#but i'm very glad it's not farther. ~30 is good

[lovaboy]

my sister moved out of our parents house yesterday so she no longer lives two minutes away but thirty-ish and i can’t stop thinking about how two weeks ago she came over bc she needed milk for a milkshake and now she’s not gonna be able to do that anymore :(

[pbandjesse]

It was a very gray day today. My stomach still hurts really bad and I'm a little exhausted but I'm at the museum now and so far I'm having a good time. It's a fundraiser tonight and those are fun. Everyone is usually in a really good mood. And I had a good day beyond that even if I wasn't feeling my best.

I thought I slept good last night. I had some really nice dreams. But I woke up at 6:00 a.m. The horrible pain in my stomach and then I could not fall back asleep. So after washing my face and putting on nice pajamas I would just hang out in bed. Someone knocked on the door to deliver a package and I went down to get that and made up peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And watch tik toks and listen to a podcast and just enjoyed being upstairs in our room. Sweet pea would come and hang out and then leave and then come back again and I wasn't feeling amazing but I was trying to be gentle with myself.

Eventually I would go downstairs and put some stuff away. I open the back door so sweet pea could walk around. And he was very good and when I asked him to come back inside by name he came in very chatty. I gave him a treat for listening. And I did a little tidying up and putting things away. Just trying to make the space normal again. James had done a very good job this morning and so there wasn't a 10 for me to do but I did appreciate that I no longer had to dump the ice out of the collars. I was not looking forward to that. But it was done and I only had to put away a few things.

Around 10:00 I went and got back in bed and put on a video and fell asleep. I have some really nice dreams. Like I felt very comforted in them. And when I woke up at noon I didn't feel as horrible. I would take my time getting up though. Watch my face and put on more lotion. Got dressed for real. I decided not to wear my original planned outfit for the event tonight cuz I wanted to wear a little more color. And I'm glad I did because the corporate colors for this charity are rainbow so it all worked out. And I made my outfits for the week. They may or may not be the ones I stick with but at least I have a plan. And I struggled with being cold so I had to go and pull my favorite black sweater out of storage but it only worried in the house because as soon as I got outside it was too humid. But that was fine. I'm glad that I had it when I needed it.

I decided to leave the house around 1:30 and I would go to Target and the thrift store and get Five guys. Not in that order. I decided to start with Five guys.

I drove out to Glen Burnie and got my little lunch. And the cashier was really nice and complimented all the stickers on my water bottle and my cup. He actually just said it about the cop and I was oh wait and then I pulled My water bottle out of my backpack and he was like laughing and it was really sweet I was just like everything I own is covered in stickers. And then I ate my lunch and walked over to the Target. I heard a couple people compliment my dress and my shoes to the person they were with. Not to me but I still heard it. So I take the compliment. And I walked around the store looking for the few things that I needed.

The most important thing I was there for was to replace my eyeliner that I accidentally like a dried out. I know that I'm not wearing eyeliner everyday now but I like having the option. And I struggled to find it but once I did it was $5 cheaper than Walgreens. Annoying. How dare they. And then I went and found the paper towels. I thought they were going to be on a different part of the store so I walked around farther than I needed to but I did eventually find them after asking an employee. Paper towels coming rolls that are entirely too large but I found the ones that I thought I could fit in the closet and that was all that mattered.

When I got back to the car I noticed that our odometer was that a very particular number. And was going to be at a very funny number It only a few miles. So I knew I had to watch this like a hawk because I was not going to miss it.

I drove down to the thrift store and I had a nice time walking around. I did not find any shoes that I liked but I did find a robot clock and a bathing suit cover up and a sweater dress and a linen shirt. And some pretty napkins. And I paid and left and calculated that I would arrive at the museum at the perfect number. And I did not want to miss this. This was important to me.

So I leave the thrift store and I'm driving down the road and I'm watching. I'm paying attention on the road but I'm checking periodically and I'm doing the math and I'm making sure and as I'm rounding the corner to the museum I see that we are about point of three miles away from the number changing. I take my camera out I am taking a video I am ready. And as I pulled into the museum are odometer changes over to 42,0069. I'm a mementos occasion I was laughing so hard.

After I got a good picture I threw the car in park and ran into the museum didn't even bring any of my stuff in so that I could make James go outside and see it too. And we were having such a silly moment. I was just like this is the best day of our lives This is so great. And I was a full hour early to work I didn't even care. I was just in a silly goofy mood and very very happy.

So I was walking around the museum and I told Jesse And then I went to go find some of the materials I had left here from my last workshop. And we were just being goofy.

But eventually I went to go sit in the educators room and ate the rest of my french fries. I would save some to share with James. And the educator who was here today, whose name I didn't catch, was really fun to talk to. She's an older woman and we were talking about the different things in the museum that we love and the reasons we like giving tours in different ways. And she told me that she really loves the steamroller because apparently a band is named after for that particular brand. I'm going to have to double check what that is. But it was really cute like she was so excited about it and I just thought it was so sweet.

And after she left I just chilled and tried to finish watching my YouTube video. But eventually I would come back to the front desk to say goodbye to James and they headed home. And I just was wandering around looking in all of our touch boxes which are all messed up right now. But that's not a big deal. And then I met one of the new caterers and it's her very first day and so I was like oh my god let's go look at the machine shop and so I turned on some machines for her and we chatted and we went and smell all the soaps and candles. She was very nice.

I'm in a good mood. Physically I don't feel good but mentally I'm in a really good spot. And I'm just really excited that tomorrow we're going to have the whole day off. And I don't have to worry about anything. We're going to do chores and hang out and just have a nice day. And I hope you do too. You're getting this post early tonight because when I'm done here I would really like to go home and just do nothing. I hope that the event tonight is just a lot of fun and everyone is excited to support a good cause. I hope you'll have a great evening. Until next time.

[wave2tyun]

Moomin cookies?? :0 I'll gladly take some, I'm sure they're so delicious😋💞 I'LL MAKE SURE TO TAKE YOU TO MOOMIN LAND SOMEDAY!!😽❤️ (I think that's the name of it? It's like a Moomins amusement park!!)

Winter definitely get very cold here but over -30°c for like a week straight isn't the usual...🥶 (We even had a new cold record this year! I think it was over -40°c?) I remember as a kid in school we weren't allowed to spend recess inside unless the weather was over -15°c, so I'm used to the cold😼 You just have to put on layers... and I mean layers of clothes,, though when it's as cold as it's been I've decided to just stay inside when I can👍 I'm not a big fan of freezing☺️💞 and don't worry, I don't think the questions are silly at all!! :3❤️

I very much agree on cold>heat!! You can put on lots of layers but there's a limit on how many layers you can take off😣😣 It's been a bit warmer now but the cold is about to make another visit, so I'll have to stand it a bit longer :// but again, at least the snow is pretty!!! :D💞💞

My birthday was on the 12th of december so unfortunately you missed it, but that's alright!! :) I'm honestly just happy you're back🥰🥺❤️ All my friends always joke about how I'm the baby of the group, since I've got such a late birthday

-🐾

hehe they're gonna be sweet just like you😚😚💓 THERE'S A MOOMIN AMUSEMENT PARK??????????? you can take me there whenever no questions asked!!!!!! my schedule WILL be cleared anytime!!!!!!😋😋

-40°c........i get shivers just thinking about it oh my god!!!! it's so cool how people are able to develop a tolerance to it over time :00 even at -15°c i don't know how long i'd be able to last outside😳 i fully support your decision!!!! grab a blanket, make some hot chocolate- in this situation it's best to just stay inside and get cozy😼😼💞 also i'm glad you don't find it silly, i've always found it fun to discuss all kinds of differences like this!! :D<3

yessss the layers is such a good point!!!!! it's so much harder to find relief with the heat, and i hate feeling all sweaty and sticky😖😖😖 hang in there!!!!!! i'll make sure to send over warm hugs so you can withstand the cold for a few more days😔🩷

noooooo i would have loved to make something for you:( guess i'll just have to take you by surprise now🤭🤭💞 and that's so cuteeee!!!😔🩷😔🩷 for some reason december birthdays feel so much farther away, even though it's still just one year difference :00

[theeveningletter]

Friday, 01/20/2023

Last Night's dream: I dreamt that there was a family of bears living in our backyard. And that Frank Ocean released a visual album - I think it was a new one - and we were watching it on the TV in the kitchen.

Where I went: res, school - stu's class for digital!, took the GO train home

What I ate: 3 bananas, oatmeal, cookies, a cracker, dumplings with soy sauce for brunch. For dinner, I had home food, which was egg + chives, chicken + da cai, coriander chutney, and a tuna sandwich that Chai Li brought home. For dessert, I had tiramisu, cookies, and tea!

What I did: So I woke up at 10:55 am. and I was like FUCK I'm late AGAIN. And I rushed to get ready for school and was out the door in pretty good time. I texted Sarah and we met up to walk to class together. She had asked me if I remembered where the class was, and I thought to meet her outside the pink wall, but because she texted 2 mins ago, I figured she'd be farther down the way so I kept walking (after I stopped!). And then I was like "where r u" and she was like "behind u" and I was like 0.0 lol. And so we walked to class together. Our computers weren't working so Stu had to help us, and Graham also came to help. Sarah's been working on her table merch for the zine club table! (I forgot what it's called.) I'm glad Carrie is joining her and Erica! Because maybe we can invite Erica to some dinners! I also let Sarah know about the depth cues zine submission coming up. I let Carrie know the day before. Sarah left class kinda early. It was hard to follow what was going on tbh. Stu brought the animation into photoshop and idk how he did it. I spent the majority of the class just looking at 3D assets and wondering how Stu did it. Instead of asking him, I just wasted time and left a little past 1:00 pm. Ugh. I need to get better at asking for help!! After, I went back to the dorm to have brunch. I had to eat all the bananas I got from Walmart because they would have otherwise rotted over the weekend. And when Carrie came back from class, we spent some time in the kitchen together, working and eating. She also did not do the rotoscoping thing, so she worked on that while I read and took notes. We also took a look at some of the forest finals people made in her class. I decided to catch the bus around 4:48, so I left Res at around 4:30 and caught the bus. Some people (including me) were running from the bus to try and catch the GO train at Oakville GO. I don't know if I even tapped correctly. I don't know if I hit the override button all the way. So I was sitting very anxiously on the train. I couldn't even read or listen to music. After I got to union station, I decided to do some reading, because I had to wait for like 45 mins until the next train. Then, I got on the train and kept reading there. I felt like such an intellectual. Oh ya, something I remembered from earlier today aka last night. I met Carrie in the kitchen at around 2-3:00 am and I was telling her how great the book was. And how a lot of the tips could apply to illustration. And she felt inspired hearing some of the tips and stories. And she also wants to make films! I am happy to hear. Anyways, Mom picked me up from the station, and we went to No-frills to buy drinks for tomorrow. I wore a thin jacket, which I kind of regret, but I have other jackets at home, so it should be okay. Then, we went to Woodside to pick up a cake for Alex. Woodside got pimped out. The dinosaurs move. And there was a DJ. And it was dark but there were colourful lights lol. We got the cake from Everbest bakery. 6 buns from there are $10 now :( they used to be 6 buns for $3. But for them, I understand the price increase because they're a small business. After we came back home, I took a shower, and then had dinner. Helped mom with washing some dishes, then made tea. And I worked on my rotoscoping assignment and watched EI and I'm about to go to sleep because I have work at 10:00 tomorrow.

Media: Emergency Intercom ep 79, Doja Cat, Miley Cyrus, TXT 0x1=Lovesong Japanese version

What I worked on: rotoscoping, reading

What I'm grateful for: Mom! She was literally up until 1:00 am cutting ingredients for tomorrow. She has work but still has to took dishes for CNY party. I'll try to help as much as I can, but I also have quite a bit of work to do.

Closing thoughts: I don't see the hype with ice spice. And I might eat my words later down the line, but at the moment I don't get it. That video of her peeing in a fan's mouth while she was performing is also quite disgusting and it was my first impression of her... I need to MAKE time for drawing.

[akechi-touma-ask-blog]

Hello :D I don't know what to ask unfortunately 😅 Hmm...what are your favorite animals?

"That's alright! I can understand not knowing what to say in certain situations. I've experienced this before, when I was a young child and I had to introduce myself in front of the entire class. Being putting on the spot like that makes it quite difficult to think of what to say! Although, it went a bit farther, and I ended up having an accident. Luckily, Kusuo-kun came to my rescue, and helped me to the bathroom. Thinking back, I'm glad I was so nervous, otherwise I might've never met Kusuo-kun! Wetting myself is quite a useful skill, if you paint it in a certain light."

[Stop it. It's not. That's weird.]

"Ah, sorry... Anyway, I was getting off topic. Allow me to remedy said situation by answering your question."

"Hmm..."

"I'm not sure if I have any animals I necessarily prefer over others, but there are a few that especially interest me. Like the slime mold, for instance. Infamous for their usual sudden appearances on peoples yards and porches, they're a single-celled organism that can grow to be about 30 centimeters in diameter! I think that's incredible, considering how they consist of only one cell. Perhaps it's because I'm so used to single-celled organisms being microscopic, but it's so strange to me. I'm also quite fond of their amber hue. Although, I do think I'm simply fond of creatures that have many bright colors and intricate patterns. There are plenty of birds that make me gape in awe when they fly past, such as the terpsiphone atrocaudata."

"Oh! I also like to see insects with their colorful patterns and such, but I try to refrain from studying them up close too often, since they frighten Kusuo-kun."

[They do not "frighten" me, good grief...]

"Of course not. They don't frighten you in the slightest. If you could not tell, that was sarcasm. Oh, don't give me that look! Anyway, I also took a particular interest in the platypus. It was so strange to me that it's the only mammal that lays eggs, yet it still qualities as one. It confuses me, but what can one do about it?"

"Oh! And I can't forget about cats! Though, I do believe my interest in them stems from seeing Kusuo-kun in his feline form. Such a raw, amazing display of psychic powers, being able to change your body in such a way. Especially to an entirely different creature! And he was so cute in that form, too!"

[...]

"Very well groomed, and it was quite amusing to see him get distracted by the occasional ray of light or loud noise that caught his attention. And he did in fact curl up in the sunshine, as cats do, and it was all very fun to watch!"

"He didn't let me pet him until I stopped teasing him, though, hehehe..."

"Anyway, in conclusion, I suppose I find interest in all animals. The way each one is so unique, or simply the beauty of life itself. It's truly such an incredible feat."

Thank you for asking!

[littlestarofthewest]

Title: Heat of the Moment | Word Count: 2743 | Rating: Explicit (18+!!!)

Pairing: John Marston (aka Handsome) x female reader

Tags: public sex, modern au | PART 1 of 2

Title pic by @the-neigh-sayer 💙

You sigh as you reach the bus stop. Just like the last couple of days, there's already a bunch of people waiting. Together with today's weather, even your flimsy summer dress won't do you any good. Packed with people, the bus will turn into a hellhole of bad smells and hot, unbreathable air.

When the bus arrives, you squeeze in with the rest of the waiting people. The few left seats are quickly taken, and you stay by the door, at least glad that you stand next to a pole to hold on to. The last thing you want is to lose your balance and be helplessly pressed against other people's hot bodies.

[[MORE]]

More travelers trickle in over the next two stops, and when the bus holds for the third time, there's some commotion behind you as a whole group of people is heading for the door. With the number of people shoved into the bus already, there's no space to let them pass, so you do the sensible thing and get off to let them out.

The woman in front gives you a thankful nod, but the following people don't care very much. They spill onto the street in front of you while others already push forward to get on the bus. Trying to make room, you back away too much and have a hard time getting in range of the doors.

"Excuse me, I need to get back on," you grunt, a little panic creeping into your voice. You can't afford to be late for work, and the next bus is 30 minutes out.

Pushing forward more forcefully than you usually would, you make it back to the door when it begins to close. "No, wait!" you shout, although you already see yourself walking through the blistering heat and getting yelled at by your boss for the millionth time.

Only seconds before the doors shut, a hand reaches into the space left, and the safety mechanism reacts, opening the doors again. The same hand reaches for you then.

"Come on, get on," a raspy voice says with some urgency, and you grab the stranger's hand. 

He pulls you into the bus, and you can't help but fall against him before the doors close behind you. Somehow he manages to take a step back to give you some room, and you hold on to the pole near the door.

"Thank you. I thought I'd be late for work again," you sigh before finally looking up at the stranger.

You're glad that you already thanked him since you wouldn't be able to say another word. The guy in front of you is extremely hot, not only due to the temperature. You're caught in his steel-gray eyes, and although one side of his face holds some scars, you can't get over how attractive he is.

"No problem," he says, "would be a shame for you to wait when you're the only person with a brain on here."

An older guy looks over with furrowed brows, but when the stranger fixes a mean stare at him, he turns around without saying anything. You wish you knew something else to say, but the stranger stays quiet as well. For the next few stops, you do a little dance where both of you move past each other to let other people on and off the bus until the stranger carefully tips your shoulder.

"That's my stop," he says, and you make yourself as small as possible so he can squeeze around you.

"Have a nice day," you say quickly when he's outside.

The doors close, but he looks back at you and reaches up to his head, doing a little wave as if he's tipping his hat. You think about him for the remainder of your ride, and when you constantly have to move out of the way, you realize how much the stranger shielded you from the people around you. It's a shame that you won't see him again.

-------

The next day is just as hot and the bus just as full. This time, you position yourself more carefully, though. You stay away from the entrance and find yourself a nice corner so you at least can't be surrounded. A little breeze comes through the open window, and your thoughts drift as the bus rolls on. You focus on nothing in particular, but then you spot the stranger at the other end of the bus, close by the door.

You do your best not to stare, but his mere presence makes you nervous. If he's on the bus two days in a row, there's a chance he'll be here every day. You couldn't stop thinking about him the day before, but you didn't have much to go on. Now you can watch him without him even noticing.

He's wearing a button-down shirt with so many buttons open that he might as well go without it. There's some dark hair peeking out on his chest, and his collarbones are so pronounced that you have the urge to nibble on them.

Although he's tall and narrow in the hips, he's got broad shoulders, and you remember how huge his hand was compared to yours when he pulled you onto the bus. His shorts hug him nicely, and you find yourself fantasizing about a way to lift the shirt and get a better look at him below the waist.

You're so occupied with ogling him that you forget to look away, and suddenly he turns his head, meeting your gaze. You see recognition hitting his face, and he smiles before giving you a small nod. You smile as well, trying to act casual, but your insides catch fire. You don't understand how the guy can be so goddamn attractive, even despite the scars. 

For the lack of a name, you began to think of him as Handsome the day before, and the way he smiles cements that name. As a decent human being, he looks away again, forcing you to do the same. Still, you can't help but sneak peeks at him, and once in a while, he does the same.

You begin to think that it's no accident on his part. He has to turn a little to even meet your gaze, and then he holds your eyes for a moment before looking away again. If you weren't so dense when it comes to social interactions, you might think he's flirting with you. When his stop comes around, he looks at you and does the same goodbye with his hand as the day before, only leaving the bus after giving you another smile.

Of course, you think about Handsome the rest of the day, and whenever work doesn't hold your attention completely, you come up with scenarios that might have you speak to him again.

The next day, you don't even care how many people get on the bus. You position yourself like the day before, watching the door. This time you see Handsome right as he gets on, and he might feel you staring because he finds you just as fast, smiling again. 

Today, he's wearing a somewhat torn band shirt that clings to his body, and since it's shorter than the shirt from the day before, you have a chance to check out his lower half a lot better. You thank an older lady who squeezes past him, forcing him to turn around to sidestep her. You unashamedly stare at his ass, and he's lucky you're not in range for a pinch.

You sigh so profoundly at the thought that the woman next to you gives you a weird look, but you can't really care. Handsome turns back around and looks over, and like the day before, you play this game of looking back and forth until he gets off the bus. In fact, you play this game for the rest of the week. 

You're beyond happy to find that Handsome does take the bus each day, and your days become a series of staring at him to remember every detail on his face and body, so you can think about him for the rest of the day. You're even tempted to take the bus on the weekend to see if he's there but manage to hold yourself back.

On Monday, you put a little more effort into your appearance than usual, and when you get on the bus, you go against your better judgment and stay by the door. As soon as it opens at Handsome's stop, your eyes are on him, and he smiles as he gets on.

While the other people squeeze farther in, he stays closeby and reaches for the same pole you're holding on to. "Hey," he says, barely audible in that scratchy voice of his, and a shiver tickles down your spine.

"Hey," you counter, not sure what else to say.

Handsome doesn't push for a conversation, though. He looks around the way he usually does while you're in a world of pain. You didn't think your plan all the way through. It's one thing to flirt with Handsome from a distance, but now he's right there. 

He's wearing another half-open shirt, and you can feel the heat radiating from him. He comes even closer whenever he has to make room for someone, cloaking you in a cloud of a subtle deodorant and something else that seems to be just him. You're more and more tempted to bury your face in his chest and stay there for the rest of the ride.

Caught up in the sensations, you don't watch yourself enough, and when the bus comes to a sudden halt, you fall forward. Out of instinct, you hold up your hand and end up putting it flat on Handsome's chest. He doesn't waver for a second, and although his skin is soft, you feel like leaning against a rock. 

"I'm sorry," you say, but it takes you a whole battle with yourself to take your hand away from him.

"Don't worry about it," Handsome says, and this time his smile has some more fire. "I don't mind at all."

It sounds like an invitation to touch him again, but although you're tempted as hell, you keep your hands to yourself for the rest of the ride. It's bad enough to be this close. Your body feels hotter from one minute to the next, and you wouldn't mind rubbing yourself against Handsome like a feral cat.

When his stop comes up, he leans in, his voice barely a whisper. "Always a pleasure."

His tone almost has you shiver, and you barely manage to answer. "Likewise."

He fake taps his non-existing hat, and this time he winks at you before getting out, leaving you with butterflies in your stomach. If you keep going like this, you might just die from a heat stroke or heart attack.

The next day, the bus gets so full that you have no chance to stay near the door. You get pushed to the other side of the bus, a foul mood taking hold of you. At Handsome's stop, you don't see him get on and wonder if he's not there today when he suddenly pushes past two other people, getting in your line of sight.

You're heart beats faster at his first smile, and you can't help but look away as heat rises to your cheeks. That night, you had a dream about Handsome. You had no problems with being near him, and after a while, you woke up so aroused that you couldn't fall asleep until you touched yourself to thoughts about the two of you doing the dirty with no restrictions whatsoever.

With the memories flooding your mind, you don't realize how the people around you move, and only when a woman with a stroller pushes in, you back away. A familiar scent enters your nose, and you find yourself right in front of Handsome. Somehow, this position is even worse than the day before. You imagine him putting his arms around you and pulling you close. He could whisper in your ear with that intriguing voice or kiss your neck.

You become so engulfed by the thought that it feels real, and a crazy notion inside of you makes you take another step back. With no more room between you, your ass presses right against Handsome's crotch. You hear a surprised gasp from behind you and feel that he's trying to step away, so you move with him, rolling your hips. You want him to know that it was no accident. Only then do you take a step forward again. After all, you don't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

The seconds tick by, and your heart begins to race. You're sure that you upset him, but then he moves right up to you. His chest presses against your back, and instead of his crotch, you feel his flat hand resting on the outer side of your thigh. You move your hip just a tiny bit, heightening the pressure of his hot hand against your skin. 

Handsome takes the bait. He runs his hand over your ass, and you feel his touch through the thin fabric of your dress. You lean back against him, assuring him that you don't mind, and he loses all inhibitions he might have had.

His hand squeezes the flesh of your ass before he dares to hike up your dress enough to let his hand disappear under it. His fingertips caress the insides of your thighs, and you hold your breath until he runs his fingers over your folds with enough pressure that your underwear might as well not be there. This time it's you who gasps with surprise, and Handsome holds still, waiting for your move.

All you'd have to do is take a step away, but instead, you squeeze your thighs together for a moment before spreading your legs to give him more room. Handsome follows the invitation right away. He runs his fingers back and forth along your folds until you roll your hips ever so slightly. Then, he presses his fingertips to your clit. You can't help but push against him, and when he begins to rub you in small circles, you have to bite your lip to hold in a moan.

You hold on to the pole next to you, your knuckles white from the tight grip. In a panic, you take a look around, but nobody seems to notice what naughty things you and Handsome are up to. You're torn between breaking this off before you embarrass yourself and riding it out till the end. 

Handsome's touch just feels way too good, and you feel his heartbeat against your back. You wonder if he's as horny as you are, but for now, he seems satisfied with pleasuring you. His breath is ghosting over your neck, bringing goosebumps all over your skin, and your nipples rise up, poking at the fabric of your dress. The slight rub doesn't help your situation at all, and with Handsome's constant teasing, your juices begin to flow, soaking your underwear.

It becomes harder and harder to stay quiet. Every touch heightens your arousal, and you can't help imagining what else Handsome could do to you. He sure knows how to make you crazy, and when you roll your hips with more desperation, his fingers speed up, relentlessly driving you over the edge.

You clench your teeth together, holding in your breath and your thighs press together around Handsome's hand as you come, your legs shaking. Taking deep breaths, you close your eyes for a moment, barely able to hold yourself up on the pole.

When you give Handsome's hand free, he caresses your thighs and ass, almost as if he's saying goodbye before taking his hand away completely. He still stays where he is, though, and you're thankful that you can lean against him until you find your way back to reality.

Handsome's stop is coming up, and when you take a step forward to give him free, he leans in, his lips gracing your ear. "Always a pleasure."

A shiver runs down your spine, and you don't find the nerve to say anything, but you still look after him. He gives you the usual goodbye wave and smile, and you have no idea how you're supposed to make it through the day after what just happened.

.... to be continued ....

[rainyrowan]

Sunkissed - Chapter 1

description: Wedding of the century rolls around as the previous college clique, along with the rest of their family members, stay in preparation for it. During this time, Riley meets Lucas, a gorgeous, green-eyed wallflower who happens to be immediately taken by her. Little did she know, he has a deep secret. One that will either change her views on him forever or make her feel closer to his world.

word count: 2,626

pairings: riley x lucas

Song: Annabelle’s Homework by Alec Benjamin

chapter one; riley

Sparkley Farkley: Did you know that the slowest marathon time ever is 54 years, eight months, six days, eight hours, 32 minutes, and 20.3 seconds? Yeah, in 1912, an Olympic marathoner from Japan supposedly disappeared during the middle of a race. Some say that he stopped to get a drink from an outdoor party, but ended up staying longer than he should have. Risque, if you ask me. Anyways, he was too embarrassed to finish the race, so he flew back to Japan instead. Years later, he decided to finish what he started by running the whole marathon himself. What I'm trying to say is WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? Riley, you're seriously taking much longer to get to the boardwalk than this Japanese marathon guy. Hurry!!

I looked at the horrifically long paragraph Farkle had sent me and sighed. Being best friends with him also meant being best friends with your very own encyclopedia, which can be extremely useful at times. Although, it really isn't when your phone is constantly being bombarded with numerous texts about everything and nothing.

Gentle reminder that I live farther from the beach than you do. I'll be there soon! Don't miss me too much :)

I quickly text back. I gripped onto my camera strap, which is draped over my shoulder, as I start quickening my pace.

When we became closer over the years, Farkle and I both created a tradition of spending almost every Saturday down at the boardwalk. In regards to this, the main rule that we've agreed upon would be that if one of us couldn't make it, we would have to have an extremely valid excuse. Me being the more "laid back" friend, I've been pretty lenient on Farkle if he couldn't make it. Wish I could say the same about him, though.

Last night, I had to stay up till two in the morning helping my mother out at the flower shop. Arranging flowers isn't as easy as one may think. In result, I woke up later than usual, causing me to be about 30 minutes late. So far, I've received a fact text from him for every minute I ran late. It truly amazes me how he could just drop these facts off the top of his head.

I'm practically already running when I see Farkle by the entrance, arms crossed.

"I'm sorry!" I pant. I take a second to breathe before I continue speaking. "I.. I woke.. Wow, I'm not cut out to be.. an athlete, huh?" I joke.

He rolls his eyes as a grin forms on his face. "Where were you?"

"I was up all night helping my mom with the flowers. I woke up super late. I'm so sorry."

He nods in approval of my excuse. "That's okay. However, I don't think we could go to the diner now. Brooklyn and her minions are there. Seated in our spots too!"

The thought of Brooklyn made me sick to my stomach. Brooklyn was the Regina George of Harbor High School, and basically all of Santa Cruz. Like your typical teen cliche, she was the popular girl who also the prettiest. Brooklyn also had her own entourage, as she always had two minions following her. With her bitchy personality, you may say that it's surprising that she gets all the guys. With her body, though, it really isn't. It's probably how she had my crush of four years and counting, Charlie Gardner, falling for her.

"Well, I guess we would have to postpone our meal then," I say, linking my arms with his. We enter the boardwalk and head straight for the arcade. We're surrounded by all the games you could never ever get tired of. From Dance Dance Revolution to laser tag to racing games, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk Casino Arcade has you covered. Farkle and I have our common favorite, air hockey.

He let go of my arm, dashing straight to the air hockey table. "You ready to get your ass beat?"

He asks, slipping in a token. We love each other very much, but when it comes to air hockey, it's like we're two different people.

"You should be asking yourself that, Minkus." As air starts to shoot through the tiny holes from the table, we both grabbed our paddles. Suddenly, the puck falls through my pocket instead of Farkle's. "Well, that's a first! I guess I'm starting."

I hit the puck as hard as I can towards his goal. Hoping that this time my first hit would make it, he blocks the puck in a swift move and smiles. "Not today." This goes on for quite a bit. I concentrate on the puck as it glides across the table back and forth. That is, until a distraction came my way. Charlie.

I offer him a double take before actually realizing that it was him. He probably didn't even notice me, which was a good thing on my part. I didn't want him to know that I was here. Out of impulsive thinking, I ducked down to hide behind my side of the table. This wasn't really the best decision, though. Farkle managed to make a goal and yell on behalf of his victory. I don't even have to see what's happening to know that attention was surely brought towards us.

"Farkle!" I call out in a whisper. He walks around the table and takes a seat next to me.

"So, explain to me why we're hiding behind- "

"Riley!" Charlie exclaims. Mortified, I lift my head up to find him standing right in front of us.

"Hi, Charlie." I saw awkwardly. Thankfully, Farkle gets up off the ground and pulls me up, as I was too scared to even move.

Farkle clenches is jaw subtly enough that no one could notice, except for me. It's safe to say that he never liked Charlie. I don't blame him. Most of the time, he can be a total jackass.

I'm not too sure how or why I've liked him for so long, and still currently do. I like to think it's because of the fact that I'm always seeking the best in people. I don't necessarily like making assumptions out of people based on looks or first encounters. For Charlie, I realized how much of a good person he is, deep down, whilst working on a school project with him in the public library. My father, who so happened to be my teacher, assigned both of us as partners for a project that we had to turn in a matter of three days. Within those three days, we'd head to the library at night to work, but we were never productive. All we did was talk. Well, all Charlie did was talk. About himself, of course. I would just sit and listen. It was kind of odd not taking part in the conversation, but I mostly did not mind. As a matter of fact, I remember feeling like it was for the best since I would most likely say something stupid. Plus, I got to learn more about him and who he truly was. The downside of it was that I had to take our project home and finish it myself, but I thought that it was worth it. From that moment on, I couldn't help but keep thinking about him, about us.

Charlie extends his hand out to Farkle, expecting a shake, but he steps back. "I'll wait for you outside." He tells me. No, no. Please don't leave me alone with him.

"Well, that was awkward." He laughs. "But anyways, I am so glad I caught you. I was wondering if you're free like right now? I was hoping that you could help me out with something."

Crap. As much as I would love to help him, I promised Farke that I would spend the day with him. However, as I was looking up at Charlie's mesmerizing brown eyes, I seem to have ignored that fact. "Um, sure." I squeaked. I clear my throat and try again. "What would I be helping you with exactly?"

"You see, we're doing headshots in drama, and you're kind of known to be a really talented photographer," I blush as he says so.  Along with the fact that his words make me swoon, another thing about Charlie that I liked was the fact that he is a performing arts fanatic. I'm presuming that it's something that he would like to achieve in the future. He's actually really talented if I'm being honest.

"So, would it be alright if you got a couple of portrait shots of me by the beach?" Charlie asks.

"Maybe in return, I can buy you a milkshake afterward."

Farkle is so going to kill me after this.  "Er, okay."

"Great! C'mon, let's go." He starts heading towards the exit as I trail behind him. Hoping that he was the gentleman I thought he'd be, I expected him to open the door for me. Instead, he ends up leaving it to close behind him. I sigh, disappointed for getting ahead with my thoughts. Once I've exited the arcade, I immediately scan my surroundings in search for Farkle.

"I'm here." He calls out from behind me. I turn to find him leaning against a wall.

"You're going to hate me," I confess.

A smirk creeps up on his face. "Not gonna lie, I was already kind of assuming."

"You're not mad?"

"No," Farkle says softly. "I still hate that bastard, though. But I mean if you like him that much-"

I pull him into a hug. "Thank you," I whisper.

"Yeah, okay." He wraps his arms around my back and chuckles lightly.

"Riley?" Charlie yells.

I pull away from Farkle and adjust my outfit. This would technically be the first time I get to hang out with Charlie alone, so I obviously want to look presentable. However, that's clearly not the case since I'm currently in my maroon Harvard sweater that Farkle had actually bought me from when he visited last year, along with a pair of faded ripped jeans.

"Do I look okay?" I ask.

He holds two thumbs up. "Can't say no to a girl in Ivy League gear."

"I love you, and thanks a bunch!" I plant a quick kiss on his cheek before running towards Charlie.

Once I've caught up to him, we both head to the beach together.

I truly do love the beach. I love the ambiance of waves crashing against the shore, along with the wailing of seagulls as they soar across the sky. Not to mention, the smell of the ocean beach as well. Everything about the beach is so captivating and peaceful, especially since it's a little early and not a lot of people are here. The afternoon is the absolute worst time to visit the beach. The fact that there are so many people who usually come on a day to day basis, makes me a little anxious to go.

Charlie leads me to where the dock is located. Farkle and I would usually come to take pictures underneath the dock. This area is quite aesthetically pleasing.

"I think this is a great spot." He says, placing his bag down as I begin to adjust the settings of my camera. I let him know that I'm ready once everything's all set. Charlie then runs towards the shoreline and starts posing of a shot. Since I'll be capturing portrait shots, I made sure that my camera is set so all my photos can have a shallow depth of field. This way, Charlie will be in focus as the background will be a bit blurry. After taking a few photos here and there, I stop to look at them. Charlie was perfectly centered, the lighting was on point, and all shots have great composition. Perfect. I think to myself. However, Charlie apparently doesn't exactly think so when he sees them.

"Yeah, this situation just isn't working for me. Let's try something different." He looks around for a moment. "Here, why don't you get some bird-eye shots of me laying on the sand."

I was a little offended that he didn't like the photos I originally took. I spoke out, irritated. "I thought we were taking portraits?"

"I'm just trying to think outside of the box here, Riles. Maybe the photos will turn out better." I scoff at what he had just said. What difference does it make? You're just going to be lying down. And I thought all headshots were portraits. There he goes acting like a douche, but here I am, still taking interest in him.

Charlie lies down on the sand and places his hand behind his head. From the looks of it, he could pass for a Hollister or Abercombie & Fitch model.  I stand directly on top of him to get good shots. If I'm being honest, this isn't the ideal position I'd want to be in. It's a little uncomfortable and weird, really.

Suddenly, water hits the shore and Charlie attempts to save his khaki pants by jerking straight up. Instead, jerking straight up somehow caused me to tumble forward, allowing both of us to fall back down. I also end up dropping my camera on the sand. Water continues to run beneath Charlie, which caused his whole outfit to be soaked. "Shit!"

The water still kept going around us. I panic as I watch it slowly ooze towards my camera. Miraculously, the water stopped before it could reach it. I graciously let out a sigh of relief. "Will you get the fuck off of me now?!" He yells in annoyance. I flinched when he does so and realize that what was happening: I was on top of Charlie Gardener. Because I was on top of him, I didn't get hit by the water at all. I quickly scurried to my feet and grabbed my camera.  I turned to Charlie, who was still really angry that he was drenched. He got up from the ground and gathered his stuff. "Thanks to you," He snaps. "I am soaking wet, and I have rehearsals for the musical after this!"

I feel a familiar tightness gripping my throat. As Charlie continues to curse at me, a burning heat rushes through my body and I can hardly breathe. The DJ over by the boardwalk starts blasting music that seems to be ten times louder than usual. My surroundings then become too horrifically bright. My hands become clammy as I start to lose control of my body. My vision starts to get blurry and my heartbeat begins to speed up to the point where I could hear it.

Once Charlie finishes grabbing his stuff, he walks over to me. He stops and takes a deep breath. "Just email me the photos whenever you can." And with that, he walks away. When I've lost sight of him, I walk towards the pebbles near the ocean. I stare out to sea, trying to take big breaths. I stay until I've finally coaxed my heartbeat back to normal.

[survivor-halsingland]

Ep. 1: "There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance." - Amy

Amy

Initial reaction of cast reveal: I’m toast But for real this can go a couple of ways for me, none of which have me seeing myself make merge lol. I’m either going to be a very early boot here or be nice and active enough to solidify a place for a while. Lots of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Hopefully the people familiar with me won’t want to immediately vote me out. I have already mentioned to Derrick that I played with DeNara before, so hopefully we can bond over that and it not be used against me. I have explicitly asked Jared to not exclusively lie to me this go haha but we both said we were more playing for the other half of our duos and just agreed to do it. I was excited to see Blue on my tribe and I also know Leanne, and have already had a good chat with Klied - but his name does have “lie” in it 👀. Honestly I want to do a quick portion of divide and conquer, I planned on chilling in a pool tomorrow and going to drag bingo with Ava. But no one has solidly chosen anything so they are really about to force me to be tribe leader and sort this out. Things I look forward to: vibes, chatting with cool people, meeting people, twists, and drama Things I will not be doing: sitting on hours and hours of video calls. Not my style. But I know several people in this game love it. Let the good times roll y’all

Kenneth

HERE WE GO AGAIN! i'm fresh off of ingary, but jay has magic powers and pulled me in to another season of a potential clown fiesta <3 but seriously, this already seems a lot more enticing and spicy because of the theme in itself and how the challenges and idol hunt are structured so i am very excited to play :) i learned a lot about my last game and i will improve on it (hopefully) by taking more risks and plays that WILL be appreciated by the jury, and not be overly attached to people, which would result to tunnel vision. the first challenges are already pretty great, and i cannot wait to play this game. TO WIN! hehe >:)destiny i’m super confused about a lot of stuff tbh but everyone on my tribe is so nice and welcoming and i’m sure i’ll get the hang of it all soon :) i’m excited to be playing and just hoping i don’t screw things up for my tribe :/

AmyThis tribe is exhausting. Challenges where I need to send a photo back quickly really hate me. My phone took like a minute to actually send the photo, but Waldo went well. Except I started in the bottom right looking with vertical transects and Waldo was hiding in the bottom left 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Woulda been 30 seconds had I started over there. But I’m already expecting tribal so I’m just hoping I wasn’t the worst portion of our challenges haha!

Leanne

Not very much to share so far. Some people on this tribe are much bigger talkers than others, Jared, Derrick, Klied, and Amy. It’s been harder to get Convo from Jesse and Blue, and I’ve barely heard from Josh or Aubree. I wonder if other people have had the same experience. Haven’t dared try game talk with anyone yet. Hoping I’m not behind, but it’s only day 2 right? Maybe I’ll try to put some feelers out with Amy. Maybe I’ll tell her about some things in the idol hunt and see if she’ll give me anything in return, maybe try to get a partnership going. I’m glad she’s on my tribe, but also a little bit scared because I’ve seen exactly how good she is. Aside from that, the person I feel best about right now is Derrick. We’ve had some good chats and seem to connect well. Hope he feels the same way. And Moth. I’m especially nervous about them. When we played before we didn’t exactly hit it off, but I think we’re both… trying. I hope we can have a new start this time, a new story. And from what I know of them they are a very loyal allies so, here’s hoping. Also happy to see Sarah here, and my yinzer JG. Maybe he and my dad can bond over that? And that’s all I’ve got so far. God I hope I did enough in the challenge today. *whines* I don’t wanna go to tribal first!

Jared

Don't mind me making a confessional before the game even starts, call me a game changer. https://youtu.be/JFOxzamkcH8

Jared

Not one, but two, confessionals before the game even begins. Sorry not sorry! https://youtu.be/SETx-0LoI9E

Shawn

Well, things are going good so far! I think anyway. Although I like everyone on my team, I do have to say it's odd playing with someone whose older than my father is, Frank. Usually I like to take charge in games like this, I like to be the leader. Yet, with Frank, it's difficult because he's so much older, I feel like I'm a little kid around him. I don't wanna tell him what to do, because I don't wanna be disrespectful? I'm so excited so far though, absolutely loving the challenge and how we get to pick! Im not that bright so I'm happy I can do creative stuff.

Aubree

This is my first BvW confession! Idk about the other tribe, but the Mysa Tribe is super chill. Most of the conversations yesterday consisted of everyone saying hi and that they were busy and would be active later. Day 2 and the activity level is still the same, which is kind of a relief since I am much more of an introvert. I have been trying to be the first to reach out to people since I feel that is something I have struggled with in past ORGs I’ve played in. I’m usually the reserved/silently-strategic player, but I’m going to try and be more proactive for this game. Ive talked to Klied, Jared, Amy and Leanne a decent amount and have enjoyed our conversations. I know of Amy due to the games she has played with Sarah, so I am hoping that works in my favor. Amy did say that Sarah voted her out in the first game they played in, so that could work one of two ways for my game… like if it came down to a vote between me or Sarah later on?? but maybe it is too soon to think that far ahead? Lol Even though I’m an Art Teacher I chose to steer away from the Creative part to our first challenge. Tbh I’m so burnt out irl when it comes to being creative due to my job, so I’m okay with taking a step back from the creative challenges for now. I’ve enjoyed being a part of the Scavenger Hunt, even though it was a bit harder than expected. I was so stoked to have a Starry Night print, but since it wasn’t real it didn’t count… Like who the heck has a REAL VAN GOGH?? (Or quick access to one) LOL As much as I would LOVEEE to have an original painting, that teacher salary-bracket doesn’t allow for that!! Lol I haven’t had anyone directly ask to me to be in an alliance with them… so that is - interesting? I’m used to the last two games I played where it felt like everything was very paced. Now, It’s either A) everyone is just chillin’ and not wanting to rush things or B) bonds HAVE already started to form but I’m not a part of them? I guess things will spend up more after the first challenge is over and we see where our strengths and weaknesses are in the tribe. Until then! - Aubree

Moth

Hi!! I’m back again and playing with someone I know. I actually happen to be on call with Destiny as I type this but like- were vibing And also once again I’m starting off on the wrong foot, not at home when the game starts.

Moth

I don’t trust Jared Straight up And I feel like that’s fair- Twice I’ve been voted out for my connections to Kyoshi island and it’s really fucking frustrating- Jared apologized and sounded sincere but idk I trust people too easily.. Brayden, Denara, and Leanne are also all in this game All people I’ve played with Leanne I don’t trust right off the bat. I tried that before but like- that didn’t work for me. I just want to at least make it to the merge

Frank

Having fun, learning as I get going. Truly impressed by the comraderi among people whom I've never met. Old dogs, new tricks, this is cool.

Klied

The game is going pretty well so far! Everyone has been really nice and supportive of one another. I hope this tribe dynamic continues for the next rounds of the game! :>

Moth

I fucked it up I genuinely feel really bad because everyone’s so confident in me- And I’m totally going to be a target now

Moth

Ohhhhh thank god Thank god because I was absolutely going to be on the chopping block if we lost I don’t want to be first out That being said

I don’t want Destiny to be first out either

Shawn

I'm not very happy tonight with how things went. I truly believe the other team deserved the win, the video was creative and a lot of effort was put into it! I think it was a great thing. But I disappointed that we lost so many of the challenges. I'm also getting annoyed that people are being present on the chat. I feel like it's me and another tribe member that is putting in all the work. Not impressed, but whatever. I just really hope I don't get voted off tomorrow.

Kenneth

welp i bombed the where's waldo challenge and my team lost by a hair in the riddles challenge because of an advantage so rip. i really hope i don't get voted off first because i severely underperformed in the challenge akjdnsajkndkjsnd i'd be really disappointed in myself :/

Amy

Shocked. Absolutely shocked we aren't headed to tribal lol. And here I thought my 4 minutes on Waldo was too slow but it was enough. Honestly we are lucky Blue's quit disadvantage was only what it was bc they quit after 30 minutes apparently. All these advantages at play! And I'm sitting here with a disadvantage. I think I'm clearly doing the idol hunt wrong 😆 all I have is a disadvantage from poison feast food and a chipmunk named Wadsworth in my pocket. Based on how little anyone is speaking I was certain we'd be going to tribal hands down no question. So I am very, very happy we avoided it in the end. I think it would have been between Jessie and Josh though bc they aren't active. I would have voted Jessie bc Josh did the video even after saying he didn't actually want to do the creative part so that's major props to him in my book! I am very curious as to who the other tribe is going to vote off in the end. I hope it's no one I want to make it far. Oh basically I know I'm probably not making merge so I'm trying to align things to get certain people farther and get other people out. I'm rooting for a newbie to take it. Anyway woo day off and I won't be first boot. Fingers crossed it's not Ava. I wouldn't be surprised if she was targeted for her association with me. Love this game! Love this cast! Love the idol hunt! The reward challenge was the most fun bc Ava and I were incredibly intoxicated after Drag Bingo and we did better each time! The last one we went "office" and "turnip" and literally bust out laughing and both said "Nate". I would like to personally apologize to Ellie for having to witness that nonsense. Thank you to everyone! Oh one last thing. I did not want to work with jared at all but it looks like I am going to be forced to do so. I think I have to put trust in Jared and in Leanne who has voted me out of two games prior 😆 but that's me always just bonding most with the people who are active and want to talk to me.

Amy

There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance.

Aubree

Who won the first challenge?? MYSA DID! Woot woot! Even though Jared, Jessie and I didn’t win the Scavenger Hunt portion after the advantages were added in - we did win as far as how many total objects were found, so I’m pretty proud about that! To top it off Sarah and I won the Reward Challenge!!!! We both get 3 stat points to add to our Idol Hunt… which I have yet to do… I should probably do that tomorrow O_o

Avat

hings are going well i think!!! i've had a lot of fun and i sorta vibe with everyone so far on the tribe. i'm really hyped and fingers crossed we do well. i've been sorta inactive with my challenge bc of work but i'm doing what i can for now. more to come soon

DeNara

Well this is my first confessional of the game and oh my is this going to be an interesting game. Initial impressions of my tribe...... Sarah +Jodi- frenemies because they are so good at survivor Frank- I really like him. He seems like a cool dude Kenneth- Seems cool, I may want to work with him, but he seems to be playing harder than he should so early Brayden- Didn't get the best first impression, but that could change Shawn- Super quiet, then they started chatting so that helped Ava, J.G., Destiny- Really inactive so I don't really know- potential first vote I want to work with Sarah, Frank and maybe Kenneth. Jodi would be good to work with although who knows what she is thinking. Everyone else I will stay open to working with, but really don't care too much as of yet.

DeNara

The first challenge was weird because everyone just took their roles and stopped talking. I HATE QUIET. Period. The creative challenge on my tribe wasn't super creative imo, but they tried. I didn't help in the scavenger hunt as much as I wanted too so that sucks, but at least we won that part so that looks good. I am so excited for this idol hunt! It is amazing! Props to the hosts! WE LOST, DAMMIT. At least Derrick won't be the first boot. I hope I am not either or HE WILL NOT STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT AND I WILL DIE.

DeNara

Well it is chaos now. Shawn has made an alliance with Sarah, Kenneth, and myself. I like the safety of that. Jodi, Sarah and myself also made a Subrosa alliance (we all knew that would happen) and I feel like this will keep me safe for a while at least. Both Sarah and Jodi want to work with Brayden and potentially Kenneth so we may make an alliance of 5 with them- but that also means Sarah and I would have to talk to Kenneth about not telling Jodi about the other alliance and that could be very risky early on.... hmmm idk about that. Also, Frank is my dude. I hope he stays. I think I am going to lean towards J.G. or Destiny.

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQ

Kenneth

I am now in 2 alliances: one with denara, sarah, and shawn, and another one with ava and brayden! i feel good about both alliances, with the first one feeling solid and loyal (for now), and the second one for the long term! i feel very solid about sarah and denara, i feel like i can last long with them as my good allies. jodi's a tricky one, because i know she's a damn good player, but it's better to keep her on my side for now until an opportune time to make a move (and i actually really like talking to her!).

Jared

me: i'm gonna try to make this concise also me: 8 minutes on the very first episode where i'm not even going to tribal oh boy

Brayden

https://youtu.be/reALs2hizjk hey everyone I'm here

DeNara

So now I am in a bunch of alliances. I guided Kenneth to make an alliance chat with Sarah and me to tell us to keep our alliances with 1. Shawn and 2. Brayden and Jodi a secret. Insert evil laugh here lol. So all together right now I should have Sarah, Jodi, Kenneth, Brayden, Shawn and Frank backing me, so I shouldn't be first boot. It sounds like we are going for Destiny because they aren't very active, which was the name Kenneth threw out first so he is getting what he wants without upsetting me.

Ava

so so so bummed about going to tribal i thought we had it in the bag especially with our advantages but alas... i formed an alliance with brayden and kenneth which i'm super obsessed with i really like both of them - hopefully this means safety for tomorrow. i hate working two jobs and the week after next ill be working just one which is just so fucking sweet fingers crossed i can make it that long in this game. anyway that's all for now

Jodi

I'm so happy to be back. This time, I promise to play a chill Jodi game as I said in my intro, and I want to relax and enjoy this twist of a season. Jared and I are thrilled to play our second season together in the actual format of BvW, and we will be playing our own games. So far, I'm glad to have Denara, Sarah, Brayden on my tribe, as we all know each other but never played before (except Brayden). I want to keep an open mind and play fluidly. Kenneth told Brayden within 10 mins of the game starting that he was scared of me, but I hope I can gain the trust of people and not play as flashy as people remember me for. Looking forward to the connections I make!

Jodi

I promised y'all a chill Jodi game and here i am, delivering it. I think. DeNara and Sarah immediately made the "The Best of SubRosa" chat because obviously that was bound to happen, but additionally, the 3 of us are in an alliance with Brayden and Kenneth called "the clock" (because of our time zones ahahahaha). This game's dynamic is so different because even though we hate going to tribal, it also means that our loved ones are safe from tribal, which sometimes, could be better. I hope Jared is doing good on the other side. Obviously I trust Sarah and DeNara but I also know Sarah will cut my throat when it needs to happen, even if she gonna be crying while doing it, so I'll just...not be blinded by that. I trust Brayden 100%, Kenneth calling me scary is not great but I guess he rather be with me than against me, for now. Y'all Ingary kids what did you say about me??? LMAOO ♥️ I did ask him why he didn't cause ruckus at 5 and whip out the superidol and he said "tunnel vision". Hey that's two of us I guess!

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQJessie So I’m still working on making like connections and stuff but we won the first challenge so no tribal which is a very good thing . ❤️ I’m enjoying this interactive scavenger hunt and I’m totally not trying to pull a Danni from Midsommar lol.

Brayden

hey guys im in a 5 person alliance rn with jodi sarah denara and kenneth and i feel pretty good and excited bc i think ill win this whole game but sadly destiny is prob leaving tonight <\3

Derrick

First challenge done. We rocked it! I don't really have any sort of alliance at this point but I seem to be getting along with everyone. Josh didn't seem to put too much effort into our creative set up but it still worked out OK. It was unfortunate I was on my trip at the time as I could have done so much more with. I think as long as we support eachother we can rock every challenge that comes our way!joshIM SOO HAPPY WE WON! our tribe seems to be like friendly but i havent made any alliances i think so idk if im in a good spot if we lose a challenge but we didnt this time so🙃ShawnEveryone in the tribe is messaging about Destiny, and that is who everyone is thinking of voting off. I'm still thinking of voting Frank off, and I think that's who I'm going for. He's not good at technology, and this whole game is about technology! We lost the creative challenge because all we could do with him was write! Still, everyone thinks because Destiny isn't very active she should be the one to go. I'm not sure what I want to do. JGOh hey! Here we are round one. I feel so out of it playing this game. For the first time in a while, I barely know any of the other players. Which is refreshing and tough. I also feel like my social game is kind of lacking but that is kind of my brand for round 1. I have had some great one on one conversations with DeNara, Jodi, and Sarah. I've talked to Brayden and Kenneth as well a little bit less than the first three. Shawn and Ava, barely. Frank and Destiny not at all. The vote should be Destiny since we sadly lost. Which works for me. I feel the closest with DeNara and Sarah. Really hoping I can start to get my footing. If we were to lose again, Frank would probably go but I don't wanna put myself in the line of fire again. Well here's hoping things improve. Hopefully, I'm not blindsided. Here we go.blueMy tribe seems pretty cool so far, everyone is nice and seems pretty active so thats nice. Shawns going to tribal so I hope theyre gonna be safe :(((DeNara As far as I know, the vote is going to be Destiny. I feel bad for them for not getting the chance to play, and I feel really bad for Moth, they always have the worst luck in ORGs. That being said I sure hope nothing crazy happens tonight or I will cry 100% Tribal, here I come...AubreeThere is hardly any game talk (at least from where I’m standing), so I may start trying to get a feel of where people are at by asking some game-related questions in the tribe chat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the personal chit-chats… BUT I’m also feeling a bit empty-handed as far as knowing everyone’s game motives. Maybe I’m being too bold… idk. I’m not normally the one to standout in ORGs, so hopefully my tribe doesn’t take this as me prying… even though I guess I kinda am?? 😬 “Oof look at me being all dangerous and shit!” 😤🤘🏼😂blueSO here are more detailed thoughts on my tribe. Amy of course is a queen and a legend and we've played together before and have a good rapport. Leanne is so kind and so funny, and I would be super down for working with her. Jared is SO nice I get really good vibes and really enjoy talking to him. Aubree is also very nice and seems genuinely interested in my irrelevant stories 10/10 good vibes. Moth is dope as expected and turns out we have a lot of the same interests ie. witcher and the mcelroys very fun. The rest are yet to be determined.AmyI would like to start out by saying that Brayden's video during their tribal almost made me seasick thanks buddy. So today was a DAY. It was a day off and like I had a weird day at work lol 😆 and then I remembered there was the task of talking to people who h i slacked on today whoops sorry. But for half these people idk if they even noticed bc my tribe is so quiet. Did I already say I tried asking Jessie what their favorite berry was? Like that's how exhausting conversation has been most all around. I think I'm talking to Leanne, Derrick, and Jared the most. I am begging for bygones to be bygones. But anyway I was trying to do a little of the hunt throughout the day bc after seeing

all those advantages last go I was SHOCKED. Then at the end of work I made it to thevpart where I was talking to the grumpy sad flower crown man and after falling on my weak ass on a ladder I picked the lock with a bobbypin and charisma's him to make me a flower crown which got me to the maypole which had me do a scavenger hunt and I got an idol. Writing this all out is absolutely hilarious. But yeah I have an idolllllllllllllllllllll which I don't want to use anytime soon. But I have a feeling I'm going to struggle to make merge. Anyway I got this idol like directly after the other tribe finishing tribal and I love a funny timing like that. I'm glad Ava survived weee! And wow they have some very vocal tribe members haha I'm sure Denara and Jodi are working together which tracks bc I've been closest to both of them individually in prior games early on. Curious if it will stick. So next was rock paper scissors for which I have a 10% disadvantage which apparently applies to the overall tribe score ☠️ . I won my game against Brayden who was at seemingly a raging Big Brother watch party. Sorry buddy. But we've been chatting like he asked how josh was and I said Josh is great and really stepped up to the plate for the creative challenge even though it wasn't what he wanted and also he loves tom holland so I instantly trust him. Then he said everyone likes ava bc she's just so cool and yes I get it I am personally intimidated by how cool Ava is and I have to be around that cool level every day honestly I don't know why she talks to me but she's a badass. Anyyywayyyy he doesn't seem keen on actually talking game and I need to figure out if I need to just tell my tribe I have a disadvantage rn or be like what the fuck the other tribe is so mean to give me a disadvantage 😭 Anyway excited to explore the hunt some more and this game is so fun. If we go to tribal I think Jessie is most at risk tbh. Okay that's all bye ❤️

[africanfemalearchitects]

AFA Open-Chat Series with Tosin Oshinowo pt.2

Tosin: We are a very interesting conundrum, as a continent. We are a series of ethnicities, that were divided into countries in 1835. There isn't a singular identity for Nigerian, Congo, or Uganda or Ghana. We are a series of cultural groups, who by the lining of a boundary line of a country, have been told 'go, and become a standardized identity'. It doesn't exist. In Nigeria we have so many different cultures, if I go to the North, South or West - even what should have been our vernacular, is not the same. It's based on the terrains, it is based on the people, it is based on traditions.

This question of identity is one that I think is terribly fluid; and we were brought into modernism. Modernism was populated across the whole world not just in Africa, yes, in many terms it took the climate into consideration : modernism in Europe look absolutely different from Modernism in Tropical, to North and South Africa; and there are certain consistencies of modernism. But if we are looking for specific identities: I think we are just beginning to see that.

Covid came in as a material, and completely changed the game everywhere. Most of us, we are still building in concrete; a lot of the West builds with steel and they've got more advanced materials. We are stuck in the materials of early modernism, and we are now beginning to appropriate and create identities based off that. Although no one has really documented here, you start to see elements of identities when you step back; and you've to step back. And it's always at the end of a movement that you can actually see and categorize it as such. If I look at Architecture in Nigeria from the 80's, it's very specific and you can actually categorize it as such: the materials that were used and the scaling of the building tells me that. If I look at a building from the Northeast in Nigeria, you can tell that that was a period: by that type of windows that were used, spaces, and the finishes. We do have something, but it's not that distinct. That kind of vernacular and identity is a transition. But in a world where we have a globalization exposure; somebody who lives in Nigeria wants a house they saw in Florida. You've, then, to find interesting ways to carry that cultural identity in modern-day context. Yes, I do think there are nuances of identity but they're not strong in terms of very-striking particular form. Moderator: With a number of architects in Nigeria, do you visually see an impact of the presence of architects currently in your country?

Tosin: I don't think so, but it's not because there are no architects, but how projects are executed. For example, there was an upgrade of an existing train station that was inaugurated recently by our President. But this was done by Chinese contractors, and it doesn't look anything like where it is located; it could've been a spaceship that was just dropped in. There was absolutely no local context included in it; and even the Institute were not aware. When you look at Singapore, there was a big emphasis on marrying local and foreign architects; and there was a cross of information. You can't improve a profession, if you don't allow them to be part of innovative process. When that happens, what value does it add or make of us, if no local consultancy is involved? That biggest impact to show a strong physicality norm of infrastructure on a government-led project, where the government is not involving local practitioners then you can't see the impact. Moderator: We are dealing with the same issues here in Rwanda, we are struggling to make understand the importance of having an architect in the community. Tosin: As Africans we need to make an effort to upscale ourselves as well. Some areas, some architects are still drawing-by-hand. Who's going to call you when you're drawing-by-hand. There are no excuses today. With the information age, everything is online. If you want to learn something, you can learn it. Software companies aren't accommodating to the situation that we have in this part of the world. If you look at a dollar and naira; the naira is like a nonexistent entity that happens to be a dot in the atmosphere compared to a dollar. When you earn in a country with a slightly lower GDP, if you look at GDP per capita, the reality is that the economy is going to determine how much people can afford to build, and to pay towards professionals' fees. If the software is x amount, how do you expect a local consultant to pay for it? Because in this market you cannot command a high fee. What I'd expect is that for these programmers and software companies were really thinking about the professionals; they would make it affordable for a local person because they won't have to kill themselves to get a Revit license. What you happen to have here in a lot of situations, is that people just use bootlegs; but the problem with that is you're not part of the community. When innovations are happening, when new programs are being added, you're not even aware of that information. Information is there, but that barrier of money is also very present. Moderator: We need to raise awareness of that issue, especially even for students; as soon as they graduate they're not going to be able to afford it right away.

Tosin: They need to scale it for us based on economies. I know the West doesn't consider us. For example, if buying an Iphone in Nigeria is different than buying an Iphone in Europe. Some people's whole salary here is the price of an Iphone and less. And they have a better system on how to acquire these things. We are in a skewed environment, but it is still much better than what it would have been in the 60's.

Moderator: Looking then, architects were sketching to the last detail of a building. Do you think we should still invest ourselves in that way? Tosin: We live in a global world, and Africa is left much farther and farther behind. It's worrying how much attention is not being paid to it. I was looking at a project done by Mass Design and they're doing a lot of work in Africa. One of the biggest selling-point is that they have skills, and exposure to research that a local practitioners doesn't have. This is a good age for an American Firm to give back, and they're a not-for-profit organization and it's of value, with policy about social change. It's a good thing, but the reality irrespective if they were doing it or not, these are necessary projects: schools hospitals, etc.. These are necessary projects irrespective if a foreign company was coming in, it has to be done! But the government are more willing to give that project to a foreign consultant because they have the skills. Even not just the government, a private client in Nigeria will pay a lot of money to a foreign consultant because they believe they are getting the best. What happens to people who are pushing boundaries, who are trying to produce work that is global anywhere? This puts you in an awkward position.

If we don't upscale ourselves, we are going to get further and further behind. Those who have the choice, will rather not use local consultancy. This is not just based on being a good designer, it's about being conscious of what's happening globally. It's about exposing ourselves on technology, and innovation; and bringing that into your work as well. Moderator: It's a competitive market. Tosin: Yes, and I think this is something architects don't realize: you can't tell anyone how to spend their money. It is a market and it's an open market. The sooner we realize that we must equip ourselves with skills to stay ahead, then we will put ourselves in a better position. Moderator: I hope students are listening. Get into the most complicated and innovative way of design and build, and excel in that; and do something that local markets aren't doing currently. I have been 5 years in the career, and I know, I'm still far and I'm pushing myself to learn and excel at these. I'm really glad you highlighted it. How would you advise women architects to invest in their career? Tosin: I think everybody needs to understand the importance of strategies in life, and not just in the profession - especially; as a woman. How many children do you want? Do you want children? Have you thought about how you'll balance life with having children with work? Will there be a point where you'll focus more on your children? Will you be doing half and half? Everybody's approach is different, but you must be intentional. You can't just let life happen to you. You have to decide, 'what do I want?'. When I look back in 30 years, what do I want to have achieved? If you don't have a class strategy or a plan, then that's the beginning of failure; because life will happen to you. And there's no right or wrong. But whatever decision you make, you must make a conscious decision. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, there's nothing wrong with that - but decide that's what you wanted. If you want to be a working professional with working children, decide that's what you want, and again, there's no right or wrong. For any person who's at the beginning of their career, look at your goals, and make conscious decisions. And follow through! Life will change your plans. I always get confused when I see people letting life just happen to them. How did you not think? And the sad thing is life is very short. I'm 41 now. I see people who are 26, and I tell them, go turn the world! And they' tell me they don't have the time. You have all the time in the world. The older you get, the more you realize that this journey is very short. I'm already half-way, and eventually things are going to start working properly. I've 20 years of professionalism, I've done half of it. Am I happy with the decision I made? Will I continue on this path? Even on my journey, I'm conscious of the decision, I've made, and what I'm trying to achieve. And ultimately, one of my biggest goals is I want to leave a legacy of work. And this is just for me, it might not be somebody else's plan. But I want my great-great-grand-children to know that their great-great-grand-mother added value. I don't want my country to put a plaque on my name, but my children's children who did not meet me, know that their grandma was hard-working. That for me is enough, and that means that I have done my job.

Moderator: Definitely, and I'll check again, but I haven't seen another African woman who has been featured this much, either on Archdaily or other things as well. You are being intentional. Tosin: Yes, even as a practice now, when I see what I've achieved, I wonder what can I achieve on a global stage? How do I start building networks, and tactical points on how I can build a project in this region? It's no longer impossible in mind. And I've realized that there's so much you can do, without being in a fixed location. I realize now I can work in a global capacity. BurnaBoy won a grammy. For Nigeria, that means a lot. Talent has no geography. If you're good at what you do, the world will come and look for you . Moderator: You have to have a target. As an architect, do I want to stick to what's existing or do I want to do more than that? Tosin: There's nothing wrong with that. Because everybody can't be the super-star; that's the reality. There has to be a place for everyone. Just be intentional. And as you excel, you can check where you want to go next. We all have different paths. Moderator: Whichever level you're at, try to improve what's existing and make an impact; and that's what our career is about. What can architects do, to improve Gender Equity in the profession? What are males can do to level your ground? Tosin: We don't live in Utopia. If you are waiting for people to give you a seat at the table, go and take the chair yourself. No one is going to handle you anything. We have this problem in Nigeria, everybody is waiting for government; what can you do, yourself? Don't wait for anyone. Do what you can do within the limits of your environment. People who are successful do not wait for hand-downs, as they do not get you anywhere. We are born into different situations. Moderator: What practices can someone do professionally and personally to find their niche in the architectural field.

Tosin: That's a very open-ended question. Look at your strengths and your weaknesses. Make sure you try to amplify your strengths. As a professional, you must need balance. Moderator: What career advice would you give to fresh graduates? Tosin: Go work for someone first. Learn the ropes. It's a lot easier to start under tutelage of somebody else. Learn from somebody else's mistakes. When you have gained a certain level of confidence, you can step out on your own. Moderator: What thoughts would you like to share with the world, about the importance of inclusivity? Tosin: I don't like to wait for the world, but the profession could be more inclusive, not just for the female architects but for the African architects, in general. We have always been at a large disadvantage, as innovation is happening in the fourth revolution, we are getting further and further behind. I'm very conscious of it, because I'm paying attention. For the example I gave of Autodesk, actually looking at the realities of our economies of scale, and pricing the software to something that we can afford, would be a massive help. Those are things we don't control.

Moderator: I think we have got everything covered for this interview, Tosin; I can't thank you enough. Tosin: I also want to thank you. I started following you because particularly I was interested to see what other women were doing. I was pleasantly surprised that I'm not alone in this. It's nice to see other people doing interesting things as well; and it's a warming feeling to know that you're not alone. And I really enjoy your Instagram Page. Moderator: Thank you very much. How accessible are you, and how can young architects reach you, for mentorship and more career advices? Tosin: It's becoming a little difficult to be honest. I do have some people I do mentor now. I have someone I mentor from Bahamas, London, and in Lagos. It's becoming a little difficult with everything that I'm handling. If you send me an email, and you have a very specific question, I'll always answer because I know the importance of the people who also supported me when I was a young professional, and please be very specific. Moderator: On this topic, I actually love this mentorship rotation you do on your sites Tosin: On Thursday's every two weeks, I try to carry people along. I was actually surprised about how many people followed with a thousands of views on Instastory. Even highlighting the sites that way online is useful. If you're interested, please continue to watch that. I didn't realize it was a thing, but I know it's a thing. Moderator: It's very much a great thing you're doing! Thank you so much for your time Tosin, if we have more questions we will cover them in other series in the future. We are thankful to have you as an advisor, and your enthusiasm is really great for us - I wouldn't be here otherwise. Tosin: And keep it up as well! Thank you so much for having me! Thank you for reading and to everyone who participated in this live and is supporting this platform and helping it grow. Written & Edited by Lise Isaro, founder of AFA. Published 21 August 2021