#but if people arent coming regularly which tbh i understand why

[radio-sepia]

god my current theatre classes at the local centre turned out to be kind of a bummer. I cannot back out now since I have a role but I'd really want to... fortunately in less than few months it should be done

[wickymicky]

you know, i used to say that Egoist or Hi High were my number one favorite kpop songs (it went back and forth, i think i was most vocal about Egoist being my number one but there were times when i felt like it was Hi High), but like... idk... like aside from So What, i feel like i’ve barely listened to Loona at all so far this year, and honestly it’s been like six or seven months, maybe eight or nine, since i regularly listened to Loona every day (again, aside from So What).... i’ve listened to Egoist, a song that i considered my favorite kpop song hands down for the majority of the time i’ve been into kpop, like ten times this year and that’s it... and some of those times were because i had the thought “oh jeez i havent listened to this song in a long time, i should do that... i’m betraying it...”

i wonder if i only kept saying/thinking that egoist is my favorite kpop song because i said it once and i had to stick to it... i think its pretty clear to any mutuals i have that my actual favorite kpop song is something like picky picky though, a song i actually post about all the time and listen to really frequently...

:/

so yeah, there’s no easy way to say this, but it really feels like i’m hanging on to Loona out of a sense of loyalty more than anything else :( it’s hard to put into words but listening to Loona feels kinda different these days. knowing more about how they decided things on the fly and how rushed the selection of the final members was (and how little the members were told) kinda... like... doesn’t it change how you listen to a song like New or Egoist? it certainly gives a lot more context to Yves being really shy in those first loonatvs she was in... and Olivia’s experience with her debut was such a whirlwind, like, she was just kind of thrust into the group... i have soooo much respect for all the members for being able to handle it, and i think it’s a fuckin miracle that it worked and they ended up with twelve incredible members, all of whom are so talented and any group would be lucky to have them, but even still just... some of the fun is lost a little bit for me. and I can’t listen to Everyday I Love You, one of my favorite Loona songs, without thinking of how much Vivi’s potential has been wasted. it turned a song that i have fun while listening to into one that makes me frustrated or sad. 

for whatever reason, i feel less of that when listening to ot12 stuff, even if some members get shit for lines, tho tbh, and this is a really hot take and i’m sorry... but i’m really mostly just into their three title tracks (and Favorite i guess), i rarely listen to their bsides.. they don’t hit me the same way, i guess. anyway though it’s the predebut stuff that makes me frustrated or sad. i cant help but empathize and think of what they must be feeling in the predebut era... happiness and excitement sure, but also nervousness, anxiety, stress, etc... the one by one debut concept was novel and it ended up working out in a sense, but at what cost? it was able to work out because the yyxy members were brought in at the last minute, Hyeju literally with only like 24 hours before they were gonna reveal the next member, and with all the changes we know about like Vivi probably being intended to be in OEC and things like that, and trainees that BBC had who for whatever reason ended up being rejected also probably at the last minute in favor of the yyxy members who were brought on... sigh... idk

it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to be a fan of this group, too. as they get more popular and more recognition, the fandom is growing, and with that comes a lot more drama, none of which i particularly care about (aside from the stuff relating to the group itself, as i’ve been talking about). they got their first win, and i was happy at the time, but... i’m worried about their future. it’s not that i wish they didnt get their first win, it’s just... i hope this doesnt make BBC feel validated in overworking and over-controlling them, you know? i want to believe that a lot has changed for the better since after Butterfly, especially when Jaden Jeong left, but we just have no way of knowing that for sure. there’s evidence for both sides, so at the end of the day, all we can do is speculate, and that doesnt really help anything. 

it sucks to admit this to myself but i feel like i’m losing interest in this group because of all this. whenever i’ve watched loona content from the So What era, sometimes they do seem happy, but even then there’s this feeling that they’re stressed and tired. are they happy? again, we can only speculate, so it’s best not to, but i cant stop my idiot brain from assuming the worst and picking up on signals that might not even actually be there, it’s just confirmation bias. maybe i only feel like theyre not at 100% because i’m already worried theyre not at 100%, you know? hmmm. also, i just... don’t think i feel the same connection with this group that i used to. maybe i never really did, tbh. they were my first group, my introduction to kpop, and i genuinely love some of their stuff still, but i feel like as i’ve gotten sooooo much more understanding of this whole kpop industry and i can put loona’s discography in context with aaaaaallllllll the other kpop songs i’ve listened to.... i feel like a lot of their stuff hasn’t aged as well as i would want, for me. you know how sometimes you wonder how much of what you like is really stuff you like, and how much is only because other people like it so you subconsciously feel you have to too? well, at first i would have said i genuinely love all of it and i could explain why, but idk i think i was convincing myself of some of it... as ive found more stuff that i genuinely love, it becomes clearer what are my things and what arent, you know? when i only knew 30 kpop songs and had 5 super-favorites, it was easier to overestimate some things, but now that i know hundreds and have a really deep pool of super-favorites, some of that early stuff i found is overshadowed, i guess. maybe egoist isnt as special to me anymore cause like.. at the time, i hadnt heard many kpop songs like it, but now... i have. and some of them do what it does just as well................. if not better............... sigh, i feel like im punching my past self in the gut

if this hurts you to read cause you’re a huge orbit, trust me, i know what you mean, it hurts to admit this. it kinda sucks to realize that you’re slowly losing interest in something you once loved and was incredibly important to you. 

oh and by the way, when i talk about losing interest, i dont mean that i dont care about loona anymore lmao, i just mean theyre going from my number 1 or 2 or 3 spot down to like my number 5 or 6 or 7 spot haha, alongside other groups that i like a lot but don’t follow the same way i follow my ults. so like even if i continue feeling this way about them, theyre still one of my favorite groups lol. like i guess i would kinda place them around where i would place twice or another group like that in my top 10? anyway... i just had to get this all off my chest. it started out being a post just about egoist and kinda hi high too, but then i realized i had a lot more to say haha, sorry. hopefully this doesnt upset anyone, idk, i hope you understand where im coming from :(

[lunaarajewel]

Answering questions because I’m bored again

1. What have you eaten today? breakfast was oats with pb and banana, lunch was a zucchini stew, and then i had oats again for dinner because why not haha ><

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant? it was sweet, felt a bit bittersweet because i said bye until next time

3. What color shoes did you last wear? black

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week? Myself

5. What is your favorite scent? Baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why? Spring and or early summer, it's so nice to smell all the flowers and to hear the birds again, to feel the warmth from the sun

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel? I can do a headstand on my forearms and a bad cartwheel xD

8. What color are your nails? currently blank!

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? a moooon

10. What is something you find romantic? Hugs from behind when i least expect it

11. Are you happy? Yeah I'm doing really good, which is surprising because i haven't felt like that in a long time

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad? The thing that is making me happy is probably my antidepressants but they have helped me to get hope again.

13. Dogs or Cats? Cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library? Ooooo difficult question because it depends!

15. What is your style? Hmm i'd describe it as a mix of cottagecore, steampunk, astrology, herbalism, witchy stuff

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? Travel to japan

17. Are you in a relationship or single? I'm dating but not an official relationship nope

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now? Their humor, the way they are so relaxed and careless

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with? Whaat no i wouldn't do that

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? Some toxic behaviors/habits a bit!

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween? I listened to dark music a bit extra, watched nightmare before christmas and had some halloween candy

22. Have you recently made any big decisions? I started taking antidepressants!

23. Were you ever in a school play? Yes, when i was younger i was a princess i remember

24. What movie would you use to describe your life? aaa that's difficult, i haven't watched that many movies tbh!

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? Learning piano properly, but i've been busy with mental health stuff so i haven't been able to. But I've been planning on taking it more seriously lately

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” all of my thoughts without judgement

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex? (for some, not all) Jealousy, constant focus on showing off to guys

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex? (for some, not all) Bad at communicating, bad at understanding

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week? I started taking the steps to honestly change my life for the better

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it? How I treated my ex, he was actually really kind to me but I wasn't mentally stable so I couldn't communicate well to him. But I hope he's well! I only wish him the best.

31. How long was your longest relationship? a little over a year

32. Have you ever been in love? Oh yeah

33. Are you currently in love? A bit!

34. Why did your last relationship end? I ended it because I wasn't well enough, I needed some time alone to get back to myself.

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it? A heart necklace i made, handmade bracelet from a market, 3 earrings from hm

36. When was the last time you cried and why? When i first took my antidepressants i burst out crying so its around 3 weeks ago i think

37. Name someone pretty. Uma thurman

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day? Japanese snacks

39. Do you get jealous easily? Nope

40. Have you ever been cheated on? Not that i know of

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend? Yes

42. Ever had detention? hahah yeah because i skipped class to buy piercing jewelry

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city? hmmm, difficult question. I think i'm that kinda person that likes to switch between the two

44. What do people call you? Luna since it's my name

45. What was the last book you read? "stjärnhimlen" (a book about stars)

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? well i'm a nerd for moss e.e

47. What kind of music do you listen to? veryyy mixed, metal, rock, indie, alternative rock, jrock, instrumental, kpop, pop, rap

48. How tall are you? 163cm

49. Do you like kids? I don't mind them!

50. Favorite fruits? Banana, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, wild strawberry, persimmon

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Sweats

52. What’s your earliest memory? In kindergarten i used to dance to Westlife music

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you? Nope not that i know of

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

55. Do you have a collection of anything? Moon stuff

56. Do you save money or spend it? I try to save!

57. What would your dream house be like? Filled with things i've made and antique stuff as well

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest? Aaa i dont know, i try not to focus on those things

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face? a good meal, plants, good music, animals, finishing something i made

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I would help the dog

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? Yeah i'd probably tell the ones closest to me that arent my family. then i'd just make the most of my time, i'd travel to japan for a week, france/germany for a week, a week with my family and last with the ones close to me outside of family. I would probably be a bit scared but i wouldn't try to focus on that fear too much, because well if theres nothing i can do about it then worrying about it will just stop me from enjoying the last of my days

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. A heart shape ❤️

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Japan!

64. Do you like the beach? It's okay, not my favorite place

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special? Yes

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it! I have two middle names, Ida and Johanna

67. Do you talk to yourself? Yes, because it helps me to understand my own thoughts and situations better

68. Describe your hair. Thin, blonde

69. What is the meaning of life. To enjoy it

70. What is your ideal partner like? Calming, feels like home, a bit spontaneous romantic, supporting, good listener and communicator

71. Do you want to get married? Yeah it would be cute

72. Do you want to have kids? A bit torn on that question, can't say no or yes

73. Like or dislike your family? A bit so so

74. Are you Chunky or Slim? Somewhere in between

75. Would you consider yourself smart? Yes in some ways

76. What would you change about your life? The place I live

77. Religious or Not? Nope

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? I dont drink so no one!

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? Nope

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Nope, and my family doesn't say it either

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Probably sleeping

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Yes but my mom wouldn't be too happy haha

83. Do you like when people play with your hair? yes it's nice sometimes

84. Do you like bubble baths? Nope, i don't really like baths so much

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop? Nope

86. Have you ever danced in the rain? Yes, with my old best friend

87. Do you trust anyone with your life? Yes the ones closest to me, not really my family though

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning? I wanna eat haha

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) Japan for 3 weeks, France, Germany, LA, Italy, Greece, Thailand, England

90. How was your day today? It was good! I made some stew for the week

91. Play an instrument? A bit of piano, some chords on guitar but thats it

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean. It's okay, if i go i usually prefer a smaller beach with few or no people

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Aliens but not like in movies, anything that is alive outside of our planet so anything even if it's an ant sized creature it's an alien to me. And as for ghosts i'm open to the idea of it but i haven't really invested much time in that topic!

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? Nope, but i believe they will be someday

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side? Not bitchy but a bit scary maybe

96. When are you vulnerable? When i'm deeply in love

97. How much free time do you have? A lot currently but i'm taking that time to relax

98. Do you like to go hiking? Never been!

99. Odd or Even Numbers? Even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? hmmm, i can't say for sure

[gweyson]

how much would u hate me if i asked u to do every single uncommon question for an oc of ur choice?

the absolute madman he actually did it

im gonna put this under the cut sdjkfhsdjfsjkl also im answering for pascal because. Thats My Boy

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

he’s gotten really good at it since he had to start hiding from murder robots... but even before then he was never a super fidgety person so he could sit very still !

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

he’s good at pretending everything’s fine when it’s all actually Rather Shit so. yeah pretty easy

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

thinking mostly.... sometimes he’ll talk to someone and drift off from there but it depends on who’s on lookout or how quiet the group has to stay

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

he tries to remain suspicious of people he meets but at heart he’s too trusting for his own good tbh.... he does try to hold off on trusting stangers these days but hes still a little soft

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

yeah pretty easy. like it’s easy enough to get him to trust you in the first place but once you do something to fuck that up then good luck getting it back lmao

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

laws arent really. a thing anymore djkfhdljk but when they were he’d like... say laws are immovable and very needed and then do stuff that completely contradicted that view

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

cooking !! it reminds him of when he used to help his mum out with houseowrk/cooking. he. doesnt really like the feeling because it reminds him that he has no idea if his family is actually still alive or not :(

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

“stop playing in the dirt”

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

he doesnt swear heaps but he does enough that it’s not super shocking whenever he does. he sweras more the angrier/more agitated he gets

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

he’d regularly lie to his mum just so he could get out of the house and go to parties lol. he’s not super haunted by it or anything (& he was a pretty good kid otherwise so he figures he was allowed at least this one not great thing)

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

he’ll try to play along until he can figure stuff out but if he cant he’ll just go “what tf is happening”

12. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

either gets someone to scratch it or uses like. a ruler or smth

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

he thinks he looks best in green but it’s... not his best colour

14. What animal do they fear most?

big dogs... scarey :(

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

he usually just says whatever comes to his mind tbh. idk how to properly descrive it but like... the way he talks makes him sound smart but not arrogant about it yknow. like you hear him talk and youre like “yeah this is a guy who knows what hes doing”

16. What makes their stomach turn?

not much tbh?? like before everything turned Awful he was studying forensic entomology so like. hes got a bit of an iron stomach lmao. the smell of rotting meat maybe

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

not really? if he does get embarrassed he’s pretty decent at hiding it

18. What embarrasses them?

when he’s the centre of attention in a big group and he can feel everyone staring at him and his face goes all red and aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA

19. What is their favorite number?

7 !!

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

he’d go on a really long tangent about it and possibly not even answer the question at hand tbh

21. Why do they get up in the morning? 

to not die, mostly

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

he’ll become pretty aloof and just. not wanna talk. he’ll avoid the target of jealousy a bit as well oops

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

he’ll do everything in his power to one-up whatever’s making him envious. it rarely works

24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? 

he is comfortable talking about it !! really the only thing that ever stops him talking about it is if someone else is uncomfortable with it

25. What are their thoughts on marriage? 

he likes the idea ! if he does get married though he wants to do it wayyyyy in the future he’s not ready to settle down

26. What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

before everything went shit he preferred driving, now he walks everywhere

27. What causes them to feel dread?

robots. or when astrid is pissed

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? 

he says he’d prefer an unpleasant truth but when it actually comes time to deal with it he doesnt go too great lol

29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals? 

he tries... whether he succeeds is another question 

30. Who do they most regret meeting? 

[redacted for spoilers]

31. Who are they the most glad to have met? 

astrid !! as much as he loves everyine else in the group she’s the only one who could realistically protect him if something were to go wrong. shes just more secure

32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

not really ??

33. Could they be considered lazy? 

nah not really !! he’s always been a hard worker

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? 

it follows him around for a loooooong time. whether it goes away or just fades into background noise really depends on the situation but it’s not easy for him

35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

he always tries to be supportive !! unless it’s something like. morally disgusting then No but he tries to support his friends even if he thinks whateber theyre talking about is kinda dumb

36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? 

he just kinda waits it out !! when the world was Not Shit his friends would be regularly trying to set him up with people so he never had to work super hard for it :’)

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? 

i cant remember the name for it but he does the thing where like. he’ll associate thing a with thing b by finding something that connects them togehter? like a syllable in thing a sounds like thing b so. yeah. im good at explaining

38. What memory do they revisit the most often? 

either when astrid helped him bust out of the factory he was trapped working in or just miscellaneous memories of his mum & siblings

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? 

he tends to ignore people’s flaws which can lead to issues

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

he tries to be self critical but he’s not really self critical enough for it to make a solid difference. usually he has to be told what he’s doing before he consciously realises it

41. How do they feel about children? 

he likes them !! he was the oldest of a lot of siblings so he knows how to handle them & he’s pretty good with them

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

his end goal is to stop robots killing everything & for everything to go back to normal so id say he wants that pretty fuckin bad

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

“hey pascal are you into--” “yes”

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS (I wasnt sure if you wanted me to do these ones too so. shrug emoji)

A) Why are you excited about this character?

i made him for my comic which. i will start one day fdklgjdlkjgd..... also hes just fun to develop ! i gave him a bunch of traits i rlly like and also i made him like bugs a lot so. i am biased

B) What inspired you to create them?

uh. needed characters for the comic hehe.....i cant remember the exact process i went thru when making him?? i wanted someone who was close to astrid/who she could trust, plus i had the idea for a backstory (i think. like i said i cant remember my exact process)

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

not really, i came up with the concept before i actually made his character

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

he’s always had the same appearance !! even though i should probably change it a little because he looks different every time i try drawing him but shhhhh

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

hes someone i would think is super cool but then. would never actually talk to jkdsfhsdjkhfsdjk. he’d be nice to my face but i’m....not sure what he’d genuinely think of me oops

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

THATS MY FACKING BOY BABEYEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also excited bc i have angst planned ^____^

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

he’s too gullible and willing to trust strangers. he should know better but he’s too much of an optimist for his own good !!

H) What trait do you admire most?

he’s always able to put on a happy face when he’s feeling awful because he doesnt want anyone to worry & he doesnt wanna bring anyone down !! he’s always thinking ahout everyone else before himself

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

i dont know what this means..... yes??

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

uhh technically not ?? in his original concept he was gonna be in a poly relationship with 2 others but i cut the other members of the relationship. not because of pascal it’s because i thought the group would get too big and like. they value stealth and sneakiness. plus it’s harder for big groups to travel undetected

[baycitydreamer-blog]

so ive officially finished all of my classes at N JHS

one class was a half class, so when the other half came in and one kid found out (i didnt get to teach all my classes this week, so my last class for some classes was two weeks ago) he asked if i was pregnant

i kinda jokingly said ‘youre being rude’ and he asked again, so i repeated, a little less jokingly

he asked a third time and i wasnt joking when i said he was rude, and his friend was like ‘she isnt even married??’

i was low key pissed, because im a little chubby and all my weight is around my gut and thighs so i get this question every now and again. its irrelevant whether i am or not, or if i want to give a true answer or not. its not something you should ask. additionally, if people laugh it off or say youre being rude, it isnt an invite to clarify that you meant pregnant with a child and gesture so my silly gaijin self can understand, which oftens happens to me. its an invite to shut up.

i left the classroom and he came chasing after me going ‘but youre leaving?’ and because of dialect I was all ‘???’

so i THINK he thought that I was leaving because I was pregnant, not because of new ALTs and MEXT’s new rules and all

so i feel kinda bad for getting annoyed with him. but its also nobody’s business to ask, and only the pregnant person’s to tell.