#but i still remember how she was so warm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dickggansey · 2 years

Text

do you ever suddenly very clearly n vividly remember something you had buried deep in ur mind. and it hurts oh so much. and suddenly the whole vibe around you feels just like the vibe from your memory and it's like you're in it but it makes it hurt worse bc you're actually so so far away. yeah.

#i just remembered when my ex best friend kissed me 10 years ago and broke my lip with her braces and she wiped the blood off her lips #and my lips were swollen for a week #and i told everyone it was bc she had kissed me #she was a bitch and a liar and a hypocrite and possibly transphobic too so it's not like. like i SHOULD feel bad.#but i still remember how she was so warm #anyways!!! offing myself as we speak

5 notes · View notes

sluckythewizard · 2 months

Text

'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'

#cw blood #SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten #its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then #fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something #also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve #but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere #ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP #THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed #kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me #from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream #and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him #she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she #is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK #I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs #LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH #THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED #TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER #oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much

59 notes · View notes

undyinglantern · 1 year

Text

the amount of surprised pika “wait people actually shave their arms?” comments on posts about body hair are so funny like I unironically am so happy for you that you weren’t laughed at by a classmate for having hairy arms “like a man” in like 4th grade this is why I wish body hair conversations would stop centering around armpit hair

#okay that’s the tldr but the way I actually remember it is that the classmate (a boy) pointed out my arm hair and ask why so hairy #and I genuinely was so confused I was just like idk??? and then later at home that day I asked my mom about it and she was like #It’s bc your dads side of the family is hairy so then I later talked to that guy again like ‘I take after my dad’ or whatever #And /then/ is when he laughed and was like ‘but you’re a girl’ about it #Granted I’m non-binary but like I didn’t know that in elementary #Plus I didn’t stop shaving until around mid 2010s and was still self conscious about it for years #Like I remember feeling embarrassed during college (2018ish) if I had to use the rest room and someone else was in there when I would roll #My sleeves up to wash my hands #Anyways I eventually stopped caring about it sometime within the last year or 2 but see how long that took? It really shouldnt #Like some of us just genetically have more darker thicker visible body hair than others and we shouldn’t be shamed for it #One thing at a time though because even I’m still working through leg hair shame #I don’t shave them anymore but I also haven’t worn shorts outside of my bedroom in years #I’ll literally switch into shorts if it’s too hot right before bed and switch back into pants before stepping out of my room in the morning #I’ve been feeling cute the past few days and it’s starting to warm up again plus also had a convo w mom recently so #I might change that soon but only within the house still bc baby steps <3 #Anyways I’m just rambling now so I should stop. Good night !!

77 notes · View notes

spotsupstuff · 1 year

Note

I feel so bad for zephyr, what are some of her happiest memories? Would it be first meeting the members of her local group? I assume they would be built after her, was she excited about them being built or was she not informed at all?

she wouldn't be very... Present. most likely hadn't managed to be there for every Iterator when they first came online. she is very removed from most of her group because she's unable to stick in the chats for too long with all the damage and her endless attempts to conserve herself as much as possible, so her interactions with others outside of the Anemoi (and this one guy called Orion's Pathway) are extremely limited

Boreas, though, ever the life-saver, updates her on any new Iterator projects being build, how are the already existing ones doing- see she is kind of hard to cheer up and as a rule she never really laughs, but oh hearing about successes of others always manages to make her happy. that has been a thing for her since day one!

so Boreas would make a list of the Eo group's achievements with Euros and Orion's help and he'd read them out for her during their routine calls. those calls are probably one of her happiest memories, since she got so much serotonin and motivation out of hearing about her family (n also just in general- their start might've been rocky but Zeph n B really really love each other [platonically ofc])

they might not Know her, only be aware that their senior is called Abet Zephyr and her appearances are strangely rare, but she loves them all. if she hadn't, it wouldn't be called Mission Self-preservation. it'd be way more revenge focused. her number one priority is the safety of her family even if she doesn't know them personally. she puts them above her anger, physical and emotional trauma cuz she just fuckin loves them that much

her other happy memories include some stuff with Sparrows! after Zephyr allows her opinion about the Ancients develop, she finds herself glad whenever Sparrows would show up to do some more repairs and spend some time with the old humidifier. jgklsdmclk just like with a grandma, Sparrows would show her some stuff on her phone/Mechanic's watch and Zeph would be confused about it but she gets to spend the time with someone she likes so it's okay

along with Euros on a call the three of them would sing folk songs from Sparrows' home with Boreas usually listening in, very rarely joining in

Zephyr wasn't given overseers until Sparrows showed up for the first time, too, so when she synced with the eyes and took a peak outside for the first time in her life, that was... that stuck with her as a strong memory, too. can't exactly say it was a Happy memory, but only cuz there was so much happening in her emotionally in that moment that simplifying it to a singular one wouldn't really represent it right

here's her lighting up while Boreas tells her about positive recent events of the group

her antennas are broken- that's why they are always down like that- but Dammit she is Happy we Gotta wiggle 'em at least a wee bit

#Spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #oc: abet zephyr #Sparrows kinda sucks with the organical aspects of the iterators but she did her best to fix up Zephyrs spine too!#so having That portion of the pains elevated at least a little was also a great moment for her. it still sometimes give up n stops working-#-n it hurts again but thanks to that effort from Sparru its at least not a constant thing anymore #every time i think about off the string au with the eo group i think about boreas n zephyr finding each other and then boreas helps her get #-to everyone else to an agreed upon meeting point and then all the Anemoi see each other and euros notos n haboob then run at them and-#-hug the two fiercely.. and zephyr Actually starts laughing and doing her best to hug them all back- shes all clumsy about it but trying-#-So hard. and then she puts her hands on euros' shoulders and fully excited tells him 'euros- oh-! now that we are here free like this you-#-really have to teach me how to dance and play! you know..? just like Sparrows and her family used to!"#and for a second he pauses cuz oh that Hurts to remember they are gone but then he puts a hand over one of hers and with a little shaky-#-voice- but Warm so happy- he tells her ''y-yeah.. yeah of course i will- gods... i cant believe you still remember them.....' n he hangs-#-his head n all that... and zeph smiles n presses her forehead against his head n whispers to him 'of course i do. they were family.'

25 notes · View notes

cerealmonster15 · 2 days

Text

ive been watching sooo many vids of people doing doll restorations and doll customizations... making me both fight off the desperate urge to attempt New Hobby just because it Looks Fun and also resisting the urge to repurchase the fave barbie i had as a kid on ebay,,,,

#i dont have a job rn i dont need to be spending money on this kind of nostalgia for the latter lol #my fave was a SPECIFIC doll #well actually i had 2 faves but i think the other was like a generic one #but i specifically remember i had the 2001 nutcracker barbie + ken #who i guess were named clara and eric lol #idr if i had the kellys.... i did have a few kellys i just dunno if they were part of that set #i think i literally only had one ken doll. MAYBE two ? and one was the nutcracker guy #but his nutcracker head creeped me out so i never used it #i also think i fucked up his slicked back hair bc. well i was a child LOL #but i remember specifically those two bc of the creepy nutcracker head and bc clara had that special jointed body #since her whole thing was like the nutcracker ballet movie or w/e #and i loved the way her joints moved and clicked and her swooshy curly hair #but also when i was a kid i liked smearing makeup on my dolls LOL #so like. watching restoration and custom vids and seeing how people Actually pull that off in a more professional way #it awakens that inner childhood interest lol #and like i HAVE a lot of the supplies already for that. i have paints and pastels and a billion craft supplies ive accumulated over years #which makes it all the more tempting to buy a used doll off like ebay or a thrift store or something for funsies #that would be more affordable than trying to win a bid war for clara 😑 LOL #but i mean. if i do end up employed with a comfortable salary again someday #and if i have money to spare. perhaps i'd consider trying to get clara lol i know shes out there #but also im not willing to spend THAT much so i probs still wouldnt #tho maybe i can find one thats kinda fucked up and try to clean her idk . IDK IM JUST DAYDREAMING FOR NOW #ugh who wants to reminisce with me tho LOL #i can vaguely see the plastic bin of barbies i had as a kid in my mind...#there was this other barbie i had that i liked... idr anything special about her tho i just liked her hair #it was like a specific type of blonde that was like a warm blond and was soft i think. maybe a lil dirty blonde color idk #maybe i liked her face too idk i just know there was one that stood out to me #despite like nothing of significance about her LOL #she was another white blonde bitch in my collection

3 notes · View notes

barkingangelbaby · 4 months

Text

venting so much i ran out of tags lmao

#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision #im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful #life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy #oop very emo thoughts incoming #life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing #im just. struggling very hard this year. idk #i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it #and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh #idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and #all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety #and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been #bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long #but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore #idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days #ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk #a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no #like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life #its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma #and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them #like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please #please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room #i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic #i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle #(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken

6 notes · View notes

omarwolaeth · 4 months

Text

thinking 'bout how the lads interact with what the bracelets represent, especially in their decks

#marwospeaking #Yuuya is by far hardest to work with on this because he Varies. but that might just be him being opposite to Yuzu so it might count?#anyway Yuuya is a bushfire made by fireworks set off without proper precaution (the improperly set off fireworks being Zarc..#.. being influenced into the position that made the lads through his desire to both destroy and entertain his crowds)#It's small sometimes. but in the right conditions is an unstoppable conflagration #Yuuto literally does not die. In a world where we never truly get the other two (Yuugo and Yuuri) interacting with their host (Yuuya)..#.. outside of duels. he very much does. He is undead in a way the others don't quite match (pre Zarc revival) and it's opposite to..#.. En Bird's life (assuming it counts death too as part of its cycle)#Yuugo uses machine monsters - things that distinctly don't breathe. and in most cases have exhaust pipes billowing fumes #and machines can be warm to the touch at times. which you could feasibly slide against Rin's Windwitches for being Very Cold Ladies #Also he's trapped no matter where he is. Neo Domino has a stronger grip on him as a person than anyone else. and when he might finally..#.. escape that. he's trapped in someone else's body with no canonical recourse. because the story ended on Yuuya's terms and no one elses #Yuuri is hardest to place but I think he's very stationary. Sere's monsters are dancers - constantly moving - and she's very able to #adapt as she goes despite how stupid she can be book-wise. Yuuri is rooted into his role. even when he discards his loyalty his role was..#.. always in Zarc's interest no matter if he knew or not. The Professor's loyalty from him is an add-on to that #... I'd argue Zarc cared more about his pieces than Ray cared about hers also? He made cards for them on the fly so they'd Win #Even in moments where that victory is not in a wholly positive light - Odd-Eyes Raging and Gatlinghoul - but we know he's capable of it..#.. a la allowing Yuuya to debut pendulum monsters on his behalf in order to win against Ishijima #something something this can then apply to the other lads. they never lose except to each other and Ray's girls (at least on screen)#Yuuto survived 3 years of war. even despite Yuugo and Yuuri showing up. so methinks Zarc must've had a role in helping him survive #Like. Zarc's distinctly present for his Lads. Ray's not present for her lasses until one of them speaks through her #Sure it's very possible that's a bracelet thing - they are floodgates at the end of the day - and not a Ray thing. but it also wouldn't..#.. surprise me given Ray is an Akaba. we know they will sacrifice others for a gain later on - Ray's was sacrificing a whole world to make.#.. a safer one for everyone to live in. irrelevant on if they remember it or if they never existed originally. Except Leo Akaba. He does #(with memory reading tech) and it tortures him the whole time. she didn't mean to hurt him but Still #Zarc's distinctly not better than Ray - he's still broken wide open when it comes to his hatred of humanity (but not his human half)#and it resulted in multiple near-deaths the second time around - but I can't say Ray's that much better if it turns out the bracelets..#.. weren't floodgating her ability to help her lasses #Completely unrelated but. I don't like what Arcray represents ngl. makes it seem like Zarc could never move on with the help of his lads #and has to rely on someone who killed him and sent him to purgatory about it in order to heal.

3 notes · View notes

mabelsguidetolife · 1 year

Text

me, solving problems irl by improvising with certain objects: tee-hee inventory puzzle :3

#I had to re-lock the side gate because i remembered that my mom went through there for some reason #and sure enough she left it unlocked and hanging loose with the key still on #it was really dark outside so i could barely see but the key was stuck tight #so i got a pair of old crappy pliers and pulled it out that way so i could properly secure the yard #it was a conveniently lit tool placed alone on a table too #my dog didn’t understand what i was doing because i was the one who went outside with her not vice versa #so she sat there kinda grumbling impatiently because it’s a warm night #but she makes me wait out there for her a lot so she has a modicum of her own patience when it comes to me #she barked a little after questioning what i was doing but once she saw i was messing with something important she got it #it’s odd how intuitive dogs can be #it’s not like she knows what a lock is but I showed it to her and she stopped being restless and waited for me to fix it up #that thing needs some liquid graphite #but i don’t believe we have any #haleylyfe

8 notes · View notes

kelpiemomma · 1 year

Text

I think the thing I miss the most about being a kid is when my parents showed interest in my interests, paying attention to what I liked to figure out what to gift me for Christmas or my birthday. When it was a surprise. Now they ask for a list and just pick something off of it. There's no surprise or attention given to "oh, this is that thing she mentioned liking". I think that's why I'm coming to dread holidays and such every year more than looking forward to them anymore.

#I still try to pick out things I think people will like #My mom likes socks and blankets and the color purple. She likes to be warm.#She has too many sweaters and more than enough blankets this year so. Time to get creative.#My dad likes blacksmithing and swimming. He wants to learn how to ride horses.#My brother is hard to describe but I never have an issue finding a gift for him.#I plan on getting my friend a garnet necklace because he said due to her name everyone always gets her the wrong gemstone #I just. Feel a little sad and defeated sometimes when it comes to gifts.#Is it so hard to pick something out you think I'll like?#Is it too much to remember when I say 'i like this' anymore?#Of course. All that said. I do need to get started on this year's list.#😓

3 notes · View notes

bunnyb34r · 8 months

Text

🎵 turn those fucking lights back on, or so help me. So help me! 🎵

#marquilla #it's still just randomly flickering but it did go out for 30 sec and i felt my heart drop shdhdhdhdh i was like oh god..please no #im really concerned ab keeping the crabs warm like sure we can go to my aunts house but what ab them...#i remember last time it was March and COLD and we just kept making tea or just boiled water to keep our hands warm shdhhd #and we kept smothering our cat in blankets to keep her warm and she was like ugh leave me aloooone im fiiiine #and i didnt wanna leave the house bc she wouldn't handle a move no matter how short and i didnt want her to be alone so I made us #stay home and on the 3rd day? we just drove around while we charged our phones in my car and then the power company called lol #we were like 'if the power isnt actually back when we get home SO HELP ME' but it was

1 note · View note

theforesteldritch · 1 year

Text

tater tot’s death has me crying in the middle of the night. Rest In Peace little buddy you fought so hard until the end and deserved everything and the world is worse without you in it

#tater tot #it reminds me of my own cat who died 2-3 years ago #and I just. It’s really not fucking fair sometimes #the sweetest little souls get taken from the world too soon.#I hope tater tot knew how loved he was.#I hope my cat Hattie knew how loved she was.#I remember just stroking her as she lied dead in a box #She was still warm #And I’d do anything to go back and hold her and cuddle her one last time #I hate how I didn’t pick her up. And hold her tight. For the last time #I hate myself for that #I miss her so much #She was my best friend. And I loved her so much

3 notes · View notes

yardsards · 2 years

Text

every couple of months i rediscover exactly how much i love tea and go through a period of almost a week wherein i drink multiple mugs a day of it, only to forget again after that

#eliot posts #i love Warm Beveridge #and i have a big stash of tasty flavoured teas and herbal teas/tisanes #but also sometimes just a big rich mug of black tea is the best #i tend to like my black tea quite bittersweet #like super duper strong and a bit oversteeped (and no milk. milk makes it bland and sad)#but with a good amount of sugar #like 3 or 4 cubes of it #in a big ole 16 ounce mug not a lil teacup mind you. i think that much in a teacup would kill me dead. but still quite sweet.#i liked it even sweeter than that as a child (but just as strong and bitter)#prolly should've suspected i had adhd when sometimes mugs of fully caffeinated black tea helped me sleep #i had like. chronic sore throats/tonsilitis for a few years as a child #and my mother's go-to home remedy for sore throats was tea with honey and some toast #which i found to be absolutely delicious #(i liked to sometimes dip my toast in my tea tho and looking back ew i do not think i would like doing that now)#sonetimes i'd complain abt my throat even when it wasn't bothering me much bc i wanted The Tasty Snack at night #tho when i was like halfway through elementary school she showed me how to make it myself so i would quit asking her #and on one hand it was nice that i could have it without having to ask #and making it gave me an excuse to go downstairs after my bed time instead of being trapped in my room w my insomnia #but also i remember missing the feeling of being taken care of (which. being taken care of was a rare commodity in that house)

19 notes · View notes

selfshippinglover · 1 year

Text

"Why would you do that?" Ci caught her reflection as she stared back at him. Tired hazel eyes and lips in a torn smile. She looked hurt despite knowing that what she was doing was for the best. She feels herself swallowing as she replies. "Because I love him. Because I-I love you.....I know this way he'll finally be happy."

Young Rick frowns, reaching out towards her.

"Besides," she gives a tearful, half-hearted chuckle, "It's not like he'll care. He won't even remember any of this or me."

She goes quiet, staring at his version of the Smirh household. Truthfully, she might never forget him even with their history completely unwritten. Even when her memories had been changed of altered, she always found herself drawn to a plain white labcoat or a blue t-shirt or some guy that spoke like he had a fight to pick with the universe. Drawn to the ghosts of him by an unknowable force. One that she'd claim to be love.

#ciciwrites #Multidimensional Lovesickness #keep thinking about finding out his backstory than making a secret plan to rewrite his history #via sacrificing myself to take the bomb in his place #so that he can be happy #:'(#his backstory genuinely hurts my heart #i just want him to be okay #:(((#not sure how it goes after she dies #playing with a few ideas #but i think present Rick tries to stop me #so i trap him #and he watches helplessky as i die on his behalf #:'')#maybe he forgets me #maybe he still remembers me and wants me back #maybe he thinks of a woman with hazel eyes and a warm smile #maybe he dreams of a mysterious woman and feels a mix of emotions #idk I'll figure it out #lol #only angst here #thinking another ending might be he goes back to stop me and ends up confessing #the scene here is she's saying telling Young Rick what's going to happen #i think even young rick feels something for her then

4 notes · View notes

toastsnaffler · 1 year

Text

actually ive been thinking abt this a lot lately like basically for years i assumed i was very (cis)het passing and only recently ive become aware that i am in fact. very obviously perhaps almost comically gay to other queer ppl. like lmaoooo ok then

#i think its bc a) when i came out at like 15 everyone was super surprised so i assumed ppl still found it unexpected even now #+ b) im not super aware of social cues generally (autism) so dont tend to pick up on stuff like that unless its explicitly said #+ also c) ive never felt like i physically appear very conspicuous bc i dont have any piercings/tattoos/never dyed my hair etc #i only cut my hair short relatively recently too..... so idk i just assumed i blended into the background for everyone #but now im interacting with ppl outside of my tighter social circle more often ive become more aware-#of how ppl might perceive me. or rather ive become aware of just how UNaware i am of how ppl might perceive me #and its really funny how many odd interactions ive had in the past suddenly make sense if u assume the other person clocked me as gay #like strangers that have gotten flustered around me that might be bc i was giving off strong dyke vibes etc #the other day i was in a bookstore and the guy behind the counter was very stiff + quiet until i replied to smth he said and suddenly he-#became way more animated + started talking to me more casually + that was the first time i realised i probably sound gay as fuck #like i think i kinda have a stereotypical gay mannerism/lilt to the way i talk... no wonder i used to get called a fag so often lmfao #or like i remember trying to find a lab partner in 3rd yr of my degree + i had to do it on call only bc of covid + there were a bunch-#of us with similar lab interests but it got sorted SO fast bc this one other student seemed to gravitate immediately towards me #and i remember thinking afterward that it was odd how quickly we resolved that. esp bc we didnt even meet it was just voice call #anyway yeah i found out she was a dyke much later but i think maybe she clocked me straight away bc of how i sound....?#and that was why she warmed to me so quickly... but god i remember debating for ages with my ex abt whether she was gay or not #like my gaydar is truly terrible i suck balls at picking up on cues so its funny that to some people im reeking signals #also i met up with an ollldddd old friend last week + 30 secs in she was like oh fuck you must use different pronouns now #gesturing to Me. like oh..... im visibly gnc......? or maybe behaviourally???? idk. also shes v femme which made me realise that-#i rly do come across kinda masc/butch nowadays. even tho ive never really thought abt it that deeply before or made an effort to #i mean yeah i do identify along those lines but ive never directly considered how to flag that to other people etc im just doing me baby #ANYWAY this has been a rly long ramble idr what point i was getting at but just find it fascinating to think abt how im read in public #bc im just genuinely so unaware of it. its weirdly rly validating to find out that im automatically recognised as dykey + a little masc #boosted my confidence a lot as well tbh ive felt rly comfortable in myself lately. partly also cuz im getting a little muscular ;^)#ANYWAYYYYYY enough of all that i need to go sleep if youre reading this ily goodnighttt xoxo #.diaries

3 notes · View notes

astrxealis · 2 years

Text

i sometimes forget some stuff i’m into that i didn’t put them in my fandoms list oops ... i have a lot more i have yet to add

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#rn mainly dragon age and metal gear that i can think of :] and mass effect!#only ever played a bit of mass effect. like. i remember a hill. and. yeah i barely played... maybe 30 minutes #dragon age was longer bcs i did that whole castle but i need a mage so i went to that mage place but i stopped and haven't played since #bcs i'm stuck. SOBS. AND IDK WTF TO DO ABOUT IT. but yes i've played quite a bit of origins!!!#metal gear ik the memes and music and LOVE them. also read up on raiden stuff bcs he's cool. yeah. but haven't played at all yet ...#god of war is part of my childhood tbh bcs i rmbr my dad/tita playing that game where you go up a huge statue... i think #one of the early games and i don't think kratos and ares bad stuff happened yet ?? qwq anyways i will play gow b4 ragnarok comes out hehe #WHAT ELSE. WHAT ELSE. tbh idk. uhm. but yeah there's more #bcs of my tita i was able to read most of fma in MANGA!!!! HARDCOPY !!!! i am happy abt that still wah #have not finished the anime but we're close... will prolly rewatch tho bcs it's been YEARS. fma is very good though #not a big fan of winry tho :') i personally don't find how she hits ed even when he's really hurt funny ... just a personal opinion #i've warmed up to her more tho ^___^ but yeah!! really grateful to fma tbh bcs it's why i became friends w my bestie hehe #ARGHHHH. YEAH. i can't think rn but yeah ^^

9 notes · View notes

chappellrroan · 1 year

Text

i will sob omg

#so there's this friend of mine and like i totally stopped talking to everyone remember she was one of my best friends online to the point #i even gave her number and she's seen me barely since last year #so today i was texting on her on pin from another account and i told her to text me because idc how anything goes i don't want to avoid her #anymore it's exhausting and like she's always been there for me waiting for MONTHS #like idc how great your friends are ik they won't fucking wait for 6-7 months with no text at all and still he so warm #so loving #and i send her the pics i clicked yesterday ofc they weren't the best but #her mom was beside her and she said bacchi bari ho gayi <3 #like i feel loved okay they always worry about me sm even when i am not present it feels so good #idk what will become of me in next few months but all ik is whatever happens no more ghosting my friends #things can go to hell for all i care because they're hell anyways <3

2 notes · View notes