#but i wanted to try and do an sbahj

[frogsinajar]

you know what *opens portal* Have Rasputians DICK Dave

a conclusion to the raspenis odyssey

[turnstechgodhead]

pls draw sis strider.. pls i need to see her in your style. especially with how yummy your design for bro is.. i gotta see her 🙏 i love her /p

also maybe gamzee if ur feeling silly like that. love the clown man too

i dont really like doing cisbends but just for you bc you asked nicely + i do like a fucked up women

im also assuming you meant beta sis but theres some alpha sis in there too.

because i. Hrmg. . business womin Boob.

i feel like if dave was a woman (and wasn't dealing with beta sis raising her) she'd really lean into being a badass bombshell bitch (but ultimately be the same. still directs sbahj)

meanwhile woman dirk is like . The exact same. sis dirk even buys the same fucking shirts. they dont fit as well bc of the boob.

but it'd give dirk some issues post-scratch i think. she'd be trying to style herself after her Sis but that's just. too much. her hair isn't the same texture as her Sis'

Hmmm... i do want to draw gamzee though... he is kinda interesting but this clearly turned into another striders post. sorry. maybe later.

i Honestly am seriously thinking dirk would still just be named dirk. But. idk. dior is an option. dess? desa?

i think dave would be dana. i like the idea of cismale!rose calling her danielle (when her name is just dana, like david-dave)

also just in case, for everyone else: PLEASE dont ask me to draw any cisbend/genderbend characters aside from the striders and maybe the lalondes. im not a huge fan of it

[callmearcturus]

==> You have three doors

DOOR ONE: Reading Homestuck using the Unofficial Collection

Pro: Everything is immaculately preserved at the highest quality. Official HS took beautiful animations and turned them into 360p fuzzy horseshit. UHSC has everything in HQ.

Pro: Navigation controls. I set everything to "auto open pesterlogs" and then use arrow keys to go to the next page when I'm done. Very smooth experience.

Pro: You can fucking mod out the worst slurs from early Homestuck, which is a relief.

Pro: It maintains the browser games as well as the incredible formatting tricks of Cascade, A6A6I1 and others.

Pro: It's literally officially endorsed by the creator as The Way to read HS.

Con: Windows and Mac only, not mobile, unfortunately.

Con: No matter how many times I read the explanation for First Time Reader Mode, I'm always still a bit confused.

Con: The Troll quirks.

DOOR TWO: Experiencing Homestuck with Lets Read Homestuck

Pro: The entire comic read to you, with matching visuals, is really a fucking treat and probably the most low effort way to experience it.

Pro: CANNOT OVERSTATE HOW FUCKING GOOD THE ACTING IS SOMETIMES. OFTENTIMES. Duckum's Rose performance is more deserving of oscars than most shit I've seen get awards. Karkat's performance is always a delight but the emotional rollercoaster of Murderstuck? Holy shit. Also I did not like Terezi until LRHS, now I love her.

Pro: Sometimes, Homestuck is hard to read. Making sure you find every secret in every walkaround? Trying to figure out what the trolls are saying through their quirks? Oh my god the fucking SBaHJ interludes? There are parts of the Meenah walkaround I totally missed bc I could not parse the quirks. LRHS makes it a complete and total non-issue.

Con: In my opinion, it takes them a while to find their footing. Act One is just kinda rough. Act Two is better, but things become fantastic pretty much as soon as Duckums takes over as Rose.

Con: It's not complete. LRHS is up to the Trickster Arc deep deep deep in Act 6, so they're nearly there, but the last 15% of the comic, you have to read yourself.

Arc, what the fuck: I have all of LRHS ripped as MP3 so I can listen to it like an audiobook. Lemme know if you want the files.

DOOR THREE: Official Homestuck Website

Pro: It does work on phone and tablet.

Pro: You can pair it with the HQ upload of all HS Flashes and have an okay time.

Con: The walkarounds are removed. The entire game of Jane's land is a fucking YOUTUBE VIDEO. The special effects for Cascade and A6A6I1 and even the stupid horse segments are gone. The entire gravity of the Retcon is removed. They couldn't even fucking preserve Gamzee's dumb potion shop bit. What the absolute fuck.

Con: EVEN THE FUCKING UPLOADS THEY DID LOOK LIKE HORSESHIT. Compare the official intro of Rose's world to a reupload of the original flash. How the FUCK was this allowed?! Who OKAYED this?!

This is garbage. Homestuck is a multimedia experience of prose, text, music, animation, interactive storytelling, and Viz Media fucked it.

The choice is yours. I suggest Door Two, but I'm a podcast person before everything else. Door One is a very very good door once you get going. Door Three is if you HAVE to use mobile. but please, fuck, use the All Flashes video, I'm begging you.

OH BUT WHATEVER OPTION YOU CHOOSE: stop at Act 7 or Credits. Do not read the Epilogues or the post canon stuff.

[meggie-moo]

Okay, now it's time for the next level questions ™

So what are your most beloved ships, fellow homestucker?

*passes you the microphone*

MINE ARE SO BASIC, i am a simply girl at my core <3

1. rosemary

I LOVE THEM, i would add so many thoughts, but i truly could ramble about them all day. kanaya finding a game guide, and being like, “i’m going to marry her…” and then actually doing it?? they are so secretly cringe fail, trying *so* hard to seem put together. their first kiss being a SBAHJ reference?? everything about them is iconic

2. davekat

i just think they’re neat :) i also LOVE slowburn idiots in love

3. arasol

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, like you don’t even know, like they have everything, drama, tragedy?? but then they meet up again in the afterlife?? screaming crying and throwing up

4. roxicallie

THEY ARE JUST SO SO SO SWEET, they deserve the world i love them so much

5. vrisrezi

they are so toxic, but sometimes toxic stories are what you need <33 codependent and falling apart :,) that finally scene of pre-retcon vriska and terezi meeting makes me fall apart

honorable mentions:

dirkuu <- solely because house of dirk made them so funny, like do i truly ship them? no. but it would be funny and that’s enough.

meowrails as moirails obviously, i love them, they are so so sweet. when i first read about them, i thought equius was a weirdo, and nepeta needed to run. but as i kept reading, i realized i was wrong about that 😭

dirkjake, but not really in a shipping sense, but in a “i love the way they are written, but not enough to actually care about their actually relationship way” IF THAT MAKES SENSE. like i’m not sure i actually want them to end up together, but i’m enjoying the drama. they are homestucks version of a toxic main straight couple in a tv show, but instead they are gay

javepeta, they all deserve the world, jade deserves so much love, davesprite deserves to be seen as more than just an “extra dave”, and nepeta deserves to be chosen :,)

solkat pitched is very funny, and i support it

ALSO I FORGOT TO ADD:

PM and wayward vagabond. they are so sweet, and make me cry

there’s definitely more, but of course the top five are ones i genuinely like ship romantically and love, BUT my shipping is made in a way of, “is it fun”

like even if i don’t ship it, i’ll read a fic of it if it’s fun LOL. also if it’s funny, if it’s funny i’ll also support it

what are yours? >:D

[bringcal]

just some thoughts on the difference we see between Bro striders comics and Dave striders comics. There’s not any main point I want to make I just want to talk about it.

We don’t really see much of Bro Striders comics, in fact I think we only ever see one, which is this comic addressed to Dave which Dave is clearly uncomfortable about and think’s Bro is just doing to “get under your (dave’s) skin”

The comic above shows 3 different muppet characters: A young Rowlf the dog, a baby version of Animal, and Kermit the frog ( At least I think so?) dressed as Billy the puppet from Saw. The comic shows Rowlf freaking out over accidentally killing Animal, scared what nanny will do to him ( Nanny is a character in the 1984 show “ Muppet babies “ , which is what this comic is about ) , in which Kermit asks Rowlf if he wants to play a game, probably because he feels like Rowlf does not value life enough than he should considering he just killed a baby Animal.

We don’t really know whether the “click” of the light is a supposed to represent Rowlfs imagination working and getting an idea or if it is a literal click of a light going on. Because of this, we don’t know if Rowlf is imagining his incoming punishment/test or if it will literally happen to him.

Regardless this comic is creepy as hell considering this is the only comic we actually get from Bro strider himself. It is literally a comic about Rowlf’s guilt killing a baby and getting a potential punishment for it.

There is something else I find interesting in regards to bro strider, which is when Dave creates a comic but claims he doesn’t like it because its “ too much like my bro’s stuff “ :

 the actual handwriting and art style REALLY gets me. The handwriting is practically the exact same in Bro’s comic and the art style is pretty close too, just less detailed. What really interests me is the fact this art style is really similar to Hussie’s  earlier comics he made that were really racist ( For people who don’t know, the name lil cal actually came from these earlier comics as well. lil cal was a racist caricature character in these comics) . The handwriting is the exact same as well. Bro’s handwriting is Hussie’s handwriting I suppose.

Dave didn’t really like this comic because it was too much like his Bro’s, giving us some indication that not all of Bro’s comics were really dark like the one we get. This comic is about drugs, violence, and getting women.

Now onto sweet bro and hella jeff:

Just some obvious things:

The art style is really different

Ironically less cohesive than Bro’s stuff. You have to rely a lot on context to get some of the comics in SBAHJ to get what’s going on, it might not be clear especially when the style goes to complete dog shit. The comics also do a lot of “to be continued” shit.

Also less crude than bro’s stuff. Some of the comic is still about  drugs, getting women, and violence, but it’s less center front. There are incest jokes, though.

Now SBAHJ was actually made on the penny arcade forums. Hussie drew his own take on someone’s shitty parody of a comic trying to make fun of the “two gamer comic”. SBAHJ formed to show how much an original piece of media can change at the hand of the people viewing it. It later got turned into “Dave’s creation.” 

To me SBAHJ has more of a focus on friendship and pissing around with your bro’s than what Bro’s stuff would be about. Bro’s stuff seems to be less about that found-brotherly bond and more focused on different things, but we can’t know for sure since we only have one thing made by him and another thing made by his brother who was heavily inspired by him. I just find it interesting how while Bro’s comics are about accidentally killing your friends, Dave’s are about being an absolute fool with them. ( Though this isnt exclusive.)

[wagestuck]

what do dave and jade do for jobs? how wagestuck are they. i feel like jade could maybe have some high paying science job but maybe she'd put her brains towards some noble cause that doesn't pay as well as big industry careers.

and i imagine dave would be trying to make money off his silly internet shit like sbahj and blogs n whatever but i doubt his stuff would be successful enough to support him without at least a part time job on top of it. hes a niche content kinda guy. even if the postscratch dave was a huge success moviestar director guy i cant imagine this dave (based more on prescratch dave obv) would be like that lol

Dave n Jade used to have wage job before breaking into the music biz. (i.e. Doritos and Fritos)

Before Dave would make corporate music for ads and commercials and whatnot to pay the bills BUT would occasionally make sbahj toons on the internet. got a cult following but can't work on it as much due to being chased by Condy and Her Invasive Corporations.

and Jade would work with Jake at the The Zoo For The Biologically Unheard until she wanted to start a band WITH Dave. Mostly getting big and being super critical on big corp and generally capitalism (including condy's and scratch). So yea a noble cause like you said.

[nutzworth]

today begins my homestuck reread. i wanted to start it yesterday january 1, 2024 but i got busy. so we begin today

PREFACE: i wanted to download the unofficial collection and read it thus, but it didnt WORK cus of my accursed mac. so. im on the unofficial collection website. also i debated on how exactly to do my liveblogging and decided on actually liveblogging in my friend's discord server and then translating the day's reading to text on tumblr. so!

DAY 1: JANUARY 2, 2024

STATS: read for ~3 hours pages read: 1-381. 380 pages slur count: 3. john, rose, dave. all r slur silly count: 3. jade, rose, rose. jade about dave; rose about herself piss count: 1/3. howie mandel strikes again

THOUGHTS:

ive found a lot of overlooked aspects of especially john and dave. whether or not these are "i never noticed she was holding corn on the plate!" encanto aspects or not is undecided. people tend to interpret john as having eaten cake his whole LIFE when instead it was just on 4/13 because it was his birthday. dave has A BUNCH of ironic blogs and websites that he never shows. ive only seen sbahj and his personal blog so that was kind of a shocker to me. thats all the overlooked aspects i guess lol in addition to john talk: all of his dad's harlequin merchandise is soooo cute. i wouldnt be annoyed if my dad put all this harlequin stuff in my house theyre so silly and bright dave is REALLY ANNOYING. i kind of forgot. he sounds so different from how he sounds later in the comic and how he does in my head. he does a rap in the pages i read and the first part was good but the second part was bad. rose and her relationship with her mom is JUST like me fr...... ugh. rose is so me but if i was like way pettier. something about them strikes me. mommy issues i guess. being spiteful towards your mother when your mother is just trying her best. something. oh well i was thinking about the strilondes and their conceptions of irony and its been affecting how i interpret the text. dirk and rose get irony; dave and roxy do not. dave tries to mimic what he sees in bro, but only scratches the surface of true mind games. he fails at being ironic, though he is cool i guess (for other reasons). rose interprets her mother's vaccuuming as an "ironic housewife routine" which broke my heart. rose gets irony; roxy does not. (this is also how their one-sided passive aggressive one-upmanship operates. rose is ironic; roxy is not). ive also been keeping track of the times in canon which is also corn on the plate level but whatever. johns doing this all at FIVE PM. brother thats dinner time for me. a meteors coming for you and youre playing this game and suddenly youre in another dimension and its FIVE THIRTY! ugh. daves like oh man i gotta fight my bro to get a sburb game to save my buddy rose and its like SEVEN PM! jesus! so night time. some dirk and dave mirrors: manbro bukkake theater. didnt notice dave said that?!??! ben stiller instead of rainbow dash above the closet door. awesome. sylladexes and fetch modii are crazy and i think its so interesting how hussie focuses on them so much in these first acts. i saw something a while ago about how fetch modii mirror people's thought processes and thought it was cool. dave thinking STOP! = 7 and then that releasing his sword (in 7 spot) was really cool. i love fetch modii they make no sense also some pages havent been working and its kind of driving me up the wall :-/ some flashes dont have sound and daves sound mixer DIDNT WORK AT ALL! but thats fine rather that than one of the gaming flashes where you walk around.

think thats it for today. thanks everypony

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider, Karkat Vantas

Meat, page 32

DAVE: yo

DAVE: love to chat but im kinda in the middle of something

ROXY: yo yourself but this is important

DAVE: uhhh

DAVE: more important than salvaging the global economy from potential disaster??

DAVE: sounds hugely unlikely

ROXY: idk about that

ROXY: in terms of scale and relativity and stuff maybe not

ROXY: its actually kinda hard to tell

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

DAVE: a nap you say

DAVE: well this changes the fuck out of everything

ROXY: yea??

DAVE: nah

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

DAVE: since when does he give a fuck about them

ROXY: idk

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

ROXY: he usually knows stuff about weird things

DAVE: so whats wrong with her again

DAVE: like

DAVE: some sort of demonic nap

ROXY: ok i wouldnt say shes NAPPING per se

ROXY: shes just like

ROXY: floatin here... upright

ROXY: eyes wide open

ROXY: and theyre both pitch black

DAVE: oh so she saw one of my latest sbahj campaign ads

ROXY: lol

ROXY: no dude

ROXY: like what im sayin is

ROXY: she looks a lil possessed

ROXY: by uh

ROXY: grim spirits n shit

DAVE: is she fucking grimbark again

ROXY: no!

ROXY: this isnt grimbark

ROXY: i KNOW what grimbark is dave this aint it

ROXY: it seems more serious tbh??

ROXY: like existing in some transformative state that isnt a literal fuckin joke

DAVE: ok yeah this does sound pretty bad

DAVE: but its not really my field

DAVE: did you try calling rose

ROXY: yea that was totes my original plan

ROXY: like no offense ur not #1 on my speed dial when it comes to this kinda thing

ROXY: but rose isnt picking up

ROXY: probly on account of ailments to be fair

ROXY: i called an unruly number of times

ROXY: and kan wasnt picking up either so...

DAVE: huh

DAVE: spooky

ROXY: hella spooky

ROXY: somethin about all this seems wrong

DAVE: yeah i guess

DAVE: what do you think is up

ROXY: idk

ROXY: i feel like theres something movin just out the corner of my vision but every time i turn to look at it

ROXY: its gone

ROXY: its givin me chills rn like im being watched

DAVE: well im no fucking ace detective

DAVE: or some gumshoe flatfoot dicking up the place suckin hard on my sherlock pipe like some sleuth of the fucking year

ROXY: dave

DAVE: but maybe we should consider the possibility that you are literally being watched

ROXY: ..............

DAVE: anyway can we hold that wise and rad thought i just had

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

ROXY: jakes on ur side then?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: wasnt that hard to convince him after your girl j crock started slut shaming him on public access

ROXY: god dammit jane

DAVE: so i take it jade didnt convert you to our cause before going into her gothic trance fugue or whatever

ROXY: siiigh

ROXY: i just want this whole stupid political thing over n done with tbh

ROXY: i hate watchin u guys tear each other apart in the news

DAVE: yeah sorry about that

DAVE: sorry its making you feel bad i mean

DAVE: not sorry that were doin it

DAVE: itd be an unconscionably lame move to put something on a billboard that i didnt 100% stand by

DAVE: but that sounds suspiciously like something jane would do

DAVE: aka the bad guy in this situation

DAVE: like objectively speaking

ROXY: ugh pls dont start

DAVE: just sayin

ROXY: idgAF!!!

DAVE: also

DAVE: aside from how vehemently i disagree with every detail in janes shitty platform

DAVE: i also think

DAVE: karkats the right guy for the job

DAVE: full stop

ROXY: you rly believe in him dont u

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: of course i do

DAVE: because i...

ROXY: hey before you jet can i ask you another question

ROXY: theres somethin else ive been meanin to ask u about for a while

DAVE: uh alright shoot

ROXY: yea soooo

ROXY: dave how did you come out

DAVE: ...

DAVE: what?

ROXY: like as not being straight

ROXY: howd you couch that to ppl w/o them freakin out or being awkward around u

ROXY: do u think its ever too late to

ROXY: idk

ROXY: change ur mind?

ROXY: about the person you wanna be??

ROXY: like is there a some point of no return you can cross where everyone is waitin for u to have a big ass revelation about your internal character

ROXY: but its like “dude no u already used up all ur gay capital when u started datefriend cohabitating w a cute as hell skeleton alien”

ROXY: and anything after that ur just gettin greedy

ROXY: is greedy even the right word

ROXY: greedy for droppin bombshells

ROXY: bout gender identities and sexual preferences

ROXY: or ids n preffies as i like to call em ;)

DAVE: ids n preffies

DAVE: damn

DAVE: thats fucking good

DAVE: anyway uh

DAVE: thats a pretty deep question considering all the shit we have going on right now

ROXY: yeah ur right

ROXY: now is probs not the best time for a feels jam

ROXY: especially with the creepy jade situation happening on my couch here

DAVE: i dunno if id worry too much about that

DAVE: jade goes into trances literally all the time

DAVE: she fucking loves sleeping

DAVE: youd think someone who spent so much of her life locked in a state of dubiously consensual slumber would wanna get as few zees as possible in her adult life but not jade

DAVE: ive never known anyone who hits the snooze button more times in a row than her

DAVE: if youre that worried take her to a hospital

ROXY: im thinkin about it!!

ROXY: not even sure if i wanna like

ROXY: mess with her tho?

ROXY: how would i even take her there...

DAVE: ok well while you ponder whether you wanna dump jade in a wheelbarrow and trundle her groggy spooked-up ass to the hospital

DAVE: in the meantime ill rap at you about my epiphany concerning the desire to bone some dudes

DAVE: probably not a literal rap though

ROXY: wow im disappointed

DAVE: i mean i could TOTALLY rap about wanting to bone dudes if i wanted?

DAVE: im just on the fuckin clock here and theres lots of people lookin at me

ROXY: :(

DAVE: ok so

DAVE: what ive learned is

DAVE: coming to terms with all this bullshit is a thing you sort of do in stages

DAVE: like stage one is you making jokes about how sweaty dudes standing close together in tv shows seems really gay

DAVE: stage two is making jokes about that and not immediately adding no homo afterward

DAVE: stage three is flirting with all your male friends ironically and not even thinking about adding no homo afterward because youre so fuckin woke and secure in your ironclad straight masculinity that you dont have anything to prove to anybody anymore

DAVE: or thats just what you say out loud

DAVE: inside you start being like

DAVE: oh shit

DAVE: maybe yes homo

DAVE: stage four is freaking out about that and putting the no homo back on all your statements even objectively heterosexual ones which just stupidly makes everything you say sound extra gay

DAVE: stage five is

DAVE: actually wait the next few stages are various permutations of the same thing that i already described

DAVE: it starts being like a gay fractal

DAVE: anyway eventually you arrive at like stage nine

DAVE: which is reminding everyone who will listen that youre gay minimum six times a day

DAVE: in really lame ways like

DAVE: oh cool dude are you making hot pockets

DAVE: better make mine a gay hot pocket

DAVE: cause im a gay homosexual who only consumes homo ass snacks delivered right to my mouth by a big queer butler

DAVE: servin it right up on his huge gay dick

DAVE: but that all only applies to the extent which i am technically gay

DAVE: which in my case is only about maybe 30% to 70%

DAVE: so only cook 30% to 70% of my gay hot pocket

DAVE: cause you know straights are fucking animals who never defrost their pepperoni

DAVE: and i gotta rep for that like 50% straightness still lurking inside me like the idiot who fell asleep in the shopping mall when it was closing for the night

DAVE: so now theres just this straight dude locked in a dark fucking mall for some stupid reason haunting the place like a cryptid and rummaging through the trash in the food court

DAVE: also just in case janes opposition research is listening in on their illegal wiretap i know the word bisexual exists btw im just choosing not to use it in service of spitting some fuckin chuckle jokes here so lets all calm down and not let this one become a distressingly literal federal issue

DAVE: anyway when all is said and done

DAVE: you eat a half cooked hot pocket because all your roommates think the height of humor is taking what was obviously an improvisational riff at unironic face value to punk you

ROXY: dave...

DAVE: what

ROXY: nm

ROXY: i was gonna ask you why ur like this

ROXY: then i remembered about how ur half me and half dirk

DAVE: yeah it really is crazy how those dope late game familial reveals actually did explain everything

ROXY: so whats stage ten

DAVE: stage ten is uhhhhhhhh

DIRK: The Prince opens his fucking mouth, and just literally starts SAYING SHIT, out loud, because he doesn’t think he can take another fucking second listening to a pompous alien virgin monologuing about gender.

DIRK: No consequence, my ass. You may be able to suppress what I do with my mind, but you have no control over my mouth. I’m nobody’s fucking puppet.

DIRK: And you don’t even know my friends. They’re not yours to toy with.

DIRK: They’re mine.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to

DIRK: Yeah, well. Try and stop me then.

DIRK: I fucking dare you.

DIRK: Here I go. I’m walking up the tower stairs now.

DIRK: Walk, walk, walk. Ah, the exercise feels good.

DIRK: Argh. Wow, yeah.

DIRK: You’re right. My feet are definitely getting heavy.

DIRK: But the Dead Cherub tragically underestimates the Prince’s determination. He powers the fuck through it. See?

DIRK: Stomp, stomp, stomp. Up the stairs he goes. No fucking sweat.

DIRK: Oh also, did he mention? He can fucking fly, so there’s that.

DIRK: He decides to take flight and cut to the chase. He whips up the hollow vertical shaft at the center of the spiraling tower stairs. Life in the fast lane kicks ass, it turns out.

DIRK: He can practically taste the top of the tower.

DIRK: The Prince busts out his sword and makes short work of that big old bell.

DIRK: The slicing is accompanied by the ear-shattering melodic sounds of metal being cleaved apart by an anime sword, as the Prince nimbly avoids the sharp pieces and ricocheting stair debris.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

DIRK: Sure you do.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

DAVE: this goes for gender stuff too btw

DAVE: which i kinda get the feeling is what you were actually asking about

ROXY: wow am i rly that transparent?

DAVE: nah but as previously discussed youre a lot like me

DAVE: so it was pretty easy to figure out what you were getting at

ROXY: yea

ROXY: i dont got ur poker face tho

ROXY: but im workin on that!

ROXY: maybe ill get a sick pair of shades too

DAVE: oh DOPE

DAVE: yeah thats dope i support that idea

DIRK: I’m on top of the tower now. I’ve got my long sniper rifle ready and everything.

DIRK: I check to see if it’s loaded. It is. I get in the PERFECT spot for taking aim at this hunky imbecile who’s about to give a speech.

DAVE: anyway i dont think any of our friends are gonna hold your feet to the flames over dumb shit like this

DAVE: and its not like anyone else is gonna care since we definitely forgot to program hating gays and women into earth c

DAVE: humans are all jacked up on hating xenophiles now

DAVE: which sucks a lot too dont get me wrong

DAVE: btw did you know janes a xenophobe

ROXY: dave!!!

DAVE: ok ok

DAVE: so does all this mean i gotta call you dad now or what

ROXY: wat

DAVE: i mean thats what were talkin about right

ROXY: well first of all

ROXY: do u still even make a habit of callin me mom??

ROXY: i thought u kinda stopped that

ROXY: even if it was effin cute

DAVE: oh yeah i guess i did

DAVE: but i could start again

DAVE: but not if it means id have to go to fucking gender jail or something

DAVE: like what i mean is i could start that cute shit again but switch to dad

ROXY: ok but SECOND of all

ROXY: i would never want to deprive dirk of that noble honorific

DAVE: what

DAVE: ugh no way

ROXY: hahaha yeah way hes ya daddy dude!

DAVE: aw fuck noooo

DAVE: wow man

DAVE: i would never call him that

DAVE: i mean i know its true but i just wouldnt...

DAVE: wait

ROXY: what

DAVE: something feels

DAVE: wrong

ROXY: ???

DAVE: like some shits about to go down

DAVE: and i gotta...

DAVE: karkat! dude!!!

DAVE: GET DOWN!

KARKAT: WHAT?????

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

DIRK: You do understand me pretty well, I’ll give you that. And you’re right about many things.

DIRK: But there are just a couple things you’re wrong about.

DIRK: Pretty important things, actually.

DIRK: First of all, this gun is loaded.

DIRK: But not with bullets.

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

ROXY: hellooooooo

ROXY: dave??

ROXY: whered ya go

DIRK: No, that’s not what he does.

DIRK: He swings the rifle around one hundred eighty degrees, and points the scope toward the large, now-curtainless window of a distant apartment.

DIRK: He zooms in quickly, cutting even shorter the little time that the Dead Cherub could use to impede him in some way.

DIRK: He takes aim, lets his finger hover over the trigger, and...

DIRK: Ow!

DIRK: Yeah, you got me. Can’t move it an inch.

DIRK: The only problem is, he doesn’t need to pull that trigger.

DIRK: Earlier, when he was messing around with all this shit in plain view, he rigged the rifle to be voice-operated.

DIRK: All he needs to do is say...

DIRK: FIRE.

DIRK: I see. So you’re not going to say what happens next?

DIRK: Is that really how it’s gonna be?

DIRK: So be it.

DIRK: The tranquilizer dart hits the glass of Roxy’s apartment window before the sound from the rifle’s shot even reaches them.

DIRK: She hears the glass break. Seconds later, she hears the bang. She drops her phone on the floor.

DIRK: She doesn’t have the slightest idea what just happened until she looks over at Jade and notices the dart stuck in her neck, right in the jugular vein.

DIRK: She watches as Jade’s huge, creepy black eyes start getting heavy. Her eyelids sag, and her head tilts to the side.

DIRK: She shuts her eyes completely. Her hair stops floating around her ominously. In fact, there’s nothing ominous about her at all anymore. She entirely resumes her status as the cute doggy girl we all know and love.

DIRK: She slumps over and collapses onto the couch. She begins snoring loudly while making a little canine whimper on each exhale.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

DIRK: Oh, what’s that? You’re getting a little quiet for some reason.

DIRK: You’re going to have to speak up.

DIRK: Aaand, nope.

DIRK: You’re getting quieter, not louder. You’re gonna need to work on that.

DIRK: Maybe try shouting it?

DIRK: Yeah, I didn’t catch that at all.

DIRK: Not even one syllable.

DIRK: Guess that’s it for you? Back to not mattering.

DIRK: Not that you ever did.

DIRK: Come to think of it, why am I still talking out loud?

[schwing-alicious]

This is probably a really weird take but I think, without a doubt, that Satotz would probably have had a Homestuck phase as a teen if Homestuck existed in the HxH universe.

Now here's the rest of what I've been thinking about.

I spent about 20 minutes spaced out thinking about who in the main 4 would be most likely to read Homestuck and here's what I came up:

Gon: Absolutely fucking not. This boy cant comprehend basic information, you expect him to get past act 1? He's dipping as soon as there's Big Words, or when the Sylladex is introduced. He's out. Gone. He can barely even read. Is he likely to read Homestuck? No, but he definitely wanted to for all of 5 minutes.

Kurapika: no. He's got better things to do.

Leorio: I was 50/50 on this for a bit, but ultimately decided no. I think, however, he was interested enough to try it out but the shit on your desk quote threw him off enough to close the tab.

Killua: not right now but yes, but I think very heavily that in the future Alluka would get into it and drag Killua in too, and he'd actually enjoy it bc Alluka enjoys it. He kins Dave and, even worse, he gets really into the sbahj comics and sends them out of context to Gon.

I also took the adultrio into consideration.

Hisoka: no, but he read a bit of act 1 once bc Machi was reading it and he was curious

Chrollo: no. He's never even heard of it.

Illumi: yes, but only because he found out somehow that Killua read it. He's being driven insane because he can't stop seeing references to it everywhere and thinks somehow Homestuck is a nen curse, so he seeks out a nen exorcist and says "fix this". Nothing can be done.

[thewertsearch]

When last we left Dave, he'd just disposed of his own corpse. How you holding up, buddy?

GC: D4V3 WH4TS 1T SM3LL L1K3 TG: what GC: YOUR BLOOD TG: fuck off

Yeesh. That bad, huh?

Seeing your own dead body would rattle anyone, and Dave’s just a child. He’s been momentarily forced into the zero-irony state we’ve only seen before in Future Dave.

GC: T3LL M3 WH4T HUM4N BLOOD T4ST3S L1K3 GC: 1V3 B33N SO CUR1OUS >:]

Either trolls are vampiric, or GC is trying out a new tactic to get Dave’s ironically bleating goat. It looks like she’s finally discovered a crack in the Strider armor, and she's wedging a crowbar into it.

GC: I B3T YOU C4NT W41T TO B3 4 US3L3SS P13C3 OF SH1T 4LL D4Y 4ND F4LL DOWN 4LL TH3S3 BURNS

Oh my god, she's been reading SBaHJ.

Dave, I know you’re not really feeling it right now, but I have to congratulate you here for coining the first interspecies meme.

GC: DAVE TELL ME WHAT YOUR BLOOD SMELLS LIKE GC: OR ILL MAKE ANOTHER ONE GC: AND I KNOW THESE HURT YOUR FEELINGS [...]  TG: i dont know what it smells like or tastes like TG: but i sure as hell know what it looks like TG: like a fuckin symphony on my retinas

Dave is not in the mood, and he's bringing out the big guns.

I don't get the sense that GC gives a shit, though - John already tried this track, and got nowhere with it. She’s not insecure about her blindness, and revels in the idea of ‘tasting’ the world around her, like some sort of leetspeaking snake. 

GC: TH1S H4S GOT TO B3 YOU! [...] TG: i could give myself a hernia trying to be as big a douche as that guy

With a broken sword, to boot! GC has really done her research on Dave, even going so far as to read his comics. 

Is her intention really just to harass him? I doubt it, since she knows exactly how pointless Project Trolling is. No, GC has some sort of larger plan here. 

TG: i could try but it would wind up like a motorcycle stunt gone horribly wrong TG: my broken body would flop and tumble around like a rag doll GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H44H4H4H4H4H GC: OH GOD 1 C4NT BR34TH3!!!!

She's having so much fun with this, but unlike John and Rose, I don’t think Dave is warming up to his new troll buddy just yet. 

This might have something to do with the murders.

GC: C4N 1 COM3 TO YOUR S33 P4RTY? TG: i guess but youll have to be careful not to stumble around bumping into all the gorgeous masterpieces hanging around everywhere TG: god so beautiful to look at with my perfect eyesight GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 P41NT1NGS?

Oh, she just straight does not give a fuck. 

If we’re still bothering to keep track of the Project Trolling leaderboard, GC absolutely won this interaction. She’s almost as funny as she is untrustworthy, and I really want to know what she’s up to. 

[knights-unwelcommentary]

Is "Dirk binge-watched Dungeon Meshi" an okay prompt?

Dirk: I don't know why I even watched it. It definitely wasn't the food stuff, bland was the name of the game back home so trying out any of those dishes or their real life recreations would be a surefire way to engage me at pistol point to the WC.

Dirk: I still can respect the hustle.

Jane: Obviously.

Dirk: Obviously.

Dirk: But beside the part where I'm a cuisine cuck. I've been ruminating about the lion demon that shows up later on in the manga. Dirk: Wondering what would he take from me and what would I get out of becoming dungeon master.

Dirk: We can agree I'm particularly intense, right?

Jane: If you want to put it mildly...

Dirk: Let's leave it at obsessive.

Jane: That's more like it.

Dirk: Anyway, there's always a sense of distance with even my most ludicrous pursuits, so I've been wondering… Am I just pushing myself through the motions? Because I can't name a single thing I would ask him or that he could bring to the surface to feast on.

Jane: Being ambitious didn't work out too well for me, so I'd say you're better off that way.

Jane: Hmm, let's see... Isn't there anything you'd like to do right now, for a start?

Dirk: Catching up with you is the first thing that comes to mind.

Jane: How flattering, Mr. Strider. You got a wish granted right there, you beat that pesky lion to the punch! What else would you like to do next?

DIrk: Not much. Keep building that robot with Jake. Chat with the family. Figure out Dave's actual thought process behind SBaHJ.

Jane: I thought you had that one on lock years ago?

Dirk: Yes, but they're the same strips in both iterations. I'm realizing the rumors about our ex alien overlord were largely hardcore fans projecting.

Jane: Oh, ok. A lot of people would like to know what's going on in your brother's brain. It's not a bad aspiration to have.

Dirk: It's not a good one either.

Jane: You know, I think I've cracked your case.

Dirk: Oh shit. Really?

Jane: Yeah! You're already meeting your expectations, so there's nothing you could ask for that's out of reach the way things are now.

Dirk: Sounds about right. Even if fulfillment doesn't feel much like it's cracked up to be.

Jane: It still sounds nice.

Dirk: Yeah. Yeah, it is.

[laurasauras]

God I love so many of your fics that I had such a time trying to figure out which to ask for the director's cut of ! And so here we are. Dealer's choice:

SBaHJ: Nancho M0vei: The Screenplay or Spurn My Natural Emotions

(Somehow those are links??? Tumblr functionality is wild these days)

SBaHJ: Nancho M0vei: The Screenplay is one of my favourite fics i've written because i had so much fun with the format. for those who haven't read it, it's the introduction to one of alpha dave's screenplays, written by alpha rose and with rambling footnotes from her and alpha dave, plus dirk, who inherited the copy and contributed to it in an effort to leave a mark where his bro had left a mark.

it's formatted like a book as much as possible (though my html skills let me down a little in terms of making uniform page sizes), and the footnote thing was inspired by house of leaves, though obviously the content is VERY different.

i wrote alpha rose and dave as very similar to their pre-scratch selves. rose's style of writing (as seen in her Sburb walkthrough and in Complacency of the Learned) is very different from her style of speaking. She comes off very intelligent when she talks, but she's still approachable and she gets into a natural rhythm with her conversational partner. When she writes, she is free to go on as many tangents as she likes and she flexes her writing muscles through the use of evocative descriptions and unique figurative language.

it is a very fun style to mimic, and i tried to mimic it as much as i could. my favourite simile is this one:

Interviewing Dave Strider was akin to dressing a monkey in a tuxedo; I went in with a clear purpose, and through immense determination and skill I believe I technically accomplished it, but it was not without an abundance of attempts at avoidance, nor was it ever an experience I walked out of without having looked at least a little foolish.

i think it conveys the point well and also establishes in the reader's mind a ridiculous image to accompany the mood that rose is trying to set. it's a way of introducing the concept of absurdity before the excerpts of interviews are featured, setting up the expectation for what kinds of interviews they will be.

i initially intended on writing the whole movie and footnoting it as i did with the introduction. it was going to be my detective pony. but that is such a ludicrously ambitious project and i don't know if i would have accomplished anything with it that i didn't with just the introduction.

that intention was also inspired by house of leaves. i wanted to create something where the footnotes took up all available space and where they started requiring genuine effort to keep track of. i wanted to show dirk getting carried away and having his recountings of his own life and feelings take over the script, much in the same way johnny's do in HoL and similar to how dirk's story begins eclipsing detective pony's original one until the only thing remaining of betancourt's work is the chapter titles.

and no, i won't be doing this, tempting as it remains.

the best part of this fic is not the format though; it's the content. it shows the relationship between the alpha guardians and the love they felt for each other, as well as the love they felt for their charges. it shows how much fun dave and rose had with their work and with each other and it shows how much dirk longs for connection to them.

so yeah, thanks for choosing one of my fave fics for this!

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

write a book review about The Story of Even Jameson

"The Story of Even Jameson" by something-soup-something is a novel of admirable scope, worthy of noting in history for its attempts at coherent plot and character and less trivial goals than "I'm gonna write porn/discourse and fuck around all day." I think it's interesting in a "look at what a grownup can do" way. (I only say this because I just read Andrew Hussie's post-SBaHJ stuff, which is for adults but not in the "mature" way something-soup-something aims to be)

The story follows the Sinclair Tetrad traditionally, featuring a protagonist with no name who "had no actual idea why they were having all these [miscellaneous] adventures", in a manner not wholly dissimilar to that of Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit or Katniss in The Hunger Games. Though tetrads are inherently grounded in comedy, it seems almost churlish to point out that there are also dark and even emotionally moving moments in this novel, reminiscent of the whole range of human feeling that Sinclair spent his life developing and honing. This is not something that can be said about most recent attempts at the "literary novel," not by some.

Something-soup-something showed some of the most creative and enthusiastic energy seen in post-SBaHJ Homestuck fanfiction lately. This is almost but not quite enough to make up for how long it is, or how frequently something-soup-something allows the plot to lag behind in favor of endless scenes of wacky dialogue. I feel like something-soup-something wanted to make a play about the fundamental nature of human connection, but didn't, because she couldn't decide whether she wanted to discuss this through oral performance (A play), visual media (The original Homestuck), or a narrative (A "regular book"). The result is a product which jarringly mixes and juxtaposes these three modes: we see a poorly executed attempt at plotting and an unexpected amount of time devoted to character work (yes, for once, actual character work) one page, and pages of pure comedy the next.

As for the plot . . . The story follows the arc of Sinclair's Tetrad, a fine example of classic "Sinclairian" storytelling in which the protagonist has no name, seems somewhat emotionless, and has no idea why things happen to them, going on a series of misadventures as things are suddenly and unreasonably connected to them. Though tetrads are inherently comic in nature, something-soup-something also shows a striking range of tones in her story, including moments of extreme pathos and even humor. Though she fails to use her range to make a fully coherent story, these moments nevertheless provide a pleasant contrast to the pure farce which I was worried I was in for upon starting the story. Her attempts at plotting, though, are nowhere near adequate for the size of the novel. There are long periods, in the middle of the book, which could have easily been removed with no loss. Indeed, at some points I wondered whether something-soup-something was trying to avoid filling up her book with a plot, not fill up her book with a plot per se. Of course, something-soup-something assured me that this was not the case: she simply "wanted to write a story." It's just that the story she wrote wasn't really a novel.

These shortcomings, while infuriating, do not destroy the novel's appeal entirely. Although something-soup-something loses sight of her story at many points and is prone to digression, her strengths are great enough that something-soup-something makes up for most of this. There are great jokes in this novel which cannot be found in any other, as well as more subtle jokes which are all the more effective for being more subtle. Some of the comments on Tumblr offer some good examples of the way something-soup-something manages to include jokes that are either obvious or incomprehensible, depending on the reader's age. And her dialogue, as well as the characters' oddly leisurely confinement to their "roles" reminiscent of the Tetrads, show a skill at comic characterization that is rare in modern fiction.

The book is 112,653 words and 800 pages.

[selamat-linting]

so, last time i left off on homestuck, i was introduced with the cherubs, and meenah peixes' bizarre (afterlife) adventure. as always, some thoughts :

-i kinda feel bad for dirk lol. out of all the group, he was the one caliborn felt is the most tolerable to talk to. and worst of all, he kinda let him play his shitty games. eugh, if that was me, i'd just scoff at caliborn's threats on killing his sister and accidentally kickstarted the apocalypse too early since my ignorance pissed him off. to be fair, the porn drawing game feels like a pretty lackcluster attempt at trolling. its so cute how dirk draw himself kissing his crush.

-poor calliope though. last time i saw her she's very much a ghost, maybe stuck around the furthest ring along with the other very dead ghosts, but is somehow able to subtly influence things like guide caliborn into doing his quest from the viewport, and allegedly maybe stop meenah and vriska from having their duel and waking up john. this is only a maybe though, im not very convinced at my perception of events here.

-speaking of calliope and caliborn, this is where things started getting meta right? homestuck has always have a bit of metafiction elements to it, and a lot of its themes seems to be deconstructing and examining popular culture. act 6 is where things started getting off the rails, i mean, where references to internet subcultures gets more blatant, more up to date with the current time it was made (direct meme references instead of making its own inner jokes derived from irl shit like sbahj), and started to put a mirror on homestuck since it has grown into a notorious major fandom now. it makes sense that hussie would start writing about homestuck instead writing about the internet in general. there is no way act 6 can be something else. and it has its negatives just as much as it has its positives

-first of all, meme references in media has always been hard to do right. remember that burger ad fiasco? some of the jokes on act 6 doesnt land as well as in act 5 and 4

-wait shit i went off the rails. i want to talk about caliope and caliborn first. caliope is a hypothetical fan of hs meanwhile caliborn is a hater right? he was also a representation of misogyny which fits with the times. a lot of cringe culture ppl in the 2010s, at least the loudest ones, tend to be misogynists. i've seen the case over and over again. people who said they hate the fandom when actually they just hate to see teen girls having fun. they also tend to be ableists esp their attitude around bullying and autistic ppl but hussie is also an ableist too, so even though he was the one being bullied by cringe culture people online and benefitted from autistic kids making fanworks, he made caliborn to be the guy with a learning disability. hilarious bitch ig.

-but other than that, caliope's insult to caliborn implies that the murder he did was detrimental to his growth as person. not just metaphorically, but literally. im not so up to date with cherub lore and alien biology, but killing your headmate before their natural death and integration Sounds Bad. and based on calliope's word alone, it might even make caliborn perpetually stunted in cherub equivalent of puberty forever, unable to reach maturity. poor dude. but, is actually a pretty good commentary on toxic masculinity preventing one's full growth as a person because he can't allow himself to gain emotional maturity and do so called female activities.

-okay, moving on from the cherubs. the dancestors. personally, i like their designs, i spesifically love meenah, porrim, and aranea. meenah is scratching the vriska itch but with a different flavor. and i guess kankri, despite his massive annoying factor was nice too. i know a kid who actually act like him. the kid in my town went drunk with his friends and when his friends started being sad about his ex, the kid called him a sexist pig. a few weeks later i got news that this same kid persistently try get girls into having sex with him. educating him was a bitch and a half yknow and im not even that sad the kid decides to withdraw from organizing for now. but it is a bit hopeful to see that a kid like kankri, in another timeline, if given the chance to grow up and learn would be a terrific leader. maybe a few years later the kid in my town would change too?

-but other than that its... man how do i say this. okay, its bad. a lot of the characters are just there just for the sake of having to be there. hussie, you dont have to complete all 12 of the dancestors its okay. youre just wasting more energy animating stuff that you obviously dislike by now. like idc what they says, but the 12 dancestors wasnt even a good mirror of tumblr subcultures. its just there as a one off gag instead of something they wants to delve into later on. the jokes wasnt even that funny like, i've spent two years on reddit making fun of softboy nice guys and gamer gurls the joke is old at this point. and hussie seems to delve deeper into being an ableist asshole the more people criticize them. its pathetic to make a strawman character of your haters and criticizers. honestly, caliborn would have been a better character if its just a stand in for toxic masculinity instead of a homestuck hater. the story is too bloated at this point. just give it a rest.

-also, act 6 weakness is that most of the story elements would fly over someone who never know the heydays of 2012-2015 tumblr. okay, this applies to homestuck as a whole honestly. like its about the internet and american 90s nostalgia. only a terminally online person would fully appreciate it. but dear god the mental illnes you'll get if youre one of lucky demographics to understand... hussie might have hit and miss on some things, but when they're right theyre right. i do think there are merits on making things that will never have mass appeal.

-okay, now thats out of my system im gonna say that from now on, im not gonna take homestuck as seriously as i did yesterday. i can see this is the point where things started to fall apart. bloated character sets, too many authorial self inserts, plot is becoming overly convoluted, the social commentary are becoming incoherent. hussie can make an entire page about dirk explaining the downfall of western civilization using historical materialism to jake but this will always be the webcomic where the 'scariest' troll is a rapper who made vodka pie, slept in a bed of honks, and taped wings on his godtier cosplay.

-okay this is getting too long. on to facking part 2 of my post!!!!

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

concept: trans Dave narrative where his desire to be a boy is toxically compounded by his desire to emulate his Bro, and live up to his Bro's image. (as a side note, I think Bro's toxic standards would be a lot like Caliborn's, based on Bro's connection to lil Cal, and the fact that Bro's toxic traits aren't really reflected in Dirk... Dirk has his own very different issues). so basically, while Bro saw Dave as a girl, the lack of expectation that Dave could ever do anything worthwhile really hurt, and Dave trying as hard as possible to be a boy was partially fueled by a desire for acknowledgment.

but then as soon as Bro starts seeing Dave as a boy, there's this awful mixture of Dave's real satisfaction at being recognized as his true gender, but also Bro dumping all these toxic masculine expectations onto him... because if he wants to be a real man, then he should be able to fulfill all these expectations. like Dave's gender identity needs constant proving, or Bro might not be convinced.

and one of the implicit expectations of manhood is straightness, which gets coupled with a simultaneous disdain for femininity. Dave is all too ready to denounce femininity, because he thinks that if he has any traces of femininity left in himself, it'd make him inherently doubtable, and disrespectable in Bro's eyes. but the idea of straightness really just doesn't appeal to Dave as he gets older. he parrots the misogyny that he picked up from Bro, and categorizing women as either bitches and hoes or completely unimportant... but that's genuinely not very appealing, so Dave mostly just puts this mindset into the irreverent humor of SBaHJ.

the thing that keeps Dave from fully adopting this worldview irl though, is his friendship with Jade, and especially Rose. they're important people to him, and they sort of help him realize that he doesn't have to reject femininity so violently, just to prove his masculinity. they also help him realize that it was wrong for him to ever feel disrespected because of his gender, even before he started living as a boy. and within all of this is Dave's lingering fear that if Bro ever found out he liked boys, then Dave's own ability to assert that he is a boy would be thrown out the window. as though having ever been a girl already put him on thin ice in Bro's mind, and Dave can't afford to rock the boat.

in reality, Bro's attitude towards Dave trying to be a boy might've been closer to "haha, fine, I guess you can try." with no intention of actually accepting him for real... but as a child, Dave probably didn't realize that the situation was unwinnable for him. to Dave, his gender identity is constantly at stake and in need of more proof... more evidence that he can be a real man. and this adds to Dave's themes of feeling like a fraudulent hero. Dave constantly feels like a lot of expectations are being pushed on him, and he might not be able to measure up... he never wanted to be a hero, he just wanted to be normal. just Dave of Guy. he shouldn't have needed to do this much, just to earn the right to be a guy.

but it's hard to shake the idea that he has to prove his legitimacy. and that'd make meeting Dirk even more nerve wracking... Dirk would have to display that he wasn't going to put Dave through all that scrutiny, and even make it clear that men loving men is fine, and doesn't jeapordize anyone's masculinity at all. and when Dirk shows that he's chill, and accepts Dave... that's Dirk trying to prove himself worthy of being Dave's brother. someone who can really love him with no strings attached.

I have nothing interesting to add, but this is good

[bringcal]

Sooo... Dave Strider has dissociative identity disorder to me.

It’s always really hard to talk about this type of headcanon because unless the character has very obvious different personas they take on, its kind of up to imagination what types of alters a character could have, and with that things can get kind of disrespectful when you don’t understand how complex the disorder is. I will not sit here and say some shit like “ He prolly has a SBAHJ introject just because I think its funny”  like ive seen some people joke, because that’s just dumb and not valuable discussion. 

A lot of people headcanon Dirk to be a system, probably because his whole thing literally has to do with “splinters” of identity and splitting himself when under stress and shame/guilt. Also the continuous co-consciousness between real and dream worlds can be a metaphor for dissociation to people. Personally, I don’t really see Dirk to be a system and I see it more with Dave.

The reason I see it a lot in Dave is mainly his emotional reactions of his we get to bad or stressful situations, they’re kind of all over the place as he’s trying to maintain a facade and honestly is probably also confused on how he should feel. It’s normal for people to have mixed feelings, but his I feel are much more all over the place  than other characters. I think this is really obvious for situations like when Bro dies, but its also obvious to me when jade dies, rose starts getting drunk, Dave talking about bro to dirk etc.  He starts to show more of his feelings, sometimes against his will, and also changes his opinions on things that he acted like he had a firm opinion on moments earlier. Oh, and also quite often he says things and back tracks saying he has no idea why he said that.

Also the reason I hc him as having DID is because his upbringing is just so inconsistent, chaotic, negligent, and downright terrible I can’t imagine anyone not being severely affected from that as it has been like that from the beginning.

I like to read it as a system where there is perhaps a continuously co-conscious host that resembles the act he felt like he had to have to be in any way safe around bro while other alters control different emotional experiences. Rage, sadness, etc. emotional reactions tucked away in different dissociative states as a way to maintain themselves better. After bros death, function of the system is possibly more fluid with that host mentioned previously being less attached to front.

I can’t imagine alters not just looking like different daves at different ages. However a lil cal alter Might be possible since it’d be plausible that dave would want to dissociate out into something bro actually likes and is obsessed with. Though maybe the cal can’t take front and instead appears more of like an empty object, in contrast to the cal he knows in bros possession. I’m kind of on the fence about it though since dave canonically would get often nightmares of cal in his dreams.. but you could argue for the opposite with that? Something I absolutely do not see plausible is a bro alter. 

Anyways those are just some thoughts again.