#but i’m seeing death cab for cutie again and i can definitely find the beauty in that

[misssolitudesmusicblog]

Happy March! I can’t fathom that we are already 3 months into the year. I realized it’s been a year since I have been live streaming on Meetme, and anyways today we entered a new month and a new playlist, Episode: March is out now on Spotify and available to anyone who would love to participate in collaborating and adding new music to the playlist everyday based off the themes I choose. For today’s theme I am asking my audience to reflect in their personal life and choose music that would reflect them embracing whatever they may face this month and welcome March. The music should resonate within their own personal life and serve as a reminder to continue and keep moving forward. Here is my personal in depth of what I added:

1. This Way by Dilated Peoples: I absolutely resonate with the chorus 

“ This time I made up my mind This time I'm back on my grind I know there's things in my life That I'ma let go startin tonight (I can't live my, I, I can't live my) (I can't live my, I, I can't live my) I can't live my, I, I can't live my I can't live my this way (can't live my, I, I can't live my) This way (I can't live my, I, I can't live my) This way, I can't live my, I, I can't live my I can't live my life this way “

I choose to start off with the month strong and serve as a reminder that I know change is necessary and I must choose a different behavior for the results I’m hoping for. 

  2. Grindin by Clipse: I choose this song because I have to grind so hard this month. My lease is up in June and I have to figure out where I will be relocating and make sure I have enough money to do so. So like Snoop Dog says “ I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind”

3. Early In The Morning by The Gap Band: This song is a hype song for me to remind me that the early bird gets the worm. I’ve been trying my best to establish a morning routine and although I need to be up by 8a.m. unfortunately I’m not a morning person so therefore I embrace March with many mornings in hopes I can execute Sunrises more often. 

4. So Ruff, So Tuff by Zapp: This song is such a delight but also so real. I live out here in California where the weather is amazing but the cost of living is horrible. Another chorus that I embrace and resonate to:

“So ruff, so tuff out here baby So ruff, so tuff out here baby So ruff, so tuff out here baby So ruff, so tuff out here baby”

5. Backstrokin by Flatback Band: I choose this song because this song just has amazing rhythm and compliments the last first few songs here and I know this song will have me continuously jamming out throughout the month.  

6. All The Stars by Kendrick Lamar ft. SZA : I love Kendrick I feel like he is one of the most realest rapper of our generation and he just validates all the emotions that I feel at times with people that cross my life and have done me wrong or the person’s ego and character is just not aligned with the values that I harbor in my heart and personal life. 

7. Hit Different by SZA ft. The Neptunes: SZA another brilliant female artist that I absolutely adore. Here is to me hoping that March hit’s different.  

8. I’m Not In Love by Kelsey Lu: OMG this song! First it’s a cover but definitely serves as reminder to me that I am not in love...I hope to still embrace love in March however still find balance to be detached as well. 

9. Not My Baby By Alvvays: So my love interest and I stopped talking on January 31st, and we have not spoken since. I was excited to embrace new love into my life but unfortunately it didn’t work out but I’ve made peace and let that person go and move forward even though we were never official:

“ Now that you're not my baby I go do whatever I want No need to turn around to see what's behind me I don't care And it's true I've been checking out lately I go do whatever I want No need to turn around to see what's behind me I don't care “

10. telepatia by Kali Uchis: Thank Ticktock for this song as a welcoming song for March. I’m stuck on this cute and catchy song. 

11. Soul Meets Body by Death Cab For Cutie: This song is amazing and I was reacquainted with it recently. It has been a minute since I had heard it but I definitely resonate with the feeling of finding new things and feeling new again:

“ I want to live where soul meets body And let the sun wrap its arms around me And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing And feel, feel what its like to be new “  

12. O Children by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: So I recently watched Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 1 & 2 in which this song is featured and this song made me reflect the strong friendship Harry, Ron, and  Hermonie possessed to which I too share a a strong friendship with my 2 male bestfriends Elbert and Edson and it’s a solid friendship of over 10 years now. This song is sad but beautiful and I resonate with the following lyrics:

“ Hey little train! Wait for me! I was held in chains but now I'm free I'm hanging in there, don't you see In this process of elimination “

13. Nostalgic Feel by Bedroom: Ugh...another love song to remind me of this person but also to remind myself to trust the universe and remember that what is meant for me will come effortlessly. 

“ Sitting in an open room Thinking of how much I miss you I know the future is looking good But I would still love to go back if only I could Nostalgia keeps haunting me With all of those sweet colored memories “

14. Live Well by Palace: I came across this song recently from one of my viewers on my meetme CapNMickey123 and yet it was another song that made me think of my past love interest and thought to myself may he know it was his loss and we both be in peace and maybe a part of me wants him to return but at the same time may we both let go and live well

“ And I know it's fine to end our time Be safe, be true, and I'll think of you 15. lo que paso by Nina Cobham: Another one...

“ Lo que pasó, ya no duele tanto Think that I can move on But I'm not sure what you want from me If you want from me Tú me has esperado tanto tiempo “

16. Icarus by White Hinterland:

“Together going arm and arm To meet our solitude, to meet it head on I'll meet you where the water's warm To meet my solitude, to meet it head on Though I can see clearly ahead of me I cannot stop it once I'm set a-spinning What can it mean Why must I always see the ending at the beginning?”

17. Discouraged by Devin The Dude:

“ The second hand on the clock don't stop Gotta keep climbin' 'til you hop on top ('cause) Whoever said life was easy? Same folks who believe in magic You gotta pay, mane, it ain't no freebies And buy the things that'll make you happy Funny how the people treat you When your money gone and you don't have it Don't worry, don't get nervous Discouraged “

18. March Madness by Future:

“ We ballin' like the March Madness”

[thebandcampdiaries]

Fish In a Birdcage introducing a brand new studio release: Waterfall

December 2020 - Fish In a Birdcage is an artist with a focus on creating beautiful and personal indie-folk songs with a broader creative twist. Recently, the act released a brand new studio album named "Waterfall," which feels like a great calling card for the artist and his work.

The sound quality is pristine, and the record has a beautiful production: bright and crisp, highlighting the varied melodic textures of each song. This album has a really cool aesthetic concept, with each song billed as a “Rule,” not necessarily following the number order based on the playlist, but rather creating a continuity with the artist’s previous releases. Rule #1 is featured on the artist’s 2014 debut, beginning a serious that would go on to reach #22, the last song on this album.

 The title track itself combines anthemic drums with melodic vocals and intricate guitar patterns, in the vein of artists like Ben Howard. There is even room for a more old-school feel: the song "Fiddler's Heart" has a cool folk vibe with a playful and witty sound. "Four Aces" is a song with a very theatrical feel to it: I could almost picture Tom Waits coming in and crashing the party with his howling vocals! On the other hand, this track remains melodic, with a beautiful approach to storytelling.

"Movies" is a playful song with a more alternative touch and a really fantastic arrangement. I enjoy the way the vocals lock in with the harmonies, and the guitars create a nice rhythm counterpoint with the drums and bass. Instead of everything being traditionally assembled, it seems like every instrument has its own space, and they overlap beautifully on "common ground."

"Two Sides" has a more old-fashioned feel, with a bluesy flavor and an amazingly relatable arrangement with stunning vocals by Kristina Helene taking the lead.

The track "Lion" is another fantastic example of the artist's incredible creativity and ability to swiftly combine genres and ideas. This song is catchy and immediate, combining elements of alt-pop with folk and a bluesy touch.

"Amigo" is another blues-influenced country, with a bit of a funk influence. The vocals really make me think of Anthony Kiedis during the golden age of Red Hot Chili Peppers (especially One Hot Minute / Mother Milk era). "Blessed by a Curse" is perhaps one of the most melancholic sounds on this release, and I really enjoy how the song starts small and understated, letting some of the ethereal background sounds creep in and become more prominent as the arrangement goes along.

"Momento Mori" is a beautiful song with a very creative feel and a really unexpected twist. The intro is mellow and slow-paced, but the track turns into a syncopated jam, with so much groove and rhythm. The vocal performance is incredibly distinctive, providing a completely different vibe and giving the album a kaleidoscopic twist since every track has something new to offer.

The final song is an intimate ballad titled "If Trees Could Talk." This is one of the most heart-wrenching songs on the album, and it really makes me think of artists like Damien Rice, as well as earlier stuff from Ed Sheeran and John Mayer. This song is a winning example of how "less is more" when you do it with your heart first. The song's arrangement is mostly built on guitar and vocals, although some additional colors, such as a nice string section, chime in, later on, adding more depth to this particular release.

Overall. This album is a very beautiful artistic achievement, and it is incredibly well-produced. The sound of the instruments is very natural and engaging, as Fish in a Birdcage managed to create a warmer sound that's far from the overproduced indie-folk releases that you see around these days. Instead of obvious pitch corrections and digital samples on everything, we're faced with a more organic sound, which makes it so much easier to experience a positive one-on-one connection with this music. As a listener, I always find myself gravitating towards the songs that are a bit more spontaneous and heartfelt in this genre, rather than the ones that hide the artist's humanity behind a thick veil of studio production trickery. While the mixing, recording, and mastering are extremely professional on this album, there is also a lot of room for those "beautiful accident," those natural sounds like the hands moving on the guitar strings or a singer breathing in before a line, that you can only capture if you stay true to the sound of the music being performed, instead of trying to bury it.

The album features ten songs. This fact in itself is quite an amazing achievement. If you stop for a moment and take a look at what most artists are doing, you'll find that singles and short EPs are everywhere. The industry is pushing a trend of releasing smaller bursts of music at a more frequent rate in order to continually provide content for the audience. While this might be a good way to keep your presence on platforms with fresh music more frequently, it might not be ideal if you want to give your audience something more. I personally love a more immersive listening experience, so I am always thankful to see artists like Fish In A Birdcage still working on full-length albums.

This release comes highly recommended, especially if you are a fan of artists such as Elliott Smith, as well as Damien Rice, Jack Johnson, Bright Eyes, Beirut, or Death Cab For Cutie, only to mention a few.

Find out more about Fish In a Birdcage and listen to "Waterfall," which is currently available on your favorite digital streaming platforms.

http://www.fishinabirdcage.com/

https://open.spotify.com/album/4RX7OLRicCMQ4ORUJTQVTm?si=-o44rIMZTyCtz0cC6RMPFg

We also featured one of the songs on our Indie Gems playlist, along other amazing international artists to discover!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3vCtmkPDbpE9pj5DfJnycU?si=sBxnZjkgTuGpL90BUVUiZw

We also had the opportunity to ask the artist a few questions: keep reading for more!

I love how you manage to render your tracks so personal and organic. Does the melody come first, or do you focus on the beat the most?

Answer: It really depends on if I'm writing lyrics or if i'm creating an instrumental melody. If I'm making lyrics I will create the Cello/Mandocello riff/rhythm first, something that I find really captivating, and then try to find the emotion within that riff to draw the lyrics from. If its instrumental most of the time I'll sing melodies into the air without chords and then find the chords that accompany the melody later on 🙂. The beat comes later when I have a producer on my side. I try to just focus on the cello/mandocello mixed with vocals, then find musicians of the instruments I want to hear within that track, then give them complete freedom to create whatever they want. Most of the time it turns out better than I could have ever imagined. 

Do you perform live? If so, do you feel more comfortable on a stage or within the walls of the recording studio?

Answer: Oh definitely more comfortable on a stage, or even more comfortable in a house concert type setting. It's definitely a lot more stripped down live because most of the time it's just me, my cello, my loop pedal and vocals. Getting used to playing to a click track without singing when I first got into a studio was the hardest part of recording, to get that solid chord structure with rhythms laid out so we could build the song around that.

If you could only pick one song to make a “first impression” on a new listener, which song would you pick and why?

Answer: This is a really tough question, because over the years I've loved asking people "what track is your favorite" and the range of answers is great. So many people have different favorites and that tells me I'm onto something. A lot of the older generation has told me they really like "Rule #7 - Angel Tango, and Rule #12 - Through the Tides" when the younger generation really digs the quirky vibes of some of the newer tracks like "Rule #15 - Four Aces"

My favorite changes over time. But I think the one that holds the most meaning for me is "Rule #3 - Paperwork", although it's an older song, it really goes back to my roots of when I really fell in love with songwriting and music.

What does it take to be “innovative” in music? 

Answer: I think it comes down to pushing your own limits constantly. I'm constantly trying to improve my cello playing in as many different genres as I can possibly dive into. I think you are a combination of every person you've sat in a room with and had a conversation with, and that includes speaking through instruments. I wouldn't be creating the music that I do without playing with all of the bands that I've played with over the years. I've heard so many incredible musicians blow my mind and those influences have rubbed off on me. 

Any upcoming release or tour your way?

Answer: I have album number 4 in the works, it will most likely be an instrumental album, just cello with multiple layers. That's what I'm working on these days. And the discography of fish in a birdcage is basically chapters of my life as I make my way through this musical journey. It won't be recorded for a while although. Because recording is not cheap. 

And because of COVID-19, it's just hitting the practice shed and busking until things become somewhat normal again. 

Anywhere online where curious fans can listen to your music and find out more about you?

Answer: fishinabirdcage.com is probably the best place to find that, and I'm pretty active on Instagram @fishinabirdcage so any updates will tend to pop up on there. 🙂 Thanks for the interview! This was a lot of fun!

[tae-pollux]

House of Cards: Sacrificial Lamb 1

Description: BTS Vampire AU, OT7, Rated M Note: Credit to Pastelcreepshow for writing the chase scene, being my Guinea Pig and editor. My friend Aki is too, but she doesn’t have a page atm. I’ll credit her later lmao.

{Chapter One}

“Another one please..” The words slurred from your lips, almost out of habit at this point. Am I drinking because I want to at this point? Or just because it feels right? You thought to yourself.

You were currently in the process of forgetting about your- now- ex. You give him three years of your life just for the son-of-a-bitch to not just cheat on you, but to turn psycho when you caught him and called him out on it. It's been a few weeks since then, but the hole in your chest didn't register time. The bartender eyed you, clearly wondering if he should even cough up another glass of hard liquor dressed pretty and labeled under a innuendo name. You couldn't even remember what you were drinking..

He hesitated like he was going to say it was time to call you a cab. That is, until a gentle voice cut through the harsh blaring EDM blasting through the club. “One more for the lady, please? Then I will happily take her home.” The voice sounded like angel bells dancing in your ears.. Or was that ear damage from the club music?

You glanced up at the stranger who just bought you a drink and was now leaning on the counter beside you. Resting on his forearms, one hand propping his head up on his hand as he eyed you with a small smirk playing at the corners of his lips. You couldn't decide if his eyes were half lidded naturally, or if he was seriously giving you bedroom eyes right now, but at the moment, you didn't care. Not when you had a literal angel looking at you like you were a gift sat down before him. Especially when you are definitely not used to men looking at you like that. His ashy blonde hair was styled neatly, his stray strands falling over his forehead as he tilted his head.

“I could let you stare at me all night, beautiful.. But I think I at least deserve a 'thank you' don't I?” He smiled the sweetest smile you have ever seen and gave a wink. “Oh..” You giggled drunkenly. “Thank you, angel.” You breathed, almost hypnotized, which of course, made him giggle with you.

The bartender placed your drink in front of your face, waking you up from your daze, making you blush. As you set about drinking it and trying to keep your eyes busy, the stranger languidly slid from the counter to take a seat on the other side of you. You barely noticed his movements until his hand came up and brushed a stray hair behind your ear. “Goodness.” He breathed. “You look so sad princess.” His comment sucked all the air out of you. Choking on your drink, instead of a reply you just coughed, not sure what to say. His eyes widened at your sudden outburst as he slid his hand down your back to gently pat it and rub it soothingly. “Sorry. Did I say something wrong?” “No no..” You waved off his worries, clearing your throat. “I just.. What makes you say that?”

So far, the most he's seen of you, you were drooling over him, so him suddenly pointing out how sad you looked made you wonder if you looked like a complete mess. “Your eyes.” He simply stated after a moment. “Excuse me?” “Your eyes. Just looking into them, they're telling me stories of pain. An ache so deep, it's pulling you in. Pulling you away from yourself and this world. You're drowning.” He spoke, lightly caressing his cold fingers against your cheek.

Something about this.. made you uneasy. The look in his eye as he unearthed your deepest feelings like they were dirty laundry left out for the world to see. The chill of his fingers against your cheek felt.. well.. cold. Not just physically. But like you were being touched by a statue trying to emote empathy. “U-um..” You swallowed. “I don't-”

Suddenly his beautiful laugh interrupted you as he stood. “Sorry princess. I didn't mean to shock you so much. Finish your drink. I need to make a phone call.” And with that he was disappearing into the crowd. Completely shaken, you did as you were told. Not because he told you, but because you really needed that alcohol in your system after that little exchange.

Minutes later, he returned just as you were standing to leave. A wave of vertigo almost knocked you off your feet but he was there at just the right moment to keep you from hitting the floor at a full horizontal. His perfect pale skin reflected the beaming lights that danced around him. His cologne filling your nose like a heady drug. You were starting to feel it again. That.. mesmerized feeling as his brown eyes stared into you. A smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Let me take you home, beautiful..” He whispered, almost seeming to slowly lean in.. “N-no thank you.” You stuttered, pulling out of his arms and righting your outfit. “I mean, I can just take a taxi. I'm sobering up anyway.” You smiled reassuringly at him, but he just looked confused and almost.. interested? Like he wanted to see what else you would say or do. “Come on, princess. I can't just let you go out there alone like that. It's dangerous you know.” He smiled, stepping closer. “That's ok! Really. I'm ok. Thanks for the drink.” You couldn't figure out why you felt so panicked. He was being sweet and he made you feel beautiful, so why were you acting this way? Have I gone mad? You questioned yourself as you shuffled away, leaving him behind with his heavy stare on your back. Quickly exiting the booming club and trying to speed walk down the road in your very uncomfortable heels.

You weren't much of a high heels type of gal, but you thought dressing nice and going out to be hit on would make you feel attractive again. Now though? You regret ever putting the death machines on your poor abused feet.

The night air was frigid and dead silent as you made your way to the shortcut you always took to the bus station. Since you work on this side of town, you knew it well so you were confident once you came upon the tree-ridden hiking trail that once you go through, if you make a left on one of the viewing side paths, you have a straight shot back into town where your bus station was. But walking in heals on a dirt path wasn't exactly easy.

The gravel crunched under your unsteady heels as you quickened the pace. And it wasn't because of the chilly air nipping at your skin, either, no it was much worse. You know that self doubting feeling you get when you're body is paranoid and thinks you're being followed? That gut wrenching sensation of fight or flight? A shiver ran down your spine causing your breath to catch in your throat like a heavy lump, pulling your jacket tighter to yourself. Was that guy following you? Taking a quick glance over your shoulder, more for reassurance purposes than anything, to calm your nerves that are now tingling through your skin like static. After all, what would you have truly done if he really was behind you? Finding the moonlit path empty, nothing but trees stretching on for miles into the shadows and a few leaves tumbling across the path by a gust of wind, you sighed with relief but still felt the need to run. Seconds felt like hours. Why did this path seem to be longer than usual? You weren't lost, this was definitely the way.. but something is.. off? -Snap- Jerking around at the sound, your eyes scan the trees to no avail. It's pointless to when all you can see are shadows. "Probably just a squirrel," you whisper, lying to yourself to put on a brave front. Your body shivered again when you could have sworn you heard the faintest laughter carried by the wind. Was this just your mind playing tricks? Taking another step, this time with caution, and straining your ears to listen.

Another faint chuckle rang out against the night air, this time confirming your fears had been right. There was no wind this time, just a deafening silence and a echoing laughter somewhere in the distance just far enough to make out.

Taking off, sprinting down the dirt path you run as if your life is depending on it. And in this situation, well.. it might well be. Each panted breath stung from the air. Light ice crystals forming in your chest, tightening your heart. The laughter was getting closer now, but your body acted as if it wasn't moving. The path didn't shorten, and the distance you've ran seems like you didn't make it more than five feet from where you started. It was as though you're running in place. Louder and more eerily the laughter came, toying with you, darting from the left side of the path to the right, never knowing where it would ring out next. You could feel breathing on the back of your neck. Warm, sticky, making you hate the fact you decided to wear your hair up tonight.

Suddenly a growl resonated in your ear, deep enough you could feel it in your stomach and it was so startling you misjudged your footing and went down like a rock onto the ground. "What's wrong cutie? Don't like playing?" The voice came from everywhere. Whispered as if he was right beside you.. All around you.. Your head jerked to the right when a flash of silver hair darted behind a tree. Then twenty feet behind another tree within a split second. He was toying with you, and enjoying watching you tremble with fear.

Ignoring the pain from your bloody knees and hand, you kick off the heels, because fuck those things, and take off running again, only to get a couple of feet when your body smashed into a hard wall. Immediately recognizing it was in fact, that guy, you quickly turned on your heels to run in the opposite direction, only to run directly into him again.

What? Was all you thought as you slowly looked up into his eyes, your breath shaking with you as your body quivered. He looked as if he had been out for a pleasant walk. Calmly looking down at you with his gentle eyes and soft smile.

This isn't right.. Very slowly, afraid to find the answer, you turned your head. Your heart pounding in your ears as your eyes scanned the dark trees before reaching the path behind you. It was as you feared.

No one was behind you.

His hand snatched your jaw, whipping your attention back to his angelic features. “I want to play with you some more..” He tsked, a frown coming over his features. “But it's too cold out here for a lady.” His fingers dug into your skin before suddenly they were at your throat in a flash, completely cutting off your air supply.

Your mouth opened, trying to gasp for whatever oxygen you could get as you clawed at his hand. Tears running down your face while you watched the Angel slowly killing you. You wanted to ask him why. You wanted to fight him. But you just stood there, listening to your own heartbeat and a light ringing sound. Before everything went black, the last thing you noticed was his bored expression.

[heartcravings]

50 Questions Tag!

@jongin-be-my-jagi​ tagged me for this a while ago, but I took my sweet time to answer. Here is my secret intel if you want to know me a little bit more!! Check hers as well, she’s an amazing writer and friend. 1. What takes up too much of your time? Tumblr, my stupid procrastination prone brain and my thesis. 

2. What makes your day better? Friends and loved ones, music and these absolute dorks (Channie especially) 

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? I hopped on the mat today in the early hours of the morning, rain on my window and the neighbours cat peeking at me from his window across the street.

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? Wonderland, bacause it’s “curiouser and curiouser!”

'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.  Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'

5. Are you good at giving advice? I think so. Not so good at following my own advice though.  I do always consider where the other is standing and if I don’t know how to proceed then I’ll just be honest and say I can’t help. But i’ll always listen with my heart. 

 6. Do you have any mental illnesses? Not diagnosed. I do think i might be going through something now. 

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, but i have a recurring nightmare: the world is made of black and white paper thin layers. I am a paper thin person walking along a street surrounded by paper thin buildings. I walk for a long time, looking up at the white sky. Until the street ends, there is no more building and i fall into the abyss of a blank page.  I have had this dream since the age of 8 or 9 years old. Fear of not being good enough, you say?! Ding, ding, ding!! We got a winner in the back!  8. What musician inspired you the most? I get inspired by music all the time!! One of my all time favourite songs is Spanish Sahara by Foals. Its sublime!

So I’d say I’m mainly inspired by these artists: Queen, Arctic Monkeys, Foals, Radiohead, Bowie, Daughter, Bob Dylan, Beirut, Yeah yeah yeahs, Arcade Fire, The National, Joy Division, Blur, Warpaint, Gorillaz, Sufjan Stevens, Bon Iver, Chet Baker, The Cure, Courtney Barnett, The Maccabees, Car Seat Headrest, Florence + The Machine, Editors, Kasabian, Crystal Fighters, Death Cab for a cutie, The Doors, Efterklang, Explosions in the Sky, Franz Ferdinand, The Horrors, James Blake, José Gonzalez, Los Campesinos!,  Metronomy, Nick Cave, Nina Simone, Patrick Watson,  Phoenix, Sharon Van Etten, The Shins, Simon & Garfunkel, The Smiths, St.Vincent, The Strokes, Toro y Moi, tricot, Tune-Yards, TV on the radio, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, The Vaccines, Vampire Weekend, The Velvet Underground, The War on Drugs, Wild Beasts and Yo La Tengo.

And the electro, pop and hip-hop groves of my heart: EXO, 2NE1, Janelle Monáe, Big Bang, Kris Wu,LCD soundsystem, SBTRKT, Childish Gambino, Frank Ocean, Kendrick Lamar and Daft Punk. 

And special mentions to the portuguese ones (learning from yixing and promoting when i can :P): Capicua, Joana Espadinha, The Legendary Tigerman, Linda Martini, Mayra Andrade, Noiserv, Ornatos Violeta, Paus, Samuel Uria, You Can’t Win Charlie Brown and The Silence 4. I know, tldr right? Sorry folks! 9. Have you ever fallen in love? Yes I have. I have mistaken a crush for love too. But i have definitely been very deeply in love. A wrecked kintsugi heart over here people! 10. What’s your dream date? I don’t think I have one. I’d love to do something unique with that someone special, something special for the two of us. It could be as simple as riding the subway while sharing earphones & listening to our playlist or walking the dogs out! Idk, I’m easy to please. But right now it would have to be with this handsome man :D pretty please?!

11. What do others notice about you? I am very kind and warm hearted, so I think that’s what people first notice when meeting me. Although I maintain good eye contact, I am also timid and will be quieter if there are very energetic people in the group. When alone, I usually take the first step and try to meet people, but only if i really must.  12. What’s an annoying habit you have? It’s really hard for me to ask for help. I also like to tell detailed descriptions of everything... Couldn’t you tell? 13. Do you still talk to your first love? I’ll text him on his birthday and he does the same to me. We met when we were 10 years old and that childhood friendship remains. But regarding my one and truly deep relationship, no we do not talk, unless we randomly meet.

14. How many exes do you have? I have three exes. The first love who was just an idealized crush on my childhood friend: we dated for 2 weeks during summer break xD Then my first real boyfriend, we met in my first year at university, dated for quite some time, he really loved me and made me love myself a little more. Finally the one i loved too much. I mended his wounds and made him love himself as much as I did. I always say all the love we feel makes our hearts grow bigger. I do not regret loving any of them, I am me now due to them and I would not change it if I could. 15. How many songs are in your playlist? I have way too many playlists for each and every mood... But my favourite songs list on spotify has about 1500 songs! uwu!  16. What instruments can you play? Triangles and flute?! I had mandatory music classes in school... so in reality I can’t really play a instrument...

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? Probably my cat, Sushi. With a second close of my doodles and sketches. 

18. Where would you like to go before you die? EVERY WHERE!!! But I really want to go to Japan and Scotland and Iceland and South Korea and New Zealand and i’ll shut up. 19. What’s your zodiac? Capricorn. 20. Do you relate to it? Sort of.

21. What is happiness to you? You know when it’s really cold outside in the winter and you manage to find a sheltered place where no wind can hit you and you still get to feel the warm rays of the winter suns on your skin? You hear the birds outside and you are contempt in that moment, at peace. That is happiness to me.   22. Are you going through anything right now? Yes, I am a bit lost. Trying to finish my thesis and trying to find what I want to do after. It’s liberating but also pretty scary. 23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? It’s a series of small decisions really. It started with going for a phd with the same people i worked in my msc. Should have gone to a different place. Then deciding to come home after a traumatic loss in the family. Should have kept my life going but I stalled it then. (I don’t regret helping my loved ones though).

24. What’s your favourite store? Probably Wishtrend for beauty stuff. Other than that I don’t have any favourite brands/stores. 25. (HALFWAY!) What’s your opinion on abortion? I think everyone is free to decide what they want or need to do. I couldn’t possible judge. If I would it? Probably not.

27. Do you have a favourite album? I don’t think so, I have favourite tunes for different moods and moments in my life. But if threatened with my life, I’d maybe say Total Life Forever from Foals.

28. What do you want for your birthday? It’s such a long time until my birthday comes! But maybe a real EXO ot9 reunion as a goodbye to Minseok?

29. What is most people’s first impression of you? Friendly and easy to open up to, i think.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? In real life, people usually think I am way younger than I am.  31. Where do you keep your phone when you’re sleeping? In the crook of my bed, between the mattress and the bed frame.

32. What word do you say the most? No idea really! 33. What’s the oldest age you’d date? 40s? I don’t think too much about age actually. 

34. What’s the youngest age you’d date? 20s? Again not very important to me. Love is love, whomever, whenever and wherever <3

35. What job / career do most people say would suit you? I don’t know! People always say i don’t totally fit in anything... so there’s that. If you have an idea please let me know! 36. What’s your favourite music genre? Go back to question 8. I listen to everything! :D 37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? I’d like to live around the world, every few months a different place and get to know different cultures.

38. What is your current favourite song? I’ve been obsessed with RM’s intro/teaser song, Map of the Soul: Persona. (I’m not even a bts fan, but this music and lyrics just touched me a lot.)

39. How long have you had this blog for? I think for about 6 years? It’s my personal space, where I dump all my obsessions.  

40. What are you excited for? I’m visiting some friends in Granada in a couple of weeks. Yay, tapas!

41. Are you a better talker or listener? Normally I am a better listener. But there are a few people to whom i open like a book. Either words flow right out of me without even thinking or they see throw me. Those truly are my people.

42. What is the last productive thing you did? Prepped meals and cleaned the kitchen. Open the folder and file of my thesis. Read the latest chapter I wrote.  43. What do you want for Christmas? Well, just like for my birthday, there is still such a long time to it! But let’s say i want to have already finish this part of my life and want to find my next adventure.

44. What class do you get the best grades in? No more exams! Ehehe! But I used to have good grades at everything. Physical Education was my lowest mark i think.

45. On a scale of 1-10 how do you feel right now? Right now, a 4? I have a headache.

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Smiling? :D I want to be happy in my own skin. To feel contempt in my life, doing something that gives me a sense of purpose and having time to share and enjoy with my friends and family. 47. When did you get your first heartbreak? Oh my kintsugi heart has been broken quiet a lot. By friends and lovers and even by myself. I keep patching it up with gold dreams though.  48. At what age do you wanna be married? I will only want to be married if i find the one. So until then I guess. 

49. What career did you want to have as a child? I wanted to be an astronaut and a ballerina. Preferably both!

50. What do you crave right now? Just sitting somewhere and listening to Yeol play the guitar.

Well i finished it! :D I’ll tag @thedeviousdo @ohsenhun @hongseok and @paepsi. I’d love to read yours! Feel free to dismiss it though, it is quite a lot.  Lots of love everyone!! <3 <3 <3

[bogwithanlforluck-blog]

Stalker Songs, for Your Valentine

Although folks have posted online their favorite “stalker songs” from the pop/R&B category before, I don’t think we can ever get enough of these treasures. So here are some more. A lucky #13 of them, at that. 

This list evolved after I heard a certain song in the car while driving recently (2019). I thought, “This is a perfect stalker song.” Of course that thought led me to ponder what other songs might make the list of “Greatest Stalker Songs” in pop/R&B music. I enlisted the support of a friend of mine, Scott (known here as “headonaplatterboy”), and together we compiled a completely incomplete list of stalker songs, which I have decided to rank according to my own thoughts, experiences, and tastes. Thus, what you see here is the work of two people who know a smattering of good music, and a whole lot of not-so-good-music, but we both believe that stalker songs happen to fall on the “good music” end of the spectrum. We both also happen to agree that this list is a perfect Valentine’s Day gift for any of you Valentine’s Day cynics out there, like Scott and myself. What do you think? Please consider the list — go online and listen to any ones you don’t know — and then add your contributions if you so desire. You can even re-order my list according to your own tastes.

13. “Hungry Like the Wolf” — Duran Duran: Here he comes, with a “howl” and a “whine,” he’s “after you”! Yes, that’s Simon LeBon of Duran Duran doing his best to nab his object of desire. Good luck, wolfman. I’ve heard that when the band originally tried to pitch this song, DJs and the like were like, “Meh,” but in the end, it became Duran Duran’s first hit, and a top 10 hit at that. The predatory nature of the song helps — it relentlessly pushes towards its goal, ever on the hunt; just like the song itself, it does not give up, stinky and all (“smell like I sound”), in its quest for the Top 40. And it made it.

12. “One Way or Another” — Blondie: Girl power, my friends! And girl-with-an-agenda-power, at that. Deborah Harry stands tall as one of the premium women in rock, and she has left a definite, blonde-colored imprint on rock history. However, in this song, she simply rocks, and she gives her listeners an idea of how determined she is. This song even has a snarky little side-bit about catching the object of her prey only to “give [it] the slip,” because she can chase it down, play with it, then dump it. Great stalking technique and certainly a plus for women turning the tables on creepy guys.

11. “I Want You” — Elvis Costello: Ouch. This one starts out as a beautiful ballad, then a couple minutes in, a jangly guitar chord changes the scene entirely. That ballad turns into a nasty, twisted, ever-obsessive rant on a love gone astray, and the singer’s need to get that love back. The chorus line “I want you” sounds so desperate and hostile towards the end that it’s hard to hear without cringing. Costello knows all the tricks on writing great songs; he does not fail here.

10. “I Put a Spell On You” — Screamin’ Jay Hawkins: Love this — perfect stalker material. The lyrics contain almost what I would think of as the FBI profile for “stalker,” but never mind that. Hawkins sings the song with sorcerous mastery — no escaping the voodoo magic here. His voice draws out the menace and the all-encompassing, Halloween-like “I’m Coming To Get You” vibe. In short, this one gives me chills, so the stalker threat is real, my friends.

9. “I Will Possess Your Heart”— Death Cab For Cutie: This song has a repetitive assuredness that kind of jangles one’s nerves (mine at least). Ben Gibbard sings nearly every line of the song as an address to his “love,” so that the song takes on an almost hypnotic effect: a siren tune that impels the listener to “believe me,” in a magical sense. The bass background tells a more sinister story — it has an ominous quality, and with the addition of the piano — the minor keys playing on top of that bass — well, something wicked this way comes, no matter the reassurances the singer conveys. Good freaky-factor there, and the band name helps.

8. “This Tornado Loves You” — Neko Case: A song that has all the innocence and earnestness of a crush behind it, except for the fact that the crush is literal: it’s a tornado that chases down the object of the singer’s favor with one of the most destructive forces on the planet. Bodies, houses, fields, livelihoods are all sacrificed in the search for that hidden someone. Case does a nice job of playing the nice girl, but in the end, she’s a tornado. One heck of a destructive stalker, there.

7. “Run For Your Life” — The Beatles: No pop/R&B “best of” list can contain a song without the Beatles, because the Beatles covered all the bases, and because they covered them expertly. John Lennon sounds utterly monomaniacal in this song — no room for argument or stepping out of line, because if so, “That’s the end, little girl.” The “little girl” characterization does not escape me; definitely Lennon weakens his prey by reducing her size and power. And the death threat that pervades this song gives it that extra “ooh, scary stalker!” edge, so kudos (yet again) to the Beatles for making the Stalker Chart with a quality entry.

6. “Don’t You Want Me” — Human League: This duet between lovers on the quits gives us the movie-version of a possessive maniac much like that in “Run For Your Life” who cannot conceive of the fact that his girlfriend is hitting the high road. A whole story appears here: the woman admits that the stalker helped turn her from a waitress into a star, but in her attempt to leave him and “live her life on her own,” her onetime savior turns stalker. He sings, “You know I don’t believe you when I hear that you won’t see me/….You’d better change your mind/ You’d better change it back or we will both be sorry!” The man’s hysteria increases as the song goes along, and as listeners, we get a bit frightened for the young woman’s future. Good stalking here; well done in duet-form — also a great, classic dance-tune that reached #2 in the U.S.

5. “Little Red Riding Hood” — Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs:  This song gets a hundred gold stars for various moments of glory throughout. Sam the Sham goes for high drama in his delivery of the song, for one thing. At first, he sounds just like a cool guy on the street seeing a pretty woman pass by — “You sure are looking good” sung to a slinky, Kool Kat beat — and he goes on to warn this lady that a big, bad wolf might try to snatch her. Then Sam goes on to inform her that he’s not the bad wolf, at least not outwardly: he’s got his sheep-suit on, until he can be trusted. And then, somewhere thereafter, he turns ‘Baaaad” (sung like a sheep). C’mon, people, this song is genius, and a near-perfect example of stalker self-delusion in its proud revelation of the creep’s expert methods.

4. “(I Am) Superman” — REM: Admittedly, this is the song that started me doing some stalking of my own: i.e., finding the best stalking songs I could imagine (with the help of Scott). So, REM gets a relatively high ranking here because their stalking prowess is readily evident in this song. Every phrase of the music ends in a full stop, with the effect that listeners just cannot deny the dominance of this self-professed Superman. Written and delivered with such confidence and finality, I find it hard to argue that Michael Stipe is not Superman here. And he can see everything, the stalking madman. That’s a strong declaration, but I believe it.  

3. “Vehicle” — Ides of March: You want a stalker song that has it all? “Vehicle” is your Uber, no pun intended. This song includes a go-for-broke introduction with a fantastic horn blast, plus a beat to get down to, but don’t forget: there’s danger here. This song brings us the “friendly stranger in the black sedan” (sounds like a hearse to me) who’s putting on the breaks beside you, rolling down the window, and trying to get you in that car with “pictures, candy” and the “lovable man” driving. Yikes! However, let’s be reverent. This is a religious stalker, because, as he puts it, in near gospel-like vocalization: “I want you; I need you; I want to got to have you child: Great God in Heaven you know I looooove you!” Bang!

2. “14th Street” — Laura Cantrell: Ha! Do not be fooled by the sweetness and shyness conveyed in this song. Despite the beautiful melody and Cantrell’s gentle, charming vocals, listeners cannot ignore the fact that “14th Street” is about a woman following her object of desire stealthily down the road. Sounds like stalking to me. The song makes it all the way to #2 on my list because it describes the potential stalker in all of us: at some points in all our lives, we just want to know what those whom we love are doing, but we don’t want them to know that we want to know.

1. “Every Breath You Take” — The Police: This is the G.O.A.T. of stalker songs because it is so sneaky. Sting may not have written it as a veiled love song, but it came out that way, to the extent that the public in 1983 snatched it up as one of the most romantic pieces of all time. Frequently played at weddings, unendingly played on the radio, one would not believe, perhaps, that this song is about a jealous lover surveilling his ex. Because the stalker’s guilt is so completely masked by the beautiful melody and seemingly loving, protective lyrics, this song ranks as the #1 stalker song on my list — it is the most successful stalker song, because to this day, it remains undercover as a favorite love song.

NB: I have left out several great songs -- some music-expert friends suggested a couple of George Jones songs, though since I am sticking to Pop/R&B, Ol’ Possum isn’t on my list -- but his stalking expertise is worth notice. Just let me know what you think of the list; what you’d add. It’d be great to cue up all these monsters on Valentine’s Day to provide the soundtrack for the holiday!

[kayfabefriends]

8th jan 2017

a classic “i think i’m getting bad again” post; this time with a twist! i think i’m only just realising that i am “bad” mentally. i am really struggling. i am particularly struggling with opening up about it. 

when i really think about it, i think i have been “this way” since i was 13 - and i have been impeached with a chronic tendency to overthink and over-analyse my every action, and make excuses accordingly. every once in a while i question whether i would classify myself as depressed and quickly dismiss the notion. 

for a very, very long time i have struggled emotionally, i think. i’ve never quite been honest with myself or others. i rarely tell others how i truly feel, let alone myself. since being broken up with, the raw and unadulterated misery i felt has really opened my own eyes at how dreadful i’ve felt for a long time. 

i was really, really scared to even get into a relationship. and that was, really, because i was scared to be vulnerable. i think for a long time i seemed happy-go-lucky and distant to my friends because i don’t really open up very much. i’d just laugh and joke about at school even when everything was going to absolute shit. i’ve cried in the shower more times than i can count but never thought of it as strange. it’s only recently occurred to me that it’s not quite right. 

i digress. i was hesitant to make myself emotionally available to anyone, really, because i was scared that once someone saw how my thought processes really were i’d be undesirable and kicked to the curb.

(which was, in itself, an issue since I saw myself as innately unlikable, and taken more as furniture than a friend. i still see my friends as putting up with me.) 

when my eating and sleeping got fucked with, i realised i was doing badly. i haven’t had an uninterrupted night of sleep in over a month. some nights i’ll wake up 2 or 3 times, or sometimes just the 1. either way it’s definitely taking a toll. i didn’t eat for 3 days after he broke up with me. i made myself, despite it making me sick, since i didn’t want that to go any further. i still have no desire for food but i have my appetite back.

since being in a relationship, the emotions made clear to the world haven’t changed. but the ones that make themselves present to me opened my eyes. 

i try to tell myself i am not lonely. i am bad at being alone. i need to be alone sometimes. 

i am very indecisive, and doubtful, and full of fear. i dread consequences. 

looking back at the last few months of the relationship, i absolutely should have ended it myself. i saw no attention or effort from his part, and it was probably causing me more worry than joy. 

i felt like he could only stand to be around me when we were drunk. (which, tragically, i think was right.) 

it’s been a week almost, since i was told that things just weren’t right. they weren’t right between the two of us and they aren’t right between myself and i.

i find myself falling back upon, and looking to art that i viewed when i was younger. it now holds new meaning and i don’t know if that’s good or not. 

“things i told the internet, but didn’t tell my mum” (2013, anna ladd)

“i wonder if we ever really fit, or if i have only ever experienced a greater discomfort than you.” - no clue where i read this, but it’s stuck in my mind. i am sure these words did not come from my mind. 

i’m scared. i can feel myself shutting myself down and others out but i don’t know what i’m trying to protect. a false sense of pride? pride that i don’t want to be helped? an avoidance of sympathy? all of the above, probably. 

i didn’t tell most of my friends about being dumped directly because i didn’t (don’t) want to talk to them. i don’t want to be doted on, to get attention and worry because of a stupid little boy. i don’t want fake care. i don’t want insincerity. i’d rather die. (i’d die anyway.) 

i really, really want to talk to alex. i feel like he’d understand. i love my friends dearly, but i feel like they just won’t let me get out what i want to say. i feel like sam never really cared. once he had me, the chase was over. he was done. for the first, what, month or two? peachy. after that he lost interest and didn’t respect me enough to end it there. 

if he ever really respected or admired me he would have acted sooner. his inactivity is as bad as complacency. he could have at least had the decency to leave me in 2016 rather than letting me hope that 2017 would be better for us. 

i have never once in my life felt attractive or desirable. this is what i think my friends would not understand. the minute i try and insinuate i am unattractive they would rebute the idea and not let me talk of it. but i honestly, genuinely, cannot see myself as likeable. i don’t think i’m ugly, or anything (although at times i do), but i just do not see anything good in myself. my face is nothing to gawk at: i have a big chin and chubby cheeks, and “no, they’re cute!” will never change the fact that i do not feel at all like i am maturing into a young woman, nor even remotely attractive. there is nothing compelling about me. i feel like alex would understand this because he’s said similar things. he’s not even unattractive, but i think the similarity in how we feel about ourselves would help me feel better about it, somehow. 

 even when i was with sam my opinion of that never changed. i always felt he’d “settled”. fuck, after i first met his parents i nearly cried thinking of how they’d compare me looks-wise to lauryn. she’s stunning, and i am one hell of a fucking downgrade. 

a friend of mine said that transatlanticism by death cab for cutie is one of their all time favourite albums. at ages 13, 14, and 15, i never quite understood. at almost 17, it clicked. it affected. i am near haunted. 

i have been listening to it on repeat for the last few days, and it has startled me at quite how emotionally affecting it is. i feel exposed. too much of it relates to how i’ve been feeling lately. 

“so this is the new year; and i don’t feel any different”

“she is beautiful, but she doesn’t mean a thing to me”

“this is the sound of settling”

“i am waiting for something to go wrong.”

“can you tell me why you have been so sad?” (no.) 

i don’t really know where i’m going with this overall. it’s only been a week of 2017 and i feel like shit, and the year has nothing good in store. i just want to sleep peacefully and feel wanted. fuck.