im pretty sure that that amount of steam of excessive. i mean it did look cool tho and dramatic af

what is this music? what is with all the slow-mo the editing team really be trying to make walking through the forest super cool and epic when it really isnt

honestly these kids are doing better than the adults. cuz its chaos up there in the ark.

shitttt when that grounder throwing star came and killed that guy.

wow they ran back to camp. soo basically the past ten minutes have been useless. like they really be lets move out and retreat then 5 minutes later be like nvm that was a bad idea lets go back to where its safe and we actually have a chance to fight back. and bet bellamy was like I FUCKING TOLD YOU! CLARKE YOU IGNORANT SLUT! *sorry another office reference

haha finn did a double face palm when clarke agreed with bellamy (7:00)

wow these cuts these editors are just adding new styles.

bellamy’s little makeshift war table is too cute. i wonder if he had individual figurines of himself, clarke, and the other main characters. 

also i feel like raven is highly underappreciated. like she is essentially a one-woman show for all things mechanical and weaponry. literally if raven did not come down from the ark when she did. the 100 wouldnt even stand a chance. i honestly think that they’d all be dead already. however then again it was raven’s idea with the flares that ignited this war so......but who am i kidding if it werent the flares the 100 themselves would have found another way to piss of the grounders and start a war sooner or later

ring of fire. i see that raven also watched finding nemo

bbq grounders and raven sayin “ill cook them real good” i thought this was supposed to be feminist show so why they keeping raven in the kitchen? jk jk

finn being a noble dumbass. i stan. but woah! woah woah! finn be out here flirting with clarke and raven at the same time. in the same place. right in front of each other. slow your roll mister. 

that awkward moment when the ark didn’t launch. oof. cant relate.

kane touching everyone's hands very anti-corona. but then it was all for nothing. jaha coming to stealing his thunder leaving kane lookin like a fool. jaha giving me captain america vibez rn. also star trek. 

friendly reminder that chris hemsworth played chris pine’s father

when jaha said “and ill see my son” rip wells rip. the writers did him dirty :(

grounders be confident enough to announce their arrival with their drums. they should be tho cuz this kids. they aren’t reaaaady

raven having a quarter life crisis about she used to always being first and now ending up where she is now. i felt that. bitch me in college is not a good look. but also when clarke said “id pick you first” we love sisters supporting sisters. imagine if this is sparks a relationship between them. like they both realize how dumb finn is and they decide that they should just get together as a big fuck you to finn. 

ooo karma is a bitch murphy. 

i love how anya be a wearing a crown on the battle field. shes a queen and she knows it.

this attack between the grounders and the 100 be like the battle at winterfell in GoT (”the long night”) but just scaled down and with guns. i say this because in both that its seems like an impossible fight but also because its hard to see all the action with this poor lighting

nooooow finn listens to bellamy. thats when you know he’s desperate

wow i can’t believe these kids are actually listening to clarke cuz bitch you know if i saw those grounders coming at me you better your ass that i be running to that drop ship for cover. this kids really do have more balls than me.

they’re playing some hallelujah music while they watch the ark descend to earth. waht? then it cuts to some of the people exploding as some of the ark re enters the atmosphere. may we meet again. 

how the hell did licoln find her in the mist of all this chaos? oh i know. lincoln be that weird ass person that can track a person based on their scent and you know octavia hasn’t showered in days so you know her stench is potent. aaahh the smell of true love. 

aww bellamy apologized about to octavia and his “my life ended when you were born” we love a king that apologizes. really tho. not a lot of male characters apologizes for the messed up things they do/say. i stan.

goodbye octavia may you become a badass next time we meet. 

ooo prettyboy bellamy no and finn too. ooh. i know they have to survive for the plot. but i dont like it when found families get separated 

this was me watching my bois bellamy and finn getting the living hell beaten out of them by the grounders and not making it back to the dropship

did anya really go in there thinking that she could take on all these kids with guns and no supervision. but i mean if anyone could it would be this queen.

“we are not grounders” i think the title of the episode would disagree with you clarke 

props to that stuntman. that fire looks hella hot.

don’t tell me that the air is sweet. put on a damn mask abby don’t you know that its corona season.

welp there goes my ship between kane and jaha. damn it. i mean i guess they could have a really short (timing-wise) but very loooooooong distance relationship. cheers to you thelonius. may we meet again. pour one out for me.

these mountain men have smoke grenades and lasers and guns and gas masks. modern warfare the writers said.

clarke in the good place?

van gogh. starry night. is this just random or is there actual relevance/hidden symbolism behind this. cuz if the latter im picking up on nothing.

monty!!!! He liiiiiivveeeees so...

quarantine ward! Mount Weather?! what the fuck i going on?

[the-black-birb]

i just read your carrd!! it's really pretty. i also hope it's okay to ask, but i am interested to know why you want to transition from x readers to character x character, and if so, what will happen to this blog? will you be posting your character x character works here?

TLDR: i won't post character x character on tumblr but my blog isn't going anywhere. I want to write c x c because i think they're more interesting and I wrote a bunch on why.

soo while i was hiatusing i thought about that a bit

Originally, i intended to do both here but i feel like that will get a bit messy so my plan at the moment is to keep tumblr for character x reader works and use ao3 for character x character. I'm still in school right now so i can't give the time i want to either of these, but my focus will probably shift and I'll spend less time on tumblr than I did before. I'm not going to abandon this blog, but rather than dedicate a lot of energy to long character x reader fics, I'd rather use reader inserts as "warmup" pieces that are shorter and take less time to do. I'll still post here, just less than I did whenever i was at my "peak" of content/posting.

As for why i want to switch, there's a few reasons. Firstly, c x c will definitely reach a greater audience than reader-inserts. As a writer, I want the chance for more people to read my works. That being said, it's something I'm very interested in doing, i dont want anyone to have the impression I'm just in it for the numbers.

I've said this a few times before but when I started this blog I was rather emotionally compromised. For me, writing was almost only an outlet for me to heal or at the very least take my mind off of my own situation. I think this is the case for a lot of reader-insert writers and readers, and i dont think thats bad. We want a way to get out of our own situations or lives, so we live vicariously through fiction. It's (probably??) a helping coping mechanism and it's fun!!

But as I've kept writing, it's always been a goal of mine to keep pushing my boundaries in order to improve. At first this meant expanding my media to different types of stories by writing smaus, short scenarios, and headcanons (hcs quickly got boring for me tbvh and they are the majority of my pending reqs). Once Iwas doing all different sorts of stories, I tried to expand my style but incorporating elements of my own prose and other authors that I hadn't thought of before. But storytelling for me has always been largely character-based. Rather than an interesting setting or plot, I want to write characters that come to life on the page.

And reader-inserts just don't cut it.

A reader-insert is a fic that anyone should be able to relate, regardless of appearances or age or anything, unless it's otherwise specified (ie punk!reader or artist!reader). Because the reader character has to be left blank, it starts to feel like all their interactions with characters are the same. Even if I'm writing for a specific character, i could probably copy and paste another person's name in and it wouldn't make a difference.

I'm not saying reader inserts can't characterize subjects well, I've read magnificent ones that absolutely do. But it's more difficult and in order to do so the stories still tend to have less of a focus on characterization and more of focus on setting and plot (look at my love in time analysis: that story was all about the characters). When I got bored with short scenarios I tried to plan out longer, more intricate stories like lemonade and rekindle, but that quickly became a bunch of wips of c x c fics because there's more potential.

I really enjoy analysis of characters, it's why the 'sleepover with ray' event is fun bc people ask questions about the characters themselves w/o need for a reader character. As I try to make my writing more sophisticated, I think inevitably it was going to expand to character x character fics because while reader insert fics let you explore one character at a time, c x c lets you delve into the emotions behind their interactions and learn about both of them.

It might just be my shortcomings as a writer that limit me from what doing that with reader-insert fics but, frankly, I'm okay with that. I'm doing this so i can first and foremost write something I'll enjoy (which rn happens to be character x character) and secondly so I can improve and get to a point where I can write how I want. I want to switch to character x character writing because they have far more potential in my eyes and in the long run.

Side note: this is absolutely terrifying. I wrote a twt thread on it (I'd link it if my acct wasn't locked 😭), but as I've been reading c x c fics on ao3 and interacting w the authors a bit on twt and in discord i came to the realization that this audience is generally a bit older. I got in a slump comparing my writing to someone elses (never do that, it's about growth) only to realize they were twelve years older than me. Thats a whole preteen of age in between us 😭😭. From my experience, reader insert readers are mostly teens and i think this makes sense: we're fed up with feeling out of control and putting ourselves in the story helps remedy that or at least helps distract us. Character x character has more adult readers: people in control of their lives looking more to live vicariously through someone else's. For me the understanding that my writing will have more critical eyes judging it is both enthralling and terrifying, but that's what I want to write so I'm not about to let it stop me.

I want to clarify: I don't think less of reader inserts as media. For one thing, I dedicated two months of my time to them. I just find it limiting with where I am right now. As I take on bigger projects that take more time, I'm more drawn to character x character, so that's what I'll do!! When I finish stuff up i might post the ao3 link for exposure but I'm not gonna make a masterlist or anything for it all. I'm keeping reader-inserts as short pieces that take less time, but I'm not going to stop writing them all together.

If you read this far down thank you for making it through my word vomit!! Remember to drink some water and don't forget to sit up straight occasionally. I'm going through growing pains as i try to change my writing, and I really truly appreciate the continued support of everyone that finds this blog. Ultimately, i keep this updated for fun, so I'm going to write what's fun for me! I'm glad for all of you that have stuck around for the ride <3

[yoongisgoawaydoormat]

Is yoongi your fave in bts? I just today stumbled over a video of bts and watched and now 100 videos later i really think i kinda like them and especially Yoongi. He is such a sweetheart. so as a fellow 1d stan now into bts i wanted to know if louis was your fave and if yoongi is in bts? Cause i find it quite interesting to know^^'

ok so i have some esoteric ramblings that go far beyond the yes or no question you asked me here lmao... i guess im just feeling very “in this essay i will-” rn because of how much i truly adore both of them. also this basically turned into a personal diary entry but also simultaneously a cultural studies essay on how we make meaning in celebrities so like..... 🤷🏼‍♀️

@gettingaphdinmomo can u believe this anon let me merge 1d and bts? im indebted to them tbh

so yeah yoongi is my bias in bts and louis was always my fave in 1d! (well zayn too but z isn’t a member of 1d - tho i think he relates to some of the points im going to make here as well) and coincidentally i’ve actually been doing like... some self-psychoanalysis recently just reflecting on what my affection for louis and yoongi says about me, says about them, etc... just been thinkin’ ya know?

and i just feel like yoongi and louis are 2 sides of the same coin and it’s a coin that i distinctly Relate to and i’ll explain why. both yoongi and louis have very distinct caricature-type reputations on the surface. both vis-a-vis their role in their respective groups and in relation to the personalities that we see/they show us. 

and what i mean by that is that louis is known as loud, brash, exuberant (formerly camp and flamboyant as well, though im not even gonna try to get Into A Discussion of That rn); to most people that do not take the time to go far beyond the surface, that’s kind of louis’ whole deal, right? (again this isn’t a discussion of public opinion of louis and doesn’t account for how his various stories/stunts/‘relationships’ would impact people’s view of him)... yoongi is sort of in the same boat but on the opposite end of the spectrum if that makes sense? he’s the tsundere member. he’s seen as cold, distant, has dry humor, doesn’t like to show affection, etc. that’s what the caricature of min yoongi is.

but everyone who is a fan of either of them knows that neither of those caricatures are wholly accurate and that the caricatures belie an emotional depth and intelligence that both of them very clearly possess.

we can never know even a fraction of public figures’ personalities, but to the small extent that we do get glimpses, yoongi and louis are both individuals who clearly care very deeply about others. they are attentive to the emotions of those around them and they are supportive and nurturing in their own ways. but at the same time neither of them are overtly touchy-feely about it if that makes sense? their empathy is exhibited subtly but it runs deep. their demonstrations of caring and compassion are nuanced behind layers of something else. 

for louis, i think there’s always a bit of humor layered on top of his emotional displays (i.e. giving liam a hard time about being a ‘lad’). and i see myself in that. i use humor as a defense mechanism and couch everything serious in my life in a joke, for better or worse. again, im not saying that that’s what louis is or does in real life, i’ll never know nor would i presume to, but i am saying that i see something of myself reflected in Louis Tomlinson™ and among a million other reasons to love him i think that is one of the reasons i’ve always been drawn to him. he’s so compassionate and caring but you have to make sure you’re not distracted by his bright loudness to miss it. in addition to seeing myself reflected in louis, i also admire so much about him that i am not but aspire to be more like. i wish i could be more extroverted like him and i wish i could be a bright presence for the people around me like i know he is. so with louis i see myself and i see traits that inspire me to go outside my comfort zone and push my own boundaries.

for yoongi, the soft sweet infp that he is, i think his emotional displays are equally as subtle and layered behind a bit of stoicism and a bit of introversion and a bit of being very carefully selective about who he lets in. his displays of affection and caring are alway there but are not done to be viewed and given great attention (i.e. his hand holding). i don’t think yoongi much likes being the center of attention and would much rather have his members be that (lol @ jimin) but at the same time he has moments where his energy just bursts forth. these are moments where he’s clearly so comfortable with his surroundings and the people he’s with that he feels no need to be measured or restrained. again, this is all my interpretation of what i see and is thus filtered and distilled so many times that i’d never presume to state all of this as some factual evaluation of yoongi’s personality, but also again, i see myself in these observations and interpretations of yoongi. i find it very difficult to express my emotions (see the above point about couching everything in humor) but they are there and they are felt deeply and they show themselves in subtler ways. i find it difficult to display affection with even my closest friends and family but am also just a touch-starved bitch looking to hold someone’s hand like yoongi is always doing. i too sometimes begin to feel comfortable enough with those around me that my passion and excitement just bursts forth all at once, but only sometimes, otherwise im hyper conscious of myself and tend to self-police if i have not reached such a comfort level. i see a lot of that in Min Yoongi™. but like with louis i also see a lot in yoongi that i strive to be more like. i struggle with the weight of my own expectations for myself and i internalize A Lot, as yoongi seems to, but yoongi also demonstrates such a clarity of self when it comes to these things. i think he Knows himself quite well, which is something i’d like to be better at. i think his self awareness (something i think namjoon also has in spades) and his work ethic are admirable and inspire me greatly. he just seems so Lucid Perceptive and Insightful about his situation, and that encourages me to be more honest with myself about my own situation.

and like maybe this is all just a diatribe that could be applied by anyone to their fave celeb? there’s levels to abstraction to every celebrity and there’s always interpolation/projection our own traits, neuroses, insecurities, desires, etc. onto how we view our favorite celebs... but idk there seems to be something slightly different with celebs like yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon actually now that i think about it). 

like let’s contrast it with other 1d and bts members: jin and hobi have carefully constructed the way they want to be seen and they don’t let people see much beyond that (and they’re So Valid for that). i actually think niall is quite a lot like this as well. the caricature is the whole picture that we get if that makes sense (though of course not even a fraction of the whole person which we are not nor should we be privy to) but its still a human picture, its still rooted in a sense and a feeling of authenticity; it just has its boundaries and is clear about those boundaries. thus the consumer public gets a discrete, self-contained persona whose likeability isn’t necessarily dependent on the consumer’s ability to relate or see themselves in the persona but rather is simply likeable!

then you have liam and jungkook who i see as quite similar in some ways for some reason (which im sure is gonna get me yelled at lmao). i dont mean that i think they’re similar people just that i think both of them are quite earnest and what you see is what you get with them. i don’t think either of them have it in them to pull a jin/hobi/harry (see below) and construct/be viligent about the boundaries of their persona. i think tae and jimin are mostly like this as well. they’re all just kind of unapologetically themselves (liam particularly after 1d ended, tho i know that, ironically, many feel he’s a bit of a poser nowadays)? i see these types of figures as similar to the type above just with less stable boundaries/less concern for those boundaries.

then you have harry whose caricature is constructed to be larger than life, to be almost non-human in its Celeb-ification. Harry Styles™ is not meant to allow for reflection of yourself in it. the consumer is not supposed to find parts of themselves relating to Harry Styles™, that defeats the purposes of the larger than lifeness of Harry Styles™. (i know this sounds bad and don’t get me wrong i do hate harry lol but i also don’t think this is an inherently Bad way to be a celebrity. it’s the david bowie, lady gaga [pre-joanne] school of celebrity and its fine, i just think it should be recognized for what it is and i think its very different from how bts and the other members of 1d operate [though i recognize that some people would view zayn in this light]).

personally i think yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, to account for everyone in this analysis here) don’t fit into the above categories. clearly i dont think any of these four are in the Harry Styles™-type camp (duh). but i also don’t think they fit into the authentic-but-carefully-boundaried jin/hobi/niall camp nor the what-you-see-is-what-you-get liam/maknae line camp. i think these 4 occupy a limbo space between the two ‘categories.’

anyways, the long and the short of it is that we all make our own meaning in celebrities. for me, i find myself drawn to yoongi and louis because i see traits of my own reflected back at the same time and in the same person that i see aspirational traits. im inspired and im comforted by this duality that yoongi and louis provide for me. i love all the members of 1d and bts (except harry lolz) but yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, who i’d say is my 2nd bias in bts if that wasn’t already clear) hold special places in my heart because of how they occupy my sort of nebulous fourth category of celebhood.

anyways, i’m pretty sure no one is still reading this, which i do Not blame you for, but that’s my two cents! i love min yoongi and louis tomlinson, whats new!!!!!!!!!

[the-mulligan-wizard]

🌻! >:3

Flower = whatever i want to say!!Now that the year is over the first thing that comes to mind is to share some things I’m enjoying rn :3 So this post is now be giving out the “Holy Shit” awards for the coolest things I’ve experiencedGAMES: Blood (1997) is one of the best fucking games I’ve ever played and I am physically unable to not talk about it at least once a day (crimson definitely knows this lol). I’ve always said that Ultimate DooM and Duke Nukem 3d: Atomic Edition on the two pivotal best FPS games ever made and are the golden standard of FPS design. Blood joins their ranks by being absolutely timeless and with such tightly crafted mechanics that it will never get old. Also, Blood is super fuckin difficult. On normal difficulty it’s as hard as very hard on shadow warrior classic. But the mechanics are so tight that almost every death will still be the player’s fault. It’s a game where the only thing between the player and being an ultimate bringer of death is how much the player is willing to master the game. I’‘m gonna shut up about it before I keep going for another 20 minutes about it lol.As for games that actually came out this year, Celeste and DUSK are both amazing. SHOWS:Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure (parts 1-3) easily without any hesitation get’s the “Holy Shit” award. Even the worst episodes are fuckin awesome and the characters are great around the board. The creativity from episode to episode is unmatched by even my personal favorite shows. I always jokingly say that there are only 7 good shows, which I could list if anyone wants the list. JJBA joins the ranking and makes it now 8 good shows. AND CRIMSON TELLS ME PART 4 GETS BETTER? bs theres no way. A brutal amount of memorable characters that are often limited in appearances but can have whole shows dedicated to them. This is another case where I have to cut myself off now or else I won’t be able to stop myself. TL;DR I spent 4 hours hunting down my PS4 and ~60$ bucks on replacement parts because the JJBA game is on sale. As for shows that actually came out this year? You can’t catch me complimenting any new shit I watched that actually came out this year. The animation world was painfully weak IMO this year but next year is looking a lot better. MOVIES: I didnt watch many movies this year but The Breadwinner wins my “Holy Shit” award easily. This is easily in my top 10 favorite movies. Completely blew me away by how dedicated everyone working on the movie seemed to be when it came to making a perfect movie. Beautiful and powerful all around the board, I’m going to cut myself off now so you can go watching it right now. I’m not spoilin anything. As for movies that actually came out this year, there was a lot of “oooh look at this i’m a movie about a single nerdy idea look at how experimental I am” kind of movies that I don’t give a shit about. Avengers: Infinity War is the best movie this year that comes to mind. I fuckin hate superhero movies but Infinity War actually surprised me by being somewhat original and unique which some actually impressive visuals. If you hate dumbass superhero movies, give this one a chance. BOOKS:I dont read many books but I read a bit this year. I don’t think it was the best book I read this year but Anya’s Ghost really stuck with me. It’s a short read, it’s an easy read, but it’s really interesting and a lot deeper than I initially thought it was. Feed, Speak, and Long Way Down were also pretty good reads. Uhhhhhhhhh I think I remember reading a book that came out this year but I dont remember what it was which probably means it wasnt that good.

[wardencathiel]

EXILE

Name/gender/appearance/favorite hobby?

opele (pr. “opal”) endac! she goes by just Oh or Elle, if not just her first name. shes a cis girl, and tbh she mostly just looks like lucy liu cuz i got a big fat crush on her and i picked the east asian icon for her. she has a short bob haircut tho, and lean but muscular build, and is in her late 30s. her hobbies are like.. being active and running and stuff like that lol she also likes doing mindless work with her hands so lots of like tinkering with anything, like electronics or mechanical stuff.

Where are they from? Where are they going?

probably nowhere important, and she was too young to remember any part of it, parents included. a no name planet somewhere with a steady but boring colony. where shes going is a lot more interesting since she knows where revan might be.. i think she would really want to go find her and help her with whatever the war is but she would be lying to herself if she didn’t realize she formed a huge attachment to atton. she loves him dearly and it would be really hard to leave him.. if anything, i think the most realistic thing is that she and him went and settled somewhere, keep their heads low, and just live life. shes a tired bitch ok. mb one day she’ll go and find rev but rn she wants to chill.

What did they do to occupy themselves between the Mandalorian Wars and waking up on Peragus?

absolutely nothing. she spent a lot of time during her time cut off from the force just going thru the motions. if anyone noticed she was different or recognized her for whatever reason, she would pack up and leave. a large chunk of her time was spent trying not to form any social bonds, and any time she would start getting to know someone she would bolt. just overall a rly lonely and sad existence. she would work odd jobs and just generally be a shell of her former self.

What was their relationship with Revan like?

well i already sort of answered this in revs but. there was the intimidation cause revan is well............scary lol they are probably close in age so they grew up together in the temple. it was never anything more than a passing interest until the wars and then they sort of? hit it off? in that weird way where u both went thru that conflict together. obviously there was a bond since opeles force issues, but it was more on revans side than opeles. she was mostly just trying to win the war. tldr they liked each other but not as much as revan likes opele.

What was their relationship with Atris like?

well she had no clue atris had feelings for her so their relationship never went past a cold formality... opele thought atris hated her, so she stayed away from her when she could. she wasn’t the type to confront her about it so she just didn’t.

With Kreia?

lot to unpack here lol i think my exile wanted to trust her so badly but like... she knew she wasnt good. i think there was a lot of using, from both sides. kreia wanted to use the exile for obvs. reasons, and my exile wanted to use kreia to relearn all that she had lost during her exile. i do think, though, that kreia probably felt more towards opele than the other way around. like there was definitely like an attachment but... she always knew not to get too close, no matter how much she wished she could. overall i think it was an uneasy relationship, lots of tension but much more learning from one another.

Did they travel with both Mical and Brianna, or only one?

just mical cause i forgot to install the mod, unless there was a way u could w/o the mod?? either way yeah lmao just mical.

Do they regret what they did in the Wars?

part of her always will but she wouldn’t change what she did because she believes that it was necessary. shes... guilty but not very regretful.

How traumatized were they by the visions on Korriban? (Personally, I cried and screamed, but I’m not exactly as tough as a Jedi. I’m probably not even as tough as C-3P0.)

LIKE... personally i was fucked up about it but my exile did pretty well despite the circumstances. she also knew that there was a part of it all that was just visions, wasn’t real, but there is also that very real dark energy gained from not dealing with the visions correctly. she failed some, and won in others, which i think the specifics of really defined her well as a character. she failed the first one- where she was being recruited for the war. she also failed the one where her entire crew was going against kreia, and outright refused to participate and got the whole apathy spiel. she “survived” the rest though, and defeated revan which i think rly ties in well with her almost like? using the dark side? but not falling to it.

Is there romance in their lives?

i’d like to think during their time in the game, there isn’t anything more than an inkling. i luv atton to bits and so does she lol but i think a lot of their romantic stuff is left for after the game- especially with that ending where he’s there waiting for her after kreia and is like so where to next ;w; but before that it is mostly just skirting around the issue. a very slow burn fic lol. i do think she thought about the disciple but he was so much younger than her and it was such a puppy love, it was just like well that dudes in love with me i guess. obvs. nothing before that since she was jedi/exiled

Light side or dark side?

light side, but she was very close to being a grey jedi by the end of it. definitely lighter than my revan post-game tho

How do they feel about the Jedi Order?

there is always going to be that element of betrayal because of what they withheld from her and what they did to her irt her loss of the force for some time. but honestly... she was done with them the moment they didn’t do anything to stop the war. she respected their judgement and teachings but she never considered herself a jedi after they kicked her out, and she never will again. she also thinks they got a lot of it wrong- and that a lot of what kreia said made sense, up until a point.

What happens to them after the game? Do they ever find Revan? Do they ever reconnect to the Force?

i sorta answered this one up there too but basically she stays with atton and just . rly wants to stay put and have a normal life but in the end.. i think she would go to find revan. i also think she would take atton with her, against her better judgement. as for reconnecting tbh? i think it stays how it is with her, where she can use it but there is something there thats fucked up, not right. maybe she tries to figure that out and travels around with atton to get some answers before going to help rev.

BONUS: What do you think happens to all the party members post game?

HMN GOD well i think bao dur got the short end of the stick since hes super unfinished but i think he would definitely go with them until opele is like dude i love u so much but u gotta find ur own way that doesnt involve me. she would have to put distance between them, despite the pain it would cause both of them since they were like... best fucken friends. for everyone else i think, they go their separate ways much quicker than him. they stay in touch cause opele loves them all but she knows its better to keep them away from her because of her force shit. i think miras and the disciples “endings” are pretty good even with the openishness. canderous goes back to do mandalore stuff but stays in touch as well. honestly i dont have a clue about goto and neither does the exile lmao t3, of course, stays with her and atton. hk runs off and does bounty hunter stuff. idk i mostly think about bao dur in this cuz i love him and he deserved better

[justkingwolf]

im feeling so stressed out rn so i’m gonna scream under a cut pls skip past

im just so. i really hate myself.

like not a jokey, millenial, typical kind of self depreciation, altho i feel that too, but i mean i actively fucking hate myself. if i could i would kick my own ass. it’s like a real, physical, deep hatred. hate in the purest sense of the word.

and i dont know how to fix it.

i know i’m not happy in my own body, it took me a long ass time to figure out i was nb and i’m still kind of coming to terms with it? but like. its so fucking hard. my mum is super supportive and honestly i’m pretty lucky but i feel like... half the time my comments about are kind of considered to be joking? she’s obviously never said she thinks its a joke, but i often talk about these issues as a whole, kind of how fed up i am with how shitty the support systems are for people, and i feel like she kind of assumes part of what i say is a kind of “they” rather than “me”, i just feel like i dont get my point across fully. she’d never kick me out for any of this, not like the kind of thing a lot of people go thru, but i just feel like..... a joke.

i know my brother thinks i’m mostly just joking. i think it’s easier for him to just assume i’m “normal” and just joking. even when i say something that very directly means “i am this” he responds with a joke. he has no concept of how much his comments upset me. even when a new girl started at his job, mum asked what he thought of her (not even in an attraction kind of way, just in general) and his reply was “she looks like a fucking butch lesbian”. i mean she even just... looks like a person. she’s just a woman with medium/long blonde hair she wears in a ponytail and has glasses on, wearing minimal make-up i assume because she’s working in a garage doing mechanics and knows she’ll get filthy dirty working anyway. but he insists on calling her “a butch lesbian” because he’s not entirely keen on working with her.

i’m a nb ace. it upsets me hearing that. i have super super short hair and wear unisex jeans and t-shirts and flannel shirts. if i wasn’t his sister he’d call me “a butch lesbian” too, like he does anyone else who dresses like me or has hair like mine.

and i’ve been thinking a lot lately about changing my name. i mean i like my name well enough. “rebecca” is fine. and im used to “becky”. but i feel like... i dont even know. i dont feel particularly connected to my name. maybe because it’s such a common name? even my surname is a common name. i’d kind of like to just... add my own middle name. just so it’s more personal to me. so i can sign something in a name that feels like MY name. but im so fucking scared of even mentioning it to my mum??? even tho she’s so supportive, like i said, i worry it’d upset her if i said i wanted to add my own middle name. or she’d think it was silly. she’s even said in the past that she never gave me or my brother middle names when we were born because she doesn’t like hers and figured if we wanted one we could just add one of our own when we could make our minds! so why do i feel so weird about it !!!

i’ve gotten kind of attached to the idea of adding “wolfie” as my middle name. people sometimes called me that anyways, friends i used to have in school and stuff,and i like it. but i’m frozen with the idea because i feel like people will think it’s silly. or stupid. or lame. or just plain make fun of it. or just not take me seriously. people have changed their names to all kinds of things, like that dude in new zealand or something who legally changed his entire name to “the wizard”.

it shouldn’t feel this..... i dont even know!

i dont even know exactly how i feel!

all i know is i fucking HATE myself and im so fucking stressed out and frustrated.

i dont think i’d ever even mention any of this to my dad. i dread to think what his comments would be if he saw me now anyways. i haven’t even seen him in years, not that i really want to, but he’s always been a lot like my brother. judgemental and intolerant. if he saw me now? from the straight girl with long hair who was entirely ““normal”“ to the nb ace with hair that’s shaved back and sides and wearing “boys” clothes? he’d probably take the piss out of me. or just laugh at me. or both. or make comments like “god what have you done to yourself?”

im so fucking upset and i  h a t e  it.